iiiif fid m
Rr-
SB
FIRMNESS IN THE RIGHT AS GOD GIVES U3 TO SEE THE RIGHT. Lincoln.
amflg aiict-futil to folitta, itctatutc, owc ami PtteUMm! to, k, fa.
VOL. X
WAYNESBUIIG, PA., WEDNESDAY. MAY 8. 1867.
NO. 48.
lit iciHl)Ufan.
KV K It i TVK I1X K SU A Y MOUNTS
Bt
JAS. E. SAVERS
Or HOB IX SAYEUS' IIUU.DINO,
COUIIT llnUSK.
EAST UK TIIK ,
FIRST NlTIOiYlL Ml,
or
Waynostours,
D. Bonkb, Pres't. J. C. Fi.knnik.km, Cashier.
DISCOUNT DAY TUESDAYS.
May 10, 'i!G.-ly.
B A. M'CONNKLL. J. IIUHH"
M'CONNELL & HUFFMAN
Attorneys and Counsellors at law
Wayntsburg, Ptnn'a.
-Offiow ji the " Wrlirht Ilouac," East
doore. Collooi'oci, &c, will receive prompt
ttontlpn.
Wafuesburg Au: u-t 26, 1862. tf.
LEWIS DilY,
TvEALEIt IN Books Stationery, Willi Paper,
1 Window Paner. &e. Sunday School
Books of all kinds constantly on hand, room
in Mrs. Rush's building, fcrmcrly occupied
by Cnttorell Taylor, V ayucsuurg, 'a.
May 9, 'tiG.-ly
Robert lotisiit'it,
Carriage Manufacturer
Waynksiiuho, Pa.,
RESPECTFULLY gives notice that lie has
located in Waynesborg, Pa-. where he in
tends to manufacture
O A It ltlAGES
Of evcrv description. From his experience in
tlm lnwinnm. tin feels confident thai his work,
in style, finish and durability, will Rive entire
sa'-isfaction. It is his determination to purchase
the best material in market, und employ none
but competent workmen,
car All now work warranted for one year.
Wavnesburc. Feb. 21. 18(10 -t j
IV . fii . EI V f V iH A. IV j
MERCHANT TAILOR,
BOOM IN ll-ACUl.r.Y'S Ilim.DISO, WAYNKSIIITIIO.
WORK made to order, in finest and best
style, Cutting and Fitting 'lone prompt
ly, nnd' according to latest lashion plates.
Stock on hand and for sale. May 2, tl
wm. zoo-Hoy.
WATCHES AND JEWELRY.
MAI.C RTllKKT, Ofl'OSITE CM! T IIOUSK.
KEEPS ON HANDS ALWAYS A choice
Biid select assortment of watches nnd
Jewelry. Kcpainug done ai uiu iowusv um,
ai". iy
JUST OPENED BY
"POSITIVELY the most complete Hotel in
L our town, Everything combined to fur
nish tho best accommodation ever yet offered
to the public, ,
Meals furnished at all hours, table provid
,1 win. Mm lu'-it. nf Hie season.
Travellers and (liose desirous of refreshment
will do well to call, "Tom still retains tus out
reputation of an accommodating gentleman,
ami hospitable landlord. House, the one for
merly occupied bv tho "Messenger" Olllce.
May'll.'(ii.-ly.
PEOPLES LIN E
STEAMER 'CHIEF
TAIN," R. R. AmiAMs,
Commander, dipt R.
C. Mason, Clerk; leaves
Brownsville daily at 7 a. m., for Pittsburgh,
and lcavo that citvat fl r. m., daily,
STEAMER "ELECTOR," Ronnnt Phil
lips, Commander ; It. O. Taylob, ClerK ;
leaves Greensboro, for Pittsburgh Mondays,
Wednesday and Friday, and return on Tues
day, Thursday and Saturday, leaving Pitts
burgh at 2 r. m. May I0,'GU.-Gm.
S.
B. HOLLAND,
Baroroft tks Co.
Importers nn Jobbers of Staple and Fancy
Dry Goods. Cloths. Casslincrs, Blankets,
Llnoiis, Whito Ooods, &c, &c,
Nos, 405 & 407 Markkt Sthket,
Abovt Fourth, North SiJf,
PHILADELPHIA, PA.
gSTMr. Holland takes occasion to advlso tho
retail merchautsot Greene, Washington nnd
adjoining counties that ho will call upon them
and solicit their custom for tho above named
house. Those wishing to address him can do
to at BcallsviUc, Pa. tub 13 '(,7-lf.
SADDLE ANDHARNESS MAKER-
i
(In Wilson's Buildino, Main St.)
Saddles', Bridles, Flames, kept on hand nnd
made to order. Work done in the best style,
'and at reasonable rates.
crRcpairing a speciality on short notice.
Farmer friends go look at his stock.
4;24-ly.
111 I
j vui un a
Dcalor In Books and Stationery, Mngnzlnos,
Dally Papers Fancy Articles, i&c, Way
nesburg, Pa. apl,'GC-ly-
IXECTJT0RS' NOTICE.
LETTERS TESTAMENTARY on the
estate of P. a. Myers, Sr. late of Greene
township, Greene county, dee'd., having been
granted to tho undersigned, notice is hereby
given to all persons Indebted to said estate
to make immediate payment and those hay
lug claims to present them immediately, prop
perly authenticated for settlement.
A. L. MYERS, ' ,
of Marion township, ;
JACOB REYMER,.
;Mw , of Greene tp., Ewcutors.
DEMOCRACY'S NEW BCHN LOVE.
Am ! tuf Owim."
Th" ni-iht Is d.irk and doleful ton,
Each mi'iiit'iit ling us troubles new i
Wo tremble mi perdition's brink ,
O help us, uig.er, or w sink 1
0 darkies dear ! wo never meant
To have a "while man's Oovirument,"
And though we used to say you stink ;
Yet, hrlp us, niggers, or we sink 1
Trust not for freedom to tho Yanks,
But let us buss on Dixie's banks,
Buss, dine and sup on Dixie'r brink ;
0 help us, niggers, or we sink I
AVn swear we love your color well,
We'll paint ourselves as black as hell,
We'll hug you tight and never blink,
O help us, niggers, or we -iuk !
Upon the street we'll give you irreettngg,
And make you chairman of our meetings;
And treat nnd pay lor very drink ,
Ohelp us niggers, or we sink I
Our peck of dirt we'll gla illy cat,
Until liepuhllcans wo defeat ;
Then, by the Lord ! we'll turn our coat,
And hold you niggers by the throat !
F. oni the Toledo Blade.
NASUY.
Tim Nkoiio Von: Mn. Nasbv in Imitation
of Wauk Hash-ton. Tiiiks to C'osch.iatk
TUB Al'lllCAN TllU Hl.SULT OF TUB ViiN-
Teiir.
Post Oitis, Conki:i)I!1T X Roads,
(Wivh is the Suit uv Kentucky,)
March 28, 18U7.
I hev had mniiy ttuiKlen ami rather
'stordinary changes in poltlix scmo so
very su.ldun tlmt tho movement prodooat
cotijestion uv the conscience. I rekol
lect wunst uv advocatin free tratle and
high proleotive tarifi', all wilhin twelve
hours, (I iu:tde a epeech iu a agricul
tural destrik uv Now York in tho tore
noon at 10 A. M,, and in a maimfacturir)
'own in Pennsylvnny in tho evenin.) our
platform beiu so conslruktid that both
Wles could tilid a oiidorseinont in it, and
hev performed many other feats uv mor
al gyninastiks ; but this last change I
hev bin called upon to mako is probably
tlie nU'ideiiesl. Last tveeK, loos'.lay,
Deekiu Pogrnm, Captain MoPultcr and
I was engaged in riddia tho Corners uv
niguers Wo lied cndooi ed cm ez loni.
ez we thot possible, and determined on
stand in it no longer. Select'n three wich
wo tvuz salUtijd hod too tnueli .peiliu
book into em to be enslaved agin, we
wuz preparin uotiaes to bu served onto
em orderin um to leave v twenty-four
houri", when I resecved in the Northern
mill a letter marked 'Freu Alexand r
W. R.mdtdl, M. I knowe 1 ii
wuz ollishul to wnnst that blessul aig-
na'.our is on my iMiimnsiiiiii, nnd 1 ve
uutitemp! ;t:d it to Ron 1 1 bu ini-taken
in it." Its contents wuz brief, and read
tlm !
To all 1' iHtinasterj in the Southern
S atiB : Tlie nliir hev voies coiis'il
taheii is our bust, holt. See to it.'
This brief tho not hard to be under
s ood order wuz soalud with the ofti-diel
seal uv the Post Ollis Department stuinpt
into putty instead uv wax, to wit : A
loaf uv bread under a roll uv butter, with
tcu hand, a grtibbin at it. I compre
hended the situashen at site, and set
about dooiu my duty with both Roman
and Sparlen firmness. 'Deekin, sez 1,
learin up the notises, 'these niggers we
hev misunderstood. They are not a in
ferior race they are not desoendeuta of
Ham and Hagur it wuzu'l Paul's idea
in sendin back Onesimns to condemn
bira to scrvitood wo hev misunderstood
the situashen, and must make amends.
The nigger is devoid uv smell, and is
trooly a man and a brother !'
'Vatf eaid the Deekin, tippia back
in amazement.
'Jest wal I say,' sez I, 'read that,' and
I flung him the letter.
The upshot. uy the conforenco wich
fullered ivuz the culling uv a meetin the
next nite, at wich till the Ethiopians uv
tho Cornora wuz invited and urged!- to
be present'
Tho trouble wuz to git tho niggers to
attend tho meetin. The fust one I spoke
to lafTt in my face, and asked mo how
long it wuz eeoce I bed helpt hang a
couple uv niggers, by way ol finisben
off a oelebrashcn. Pullok, tho Illinois
storekeeper, got hold of it, and told Joo
Digler, and Joo swore that et tho niggers
hedn't any more sense than we give em
oredit for, in sposin we oood bamboozle
em so ohecp, he shood go back to the
old beleet, to wit : that they wuz only a
tooperior race uv moukoys, after all
and by nite eyery nigger in the vicinity
wuz posted thoroughly, and out uv all
uv em I oood only git four who would
promise to attend, and them the Deekin
bed to pay 8 apiece to. To give it
eel iw I promised one uv cm $5 (in be
paid ai ilie closiii of the meetin) to sit
on (be nIiiikI wiib me, wich, beiu nvery
poor man, mid heviu a nick wile in a
shanty i. ear by. who wuz suffcrm for
medicine, (wich he coedcut git without
.
money.) lie accepted.
At this pint an idee struck me. I re"
numbered Phil idelty, and determined
to hev a scene nvalin the Couch and
Or bunis 'Another thing. Cuff, un-
demand that its a part uv the hargqm
that when in my speech I turn to voo
and stomp, you must rise and embrace
me.'
'Watt' sez he.
Fall into my arms, lovin like you
uiidersiand jist as tho we wuz long,
long since brotheiB !'
'.Souse me I' sod he. 'I'so a nitty low
tiiggcr, and wants to buy do old woman
some quinine, and wood di mos' any
thing foah dat, but, golly, dai's too
much !'
'Not a cent,' sed I sternly, assoomin
my most pieroinost gizs, 'ouless this is
included!'
'Well,' returned he, sulkily, 'ef I must,
I speck I must, but golly '
The Kite arrived and Um muetiti
house wuz full. We thot fust uv holdin
it in the chapel uv the College, but
give up the idee as impracticable, ez
owin to tli dillytorinis uv our Northeru
Irenes in forwardin sich subsoripshens
ez tliey iiev raised, wo hevn t got no
further with the bililiu than layin the cor1
tier stun. In the front wuz the four
niggers, a',1 in clean shirts, and on the
stand wuz the uiggur I lied engaged.
Over tho platform, wuz tho follerin mot
toes :
'In loonion titer is strength For
President in 1808, Fernando Wood ;
For Vtco President, Frederick Duglis.
'In the nigger, strength In the Cau
casian, beauty In the inulatter, who is
irooly tho noblest uv ths human race
both. In a Id imIioii to these, we dug up all
the old mottoes wich Jefferson writ,
about yootiiversal liberty aud sioh, wich
hedn't bnen quoted iu Kentucky for
twenty years, and posted em up ; iu
breef, hed Wen lell Phillips' blessid spor
et bin a hoverin over that meetin house,
it would hev smiled approvinly.
I spoke to em elokenlly on the yooni-
verse! brotherhood uv mankind, holdin
that whatever else ooo 1 bu said, Adam
was the father of all mankind, and that
the only difference between a white man
and a iiigj-er wuz, the ni;ir wuz sun
burnt. The niggur, I roinarkt, wuz.
undoubtedly, oni ally whi'e, but lievin
mi. seuce Ins arrival in this cnunl' V.
addicted to agi iciiltoorul pursoots, he hed
In-coiiiH lunni'il to a degrco wich, tho it
marred his physical beauty, did not in-
terfere with hissterlin goodness uv heart
liter hed bin ditlorences botscen the
races it times thor hed bin onpleasant'
nises wich no one rcgrctid more than I
Tho whiles uv the Corners hed not alluz
bin ez considiil ez I oood hev wished
fhey hed tlog.d several uv em, aud
hung many more, and in times past lied
held em in slavery and sich, but that
shood not be thot uv at this happy timo.
It wuz constitooshnel to do those things
then, and Kentucky wuz eminently a
law abidin Stnto. 'Here,' sez I, 'on this
platform, with the flag uv our common
country over me, I declare eternal friend,
i-hip to the eolored man, and to so el the
deularaslien I thus embrace
The obstinit nigger did'nt stir a step.
'Come up and fling yoor arms around
me yoo black cuss,' I sed in a stage
whisper, 'Come up.'
No yoo don't boss, sod the niggor, in
a loud voice which was atidibl i to all
over the church, and holdin out his
hand. 'I can't trust you a brcssid min.
it. Gib mo do $o fust. Yoo oivo dis
child foah dollars now fo' sawin wood
to' yoah post oflis, and ef we's a gwine
to hah our riles do fuss yoose I shel put
mine to will be gittin dat niouey. Pay
up fun and do braoo afterward, I can't
do siuh a disagreeable thing widout do
cash'iu advance'
This ruiher destroyed tho effect. Tho
unities wnzn't preserved. Tho niggors
in front bust out in a torturing laff, and
Pollock and Digler roll'd in oonvulfions
uv lafturo, in wich half uv our pooplo
joined. Mo a slandin petrified, in the
attitude oi embrauin, that cussid mggor
standin with bis hand extended for the
money, with tho Deekin and Basoora
horror struck jist behind, formed a tab
loo wich was more strikin than pleasant.
The meotin wuz to wunit Adjourned,
h r it wuz evident to the dullest coiiipre-
hi'ii-lieii thnt notliiii more consent bu
done that nite. Kz yoosual I fii'e 1 im
want uv capital. UeU 1 bin po-cest uv
the paltry sum of lie dollars how differ
etit wood h' v been the result! Per'
chance wo may, thro that deiishuncy
i i i 1 v.
i ioho ivcii'uoKV. it must never occur
, agin my salary must bo raised. Icaii
! iiuiko brix wilhouUfltaw.
Joe Digler met mo next inornin and
remarkt tlmt. he legrctted the occurrence
ez ho ardently desired to see the two n:
ces a pullin together. 'The fault, Per
i fesser,' sed ho, 'wuz in not mai.atri
properly. The ii' xt time yoo want
'spectable nigger to sit on the platform
with yoo and the Deekin, or kiss or ein
brace yoo git him drunk. He'll do
then, probably I, know he will. Ef he
drunk enuff he'll hurrah for Johnson, an
it's possible to get em down to tho pin
uv votin with you. Lord ! how whisky
drags a man down, 'See wat it's hrot
yoo to! and the 'insiiltiu wretoh rolled
off lallin boisterously. 'Get cm drunk
Perfesser,' he yelled ez loug tz ho oood
see mo.
We don't intend to give it up. Big
ler's advice wuz given in jest, but, never
ihi.lbss, I shall act upon it. Whisky is
wat bungs white men to us, and ef
white man kin be thus capohered, wh
not a nigger ? Tho Atrioauhczii't got v
far to fall to git down to our level, and
it'll tako less to bring him. Dascom or
uered live barrels to day, wicti 1 sposo
the adniiiiistrashfln will pay for, W
have yet the Noo York Custom House,
ard more uv the purkesils must be yoos
ed for polilikle purposes.
Pivntoi.KCM V. Nasby, P. M
(Wich is Postmaster,) and likewise Pro
fessor of Biblikle Politicks in the
Southern C'lassikle and Military Insti
toot.
GRANT SHERMAN M'PHERSON.
Inteuestino Lettkhs not IIkkktofoke Ten
M8IIED.
The Joint Committee on the Conduct
of the War havo just issued their report
in an immense volume, containing to
ports by Generals Sherman, Thomas,
Pope and other Generals. The volume
contains many documents never yet pub
lished, and among them the two follow
ing letters :
PrivatR.
Nashville, Tenn., March 4, 1801.
I)t-:t Si i Kit man Tho bill reviving the
t rade td l.icutf I'unt General in the army
has hecoam a law, and my name has
been font to the Seimti? for the place. I
now ro.vivu order to r 'poil to Wash
ington iniuii-dia i-ly in peison, whiil
indicates t iilu-r a confirmation or a liko
I hood of confirmation I si.nl in iI,h
morning to comply with the order, but
I ha'l say very distinctly on my nrriva
there that I ucuei-t uo appointment which
will require me to make that city my
headquarters, This, however, is nut
what I started out to write about.
While I have b.on eminently successful
in this war, in at least the confidence of
the public, no ono tccls more than me
huw much of this success is due to the
energy, skill, nud harmonious putting
forth ot that energy and skill, nf those
whom it is has been my good fortune to
have occupy a subordinate position
under me. There are many ofliccrs to
whom these remarks are applicable to a
greater or less degree, proportionate to
their ability as soldiers. lint what I
want is to express my thanks to you aud
McPherson, as the men to whom, above
all others, I feel indebted for whatever
I have had of success. How far your
advice and suggestions have been of as
sistance youjiuow. How far your exe.
cution of whatever has beeu given you
to do entitles you to tho reward I nm
receiving, you cannot know as well as
I. I feel all the g rutitudo this Utter
would express, giving it the most flatter
ing construction. Tho word 'you' I-uso
in the plural, intending it for McPherson
also. I shall write to bi n, and will
some day t but, starting in the morning
I do not know that I will find time just
now. Your friend,
U. S. Guant, Major General.
Private and confidential.
NiiAii Mhmi'iu8, March 10, 1804.
Dbau GisNiiiiAL I have your more
than kind aud characteristic letter of tho
4th. I will s.nd a copy to Gonoral
McPherson at once. You do yourself
injustice, and us too much honor, in as
signing to us so large a share ot the
merits whioh have led to your high ad
vancement. I know you approve the
friendship I havo evsr oonfessed to you,
and will permit me to ooutinue, as here
tofoie. to manifest it on all proper oo
oaston You are now Washington's
legitimate successor, and occupy a po
anion of almost dangerous elevation.
But it you continue as heretofore, to be
yourself, simple honesi and unpretend
ing, you will Hiij y through Itto the re
spect and love of friends, and the hom
age of ni'llion of human beings that
will award you a large share in securing
to them and their descendents a govern
nient ot law and stability. I repeat,
you do General McPherson and myself
too much honor At Belmont you man
ifestcd your traits, neither of us being
near. At Fort Donaldson, also, you
illustrated your whole character. I was
not near and General McPherson, in too
subordinate a capacity to influence you
Uut I you had won Donaldson I confess
I was almost cowed by the terrible array
of anurchial elements that presented
themselves at every point ; hut that ad
mitted tho ray of light which I have
followed since. I believe you are as
bravo, patriotic and just as the great
prototype, Washington ; as unselfish,
kindhcaned and honest as a man should
be ; but your chief characteristic is the
simple faith in success you hive always
manifested, which I can liken to
nothing else than the t ilth a Chris
tmn has in a Saviour. This faith gave
yon victory at Shiloh and Vicksburg.
Also, when yon havo completed your
best preparations you go into battle
without hesitation, as at Chattanooga-
no doubts, no reserves; and I tell you it
was this that made us act with confi
dence. I knew, wherever I was, that
you thought of , mo, and it I got ma
tight plaoe, you would come if alive.
My only points of doubt were in your
knowledgo ot grand stategy and of
books ot science and history ; but I con
fess your common sense seems to have
supplied nil these, Now. as to tlie fu
ture. Don't stay in Washington. Hal
leck is better qualified than you to stand
tho buffets i f intrigue aud policy. Come
West, l ake to yourself the whole Mis
sissippi Valley Let us make it dead
sure, ami I tell you the Atlantic slopes
and Pacific shores will follow- its destiny
as sure us the limbs of a tree live or die
with the main trunk. We have d one
in neb, but slill much remains Time's
influences are with us. We could almost
afford to ait still and let these influences
work. Even iu the seceded States your
word would now go farther than a
Pieaidenl's proclamation or an act of
Congress, l'or Gods sake, and your
country's sake. come out ot Washington.
I for- told to General llalleck, before he
left Corinth, the inevitable result ; and I
now i-xhort you to come out West.
Hero 1ms the sent of the coming einiuie.
and from the West, when our task is
one. wo will make short work of
Charleston and Richmond, and the im
n f ished coast of the Atlantic.
Your sincere trieud, W. T. SueitMAN,
General Grant.
COptN'DRUMS.
A late nu saber of the Galaxy contains
an exhaustive article on tho subject of
conundrums. It might bo called a digest
ot tlie art. The following will show it
to be a very simple ai t :
We will use thd dictionary once more.
Turn to s; and discover which words
there are which will furnish a pun by
omitting the s t nr instance, sonooi;
take offs and you have cool. Now
picked thus; Why is a man who does
not lose bis temper liks a schoolmaster?
lWause he (keeps school). When does
a man entertain his horse aud guest
like T When they both feed at his
iblo (his stable). Why is a man who
goes up town aner oeer iiKe me goous
in an auctioneer's store t Because he is
p for 's ale (up for sale). Why ii sper
maceti like a busybody t Because it
makes scandals. There are others made
on the same principle, but tor which the
ictionary affords but little help, as
when we say that an old dog is like an
inclined piano, beoauso he's a slow pup
(slope up); or that housoanuot sea im
mortality, beoauso tliey get thoir necks
twirled (next world) in this. One of the
worst of this kind was Dr. Holmes's
Why is an onion like a piano t Beoause
its smell's odious. A pun can also be
made sometimes, by drawing or lengths
ening out the prouuuciatiou of a word,
ns when we say that the kind of monkeys
thnt grow on grapo vines are gra-apes.
A style of coaundrum has become
very frequent and popular which is fotin
dod on a transportation oi letters or
words, giving a new aud surprising
vi : i i . . i
sense. I nave opoueu one pae.ngo ui
this class. Tho first one is as follows ;
What is the differeuco between stabbing
man and killing a swine t One is as
sault with intent to kill, the other is
killing with intent to salt. So it it di&
covered ot a cat and a document that on
has claws at the end ot its paws and the
other has pauses at the end ot its clause;
of a wife and an editor, that one sets
articles to right and the other writes
articles to set t of the eagle and a certain
kind of dog, that ono is a tarricr in the
sky and the other is a Sky terrier ; of the
permission to speak and the command
not to speak, that in onocasoyou are al
1 wed to talk and in the other you are
not to talk aloud ; of a pound of meat
and a drummer boy, that one weighs a
pound and the other pounds away t ot
au utterer of spurious eoin and a false
heir, that one issues a counterfeit and
tlie other counterfeits an issue ; of a
church organist and the influenza, that
one know the stops and the other stops
the nose ; ot a successful lover and his
riva , that one kisses his miss and the
other misses hm kiss ; of an unsuccessful
swain and a father of a lamily, that one
is a sighing lover and the ether a loving
sirs i on a mischievous mouse and
beautiful youn; lady, that one harms
the dice e and alio charms the he's; of
seventeen and seventy, thai one is oare
less and happy nnd tho other hairless
and cappy ; of the effect of catching col
and one of the isles of Greece, that in
one oaso it is you cough an l in tho
other Corfu ; of an emperor aud a beg
gar, that ono issues manifestoes and tho
other manifests loes without his ehoes
oi n man ooiuir uceis aim a mail no"-
ging him, that ono cooks tho beets and
the other boats tho cook : of a tailor and
a siege gun, that one works tho breeches
and the ot her breaches tho work j of the
Prince of Wales and a bombshell, that
ouo is heir to tho throne and the oilier
thrown to the air; of 'Old Unole Ned'
and Louis Napoleon in the event ot
another French revolution, that the one
had no hair on the top of his crown, the
place where the hair ought to grow, and
the-othcr would h ive no ci own ou the
p of his heir, the place where the
orown ought to g i. It is also mention
ed that the difference between a baby
and a great coat is, mat Hie one you was
and that the other tho wear; that per
severance is a strong will and obstinacy
a strong won t ; tnat JNoalrs ark was a
high ark, but that an arohbishop is a
hioi arch ; of a gauze dress and a drawn
tooth, that one is too thin and the other
is tooth out ; that the Prince ot Wales
is an heir apparent, an orphan has ne'er
a parent, a bald bead has ne'er a hair
apparent aud a gorrilla has a hairy
parent.
As a relief from the ingenuity of the
specimens which I have given, it is well
to introduce occasionally a question
which ought to be obvious to every ono,
i. .. , ... ... 1.- - : i. ,
but is not. For instance what makes
more noise than a pig under a gate t
two pigs : why does a traveler who has
been on a long journey, and comes to a
board fence in the midst ot a forest, try
to get over U t because he wants to get
over ; what is the best thing to do in a
hurry t nothing ; why does a miller wear
a white hat t to keep his bead warm i
Lord Dundreary gives one of this kind
which, though obvious, is notwithstan
ding exceeding logical :
Why cloeth a dog waggle hith tail t
Give it up t I think moth fellath will
give that upt You the the dog wag
geih hith tail becauth thedog'th tbtwou
gcr than the tail. It ho watbn't, the
tail would waggle the dog,'
It is so easy to make conumdrums thnt
most intelligent men will prefor to pul
their faculties to some harder and usefu,
task. A dancer once said to a Spartan,
'I can stand on on leg longer than you.'
'Perhaps so said the Spartan, 'and so
can my goose.' A few conumdrums
are very well aftor dinner with raisons
and nuts, and I have no doubt my friends
the editor, will bo willing to furnish
them at reasonable rates iu lots to suit
purchasers.
A Soldikk's Jokb The correspon
dent ot a Virginia paper gives the fol-
owmg story i
A command of cavalry, which was
afterward distinguished for its gallantry,
was. on its first organization, a laughing
stock not merely to Forrest's veterans.
but to the Yankee themselves. One
day, on a train in Mississippi, the rear
car was occupied by soldiers cracking
their rough jokes upon one another.
When the fun was at its height, a very
ungainly 'reb,' with clanking spurs, un
oomhed hair aud a general appearance
ot long disuse of a 'biled' shirt, stalked
to a window and thrust his carbine out
of it- Then he stopped, and looking
around, as though apprehonsivo that bo
was doing something wrong, and inquir
ed, 'Is thar any ot K.'s ruon aboard this
sheebang t'
No answer. 'I say, boys, does any of
you belong to R.'s cavalry V At length
soma one spoke up, saj ing s 'I belong to
R.'s cavalry 'Axing yer pardon, stran
ger,' said the uneouih individual, 'my
old gun is dirty, and I wanted to olean
her out i I'm jist gwine to pop a cap.
Don't be skeared, honey 1'
We should not be surprised if that
joke told in the next fight attended by
the command.
AN EDITOR'S LlTB.
An editor's work ii never done. . He
is called upon to furnish others not only
with ideas but brains ai well. He ha
evory one to please, and straggle hard
to acoompliih this end. Yet the diffl
oulties are so great he rarely succeeds'
The editor of the Ohio State Journal it
thoroughly sound on this point, and
discussing it says with truth t Some
body will always be found to find fault
with him, either for what be publishes
or else for what he leaves out. It it a
singular taotthat the articles a writer
considers his best are frequently passed
over by the reader without notioe, while
anothor whioh costs tittle and is consid
ered ot little oonaequonoo, is extensively
reprinted. The editor must never foU
low his own taste t if he does, he pleases
himself alone. He may feel an intense
disgust for horrible accidents ; a large
share ot his readers crave them as a
person with disordered stomaoh doei
unwholesome food, lie may be nauseate
ed by marvellous stories many of bit
readers w'dl leave his protoundest dis
oussions of political prhioiplei (or wanl
of principle) unread, for a story ot some
monstrosity. The politician wonders
why he has no exhaustiye loader on tho
taxation of townptttnps i if he has a
stunning article on that subject eyery
body else wonders why so uniointeres
ting a matter was allowed to occupy so
much valuable space. Young gentlemen
just boginning to discover the shadow of
a coming event ou the upper lip, think
it a 'doosid boah' that there is not more
nice poetry; ladies would like to see
something about the newesf and sweetest
thing in bonnets j old Centperoent wants
to know the state of the markets, as also
does our friend Dandio Dinmont, who
lias cattle tor sale. The Hev. Mr. Sleek
thinks we aro ruiuiuaj the morals of the
rising generation by publishing aooounU
of horse races, base-balls, and other
wickedness; old Miss Prim wants to
hear some lovely scandal, elopement
or suioide ; Farmer Broadaorea want to
know the best breed of sheep ; and the
farmor's wife and pretty daughters want
to read a nice story. All these different
tastes and a thousand others have to be
gratified. Everybody may get the par.
tionlar thing he wants, yet ha is dissatit
fled and distressed, beoause there ii
something in the paper he don't wan't
never dreaming that the something it
the very thing another will read with
delight.
GIVE HIM THE MITTEN. '
'Ah, mon dreu 1' said Monsieur MtU
mots to hit friend Sniffling, 'my tweet,
heart give me the mitten
'Indeed how did that happen t'
'Veil, I toaght I must bo to make '
her von leelle vuiset before I leave town.
so I step in da tide room, and dare I
behold her beautiful person ttretohed
out on von lazy.'
A lounge you mean.'
'Ay yes von lounge. And den t
make von very polite branoh and
'You mean a polite bow.'
Ay, jes von bough. . And den f
say I was very sure the would be rotten,
if I did not come to tee her before I '
xou said wbatt i
'I laid she would be rotten if' ;
That's enough. Yon have put' yoor
toot in it, sure.'
No, tare. I put my foot out of il.
for she says the would oall der taore bit-
brother and kick me out, be gar I I had
intended to say mortified, but I could
not think ot de tame as von in ray die.
tionatre.
Onb cold night rcoently a married
man, who lives not ten miles from this
plaoe, wat disrobing, preparatory to re
tiring for the night, while removing tho
garments usually upheld by suspenders,
his toot slipped aud be fell baok ward,
seating biuisolt squarely upon the - hot
shovel. He was not slow iu rising, and
kuowing that his wife, whe wat asleep
in the adjoiuiag room, would know aome
remady for burns, he called to her,
'Wile I wifo 1 I have burned me I' Hii
wife, partially awakened, not knowing
the extent of his injury replied, 'Spit on
it 1 Why don't you spit on it t' The
response to the question was more em.
phatie than polite. ...
Tub Comino Wheat Ci,op..Tb te
counta from almost evey section of
Maryland, Virginia and North Carnltn.
ipeak of the prospect of a large crop ef
wheat. A Louisville paper tay soi
ouly in Ohio and Keutuoky, but in Tan.
nevsoe also, the wheat orop it more ai.
tensive than it usually tetn, and pccHt
ea an abundant yield.
1 I
V ....
77
S.
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