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WILLIAM BREWSTER, 1 EDITORS.
SAM. G. WHITTAKER,
* , tlett Vnetrg.
SUNSHINE OP THE HEART.
Oh 1 don't go sighing through the world
There's sunshine all the way;
if you'll but do the acts that e'er
Reflect the blessed ray.
It glistens in the grateful tear,
That flows for kindly deed,
And quivers iu the voice that sobs
Its thanks, for help, in need.
At sparkles oft in radiant smiles, .
At tones, turned in the heart
And guideth °mt. the page of life
With beams that ne'er depart.
It dwelleth in the loving book,
That answers to our own,
And swelleth up a spring of joy,
To selfish touts unknown.
It smooths the rugged ways of life,
With carpets, soft and light,
Woven of conscience free from frowns,
And impulse acted right. -
It cheers the darkest hour - on earth—
Steels under sorrows deep :
And even smiles above the path,
That leads to dreamless sleep.
OrapOt*littclys
A PAIR OF SLIPPERS;
FALLING WEATHER.
Thin 1, and you, and all of us fell down,
Whenever we look upon the crowded
thoroughfare, or regard the large assembly
we ore compelled to admit that the infinite I
variety of form in the human race contrt
butes largely to the picturesque!. The eye
travels over the diversity of shape end size
without fatigue, and renews its strength by
turning from one figure to another, when, j .
at each remove, it is sure to find a differ
ence. Satiety with gazing at rotundity, it
is refreshed by a glance at lathiness ; and,
tired of stooping to the lowly, it can mount
Nike a tird, to the aspiring head which tops :
a maypole. But, while the potency of
these pictorial beauties is admitted, it must
be conceded that the variations from the
true standard, althougli j good for the eye
sight,
are productive of much inoonveni
ence ; and that, to consider the subject like
a Benthamite, utility and general advan-,
cage would be promoted if the total amount
of flesh, blood, bone and muscle were mere
equally distributed. As affairs are at pro.
sent arranged, it is almost impossible Co find 4
a "ready made coat" that will answer one's
purpose, and a man may stroll through
half the shops in taws without being able
to purchase a pair of boots which he can
wear with nay degree of comfort. In hang
ings lamp, every shop-keeper who "lights
up," knows that is is a very troublesome
matter so to swing it, that, while the short
can see the commodities, the tall wi,l dot
demolish the glass. If an abbreviated
"turnippy" man, in the goodness of his
heart, and in arlicido martin, bequeaths
his wardrobe to a long and guant friend, of
what service is the posthumous present 1
It is available merely us new clothing for
the juveniles, or es something towards an
other kitchen carpet. Many a martial spi
rit is obliged to content himself' with civic
employment, although a mere bottle of fire
and wrath, because heroism is enlisted by
inches, and nut by degree. If under "five
foot six;" Caesar himself could find no fav
or in the eye of the recruiting sergeant,
and Alexander the Great would be allowed
to bestride no Bucephalus in a dragoon re
giment of modern times: Thus, both they
who git too much, and they who get too
little, in Dame Natare's apportionment bill
as well as those who, though abundantly
endowed, are not well made up, have div
ers reasons fOr grumbling, and for wishing
that a more perfect uniformity prevailed.
Same of the troubles which arise from
giving a man more than his share in alti•
tuck, finds illustration in the subjoined nar
rative
Linkum Lengeslo is a subject in extol
so. He is, to use the words of- tits poet,
suggested by his name,
-"A Sour
"Of linked steccitiee, long drawit out :"
and, in speaking Or him, it is not easy to
be brief. Linkum is entirely too long for
his own comfort—something short—if the
word short may be used in this connexion
—something short of the height of the Ti
tans of old, who pelted Saturn with brick
bats ; but how much has never yet been
ascertained, none of his acquaintances be
ing snfficiently acquainted with trigonom
etry to detormine.the fact. 'lie is one of
thoso men who, like the gentle Marcia
‘..tower above their sex," and must always
be called down to their dinner, as eo infor
mation can be imparted to them unless it
be hallooed up ; and tn. conversing with
whom, it is always necessary to begin by
hailing the maintop. There is not, howe
ver, more mateeial in Linkum than enough
for a man of ordinary length. The fault
is in his not being properly made up. He
is abominably wire err wn —stretched out,
an Shakapeare say's, almost to the crack of
doom. It is clear that there has been an
attempt to make too much of him, but the
frame of the idea has not been filled out.
Ile is the streak of a Colossus, and he re•
sembles the willow wand at which Lock-1
sley shot his gray grins, shaft in the lists
of Ashby de la Zouche. The consequence
is, that Linkum is a crank vessel. If he
wore a feather in his cap, he would be cap
sized at every corner; and as it is, he finds
it very difficult to get along on a windy day i
without a paving stone in each coat pocket
to preserve the balance or power. Ile is,
however, of a convivial nature, and will
not refuse his glass, notwithstanding the
aptitude of alCohol to ascend into the brain
and so to encumber it as to render a per
pendicular position troublesome to (teen .
who may be shorter than himself. When
in this condition, his troubles are number
less, and among other matters, he finds it
very difficult to get a clear fall, there being
! in compact cities very little room to spare
for the accommodation of long men tumb
ling down in the world. -
.pne evening Linkom walked forth to a
convivial meeting, and supped with a set
! of jolly companions. Late nt night a ruin
came on, which froze as it fell, and soon
made the city one universal slide sufficient
ly
“glip," for all purposes, without the aid
of saw dust. Of Linktun's sayings and
doings at the redid board, no record.ie pre
served ; but it is inferred that his amuse
ments were not of a nature to qualify him
for the safe performance of a journey so
slippery as that which it was necessary to
undertake to reach home. No lamps were
-lighted, they who were abroad being un•
der the necessity of supposing the moon
shine, and of seeing their way as they
walked or of gathering themselves up when
they fell, by the lantern of imagination.
'Good night, fellers," said Linkum, at
the top of the steps, as the door closed after
bins. He pulled his hat over his eyes de
terminedly, buttoned his coaat with resolu
tion, and sucked at his cigar with that Von ;
energy peculiar to men about to set forth
on their way home on a cold, stormy night.
The fire of the cigar reflected from his
nose was the only illumination to be seen;
an-1 Linkum, puttitig his hands deep into
his pockets, kept his position on the first
step of the six which were between him
and the pavement.
"I've no doubt," said he, as he puffed
forth volumes of smoke, and seemed to
cogitate deeply—"l've not the slightest
doubt that thi; is as beautiful a night as e
ver was; only it's so dark you oan't see
the pattern of it. One night is pretty
much like another night in the dark ; but
it's a great advantage to'a good looking.ev
ening, if the lamps are lit, so you can twig
the stars and the moonshine. The fact is
thet intiis 'ere city, we do grow the black
est moons, and the hardest moons to find,
I ever did sue. Sometimes I'm most dispo
sed to send the bellinan after 'em—or get
a full blooded ',inter to pint 'eta out, while.
I hold a candle to see which way he pints.
It woeldn't be a bud notion on sick aces
mons to ask the inan in the steeple to ring
which way the moon is. Lamps is lamps
and moons is moons, in a business pint of
view, but practically they ain't much if
the wicks ain't afire. When the lumina
ries are, as I may say, in the raw, it's bad
for me. 1 can't see the ground as perfor
ately as little fellers, and every dark night
I'm sure to get a hyst—either a forrerd
hyst or a backerds hyst, or some sort of a
hyst—but more baekerds than forrerds,
'specially in winter. One of the most un•
feeling tricks I knows of, is the way some
folks have got at laughing out, yaw-haw !
when they see a gentleman ketching a rig
gler hyst—a long gentlemen, for instance,
with his legs in the air, and his noddle split
down upon the cold bricks. A hyst of it,
self is bad enough, withont being snigger
ed at ; first, your sconce gets a crack; then
you see all sorts of stars, and have free ad•
mission, to the fireworks; then, you scram
ble up, feeling as if you had no head on
your shoulders, and as if it wasn't you,
but some confounded disagreeable feller in
your clothes ; yet the jacksnipes all grin,
as if the misfortunes of human nature was
only a poppet show., I wouldn't mind it,
if you could get up and look as if you did
n't care. But a man can't rise, after a
royal hyst; without letting on he feels flat.
In suoh cases; however, sympathy is all
gammon ; and as for sensibility ol a win
ter's day, people keep it all for their own
noses, and can't be coaxed to retail it by
the- small."
Linkum pausod to his prophetic dieser.
" LIBERTY AND UNION, NOW AND FOREVER, ONE AND INSEPARABLE. "
HUNTINGDON, PA., WEDNESDAY., MARCH 18, 1857.
tation upan "hysts"—the popular pronun
ciation, in these parts, of the word hoist,
which is used—quasi locus a non lucendo
—to convey the idea of the most complete
tumble which man can experience. A fall,
for instance, is indeterminate. It may be
an easy slip down—a gentle visitation of
mother earth ; but a hyst is a rapid, forci
ble performance. which may be done,, as
Linkum observes, either backward or for
ward, but of necessity with such violence
as to knock the breath out of the body, or
it is unworthy of the noble appellation of
hyst. It is an apt, but figurative mode of
expression, and it is often carried still fur
ther ; for people sometimes .say, "lower
him up, and hyst him down."
Our hero held on firmly to the railing,
and peered keenly into the darkness with
out discovering any ooject on which hip
vision could rest. The gloom was sub
stantial. It required sharper eyes than his
to bore a hole in it. The wind was up,
and the storm continued to coat the steps
,and pavements with a sheet of ice.
'lt's raining friz potatoes,' observed Lin
kum ; "I feel 'em, though I can't see 'em,
bumping the end of my nose ; so I must
litv•ry home as fast as I can."
fiqedless and hapless youth! He made.
a vain attempt to descend, but, slipping,
he came in a sitting posture upon the top
step, and, in that attitude, flew down like
lightning—bump ! bump ! bump !
The impetus he had acquired prevented
hint from stopping on the sidewalk, not
withstanding his convulsive efforts to clutch
the icy bricks, find he Bkuted into the gut
ter, whizzing over the curbstsne, and spla
shing into the Water, like a young Niaga
ra.
A deep silence ensued, broken solely by
the pattering of the rain and the howling
of the wind. Linkum was an exhausted
receiver the hyst was perfect, the breath
being completely knocked out of hint.
"Laws•a•massy !" at length he panted,
'ketching" breath at intervals, s and twist
ing about as if in pain ; my eyes ! sich
a hyst! Sich a quantity of hysts all in one!
The life's almost bu nted out of rue, and
I'm jammed up so tight, I don't believe hem
so tall by six Inches as I WWI before. I'm
druv' up and clinched, and have to get
tucks in my trowsers."
Linkum sat still, ruminating on the car
tailinent of his fair proportions. and made
no effort to rise. The door soon opened a
gain, and Mr. Broad Brevis came forth, at
which a low, suppressed chuckle wits ut
tered by Linkum, as he looked. over his
shoulder, anticipating "a quantity of hysts
all in one" for the new comer, whose fig
ure, however,—short and stout—was much
better calculated for the operation than
Linkum's. But Brevis seemed to suspect
that . the sliding was good, and the skating
magnificent.
"No, you don't!" quoth he, as he tried
the step with one foot, and recovered him
self ; have'nt seen the Alleghany Port
age milt inclined planes for nothing. It
takes me to diminish the friction, and save
the wear and tear."
So saying, he quietly tucked up his coat
tails, and sitting down upon the mat which
he grasped with both *hand,, gave himself
a gentle impulse, crying "All aboard!" and
slid slowly but majestically dawn. As he
came to the plain sailing across the pave
ment, he twanged forth ..'ra-ra.ta-ia.ta.ra
tra.a-a !" in excellent imitation of the post
horn, and brought up against Linkum.—
"Clear the course for the express mail, or
VII report you to the department!" roared
Brevis, trumpeting tho ..alarum," so well
known to all who have seen a tragedy,—
"'l'ra.tretra•ta•ra tra-a-a !"
's queer fun, anyhow,'•said a care
ful wayfarer, turning the corner, with lan
tern in hand, atid sock on foot, wto, after
a'short parley, was induced to set the gen
tlemen do their pins. First planting Bre
vis against the pump, who sang ''Let me
lean on thee," from the Sonnambula, to
prime style, he undertook to lift up Link-
UM.
" , Well," observed the stranger, "this is
a chap without no cad .to him—he'd be
pretty long a drowning, any how. If there
Was many more like him in the gutters, it
would be better to get a windlass, an' wind
'em ups. I never see'd a man with so much
slack. The corporation ought to buy him,
starch I - 7im up stiff, cut a hole for a .clock
in his hat, and use him for a steeple ; on.
jy Downing wouldn't like to trust himself
on the top of such a ricketty concern.—
Neighbor, sliall I fetch the llumgno Soci
ety's apparatus 1"
"No—l ain't drownded, only bumped
sewers. The curbstones have touched my
feclinks. I'm all over like a map—blue,
red, and green."
"Now," said their friendly assistant
grinning at the joke, and at the recompense
he had received for the job, "now you two
hook on to one another, like Siaineses, and
mosey. You've only got to turntle one a
top of t'other, and it won't hurt. Tortle
off—it's slick going—'speciatly if you're
going down. Push ahead!" continued he
as he bitched them together ; and away
they went, a pair of slippers, arm in arm.
Many were their tumbles and many their
inischances before they reached their se
lected resting place.
"I can't stand this," said Linkum to his
companiv, as they were slipping and fal
ling ; "but it's mostly owing to my being
so tall, I wish I was razee'd, and then it
wouldn't happen. The awning posts al
most knock the head off me ; l'm always
tumbling over wheelbarrows, dogs, and
children, because, if I look down, I'm cer
tain to knock my noddle against something
above. It's a complete nuisance to be so
tall. Beds are too short ; if you go to a
tea-fight, the people are always tumbling
over your trotters, and breaking their no
ses, which is what young ladies ain't par
tial to ; and if you tipple too much toddy
of a slippery night—about as easy a thing
to do as you'd wish to try--you're sure to
get a hyst a square long—just such a one
j as I've had. If I'd thought of it, I could
have said the multiplication table while I
was going the figure. Stumpy chaps.
j such 'as you, aint got no troubles in this
I world.'
'That's all you know about it,' pulled
Brevis, as Linkum alternately jerked him
from his feet, and then caused hint to slide
in the opposite direction, with his heels
ploughing
. the ice, like a shaft horse hold
ing buck : ''phew ! That's all you know
about it—stumpies have troubles.'
can't borrow coats,' added Linkum,
soliloquizing, 'because I don't like cuffs at
the elbows. I can't borrow pants, because'
it isn't the fashion to wear knee-breeches,
and my stockings are socks. I can't hide
when anybody owes me a lambasting.
You cuts sue me a mile. When I sit by the
• j fire, 1 can't get near enough to warm my
body, without burning my knees; and in
! a stage-coach, there's no rosin between the
benches, and the way you get the cramp
----don't mention it.'
'I don't' know nothing an et ail tiles&
things; but to imagine I was a tall chap"
'Don't try ; you'll bur yourself, for it's
a great stretch of imagination for a little
feller to do that.'
After which amicable colloquy, nothing
more was heard of theta, except that, be
fore retiring to rest, they chuckled over
..the idea that the coming spring would
sweat the ice to death for the annoyance
I I it had caused them. But ever while they
live, will they remember 'the night cf the
hysts.'
ilopular
;SZAttf.s:
Over the mountain, and over the MOW',
Comes the sad wailing of many a poor slave;
The father, the mother, and children are poor,
And they grieve for the day their freedom to
Lave.
Pity, kind gentlemen. friends of humanity,
Cold is the world to the cries of God's poor,
Give us our freedom, ye friends of equality,
Give us our rights, for we ask nothing More.
Call us not indolent, vile and degraded,
White men have robbed us of all we hold
dear ;
Parents and children, the young and the aged,
Are scourged by the lash of the r ugh over
seer.
Pity, kind gentlemen, Lc.
Aud God in his mercy shall crown your endea•
TM,
The glory of heaven shall be your reword,
The promise of Jesus to you shall be given,
"late•, ye faithful, the joy of our Lord."
Then pity, kind gentlemen, &e.
4 6Bott *ling
DRESSING BEFORE GIRGN !
A PAINFUL PREDIt ANENT.
Lewiston Falls, Maine, is a place, it is!
You can't exactly find it on the map, for
it has been located and incorporated since
Mitchell's last; but it's there, a manufactu
ring city, with' bunks, barber shops, and
all the fixtures and appurtenances of a lo
comotive, going ahead, Yankee settlement.
Just about the newyst thing in the new
city is a, new clothing store, that .riz up,'
'rained down,' lately, on the Jonah's gourd
or Aladdin's palace principle, and which,
by the same mysterious dispepsation, be
came endowed with the cutest Yankee
salesman that the Dirge State ever turned
out.
The other day, an up river young 'un.
who is about to forsake father and mother,
and cleave unto Nancy Ann, came (town
to get his suit, and was, of course, 'bound'
to find his way into the new clothing store.
Not that he swaggered in with the easy
swagger of the town-bred searcher of cheap
clothing, for the verdant was tolerably
fresh on hint yet, and he stopped to give a
_
knock at the door.
Ho had effected an entrance at the grist
mill at the Journal office, where he had
been doing business in the some unobtru-
sive manner, and the boys agreed that
Mr. Nehemiah Newbegin was from the
'Gulley,' and was paying his virgin visit
to Pekin. Nehemiah was let in 'immejit.
ly,' and was delighted with the cordial re.
ception he met with.
The proprietors were ready to forward
his suit at once, if they saw 'fit' or they
take measure and furnish him to order.
Nehemiah drew a handbill from the top
of his hat, and spread it on his knees for
easy reference. I: was headed in Gothic
letters, 'Winter Clothing at Cost,' and sta
ted that in Consequence of the mildness of
the season, over five thousand dollars worth
of ready made clothing was to be closed up
and sold at an 'Enormous Sacrifice I' A
list of prices followed, and Nehemiah run
ning his short, stumpy finger down the
column, lit on a particular item.
'Say—ye got envy of these blew cotes
left, at five dollars ?'
'Smith, are there any of those cheap
coats left ?' inquired the polite Mark of his
partner. 'We sold the last one this morn•
ing, did we not 1'
Smith understood the cheap clothing
business, and answered promptly :
'All gone, sir.'
'Jest's as [expected,' murmured the dis
appointed candidate; 'dernation seize't ell!
I told dril they'd all be gone !'
'We have a very superior article for ten
dollars.'
"l'en dollars? that's an all-fired price for
a cote ?'
.We can make you one to order,'
'Y-e s ! but I want it now—want it right
straight oft—the (tot is, Squire, I must
have k I'
'You'd find those very cheap at ton dol
lars.'
!Dunne 'baout it ! say v'ye got enny of
those dewrahle doeskin trotvsers left at tew
'ern all tew, I expect, hain't
yet'
Fortunately there were a few left, and
Nehemiah was open for a trade, but acting
on the instinct of the Newbegins, it must
be a dibker.
'Dew you ever take projucu for your
clothing ?'
•
Take what ?'
'Projuce—garden sass and side, don't
do it, dew yew ?'
'Well, occasionally wo do, what have
you to sell ?'
'Oh, almost anything; little of every.
thing, frost marrowfat pens to rye straw;
got the allkillinest dried' pumpkins you
ever sot your eyes on,—'xpect neow, you'd
like some of thal d 4.1 minions, squire ?'
Murk declined negotiatiating for the
dried punkin; but inquired if ho had any
good butter.
G o•o•d butter! now squire, I expect,
I've got some of the nicest and yallerest
you ever sot your eyes on; got some ecut
here now—got some in , a shooger box, out
in dud's wagon ; brought it down for Ker
nel Waldron, bar k yeou can have it ;
bring it rite strata in here, darned of I.
don't !'
On the strength of the butter, a dicker
was speedily contracted, for which Nehe
miah was put in immediate and absolute
possession of a coat, vest and pants, of a
good material and fit
'Now, then,' said Mark, 'what kind of a
coat will you have P
reckon I'll have a blue 'tin,'
Yes, but what kind—a dress coat V
'Certainly, squire, certainly—jest what
I want a coat for to dress in.'
'Alt, exactly, just look at those plates,'
pointing to the fashion plates in the win
dow; and see what style you fancy.'
'0 darn your plates—don't want any
crockery ; 'spect Nancy has got the allkil
linest lot of arthenware you ever sot eyes
ou.
Yes, I see ; just step this way, then,
stud I think 1 can accommodate you.'
Nehemiah soon selected a nice blue
coat, and a vest of green, but was more
fastidious in his choice of the punts, those
crowning glories of his now suit. Ho ap
peared to indulge a weakness for long pan
taloons, and complained that ids last pair
had troubled him exceedingly, or, ache
expressed it, ‘blamedly,' by hitching up
over his boots, and wrinkling about the
knees.
Nelidmiah delved away impetuously a
mid a stock of two or three hundred pair
of lengthy ones, real blazers, with wide
yellow stripes running each way. Neb.
iniah snaked thorn out in a twinkling. He
liked them—they were long and yellow,
just the thing, and he proceeded at once
to put them on. The new clothing store
.had a corner curtained off for the purpose,
and Nehemiah was speedily closed therein.
The pants had straps, and the straps
were buttoned. Now Nehemiah had seen
straps before, but the art of managin' them
was a mystery. On consideration he do.
cided that the boots must go on first. Ire
then mounted -a chair, elevated his pants
at a proper onele, and endeavored to coax
his legs into them.
He had a time of it. His boots were
none of the smallest, and the pants were
none of the widest; the chair, too, was
rickety, and bothered him ; but bending
hil engy to the task, he succeeded in in
ducing one leg into the 'pesky things.'—
He was straddled like the Colossus of
Rhodes ; and just in the act of raising the
other foot, when whispering and giggling
in his immediate vicinity, made him alive',
to the appalling fact, that nothing but, a
chintz curtain separated him from twenty
or thirty of the prettiest and wickedest
girls that were ever ranged in one shop,
Nehemiah was a bashful youth, and
would have made a circumbendibus of a
mile any day, rather than meet those girls
even if he had been in full dress; as it was
his mouth was much ajar at the bare pos•
sibility of making his appearance among
them in his present dishabille. What if
there wus a hole in the curtain ? What if
he should fall ?
It wouldn't bear thinking of, and plung
ing the foot Into the vacant leg with a sort
of frantic looseness, he brought on the very
catastrophe he was so anxious to avoid,
The chair collapsed with a sudden scrouch,
pitching Nehemiah heels over bead thro'
the curtain, and lie made u grand entrance
among the stitching divinities on all fours
like a fattened rhinoceros.
Perhaps Collier himself never exhibited
a more striking tableau vivant than was
now displayed. Nehemiah was a 'model'
every inch of him, and though not exactly
revolving on a pedestal, he was going thro'
that movement quite as well on his back—
kicking and plunging, in short personifying
in thirty seconds all attitudes ever chis
eled ! As for the gals, they screamed of
course, Jumped up on cite& and cutting,
boards, threw their hands over their faces,
peeped through their fingers, perfectly na
tural l—screamed agatn, and declared they
should die—they knew they should !
.0, Lord ! blubbered the distressed young
man i 'don't, gals, don't ! I didn't go tew,
I swan to man 1 didn't,--it's all owing to
these cussed trowsers—ev'ry mite on't,
ask your boss, he'll tell you how it was.
0, Lord ! won't nobody kiver me up with
old clothes, or turn the wood-hex over me
0, Moses in the bulrushes, whut will Nan-
w ,
cy say?'
He managed to raise himself on his feet,
and nude a bold plunge towards the door;
btu the entangling alliauces tripped hits
again, and he fell kerslap upon the goose
of the pressman. This was the unkindest
cut of all. The goose had been heated
expressly for thick cloth seams, and the
way it sizzed in the seat of the new pants
was afflicting to the bearer. Nehemiah
riz in an instant, and seizing the source of
all his troubles by the slack, he tore him
self front all save the straps and some frag-
Ments that hung about his al:cies, us he
dashed through the 'Emporium at a'2:4o
rate, and 'made tracks' for hum.
The Dutch Widower.
"Mine troy vos no better us she ort to
be till shust befuru she diet ; then she vas
so good as before," remarked Mr. Vander
hoard to his neighbor.
"Your wife was an amiable woman,
and ynu do great injustice to her memory,"
said Mr. Pluggins. •
"Vel, vat you know so much about
mine Prow ?"
I was not immediately acquainted with
her, but I ant sure that all her acquintan
nes loved her.
6, Vot right had they to love her? May
be—
" May be what ?"
"May be you love mine Prow, too."
"Why do you speak so strangely !"
"Vy, von day a pig man shunt like you
canto into our house and kissed mine kow
right before her face."
"Were you present at the time ?"
"to pe sure I vos."
"Well, what did you do ?"
"I kicked !tint right pehind his pack."
"Did be resent it ?"
"Yaw, he broke me and te looking glass
and all the rest of the crockery in te house
ce?t the fodder ped, int* tam smash r ,
"What did you do then ?"
'Then I cried muter! muter! muter !
and I called for the shudge, and to shury
and to te poleice office and to constoble to
come and he rued avey ?"
"Do you intend to charge the with ta-
FOL. XXII. NO. 11.
king such unwarrantable liberties with
the companion of your bosom ?"
, 'Ale no charge nothing for it now, pe
cause she pe tead and perried."
"I will not allow you to make such in
sinuations. You are an old tyrant, and
everybody said you was glad your wife di
ed."
"Everypodypo one tarn liar."
"I saw no symptoms of sorrow.
Me felt more wosht tan if my best cow
had Lied
"Your cow ! What a comparison !
"She vos a great loss—a heavy loss—
for she was pig as dat, (spreading out his
arm) and she weighed more tan two bun-.
dred pounds."
"Look out old man or you will see
trouble—l doubt if your wife was ever
kissed by any man after her marriage.—
At all events you inusi apologise for what
you have said of me."
"Vot is pologise ?" -
"You must beg my pardon ana say you
are sorry; if you do not I will enter a
complaint against you, and have you ar
rested."
pe sorry ten."
Sorry for what V
"Sorry you kissed mine Prow."
"You Incorrigible idiot ! Thai is not
what you must say, for I hover did such a
thing in my life.
"Must I say pc sorry that you 'never do
such a thing ?"
•
“No—you must take back What you
have said."
While the Dutchman was in this dilem
ma, his friend Hans Hamburger came a
long and finally succeeded in reconciling
the parties, when the trio adjourned to a
neighboring coffee house.
Quter
Wu/qt.—Three small boys went into an spa
tkocary's stare a few days since, when tho youtk
A cent's worth of rock candy ?''
Don% sell a cent's worth," was the 144
- _ .
The boys adjournedoutside, and held a con•
sultation, and then entered, all smiling.
"Du you sell three cents' worth V'
willAtell.threo cents' worth,"
we don't want any," was the quick re,
;posse, us the , boys left the store.
.Iloops in Me Olden Thee.—The following
lines are copied front an old magauine :
"Ye white hridLd widows, young virgins and old
Who wear hooped petticoats, we take it fin
granted,
(Indeed, the moo is so plain, that we need not he
told,)
'Tin the true swell of nature alone that in
wanted."
t . tit'‘At a laic public Meeting tho following
',lcy" toast was given. The author will get
"buttered" when he reaches home :
The Press—the Pulpit—arid Petticoats; the
three riding powers of the day. The first spreads
knowledge, the second morals, the last spreads
—considerably.
Sltir• The editor of the Nebraska News, says
a green member in their Legislature, on the
day of organization, said—Mr. Speaker, I move
that u ,we vote vice versa. The house roared:—
the member not understanding what it meant,
asked—"was i not that in order ? I don't know
rinthing about these d—d parliamentary
rules.
26y. Some editor says that '•the destiny of
the world often hadgs on the smallest`trifies.—
A little miff between Chates Bonaparte and
his love Ketetia, might luv broken off a mar
riage which gave birth to Napoleon and the
battle of Waterloo." yes, that's a foe'. Sup.
pose a little miff bad taken place between Ad
amant] Eve ; what then?
SrarA lady once remarked to Chrles Lamb
that she did not care for him three skips cf a
louse. The witty gentleman at once took w
card and wrote and handed her the following
A lady once told me, and in her own house,
That she eared not for me three skips of a louse;
I forgaVe the deur creature for what she had said
For ladies will talk of what caw in their head.
kir A noted politician was recently caught
by a friend perusing the Scriptures. Upon as.
king hint what particular portion of the good
book Le had selected for examination, ho repli.
ed : 'I am reading the story abcut loaves and
fishes.'
Arrr"There is a woman at the bottom
ery mischief," mid Joe. "Yes," replied Char.
ley, "when I used ro get into mischief, my ins
titer wns at the bottom of me. But it never
did sny good—it only taught me to cheat and'
lie like the devil."
X 012.1 "An' will ye be Lather telling what kind
o' baste ye call this?" said a newly arrived Irish.
into, holding up a wasp between his thumb and
linger. "Och, murder 1 spake quick, for he's
biting me 1"
.1 Riddle—
Between a thick got hedge of bones,
A small rod dog now harks, now moans.
•:luna .toasun au,
I onNuol Inman( v„
A Scene in New nrk.—Shopkeeper—"Hul.
10, there ; here—you nigger, what are you do
ing with those boots ?" l'so only jos' ta
kin"um away." - Shopkeeper—" Taking
away, you scoundrel, don't you know that
stool tng V "Be koelltd, manna, how you 'cuag
din niggn oh stenlin'. Pao morally insane