VOL. XX XXI. I********* *'*^2 IFift\J-Two Specials s in honor of our Third Anniversary. $ The event of season. fij THE MODER N STORE- « Sc-o iK>»tera for Particulars. jr. Sale Begins Tuesday 8 p. m., March 29. 8 and continues till Saturday night. Yea can't f?il to get scmetliiEg yea Died at a big bargain. g Grand riillinery Display g S Our Easter Millinery can't fail to interest you. y. | In We can give you the best and latest in the a land at prices to suit your purse. jg SEISLER-MARDOkF 3OTPANY, | S SOUTH MATH STREET | QQ-i S I Send ln Your Mail orders ' ul OPPOSITE HOTEL ARLINGTON. BUTLHR. PA.. EYTH BROS. [Across from Farmers Nat. Bank.] Our Big Line of Spring Wall Papers are all in, and are the finest ever showa in Butler. Prices Are Low. . . Big Lot of Room Mouldings and Window Blinds. . EYTH BROS. Mrs. I. E. ZIMMERMAN? it i , f NEW FOR SPRING, 1904, 5 Ladies' fine tailor-made V Suits. Ladies' fine tailor-y 1 > Jk made Jackets, Ladies' finev ' f (**\#M. Plm tailor-made kain Coats, V X /• 14 l adies' fine tailor-madeV Separate Dress Skirts,| } w fl \ ' Xfo Ladies' fine tailor-madeV 0 \ W W/j™ 3 Walking v ° \1 ; ' Waists and Shirt Waist SuitsH 1 1 I \ /l \\ SUITS $lO up to S4O i? i ► Ml'.W SKIRTS $2 08 to S4O V j > f L lii\\ JACKETS ssnptosir,A f X BAIN OOATtS $lO to $25 H I / SILK SaiRT WaIST SUITS. *lO to S2SV fvX SILK COATS, new Eton eflPectß,ss tos2o^ Spring Wash Goods^ ( > New orhlte gou&s, India linens, plain and fancy waistings, new cot-O .ton voiles in plain or fnncv weaves, new ginghams, calicoes, chintzes, madras, seersuckers and shirtings. 2 { I New Embroideries, Laces, and all overs.—Notwithstanding the ad-O . vance in prices of all cotton fabrics, we are selling at the old prices. JL OUR RECORD IS OUR GUARANTEE. X : Mrs, J. E, Zimmerman J Bell Phoneßoß. X ( ► Pepin'sPUODS 128. ouiJer, t a. I-X-UJ- V ■" *, , 1 ■»' ' ■ - ' The Cyphers Incubator I Bit ie the original and I only genuine patent-dia- | phragm, son-moisture and 1 self ventilating incubator. I Winner of Gold Medal and | Highest Award at the | Pan-American Exposition, 1 October, 1901. The stan dard hatcber of the world. Call and see this incuba tor at the store of J. G. & W. CAMPBELL 910 Soutn Main Street, Butler, Pa, I -t-J ■ Fall and Winter Suitings E ■ ( ] JUST ARRIVED. ( ] ■ ■ 142 North Main St. vy B COOPER CO„ fine; tailors. Are r\ow occupying their old locatioi\ at corner of tlrie Diamond. t- Suits from sl3 to SSO. | Subscribe for the CITIZEN m '»r ' ■■ x 1 *' '*' ***&":.* - .THE BUTLER CITIZEN. Library | HUSEbTON'S 11 We are pretty tired so we won't write a leng "ad," 9 H but let the goods and prices do the talking this time, pi H Listen to 'em. II Women's 85c, 95c, 1.25. 1.98, s2.ls—anywhere g r Shoes from 50c to $1.50 taken off the price noth- H ing off the value. §| > 1 3.89, 2.89, $2.39, $1.66, 98c—A summons Wen's |gj Pp and a strong one. Figures no' much like the Eij old price, but the shoes are just the same. I Boys' Shoes Girls || 57c, 98c, sl. * 57c, 98c, sl. || iy Twins in price ami quality. Bat one looks like# lirtle ytntJeinaii— ~3 Kl the other like sister: nsed to cost like that, too. H 25 Per Cent. Off on all Warm Goods, Wool Boots J §£j and Stockings. We bave't heard of any one who hasn't been properly fitted at this sale. Maybe you've had to wait a little, but pity our backs. We ? ||| are very busy. ||j I scuex? | Laces and Embroideries | | NEW AND FINE. | $ kind, don't miss seeing our splendid assortment. § SPECIAL. u (i £Jx tlii nsatid yards of fioe tOicbou laoes. the regular 10-ceni Ji W bind—on sale this week at 5 ct nte per yard. § LACE CURTAINS. § The new stock just opened contains some hummers iu Net V and Ruffled Swiss Cnrtains. £I Ruffled Swiss Curtains 50c a pair up. Nottingham Cnrtains 30c up. gjf F3 Curt iiu Swiss 10c, lityc and 15c yd. $ CHOICE NEW WASH GOODS. $ (R We are bhowins a big line rf r»w PercaUs, Gicsbavus, Qj Seersuckers, Calicoes, etc g| t; In spite of tbe advanced cost we ujfiintain prices on Ibe old S& level. (. | L. Stein & Son, £ 103 N MAIN STREET, CUTLER, PA- \ SPRING CLOTHING, j \ We are now showing our new styles in Clothing. ( \ They are certainly beautiful. ) / The famous "Hamburger & Sons" clothing for spring j ) far excels anything we have ever shown. They all have t, p padded shoulders, firm fronts, and hand worked button £ > holes, and are fully equal to the very best custom made > suit. See our window display of new goods. * S / Do not buy old styles in c / Hats, Caps, Shirts and Neckwear > when you can step into our store and get the 1904 goods \ ) for the same price. v i S We have a few odds and ends on sale at a great ( t bargain. / \ Douthett & Graham. ! / INCORPORATED. In A Few More Days Our Sale is Over, it has been a success from the start. But there are still a few good things left for the economical buyer. DON'T PUT IF OFF ANY LONGER for you will regret it. Clothing, Hats and Furnishings at less than cost to make them, We must have the room that these goods occupy in our store. Schaul & Nast, LEADING CLOTHIERS AND FURNISHERS. 137 South Mam St., Butler AN ORDINANCE VACATING THE ALLEY KNOWN AS "SHORT WAV in the Mackey plan of lots in Butler Borough, Pa, and extending from Centre avenue to Strawberry Way, as a public alley of said borough. SECTION 1. Be it ordained and enacted by the Town Council and the Burgess of Butler Borough and it is hereby ordained and enacted bv authority of the same: That the alley known as "Short Way" in the Mackey plan of loi- ] in Butler Borough, Pa., and extending from Cent.-e avenue to Strawberry Way, i be and the same is hereby vacated and annulled aq a public alley of Butler Borough. Ordained and enacted in Counpil this day af IPO4. ATTEST: President of Town Council. Secretary Council. ! Now. 1904, the above and foregoing ordinance ; is hereby approved of by me. Burgesa. BUTLER, PA., THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 1904. SINCE 1893 I bns-in 1893 Who would then h;»ve jiro.ii.-ti-l tbe •_'r« ;i r «itv •!:.•«• ill w-i;lt". !h;it has sii'i c -t.kfli |»lrttv? •' •«t I fell y-n. tlo coining > cms ti :!i I—Hi it out of sijrht. '' ri'if.i ths with those «•!>.) •••.re to reap the f.itneps i f ihe f.inutry'ft advance. I will curry yoa ou ■'> j. ■ («i:t. margins. ESTABLISHED 1893. R. I. Weaver Stoats and i'ciids 223 Foortis PITTS'd U8 G. Eutkr, J A. REYNOLDS. Maa (g^r Indigestion, Dyspepsia m b cared by Tfj it and if it j. doesn't help you m I will pay back your I money. f Johnston's j PHARMACY, | 108 N. Main St. Don't Know That? That Stem's Creamery nn.l Milk depot at the rewr of 417 South Main street is in operation? WELL, IT IS! And if yon w:»nt, good Milk, Cream, Creamery Butter or Butter milk, call and see r.s or watch for our wagon. People's Phone 435 Bell Phone 2C3. ASK YOUR GROCER for Steon'g Boiled Cider in quart jars We guarantee jur products pure and free from auy adulteration. J. H. STEEN'S CREAMERY. Binding of Books Is our occupation. We put our entire time to studying the best and latest methods of doing our work. If you are thinking of having some work done in this line I am sure you will be well pleased if you have it done at Tbe Butler Book Bindery, W. W. AM ON, Prop. OPD Court House. M. A. BERKiMER, Funeral Director. 245 S. MAIN ST., BUTLER, PA. HUGH L. CONNELLY, Wholesale Dealer In Fine Whiskies For Medicinal Purposes, Bell Phone 278 People's Phone 578. 316 East Jefferson Street BUTLER. PA W S. & E, WICK, OJSALERS IN Hough and Worked Lumber' of n'l Kinds D.>ors, Sash and Moulding^ Oil Well Rigs a Specialty. Office and Yard E CuouUigJiam and Monro'.- aear Wogt P*»nn Depot, SYJHJP M The :.«v. inoio delleacy t.i»t «rcrj- : J Sj t>CKlv loves. A vrholeßome. c'.een. £3 U pure «vrnp, pood for cvtrj home El □ Lie. KoUt in tini whlrii ».! H kreplu ct>or boro. Wednesday, April 6 —Jackson and Cranberry twps., aud Zelieuople boro. Friday, April B—HarmonyB—Harmony aud Evans burjr fcoros, and Forward twp. Monday, April 11—Penn and Jeffer son twps., and Saxon burg boro. Wednesday, April 13 —Winfield and Buffalo twps. Friday, April 15—Clinton and Mid dlesex twps. Monday, April 18—Adams twp., Mars and Valencia boros. Wednesday, April 20—Butler twp. Friday, April 22—First ward, Butler boro. Monday, April 25—Second ward, But ler boro. Wednesday, April 27—Third ward, Butler boro. Friday, April 29—Fourth ward But ler boro. Mondjy, May 2—Fifth ward, Butler l>oro Assessors are requested to be present on the day of appeal for their district. J L PATTERSON. ROBERT McCLUNG. GREER McCANDLESS, Attest: Commissioner*. J. C. Kiskaddon, Clerk. Commissioners' Office, Bntler Pa., Feb. 29. 1004 L. C. WICK, !>StJ.Kt 1C LUABER. aesisrv r a»wr t rgßflnTT~ & F.JT. Papei I f JEWELER £ \ ) 121 E. Jefferson Street. / %%%%%%% § Star key ® & Leading Photographer, 0 * 0 Old Postoffice Building, @ 0 Butler, Pa. (*■) 0 00000000Q$000 I , J - > i- o• o-c | A Widow, a Ciri I | And a Bear | f c. s. r.ci* r j,s- I Q Copyright, 13uJ, fcy T. C. Aj"cC!i:r- 0 .>. 5. €« CC -O *C -0-3 = O 4 Besses owning r> l'r.r:j of a hundred acres tlie widow Jenkins v> s the pos sessor of a one horned cow, n three legged sheep find a tame bear. All were curiosities in their way. but the cow and the sheep have nothing to do with this story. A3 the sM - • how man say. they are thrown in w: !■ .;ut extra cost, and it is up to the bt;,r to enter tain the audience. Besides owning a farm of nearly 200 acres, situated about half a mile be low the widow Jenkins', Squire Davis was the proprietor of the only wind mill for ten miles around end the fa ther of a son twenty-two years old named Harry. The windmill was a good thing in Its way, but it will be blown out of this story at once and make no reappearance. The squire was a pompous, aggressive sort of a man who wanted to do all the bossing and have other people do ail the mini ing, while the widow was a woman with a mind of her own and didn't prupose to be walked on by anybody. It thus came about that soon after was left a widow she and the squire clashed. No lawsuit followed, but it was a bad thing for the cattle and pigs that strayed over the boundary lines, and there was always something doing to furnish the neighbors with talk. The relations between the squire and the widow had been strained for three or four years when two new charac ters came into the cast. A smart, good looking girl named Betty Lee came to live with the widow, and she hadn't been there two weeks when Hurry Da vis saw and fell in love with her. The son had tried to stand neutral In the quarrel, though naturally leaning to ward his father's side. Perhaps one reason why he couldn't be brought to think altogether ill of the widow was on account of her bear. She had bought the animal of a stroller who had been taken siek and shipped to a dis tant town. It was a big black bear, full of tricks and good nature, and It had taken a great liking to Harry. When the quarrel reached a certain stage of bitterness he had to part with the bear as well as the widow. The separation had lasted two years or more when Betty I*e arrived. A month later the young man was visit ing the widow, the girl and the bear and enjoying each and every occasion. These visits were unknown to the father, of course, and he did not dis- THE SQCIBI TURNED PALE AND SHOOK IU BIS CUAIK. cover them until rumor said that his son was going to marry Betty and that the widow Jenkins had brought things about to spite him. "Young man, is it so or is it not?" he demanded of Harry after Inviting him out to the barn for a talk. "I love Betty and am going to marry her," was the reply. "You'll never do it with my consent." "But I am of age, father." "Then I'll cast you off. If you marry that girl you cease to be a son of mine and shall never get a cent of this prop erty." Harry didn't indulge In any heroics. On the contrary, ho took the matter so quietly that his father chuckled to himself and believed that he had gained a victory in the first round. He let It be known that he expected Har ry to cease his visits to the farmhouse, but at the same time he was prepared to close his eyes for a time and give the boy a chance to retire with dignity. Things went on for three months with out anything further being said—that la, while It was said on all sides that Harry and Betty would be married on Thanksgiving day the talk did not reach the squire's ears until one even ing In October. He was n man who acted on impulse. Ho determined to go straight over to the widow's and settle things his way within fifteen minutes of arriving. The widow's bear had no particular grudge against the squire, but be was a watchdog as well as a bear. He had been turned out that evening to roam around and see that all was well, and when he suddenly discovered Squire Davis coming cross lots through the barnyard It was only natural that he should fasten his teeth In the farmer's trousers leg and conduct him to the door of the house. The squire didn't scare at bulls or tramps or mad dogs, but he drew the line at bears. He was In a cold fright when he reached the house, and the widow added to it by allowing the Uo»»r to follow him In and sit up. before him and growl and show his teeth. Harry had come courting as usual, and of course the position was em bar" for a couple of minutes. It mi, ' have lasted longer but for the i pre- of uU>(d of the widow. She realized the bear had dealt her a i hand, and she proceeded to ] play it for all It was w-orth. "I am very glad to see you." she said ' as she placed a chair for the r. "I ' * I am Widow Jenkins, as perhaps you • know. This young i::d.v is n . •:Vnd. j Miss Loo. and the ymimc :..ie:!ian [ there is your son Harr. . '' • his Introduced himself, but 1 v to say ' on his behalf that he Is aching to mako mince meat of you." ( "Harry, what are yon doing here?" , hoarsely demanded the father. "Courtitifr ISctty. sir," was the reply. "We are so-m t > be married, and I was going to to!l you of it i.i a day or two." hi? to that .-vl—never! You will leimMt.lmr that I tvld you '— Tiie I v.ir reared up and growled om inously, and the sijuire turned pale and shook in his chair. "You must not talk so loud," caution ed the widow. "Bumbo has got one of his savage fits on, and I can't hold him. What's the matter with Miss Lee that you don't want Harry to marry her?" "I don't want him to marry any one Just now." "Don't you? Down. Bumbo! Well, as the two are in love and engaged, I think they will marry, and you will be very silly to Interfere. Don't move your legs or Bumbo will have them!" "Why don't you call off your blamed old bear when you see that he is ready to eat me?" sbakingly exclaimed the squire as the sweat broke out on his face. "I can't He gets these savage fits on once in awhile, and there's no doing anything with him. If he gets his teeth Into you I don't think we can save you. Have you anything against Miss Lee?" "X-o." "Don't you think she would make Harry a good wife?" "I told you I didn't want— By thun der, are you going to see me eaten alive?" "Bumbo, spare him a little longer!" appealed the widow. "Now, then, Miss Lee comes of a nice family and is worth SB,OOO. and she and Harry are to be married Thanksgiving day—that Is, they were to be, but I have concluded to have the ceremony performed this evening. Squire Davis, you are a Jus tice of the peace." "What! Me marry 'em!" he sbouted. But the bear started In to hug him, and he almost fainted away in his terror. "Yes, you will marry them," quietly replied the widow after a bit "It will be a neat, nice thing to do, and It will be a good joke on the peoplo who ex pect you to make a fool of yourself. That's one side of it. The other side is that the bear Is getting overanxious." The squire fought against It for a quarter of an hour, but the widow, the bear and the girl, aided by occasional appeals from Harry, carried the day, and he stood up with the bear beside him and welded two souls according to law. Then the bride was kissed, the bear chained up, and as the squire nib bled his doughnut and sipped his glass of cider he was man enough to admit that he guessed it was all for the best— "gaul durn that bear!" Too Bnny to Make m Noil*. A Kansas City teacher of a kinder t garten was incapacitated from work one day by the following incident. The subject of the lecture and object lesson was animals, birds and then more ani mals. "Now, children," said the teacher. "I want each of you to think of some animal or bird and try for a moment to be like the particular one you are thinking about and make the same kind of noises it is in the habit of mak ing." Instantly the schoolroom became a menagerie, lions roaring, dogs bark ing, birds singing and twittering, cows lowing, calves bleating, cats meowing, etc., all in an uproar and excitement all, with one single exception. Off In a remote corner a litle fellow was sitting perfectly still, apparently indifferent and unmindful of all the rest. The teacher, observing him, ap proached and said: "Waldo, why are you not taking part with the other children?" Waving her off with a deprecating hand and wide, rebuking eyes, he fer vently whispered: "Sh —sh sh, teacher sh! I'm a 'oostei\ and I'm a-layin' a alg!"—Kan sas City Star. Better Late Than Not at All. The pastor of the little country church had been much annoyed by having the members of his congrega tion straggle in long after the service had begun. One Sunday morning, when he felt that further forbearance with this fault was impossible, he decided to rebuke some conspicuous offender. About twenty minutes later than the proper hour there entered a mild man nered little woman, one of the regular attendants of the church, but quite in corrigible In her tardiness. The min ister looked up. fixed her with his speo tacles nnd remarked: "Sister, you are very much behind time. I hope you will not be so late in getting Into heaven!" The little woman looked up, smiled sweetly and without a trace of confo sion replied placidly: "I shan't care about that, doctor, so long as I get there." And now the pastor feels that the smile that went round the church some how spoiled the effectiveness of hla rep rimand.—New York Tribune. Wonders of EamtTUt. It Is now known that precious and semiprecious stones were engraved with all the delicacy of modern fila gree work as long ago as the time of Horace, centuries before emery pow der, wheel and lathe were known. In more modern times and with the tools and appliances which civilization natu rally places In the artisan's hands, en gravers have performed wonders, even going to the extent of carving relief pictures on the hardest of all mineral substances, the diamond. The first art ist to engrave a diamond was Jacomo da Trezzo In 1967. The earliest in stance of any kind of an engraved gem is the emerald signet ring of Poly crates, 740 B. C. In the time of Fran cis 1., Matteo del Nasearo, an Austrian citizen of Italian parentage, cut his famous "Crucifixion" upon a blood stone, the lines conforming with the red spots and specks in such a manner as to make It appear that they were drops of blood Issuing from the mortal wounds of the Saviour. How Styles In Shoea Are Introduced. The manufacturers of shoes get out new styles every season and try to work up big sales, but it is the public which decides whether the styles will be popular or not The men who set the styles In hats and cloaks for wo men can be as arbitrary as they please. The women will follow them to any extreme, but show a man a shoe which looks to him ridiculous, and be will not have anything to do with it He would rather be out of style than uncomfortable or ridiculous. And so the manufacturers are careful not to make much of an outlay until ] they find out how the new styles will go with the people. They prepare, say, sixty lasts aad make up samples at an ; expense of only a few dollars. The salesmen take these out through the i country, and If orders begin to come In i the manufacturers prepare to make ! them in large quantities.—Milwaukee • Wisconsin. A Qn*n Funeral. One day a man passing along a street In a central district of London dropped Into a gulf that suddenly yawned for . him. He had got into a coal mine shaft ■ that had been bricked over 100 years before and forgotten. The depth of the shaft and tlic accumulation of foul gas in It precluded the recovery of Ms body, so the borough authority * had religion* sen. ■I irt over the !ols. The major dropped u tiuuUsuuie wreath into it, end it was once more covered up and arch- I ed with brick. No. 12. BARN MANURE How It la Valued and Handled la Various Parts of the Country. There are still extensive regions in the United States where barn manure la considered a farm nuisance. In a county In Oregon the neighbor Is wel come to haul away this manure, and that neighbor Is likely to be a thrifty German with a large garden. ID other Oregon counties the manure Is burned In a California county the manure 1& dumped Into the ravines. It goes to the creek In Oklahoma. It is hauled to a bole In the ground or put on one side of the field in Kansas. South Da kota farmers burn it to be rul of It and sometimes buru It for fuel. In North Dakota farmers haul barn manure to piles and leave it there until it disap pears. Farmers in Missouri deposit it by the roadside, and in Idaho scrapers are used, and it is "often seen piled up as high as a barn." In many counties between the Missis sippi river and the Pacific ocean farm ers not only find barn manure a nui sance, but they have a grievance against it claiming In South Dakota that it produces dog fennel, elsewhere that it produces other weeds and in various counties that it has such an effect of "poisoning" the soil that farm ers are afraid of It The owner of a large California wheat ranch required a tenant last year to spread the barn manure of the ranch upon the wheat land, but the tenant after doing so, set fire to the stubble and burned the manure. In semiarid regions barn manure needs to be used cautiously on unirri gated land. In the wheat lands of Cali fornia it is more or less visible for four or five years after Its application to the land. The practice of 200 years ago survives In some parts of the south; cattle are penned upon the land to increase its fertility, and the pen is shifted as the owner desires. In a large portion of the north cen tral states barn manure is removed to prevent accumulation and deposited up on the fields throughout the winter to be plowed under in the spring. In the east it is allowed to accumulate until spring, when It is deposited upon the land Just before plowing. The use of this fertiliser for top dressing grass land is very common throughout the principal portion of the United States wherever it is used in considerable quantities. Barn manure is more generally ap plied to corn than to any other crop, although a liberal application of it is made to tobacco, potatoes and vegeta bles. Commercial fertilizer Is liberally used In cotton production, in the more Intensive agriculture of fruit and vege table raising and In growing small grains, to which It is applied with a seeder at time of seeding. The use of barn manure is greatest in the east while commercial fertilizers have the greatest use In the cotton belt The use of any kind of barn or com mercial fertilizer Is more and more sporadic westward from Indiana, and commercial fertilizer Is hardly any where seen west of the Mississippi riv er except on vegetable and fruit farms. — G. K. Holmes. LtTtl For Irrigation Dltehea. The little level shown In the accom panying Illustration I use in surveying Irrigation ditches on my ranch, says an Orange Judd Farmer correspondent.' It is very Blmple and accurate, and first class work can be done with It It is made of a long piece of 1 by 4 inch board, 16 feet long, with a straight edge. On one end nail a leg 1 by 4 by 24 Inches long flush with the top. On the other end nail a similar piece three eighths of an Inch longer than the oth i art 4: THE IJEVEIi. er. This makes a good grade. In the middle of the long piece nail on either side short pieces so as to hold a com mon carpenter's level. Place the short leg on the starting point of the ditch and move the other end until the bub ble is level. In this way you will have a ditch with a three-eighths inch grade to the rod. Continue this throughout the entire length of the ditch. Intenae Cultivation Doea It. Most of us are land poor. There are thousands of money making farms in this country of less than ten acres each. As a rule the small farms make the most money. Look at the prosper ous truck gardeners. Intense cultiva tion does it.—George M. Clark. Poultry Points. An excellent wash for swelled head Is quinine dissolved in water. Irregular feeding is apt to cause a de rangement of the digestive organs. The poultryman who is continually changing breeds never succeeds in the business. Winter is the season to feed green cut bone to poultry. It is good egg making material. Do not adopt every bill of fare yon hear of. If yours is producing good results stick to it If you feed green cut bone, see that It Is fresh and that it Is not from ani mals that have died of disease. Begin in a small way, grow gradu ally, stick to It—that Is the foundation upon which successful poultry plants have been built It costs no more to feed and care for a pure bred flock than It does for a mongrel lot nnd the profits are greater with the former. The Brown Leghorns lay the smallest egg and the Light Brahma the largest of the popular breeds of today.—Farm Journal. Unnecessary. Cholly—A fellow told me today that I didn't know enough to go in when It rained. Miss Sharp—And what did yon lay ? Cholly—l assuhed him It was quite unnecessary, doncher know, because X nevah go out when it rains.—Phlladat* phla Ledger. Expenalve. Father—Yes, I admit my daughter will have a good dowry, but she has very expensive tastes. Lover— Yon amaze me. What does she ever want that is so very expensive? Father- Well, you for one thing.—lllustrated Bits. Controlling neraelf. She—l want you to select the ring, dear. He—But I thought you wanted to. She— l did. But I'm afraid w* can't afford it.—Life. Conclusive. She— What makes you think hi* oA ▼lce is good? He—Because he neve* gives it unless It's asked for.— Detroit Free Press. There are but three classes of men— the retrogade. the stationary and til* progressive.— Lav ater.