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BY JAMES CLARK :]
VOL, XI, NO, 44.
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LABOR'S THANKSGIVING HYMN
BY MARY HOWITT.
That I must work I thank thee, God !
I know that hardship, toil, and pain,
Like rigorous winter in the sod
,\ hich doth mature the hardy grain,
Calls forth in man his noblest powers;—
Therefore I hold my head erect,
And, amid life's severest hours,
Stand steadfast in my sell respect.
I thank thee, God, that I must toil !
Yon ermined slave of lineage high,
rhe game-law lord who owns the toil
Is not so free a man as I !
Ile wears the fetters of his clan ;
‘Vealth, bilth, and rank have hedged hint in
I heed but this that I ant MAN,
And to tho great in mind a kin !
Thank God, that like the mountain oak
My lot Is with the storms of life;
Strength grows from out the tempest's cheek;
And patience in the daily strife.
The horny hand, the furrowed brow,
Degrade not howe'er sloth may deem;
'Tie this degrades—to cringe and bow,
And ape the vice we disesteem.
Thank God for toil, for hardship, whence
\ Come courage, patience, hardihood,
And for that ead experience
Which leaves our beam flesh and blood ;
Which leaves us tears from others' woe!
Brothel in toil respect thyself;
And let thy steadfast virtue show
That man is nobler far titan pelf!
Thank God for toil ; nor frar the fare
Of wealth nor rank ; fear or.ly
That blight which mars all outward grace
And dims the light of peace within.
Give me thy hand, my brother give
Thy hard and toil-stainA hand to me;
We are no dreamers, we shall live
A brighter, better day to al e !
OR, THE DUELLIST NONPLUSSED.
At a certain town on the Ohio, a Yan
kee and a Duellist happened, in the year
1830, to be boarders in the same tavern.
The Yankee was a shrewd man, as Yan
kees generally are, but nevertheless,
honest, good-natured, peaceable, and,
withal, fond of a joke; but even when
joking, he was accustomed to maintain
a grave and even dry countenance, as if
his face were made of wood. His age
might be twenty-eight—he was by pro
fession -a schoolmaster, and his name
was Jedediah Bateman.
I know not whence the duellist came.
He seems to have been hanging for a
number of years about the villages on
the frontier, living by his wits as card
player and land speculator. He was
proud, overbearing and malicious; had
been doubly arrogant and assuming since
he had been victorious in no less than
three duels. Once he had crippled—
twice he had killed his man; making,
by these "exploits," two widows and 5
'children fatherless. Such was his fame
as a duellist, that it was thought to be
little less than suicide for a man not
perfectly expert with the pistol to meet
him in the " field of honor," as this sort
of murderers call the place where they
shoot one another.
In dress and manners he was a fop
and a swaggerer. His red, bushy whis
kers almost met on his chin ; his shirt
ruffles were long and projecting; his
cravat was stuffed with padding until it
almost buried his chin ; and his bell
crown hat was tilted over his left eye
brow when he walked, or rather strut
ted along the street, swinging and plump
ing down his cane at every step ; and
wheresoe'er he went, he overlooked eve
rybody, and expected the way to be
cleared for him by high and low. He
considered himself justified in lording
it over all who were about him, because
he was the most formidable man, in
If any peaceful, worthy man did not
cower at his presence, he was sure to
resent the supposed indignity by sneers
and insults. Many were the pompous
gibes and bombastic witticisms that he
discharged from day to day at the school
master, Jedediali Bateman, who did not
humble himself like a dog before the
high and mighty Maj. Dashwell Bicker
ton, as the duellist styled himself. He
professed to have borne a Major's com
mission in the army, and boasted of his
exploits in Gen. Wayne's expedition
against the Indians. Some people doubt
ed whether lie had been in that expedi-
tion at all, because he gave some erro
accounts of marches and battles ; I ,
but they doubted only in their hearts,
for who dare insinuate the suspicion of
falsehood to the Major's terrible self;
the Major's tongue might err, but his
pistol was nevertheless true. Who would '
have thought that our dry-faced school
master would, first of all, have the har
dihood to retort the sneers and insults
of this hero of the pistol He bore
several of these attacks with the utmost
composure. Not a muscle of his face
changed its habitual fixedness ; not a
drop more or less blood colored his
cheek; neither word nor look indicated
the slightest feeling of the bully's satire.
He charged the artillery of his wit with
still heavier loads of turpid phrases, to
express his contempt for the schoolmas
ter. Still the Yankee winced not; he
only began, with the soberest and most
unfeeling gravity to utter some repar
tees, as dry and grating as the sands of
Arabia, yet so perfectly free from open
insult, as to increase the duellist's pride
without furnishing him a pretext to take
offence. But the natural malignity of
his temper was so embittered by the
schoolmaster's mortifying indifference
and icy wit, that he began to insult him
outrageously on all occasions, with the
obvious intention of provoking a deadly,
quarrel with him. Still the Yankee per
severed in his imperturable coolness,
and replied only by jokes and sarcasms
of more stony and indigestible hardness.
The bully's rage become unbounded, and
the Yankee's friends saw that the affair
would soon come to personal violence.
But their kind endeavors were in vain
to persuade Jedediah to soothe the bul
"If you mortify his pride any farther,
he will assault you," said they, " and
you will have to let him beat you with
his cane, or shoot you with his pistol."
" I shall let him do neither, I guess,"
said the Yankee.
How will you prevent him 1"
" You will see when the time comes,"
was the final reply.
In the evening, at supper, the duel
list, as usual, began to utter something
designed to provoke the Yankee. At
first Jedediah gave no heed. To make
the attack more direct, the bully pro
ceeded to, as he had often done, and us
fops and addlepates mostly do, to ex
press his contempt of schoolmasters, or
pedagogues, as he and other fops used
to call them. Seeing that Jedediah still
paid no attention, he addressed him su
perciliously in these words :
" Come, Sir Pedagogue, you are silent.
Be so condescending as to illustrate
your profession, by informing us how
many ideas you have bastinadoed into
the posteriors of your boys, to-day V'
"Not one, sir," said Jedediah. "The
boys don't carry their ideas in their pos
teriors, however they may have done in
your boyish days."
" The deuce—do you say so, Mr. Pe
dagogue 1 Why do you apply your
birchen instrument with such impetuos
ity to that inferior part of their corpo
real system 1 Come, your philosophical
reasons, Mr. Pedagogue."
You shall be satisfied, sir. I apply
the birch to that part because it is the
base of the system ; all the baser ele
ments settle down into it, such as sloth,
pride, malice, insolence, ill-manners, and
whatever else may tend to make a man
proud without virtue; boastful without
merit ; pompous without dignity ; and
quarrelsome without reason. Therefore
1 apply the remedy to the base, in order
to expel such baseness from its seat in
The bully was so foiled by this an
swer, that for some moments he showed
his rage only by his fierce looks. Then
setting his arms akimbo, he said—
" You are a cowardly pedagogue to
attack boys in that cowardly way. 1
never knew a pedagogue who was not a
tyrant among his children, and a—
infernal coward among men." He in
terlarded this speech with one of the
oaths commonly used by blackguards
and bullies, adding these words—" I
had a pedagogue in my battalion during
the campaign of '96 against the Indians,
and the coward run away in every bat
tle, till I had him drummed out of the
army the poltroon."
" You said the campaign of '96—ain't
you mistaken in the date 1" asked Bate
man, with cool gravity.
" Yes, Sir Pedagogue, I said the cam
paign of '96, under Wayne. I mistake
no dates, sir; and if I did, your peda.
CORRECT PRINCIPLES-SUPPORTED BY TRIITIT
HUNTINGDON, PA,, NOVEMBER 18, 1846.
shirt, was in some danger of being hang- The company in the neighboring woods
ed for wilful murder. Now only the fell into the rear, tittering at the strange
friendless and beggarly murderers are , result of the duel. The line of march
liable to the gallows. But then, as now, was pursued without intermission ; for
the murders in a duel had nothing to I whenever the duellist attempted to halt
.fear from the law, but might be raised I or speak, the angry voice of the Yankee
to the highest honors by popular favor. I drove him on with the threat of buck-
Therefore, Bickerton, believing that he ' shot.
could satiate his malice as certainly in "Yankee doodle came to lawn,
a duel, as by instant assassination, re- To buy a keg or brandy"
turned to his room and penned a lod- Mind your steps there, or I'll blow
lenge, in due form, according to the code your brains out."
of honor. Bateman promptly accepted "Yankee doodle, doodle, duo,
it, to the dismay of his friends, who Yankee doodle dandy."
now looked upon him as no better than Now it happened to be muster day
a dead man. He had the right, as the for a battalion of militia, and the streets
challenged party, to prescribe the terms were filled up with all sorts of people
of fight. They were to meet on the from the country. When the crowd
next day at the great Indian mound, saw the terrible duelist with thunder
about half a mile from the town, in a and lightning in his face, walking along
dense forest; they were to have no see- before the dry-visaged school-master,
onds, but were to stand ten yards apart, and the master with a large musket,
and either might fire at pleasure, alter solemnly chanting, "Yankee Doodle,"
calling at the other, "Stop! take care of and marching as cooly as if he drove an
yourself" Their friends might stand ox-cart, they gathered themselves about DOW, JR., ON DANDIES.
fifty yards off to see that those terms them with wonder and curiosity to see There are few preachers in the land
were duly observed : but were not to in- what these things meant. When the whose sermons are so full of pith, point,
terfere unless they were violated. Near- bully reached the tavern door, hundreds ,
ly every man wished the Yankee success, had assembled. Mounting the platform Jr.'er and pungent, as those of " Dow,
of the New York Sunday Mercury.
but expected only to see him killed at the before the door, he turned to addres his ;Sec how he walks into a certain class of
first lire. indignant remonstrance to the multitude. ' lazy, loaferish, cut-wasp dandies, who
The duellits demurred a t fi rs t to the Before he could utter a word the Yan- I may be found in our villages as thick as
extraordinary terms p rescr ib e d by the ices cried out, " Halt ! Face to the left ! flies in dog-days, or toads after a sum
schoolmaster ; but he finally acceded to and tell the people what a Yankee trick I tiler shower :
them, feeling sure of his own quickness I have played you." "Now, you that was cut out for a
, of hand, and doubted not he could pierce Yes," roared out Bickerton, gladbut was so villainously spoiled in
'the heart whose blood he s o eagerly vent his raging indignation—. a derog- ' making up, I'll attend to your ease. For
what end did you break open the world's
thirsted for. atory, dishonorable, ungentlemanly ad-
So, on the next day, at the appointed vantage ! Fellow citizens, I appeal to door, and rush in uncalled, like a man
hour, the redoubtable M a j or strutted you and the laws of honor. This din- chased by a mad bulll What good do
forth to the field o f h onor , w ith a well reputable pedagogue had the audacious you expect to bestow on your fellow
charged brace of pistols wrapped up in I temerity, intolerable insolence,last night men 1 Some useful invention, some
a handkerchief and t uc k un d er hi s left to disengage into my face—yes, my fel- ,neat discovery, or even one solitary
arm. ‘t lien in sight of the mound, he \ low citizens, the foul and slimy Moe- remark 1 No ! those that look for any
cast his eyes about in s ear c h of his ad-, dients of his supper ; I would have pun- good from you, will be just as badly
versary ; but no Yankee appeared. He ' ished him instanter, but for theinter. fooled as the man who caught a skunk
moved slowly onwards, keeping a sharp cession of the company. But to vindi- end thought it was a kitten, or the wo
look out for his man, and licking his cate my outraged honor, rcondescended man who made greens out of gunpowder
lips in preparation for th e ex p ec ted feast to demand of him the satisfaction of a tea. You know where the neatest, tight
,of blood. The forest was always deep gentleman, and he, with most knavish et pants, with the strongest straps, can
dusky with shade in that place, and the designs, accepted my cartel. be got "on tick," but you don't know
morning fog still lingered in its dark re- "This morning at the appointed hour I where the next useful lecture will be de
ceases. When he got so near the mound I repaired to the field of honor, equipped livered. You know the color of a vest,
as to see it and the trees a bo u t it distinct- as gentlemen usually are for honorable but never studied the gorgeous hues of
ly, ho was certain the scho o lmaster had combat. When I arrived at the place, the rainbow, unless it was to wish for a
not arrived, and began with feelings of the dastardly poltroon was invisibly con- piece to make a cravat; you know how
disappointed revenge to curse him alcud coaled behind a giant son of the forest, a fool feels in full dress but you don't
for a cowardly knave, a base poltibon, armed with a musket enormously char- know how a man feels when he eats tine
and a chicken-hearted,white-livered ped- ged with nine buckshot ; and before we bread earned by the sweat of his brow;
agogue. had measured the ground or taken our I you know how a monkey looks, for you
He was pouring forth these impreea- positions, or the skulking dastard show- , see one every day twenty times in your
tiona and lengthening them with all the ed his person, lie presented his musket I landlady's looking glass, but you don't
choicest terms in the vocabulary of lion- and threatened to shoot me if I did not know how a man feels after doing a good
orable bullies, when he was stopped in drop my pistols and return to town.— action; you don't go where that sight is
mid career by an unexpected phenom- In attempting to unwrap my pistols they to be seen. Oh ! wasp-waisted, catfish
enon. On reaching an open lot near the slipped out of my hands, and thus I was mouthed, baboon-shouldered, clapper
mound, he struck across the path ; and exposed unarmed to the dastardly attack' legged, goose-eyed, sheep-faced, bewhis
at the same instant a voice of thunder of this pedagogical poltroon with his kered drones in the bee-hive—what are
smote his ears with the words, " Stop, , dishonorable musket charged with an you good for 1 Nothing, but to cheat
take care of yourself !" He did stop in I enormous quantity of buckshot. I turn- your tailor, neatly lisp by note a line
great surprise, and looked towards the ed indignantly upon this contemptible from some milk-and-cider poetaster,sen
place from which the voice had come, attempt at assassination, and returned timentally talk love, eat oysters, and act
but lie saw only the huge trunk of a tree home—that I might on a subsequent oc- the fool shamefully. 1 say, does your
that stood by the mound, t en yard s from casion vindicate my outraged honor, I mother know you're out 1 I'm afraid
the pole at which he stopped. He had I and in public and ostensible conflict, in-you have no mother, nor never had.
no time for deliberation ; the voice thun- I Ilia a lacerating flagellation upon the " You are of no more use in this world
dered again, " Take care of yourself, I'll pedagogical author of this outrageous than a time-piece in a beaver-dam, or a
blow your brains out !" and now he saw I violation of tine code of honor, hereto-' matrass in a hog-pen. You fill no larg
distinctly the muzzle of a great blun- I fore inviolably observed by all who arc er space in the world's eye than tine toe
derbuss pointed towards him from be- I entitled to the honorable appellation of nail of a mosquito would in a market
hind the tree, and the Yankee's eye at l gentlemen." ! house, or a stump-tailed dog in all out
the butt, taking aim while the, tree con- I When the duellist hind concluded his of doors; you are as little thought of as
cealed his body. The duellist was so speech, I had then a right, by tine terms, the fellow who knocked his grandmoth
taken off his guard, that lie stood con- to fire; but I left it to his choice either er's last tooth down her throat; and as
founded for an instant ; but as the ex- to take nine buckshot from my gun, or for your brains, ten thousand such could
' pected shot did not conic, lie began to to drop his pistols and march back to be preserved in a drop of brandy, and
fumble under his arm for his pistols ; town. He wisely chose thc latter ; and have as much sea room as a tadpole in
but he no sooner began to unwrap them you all bear witness that I brought him Lake Superior—and as for your ideas,
than the Yankee called out, in the most Ifrom the field of honor safe and sound; you have but one—and that is stamped
decided tone, 4 , Drop your pistols or I'll and that is more than lie would have ,on your leaden skull an inch deep—that
shoot you !" The bully hesitated.— done for me, if I had been in his place tailors and females were made to be
" Drop 'em, I tell you, or I'll blow nine and he in mine. And now, to show that gulled by you, and that you think de
buckshot into you as soon as I count I meant to take no unfair advantage, I cent people envy your appearance! Poor
three ; mind now, one, two, thr— He I will change situations with him before useless tobacco worm ! you are a deei
ever. had cocked his musket and taken, what i you all. I will take his pistols and he dedly hard case !
" Fly, Bateman, fly," said the compa- 'the duellist saw, a sure aim. Before the shall take my blunderbuss,
ny ; "he will shoot you." word three was fully pronounced, the himself in my situation and position.—
" guess not," said the Yankee; "but handkerchief containing the pistols fell He shall stand ten yards off and may
I may have to mend his manners with to the ground, whether by accident, or fire nt pleasure, after calling out, " Stop,
something harder than hasty pudding." a paralysis of the duellist's nerves, or take care !" t was acknowledged by
So saying, Inc picked up a heavy fire an act of his will, we shall not under- all the company present to be a fair pro
shovel at the hearth, and posted himself take to say ; however, the pistol fell. position, and the duellist accepted the
behind the door by which Bickerton " Now, said the Yankee, stepping terms of the schoolmaster. The ground
would enter out from behind the tree, with his finger was measured and the combatants took
gogical pusillanimity disqualifies you for
the funeration of historical recollection."
" Wayne's expedition against the In
dians was over, and peace was made be
fore '96," said Bateman drily, as he sat
nearly opposite to Bickerton, stirring a
copious mixture of butter, and molasses
and mush, or hasty pudding, which was
to be his supper.
"You are a
pedagogue !" roared out the bully.—
"What do you know of Wayne's cam
paign't Stick to your ferrule and spel
ling book, and leave military affairs to
gentlemen—they are exterior to your
"Boys learn history in these days,"
said Bateman, as he rose from the table
and took a volume from the mantle-piece.
After turning over a few leaves, he re
sumed his seat and said, "Here is an
epitome of American history brought
down to the year 1821. He then read a
short paragraph which confirmed his as
sertion, when handing the book towards
Bickerton, he said, " That's what my
boys learn, sir. Would you like to see
it in the book, Majorl"
" No, you are a
solent liar, I tell you."
." One mark of a fool," said Bateman,
as dryly as ever, " is to fly into a pas
sion, and call names about a trifle, and
one mark of the liar is to persevere in a
false assertion in the face of evidence to
The Yankee had no sooner spoken
these words, stirring the mush all the
while, then the enraged bully lifted the
case knife in his hand, and flung it vio
lently at Bateman's head. The Yan
kee, though seemingly intent upon his
mush, which he had now thoroughly im
bued with molasses and butter, kept
watch, however, with the corner of his
eye, and dodged the knife as it flew
whizzing towards his head. At the
same time dropping his spoon, he slipped
his hand under his plate, and adroitly
dashed it, mush foremost, plump into
the duellist's face. The centre of the
reeking mass struck his nose, which,
operating as a wedge, caused the clam
my supper of the Yankee to spread itself
with accommodating facility over the
whole fiery visage of the duellist, and to
stop up every hole and fill up every hol
low in the said visage—eyes and ears
not excepted. A considerable quantity
became entangled in his liege, bushy
whiskers, the superfluity gliding down
with the plate, made a lodgment in the
bosom, and the manifold convolutions of
the frill that stuck out prominently in
front. Happily for the duellist, the op
eration of mixing and compounding the
plaster, had so reduced its temperature
that it was not quite scalding hot, and
the eyelids had instinctively closed
themselves on the approach of the slap
' dashing application, or those lately glar
ing eyeballs would never again have di
rected a pistol ball at the heart of an en-
—fool, and an in-
He was led by the hand to a back
porch, where, after a minute's washing,
the orifices and cadties of his face were
cleared of the adhesive mixture, and he
was able again to see, hear, smell and
speak. When he found his organs free,
though he still wept blood from the rude
contents of the heavy pewter plate, he
began to roar out a torrent of oaths, im
precations and threats against the Yan
kee, who had begun to feed his hunger
upon a second plate of hasty pudding,
as if nothing had happened. In spite
of the entreaties of the company, the
raving bully started upstairs for his pis
tols, swearing in the most awful man
ner that he would shoot the offending
pedagogue upon the spot.
Presently he was heard on his return,
cursing and swearing as violently as
While some were endeavoring to dis- I still on the trigger, but the wide muzzle their respective stations. The Yankee
suade the furious bully from his pur- of the firelock elevated at an angle of threw the blunderbuss at the feet of the
pose, the Yankee said to those in the thirty degrees,—" you have but one way duellist, who very coolly picked it up,
room with him—" Tell him to challenge ,to save your ife. Right about face!' imagining that in a very few moments
me ; I will meet him in the field of The. duellist began to remonstrate.— ho should retrieve his honor, by driving
honor." When this message was first "Face about, I tell you, or I'll drive a the nine buckshot into the body of his
delivered to the duellist, he only raved load of buckshot through you ;" and he antagonist. The word was given, and
and swore the more fiercely, anddemand- begun to level his musket as he advan- the duellist instantly raised his blunder
ed immediate access to the insolent pe- 1 ced upon his adversary. The duellist buss, and taking sure aim, pulled the
dapple, that he might drive a ball thro' I faced about like a soldier. " Very well ; trigger. " Snap," went the lock, but
his heart. He was first gradually re- ' forward march !—march ! I tell you— I the gun missed fire. " Try it again,"
dewed to reason, however, by the argil- ' , straight to home, or tarnation seize me, I says the Yankee. The duellist gritted
ment of a lawyer in the company, who if I don't riddle you with buckshot ; be- I his teeth as he cocked it the second time.
told him that if he killed the Yankee fore I can count three—one! two !"—the , Again he took aim and pulled the trig
now, he would be liable to the punish- ' duellist did not wait for the next word; ger. " Snap," went the old rusty mus
ment of a murderer, but that he might the angry voice was close behind him, I ket, with a duller sound than before.—
shoot him on the field of honor without and the deep-mouthed blunderbuss with- , Now a phenomenon occurred. The
getting himself into the fangs of the' in two yards of his back. He began to 1 wooden face of the Yankee was for once
law. The duellist felt the force of the , march with slow and rather halting steps, I wrung into a smile, and some affirmed
argument ; for in those days an honor- I very different from his usual strut.— that lie laughed, though others thought
I able gentleman, in a title coat and ruffled I The Yankee followed with all gravity.— , that to be impossible. But the enraged
[EDITOR AND PROPRIETOR.
WHOLE NO. 564.
bully begun to ,4 smell the rat." He ex
amined the capacious pan of the old fire
lock. He found nothing in it but yel
low snuff. He hastily turned the muz
zle to his mouth and blew into it. The
air whistled through the touchhole; the
old musket was not charged ; the nine
buckshot were imaginary. He threw
down the harmless old iron with a yell
of blasphemy, and ran up to his room,
while shouts of laughter convulse.' the
Half an hour afterward, the chop
fallen duellist was seen on his horse,
trying to steal out of town by a back
lane. He was pursued by hundreds,
with claps and shouts of derision, till
be galloped out of sight.
The people of that town never again
saw the face of Major Alonzo B ickerton,
.. Whither he went, and how he fared,
Nobody knew—and nobody eared."
When at Harrisburg a few days since,
says the Carlisle Volunteer, we visited
the State Library Rooms, and among
other framed treasures which grace the
l walls of that beautiful apartment, is a
Jac simile of Dr. Franklin's letter to Mr.
Stratum, the King's Printer, which per
haps many of our readers have never
seen. It was written in 1775, about
the time when hostilities were commen
cing between this and the mother coun
try, and reads as follows :
Philadelphia, July sth, 1775
Mn. STRAHAN:—You are a Member of
Parliament, and one of that Majority
which has doomed my Country to Des
truction. You have begun to burn our
Towns and murder our People. Look
on your Hands ! They are stained with
the Blood of your Relations ! You and
I were long Friends. You are now my
Enemy—and I am yours.
Tom Hoyt has capitally said of
certain teetotallers that they think they
have a right to believe themselves beau
ties simply because they are not beasts.