Worn' Soiia tiOrdet: Dl or.rvsu traNDEtt Di g , e Caliph ordered Up his book, ..' ' a; scowling with a fearful look' '' • __„ nit moant,wo stand no gamtnon,—,_ I'TO-Morrow, ittat at tivo," 4 ho said, - UREIBEIII, Otii Cook," 4'0111013e hie head, - ... Or servo us up a salinon." vliCireet, Sire," the trembling Chef replic , r'%ord of t,ho Earth and all beside, • ' --. i • , Stm,moon, and stars, and soon,—"' ' (Look in Eothen—thero you'll bud A list of titles. Never mind, . 2_ • , ' I haven't time to go on:) "Great Sire," and so forth, thus he spoke, "Yob/ Ilighnees must intend a joke; It doesn't stand to7eascrn For ono to 'order Minion brought UniesS that fish hisometimes caught, And also is in season: "Cinr tack of late is Blocking bad,. ' • In fact the latest catch we bad - ' pre kept The matter shadyr,l_ Bnt, hauling in our uefs,—alack 1 j We found no salmon. but a sack Fq ...- • That held your honored lady i" . 1 •.—"Allah la &Mtn' ,tll4 calipWßaid, e' "bly poor .Zuletkai you are dead, ". . I once took Intereatin yon—" -.... •'Perhaps, my Lord, you'd like to know: ,o cut the lines and lot her go." • "Allah be praised I Continue." 1 , . —•qt isn't hard one's hoOk to bait, And, squatting down, to watch and wait To Deo the cork go under; - , At last suppoan yott'vo got your bite, You twitch away with all your might-- You'vo hOokod arLeet, by thunder Tho Caliph pattedllfasitalea head: ..slave. thou,base. Fi)oken Well.".he bald, "And won thym i lster's favor. nce, Yea; stns what hap erred morn, pip salmon of :the Golden Horn might haves redonbthil "That last remark about the eel Etas also justice that we feel Quite to our satisfaction. trorrow we dispense with fish, for the present, if you wish, You'll keep your bulbous fraction." "Thanks!. Thanks f" tho grateful Chef replied, His mxtriout features showing wide - Thd gleam of arches dental: "To.eut my head okwouldn't pay, I find it usettil every day Vi well a. 4 ornamental." SALAD FOR THE SERIOUS. Theyleil thostory of a captain of- a North River boat, who was something of a wag in his way. A committee of the Now York Legislature was on the captain's boat mak ing a tour .of inspection, and one of the members; who knew the captain 'of old, at. tempted to extract amusement for himself and his fellow-members by rallying the cap tain °kr' his pivadortg, as it was reported that ho sdinetiinesiridulged in that exercise. "Or said the captain, "I've taken to the law lately.'!-, • Senator—" Not ben admitted?" captain—ti Yes, regularly; passed my ex aminat:on in open court." , Senator—" And nuswered hll the ques tions fitir and square, eaptuinl" Ceptnin-•`Al1 but one." . Senator-And what was that?" Captain—"l don't like to tell; it may hurt yotir feblings, and some of the gentlemen here:may be offended." 411—" No; out with it; what wasit? Let's hear." A Captld . —"Well, the judge asked me,— and I egn dn't tell—Mow can, a man go to tlie'Legthlature, get three dollars a day, ptty five dollars afiay for his board, and lay Up money 9*; 'The committees -aye the captain a rottut of applause, and'invited him to supper bat night; which he positively declined. Li The pnrsuit of - information is sometimes attended with difficulties, even in San Fran cisco. One inquirer, who• applied to the Chronic/4, for information as to where Cain obtaineft his wife, is cruelly rebuffed, the only reply vouchsafed him being this: "Up on any-subject of a public nature we never refuse to throw the desired light. But this is altogether a different thing. It is a fami ly matter with which we do not care to med dle. (Jain died some time before many of us were born, and such idle curiosity regard- - ing the family affairs of a deceased person we regard as reprehensible, and calculated to violate the sanctities of domestic' life. For these reasons, and Decause we do not wish to injure the feelings of the relatives of the deceased, we decline to answer the question." A fat old gentleman was bitten in the calf of his leg by a dog. Ile at'once rushed to the magistrate, and preferred a complaint against a joker in the neighborhood, whom he supposed to be the owner of the offend ing cur. The following was the defense off ered by the wag: "1. By testimony in favor of the general good character of my (10g, I shall prove that'nothing could make him so forgetful of his canine dignity as to bite a calf. 2d. He is blind 1 and cannot see .to bite. 3d. Even if he dould see to bite, it would lie utterly in%possible for him to go I out of his way t do so, on account of his severe lamenes 4th. Granting his eyes and legs to be ood, ho has no teeth. sth. My dog died six weeks ago. 6th. I never had any dog." 1 A traveler, on his arrival in the city, stop ped for' a moment to examine a coat hang ing in front of a clothing store, when the proprietor rushed out and asked: "Wouldn't you try on some coats?" "I dunno but I would," responded the traveler, consulting his time killer, and'he went in and began to work. No matter how often he found his cite called for more coats, and after he had tried on thirty, he lOoked at his watch, re sumed, his Own garment, and walked off, saying; "I won't charge- a cent for what I've done; hang a man who won't oblige another when he can do it I If I'm ever around this way again, and you've got any , more coats to try on, I'll do all I can to he i lp you I' "Iteests as Bauch," said a lecturer the other day in*Now-York, "to launch a wo man on the sea of lifo in these times as It would to fit out a small schooner. As to sails, cordage, pennants, and streamers, the diflerence is in favor of the schooner. As to a Woman's outfit she has to be freighted with bonnets, vellS, necklaces, earrings, pins,'cliains, bracelets, rings, ruffles, bows, bands, buttons, loops, folds, pipings, plaits, silks, muslins, laces, fans, boots, slippere, parasols, collars, cuffs, nets, chignons, ' rats,' mice,' waterfalls, braids, frizzles, f)ufls, curls, pannier, tournure and Grecian Bend. What a cargo this, for such a small vessel r?, A onp:legged Welsh orator, Named Jones, was pretty successful in bantering an Tjish man when the latter asked him, "How ;did you lose your leg?" "Well," said ties, "on examining my)pedigree , and lo king up my descent, I found there was some Irish blood in mc, and becoming convinced that it WaCin'that left leg I had it cut off at once." • "Be the . powers," said Pat, "it would have been a deuced good thing if it had only settled in your head." Professor—What are the 11- se , a starch in germination? Student -reciting .—(reeiting on cheek) In the German flat' much the saw- ..on starch is used very up - as in this country-in doing giv- -. and such goods. Professor—lf you another such answer as that; I will show you how they take the starch out of students it. the German nation. The other day a green 'en asked one of Barnuin's men, "Where is the mummy?" The latter replied, "He is - dead," and the inquirer passed on, perfectly satisfied, for he couldn't expect that even Barnum could prevent an occasional death among his cu riosities*. • A. girt fashionable in her taste hit poor in her pocket says she never realized her ne cessities tilkahe got a husband. '• We; liliveAlaggered why the Great Ehst ern .las.beense - unprofitable. It is because she is nearly r always "paying out." A l Westerri editor , lntely returned a tailor's bill with' the indetscitent, "Your manu script is'declined; it is ineligible." What kind of n drum is that which is al wnys the best when St cannot be beaten? A conundrum: -' - . Why should'a tax on tarts be objeetiona able at flOt? -. .;•3epitOse it would be eacour aging,nl,U)K.Of* Whrtloppr'est, ducks dip their heads un der 3,!va4Or,Wliggidate their little bills. The VI: 6k to Which reference is most made during the holidays is the pocket-book. The most approved way to raise beets is to take hold of the tops and pull. - A soldier cannot be even half a soldier if he is in quarters. d An intellectual• feast—the entertainment of at idea. ' A school boar that is never elected—A black-board. , . • Maxim for parents-A switch in time saves nine. , The favorite country of .the poodle--Lap land. Treat everYboil' Y,'4,11—:-but not too often. Flat.fablehOo4l-11ying on your' back. I Black friars--colored coop, pAiti:TED , c'ifo,,T,:lAi4i - , : kw, , ,Oßxsl • i i WESTON al CODS . , . - -;111 1 , . zAIitTFACTURFIRS OP • I 1 PORTABLE AND STATIONARY STEAM ENGINES & BOILERS. ~ - i ~ ' PAI-S.IOTILAD. ATTENTION.PAID 'IV ' - % 1 GANG SA.W 11. ELLS,, ENGLISH, MULAY & CIRCULAR PIIILLS. 7 suINGI.F. MILLS AND.SI , OI: 9 AtiVAIII ON HAND. . Water Wheels suited to all heads of. water, Tannery Irons, 'Bridge Irons, &e. .i experience by our .11,1 r IL'. IL Calkins of over twenty ;years as a .>f►)lachinist and POrenfan, enables 'us, - !Ibis personal supervision, to make strictly first-class Goods. - , - El lA. W. PRESTON IRON FENS & VACHINISTS Circala,r, Gang and .41 - ttley Saw .711;q1s, Machinery for Tanneries, Shafting, Gearing, and Castings of every description in, Iron and Brass. Corning, August 28, 1872.-ly Nte - vv . spring -Goods. SPRING. CL:PAIGN IS OPEN WITH THE LARGEST, AND MOST COMPLETE' STOCK OF It has got to bo pretty generally known that NVO keep the largest stock, the best goods and sell them as ow as any houses in the trade in this section; and we keep very many articles not kept at any other store -in ow In addition to our general stock, - 07;arpet*totit comprises abort 2011 rolls, and overy variety.' Oar Cloth Stock exCooda any within fifty milso, in quantity and variety. WitESS COODS,SIIAWLS AND DOMESTIC GOODS • enough for a Jobbing trade. ,The citizens oi Tloga county are respectfully invited to call and enunine our stock and prices, April 1,1873. 181A:735 TWO EILUE9 uilum iniwo Has gone t • Nett) York to buy a stock of Spring and Sum- 712e7' Goods. ire inten4s to buy from, the best markets at bottom, prices, and he will have some splendid badfains to Worlds customers h 6 Mkt . MS. He has NOW on hand a qikantiti) of Clothing and • . Dress Goods which he wants out Of the way, and he takes this method of informing yoa,confl en,tialo,that lie will sell th ESTABLISHED •iN 049. PAINTED IPOIS9rSLIN". A,. PRESTON & HEERMAIIS 4Q'cgainallaage, PC'. "V"-, STEAM ENGINES AND BOILERS? iffirMachlnery of all kinds repolred•promptly and at reasonable rates.-Vp AND THE PEOPLE'S,STORDos THE Staple OE Fancy Dry Goods .44 tit 3 OFFERED CIORETENO. WILLIeI.I WILSOX env CHEAP-,--if you don't believe it, call and see. bIANUFACTURERS OF MET IN THE FIELD, SPRING GOODS Staple and Fancy mai GOODS, . I READY-MADE CLOTHING, HATS, LAPS, BOOTS, .. . . . . . My stock has beeu,procurecl from the best markets in the:,countrY, ktatl therefore : you wilt be satisfied with prices. ~ • . , OEO, II EERKANS Co'rning Foundry 46E Machi . . D. W. 1:bp:3732.e. etc Sitc•iass, • • 'Manufacturers of Stationary and Portable Eaagines and Boilers. Gearing, Shafting and Machinery required for Saw Mills, elitist Mills and Tanneries, Ovens and Grates, for burning Tan. Screws for moving unleachod and leached bark Castings, Bolts, Railroad Frogs, Chairs, and Repairing done at abort notice. We have fa cilities for shipping by Canal or Railroads to all points,And can furnish Machinery cheaper than Eastern or Western builders of the best quality. Jan. 1, 1812-Iy. OOII,MCI. STNUNEN COUNTY, N. Y. • SOO KEGS OF NAILS SMITH Sc WAITE gagenter's 45015, afl pai q mett',s entAib Special Attention paid to Tin Roofing 4,000 Cords of Hemlock Hark CONTRACTS will be made for the purchase of Bark "kJ peeled and delivered the ensuing season, at S4.LO per cord of 2,200 lbs ; cash on delivery. '. Bark peeled last year will be received for the nest ninety days at $4 per cord of 2,200 lbs; cash ou de livery. We will make contracts for peeling 4,000 cords of bark on lands of the Pennsylvania Joint Laud and Lumber Co. BAILEY, LOWELL A:. Co_ Wellsboro, May 13, 1873-IL • POMEROY BRO'S & smug, = BANKERS, BLOSSBURG, Tioga County, Ponn'a. BUSINESS PAPER NEC4OT I APED Po=sax Buo's Bess:Ens, W: U. SMITH, Troy; Pa. Feb. 4. 1873-tf. 4iteigiShila 1 , C-MATHERS ri v • DRESS GOODS, WHITE GOODS, Shoes, /la, Suitable for the spring Trade: • CALL ALIV - 3:1 IStE ESTA.BEISFIF I ,I) 184 GREAT EXCITEMENT - BOGS ROUTED' IkAYA BEIJN - VA - 'cikTtu!! BUY WHERE YOU CAN BUY IS our advice, becauso we know that after you.havo examined our Stbck you will bo convinced that VW - sal - Morton silioltrO9s is the place to purchase Dry Goods, Dress Goods, Hats and Caps, Clothing Boots and Shoes, White Goods, Groceries, dent's Furnishing Goods, &c., a varied stock suitable for the Spring and Summer Trade. We cordially invite you all to examine our stock. JUST RECEIVED BY W. C. K.RESS AL FULL STOOK OF I GO .EILNT.III7;I. 1 Has just received a large 'stock 'le TUE CHEAPEST : ! STORE Ira OK THE ADJUSTABLE SPRING BED. Bartlett's Patant Jruie 21, 1870. SOirat bring, l elastir Slat. With only a single matress. For durability, comfort, cleanliness, and adjustment it has no equal. A an. perior bed forthe sickroom; as well as for persons in health. Orders solicited by the proprietor for Tioga county, - PALMER„ April 1, 1R73.-if. Mansfield. Pa. iniverything in riCROCKEILYat CHINA HALL. • - Mrs. Geo. Campbell ifAVTN trn at ei e u di t r e Viro tua tiliorico lir a a n gf having AWA ed he G r rt ARTIFICIAL HAIR WORK, would respectfully say to ber:old friends that she would be glad to see all who Would - favor her with their calls. She can be found; at the house of J. X. Johnson, the Barber. Feb. 25, 18734 f, Blossburg, Fa, SPRIIC'GOO➢S. inawarlisaawsum e Shop: 7 - 1 ; CO. A LUXURIOUS BEDt =fflNM= ..,-;,5,,' ,, "-+ 1 .:••••'W -1 , 7.•• 4 :f-ti.i' ' .:• -,-: , i4:.::,... ,, , •- • AM clit -4 ,:,•'1. ' ••- , - '.l • -'•' '7 7 :,..Z....: -7 ~,,1 1, ,,,. - ', . 1`.1""It ill ' I • t "=- 14 ~:=-' -'-' 7 . - 4.tiT-4 . • W;14•14,g'• - ftiftss 11. IV. :win) huh renpved her goste litoro to .LIL • tlio lets re,slaonee of Lapor I.3seho, opposite Van Itoru'elliotel. Stelowiiy Anil othet. . - • ,'" • . , . - ' ' 1E 2 11.1151,X1, CO EV - '-. .• •• . . . , . , Wu' ask) very cheap. Ablp,l4tAt3oN • 84 , lIAMT.IN I • CABINET •.-'ORGANS:.- 'QM) INSTRInfENTS TA - 0.71 d binin'titucic 01 . 141 Y . 141,ifil0Juu iecelvod. iikvou .11 the kikkilo, qretan, nod in Sitig lug. -Au opuortuialty - ,Cor Pra O ilpp ail - wiled-Co those Who' way desivift. , •; ' , 'I`ODLr. Jan. 1.1872-ti. ' , Cyrui'.l-$lllll, WHOLESALE DEALER IN piikeign and Domestic Liquors , . virnms, &c., &c. Agent for Fine, Old Whiskies, CORNING, N. Y. Jan. 1. 1872. NEW DR NEW OOHS TAYLOR & Wb:o:esalo and DRUGS. C PAINT I P A TENT if KFIIIOSEL D- ,STUFFS FANCY A Having Wade special ar burg Glass Company, w•e rates to parties wishing shipped direct from the ft! Physicians' Prescriptions ly C't /KW-Mr. Spalding Las _ in the drug business, auc its branches. Wellabor°, Pa., Juno 24 WALKER EMI i HARDWARE, IR s STOVES, TIN SAWS, CU LIME, A Carriage and H 1 I ITARNESSM Curning, N. T., Jan. 1. Tioga Marble Works. . //pIE uuderaigned is now prepared to execute all or. mad rtfv•staassol2l47 solo/Mow Italian or R tla,ncl Marble, of the latest style and app oved workmanship and with dispatch. -- He keeps constantly on, and both kinds of Marble and will be able to suit E 4 who may favor him - with their orders, on as reasonable terms as can be obtained in the country. • Jan,1.1872 TRUMAN & BOWEN'S SAW MILLI" now readyfu blast, and they with promptness and dispatch. Fencing Boards, Dill Timber, Shingles, Lath, Wood, Sc., constantly on hand. April 22.-tf. TRUMAN & BOWEN. MILLINERY. SOFIELD annou r iaces to the public that sh has a very largo andidesirablo stock of Millinery and Ladies' Furnishing and Fancy Goods, which are offered at very,low rates. LADIES' SUITS, PARASOLS, 'i.wLs,, GLOVES,CORSETS,H . OOP-SKIRTS, TIOSLERY, LACES, and Notions; aleb ready-madekvhite goods in every varlet* The public are cordially invited to inspect and purchase. - I . Wellsboro, May 13, 1873—Gm. WOOLIWOOI.I T HE undersigned are Highest Na C for WOOL, at their BO Sears's B Wo will be pleased to EXAMINE 0 Boot IMI which wo propose to sell In any market west of Ne We Defy Competition on our Custom-Made Work. CALL AMC SEE US O:'W. SEARS, ' 1 T. M. BODINE. J Welleboro,l%., June 8, 1873.-th ..., $5 TO $2O le " of al working eu r t e s a d o w ple u , te ofe r ithetZ young or old, make more money at work for no iu their spare moments, or all tho time,thati at anything else. Partiehlars free. Address 0. Stinson & CO. Portland, Maine. Sept. 24,1872-Iy. G LASSWARE in elidie CAL' - 11 -4 01 R ! FRIEND lif you are cted ivith CANCER, come immediately to the Ca cer, Infirmary of Dr. J. AL Crane, Addison, N. Y., w re you will he promptly treated and cured, if you mo in time. Whetireach. ing the Depot at this place, - ,aslr, for the Ameri can hotel intinibtLa; It will tape' you direct tb thd In firmary., If you wish for references, send for Circu lar without delay. Marilee always reasonable. June 24,1873-Iy. MtIII G FIRM SPALDING, 9iatl D.alers EMICALS, , EDICINES, E, LAMPS, PfRFUJIIERY, T.TCLES, &c angerseuts with the Bless , u furnish Glass at lowest o buy, in large quautitieg,: dory.