Carlisle herald. (Carlisle, Pa.) 1845-1881, November 14, 1862, Image 1
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TERMS OF PUBLIC AT LON Thu CA111.1,11.e Itsto.En is published weekly on a large Shoot eontainin4 twenty ' rnlu ins and flirt; iOnal subscribersht $1,f.0 it paid sti ictly In advanee,sl,,.' tt paid withituthe year: or in all vases hen pty moot Is del syrd until ai ter ths 'drat ion n . the 3 ear No subscriptioos received for a u sia period than six tunntlas, and none discontinued until all the al i earagsb Ore paid, nide, at the opt inn of Ihe pold,her. Paper, tent to xull:wriberA II r I fig ant or Cutal.erlioid count Must be paid lie In :viva nao. or he p.OlllOlll assu arid by some respons.blo , on II vCUM bet land county. Those terms will ba rigid!) adhered to ill all ADVERT I,S Ir. 31 14; N S AA vortkomon ts bv 11,trge,1 17e) p er square of welve linos for three Insertions. and 25 cents for each uhsainent insertion. All alvertisemcuts of fuss than twelve lines cansi.lere.l as a square. Advertisements inuuted her", ~l,u:i:ages and deaths Ti cents par lino for nest IWiertian, :tsul .1 cents par line tor subse.oPuit insertions. Comm mica( ions on subjects ul limned or in4ivido-il o-t will he , 7har-0,1 eon:, per line. The l'o,ourietor. will not he rasp atsihl •lo d tourges for error in advertisements Obituary notices or Marriages not exceeding five lines, wilt he inserted without chargC, JOB PRINTING The Carlisle Ilerabl .11)11 I'll IN OFFICE is Ilia largest and must e millet. establilixinent 111 the ty. Four good Pre,xes, and a genoral vat let y of materials suited fir plain Fenn' w,rl. of every I.lnildnables us to Ito Job l'r intitt at 11, sh rl,.t u.,tice anti the most reasonable Pei —eis in x nut o i Blanks or anmhirrg In the Jobbing line, will find it tan their Interest to giro us a rail ,_':,-',{1:r.c1.c..(1 ;F".o.,i‘-tritl. "BUT IT DOES MOVE STILL 111 I 1117,1,0011 r) A Tltllllll'll rust THE l' Il urral4: it N, 01— it do, w.ne hilil! its it ay ' Swift, Iliad Lora, still it mi.. , our mill, \Vby say that tinitli i s 11l • IN*lll.ll otti lupe , th:it re‘ , ,t..it '4S, , (21t!Wps and sw..rh clw H e ., ere , t/ v 1,11I 1 '' we .• wr Lul Ihr:ll.l—.o3l's dowl But, ht,tliers. iL move , still Ehst, Icy ollth :mil north-- the that Is fin \Vitt], our sh 011111; Earth's march but t., cu. I,lt hie:: =1 11.1clutsky smote her dw.vn But. hur shaula.is past. and eruct, nt last, She !noel, at the A nett htn nf ree u. 4M . Florence has rest Ina felt crud past 4 - .t.11 Naplr.. is ,t , ”on th!tly min steal) 1.., oh I Inly, Frt...Ll retlico atl.l prirqtli.ss Item s seheines have passed Me strLams ;atihalli I thy tutu, •Autli Itniy 111111=11 I= =1 EM El=11! =I Shoe, in Nal hilt this ilia, again \\ it ll ht,r ft,••• 111141,E ri,ht, =EI I=ll llcr let , elS ni hcil..hi! She has =ll tow (II Mil 'roe, • 1 day \"U ❑u ylore No- 7 -yout he . o ts . nic erii red ntid your %oleos hentLl thAt your hour lino con., d Iles lin n ill see Pros , id n In four ridhts. a Idle she gra.pN her 0x n A - fa - flit ltthi d an] lb trig s' that' - nn nnlr rIl lilt in gs W II give pl., to ( H e Get man'lltiotie Lot the Itraudeulorg see that toeoly he he To do 3 ourti uad hecdonin ss ill 15, 010..ha1l /I lA rruu 0 Co your iihnut, go down Old eartli--) .s, it tlotis 111 ,, , atilt See, the kll thay of A untri3's oway I)rtrkens down ti, its stoinly See, her bloody throne, built I,n .11,111 . T. les vainly to tied a 1)14,01 lhakettiht \ tc/ina hiht, Fletal th” light ,he She :trips her again, we I , By ,tom 110 W 11, 113111 is rto,..t, 4 Leek, Poland finds life fir the holy strife The eld woi di Ler 'wire lips till; liven cruel ley Tyrol has lolled a semi; Old earth—yes, you lb , 11111'e still! Nor, Froadom, art thou 'lllollg4 our brothers now Gorged mocked ut nn of Into That shame is past, and treenum at last Give you service in rho, irate. 'rho,e who stood with you a hen your friends isert•fe In conquering hosts have urea And your vulva to-day speaks rule and dismay To your Ines with a thunder tone. the mad :'otall rave, the North ,VIII here For slavoAnd for free its NV U ; And no blot shall root on the 'nighty AVCSt ; Old earth—) es,,,tt deco :trove still! Even Russia's heart I❑ our jey lakes part Sho joins in our hopes at la,,t At last even she wills her sells to La Not the things of her dark 1.,01 post: And never fear, when his serfs the fnen, That their despot's will Ihey'll an: They, too, then will be yours. Liberty, ' Lilts us, they'll still stylise lor you, Let them taste t his sop tilat your hand tills tip, To drain:lt s ill he their A [ld trivil.ll) 01 . ..‘11., „ht he Old earth—ye, it Liu,. move Fliil And th, France uht.htlr ' yes. '4lll life's lh her, Though lettered and gsg,edl sl n lies: r r 1.11 g I rife 01100 111 , 11,, iSell behn e, To rend rind to rule tke. Le•t her despot glows the air, llot al, when the earthquake's Neat ; Thu storm will burst, M 111, 1 .1,111 things areurst, Never fear but the thy 'twill clear. Vt.--the mmoh If mean that v, it b time began, Nometimeg mores on to our will; "tut who d .tibts to•d.iy that the earth usakus way? Yea, brothels, it does mese M.llll. ~,~~~ ~~ ;~~al~Yai~,~~ti~. THE FASTEST FUNERAL ON RECORD '• Hurrah! hurrah: tho dyad ridolast Dost fear tJ ride With tne!"—BuitoEa'B heoNoRA Thati . futlyiv lias [to I.:ling of hin.busilleSli."--11,01LE r I bad just crossed the long bridge lead ing' from Boston to Carnbridgeport, and Was plodding my dusty way on foot through that not very agreeable suburb on a sul try afternoon in July, with _a Tery_cresti , table thunder-cloud coming up in my rear, when a stout elderly gentleman, with a mulberry face, a brown coat, and pepper and-salt malls, reined up his nag, and after learning tliat was bound for Old Ca,mbridge, politely invited me to take a seat behind him in the little sort of tax.- cart he was_driving. NOthing loth, I cow seated, and we were soon ea route. The mare he drove was a very peculiar ani mal. She had lbw good points to the eye, being heavy:bodied,,hatnmer.headed, thin in the shoalders, bald faced, and rejoicing in a little stump of a tail which was','al 7 . most entirely innocent of hair. But there were "lots of muscle," as Major - Long-, bow, says, in her hind quarters, • She ain't no Wenu, said my pew acquaintance, pointing,with his whip to the object 'of my scrutiny—" but-hand-' Proprietor some is as handsome does. Thelll'B my sentiments. :She's a ruin 'un to look at, but a good 'tin to go." " licked :"" y e s, sir.' That there mare, su', has made good time—l. may say, rel.! good time before the hearse." " Before the hearse ?" " Before the hear:4e S'pose you never heard of burying a man on lint a sexton, sir, and undertaker —J'Acii CRossnoNlis, at your service—' Daddy Crossbones' they call toe at Powr " ! ['understand. Vont' mare ran v with the hearse." "Nun away ! A child could hold Oh ! yes, of course she ran away," added the old gentleman, looking full in my tare with a Very (11117Z1c:11 eXple, , SiOti, Mid pla ting the fore Buser of his ri:dit. humid on the right side of his party-coloured pro boscis. • My dear sir," said 1, you have ex ulted lily curiosity amazingly, and I should esteem it a particular favor if you woutd 'be a little le , s oracular and a little more explicit." I don't know as I'd ought to tell you," said my new acquaintance, very slowly :tad " If you was one of the,c here writing- chaps, you might poke it in the 'Spirit of the Time 4; and then it would be all day with me. But L don't eat(' if' 1 do make a clean breaA of it. Honor bright, you know :" Of course." 44 \Veil, then, I live a piece up beyond Old Cadirid:.o--you can see our steeple „ll.' on a hill to the riHit, when we get a fUraiUr• 11 ell,oau, day, I had a eiistinner—(he was carried oft by the ty.- phip:)—whiidi had to he toted into town ; cause why he had a vault there. I rubbed dowili the old inare and put her in the fills. : that critter knows She's n ,11 . 111.1' ;IS he d—d' whim she get..i,.tite shop—that's what. I call the hear , e —lwhind hcr. .I",w would nut think sit \a,' ;t three-minatc ww, to look at her. Well, sir, as luck w o uld have it, by a surf, of providential ittspiratiffit, tlw day bcn,re, 1*(1 I k oil ilto odd wouticit : . 11111. 60t LLc body ott elliptic,. Floc I t 111,11:'11 I I , l'oll 1'1 , 1111:2: 1`;-V ll , c, his uraVA• , ) ,, .1( . 11,111'111,. ..\ll : l di.:ll well by lity,custuniers. L thought of tent 'bosom to tir wheids, but icouldn't tilb•rd it; and the -parish are so mighty Well, I e [t him in, and led off tic —1; mrieee hacks, ;Ind a dembOrli wagon at the tail of the funeral. 11'e imele a lieu show. ,As luck would have it, just :is we came abreast ul Porter's, out slides that eternal torment, BILL. SINES, ill his awry trotting sulky, with the brown horse that he bought fur a fast crab, and is mighty good for a rush, but hitln't gut nigh so much bottom as the mare. Airlf.sdight_weight, anal-.his sulky's a mew feather. Well, sir, Bin came up alom , side, and walked his horse a bit. Ile looked at the care and then at me, and then he winked. 'Then he look,' at his nag and put his longue in his cheek, and wniked. I looked, siiiiiHut ahead, [ and only sa[l to myself Cuss you, Bill Sikes.' By and by, he let his hot'se slide. Ile travelled about a hundred yards, and then held up till I came idotast, and Wien ;he winked and bantered toe itgain. It i was aggravatin.' Says Ito myself, 'says I—• that's twice you've done it, tuy. huzzum friend arid sweet-scented shrubt-- ' but you doesn't do that 'ere again.' The [ third time lie bantered me, I let him have it. It was only saying, Seat, you hiUte!' and she was Ml—the mare. lle laid all the odds, you know, for I was Emile , a two huedred pounder, and he ought to have beat me like breaking sticks, now hadn't he '! He had ine at he fir , t brUNII, fur I told you the brown horse was a mighty fast one for a little ways. But soon I hipped 111111. 1 had Ile whip, and be (multi use his string—but kilo had his hands full. Side by side, :twee We tvcnt. Battle to-bang : eraek-!• hue! thump! And 1 afraid of losing my customer on the road. Hut I was inure afraid ut - losilig the race. The reputa tion of the old mare was at a stake, and I swore she should have a fair chance. We went sa fast. t lett--t he-pos-ts----aml-rails hy the road side looked like a log fence. The old church and the new une, and the colleges, spun past like Merry Andrews. The hackmen did nut know what the was to pay; and, afraid of out being in at the death, they put the string onto their teams, and 'can: clattering on be -hind as it' Satan had kicked 'cm ou cend. Seine of the mourners was sporting char acters, and they craned out of the car riage windows and waved their handker chiefs The President of Harvard Col lege himself, inspired by the scene, took off his square tile as ! I passed his house, and waving it three times round his head, cried, it, Boots !' it is a fact. And I beat hitu; sir ! I beat him, in three wiles, a hundred - rods. He gin it up, sir, in despair. "Ills horse was off his feed for a week, and when ho took to Torn again, lie wasn't worth a straw. It was acknowledged on all hands to be the fastest funeral on re cord, though 1 say it as shouldn't. I'm an undertaker, sir, and I never yet ors overtaken." -On-subsequent inquiry at Porter's, where the sporting sexton left rue, I fbund that his story was strictly true in all the 'main particulars Aterrible rumpus was kicked up about the race, but Crossbones swore lustily that the mare had ran away—that he had sawed away two inches of her lip in trying to hold her up, and that he 'could not have doge other Wise, unless he had run . her into z(fened and spilled hi s . customer! into the ;`ditch. If any one. expects to die anywhere near the sexton's diggings, I can -assure him that- the jolly old boYisart i ill alive aud' kicking, the very 'Ace . of Warts' and Yaek Spades,' and that now-both patent boxes and ellip• tic springs - roger' his professional con veyance the easiest running thing'ou the road: =1 =9 vekju tune o peace pie are for war . 2aIPAR NOM TFEM IMREEIT assvalm A BACHELOR'S DIARY =Ell Looking in the dictionary, I find there woman, a noun, barbarously derived, ob scurely defined, and bolstered up by a nuMber of poetical quotations, of which lovely woman heads the list. The dic tionary is evidently puzzled; and well it may be; wiser ones than the dictionary have muddled their brains on the sub ject. Men don't dare come out boldly and say, " Woman, an improper noun, tueaning the root of all mischief," because they are sure to-have a slip of it at home. Even .I, old bachelor as I am, am out wardly excessively civil to the pretty lit tle serpents, romenihering that my land my laundress, and my mother all belong to the objectionable class, but I wake a private note of my opinions, and intend to run it over every morning be fore going down to breakEist, feeling that I I ' int at prgscnt in a situation where, as human and especially bachelor nature is weak, I might he tempted to fall away from toy principles. How on earth it ever happened that I ',accepted Fred Sinclair's invitation, I don't know. Ile is a married man. and has one 'of the prettiest places on the Iludson. might have known that the house would be lull of visitors in .1 uric and ,July; but at least I could hardly he expected to uesA that the majority of these visitor: would be 'ivoinen not, matrons, with_ pinched nose, and careful mouths; not (•,),y old grandmothers, or even old maids, but youog women, young and shame lessly—wetty live of them, as - I'm a baehrelor, and hope to remain so, and only two of my own persuation to keep mein countenance, George and Hal Onlnjer. They say they like ir ; I wish I did. Now, I artas.g4.,:ti. 4 to make a confession. I dislike these lovely torments on prin ciple and in the lamp; individually, I can't help admiring them, for my life We have here, Lon and Vivia Barneole, Bello lkt . yadere, Or:.andie, and Lute Tina. I our continually watching them, and I believe the torments know it, and put out 0 little archedfoot, or let a sleeve fill back from j a rounded arm purposely to aggravate nie. I hey will group hi;4Ctiltiir in the liratiii,t manner; they will put their blonde and brunette heads I.‘TtAether, and (-unfound me with the glories of night-and maiming. side by side Some one is pet potnally blushing or pout ing to- letting long eyelashes fall over eyes Hach, blue, or grey; or showing toe a little round chin„,apra. pink-tipped ear, keeping tee _thereby in a consiant flutter and tremor of admiration, I think I might write a treatise on the circulation of the blood, if' w,ttcLin~ its pulse, and surge, and recede, flushing front the pale pink of a shell to the bloom of- a peach, in fair young cheeks, could qualify lee; or on mantua-making, such an expert ant beeateing in their 1110 0 mysteries.; their little collars, their filmy handker chiefs, their bows and sashes, their belts and clasps, their thousand :Led one utan traps that they have the effrontery to spi ut un its under out- very noses. Fancy a man possessed of a muslin devil; haunt ed by ankles and Bahnoral boots, cunning little trimmed pocked Will ZOlliLVe Shirts ! What miserable frivolity and waste of tittle But the last, the worst, the most unen durable of all chest: irritants, is Bel Or gandie. characteristicslier I admire in the :di stract, but consi§ler them as, combined in her, reprulicupifile and pcf icious in the highest degree. She has brown hair of the sort that flames out here anct there with a deep gold e n tinge, fine, and soft, and lung; beautiful 'hair in itself, but what right has she to encroach on my time with it:' It has a basilisk fascina tion fur rite. I watch, perforce, where it comes in little ripples on the white shore of her forehead ; I wonder within myself :it the brow, and the possibility of the smooth rolls brushed away "a la 17112,- pktail ire, " then she will nevr r settle on rally particular mode of arranging what woman call in their detestable jargon, their " back hair.'' One 'day it is twined around in soft coils; the next, in wide shining braids, and once it tumbled down ; (defignedly, I k now,) all about her should -ers-aati-down-to-Ite-r-sten-der-waist:- tell me that it W , iIS an accident she knew Hurt those golden brown waves would nut let ate sleep that night; and she put in her comb loosely, in malice prepense. rho should have been indicted and fined; she would have been, had I anything to do with law tinkering. Women ought to be obliged toOrive their hair cropped, or else be condemned to solitary confinement. These beautiful, shining, o.il ing tresses, aro nothing on earth but bachelor traps; but I hold men deserve all they sufir, since the power is in our own hands, and we take no measures for sell:defence. Del (I mean Miss Organdie, I, have a bad habit, of calling her Del to myself; which must be corrected,) Del has an other- objectionable feature : her eyes. They are grey, of. the sort. that darken almost into black or melt into blue.— There is often a look in them of a clear shining, such as you see in thotwestern sky after a gentle rain; she has another look that I have seen in a child's eyes just waked from a sweet sleep, before the first smile curves its scarlet,. the sweet and • solemn mystery of an iminocent soul that has just passed through the gates of a world, burred against our heavier tread. She has a third; a wicked sparkle, and merry malice that I like best. Then can defy her, and tell her all the spiteful things 1 think about her. ' Dark lashes shade these reprehensible eyes; long and sweeping qut on the white %heck in a way that doubtless - she thinks pretty; black brows arch aboye them, making her wide, forehead all tba - wiliter ; no doubtishe considers herself n belle. . She has..stuall hands, white with taper lingers, the nail's round any rose like lit, tie bits of-pink shell. 1 wish she would wear gloves, or keep them out of sight, for so am I ; annoyed by them that 1 feel a constant temptation to cover them with my own. Bachelor traps of the most dan gerous kind arc they; they aro sure to be £ARLISLE, PA., FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 14, 1862. busy with a crochet-need' brought out in relief on the dark coveec`iNt book, ur folded like nestling doves in her lap; a nuisance and a snare I consider them. She has a little foot besides, arched and high, and she wears delicate little boots, and heeled slippers, half buried in 'ro settes. Worse than all, she lifts 'her dress when walling in the garden,- or • promenades the' piazza in a gale, or clam , hers up and down places intended only • for goats, and shows. them.. There she is now. I can see her from my window, going up and down the piaz za under that jaunty little hat with its long feather, bumming to herself, and clicking her boot heels to mark the time. Restless thing ; she is like a bird or bee on the wing ; she has gone into the gar deli. Why, on earth, can't she Walk'? ;She goes with a run and whirl! of her sweeping dress treading lightly, t r is if , / ,=die went on springs. Slit Ints picked' a rose, two of theta ; wasteful creattire.! See, she is considering:where to put them, in her hair, on her boson], or in her belt. The belt carries the day ; there arc the rases against her hetirt. What utter fri volity ;nil vanity ! and how pernieirims! in its elicits I I promised to read up in law I while I was here, but Chitty knows best! how many of his pages 1 have turned since, 1 have been here. How could I Study Lleniands calm and serenity of mind.' autioed. There she g 0,36 lietitaken tho patl4o the river ! I ant going 114. f-moke a eigar,.and tran quilize my nerves. This room is intoler able. must uncharitable world. Vivia liaracele and Lute hon. Hut stop ; let ine think how it all wa9-, I went to smoke in the grounds, of course, L don't consider it polite to smoke in the r 001.11,1, Ur in the piazza, where there are ladfis. Thinking and smoking, I strolled along , not noticing the path- 1 took I found myself on the shore. She sat there-1 couldn't do less them speak, after neatly stepping on her. She made room for we on the bench—seemed to ex pect me to take a •scat beside her ; but ,he was in no hurry to talk. She was looking out over the water, with the sol- Lunn child look that 1 have nientitmed. I could smoke . my cigar and watch the flickering of her lashes, the, ebb of faint color in her cheek,- the rise and fall of . the lace on her white neck, the uncoil scions movenitnls of her little graz.pitig' lingers, holdit ' rldly two or three roses. ) When she did speak, she proposed W I walk to some miserable waterfall, that; can't-flow along like a decent, well con-1 ducted brook, but conies plunginr;l4own lid!, tearing a bed for it:- , :c . Ce„ leaving just the 11111'0We:it ledge - 1191 . path. I couldn't in CU:MIAMI ness! refuse to go, and of course 1 ()tiered to help her up the ledge. Iles band rested . in mine; and such a little, warm, white! and-rosy-ciinging-thin7 --it was:- Whcir we reached the top she \V aS out of breath,: and we sat down; the pities that shade it, wade of it a cool, temple like plaoe ;1 the water did look pretty, foaming o\ er r the rucks; but still that dial ae- count for the way in which I enjoyed it. I like Neptune well enough, but I am not fanatical thou her ; we sat on a little very damp earth, and a great (Ica' el stone ; there was a toad—to which I have till aversion—hopping about in a way , suggestive of I nnding in my lap ; I took two WUPIIIS oil tit 111111, and a spider front Miss Organdie's shoulder; as for the conversation, here it is ; ' Ah ! I tot so tired." • " Yes. The walk is steep." I believe I. have cut my slippet''— half showin ,, the nonsensical little thing dud she calls by that name. you :-,hould have worn your Ilahno ral boots. You girls are always so im prudent. We should die front one half as much exposure." Oh but 1 didn't think of coming liert.!" Pause—Del looking off at nothing in particllar; 1, at—but that is nobody's business, and I don't believe in so wally. details. Another conversional ripple, " How peaceful it is!" " IC8." • " at_ NVIk4 j but- t 14-e—tan--mi-aute • spent there was the most delicious of my life. Then we went home. Vivia 13ara cote and Lute Mutt were on the piazza and' saw us come. Del sank down- on a seat with a sigh. " Have you been flir ?" asked Lute, sympathizingly. " Only to the fall." The girls exchanged looks. " Why, you have been gone two hours ?'' „ Two ?" (in large capitals). " Why, we were only there ten minutes ! Were we not, Mr. Wayne ?" "That was all, by my watch." " For bliss and bleb watches hare the pee ur, In twenty IninnttS LO,lOBO 'Mir MI bout." said Vivia,„hall under her• breath,- to Pit/a, as if talking of something that had no possible Connection with us. Del grew crimson. As for me, lam determined to leave this place immediate ly. Bliss and myself mentioned in the same connection is a little toomuch. It Was a conspiracy done to annoy me. Del can blush on all occasions. I• will go-- no, I wout't. Run away from a parcel of women, inferior, frivoiouy — boings, whose very existence hangs on a ribbon; not I, I will assert my independence.— There goes Del across the hall ; she has gone into the library. I know the sound of the door. Well, .1 shall go there, too It has been my custom to read there at, this - hour of the day, always. I was 14 . ere three days before Del Caine, and the thing became a habit. I won't give .4 up for any crinoline that ever filled up a—whole sofa, and overfli4Cd in two chairs be sides. Trapped.! caught! undotio ! walked in with my eyes Wide open, and nibbled the bait, staring at the spring that was to shut down on. me, while I did it. Del was in the library—more than that she brushed away a tear or two. from titer long lashes, as I sat down. I:eat close by her;, for it looks as if people had guar._ reled when they station themselves at the antipodes of the room. I asked what was the matter ; because I had an instinctive idea that it was something about-118-1110. "Nothing," was the answer. And then a blush rose in her cheek, crimsoned, deep ened flamed out quickly. She put up her hands instinctively to cover her face, and recollecting herself, put them down again. I took one of the hands (it seemed quite natural to do Cu,) and said something--I don't remember what—kt was probably too foolish to repeat. The pretty bead dropped. in answer, down to !DN. shoulder, where it rested• nay little darling; ? Vivia and Lute had been teasing her pitilessly. Then I had never spoken a word of love to her; and what could I. think of what had been said on the piazza ? and these afflicting considerations make the soft eyes brim over, and the fair cheek flush and burn under my questioning gaze. Poor child ! how could I have called her a bachelor trap. "LODGE NIGHT." Bearing a confused noise in front, or my house the ()tiler wriCes a cor respondent, I. threw up nay window to its certain the came. I ult.-et veil a dark 011- jeet. clingite.; to the Ittinp p c t that stands ~etitittel in front of my door, and listen ing, I overheat d the : iNiariar's , waitin' for me! -1 see the light in her winter. What. the duedence does she act so dartif'ool f hic) foolish for umlodge aights? 'S'wc.l enough lo 'stay tip on or'rryr nights, but's all (Lim nonsense, ye know, to wait for a feller on 10d ,, e (hie) night. knows stroll its I du tal,llll-, 12.11 t, to ho • Lended to'L—cononit's got to report, an' var'us error little matters—she outer have more sense. Said she had the head (hie) headache \\ hen I left her---told rnr 001 tMstay out longer I could help.— Weil, I didn't ! how could I help it Besides have the headache worsein she will in the morning. So devilish stupid in her to get the - headache when she knew I'd big business to tend to Alt these WOILICII, these WWllett, they'll never (hie) learn anything, never t•n the world w og a. %yid., tiN It still. and (hi, happy full Ha ha Iha I (hit) Womler what's be , Collie uf Buigitr . ? . Left hint sitting on a curbstone, raining like blitz's, and the warner up to his middle. Ile thvight he was at Nia (hie) gra Falls --Sdys'e Spicer, inn boy amt - t1711 , ( - 741erus .! lon't ye hear, the ra rapids 7 I was striker out fur a home as re. (hie) rapidity as I cefild. 'Tis a pity fur Bulger, cause 1 don't think he can swim; and he hates—ha! lot ! ha (hit() hates Warrer Itke p-pison. Wish I - was Quie in bed- B r-r-u-a-h ; T'tit all of ashiver ! Chios all wet (Aikido, ;uni dry as thunder inside. Think I'll tell 314tri a r n pel- ov-e rboard- to -save -a • fel— ler creature ( hie) drowning. Then she she'll want to knew what 1 did with the fell (hie) feller creature. So that won't do. She's got a pretty good swallow hut—edged ! she—cant ,wallow—ha ! ha! ha ! (hie) nu drowned wan, you know.— That's a kale too much. She's taken sonie orl'd heavy duns of I,!E from me, but I , iu trod the drowned chap tot 'h o bo her. At ja,, , , Lit, ptil)- lie I.4.ace avpho,lelied and the votary liaoeltus was avian I.llere xt hat nine niplit, arid why lie did nut cn Immo. IV halm I lulu here. \Vhy, Fin hid din o n like grim (loath—that's what llowsever, ule Killer, Flit gl (hie ad to SCI: ye. Fact is Fact s, Ire Iwo)) nett in the rain, zLiicl 1 got a helium so.iked, dye see. Rain warner alters did make considerable pression on we. say, you! can yt-tell Inc why like a bias guard ? But I. know you cant—situ use a•-king ye police fellers anything. But its dev•develish good, ha! he ! he ! (hie) for-me. tell ye why like a blackguard—l mean a p picket guard-- Bccan , e 1 cant leave my p-post until [in re (hie) relieved. Pelice feller, deye see the way, the one with the green Vnetian houses in front, three doors to go up to ste )—that is tu (hit.) house, and rho • iu dwells my sit-sainted Mariar. hid you ever helong--to-, sp spout shop ? But I spore not. 'As the charming 1)- Portia says: " That light ,vo sos to burning. In my hall; 11156. tar that littlu talato throw 6 his e-canriles So ahlnes a goad dung In a naughty world! Th-then pity the sorrows or s poor young man wh-ose tangled legs have b-b -brought him to this spot. Oh, relieve and take him home at once, and heaven will bless your store—when you get (hie) one.' The policeman kindly assisted him to his - 116 use and rang the bell The door partially opened. I caught a glimpse of a night capped head, as our hero was hurriedly drawn in by unseen hands ; land a shrill voice that pierced the mid night air was heard to say : ' So ! you are tight again, you brute !' The door was rudely slammed in the policeman's face, while I crept shivering to bed, \von dering at the probable fate of Bulger. LIcT.A CLERGYMAN in one of our country towns, after announcing from his pulpit on a Sabbatl±Morning a newly re ported victory gained by our army, add -ed "This is not the time nor the place to manifest our joy by' cheering, but we can make the motions," and thereupon he, with the congregaaion, gaVe a silent but enthusiastic " three times thico" bra general swing of arms in the air." DLI'CONCERNING the drafting of gam blers-for soldiers, Vanity Fair thinks they would not be of flinch herviee except in the case of another Indian oubreak, When it would be quite the thing to send a bri gade of Blacklegs to fight the Blaokleet. xi.e..4,..AN A ukcENT conference meeting in Pennsylvania, the members were asked, how many brethren can you accomodate at your house ? One lady arose , saying .1, can sleep two,'lnt I can eat as many las you will send along." • One of Burnham's Hen Customers tie°. B. Burnham, the Massachusetts liquor agent, who has gained some noto riety for his liquor-extenaing ingenuity, was once engaged in a business more foul than IHour-selling, as appears by the fol lowing letter : n U Eottit I.: BURNAM —NI ore'n year aggo 1 cent yu twenty six dollars in a letter for coshin shiner chiekns, and yu sod tha was perfect: pure bludds and yu lade yerself lyble to a Sute of prose kushn for loth' such dam stuf go into yer yard, or out of it either. I, bred them orl by themiselves and never had no other cock rill on my plasc. and i no yu elected inc like the devl, and yu no it 2. The lust lilt .of chickns I got was awl wile as .snoballs, but 1 didnt rn in:thin, cause why .! wat did i want to let Pokes 101 ide bin filled andrsuckt in by a Cornteintible pinky, for i sell nothing ^ and kept shaidy, and stuck to It that i gut cm to I, reed mite fouls out on—cause i Mont people shurlent larf at Me, rfn how the next lot of chickens i it wit , . 6/(24.: as thunder : G6n 1, I;eo. Burnham —bred out of yur Patent yaller impoted preenium stuck, ,- that yu the .Iyin nouspapers ced was pure bludds. i chocked every WWI 011 cm quicicer'n ~att—Well I 1 • ul111 1 .1 uio, 111111 yude a bin dare thin 3 . 011. 11 . 11thic11( nut mor'n ton • thawsen more frills to clout People with after ide ILA on yure, desaitful . . . i tell yu mot i think on yom i thi.nk if you Awl talk to sum minest im ploiment -.ltch a, di ivin a r ! - 2.xpre. , s Waggin of Oiling lie Con-iderd a morn Compaired with what, yu now he. every hoddy no,o how yu an eliceting and tiongin and bleadin the publick. and von intim stinks wuss'n ale 1 len cups! cifily how,„ I :-1 , 11, 1 C; rho cf • yu shitr/ talk to cony kiln , of ontn , ss sort of way to gut a living it ud kill vuldum cot vu aint uste to it, ;old that wud,erve yu rite, yu cheeting, lyin on prinsipled nave. . . . go alied. sue em :is 101IC as VII can. the wont line vu out fer wde, and. )it can mail: sum con siderable inure )honey out of the films thort yell: suck t tile, 1 Sp.Zo Well i own up )1i rlirl. ' vu gut twenty six (loners of my mutiny, all i spew yu eltuckl,pl about 11, I. l ,llllC ' m Vll did WLII yu algS tote 1(111 1 111'11(1'. dent yu wish ide pade the postige ill this , letter Pule nit a Wlls, 111 lutist 1 3-- —p. s in the nlay that you 'Lade aix aig:i t: 'rho editor; lolcg awl 1 Itound.l nazi put up that p;iper i sose ctiii cell aigs. yu pOOl null over thair flut Vii ilcnt rule .11 , . I (loot like\ ever lade a al_ in }cur unrbtigg. go to the (led gor:ic Burnam SENSIM.E. -- -Dying forVC is. a great tnistake-, -- tvhatevisr tiin'y Hine in an ajw, d, r , ( 11', " never yie." If you must, do something in the qying line , dye your whiskers or your ii»nuacaelles. 'fliat may help the ease, and is not so e:tpeindve. The fellewing "pew. - tolls a Very' sensible story of an 11111 . ..01 ." r:11 , ••1 U. /I.llli, Ih, 11.•1 it iu der 1..1“ N., I, N nugui,ll 1:tt1.111,1 love, to a loovlio.,• N 1 lir, It.,ti. tlom I•1It 1111,1 he thou,.. p (11.1 iippent, lot,ttotn ittaill) it tittl, it .1 A new 11,1 . may get 111.1( I tn.. I. nin.n iiki•n ran 1/1 . 11•1 I/1. K. \ll.l 1110 11.. :I, 11111, , L S 0,111,1 tlt it 11.• ~,111.1 lion., .1 11,. ‘‘ottld; A• 1.1 .11,1 uvr In. Lotments gr.,l 111. I:ll , i,NOr t , 1111,11 lLrm ,o; 1=111111•111113 41,1 mint hr w.. 111,1 do Mho! ho "as gain;: 1.,r Lo gn t., .In Sritox AR(ll' MENT V. STIMNi; BUT " by is it, ny son, that when you drop your bread and butter, it is al ways the butter side down !" " I don't know. It o111.!litIl . t to, oitHlt It The strung.est side 0u , .11t, to be up, and. this ,is the strongest butter I. have ever seen.' ME I "11 u h Up. It- is 6uule of your aunt's churning." she churn it The, lazy thing." , " What, your uuut :" "No, this here butter, To make the poor old woman churn it, when it was strong enough to churn itself." " Hush, Zeb, I've cat a great deal worse in the most aristocratic housc,C "Well,people of rank ought to eat it." " Why people rank ?" " Cause it's raLk butte•. , ' " You varmint you! what makes you talk so smart?" "Cause the butter lags taken the skin off my tongue." " Zeb, don't lie. I can't thrtiw away the butter!" " I'll tell you what to do with it—keep it to draw blisters. You ought to see the flies keel over as soon as they touch it." WHAT IS IN A NAME.—There con founded deal in a name. You are at a public . dinner table. Smith, the grocer, says "Rice is down again:" " Is Rice down again ?" asked the min ister. "I am surly to hoar it. I was in hopes he had permanently reformed." " I was speaking of rice the vegetable," replied the grocer. " Oh, ah indeed !" exclaimed the min ister.; "and I was speaking of Rico the animal. lla ! he I he !" 'Wool has advanced," says a dealer in the article. " Has he ? asked a military man; which way is he. marching now ?" " I was speaking of the wool of the sheep," is the reply: • " L-he.= your pardon. I.suppose you wore speaking of Wool;the man." ' "What is"butter worth?" asks some ono of the grelcor. •• " Butterworth is a' Hard Shell -Demo crat,". at once responda a politician, whose thoughts arc whollY engrossed with party matters. „ j_SIL 30 por annum In advance (S 2 00 If not paid In advance " ZAT IS MY TRUNK !" In the days of coaching over the Prov idence turnpike, before railroad curs were n and baggage-crates existed, and when travellers had td keep a sharp look out fur their luggage, seine forty or fifty passengers had just stepped on bciard the 01(1" Lien Franklin," and got under• way on . Narragansett Bay. A gentleman, who had occasion to get seine of his wardrobe, Thad j lls I. ha tile , / out frolll au immense pile of baggage stowed amidships, anew black Lather trunk of portly dimensions, stud ded with brass nails, when a little wither ed Frenehniman, !nettled complexidn, and fashionably dres , ed, darted front the crowd, and interposing between our friend and his property, e. , 7clainied, courteously, but positively— "I beg. your pardon"; sane— „rats, par : do n it,: 7 , 1 0 1-3'01111:170 got re IT rOrig liv rc ~ reille—rat iny trunk !'' " Not so. monsieur-1 hope I know my own t raps.". " trmtvtillv—hold on—dans un instant, I vill prove my props--alt: you see dis key, eh ?" Applying it, to the lock, he threw up the . lid, and then struck a triumphant attitude !` ly key unlock pm trunk—eh ? tell nie Cat !" —;-:titild out f the map my trunk, I tell po.t.'' on von belle minute y 4.01 slfurrh, h To be : , , ure they are " dru‘caires, Curtail'ly ' " fait a nminimt--1 will prove my. Profs, ! , are"---said the little Frenchman; rnwwarin benei,th a pile of shirts and. a-k , , produec-il a bottle. and said delib erately, With a :iriii--- Dum.frees'.. Ish' (I tyli) 1' ANT, you ; _it von li.etle I,ll' Lis yt,tl A'Hitc,/c ze Ah! be dam! know !Ily t 111Pli It is neeilles to remark that our friend immediately a wide ap between himself atilt the iiiterestin 2 : victim of two . of the nio,t unpopular di:ionlers known to sulferim: humanity.' A (~!Licl‘ Iti•PAIITEI.:. --The following tT clot of Gov. :llorris is related by a uorreslioi;dent ht . the New York Times : lle lncl a high respect Tor Bishop )1 ()ore, a m:LI) fluted 11111 ouIV for the pu rr,c In., elnuacter, but aku for the re medesty of his dizspo,ition and fur the ,:nt in which he was, held. As the :stury ran ; dinner was given by ,eine t;ev. friends when he was dep.irtiii:.l: for Europe. 3loore and his wile Were or the party. Among. other he had made his will in' po-peet ~2;oing abreact ; [l.lld turning to' Bishop LNloore, said to him „ friend, I have ho l ueatlied to 3 011 NvlD,lestuck of impdence." Ifishnh I\loore replied ; " F.dr, you are not onlY very generous ; you have left me by tar ;greater portion of your estate." ...I.loldre immediately added ; ".11y dear, you have come into pusses lion of ymtrinheritance remarkably. soon.' TA 111,ES TURN 1.. n. —A Kentucky cor re,potob,nt ui the 'incinnati Tinus states . that tbi" c , .fitented and happy :4ervants" of mill flock into camp. cducatetb for he can read awl u I,le ho fornully belonged „ i „. 'low in thc rebel army ;, , )ame i, .1 uo ;otne slaveholders ‘‘ le" lrol put np advertke rnent.,, (Inc Hundred 1)ollani Neward I Han aw:iy from," 0. Not to be outdone, Jim Ivrote and put up nnnthcr Notice, as fullmvs : )0 I'EN I'S KEW 141 11 Han away from chile an' and leff him all alone to take care uf himself after I had done worked twenty-six years faith fully, fur him, my Massa, hill Dunean.- 11assa Bill is supposed to have gone off mid de ,Seceshers, fur to hunt fur his and 1 specs, lie don got lost. Any pers,,n 'lllrnin' him to me—as he allers said " cuuldn't take care of hillr self—will he ohli:,;ed to dis chile. N. 13.-I'ersuw, hunti,L' fur kiln please luok in ull dr " la,t ditches," as I utt , ln . Tieercl him talk about coin' into diein s bu6iness. ';-ieetfully submitted, The poster created a great deal of mer: intent in camp, while the lientuckrresi den ta came across it thought Jim u " mighty sassy nigger." A Illicit ,ToK L.—Not long since a lot of us-- lam a high private" now— were quartered in several wooden tene ments, and in the inner room of onelay the ruirts of a young secesh officer await ing burial. The news soon spread to a village not fair off. Itown came tearing a sentimental and not bad-looking specimen of a Virginia. Line. " Let me kiss him for his mother 1" she cried, .interrupted her progress.— " Do let me kiss him for his mother !" " Kiss whom ?" " The daar little lieutenant i• the ono who lies dead within. Pint him out to me, sir, if you please:- I never saw him, 'but—oh !" I led her through a room in which Lieu tenant —, of Philadelphia, lay stretched out on an upturned trough, fast asleep.-- Supposing him to be the "article" sought for, she rushed up, and exclaiming, "Let me kiss him for his mother," approached, her lips to his forehead. What was her amazement when the "corpse," ardently clasping its arms around her,- returned the salute vigorously, and exclaimed ; , 7% "Never mind the old -lady, Dlisa , go it o ' t Oyoni own account. I hatin't the slightest-objeetion !" Sentiment is a fine thing, Mr. Editor, but it should be handled as one handles the spiked guns which the rebels leave behind, loaded with percussion ,caps— Very carefully.— Continental ilfont4/. . Ate' The rebel General Vau Dora was in stantly removed by -Jeff Davis after losing thohattlo of Comiith. Gen. lialleok remarks 'that the saint) rigid system of accountability would doubtless have saved 'us from many disastyys and reversp in th4asl. • • NO 46. =mg 1021