,I. WEAILLEY WALLACE CARDS J. ATWOOD. ISAAO VLANCX. 8 8 ItAt CH ATWOOD, RANCK & CO., 'COMMISSION MERCHANTS,. Wholesale dealers in all lands of PICKLED AND SALT PHIL No. 210 North Wharves, Aboyo Ram street, lea° • PHIL ADELPNIA, COYLE BROTHERS, NOTIONS, IT lIOLESA AT CITY PRICES Having received a large lino of - Woolen Goods, such as Undershirts and Drawers, Knit Jackets, Scarfs, Woolen Hosiery,' Buck and Slioopsklii Gloves,. Gauntlets and Mits, Hanover Gloves and Gauntlets, - Woolen Morino, Cloth and Berlin Gloves and ,Gauntlets, would call tho"attention of merchants COYLE BROTHERS, Na, 24 Smith Ilanover street, Carlisle, Pa. sort7ltt DENTISTRY I • DR. J. H. ZINN, Having recently removed to No. 61 North Hanover street, (In the house lately occupied by Dr. Dale.) Carlisle, Penn's, 10111 put 15 teeth from $O to $2O per set, us the. caen may requfte. All wort: wm - rnuted. 10feb70 D R. J. S. BENDER, nomworATmc pursici AN. Ofiko ih 1.0010 /111111011 y 01,111.i4.11 I,y Gohn 10. e• li J n4J;9 FE. 13ELTZE1OVEE, • Al VIOL; V AT LAW. °lnce in Smith II 110Ver ntrrrl, Hipp ,Lin Beni dr; 1,,,,0dti ~tore. . 10sr70 I PA'f HICa W HIT EMA N, wh,,k,z,h; .I,,der. MANUFACTURED TOBACCO, N. E Mr—ride , / and Ma ol,yl xtrerls, 1i 11lindCJph hi KIRI:l•ltr.14 ME C. P. 111'111LICH. • NVM. B. PAIMER H UMHICII k l / 4 :, PARKER, .11"10BN Mike on ,treol, Nl.trion HO'. Carli•et.. 10.,70 JAMES 11. GRAHAM, JR., ATTORNEY AT , LAW No. it South Hanover street, ,Alll ISLE, PA. Mike Vje',deg Judge I;ruhnin'e. MEM )ii CORNATX - N, NEY A I' (iii N. 7, Rltt•ttin's ill tttur t t Illit • 0,,,1 J(ISEPII .11t., • A'I"IIIILNEY AT 1,.11Y aNO SOIL V} iJani,,tolrg, Pa 0111, on lt, I aa tai doors omtli octlle Bank Itlvilorkal promptly att.& I to, J OS EP II G. VALE, ATTORNEY AT LAW. Practices in Dauphin and Cumberland • • Comities. 0111.-111 It*poi t • Prt. Pos.ollll t111r,14,---Cantp ■:II, Cumber! ,ml 4. wilt), Prk. JOSEPH V. CCI.VEIt. CII AS. p. CULVER. LAW, LOAN AND COLLECTION OFFICE O,F JOSEPH F. Ctil,VElt & tutu PONTIAC, ILL' soim. wo have the best of that lie+ far placin; capital on flial-elnes jut proved farms. Titles lavestimated, and Abstracts furnmliell fr. to lour tiara °Mee. Ten per vent Witte:it foul prompt i•yaite•t gallautentl. 110 1311, correspondents In ry part •r One West. winch turaisban to every Ihr npe4y callectimt , . REVERENCES t Hon. Jouneo lie Orsliam, M. Penrose, esii. ' Wm. ./. I -hearer, es... C. E. 'Ma glaughlin. enq , Cartbilc.• Hamilton Alitchs. tag., Rarrisbur,. Han. C. P. Culver tarot 11. u. Ilarathi noir, la nub kaftan. H. C. tlearue II Huai t, dolphin. -Chambers & Pemruy, Neu- • - N I C. HERMAN, ArpOlt %EV AT LAW, Carll4lo, N.. Run. 10,7 u M= I= M'CLI:IIE & M'KEBIUN, ATTORNEYS AT LAW. 149 South B,olllllml, N 011.10014 IJeilly. p . H. SHA .I .MBARGER, 1.1. S TICK OP THE I'EACP tell nnliip. I•lttili..'d, Westprnt4shorl.' • Cutulwrland County. 1.i..,31•1t. All Ln lote4x, el, till tel to him t, ill recolve prompt attention. 1110(1.1l% wnArtt,En, ATTOWN A'I'LAW, • 0111eo, 2 Smith Ilanovor otreet, nee 111,. Will hoar Meuse, 101.0 WILLIAM KENNEDY, ATTORN EY AT LA N• mien In Vol auto, 1.1114 ing, . NV 3 • gl l i m F ll ll '. Mice ill OW themt corner of the l'utit I Ho., 1,4..69 WEE. H. lIIRONS, ATTORNEY AND COIINSELOR AT I AW 7fri Wainnt Street, ,rIiILADELPIII A. LEGAL NOIICEg. A DMINISTRA.TOWS NOTICE Letters of Atlntinistrat ton‘rtt the stato of Dark] T. stone, tote of the borough of Cor.t.t . e, doe° lied, 'taro been Issued by the Iliotbder . Cumberland CLAW tY. to tbo undersigned residing at tiuiliug Sprins. All per...ons n o to lb entitle are re. tmesto g d notko Immo Mote poyme , nt, and those having chums to 1 nsont theft, dotty outho (m ated. for trtt lenient. SAMUEL sTpNE, • nankini.u.• or Bo CI ADMINISTRATORS , NOTICE.- Lettrre of administration cm the exhite of Peter Banner°, deceased. late of Hampden township, Iwru been I.lted by the Itogiot.r of Cumberland county, to the subrerlbers residing in .1,1 township. all persons Indebted to Hold estate, wili please wake immediate payment and these baring claims to pre., sent them; duly authenticated, to die andershwied; fur settlement JOHN 13.kSEHORE, JOHN LININHER, Admlulstrtoarti 14mull7lOt XECOTON'S NOTIC/ totters E teslinuentsry on Om estate of D11e:t1 into of the borough of Car:lsle, &Nosed, have been Issued by filo negloter of Cumberlag.d county—to the subscriber residing in Iho borough of CarWIN, 411 personq indebted to sold estate will pie mins Im mediate payment, 1111.1 1.111./80 11111 . 1 mt eloto s to pre sent them duly tollbooth:ate& to the inuiersigued, tor mottlement. lIENUY SAY:TON, Executor. 14a0p716t E XECUTORS' 'NOTICE. Letters /testamentary on the 'estate of Thomas Leo, sr., late of Dickinson township; de ceased, have been issued by the Register of Cumberland county, to the under, signed executors. All persons indebted to said estate will make immediate pay ment, and those having, claims ivill pre sent them, properly authentioated, to the undersigned. FRED'IC WATTS, 30IIN MUNRO, Executors 1450716 t V A XECUTOWS NOTICE .4'., Letters testamentary on the estate of - quo") A. Gardner, deceased, of 'south Viddleton tow ship, have bemi•issued ' ). the Rogist of Cumberland county, . to the subser* or residing in said town ship. All po sons indebted to said estate, will please make immediate payment, and those having Onions to present them duly. authenticated, to the undersigned, foe settlement, _ _ R. R. WEDERT, --. Executor li'.2Bsop7l6t* EXECUTOR'. NOTlCE.—Letters testamentary on tho estate, of , Anthony mint, of cilurd,towo, Monroe township, deceased, hare been Issued by tho Register of Cumberland county, to the eubseriber residing et Chneehliown. All }er mine indebted to said .elute; wttl plat. make Im mediate payment, and those haring chains to Pen nant them duly authanfleated, to the undersigned, for settlement. • SAMUEL PL ANK, Meant°, 2880161 NOTlCE.—lsiotico is - hereby givon that application will be mado tonal next Leg lelaturo fpr,tho incorporation of a Bank of Dwelt and Dlacolint, to be located at Cordial°, Cumberland county, Pennaylyania, to bo called the Peoples' Bay ingaliwnk, with n capital' of twenty-fiao thotwand dollars, tip the pilyllego of • hfcreati na• to ono him. deed thilitaand dollaea.' 29Je716tn • . . . . . . .. . . .. .. .', r,...-• . . . . . . . . . . . . _ .... - . , .. •. . . -. , . . . ~,, •. ~.. . ..... . . •• . . . . . .. , . . -. . . . . . -.. , • - .. . • . , .., . . . . . • ,• . . . 11.- ..% . . , . .-' . . co. - . ' ''•.... .....,.. ._ Nt.iiE .. ...,• ..... __... ..... ...,... ... .. . . . ,ol ' '-.8.. ' ' . . .. . _ .... _ ___ Dry Goods, ,SlGcs, 6.c FALL CPPEITING 1871 lIOMER, COIibADAY 6. - CO., 141:3 - and 1.111 Chbstnut.Street PHILADELPRI A. The lane In deep and shady, and the treasures li a lien there, dindglng frornalionts Of glad Faqirhie, are very rich and rare; ..And ! the thin] of wild delight In happy eyes ex- Itenpeetfully the public to an lihipet•tion orl pressed i - • :iTl.l$2l( 1:F EUROPEAN NOVELTIES Of thoir own nulection for 916 Present Season hlch they feel ClaltitiVlot l 0 lilt IR NOT 811111'..I,4SEI) either 1,. great vttriely 114,i1/1 Lilitp ”i• 0 , 1 or., Ataol4.: tho 1111i0111 , ,tOrkn in which no are lAbib fling could elal attention ILK .1.)E: PA RTHEN 7', M11:111 i. r.pl.an %1 11 all the ilettta4 'llid, of the 111 . 11:11111, lint hub., rsltil.ll .1, w.l a r.•ry 01 lin.• of haw!slot, slyl.". SPRINU SILKS FOR srll'B P P PP.• pi 1,8. BLACK SILKS HEE ti,. lovnt and inont xpk, maken of LYONS tor overy grade ii Tid prkv, from $1.30 per yard to $lO.OO per yard Our boug 1111.1 10,101111110 anomintunee with 160 bubt ntalmfac . turrs lunto!rn nn t” nllrr uonsual I lilvall'agex Au imrchloirrx. DRESS GOODS' DEPARTMENT, I= .11101( I'll ill f/ Depart'', ent ..stni. the. netivit nwl-boxt totiloriil LOO , l/ to It. EIIIIII=111! Gre,a(lines, Gretiadiue Bareges, Hor n:111e, Square Mesh, (10., CO, AII I hese rtt ht. v„„• We 11 rfle rill to e.ramine Our Mork, (14 judge for t7tonselves: I= Real Estate for Sale 'pußLic SALE OF VALUABLE REAL ESTATE; Ora Prid ,y, October 20, 1871:: '11.3-1111.1.,11.t001..,....01im. of ti pritato of MA R . 1L511.1. lAIIIII.I, 5i111.1.11 ut 10111.111 . .11 . ,1”11 till. 010, Valottble -Real viz : . . No. 1. A limestone farm, containing 1110 acres [toil 40 pel elms, limit measure 101.001 ht South Ili idietio, ton tiship. Cumberland the road leading 10011 Boiling timings to the Stone 2 .11,, no. IL of 51iitint 1111115, nod 4 millet south of Carlisle, and 011,11.111 front Critigitead's SAM on, 011 Ora' Sothic 5101111111.1.1 1111111 . 040. rand 0111 0 Imif mile bran the Baltimore turnpike The in, provenients consist 01 a large 'BYO-STORY BRICK 1./W Kilt NO HOUSE, In good repair, Tenant House, g od Frame Batik Barn, Wag it Shed with Corn Cribs attached, Carriage 111111,, Cl ler Prays and ether neve:natty oulLuildings. (teed well of water near the door. 'An orchard of rlit fi nit trees, In good hearing condition. The labti it well fenced and In a high tante of cul tivat nu, hating been recently Hatred Cherches, Mills, Schools, Le., within convenient distance. No. 2. A tract of mountain land, within 2 miler of the Tom,. the Noah inontitaiii, and to well covered with chestnut pad kik outer, and containing 6!.i acres, more or less. No. 3. A tract of mountain land, situ ated on the Baltimore Bunt Ike, about (Olin half mile from Mount Holly Paper Mills containing 26 acres and NU perches, neat measure, nod Is well covered with ehes•nut, oak and hickory tin& r. This tract will lie sold together or In parls to snit purchasers. Also, a large lot ill' kemt ports •-- Permim wishing to view the propcity Idif no day of sale, will " call on either of the executors resid ing in Midi son township Pustolliee siddress, Sale to couttootteo ut 1 o'clock, when attendance will It gin, II 11114 1,11111 1 / 1 1lIk known i.y ADAM LEII3IANI, RUDOI;I'll :31,171 to ENrcullin for 7114td01001l Lohman. (JaceklitTre Wtekly Telegraph and lianiuniter Examiner Innert until rule, lind si nil I ill to rain N. B. MOORE, IiDUBLIc SALE QF Valuable' . Real Estate ! Will be sold. nt public Hale, on prorillso+, on l'ltureday, October 19, 1871 l: at 10 ner`tw a. on , thaf Very desirable limonitenn fool of David Martin, eltuntod in Manion township, C.obl'i I and county onbont 13,:,111111.111160111 of Claudi o won, near the road leading to Leillig's tavern, on Ono Trindle Fill'lllg road, adjoining Melia of (horst, Brindle, ehri•tian Herman, liellshoover and others, c attaining about one hundred and thlrty.throo •acrek Tin •ro aro tau good apple orchards on the tract, a well ollue•er•failing water whinpump, and a natural ; and or water, nultable for all stook purposes, and 'about 10 or 12 acres of very good timberland. The Improvementx ore it TWO-STORY FRAME TIOITSE, A first-rote largo brick, bank barn's id other out- Indhlings. Ahm„ at the name than and place, a tract a limestone land adjoining tho shave forma , Colltlllll - about t linty-ono :wren, of whieterrhatk7ra acres era very good timber land • Those properties aro .aorilly th e nit tuition of farmern and purchasers generally, and will ho sold together or separate, an may ho moat desirable. Polionn wielding to vlow tine property can do no lay' calling upon Mr. Reed, renidlog-on the promises, or Ono put non liner. Attention., will he given and terra. made known on day of solo by , HENRY SAXTON, Eon, utor of David Martin den.eamid. • • _liofsi Its • Lancaster Intsitolnor anti Harrieburg Weekly Tol graph Ineert moll 'Bole; lima mend 6111 to OW office. FOR SALE.—A tract of land . situated on the Canal or(' River, in Liverpool township, ferry county, containing, THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY ACRES, more or less, having thereon erected two.story brick double DWELLING HOUSE, ele gantly finished; a large ',Co-story FRAME DWELL. INO HOUSE, and a very fine frame BANK -BARN, iltrao foot. The dhove•tract can be readily divided into Herold farms, which will sold together or separate, to suit purelowors. Also, a piece Or land in the canto • WWII/1111p, COll - tabling IlltltTY ACRES, more or less, partly, cleared, Also, a tract or total on the canal and rivtir, Ih - ' Buffalo towtothip, hi the Fame county, containing ONE IFONDItFII AND FIFTY ACRES . , inorcrbr loss, about the half -being cleared, having thereon erected two log bonnet, nod a log stable,' Also, a lot of ground in the borough at Liverpool, being Illtxll.o feet, lying ebetween the river and canal, and baying thereon erected to .WAREIIOIIBE. All to he sold an very favorable terms and time given to cult the purchaoor. The above properties will ho.OlThed nt private tale until OCTOBER 20, 1071. atatif not mold before that time, will be sold at public ludo on that day In Liverpool, whoa and where the terms will be made known. - ~• • Apply to Jr. p.' ' lllOE3Ell, Meldleiticaburg, or to .1. liPColll.llol{,jr., Harrisburg. ,) ,20j67.1tf .• ' IN A COUNTRY LANE. Tlie little ones nil. thlraty ne-t fromscbool, And tlic hurry up the bank to whero, so silvery and so cool, tiny sireamlot (ricklca down, benentli.o.spreading beech, .toot low enough for chubby hotels soul routing lips • to reach. Thu netting sten in glowing on the antunliptinted fenyes, And gilding with u richer gold the WNVOtt of, lug tiheaven, And, tlkough the tangle (;f hedge, worm roe I holr glory Flied, liound laughing- tit,es prephig out frbm 11410d0 of blue nod red: Whvn—grond disc. er, —A boy polls forth o moose'n . twat. An3Ltllen the teiltptin;; hit Ito till' ',ahem agairl . , Their pretty months with I.,:arist.erti - , e swcei thipi ripe to etnin A nil many a brown nut (1111/4 Its sheath to abate poor little thing, A bursting pocket with. a knife, ,ix marbles awl MISIZIM And (lien the wAlsido Ilow'rets, nod the graceful nodding grubs, Seoul) 1406111111 g old) fur minall 11/mllllO gathel ns paw. And there nr,• 1 . .. i Vet 11, lu•ns I. 1.1.1 IlloyS•ellpy to li, found, Titere in no I.lld to (111 OW 11,1101 uilL ohliliill.... 111111kS [thou And no the hajwy moment+ (.1 the 111111111111 IlrePl 110011 Stool 1/y, and evenlog'o ol mist Is fa ling Then as the gliot-tvorin lizitia her latnp, the little tired t Turn sloaly to their cottage homes, aetiett the springing peat Oh' little mins, I evader In the y. ore that et nhal lingvrithginl.ttlory 4 . 1 . 16 to 1//11/11 111.11 kite ;11,1 rill, and true, f ett, retnentb'elot; tile 1.1 igna thly.l ‘‘ hot ptu weft• gillx ntel beys, Vett 1.1 t,1•Inon1. IIIIIJ llnlll to., k .Ig,llll. ,lillt lilt Ito rffaltle jos, A BACK WOODS ERAWA DE "Come, Uncle Bill, give us another story to-night ; something of the days when you was a younfr, man and hunted bears and cleared up your farm. I know that there is more of the same sort we've ad, in store in that head of yours." So said I one night. as I ran up to the Mil gentleman's cottage to pass away Ito evening, and listen to a story that 1 knew I was sure to get. " Wal," said old Bill, hitching back from the fire that roared like a furnace in a broad fire place, and making his position on the hearth decidedly uncom fortable, "1 knowed what you was atter the moment I seed you coming over the hill, and so I fell •to ransacking my brains, and alt at once it occurred to me to tell you about my serenade." "Not yours, or mine, by a good deal, Bill. I never was such a pesky fool as to have anything to do with such a scrape as that." " No, Nancy, 'twaut, ours ; but I call it mine because I was the. One that got it up, started the thin, you see—a sort of a ring leader as the saying is." "And the more shame to you, Bill. It was bad enough to be in that scrape without taking the credit to yourself of getting it up." "There, Nancy, don't, say any more, if ye can't toll the truth. You know when I got home, and told you about it that you was tickled nigh about to death. That serenade beat anything that ever happened in these paiti. Not much like the carrying on now a days when a couple gets hitched." "I suppose not, Uncle Bill ; but heave ahead with your story. I'm (anions to know how you managed. affairs in 'those days.'' " Wel, to begin at the beginning, it was some half a dozen years inter Nancy and 1 had set up for ourselves, that lien Potter lost his wife. lien had moved up into these parts the next year arter I did, along with about a dozen other-fami lies. The next spring there was a lot more conic, so at the end of half a dozen years we had quite a settlement about here. Ben was alwaye a wild, harrum searem sort of a chap, and his wife had not been able to tame him as Nancy had me; but they always got along well to gether, and when at last she died, you novel' in all your life see a fellow take on as he did. Ho declared that he would kill himself and be laid in the same grave . with his Sally ; and some of the timid ones was really afraid that he would do it ; but he survived the inflictiOn, though lie did act, masterly at the grave,, and somo folks was afraid that ho would jump down in, and so they kept hold on him and led Win back,to his cabin,, which want but a littlo ways from tho ,Iforyin,g yard. • ,*al for a whole week Ben didn't do anything, lie-declared tliit his' heart was buried with his Sally, and that he should never be the same chap be had been. nuley here believed him, but I didn't. I knowed that ho would soon got over it and have another wife before six nontli. Nancy belieVed that I was a hard hearted wretch to say so ; but was right all the time, for in jest two months from theday his wife, was kivered up, Ben • married Polly Kilot, a wilder woman that bad come into the place about the time his first Wife was taken sick. Wal, you hatlbetteC believe folks I= ;liked soine [tient that time. :Nancy here, declared •that Lo was a miserable scamp, and that she was no better than she ought to be, and atwcon you, and I, and the back of the chimney, I don't think she was. I asked Nancy what she thought about Ben's]cillitig himself now, and she declared that shelLad-,knoWn all the time Unit ho was only makineie- ]lout. Whim folks aro the greatest hands to change their minds that I ever seed in my life, and then will say right up and down that they done so. Wal I made up my mind as soon as I heard that they were married that it Was our duty to give, them a serenadooo.l spoke to all the boys about it, and they were as ready for the fun as I was. I told them all to keep dark so that there could hello chance for Ben to got wind of the matter, - and to meet me that night up by the Bear Camp Bridge at eleven o'clock, and for each of them; to•bring'an instrument to play 0n., • Anything that, world niake a noise would be in demand, and the louder one the bettor. . • I was lf.indor afraid all day that some of the boyewoold lot it lookout, and by oomo moans it would got to Ben's ears; but 'they wore all truo blue, and he iGa • CARLISLE, PENN:A., THURSDAY, OCTOBER 19, 1871 . . ble,,now wife went tatted in good time, lt was some time before We could con little- thinking what was -- going - to - -vincelhem that - we were human - boinO, linp'en - afore mousing. , . and to induce them to come down, and Wel, when I 'got to Bear Camp Bridge when at last they did, a more ashamed I found the most of the boys thern'aforov couple you never saw in your life. The me. It was putty dark, as there want rest of the:boys were so modbst they re no moon, and the stars were kinder dim. treated beforethey got down ; for they was jest the right kind of a night for were dressed pretty airy for the time of it s, cause - we know that we could "get year. - - Ben and Igot Polly.to - the ground' oso up to the cabin afore Ben could See. actor a I.liilo, and they went home a lit- us, even if he should be watching, Well tle wiser than when they set out ; , we knew pretty well was not the case, as Ben never got over that serape' though every one declared that they had: not _he- dime the fair thing-by getting a lisped a word as to what was going on. goodly ,quantity of rum, and baying a `Val, you see, I was put in leader, as I regular house warming; but if you was the one that got it 'up, and so I wanted to see him put on a sheepish began to look aronfid to see what they look, you had only, to ask him if " the hed brought for music ;. and there wawa burying yard had riz !" variety of it, I can toll you. Tim ;cones had brought a trumpet and a string of old fashioned sleigh bells. Pete llall, Haim tor home had a base drum and a Cow bell. Sim grant had hi&ife's brass kettle, which he ruined afore morning by playing on it with a bar of iron ; Sam Hempson and his brother Jim had a great sap boiler that would hold two barrels, mounted on a pair of wagon wheels, which thdy declared -would make the mountains ring when they struck on it, and they did. Then there was more trumpets, and bells, And pans and guns, and almost everything tinder the sun that you could think of to make a noise with; and thinks I to myself, Ben Pot ter if ye liana deaf you'll think_Fou're a dead Man. It want long afiire every one of the boys were on the spot, hod I gave 'em orders, and then- we moved down the road toward Ben's cabin, taking care not to make the least noise in the world: Had any one seen its then that was not in the secret, they would have thought that we were there m a rching to minim& a camp of !lights, cod that our lives de- Vended upon oar keeping quiet. When we got in sight of ilea's cabin; there want a bit of light to be seen, and we had 'no doubt but what they had been a-bed two hours, and by this time, were like as not asleep. If they -were awake we had no notion of their hearing us, and so we crept up as close to the cabin as we could get, and then, without a word, I ranged my men. Thc. , most of them I put right under the window near where I knew the bed stood, and the rest were seattered about all l'enay to toot, up, when I y .Penkins should give the wool by tiring off his oil queen's-arms. And he was waiting a little ways off for me to give the signal. Wal, after I had got the boys all fixed 'to my mind, 1 gin -a low whistle,' and the next moment bang went Cy's gnu, and then of all the unearthly noises that ever you heald in all yOur born clays, there was the "greatest. The trumpets Wowed all awful blast, as if the bloweri; meant to -shake down the mountains, as they did in 13ible - times the walls of Jericho ; the I7ells clattered and rang loud Mid 1 4 fing, and high above them all was the booming of that great kettle, as Sam and - Jun belabored it as hard as they could, twith their stout. cudgles. Talk about 'our music now- - A-days when you go,fit serenading. it was nothing like that air I kin tell you." "I should think not, Uncle Bill." " I know you can L get up a band now- a-days equal to that. Talk 'about your brass bands, they are no whnrO. The thing can't be done, and you would say soil' you had been there." I was close up under the trindow so to heaL, above' the racket; if I could, what was going on tickle the cabin. The moinent the band struck up I heard Ben's feet strike the floor, and heard lint cry out, in a voice that showed lie was start nigh about to death. "Polly, Rally! the burying ground has tip. and Sally is coining arler me, cause I married you, so quick !" I he ull this intuit, and the boys made such a noise I could ltear no more ; so I joined in with them, expecting every moment to see the door open and lien come ont, for I thought that he would discover his mistake in a short time, but ho didn't, and we kept tooting away, 'till all at once one of the boys,. who was round the tipper end of the cabin. came .teartng: round crying "a ghost, a ghost r , of the top of his voice, and scaring some of the timid ones about out of their wits. " 'Micro is it ^" said i, enniiing op to "There, ,, said du•, pointing eciitild, and in the direetion of the burying ground, and sure enough, there was not only one ghost but - two, - gliding along down toward a steep bank there was about twenty rods off. They were all in white, and at the lirst thought it did seem that they were ghosts,' but the next moment I knew better. "Boys !" I shouted, " there goes Don and his wife. After , 'eni, if yon want a clianeo to kiss the Wide to.iiiglit." They knee-al-in a minute- that I was right, for one of the boys ran around and found the back door open. Then, with a whoop that sounded like a party of red .skins on the war path, wo started in pulpit, taking along with us all air instruments that were not too heavy to carry, shouting until the mountains echoed as irthere was an army coming to join us. IVol, boys, that was a race, I 'Sou tell ye, awl spite of all Ben and his wife could do - we gainedon them. - They were so scared that they did not mind where they were going, and I seed Ima minute they would have hard work' o get down the blink whore they woUld strike. So -I shouted for the. boys to c4mis on, feeling sure that we had 'out,;. and the way we wont across lots was a caution: I didn't think of the old saying, not to crow till I was out of thewoods, but I had ought in this case: Bon and his bride got to,the bank where I thought wo were sure of them, aid still thinking that they Were followed by the spirits of another world, and seeing that there was no other chance for 'escape, they sprang over the hank and ottt of sight. I didn't 15.noWLint what the tonal critters wore so frightened they had.' broken theit necks over the bank, and so we hurried on faster than :over, though wo did 'not shout ally, anl when. wo got there, airs] looked over, what should we see but Bon . titld Polly'perehed on the top of largo oak that grow under . the banit. They in the thickhronches, and wore Anhint, save being scared nigh ' about, to i deathi with.. the thought that they.had been stun; for :from the othei MRS. JONES' PUENN4I They - lived in Wales, - and the farmer was well-to-do, and: all the household were economical, not thinking of meat every day, or anytlijeg. like, as often. The two daughters worn named l3eliance and Prudence ; the sou s e, „Amos and James. Rejitmee was soon to be mar ried to David Thomas at the, next farm. " Well have a 1 tsty pudding for din ner to-day, mother," said Farmer Jones to his wife one mottling at breakfast. . "Very well, Evan," replied llfrs. Jones; for his will was law. So when it was time she began to make, the pudding. Her husband and sons were out at their work in lie Spring sun shine ; the gills were making • the beds w stairs. , mustn't forget the salt this 'time," cried Mrs. Jones to herself; "there was a fine fuss from all of 'me :theta it last." For Mrs. Jones, good housewife though She Was, was apt to forget to put salt in her hasty pudding, or to ptit enough She put plenty in this time, for they were all fond of salt. Then she wont up to the linen foam, and began laying the wintbr clothing away in eainphur. It was only - ti few mitnnes A infore Reli ance came into the hitcher t`•hen seeing the pudding cooking, and knowing that her mother was apt to forget the salt, she put in a handful of salt and stirred it well, so that her father need not have occasion to find fault. SoontftWrodenve pa-:sod through c kitchen on her v ty to the brew house. "Ma is sore to forget the sall," said she and added a good handful. Before long, Amos velereil to get a,ing of beer. And soon after James came in. Each of them added a good handful of salt, as they had no more faith in their mother's remembering it than Reliance or Prudence had. Just before dinner, Farmer Jones re turned from the field, and s,tw the pud ding cooking. "That pudding smells uncommon good I", said he. " But ill bat a sixpence wife's forgot to salt it, as she always does. I used to depend on Beliate, till she got her head full lung Map o'hern ; no idds c, him tiummt' ;n't now. As to Prinh;wit-I.slo,tyn't meddle much hi the cooking - , hqlP , 'in§t n• the salt in Anysel f." lie flung in a largiczilakthili,.'.!fil a hall: Twelve o'clock Came„r eat down to dinner. • ;dr. 'helped her huslnuM to a good of 1:i; lo;ed it well, and bad a sharp apptile. Just a Spoonful 110 took and jumped up. " oil earth salted OM) hero pad ding:'—lt-..--„ Farmer Jones stopped, be ,sailtlenly remembered that he hail ialted It himself. Just, thou there was a groat noise in Ole stable. " I should thing tha,t , thunderin' colt was a trying to kick in - the barn door,", said he, and rushed out. The next to try the pudding was A inns. No sooner had lie got. it in his mouth than he leaped up too. And each one, James, Reliance and i'ruileinio started away in like manner, leaving Mr.:. Jimeti• in amazement. Pm vault one, you het`, took credit for the hard halting. " liawk-amierey !" cried Mrs. Jones, swallowing her first mouthful. "This comes of my having put in'all that there salt. What could -r have been thinking of? But they used to sat, I'd a heavy hand at salting." A SPEEcit crs vat SNUTII FAMILY.- " GICIIHC111911," said a candidate for Con gress, "my name is Smith, and I ant proud to say I ant not ashamed of it. It may be that no person in this crowd owns that very uncommon name. If, how ever, there ho no such, let him hold up his head, pull up his dickey, turn out his toes, take courage and thank his stars thatAhere are a few note left of the same sort. golllll.llioll, iy •n 1111.1 , 00114 101101', x[:1,1,1• vver high hi th+iinnuh of Mow Let White; Ilratva :tad Jon., int,...tne ei they wit Ilellera tan that Smith tvIP °Man • her thou.. Bull "Gentlemen, I nm proud of being an original Smith, and not a Smyth, nor a Smythe, but a regular, natural Smith. Putting a' y' in the middle, or an 'e' at the end, won't 40, gentlemen. - Who ever heard tell of a 'great man by the name of Smyth or Smythe? Echo answers, who?..;And extu.vbody says no body. But for bnuth, why the Milani of fame are covered the. honored and reverend name. 1- Who were the most racy, witty,and popular 'authors of this country? Horace- and ;Albert Smith. Who the most orighial, pithy, and humorous preacher? Rev. Sidney Smith. And who, I say, is that Horn,, and what is his name, who has fought, the most battles, made the most dpeechos,preachud the most sexpons,, held the most,officosi sung thii mold, songs, written the most poems, courted the Most women, kitised the most girls and married the most . Widows? History says—l say—you say —and everybody says—John Smith." ..... .." T 111.: quiet breakfast of a family in was rudely interrupted a few Mornings ago by the laundress, who bolted into the room with the exclama tion : "And mire, IVlissis, I thought I'd come and tell yez, that I couldn't wash fur ye tido mornin', as me 'boy is sick with the small pox, and is. black US me old man'S She was allowed to do part without further apology or explana tion'. a • Bandity school at Ripon a teacher asked a little Loy !,f, ho knew, )rlint the expression. "sowing taros" ; meant? " fourth I 'does."' said lie, pulling the. seat of his little trowsers round in front. "Therepe. timi my 11111 . 140veit ; I toned it sliding down hill - , THE I'LEABURES AIM PAINS OF J - A - ST UDENT. BY J. Et. nsruitinic, M. D • When envious time with unrelenting howl, Dissolves the onion or seine little bawl ; A band connected by those 1.010.41 ties That In 14e growth of lettered friondship iioaa ,Each lingering soul before the parting, sigh, nunuentstops to view the yeato gone by "Memory still loves to hover round the place, Arid' all our pleasures and our pains reit:en, The student is thilitbject Imy song, Few are his plemmres, yet the., few are strong. Not the gay tineslent Moments of delight, Not the hurriedtransports felt but In their lii Unlike all else the student's joys return Intense, enelgolle, expensive, pin, Whether o ' er riamsic plains he ICAe, to l ove, 'Midl.t attic !rowers or mountain grove, Whether with scientific eye to trace, Tho vario6 niodes 'of ntwnber, tints tepid plan, Whether on wings of Heavenly troth to rise, And penetrate the secrets of the Alex, _ Or downward tending with an humbler eye— Through nature's law..levpre . ll Doily' Ills ore the joys no sluing.. breastquil feel, No wit ili•fine,'no utterance reveal. , WU" yet, alssvounixell the joy:•• we 61)1114, Oar Ph' eared stildiproCurtloned laisir cost. An noxious leaf otl fills the student's eye, And his breast hole,e wall annoy 'kaitrogialnig, sigh, r him Is the bask—the fonp, hang lank—to explore Of every age, the luinber and the lore. Nued devrilie his youides and hissCife, The thousonl ni boar mire, les of his life? Lives ten 14o411cnt:a franght cvi h id•nne nienning siall, • And these tell follot finoglit nab none at all. Or v 1,4 1.110 meting not sc4th points and The tool of dir;aaratnia and inyWe'sitanv There forms of figures being given en a pludb, Ile most tratiOnon and bend o Milo his I Or an all author liNt in 'Amon til around, 1%11 , 11 XlllllO ',right (hough( draronds a pariod 1,1131/11 The molt id parad,lla.augulaltddllra Paadaring palialdng, all! what niail! Far moo' produred ninny a laborilig gr.., • A F:villence much l'ke nu Inmded rano. Or should he try,lits talents at a rhyme, That wit,te len, and that. IAII4IO (4 - trIMI . , Perhaps like MP, throng]) one him Ile,tinit the next—there stops: Ort. 7, 1571. THE ENGINEER'S sront • I am an engineer. Ever since road was laid, I've traveled it every day, or nearly every day, of my life. For a good while I've had the same engine in charge—the San Francisco— the prettiest engine on the road, and as well managed, say it, as the best. It was a southwestern road, running, so we Will say, from A to Z. ALA my good old mother lived ; nt Z I had the sweetest little wife under the sun, and baby ; and I always had a dollar or two put by for a rainy day. I was an odd kind of a man. Being stint up with an engine, watching with all your eyes and heart and soul, inside and out, don't make a man talkative. My wife's name was Josephine, and I called her Joe. Some people call me un sociable and couldn't understand liow.a man could feel friendly without saying ton words an hour. So, though I had a few friends—dear ones, too—l did not have so many acquaintances as most peo ple, and did not care to have. The house which held my wife and baby was the dearest spot on earth to me except the old house that held my mother up at A. I never belonged to a club,. or mixed myself tTp: Otri strangers in a'q such way and neverl should, if it. hadn't .beenfor Granby. You soo Granby was one of the share holders, ri handsome, showy fellow. I liked to talk with him and we were friends. Ile often rode from Zto A, and back again with DIP, and once he said : " You ought to belong to the Scien tific Club, Cmldea." "I never heard of it," said I. " I am a member, - said lie. "We 'meet once a fortnight, and have a jolly good time: We want thinking men like you. We have some among •ns 110 W. I'll propose you if you like." 1 was fond of such things, and I had ideas that I 'fancied migliti be worth something. Pat the engineer don't Inure nights or days to himself, and the world have our evening a fortnight from I said : I will ask her. If slw4ikes it, yes:* "Ask whom"" saiithe. "Joe," said I. "If every man had asked his wife, every man's wife could have said, ' Can't spare you my dear,' and we should have no club at all," said Granby. But I matle no answer. At, home I told Joe. She said : "-I shall miss `you, Ned ; but you do love such things, and then-if Granby be longs they must be superior men." "No doubt," said I. • "It isn't everybod; \ whO could be made a member," said Joe. " Why, of course you must say.ycs," So I said yes, and Granby proposed me. Thursday fortnight I went with him to the rooms. Thq,,real business of the evening was the ttuppov, and so it was every evening, d'd always been a temperate man. I actually did not lcnow what effect would'have on me ; but coming to drink, more of,,it, than I over had before, at the club — table, I found, it pot steam on.. After so many 4 glaSses, I wanted to tallc ; after so many more I did. I seemed film somebody else, the words were so ready. My little ideas, came out and were listened to. I made sharp hits,; Undulged in repartee ; told stories ; even came to puns. I beard somebody sa'y to Granby : "By George, that's a man worth having. Idhought• him dull at fluit." Yet I knew - it was Letter to be quiet Ned Guelden, with his ten words an hour, than tbe , 1 % vino made wit I was. I was sure of it when three mouths Ulster I stumbled hp stairs to tind .The waiting for `me with lier, baby on her breast. ' "You've been ' deceiving me," said" Joo. ,‘ I Filltipeeted it, but I wasn't sure. A scientific club couldn't smell. like. a barroo'in." " Mich means I do," said I waver ing in the middle of thin room like signal flag at a station, and seeing two Joss. "And look like one," said ,Joo ; and Went and locked herselrand the baby in the spare bedioom. One eltiFifight as I was dressed to go,. Jeo stood before me. ° f • ,‘, NM," said sho o "I never had afanit to find with you, before. You've:been kind, and good, and IMiing always . ; but I should besorrY—we_mtetimetALyou-go on in this way. Don't ask me what I moan. You ftllo‘l7." • "Joe," said 1 . , night." "It will pow," said abe, • Then she put her arEps around .my 'neck, . , "Ite 'only club "Ned," said she; "(la you n think a thing so much like a bloated dip and strap ped down demon ail:steam is, is' fit to put intd the hands of a drunken man ^ And some day, marlc my words, not only Thursday night, but all the clays of the week will be the same. .1 have ate& heard you wonder what the feelings of an engineer who has about the. same. as murdered a train full of people must be, and you'll know if you don't stop where you are. A steady hand and a clear head have been iour blessings' all these . years. Don't throw them away, Ned, if you don't care for my love, don't ruin yourself." My little Joe. She spoke from her, heart, and I bent over and kissed her. Don't be afraid, child. I'll never `pain you again." And I meant it ; but at twelve o'clock that night I felt that I had forgotten my promise add my resolution. I couldn't get home to Joe. I made up.my mind to sleep on the club sofa, and leave the place for good the nest day. Already I felt my brain reel as it nad never done before. lii an hour I was in a kind of stupor. It was morning.. A waiter stood ready to brush mi'dOat. saw a grin on his face. My heart seemed ready to burst ; my hand trembled ; looked at my watch ; I had only just live minutes to reach the depot I , Joe's words came to mind. Was I lit to take charge of an engine? I was not fit to answer. .I ought to have asked some .sober man. As it was, I only caught my hat and nisheil away,- I was just in time. The San. Francisco glittered in the sun. The cars were filling rapidly. From my post I could hoar the people talking —bidding each other good-bye, promis ing to write and cone again. Among them was an pld geneleman I knew by sight—one of Ithe shareholders ; he was bidding two timid girls adieu. "Good-bye, Kitty—good-bye, Luc" I heard him say ; "don't be nervous. The San Francisco is the safest engine on the line,. and Guelden the most care ful engineer. I wouldn't be afraid to trust every mortal I love to their keep ing. Nothing could happen .wrong with the two together." , I said I'll get through it simichow, mid Joe shall never talk to me again. After all, it was easy enough. I reeled as I spoke. I leard r the signal. We were. oil'. Five hours from L. to I),; live hours back. On the last - I should be myself' again, I knew . now. I saw a red 11,11 ter, and never guessed what it was' anti) we were past the down train at the wrong place. Two minutes More and we should have hada collision. Somebody told me. laughed: I heard him say respectfully: "Of course, Mr °nekton, you know what you aro about?' Then I was alone, mid wondering whether I should gtf faster or slower. I did something, and the cars rushed on at a fearful rate. The same man who had. spoken to me liefore was standing near me. I heard me question. How ninny miles an hour were we mak ing:' I didn'ilcnow. Rattle, ratee, rattle I I was trying now to slacken `he speed of the San Fran cisco, I could not, remember . what I should do—watt I. this or that.? Faster or slower ? I was playing with the en gine like a child. , Suddenly there was a hOrrible roar—a crash. I was tlung soinewhere. I was in the water. 13y a miracle I was sobered, not hurt. I gained ,the shore. I stood upon the ground between the track and the river's edge and there gazed at my work. , The engine was-imfragments, the cars in splinters; dead and dying and wounded were strewn around—men and women and children—old age toil tender youth. There were groans and shreiks of des- Imir. The maimed cried out in pain ; the uninjured bewailed their dead ; and a voice unheard by any other, was in my , oar, whispering "711nrdily !" The news had gone td A, and p s i ple came thronging down to lintitheir friends. The dead were stretched on the grass. went with some of the distracted to find their lost oneS. .searehing for an old nian's daughter, I came to a place under the trees, and found live bodies lying there all in their rigid horror—an old woman, a yonte elm, a balmy and two tiny children. Was it fang—was it pure dlllny anguish—they looked like—oh, heaven ! they wore my old, mo ther,•my wife, my children ; all will auil dead. How did they 'conic on the train? What chance had brought this about? No Arno could answer. I groaned, I screamed, I clasped my hands, I tore my hair, I gazed in the good old face of her who gave me birth, on the' lovely fcat ores of my wife, on my innocent children. I called them by name ; there was no ans-weir —- Thae never could —never would be. Anti as I coin prehonded this, _onward up the track tlmnde•ed anOther train.. Its red eye glared on MO ; I Ihnig myself before it ; I felt it crush me' to atoms. "Ili:: fiend is eictre . niely Lot," sai somebody. 1 opened my eyes and 'saw my wile. " now do yin' reel?" said she ; " little balm?" I was so rejoiced and astonished by the sight of her that I cOuld not spotlit at 111 A. She repeated the question. "I must be crushed to pieces," said . the train werit over ac ; but I feel in° pain." "There he goes about 'that train agaiii," said ay wife ; " Why Ned !" tried to . move—there was notliMg the matter with me. I was in own rooni ; opposite to me a crib in which my two childremwere asleep ; beside me a tiny bald bead.- Ny wife and children were safe I Was I delirious, Or,.what could it be? "Joe," cried I, •" tell me what hnii happened !" . "It's nine o'clock.'.' said Joe. ."You canto home in suTtiti l / 4 1 state from the club that I couldn't wake you. You weren't lit to manage steam and ristt people's lives. The San Francisco is half way to A, I .suppose.' and you have been frightening mole death with your dread _Cul talk." .—And_Joe began to cry. It Was only a Amain ; only ailawful dream, But I . had lived through it as though It wore 'realit " Is there a Bible in the house, Joe ?" saki I. "Are Ivo heathens?" asked Joe. " Give it to me this moment," Joe tflio brought it, and I put my, Land oil =I it mid took tho' oath_ (too_ solemn to_be repeated here) that what had happened never should occur again. And if Jim San Francisco over conies to grief the verdict will not be, as it has so often been—" The, cpvi,iicr 1r(18 (11 . 117 a: 7 WOLF AND TIIG 2710.11.4 S REM I= I. know by the sympathetic glow on his bald head—l knew by the thoughtful look upon c his face—l knew by tie emo tional iluArlpon the strawberry on the fend of the old free liver's nose, that Simon Wheeler's memory was busy with the olden times. And So I prepared to leave, because all these were symptoms of a reminiscence—signs that ho was going to be delii:cred of anothm:oais personal experiences—but I was too slow ; he got the start on me. As nearly as I can recollect, the infliction was couched in the following language : "We were all boys then, and didn't cam for nothing, and didn't worry about nothing,, only to shirk school and keep up in a rev ivin' state of devilment all the time. This yer Jim \Voir' was talking about, was 'prentice, and he was the best hearted fellow, ho was, and, the most forgivin' and onset fisb I ever saw; Nvell, there couldn't have been a Wilier boy vtlian he Wan, lake him how you would, and surly, sorry enough I was when I saw hlin for the last, time. Me and . llarry was: always posterin' him, and plasteripg boss bills on his back, and putting bumble bees in his bed, and so on ; and sometlmes we'd crowd in and bunk with him notwithstanding his .growling, and we'd let on to get mad, and fight across him, so as to keep him stirring tut like. no was nineteen ; he was long, and lank, and bashful ; and we was fourteen and sixteen, tolerably worthless and lazy. So that night, you know, that my sister Mary gave a candy pullin', they started u.a oll" to lied early, so aLlte company could have fall swing, and wectin into Jim to have sonic fun. t' Otn:' roof looked out onto the roof of the ell, and about ten o'clock a couple of old tom cats got to rarin' and chargin' about it, and carrying on like sin. There was four inches of snow 'on the roof, and it was frozen an that Ihere was a right smart crust of ice on it, and the moon was shining bright,. and Nl' I' could ,see them cats like daylight. Firid, they'd stand off and e-yow pow-wow,. just, the same as if they were a eussils' one another, you know, and bow up their backs and push up their tails, and swell round, and spit, and then, all of a sud den, the gray cat he'd snatai a handful of fur out of the yaller cat's ham, and spin him round like the button on a barn door-; but yaller cat was game, and lie'd come and clinch, And the way they'd gouge, and bite, and howl, and the way they'd make the fur Ily, was powerful. "Well, Jim lie, was disgusted with thiS row and :lowed he'd climb out there and shako 'ern own the roof. He hadn't reel.) , no notion of doin' it, but we ever lastingly dogged him, and bullytagged hint, laid 'lowed he'd always bragged how he wouldn't take a 'hare, and soon, till bimeby he lusted up thewliiiier, ann. 10, behold you, he went—went exactly as Ito was with nothimron but a shirt, and it was short. But you ought to a seetildin ere-e-ping over that ice, and, digging his toe nails in to keep from slippin'. Them company folks was (low' there, under the eaves, the whole squat of'em, under that ornery shed of oh 1V aShington bower-vies,—all settin 'round about two dozen sassers of Itot candy, which they'd sot in the snow to cool; and they all was talkie' and laughin' lively ; Litt, bless you, they didn't know nuthin' about the pano rama that was goin' On over their lieads. Well, Jim he went sneakin' tip, unknown to them tontilats—they were sw•ishiu' their tails, yow-yown',.and threatenin' to clinch, you know, and not payin' any attention—he went sneakin' right to the comb of the roof, till he was wiLlifn fonfi'lind a half of 'em, and then, all of a sudden, he made a grab for the yaller cat I But, by gosh ! he missed firo and slipped; his heels flew up, and he !lop 'pod on Lis back, and he went. olr n that roof like a dart ; went a slash in' and a smash in' and a crashin' down through' them rusty old vines, and landed in the the center of them company of -people ! sot down like a yarthqualio in them two dozen sassers of red . hot: candy, and let olf a howl, which was hark from the tomb I Them gals—well, .they loOked, yomknol,v—all done in a second. It was just one little war-whoop, and a swish of their dresses, and blame the gal of 'fill, was in sight. anywhere. n Jim, he was a sight. lie was gormed with that bilin' hot molasses candy clean down to hislmels, and had more busted sassers hangin' to him than if he was an Dijon princess'—and he come a lir:mein' up strnrs just a hoppin' and cussin', and every jump he made he'd shed. some china, and every squirm Ito fetched he'd drop some caddy ":Ind blistered ! Why,. bless you soul„.thaL poor creature couldn't really ,set down for as much as four weeks." - Lovs;u I'olrrl u very good widow, who was looked up to by the congregation to which she •belonged as an example of piety, contrived to bring her conscience to terms for ono little indulgence. She loved porter; and one day, just, as sho bad received half a dozen bottles - from the man who usually brought lie . ). 'the ,comfortable beverage, she saw two, of the grave elders of the church ap . proaqiing her door. She ran the man out of the hack door, and the bottles under_the -- bed- The weather was hot, and Whilo conversing with her sago ,friends, pop went a cork. "Dear mo I" taCtriliced the good lady, "there goes .fliy,b'edeo4l y it snapped yeStorday the sania, way, I, must have .1 - mother _rope_ proVided I" In a few initiates went another, followed by the peculiar hiss of escaping liquor. The rope would not do again, but the- good lady was not at a loss. "Dear, me I" said she, "that black .cat of mine. must he- in some mischief under there. 'Seat I"—Another - Bottle - WHlSiroff, --- iniil - Hfofidrter came stealing out fr'om under the bed curtain. "Oh, dear mo I" she said ;-"lliad forgot it; it Is 'my yeast I Here, Prudence, come and take, these battles of yeast lassay 1" , -- tExeltalkee. . • How to ovorcomo your norrown—ntrikO ono hf your own Hig ' ' TETIMS—r2.OO n Yenr in tivonco.l s2.t If not paid wttlila the yenr. HUMOR° US. A CRACK corps—The burglars. , FANCY bread—A roll of the:ege.' punishment—Eye lashes. PAPER cuffs—Newspaper attacks. A BLACK bird—A raven into officer. A MANTLE shelf—A girl's shoulders. I:4INS, like misfortunes, never come singly. THE'Slinvest thing out—The Russian "fleet." SURE way to turn people's heads—Go late to ch rich. A CLEAN shirt is OHO of women's best gifts to man. AN educational diet-A dinnoi• of (v)erbs. SOME prisons have wings—some pris oners would like to have. Wily is a wifelike a bad Will ? Bee:Oise - - she is difficult to'get ftanged. Tun best person—indeed, the only ' person—to All a vacuum, is a dentist. Ow which side of a donkey would you ' ook for the most hair ? The outside ruE coal merchant's taverito aphorism. One good ton deserves another. - LONG absence makes-tho -heart—grow— 'wider—of some ono else. Trrg , man who "couldn't find his witch" went to bed in the dark. - - • - To Tug NT AUTHORITIES.-lrlllolloy makes money, is it liable to be-indicted" Wiiv is an umbrella 'in wet weather ike a worn-out horse? Because it is used up, . young lady whose feelings were "all worked up" has ordered a fresh supply. Witv is a brutal loisbhnd like a dis satisfied cabman ? Because he frequently abuses his fair. IF a man can not learn by dxperienco r why is he like a laurel? Because lie is an evergreen. Jr is very well to say, " Take things as they come," but suppose they don't MEE Jr is a funny thing about a dentist, at the inure he stops the fasta ho gets WHY does B precede C in thi3 bet?—Because you must be before you can see.. Do jolt observe ? JP three feet will make a yard, hovi many hands deed you employ to build a wash house in it? FACTS Should he put down in black and white; in another colored ink they might, appear ink-red-iblo: • WHY iti:a shoeblack like a clinger schoolmaster" Because - he polishes the understandings. • SUPPOSING a man to be in a serious frame of mind, is it necessary he should he a picture of , despair? GARDENEIN might not like to part with their gardens, though they are always ready to fork over theirgrounds. A Jaw, on seqing a prodigiously fine ham, remarked : " Thou almost per suaded me to be a Christian." " NEVER mix your drinks" is held to . be .i good rule with topers, and is not at all a bad one for milkmen to observe. A INlPSlCdealer in an lastern town announces in his window f /- sentimental song, "Thou llast Loved Me and Left Me for Twenty-five Cents." _tn.7.vailc_inore _erect than usual, my friend." " Yes, I havebreen--r— -straightened by circumstances." A FRIEND or ours says that ho pos sesses in the person of his -valet the greatest lyre. in the world- 7 —and still ho' - is not harpy ! AN exchange says the grapes on Long Island are solarge that their skills are used to cover old umbrella frames. Wo . don't believe it. A MAINE lover gave Up his bride when her father presented a bill for the young woman's hoard doring the four year:t,,_ 'tcr• they had beeii engaged." Two of the old Red Stocking Base Ball Club-have joined a choir. One Of them officiates as short stop on the organ and the other sings third base. WITAT is the difference between a re loelpedist and a school boy who's been severely thrashed? One shows a body on wheels, and the other wheels on a body. Air a., colored meeting, a worthy - brother, whose piety exceeded his learn ing, rather astonished his hearers by quoting, during an exhortation, from "do ob. St. Paul to the Canadians." `PUNCH knows a elan so keen in money matters,: that positively ho refused to conclude the purchase of a house for 099 yee,rs, because he could not have the Odd year thrown in. To illustrate the correctness of his, opinion in a dispute, a Texan thrust his pistol down'i a Kansan's throat' and threatened to fire. The Kansan admitted the truth of the Texan's statement irm: mediately. A coon.N.twunu traveler fell asleep in a train and was carried for beyond his 'destination. "Pretty good joke this, isn't it I"' saidhe-to.a fellow_ passenger. "Yes, bid a little toe far fetOed," was the rejoinder. A LAWYER in St. Louis who lost his railroad pass, and instil:lc:Led the con ductor to arrest the first nfitu