VOL. XXXX. BICKERS Winter Footwear Extremely Large Stock of Winter Footwear At Away Down Prices. Holiday Slippers. We are showing a large stock of Holiday Slippers. Many styles in fine leather, felt and embroideried slippers. We wish to close out our entire stock of Holiday slippers before Christmas j and in order to do so we will sell them at extremely low prices, ; Ladies' Fine Shoes masterpiece of the shoe-! makers art and standard of the world. High or medium cut, j box-calf, fine dongola, enamel and patent leather. Button or. lace in light or heavy soles. || AII ' QL AAn All the latest styles in men's fine! men S onues shoes. Large stock of Cokey's high-1 cut, hand-pegged, box-toe and plain toe shoes. Gokey's Copper Tipped Shoes for the Boys. Complete Stock of Men's and Boys' Heavy Stocking and Overs Ladies', Gents', Misses' and Children's Felt Boots and Overs Leggins and Overgaiters in all sizes. Lambs wool in soles all sizes Sole Leather and Shoemakers Supplies. Repairing Promptly Done. JOHN BICKE;L, BUTLER, PA. s Opening Display Holiday Goods | 2 A Grand Stock to Select From. w Big Reduction in Millinery. 2 Lrife*size Prize Doll Given Away. S See Show Window. £ The Moderq Store. t* The Store in Holiday Array. Fancy Goods, J Dolls, Furs, Neckwear, Umbrellas, Jewelry, Gloves, etc., Dress Goods, Silks, etc. The finest Life sized Doll ever exhibited in Butler, $ Every 25c purchase entitles yoa to a doll coupon. The more coupons, j* the more likely yon are to get this grand doll. (k Take advantage of onr SACRIFICE SALE OF ALL TRIMMED in HATS, for yonr holiday ontfit. Crystal Distilled Water served to customers while shopping at the atore. U u Co., & wvnmlaSo x" I 221 Send in Your Mail Orders. (K OPPOSITE HOTEL ARLINGTON. BUTLER. PA. I P Merchant Tailor. \? I] I . Fall and Winter Suitings |j ■ f ; JUST ARRIVED. 11 ■ 142 North Main St. . |j COOPER CO., FINE; TAILORS. Are r\ow occupying their old. locatioi\ at corner of tlrje Diamoqd. Suits from sls to SSO. For Holiday & Wedding Presents | j [ There's nothing more appropriate than pictures, and there's no better % j place to buy them than at our store. We have on view Bisson's "Zephyrs § j , of Love.' one of the grandest water colors out. Also a full line of Den X ■ j Pictures. Oval Frames are all tbe go now. See what we have to offer. * TREGANOWAN ART CO, f JJeS Jw"Ho/rf Oo h St '~ Plttobor g- | Cohn's Store, The Place with no Handsome Front. We want you to come to our store and look around for your Xmas shopping. We can't expect you to ap preciate the vast superiority of this store as regards varieties, qualities, styles and low prices unless you see What other stores are offering. We have the goods you want; we sell at absolutely the lowest prices. We are doing a big business simply because we merit it. Look round, you simply can't help being convinced ttyat this is the Lowest priced store in the county We desire to impress you particularly with the thorough manner in which we are prepared to fill your wants for your holiday buying. It vev» ar® looking after your, own best interests you will buy here. When you come to this store you will forcibly realize the truth of this statement. W® handle Everything Eeady to Wear for Men, Women and Cbildren. Cohn's Bargain Store, 150 Main and Cunningham Sts. THE BUTLER CITIZE Indigestion, Dyspepsia ran be cured bj Ytnol Trj it and tl it I doesn't help yon we! will pay back your money. Johnston's PHARMACY, 106 N. Main Si. Reed's Wine of Cod blver Oil will build you up and make you strong, will give you an appetite and new life. If you feel tired and worn out try our Wine of Cod Liver Oil and find relief. It is stronger and better than pure Cod Liver Oil. Pleasant to take and is inoffensive to delicate stomachs. Indorsed and recom mended by physicians every where. The best Spring tonic to give you Health and strength. For sale only at Reed's Pharmacy Transfer Corner Main and Jeff i;m fit ntler. Pa Do You Buy Medicines? Certainly You Do. Then you want the best for the least money. Tfyat is our motto, Come and see us when in need of anything in the Drug Line and we are sure you will call again. We carry a full line of Drugs, Chemicals, Toilet Articles, etc. Purvis' Pharmacy 8. G. PURVIS, PH. Q Both Phones. 213 8. Main Bt. Butler Pn. IJ BHIHTFT || HOSE. TTES! * ."I 5 4 OUR STOCK OF . | HATS AND I !> Men's Furnishings !j j; IS NOW COMPLETE. J 11 Come jn and let us show you J ' the r/ew fall shirts. J I' We have shirts at all prices. I| # Onr leader of coarse, is the < 1 II 11 Manhatten Shirt. !| 11 The best in the World. !| i|ln Underwear:| < I we have all the (li&ereut weights ( i . | and I We can surely suit you if you , '. need nnderwear. < Haven't the apace to call atten- '! !• tion to all the good things we t 0 have. 1 1 • Jnst come In and see for your # self. \\ A Strict attention paid to mail 2 orders. Jno. S. Wick |i ! [ HATTER and J ] , MEN'S FUKNIBHEH. j > 1 [ People's 'Phone. 015 1 1 I! BUTLKR. PA. 11 BUTLER, PA., THURSDAY, DECEMBER 10, 1903. PROFESSIONAL CARUS. ATTORNEYS. RP. SCOTT, • ATTORNEY-AT-LAW, Office in Butler COUQ National Bank building. AT. SCOTT, • ATTORNEY AT LAW. Office at No. 8. West Diamond St. But ler, Pa. POL'LTER & BAKER, v ATTORNEYS AT LAW Office in Butler County National Bank bnilding. JOHN U. COULTER, F) ATTORNEY-AT-LAW. Office with R. C. McAboy, J. P., south side Diamond. Special attention given to collections and business matters. Reference: Butler Savings Bank, or BnMer County National Bank ] I). Mcjr.NKIN, rj . A TTORNEY-AT-LAW. Ofticc in Reiber building, cwniei MaiD and E. Cunningham Sts, Entrance oc Main street. ] 13. P.KEDiN, •) . ATTORNEY AT LAW. ..iSice on Main St. neat Couit (louse. I? VERETT L. RAuSTON, LJ ATTORNEY-AT-LAW, No. 257 South 51& in Street, Butler, Pa. Fisher Building. Fust iloor on South Main street, ntxt my former office in Boyd Ruilding. H"~ K.GOU^HRti, • ATTORNEY AT L*W. •)fcein Wisr ht.iV.inc J." H. NEGLEV. HI. ATTORNEY AT LAW. <-\fc ce N- gley B silding. West Diamond LP. WALKER, • NOTARY PUBLIC, BUTLER, PA. Office with Berkmer, next door to P O. PHYSICIANS, Geo. m beatty, m d , PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON, Office in John Richey Building. Office Honrs—9-11 A. M., 2:30-5:30 p. M.. 6:80-B;T»0 P. M. Sunday 9-10:45 A. M., 1-3:00 P. M. Night calls 331 N. Washington St. People's Phone 739. DR. H. J. NEELY. Rooms 6 and 7. Hngbes Building, South Main St, Chronic diseases of genito urinary organs and reetnm treated by the most approved methods. Hemorrhoids and Chronic IJseases a Specialty. TV H. BROWN, M. D.. H ■ Office in Riddle building.Diamond. next door to Dr. Bell's old office. Office Hours: —9 to 11 a. m., I to 3 and 6 to 8 p. m. G1 EO. K. McADOO. M. D. F EYE, EAR, NOSE AND THROAT, Exclusively. Hours—9-12, 1-5. Both Phones. Troutman building, S. Main St. 7 C. BOYLE, M. D. F ' • EYE, EAR, NOSE ami THROAT, After Ap:il Ist, office in former Dr. Peters'resi fence, No. 121 E. Cunning ham St., B .tler, Pa., next door to Times printing office. CLARA E. MORROW, D. 0., GRADUATE BOSTON COM.BCK OK OSTHOI'AIHY. Womeu't diseases a specialty. Con sultatian and examination free. Office Hours, 9to 12 m., 2 to 3 p. m People's Phone 573. 116 S. Main street, Butler, Pa (1 M. ZIMMERMAN I# PHYSICIAN AND SOKGBON At 327 N. Main St. R. HAZLETT, M. D„ • 106 West Diamond, Dr. Graham's former office. Special attention given to Eve, Note and Throat. People's Phone 5&1 OAMUELM. BIPPUS, 0 PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON aoo West Cunningham St. DR. JULIA R. FOSTER. DR. CLARENCE M. LOWE. OSTEOPATHIC PHYSICIANS. Rooms 9 and 10 Stein Building, Butler. Consultation and examination free, daily ; and evenings by appointment. DENTISTS. WJ. HINDMAN, • DENTIST. South Main street, (ov Metzer's shoe store.) DR. H. A. MCCANDLESS, JMIN-NST. Office in Butler Connty National Bank Building, 2nd floor. HW. WICK, • DENTIST. Has located in the new Stein building, with all the latest devices for Dental work. DR. M. D. KOTTRABA, Successor to Dr. Johnson. DHNTIST Office at No 114 K. Jeftersotj St., over G. W. Miller's grocerv 1 J. DONALDSON, 'J • DENTIST. Artificial Teeth inserted on the iate*t improved plan. Gold Fillings a spec ialty. Office next to postoffice. DR J. WILBERT McKfaK, SutiGEON DENTIST. Office ovpr C. iJ. Miller's Shoe Store, 215 S. Main street, Butler, Pa. Peoples Telephone 505. A specialty made of gold fillings, gold crown and bridye work. MISCELLANEOUS. VVTM. H. WA 1.C33, StlftvEYOß, Residence 214 W. Pearl St., Butler, Pa, n F. L. McQCISTION, V. CIVI h AMU SURVEYOR. Offiwd ncir Court House JAMES DOLMJS. • LICENSED Inquire at Shiiiit'soffice or 426 Mifflin St. Butler Pa. WM. WALKER. (.'HAS. A. MCELVAIN. WALKER & McELV'AiN, SQj 15 ruler County National Bank Bldg. REAL FCHTATE. INSURANCE. OIL PROPEFITIES LOA.VS.' HOTH I'UONEH. Binding of Books Is our occupation. Wc put our entire time to studying the best and latest methods of doinf qyiy work. If vqy arc thinking of having some work done in this line I am sure you will be well pleased if you have it done at Tfeg Batlcr Book Bindery, W. W. AMON, Prop. Opp Court House. THE GREAT "RUB-DOWN." FOUR-FOLD LIMIEIIT. For Sore Muscles, Pain in Back, Sore Throat and Sprains. AT ALL DRUGGISTS. 25c, 60c, $1 OO Cross Poor man ! He can't help it. It's his liver. He needs a liver pill. Ayer's Pills. I Vait jour r.custacLc cr tcard c. J beautiful brov>a cr rich black? Use Buckingham's Bp iSOcis.of druggistjor R. °- Ha" tCo., Nash'js.N.H Nasal CATARRH fmsm In all its stage*. J JJUD# Ely's Cream cleanses, soothes and heals f y Jxp m the diseased membrane. 11 cares catarrh and drives sway a cold in the head quickly. Crejira Ilalm is placed into the nostrils, spreads over the membrane and is absorbed. Relief is im mediate and a cure follows. It is not drying—does not produce sneezing. Large Size, 50 cents at Drug gists or by mail; Triai Bi»e, 10 cents. ELY BROTHERS, 56 Warren Street, New York Hfw as * w STOCK I have purchased the C. J. Harvey Pharmacy, in the Stein building, at 345 S. Main St., am remodeling and restocking the store. 1 have twenty-two years experience as a pharmacist, and compounding of prescriptions will be under my personal at tention. Pure drugs and honest treat ment guaranteed. When in town shopping, stop and leave your packages. J L McKee, Pharmacist, Stein Block. S. Main St.. Butler. Pa. FOR Drugs %did{ & Grohman, 109 N. /Wain Street, SUTI96R, PA. I}est Service. Prompt and Careful Attention. Four F(e^istered Pharmacists. Prescription Worl< a Specialty. Don't Know That? That Stem's Creamery and Milk depot at the rear of 417 South Main street is in operation? WELL, IT IS! Anil i* yo«t want good Milk, Cream. Creamery Bntter or Butter milk, call and see ns or watch for our wagon. People's Phone ia» Bell Phone 263. AHK YOUR GROCER for Steen's Boiled Cider in qnart jars We guarantee jur products pure and free from any adulteration. J. H STEEN'S CREAMERY ■ RUINED I H Many a fine piece of H ■ silver,watch or locket Si H is spoiled by machine Sf PP or poor hand engrav- pf E lug 1 , we engrave with- g| H out extra charge on B§| ■ all goods Field by us, Ir; ™ and when we say i engraved we moan 1 engraving; that you Sis P *yiil not be ashamed jp B to send anywhere. 4 ■ Ralston & Smith, £ B "No Fancy Prices," 1| jS JEWELERS, |g ■■ Engravers and Watehiuakets. Hi 9 110 W. Jefferson Street. B M. A.BE RKIMER, Funeral Director 5; S. Main S* B-jtlsr 0 CUPID AMD THE £ [J MUD CLERK jjj 0 By W. W. HINES 0 0 Copyright, 1908. by T. C. McClure 0 They rate on the company's pay roll as third clerks. Unofficially, but more correctly, they are known as mud clerks. Jimmy Boynton was mud clerk on the big side wheel steamboat Rcna Stanton, and he was proud of the fact. Now, the chief clerk on a Mississippi river boat Is a dignitary of no mean importance, while the second clerk Is almost as impressive an Individual. The mud clerk Is the youngster who follows the foremost deck -hand off the gangplank at every landing and checks the freight. When he jumps off the gangplank he generally lands In mud up to his knees. The reason why he never receives his rightful tiUe ef third clerk Is obvious. Some men might not consider this pleasant work, but It suited Jimmie. lie knew, too, that the way of a mud clerk. If properly directed, leads to a chief clerkship and eventually to a post ns captain. Meantime he was a happy go lucky sort of lad who was liked by every one from the captain down to the negro deck hands, more commonly known as "rousters." On this particular evening he was at peace with himself, the world and even the rousters who were unloading the cargo of cotton on the levee. Jimmy was mechanically checking the num bers atop the bales, but a strange sort of Inner consciousness was drinking In the beauty of the scene before him. The setting sun had turned the muddy waters to a sensuous, laving silver. Just beyond the ripples made by the slowly turning paddle wheels of the boat In the reverse motion necessary to counteract the force of the current lay a tiny island, formed by the cutting In two of n long, narrow sand bar. A few Cottonwood trees nodded lazily on the willful bit of land. To his right the old levee had crumbled away, and a new one had been built behind it, form ing nn artificial lake fringed with tall cottonwood trees and gnarled stumps of cypress. Across the stream the mighty force of water had cut into an Island, and every time the boat passed up and down the river the contour of the bank had changed# Sometimes only a foot or two had been sliced away. Sometimes whole acres had dis appeared. It was a marvelous power, to-as this mother of waters, and yet Jimmie thought exultantly that he was master of it lie could ride it, turn its force into money, make It earn him position and promotion. And, thinking thus, he decided that he would not trude Jobs Just now with his own congressman. And then she came on the scene, and he suddenly discovered that it might be desirable to be a congressman after all and wear glossy boots and unstained trousers. It all happened very suddenly—so suddenly, in fact, that he stopped In the midst of a mighty volley of very forci ble language aimed at a lazy rouster, dropped his stub of a pencil and, In blissful ignorance of what he was do ing, stood deliberately staring at the dainty vision tripping up the gnng plank. The vision wore something very fluf fy and thin and blue, with something thinner still at her throat and wrists, something which fluttered about very coquettlshly when she turned her head or lifted her skirts. And her broad flat hat was wreathed In the pinkest of pink roses. Jimmie had only one brief glimpse, but he remembered quite dis tinctly that the blue In her dress and In her eyes matched perfectly, likewise the pink In her hat and her lips. Now, of course nny authority on fash ion could huve informed Jimmie that the vision was most badly dressed for traveling, but to Jimmie "good form" was an unknown quantity. He de cided that the vision must be a daugh ter of a railroad president at least, and probably had a million or two iu her own right. Having reached this deci sion, he finished the volley of language, picked up his pencil and resolutely turned his back on the vision. But visions such as Miss Lorena Thomas possess a haunting quality. The ladles' cabin, so called by courtesy, lay at the other end of the long, narrow, oval expanse, but Jimmie was thor oughly couvlnced that Miss Thomas could see his mud sputtered gurments as he rushed through his report In front of the clerk's desk. 80 expedi tiously did he complete this task that the Itenu Stanton bad not got under full headway before Jimmie bolted into ills tiny stuteroom In search of the only ether pair of trousers he possessed. They met at the supper table, and when the meal was over Jimmio thank ed his stars that, after all, he was only the mud cierk. Both the first and second clerk hnd desk work before them, and Jimmie had only a long, lazy evening on deck, during which ho could show Miss Thomas the beauties of his river life. There were moments when this pleas ure palled, however. That was when the soft, thin stuff at Miss Thomas' (eck and wrists fluttered with a par cularly elegant air or the pink roses In her hat bent with languid dignity In his direction. They seemed to re mind him that daughters of railroad presidents with their purple and fine Unen, which In this Instance appeared In the form of forgetmenot blue and rose pink, were not for mud clerks, ®ven If the latter had flattering pros pects. He had about decided to lead tip to the topic ef her family when the Kate Adams hove in sight, and they leaned against the rail while Jimmie discoursed upon the feats performed by this the fastest l>oat on the river. In truth, Jlmmle's ambition had once ■topped with the captaincy of the Kato Adams, but now he thought with u sigh, "What Is the Kate Adams after alir But he did not linger on the thought. Everything happened too quickly. Miss Thomas In her excitement had climbed up on the foot rail when the Imperti nent evening breeze took a fancy to the pink crowned hat. Away It went. There was a shrill shriek, and some thing blue and fluttering bent a little too far over and then went after the bat. And after both went Jimmie. It must bo admitted that under the lufluence of u blanket, some but grog and the fulsome praise of one or two of bis coinruties Jlmmle Indulged lu Koine romantic day dreams, lie bud a picture of a grateful railroad president, a pink and bluo vision wltb downcast eyes and a brown eyed young man be ing very magna nlmoui, but neverthe less accepting a lifetime devotion lu re turn for a cold plunge. Then the ef feets of the grog wore ofT, and Jlmmle shook himself vigorously. The nest morning he stood diffident ly lu Miss Thomas' prcseuce. UoiM were the blue frock with its lace frills and the beautiful rose crowned hat. A very sober, sad eyed young woman clad in a simple gingham dress mur mured her thanks. Jimmle shifted from one foot to the other and tried to hide his embarrass- ment, but when Miss Thomas burst into tears he forgot differences of sta tion and sat down beside her. "Oh, 1 reckon you won't be any the worse for the ducking," he said by way of consolation, wishing lie could take the sobbing figure in his arms and say something more comforting. "It isn't the wetting I mind, but— but—my—oh, my dress! I sewed three weeks for Aunt Myra to pay for that dress, and I—l was so proud of it I know I shall never have another one as pretty as long as I live." "Yes, you will," declared Jimmle, with the air of a prophet who knew his calling. "Just you wait." he added mysteriously. "Why, you'll have one of 'em every summer; see if you don't." The girl dried her eyes and looked at him in wonder, but he hardly noticed her expression. Ue was thinking ecstatically that you cannot always tell a railroad president's daughter by her clothes. And It WHS not until Jimmie became chief clerk of the Rena Stanton and settled his bride and her widowed mother In a neat little cottage at Natch ez that he discovered that very pret ty muslin could be bought for 12M cents a yard, with pink roses at 50 cents a spray. That was when he In sisted upon choosing the bridal gown and ruled severely against the loveliest cotton back white satin at ■67V4 cents per yard. Take Your Time Estlac. Here is an example that is worth re membering and following. Horace Fletcher writes of au experience that he had while traveling on a railway with the proverbiul twenty minutes for dinner in which to satisfy a labor ing man's appetite. There was an ex cellent array of good things on the lunch counter to eat and drink, and from these he made a selection rather than attempt the regular dinner. He chose plump ham sandwiches, creamy milk and a large piece of pie. The twenty minutes was ample time for disposing of sandwiches and milk, while he hud the pie put In paper to give epicurean enjoyment on the train, lie says: "If I had put the pie and sandwiches and the milk into my stomach in seven or eight minutes, which, by actual ob servation, is the gluttonous rate of dis patching a station meal, I would have lost two-thirds of nutriment, more than one-half of taste and taken on twenty-four hours of discomfort, pos sibly inviting a cold and creating an 'open door' for any migrating microbes that were floating about In my atmos phere looking for strained tissue or fermenting food in which to build their disease nests." Observation proves that you cannot get more nutriment Into your stomach than salivation prepares, "gulp" though you may, but you can take In a load of disease possibilities In trying to force or evade proper salivation. —Cooking Club. Women In Poland. Polish women are renowned for their beauty, for the i>erfectlon of their lunula and the Niuiilliies» ot (heir feet. Polish ladles maintain that when they shop In Vienna and show their small feet with the high Instep to be fitted the tradesmen exclaim, "Ah, those are Polish feet!" But their pleasure In this distinction Is not so much a matter of personal vanity as of satisfaction In the supe riority of anything belonging to their country, for they are fervidly patri otic. The lady of position rises between 11 nnd 12 In the forenoon and goes to bed at 4 o'clock the next morning. She drives fro® one visit to another, but In reality she Is laboring all day for pub lic Interests. Everything, the founding of a library, n hospital, a Bewlng school, Is made to strengthen the Po llsti cause. Four ladles do not meet on a charity committee, says George Brandes, without talcing some meas ure, under that innocent pretext, for the national benefit As a consequence of this charm and spirit, the women of Poland receive from the men a courtesy amounting to homage. Men always rise in a tram rar to give a lady a seat. At any pub lic place a chair may be ruthlessly de manded of even the most distinguished official present, with the sufficient ex planation, "for a lady." Opnln of V«rlou» OfitPi'M. There are several varieties of opals and therefore several degrees of merit The precious or noble or oriental opal Is the supreme. This has all the col ors, and when these colors are broken into spangles it Is then called the harlequin opal. Then comes the tiro opal, or girasole, with hyacinth red and yellow reflection. The former comes from Hungary and the latter from Mexico. The common, or seini opals, are uonopalescent The hydro phane, or oculus mundl. Is noutrails pa rent, but becomes so by immersion in water or any transparent fluid. The cachalong is nearly opaque and of a blulsli white color. The hyalite Is colorless, pellucid and white. The opal Jasper, or wood opal, is the petrifaction of wood, opalescent, but without the coloring which makes the "noble" gem so precious. JnpmicMe I'ftntlmcft. In Japan to get up parties to behold the freshly fallen snow or the cherry bloHsoms or the maple trees In their autumnal glory or to go to the flower shows Is as de rlguenr as are our din ners, cotillons and theater parties. Mushroom hunting Is a fashionable pastime, while in the house harp play ing, verse writing, embroidering and tea drinking are the most absorbing occupations. The most pretentious en tertainment Is the tea ceremony. It Is very formal, and there Is much elab orate performance connected with It difficult for a foreigner to comprehend. —Good Housekeeping. au■■■ ( lifwlnii. "To chew gum for live or teu min utes after a meal is absolutely bene ficial," said a physician, "especially for hasty eaters, who do not half masti cate their food, because the action of the Jaws causes the gastric juices to flow, and that is good. Hut so few people can use and not abuse It. They get the guui in their mouths and keep at It till they fairly dry up the saliva j supply, bring on a headache and get generally nervous. This will cause in digestion." Wonderful Bird I IIKIH. The moHt wonderful bird UlnM noted is the migratory achievement of tlie Virginia plover, which leave# the north ern haunts in North America and, tak ing a course down the Atlantic, usually from 4(H) to .Vki mlleM e.iMt «.r the Ber muda-), readies the coast of Brazil In one unbroken tllthl of ftft»■ n hours, , covering a distance of KJ miles ut the | rate of four uilles a minute. N. VIRGINIA COURTESY. tlr Ita Operation Mr. < alprpprr C(w Into Ilia Onn. It is the story of a polite and polished Virginia gentleman and his landlady, also polite, i>olislied nnd a Virginian. It rained on a day not long ago, nnd when Mr. Culpepper looked for his umbrella In the terra cotta tile In the ball It was not there. Mr. Culpepper was far too courteous to say that some- I body had taken it. He didn't even say it was gone. He merely looked at the terra cotta tile and cherished regrets. ' It was raining, and he had no umbrel- ' la. The courteous landlady came upon him and divined his trouble. "Haven't you any umbrella?" she asked. "Oh, that's too bad! You mustn't think of going out without one. Just wait a moment til! I get you mine." Mr. Culpepper protested, but when Virginian meets Virginian courtesy is bound to prevail in the end. The land lady went upstairs and presently re i turned with an umbrella. "There," said she. "Take it 1 shan't need it today, and you are perfectly welcome to it, perfectly welcome." And the grateful Mr. Cul|>epper stepped out and unrolled an umbrella which was the very one he had lost I Courteous Virginia gentleman, courte ous Virginia landlady, and you needn't ask me how the umbrella came to ! change owners, for I don't know. Nel- j | ther does Mr. Culpepper.—Washington i Post. Dlasnoalnsr t'ndrr Dlfllcaltlea. Dr. Sundberg, former consul to Bag dad, related with much gusto an ad venture that befell him In a Mobam ! medan harem In Bagdad. One of the ' wives of a rich merchant fell sick, and j Dr. Sundberg was called in to prescribe for her. With a pardonable scientific j Interest the western physician waited. , Enter a black gunnysack. It is the pa | tient. The doctor would like to feel her pulse. A white hand Is slipped through ' an opening. Good. And her tongue— I impossible! No man save her husband may see the face of a woman and live | or, more accurately, no woman may I unveil her face to any man save ber ' husband nnd live. His professional ln- I terest aforesaid deeply aroused, the dlp i lomatic doctor insists. The difficulty Is at length solved by the eunuch in chief. Though the woman may not lawfully unveil herself, the doctor under the cir cumstances might perhaps be allowed i to crawl in under the gunnysack nnd so examine the telltale tongue. "Delight ed, I'm sure," says the doctor, and does so. Then after the most thorough diag nosis imaginable be prescribes, as did Abernethy before him, "A little sun and air!" The Orlsla of Starching. The course of history carries us back no further than the year 1504 for the origin of starching in London. It was in that year that Mistress Van der Plasse came with her husband from Flanders to the English metropolis "for their greater safety" and there pro fessed herself a starcher. The best housewives of the time were not long in discovering tlie excellent whiteness of the "Dutch linen," as It was called, and Mistress Plasse soon lind plenty of good paying clients. Some of these be gan to send her ruffs of lawn to starch, which she did so excellently well that it became n saying that If any one sent her a ruff mnde of a spider's web she would be able to starch It. So greatly did her reputation grow that fashiona ble dames went to her to learn the art and mystery of starching, for which they gladly paid a premium of £4 or £5. and for the secret of seething starch they paid gladly a further sum of 20 shillings. Bjron'a Fatted Gooae. One of the stories concerning the traditional dish of roast goose on Mi chaelmas dny refers to Lord Byron, says an English newspaper. The poet always Insisted lu keeping up old cus toms in small things, such as having hot cross buns ou Good Friday and roast goose on Michaelmas day. This last fancy had a grotesque result when he was In Italy. After buying a goose and fearing It might be too lean Byron fed it every day for a month previous to the festival, so that the poet and the bird became so mutally attached that when Sept. 29 arrived he could not kill it, but bought another and had the pet goose swung In a cage under his carriage when he traveled. The Abaent Jack. The wife of a Washington street merchant Is very fond of roses, espe cially of the brilliant varieties. By way of reminder she said to the bus band the other morning before he started for business: "I see, my dear, that Jacks are be coming cheaper." "That may be true," said the hus band absently, "but 1 have known men who would have been willing to pay ?Irl nrmir. Cook—Yes; my mistress Is a prima donna and a horrible creature. She treats me like the dirt beneath her feet, but I revenge myself by opening the drawing room window when she Is not at home and l>y bowling with all my might, so that the neighbors may think her voice is cracked.—Fllegende Blat ter. His Qnrallon. "I want to ask one ruoro question," said little Frank as be was being put to bed. "Well," acquiesced the tired wom:in. "When the holes come In stockings, what becomes of the piece of stocking that was there before tho hole came?"