Carlisle herald. (Carlisle, Pa.) 1845-1881, May 21, 1851, Image 1

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2t Ylnitij3lttopplr,----Atunfth
E. BEATTY. Proprietor.
. ,
• aeatEsU fit
Main .street, near the Post Office. Duet. 11.
_will give Iris particular attention to Surgical
diseases, and diseases df women and children.
He will also give his attention every Saturday
inereing, in his 'office, gratis, from 11 to 12 o'-
clock, to surgical cases among the poor.
January 22, 1851. ,
Ati WILL perform all
,llrltriSmo operations upon the
Teqtle that arc requi
red for theirpreservution,suclins
Plugging . , &c, or will restore life loss of them,
tutu:rang Artificial Teeth, from a single tooth
lull sett. 0 - office on.,..Pth. street, a low
ouia souill of the Railroad. Hcieilz--Dr...-Lpisalt•
one the last ten days of every month.
succeeded Dr. Lip-pe, formerly practising phy
.1,1.111 of this place, solicits the patronage of ihe
friends of his predecessor, and shall be happy
to wait upon all who may favor hint wish a cull.
nov 13: • F. MILLER, M. D.
Practice of Medicine, Surgery and Obs'ictrics
Drs. A. M. A; L STAYMAN, respeolully
announce to the citizens pi Carlisle and vicinity
that they lIIIVO taken the ofheo recently occu•
,pied by Dr. Smith,• in Snodgrass . ° Row, and
will he happy to attend to all who may favor
thorn with a call in the vfirious brunchc,, of
their profession. We are prepared to visit pa ;
tients in the country at any distance. Charges
moderate. (ap9tl
A C./litD.
W. lIENDEL, Surgeon Dentisi
'ramie his fyrmer patrons - that he -has re
amed to Carlisle, and will be glad to attend to
all calls in the fine of his profession: loct3l
DR. J.. DAUGIEIIik N,, informs his friends
-"'and the public, that ha will continue to at:en..l'
.to alb profeFsional calls, as heretofore,Ano i !li
sta:Wing reports to the contrary. OF GE
On East High street. - Onais-ant
A TTORNEY AT LAW, gilt practice it
1 - 2 t. the several Courts of cumberlaMl count 3
OFFICE. in, Main Street, in the room fennel
y occupied byL.'G. 13randebury, Esq.
- MD VI I) Iris office to J3ectem'sllow, to,
oore from 13tick holder's Ilot6l. fupr 1
_FICC at his residence, wetter of Nlain strci
and the Public, Square, opposite liarkholtfer
Hotel. In addition to the ditties of Justd e
tlw l'Aoce, will attend to all - kinds of wri:im
so-'t deeds, bands, mortgages, indenture,
articles or agreement, notes, &c.
Cat lisle, op WO.
Fresh Drugs, Medicines; &c. &c,
I have just received from Philack'
phia anti Now X,ork very extensiv
additions to my former stuck, embr,
• •
mpg nearly every article of Medici m
11 ,, W, ill use, together with ninth
Oils, Varnishes, Turpentine, Perfumery, Soapt.
Stationery, Fine Cutlery, Fishing Tackle,-
!frolics' ol utmost esery description, with
endless variety of other.articles, which I am dt
terinined to sell at the vEnv LOWEST prices.
All Physicians; Country - Pedlar
and others, are respectfully requested not to put
the OLD STAND, as they may rest assure ,
that every article will be sold of a good quality
and upon reasonable terms. -
_ _ _
Main street, Carlisle.
May 30
Plainfield Classical Academy,
C Tenth Session will commence on ✓lloxl
Tills Institution has been established near
ly fivo years, during which time such ad
ditions and improvements have beenMinde an
to render it one of the most comma iious and
convenient in the Stare.
In reimrd to healthfulness it may be men
tioned that no case of serious sickness has oc
curred in t he institution since it was founded.—
]ts moral purity is attested by the fact that
depraved associates, scenes of vice, and resorts
fur dissipation have no existence in the neigh-.
borhood., .
The course of instruction 'comprises all tLe
branches required by the merchant, profession.
al man or collegian. .Also, modem languages,
vocal and instrumental music, &c.
It is the determination of the Proprietor that
the institution shall sustain the reputation it has
already acquired for imparting thorough in
struction, and inculcating and establishing vir
tuous principles-in-the minds of the youth sub
mitted to his charge.
7 Crlll3 (per Session, Five Months) $.50,A0. -
For catalogues containirig, references, &c•,
address ° It K BURNS,
Principal and Proprietor,
Plainfield P. 0., Cumberland, County, Pa.
April 2, 1851
vommi P 3C-LA7Cati A.C.CLDPVIIr.
Three miles West - of Harrisburg, Pa. -
THIS Institution will be open for the recep
tion of Students, on MONDAY, the sth of
May, next. The dourso of instruction will
embrace the sulkies branches of a thorough
English Education, together with the Latin,
Greek, French and German Languages, and
Vocal andinstrumental Music.
Boarding, Washing and tuition
in the English branches per ses
sion t 5 months)
Latin or Greek
French or German,.
Instrumental Music
For further information address
Principal s Harrisburg, ra
m relth i 1 y
THIS Instituti:di will be open for the recePL
tion of students, on MONDAY, .the sth of
May. All the branohes of n sound English and
Classical Education taughtomd students
thoroughly qualified for entering. say class in
College. or fitted for business tile. There will
be two sessions a year, the first commencing
on the First Monclny - in May, nod the second
sessiOn on the first Monday in November, of
every year. Circulars will be furnished on ap
plication in person or by hitters addressed to the
subscriber at Newville. P. 0.; Cumberland co.
Pa. [9aply] W LINN.
Ctimmissionors of Cumberland eount:
Ligon' it proper to inform the public, that Vie
ell meetings of the Board of Comniissionere ow
be hold on the second and fourth Mondays o
each month, at which Limo any persons built,
busintiss with said Board, will meet ;Thein t
Heir ullico in Carlisle:
Attest WM. IfiLEY,
- -
LL_porsons wishing to rescue their...unt
fy from firdwithout the aid priimurence
companies, should have their teas covered with
o Patent Imitation Shito or' Piro 1014
Water Proof Paint. &rept well bOvered with
this article will last much ion,gru.: 4 ;than the roof
litilminted, , nutl will render ban
entirely Fire and
-Waler-Proot,--Thie-article ban - lie - had — Ohm at
Iho Idardw i arO Store of
marl!) • - J. 011 1 ,1 P. LyNE'.
OIL- , Always fresh, constant
ly kap on:hand at lIULIBARD'S•Drug
'Store. . [lnar2o
RNO DS writing fluid,
pnorinr Ink, tor
-- . -
Ince will tell thee what it,ls to love :
It is . to build with human thoUghts a shrine
Where hope sits broodipg like a beautious
Where time seems young, and life a thing
- divine:
Yes, Iltis is lo've—the steadfast and the true,
The immortal-glory which hath limier set;
The best, the brightest boon the. heart e'er
OQII life's sweet, the very sweetest yet'!
in ol
A certad ehtltman in the Westof Ire
land, whose love of the ridiculous quite
fey. claret and fox-hunting,
was wont. upon certain festive occasions, when
opportunity offered, to 'amuse his friends by
drawing out one of his servants, who was 'ex
ceedingly fond of what he termed his thrav
els,' and in whom a good deal of whim, some,
queer stories, and, perhaps, more than all,:
jongiand faithful services had established a.
• .
riglet to loquacity. Ile was one of those few
trusty and privileged domestics; sivho, if his
master unheedingly uttered a rash thing in a
passion, would venture to set him right. If
the squire said, I'll turn that rascal off,' my
friend Pat would say, 'subject matter in hand,'
lie was sure to throw in some good reason, ei
ther from former service—general good con
duct-,,0r the delinquent's wife_ and children,
that always turned the scale.
. But Tam digressing. On such merry meet
ings as have been alluded to, the master (after
making certain 'approaches,' as a military
111::n w;m)l say, preparatory steps in laying
seigu to some extrarayanza of his servant)
might, perchance assail Pat thus 'By the by,
ti_ir John, (addressing a distinguished guest,)
Pat has a very curious story; - siime
thin'g you told me to-day reminds me of. You
remember, Pat, (turning to the man, evidently the notice thus paid to himself,) you
remember that queer adventure you had in
''Truth I do, sir,' grins forth Pat..
' What!' acclaims Sir John, in feigned cur
was Pat ever in Franca ?'
' Indeed, he was,' cries mine host; and Pa_
add:, Ay, and farther, place your honor:'
y.on, Sir John;' continueilny host
'Pat told um a story once that turprised me
very much, 'respecting the ignorance or the
French.' -
Indeed,' recoins the Baronet; 'really, I
always supposed the French - to be a most ac
complished people.'
'Pratt', then, they're not; iutet , rupts
Oh, by no means, adds, mine host, shaking
his head emphatically.
I believe 'twos when you were erdssingthe
Atlantic?' sus the master turning to Pat with
a seductive air, and leading him into the•full
and true account—(for Pat had thought fit to
visit Xvill A,eerckiy, for a raisin he had,' in
the autumn of the year ninety-eight )
says Pat,_ ‘the broad Atlantic,' _a
favorite phrase of his, which he - ga've with a
brogue as broad almost, as the Atlantic itself.
'lt was the time I was lost in crossing the
broad Athmtie, and comin' - home,! began Vat,
- decoyed thoTecital; - .lrltin - the - wimia - began
to blow and the say to row!, that med think.
the Colleen dhas—that was her name—would
net have a mast left but what would rowl out
of her.
Well sure enough the mast went by the
boord at lust, the:pumps wore check'd—divil
chdte them for that same—and av coorse the
wather gaMed on us, and troth to be'filled with
wather is na 4 ther good for man or baste ; she
was sinking not, settling down, as the 'sailors
called it,'rand faith I never was good at set
tling down in my life, Sand I liked it then less
nor tiever ; according we got a sack of bish
kite and a cashlt of pork, and a keg of wather,
and a thrill° of rum on boord, and any other
little mothers we could think of in the inertial
hurry we wor in—and faith' there was no tithe
to be lost, for my dtniint the Coders Ails, ivexit
down like a lump of lead, afore we were many
strokes of the oar away from her.
Well, we dhrifted away all that night, and
next miming we put up a blankit on the
of a pole as well as we could, and then we sail
tad illigant, for we darn't show a stich of can
vass the night afore, becase it vas blowin' like
bloody marther, savin your presence, and sure
its the wondhcr of the world we warn't swal
ly'd alive by the ragin' sae.
Well; away we dint for more nor a .week,
and nothing before our two-good-looking eyes
but the wide canopy iv llcaven, and the wide
ocean—the broad Atlantic—not a thing was to
be seen but the sae and sky; and though the
.sao and sky aro mighty purty things' in them
selves, troth they anise great things when
you have nothing else to look at for'a week to
gether, annite barest rock izrthe world, so it
was land; would be more welcome. And then
soon enough, troth, our Draisions began to
run low,- the bishkits and i th.s 444er-said the
rum—troth that was gone first of ell; God
uz—an, oh! it vies thin that starvation
began to store us in the face. 'Ohl murthor,
murther, murther, captin darlint,'..'Says
wish we could see land any where,' says I.
' ‘.M (se pcvcr to 3 (us elf( w, l'itedYtTrqsh
say's he, 'for such a good - wish ; troth it's my
self wishes tkle same.'
• 'Oh,' says I, 'that it may plate -you, sweet
(run iv Heaven supposing it . was only a the
aslstc island,' says I, inhabited wid Turks;
sure they wouldu't be such bad ohristians as to
refuse as a bit and- aaup.' •
'Whist, whist Paddy,' saYs the captin,
‘don'ete baits bad of any . ono,' says 14;
you don't know how soon you may want - a
good word - put in for yourself, if . you should
bb called to tluarters in the other world all of
a sudden,' says
$5O 00
5 00
5 00
10 00
, Tl2rue for you,eaptain, darlaut,' s c ays I--
1 I oalledlint darliiiit, and made free wid him
you-see fer•diethress makes us all orjualrfor
you, know. eitptainjewel—abd betune us and
harm, f; owe . no man: any apite," and troth that
via 3 only truth: "Well, the last hishkit was
served out, and by gor the tuathor ite.qf was all
g me - at lnig, and we passed the night mighty
at.the bratty day the sun riz
a very au
rittritturt, Cuiratiart, nnh erittrui itionttatiort.
most beautifully out of the waves, that WAS
tigfi, as silver and as clear as chrystal. But
it Was only more cruel upon us, for
, tve were
beginning:to-feel terribly hungry; when all at
once I thought I spied the land—by gor,
thought I felt my heart up in my throat In a
minnit, and ''thunder and turf, captain,' says
I; 'look to leeward.' '"
'What for,' says he. ,
'I think I see the land,' says I. So he ups
with his bring-'em-near—(that's wliat the 2311i
!Oil; call a spy glass, sir)-LAnd looks, and sura
enough it was.
' 'Hurrah!' says he, we're all right .noW ;
pull away boys,' says ho.
Take care your not mistaken,' says I; !Wray
be it's only a fog bank, captain, darlint,' says
.oh, no,' says lie, it's the land in almost.'
'Oh, thin, whereabouts in the wide world
are we, oaptin?' eayq I: it id be irr
Tut, you fool,' says he, (for ho had that
consaited way with him—fooling himself clev
erer than any ono 0150,) you fool,', imp;
ho, 'that's France.'
Tar an' °ma,' soya I; 'do you tell me so?
and how do you know it's France it is, captin,
.dear,' surfs I
4 Bekaa° this is the Bay o' Bishky we're in
now,' says he
Troth, I was thiukiag so myself,' says I,
by the yowl it has ; far I often hoard av it,
in regard o' that same;' and troth the likes of
it I never heard before. not since, and with tho
helh of Clot never will.
Well, with that' my 'heart - begs) to grow ,
light, and whin I seen my life was safe, I be
gan to grow twice hungrier nor ever , =so says
.captin, jewel, I wish we had regridiron.'
Why then,' iitys he, thunder an turf,
what puts n gridiron in your head?'
'Bekase starrin' wid the hunger,' says
"-And sure,- Lad-luck to you,"-says-hei-'3'cra
couldn't eat n gridiron, barrio you wor a Pell
can o' wildernesa,' says he.
'Ate a gridiron!' says.l; 'och in troth I'm
not sich a gommuch all out as that, any low:-
But sure if we ,had a gridiron we could dress
a beef steak,' says I.
Arrah 1 but ithere's the .beef steak,' says
'Suro couldn't woTClit
says I. '
Bc gor, I neQr thoughto that, says the
captain. You'ro a clever fellow;' says he,
Oh, there's many a true word said in a joke,'
says I.
True for you, Paddy,' says Ile.
'Well then ; ' says" I, 4if youpat mo on shore
there boyant,' (for we were nearing the land
all the Grata,) 'and sure Lean az thin, to lend
me a gridiron,' says I.
'Oh, by gor, the battler is coming out of
the stir-about in - iarnest now,' says lie; you
gement:li, sure I towid you before that's.
France—and sure they're all furriners there,
says the captain.' -
Well,' says I, 'how do you know bat I'm
as good a furriner myself as any of them.' •
'What do you mane) says lie.
' what I towld you, that
I'm ns.good a furriner myself as any of thim.'
Make me sinsible,' says he.
'By dad, may be that's more nor me, or
_greater nor_Jue_s,,'__Bays__L_—,a,ml_ll".o _.
began to laugh at him, for I thought I'd pay
him off for his bit of consait about, the Cler
mont Ocean. ,
Leave off your lumbuggin,' says le, I
bid you, and tell me •what if is ye mane at all,
l'arley Imo Frongsay ." says. I
'Oh, your humble sarvint,' says ho : why,
by goy, you're a scholar, Paddy.'
Troth you maY say that,' says I.
'Why, yoU're a clever fellow, Paddy,' says
the captain, jeering like..
You're not the firsts said that,' says
'whether you're joking or ho.'
'Oh, but Pm in nirnest,' says the. captain;
and do you tell me Paddy, that you . - studio
French ?'
Parlervoo—Fiangsay , •
By gor, that bangs Bannagher, - aneall the
world knows that Banunglibr beats the divil—
I never met the likes o' you, Paddy,' says lie
--- , pull away, boys, and put Paddy ashore,
and maybe we won't get a good belly-full before
So with that it was no sooner said 2 than done
—they pulled away and got close in to shore
in less than no lime, and run the -boat up in a
little creek, and a beautiful creek it was, with
-a-lovely White strand, an elegant place fur la-
dies to bathe in the summer—and out I got,
and it's sKeneugh in-my limbs I was, after
being cramped up in the boat and perished
wid the cowld;and hunger; but f conthrived to
scramble on one way or the other, towards'a
little bit iv a wood that was close to the shore,
and tile smoke ctulin out of it quite tcmptin'
'IV the powers o' war I'm 'all right s ' says
I, 'there's a house there.' And sure enough,
there was a parcel of men, women and ehil
dren,'cating their dinner round a table quito
convaynient. 'And so I went up to tho door,
and I thought d'd be very civil to them; no I
cord Abe Fronoti was very Oita intirely—nnd
l'd show them I knew what good manners was.
So f took off my hat, and making a . low
, bow—'Godsave all here,' says I to them.
'Well, to be.sure, they all stopt aim at once,
and begin to stare at. me, and •faith' they 41 7
most looked me out of countenance, and I
thought to myself it was .not. good manners et
all—more Io ho taken from furriners, which
,they 'call so mighty p'lite ; neyStiminded
that, in - regard of wrntin' the g r idiro n; ,
says 1 - ,,‘ I bog your pardon,* says I, ror the
liberty I take, but it's only being in distress
in regard o atin,' says I, .!tint I make borrld•
to trouble yeas, and if ye could lied rue the
loan of a gridiroill'..says I, 'l'd be intiroly e-'
bilged to ye."
' gor, - they all stared at me twiCoWorSe
nor_ beforeond with that, says. 1,-knowlng.
whrit was in their mind—' Indeed it's throe for
you,''saya I, 'l'm,tatberod and torn to pieces;
'and - God knows r look - quare enough,:biit`, it'd
h - Traison of the: storm,' soya I, 'which druy
us ashore below, and we'r6 all sfArviii.'
Elo they began to look at oath other again
and myself seeing at onto that dirty thoughts
was in their heads, and that they took nee for
A poor, heggar cousin to' cririe: charity—with
that says I, 'bh 1 not at Bays I i 'by no
manes, we havo plenty o' mato-our/3°lm there
below, and we will dhress. it if you:will be
placed to lend us the loan of a gridiron,! Bays
making a low bow.
'Well, sir, with that they stared at me twice
worse nor ever, Med faith I began to,think that
the captain was wrong, and that it was not
France at all—and so says I, '1 bog pardon
sir,' Bays I, to a finiold man with ahead of
.hair as white as silver, 'maybe I'm tindher a
mistakk' soya I, 'but I thought I was in
Franca, sir ; are you furriners'.? says I, 'Par
ley voo Frongsag ."
'Neinunsecr;' says ho.
',ghee would you lincl'me the loan of a grid
iron, if you place 1' says I. -
'Oh, it was thin that they stared at me, as
if I had sivin heads ;' and faith myself began
- to 'fed
I, making a bow and's, - serape agin, 'but it's
only in regard of heir' cast away; and if. you
place sir,' says I, ' , park/ voo Prong:ay P - -
'We munseer,' says,ho, mighty sharp. , •
Then would you lind of a grid;
iron,' says I, 'and you'd Obleeie me.! •
Well, sir, the meld chap began to mounster.
me but the divil a gridiron.lio'd give-me; and
so thegan to think they were all naygers, for
all their fine manners.; and troth my blood-be—
gan to rise, and says by my sowl, if it Was
you was in distress, anclAt was to ould Ireland.
ye kern,- it's not only tho gridiron they'd give
you, if you ax'd it, but something to put on it
too, and the dbrop o' drink into the bargain,
and read-mile failtr:'
Well, the word read'mile faille seemed to
strike his heart, tuntelil,ehap cocked his
ear, and so I thought I'd give him another of
fer, and make him sensible at the last; and so
says I; *oust more, quite slow, that he might,
understand, , P-a-r-/-e-y v-o-o
inunseer ?'
' Then lind me the loan of a gridiron,' says
•I, 'and bad saran to you.'
Well, bad win to the bit 'of it he'd gPine,
and the ould chap begins bowin', and serapin',
and said something about a long tongs.
Pool—the - (Evil crret. yourself
_and your
tongs,' says I, I.Alon't want a tongs at all, at
all ; but cau't you listen to raison,' says
Parlry-tdo - Frwrasay P
' We munseer,' .
Then lind me the loan of a gridiron,' says
I, 'and hould Your prate.'
Well, what do you think but ho shook his
ould noddle, as much as to.say he wouldn't;
and so says I bad Gass to the lika o' that I
evor seen, truth if you were in my emit:dry it's
not that-a-way they-'d uyeyo; the civr,evf the
crows on you, you ould sinner,' sayA.l, the
divil a longer darken your door.'.„„,_
So he seen I was Tomb and,l thought as I
Was turnin'away, I seen him begin to relint,
and that his conscience troubled him; and
and says I, turning back, 'Well, I'll giro you
ono chance more you ould thief-2re you. a
ohrhitian at nil, itt 2112- ar6 'you'd - finTiner ?'
says that all the world calls so Otte. Bad
luck to you do you understand your own len
guago?—Parley ro o Prongsay;"
Then thunder and turf" says I, 'will you
Lind me the loan of n gridiron ?'
Well, sir, tho.divil re'save the
. bit of it he'd
gi'me—and so with,that the curse of the hun
gry on you; you ould nagerly villain,' says I ;
, the back o' my hand and the cowl of my foot
to you; that you nifty Want a gridiron yoursolir
says I: and with that I left them there and
kem away—and in troth its often since that I
thought it was remarkahle.
Thoway in which sloop is shown in the ,veg
°table kingdom is infinitely 'mere Vdriable than
among animals. Man 'throws hiroself,proS
trate; sonic kinds of monkeys lie on their
side ; the cancel places its head between the
forelegs; and birds roost with their heads be
neath the wing. Beyond these are few re
markable differences. 'But in•plants there is
no end to the curious and , beautiful 'diversity_
Which rewards the seeker of Nature's myster
ies. Some plaids•dro,op their leavesllit . hight,
the flat part becoming placid and pendulous.-
Others, of the kind, called "compound," as
clover and vctebes, close their leaflets togeth
er in pairs, antl 'occasionally the whole leaf
drops at the same thne, The three leaflets of
clover bring their faces to the out side, and so
form a little, triangular pyramid, whose apex
is the point,of union between the leaflets and
their stooks. Lupincs,.which have leaves re
sembling a seventy fingered hand without a
palm, fold them together like a lady's half
closed parasol. Chickweed raises its leaves so
as to embiace the stem; and some species of
. lotusi-besides•many of its elegant family, the
Leguminosie, brings them together in such a
way as to protect the young flower-buds and
immature seeds vessels:from the chill air of
night. These are only a,fow out of the many
cases which could be instanced of change "of
position in leaves, whilst in flower there seems
to be no,limit to variation. The greater part
shut the petals at night, the stalks declining
on one side ; but there are, some which .roll
their'petals back, and curl them up like mina
tun) volUtes. The sleep of such plants is
probably uneecompanied by any • eXternal . ex
change. - The samo may be said of compute
lus and other bell-shaped
,flowers of Crueife
rm, it should have been observi3d,:,are'remark
ably cy . .eless of repose. Their sleep never
appears sound or constant, for many sueoes;
sive nights—they, seem restless and 'in the
morning always 10 - ok dozy and nnoonifortable.
When flowers are over blown, and the plant, if
an apnual, is near its decay, the phenomena of
sleep are' very considerably diminished. •In
fact they are only seen in perfection whet the .
growing powers of the plait are ,itt. their, full
energy), Deciduous txoes—that is, stick as
oast their lqavos in autumn-nro in„a sort of
trancedn the winter `mouthS. Flowers, too,
lose their sensibility altogether when the peri.
'od of lertiliz talon' la pe tisedOti) mityvendlly be
seen by Inspecting n field .4)f'tlaisies an-sly: in
the' morning, - before the sow is'off the 'grags.-'- ,
The over-blown one will heopen;
thOSo in the. orinison-tip
fled” and sound asleep,
Wa Poososo only that whinh wo oompyohond,
How he over came tolie - -married was a mys
tery to all his acquaintances, and can only be
explained by the supposition that. his wife,
who was a remarkable meek, Patient woman,
wished for an opportunity, like young Chuz
zleifit's friend Mark Tapley, to come out
strong' under adverse circumstances. If she
had been . animated by any such
. desire, she
Was gratified to repletion; for there was
scarcely an hour of the twenty-four, in - which
her meekness wee not put to the test.
Mrs. Bile do you intend to sleep all day?'
would ibuse her at six in the,merning.
I thought, my denr,'.sho would reply, gent
ly, 'that you would not like to bo disturbed.'
'Very muoh afraid of disturbing me, all of
a sudden, when you've been thrashing about
Taking refuge in silence, she descends to
the kitchen to look after the morning repast.—
Her husband had' declared tho day before,
when they had mackerel for breakfast, that
thero was nothing ho so much relished at this
meal asmutton chops. She had accordingly
purchased the choicest in anarket,'and new
watched thorn nervously until they were 'done
to a turn. Breakfast was speedily announced,
•and Mr. Bile soon made his appearance; but
with a face as dismal es_ the countenance of
mortality in the ancient wood cuts.
' What's this,'-..said ho, taking :one of the
chops upon his plate and turning it over con
temptuously; 'as I'm alive; if you haven't
broiled a mutton chop!' •
. •
'Why that hi the way every body cooks a
Then every body' is an ignoramus, and
ought to live on husks! A mutton chop should
be,fried in its own gravy, and then the juices
or, the meat are pioserved. But, I suppose,'
he added with n sneer, 'that you cooked them
to suit your own iippotito-L
Haying thus succeeded in - destroying any
partiCular. craving on her part, for4le
'ries he - was condemning, he mathi Oat a4ends
by eating.her share with hiS own.
PAwling about in the larder one evening,
ho chanced to spy a raw beef steak. - lle
-mediately made it a subject of attack upon his
better half. 'What nro you doing with this
steak? did'nt I order sausages for breakfast?'
'Yes, my dear; but you spoke of Thomp
: son's being ietown, and I thought it likely—
that is, possible—that instead of going to the
club you might bring him lima to dinner; so
I bought the steq this morning in order to be
ready against-a surprise."
'.?ust as if it tvore pocsiblo I should bring
a friend Lome to -dine ; without giving you no
tice?' .
Three days after this col:lure:Won,
,as Mrs,
1311 e was cleaning the parlors, and had the
carpets up, her hUsband came in about two
clock, with two friends, whom he had urged
out of their way "to take a social dinner" with
him Of course the meal which bad to lie pro
pared at short notice, was rendered still more
uncomfortable by a series of ill natured re
markS, from the husband, upon improvident
housewives, who could not see Jim) lenghth of
their nose, what was likely to be wanted in
Ono modeiately cold evening he crime home
with a pretended chill, and nearly set the house
on fire in his efforts to prove his assertion that
- ~t he-place-was-as -cold-as s barn."- -A few
eveningi later, on perceiving that some extra
attention had been bestowed upon the' fire, to
render the parlors comfortable with an outside
atmosphere at zero, he found himself in quite
a fever, opened every accessible window and
door on the first floor, and oven sent a servant
up three pairs of stairs to throw back the scut
tle-leading to tho roof, declaring that he felt
stilleil.with the heat. Having succeeded by
this process in reducing the temperature : of the
wholo liousii to the vineinity of freezing point,
he suddenly remembered an engagement, and
vl'ent out to pass the evening with au acquaint
ande, leaving his poor wife to enjoyall the.hen
efits of such a thbrough ventilation.
"illy dear,u said his wife to. hini one morn
ing, "what would you like for supper ?"
"I wish,, Mrs. Bile, that I might leave home .
one morning without having this question ding
,in my ears;" was his characteristic ye
sponse. "What is the use of my supporting a
Rife, if I must attend to —the housekeeping!"
The good lady ventured no reply, although
she knew that the question was evaded that ho
might enjoy the opportunity of 'finding fault.—
gight Came, and-with it Mr. Bile, hilt. ten
times more dismal ,than the shadows which
preceded him. Almost before the door had
closed upon him, hocalled out to know why sup
per was not ready. ' .
"It is all ready," said his help:epct, from
the dining room, and he took his place at the
table. "I hilve cooked some oysters," she
said, placing before him a savory stew, which
might have satisfied an epicure. • .
"Now Mrs. Bile, if you havn'l, gone and
done it l But its what I might have expected.'
"What is the matter, my door!" asked his
wifo, quietly.
" Why you have gono and stewed n dish of
oyster. 4, which, if fried, would havo been fit for
a prince."
Xsingle.flush of triumph came froM these
meek eyes, na she replied, felt n little 'un
certain as le how you might like them best,
and so I had part of Them fried !"
• Istew,the stew was his favorite, btiLlie felt
pledged to prefer the fried ; at last he coin
promised, the difference, by eating a large
share of both, on the plea that nothing oliould
be wasted.
Remember, reader, that this is no • ram ,
sketch, 'but a veritable portrait of a real per
.who 'enjoyed only tho oemtraries - of
life while ho lived, and whose . Tmemory shows
ni;;reen spot uhero charity may plant a Holier.
to relieve the dreariness of the, rotrospeot:—
The artist, who fashioned thin faithful mem
.blance; took a stern pleasure in showing tothe
restless Spirit who employed him, how legible
was the language whiph his fretfultemPer had
.written.on-his-oeuatonanoo. And . it _never_
stiemS to mo moro• unlovely . than• when I sit
and gaze upon it, after having boon myself un
deructiat the name gloomy cloud. The mo
ment my eye rests upon it, tho, murmurs 'of
dincontent die' ripOn' my closed lips.
Sordege who witnessed.his own ileath scone, . I
am frightened at the thought of leaving snob a
record behind me, and I hurry away from the
blighting shadow, lest it be dagtierrotyped up
on me too deefilf to be effaced. It were far
better, methinks, for the soul to walk through
this life good-naturedly in slippers, than to be
so tightly encased in cares, as to lose all Mirth
for existence A fretful tinhpor is opposed to
sound christian philosophy, as well as to the
morale of all the heathen schools ; and, one
possessed with Bud} a torturing demon, should
loseie time in having the evil spiritexoroised.
Before the days of dhloroform there was a
quack who advertised tooth-drawing witnout
pain. The patient was placed in a chair, and
the instrument applied to, his tooth' with a
vvfiiiieff,fifflC4'e - tibfa. roar from tile unpleas
antly surprised sufferer. "Stop," cried the
dentist, "compose, yourself. I told you I
would give you no pain, but I only just gave
you that twinge as a specimen to show you
Cartwright's method of operating." Again
the instrument was applied==another tug, a
nother roar. -"Now don't be impatient; that
is Dumerge*#ay; be seated and calm—you
will now be:'seusible•of the superiority of my
method." ,ArMther.application,_ another tug,
dnothor roar. v i , folv, pray be quiet! that is
Parkinson's mode, and you don't like it, and
no Wonder." By this time the tooth hung by
a thread; and whipping it out, the operator
exultingly exclaimed: "That is,,ruy mode of
tooth-drawing-without pain, and'you are now
enabled to compare it with the operations of
Cartwright, Dumerge and Parltason."
Loom Ur.—What business has a man to go
about with his head bowed down like a bul
rush, as if ho was looking for pins in the dirt,
or picking up rusty nails in the street, like an
old millionare in one of our neighboring el
' ties? God made man to stand erect, accord
to the true import of anthropos, the Greek
word for man. In this he is distinguished
from the other grades and species of animal
creation. They may look down, but man
should look up. Let him write excelsior far a
bove him—On that keep his eye fixed, and
'continue his movement till he attains his mark.
It is said, that however high a man may as- .
•cend from the forth, there is no danger. that .
his 'heed will swim,''and cause him to lose
his balance, if he keeps looking up, But as
sure no he looks downwards, he loses all com
mand of himself, and is sure to fall. So it is
in the pursuit of life. Shako off, then, your
dumps, throw away your blues, and Leave the
dirt under your feet to take care of itself.—
Your business is upward. There is light ,a
bovo, however lark itonay be beneath you.—
Bold up your Lewd; there is a bow in the
clouds, and the storm will soon, be over. A
clear sun will yet shine. Then rub open your
eyes and look up.
TITLES or Frans.—One of the best titles
for a merchantile firm that wo have ever seen
in-CU L & SETTLE, which is painted in golden
letters on a sign in one of our Northern cities.
Customers are reminded every time they pass
tgtmitillige ate omit's: N4 - -- , -
,is the name of another firm. But the following
"beats all :"—"Two attorneys," says'an old
newspaper, "in partnership in the United
.States,-had -the name of - the-firm,• -which -was
"Catehan: & Chrium," inscribed in the usual
manner upon their office-rloor ; but as the sin
gularity and 'ominous juxtaposition - of the
words led to many a coarse joke from passers
by, the men in law attempted to • destroy, in
part; the effect of the old association, by the
insertion of the initials of their Christian
names, which happened to belsaiahand Uriah;
but this made the affair ten times worse, for
the inscription ran thus- - =4. CAvonAm & U.
pLD A_LstAttne.-:.There is a plant in Rhode
Island—we do not know whether it grows any
where else in Christendom—called "old alma
manse," and a Certain good woman iu one of
'the southern towns of that State was advis . ed
a_physician_to_steep_some of-the-herb, and
administer the decoction to her sick child.—
The nest time the dooter called ho asked, 'did
you give John the old almanab tea as I direc
, O, la!' said the woman, had the great
est hunt all over the house for' an. old alma
nac, and, if you'll &Hove me, I couldn't find
`one to save my soul, but I found a volume of
the "Babes in the Wood," and I steeped that
and gin John the tea, and I think it done Lim
J: great deal of good !"
to.,V - Elegance in dress is cheap and simple.
What it costs a man fortobaceo, who uses it,
is sufficient, if added to the present cost of his
clothing, to dross him with elegance. A few
more shillings a yard for cloth,, the work of a
tasteful tailor, a decent regard to th'e prevail
ing mode, and a certain neatness and simplic
ity is all! Pagano.) is never gaudy, aver
outfre, never outof fashion, per in the extreme
of - fashion. It allows of a few ornaments, and
ho studied display: • The difference of a single_
dollar in an article
,of dress, may make the
whole distinction between eleganao and vulgarl •
ity. A single tawdry ornament may spoil the
effect of the hest tailor's workmanship. The
slightest eccentricity •of cut betrays the in
born rowdy.
Xtx~i .fit a late trial, Comewhore in Vermont,
the defendant, who was not familliar with the'
multitude of wercls 'which the law employs to
intik° a very trifling charge, `after listening a
while; to the readiug'of the indictment, jump
ed up and said: "Thom 'ere allegations is
false, and that 'oro allegater hneWs
' *M.d mart being asked if he•wopld like to
iiyo forever, replied that considering the hard- /
sea of the limos and tho • weakness 'of the
goTornment;her would not oaro,liviieg more
than half of it.
'Folly to think that you can make pork
out of pig'iron, cir that you can become- a
ahoomakor by just drinking akorry oAlorti.
lose'Did•you ever see Niagara Falls? said
alady passenger •to'i} friend, NO, I never met
them, but rye heard them highly spoken -ofl
If thoit wilt bo iiired of thy ignormoo, con
fees it
The May number of this truly American magma i
azine, the .k ICkertOcher is"ohock full" of good
things: — The "Editor's Table" - ahem; no fall
ing off. Our readers will have a spice of its
quality in the following extracts :
ge-The Subjoined anecdote of n, demago gu e
' * candidate for the Legislature of a Western
State, a man of low moral stature, has been
sent us-by a new correspondent:. "There was'
a "stump speaking," and Abner G. D—had
the platform," enlightening "the- Unterrified'
long and loudly. "Fellow-citizens," said he
"I now como to a slanderous rumor which has
boon' most dastardly' circulated against me
from ono end of the county to the. other. My
enemies, not content with endeavbring to ruin
my political prospects, have• assassin-like at
tempted to blast My good name by their'insilf
ions reports." "Abner" then stated what the
rumor was, and continued : rejoice,
citizens,-to; have it in - raj ,. - pord©r`instaritly to
fasten the lie upon this malicious and atroci
ous slander. lace among - you one of the most.
'estimable citizens of this county, whose char
acter for truth and integrity is above all ques
tion. Squire Schooler, to whom I .allude, is
acquainted with all the fasts, and I call;ort
him here to state' whether this rumor is true•
or false. I pause for a reply." Whereupon .-
Squire Schooler sloWly arsse,antdin his strong,
,slow, and sonorous voice said : "I rather think
yon dill it, Abner'!" "Youold scoundrel !" ex-
Claimed Abner, why do you interrupt me,
while I am discussing great constitutional
questions, with yourlow personalities 2" And
he accompanied this objurgatory - exclamation.
with such a "surge" of.gesticulation, that he .
stepped back beyend the Platform, felf book-
Wards on a big dog, amid the howls of which
and the deafening roars of the "sovereigns,"
the meeting was 'effectually broken up."
Ar:,153-IVe have this clever and characteristics
anecdote from a new but very welcome Wes
correspondent: "Col. Gardiner was a Charac- -
ter born in Old Virginia ; high-bred, accord
- ing to.thenotions of hits clay, and place, -and a
man, as he said of himself, of "high points."
-Ile was indeed oftentimes "high" and in fact
every thing Seeming high to him, he played a
high °lll:raster. Ho was an off-handpOliticia4
=ban impromtu lawyer ; and hie various high
qualities secured him the high honor of a seat -
in the State Legislature; of which he was very
proud. One day, while circuit court was
session, ho was seated on a heap of Jogs near
the court-house, holding a high discourse with
a friend, who Was not quite so "Ligh . ;" in one
sense, as himself, when a miserable looking
fellow approached, bare-fOot, clad in rrt'gs,with
only a vestige .of what on, being a mere band
of straw binding his forehead, and his coarse
matted hair sticking out above, "like quills
upon the fretful porcupine." "Colonel," said.
Billy Stewart, for that was the poor fellow%
name, "I want to see you." "What do you.
Want with me, you ragged son of a gun I"
"Nciw, Colonel, .don't bo cross at me; I alWays•
voted•foryou, and now I want you to help me:
out o' trouble." "Why, Billy, What's the mat
ter now?—do you want a pair Of old breech
es ?" i‘The've got the tuck here for stealin', and.
I want you to get me out o' thp scrape."—
"What stealing, Billy!—why, ydu havn't - been
stealing, Billy ! You're too lazy to steal : but
chat-do-they-say you-stole-?'=Billy explain---
ed.the case' substantially thus ; Finding tr
barrel which had floated down the river and.
Iloged in a mass of drift-wood, he drew it a,
shore, and finding the contentawhiskey,..he fil
led his little pocket flask. For this, the' un
grateful owner lied him indicted for theft.—
"Help me down," cried the Ccilonel, as Billy. :'
finished his statement ; "this won't do, at all ;;
help Inc down !" He was lifted down from.
the logs, .when lie went as straight as he coull
into the court-house ; where a suit wat i t in full,
proiress of. trial. "Judge!" exclaimed the
Colonel,-in tt7 ‘ loud and commanding tone, that
'woke bench and Mr - , "Judge! what do you
think ! thqy've got,my friend Billy Stewart up.
here for stealing of a high drink; and don't
you think„Judge, if there's any thing in the .
aman would be justifiable in stealing,
it Would be a high drink when he's dry 2"—
The scene was really rich. • The Surprise of "
court, bar,'and speetatOrs ; the earnestness,
emphasis,aud-benevolence - of - the - Colonel - ; -- to,
geniar with tlie intrinsic ludicrousness of the
whole affair; but the
,Judge was in a merry - •
humor, and he responded in a vein of pleasant-.
ry to the interoOtory with which the wive—
ciao concluded his address: "Wen, Colonel
the court is rather inclined to that view of the
case." You would havo . admired the Colonel,
had ; you seen him, oii thisintimation from the
bench, - turning with a princely patronizing air
to Billy, and 'pronouncing with utmost gravity
Billy Stewart, you stand acquitect: you are
"discharged, and may go home." Billy leaped
out of the door at two or threo bound; swing
ng the remains of his mutilMed hat on high,
iaml exclaiming: :To'. Gardener 1 he's tho •
greatest lawyer out of • h-:- 1 -111 - vote for,
him for king 1" Further proceedings in I,ho
case were actually dismissed, Ste it was deem
edito,havo been disposed of, if not according
to tho form; agreeably least to tho Sub-
stance of justice."
` "mot..,:Thera was much surrounding caohina
,on where this circumstance was. mentioned
the other Oohing: - A man who was -- .'s'omo- -
dole" fond of lobstors was wistfully , regarding
a bastetof them in tho ruarhot,. 'with his dog
by his side, while another by-stander ,was
stioking tlw end.of his cane' into one of the
disengaged claws of a big follow at
"Tlow ho does hold 'on!" said the man with
the cane.- "Yes,' responded the man ,with
the dog,' "but it's because ho "den 6 the cane
aro his ohms Voi4 . slip on the wood. But he
eouldiet, hold on too critter, or you and t'irk
thtlt, way. When ho feels any thing givin',
,lobster always stops pinehln'.'N3luoss
said the owner of the haslcot:. “You Ina your
ddg's tail in that there claw, and you'll sea
-wkelher he'll hold bn to't of not." No seoner
said than done ;. the lobster-lever lifted up his
dog, dropped his tail into thoopcn
closed instanter, and the dog, “as omit by ,
sudden pain," ran off bowling, at the top of, •
..Hello 1" exclaimed thi; war,
his speed
vaxiotlo hook your dog: mop lam! 'he's run,
uirt" -off with the. lobster!" . ",Whistle book'
your /deer:" .rejoined the other; "that dog
aint coming beak;'s - jupain. I b unt
git him to oortto near up when 'he's iu paint
That human° oitizon !dined that day upon tie
lino a lobster as there was in that basket, 'any