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WILLIAM BREWSTER, EDITORS.
SAM. G. WHITTAKER,
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I Reach My Home as Evening Dies.
I reach my home as evening dies,
And oh I what glances meet my own
-41 laughing girl with eager eyes,
The sweetest stars that ever shone ;
An angel of mirth and grace,
With fairy feet and heavenly face.
I muse I.sido the cheerful fire,
And eicture faces now no more,
As fancies never cease to tire,
But bring me back the scenes of yore
'(he village green, the tiny stream,
That flit before me like a dream.
And everything resplendent beams,
No sorrows o'er my musinys roll,
Earl, moment with a treasure diems,
And realms of gold entrance my soul,
While Eden's path lies at my feet,
My heart feels heaven at every beat.
My smiling angel ulimbs my knee,
And nought around my gladness mar.; ;
l ler sunny word:; gush fresh and free,
And opulent us Italian stars
-1 it it her littlu lips of
Aud shyly woos the vein:red kiss
I watch her earnest mile,
All meatball with dimples as it grows,
With not a trace of earthly guile,
While all its rosy radiance throws
A blush like stuninerun toy cheek
The more it plays the less I speak.
And lore's rich heaven goes floating by,
pleasure wears II deeper hut: ;
Lends in an autumnal Ay,
uh tillUi Or gold and paths of blue;
fhe suesets lion a Sorter Ham,
And poetry a higher claim.
t hula communion most divine,
And clasp my darling to my breast ;
While 'tureen her curls her beauties
.\u.l UCH closed 111 delicious rest
I'uic it daisy on the suit,
Whew dewy heart reflects its God.
AN IRISH Wunma.--Last week sonic
medical officers wore called upon to exam
ine the situation auntie Irish inhabit:tate,
Atuated at the bottom of Westgate Leeds.
One of the medical men asked the mis
:u:ss of these houses :
'Why don't you keep It cleaner!'
The reply matte by the woinan was
hat she was a poor widow and uouldu't
, Ilow loop, have you beau a widow?' as.
1.L.1 LI, 11,,111.
, sulo cuough, your honor, fur throe
.01 what complaint did yuui
I SEE NO STAR ABOVE THE BORIZON, DaO3IISINO LIGHT TO QUIRE UE, BUT THE INTELLIED,y, PATRIOTIC, UNITED Wow PARTY OF TILE UNITED STATES.".
A LAY SERMON.
"For when yo ought to be teachers, yo have
need that one tench you ; and are become such
as have need of milk."•—llcb. v. 12.
I have often thought, my reverend breth
ren, that religious teachers, whose employ
ment is teaching others, too frequently, if
not always, stand in need of preaching ad
dressed to themselves. , 'They have need
that one teach them." If a lay preacher
were employed to write and deliver ser
mons particularly adapted to their wants,
to their peculiar defects and infirmities,
once in a week, he Would be as useful,
and do ns much good as any minister who
pretends to teach the laity every Sunday.
Ministers have great faults, which almost
invaaably result front their profession,
and the peculiar routine of their employ
They are always occupied in detecting
and exposing the faults of others ; but they
never hear of their own faults. A certain
customary reserve and affected deference
towards them, even when thdy aro young,
simple, and comparatively ignorant, and
this even from old and learned men of oth
er professions, makes them arrogant and
dogmatical, and is apt to pull them up with
the vain notion that they are really infalli
ble, or, at least, in wisdom and knowledge
far in advance of most other persons. But,
my brethren, this is not the case. This
very deference and reserve is the surest
way to prevent the acquisition of knowl
edge and the enlargement of the intellect.
Bold opposition would teach us our faults
and defects, our errors and ignorances, our
false conclusions and logical infirmities.
the pulpit, there is, unfortunately,, no
opposition, no contradiction. Not only
custom, but the law itself forbids it. Eve
ry thing, however weak and absurd, is
quietly heard at the time ; and politeness
exacts, that afterwards no.criticisms and
exposures should be made to the preacher
in conversation. If, after a sermon, lie
should meet company nt dinner, or, in the.
evening, at a meeting of religious convene
and discussion, it would be a strange thing
for him to hear his sermon reviewed, or his
' contested'. Thus ignorance and
prejudice remain fixed, and feeble seltcon
ccit runs up like a weak plant in the
It is not so with lawyers. They arc con•
smutty exposed to criticism, to opposition,
to the detection and exposure of ignorance,
false reasoning, and every species of 111011-
weakness. Property of clients, increase
business, professional reputation, schemes
of ambition, all are dependent on logical
acuteness, thorough knowledge, std intel
lectual strength. No politeness, no re -
serve, no affected deference will screen
the ignorant, the indolent, the weak lawyer
&old overthrow and disgrace. But this
very opposition, this rough, unfeeling dis
cipline, will, in time, if it be wisely impro.
ved ; impart strength and ability, and raise
him to respectability if not to eminence.—
Such is not often the minister's lot. Un
opposed, he becomes more and more self
sufficient and dogmatical. All his first or
airs arc retained, end he is daily falling in•
to new ones. The pulpit, perhaps, is the
very worst logical school.
Another misfortune of a minister is, that
he associates mostly with the women.—
' The ladies of his society, usually strive to
outdo each other in their attentions to him,
and their influence over !din. Ile must
attend their rming circles and other be
nevolent coteries, and is to be consulted by
them is their constitution, management,
and ways and moans. /du must stake his
appearance at their evening parties, and
converse with every lady present. Ile
must make his daily calls en some ono or
uwru el the family of his charge, and there
lie rarely meets any but females. This
is net all. 'rho men who collect around
the minister, though often good and pious
ate such as are sometimes called "old wo
men." Their intellects have a feminine
character. They are more under the influ
once of feeling and imagination than reason
In short ministers urn so touch in the
society of ladies, and lady like men, and
are comparatively so little in that of well
educated, superior mos, that their hod.
eta becomes feminine by habit. Conse
quently their pulpit discourses are loose,
illogical, common-pluce and uninteresting.
' Their statements are stale and fr.:quently
unfounded, and have been repeatedly
shown to be so ; and their arguments are
weak, inconclusive, and probably such as
have again and again been employed, and
as often refuted. If ministers would be
sound, efficient and respectable in the pql.
pit, the y inorta:,,ociute much with laymen
of stroug ore mtd and solid knowledge,
and discuss. important qucstams freely with
HUNTINGDON, PA., WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 22, 1855.
professional books, and the old arguments,
but they must read the opposite side, and
learn how such supposed facts and old ar
guments have been answered. They
should study not only the theological
works of other sects, but the controversial
writings of the most able and learned deist
also. In quoting scriptural authorities in
support of any theological or moral point
they should cite them fairly, candidly,
and according to the trite and rational
meaning shown by the context. They
should not blindly content themselves with
taking mechanically such as are in ele
mentary works, or in old books, but such
as are satisfactory Mid convincing to their
minds, and not easily shown to be inappli
cable, vague, and inclusive.
In short, ministers must be honest, intel
ligent end intellectual; not having recourse
to weak sophistry and unsupported state
ments, under the belief that their audien
ces have not knowledge or un,,derstanding
enough to detect such attempted imposi
tions. It is not uncotnmou that a large
portion of the hearers are better informed,
and possess more logical acuteness, titan
the preacher himself.
I forbear, my brethren, to mention other
dangers and disadvantages, too often ari
sing from the intimacy and sympathy ex
isting between a minister and his fair pa
rishioners. I may recur to them on a fit.
Wives and Daughters•
A cotemporray, who is somewhat postod
up in satin and statistics, talks as follows :
"While the business mon of America
proverbially live poorer, dress shabbier,
work harder, and many more hours, than
in any other country in the world, their
wives and daughters are ten times more
idle, more extravagant, and more use
It strikos us them is ,ome truth in that
extract. Mr. Brocha, of the house of I3ro.
ohs; Buckram & Co., toils front twelve to
sixteen hours per day. Brocha last year
made *22,000. What becomes of it 'Pen
thousand dollars of the same were spent
by Sits. Brocha for new furniture, 'to spite
the Maxwells,' while a large portion of the
!:glance was expended on .Blauche and
Sarah,' so Out they might go to Newport,
and 'show the Fantadlings' that there were
other diamonds in Yew York besides those
which were inherited from a great-grand
father, 1010 found in Wilt a princely for
tune and a diseased liver. Brocha hat)
been in business since 15-10. Ho does a
large and lucrative business. People who
'nave never been iu his parlor and kitchen
imagine that Brocha is worth it quarter of
a million of dollars, while those who have
beets in, wonder how he dodges the Sher
iff. Brocha is still toiling, and is still ma
king money, and yet, if he should die to.
morrow ; it is questionable whether his as
sets would equal his liabilities. Brocha
will 'probably end his days by testing the
virtue of a shilling's worth of strychnine.
Should we be site of the jurors who sit
upon-the body, VAS should bring in the fol
lowing verdict :—.Died from the visita
tion of an extravagant wife and two sense•
Dirs. Partington on Propriety.
'What a study fur a sculpin said Mrs.
Partington on board the Chelsea ferry boat,
as she saw a row of nude boys standing
on a raft near the ferry, awaiting the mo
ment to take a plunge. Their clear cuti
cle gleaming in t h e sun, and muscular
beauty nod youthful grace were revealed
in every line. 'What a study for a scalp
in ! and how I love to sue the little dears
so enjoying themselves.' 'Little (leas
said old Roger, touching the Brahmin, '1
should call them little bears P The Brah
min, who was familiar with such scenes on
the banks of the Ganges, said not a word.
'How shockingly improper !' said Miss
Prim, turning awry her eyes, 'don't you
think it very improper, Mrs. Partiugton 1'
Mrs. I'. looked again. 'Well,' said she,
didn't see it was, till you spoke of it ;
perhaps it is ; but may be the poor child is
crippled.' I mean the propriety of going
into the water before folks,' persisted Miss
Print. 'Oh, that is quite another thing,'
said llrs. P., smiling, 'and depends upon
how we look upon it. If the boys don't
have any idea of impropriety, I don't see
why we should have. If our own minds
are pup we would sue no impurity.—
This is a queer world, where we swallow
mountains of impropriety in private, and
choke at a burn little boy.". She took a
pinch of snuff as Miss Prim went into dip
cabin, mid Ike stood longingly looking at
the boys, its they plunged like frogs be
neath the surhic.:, lituke two button
hunt his jacket, halt kirgLifid, he (dud
Is it so 1
Somebody—we don't kno t : , who, and it
makes no chili:twee—dins Nevis young
men to beware of the mulct,
Young man keep yotr eye peeled
when you arc after the wenten ! Is the
pretty dress or form attrt:7ti re ! Or a
pretty face, even 1 Flounc r, boy, aro of
no consequence. A preci face will
grow old. Paint will tva,tl off. Thu
sweet smile of the flirt will give way to
the scowl of the termagant, The neat
form will be pitched into cal Another
and far different being will '!co the place
of the lovely goddess who sot es sweet and
eats your candy. Keep yo , eye peeled,
boy, when you are alter th— women. If
the little dear is cross and ,o icolds at her
mother in the back room, yovnay he sure
that you will get particular f.; around the
house. If she apologizes for washing
dishes, you will need a girl fawher.—
If she blushes when found t the wash
tub, be sure that she is of the codfish aris
tocracy, little breeding and little sense.—
If you marry a girl who knows nothing but
to commit woman-slaughter on.the piano
you have the poorest piece of musio ever
got up. Find one whose mind is right,
then pitch is. Don't be hanging around
like a sheep, as though you were ashamed
to be seen in the day-time, but walk up like
a chicken to the dough, and ask for the ar
ticle like a man.
What do You Work For?
This meets the eye immersed in I'm-
ness, and eager in the pursuit of gain.—
You have laid your plates so cheerfully
and sagaciously, that you are sure of the
result. Others may fail but wealth will
find you rich and prosperous. Now you
are toiling day by day. Early and late
you ply your busy task, and scarcely have •
time for any other tho'ts elan those which
concern our business. But you du not
mean to be always thus harrraesed !
When you reach a position that shall have
placed you beyond the contingencies et
trade, you will inure mon:, leisu rely.—
Then you take your etts.% Yuu will
not cease to labor, but you twit vary you:
toils by enure enjoyments. -.Your riches,
however, will be progressive—they will
accumulate until they have reached the
sum you have already proposed as the ut
most or your desires. This gained, you
will labor no longer. Your money shall
purchase all that your desire, or your wish.
Caro shall thee be banished, and stalely
exiled as intrude upon your happiness.—
The decline of life shall find you without
an anxious thought for yourself or your
fussily, and suriounded by everythmg that
can make you condonable. But, my dear
friend, alter that you must die. That
cannot be avoided. Wealth cart purchase
no exemption front this final destiny. It
may buy everything else, but it cannot
bribe death. [low wretched will your
condition that be, if you leave prepared
for everything else, and not fur this—if
you have surveyed the journey of life, and
made provisions fur all its wants, but have
never cast your eye forward to eternity, or
sought to make your peace with Clod !
As this must be the end, what trill it profit
you to gain the whole world and lose your
The Leaning Tower at Pisa.
"Thu Leaning 'fewer was still there,
and it certainly leans more, appreciably,
than the picture represents. This curios
ity of architeetu re is perhaps, better known
than any other to persons who have never
traveled, nod yet not ono outof a hundred
to whom the Leaning Tower of Pisa is
familiar by name, can tell for what pur
pose it was built. It is nothinq its the
world but the the belfry of the Cathedral,
by whose side it stands, and front which it
is separated by a toad. The ancient sp.
tent was to make two separate construe.
tions of the church and the belkower.—
Thu mwders have improved upon this
plan, by clapping the spire on top of the
edifice to which it belongs. Thu whole
mission of the tall Campanil of Pisa, is
accomplished when a couple of ropes are
carried up by it to the chime which swings
at the summit. It is entirely hollow and cyl
indrical, the walls being just thick enough
to admit of a winding staircase. The top
is as dangerous a place as I ever remem
ber to have sects, and I doubt whether a
person of ony disposition to giddiness
could get safely round the exterior edge,
unprotected as it is by railing or bolus
Gums Ilateus.—Ono of our smart city
urchins, hearing iris fakhor read an arti
cle in dm paper in relation to a new inven
tint at I ricl,a ut :;lass Wicks exclaimed,
! 1 know what theta
, •W hat me rimy ?" inquired one el the
. . .
Will Lager Bier Intoxicate?
Lager Therappears to have got into
the heads of people all over the country
since the Temperance movement began,
nothwithstanding the assertion that it will
not intoxicate, and, as one evidence of the
fact, we subjoin a metrical effusion, which
was sung by the Newport Glee Club, at 4
barbecue given by the American party
in Campbell county, Kentucky.
Atn.—".filitin and Ditcm,
Fill 'eel up, fill 'eta up, fill 'cm up here,
Swi glass lager uut try glass bier. (Repeat)
Der Ditcher gutepany is D. geed gumpany
Ash every maid from Yatmany. (Repeat.)
Up 111141 der wino not down wit der or.
Don't care nix for tlmnbronee here. (Repot.)
Per Ditcher drinks schnaps, tint der Yankees
Cut der Kentucky boys aro pumpkin, some.
Der lemlinns coming sure, Ditchers go to
For Tumuli L. Jones, ant der man call Swope.
Dcr Ditcher bees a Democrat, Ws food of der
Dut ho doesn't like Sagnicbts—be doesn't like
dor Clark. (Repoli.)
We Ditchers loved Lim•, out we lovos good
Unt nil good Ditchers will vote for Morehead.
COULDN'T Oi'r Ilm—The following is
from tho last number of the Southern Mil
itary Gazette. It reads like one of iloop.
Old John Stirchem was for many years
known as one of the shrewdest men about
Montgomery. In fact, there were many
persons who did not hesitate to say that
his shrewdness was nothing but rascality.
The chief peculiarity of John was that he
could prove anything under the face of ,
the heavens,ilhe chose to do so, in a court.
of justice. Even the lawyers got to be af
raid ()Phial. One of their number had a
note for $lOO, on old John, and for Solon
time he was afraid to sue on it, lest John
should prove a set off of some sort against
it, although there tons nothing of the sort'
existing in rerility. A bright thought oc
curred to Greo,bag. lie would sue in ,
the mum of Peter Squizlefanter, and as no
such man ever existed it would be difficult
to show that he ever owed 9archem any
thing. He did so. At the trial Sarehem
proved by three witnesses that Peter
Squizloranter was an old , residenter,' and
Wag inffibted to hull the said John, at the
time of the supposed transfer of thy note,
and continually since, in a sum double the
a»tount due on it I Nobody ever 'took
issue" with Sarchein after that !
Tun I.3,orTut OF BOVNE.--0410 hundred
and sixty five years ago viz , on July Ist.,
1600, William, Prince of Orange, with a
Protestant army, defeated the Irish Cath
olic forces under Janus 11, ou the banks
of the ricer I3oyne, in Ireland. It was a
bloody battle, and the Catholic army lost
1500 mon in killed and wounded, besides
many prisoners. The Protestants follow
ed up their victory with great ardor, and
James was compelled to leave the country
In this memorable battle the Duke of
Schomberg, at that time the most celebra
ted commander in Europe, was killed.—
The Catholic prisoners were, many of
them, .cropped," or notched in the ear,
by the Orangemen, and two tunes inven
ted, called "Croppiea lie down" and
~B ollne Water," and to this day they ne
ver fail to arouse, when played, the stron
gest passions an,l the fiercest anger of
the Roman Catholics.
Upon the pages of history the Battle of
Boyne bears a conspicuous place, and it
was one of the proudest victories of that
great man, William, Prince of Orange, the
defender of the Protestant faith, and the
preserver of the liberties of England.
Tim MY PARJERS7LA Paris ((lie.) pa
tells a good story of two boys, one thir
teen, and the other eleven, who on account'
of the illness of their father, were left to
work the farm. They thoroughly plough.
ed and cross ploughed three acres of rath
er rough ground, which they then sowed
and then harrowed it three times over.
They also a,sisted in clearing one acre of
new land, which was sown with wheat.--
It grew well, especially that first sown,
but at harvest the father being still sick,
there were none to gather the grain but
these two little lads. Having neither
strength or skill to use the cradle, they
grasped the sickle with a resolute hand,
and reaping what they could each clay,
persevered until the whole four acres were
harvested by them alone. Thu produce
of this crop would command in market
$136, and they did a good deal of work un
the tam beside. This shows; what buys
can du it they really set ahem it, and make
inid play ul play--nut
'- EW EBSTER.
Advance Payments for Newspapers.
No subscriber should object to the pay
in advance system. Those who wanted
to hear Jenny bind sing had to pay in ad
vance, and what were her divinest strain,
compared with those which flow front ed
itors' pens I You cannot tuko your seat
in a ricketty mail coach, or fly-from-the
track railroad - car, without paying in ad
vance for the risk of being killed. If you
would hear a concert, literary lecture, or
see Tom Thumb or that Siamese Twins,
you must plank down your twenty-five,
or fifty, or one hundred cents, before you
can pass tho threshold. Nay, if any one
has so little regard for his own character
as to want to read Barnum's Autobiogra
phy, he must first pay for it. And yet
limn hesitate and cavil about laying in
advante for a paper furnished at a price
on the very brink and utmost verge of
DUELLING.—George a Prentice, editor
of the Louisville Jouriud, thus sets forth
his opinions on the subject of duelling :
“We scorn and abhor the whole infam
ous code of duelists. If at our present age
we were to allow ourselves to fight a duel
with Mr. J. 13. Clay, on account of our
comments upon his abusive article recent
ly published by us, we should feel as
though we had forfeited all claims to man
kind's respect and our own. Yet we do
not call ourselves non-combatants. If any
man feels himself mortally aggrieved at
any publication of ours, he knows, wheth
er we accept a challenge from him or not,
where to find us, and he may seek us when
and how he pleases. NV° hold ourselves
responsible for what we write, if we think
we have given any man just cause to seek
our life, we will either permit him to take
it without resistance, or, criminal as she
act may be, obey his call to the field ; and
if any recognized gentleman dues us no
deadly an injury as to make us thirst for
Lis blood and vio cannot send him to the
gallows, we will sutunions him to the field
—and it, in such a case, the summons be
unheeded, we will poise ourselves upqn
our own will, nal seek redress wherever
we can find it.”
STRANG? FACTS.-M. Delisle once ob•
served a fly, only as large as a grain of
sand, which run three inches in a half sec
ond, and in that space made the enormous
number of five hundred and forty steps.
A man being able to walk as fast in propor
tion to his size, supposing his step to mealiii
sure two feet, he would, in the course of
a minute, have run upwards of twenty
miles task far surprising our express
railroad engines, or the famous seven
league bcotsrecorled the nursery table.
In kaolin insect,:i far excel man, or arty
other an i mat whatever. The lueust (grass
hopper) can leap two hundred times it,
own length. If a man were six feet long,
and could leap as high and as far as either
the locust referred to or the flea, he might
stand near the Dow Church, Clicupside
leap up into the air above the top of St.
Paul's Cross, and alicht at the bottom of
Ludgote hill, which would be something
more wonderful than ever entered the
minds of the writers of fairy tales moon
ceivo ef. The insect called the frog•hop
per can leap more than two hundred and
filly times its own length. Some spiders
can leap a couple of feet upon their prey.
A flea can jump two hundred and fifty
times its length—could a man jump pro,
portionally his length it would be equal to
a quarter of a mile!
'lnc nuns MAN.—A correspondent
of the New York Day rook tells the fol
lowing antiliquor story :
An exceed:ugly thirsty individual went
iuto some place and inquired for a glass of
brandy. Ile was told they did not keep
the proscribed article, whereupon he stated
in the most pitiful strains the extent and
desperate nature of his thirst. A person
standing by said to him :
'Do you see that counter ?'
4 Yes,' eagerly answered the thirsty in
'Well, sir,' he continued, 'you piece a
shilling on that counter. No one will silo
you—no one will know that you put it
there but the shilling will disappear soon
after you turn from it. After you have
left the shilling, go out doors and down
the street to the first corner, then turn to
the right and go up the street until you
come to an alloy ; then follow the alley um
til you arrive at a blacksmith's shop.—
Open the door and enter the shop and M
one corner you will see a de.k and in that
you will find a b the of brandy and a cup.
Tab,: a drink and Dave oierythiti!as you
VOL. 20. NO. 34.
PADDY'S IDEA Or PERDITION...4'M I\l, -
Carty was 'a broth of a boy,' and altogeth
er as 'dacont' a man and as handy with a
spade as any of the whole five hundred
who were at work upon the railroad, then
and now in process of building in the Ilot
them part of Ohio. He was a groat law.,
rite with the overseer, on account of his
faithfulness and integrity of character, but
he had one fault that sorely grieved hi.
employer. Though as sober as a sexton
for six days in the week, Pat could novel
resist the temptation of 'pay day,' and
when Saturday came round never failed to
get as 'drunk as a lord.' Haying tried ev
ery other• reformatory expedient in vain,
the overseer at length bethought of the
priest, who prevailed on Pat to 'take the
pledge.' and sent hint on his way rejoicing
But, alas ! the next day was 'too many'
for poor Pat, who staggering through the
village at noon, met no less a personage
than the priest who had attempted to re
form him. 'You're lost, Pat--•entirely lost!
said his reverence, with a sigh of genuine
sorrow. rat was bewildered fora moment,
lint having stared about him until Ito had
fairly ascertained his local whereabouts, he
exclaimed triumphantly--'Lost?---is it lost
I am 1 lost, in broad daylight, half way be
tween Jimmy Stacy's and the court-house
the divil wid your nonsense.---Bodoo
J tt,tice Dullatal fur a warrant this mom
"Minher Justice--1 want a warrarit. wt
Mrs. Lynch and her son Mick. 1 left illy
things in their charge, and they um
me sugar, and thin lathered the hku the
devil ---- and here's the marks to show by
token of that same."
She made a notion to remove her cloth,
from her bosom and shoulders, where she
had "been devilishly abused," at which th,.
Justice a movement of horror at the pro.
posed exposition, exclaimed :
No so, my .good woman, dog% du that,
I beg of you. Can't stand it —can't stand
it. Mustn't do it."
Then she endetivored to. whisper, but
the justice ejaculated : "ean't hear whis
pering;" upon which hatella, who wai
ugly and forty, with a voice like a fore
man of an engine company, said :
"Well then be jebers, an' 1'11811(ga it out
••-nu' they ate ate sugar, and they cold
me blankets, and the bed flout umber nw,
and the devil it ono of thews better nor at
theaf," yelled she at the top of her voice.,
astounding every body in Court, and tna •
king the cells in the watch-house riug
,wain. She was quieted in a few monieutf,
anal receiving the warreut, murmured,
"the holy Virgin bless you," went elf to
her revenge.-•-•BVitlo R ji. , June 1;;
1 Tow You So. Wife, wife, our cow'
dead—choked with a turnip.'
, Prold you so. 1 always sed she
choke herself with thorn turnips.'
.13ut it was a pumpkin—'
, Wall it's all the same. know'd alt
along how it would be. Nobody but ,t
ninny like you would ever feed a caw
pumpkins that wasn't chopped.'
'The pumpkins were chopped. Ana
'avant the pumpkins neither that choked
her. 'Twas the tray--and the end on't
sticking out of her mouth now.'
'Ugh ! ugh ! There goes my broad tray
No longer ago than yesterday I told yev
that the oow would swallow that tray.'
PLUCKING A HAT.—lrish girls are al
ways pretty smart, but once in a while
they commit blunders and aro generally
so ludicrous and funny that it is impossi
Lie to get angry with them. At one of the
houses in the city lives one who has been
over but a few weeks. Lively as a cricket
industrious as a bee, and honest and roil.
ling to do, she course is well liked by those
with whom she has taken up her abode.
A short time ago, one of the men who
is something of a joker, happened to kjll
a large rat. He handed it to Nelly and
told her he wanted it cooked for his din
ner. Nelly with a modest courtesy took
the animal and proceeded to the kitchen.
short time after the lady of dna hens°
had occasion to go to the kitchen, where
she found Nelly trying to pull the fur from
the rat which she occasionally dipping into
a kettle of scalding water.
"Why, Nelly ! what are you about I' ,
asked the astonished lady.
"Suntan' it's trying to pluck the feath
ers off this thing lam said she, 'for Mr.
—towld me to cook it for dinner."
Thu lady soon put a stop to the perfor
mance, and told Nelly with all the gravity
slip could eutinand, that the tuna had
been playing a juke uptin her.
"Troth an' joke it is sure enough," said
she, "im 1 never ~ tw slch le:libels to stick