Nottical.
El
From the Atlantic Monthly for January.
The Planting of the Apple Tree
BY WILLIAM CULLEN BRYANT
',Como, let us plant the apple trop I
Cleave the tough greensward with the spade
Wide lot Its hollow bed be made;
there gently icy the roots, and there
Sift the dark mould with kindly care,
- And press it o'er them tenderly,
Its, round the sleeping infant's feet,
Wo softly fold the cradle sheet:
So plant wo the apple-tree.
What plant we In the apple•tree?
Buds, which the breath of Summer days
Shall lengthen Into leafy sprays;
Boughs, whore the thrush with crimson breast
Shall haunt, end sing and hide her nest,
We plant upon the sunny lea
A shadow fl:r the noontide hOur,
A shelter from the summer sitower,
When we plant the apple tree.
What plant we In the apple-tree?
Sweets fora hundred flowery 'springs,
To lead the May wind's restless wings,
'Who°, from the orcluird•row ho pours
Its fragrance through our open doors;
A. World of blossoms for the bee;
Flowers for the mirk girl's silent room,
For the glad.lnlant springs to bloom,
We plant with the apple tree.
Wh it plant we In the apple tree?
Yruitti that shall swell in sunny Juno,
And redden ln the August noon,
And drop as gentle airs curve by
'that fan the blue September sky ;
While children, wild with noisy glee,
Shall scent their fragrance as they pose,
And search for them the tufted grass
A t the font of the applmtreo.
And 4rhen above the apple. tree
The winter stars are quivering bright,
And winds go howling through the night,
Girls, whose young eyes e'ertlow with mirth,
Shall peel its fruit by eettage'llearth,
And guests in prouder homes shall see,
Ilotipod with the orange and the grape,
As lair as they in tint and shape,.,
The fruit of the apple tree.
The fr ul tz, , ,•; of thi, apple trot)
W nds and our Hag of ,tripe and strtr
Shall hoar to coasts that liu afar,
Whore men shall wonder /I t OW I few,
And ask in what ran groves they grew ;
And they who roam beyond the sea
Shall look, and think of childhood's day,
And lung hours passed In summer play
the Shade of the apple-tree.
Each year shall give this apple-tree
A broader flush 01 roseate bloom,
A deeper maze of verdurous gloom,
And loosen when the frost-clouds lower,
The crop brown leaves in thicker shower;
Tho years shall come and pass, but we
Shall hear no longer. where we lie,
The simmer's songs, the autumn's sigh,
In the boughs of the apple.tree.
And time shall waste this apple.troe,
Oh, when its aged branches throw
shadows.on-lhe sward-below
Shall fraud nod force and iron will
Oppress the weak and helplesN'stllll
What shall the task of mercy be,
Amid the tolls, the strifes, the tears
Of those who lino when length at years
is wastilq; this apple•tree?
'•{{'ho planted this old apple•tree?
The shildron of that, distant day
Thus to some aged man shall say
And, gazing on Its mossy stem,
'rho grey haired man shall an s's er them,
•'A poet of the land ices he,
Born hi the rude, bu I 14.'11 old time ii
'Tie said he made FOlllO quaint old' i.iymes
On planting the appledree."
4,lllirtJaitalte.i)uo.
THE WRONG PICTURE
The full sunshine :!acne pouring through
the plate glass windows of the great pho
tographic saloon, where Virginia Lynne
had become very tired of waiting " just
one minute" for her turn to face the
Camera. If the camera had been 'a
young gentleman, it probably wouldn't
have objected much to the process, as
Virginia was not all disagreeable to look
at—on the contrary, she was very, very
pretty, with a clear, olive complexion,
deepening to carmine on her round cheeks
and -large, blue-gray eyes just the color
of violets, blossomed in the shade. Jet
black hair, plainly brushed froth her fore
head and confined in one knot at the
back of her neck, and a little led mouth,
very saucy and somewhat haughty, also,
in its curves.
"Are you - nearly ready to take my
likeness sir?" she asked, rather impa
tiently, as the operator entered the room
on some errand.
"Not quite yet, ma'am. We shall be,
soon, I hope, however. To tell you the
truth, wo didn't anticipate so much
trouble from our preaent subject—a baby
who will not. sit still
"A baby—oh, then I haven't another
word to say,' said Virginia, scornfully
elevating her pretty shoulders as she
turned towards her companions, "I do
detest these babies !''
" Why, Virginia ! exclaimed Mrs.
\Valter, her matron sister, with horror.
"Can't help it—l never could endure
a baby—that's one of my articles of
faith !"
" And how many articles of faith have
you?" said another companion.
"0, several. One is a hearty averison
to widowers—that class of dyed over
husbands who are always alluding to Mrs.
Smith n - tinber one . If 1 became that
lady's successor, I should be perpetually
fearful I was standing in the way of Mrs.
Smith number three. And washing the
faces of half a dozen unruly step chil
dren. No second hand babies for me, if
yQU please ma'am !"
But if Virginia could only have had a
peep into the operating room, where the'
hazel-eyed baby, with pink ribbons at its
shoulders and a string of red coral round
its plentp neck, was setting photography
defiance, she would probably have
iltissed . its perfumed breath nearly away
fig} true fotninine inconsistency !
"Harry '.do sit still 1" pleaded the
purse, in despair, while the operator
dodged hopelessly to and fro, trying to
catch a focus,
". and two or three young
heldaunts jingled their watch chains and
held up their bracelets in vain endeavor
to attract the little ones eye. 13qt if
the quintessence of obstinacy can be im
agined to fix its throne in a year old baby,
that baby was the individual. •
All of a sudden, a blight -winged ca
nary; in a cage opposite; began to sing
piercingly. The scarlet lips opened into
a wondering smile; thelarge hazel eyes,
that had roved from place like chain
I l ightning,-were fixed -for.-a moment.—
The operator jerked away -the drapery,
the sun-rays swept their pencils over the.
gleaming-plate, and-, •
• "0, let me see it 1" shrieked aunts
and nurse in a- confused, treble oliOrus,
crowding around the photographer, as
VOL. 64.
A. K. RIIEEM, Editor & Proprietor
after a short absence, he returned bear
ing the plate. "Only let me get one
peep at it !"
" flow delighted Raymond will be 1"
whispered one of the young aunts to her
sister, as she caught the baby in her
arms, crushing her shining brown curls
against his silky little head.
"Where shall I send the cards, na'aro ?"
asked the operator.
"To Captain May—Raymond May,
Philadelphia. Just the address, please;
no other word. Wo intend it for a
birthday surprise to - my brother." --
" Very well, ma'am, Theodore !" as
soon as the ladies had disappeared, "just
write down that address, and tell the
young lady below we :tit ready for her."
Virginia _Lynne must have been hard
indeed to please, had she been dissatis
fied with the face reflected in the mirror,
as she took a last glance before leaving
the saloon down stairs. A proud young
beauty— and a heart free as the wildest
fawn upon the eastern hills.
" When can I havil the picture?' she
asked.
" In about five clays, ma'am."
"No sooner ? I leave town to•mor
row !"
" We can send it to you by mail,
wherever you are, ma'am !"
She hurriedly wrote upon a card,
" Miss Lynne, Philadelphia," and pushed
it towards the man.
" This is my adtress; please send it
as soon as possible '•'
Captain May's sitting room in the
great Philadelphia hotel was as snu! , a
little den as man need wish for, with its
carved marble mantle, bright patterned
carpet, and luxurious sofas and lounging
chairs, and Captain May himself,,as he
lookeu smiling up from the perusal of a
heap of papers to greet the entrance of
an old companion, was no unfair specimen
of a handsome. young ofliceri
" Well, Charley ?"
" Well, ,flay; upon my word, if you're
not up to your ears in those old naviga
tion charts again. It's enough to make
a lazy man ache to see you, - work "
" It's time to work," said May, good
humoredly. " I expect sailing orders in
about a fortnight, and 1, shall be very
glad when they come."
" Glad ejaculated Charles Monroe,
throwing himself into a chair, and biting
the end of one of his friend's (muill-pens.
" May, you're a perfect problem to Inc
—as uneasy on dry land as a 1
can't understand it!"
" Perhaps you could,".said. May, ealin
ly, "if you have no home ties—nothing
to look forward to—nothing to wake life
pleasanter in one spot than another, since
Minnie died—"
lie stopped abruptly. Monroe leaned
over with frank spuipathy to grasp his
friend's hand.
" Pardon toe, Raymond ! I'm a stu
pid blundering fellow, I know, but I
don't wean to hurt you by my careless
words. Still, there is your child left
you"
"Dear little Harry," said May, half
smilin ; " but a year old baby isn't
much company fur a man of thirty, you
must admit. Besides he is far better oil
under the loving care of my sisters than
he could be with we."
"True," said Monroe, twisting the
quill round and round his finger : "Who's
that !.Hocking ? Letters, eh ? Don't
mind ; open your currespondence."
May complied, tearing open the envel
opes and glancing carelessly over their
enclosures until he came to the last one ;
as his eye fell on it he uttered an excla
mation of astonishment!
" What a beauty !" ejaculated Monroe,
who, with the privileged impertinence of
long established friendship, caught up
the letter as it fell from Raymond's
hands. " Well, I'd just like to know
what this means!"
" Upon my word—upon my honor,
Charley," ejaculated the astonished young
man, 1 never saw the face before I
cannot imagine who she is, nor how she
came here !"
" Not a word But the direction is
certainly Wain enough—" Captain Ray
mond May, Philadelphia."
" Well, I can only recommend you to
wait patiently for time to solve the ques
tion, ' said Monroe, rising. Come, do
look up for a moment from that entranc
ing photograph, and give a fellow a little
attention—l want to know if you are go
ing to Mrs. Leaford's Saturday night ?"
" Yes—no—l don't know. I harn't
made up my mind."
" All right ; call for you at nine
to a moment."
A.way went Monroe, leaving Raymond
May still bendirg over the countenance
which seemed to enchant him.
The exotics in Mrs. Leaard's bay win
dows were in full blossom and bright
ness ; the fire which one or two days had
rendered far from disagreeable, even in
April, glowed cheerfully in tha t , grate,
and a half dozen young guests matron
ized by their pretty hostess and Mrs.
Walter, from New York, were busy, some
reading, some chatting ; some engag ed
in the graceful mysteries of embroidery
and crotchet.
‘‘. By the way, where is Virginia ?"
asked Mrs. Lesion].
" She will be down presently," an
swered her sister ; 'she has took her let
ter up stairs tp read.
That very instint Miss Lynne's 'light
touch fell on the door knob, and she came
into the room,, looking prettier than ever,
in a white Cashmere morning_ wrapper,
relieved by the flutter of ribbons. .
66 Lizzy, ' she said, coming to her sis
ter's side, "I have bad the strangest ad
venture ds morning I"
W4at do you mean ?" asked Mrs.
Waltok%
"As I opened one of oiy - letterS . " she
ltrii IJ'si iJiic
said, laughing in a half-pleased, half-puz
zled wanner, 'out fell a photograph I Of
course, I supposed it was one of those I
had taken of myself before I left New
York.'
" Well," ejaculated the eager chorus
of listeners, " and it was—"
The prettiest baby you ever saw !' ex
claimed Virginia, holding up the pictured
representation of our old acquaintance,
'baby Harry,' and her auditors pounced
extatically upon it, uttering various femi
nine adjectives of delight and admiration.
Saturday night arrived most propi
tiously, with a keen wind and brilliant
starlight, and Mrs. Leaford's spacious
rooms were soon filled. \l r. Monroe and
Capt. May were among the List arrivals,
and made their way towards Mrs Leaford
as skillfully as they could, thri.iugli the
mass of crinoline which swayed around
the room.
'Here he is, Mrs. Lcaford !' ejaculated
Monroe, as at length I.c reached the lady
Sought fur. 'l've brought hint according
to contract ; but, do you believe, the lazy
follow hail coiled up un a sofa for an
evenine7 over his books! If it hadn't been
for my indefatigable efforts, 1 don't be
lieve you would have seen him here to
night.'
Inc'' sure Pm very much obliged to
you,' said Mrs. Leaford, laughing. 'Cap
tain May, the only amends you can make
for such an outrageous.breach_uf discip
line, is to be just as agreeable as you can
to my fair gnats to night. Miss Lynne,
let me present Captain May.'
As the young officer bowed low over
the extended hand of the New York
beauty, he was half uncertain whether he
was broad awake w wandering through
the mazes of a dream There, before
him, stood the lovely reality of that love
ly photograph, her jetty hair wreathed
with pearls, and her dark beauty contrast
ed- •with--a—drcsg-tef-th - esoftest
mo s s roses at her belt.
If he had been in love before, his case
was desperate now!
Ilow (Hid:ly the next two weeks flew
by ! It wilts not until the before he
sailed that Captain ilayntond \lay mus
tered up courage to confess to Hiss Lynne.
that her similitude WilS in his possession
—for, of course, that would necesarily
involve the surrender of the prescious
property. But he felt that he must at
length tell her the truth ; and so, with a
sinking heart, lie marched up the broad
warble steps of :\h's LvDruni's mansion,
and was shown into a pretty little room
opening out of a fragrant t .,, nser v a t my.
As lie waited :\liss Lynne's appearanee,
lie nervous y turned over the pa g es of the
g if te d volumes that lay on the table. One
was a photograph album, and lie there
glanced mechanically at the various faces
it contained, without really seeing than,
until suddenly the face of his own little
Barry smiled up in his own.
'Why, is it possible ! 1 must be mista
ken.'
But a second glaneti convinced him
that he was not wistaken. It was Harry
flay, and nobody else.
Suddenly a light foot-step disturbed
his reverie.,
'Miss Lynne,' he said earnestly, as soon
as the customary greetings of the day
were exchanged, 'I ate in a state of very
great perplexity ; will you solve the enig
?'
Tertainly—if I said Virginia,
blushing at the time with a soft uncer
tain tremor at her heart.
`How did this picture obtain a place in
your albunir
The color 'Subsided into ordinary pallor,
as Virginia replied : 'ln rather a roman
tic manner, Captain May. It was sent
to me, with no aCCOnipanying message,
and I have no ilea where it came front.'
Ah ! that furnishes a clue to the whole
mystery,' said Captain May, placing upon
the table the picture which hail lain next
to his heart for the lust few days, and re
lating briefly how it had fallen into his
possession. 'By some mistake at the pho
tographer's, my little Harry's picture has
been sent to you, and your likeness to me
I ant a widower, Miss Lynne, with one
child, as I suppose you have heard be
fore this time.'
'No,' said Virginia, coloring, 'I was not
aware of it ; but —'
Ile looked earnestly into her face,
where the tell-tale crimson was already
beginning to glow, and tie soft eyes to
beoome shadowed with timid, downcast
lashes ; he looked and saw something that
encouraged him to ask another question.
'Miss Lynne—Virginia—may I keep
this picture ?'
And she did not is: 'No.'
When Captain May sailed the next
day, it was with something to look for•
ward to, on his return.
'My dearest Virginia,' exclaimed her
sister, 'what have you been doing ? Don't
you know that May is a widower ?'
'Yes,' said Virginia, valiantly; but
that don't make any difference ; I love
him, and that's enough.'__
'And don't you know ho has a baby ?'
'Well and 1 love the baby, too, be
cause it is Raymond's.'
Oh,' said Mrs. Walter, archly, 'so you
- hive - overcome your horror Or second ;
hand babies ? Well, ury dear, only take
care that he don't keep Mrs. May num
ber one.'
'I have no fear,' sho said.
And time proved the correctness of
the premises, for we don't know cf any
happier young wife than Mrs. May num
ber two ; and it is hard to say which she
loved best, her husband or little narry.'
NEW USE OF CRINOLINE.- Thp De
troit ladies put their old crinolines to good
use. They suspend them by a polo run
fling through the centre, thus .forming a
circular trellis, around which cypress vines
and morning glories clamber in the wild
.est lux,wißn99. ._
CARLISLE, PA., FRIDAY, JANUARY 8, 1864.
Message of Jeff: Davis
The Message of Jeff. Davis to the
Confederate Congress was sent on the
7th instant.
He is very desponding over the losses
of the strong holds of Vicksburg, Port
Hudson, and many other points.
He says there has been no improve
ment in our relatins with foreign coun
tries since his Message last January. On
the contrary, there is greater divergence'
in the conduct of Eurepwan nations, as
suming a character positively unfriendly.
lie adds ; " The marked partiality of
Great Britain in tiivur of nor enemies is
strongly evinced in their decisions re
garding the blockade, as well as in their
marked difference of condom, on the sub
ject of the purchase of supplies by the
two belligerents. This difference has
been conspicuous since the COIIIIIICIICO•
went of the war "
Ile continues : " The public finances
demand the strictest and most earnest at
tention. A prompt and efficacious reme
dy for the present condition of th, cur
rency is necessary to a successful per
formance of the operations of the Gov
ernment
lie recomtrends taxation instead of
further sales of hoods or issues of Treas
ury notes, adding that the hollers of
the currency now out,tanding can only ,
lie protected by substituting for it some
other securitv. The — eurreney tunSt lie
promptly retitled to prevent, the rrt” . . , eth.,
k itilluted prices reaching ra'es more ex
travatant."
Ile rills upon the people to come to
the rescue or their country.
lle recommends putting an end to the
substitute bu,iness, and a modification of
the exemption law, so that the armies in
the field may be largely increased as rap
idly as passible.
Ile regrets the suspension of the ex-_
: Wanle of prisoners, and that communi
cations with Trans:MisFissippi is SO ul
strueted.
lie con...tludes as follows :
" The enemy refuse, proprislls for the
only pc;:vt! possilde hutween us. The on
ly hope for peace now.is iii the vigor of
our resi:tance."
HOTEL LI is IN Pani , ,Lnum —The
Biijleßrn thus acsetribcs the e lventut•es
of its "Mike" in one of the "private
hotels" now so intwerous in the youth :
Ile says their gongs and bells make as
much noise as ifthere was something on
the table to call: Rie - publ4to.. but INhen
he gets therb he sees not zing empty
plates. Presently waiters will be seen
dispensing different articles of provender
—pretty generally to the. military gentle
men with stars and liars on their collars
—and when you ask them to give you
"some of that what that t'eller's got," the
waiter will look at you just as a faro deal
er does when he "rakes down your pile"
looks as if he had "chewed" you—and
innocently says :
"That's private, sir !"
Then you louk around to sea what else
might suit your taste, and you see anoth
er chap with eggs. You think, "Well,
eggs are actinium enough, dear knows."
"Well, give nie seine eggs, then."
"Den's private, too, sir. De gemman
fotch 'um here, and we cook 'em for him.'
"Give um. some potatoes, then ; 1 sub
pose they are private," 1 said, loud e n oug h
to attract all the eyes around the table
"Yes, massa, dent's private, too: but 1
gib you some eurn bread
"Give vie Some of that butter, yuu
black - rascal," I said, 04.igravated, a'', in
deed. it would wake anybody feel who
was paying eight dollars a day for board.
"Well, 111;111, 'dare, massn, dat's pri
vate, tuu! (lore's some salt."
Spying another nigger, I motioned him
to tie, thinking I 'ivould slip a bribe into
his fingers, and possibly get some of the
private dishes. lie came reluctantly, and
as I extended my hand with a promise to
pay in it, lie stopped, and said, in a low
tone :
"Fs a private servant, niasz4a."
This clapped the climax, and I deter
mined to finish tny l i neal or corn dod g urs
and salt, and tako the next train for a
change.
At one of the agricultural fairs in this
State, a thimble-rigging genius was an
rested by the constables of the town, and
taken before the justice of the peace, for
examination. The justice, desirous of
understaoding the ways of the world, re
quested the culprit to give him a samplo
of his skill. " The party," instantly pro
duced a leather strap, gave it a scientific
whisk across the bench, and remarked :
" You see, judge, the quarter under
this strap!"
" What !" interrupted the dignified
functionary, " do you mean to say that
there is a quarter under there ?"
" Sartin !" was the reply.
" No snob thing I" said the justice.
"I'll go you a dollar on. it !" said the
prisoner.
" Agreed I" exclaiined the bench.
With accustomed adroitness the strap
was withdrawn, when there 'was the
quarter.
" Well," said the astonished justice,
" I wotildn' ha' believed it, if 'I hadn't
seen it with my own eyes ! There is your
&liar ; and you are fined livo dollars for
gambling contrary to the statue in such
case made and provided.
The elongated countenance of the'dis
comfitted gambler required no additional
evidence to testify his appreciation of the
When the cold wind. blows take care
of your nose.. that it ,don't get froze, and
wrap' up your toes in warm woolen . hose,
The above we suppose was written in
prose, by some one whg imoyt3 who effopt
gf 9ollonpvii
r 1 1 31, 14
TERMS :--$1,50 in Advance, or $2 within the year
ITNDE THE LEAVES.
Oft have I walked these woodland paths,
Without the hlr,vt. f or eknowing
That underneath Out withered leaves
The fairest buds were growing.
Today the south wind sweeps away
The types of autumn's splendor,
And shows tbo sweet arbutis flowers—
Spring's children, pure and tender.
Oh! prophet souls, with lips of bloom
Ou tvioing in their beauty
The purest tints ofrentan
shells—
Ye teach me Faith nod Duty.
Walk I if,'s dark wayg, yo son ni to say,
With Love's divine foreknowing
That where man sees but with orod loaves,
1 ad Roos the sweet Li‘ NV era growing.
Small Troasures
We are chiefly rich where we think
ourselves poor. Money is a token of pro
perty itself. it is a power, too, but only
in a certain direction, and to a certain ex
tent. Not the whole of our treasure is
reckoned up with our money possessions.
If we have a faculty to be happy with
small occasions, if we know how to enjoy
ourselves when cost and expense does
not enter into the calculation, if we can
go into the small nooks and corners of
our live and fill them up so that they
shall overflow with our joy, we posses re
sources which abide forever; no tax-gath
erer can find them, for they are invisible,
like the spirit itself I low many persons,
now fretful and uneasy,.would Rad. le a
round of endless duliv;hts if they could
but earn how to cultivate all the little op
portunities, 1111(1 improve all the occa
sions When we were children, every
day was a new existence to us , an d it
overflowed with its own pleasures ; as we
,row up and find out the world, we could
be just •Is happy, even ill the midst of all
our• worldliness, if we could become as
children again. It crists little to make
118 happy then, it, need Cost us just as
little now., An -inex-pensive- ,pleas ure brings a great- deal Tore delight, for a
long time afterwards, than the costliest
which the purse is able to pay fur.
ARTEMCS WARD TOASTETI.I THE LA-
Es.—Wili'c attending a county fair re
cently, the ittnnipresent "moral showman"
was a g:tie'..t at a I,:impiet, wilt.o lie food
t.) drink a toast to the "phair
sects," which lie reports :
"Ladies," sez I, turning to the buteful
fentails, whose presents was perfumin'
the fair grounds, "I hope you're enjoyin'
yourselves on this occasion, and the tem
in and isc water, ov welch you air drink
!nay i.;t, go agly Jou. Nay you al
tus be as lair as the son, as brite as the
moon, and as buteful as an army of Union
flags--also plenty of good close to wear.
"To your sex—commonly kawled the
phair sex—we are indebted for bornin'
as well as 'Denny other blessings in these
low Browns ov sorrow. Some poor sper
rited fools blame your Mex for the diffi
kilty in the gardin'; but I know men are a
deseetful set, and when the apple had be-.
cum ripe, 1 hey no dowt Adam would
-hey rigged a cider press, and like as not
went onto a big bust, an' been driven orf
anyway.—Your Ist muther was a lady,
mid all her dawtcrs is ditto, and none but
a loafin' cuss will sa a word :!gain you.—
llopin' that no wave of trouble may over
ride akross your pesseful breasts, I lw
klude these remarks with the Merin'
centy went ; Woman—She is a good
179„..." Our aciinaintance had a
few years since, a female ancestor on the
maternal side who airlineHi residing in
the vicinity of Mobile for a life time had
never yet been there. After repeated
solicitations, however, she was induced
to pay the family a visit. Her grand
son, young %V—, then a boy of fifteen,
but who already exhibited that peculiar
faculty for perpetrating" practical jokes"
whisk characterized him yet, pursuaded
the cook to place a large dish of boiled
crabs before the old lady, well knowing
that she had never before set her eyes
on one. Upon seating hbrs.:lf at the ta
ble, the unusual dish attracted her atten
tion. Carefully drawing her spectacles
from ller case, she adjusted them firmly
on her nose, end' took a long stare at the
singular looking " edibles ;" at last seiz
ing a fork, she made a desperate thrust
at one of them, exclaiming with a long
breath—
" Heavens and yearth, who ever seen
such spiders before!"
A gentleman was going out, one day,
in his carriage, to call with his wife,
when he discovered that he had left his
N kiting cards. Ile ordered his footman,
who had recently come into his service,
to go to the mantlopicee in the sitting.
room, and bring the cards he should see
there. The servant did as he was or
dered, retaining the artioles to he used
as directed, and off started the gentle
man, sending in the footman with cards
wherever the " not at home" occurred.
As those were very numerous, he turned
to the servant with the question, " flow
.many cards have you left?"
" Well, sir," said the footman very in
nocently, " there's the king of spades,
the six of hearts, and the ace of clubs."
" The deuce I" exclaimed his master.
" That's gone;" said John.
Crazy as George the Third was said to
have been, there was evidently a method in
his madness at Vines. Speaking to Arch
bishop Sutton of his largo family, ho used
the expression, "I believe your grace has
better than a dozen 7" "No, sir," replied
the archbishop , "cnly 'eleven." "Well," re
joined the king, "is not tliat better than a
dozen
A drunken man made a speech from
the window of Major Gen.----,the oth
er evening in Washington announcing
the important statistical fact that ho was
“fivo drinks. ahowl of:Anybody in tho
room."
"I DONT CARE IF`I Do."—ln olden
time, before Maine laws were invented,
Wing kept the hotel at Middle Gran
ville, and from his well-stocked bar fur
nished "accommodations to loan and
beast."
Ile was a good man, but most terribly
deaf. Fish the village painter, was also
afflicted in the mane way.
One day they were sitting by them
selves in the bar room. Wing was be
hind the counter, waiting for the next
customer ; while Fish was lounging be
fore the fire with a thirsty look, casting
sheep's eyes occasionally at Winrr's de
canters, and wishing most devoutly that
sonic one would conic in and kindly treat.
A. traveler from the, South, on his way
to Brandon, stepped in to inquire the
distance. Going up to the counter, he
said
"Can you tell !no, sir, how far it is_ . - to
13randon ?"
"Brandy ?" says the ready landlord,
jumping up , yes sir , I have some ; and
the 15:lItle time handim: down the doean
ter of the preeinu); liquor.
"You misunderstand me," said the
stranger, "I, inked how far it was to
Brandon."
"They call it Pretty good brandy," said
Wing. "Will you take sugar with it ?"
reaching as he spoke, for the bowl and
toddy stiek.
- The desparin - g trai -- elerturned• to Fiih
and said :
"The landlord seems to be deaf ; will
'ynu tell roe how far it is to 111;unlon ?"
'Thank you,'' said Fish ; 1 dun% care
if I do take a drink with you"
The stranger treated and fled.
EXTRAORDINARY ‘SOPORIFIC . -" 0,
dear, dear, dear, what shall I. do, Mrs.
Jepkins ?" asked a heart-stricken wife of
her friend, the other day__ ".11eLL.f.s...a.uy
poor • ljusband, with his nerves all un
strand, n wanting sleep, and can't get it.
Lie's laid awake twenty 60,7011 days, Mrs.
Jenkins, if he's laid awake and hour—
twenty seven ever-lasting days and nights
—and can't get a wink What shall I
do to put hill to sleep
"Poor emaciated critter exclaimed
Mrs Jenkins. "Poor soul, Pm afeared
you will have to give him up and let him
go. Flubands must die, you know, Mrs.
\1 eggs. It is ordered so by nature."
"Eh, what's that ? i thought I beard
him speak," said .\lrs. Mog . gs, ! . 4 )itig to
wards the bedroom. The sufferer was
turning over in bed.
said he, feebly , :
"What my dear '
"Havelou tried everything that will
put people to sleep ?"
"Ves, my dear, the Lord knows, and
Mrs. 'Jenkins, too, that 1 have tried ev
erything in this world that puts folks to
sleep, and it's no use." And the afflict
ed woman sobbed violently.
"Then, if 1 must I must !" said Mr.
Mogq,s.
"Must what ?" asked his wife, in ter
ror.
"Must have Rev. Mr. Yawricy called,"
.gasped he. •
"Bless me, he's (lying !" cried the two
miuet) ; and in two minutes the clergy
man teas at his bed side. A haggard
smile flitted across the lice of the restless
Mr. Moggs, and while the worthy gentle
man was solemnly' addressing him he
closed his eyes.
,'O, he's dead ! he's dead !" screamed
the frightened hre. Moggs.
"Hush your nonsense, Molly!" ox.
claimed the sufferer, opening his eyes,
"and let him go on with his remarks. 1
shall be asleep in a few minutes."
And it proved so. In three days Moggs
was well.
"PUT THAT PUDE:VI RASCAL OUT."
—While a congregation were collected
at church on a certain occasion, an old,
dark hard featured, skin-and-bone indi
vidual was seen wending his way up the
s'de aisle and taking his seat near the
pulpit. The minister began his prayer
by saying—
" Father of' all, in every age, by saint
and savage abroad—"
" Pope !" said a low but clear voice
near old hard-features.
The minister, after easting.,an indig
nant look in the direction of the voice,
continued—
" Whose throne sitteth on the adaman
tine hills of Paradise—"
"Milton again interupted the voice
The minister's lips quivered for a mo
went, but, recovering himself, he contin
tied—
"We thank thee, most gracious Father,
that we are permitted once more to as
semble in Thy name, while others equally
meritorious, but less favored, have been
carried beyond that, bourne from whence
no traveler returns—"
"Shakespeare !" interrupted. the voice.
This was too much.
"Put that impudent rascal out I" shout
ed the minister.
Original !" ejaculated the voice, in the
same calm but provoking manner.
Tompkins says that a "widder is a mar
ried woman what's got no husband, kos
he's ddad, and a widower is a fellow as
runs after the widders." •
There is always more pleasure in giv
ing than receiving, especially with the
doctors if they should happen'to take their
own medicine.
. em on the trail of a dear,"
as the fellow said when ho stepped on one
of 01'6 female street sweepers.
It was punch, who's - aid so felicitously
that,' while men only want (modest dogs))
all they can get, the women want all they
can't get.
When Daphne was changed , to,, a: tree,
to escape the wooings of :her lover, she
was more wood than ever.
A OHEEREIIL HEART.-I once heard
a young lady say to an individual, "Your
countenance gladden's me with a cheerful
look." A merry or cheerful counte
nance was one of the things which Je
remy Taylor said his enemies and perse ,
tutors could not take away from him.—
There aro some persons who spend their
lives as if shut up in a dungeon. Every
thing is made.gloomy and forbidding:—
They go mourning and complaining from
day to day that they have so little, and
aro constantly anxious lest what little
they have should escape out of their
hands. They look always upon the dark
side, and can never enjoy the good that
is present for the evil that is to come.—
That is not religion. Religion makoth
the heart cheerful, and when its largo and
benevolent principles are exercised, men
will be happy in spite of themselves.—
The industrious bee does not complain
that there are so many poisonous flowers
and thorny branches in his road, bat
buzzes on, selecting the honey where he
can find it, and passes quietly by the
places where it is not. There is enough
in this world to complain about and find
fault, with, if men have the disposition.
We often travel on a hard and uneven
road, but with a cheerful spirit . we may
walk therein with comfort, and come to
the end of our journey in peace.
NO. 2.
How TO PREVENT WET FEET.—A
writer in tho Mechanics' illaya.-:inc says:
have had three pairs of boots for
the last six years, and I think I shall not
require any more fur the next six years
to collie. The reason is that 1 treat
them in the Ulowing manner : I put a
pound each of tallow and resin in a pot
on the lire ; when melted and mixed, I
warm the boots and apply it hot with a
painter's brush until neither the soul nor
the leather will soak any more. If it is
desired that the boots . should immedi
ately take a polish, dissolve an ounce of
wax in a teaspoonful of lampblack. A
day or two after the boots have been
treated with the tallow and resin, rub
.over them this wax and- turpintine, but
not before the tiro. Thus the exterior
will have a coat of wax alone and shine
like a Mirror. Tallow or grease becomes
rancid, and ruts the stitchiag and leather;
but the resin gives it an antiseptic quali
ty, which preserves the whole. Boots
and shoes should be so large as to admit
of wearing cork soles. Cork is so bad a
conductor of heat that with it in the boot
the feet are'ulways warm on the coldest
stone floor.
A Seat: ItuAD 'l'o A COMPETENCY.—
Nut one man in five hundred will make a
fortune. But a competency and an inde
pendent position is within the reach of
most men. This is obtained most surely
by patient industry and economy. • If a
man has ordinary talents and ability, in
udy profession or trade lie ian, by pur
suing an ceunoini cal presevering course be
pretty sure of finally obtaining an inde
pendent position in life. Let his expen
ses fall below his income. Let him live
cheap, very cheap if necessary; but let
him be sure and make his income more
than cover• his expenses, it can be done
in almost all cases, notwithstanding the
positive denial of ever so many house
keepers. A wan may not have more
than two or three hundred dollars a year,
and may have a family as largo as that of
John Rodgers, and he can find a way to
live comfortable, and lay up something in
the bargain. There is much, nay all in
knowing how the thing is done. And
that is the thing people who aro going to
make money have got to learn.
It is wonderful how few real wants we
have, and how little it takes to give gen
uine happiness. If we could get rid of
our artificial, senseless and expensive way
of living, we should find ourselves better
oil in purse, in prospects and in heart.—
Let any one who has any ambition to go
ahead in life, try the experiment this
year, and see how much there is in econo
my, Make your expenses less than your
income, and see how much you will have
gained not wily in money, but in feeling
that you are in the condition which the
Yankees denominate "forehanded."—
Try it.
INFALIIIII,E REM EDIEs.—We have no
faith in quack medicines, but think it is
always best when sick to apply to a regu
lar physician. There are, however, some
simple remedies for certain disorders,
which we can recommend as infallible :
Fur sea sickness—stay at home.
For drunkenness— drink cold water.
For accidents—keep out of danger.
For fear of sheriffs—pay your debts.
To be happy—be honest.
To please all—mind your own business.
To make money —advertise.
To make a clear conscience—keep the
commandments.
To keep posted up—take the herald
To prevent stammering —speak nett':
ing but. the truth.
To sleep well—be industrious.
To have your memory blessed—pay the
printer.
ym Not long siocectlie keeper of a la
ger beer saloon was arrested upon ti charge
of selling intoxicating liquor without li,
ocuse, when he attempted to prove that
the Teutonic beverage was not an intoxica
ting drink. •
A number of witnesses who had amply
tested its qualities, were called one after
another, until finally an old German named
W--, fork the stand, and the question
was asked him,
"Do you 'consrder lager beer intoxica
ting ?"
" - ‘1 7. 011," replied 11r—, "as for dat
can't zay, I drinksh feefty or seexty glass
es a day, and it never hurtsh ni,e, put I
don't know how it would be if a man.vash
to make a hog of himself !
ria. Mr. Popp, of poppville in Popp
county ; -fancying himself to bo very popu
lar with his lady love, popped the ques
tion under a poplar tree, when sbo reprised
him to her poppy, who,. when asked , for
his consent, laboring under the influence
of gingor pop, popped Popp out of the
door to the tune of "Pop Goes the Wee ,
sell' •
g.'„MY Party, sir, will not lie in idle
ness ,", said a' politician. "Very true, sir,"
retorted his' opponent. "Your party is
neither chargeable with lying in idleness
nor idleness in lying!'
Why in an orange like a church
steeple Z . , Becan,so we'lieve,a peal from it.