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)USMfSS
DM'LAUGIILIX. Attorney at Law,
J,.hritown, Pa. Office in the Ex-
U;-.4i.e building, on the Corner of Clinton
i it ... . ... Will dtttm.l
j to all business connected with his profession.
I I-c. 0. ISoS.-tf.
! WILUAM KITTELL.
jjiiornn) at ah), (Ebcnsburg,
i C ambria Comity Penna.
1 Office (olonade row,
'rU'UUS L. rr.RSHlNG. Fsq. Attokxfy
j" at I.w, Johnstown, Cambria Co. Pa.
I Office un Main street, second flx.r over
IUlU. ix 2
j It. T. C. 5. Gardner,
j PHYSICIAN A'D SCRGF.OX.
I IVti iers Li profvssi.'Unl M.rvit to the
t'.iiiei.s f
ET, E N S F U li G ,
p.. w;rr-i:;uii2 vicinitv.
FFl Ci: I N a )LO N'A DE KOW.
( ';::it l?04-tf
j J. I!. Scunlnn,
ATT 0 II X E Y AT L A W .
jVr-ri'-K OX MAIN STitKET, TIIUFF.
5 lu!( .RS KAsT "F the LOGAN HOUSE.
i T. .i.... i
j R. L. Johnston. G ko. Oatman.
ATTORNEYS AT LAW.
F.hi i:.-Lur CV.tiAn'.H Cunty Penna.
i ' FFI( E IJEMOVEI) T( T.I.fivn T
( in il.nr West of lil L. J .lni!ti.n's
1 i'itnee. I Dec. 4. 1801. I v.
.
lUl!N FEXLON, Esq. Attornkt at
' I. aw, Eh(!iisburg, Cambria county Pa.
I Oflicfi on Mtiiu stieet aiii)iiiiijc his dwe!
ix 2
J o
J) S. NOON,
attorvkv at law.
KiEXsnrnr, (mmhiti n, pa
t e ,i,e door East of the Post Office.
p ito. 18, 18C3.-tf.
Q.KURGEM. KEED,
EDEX.SUURG,
i? n .- . n j.. r
"FnCE IN COLON A DE P0V
March 13. 18G4.
rftllCHAEL HASSON, Esq. Attorney
f at Law, Eoen-bur;. Cambria Co. Pa.
li On'nce on Main street, three doors East
f Julian. ix 2
f W. HICKMAN. B. F. HOI.I-
C. W. HICKMAN &L CO..
U Wholesale Dealers in
" MANUFACTURED TOBACCO.
I !1ZIGNT AND DOMESTIC SEGARS.
E. COA. THIRD & MARKET STREET.
PHILADELPHIA.
August 13. 18C3.-!y.
fi-'iiof rsT fin n
t JS Jaiuzi;0 0 1 iff ?,0I SO
'aiajvwoHiij.
I a vo an II AV
Fh vraaiaavnH j i,s2hoih
r rient.
An Office on Cent ra fit
r: 'PT orth of Esq. Kinkead'g office!
pw&tun given immediatelv.
JOSEPH M'DOSALD.
THE BLESSINGS OF GOVERNMENT, LIKE
"SHistcHaiuoui.
Tlic lroresur tarrying a Cook.
Some years since, when I was in col
lege, we Lad amongst our "faculty," a
curious personage, whom every one re
garded with considerable respect, and yet
as a character sui generis. lie had lived
many years without a wife, nnd expected
to live so alwaj's. Indeed as he was the
professor of mathematics, the abstraction
of his science forbade his indulging in the
idea of getting married. To the female
sex, therefore, he showed no other regard
than common, politeness required. His
character was purely negative. Of course
he was not popular with the ladies, and
they kept themselves at a distance from
him. But circumstances that often bring
about a match in other cases, placed him
in a peculiar dilemma. It seemed a whim
that a necessity- was laid upon him to get
married. He was one of the faculty of
the College all the other professors were
married and obliged to entertain the dis
tinguished vit-itors of the Institution. He
had always lowiled. Of course it wasn't
never expected of him that he fehould ever
give a party or dinner. But it beg cn to
be regarded as rather mean in him to shirk
of this matter irom year to year, and,
" well oil as he was pecuniarily, to throw
upon the other members of the iacultv the
cost and trouble of entertaining the sje
cial liiends and patrons of the College.
The question, was, therefore, frequently
asked :
' Why doesn't the old miser entertain
some of the distinguished visitors that
visit us V
Now, our professor wasn't a miser at
all and it often troubled him to think he
was situated tlmt he couldn't bear his part
of the burden. And yet, w hat could he
do? Must he get married ? And if so,
to whom ? He had no special regard for
any one in the vicinity ot the college and
no one had any special regard for him.
hi his younger daj'S he ha 1 seen at school
a young lady in the city of New York, in
whom fie had a peculiar interest. But of
her he hadn't heard for years. Doubtless
before this time she was married, or in
ht-r grave. Possibly, however, she was
still living and waiting for him ! Glori
ous thought! He was quite relieved at
it, though, h deed, there might bo no foun
dation for his relief. Nevertheless, he
could ni:.ke due: inquiry. Nor could he
long delay for coanncneeiucnt day was at
hand, only a lew weeks oiF. It was his
turn, or rather would be if he was mar
ried, to give the great dinners to the dis
tinguished personages who would be pres
ent on the occasion. There would be the
Governor of the State, and his lady the
trustees of the Institution and th"ir
friends, and others of equal repute. But
w ho should be master of ceremonies 1
And who should "race the table ? lie
could square the circle perhaps, but such
a circle as this, what could he do with it ?
If he were only married, what a helpmeet
would his wife be at such a time. And
yet, his wife must be a good looking, in
telligent, and accomplished lady ; other
wise the blank would be a blot 1
Now there was a young lady in the
neighborhood that the professor thought
might answer. He had seen her at his
boarding house, and spoken to her once
or twice.
" But, she may say no," and if she
did, " where in creation," thought he,
" could I hide my head ! And then what
would become of the dining ?' The
Governor must have a dinner and he must
have a wife. And hence he lay awake
about it all night. At last us the morn
ing broke he cried out to himself, "Con
tempt !" She will say no, will she !
Other men have lived through it, and I
shall. If not, I shall have a-clear con
science about the dinner, and a clear con
science is the main thing after all ! I will
write a note to Miss A. any way. ft
may be be she will regard it favorably.
So the professor sat down and wrote a
note to Miss A. "Stay a minute," said
lie to himself, " what will the Governor
think of the lady ? She is handsome and
polite, but can she converse ? Can she
entertain company?" "Doubtful," said
he to himself, " very doubtful ;" and so
he tore up the note. Alas ! for a man
on the verge of matrimony ! In an hour
or two, however, the Professor called on
the President and said :
" I should, like to be absent for a few
days.?"
"Ah!" said the President, "just at
this time?"
" Yes sir, I have my classes in readi
ness for the examination, and I wish to
go to New York.
" Has any death occurredrin the fami
ly," aid the Freefdent.
THE DEWS OF HEAVEN, SHOULD BE
EBENSBURG, PA. WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 21, 1864.
"No, sir, said the Professor, " but I
have a little matter of business that re
quires my immediate attention, and I
thought it best to go."
"You have my best wishes," said the
President, " and may you return safely
and not alone."
The Professor almost smiled, but blush
ed rather than sffrtted, and left the Presi
dent, and hastened to New York.
His first inquiry on his arrival there,
was for Miss Adeline G. the young lady
whom he had seen some years before, at
school, as we have mentioned.
" Why," said the respondent, " the
family has been reduced, and she is a
cook. Perlnps you don't know it sir?"
" A cook !" said he, " that is just
w hat I want !"
"Oh!" said the lady, "we thought
you wanted something else possibly."
"No, I have I wen half starved to
death since 1 lelt iew l ork, and I want !
some one to cook decently."
" Well, she can do that, for she scarce
ly has her equal in that line in this city.
Why, sir, she is a cook, jxtr cj-rci'etcc."
" And how does she look ?"
" She is the handsomest cook in this
city, too."
" Not quite that, I presume," said the
Professor, " but is she intelligent ? I
speak confidentially."
" Intelligent! She is indeed she can
comerse like an angel."
" And as to manners. Is she accom
plished ?"
" As graceful as an actress."
" When can I see her?"
" At eight o'clock this evening."
" Couldn't I see her In-fore that hour?"
I think that would be the most con
venient time for her to call, and to sec
you. She will be engaged in her duties
till then."
" I will wait then. Please to tell her
that Professor Mack, of Virginia, wishes
to see her an old acquaintance of hers ?"
"Shall I tell her that you wish to en
gage a cook !"
'You may tell her that I wifeh to see
her," said the Professor.
"What name did yon say?"
" Professor Mack, of V ligiina, il
please, madam."
you
An evcrlastin; lonsr dav was
before 1
him and he had nothing to do ; not a
problem to solve, except ihe one in hand,
and that was one of doubtful solution.
Kight o'clock at last came, and he
Professor called auain to see the young
lady-
"A cook, indeed!" said the Professor
to himself; she is a splendid woman fit
to grace any parlor in the world !" But
how in creation should he make known
his business ( Poets, they say, begin in
the middle of their story ; but professors
of mathematics, where do they begin?
Finally, said the suitor, "Miss G., how
would you like to go tp Virginia ?"
"To Virginia!" said she as if surpri
sed. "Are you not mistaken in the ier
son whom you wished to see ?"
"No, no'" said lie, "don't you rc
mem!cr when we both attended school in
Franklin street ?"
"Oh," said she, "it is George Mack
I remember you well ; why, I didn't
know that you were alive!"
" And I have never forgotten vou."
Ah
indeed, you are very kind to
remember me so long ! I thought ever'
one had forgotten me in my calamities."
" People often think they are overlook
ed when trials overtake them ; but it is
for you to say that your present trials are
at an end."
" Professor Mack ! what do you mean?
Why I am a more "
"If you have had reverses I have had
success, and have the means of making j
you comfortable in life. .
"But you do not know my circumstan- j
ccs now, for I wouia not uecvive you,
" It does not concern me what you are
now, but what you are willing to le."
" But I hve an aged mother Profes-
sor.
And I w ish to have one ; she can go,
too."
Matters were foon arranged as to time,
place, and cermony, and this being over
the party were off for Virginia the Pro
fessor pleaded that he had solved the matri
monial problem so easily, and the lady
that she was no longer at the world's bid
ding. In tho country of Virginia great ado is
made for a newly married couple. Of j
course much was expected in the case of j
the Professor. But some " bird in the
air" carried the story in advance, that
Professor Mack had married a cook I
What lady then would call upon her ?
What society could the F. F. V's of Vir
ginia have with a cook ! But the Presi
dent advised his wife to call upon her out
of decency, at least. If tb professor had
DISTRIBUTED ALIKE, UPON THE
manned a cook, why, he didn't know any
better. A 11 that he knew was how to
solve problems in mathematics. Besides,
he might not have married a cook, or if
he had he was well off in one respect he
could have a good table.
" Pshaw !" said the President's lady,
" what does a person care about a table
in comparison to caste in society r
" Caste in society will do well enough,"
he replied, " but since we must eat to
live, a well roasted turkey is better than a
fried diicken, and a short biscuit than a
ash-cake ! And what does an epicure
care for cermony ? A good cup of coffee
is Utter."
" Y'ou are no Virginian, husband,
otherwise you would never say that, for
any body knows that nobility in a log
cabin is better than a cook iu a palace!"
wen, can on me iauy ana see
theories are often good for nothing, whilst !
practice is the sum of perfection !' i
The Presidentess called and was j
amazed the cook was much her superior !
and she felt it. j
The other officers' ladies having heard '
that the President's wife had railed on
Mrs. Mack, were obliged according to cus- i
torn to follow suit. They, too, were dis- !
appointed for the New York lady hadn't :
lived in a city iu vain. In mind, in man- !
ner, in accomplishment, she outranked !
them all ! Besides, in respect to family i
she was not at all inferior her father ,
having had fortune once and lost it. !
Commencement day was now near at !
hand, and the great dining was to come ;
off at the professor's. Nor was Mrs. ;
Mack at all disconcerted about it. She !
had seen a thing or two before, and was j
fully confident in her own iibilitip to meet ;
Hie exigency. I
Wla n lime arrived, all eyes were fixed J
on Mrs. Mac!:. IIeiv would she appear ;
in the preseneo of the Governor of-Vir-g;.r:i:i
? How in the presence, of the Pro- I
lessors pud the President. And what sort j
of a table would she set, i-tid how would j
she grace it ? Could she go through it j
wiih dignity ? j
Of course a!l this was enough "to try !
men's soul's, but Mrs. Mack was perfect- j
Jy at home. !
In etiquette in conversation in the I
arrangement ot ad the eireumsfanciah? and i
! in " the formalities of the occasion she
j showed herself equal to the duties devolv
i ing upon her; and evidently interested the
Governor very much by her powers of
conversation. "What a charming lady,"
said he to his wife, "is Mrs. Mack! and
what a table has she set ! How well she
graces it !
" My dear husband," said she, " do
you know she is a New York cook
whv, she has been u mere servant for
many years !"'
44 I know nothing about that," said he,
" but if she was, I wish every other lady
was a servant and a New York cook, too.
We should have something to cut then,
my dea r, besides fried chickens and ash
cake." " All men are not epicures like you,
Govei nor."
i.0 but if they were they would
imitate the mathematical Professor, and
go to New York to get a wife. A man
wouldn't be compelled then to go to a
saloon to get a decent dinner! He could
rind one at home now a great variety."
mm Zr- .
Jaw-iu;kkkiis. In a poem by Hoff
In a
man, the German poet, who was expelled
from the Prussian dominions, and the ad
mission of his works prjhibited, the fol
lowing huge word apjears : " Steuerver
erweigerungverfassuiigsiuassinborechtigl," meaning a man who is exempt by the
constitution from the payment of taxes.
We ourselves have heard of a gentle-man,
a member of the Marrionettenschauspiel
hausongcsseliscluift, who was said to be
an excellent performer on the Constanti
napolitanischedudelsackpfeife. Adam Slonaker, a numtcr of years
ago, came to Huntingdon Furnace, and
seeing there for the tirst time a pair of
snuffers he asked :
What's them fur V
To snuff the candle.
The candle just then needed attention
and Adam with his thum and finger
pinched off the snuff, and carefully poked
it into the snuffers, saying:
We'd now, them's handy.'
" lienevolence," said Sidney Smith,
in a charity sermon, "is a sentiment
common to human nature. A never sees
B in distress without wishing C to re
lieve him!" Kochefocault never 6aid a
more brilliant thing than that, nor one
more sarcastic.
G3- " Hurrah for. the girls of '76!"
" Blawst me!" said an Englishman,
" that's too plaguey old. Horay for the
girls
17!
t"
HIGH AND THE LOW, THE RICH AND THE POOR.
Steve Conaui'M Courtship.
I once called on my friend, Steve Co
nant, and while there the conversation
turned on courtship ; and at my request
the old gentleman told me an incident iu
his love affairs, which I give in his own
words :
" Wall", seeing it's you, I don't mind
telling about a scrape that hapjened to
me when I was courting Nancy here.
That is something that I never toll any
body. Dut ye shall hear it !"
" No don't Steve," broke in the old
woman.
m. juu .n t ut,i io near u, you may
go out Uoora so hear goes!
was nigh about twenty-one I
here all alone, and built lue a
hadn't a naber nearer than live
ye see, I didn't quarrel much ;
Vi n I
came
cabin.
miles.
up
1
so
but
as it
grew to be near winter, I got kinder lone
some, and begun to think that 1 ought to
have a woman to keep me company ; so
one moining I started down to I-nway,
to take a look at the girls, to see if I
couldn't find one to suit me. When I
got down to tbe settlement I asked a
young chap if he knew of a g'ui that
wanted to get married, and he told me
he guessed that Nancy Knox di.l, and if
I wanted a wife, 1 had better try and
hitch on w ith her ; and he said that if it
was agreeable, lie would go to Deacon
Knox s and make me acquainted with
Nancy, and he was as good as his word,
and twasn't an hour before Nancy and 1
was on the best of terms. Afore night
1 hired out with Mie Deacon for ten dollars
a month, half of the pay to be taken in
prouaee, ana me rest in eie:ir easii, aua i
was to work a!l w inter.
" Waii, for about t.vo months I felt a
a ihjusu in tievv t-heese. I courted Nancy
every Sunday night, and I was determ
ined before another week, to pop the ques
tion, and I hadn't a bit of doubt b;;t
what Nancy would be ovei joyed at be
coming my bosam companion. Wall,
about this time there come a feller from
one of the lower towns to keep school,
and he had'nt been there inore ii a w eek
afore I found he hai a natural hankering
al ter Nancy ; an 1 worst of all tho old
Deacon, who seemed mighty phased at
the thoughts of my courting his gal, be
gun to kinder cool off, as it he would like
the sol.ooliiiusie-r bc-tle-i- lur a So:i-in-ia'iV,
and it m ade me feci kinder du. n in the
i.i , i i
lip.
I can teil vou.
Wall, on one Sunday night, Bill Smith,
i for that was the peaky critter's name,
came iu just at dusk, and when the clock
! struck nine, he didn't seem to go. Old Mrs.
j lvnox and the young uns all went to bed,
j and there were none left but the old Dea
j con, Bill, Nancy and J, and I kept "spect-
ing every minute that he would show Bill
! to bed, but he did no such thi.e
but
and
'just as the clock struck ten he lis up
i ses he :
j "'otevc let's go to bed, for we must be
j up bright and aiily to have them tie logs
I to the river."
j " Wasn't that a hint, eh ? I looked
j at Nancy, but she turned away her Led,
and at this I got up the ladder to bed. 1
i was boiling over ma I with all creation
j Bill, Nancy, and the Deacon in particular.
. I got into bed and 1. iveied myself up,
; but I felt so bad i couldn't go to sleep.
'. Like as not, the schoolmaster was i.ug-
sling ai
id
kisM;
ing Naiicy
down in tiie !
kitchen, and 1 couldu t sliet my eyes for
the lite of me. Wail, all at once it oc
curred to me that there were some big
cracks in the lloor over the kitchen, and I
could watch an 1 see all that was going on
below ; so out of bed I got, and crawled
along close to the chimney on all fours,
and finding a big crack, I looked down
through. Bill and Nancy were set;inT
about two feet apart though every now
aud then Bill would hitch bis chair a lit
tle nearer to her. llovv I could have
choked that man ! I watched them for
about a quarter of an hour and by that
time I was near about froze, as it was an
awful cold night, and I hadn't a rag on
except my two shirts. By and by Bill
hitched his chair a little closer, and I
could see that fie had made up his mind
and was just going to kiss her. How it
riled me ? But 1 was bound to see it
through, so I moved a little nearer to get a
better view, and at that moment the
plank tipped up, and down I went ker- j
chunk and landing between Bill and '
Nancy. Bill thought for once that old
Nick had come, and streaked it out of j
Uoors; ana as lor rvancy, sue gave one
look, and then covered up her face with
her apron. I started out of tho kitchen
as quick as you could say scoot, and as I
was going up the ladder, I heard old Mrs.
Knox holler:
" Nancy, scoot the cat down, or she'll
break every dish on the dresser !"
"The next morning when she went out
V) milk I popped th epiestion to Nancys
VOL. 11 NO. 50
I and she said she would have me. fur sho
! didn't care a cent for Bill Smith, and wo
have been married forty years cum next
i June."
Political I-reaclunsr Cured.
A Congregational Church, in a neigh
boring State, got so completely enlisted,
in the Presidential contests, that littl
attention was given to religious ques
tions. The minister was constantly
preaching, praying and exhorting upon
political issues, and his deacon and lay
men followed suit at the prayer and con
ference meetings. Finally a worthy old
farmer, one of the staunchest nud best
members ot tne cnurcn, anu a nrm, un
deviating Democrat, was called upon to
offer a prayer.
"O, Lord," said h-, "uphold the
Democratic party, which has received thy
sup.poit ever since the great Jetiersonian
struggle. Continue to bless that party
which has under thy protection and provi-
dv ne e, brought great blessings upon this
! republic. If it be thy pleasure, and I
: believe it will be, oh carry that party
' through this great struggle to a complete
; success. Oh, bless the opjionenls of De
mocracy personally, but utterly destroy
, their fanatical and injurious schemes, if it
1 be thy will to do so, as I verily believe it
; is. Be on the side of Democracy, O
Lord, as thou hast been, and in their
i peaceful pursuits, instead of wnin
wickedly, man against brother. And,
j oh, I beseech thee especially to free tho
j CI.: iMian-chu.cht s from the political srrifo
' and bitterness which are rending them
: asunder, destroying their usefulness and
j turning them unhappily into mere Oiitical
' assoeiatioua Let us hear something of
; thy word and mercy on the Sabbath,
i We have already been p!Ld to fullness
j with political fanaticism, ar.d our minister
has become a stump orator against thu
: good old party which thou, in thy w'uJt m,
haih upheld so long, and J repealo.l'y
; gui 1 ed to ictory, and sustained, iu tho
; establishment of sound measures. Oh,
i turn his mind from these things, and Ji
j rect his attention to the li intimate reli
; gious duties, or turn him over directly in
the hands of the Abolition party, and let
them take ca:e of him!" and provide us a
true minister of the Gospel. At any rate
the present condition ot things cannot last.
If politics are to rule, I shall claim one
half of the time in behalf of the Demo
cratic party, so that there may be a fair
discussion within these walls. Amen."
This was u stumper. It was the tirst
prayer ever publicly olll-red in that church
for the success of the Democratic party, -and
its nominees, though hundreds f
prayers and t-xhorta ions had been made
against the party. When the old man
fiui.-hcd there was a silence of half an
hour, and the meeting tben adjourned.
And thus ended the jolitieal preaching in
that church, from that time forward, the
rniiii.-ter attended to his Gospel duties and
left all political questions to be settled by
the people outside the church. Again tho
society prosjHsred and there was a le?ier
feeling among its members more Chris
tian charity, more brotherly love. Tho
c!d man's earnest prayer was answered in
.more respects than one. ;
C-g The following letter was sent bya
man to his son at college : v
" I write to send you some new socks
which your mother has knit by cutting
down some of mine. Your mother sends
you ten pounds without my knowledge,
and for fear that you would not spend it
wisely I have kept back half and only
send you five. Your mother and I are
well, except that your sister has gct the
measols. I hope yon will do honor to my
teaching; if you do not you area donkey,
and your mother and myself are your af
fectionate parents."
er Tom, whom did your friend tnar-
p
" Well he married 40,000.
her other name.
I forgot
j Josh Billings deposes among other
' good things, 'that yer kant judge a man
hi his religion eny more than yer can
; judge his shirt by the sizo ov tho LoIIar
' and ristbands."
j . ,
C3 A lady who sings in a choir, says
she will marry a small man, because short
meter u'ms are the easiest to get along
with.
I
i K?- " Madame " said a irentleman to
his wife. " let me tell you, facts ro vary
! stub!wrn things."
j " Dear me, Vou don't say so," quoth
the lady. " What a fact you must be I"
j .
j Why has a clock always a bash-
fid appearance? Because it keep it
hand lxrfore ?ts ac
A
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