1
r
7
(A
THK BLESSINGS QF GOVEBHMEXT, LIKE THE DEWS Of HEAVEN, SHOULD BB DISTRIBUTED ALIXS U?03f THB HIGH AKD THE LOW, THE BICH iKK THE POOB.
SEW SERIES.
EBENSBURG, PA., WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 26, 1859:
VOL. 6 NO. 48.
r .7 r '
.IN U-J
t',Jtyp.-
TERMS:
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J ashed every Wednesday Morning at
n,ir.L.va and Fifty Cents per annum.
xiMeia alvance; Ose Dollar and Sevestt
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-i hi th;in six months, and no subscriber will be
libiM-tv to discontinue his paper until all ar
'u,'are paid, except at the option of the
iitor.
invneHon subscribing for six months will be
Iiy-'J one dollar, unless the money is paid
Advertising Rates.
One inaert'n. Two do. TJiree do
square.
12 lines
$ 50 $ 75 $1 00
1 00 1 00 2 Oo
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8 months. C do. 12 do
$1 50 $3 00 $5 00
2 60 4 50 9 00
4 00 7 00 12 00
6 00 9 00 14 00
10 00 12 00 0 no
15 00 22 00 35 Oo
2i Vines
36 Vines
"'Hi or less,
,,,,re, d2 lines I
- ..ires, f 30 lines
,'f 1 c .liii.n,
' .vl'-'crtisements must be marked with
, tllimbor of insertions desired, or they will bo
:imie until forbid, and charged accordingly.
1SEW GOODS.
li!K I'N'DEKSIGNED ha just received and
n iw cpi-ning, a full supply of Goods suit
's fr the season, consisting of
HADE UP CLOTHING,
J330TS. SliOES. HATS. AKD CAtS,
nit:m ini:, htleuv, groce
I i:ii:s &.c. &.c.
i ... ii , i- t . -i .. . i
v.. i i re ic .l nn ,sr;e or i.fiau vj
1 VKUY LOWEST Market piices foi C.h or
E. IIUGUES.
J.::u2:', 1So9. tf.
BAIL MB IS C8MII.
nr.
iUE Subscriber has juat received at
his New
-J.jor I'.ast of Thomj'sons MotiLtain Uoute
'vl.t vf ALL KINDS of
MS AND SUMMER HATS
for CASH.
CLINTON i:.
JONI.
Xyr'A, Vi -Wo0.-21-3m.
NEW AEEIVAL.
1115 U.NDHr.SlGNKD, h9
added to his
Arc. A very
S:.tk '.'f I!.-'ts and Shoes
s-Vctf.l assortment of MhN
MI HITS, MKNS MARSEILLES
IPII'VillTE AKOCMlL.I SIOSE
d do
d.
do
l.d M
ltd. Atld Gouts, do.
Ulack Neck Ties,
1'.
i U. Vi S'Ji:ll l'T,
L j N. k Tie-i, Ladies and Gent. Linen Iland-
.1 "1. Wii.t? an'. Cil-red Lir en frloss.
v;. nary, CriH.t Hi ks. Trunks and every
U n Tes.-iary Kept in his line.
.a a rail and ex.unine fr yourselves.
n::;is CASH.
CLINTON It. JONES.
J:;u-i3. 1-59 tf.
IHUG8 DltUfiS DRUGS! !
f 1ST OPENKI) AND EOEl SALE BY R. S
V BLNN. M. D.. A general assortment of
rDRUGS, hedicihes,
U Snifips. Oils. Paints. nve-Stnffs.
MIS. ML
At Cutlery, Itazors, Brushes, Combs, Station
T. funk Books. Perfumery, Soaps, Tobacco,
ws.S::U$ and other articles usually net n
6 IL S.BUNN, M. D.
r-burg, May, A, 1 359.-2 1-ly.
JiCIt-SO Si. CLARK,
V..:0N DENTISTS, JOHNSTOWN, PA.
NT. .-f the firm will be in Ebensburg during
J t ten davs of each month,
' wliich time all persons dei-
i; his professional services can
lilim at the oflice of Dr. Lewis, nearly oppo-
t Blair' ILt.-l. may25,l8o9tf.
)EM0 AU PAUL GRAFF, JIIANUFAC-
t and Wholesale Dealer in Boots, Shoes,
l:CJi,Hats and Caps, No. C8 North
r-o:rect, between Arch and Cherry, 1 una-
f March 6, 1856.
JOUV SI1ARIZAUKII,
'tie of the Peace, SnmmillTlllr, Pa.
4 1.L BUSINESS INTRUSTED TO HIS
V u:e will be promptly attended to. lie will
'Vt as Aurtiono r at Public Sales whenever
'"friars in that capacity are required.
.iljjM, 16oS:21
R. S. BUNN. M. D.
TlpERS HIS PROFESSIONAL Services to
A t.k. r.tueus t f EbcnsLur CMTia in Druz
on High S.trt, opposite Thompson's Ho-
THIS WAY.
JriXCEIVED AND FOR SALE A large
t r. ' i'lid Assortment of American Tuck-
(Every knife warranted.) bv
GEORGE HUNTLEY.
10. 1853. St.
so
t. it,.
T. L. BETEB
Johnstown
E
& IIEYER. Attorneys at Law
Jin..
rf1 given in the English and German
Je0-.U56. ly '
,JA roR BALE A T Tm3 0FFWE.
i
a t aM
Select IpDcirji,
THE MERRY HEART.
Tis well to have a merry heart,
However short we stay;
There' wisdom in a merry heart,
. What'er the world may say!
Philosophy may lift its heid
And find ort many a flaw,
But give me the philosophy
Tint's happy with a straw!
If life but bring3 us happiness
It brings us, we are told,
What's hard to buy, though rich ones try,
With all their heaps of gold!
Then laugh away let others say
What'er they will of mirth;
Who laughs tho most may truly boast
He's got the wealth of earth!
There's a beauty in a merry laugh,
A moral beauty too
It shows the heart's an honest heart
That's paid each man his due,
And lend a aha re of what's to spare
Despitcs of wisdom's fears,
And make the cheek less sorrow speak.
And the eye weep fewer tears.
The 6un may shroud itslf in cloud.
The tempest wrath begin;
It finds a spark to cheer the dark.
Its funlight is within!
Then laugh away, let others say
What'er they will of mirth;
Who laughs the most may truly boast
He's got the wealth of earrh!
illisccllmvcou
THE GOXDOMER OF VEXE.
BY FKANCIS C. DCKIVAOE.
It was the season of carnival and nowhere
else in Itally where the holidays celebrateA
with such zest and magnificence. Hy eight
millions of lamps burned in the palace win
dows, rivaling the splendors of the firmament
and reflected in the still waters of the lagu
nes like tnyraids of stars. Night 'and day
njueic was resounding. There were regattas,
balls and festas, and the entire population
teemed to have gone mad with gaity, and to
have lost all thought of the Council of Ten.
the Bridge of Sighs, and the poinards of the
bravocs
On a bright morning cf this holiday sea
son a group of young gondoliers, at tired in
their ga3-est costume, were sitting at the head
of a flight of marble steps that led up from
one of the canals, waiting for their fears. A
cava'.ier and lady, both gaily attired had just
alighted from a gondola and parsed the boat
man on their way to some readvous.
The gondolier who had conducted them,
an old, gray-headed, hard-looking fellow,
had pocketed his fee; nodded his thanks, and
pushed off agaiu from the landing.
"There goes old Heppo," said one of the
gondoliers on shore 'IIe will make a good
days work of it. I cau swear I saw the glit
ter of gold in his hand juat now."
Yes, yes," Baid another, -'let him alone
for making money. And what h makes he
keens. He's a close-fisted old huuks."
"And what is he scrimping and saving
for?'' asked a third. "He is unmarried he
has no children."
"No, but he is to be married," said the
first.
"How? the man's pat sixty."
"Yes, comrade, but he will not be the first
old fellow who has thken a young wife in his
dotage. Have you never heard that he has
a young ward, beautiful as an angel, whom
he keeps cooped up as tenderly as a brooding
dove in his old tumble down house on the Ca
nal Orfano? Nobody but himself Las ever
set eyes on her to my knowledge.
"There you are mistaken. Stefano," said
a young man who bad cot hitherto spoken.
He was a fine, dashing, handsome young fel
low of twenty-six, in a holiday suit of crim
son gold, with a fiery eye. long curling locks
with a mubtauche as black as jet.
"Let's hear what Antonio Giraldi has to
say about the matter," cried his companions.
Simply this," said the young man; "I
f, J '
have seen the imprisoned fair one, the peer
less Zanetta. for such is her name She is
lovely as the day, and her voice, why. Cor
po di Ararco! La Gianina. the prima donna,
is a screech-owl compared to my nightia
gale." Tour nightingale! Bravo!" cried Stefa
no, in a tone of mocking irony. "What can
you know about her voice?"
"Simply this, Master Stefano," replied the
voun gondolier: "When floating beneath
her window in my gonaoia. i nave aauresscu
bcr in such rude strains of meldy as I best
knew bow to frame. She has replied in tones
so liquid and vxxre that the angels might
have listened.
1v. listened "
"By heaven, the f.llow'i in love!'
cried
Stefano.
'Long live music and love? said Antonio.
"What were lif worth without them?
Your'e in excellent spirits." said Stefa
no.
And why shouldn't a man be on his wed
ding-day?
"Mad as a march hare?" cried totefano.
"Mark me," said Antonio. "That girl
nhall never marrv old Benpo mv word for
y A A
it. She hate him.
"She'll elope with some noble, then.'
To be cast off and wither when he is tired
of her. No! The bridegroom for Zanetta is
a goDdalier '
With all my beart,' said Stefano 'But
come, comrades, it is of no use waiting here.
Let us to our gondolas and row to St. Marks.
You'll coma with u?, AntonigT
'Not I my occupation's gone.'
How so?'
'I have sold my gondola.'
'Sold your gondola!'
Ay, that was my word.'
But why?'
. 'I wanted money.'
'Your gondola was the means of
it.:-
'Vcry true bat I had occasion for a cer
tain sum at once.'
And why not have recourse to our purses
Antonio? Light as they are, we would have
mado it up by contributions among us.'
I doubted not your kindness, but my self
respect would not permit me to ask your aid.
Good-by, comrades, wo shall meet to-morrow.'
-
To-morrow AdJio.'
There was a brilliant masquerade that even
ing at the palazzo of Count Giulio Colonna.
Invitations had boen issued to all the world,
and all the world was present. The finest
music, the richest wines, the most splendid
decorations were lavished on the occasion.
Perhaps, among that brilliant company, there
was more than one plebeian, who, under cov
er of the mask, and employing the license
common at these saturnalia, had intruded
himself unbidden.
Old Beppo, the gondalicr, was in atten
dance at the vestibule of the. palace, feasting
his avericious eyes on the glimpse of wealth
and luxury he noted within doors, when a
gentleman in rich costume, and wearing a
mask, beckoned him to one side, and desired
a moment's interview.
'Do you know me?' was the first question
asked by the stranger.
No, signor?" replied the gondolier.
Do you know these gentlemen?' asked the
mask. eliriDinir a counle of cold pieces into
the miser's hand.
Perfectly,' replied the boatman, grinning.
'What are your lordship's commands?'
'Is your gondola in waiting?'
Yea, eignor. It lies below, moored to the
landing."
Tis well, nast thou any scruples about
aiding in a love intrigue?'
'None in the world sisnor '
Then I'll make a confidant of you.'
'I will be all secresy signor.'
'Briefly, then, gondolier,' said the mask,
'I am in love with a very charming young
person.'
'Well?'
Well and this young person loves me in
return.'
'Good and you are going to marry her?'
Not so fast, gondolier. She has an old
guardian, who, at the age of sixty or more,
has been absurd enough only think of it
to propose to marry her himself.'
The absurd old fool!' cried Beppo, not
without some twinges, for he thought of his
projects with regard to Zanetta.
'Now, then,' said the mask, 'I have resol
ved to rue away with ber to night I have
now the opportunity for she is here in the
Palasso Colonna. Now will and can you aid
me? I will pay you well.'
"Ah, my lord, you have come to the
right market," said the old sinner. "I'm
used to affairs of this kind. Has your lord
ship a priest engaged?"
"I have not."
"Then I can recommend one. Hard by
in a chapel dedicated to our lady, where there
is a man, accustomed to affairs of this kind,
who will tie the knot for a moderate fee, and
ask no impertinent question.
"His name?"
Father Dominic."
"Good, he is the man for us; and you are
the prince of gondoliers. Get your gondola
ready, and we will join you at the foot of the
stairs in a moment."
Old Beppo hastened to prepare his gondo
la, and while so doing muttered to himself,
"Well, Well, this is a good night's work.
I'm getting old and I must soon retire from
business. Every such stroke of luck helps
on the day when I shall call Zanetta mine.
So another old fool U to be dube I. Serve
him right. Why don't he keep his treasure
under look and key as I do? But men will
never learn wisdom. Here they come.
The young cavalier reappeared on the
steps, leadiog a laly, masked an! veiled,
whose elastic step and graceful bearing sem
ed to designate her as oae mo mng in the
highest circles. The lovers took seats in the
boat, and drew the curtains arouaJ them,
while Ix'ppo pusnea oil, ana oi vigorouj
oar sent the boat dancinz over the waters of
the lagune. After a few minuets they ar
rived at their destination. After making the
boat fast, the gondolier landed and entered
the smalt chapel which stood upon the brink
of the canal. In a few moments bo return
ed, and informed the cavalier that all was
prepared. The gentleman and lady entered
the chapel, Beppo keeping guard to prevent
or cive notice of any intrusion. I h cere
mony was performed very rappidly by Father
Dominie, for be was just going to bod when
the gondolier arrived, and was duly anxious
I to dispatch his business, so that he might
I consign hia weary limbs to rest.
consign nia weary
"Is it all over?" whispered Beppo in the
ear of the cavalier, as he came oat with his
lady.
"All right," replied the mask, in the same
tone of voice. "But one thing perplexes
me. I have do place that I can call my
home, to-night. The lady will be missed
mv palace will De watcoed ; 1 should incur
the risk of sword's crossing and bloodshed
if I sought to take her hither to night.
If my house was not so very humble," said
the gondolier, hesitatingly.
"The very thing!' said the mask, joyful
ly. "No matter how humble the roof, pro
vided that it shelters us. To-morrow we can
arrange matters for flight or for remain-
lUg
"The gat into the gondola, my lord; and
I will row you thither in a fw minuets."
The parry re-vmbarkd, cad man rsaehvd
gondolier's
residence. After
fastened
his craft, he unlocked his door, and striking
a light, conducted his distinguished guests up
stairs As he passed one of the chamber doors,
the old gentleman, addressing the young la
dy, said :
"You have made a moonlight flitting, to
night, signora, and I wish you joy of your es
capo ; but if you had been as safely kept as a
precious charge I have in thia room, you
would never have stood before the altar to
night, with your noble bridegroom."
"You forget that 'love laughs at lock
smiths,' " said the cavalier.
At the door of their apartment, the old
man, ere bidding them good night, pausing
said: -
'Pardon mu signor, but I fain
would
1 have
know the nanio of the nobla cavalier
had the honor of serving to night."
'You shall know to morrow," replied the
mask. tlBiioua not'e, Beppo. ltemeuiber
it's carnival time."
The next morning Beppo was up betimes
anxious to learn the mystery connected with
the married couple His patron of the pre
ceding evening soon made his appearance,
but masked as before.
'Beppo." said the stranger, you ren
dered me an inestimable service last night."
"You rewarded me handsomely; signor.
and I shall never regret it."
"Give me your word, then, that you will
never upbraid me with the service I imposed
upon you "
"I give you my word," said the old man,
surprised, "but why do you exact it?"
Because," sail the stranger, raising the
mask, "I am no Venetian noble, but simply
Antonia Giradi, a gondolier like your
self." "You Antonio Giraldi! And the la
dy?" "Was your ward, Zanetta. You locked
her chamber door and took the house-key
with you Bat a ladder of ropes from a la
dy's balcony is as good as a staircase, and.
as I told you last night, 'love laughs at lock
smiths.' "
Old Beppo stormed and swore, but he en
ded by forgiving the lovers. He not only
forgave them, but gave up his gondola to
the stronger hands of Antonio, and settled
a handsome portion upon Zanette. Nor
did he ever regret bis generosity, for they
proved grateful and affectionate, and were
the stay and solace of his declining years.
A Swiss Capitalist and Miser.
A foreign correspondent of the New York
Journal of Commerce, relates that the follow
ing history of a Swiss manufacturer'
Switzerland is a very industrious coun
try. Among her principal articles of manufac-
ture are silk and cotton. Low wages and an
inexhaustable abundance of water power to
give to tier large manufacturing estaousu-
mines I
which make competition easy. Many of the
proprietors of these establishments have amass
ed fabulous . riches, unknown to the world.
"
and, in some instances, to themselves. Last
week one of those Swiss cotton lords of the
last named category died. His name was
Kuuz; but he was generally known by the
namo of Spinner King. His large cotton
mill is situated in the village of Uster, a short
distance from Zurich. He was a self-made
man, a man without any education, and with
out any prominent talents, uis principal
qualities were a horrible avarice, an iron in-
dustry, and tne art ot extorting rroin nia la-
borers as mueu worK tor as litue pay as pos
sible. Ho was 68 years of ae when he died.
an old bachelor He never enjoyed any of
the pleasures of life.
A low, small, dirty room, with an old bed
stead, and uo furniture, was his residence-
Attached to it was a kitchen, where his old
servant girl resided and cooked his scanty
meals, which he used to devour standing, in
order to save time. He never gave alms or
any support to poor people. 'Nonsense!
Good for cothing! Let them save, and work,'
was his stereotyped reply in such eases. He
did not payaxes on more than lbU,UUU.
until two years ago, whea he was compelled
to raise his assessment to l,UU,U0U. lie
never kept any regular books, never a stock
book, never took ao inventory. About twelve
years ago he was persuaded by business nin
7 . .-1 1 1
to get an inventory uHDj um wim mat m-
ventory, long before it was finished, ahowed
net property of 20,000,000 of Zurich guilders
or about 10,000,000 free of debts, he atopd
the contiiuation of it with his usual words
Nonseuse! Good for nothing!' True to his
principles, that modern Croesus has bequath-
e l nothing to His lanorer, Doming to oenev
blent or useful institutions, and his laughing
heiis will devide amongst them, the whol
enormous property; the amount of which will
be made out very soon by the courts
&icred Relics. In the grading of the
Philadelphia and Baltimore Central Railroad
at Chadd's Ford, the bones of a large num
ber of soldiers, who fell at the battle of Bran
dywine, have been dug up. A number of
men having on the Hessian uniform were dug
up. The buttons on the uniforms were made
of lead, and were , not much defaced. The
bones of one man were dug up measuring
six feet six inches.
JEW It is said that a Yankeo baby will
crawl out of bis cradle, take a Burvey of it,
invent an improvement, and apply for a pat
ent before he is six months old.
IC7" Our Southern friends are under the
ini predion that if a genuine Yankee were to
meet Death on the pale horse, he would ban
ter hiai to swap horses.
'Tom who, did you say our friewd B.
married?
Well he married forty ihouaaod dollar.
I forgot her othr warn.
the
Anecdote or Jeflerson.
A party, Mr. Jefferson, then President,
among them, were out ridiug. A smart
shower had fallen durine the forenoon, and
when they got back to Moor's creek, the wa
ter was running up to the saddle girths of a
horse. An ordinary western looking man
was sitting on the bank with a saddle in bis
hands. He waited until the party had enter
ed the stream, but Mr. Jefferson, and then
asked him for a ride across. To rein up to&
stone, suffer him to mount on the crupper,
and carry him to the opposite bank, was a
matter of course. In a few minutes the par
ty in the rear, who had witnessed the affair
overtook our besaddled pedestrian, stretching
away at a sturdy pace along the foot of Car
ter's mountain.
'I say,' quoth a junior, 'what made yon
let the young men pass and ask that gentle
man to cany you over the creek?'
'Well,' said .Kentucky, in a broad pathos,
if you want to know I'll tell you; I reckon
a man carries yes and no in his face the
young chap's faces said no tho old one's
said yes.'
'It isn't every man that would have asked
the President of the United States for a ride
behind him, said the other, expecting, per
haps to blauk the bold visage of Kentucky.
If such was bis object however, he was much
mistaken.
You dont say that was Tom Jefferson do
you?' was the reply, and he immediately ad
ded, 'he's a darned fine fellow anyway.
That was the President,' was the reply.
'Kentucky looked up and looked around,
the locality well known to travellers at once
conveying conviction to bis mind. He ap
peared to be in a brown study for a moment
the massive features then relaxed ho burst
into a loud laugh, aud thus he spoke;
What do you suppose my wife, Polly will
say, when I get back to Boone county, and
tell her I've rid behind old Jefferson? she'll
say I voted for the right man.'
Sarcastic Sentence.
Old Elias Keyes, formerly first judge of
Windsor County, Vermont, was a strange
composition of folly and good sense; of nat
ural shrewdness aud cultivation. The fol
lowing sentence, it is said, was pronounced
upon a poor ragged fellow, convicted of steal
ing a pair of boots from General Curtis, a
man of considerable wealth, in the town of
Windsor.
"Well, said the judge, very gravely, be
fore pronouncing the sentence of the court,
undertaking to read the fellow a lecture,
"you're a fine fellow to be arraigned before
the court for stealing. They say you are
poor no one doubt it who looks at you; and
how dare you, being poor, have the impu
dence to steal a Dair of boot? Nobody but
- . npnna havt rzht tQ suen thin with
QQt payirjgT Then they say you are worthless
b evidenfc from the fact that no one
, k d ti t be Jone t0 all
n,r,;min: mn(nf. nronnnnppd vnil ouiltv
. i, v n ;rht UnR
i lli-llll r- V (111 ii ra LI 1U4 t -- - auv
before you
yot
you would be condemned
And
now
you
must know that it was a great
aggravation
that vou stole them in that large town of
Windsor. In that large town to commit
such an act is most horrible. And not only
go to Windsor to steal but steal from that
great man. Gen. Curtis. This caps the cli
max of your iniquity. Base wretch! why did
you not go and steal the only pair of boots
which some Door man had or could get? And
theu you WOllhi have been let alone; nobody
woulJ havJ tr0UD!ed themselves about the
, F iniquity in stealing in the
great town of Windsor, and from the great
General Curtis, the court sentences you to
three months imprisonment in the County
jail, and may God give you
eat!"
something to
Queer Employment.
We heard a pretty good story the other
day, which ww ibiuk merits a w ider circula
tion th it has yet got. The story runs
that some honest faced iloosier went into a
fancy store in Cincinnati, in hunt of a situa
tion. The proprietor, or heal clerk, was sitting
in the counting room, with his fet elevated.
contemplating life through the softening influ
ence of cigar smoke.
Our Iloosier friend addressed him modest-
i M follows:
... .11.
..0 you "want to Lire a nana aoout your
J tatablhhment?"
The cierfc bkei Up indiffvjrently, bat aeo
ing his customer, eonciuied to have a little
fun out of him, ao he answered very briskly,
at the same time pulling out a large and cct
ly handkerchief, and blowing hu none on
it.
"Yes, sir. what sort of a situation d you
want?
"Well. I'm not particular. I'm out of
work, and almost anything will do ma for
awhile."
"Yes. I can five voa a situation if it will
suit vou."
"What is it? What's to be done, and
what do you give?"
"Well, I want hands to chew rags into pa
per, and if you are willing to aet in you may
begin at once.
"Good as wneat 1 liana over your rags.
"Here, take thi handkerchief aud om- to spend an eternity in company with lUpub
nce with it " I licaDS" to which a ripe old Democrat replied
The Iloosier saw the "sell." and quietly
thnr. thn handkerchief in his pocket, re-
IJUHVlMg WMW .
marlrpil aji he turned to go out:
.cWhn T free it ehawed. stranzcr. Ill
If uvu Q w '
fotch it back !"
VTT" Profound silence in a public assem
blage has been thus neatly described: 'One
mii'ht have heard the stealing of a pooket
handkerchief.'
B
tsy A man who avoidB matrimony on ae
count of tke cares of wedded life, is compared
ho would atupmt&to a leg to sava
te one w
toe frotawrBS.
A Jflgrger Story.
Two darkies had bought a mess of pork in
partnership; but Sam having no place to put
his portion in, consented to entrust the whole
to Juliu's keeping.
The next morning they met, when Sana
says:
Good mornin, Julius, anything happen
strange or mysterious in your vicinity late
ly?' Yaas, Sam, most a strange thing happen
at my house yester last night. All mystery
all mystery to me.'
Ah. Julius, wht was dat?'
'Well, sam, I tole ye now. Dis mornin'
I went down int- de cellar for to get a pice
of hog for dis darkey's breakfas and I put
my hand down in de brine and felt around
but no pork here all gone. Couldn't tell
what bewent wid it, so I turned up de bar'l
and Sam, as true as preaching, de rats had
eat a hole clar fru de bottom of de bar'l and
dragged de pork all out!'
Sam was petrefied with astonishment, but
presently said:
'Why didn.t de brine run out of de same
hole?'
Ah, Sam, dat is de mystery dat is de
mystery.'
Mrs. Partington at tlie Aquarial Gar
dens. "Are these the Inquiring Gardens?"
a-tked Mrs. Pattington, as she knocked at
the door of the Aquarial Gardens, in Bloom
field street. She was informed that she had
come to riht place to inquire. "I wish to
see tho seals and other animalculy that you
have here," continued she. Sho was told to
walk in, and she did. "Gracious goodness!"
she cried, as she stepped on the tail of the
alligator, "is that awful looking reptile alive?"
The reptile manifested a disposition to an
swer her question by moving away. She
looked at the seals with astonisdment one of
them tame and gentle as a kitten, the other
fierce and vinditive and asked Mr. Cut
ting, if the savage one wasn't the "seal of
retribution" that she heard Ull of? -'Don't
touch anything, Isaac." said she, as he saw
him in the act of bridling the turtle, "for if
you should break any of these glass tanks,
there would be a pretty kettle of fish-" She
passed around admiringly, viewing the exhi
bition, and wondering at its rare brauty,
while Ike watched the tautog. wishing that
he had a pin-hook and a worm.
B35 "What party do you blog Bill,"
said Joel the other day.
"I belong to th Know, no th Ameri
can, no the hanged if I L&int forgot J.
What sort of a varmint was it you k etched
tother nite stealen' chickens?"
"It was an oppossum?''
"That's it Joe that's itl O op what
did you say it was Joe?"
"Oppossum."
"It was something like opposanm."
"Opposition," sa'tJ Je.
"I k no wed it was soanta'V or tother. My
party changes so often, darn me 0f I fcs-a
keep up."
W JudgeH
court in a certain town
, was once holding
in the spring of the
year, wben calling a constable up to him in a
quiet manner, he toll him that there was a
new office to be created by the court, and
that he was to be the lucky recipient of the
post of honor. The constable, with bashful
diffi Jeuce, in a sort of no-yes manner, did not
exactly say anything, and the old Judge,
after getting him to hold up his hand to awtar
told him that as he was a sworn officer of the
law already, they would dispense with the
ceremony; and for him to go and cut a don
clubs, raise a poss, and keep the frogs Mill
whilst court was in session, that
the rrocecd-
ings might not be interrupted.
Ac Irishman
referring to tc Midden
death of a relative, was akeJ if k liv4
high. "Well I can't say he did." id
rance, "but b died high. Like the United
States Bauk, he was suspended."
A nesro, on beicg qaestoned, was
asked if his master was a L'hri&tiaa. 3
sir. he a mcuiovr or Uonrets. was tie m-
ply.
tr"L. A countrv e Jitor ravs a farmer ia that
cv?nty made a scarecrow so very friaifml
that an old crow actually went aad brt-Uk-'a.
back all tke corn he had stolen djriug sever
al days and left ii in the field.
A marrid lady being asked to walla.
gave the following appropriate answer;
"No, thank you, sir I have just as much
hugging at home as I can attend to."
37 Poor Caudle said Le dreamed that ke
had an angel by his side, and upon wakitg
up folia d it was nobody but his wife.
3T A pretty girl recently attended a ball
out West decked off in a short dress and
pants. The ladies were shocked! She qui
etly remarked that if they would pull up
their dresses about the neck, as tney ought
to bo, their skirts would be as short as hers!
A promiucnt speaker at a Republican
gathering in Ohio, said that he "expeated
that he "rather thought, he would unic&s he
soon repented of his sins!"
CS A dull parson oo nered a farms wka
be seldom saw at his ministration, by asking
him directly, after a little reproof of his sin of
omission;
"Shall we see you at church neat Sab
bath?" Y-e-," he replied slowly. "Xas, I'll go
or send a hand."
We would educate the whole man the
his I body, the head, the heart the bodv to act,
I., ,1... ! -1 . t 1 . . r 1
i me Daa w inmK, aua tus nean to reel.
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