, ffletertailroirtr,g. I'm Growing Old BY JOIIIst 0. SAYS My days prism pleasantly away, My nights pass blessed with sweetest sloop; I feel no symptom of decay, I have no cause to moan and weep; My foes are impotent and shy, My friends are neither false nor cold, And yet, of into, I often sigh— I'm growing old! Atp glotving talk of olden times, My growing thirst for early newe, My growing apathy to roytnes, My growing lovo for easy shoos, My growing hate for crowds and noise, My growing fears of taking cold, All toll ma in . ehe plainest voice— I'm growing old I I'm growing fonder of my staff, I'm growing dimmer In my eyes, I'm growing fainter in my laugh, I'm growing deeper In my sighs, I'm growing careless in my dress, I'm growing frugal of my gold, I'm growing wise, I'm growlcg,--yea— I'm growing old Ah, me, my every laurels breathe, The tale to my reluctant ears; And every boon the hours bequeath. Out \makes me debtor to the years; E'en Flattery's bottled words declare The secret sbe should fain withhold, And tells mo in 'flow young you are I" I'm growing old I Thank for the years Whose rapid flight My sombre muse so sadly Mtge; Thanks for the gleams of golden light That tint the darkness of their wings; The light that beams from out the sky, Those heavenly mansions to unfold; 'Where all aro blest, and none may sigh ; •' I'm growing old!" WHAT IS THE USE ? What Is the use of trimming a lamp If 3ou never Intend to IhrLt It! What lo the use of grappling a wrong If you never intend to right It? What Is the use of removing your bat If you do not intend to tarry What Is the use or wooing a maid If you never intend to marry? What Is the use of buying a coat Ityou fever intotid to 'roar It! What to 010 11, of house for two If YOU 11,, to Let/ to Itharo It! What Is the oge or ;:nthering gold It' you hover ',ltem] to keep it? IVhat to the use of planting a field If you do not intend to reap It What is the use in buying a honk If you never intend to read it? What is the 11,0 of a cradle to rock If you never lotond to need it &.; THE SOLDIER'S_ MOTHER In one of the fern gh ns of the upper Alleghenies stands a small log house, which once held a large family—John Riley, the father ; ;.-;usan Riley, the moth er ; and children John, Susan, James, Patrick, Sedgwick and little Bess. Bred to :hard living, there was not one who shrank to face a catamount, or a hear, or. an Indian, or find fault with hard bread and cold quarters. At the breaking out of the war, the father, John, James and Patrick enlisted —the last as a drummer boy. Sedgwick cried to go, but was told, to his great grief and indignation, that he would have to wait and grow, as he was only twelve years old, Lne about three feet two. The wife and mother had as big a heart as anybody, and there can be no question but that her heart gave a sharp twang when " old John" and the boys left her ; but she, nevertheless, declared that idle, "Vrolild have gone herself' if they hadn't. They might go, and God speed to them, there was nu help for't ; and as for her, she had not a doubt whatever that it was decreed from the foundation of the world that she should be left to carry on their business, which was farming and shoe making, according to the season, all alone, just as she was. And she could do it, if worst came to worst—she was sure of that. So half the Riley family went from the log house to the war, and half stayed at home. Susan took care of what little there was in-doors, and the mother, ac• cording to her statement, " took care of all' out-doors," with Susan's help, when ever she was off duty, and with Sedg wick's always. Little Bess was unani mously voted good for nothing yet, but to keep bread and cheese from moulding. Mrs. Miler plowed the glebe with the old one-horse plow, with Scdgwiek to ride.— Mrs. Riley planted it with corn and pota toes, with Sedovick to drop them for her; and, when hoeing time came, sho and Susan hoed it, while Sed4wick did the best he could at pulling weeds, and Bess ran actively and noiselessly about, picking up angle worms and treading on the corn bills. The season wore round thus, and still the indefatigable industry of Mrs. Riley kept appearances very much as they were. The cowshed had several windows, per haps, net left by the carpenter, and the cow herself showed a hide of hair that pointed several ways; but appearances were, if the truth was known, not s 3 much against Mrs. Riley's management after all. Said cow nod cowshed had never been kept in a state of perfect repair.— The hens and turkeys always took care of themselves, and of course they l o oked as well as ever. The old horse, habitually light in flesh, may have betrayed his ribs a trifle plainer, and. possibly the pig was a shaving less tat; but let nothing be said about trifles, where the only wonder is that the woman, lett by her husband and three sons, should keep her family together at all, and touch more, cultivate her firm. When conscription goes thro' our towns and cities, sweeping every able bodied man away, we shall then see how many women there are like her. With all this out door labor, Susan Hi ley did not so far forget "the shop" as to justify the taking down of the old shingle : "Boors & Snus MED & MINDED II EIER." • Wbcp_pustomers cense and left. work before they knew that John was gone, she continued to do it, and did it so well that they kept on bringing, and the good woman had all she could do with her cob bling and farming together, you may he sure. Meantime she was kept inforin - edtob,„ erably well of the movements of her huti, bend and boys, for though all of them Were but indifferent writers, she depended on 'Susan to decipher the letters when they,.canie, for not a word could she read or Road or bad writing—yet they made up in frequency and pith what they laok itd in penmanship and rhetoric. Their VOL. 63-. A. K. RHEEM, Editor & Proprietor. regiments did' duty most of the year in Western Virginia. The Riley's had en listed in' two regiments—the father and youngest son in one. and John and James in tl-.e other, and it fared with them about alike In October a letter came from John, bearing, in rustic but touching phrase, bad news mingled with good; CAMP GREEN RID° Sep Twenty DEER MOTHER a Grate battles bell fit & wev bet but !nigher that aint all the 49th got cut up wusent'we did and fathers ded I doono mother whall become o vor little pat for ;hay say hes WU Ildid to but i cant git love to go seem & weor ordird to march to mor rer at 4 oclock with 3 days rashuns & God h .1p us cooddnt ye cum mother wars a ter ritml thing annihow but father dyed in the thick o the fite fist as i May be GA bles ye ;nether cum if ye can jim wel and setts buy yure sun JOHN . There was enough of natural affection in that rough Riley family—deep, genu hie, downright love. If one member possessed it more than any of the rest, it, *as the mother. Bluntly and coarsely as she always talked, and hard featured as she was to look upon, no poetess ever had a richer vein of human sentiment than Mrs. Riley, and Florence Nightin gale herself could not handle a case of aggravated distress more tenderly than she. The news of her husband's death came with a sudden stroke that almost felled her to the floor. But she bore it bravely, till her work was ddric for that day, and let the yo'unger eyes shed the tears. " Why don't you cry, mother ?" said little; Bess, who was sobbing bitterly with Susan and Sedgwiek, over a grief she could not understand ; but the pale, thin lips of the mother did not move. In the middle of the night, long after sleep had stosen over the children's sor row, Susan was awakened bya She starters up, and found her mother sitting in the bed, in the harvest moon that shone' throuuh the une window, white as a shrouded corpse. " Light the candle, S.-:usan," she heard her whisper, and then the terrified girl obeyed, arid inquired,.hurriedly, if she should•bring the camphor or heat some water. Mrs, Riley shook her head, and said, faintly— Get the Testauient and read." Susan got the;book, and asked where she should "No matter, much. Open somewhere in the middle." And kneeling by the bed, w4h the candle in her hand, the young daughter read, with trembling voice, and simple, unlearned emphasis: " Let not your heart be troubled; yo believe in God ; believe also in me. In my fiither's house there arc many mansions : if it were not so I would have . told • ,ynu _ ; . I.4;o_to_prepare, place for you A low, faint cry from the bosom of the suffering woman, and the girl's voice was drowned in the stormy, convulsive sobs that shook the next instant through the strong frame of Mrs. Riley, as if they would rend it asunder. The deep waters were loosed, and the hoarded tears of half a lifetime now seem ed to flow forth in one gush of irresistible sorrow. By and by, the paroxysm pass ed, and she rose from her bed, breathing long, deep breaths, as if a sweet sense of relief had come over her, and, lying down on her pillow,, said softly : " Good Lord, Thy will be done. Put the book by, Susan, and go to bed." And the still hours of that moonlight night rolled on to the day, and the un conscious children, unawakened, dreamed their happy dreams, and the oldest daugh ter—sad, astonished, but weary—went to sleep before the cock crow ; but of all within that poor log hut, after midnight passed, the mother's sleep was the sweet est. Hardly had the toiling woman gather ed her fall crops. Few hands made heavy work, and it was slow and weary business indeed to gc over the two acres, hill by hill, till all was done. The bulk of the harvest, however, was gathered in (as good a yield as could be expected) when ,John's letter came; and the very next day, leaving as good directions as she could to Susan, and charging the you - nger children to mind her, with a promise not to"be gone very Jong, Mrs. Riley was on her way to "Green Ridge" to find her wounded drummer boy. The feelings of the wife that had so fiercely struggled, well nigh to breaking her heart fir her recent loss, were now subdued and tranquil, as conscious that the old relationship had passed away with the husband's ebbing blood—linger only in the silence of the grave ; and all the mother awoke within her as sho turned Irony the dead to the living. She was somewhat nearer to her desti nation when the cars left her at Shannon Dale terminus—a village with seven houses. How to get conveyance for the rest of the way was the next question.— Not even a cart or oxen could she find. At length an ill-looking negro came along. to whom she at once applied for informa tion. ." Can you tell me where I'll find a team ? " Y.es'm " " Where, then ?" "Pse got one" " Well, what is it ?—a horse, a don key, or a pair of steers ? And what's the wagon ? Tell me about it!' • " Mule and cart, missile." "What'll you ask to Green Ridge ?" " Fifty dollars." • " :hay at home with your old - mule, ye wicked, swindlin' nigger—to take advam tage of a poor lone woman I Ask ten hundred, why didn't ye, when ye ask about it? But ye may mace your money out o' somebody else. Pll go afoot." And off she started, leaving the , exor- (ift4lll4s.viliv bitant African materially sobered of his grin, and starting after her with an ex pression of semi-fierceness, as if be half meditated doing something wickeder still Mrs. Riley saw no cause to repent of her resolution. he had but gone over eight or ten of the weary stretch of miles when an army teamster overtook her and gave her a seat arming his powder kegs. The ride, however, Was rather a change of . xercise than a rest to her, for the road was frightfully bad. From the teamster she learned that the Forty-NintlF Penn sylvania was not within twenty or thirty miles of the spot it was when her son dated his letter, but bad moved to or near a place called Sullivan's Pass, taking their wounded with them. The communica tive driver furthermore informed her that he was to stop eight miles short. of this latter place lie declared, after he had heard Mrs. Riley's story, that if he were not in the employ of the government, he would see her clear to the Puss himself, free of charge. The next foot journey of the resolute widow was exhausting in . the extreme— rock's, gullies, marshes, and, above all, the inevitable and omnipresent tangle of laurel brushwood leg—across her path, and obstructed her feet at every step. Sup portint, herself with the thought that her boy ha d r passe d over that way, she perse vered and struggled through—to find, alas ! on arriving, worn out with fatigue, at, the place she sought., only ashes and the scattered debris of a departed army ! The regiment had been gone two days. But the persistent woman was not to he discouraged. Restinv herself awhile, she set about looking for a team, and after sonic trouble, she procured a man. at a large price, to take her in his cart to the regiment where her boy belonged. As they came within the lines they were hailed and fired upon by a picket,but es- Card barn>, and in due time the flags and tents of the 49th appeared around the spur of the Mountain. S upped by a sentinel at the camp line, she inquired for Patrick Riley, the drum mer boy. and was told that he was not there That was all the soldier knew about it. WI ether he was dead or alive he did not say. She was nut to be put otT, and a corporal of the guard was sum moned, who passed her within the camp, and she hastened forthwith to make in quiries of the colonel himself " Which way did you come ?" asked the colonel. • " By the Plummer road." " You i psssed your boy within. a mile. I left hirn, with all my wounded, at Ver rico's Station, to be taken off to Harris burg as soon as they are able. I think you'll rind him there. He was badly hurt in the arm." ,po,uitAl9. dispatch,the widow drove back to, thk Plummer road to Ver rico's Station A company of soldiers was placed around a long, rough looking house with a flag on it, and she knew it was the hospital. The guard stopped the horse lon g before they reached the build ing, but blrs. Riley snatched the whip from the driver ann lashed the beast up to the very door, in spite of opposition— when, springing from the cart, she push ed by the sentinel as quick as thought, and without stopping to hear the epithets of " hag" and " she-devil," that were shouted after her as she passed in, she stood, in another second, in the very midst of the wounded soldiers. " Patrick Riley !" .he shouted out, al• most out of breath, and looking about her as if afraid her senses would deceive her. There was do mistaking the quick, downright tone of Widow Riley. if the boy was there, he would certainly answer. "Oh, mother," gasped a weak h u t s voice, and a tangled heap in one corner stirred, and rushing towards it, the faith ful woman saw her pour little dr, miner buy sitting up, but so changed that, none but his mother would have known him " Poor Pat ! you've had a burry time, that's clear." And here the wonderful energies of the mother, which had kept up so long as her child was to be searched for (God's angels hear up with hands the strength of mothers in such emergencies,) gave way now that her child was found, and she sank down almost htinting upon the straw pallet before her. " Look up, miither, and don't ye feel bad. I'm all right," said the plucky little fellow, " my arm's hurt so I shan't drum no more; but now you're come, I feel like I could lick off the rebels with tine hand I" Mrs. Riley soon recovered, and set about nursing her boy. She came in the nick of lime, for his arts had ju.•t been =notated, and he was some what fevetiah. Probably his mother's care WIIB the only thing that saved him. In a week he was able to go home with lie ; and, jest as the November winds were beginning to blow, I'at took his old place by the crack• ling fire in the log house, among the Upper Alleghenies, and told his story of the war, John and James are still in the arn y—as noble soldiers as ever carried muskets. Mrs. Riley shows them the same free, fearless, en calculating love that sh exhibited in the case of the slain husband and the wounded young drummer—a love that can sacrifice generously, but not till it has struggled du tifully. She has passed through at. hard ex perience, and it has made her a better M/- 111111 , though her n•lagion is of a blunt, posi tive kind ; and she makes Susan tell the ub sent boys., when she writes, to trust in the God of their mother, and never doubt but dull see to 'em." - . A POST OFFICE Culttostrv.—A let ter was posted at the post office in Now London, a while since, bearing the sub joined minute, though som iwhat indefi nite iiddress :;';To my sister bridget, or elsoto Mylhineihor Tim malony or if not to my gude Moil:tor in law who • came to amerioa but did not stiiy long and went buck to the ould country in care of the Baste who live in-the parish of batoan buoy in Cork or if not to emir Paeent Neighbor inlrehtro4.'4 CARLISLE, PA.., FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 20, 1861:\ NO ONE TO LOVE No one to love in this wide world of sorrow, No tender bosom our fortunes ;o share, • No loving face from whose smiles we may . lobirow Soothing In sadno:s and hope in despair. Pity the heart that dab silentlylangulsh, !tiding its grief 'neath a Ruinerr day mile, Mourn for the apirit that, prone !u Its angulah, Sings whilo tho boson. Is writhing the while No ono to love In the wide world around no. Why should we care If we pron6or or fall?, None will rejoice when the lauredlieth tiiwned ; None will lament when our glory wanes pale. We aro but wanderers, o'er the oFtli roving, No one will follow our footsteplfulth pray's; No quiet home, with its truo heatts and loving Walteth our coming to shelter .ns thdro. Oft will a laugh that is sweetest aild lightest, T rill with wild anguish our h i eedi to the core; Oft will a glance that Is kindest4!st• Miod us of those we shall neYer'Soe more:' And when the garlands for beantya adorning Beer i be loved blossoms of those who have fled, Oft will affection, unmindful of scorning, Turn Irene the living to weep for the dead. Fran the C,hleago Pet AMONG THE MILLINERS. 13NAIT HACICETT AS A FASHION NEPOIITICR I was fowling in the marshes of Calu met when I received your note. I was preying remorselessly upon the feathered tribe, generally, with p de-üble•barreled shot gun. illy ammunition was about exhausted. 1 had started with a quart bottle lull of powder in my breast pocket, but that all was gone except a 'snit.'— My shot pouch was almost 4iiipty, too, but 1 did not care for that. A man can hunt well enou.A without shot if he only hasrplenty of powder—the kind that flies to the head. Your message arrived in good time to be heedsd. I• had just got a splendid duck—by falling of a log into a stream of muddy water. I felt so much elated by my success that I was ready to quit. Only, a few lours previous- to-4,hat----I-had slain a dozen of th. 3 plumpest ducks I ev er saw. Before 1 had time to collect. them together the owner appeared upon the field of carnage, and informed me tliat they were his' ducks, and were not wild, and never had been. The owner's name was Drake You can imagine how 1 felt when 1 learned that my ducks were all Drake's. I gave them up, like a reason able man, and charged him nothing for killing them. I can be generous when ever 1 want to. After so many repeated successes it is not strange that I felt ready to leave the field. I read the cabalistic line of your message, come up and do the openings.' I wanted to come bad enough :`cult I had no idea what the missive meant. There are so many opdnings in the world, so many things that can be opened. There arc letters, for instance; letters that be long to you and letters that don't ; and there is champagne .that can be opened; so can ink bottles, so eau a bank, so can oysters (ran oysters) When 1 arrived at oysters I stopped awhile, and it oc curred to me that I had caught your idea. ottiebody was going to open a can of oysters (the first of the season, may be,) and you wanted me to report the affair. Accordingly I came to the city in great haste, my speed being accelerated by a knowledge of the fact that my powder was all gone, and there is no good pow der outside of Chicago. I was disap pointed, not disagreeably, however, when I was informed that the grand season of opening millinery and straw goods had arrived, and that 1 was wanted t•a make a tour of Lake street, and make an article on the hill fashions I felt complimented when I was told that I was the man for the position, be• cause I bud a more intimate acquaint ance with milliners, and could get infor mation from the f it sex better tan any body else lam susceptible of flattery, a little, and I felt, complimented, hut I mis trusted my ability. 1 have not hail much experience in reporting I wrote local items tor three days on a country news paper six years ago, and some of them are going the rounds of the press yet.— I ought to have bad them copyrighted for they aro never credited to we. I will give one of them—the first I ever wrote—arid which is re produced in the papers every month or two. It is pretty good, and will give you an inkling of my style : ACClDENT.—Yesterday a team at tached to a wagon rushed niciilly_ : idown one of our principal streets a distance of a mile or two, and were only prevented from iuening away by a gentleman;who, at the hazard of his life, seized them by the reins and stopped them. We are fearfully and wouderfully made.' 11 you bear of anybody that wants to engage a man to write that sort of items all the time, I wish you would let me know it. I commenced at the foot of Lake street to do the fashions. I went through the great union depot from one end to the other, and up stairs and down, but I could find no millinery store there. I then struck out boldly up Lake street, come to a large house nearly opposite a large house on the opposite side of the street. I. am thus precise in giving localities that the public may know where the best mil linery store is to be found. A reliable gentleman, to v:thoin troth is a greater stranger than fiction, told the that the second story of the large houSe on the opposite side of the street was a bonnet and straw goods establishment. That was the Information I was looking for, and I bounded up stairs if I may be allowed to institute a cord perigee. At this time I'was absorbed in deep meditation, thinking how - I should begin my article, and, whether I should puff anybody. I waabstraoted, I think, and Lsailed up the stairway, With my body bent forward about nineteen de grees4from the perpendicular', a pencil ' Like a wild gazelle,' • • f." 2' °l -6 • .. . . , TERMS :-41,50 in Advance, or $2 within the year under. my arm and a reporter's book over my right ear. 1 reached thelicad of the stairs suddenly, inasmuch as I was going very rapidly, and, as a consequenee„of my abstractedness, or something else, I drove my head plump into a bonnet that the proprietress was showing to a customer. I was terribly frightened, and tried to stammer an apology, but it was no go. The proprietress looked reaping rim chines at me. I threw my pencil 'down and begged pardon for smoking in ber presence, thinking it was a cigar Told her I hoped I hadn't smashed anything, and she smiled a little and said I hadn't. Then I felt better, and Old her I was a reporter. Then she _looked milder than ever, and said, .Oh, indeed l' and imme diately afterward she became insufferably inquisitive, 'asked me a volley of them]] prehensible- questions, and stared at =me all the. time, as though she was counting the plaits in my shirt ruffles or the links in my watch chain or the brilliants in my breastpin, or anything else you like. Are you long hand or short hand ?' she asked. Neither,' said I, 'I am a new hand, and I rather dislike the business, as far as I've got.' The proprietress conducted me through a long hall into a large room occupied by about twenty bonnets and sixty milliners, saleswomen, etc. I did not look at the bonnets for the first half hour, but de voted myself exclusively to taking an in ventory of the young ladies. This is a charming bonnet—golden dun—Marie Stuart front,' said the lady in-chief. Yes, 'she is,' I replied, 'but her hair is a little too red.' I discovered my mistake when it was too late to correct it. That's my luck. As soon as the divine little milliners learned who I was, they gathered around me in a circle, and all were anxious tone who could say the most and best things. One was descanting upon the beauties of a chip bonnet; and another handed' me a bunch of grapes to . oxamine. 1 bit one of the grapes, and got my mouth full of bro ken glass. Then I thought I would rath er report a camp meeting than a mil linery store; then I thought I wouldn't, and I mustered my courage and made a nother note in my note-book, (grapes, not sour, but sharp.) My tongUe bled fear fully, and I spoiled my best embroidered handkerchief wiping away the blood. The circle diminished, and the crew (per haps I should say bevy) came closer. I began to want fresh air severely. -Tpo many females in close room render the atmosphere oppressive. ' This is beautiful,' said a charming creature with pearly eyes and black teeth, 'this is a dear duck 0f a bonnet.' Is it a wild duck ?' said 1, 'l've had enough of wild ducks, especially if' they belong to a man by the name of Drake.' ' Price, seventy-five dollars,' she contin ued, paying about as little attention to me as man of my qualifications could ex pect. I asked her if she would sell it in small lots, and how much one of the straws would come to, but before I had finished the question she was showing me some thing else. The ladies became less timid as they became more acquainted and approached so near me when they wanted to give me a boonet to look at, that my ruffles were in danger of being crushed. They piled bonnets upon we till I had both arms full and the top ones began to fall off, and every time I stooped to pick up one I dropped two. It r‘quired some skillful engineering to keep from being engulphed in the ocean of crinoline that surrounded nie ; and in making a desperate effort to escape from one billow that came fearfully near me, I plunged both feet into a mag nificent French chip bonnet (that was the name of it,)with a Marie tuart or Louisa Jane Susan Smith front, 1 forget which There was another crash of glass artific ials, a bunch of wheat was crushed to flour, and a fine blush rose blushed for the last time. The milliners all screamed—the circle was broken ; some rushed one way and sonic another, and some ruched in , an op posite direction. I rushed to a window and measured the distance to the ground with my mathematical eye. I had not inane up my mind exactly when a ten year-old who I had nut seen before (I think she was an apprentie) sung out in a shrill voice, 'Ma says if you don't pay her fur the last shirt she made for you she'll prosecute you in the court-house.' I should have been proud to know that I had an acquaintance there if I had not been in' a hurry. I threw myself out up on the sidewalk without breaking a bone, and—l still live. When next Igo to re port a millinery affair I shall go in a. full suit of armor. I am, feelingly, BEAU HACKETT An apothecary's boy was lately sent to leave at one house a box. of pills, at anoth• er six live fowls. Confused on the way, he Jett the pills where the fowls should have goo°, and the fowls at the pill place. The folks Who received the fowls were astonished at. reading the accompanying directions! "Sallow one every two hours." A NEWSPAPER, in noticing the pres entation of a silver cup to a contempora ry says; "He needs no cup ;-he.can drink from any,vesoel that contains liquor— whether the iieck of a bottle, the mouth of a deinijohn, the spilt) of a keg, or the bunghole of a barrel.' , An English writer says of the militia of London, that the'captain of one of the corps averred it was dangerous to wake the rear take close order, for fear it would pick the pockets of the front rank. • Tin§ beautiful tresses of rung Indies Ivo beau•strine. • How He Lost a Customer A few days since a well-dressed woman entered a store on Chesnut street. She looked like the wife of a man Who had suddenly made money by army contracts Her " harness" was good, but the wearer evidently was but lately accustomed to indulge in finery. She entered the " principal depot" of a citizen, who, among other proprietary articles, is the inventor of a celebrated hair tonic. As she altered, the proprietor was be hind tie counter, a matter rather rare for him, and with his hat on hi 4 head. ,He personally waited on her, asking, with his best smile, " What can I show you ma'am ?" " Why, your hair tonic" " Here it is, ma'am"—producing a bottle of the article. " This is what makes hair grow, does it ?" " Yes, ma'am ; you'll find a little pamphlet inside the wrapper with many certificates from people who have been bald." " Humph ! What's the price F" " A dollar a bottle ma'm—six bottles for five dollars." " You re certain it'll bring hair on ?" " It never fads unless the hair is de stroyed by ,disease." " Well, I've got a bald spot on the top of my head. I'd give five hundred dol. lars to have it covered again." Proprietor said he had no doubt the tonic would accomplish the result and the lady ordered a half. dozen to be sent to her house. Proprietor took the address. As the lady turned to leaVe the store, proprietor removed his hat, showing a head whose crown was innocent of cover ing. " Well I declare 1" exclaimed the lady, transfixed, looking at' him in blank sur prise. ~ What is it, ma'am ?" " Why, I swear if you ain't bald your self." ' Proprietor was about to rejoin, but the lady continued : " I don't want that bait grease o'yourn I jest believe you're a lying." Proprietor attempted to explain, but the lady wouldn't listen. She couldn't be made to La lieve that a man could make " hair grease" to restore other pet). pie's hair, when bald himself. She left, advising him to grow a crop of hair on hi; own head before undertaking to fur nish a recipe to cover the heads of other folks. The !Dona is, whorl bald people sell hair tonic they should keep their hats on. Personal Influence. Every ono is eudowed, each fur him self, with a special gift of salutary influ ence, a peculiar benign power, which he can no wore get another to employ for him than one flower can get another to breathe foith its fragrance, or one star de• pate to another its shining. Your individ ual character the special mould and temper of your being is different from that of all other beings, and God, in creating it, designed it for a particular use in his Church. Your relations to your fellow men are peculiar to yourself, and over some minds—some little group or circle of moral beings—you Can wield an in fluence which it is given to no other man to wield. Your place and lot in life, too, is one which has been assigned to you alone, For no other has the same part been cast. On your particular part no other footsteps shall ever leave their print. Through that one course, wind ing or straight, rapid or slow. brief or long protracted, in any other course shall the stream of life flow on to the great ocean. And so to you it is given to shed blessings around you, to do good to oth ers, to communicate, as you pass through life, to those whose moral history bor ders or crosses yours, a heavenly influ ence, which is all your own. If this power be not used by you, it will never be used. There is work in Go is Church which, if not done by you will be un done. A Tough Srory Stephenson, a •country shopkeeper, was one day trying to sell Joe a pair of pougcd boots. The old man gave the article of- fered a fair examination, and decided not to purchase. " Nice boots," said Stephenson. " Yes, very nice boots," said old Joe, " but I can't afford 'em " " Why, they are a 3 cheap as any they make," said Stephenson, " only two dol lars." " Yes, only I don't keep any hired man," returned. Joe. " Hirai man I what do you want of a hired man ?'' asked Stephenson. " Well, 1 should want a hired man if I bought them boots." said Joe, his eye twisting up with even more comical leer than usual; " the last pair of,,boots I had, pretty near ruined me!' . "How was that?" asked Stephenson. " Why," said Joe, "all the time I wore them boots, I had to take two men along with tue with hammers, one. -on each side, to nail on the soles every time I lifted my feet" The storekeeper made no more efforts to sell boots to Joe. A rtracKsman. having been slandered was advised to apply to the courts fdt• re dress. He replied with true wisdom •"I can go in may shop and wort; out a better character . in six months than I can get in a court house in a whole year." FOUND A FRI END_"Who. goes there?" said an Irish sentry of the British Legion at St. Sebastian. "A friend;" was the reply. "Then stand where you are, for by the powers pou'te the first rve found in this murtherin' esuntry." Mrs. 'artinkton on. Cosm9tios. "That is a.new article for heStitifying the complexion,' aid Mr. Bibb, liolding up a small bottle for Mrs. Partington to look at. • She'rcokdd up' from toeing out a woolen seek for lke,,add took the bot tle in her hand. "Is it; indeed ?" said shei " well, they 'Arty get up ever so many costroms fer beautifying the com plexion, tut; depend upon it, the less people have to do with bottles for it the better. My neighbor, Mrs. Blotch, has been using a bottle a good many years, for her complexion, and her nose looks like a rupture of Mount Vociferous, with the burning lather running all over the contagious territory." Dlr. Bibb in formed her, with a smile, that this was cosmetic for the outside and not to be ta ken internally, whereupon she subsided into the toe of Ike's stocking, but mur mured something about the danger of its " leaking in," nevertheless. Ike, mean while, was rigging a martingale for Lion's tail, securing that waggish member to his collar and making him appear as if scud ding before the wind. EMI NO. 46. What is a quartermaster ? The man who gives the poor soldiers one . quarter and keeps the rest himself. If a pretty woman asks you what you will bet, answer that you will lay your head to hers. "Beautiful weather," as the gentleman said when he chanced to get a tender piece of mutton on his plate one day at dinner Mr. Noggins, speaking of a blind wood sawyer, says, "while none ever saw him see, thousands have seen him saw." A dashing and fashionable widow says she thinks of sueing some gentleman for a breach of promise, so that the world may know she is in the market. A 3IAN named Oats was hauled up re cently fur beating his wife and children , . On being sentenced to imprisonment, the brute remarked that it was very hard a man was not allowed to thrash his owla oats I WE were told that, the other day, a literary gentleman being rather badly off for pens, sat down to write with a head ache. It is, we believe, a painful opera tion', hut a great saving of quills. John," said a stingy old hunk to his hired man, as he was taking dinner, " do you know how many pancakes you have eaten?" "No." " Well, you have eaten fourteen." " Well," said John, " you count and— . l l ll eat!' wa„A school boy, being asked by Mu teacher how be should flog him, replied: " If you please, sir, I should like it upon the Italian system of penmanship—the heavy strokes upward, and the down ones light." LATounlost his leg at the battle of Leipsic After he had suffered amputa tion with the greatest conrage, he saw hitt servant crying, or pretending to cry, in n corner of the room. "None of your hyp. ocritical tears, you idle dog," said him master ; " you know you are glad, for now you will have only one boot to clean in— stead of two." SPEAKING of muddy roads, a reoent tourist says the roads of Normandy remind hint of a llig,hland road in the Weat, where a friend vowed he once met a man sounding a hole with the butt-end of a driving.whip. He asked him what he was doing, and he replied : " Sir, I have found my hat, but I hm e lost a horse and gig some place hereabouts." JONES, since his marriage, has taken to talk slightingly of the holy estate.— Brown was telling him of the death of a mutual friend's wife, whom the " discon solate" had courted for twenty-eight years and then married. She turned out to be a perfect virago, but died two years after the wedding. " There," said Mr. Jones, " there's luck ! See what a fellow es caped by a long courtship !" Thel..A corporal in a West Vilginia re giment went home on furlough, and at its expiration, applied for an extension in the following style : " My dear Comman der, it is with pleasure I Takes my pen in hand to inform you I am taken off the Mumps, and hope these few lines will find you enjoying the same blessing But if there are danger, or if you think there are, Report to me immediately at Buck hanon and I am at your command my dear Commander, Mumps or no Mumps." I:ex.& writer beautifully remarks that a man's mother is the represensative of his Maker. Misfortune and mere crime set no barriers between her and her son.— While his mother lives, a man has one friend on earth who will not desert him when he is needy. Her affections flow from a pure fountain, and cease only at the ocean of eternity, A lady at sea, full of apprehension in a gale of wind, cried out among other ex clamations, "we shall gu to the bottom. Mercy on us, how my head swims I" " Madam, never fear," said one of the sailors, " you can never go to the bottom while your head swims." Mrs, Partington has a friend in the army. Being asked one day what his station was, she replied : " For two years be was lieutenant of horse marines, nod after that he was promoted to be captain of a squad of sapheads and minors." A western editor strikes the names of two subscribers from his list because they were hung. He says he was compelled to be severe, because he did not know their present addresses. The false gentleman almost bows the. true out of the world. He contrives so to address his companions "as civilly to exclude all others from his discourse and make them feel excluded. Most of the reoels are pledged to pay ten-fold what they are worth,, and when they die, says Prentice, there'll be 'the devil to pay. A soldier being asked if, he ;net with' much hospitality while in Ireland, replied that be:was in the hospital nearly all the time he was there. . • A MAN was recently arrested in Detroit, he having desertedlour., wives and dye regiments. BY THE WAY.