TERMS OF PUBLICATION
The CARLISLE HERALD la published weekly on a large
sheet containing twenty four column and furnished
to subscribers at sl,sll:if paid strictly in advance, $1,76
f paid within tbo year; or $2 in all canoe when pay
meet Is delayed until after the expiration of the year.
No subscriptions received for R ICES period than six
IRlnthS, and none discontinued until all the arrearages
are paid, unless at the option of the publisher. Papers
sent to subscribers living out of Cumberland county
must be paid for In advance. or •he payment assumed
by HOMO responsible person Ilv:ng In Oumbeiland
county. These terms will bc: rigidly adhered to In all
cases,
AI)VE ILTIS BM E NTS
Alr Irtigonnnts will bo rharged 1.00 per square of
twelve I Ines for three insertions, and 26 cents for
each ultsnqnent insertion. All advertisements of
ess than twelve lines considered as a square.
gsateticil Nottvg.
Cumberland County Teacher's In-
stitute
IN MEMORIAM
I sing no more of war's alarms,
And deeds of valor high,
I sing no hero, and Ills arms,
Nor praise of pleasure's fairy charms,
Nor sunset's radiant sky.
My pen has found a loftier theme,
My thoughts aro In a quaint old town,
I live In by.gono hours that scorn
Fading, fleeting, like a dream,
That glides the night adown.
Alpnountaln ranges bleak and bare,
Ily weary traveller past,
Seen through the mists of summer air,
In purple distance, seem more fair,
So back my , glance I east. -
Behold mu then a pilgrim bound,
Upon the swiftly ppeedlng train,
With eager Lynn I glanced around,
And very soon with joy I found,
Professtir "Lizzie," and "Captain
The Conductor shouted loud and clear,
Nawville—what Word woul I give
Our waiting hearts more joy ter hear,'
Forsooth the dinner hour was near,
And we must eat to live,
Right souls strong we were in all,
But hear it morn, and listen stars,
Did ever sadder fate bef. ill,
Twos all In vain for help to call,
They placed me under lAN Ad Danres
But bravo hearts never knew despair,
At one behold me once more free,
Straight to the HALL I aid repair,
Brave men were there and maidens fair,
It was a goodly sight to see.
Over ail with kindly mion,
Mr. Baker did preside,
While near him Over might be seen,
Mr. Claudy, who serene,
And gallant, played the scribe
The Superintendent's cheerful face,
I know full well,
Ile wolcomedAte with kindly grace,
But hare, I cannpUnd a place,
IliatiOrdslo tell.
Dr.Smith,l see him yet,
Ills winning smile,
Ms voice, hoard Often as we met,
- The gentler flex will neer forget,
The "Lone Exile."
Essays were read, both witty and wise,
By Miss A. and Miss C.
Messrs. K., M. and C. and 'twill he no surprise,
To know that South Middietcn reached the skies
In honor and high degree.
Mr. MiKimball brought with him picky of splep,L.
To save us from having the blues,
Messrs. Kenyon, Crider and Kaufman, left in a tries
Mr. D. the ladies declared " ever so nice,"
Mr. ilicElnittine, to !Tea k , n e ar refused,
_
They gave us one morning a very Great stare,
Saying the rebels would surely be there.
We did not grow pale, we shed not a tear,
For with a "Capt,ln" for guard what had we to fear
Yet thinking perchance, they might be about,
We waited and watched the" Old Year" out,
And the " New Yearni Ik, while gladsome chimen,
Rang hope to each heairkfor future times.
IL will only Ungar OW) toll,
How Mr. ',Mich charmed us well,
With muck's magic, wllderlng spell,
That soothed and cheered us too.
Sadly we heard the names of those,
Who are taking now their last repose,
Yet proudly too, for each young life,
Was yielded on the lieLd of strife,
Each ,clreted his eyes in endleso night,
While battling for the truth and right,
They bravely fought for country's laws.
They fell in Freedom's holy cause,
trio peace we say, and from our tare,
Find hope, and faith, for after yearn,
(Why linger—time come, In which to nay adieu,
With mournful heart,
.Llznle, Mottle, Rona and Debbie, ton,
And Sallie, and Mary, Mende no true,
-It ,as hard to part.
: So homeward then we turned once mom,
AJI pleasant hours forever o'er,
slut when the Institute again shall be
Convened, may I be there to sea,
And this our land, be once more free,
Such is my prayer forever more.
iorditantow,
Correspondence of the Herald.
GRAVESEND COTTAGE, Nov. 12th, 1860.
Editor of Me Carlige,Herald.—DEAß Sin,
Your last number, a copy of which I have
just been reading, revives some slumbering
recollections which demand expression ; and
if you have no objection, I will make your
. columns the medium of their utterance.
It seems that the Herald is now in its "Six -
, ty-Second Volume :" a fact which indicates
that the paper was started in the year 1798.
My acquaintance with it dates back to a pc.
Mod considerably later than that. When I
.began to read the Herald, it was published
,aud owned by Gconus. PHILLIPS, Esq:, a man
Nwtio was better known to me at that time, in
'Lis military, than in his editorial capacity—
For Mr. PHILLIPS, it must be known, was a
member, and a prominent one too, of the re
doubtable " Carlisle Guards." Not that lie
was a high officer ; or even a very formidable
Hooking private, but nevertheless, on " Fourth
,ofluly's 'and 4 , Review Days," ho was always
Among the most oonspiuous of his company.
',lsis temper was choleric and his spirit plucky,
bed when a little excited, he was what might
'be called a very ugly customer to handle.—
On those festive occasions referred to, ho was
emphatically a 44 high private."
Of Mr. Putt,mrs, as-an Editor, my memory
is very indistinct ; but the Herald, I believe,
'was in his hands, as it always has boon, a
highly respectable and instructive - paper. To
bo sure for the last thirty years, .1 have seen
very little.of it, and am therefore hardly
qualified to judge of its late character; but
Prom thq occasional numbers that fall into my
habds. it is but just to express my belief that
it More than sustains its originatreputation.
Jut dear me! the old Own of Carlisle, judg
•ing from your,- columns, must have greatly
'hhanged'einco Itnew it. , ; scoya,u have Gas
&COO:rant Watar,;. .aud, four er five Dentiota
ilk.
14 'AB many Ilfeintep?thic rhysiciaps ; and
z- ' • •
TN KA'.ls4lr
VOL. 63.
A. K. RHEEM, Editor & Proprietor
that you are actually taking step to get up a
Directory. What a contrast does this present
to the old times when we learned our lessons
by the fervor of a "tallow dip," and slaked
our thirst at the Market House pump ;.when
the Doctors were the only Dentists, and the
sole remedy for an offending tooth, was to
pluck it out and cast it from us. When
Hotnreopathy was a name unknown, and horse
doses were the general practice ; when calomel
and jalap—senna and manna—epsom salts
And emetic tartar, when the chicl remedies of
the Pharmacopeia, and Dr. ARMSTRONG, Dr.
McCosxnv, Dr.,qnSTINE, and Dr. FOULKE,
the only persons deemed competent to an
opinion in the occult science of medicine.
As for a directory, we had a half-a dozen
living ones at every corner; who by word of
mouth could tell you anybody's residence and
everybody's business. They were to be found
supporting the posts of the public square, or
propping up the walls of the Olticourt House;
sitting under the Locust. trees at To 5131 Y
CAROTHERS' door, or' lolling on the benches
in front of MATunw Asmon's
Ah ! my dear sir, the old town must have
undergone great changes. I fancy, if I were
to go back. I should hardly recognize it. I
used to know every flag-stone in the borough.
(I shouldn't wonder if the town now, were
paved.with brick) I could walk, on the dark
est night, from the College to Zua's tavern,
and from METZGAR'S to the grave-yard, with
out once lripping.or " um ping" my toes.
knew all the people of the town "like a book ;"
and some of them a good deal better; for
while the moral lessons of " Webster's" spel
tar and " Pike's" directions fir the Mile of
Three, are clean gone from my memory, Gm).
IlAtios and JINNI' ROPE --BETSEY G EURO E
and Ulu IliminannAND, stand there with all
the vividness of objects seen but yesterday.
Poor old liAnos There he Eitands in all
the glory of his dirt and drunkenness; sway
ing to and fro—unwashed, unkempt, unshav
ed ;• with his slabbering mouth and idiotic
laugh ; his reeking clothes, hanging unbut
toned from his half covered person ; surround
ed by a circle of boys just disgorged from
Breckenridge's alley, who insist that he shall
" strike up," and who will not he satisfied till
ho commences his well known but meaning
less " linty glow—Ditty glow."
And then conies "old Jinny," with her
man's hat and flaxen hair streaming from un
der it; her dingy white frock, and tier insepa
rable bundle in one hand and club in the
other. • See how furious she looks, with her
big teeth and rage.dimorted features, as . she
makes for a pile cif stones, and with impotent
curses hurls them after a parcel of urchins,
who scamper befOne her with loud mies of—
" More rope ! More rope to hang Jiony !"
Then there was old Hilderbrand, who used
to visit the borough every two or three months;
no one (of us boys) knowing whence he came
or whether ho went. How distinctly I see his
deer-tail cockade—leis grizzly beard and
bandit-look, as with foamjng rage an] fearful
oaths, he lets fly the stones at, thO wanton
youngsters who will keep hooting and hal:
looing after him !
As tar poor old Betsey George, none of the
.19.3!f1, _Molt Lexs..anitranning.over.withanisohief
as they were, had the hardihood to plague her.
Iler melancholy face and vacant eyes; law low
muttering voice as she recited passages from
her well conned Bible,—and the quiet appeal
of her whole manner to the sympathies of by•
standers, repressed all rudeness and kept in
check the usual tendency to juvenile mischief.
Besides these notabilities, there were others
of a different category, whose images are still
vivid on memory's retina. There was OLD
MATTHEW MILLER, who used to come riding
over the Main Bridge, causing us to wonder
how a common sized horse could carry, with
apparent unconsciousness, such an uncommon
sized nian. Not that he was a person of such
extraordinary bulk either, but corpulence on
borsk-back is at any time a rare sight; and
when Mr. Miller used to come to LOYD, our at
tention was naturally arrested.
But there * was another whose proportions
were much more Daniel Lambert like that
tbo.e of Matthew Miller. I allude to a very
respectable gentleman„ who was known in his
time as OLD McULAN, the big bellied man,"
I see the old gentleman, (boys have a way
you know, of calling men " old," without re
ference to their years,) just as he used to look,
sitting at his door panting for breath on a
summer's evening, or basking at midday in
the sun-shine of spring And I remember how
our admiration used to be equally divided be.
tween him, in his shirt sleeves, fanning him
self with his hat—and a gay Plumaged parrot
that. swung over his head, gabbling its own
vain praises as " Pretty Poll—Pretty Poll !"
Then there was a wonder of wonders!—the
CARLISLE BAND. How I wish I could listen
ENO
ow with one tenth the delight to cods•
worth's or Hassler's, that I then experienced
in hearing the strains of that extraordinary
gjoupe ! We drank it in with eyes and ears.
It was about as, much pleasure to watch the
inflated cheeks of,DAN Ftsima, GEORGE SMITII,
(Gentlemen George) JOE GIVEN, and JIM Can
yea, as they played on their clarionels, or the
still greater distension of those of LEVI
WITEATON, as lie poured himself out into his
huge bass Serpent, or the white face, turned
rod, of SAB ALEXANDER, as he labored on his
Jient Bugle, as it was to listen to the diversi
fied sounds that proceeded from their various
instruments, Then how grand old BLACK
looked, Os he leaned beyond the perpendicu
lar, and with his head in the air and his !tali
drum on his belly. pounded 'away with an ac
curacy of time and a grace of flourish impos
sible to be excelled! Then there was, Mc
GONIGAL, with his bassoon, and SwAnrx with
his cymbals, and a boy in " Guards . ' uniform,
who played the triangle. The pleasure deriv•
ed from the two latter paMe altogether through
the medium of the eye; aurioularly, they
were like religion without faith, nothing but
" Bounding brass and tinkling cymbals."
Then, not to be forgotten, as alternating
with the band when on the march, were SAw-
NEY MITCHELL and SAm EAGLE, with their
rattling drum and ear piereingfifs. Who that
ever heard the inevitable SAMMY or the in
imitable SAM, can forget the shrill and 'soul.
stirring sounds with which they were wont to
'wake up the old ecluies l As for the BAND, I
hear it now in the cells of my memory just as
it used to sound, at a little distance, in my
boyish cars. I see Captain HALBERT,
with his tall and ably form, turtling to give
the word of command, and Orderly Sergeant-
JONES, the indefatigable Drill Master, seeing
to its execution.
Then thereivere the INFANTilx, , o,Aornpany
I never fancied much—chiefly,;l:mrhaph, be•
cause they had on band. B 4 they were gen
erally held in high repute, and BILL &tonna-,
sox, their Drummer, was fully equal to Sam:
NEY.
hon there Wino the Ifessnedi, whose ohiof
CARLISLE, PA., FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 13, 1.863.
attraction was the red-coated bugler. ANDY
SCOTT, usually served in that capacity, though
the place was sometimes filled by Joint
Sronsixa—that many-talented genius, who
could walk the wire, stew oysters, blow rocks,
keep a sweat-cloth, and ao at least a hundred
other things in a style that admitted of no su
periority. Doctor Fonuca, was the Captain
of that Cavalry company, and DICKEY' NIMES
was one of its members. I hardly know how
these two men, so little resembling each other,
should stand coupled in my memory, unless it
is, that I saw the Doctor once handle Richard
rather roughly, because he refused to obey
au order.
Then there was a new company, formed by
BILL BRRCKINRIDOM (excuse my irreverence
--1114 was the name he was known by among
his contemporaries)—called the Aimi.LErtv.—
This company had a handsome brass cannon,
and its members wore "shovel plough' . hats,
and, being something of a novelty, was very
popular with the boys Alt! these were hal
cyon days! (Though between ourselves, Mr
Editor, if I had them to live over again, I
think I could turn them to better advantage.)
Then there was-the Carlisle BAR of which
our fathers were so proud, whose members
were objects of our juvenile admiration.—
Joun D. Manus was its bright particular
star, young, graceful, eloquent, and with a
jury irresistible. Equal to him in general
ability, and superior, perhaps, in legal nom
men, was his contemporary and rival SAmost,
A textsDEß Esq Then there was the vene
rable ANDREW CAROTHERS, and young Fred
eriele just. adinitied.in time to reap the
advantages of his lather's reputation, and
create an enduring ono of his own. And
George Metz', nr, with his trewle voice and
his hand on fits siile, atau.iing the court and
spectators with his not overly delicate/m.4,c.
And therq was "Bill Ramsey, with his
que," a man of many clients and the sine qua.
non of the Democratic party, and then tower•
ing above them all was Crier Thnnipson who
used to fetch us boys up all - standing, with
his sudden end stentorian demand for " 8i -
once"
Then (here was on the pavement at the
door, Granny Morrthon, with her long, yel
low, flexible melting •'sticks" of moles-ses
candy, called not inaptly abdominal
intestines.
Alt, Mr. Editor, h must stop, its no uge.—
Tirrp would fail me to attempt a ‘ description
of half that occurs to me When my memo
ry once gets a filled on these subjects, there
is no end to the images it is sure to call up
Perhaps on some future occasion, if I should
.. -
have leisure, and you should be willing,
will trouble you further with my youthful re
rniniscences. In the mean time please re
gard me, though anonymous and unrecogniz
ed, as an old friend and acquaintance and
A GENUINE GAILLISLES
To DAY . 31NT) To-Mortaow.—half the griefs
of the world are ideal. No matter to what
rank of life a man belongs, unless ho possess
a remarkably contented quality of mind, he is
perpetually annoyed with small sorrows, ar
ising from the anticipation pyils iu
fde:c - never come to pass. At the end of any
year, he can look back, if he choose, and count
his hours by the score, spent in this manner
over ideal misfortunes. And it is exactly the
same thing with moments of happiness; for
man never is, but always to be blest;' and
how much of our enjoyment is occasioned by
the expectation of pleasurable events which
always fail to occur! As a certain bishop
once said to a sprig of nobility, who asked for
the loan of a rural villa the reverend gentleman
never used :
" Sir don't you know it is necessary to have
a place where you never go—a place in which
you fancy you might be ever happy, if you
were there; but front which you absent your
14elf because you won't be?' And the bishop
in that remark anounced a great truth ; for
delight, as well as sorrow, lies too much in
what is never realized.
Common sense, fair reader, ought to take a
solid hint from, this fact. In children's lan-
guago 'never grieve over spilt milk.' and
never over what may occur. The past is ir
retrievable, and the future brings trouble en
enough of its own. Enjoy the present in itsin
nocence as far us circumstances may permit.
To day is certainly your's, to-morrow may
not be.
A WORTHY CITIZEN of Boston was desirous
of being presented at a royal ball, but lacked
the costume. Military uniform or a court
dross were then, as now, indispensable ; and
it was to late to get. either His more fortu
nate friends, " in full rig," took leave of him
at his lodgings, with many expressions of re
gret that he could not accompany them. No
sooner were they out of the house than ho de
termined he would, at any rate, try the expe
riment. Within an hour he made his appear
ance at the door of the Throne Room at Ver•
sallies, arrayed in all the glory of his best
blue coat, white vest, and nankeen trousers.
Hero the horrified roaster of ceremonies
stopped Lim, and, pointing to his nankeens,
endeavored, by word and sign, to convince
him that his dress was not conime ii fast, and
that he must retire. " Dress! dress I" said the
traveletc "not pass! not enter! Why, it is
the same dress I always wear in the General
Court at Boston !" No sooner were the words
uttered than the door flew open, and the ob
sequious valet, " booing and booing," pre
ceded him, and announced in a loud voice,
0 Monsieur lo Generale Court de Boston!" to
the infinite amazement and amusement of his
American Mends, and the great delight of the
new-made General.
Ear The actions of noble men and women
stand like wayside shrines all along the path
of history. What individual recalls net one
sweet life, one gracious heart, ono blessed
achievement, which to him is a deep foun
tain of spiritual water? Say what we will
about permanent ordinances, the titly per
manent ordinances are pious works. The
colonel that allowed himself to be taken, in
order that his wounded men might escape in
then overloaded boats; the student who swain
the Potomac three times in the face of hos
tile bullets, pushilig it raft covered with dis
abled,soldiers; the lieutenant- who, hurt to
'death, begged, commanded his friend, be
cCuse. he was hurt nto death, to leave hire, and
give - -his — care to those whom there was yet
liopc , of saving— belle set up—we say it with
all' reverence—have sot •up among their
friends, in the households of those-who know,
them, very nsacred ':ordinances; • very '-holy
NEGLIGENCE is the rust of the soul, that
corrodes her heat resolutionA.
A PERILOUS HOUR
I was apprenticed to .a decorative painter,
but being of a bold, danger loving turn, 1
ran away to sea before my time was out,
After some years of knocking about, I got
tired of 'a maritime life, and having married
and determined to stick to the shore, I got
work with a builder whose peculiar line lay
in erecting tall chimneys. I had always a
very cool head, and could stand on elevations
that made most. men dizzy, and so I was soon
a favorite harid with my master.
We had on one occasion to fasten a light
ning conductor, which has spriing near the
top of a very high chimney, and Mr, Staining
chose myself and one James Colly to do it, as
the most daring of his men. About half a
dozen of us wont that morning with a hand
cart containing the necessary ropes, blocks,
the kite, and a bur or cradle. flaying flown
the kite, and dropped its line across the top
of the chimney, we soon drew up a rope, at
the end of 'which was a Hook, through which
ran the line whereby we were to be drawn up
Colly had only been married a tortnig
and as wo stepped into toe cradle, the men
banteringly asked him if he hadn't a last dy
ing speech to leave for his wife; and then Mr.
Staming having shaken hands with us, and
bid us be cool and steady, 'we.were drawn
slowly up, It woe known all over the town
that the conductor was to be fixed, though as
the day was not named, I did not expect we
should have many spectators ; but as we got
higher, and the view opened under our feet, I
saw that the streets were already thronged
with starers. Colly was very quiet; and
when I waved my cap to the people, he said
snappishly that this wits no time for such
folly, and that he thought I might think of
better things than how to amuse these gaping
fools who, he dared say, desired no better
fun titan to see us meet with un accident.
I had come up in the best heart, thinking,
indeed, nothing about the clanger we incurred;
but as me drew nearer and nearer to the top,
and had nothing, as it seeme.l, belonging to
this world near to us but this straining rope,
I began to see the peril of the undertaking•—
What Colly thought of it, I don I know—he
sat at the bottom of the cradle, never looking
out., though I told him he, would do better
to keep his eyes about him, so that he might
grow used to the height.
Good heavens! what was this? Here we
were within a yard of the top projecting cop
ing, and still they were winding away. with
out slacking speed in tile least! I guessed
in a 'moment that they mistook our hoight,
and thaavith'llie great purObase of the wnia-
lass the rope would be broken when the cradle
came to the block. I sprang up, and catch-
ing the rope, climbed hand over hand to the
coping. Cony, too, sprang up and followed
me. lie, too, got safe; and still they wenuon
winding up, winding up, till the rope sung
again with the strain there was ulon it.
Then it snapped, .and cradle, hauling line.
and the miln rope with its block, fell down.
Thus were we' Iwo pobr men left in'aMOst dcs
perate situation.
Poor Colly was completely dazed,witli
atiTtlie - inoment he got on the coping,
which was only a foot and a half broad, lie
called out, "Where can I pray' where can
kneel and pray?' and so I said very solemuly,
"Sit down, Jim; God ivill hear us if we pray
to him sitting down,"
The color of his face was a tr tnsparent
blue; and was distbrted'and twitching, as if be
was in a fit. His eyes wore very wild, and
drawn into a squint, and he couldn't sit steady,
but swayed his body backward and forward,
so that I felt certain that he must topple
over.
"Come, Jim, lad," I said, thinking to take
the fright off; "It's bad enough, but it can't
be mended. Hitch up a bit, and put your
aran round the rod—may be it will steady
you."
Where are you 9 and where is this rod? he
asked in a very hollow voice, though ho was
looking straight at me, and the rod was only
a foot or two to his loft. By this I know he
had gone blind with frighl;.and self preser
vation said, don't go near him; but then I re
membered his new wedded wife, and that
taking him all through, ho was always a very
decent fellow, and I thought how I should
have liked to have done if I had been in his
case, so I determined to run a bit of risk in
s favor. Of course, I Aly.r . st iiot get on my
fact, but working my self on by my hands, I
got to him, and putting my arm round his
waist s and telling him as cheerily as I courd
to keep cool_ 1 got him with his arm round
the rod—lt had, -however, sprung the stapling
for five yards down, and was so loose that it
swayed with him, and I expected any min
ute to see him falling head and heels down,
and the rod tearing away with him.
There was a great bustle down below; peo
ple were running round the yard and push•
ing to get in, but as yet there were but some
score of men at the foot of the chimney, and
by close looking, I saw them put somebody
on a board, and carry him gently away to
wards the engine house. Ono of the men
walked after with a hat in his hand: then I
kenw that somebody had been hurt by the
falling cradle, and that it must be poor Mr.
&Leming as none of our mete wore hats. Not
a face was turned up to us. I learned after
wards that our men were so taken up with
eorrow that so good a man and so kind a mas
ter should be killed, that for a while they had
never a thought about us, and the people
imagined that we had come down with the
cradle, so thus we were left in total isolation
for full twenty minutes.
While I was watching them below, feeling
very sorry for my poor master, I was startled
by a Wild laugh from Colly, who began mak
ing oat•eails, and yelling as if he was pos•
flossed. Then 1 know, of course, that ho was
gone mad.
Even now I trembled when I think of that
time, it was-,horrible to peer down the shaft,
black and sooty, , ,,and yawning, and, scarcely
less so to look oueside and see a flight of pig-
eons sweeping around at considerably loss
height than we were. Then Colly—thank
God, he was so dazed that he could not see
me—called my name three times, as I sat
fairly cringing in dread that his sight might
clear, and with a ghastly grin, and chewing
with his mouth, ho began working himself to
wards me. 1 worked away from him as no
iselessly as I could, with every hair of my head
standing on end. He s followed me twice ar•
ound that horrid coping, making most hideous
noises, and then being come a second time to
the rod, ho got an idea in his muddled head that
1 had fallen over, • for ho never lost a sense of
where he was all though this trying time.—
Then ho tried to get on his feet: but at the risk
pf my own life, I could not let the poor fellow
rush on to certain, death without, ono more of•
art and Icriad ant for 4inn tq Bit clown, and
/Lxl IL&
TERMS :--$1,50 in Advance, or $2 within the year
he cowered down like a whipped dog, all trem
bling. I suppose it had been put into his head
that I was a dead man speaking to him.
That, morning my wife had got a letter from
her sister in Canada, and as there were parts
we could not make out, I had put itinto my
pocket, intending to get our time-keeper to
read it for me. It had a scrap of uncovered
paper at the bottom: and by another good pro
vidence, I happened to have a bit of rod lead
pencil in my pocket. I wrote on the paper,
Get us down—Colly's gone mad ; "this I shut
in my tobacco box, and was fortunate enough
to drop it just at the feet of a couple of men
who were standing by the engine house door.
Directly all was hustle to rescue us. They
got the kite up again, and I watched it mount
ing slowly—slowly; and wHen the the slack
twine fell between Colly and myself, I took
it in my hand and could have kissed it Poor
Colly, with his teeth chattering, still fancied
I was a spirit . , and I did all I could to favor
that idea until they got another cradle up to
lit. Then having gnt him in, I c arid)! ea in
myself; and clutching him fast, I shouted for
them to lower; and so we were got down, he
wrestling and fighting with me all the way.
He was inn madhouse for some months, and
then went to scavengering, for he never could
face any height again; and I have neve had the
same clear head since that adventure.
Tamis in our town is workin'. The
canal boat "Lucy Ann" called in here the
other - day, and reported all quiet on the
Wabash. The "Lucy Ann" has adopted
a new styl..; of binnakle light, in the shape
of a red headed gal, who sits up over the
compass. It works well.
'I he artist 1 spoke of in my larst has
returned to Philadelphy. Before he left
I took his lily white hand in mine. I
suggested to him that if he could induce
the citizens of Philadelphy to believe it
would be a good idea to have white winder
shutters on their houses ; and white door
stones, he might make a Fortin'. '' It's
a novelty," I added, " and may startle
'em at fust, but they may conclood to
adopt."
As several of our public men are con
stantly being surprised with serenade,
conclooded I'd be surprised in the same
way, so I made - arrangements accordin'.
I asked the brass band how much they'd
take to take me entirely by surprise with
a serenade. They said they'd overwhelm
me with an unexpected honor for seven
dollars, which I excepted.
I . wrote my impromptoo speech severil
days beforehand, bein' careful to expunge
all ingramtnatticisms and payin' particler
attention to thellaffitooation . . -- -It was, if
I may say it without egotism, a manly.ef
fort, hilt inever delivered it, as the
sekel will show. 1 paced up and down
the kitchen, speakin
.tni peace over so as
to be entirely perfeck.. My bloomin'
young daughter, Sarah Ann, bothered me
summit by singin' " Why do Summer
Roses Fade fr'"
"Because," said I, after hearin' her
sing it about fourteen tittles, "because its
their biz ! Let 'em fade."
" Betsey," said I, " pausin' in the mid
ple of the room, and letting my eagle eye
wander from the manuscript; " Betsey,
on the night of this here serenade, I de
sires you to appear at the winder dressed
in white, and wave a lily-white handker
cher D'yo hero ?"
"If I appear," said that remarkable
female, "I shall wave a lily-white bucket
of bilin' hot water, and somebody will be
scalded. One baldheaded old foul will
get his share."
She refer'd to her husband—no doubt
about it in my mind. But for fear she
might exasperate me I said nothin'.
The expected night cum. At nine
o'clock precisely, there was sounds of
footsteps in the yard, and the band struck
up a lively air, which, when they did
finish it, there was cries of " Ward !
Ward 1" I kept out into the portico. A
brief.glanco showed me that the assem
blage was summit mixed. There was a
great many ragged boys, there was quite
a number of grown up persons, evidently
under the influence of the intoxicatin'
bole. The band was also drunk. Dr.
Schwnzey, who was holin' up a post, seem
ed to be particly drunk—so much so that
it had got into his spectacles, Which ,worn
staggerin' wildly over his nose. But I
was in for it, and I commenced thus:—
Feller-citizens: For this onexpect-
od—
Leader of the band—" Will you give
us our money now, or wait till you get
through ?" To this painful disgustin'
interruption I paid no attention.,
"—for this onexpeoted honor I thank
you
.•
deader of the band—" But you said
'd give us seven dollars if we'd play
two ehoons."
you
you
Again I didn't notice him, but resumed
as follows ; " .1 say I thank you warmly.
When I look at this crowd of true Ame
rican citizens my heart swells--,"
Dr. Schwazey—" So do. I I"
"—my heart swells"—
A voice—" There cheers for the swells."
"We livi,"- said I, "in troublous times,
but I hope we shall again resume our form
er proud position, and go on in our glorious
career!"
Dr. Sohwazey—f 4 I'm willing for one to
go, on in our glorious career. Will you
join me, follow-citizens, in a glorious ca.
reer, when ho: finds himself ?"
Dr. Sehwazey," said tatbrnly, "
are drunk. You're- disturbin' the moot-
inv ,
Dr. Selmazei--" Have you a banquit
spread in tho house? I should like to
Artemus Ward's Serenade
have a rhynossyros on the half shell, or
a hippopotamus on toast, or a horse and
wagon roasted whole. Anything that's
handy. Don't put yourself out on my
account."
At this point tho Band began to make
hidyous noises with their brass horns, and
a exceedingly ragged boy wanted to know
if there wasn't to be some wittles afore
the concern broke up 1' I didn't exactly
know what to do, and was just on the pint
of doin' it, when a upper , window was
suddenly opened, and a stream of hot wa
ter was bro't to bear on the disorderly
crowd, who took the hint and retired at
once.
NO. 6.
When I am taken by surprise with
another serenedo, I shall,• 'mong other
arrangements, have a respectable company
on hand. So no more from me to-day.
When this you see, remember me.—Van
ity Fair.
The Rev. Mr. Rogers, of New York
city, tells a good story of a pious sister
connected with his church in New Jersey,
where he was stationed two years ago.
This good sister had a good way of
expressing herself in church, when any
thing suited her, by shouting at the top
of her voice, ' Glory to God I" Halle
lujah !' etc., ect. Once she attended
ed a Presbyterian church, and the deacon
gave her a seat near the pulpit The
minister commenced, and grew more
eloquent as he proceeded. At last be
said something that made the sister ' feel
good,' and she shouted, Glory to God !'
to the great astoidshment of the congre
gation, as well as the minister. The dea
con approached her, and told her that
such actions were not allowed there.
But she took no notice of him or what he
said, but was all attention to what the
man of God !' was proclaiming ; and as
be proceeded he waxed warmer, and the
sister gave another shout at the top of her
voice : ' Glory, glory to God !' which
disconcerted the minister, and he looked
after the deacon, who came and told the
sister that if she did not stop he would
remove her from the house. lie took his
scat beside her, and the di ,, ine continued
fur a short time, when
.another Glory to
God ! llrllelujaL !' from the pious sister,
started all in their seats. The worthy
deacon took hold of her to put her out,
but she straightened herself out and would
not budge ; so he called the other deacon
to his assistance, and made a chair of
their arms, and set the sister thereon, and
started for the door. When about half way
up the middle aisle she threw up her arms
and shouted, 'Glory to God !—I sin more
honored than my Master. "He was carried
by one ass, while I have two.' It is need
less to say that the worthy deacons drop
ped their load, and likewise dropped into
their seats.
ANGELS IN THE HOUSE.-I know a
man; he is not a Christian. His daily life
is not-in accordl . nce with even principles
of morality. He has throe beautiful well
behaved children. The other day, he
told me this inclderikof one of them,.. his
litEle girl three or four years old :
"Perhaps some people would think it
sacrilege, but I don't; but, for some time
back, I huve been in the habit of . r'eading
the Bible, and of having prayers . ' every
night before the children go to bed. I have
done it because it has a good influence on
the children, and because I hope it may
have a good influence on myself. Last
night I went to the 'Lodge,' (he is a
Mason) and did not go home till after
eleven o'clock. The children, of course,
were all abed, and I supposed asleep. e, Be
fore going to bed, I knelt down by my
bed to pray, and had been there but a
moment when I heard Nobie get up from
her bed in the next room, and her little
feet came pattering along the floor toward
me. I kept perfectly still, and she came
and knelt down beside me without saying
a word. I did not notice her : and, in a
moment, speaking just above her breath,
she said, 'Pa, pray loud.' I prayed; I
kissed her, and she went back to bed.
And I tell you, G—, I have had noth
ing to affect me so for the last ten years.
I have thought of nothing else all day
long, except that little, 'Pa, pray loud.'"
EXPLANATION.---A proprietor of a cotton
mill, who is something of a philosopher,
posted up on the factory gate the follow
notice :—"No cigars or good-looking men
admitted!! When asked for an explana
tion, he said :" The ono will set a flame
agoing among my cotton, and t'other
among the gals. I won't admit such
inflammable and dangerous things into my
establishment at any risk—no, sir !" ,
WHAT SAE WANTED TO "{E.—The other
day, a friend, wishing to teach a little
three-year old Susie the hymn beginning
—"[want to de an angel," told her to re
peat the first line, when she looked up
and with animation exclaimed :
"No, I don't,i want to be a soldier !"
TLIEY have a man in Mississippi so lean
that he makes no shadow at all. A rattle
snake struck at his legs six times in vain,
and retired in disgust. He makes all
hungry who look at him; and when
children meet him in the street they run
home crying for bread.
A MAN who never loved a pretty
woman was lately seen by some Green
landers going round the North Pole, en
icicle a yard long hanging to his nasal
organ, and a sharp nor -easter after him,
whistling :
.."Never fall in love I"
Thum is an interesting sorap from the pray
er of a man who was in the habit of filling tho
breaks in his petitions when the syllable er:
" CYLT.rd, we pray for our poor brother,
who has lived for more than ton years on the
Lord's eido-er, and hae one foot in the grave
er, and the other all but-or!"
WHEN the Americans sent Dr. Franklin, a
printer, as Minister to France, the Court of
Versailles sent M. Girard ; a bookbinder and
a man of talent, as Minister to the Congress.
Well," said Dr. Franklin,
41 I'll print the
independence of America, and M. Girard will
...
bind it," ,-
Highly Honored