„TERMS OF. ADVERTISING' . • .One Squaro ono lasprtiOn i * 00 - For each aubsequoat Insertion, • GO For Glorcilittilo Adrotttsomonts, Legal Noticos • • Professional Cards Without paper, Obituary Notions an, Communion Cone rel•ting - to matte, a of mi. ' veto Interest!! alono, 10 route per lino. . , 1013 PItINTINO.—Our • Job. FriritttilrOffleo is tho nigoet and most aomplotil ostabllshmont In tho .dounlyv—Four good Promos, -and itgenoradvaelotrnt material autted for plain and Fancy 'aibidc - of -ovary- kind, unablon ue to do Job Prlntiugnt the ohortoet .lotico, and on the most reasonable terms. .PersOps In want of 1.1111 a., Planke., or anything in tlicf!jribblng find it to their Interest to give-us a ca 11..- .. C. P. 111.11111(I011. HUMRICH & PARKER. A TTORNEYS AT LAW. Office cn j - j, Main St., in 31arion flail, Carlisle, Pa. G. X. BELTZHOOVEtt, TIOPSEY — AT — LAW, — an)l 1166) _LA. • listate Agent, Shepherdstown, West Virginia- Arff—Prompt attention given to all business in Jeffer son County and the Counties adjoining it, January 19, 1890.-1 y. WF. SADLER, Attorney at. Law, Carmelo re. Mee in Volunteer 13 . 1111,11 nm South Ilauovar Strout. - C HERMAN, Attorney at Law, y Carlisle, Pa, No. 0 Ithaom'a 1,189171 y. TAMES A. DUNBAR, Attorney' at .1 Law, Carlisle, Pa.' Odes Irr No. 7, ltheem's 11011, July 1, 1864-Iy. TOSEPII I.I.ITNE.R ; Jr.,AOrney at Lam - and Surveyor, - 11teeltsnlesbu&, - Pm -011 lee on hell Road Street, two doors north of the Bark. naJtustnoss promptly attended to. July 1, 1864.. , . IJNO. O. GRAHAM, A ttorney at I l aw, Carlisle, - Pe. Office formerly occupied by:Judge , rebate, So uth Hanover street. . . September 8,1865. ' E. .PELTZHOOVE.4 Attorney_ .;it Law Office In South llanover.street, oppOsite lientes dry geed storo Carlisle, Pa. September 9,1864. .. M. WE AKLML7, Attorney at Law, J. Oflle . eon south -Jlanover- street, adjolutag the office ofJudgo Graham. All professional busluOss on. trusted to him will be promptly sttonded to. • July I, 1861. .., • SAMUEL filiil3ltßN, Jr., Attorney nt Law. Office with Hon. gauluol Ilopimrn,' Main St. Carllßlo Pa, • July 1,1804. • T4 A.W CARD.-CHARLES E. MA- Attorney at Law, Office In the room formerly occupied by Judge Graban, July 1, 1864-Iy. • TIR. GEORGE S. SEA- S "GUMS" /Iti(1111', Dentist, from the BaItI "GUMS more Collage of Dental Surgery. Iga..oMee 'et the residence of his mother, East houthor street, three doors below Bedford. ' July 1,1664. GEO.- • RTs NEIDIOEI, - D. D. Lath Demonstrator or 0 .OrlitivoDentlstry °Me Baltimore College of ene Dental Surgery. Office at his residence opposlte Mail on Hall, West Mall? street, ear'liile, Pa. July t, 1854: Dr. I. C. LOOMIS - , Pomfrot Strout low doors "4111e...'"7 tiolonr South Ilanovor st • • • July, 1, 1861. MRS R. A. SMITH'S PHOTO, rtIA kgrdaraircii.7'4°gros,cll7l,Cohrantr had all different styles of Photographs, from card t a olife size, IVOEYTYPES, AMBRQTYPES, AND • MELAINOTYPES : • • also Pictures on Porcelain, (something now) both Plain aud - Colorod, and which pro hp:wilful productions-of the Photographic art. Call and sca them. Particula'r attention given to copying from Daguorro types do. -She invites the patronage of the public. Pob. 15, 186 G. SOMETHING NEW. NI Porcelain Picture or- O-P-A-U-491ZPE. aTiliS - beautifill Piottire is now mado - at Lochman Gallery In Dr. Nell's Building, oppo: to the First National rank , with such perreetam ,onc style, tone and finish that it cannot help but please ovary one, The porcelain imparts' a most clear and charming complexion to the picture. All other styles of ' -- PHOTOGRAPHS, at nil sizes, • CARD 'PICTURES and AMBROTYPES, ' aro made In the most perfect manner. A large varie ty of Frames and Passapartouts, Cases, Albums are on hand and will be sold cheap. _Copying done In the best manlier. The public is rcr. - spectfully Invited to examine specimens. 'The First Premium has been awarded by late county Fair to O. L..Lochman, for - Tho Best Photogi.aphs 4 1 45bPD, 1866. TREMENDOUS EXCITEMENT I , Hew Firm ! l\Go-Store ! ! New Goods! ! ! PIM undersigned" having taken-the Store Boom, in Main St., recently occupied by John D. Gorges, nest door to "Marlon Gall," would re• spectfully invite the attention of the people of Carlisle and - vicinity tomy largo, varied and well selected Stoat of Dry Goods. consisting in part, of DIUSLINS, • • CALICOES, DELAINES, GINGHAIAS, FLANNELS, &c, at greatly reduced prices, in consequence of the late heavy decline in Goods in the Eastern Chloe, and as mycgoods are all new, r ran and will sell nt net unish ingly low rates. I have also n choice selection of Ladies' Dress Goode, ". - MERIiVOES, ALPACAS, MOHAIR, delnines, Lusters, Poplins, Risen fine assort. _._mentor Gentlemen's Wear, such as `CLOTHS, -• OASSIMERES, SATTINETTS, . . • • JEANS, • COTTONADES &c., __wittake great..yleasure In showing goods add would he pleased to have the Ladies call:and wawa - fie oils New - Goods,'which we aro determined; to sell at great. bar-. . gains. We feel satisfied that we can offer greater in ducements to purchasers than any similar Establish• matt in this vicinity, remember the place at Gorgar? - old tin Store:nextdoor to Marloh a:O. - DROWN: - - March 18,1866. New Variety Store TEEE subrieriber ims removed - his' store to the room rocentb~p occupied by J. Neutrahl, between Dm. Kieffer .4 Litzor. floeldes hie foram stook of Notione, he _Metals° on bandu. tine, amort. moot of DOMESTIO DRY GOODS, °Amon, - r ' musms.• . RELATERS - , ' ____.,,• • •-iiiINGIIAMS, . . . , .. • - FLANNELS, . - BLANKETS , -. ' . . - • ' SHAWLS, .1 i. •• . 1100 P-SKIRTS, _ ' - ' t HOSIERY, . - . -GLOVES &c., &c., 4 . _ • ' ,filth he is determined to-aoll. at ,tbe lowest' seep prices. Paper Cellars, all stylea, aloes orntliinilet" "l ~ Umbrellas, ln groat variety, very - cheap. ' ' -Aitthe West Shoot filusichopt constantly on band. •.. The usual •roduction made ;to music teachers., Ono • aplonilill - Plano; Accordeune,Flutdo, Vienne, &c. The ;Old Motto - 'Quick Bales and Small Prate." Coma and • be satisfied. ' , No trouble for nolo ahem , our goods - .. , , MLR. HALBERT. •. '-Nov. 2, 1856. ' . . . • • • MILIIER 85: BOWEAK • Successors to LEWIS LYNN. DVALERS.in Foreign and DomeetiO Hardware of an kinds, - PAINTS, OILS, OL,IO, VARNISHES &o. .Nortli - Hanover Ell, nearly oneelto the Carlisle Bank. July 7,1806. , . . CONFECTIONARY I REAM WORK,Stara -Tulirie Boa,- ' OheiFostoe, Oocoanut and Deo. 15, LoADIES COMPANIONS, 311 aorta abapoS and aim c. 16,1805 HAVE4I3:IIOI{B - _ 111[IbLOWS.Plenk; Zeigler, York, Ea • i s s ip and Poiry Plowe,Tor wile chol l a • - Sot, 18, 1960 V RD - CAGES 'of, desoriptiou ut TOIRYSIOIANS filia it to ittlii,ad x,y,migeto call aid purO?Aeo thoir Madlolni)at , 34 1 7 /A/API 25 00. 4 00 7 OD VOL. 65. A; K. RHEEM , Published Wlll, E. PARKER Extensive Millinery Establishment ! No. 904 Walnut Street, Philadelphia. MADAMOISELLE _KEOGH, _ _ n, MILLINER.DE PARIS, Having rotaillt and greatly enlarged her place of . business, has now on hand an entire now assortment of the very best styles of FUENCII MILLINERY. Through her numerous agent§ in_Parls r sho Is-ena— bled to present in advance of other establishments the very latest European 'etyhis in , licetinels.lreml Drosses, Caps . Feathers, Ribbons, . Frames, etc. THE SALES ROOMS . Aro constantly stocked with the choicest g oods,oand those sending orders can be accommodated at the shortest possible notice. THE MOURNING. EPARTNENT__, i '• ,-- Is'tbot'olighlk - OrgaTilied, nd has been snide a spe ciality la the Establisbmu . THE WIIOLESA E DEPARVIENT Offers great Inducomon sto Milliners who can at any time be furnished v ith pattern isinnets of the very latest styjos, prior their being exposed at rl3- , ___ N. U.—French, English and Gorman Spoken Nov. 2,1.966-6 n.. A. L. SPONSLER, 111) EAL ESTATE AGENT, Scrivener, ToL7slntugneatdClnim Agont. O 1 lieu )lain srwearcoro;guo,.- ighly Improved. Farm at Private • SITUATE near the village of Lisburn ; Cumberland County, 6 - miles from ItiechnnlCS , burg, and 7 miles frortr Harrisburg, containing 108 acres ' all cleared lint about 5 whieb II1:0 covered with good timber. Thu improvement s are nil not and•very superior consisting.of a largu 5 Brick Minsion House, .4 4 '...12,.; ,!; f CaC t. Brick Bank Barn; rittv.r. ,, w;:n?. BRICK SMOKE HOUSE, Bake Howse and Spring House, Large Wagon Shod, and other convenient out-build- Ings,2l stream of running water near the house and abundance of Fruit - of all kinds consisting of Apples, Peaches, Fears, Grapes, Sc. The farm is beautifully situated on the bank of - the '•Yellow Brooches'• "Crook, the soil in tho highest' possible state of cultivation, consisting of a mixturo of Limestone and creole bottom land, and nearly all under post and rail tence, and an abundant supply of locust- trees grooving. A. L. SPONSLEII, Aug. 31, 186 d. .1 nom .atalo Acenni. TtVo Valuable Tracts of Timber Land at Private Sale • IITUATE on the South Mountain _ near Mount Holly Springs." Consisting Tic, 1 ant contattring - 75 - Acrestijoining - the - property ,- of the Mt. Holly Paper Co. Well covered with young chestnut. Ahother tract containing 40 Acres adjoin lug the above. Apply to 'Tub 27, /866 Hotel Property in Churehtown at Private - Sale. • SSITUATE on Main Stroet' Containing 170 feet In - front and 150 feet In depth-improve ments n largo Donblo two-story FRA.A.I•E 'HOUSE,. ' Extenslyo Stabling and Sheds, Wash limn°, and oth convenient-out buildings, an exeollont Well of Wa rat the door, and a Cistern in tho yard. For terms .d further particulars . enquire of thd owner Mrs. A. Liggot, residing in Churehtown er of A. L. SPZ/NSLER, Real Estate Agent. lay 8, 1816. 11 - 011E - I.llairalrce Company of -- N - ew co - iiiluctiTqa, - , - stawfirolivorzuruary ist; 4860. CspltaliStock 1 Surplus Losses unadjusted INSURANCES MADE PERPETUAL AND TEMPOR- The assetts of this Company consist of United States -Government Securities, steel. In National Banks, and Ist, Mortgages on Beal Estate. Theiloard of Directors have declared a Semi-Annual cash Dividend of Ten per cent free from Government Tax payable on and af ter 15th, January,lB6o. - Also a scrip Dividend of 'Sixty per cent on the earned Premium of Policies entitled to participate in the Pro fits for the year ending Ist of,January, 18611. And havo.voteel to increase.the Capital Stock of the Com. patsy to_clne Million of Dollars. Apply to ' A. L. SPONSLER, Agent. FOR , SALE. • rpowN PROPERTY :6 South Hano vor street, Carlisle, Comprising 120 loot.in front and 240 foot in depth having thereon erected 3 Dwell ing Houses, Shops ,end other Buildings will be sold en tire or divided to suit purchasers. Apply to ' A. L. SPONSLER. Feb.l6, 1866. A Valuable. Lotof .Ground. " ESIRABLE for gardening or build ing purposes situate on North Pitt Street, ox endoll and adjoining the Fair Grounds In tho Bor- ough of Carlisle, containing 4 acres, bo tho samo 'more or less, will be sold at Privato Sale on remonablo terms Apply to A. L. SPUNSLEIt,' Nov. 10, 1966. Real ate Agent. Ar ge- THE GREAT CAUSE OF • - Hurnail Mis Pry. :71491 rizbliskul, in n ii'Sealed Envelope.-.. Price &Lecture on the Nature, Treatment. and Radical Curs of Seminal Weakness, or Spermator. clues, Itivolantary Em'salon'', Impotency, Nervous Debility nod.lmpedimonts -to Marriage generally ; Con sumption, Epilepsy, and Fits; Mental and Physical Incapacity, A.c.,—By - R01.1..1. CULVERWELL, M. D., Author of tho "Green Book," Ski., - Tho world-renowned author, in this ndmirablo Loc, turo, clearly proves from his own experience that tho awful consequences of Folf-Abuse may be effectually 'removed without•modicino, and without dangerous surgical operations, boogies, instruments, rings or cor dials, pointing out a mode of care at once certain and - Wotan', by - which every sufferer, - no - matter - what his condition may be, may curd himself cheaply,privatoly, nod radically. TIIIS LECTURE WILL. PROVE A BOON TO THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS, Sent undicr seal, In a plain envelop°, to any address, post paid, on receipt of six cents, or two poet Apulia, - Addrbss tho-publishers, Also, Dr. ouLvintwELLT ' , Marriage. Guide,ii-prito 26 cants. • - • . Address the Publishers. CH.A2. J. C. KLINE & CO., 127 Iloworyl . l , 7iie York, Post Olkeolok, 05811_ 10,1800-4 y. Dry Gooda! •Dry.,Goods 1--- - - A. H'. rßentz,"Souilt Hanover Street, Ca . r. lisle, Pa. " . _ Ihliiiejuat made my second tiedi lion to my already groat and extensive stock of Dry Goode. , I havo_solooted the moot desirable goods that could bir obtained in tho Easter," Marital; paid most special attontion to varioty and taste, and am fully assured that after a thorough investigation In mado, my numerous patrons, (the Ladles' of course) hove till thoir wishes gratified. . I havo a variety of . -1 • Ladies' Dress -Goods, such as Plaid and Plain Poplins. • . - Lupins, hunch Morinoos of ovary shndo and quality Coburgo, Mous do Loftin, and Aipaccas all colors. kfull lino of Mourning 81lka, Dombazinos, Rapp Double and Bin & width, all Wool BoLaines, Alpaccas, English Crapo Crape, Volts and Collar a . , London Mourning Prints, &c, MUSLINS,--MAISLINS, vary clump andirood,. A largoinvoica Cloths and Cassimeres, Jeans, Velvet Cord, &c. A variety of Ballordvale, Shaker and heavy twilled Flannola. Blade, Solferino, -Blue, Brown, Groan and Scarlet 13aquo Flannels. = Whin) and Colored Homemade Flannols, good Can ton Flannels. Prints very bast brands, Gloves, Hosiory and Buttons of ovary kind, Shirts 'nod Drawers; Hoods, Nubian and Breakfast Shawls, Blankets at lowest pri ces Balulpral and Hoop Skirts, Floor and Stair Oil Ann' prepared and will''eoll at the lowest prices. . • • A. W. BIONTA.', AT HAVERISTICHS. I Oet .12, 1800. ' • , Hair Crirdpers... - • • , Tor'CriTpi!O and 'ffravino'Latfice, - Hair. NO int# xtEQuinip IN ÜBING 'num. yotrStorchoolia'r 10 thorn. IMO doosTnntkeoti thorn, write to themanufacturor—E.lVlNS, Sixth Et., nnAtirgal,hilaAT. DOW , . Folios, . Writing , .Des Baca: a IIInItIOII Boards, Games of all description at DEW oreticles Drug, Fancy and Book Btoro.- • • Tg E,l'aten Ohl'?"C a orn 'Hunker opt:l3,lBde. 84.4r/M3 . , - . • ~ - .. .. . . ' . . • - • ' - • ~ - • --\ „.- ;-, \\.. •• _ _ • -:-..'-:,.- - l i „,- ~ ~.\ . .. .. , , (..,,,-- , : i .. • .. • 4 . , , . , • .• .. \ . .. . ' /"..1 • Lci 11 ..... 4 ,- , ir . 1 ';':' -• " k,• ......, ... . ~ ... ... .:.....„„:„._ s -.---.. L... __--,/,_ ). J•.• . ._ . . .- . a ...- .• .' ,- _ __.' • •,_ , ~ - '-- • . •- - - ' . . ~ . _.... _ _._ . MEM Sale A. L. SPON scErc,. Heal Estate Agent. $600,000,00 276,880,10 $775,889,10 $35,977,72 riffergl MOURNING GOODS. (1 ~ ~~q~~~YYNO THE.: CON9,UE E ROOSTER. The St. Louie Democrat, of the Bth has the following_ parody on the . " Conquered Banner." It hits the ancient bird of Dem ocracy hard. ' Coop that:ltoostor,for ho'e weary f Am? his heactiddresW; dreary I Coop him, lido him, it is best; iron there's not n chick to fear him, And there's not a hen to cheer him, And there is no egg laid'noar him— Scorned by those who did revere 'Tido him—coop himiet him reg. Telco tint .Rooster , off, - ho's - tnttorad, - All his feathers widely scattered, And He bill is broken, battered; By the strong blows of Hit; foe. Oh I 'tie hard for neto.hfilo Wo who long so fondly eyed .• Hard to stand forlorn beside Now that ha no mono can crow I . Coop that Roorstor for he's gasping, And Lis tons nub Other elnsinfne. --- - Quiver with UM fearffil rasping, Ile received on Tuesday Mat I For the hearts that did adore him. -- Amhtlie hands that upward bore him, And the feet that ran before him, Join the ranks of , those that tore him— Those that cut the Rooster's 'comb I. Coop thatfloosten--coop him sadly, • Onco ton thousand bacleod him gladly, And ton thousand vt:lldly, madly, Sworn ho should foiover crow Swore that hostile spur should nevor His triumphant Nindpipo sover, And that ho should fight forovor I . But ho now is lYing . low I Oh 1 his coMb is cut and bloody. And his loge.att brulsed and muddy, And hie breast with blood is ruddy, And Me gills are darkly bloc; Empty craw and bursted gizzard, m Tail and wings completely scissored, Felled at one decisive blizzard— Routed—skinned from A tojzzard— '. 0, poor cock-n-doodio-doo I LOVE ON TEE OCEAN Thoy mot—' twos in a storm, On the deck of a stoailior; She spoke, In language warm, Liko a aontimontal Ito spoke—at least he tried— - alrerbd; Then turned his taco aside, -And his deep o ton'd voice folioed Sho gazed upon the wave; Sublime elm declared It; Ina no reply ho gave— . He could not have dared it A breeze came from the mouth, ' - Across the grime sweeping;--- Ills heart vas in his mouth, ' And out be thought ' twee leaping '" 0, than, toward 1" he - cried; With tho doopest emotion; Then tottored to tho aide And leaned d'er tho ocean. The world may fhifili him cold, But they'll pardon him-with quickness When the fact thoy shall La told, ' That ho suffer'd from sea sickness: iigltdivirtculftg , The Steamboat Race. A THRILLING SKETCH [From a novel entitled "Four years in the Rebel Cant• tal," published in the Coamopolito.] Well, we orb aboard of the Southern Re public, the last boll has sounded, the'last belated trunk has boon trfindled over the plank, and w,e are elf, the- calliope scream ing Dixie like ten' thousand devils, -and the crowds on the bank waving us - bon - voyage.' The main saloon of the boat was as-Spaci ous apartment, a hundred feet long by thirty in breadth, gorgeously decorated with mod ern paint and brilliantly lighted. The gal lericaleadi g to the state-room, rising tier upon tier, ran entirely around it, while above them a sky-light of tinted glass shod soft, warm ight. Thero . ttr offiboa, card rooms, bar rooms, barber shops, and even faro banks, aboard ,all..thoso boats; and as the down trip occu pies from forty-eight to seventy hours—ac cording to the stage df the river, and the luck of running aground, a performance to be expected at least once in each trip—we become quite a mutual amusement commu nity by the time it is over.• _ • This trip the boat was very crowded, and at supper the effect of the line of small tit ble“llled with officers in . uniform, ladies tastefully dressed, and aapriiikling of-home spun coatal--all reflected ind,tho long mirror, was very bright and gay. After" meals there is_gonorally a promenade on_thOupper docks, sans sonci—where people talk, smoke in , speot each other and flirt. Then they adjourn to state room, saloon, or card room and lounge and rend to kill time; for tho Ala bama is anything but a picturesque stream, with. its low, marshy banks, only varied' by . occasionaLf.‘_:slideo2and_negio_quarters."':_ '. This night was splondidly:cioar, - the moon bright as day ; and Styles and ' I, 'lifter -See ing the f_!Colonol" well .tuokod in, ,staid on na deck toape acquaintance , with the pilot,; and the small sendy,Fronchman_who-olEci ated at the calliope. Ho was an original in, his way—. the "Professor"—With his head . like a bullet, garnished with hair of tho most wiry blackness, cut 'as close as the: scissors could hold it, looking like the most uncompromising porcupine. Of-course, he' was a• - poi)tical refugee.- . !'Dixie! Aire, nationalo I pas bon el!ose !"' he exclaimed, seating himself at'his instru ment, and twirling ahugemoustacho. "Voile , la Hareeileeiee 1. Zat make national ' h,ymn' for you!" and . ho made the whistle roar' and 'shriek in a way to have. sent the red . caps into the air, ahundredinilesawaY: :" 44 Grand I splendid!" roared Style r s above the steam. . 4 Why, Pptessera , you're a: genius. Como and tali:l - some biandy.'' ' , The Professor bangeddownhisinstrument,, led the way instanter down to onikate-rdomi and onco there did take something, and then something else,• and finally some, more,, URI he got very thick-tongued and-enthusiastic. — , - "'Grand air of ze'Liborte I" lie, cried' of last, mounting again. to his. Perch.by,the! smokestack. , 4 f Song • composol,by mo 'for . •one grand , Inan—zo Vaia Dopy, .I:niake' this and dedicate td him;" arid hq.biiii4eA •E‘wiLiat tub keys till he'tertured :the steam, into' the - ( 4 Libeity duettou ,' from Pitrilani.l ~ Ho* youllad zot,. Ohl - , Zitt makes 10' hyMh, for '•Zo souse,: Me, Xum repuldicain i Voile! --I wear zo mustache of 2o rovolu 2 tionioto- 7 my hairs are cut en menconfent ! Were'zore cetera Indio rod as red, - X would be zat I" 'and the Professor was struck with _ ;the:brilliance of -his idea;thal ho played the -air;again and again' till' itrang likotiphim 001 We,, Pa., FridaisrTovember ga,1806 torn chorus over tho still plantations, At last he7vms,overcomo,bi , emotion andtran dy, slid from 'the stool and sank at the; foot of the smoke-stack i muttering: `‘ , Zat is ze hymn—hic=ded4,hte do zo Genefal and - ze hie country: 1" 7 -add then he Slept the . sloop. of the just consoienco.- " Thar's ther Senator, and she's gaMin' on wo," said the 'pilot, as. we wilted for ward, pointing to a thin column of smoke rising otit of the treesjust abreast of us. "How far astern?" " A °, matter of 'about two mile; around that point." " . . " Splendid night fo'r a race," muttered "Will she overtake us, Captain 7" "Wall, Mai* replied "th r e old river dog, while the most professional grin shot over his hard,' wooden, features—" Specially of I ease up • this'ar old gal." "Ila; . Jones ? .I , Tow we'll have it. Wo won't,,turn in now," chuckled Styles; bang mo in thn hnntr Ahnost imperceptibly our'speed slackened and the - thin; - dark column Crept nearer and poorer round tho-.troes, on the pOint in our wake, till at left the stow er,bursts into sight, not a pistol shot astern. • Therois A sharp clidk of the pilot's bell, .a gasping- throb, as our. boat took a deep, long breath; - and just as the "Senator" makes our wheel,' we dashed on , again, with every stroke of the...piston threatening to rack our frail fabric into shredss ----- The river herd, is pretty • wido and the , channel deep and clear. The ',Senator" pulls ahead in gallant style, now gaining our quarter, now a boat's length astern—both engines roaring and snorting like angry hip popotami, and both vessels rocking and straining till they seem to paw their way through the churned water. Talk of horse racing and rouge et nosr ! But, except - tbs . -wild- delirium of--a - cavalry .- - - ehargo—as de , scribed by those who have been in one—there IN LW , : , .......-...-.....1. 4A.., ran synnrnactli amt. • racing on the Southern rivers. Ono by ono the people pop up ladders and tlirong the rails. First, -the unemployed deck-hands; - then a strar - Viitldnen or two, ancribrally ladies and .children, till the rail is full and every eye is anxiously strained to- • the .op posite boat. - - . - She holds her . own wonderfully well con:, sidering ,tho reputation of ours ; and at each? burst, when she seemed td - gain on uctliti -whole-crelv& liold - their - breathTand -- tia - sffe -- „drops off again, there is a deep drawn gasp; ltig_eigh of - relief, like wind in the pines.— Even "the Oolon91"-has roused himself fircira dreams of turtle at the St. Charles, and red fish at Pennsacoja, - and has come on-dock in a shooting-jacket and glengary cap, that makes him look like jaunty Fosco. Hateand over tho-stern -rail, -puffing-his-Habana in lotg-easy-wliiffs-as-we gain-a-length,or-send ing:.out short, angry puffs at the - "Senator” as she creeps up on us. Foot by font we gain steadily until the gap is, widened to three or four boat longShs, thoue the '.Senator" piles her fires till the 'shores behind her, on each side, glow from their reflection, and her decks, now black with anxious lookers-on-, send up cheer after cheer, as she snorts defiantly after us. , . Suddenly thd bank seems to loom up right under our larboored bow l -.- We have cut it too close! TWo sharp, vicious clicks of the bell.— Our helm goes hard down, and the. engines stops with a sullen jar, as I catch a hissing curse break through the sot tooth of the pilot.. " A. yell of viild triumph rises from the "Senator's " deck I On she conies in - gallant style, shutting the gap and passing tis like race-horse, before `wo can swing into the channel and recover headway., It is a splen did sight as the' noble boat pastes us, her hlaxas-latzliz sumtll23,s--oub, Amu._ mimr,- light, against the dim, gray banks .like a living monster, and her great chimneys snort ,ling out volumes of massive black smoke that trails. our flat behind her from her groat sweep. Her side towards us is crowded with men, women And children : and hats, hand kerchiefs and hands are swung madly about to aid the effort of the hundred voices. Close down to the water's edge—scarce above the lino of foam she cuts=her lower deck lies black and undefined in tho shadow of the great mass above it. _ _ Suddenly it lights - up with the furnace doors aro thrown in_thn the negro .stalwart forrris jetty waist and steaming with tho makes the' Muscle strainout like cordsshow like the distorted 'imps of some pictured in ferno. 'They, too,- have-imbibed- the- ex citement, and with every geiture of anxious haste'and.eyelialls starting from Iheir dusky. heads, so;pe plunge the long rakes into the red mouths of the furnace, twisting and -turning the: oraekling mass with terrific strength, while others hurl in the huge logs of resinous pino,-alroady-heated_bY_centact - ,: 411 they burn 'like pitch., Thou the groat doors bang-too, the yo I .yo of the negroos dips away And ‘the whole hull is blacker from the , contrast, while the Senator, puffing - denser clouds than over, swings round the point a hundred yards, ahead I • There is a dead 'silence on our boat, so deop.that the rough whisper of the pilot to _the knot Around him is heard the whole length of the deck ::"PlimnatiOn I but I'll , overstep her yit, or bust • , " Good, old, follow I" responded Styles— " lot her, out, and stand tho winef" Then the "old - Colonel" walks to the wheel, with his face inirple, his glengary Pushed far back:onlis . bead, - and his cigar glowing like the red eye of battle,!! as he; puffs .angry wikoozes,of smoke through his' `nostrils. " Damned hard,‘l i iii—hard I hard!' Egad l I'd burn the last`'era in the looker tneVortake and ho whirled the glovi ing stump after the "Senator," as the Spar tari-Youtli hurled' 014 into, the' thick, - of hattle,hefore; fishing - to re , elaiM 0,11 ' ,W0 speed, until the trees • on the bank seem to q back past ifs, and round the point to 'AOC' tlfe Sonator 1 , 1 last .round'another. 'Carve : • " ' On Still ; faster. than eier, with every: glass ohboardlingling inits frame, end every ; joint and , timber trempling,. as with aeon-; gestive chilli . . . demons boloW 'ply their Ares with •t.he, fattest logo-.-and oven a few . barrels of pitch .:are :slyly. slipped in—the imolte behind us stretched straight and. fiat, from the emoke-ataok: , Now we enter - a Straight, narrow reach, with the "Senator "just; before us. aster andY faster vo go, till .the boat fait*. and swings, from side to side, half lifte 4ith every - tgrob of the engine. — CiosiM an& clo ser we ereep—harder and harder thump the cylinders—until at last We oleic; our .bow lapping her stern - . So we run ..a few yards. Little by littlo so little that wo test byitzounting hor win dows—wo.roach her wheel—pass by it—lock her bow and run neck to nod; fora hundred foet I The stillness of death is uifiin both boats ; not around but the'Vrealc and shudder . as they struggle - onv — Suddenly tbeThariivorca of our piloFarashes through it like a broad axe : "Good bye, Son'tor ! -I'll send yer a tug!" and he gives the bell a merryiliek. Our huge boat gives ono shuddering throb that racks her from end- toend : one ulungo. an,l Dien settles into a steady rust!, and for got; rapidly ahead. Wider and Wider grows the.gap ; and wo wind out of sight with tho beaten boat five hundred yards behind us. - The cigar I took from my . mouth to make way 'for the deep, long sigh, is chewed to-a 'perfect pulp , : A wild, petit up yell 'of half _Savage_ triumph_ _goes_up -from-the-crowded deck, such as is heard nowhere else but whore the captured work rewards tho bloody and oft-repeated, charge. - Cheer after cheer fel lows: anrl,. as we approach' the thin column of smoke, curling over the trees. between us. Styles bestrides the prostrate form of the still sleeping Professor, and moires the cal liope yoll and shriek. that classic ditty, "Old Gray - Horse come out of the Wilderness !" -at the invisible rival. • I doubt if- heartier toast was over drank than the " Colonel," gave the group around the Wheel-house, when Styles " stood" the wine plighted the pilot. The "Colonel."_ was beaming, the glengary set jauntily, on one side, and his voice, actually gUrgled as said: _ "Eked I I'd mss my dinner for a week for this. Gentlemen, a toast! ihows f`,; the old.boat God bids her soul!" [From tho Toledo - BIndo." ." A CABINET MEETING-LETTERS FROM • REF HENRY WARD alimcazn, GEN. .CTJSTER, Ii.Y . J RAYMONVAND JOHN AIORRISSET OST ORFIS, OONFF.DRIT X ROADS '•l (wich is in the Stait uv Kentucky, Nov. 7. 1866.. Twuz called to Washingfon by': our patron Saint the President, to comfort his wounded. sperit. There aint no dieguisin tho fact,tho sperit of Andrea Johnson is wounded. Ho 'hoz endoorod the slings and arroies - uv More outrajus fortune . than any othor who hoz lived Bence 11111111111111111111111111111 l in= dised, than Hamliok indurecl—twisto over. Handick's hither wuz pizoned and his moth- • vnu /1 V r 1110111 W 1.16 vlv Luv. ' -' wuz wore out, suthin -- no savin, prudent woman would do ; :but wpat wuz that to wat A. Johnson endoores every day? Nothin. Tho Cabinet meotin to wich I wuz sum moned wuz called for the Imrpose uv shedin a tear or two over the election returns, and to considder a variety tiv letters ..wich His Eggscollencyhas received within a few days. I may remark that the Cabinet hod a gloomY and mildewed look. The fust wuz" from Rev. Henry Ward Beecher. Mr. Beecher remarked that lie hed the highest possible respeck for the offis wusnt held by the good Wasffiagfon, the great Adams and the sainted Lipkin. - Ho omited romarkin anything about Poerce and Hookanan out Iry regard for the feelinS•uy the present incumbent, which, if ho bed read history correct, WAS an ardent supporter uv the administrashuns uv both uv them' men which ho considered stain. , ',v., tho fingeg uv A hinthry wich he could wish mite he obliterated. But what he desired to say wuz that he hed a higher regard for the good opinion uv Mankind in general than Imbed_ for the good opinion uv the acciden tal incumbent ltv any offis,.aird ez - he a hour uv tomporary mental abberrashen, wich had happily passed, endorsed the Ad 'ministrashun, which insanity tad worked evil unto him, he rekested ez a similar act uv justice that the President "tliood cause it to „bp knowu_that ho_(Beecher).was. not_c_ou, by the Administrashun oz a support er thereof. • . "I do this," sod the writer; -"beeoz the impression , that I am in the confidence of yoor Eggsloncy, with is onfortunately ab . rod inizaeriensly damaged my reputashun." • , Tooly yoors, of settry. , • The readin uv this letter, wuz follored by minit uv - profound .inlonee; . which wuz brokeii - bythe'Prosident; - _ - • "Let htm paB9,'.'./3 . aid the great man who hop the dispenshx uv the pest, oftlaes "let him pasew.But hero is another "'said ho bus. _ tin, into tears, "read that." It-wuz - from9om - Custari - hirn-uv-the with hed some roputashun doorin the war oz.:a cavalry commander.• .It wuz to the same effect. ..110 hed, when ho spczod that tire policy uv the Pretiidont,, .with be esteemed ez he•must - any man who hold the exalted poeition'hviinst :okkorpied by the ,good Washington, the great Jefferson and the sainted Linkin' "Tho ungrateful dog doesn't respect stn," Androo,i "its the 'offis I'llll,"'and the bust into a freak floed:' spozed the President's Rob: . icy wuz aich cz a aoljor and patreot cood en dorse, he:endorsed 'But he diskivored that it led ginit, backf.#comust into company, wick;:durin the late war, he ,hed ohms vis ited taco foramost and on horseback, and therefore, to savo kis reputashun, : ho. must bag that the Presidentwud giv it but, • that he (Goner:al Oustar) Wuz not flavor Lod_' bin, a supporter of kis policy, and. oblige - . Yours.trooly, oz before. I wuz to harthrokin at this to mako 'ony, rOpli, and Cowan qnd Poolittlo wuz in the . same ilk. =The Kornolcy. which wuz given to Custer to keep him in pbsition, hod . bin proniiSod to a Demokrattck oaptin, who wuz lokbyylempany in 04 first Bull Run lite, and 'who throw up in disgust the next 'day,' not likin the Manner in' Wioh the war' wuz boin oondnoktod; but now tho 'Kernoloy wuz gono to Custer too, and wot wuz wo l isO) there wuz : no slob thing to be th.l4 him. Tho entyro oumpany yoonightod in minglin their tears: , • •': • • , Mho lottor wan roacrby 'SovArd, , az.it NASBY U L I -- [it 1 • TERMS:—S2,6O in Advance, or $2,50 within the year wuz addressed to him. It wuz from Ray mond: Ro opened with, the rencark that for . • ) the 'Presidential offis, ho hod the higheit ie spcct. Aside froin tho-considerashun that it hedheen wonst ockuPled by thegood Wash ington, the great Adams, and the sainted Linken, tho President might be konsidered the Father of his country, havin so forgo a number of helpless children to provide for, and besides ho lied kinstinktivo respeck for the dispenser of anything. • It wuz diffikult for birn, boin a, open and simple minded man,.not to adhere to the Preident, -but— "Good Heavens I" , shreela;d Johnson, "that littiofox , aint a goin to , speak uv fele] his " "booty requires, the reedin uv thO entire dockeymont, painful to my feelings e6•it may lie," - sod Sward. -- "Ho concloods thusly "I am forced to ask yoo oz enjoyin confidonshol releshuns -with , -Him who occu- NiFt ttt F r aligToB l l,oA l t r eoPt l eill. regard for my roputashon impels mo to this courso. I remain, There was 2or three more. GondarCary,. uv Ohib, requested. the President to remove . hips from the • Collectorship, ez the holdin uv.it . wuiinjurin -his-reputashen a oditur out west, 'alio was sedoosed into taken a, Post Offis, begged _to hey it taken Off his hands, that ho might save his eirculaShoit before it wuz everlastinly ioo•litto ; and fi— nally we dime to one, the seal uvwhich wuz a coat uv arms, bull dog rampant, bowie knifo couohant, supported by trottin horses, ona field uv green cloth. It wuz from Hon orable Joliti Morrissey, who had just been elected to Congress in Noo York. Mr. Morrisoy remarked, that es one uv the pillars'uv the Democracy, he felt he had a rite to speek. Ha wished it to be under •-atood that_he_washed_his hands uv any con nection with Johnson or his party.- Ho hod seed alit°. In,states whoro the Democrasy, uv which he was a pillar, had jilted them selves to Johnson, they hed gone down to a nrnmakoo.' g ray... Respeck for the htglOffis restrained him from sa in that the Denim- !au coodenf, carry sich a cuisid load, but ho would say th - at tiio result - uv the election in Noo-Y.orlcy where they dependid-solely on muscle and nigger, Nvhich is the real Demo cratic eapital,.and succeeded, while where the Detnocrasy wuz loaded down with John sonianism theirailed,_satisfied him that_the President wuz a intubui. He soil this with 'all doo respeck for offie. Mr. Morrissey further remarked_ that ho hed also pelsonal reasons tor making this request. lie commenced-go an humble po sition, and hod filled ,the public eye long enuff to satisfy his modest ambishen—ho bed owned the fastest horses and won ,more money at faro than any other man in Amer ez-fur-oz- he wuz concerned, but lie hoped to leave be- Nv n el v ' A i 'peitu g44, - ahanVeriita7llOVei: opmont uv intellect and muscle remarkable fur one so tender, havin already walloped every boy in the skool to wich he wuz a goin), he desired to leave that boy an hon orable name.. It hed beon,given out that ho - -wuz a supporter of the individeoat 'ivho ok kepied. the PreSedonshul Offis, and it wuz injoorin him. Ho wished the - stigma re moved—a regard for his reputation forced him to insist upon it. And -this epistle wuz dooly signed, his Jdnrsk MosmussEY, M. C. mark There wuz silence in the Cabinet. This last stroke intensified the gloom whiCh bed settled onto the Government, and ez I turned my tear-bedewed oyes saw grant dropscour sin down the cheeks uv every one present. Mr. Seward retired without saying anything about ninety days, and ono by ono they all ctopartca. It wuz a solemn time. There wuz.ttlior letters yet to be rail, but no one hod tho heart to open 'em. I made a move in that dirokshun, but Androo prevented me. "I'm sick," murmural be inn husky voice, which showed that his hart wuz poorcoil—" Help .rne to'ied." I saw the great man bury his intellectool head berieath the showy kivrin uv his pneasicouch, all but the nose, which in him is the thermometer uv the Solo.; and which aceor . dirigly glowed, not with the yeo sooal brilliant — lum, - burwith — a dtiad and ghastlybloo. Noticin tho convuliive heavies, uv thb kivors which _betrayed. the agitashun uv the breast beneath, I whispered in his oar. ez I handed him his nito drink uv rye Whisky flavored with bourbon, that ho had ono hold, oz . Delaware had sustained him. A flush of - satisfaction possed,'over his-noso,-but it sub sided in an instant. "Troo," gasped he,. its Int - before the nozE eleation a couple uv them 3.tasSachoosists ablTshnists will buy the:cussed State and ro-poople it to soot them," and he gave a convulsive gasp and sank into a troubled slumber. , It wuz-a-techin-occaiion.. PETROLEUM V. NAMBY, (which is Postmaster.) A Laughable Soend---getting Aboard in a.' Hurry. The New Tdabon Buckeye State writes upi in the following graphieetyleo little inci dent that Oceured at the Salem Railroad , a fore twinning Since ,A.qraveler bound for`Cincitinatti„ where -he had.business of impoitance,„.to transact, had rested over night with his wife at the Broadway Hbtel, in order to be sure to hit. the-morsing-train-whielt-leaves-at7an—carlY hour. In the morning , the traveler . .was asleep. Hie ladyhadnrisen, awakened him, ; dresSed herself and gone ,down to breakfast,. exPecting her 'l6'id to, follow, her, without delay, While eating hastily add, scolding montally, in view of the husband's noes, she heard the whistle.of . the locomo tive. Rushing frantically up stairs, hor . horror maybe . imaginett. when on, openingi . the, bed . - room a snore from tho conju-d gal sluggard saluted•herear,. , relight scream and a rough shako awoke, him. JIG ; heard the whistle on . hia hoots, he hastily gathering:in his artne l the rest of Lie attire, and pushing the, lady before him, put Tor the train at a, two-forty gait dressed only in.hoOts and,„shirt I The. : twai* reached. tho, depot.... Thro \wiugAll ,buti his shirt on, the platform', the ladykuriledli anught . .to obtain tiokets , at the office, while' Nu? ,hubband proopodell to 'clothe' hittisolf. with his No. I garment. Whi s to it was' yet, flattering over his head, the whistle -Again sounded. maliciously, and off started .the train. The unfortunate creatuae entered the oar, his flesh having a pimpled , goOse !ike appearance, while his .blushing lally spreading out her crinoline like the sacred veil of charity, converted herself into ,a screen, that his lakedness might be- hidden from his follow travelers. The other female _passenger' putting her hand over her - eyes, with - her fingers spread Wide apart' declatad that. before she turned her headfin another direction, that. it was shocking-11 And so, we' suppose, it mutt have byul to the un - -. lucky wight who hakko m ke such;a, spec 6tcle of himself. From the R!ght Way. ANDREW JOHNSON'S Alphabet in-Rhyme, FOR JUVENILE CONSERVATIVES. .4;41.,,u11319.F.41.41n1t.81zun1v.4.99c9..t0he0anrung B stands for BARIUM:, for detulle,givelittention To tho anuals"df ths National Union Convention. 0 stands for COPPERHEADS; my chief admiration, ' All duly supporting my Administration. D edands for DEAD Ducx; a dignified phrase; Applying to all who oppose mq ways. E stands for ELECTIONS; most doubtful concerns, Excelled by notbing"for twists and turns. Yours trooly." F stands for FENUNB ; that unfortunato brood Whom 1 led Into troublo, to got out as they could G roprceente the Johnnonltdo (1) flux Be recently shown In Vermont and in Maine If etands tor MINER; a troublesome thing, By which I onco promised that traitors should swing. I stands for Imo's, ouch 0.8 Sumner, and those Who number tliomsOlves 'mongst my policy's foes. .1 stands for lOutisom, me, JOROBON the great, Who at present am holdlng.tho reins of the Mato. ,K stands for what I north.° to bo,—Knio, Thus making my ruin a porManont thing. L stands for LADDER, tIICT LADDER Of FAME, Climbing by which, to tho White Homo I carob ilf etnnde for MA Mtreity, and ,MYown, - My party, My policy, MY Kingdoin, My throno. N stands for_Nioain; one of our "poor-zolationn," Who gots all the cuffs and but few bf the rations. 0 stands for-Orncs; a political bait, . - On wnicli manrintrlgurors mat trycopnants Watt. P stands for my Poucri In letters of gold " Should-its-trisdonand-tt%th-to-tho.nation bo-told.— stands for Qunut, and for (lumina as )voll, Whose intricate moaning! my followers may toll 11.attmili for StanldAt; that toned° man, Who is striving to do all the mischief ho can. , S stands for SwayEn, whose earns I must class in Togethor with STEVENS, as an seaside. T otauflajtir Tama; my formor , vocatfon, Dororo I attomptod to patch op tho nation U atanda for UNION; a gbod pulAject to talk on, But forming a path too narrow to walk on. If stands for :VAILiIfDIGRAIf,XLEMINT O. V., An'ardent friend of the Union (?) antl4—,LO. W stands for WORDS, In which I abound : Admiring behold how I scatter them round. X Mende for X-onus, 1.411011 the darktos went forth, And I, ne their Moors, led them on to the North), Y litands for YANFIEEpOIt,-011 the circle's north side, Whore treason —to Me—is most deck and wide. Z stands for ZIO-zee ; AllO path where I'm found, The sharp corners I turn all beholders astound. Latin Phiases in Common Use Ab nitio, froni the bogining. Ab ovo, from the origin. Ad infinitum, to an unlimited extout. Ad libitum, at pleasure. Ad valorem, according to value. A fortiori, with stronger reason. - A priori, beforehand. A posteriori, afterwards. Bona fide, in gaud faith. Compos mantis, of sound mind. Cui bono, of *hat good. De facto, in fact. De jure, by right. Do novo„aiteiv. ' Deo volento, God willing. Dramatic personte, characters represent. El a play. Ex cathedra, from the chair of authority. Exeunt oMnes, they all go out. Ex'officio, by virtue of theoffice.• Ex parte, on one side. Ex post facto, (bad - Latin) after the deed Pao simile, an exact copy. Id omnes genus, all of that'sdrt.' In statu quo, in the state irewhich it was In toto, entirely. In' transitu, on the way. Ipso dixit, mere assertion:. Ipio facto, by the fest itself. •Jus gentium, the law of nations. Lapsuslingure, a slip of the tongue. law•of retaliation. , Locum tenons, a substitute. Lusus nature:, a freak of nature. • - PRINTERS'CIohisieNnmEgA ,4 -Thou - sbnit love the printer, for ho loveth fou mu9hly. Thou shalt subscribe for his apor, for ha iiooketh much A to obtain nows of which you romain, ignorant. . - ' - If &business man, thou shalt .advortise, that thus thy. rofit:s may onablo- thee -not only to pay for thy paper, but puLmOney in thy purso. Thou shalt riot visit him, regardless of his 'office rules—that ho may not hold thee gUil _ty. Thou shalt not read manuscript in the 'hands of the compositor—for ho willnot hold ,thOo blatni3less. Thou shalt not read , the naws befo - rojt is printed—for he will'givo it to tho in due thus. - _ • '' Thou shalt not, etany time, send abusive or threatening letters to the editor, nor think' to cowhide hint—for the penis mightier _than the cowhide, and,he will come the odds . _ on thee: Thou shalt not writo communications on both &idea of the, papei-, , Tor tho bditorl need oth the other side to write his editorials upon . . WHAT IS HEAVEN. Lovo to heaven and heaven to love ; This to all of heaven abovo ; There no envy, wrath, nor etrifo;• Mare tho'Lltso of ondlestlifo. There no angerewalle tbo hromt ; : • There no pride alleurM the met; -Nor con hotrod dwell above In that world of porfect love., , 'An editor in' Alabama having read an' article in Hall's Journal of -13 - caltl4, advis ing.thathusband and wife should . sloop in !orient° rooms,, says, Dr. 'Mall can- sleep hOw, when, and whore ho .pleasos, - but for, himself, he-intones to sloop Whore" ho :can; dofond liis 'wife against the rate and alrotber, . , nocturnal coos as long as ho has got dm to 'defend. • •' • f"Pr''' , .' • : • •,• . Slight, changoe 'make groat Ailibronoo. "Dinner for nothing" is very good fun ; .14 yetcoartlt any as muoli . of "nothing for nor:" Said au interesting y9ung •er. to - her youngest hopeful ".do you know What the difference is between body and soul, my child ? The soul is whit you love - with—rthirholy carries you abWi. pis Is your body," tomtit)* the 'little fellow's shoulder, "but the 6 is something'deeper In. You coaled it now. What is it?" 'Oh, I know,' said -Willie. with a flash'of intelli gence in his eyes, !'that's my, flannel shirt I° A women in' Charleston, p...0.,:be g 0d for eighty dollars to bury hor : husband. A be nevolent lady vitae& the house to take her - the money. r In n• darkened apartment lay the ,corpse ; the widow was crying and every thing looked very melancholy. She left the money and departed, forgetting her parasol. Returning she found the corpse carefUlly counting the money., NO,. 48. An amusing fact occurred in Nov York on'the recent visit of Gen. Grant to that city. He took a hack to conduct him to the hotel. The driver after depositing the General gave his friond3 the folle‘Ving toast:—"Hors's to meeself, Dennis Donnolly,•the biggest man, in Arneriky,but ono. I've driven the Lieu tenant General 'q the United States, and its more than Bobby Lee evOr.did I" A yimng lady, while on her , way . 14.. be married, 'was run over and A eon firmed old maid .savagely eumments : flat, avoi . dada -more lingering and horrible dee tiny." "Houl daisy, Mike," said one of tiwo . liish pedestrians, as he reverently, approached milestone. - "Thread lightly," said he, "for • here lies . a very ould man." Pat carefully years old, and his naine Miles, from Balti- An Irishman was directed by a lady of largo size to secure-and pay for t o - seats in a stage, as she wanted comfort le room in riding. The follow returned a d said, "I've .paid for tho two seats you to dmoto ; but as I could not get but one set for the I took the other for - the outside. : • • morn." Husband) "That's good butter, my lovo.' Wife : "It should bo, dear, at one-and ! six.- a-pound. Tho man at first wanted two shillings, and I was just going out of his shop, saying, "he was the dearest man," when he cams down to one-and-six. I can't think what made him alter his price—can you dear 7" (The "dear" changed his but ter-man.) If your [tiller, while engaged with a sweetheart, asks you to bring a glass of water from an adjoining room, start on the errand, but you need not return, you will not be missed. ' Don't forget this, little boys and girls. A - western editor thus curses an opponent!: J_ , _llf_ny his guys_givosour-millc r and his-hens-- lay short,_.may. his marry 'a one-eyed . editor, his buxiileis go to ruin,-and ho go to—Cortgress.'! • • • Divine lovo is like a rod of myrtle, which; as Pliny reports, makes the traveller who . carries -it in-his-hand-so -lively - nnd-chaerful - , that ho never faints or grows weary. Why are your noso and chin at variance? Because words aro always passing betwoon them. ._ • . Mr. Quilp has just discovered that there is quite a difference, sometimes, botweetL havitig, your choice and taking it. -.- •-:., Model wives formerly took "a stitch in time," but now, with the aid of sewing ma chine,_tliey_ts.kolo.nD_in_no_time,.2.______ The worst organ-grinder—a hollow tooth -th ite r st'iTniholil'al-inakers•wnen it rraul, pitchforks. - - . A:charity scholar, under examination in the Psalms being asked, "What is the pesti lence that walketh in the darkness 1" ho re plied "Please sir, bed-bugs I" It is very common for men, when corned, to have husky, voices. .• • Without a liberal use of the rod, it is im possible to make boys smart, _ A short time since, he following appeared . in tho_clipping_of the_ Courier : Why is a board like common sense T Be cause no woman possesses it. At which a lady correspondent "goes for it" after the following fashion: Why is the author of the above like a tor: tain worn out instrument of music? Became he is an abandoned lyro—(liar.) _ Which is at onto the easiest and hardest of occupations? Tho musician's;' for ho playa Lon ho works, and works, when he plays. ' "Do you like. novels.?" asked Miss Fitz gerald of her back Woods lover." "it can't - say," ho replied, "I never ate any ; but I'm death on possum." 'lf.a spoonfull of yeast will raise fifty cents' worth of flour, how much will it ,tako to raise funds enough to buy another barrel. Tho gentleman so often spoke of in novels who rivitod people with his gaze, has obtain ed s y ltuployment in a boiler factory. A wag.Wroto on the back of a fat alder " Widened It the expense of the cor poratibi—i." Have the courage to toll a man why you will netlend.him your money. • Meekness and modesty aro tho rich and charming attire of the soul., Be much with God in_ secret, shall_ be with you in public. . Spare moments aro tho &Mon dust of time. What to Forget and What to Itemeinber. Forget injuries. and remember benefits" . if -youigrant-a-favorforget.it "Af_youireccivo. ono, remember it. . I. He who soh& tcostorm, guides tho ies sel.'? • . Multitudes express opinions; fow form them. Civil, obliging, 'words cog but little, and do a great deal Of good. "Pride goeth before a fall," and frequent ly goeth:before a 'ourself, Thinkiittle of ,+oureelf, nnd'iou will not bo injured when' others think' little of you: Tsars aro nature's lotion for the e;yes.—,-. The eyos:see better for being washed with thom., T,To. !him has a right to do as he ploasp eept When_he pleases to do right. „ •- -A -thousand partios of- ploasuro do , not loavo a rocolloction worth that of a good_ac• tion. . - .. • - Ho 'whois not willing to 1111 a placo_ho is ftttod for, will And no placo fitted . for him to • .. • . The-inenin'of ' the ,vulgar, nyind.'laste Bois firmly that:which is tho,le4t eoMpre heilsible, _ ' ` courtoous - tvag, id .the excess of 'life po- never swallowed an opted. 'without saying, "Good b3l, iialve." , • . f:3andal Is a bit 'of fable morloy;, add' lie' • „ . , who posOs'it frequOntl3: as baits who Origlnaliy utkota it: ,' ; , '`'when ani atrava4,44, .friend vAs'boa ;, to borrow: your to dinatak.**4l4 - 91! *76 you had rather kee. - • ' BREVITIES ME