GRAF
® and Undertaking.
NATIONAL BANK
(OF SAYRE.
$50,000.00 ||
$12,000.00 |
i
je Valley Record
Sh
a TT Gan CAREY, Editor.
** Published every afternoon except Sun-
‘of Murrelle's Printing Office, Sayre,
$3.00 per year; 15 cents
“All the news that's fit to print”
FRIDAY NOVEMBER 30, 1908.
Tha Sllent One Heard From
**And you say you did not give this
interview which appears In to-day's
paper to my reporter?” asked the
ROWIDADEr MAD.
“That is precisely what I say” re
plied the indignant caller.
“Why, my reporter sald he called at
your offics and talked for four hours
with somebody.”
“Oh, that was my silent partper.' —
Yonkers Statesman.
So Do We All
“There are some disadvantages In
being a millionaire.”
“For instance?”
~ "Well, millionaires are continually
getting letters threatening them with
all sorts of awful fates unless they
immediately pay the writers large
sums of money.”
“That's nothing.
Jettara every
Leader.
I get just such
month." —Cleveland
He Didn't Start It.
The Beak-—Defendant asserts that
you provoked the assault by throwing
» doubt upon his veracity.
The Prosecutor—Taln't true, sir, it
_ Was"Im wot done the throwing ‘You're
a bloomin’ lar,” was all | sez, sir, and
with that he ups with a big lump ©
brick and chucks it slap at my ‘ead
; Expected of Him.
“Mr. Henpeck laughs uproarously at
his wife's jokes, and I can't for the
1ife of me see any point to them.
~ “Why, I can see why he laughs every
time.”
© “You can?
“Yes; he laughs because he is Mrs
Henpeck's husband.” —Houston Post.
. A Good Excuse
- Bweet Little Innocent—Do you think
it wrong for a woman to wear feafd-
ers?
. Bpooner—That depends
‘Sweet Little Innocent—What on?
Spooner—On the woman. Now you,
for fustance, are a little duck; so you
of course csn wear them.
Consolation
*I fear I shall not be able to attract
teh attention,” sald the pew con
gressman.
“Don't worry,” answered Benator
Sorghum, “in this era of accusations
and lavestigations it is sometimes a
luxury not to be noticed '—Washing-
ton Btar.
Also a Reformer.
“Dey’'re sendin’ a lot o' grafters to
Jail” remarked Meandering Mike
“+ “Tm glad of It.” answered Plodding
Pele. “If dais high-class patronage
keeps comin’ in maybe de wardens will
waks up an’ lmprove de accommoda-
tions. "— Washington Star.
Of Course.
“Which is the most theatrical
state? laquired the idiotic citizen
& CO.
Bogliss as She Is Spoke.
Wossatoogot ?
Afnoonnoos. Lassdition
Enthinkinnut?
Naw. : Nuthainnut
rosefeit's. Lottarot
Donsaysc?
shun?
Sesrain. Donbleevtho
Thasright!—Life
A Profitable Failure.
Simple—Scribbles was telling me
that he made £50 out of his last vol-
ame of poems. Is It true, do you
think?
The Cynic—Yes; his publishers’
warehouse was burned down with all
the poems, and as he was well insured,
Scribbles’ share came to 50 quid, Lucky
chap, isn't he?
‘cept lasspeech-
Wosswetherpredick
Funtbing-
Poor Venus.
Poor Venus has an awful time
Among those other stars—
She cannot wear her saturn dress,
Nor closer ait to Mars
wincinnat] Commercial-Tribune,
MITIGATING CIRCUMSTANCES.
Judge—S50 you confess that you stole
the suit of clothes? Have you any-
thing to say In mitigation of sentence?
Prisoner—Yes, your honor. The vest
was a writched fit —Fliegende Blaet.
ter
Refined Cruelty,
Clara—How do you hare a girl at
your college?
May—We lock her in her room and
then tell her through the keyhole about
the beautiful bargains which are to be
had at mark-down sales. —Town Top-
ics.
0 Nasty.
Estelle—I sald a word last night
that made Clarence the happiest man
on earth
Elleen—Why, | didn't know you
were going to refuse him —Cleveland
Leader.
Open te Conviction.
“Do you belleve in the reincarna-
tion?” asked the mystical woman
“l don't know,’ answered the man
who weighs his opinions, “1 have
never seen It tried "—Washington
Star
Had To.
Jimson—Well, well! That's the first
time | ever saw you give a woman
your seat In a crowded car
Jayson—Nol so loud, please
our cook —Cleveland leader.
That's
A Give Aw Away.
“Deo you think she is very old?”
“Yes, awfully. | beard her speak
was a little girl. It's a long time since
fenees, "Detroit Freee Press
Happy Days.
Estelle—Clarence, just think of it!
Five weeks from to-day and we will be
married
Clarence—Well, let's be happy while
we may —Tit-Bits
Cruel.
Young Mother—Oh, Mr. Bachellor,
you must see my little baby He's
suclr a funny little felow
Bachelor—Well, Nature
her little joke —Puck.
His Chance,
Mra. Jawback—John, wake up! You
are talking in your sipep.
Mr. Jawback—Lemme ‘lone
only chance 1 ever
Cleveland Leader
At the Concert.
Patience—That long-haired man
with the diamonds, at the plano, I just
heard started life as a poor musician.
Patrice--Well, he's that yet. —Yonk-
ors Statesman
Perfectly Simple.
“Your language Is very simple”
“Yes?
“Yes; you say when a fighter is all
in It Is easy to put him out’ — Hous
ton Post
will bave
It's the
get, ain't It?—
Not Bingle.
He—How many sisters bave you got?
She—Two
“Are they single?”
"No, they're twine." —Youkers States
man.
Horses for Sausage Meat!
Nise thousand three hundred and
“Ii got on my nerves, 1 will admit”
sald Mr. Stoggly, “and also it irritated
me personally to have the man in the
autd just honk' honk! at me as he
came rushing for the crossing, putting
it up to me to hustle to get out of his
way: it made me nervous to have to
Jump Hke that, and it irritated me to
have anybody treat me with such ut
ter and complete contempt.
“Moreover, as I understand it, the
pedestrian has the right of way on a
crossing, and it is the vehicle that
should give way to him, not he to the
vehicle. But here were men who were
depriving me of my should be inalien-
able rights absolutely, and not only
so, but doing this with the utmost
rudeness and ill manners, giving no
more thought or consideration to me
than they would to a squeaking pig
crossing their course, not considering
ine as a person at all, but simply honk
honking to me to get out of the way,
to skip, jump, skiddoo.
“It really was disturbing, and this so
wrought upon me that it came to
seem that it would be wholly right to
employ any means in retaliation.
“I have a friend. an ingenious and
resourceful friend, who makes it his
business to build working models for
inventors from plans, or rude models
submitted, or, as he sometimes does,
simply from ideas; and not infrequent.
ly be supplies missing links: he
breathes the breath of life Into ma-
chines that without his help would
never have moved He Is the inventor's
friend, this friend of mine and to him
1 went with an idea, with full confi
dence that he could bring It into being
—which he did.
“The idea was for a mechanically
actuated fron man which could be
made to move along over a street
crossing, and this idea be wrought oft
with entire success. He made the fig-
ure that of a man of only ordinary
stature, but of decidedly portly build,
that of a man who would naturally
walk with his feet somewhat apart—
this to give the figure a broad and
stable base on the ground—and would
walk slowly
“We propped up the floor of my
friend's laboratory from underneath
and tried the figure there and It
worked perfectly. How much the iron
man welghed | don't know, because
we never welghed it; but it must have
been 17 tons, at least
“Running through that part of the
town In which | dwell is a broad ave.
nue much frequented by automobiles,
and on this avenue there is one par
ticular crossing, customarily taken by
me, from which often, to escape de-
struction, 1 have been compelled to
jump and flee. Near the close of one
bright summer's day we brought the
fron man, suitably clad, along and
stood him up at one end of this cross.
ing and faced him right and set him
going slowly over
Of course there was a chance that he
would miss all the autos or that the
autos would all miss him, and then it
would have been all for nothing, for
we couldn't stay there and repeat In-
definitely. It didn’t turn out so, how:
ever, though the figure was half way
over before anything happened. Then
something did happen
“Coming bounding down the avenue
there was a bright red runabout, with
a battleship sized hors, now honk,
honking for the fat man on the cross
ing to skip, skip along, and keeping
coming full tilt straight at him, never
doubting that he would jump in time
Bat this man wasn't a jumper, and the
next instant the little red auto was up-
on him, with results amazing
“The fat man wasn't smashed, de
stroyed, annihilated by the collision;
he wasn't even upset by It, but the lit.
tle red auto with the big horn, coming
at him falr and square, and spilling
out the two men that had been In It,
as it rose, rode up his side when it hit
him, and fell over back from him a
wreck
“| guess there was something doing
‘there, don't you think, and-—and what
a tribute, this, to the skill and solid
workmanship of my friend the builder
—the shock didn’t even disarrange the
machinery of the iron man who, as the
red auto went to smash, walked stead
ily on, quite calm and undisturbed
“A greater shock was to come for
the iron man, one under which he did
go down at last; though éven as he lay
fallen he wrought dire destruction on
the big machine that bowled him over.
“This was a glant automobile that
was coming booming down the ave
nue a little to the right of the little
red auto and not very far behind It,
with its horn hoarsely hooting; and
while yet the iron man had advanced
scarcely ten feet further In his calm,
unrufed progress this giant machine
was upon him with an Irresistible
shock, and down he went; but as the
great auto shot on forward over his
prostrate form his bard feet and hands
and elbows canght in and seemed to
Joosen up every part of its machinery,
for as it still shot forward it dropped,
along, carbureters and commutators,
and spark plugs and cranks, and
cylinders and tanks, a line of automo
bile junk stretching scattering for a
block, to where the bare body of the
machine finally rested, with [ts dazed
owner staring back wildly.
“Naot much to be joyful over, this,
vou say? Perhaps so; still, it soothes
me some.”"—N. Y. San.
He Who Runs May Read.
The way some women wear thelr
complexions they must think every-
body else wears smoked glasses —N.
¥. Press.
Value of Bread as Food.
An [llustrption of the marvelous
value of bread as a food Is given as
follows: "One pound of beef is only
about half as valuable ag a source of
Snergy as an equal quantity of cheese,
| while » dren weight of bread yields
onorgy than
FRANK BR WOOD, Representative
News and advertising matter may be
left at Greggs Racket Store, Waverly.
After 11 o'clock noon call the maln
fice a4 Sure, Valley ‘phone 1281,
Xa post cards at Strong's.
James Falsey was in Elmira last
last evening.
W. C. Farley and daughter Mar.
gery were in Elmira last evening,
Leather skins $1 50 at Strong's.
Miss Mattie Lane of Elmirais
visiting her aunt, Mrs. Pomroy,
L. C. Miller and C. A. Dean
went to Ulster this morning.
Post card albums isc np at
Strong's. 1732t
E J. Neaves and wife spent yes
terday at Nichols.
Miss Aileen Cramer of Elmira,
was the guest of Miss May Sadler
yesterday.
We tinsel your name on post
card while you wait at Strong's. 2t
Miss L. C, Mercereau and daugh-
rer Louise were in Elmira yester-
day.
Miss Lucile Geaung of the El-
mira college was home for Thanks.
giving,
Miss Kate Mannix of Towanda
is the guest of Miss Josephine
Connelly,
Ralph Knapp of Colgate col-
lege was in Waverly for the
Thanksgiving recess.
Mr. and Mrs. Carpenter of Bing
hamton, visited at the home of G
E LaRock yesterday.
A. Unger has returned from
New York city where he visited
his parents for a week,
There was a large crowd out
yestetday at the union Thanksgive
ing service at the Baptist church,
Mr. and Mrs, Wallace Rhue and
Robert L. Lang of Allentown, Pa,
are the guests of Miss Maud El-
lis,
The sunrise prayer meeting and
the evening service at the M. E
church were well attended yester-
day.
Fred A. Benson and family of
Philadelphia are spending the week
with Mr. Benson's father, O F.
Benson.
Misses Margaret and Elizabeth
Mack weot to Elmira yesterday
and witnessed the performance of
‘if, Pafl, Poul.”
David E Grey cf Keystore
avenue, has resigned from the Nas
tional Car Wheel Co, ard accepted
a very desirable position with the
Pethlehem steel works.
The insurance on the life of
George Kenny that he carried ia
the C. M. B. A, has been paid
Only five days elapsed after prcof
of death before the money had
been received.
TRIAL TODAY
Waverly—The case against Wo,
Mahlon for an assault alleged to
have been committed upon Ahram
Hyde will come up before Justice
Hoagland this afternoon. The
two young men became involved |B
in an altercation a few days ago
Mahlon hit Hyde and Hyde en-
terd a complaint.
SOUIRES-BROWN
Waverly—Miss Susie E. Brown,
a well known young lady of
Athens, and George Squires, a
farmer residing in Athens townt
ship, were married last evening at
the Methodist parsonage by the
Rev. H. B. Cook,
RASSEN-BULLOCK
Waverly—Miss Dilley A. Bul-
lock and Elmer C, Kassen, both of
Tuakhannock were married yester-
day afternoon by the Rev. H. B
Claims That He Will Spend
$100,000 Here but Hasn't Got
the Cash and Plans Seem In-
definite :
Waverly—G. Tracy Rogers of
Binghamton, President of the W.
S. & A. Traction Co. was ia Wa-
verly last Wednesday and he was
chock full of plans for the benefit of
this village. He stated that he had
given up the idea of having the
track taken up on Chemung street
for a time at least and that no fur-
ther efisrt would be made in that
direction until it was found wheth-
er the newly adopted method of
operating the cars on Clinton Ave
and Chemung street, was satisfac:
tory or not.
He then revealed to thos: with
whom he came in contact that he
bad decided to spend the sum of
$100,000 on improvements in this
vicinity, and that $25000 of this
would go toward a park to be lo~
cated at Waverly for the benefit of
the Waverly people. When asked
whether he actually had the g25,.-
000 to be used for the park he re~
plied that he did not have the cash
but he had decided to spend that
amount for that purpose. He
stated further that the matter was
in the hands of his New York
iriends and would no doubt come
out as he wished.
When asked where he ifdtended
to locate the poad he did not seem
to know exactly, but said that there
were three places in sight ; that
Pempleton's pond was one, al-
though that might not be the
place chosen. When asked where
the other places were he said that
they were situated somewhere in
the valley in this vicinity.
When asked if he was not mere-
talking in this manner for the pur.
pose of turning the public senti
ment of the village in his favor in
preparation for the coming injunc-
tion suit, he replied that that was
his purpose, and that he would
get it too, He stated that he
knew how to get the people with
him in his plans and that in the
end they would be on his side.
It may be that he can win the
people of Waverly, but in the past
thcy have shown aptitude fr
making up their own minds on any
public question, and it is not likely
that they will delegate that privis
lege in this particular instance, and
if Mr. Rogers wishes to win their
consent to his plans he will have
to show them something tangible
in return for the benefits conferred
es
Stopped by Moist Alr.
A bullet which was fired by a
charge sufficlent to give It an initial
velocity of 1,700 feet a second In dry
weather would travel at no more
than 1,300 feet through molsture.
Good Advice.
Don’t condemn lying too strongly
until you have assured yourself (In
all truth that you never willingly
forced a weakling to that refuge —
John A. Howland
Sad Time That Comes to All
When a woman finds that she can
no longer wear a sallor hat, she gets
her first Inkling that she is growing
old, says a writer.
Assignes's Sale of Real Estate
In pursurance of an order of the Court
of Common Pleas, of Bradford county,
State of Pennsylvania, bearing date the
5th day of November, A. D. 1908, the un-
dersigned, assignee for the benefit of
Shupion of the firm of M. Craig & Son,
Beutley Creek, Ridgehury towpship,
county, aforesald, will expose
5 public sale, on the premises, in Bent-
ley Creek aforesaid, on Baturday, De-
oember 1, 1806, at one o'clock in the
afternoon, the following described real
estate, to wit : —
All that certain lot, piece or parcel of
land lying and being in the township of
Ridgebury, Bradford county, Etate of
Penrsylvania, bounded and escribed aM
follows, viz :— Bounded on the Barth b
lands of Henry C. Evans estate, M,| wr
Baldwin, Mrs. Letitia Thompson, g 1
0. 0. PF. Association, and the public
highway known as the Green Mountain
Road; on the east by land of C, C. Bart;
on the south by s of H, W, Burnham
and B. M. Tuton; and on the west by
land of BE. M. Tuton, the Berwick turn-
pike and land of the 1. 0. O, P, Assocla-
tion; containing about ten acres of land,
be the same more or less; with framed
dwelling bouse, barn, store bullding,
cold storage house, other outbuildings, | pelate
fruit and ornamental trees thereon,
Terms of Sale—Twenty-five (25
conn wpe The to be in
being struck
iad blancs spo tons
final confirma.
me tod dnivery o deed, with
If your dealer hasn't it, Bolich Bros. have
W. T. CAREY,
JUSTICE OF THE
PEACE
OFFICE
ROOM §, M. P. A. BUILDING,
Telephone ;246y.
MADAME Dogs om
A Sars Consus Snisee oy) fevrasmas Masao anoe,
Revie gue taows TOA Bafa | Fore! Sreats | Seth
hs Befanisd Fest pow
foe $1.40 pos Bor 8 rt dr rial 55 te paid fer
when reilevel Fampws Free. [f your Eraggiost does set
have chem send your erders 10 the
UNITED MEDICAL CO. , nox 74, Lamcasiaa, Pa
Sold in Sayre by the West Sayre
Pharmacel Co.
ELKER A. WILBER,
Wholestler of
Wines, Beer and Ales.
OUR SFECIALTIES
LEHIGH CLUB WEISKEY, DOTVIER-
WEICH BEER AND ALES, NOR-
WICH BREWING COS. ALES.
109 Packer Aveane, BAYRE, PJ.
BOYR 'PEONES,
Maynard, Maynard & Schrier
Attorneys and Counselors.
M. FP, A. Block, Bayre, Pe.
pard Block, Athens, Ps.
May-
Cards For Sale.
foot rd signs: hn a Hohe
For Rent
For Sale
Private Office
Please Do Not Ask for Oredid
Jouieivels No Admittanes
Pure Rooms|
HIGH VALLEY bh
a 15 1908)
Trales leave Bayre ae follows:
RAATROUND.
“.
A. MM. be 3 A fer Towanda, T
12 3} Saisie Wilkes Barre, Maid
Chank ‘Allentown, Bethlehem,
ork, Philscelphls, Baitimore and Washtagten
A. M. Daily for Towsoda, Tuskhan-
3 mock, Fitiston, Wilkes. Barre, Jeapch
rx and Philadel
55
ET parte
averly is A.M) Dolly In
tN RASS: EE
3 e Ha Hav.
=) 90 3 Chunk Aire Bet}
re &: JPA. MM. MD hoi day
Mon
ew gen Satter.
and iis Been.
Mauch
ry, Nore, Pal adelphia, Bal and
A. M. Sunday ouly, for Athens, Milan,
10:00 Msrains die as
1]
hs MM. 3 rte 3 P.M
2:50 Teakhaus ei yt
al ie Sits les
Seivacin Teh 4
TE a ry i Sack Diamend Rz-
bem. Wee ES al
tn, Beienen Te oy dpi, Ba.
P.M Finite
. wl Aly as 43 P 0 Week Say
A: Albany Daa Naw
i Tea SSE
y fot Geneva, Baffale,
[:68 =x FRET
Tt
A.M. Delily for Geneve, Rochester
denis, Batata, Buffale. Raghtuier Cp)
3: 00 se and Teremte. In
Spencer
JIE
Sm The
[1,00 52 SE Ta
[a
3 oJ] a Dally bal tr Sess, ser Buf
Je) fren Ba vir Si |
JR
for are wit duly only,
ee Dally, Recs
Geneva,
H. H. Mercereau,
Attorney-at-Law
Hotary Public
Spesial abbention to Pension Papert,
Valley Phone 11 X,
13 Desmond Street. Payre
Mandolin Teacher
Will be in Bare on Saturday, each
week, which time 1 will devotes tothe
instruction of pupils on the in.
Btudio: Room 2, Richard block, over
postofiice. For ferther partioniars ad
dress, Edwin F. Loomis, a a Pa.
a,
a
DR. A. 6. REES, #. D.
111 Miller Street,
OFFICE HOURS:
8 $0 11:00 a. m., 3 fo 4:50, 7:00 ba 5:00,
ito wainaly M4 ois chronio diseases a
1.EBAKER.
Garpenter and Bullder.
Waverly, N. Y.
TOUHEY'S HOTEL
Sverytalg Mew snd Upto: Dae: Firat.
Aesommodations,
erp Le
Rates $1.50 Per Dov,
A.J. GREEN"
17 Pleasant Bt.
210 Miller St Sayre. Pe.
Read The Record.
Wanted to rent, two niece furnished?
rooms in an all modern 3 with or
without board. Address X, Record. §*
Pin Arr over 18 years of Uto-
Lost
In Wayeely or Sayre or on street car,
hiaatisn Odd Fellows dd Relatns
ge SoHo ar at tet te.
171-8
Two crowbars,
and one § feet Sus
Tioga Polnt 4
leave at this office. Suitable
For Sale.
Heating stove 408 Keystone avenue,
Guaranteed first class. rea
eine
de
ri ooo Tn. fom
yr nt
For Rent
Expres. | piten pe at once, several houses and
outers | without bath; 3080 a
170.1
60 and
mn | reo TT
Shatw, 3
5
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1