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"I2oe Out Your Row."
One lazy day a farmer's boy
Was hoeing out the corn,
And moodily he listened long
To hear ths dinner hoin ;
The welcome blast was heard at last.
And down he dropped his hoe :
But the good man shouted in his ear :
"My boy hoe out your row J"
Although a "hard one" was the row,
To use a ploughman's phrase,
And the lad, as sailors have it,
Begianing well to "haze,"
"I can," said "he, and manfully
lie seized again his hoe ;
And the good man smiled to sea
The boy hoe out his row,
The lad the text remembered.
And proved the moral well,
That ierseverance to the end
At last will nobly tell.
Take courage man ! resolve you can.
And strike a vigorous blow ;
In life, a great field of varied toil.
Always hoe out your own row.
ittteccllcmcons.
XETTIE GRAY.
Kvervbodv said that Nettie oray was a
beauty: not one of yoar polished city belles,
but gar, romping, saucy piece of nature's
ewu handiwork, yet gentle and affectionate
itlal and possessing a depth of feeling and
KLtiment which few were able tofatbom
Now "sweet Nettie Gray," as she was call
ed, had long been beloved by one Charlie
Grafton the handsome young merchant, who
bpt the only store the little village of N
could boast; where he had, for some four or
v. years, dealt out tea, sugar, coffee, tobac
co, calicos, silks, pins, needles, hardware,
tl every variety of merchandise, to the vil
lagers and surrounding tarmers, till he had
realized quite a little fortune: a p art of which
te invested in the purchase of widow Mor
ton's beautiful cottage and grounds, which at
tho death ot her husband, she bad been obli
ged to dispose of, and took a cheaper place,
wbere she could live less expensively; which
from the surplus of the price received for the
cottage, she realized a snug little income.
Charlie had also taken the widow's son into
the store, as his increasinc business made it
ceeessary to procure assistance. The salary
pa: .1 to little Johny was a material help to his
mother for which she was very gratetul to the
young merchant, and she never failed to speak
word in his praise whenever an opportunity
resented.
This, with numberless acts of generosity
which. Charlie never tired of performing, made
aim the heroe of the little village, and caused
him to be beloved and respected,- by both
young and old, for many miles around. To
say that Nettie Gray was indifferent to his
uny visits, or for the ardent love he enter
tained for her. would bo doing injustice to
her warm, appreciative heart. But the spirit
f mischief seemed to possess her; and, though
he was uniformly kind and gentle in her dis
position towards her lover, and would con
Ver82 freely and unreservedly with him upon
4ay topic, yet, when h approached the sub
ject that lay nearest his heart, she was off
"tea frightened bird. Not that she was
araii of him, or that the subject was distaste
j' to her, (for her own heart was equally in
vested,) but she delighted to tease him, and
heartily enjoyed his discomfiture on such oc
ClJioD3. She knew he loved her with all the
t rength of his soul, and 6he had no fear of
bating his affections from herself an
cvtnt which would have given her the deep
en. tharue had began to think seriously of
ttimage, and why not? There stood the cot
. embowed in trees, many of which were
dmg nnuer taeir heaV7 loa,j of rare ff uit
occupied. It needed only the gentle pres
bright eyed Nettle to make it a
cie ?'3 ncome was more than Buffi
nd K Eatisfy taeir most extravagant wants
U, "J "ouiu tie not marry? Many times
Cf V or ine express purpose
5 vicital va:- it. -
been a,uown wisnes, out had as otten
to sa !eventc1 from saying what ho wished
tt tJ7 tte little mischiefs running away
Tc.6-8! WOrd tJ utterei uPon the subject,
fctow f -n j "PP1" her place ' from the
, J lair datnsals in it who would pladlv
C T?pted his band- waa out of the ques
'j anw,Nettie he l0Ted n Nettie on
Qtl felt pure she returned his affections
but how could he ever get married, if he was
not permitted even to propose. I must re
sort to some stratagem," he thought; and he
partiauy iormea many plans to bring the lit
tle beauty to terms, and often abandoned
them.
His mind was busy with such thousrhts. as
one bright morning in September, he walked
siowiy towards larmer Gray's mansion. lie
leisurly ascended the hill, at the top of which
upon a level table land stood tho great old
house, when he was startled by a familiar
voice calling out.
"Bring the ladder, Dick! I want to get
down." - And, looking up. he beheld Nettie
seated in the wide spreading branches of a
large apple tree that stood in the field near
the road, Dick, perched upon the topmost
round of a ladder, that leaned against a pear
tree, was quietly filling a basket with the rich
fruit.
"Wait a minute, sis," relied Dick, with
out looking up; "I have got my basket al
most full. I'll come in a miDute."
"Come now, Dick ! quick ! quick !" again
called the impatient voice of his sister.
.luck evidently began to taint there was
something wrong, for he turned around, and
his eye instantly caught sight of our hero
coming up the road, but a few rods from where
they were. He instantly descended from the
tree ; but instead of carrying tho ladder to
assist his sister to descend, he gave a loud
shout, threw his cap into the air, cleared the
wall with one bound, and ran rapidlv down
the hill, shouting at the top of his voice, "O,
iur. uraiton, i ve treea a coon i i ve treed a
coon " Then placing ' his hands upon the
ground before him, he turned some five or
six summersaults, utterred as many boister
ous shouts and picking up Lis cap, ran with
all his might to the house. The little rogue
evidently loved mischief as well as did his
pretty sister.
Uiiarue s nrst thought was to go to the as
sistance of Nettie, and he leaped the wall and
approached the tree. Taking the ladder from
the pear tree, he was about placing it for her
to descend, when a sudden thought suggested
itself. "She cannot run away from me now,
and, not stopping to" consider the ungallar
act, he grasped a lower branch, and. with
some gay remark, swung himself lightly up,
and took a seat by her side
Nettie was an amiable girl, and could take
a joke as good naturedly as she could give
one, only laughed heartily at the trick her
brother played on her ; complimented Charlie
upon his agility, and invited him to help
nimseu to me tempting iruit thai hung in
such profusion about them. After chatting
on a variety ot tnemes, he determined to ap
proach the subject, and if pos.sio;c, get an in
telligible answer, lor some time he sat in
silence, then,
"Nettie, I have something to say to you."
"Ah! have you T she replied. "Well,
L-aarhe, please help me down, and vou can
say it as we walk to the house."
Charlie saw the mischief in her eyes, and
resolved to go on without heeding her re
quest, yet be changed somewhat his mode of
attack.
"Nettie, I am going to be married."
"Married ! Charlie, married !"
Without heeding the prayerful glance that
was raised to his face, he went on.
"Yes, Nettie. My business is bow
very
prosperous ; I have a pretty home, which
needs only the additional charm of a pair of
bright eyes. I have found a sweet, gentle
girl, whom I love with ill my heart, and who
is willing to become my wife, and L have re
solved to marry. I have tried a long time to
tell you, but you would not hear it."
Nettie had listened to this speech in utter
amazement She had long believed that she
was the beloved of Charlie Grafton's boart ;
and she meant, after she had teased him to
her beard's content, to listen to his love, and
become hi3 dutiful and loving wife. Bat her
hopes were now suddenly dashed to atoms
It was too much. A giddy faintness came
over her, and, but for the support of Charlie's
arm, she would have fallen to the ground.
Charlie noticed her emotion, and feared he
had gone too far. It was but for a moment,
however. She soon regairfed her self-pos-
scsston, and sat upright ?y his side, iter
face was very pale, but her eyes flashed
proudly, as she replied, and there was a spice
of bitterness in her tones.
"May I ask the name of her who has been
honored with the offer of the hand and heart
of my noble friend ?"
"First let me describe her. Sho i3 a beau
tiful girl, and possesses a warm, loving heart
She has but one fault if fault it may be
called She delights to tease those who love
her best, and often has she given me a severe
heart-pang. Yet, Nettie, I love her deeply
and fervently, and it shall be the object of
my life to guard her from harm to protect
her, as far as I am able, from the slightest
breath of sorrow, anl I shall be abundantly
rewarded by her love. Nettie, I have never
offered her my hand, though she has long
possessed my heart. I do it now, Nettie.
Dearest, can you 8sk her uame?"
Nettie gave one long, inquiring look, as
though she but half comprehended his words.
"Will you be my wife, Nettie ?"
. "What?" 6be replied, half bewilderingly.
'Are you not going to be married ? Are
you not forever lost to me ?"
"Yes, if you will consent to be mine."
She realized what it would be to love him ;
her head Bank upon her bosom, and, bursting
into tears, she murmured,
Yes, Charlie, I will."
Soon Master Dick came bounding into the
orchard and hand filled with a huge slice of
bread and butter, while with the other he
tossed hia caD into the air. showing that he
fully comprehended the state of affairs shout
ing at the top of his voice,
"Hallo, Mr. Grafton I ain't you glad I
treed her for vou I
Both greeted ' this a!lv with ft bunt of
laughter, and soon all three were engaged in
a wild romp up the green turf.
We hardly need add that the same autumn
witnessed - a right merrv wedding at the old
mansion of Farmer Gray.
Short
I shall give
Patent Sermon.
you a sermon to-day drawn
from the following text :
The lady who before the tub,
Is not ashamed to ring and rub;
Or on the floor ashamed to scrub.
Aid cares not who calk to see,
Her laboring so industriously,
"Will make a wife for you and me.
My brethern, since you know that mar
ige is a divine institution, and that every
one of you should have a wife.what kind of a
rib would you select r A pretty useless lit-
tie doll, or one big and spunky enough to
wrestle with a bear, and come off first best ?
I imagine you would care nothing for either
extreme, but you would look for personal
charms. O, you foolish idolators, at the
shrino of beauty ! Know you not that hun
dreds of husbands aro made miserable bv
handsome wives, and that thousands are
happy in the possession of homely ones ?
homely without, but beautiful within. Alas !
what is beauty 7 It is a flower that wilts and
withers almost as soon is it is plucked, a
trancient rainbow, a fleeting metaor, a de
ceitful will-of-the-wisp, sublimated moon
shine. The kind of wife you want is of good
morals and .knows how to mend trowsers,
who can reconcile peeling potatoes, with
practical or fashionable piety, who can waltz
with the churn dash, and sing with the tea
kettle who understand broomology. and
the true science of mopping who can knit
stockings without knitting her brows, and
knit upon her husband's raveled sleeve of
care; who perfers sewing tears with her nedle
to sewing tears of scandal with her tongue,
6uch is decidedlv the better half. Take her
if you can get her let her bo up to the cl-
bow in the suds of the wash tub, or picking
the geese iu the cow stable.
iMy hearers my text speaks of a lady be
fore the wash tub. You may think it absurd
but let me assure you that a -female ean be a
lady before the tub in the kitchen, as much
as in the drawing room or m the parlor.
What cons titutes a lady ? It is not a costly
dress, paint for the cheek, false hair, and
still falser airs, but it is her general deport
ment, her intellectual endowments, and that
evidence of virtue which commands the silent
respect and admiration of the world. She
would be rogmzed as a lady at once. It
matters not where, or in what situation she
was found whether scratching for bed-bugs
with a hot poker, or hollowing hallelujah at
a Methodist camp-meeting. All that I have
further to say, fellow bachelors, is, that when
you marry, see that you get a lady inside
and out one who knows how to keep the
pot boiling and look well to her household,
So mote it be. Dow Jr.
Jjcalinj the Devil In the early days of
the State of lndianna, the capital was Cory
don: and the annual sessions of the General
Assembly usually brought together as wild a
set of wags as could be found in the State,
who had to rely upon their own resources for
amusement, for there were then few theatres,
concerts, or shows
The lovers of mischief had established a
mock Masonic Lodge, into which they would
entice such as were a little green, and take
them through a variety of ridiculous ceremo
nies, to the infinite amusement of the crowd.
On one of these occasions, it being understood
that a good natured, athletic j-oung man,
about half a simpleton, was to be initiated.
Uie room was crowded. Judge Grass, (it
being a character in which he was peculiarly
happy") had consented to act the role of the
devil; and, to make the services more impres
sive, had put on a false face and a paper cap,
surmounted with horns, and with some chains
iu his hands placed himself behind the screen.
After taking tae candidate through a va
riety of ceremonies, he was brought to a stand
before the screen, and told that he had then
to confess all the crimes he committed during
bis life. The candidate confessed some frival
offerees, and declared that he could recolect
no more. At this the Judge came out from
his hiding place, groaned and shook his
chains. The frightened candidate related
some other small matters, and declaired that
he had disclosed all the crimes he had ever
committed. At this the groans of the pre
tended devil became furious, the chains rat
tled, and he shook his horns in the face of
the terrified candidate, who, starting back in
alarm, cried out:
"H-h-hold on, M-ni-ister D-d-devil, if I
m-m-must t-tell you, I d-d-did k-kis J -judge
G-g-grass' w-w-wife a c-c-couple of t-timesl"
The groaning ceased.
Big words pass for sense with some
people, and
sometimes may be very success-
fully employed when nothing else wiu answer
As when a man in great alarm, ran to his
minister to tell him he could see spots on the
Rtm. and thought the world must be coming
to an end.
"Oh ! don't be afraid," said the good min
ister, "its nothing but a phantasmagoria."
"Is that all?" said the frightened man,
and went away quite releived.
'. A newly imported "help," afier being
established as maid-of-all-work. was seen
shortly after with a pail full of slops, care
fully exploring the parlors, the drawing
room, the library, the boudoir, the music
room, and other places, as if in search of
something which she could not find. At
last meeting the lady of the bouse, she in
quired, seriously, "If ye plaae, misthress,
where' the pig ?"
Spring is come again.
Movement to
Revolutionize
Cuba. .
The New York San. which Is a SUfpuster
journal, whenever a Cuba expedition is on
foot, this morning prints the "flag of Free
Cuba," in its columns. It says editorially.
"We display once more in our columns
the emblem of Cuban libcrtv the emblem
under which her patriot sons are, perhaps,
at this moment startling the ears of their op
pressions with the cry which rang through
the thirteen colonies; in the glorious days of
our Revolution 'Give us Liberty or give us
death?
"We seek to raise no idle excitement. We
have good reason for the belief that if the
flame of rcyc4t-Las not already been kindled
in the Island of Cuba it will be before the
end of this week. The Cubans have, by many
bitter disappointments, realized the truth of
the poet's l'nes, that
'Who would be free themselves must sti ike
the blow.
"Therefore ever since their abandonment
by Quitman and others, their betrayal by
professed "friends in the. United States, and
the squandering of the resources of revolution
which they had collected, they have devoted
themselves to a new plan in which the iuitia- j
tive and the first effort for freedom should be ;
exclusiceTy Cuban. Upon this basis they j
have organized patriot clubs throughout the
Island, and the members count by thousands.
Their co-patriots in the United States have
aided all their plans, and will share with
them in the dangers and the glory of the
struggle for Cuban rights.
"All the stories set afloat about the organ
ization of American expeditions, are wide of
the truth. -This last is a pure Cuban move
ment. The first of this month was the time
fixed by the Clubs throughout the Island for 1
a general rising, and, unless their plot has
been discovered, or some untoward event has
happened, they are in arms against their op
pressors. "The New York Convention of Cuban pa
triots a small but determined .band sailed
on their dangerous mission in the latter part
of March. If the patriots in tho Island had
not already risen on the day fixed, the land
ing of the New York Convention would be
the bignal for revolt, Arms and ammunition
have been provided, and all arc bound by a
solemn obligation to stand by the cause until
victory crowns their efforts or the last man
has fallen. Most of the Cubans who have
from New York are young men; macv
of them sons of the leading men on the Is
land, and all fired with the determination to
free their native soil or die m the attempt.
They go forth taking their lives in their
hands,
The Cubans will now prove the sincerity
of the loud-spoken American sympathizers.
Ihey strike for their own liberties. Will
government see to it, that they have fair
play ? Will Mr JJuchanao stand up to his
pledges and professed policy ? Will Senator
Urown and Tammany Hall back their brave
words by deeds of practical sympathy ? . The
next steamer from Havanna may bring us
stirring news in the meantime, let those
who have talked Cuba, prepare to do some-
thing to
strengthen the hands of her patriot
sons.
ST "A good action is never thrown away.'
This is the reason why, probably, that we
find so very few of them 'lying around loose.'
True beauty is but virtue made visable in
outward grace. Beauty and vice are disjoin-
ed by nature herself.
Speak.- but little, and to the purposo, and
you will pass far somebody.
Men are like weathercocks, which are
never constant or fixed but when they are
worn out and rusty.
If a man is happily married, his "rib," is
worth all the other bones in his body.
Fashionable intelligence long dresses
make clean crossings.
Lies are hiltless swords, which cut the
hands that wield them.
What is that which shows to others what
it cannot see itself ? A mirror.
The costume of the Spanish ladies has not
changed for two hundred years
Ink is a caustic which sometimes burns
the fingers of those who make use of it.
"Whatever enlarges hope, will also exalt
courage.
An indescrete person is like an unsealed
letter, which every body can peruse.
He is no mean philosopher who can give
a reason for half of what he thinks.
The last invention in Ohio is an India-rubber
meat saw. Progressive age, this.
To speak harshly to a person of sensibility
is like striking a harpsicord with your fiats.
Religion and medicine are not responsible
for the faults end" mistakes of their doctors.
Ox TnE Bcstle. The editor cf the Hun
tingdon Globe, (we judge he is an old fogy,)
thus prates about something which he has
seen in a store window .
"We observe in some of the stores, an ar
ticle called a hustle, for the the ladies, but
which, to our mind, would make a better
horse-rake, or something else. It looks to us
to be made of sheet iron, and twisted iround
the waist. The ladies thiuk it a model in
vention. When we first saw them we were
very inquisitive to know what they wore, and
when informed, we were then anxious to know
if thev were a substitute for hoops, but no sir,
only "an addition. . We think they are very
bandy, for. the reason that when a lady goes
out walking, if she has any children, she can
set them on behind so nioely, and save tho
trouble and inconvenience of bein bothered
almost to death leading them."
''Good morning.Patrlck slippery this
morning" 'iSlippery 1 and be jabers its
uothing else, yer honor. Upon my word I
slipped down three times without getting up
once.
lVew
Important from Jamaica Insur
ectloa oftlie Black Souloque.
The New York Courier des Etats Unit
has a private and reliable letter from Kings
ton, Jamaica, from which we quote as follws:
Encouraged by the acts of their neighbors,
the Ilaytiana, our blacks appear also disposed
to attempt a revolution In the parish of
Westmoreland has recently been imposed a
new tax. to which the negro population are
not williDg to submit. Some of thedisaffcted
raised the standard of revolt, and entered the
little village of Savannah, where they distroy
ed some property. The police having arres
ted three or four of the ringleaders; their par
tisans, far from being discouraged, continued
their work of distraction, menacing with fire
the City Hall, if the prisoners were not re
leased. Informed of these facts, Governor
Darling had dispatched against the revolters
a body of five hundred men under the com
mand of Col. Whifefieli.
'As these troops were marching towards
the place of enibarkment, they met a long
file of carts, upon which were perched a num
ber of blacks, attracted thither by the sound
of the drums and trumpets. These people
blocked up the- passage from the soldiers,
and the colonel ordered them to retire. His
order producing no effect, it was necessary to
unsheath the weapons, and the sword of Col
Whitereld, which had not probably seen the
light since the battle of Waterloo; fell upon
the fihouldiers of more than one of the poor
wretches. Soloque, who lived near by, be
held these exploits from bis window. Far
from grieveirg ovsr the strokes from which
the negros suffered, he contemplated the
scene with evident delight. Ah !' cried he,
the whites begin at last to see how the blacks
are to be treated, sweet words are not for
them; they need blows and nocks Souloque
evidently adheres to his own system, and hia
misfortunes have not yet cured him of his
delusions,"
The Tables Turning.
The municipal election held in Trenton on
Monday last, resulted in a complete Demo
cratic victory, the entire ticket having been
elected bv a handsome maioritv. lhis is
cheering when it is borne in mind that the
Opposition were in the ascendency at the
Capital, and quite sanguine of remaining so
The Trenton papers attribute it to the fact
that the people there are close observers of
the mis-rule of the dominant party than-else
where, and have consequently rebuked them
This is the signal gun of the coming campaign
in this State, and is indicative of the manner
in which the J'oople will repudiate a party
that, during the last Legislature, set their
will at defiance, and defrauded them of their
rights
The election in Beverly also shows a deci
ded Democratic triumph, the whole ticket be
ing elected by a large majority, notwithstand
ing the Opposition made the most strenuous
efforts to defeat it.
In Princeton, on Monday last, the Demo
cratic ticket succeeded by n average majority
of forty-six
In East Jersey, wherever an election has
taken place, the Democracy have been uni
formly successful, the vote giving unmistaka
ble evidence of tho determination of not only
our party, but the people, to fix the seal of
condemnation upon a corrupt and reckless
administration.
The Democracy of Hartford, Connecticut,
have nobly redeemed that city. At the elec
tien on Monday they secured all the munici-
pal officers. The triumph, is a glorious one,
and shines like a star in the darkness which
I now broods over the rest of the fctate.
An Eye-solated Case. A nice question
for the lawyers has just turned up in France.
An old man living near l'aris,
course querulous and exacting,
nch but of
could keep
none ot his servants over a month, iney
a i ,1 mi
succeeded each other like travelers at an inn
Puzzled to know how to attack one to his
service, he at length hit on the idea of letting
a new comer understand that he had left in
his will two thousand francs a year to the one
who should "close his eves." Informed of
this testamentary clause, the new servant bore
and forebore, sticking manfully to his post.
He had not to suffer long. At the end of
five months the old man died, and Pierre
chuckled at the thought of his handsome in
come for life, easily enough earned.
"But my good fellow," said the notary, in
reply to his inquiries, "1 cannot pat you in
nossession of vour fjituue. The heirs of Mr.
C. have opposed the will, and put it in suit
"In suit! Why ! Isn't the bequest clear
enousrh ?"
"Well, yes, Mr. C left two thousand
francs a year to the one who should close his
eyes, but tho heirs claim that you have not
fulfilled the condition.
"Not fulfilled it. WTho closed his eyes
ifldidnotr
The heirs say you couldn't fulfil it."
"And why not? What do they mean Y
"They say that as Air. U was a one-eyed
man, you could only have closed one eye
and not 'his eyes.'"
3T Sir Walter Scott once gave an Irish-
roan a shilling in payment for somethm
which only amounted 10 sixpence, x-aaay
fumbled considerably, but couldn't make the
change.
"Be jabers, yer honor, an' it's mcsllf can'
change ye.
"liemember. said the baronet, "vou owe
me sixpence."
"Augh, long life to yer honor, au may ye
live till I pay ye." quoth Paddy.
A Satisfactory Reason. A short time
ago a schoolmaster was wanted for a Western
village. A pompous little fellow, one of the
applicants, being asked to give a philosophi
cal reason why cream was put with tea. re
plied, "Because the globular particles of tho
ci ram render the acute angles of the tea more
obtuse." He was elected-
A Heavy Draw.
"I liked your sermon very much to-day,
with a single exception," said a worthy pas
tr t) a minister who had occupied his pulpit
a portion of the Sabbath.
- Well, what was the exception?"
"I think you used too many technical phr
ses."
"Did I? I didn't think of it."
"You repeatedly spoke of drawing inferen
ces. Now that was Greek to many hearers."
"Oh, no. Most everyone knows what we
mean by drawing an inference."
"You are mistaken, brother, as sure as you
live; I do not believe . one-half of my congre
gation would understand the phrase."
fYou certainly oannot be right."
"I am. Now there is Mr. Smith," point
ing out a man just turning the corner from
the meeting house, "who is quite an intelli
gent farmer; we will overtake him; I will ask
him if he can craw an inferance, and I do not
believe ho will understated me."
Accordingly the two ministers quickened
their pace; as they came up to Mr. Smith, "
his pastor said to him.
"Brother Smith, can you draw an infer-
Brother Smith, thus summarily interroga
ted, looked at his pastor some fifteen seconds
quite surprised and then rather hesitatingly
said:
"Well, I don't know, I s'pose I could I've
got a pair of steers that can draw any" thing
to which they are hitched but I shouldeni
like to on Sunday.
A California Widow. Captain Saltwater
says his first essay to effect a matrimonial
character resulted in a manner so discoura
ging that be don't believe he'll ever be in
duced to try it over again. The captain
being out of service some months, conceived
a passion for a rather mysterious young lady
boarding at the same hotel. Says the Cap
tain, I conveyed her round the shops, balls,
theatres, churches, and every other place of
amusement and information, and at last, when
I thought things had gone about far enough,
I squares my yards, and says I just as cool as
a powder monkey "Ma'am, I've been think -in'
I'd like to be spliced." "Spliced," saya
she, as artless a3 a turtle dove. "Spliced."
says I, "and if you've a notion, why I'm
ready to share my luck and dunnage with
you, ma'am !" "Captain, I've been thinking
if my husband don't write soon, and send me
some money and a gold watch from Califor
nia, I'd just as leave marry somebody else as
not, and if yon will wait a few day? I'll give
vou the preference." Her husband had been
gone to the Pacific just four montLs, and here
was a California widow. "I stood off after
that," said the Captain.
Mighty Socnik A very smart lawyer
of Washington,
D. C, had the misfortune to
lose a suit for a client who had every reason
to expect success The client, a plain farmer,
was astonished by the long bill of costs, and
hastening to the lawyer s office, said
I thought you told me we should certainly
gain that suit !"
"So 1 did," answered the lawyer, "but
you see when l Drougnt it up mere Deiore
the judge, they said it was quorum non ju
Jice" "Well, if they said it was as bad as that,"
replied the old farmer, "I don't wonder why
we lost, and he paid the costs and a bi fee
besides without another murmur.
SiB?- ITow to Stop Bleeding. A correspon
dent of the Oiio Farmer says "I have no
ticed various ways for stopping blood. Tho
article you will find enclosed is as easy, and
sure a remedy as I ever saw tried. It is call
ed punk, aud is found in old trees. It can
be obtained by splitting the wood that has it
in, and peal it with your fingers. It has to
be rubbed up with the hand, and applied to
the wound without any other preparation. It
will stick itself to the wound, and stop the
blood immediately, and without pain or irri
tation." 83 Card
Playing. "To dribble away
life," says Sir Walter Scott, "in exchange
ing bits of painted paste board, round a green
table, for the paltry concern of a few shillings
can only be excused in folly or superanua
tion. It i9 like riding on a rocking-horse.
where your utmfft exertion never carries yoa
a foot forward; it is a kiod of a mental tread
mill, where vou are perpetually climbing, but
can never raise an men.
The New Cent Poisoxocs. It is stated
that several instances have occurred in differ
ent parts of the couutry, where children have
died from the effects of poison taken into the
system by swallowing the new iiickel cent -the
one with the Indian squaw on its face.
As this coin is small and easily swallowed,
there is great danger in allowing young
children to have them iu their possession.
The metal which composes it has had a fatal
effect, and would seem to be poisonous.
j5? During the search for female compos
itors, it is reported that .the following dia
louge took place.
"Good morning, Mr. Henpeek. nave
you any daughters that would make good
type setters? '
"No, but I have a wife that would make a
very fine devil."
EST" Charles Lever, in one of hi? stories
tells of a dashing individual who boiled his
hams in sherrv wine: whereat an honest hi-
bernean exclaimed, "Bedad, I wLh I were a
pig meself."
37" A good cure for the dyspepsia is to
collect bills for a newspaper. If that don't
give you an appetite, you might as well sell
your stomach tor tripo and be done with it.
S3T Why are ladies like belU? Because
you can never find out ther metal until you
have given them ring.
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