iti
tus .xxL5aa or ootebxxxst, uki the crr oy hkatet, should distributed Airf i ctoji tb high xxd tm low, thb rich asd tu rooa.
- - .' .' -1
0 SEMES.
EBENSBURG, Pi. WEDNESDAY, ' MARCH i, 1860;
VOL. 7 SO. 16.
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HOSTETTER'S
ST0&1AGH BITTERS
li is a fact that, at some period, every mem
ber of the human family is subject to disease
or disturbance of the bodily functions ; but,
with the aid of a good tonic and the exercise
plain common sense, they may be able so to
rtgujue tne system as to secure permanent
kiaiih. In order to accomplish this desired
bject, the true course to pursue is certainly
that which will pro-luce a natural state of
things at the least hazard of vital strength and
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for the cure of Dyspepsia, Indigestion, Nau
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. Piarrhoea, .lyseutery or flux, so generally con
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Tj'pepi-is, a disease which is probably more
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vUM, cas be ccreu without in: 1 ly using
HwrETTEPS STOMACH BITTERS, as per
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aen why not use aa article known to be infal
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Five a axd Aoce. This trvinz and provok
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i healthy digestion, the complaint is re-
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tor Itriont t,i Advanced tears, who are
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. . 0 . - j
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J aj Clses of ilplillltir nl lofrr tu Hrinc
C. M , " J e
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ElTZTTt.ll-S CELEBnATED STOMACH BlTTEBS,
w that each bottlo has the words " Dr. J.
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tile, aad stamped on tho metallic cap
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a4tM i on the label.
"epared and sold by HOSTETTZB &
Pittsburgh, Pm and sold by all
siTi. erocers d dealers srencrally
Jcfhout tee United States. Canada, South
Had Germany.
J.pJ-"Pavis S: Jones. Ebensburs; J. A.
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SsDRUfiS DRUGS! !
BUvE?EI) AXD F0R SALE BY n-s-
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fm. mn m mis.
5Nv nrr' Razrs, Brushes, Combs, Station
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.11 IT a. I Cm O t i
RECEIVED AND FOR SALT! A Urn
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laiBrf GEORGE HUNTLEY.
BTviP 1 - - j
AS rnlTJIiOXS AND EXECUi
'VR SALE AT THIS OFFICER
Select poetrn
Tlie Land of Dreams.
The land of dreams is brighter
Than this dark land of ours,
Its cloudless skies are lighter
And fairer are its flowers.
And hearts that earth would saver.
1
In tmion close and sweet,
More fond and true than ever,
May there together meet.
The forms we most have cherished.
That in the cold grave sleep.
The beings that have perished
Rise fora Uietr ftlumber daep.
And joyfully they meet us,
-
With a pleasure beaming eye.
And the voice with which they greet us.
Is the voice of days gone by.
The beggar with his wallet.
Has a mine at his command,
And the slave upon his pallet.
Holds a scepter in his hand.
In sleep the old man loves to dwell.
He seems a boy to be,
Use prisoner lauheth in his cell.
For ho dreams that he is free.
From realms of cold reality.
How starts the unfettered mind.
Banging as lawless through the sky
As blows the mountain wind.
Its home of clay forsaking.
It journeys vide and fir,
Its boundless voyage taking
IVom distant star to stan
iniaccllcmcoiiB.
MISS JCLLliiY'S MATCH.
Miss Jellaby rose at six ona beautiful An
gust morning, and throwing open her cham
ber window, sniffed once or twice a: tbe fra
grance coming up from the roses iu the gar
den below. Then she hunt?d a moment for
her ftpectecU-s upon the bureau, and putting
them on, loked eagerly at Rand ill Cottage
over the way. A very modest, pretty little
house it vra, with roses and sjrlnas growicj:
under each window, and woodbine and jessa
mine chu.biug over the door; but Miss Jella
by was not aduiiiiug its beauty then She
looked up ut a front wiudow o.i the second
floor, and gave ioicu-- uort.
".Is I expected! She isn't up yet. and
hers it is six o'clock! Aad where U he, I
wonder?'
licfcre th) hal time lo tinser the question,
as it was asked mentally the front door of
the cottage opened, and Mbs Jellaby, shrink
ing behind her curtain, taw a.haudsome. 6un
burued man co'.nc out, and go dovn the gar-d-n
walk, with a cigar ia his mouth. It was
easy to see by the slight roll in his walk that
he had been a sailor, though for the matter
of that, lm bearing, handsome face, and
frauk, hearty manner, would have told tbe
tale if he had never stirred a stt-p. With
bis hands in his pockets he sauntered among
the roses, beading down now ao J aen, as if
to say good morning to the fai'st, aad al
ways removing the cigar frota his lips when
he did. so.
lie couldn't do mora if he was speaking
to a wjajan," said the Kuastcr applying her
ve to a hole left pr:rp-sjiy in the white cur
tain. 'Thi tiin is mad about fl)Wers, I do
believe, atid she n a (ouch beyond him, if
such a thing can be Ah, there she comes
and dressed in blue giugjhanj, too. I won
der what hermoruiug gowns cost her through
the year? And her tslippers oh, mercy,
there they go right through the wet well
there "
Words failed the worthy spinster. Mean
while the owner of the s;ippers (and very
pretty little affairs they were bronzed-laced
uaintilly and rose tied with a spangle that
thone lik a dew-drop) tripped down the walk
so lightly that the gentleman did Dot hear
her step, a?jd coming upon him as he bent
over a bed of violets, gave hiai a pasb that
sent him on his face among theui. To see
her laugh to see him blunder up and chase
her through tho alleys to sec him kiss her,
when he pri.soui.-d her at last in his strong arms
and to see her pretend to box his ears for
it was a sight for a loving heart to watch
but Miss Jellaby, over opposite, nearly fainted
away with horror She rang her bell vio
lently, and a 8juare-faced, sour-looking wom
an, who had lived with her for years, made
her appearance
fcusan
"Well,"
said that amiable domestic, brief-
Before Miss Jellaby could speak, the un
conscious pair in the opposite garden trans
gressed against propriety again.
"Walking up and down in broad day light
with his arm around her waist just look at
her, Susan! Do you mean to stand there and
tell me that that man li only her brother?"
"Dear me, ma'am how can I tell? I
only know that they look alike, and that they
have the same name."
IIow do you know?"
"Because I saw their linen one day at the
laundresses, and hers was marked Helen Gra
ham and bis Philip Graham. And their ser
vant told the woman that she had always lived
with Miss Helen and Master Philip, when
they were at their own home ia Eugland.
What more do you want?"
"Susan, you will break my heait yet I
am sure of it? Is it possible you knew all
this? When did you find it out?"
"Tuesday."
'And this is Friday. For threo whole
days you have kept me in this disgraceful
ignorance! Susan, we shall have to pan!"
"Good Lord, Miss Jellaby, how was I to
know that I ought to como and tell you?
said Susan, tartly, "Pin sure it'a no great
news, after all is said and done.
."Ilumph! That we shall see, later on
It's my opinion that some one ought to speak
to Mr. Fullerton.
"The Minister? What for?"
"Are you such a fool, Susan, as not to see
what it all means. Miss Helen and Master
Philip, indeed! I wonder at your swallowing
such a story. The are no more brother and
suter than you and I are:
"Well, what are they, then?"
"That remains to be told the wrethts!
But Mr. Fullerton will soon set them to
rights. I thall go and see him after break
fast. ' I don't know what the poor man would
do without me. ,
"Have some peace, I sdj,' uvattcreJ
ousan, under uer Dream, as sue lonoweu
Miss Jellaby down ' to the parlor. Susan
loved her mistress, and was a faithful servant
to her, but she detested scandal of all kinds,
and never could be brought to take that in
terest in other people's business, which was
considered right and proper by the worthy
spinster.
Breakfast beirg over. Miss Jellaby sallied
forth to the parsonage.
The good pastor looked up with a meek
sigh, as that lady entered bis study.
The clergyman was a quiet, peace-loving
man. somewhat timid withal, and the spins
ter always overDOwered him with her argu
ments, when she attempted to do so. She
stayed nearly half an hour with him, at the
expiration of that time people who were on
the look out saw her conveying the unhappy
parson in the direction, and, at last, through
the very gate of liandall Cottage.
A tidy-looking old servant admitted them
ushered them into a pleasant nursery room,
r.nd said she would go and tell her mistress of
their arrival. Mr. b ullerton sat on the edge
of his chair, very uneasy in his mind, and
wishing with all his heart that he was at
home again. Miss Jellaby strode up aud
down the room like a dragon, eying everything
about her, and making observations in au
under tone, which, however, he could not help
hearing.
"Such extravagance! Look at that carpet,
now all roses aud lillies, and straggling
green vines Why can't they be contented
with drugget, as 1 am."
She took another turn
' And a guitar! Spaniards, I don't doubt;
or Italians; and the rest follows, as a matter
of course. Mr. Fullerton, I believe these
people are heathenf-I"
Hardly, I think, or they never would
have come to church last Sunday."
"Oh, you doa't know that; perLaps'tEey
had some private end to gain by it," said
Miss Jellaby.
The tpmster's unreasonable suspicions tick
led Mr. Fu'.lerton beyond measure. She saw
Lita laughing aud grew indignant.
"Lt those laugh that win, I say, Mr.
Fullerton. I don't doubt you will fetl more
like crying before this business is settled."
".Not I," said the minister, with a rueful
look."
"A crucifix, as I am a. sinner!" she mur
murmed a moment afterwards. "There, Mr.
Fullcrton,what did I tell you! hanging on
the wall here in broad day light. Shall I
pull it down?""
"Are you beside yourself, Miss Jellaby!"
sail Mr Fullerton, springing up and arrest
ing her hand just in time.
The sound of voices and laughter in the
gardeu prevented her giving hirn what the
called, a piece of her miud. There was a
race up tne oroal path, that sobered into a
walk when the young couple neared the win
dows, followed by the old scrvaut who had
been into the grounds to call them.
They entered the room together flushed with
their frolic, but looking happy aad pleased to
meet the clergyman.
"Sin wears a different face from that," he
said to himself, as he shook hands with him.
They turned to the spinster who had bolstered
herself up against the chimney piece, aud
etoooi eyeing them with sour disdain.
'Your neighbor, Miss Jellaby!" said Mr.
Fullerton, adding, in a low whisper to her,
as they sought about the room for easy chaits.
"It's all wrong here. 1'il have nothing to
do with the matter. Say nothing, and let
this pass as a morning call!
"'Say notbia' ind-ed! Mr. Fullerton
I am ashamed of you!" wa her reply, too
audibly made, however, for Mr Graham
heard it, though he was too coitcousr to be
surprised.
"Pray take this easy chair. Miss Jtllaby.
Can I offer you same wine, M. FuMertouT"
said Helen, who wondered inwardly at the
strange behavior of her guests.
"Mo my child," said the clergyman, kindly,
"I will touch nothing during this visit. Some
other time I hope to come again. I can only
express my sorrow at having been persuaded
against my better judgment to enter these
doors on fcuch an absurd errand and leave
you." i
"My dear sir, forgive me if I say I do not
quite understand!" exclaimed the captain,
while Helen made up her mind that both her
visitors were mad.
"I will tell you at another time," said
Mr. Fullerton nervously. "I will only say
ia explanation of thL intrusion, thai it was
caused by a most ridiculous mistake. Miss
Jellaby, will vou allow mo to accoajpany you
home i
Miss Jellaby folded her arms looked at them
all viciously, aud thundered out
"No!" '
"Is she mad?" whispered Helen to the
clergyman. "What does it all mean?"
Miss Jellaby beard her.
"It means this, madam, this and nothing
more, that if Mr. Fullerton is to bo ensnared
by a pretty face, and frightened out of doing
his duty, I am not!"
'Was there ever such an unfortunate pieco
of business. Miw Jellaby I cannot allow
you to commit such an act of folly, or to in
sult these young creatures so. I command
you as your master, not to speak.
"I take no orders from a man who shrinks
from his duty," said the spinster loftilv.
"My dear sir, (turning to the captain,) it
seems I cannot spare yoa this infliction, so I
may as well tell you what this good lady
means. She lives opposite you. as you al
ready know "
'"And she has seen you time and again,
when you thought yourselves quite alone
remember that!" chimed in the sharp voice
of the rpinster.
"Do be quiet, my dear Miss Jellaby. As
she says the has often peen you "
"Kissing!" exploded from the. thin lips.
"Miss Jellaby either you or I must be si
lent. From these thincs ehe ha drawn ho
. , n - . . . u
own conclusioosTaffd I am shamed to say
that for a brief space she persuaded me into
believing them. I need not add that from
the instant you entered this room, my sus
picions vanished, and I would readily stake
my life, this moment, upon your perfect in
tegrity." "But my dear sir," said Captain Graham,
smiling, "of what does this lady suspect
us?"
"Tell them, Miss Jellaby. I will not!"
"Pretty behavior. I am sure, to leave the
worst part to me, Mr. Fullerton. However,
no one shall say I shrunk back from mv
duty!"
"We are waiting to know what hienious
crime we have committed." said Captain Gra
ham, drawing the bewildered Helen close to
his side. Miss Jellaby gasped at the caress;
then it seemed to give her fresh energy.
lietore my very eye3. sir:
"What do you mean?"
"I Bupposoyou will kiss her next."
"Well ukw you mention it I think I
will." And be did! Miss Jellaby nearly
fainted away with horror.
Mr. r ullerton how can you stand there
so quietly, and watch this shameless conduct!
As tor you sir'" she added, turning to the
good humored ciptain, "you need not think
every one will tolerate your audacious '
"lake breath, my dear Miss Jellaby."
"It is infamous;' shouted the enraged
spinster. "Urother anl sister, indeed! You
are co more her brother than you are mine,
Captatn Urahaui.
"I know it. I never said I wa?.
Mr. Fullerton looked rather puzzle!, Mbs
Jellaby was triumphant.
W ell you are brazen about it, I must
sav. Ibis town will soon be too hot to ho! I
you, 'you may depend upou it."
"I never knew it was a crime not to be a
wotnio'y brctcr,- before-," - Bait tbe-captatn ,-
quietly. "However, there is a relation be
tween us, if it will please you any better."
- NV hat l UT'
"I am her cousin the ward of her father;
and I have always lived with her family in
bagland."
"Oh!"
There was a world of meaning in that sim
ple ejaculation.
"Also, I nave the honor to be
"Well, sir."
"Ilcr husband!"
Mr. Fullerton uttered a most unclerical
"hurrah!" and shook hands with the vouug
couple over and over again.
"Hor her husband, faltered the old mail.
" neixr thought of thai!'1
"Allow me to hope madam, that you will
have your wits about you before you try to
create anoke? y aTkdaJ," ?aid the captain, su
avely. "I have the honor to wish you a very
good morning.'
Ho held tho door open as he i?poke she
could bat take tne hint, and rushed out of
tbe house, and into her own. in a state of
mind verging upon distractioa. Staying to
bo lau 'bed at and sympathised with, was what
she could not endure the cottage was shut
up the next morning and she and Susan were
ar away. Miss Jellaby had found her match.
and the village has kuown peace since her
departure for the first time!"
Democratic Apostle aud a Convert.
Down in Egypt. Illinois, Deacon Smith
one day was called upon to marry an old cou
ple not less than sixty years of age. The
crowd assembled at tho old log school house
to see the happy couple joined together. The
deacon and the martial candidates rose.
'Mr. Jones,' sail the deacon, 'and Sarah
ong stand up. Do you, Mr. Jones, take
Sarah Longr whom you hold by the right
. . . a , r y ll.l ..If.
hand, to be your lawiui ana weaaja wu- tv
ong as you live.'
No, sir, Doacoa brmtn, said Jones; 'so
ong as we both shall agree.'
This "natter being uaderstooi tbe deacoa
proceeded:
Do vou. Sarah Long, take Mr. Jones,
whom you hold by the right hand, to be your
awful wedded husband so long as you totn
shall live?'
No. Sir. Deacon Smith, so long as Mr.
Jones shall vote the Democratic ticket,' re
plied the patriotia female.
The happy couple were joinca togetacr,
and went oa their Tay rejoiceing.
j3TA fellow in town ha a nose so long
that an eminent surgeon has reccommended
him to have a hinge ni-ide for it so that he
can shut his proboscis up like a jack knife, on
going to bed.
JtLeysi ia childhood if you can, that
happiness is not ouiside, but inside. A good
heart and a clear conscience bring happinesss,
no riches or circumstances alone ever do.
5FIt may seem a paradox, but it is nev
ertheless truth, that, hit a man upon what
ever part of the body you wiil, tho blow is
sure to go against the stomach.
Z7 It is stated there are one hundred thoa
sand men without work in the City of New
York,,
A Contented Farnier.
Once upon a time Frederick, King cf Prus
sia, surnamed 'Old Fritz.' took a ride and es
pied an old farmer ploughing bis acre by the
wayside, cheerily singing bis melody.
You must be well off. old man,' said the"
king. 'Does this acre belong to you, on whi'h
you so industjiously labor?'
No, sir,' replied the farmer, who knew not
that it was the king. 'I am not so rich as
that. I plough for wages.
'How much do you get a day?' asked the
king.
Eight gTOschen, (about twenty cents.)
said the farmer.
'This is not much, replied the king, 'can
you get along with this?'
'Get along and have something left.
now is thatr
The farmer-smi'cd and ?ai4:. , V
Well, if I must tell you; two goschen are
for myself anl wife; with two I pay my old
debts; two I lend away; and two I give away
for the Lord's sake.'
'This is a mystery which I cannot solve,'
replied the king. ' "
Then I will solvo it for yoa,' said the far
mer. 'I have two old parents at home, who kept
me when I was weak and needed help, "and
now that they are weak and need help, I keep
them. This is a debt towards which I pay !
two goschens a d3y. Ihe t hird pair of gos
chen, which I lend away, I spend for my chil
dren, that they may receive a christian in
struction. This wiil come haudy to me and
my wife when we get old. With the last
two goschen I maictain two sick si3ter?, whom
I would not be compelled to keep this I give
for the Lord's sake.'
The king, well pleased with the answer,
said:
'Bravely spoken, old man. Now I will
also give you something to guess, nave you
ever seen me before?'
'Never,' said the farmer.
'In less than five minutes you shall see me
fifty times, and carry in your pocket fifty of
my likenesses.'
'This is a riddle which I cannot unravel,
said the farmer.
'Then "1 will do it for you. replied the
kiDg.
Thursting bis hand into his pocket and
couuting him fifty bran-new gold pieces into
his hand, stamped with his royal likeness, be
paid to the astonished farmer, who knew not
what was coming.
The coin is genuine, for it also comes
from our Lord God, and I am his paymaster.
I bil yoa adieu German RcJ. Jdis.
- - - Hint to I'oungr Ladies.
Don't make a Con fidante of the first inter
esting youag la Jy you meet. A woman can't
keep a secret any more than a sieve can hold
water, and tea to one she'll tell the whole sto
rv to the sister of the nice young man io ques
tion. Then you can imagine the consequen
ces. '
Don't sit down to your crochet work or em
broidery unless you have first mended that
hole in yur stocking. No use crowding it
under the beel of your shoo rags, like mur
der, will out; and they speak with terribly
load voices and at inconvenient season's some
times.
Don't undertake to write skim-milk poetry
when you feel a little disposed toward enthu
siasm. Go and do a kind action, or speak a
kind word to somebody, if the feeling mast
have vent. Depend up:n it, yo'il be better
satisSe.l afterward. - - - J ,
Don't pretend to be angry because gentle
men have the audacity to look at you, when
you promenade Broadway in your best bonnet
What do you go there for, if not to bo seen?
The more you affect indignation the more of
fending wretches won't believe it.
Doa't pay thirty or forty dollars for tbe
aforesaid bonnet, aad then complain that 'Pa
is in such narrow circumstances yoa can't
afford to give twenty-fivtj cents ia charity.
Don't eat blue and yellow candies, the
whole tinii, like a mouse nibbling at a pine
apple cheese, and then lament because you
haven't any appetite for dinner.
Don't ask a beardless boy what school he
attends, and whether he prefers kites or mar
ble, unless you are certain he is neither a
rising young lawyer nor a member of the
Legislature.
Don't keep a gentleman waiting half an
hour, when be calls, while yoa put on lace
and ribbons, and arrange curls; ha isn't a fool
whatever you raiy think on the subject, aad
probably form bisowa iJcas upoa your oiigi
nal arpoarance.
Don't run and hide, like a frightened rab
bit, when a gentleman puts his bead into the
room where you are sweeping or dusting.
If there's anything to be ashamed of in the
business, why do you do it?
Don't proclaim to the world that you can't
exist without six Paris bonnets ia a year,
and that life would be a burden without an
opera box and diraocds, and then wonder that
the young uiec 'sheer off.
And above all, when some one Jxs pro
pose, don't say us , when you mean yes. He
may take)-ou at your word!
If you follow all thise preee pts. you may
one day succeed ia getting married, and that
you know, is tbe submit of all earthly ambi
tion. Mrs. George Washington Willts.
XdtT A girl bitting in a fellow's lap with
her arms around his neck, and looking at the
fire works, on the evening of the fourth of
July, asked him if she was not heavy. He
replied, "My yoke is easy, and my burden is
light."
53- A gentleman on the point of death open
ed bis eyes4 an l seeing a oonsultatioa of three
physicians, who tree standing close by bis
side, faintly exclaimed;
"Gentlemen, if you firo by platoons, it's ill
ivcr with mc," aud instantly expired.
Taking tne Census.
Ia endeavoring to take th census for the
government, the marshals occasionally met
with such difficulties as well nigh to deprive
them of their own senses. Tbe following col
lcquy is said to have taken place in Canal
street:
Who is the head of this familjT
'That depends epen circumstances. If be
fore 11 o'clock, it's me 'bmvb&nd if aft her
! 11. it's meself.'
Why this division?
Because, afthtr that hour, he's dhrunk as
a piper, and unable to take care of himself,
let alone hi family?' - -
What ia his age?
'Coming next Michaelmas he will lack a
month of being as ould as Finnigan. Yoa
know Finniganf
. -No. I don't know Finnigan; and if I did
it WotltJ iot it'p matters. Is your husband
an ahesr
Och. thin he's ailing intirely. He baa
rh em a ties wore than ould Donnelly, who was
tied double with them.'
'How many male members Lave you in the
family?'
Niver a one.'
What, no boys at all?'
Boys is it? Ah, murther, go home. We
have boys enough to whip four loves for break
fast.'
'When were yoa married?
'The day Pat Doyle left Tipperary for
Ameriky. Ah, well I mind it. A sunshi
nier day niver glided the tky of ould Ire
land.' 'What was the condition of your husband
before marriage?'
'Divil a man more miserable. He said if I
did not give him a promise within two weeks
he'd blow Lis brains out with a crow-bar.
What was be at the time of your marriage
a widower or a bachelor?'
A which! A widower, did you sav? Ah
now go way wid your nonsase. it's the
likes of me that would take up with a second
hand husband? Do I look like the wife of a
widower? A poor divil all legs aad consump
tion, like a sick turkey. A wilower! May
I never be blessed if I'd not rather live ia
ould maid, anl bring up a family on butter
milk and 'praties.
Here the dialogue finished up. the marshal
coming to the conclusion that be could 'make
more next door. Whether be oil we will
probably know at some future time.
ITuw a Toad l3ulls off his laiiis. A writer
in the Norlh Carolina lamer tells the fol
lowing: About the middle of July, I f jund a toad
oa a bill of melons, and not wanting him to
leave',' I 'hoed sroamd " h:m. He appeared"
tlurgish and not iuclired to move. Present
ly I observed him preetiug his elbows against
bis sides, rubbiug downwards. Iio appeared
so singular, that I watched to see what he
was up to After a few smart rubs his skin
began to burst open straight along his back.
N'jW, said I, old fellow, you have done it;
but be appeared to be ucconcerned, snl kept
oa rubbing until be had worked down ar1.! his .
skin on bis sides and hips, then grasping one
biad leg with his bancs, be hauled off his
pants the same as any body would, then strip
ped his other leg in tbe same way. He then
took his cast oil catucle Xorward, between bis
f.-re legs into his mouth, and swallowed it;
then by raising and lowering bis head, swal
lowing as his Leal came down, bo stripped
off his skin underneath until it came to his
forelegs, aal then grapiagoae of these with
4le' frfprvifA haady- by cin-.i.lojaLIa palllo g
stripped off the skin; changing bands ho
stripped the other, cud by a slight motion
of the bead, be drew it frcm the threat, and
swallowed the whole. The opperatioo seemed
to ie an agretable one, an 1 occupied ba: a
short time.
2 An oil woman, who was in tbe habit
of declaring, after the occurrence ofajy unu
sual event, that she had predicted it, was one
daj very cleverally 'sold' by her worthy spou'e
who, like many another we wot of, had got
tired of her eternal I toll you so."
Rushing into the house, breathless with ex
citenect, he dropped into a chair, elevated
his hands, and exclaimed: "Oh, wife! wife!
what what do yoa think? The oil bnn
dle cow has gone and eat up cur grindstone!"
The old lady was ready, and hardly wai
ting to bear the last word, screamed cut at
the top of berlaags: "-I toll you so, you oil
fool! I told you so! You always would let
it stan d out-a-doors!"
t1?l Wurldly prosperity is a much greater
drain upon oar energies than the most severs
adversity; there is no spring, no elasticity; it
is like walking through Ufa upon a Turkey
carct,
!II''I wish I could have seen your great
feat," said a lady to a gentleman who had
met with a Lazxrdous adventure ia Africa.
"There they are. madam," said he pointing
to his pedal extremctics.
C3- There is a chap in jail, in Chicago, wha
is awaiting trial for having married and de
serted eleven wives trial enough, without
any extra one, says the Boston Post.
The other day a yankce gave a beg
gar woman a couple of ceuts. ''Two cents!"
exclaimed she, -tak them back, sir; I asked
for charity; I em't do anything with two
cents." -'My dear madam," said the polite
doner, "I beg you'll keep the cents, and give
them to some poor person."
K"What makes all these apothecary
shops havt stone fljorb?" said Billy to Sam
as they stood at tue couuter. "Dou't you
know. Bill? It's so that if a feller drops bis
bottle, he'll be sure to break it."
XSrTbe editor of a Westepa paper offers
to give his likenesses to all his p ttnns who
i will pay np.
ir
rrr
TTTT