VOL XXXI
THE PHOENIX.
Do you know why the PHOENIX bicycle is the most
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A guarantee is a good tiling iu its
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facture.
For catalogue and other information
address,
THE STOVER BICYCLE M'f'g. Co.
FREEPORT, ll* L>. or
J. E. FORSYTHE, Agent.
SUTLER, PA,
BUTLER FAIR.
September 4, 5,6 and 7, 1894.
Entries in Horse and Cattle Departments
close August 27th.
EXCURSION RATES ON ALL RAILROADS.
For Premium Lists Apply to
W. P. ROESSING, Sec y.
BUTLER, PA.
DECLINE.
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THE BUTLER CITIZEN.
CITATION IN PARTITION.
In re partition of Lhe~t In the Orphans'
' real estate of George | Court of Butler Co.
i Hines, dee'd, lactt of; Pa. O C. No 1.
Brady twp., Butler | S«pt Term, 1894.
county, Pa. J
On June 4, 1594, tbu petition of Mnry K.
GihMtu (nee Din<si<> was presented to tn •
Orphan >' Court of Butler county at abov
number ami terni.Mitucg forih in sntintane ■
as That *aid daCwdeut died eeiz l !
of, in a*.id to a certain tract of land, cituat.- ■
in Slipperyrock twp., sa'rt county. Tb ti ;
no partition or valuation thereut has
made to ami among tho.-uj outith-d theref >.
an 1 therefore prays tbe Court to award a
inquest according to law in snch case made
and provided, etc. Signed.
Maey E. Gibson.
Whereupon Court made tbe following
order. Now, June 4, 18U1, citation and
rule to show cau«e why partition should
not be made aa prayed lor. Awarded. Re
turnable to Sept. Term
By Tat Court.
Now, Aujr. 14. 1804, in pursuance of sai>i j
citation and order of Court i.<-ued oat i
the Orphans' Court of said oouuly anil j
tne dnected, I hid is to n-.ti y tbe following
named parties to be and appear at an O
pbans' Court to lie held ai Butier, in an.
for the county of f?ut!e', on M<>n<iar tti.-
3 ' day of Sep'.. 1594. at 2 o'clock p. in. ot
said day, then and there to show cause il
any they maj' have why the prayer of th •
above petitioner sV»ild not he granted si
prayed for therein. (Leo tlines, George W
tlinej', Thomas J Ilines, Mary H ilin«».
Ja-per W. Hii.es, Richard llioe.-s, —[lines
Eleanor .1 Ilines and Alexander Bine-,
wtiose residence is unknown Piancis
Uines, dee'd. leaving to survive htm M n>
K Uiiie-. L.-o Hiue-. Nancy J. liine.-.
G W Uiries a:.d llattUev Hiue
residetice unknown.
Andrew (J. Campbell.
Sherilf. Butler county, Pa.
Citation in Partition.
In ru petition for partition of the real es
tate of John S. Shakely, deceased.
O. C. No. 41. Sent. Term, lif-94 .
So*, June 9, 1894, Isaac Sbakley pe
titioner in above case by his attorneys, Mc
Junkin it Galbreath. prays the Court fur a
rule to show cause on Tbe heirs and legal
representatives of said John S. Shakely,
dee'd., to appear and show cause why par
tition of said decedents real estate should
not be made as prayed for. Whereupon
the Court made the following order:
Now, June 9, 1894. the within petition
presented in open C-surt and on due cou
federation prayer granted and rule to sn<>*
cause is granted on parties in interest win
partition should not be made as prajeo
for. Notice to be given to all parties in
interest residing outside the county accord
ing to law and rules of Court
By the Court.
Now. July 18, 1894, in pursuance of said
order of Court, yon (Catherine Shakely
widow of D. M Shakely,of Loasureville, \\ .
Va ; Fannie E. Shakely, intermarried with
Hugh Huthrie, residing near l'etrolia, in
Armstrong Co., Pa.; Solomon R. ShaKely,
of Bradford, Pa.; Simon U Shakely.
whose last known place of residence was
in West Virginia.) and each of you are
hereby notified to be and appear at tbe
Orphans' Court to be held at Butler, in and
for the county of Butler, on Monday
the third day of September, 1894, at 1
o'clock p.m (if said day, then and tnero to
show cause, if any you may ha\e, why
partition should not be made as prayed
for.
ANDKMW G. CAMPBELL,
Sheriff, Butler Co , Pa.
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CHAPTEB 1L
Though fifty miles from a railroad,
the valley of the Troublesome was well
settled by ranchmen, and the little
village of Parkville. a few miles from
Oliver's cabin, was tije meeting-place
for a large section of country. Here
(fathered miners from the distant
jpeaks, prospectors, cowboys and sheep
herders from ranches, with the drift
around such a place, gamblers and men
■with no visible means of support. In
tiie rough mob that congregated in the
two salopns at Parkville Oliver often
saw the Frenchman. He was general
ly intoxicated, always the wildest of
the merrymakers. Tie met him and
Louis riding late at night at a mad
pace with other vagabonds invited
from the town, and he heard of orgies
at De Restaud's home that reeked of
city slums. Oliver himself never ven
tured towards De Restaud's house; the
road was a private one, and he had no
wish to come in contact with the own
er. Sometimes he pitied the young
wife when he thought of her, but as
the days wore on her image faded. He
had never mentioned her but the once
to Dr. John, yet he hoped before he
went away from the Troublesome to
see her again. He had promised to be
her friend.
Mike had told him the story in the
valley was that she had come to Colo
rado Springs with a consumptive moth
er, and that the Frenchman, who was
more careful then, and boarded at the
hotel with them, wormed himself into
the mother's confidence to such an ex
tent that on her deathbed she desired
to leave her daughter in De Restaud's
care and prevailed upon her to be mar
ried then. A sentimental little creature
like the girl could not refuse; Oliver
had an uncomfortable feeling that she
would be too easily led. De Restaud
had brought his wife to the lonely
ranch after her mother's death, and
had kept her a prisoner. He was mad
ly jealous of her, his crazed brain im
agining all sorts of things she never
dreamed of doing. Then it was also
thought that, as he had entire control
of her money, he kept her away from
her friends for fear that they might
question his guardianship.
Oliver was thinking of her one night
two weeks after his strange visit. He
was alone by the fire, for Dr. John had
gone to see the sick wife of a ranch
man. The doctor said he felt the er
rand hopeless, as the man had told the
wife's condition, but if they thought he
might help " e would go.
"He is A good old chap," Oliver said,
aloud. The shepherd dog, thinking the
compliment intended for him, gently
thumped his tail on the floor. "There's
his gown and cap; he'll make a guy of
himself because his old landlady made
them for him. I wish I had told him
more about the girl at that ranch; he
" NOW, SIT DOWN AGAIN," lIE SAID.
might have suggested something. Per
haps she can't get letters to her old
aunt. If half the stories I hear are
true, she ought never to stay there.
The man is crazy."
Mac whined uneasily, and %vent to
the door, standing listening, his head
down.
"Watching for the doctor, Mac? He
won't be back for hours yet. Hark!"
The dog growled, then barked loud
ly. There was the sound of hurrying
footsteps on the hard ground, and the
door was opened without ceremony. In
her yellow gown, bareheaded and dust
stained, her little doy held to her
breast, De Restaud's wife staggered
into the room, her face ghastly in its
pallor, her eyes red with weeping,,even
the dog cowering with fright and pain.
"My. God!" cried Oliver, leaping to
his feet. "Is he out there?"
"No, no; I am alone."
"Child, how could you come here?
how could you come?" he cried, vexed
ly. "Why, he would murder you if he
knew."
"Don't send me away!" she screamed;
"oh! please, Mr. Oliver! I thought all
the way you were kind and would help
me. Look at the marks on my throat;
he choked me; and there are welts on
my arms, paining me dreadfully; and
he—he kicked my dog. I think its leg is
broken. Don't mind me. Look at
Skye; is he badly hurt?"
Oliver took the shivering little beast
in his arms.
"Only bruised," he said, gently; "but
you—" He was sick with the horror of
it! to strike that child! "You look so
ill. Sit down in the big chair. Indeed
you shall not go back; Dr. John and I
will take care of that; and if he comes,
you know," with that sweet smile of
his, "your husband is a little man."
"I don't know what I did," she said,
dazedly. "Maybe because I rode my
pony down past here, and Louis told
him, or Annette. He was drunk and
ugly when he struck me and kicked
Skye out of the way. Skye tried to
bite him, and I interfered. Then I
think I fainted, for I woke on my bed
all hurt and bewildered. Annette
came creeping in, sort of scared, and
said he was sorry and had gone off to
the village, but I pushed her out ana
locked the door. When he came back
and they were playing cards I climbed
down over the roof and ran here across
the fields, not in the road—a long,
dreadful way. Now you seem as if
you were sorry I came!" She reached
down, lifted her dog to her lap, and
hid her face in its coat.
"I only cared for your sake," he an
swered, softly. When she bent tier
head he could see the cruel marks on
her throat, and she still sobbed as she
spoke. Was ever man so placed? ne
almost wished the coward who had
struck her would come, that he could
meet him; then reason told him he
had no right to settle this woman's
quarrel. He wished she were his sis
ter; but did he in his heart? How girl
ish and fair she was in the flrelit room!
For a moment a fierce desire to keep
her there, to defend her, swept over
him. Then he said, almost coldly:
"Will they not iniss you, Mrs. de
Restaud?"
"Not that!" she cried, piteously.
"Call me Minny. I don't want to hear
his name! He never comes to my
room when he has them there, you
know, and he has told me never to
open my door; so I am safe until morn
l£g- i w»yed all tlie w»v you'd be
here and alone. I knew you could tell
me how to get to the railroad. T saw
away across the hills your lip! :, and
how I ran then! I knew your dog
would not hurt me, but I was afraid of
cows; there were some lying 1 down,
and they got up as I ran past, and I
screamed right out, I was so scared. I
watched you sitting here through the
window, your dog at your feet. Yon
looked so good and kind. I felt I could
go right in and tell you; perhaps you
had a sister who died, or some one you
loved; you would hate to think they
should go back to that dreadful place,
and you would think of me alone and
friendless, and help mo."
She went to him and clung to his
arm, trembling' anct»sobbing. "You will
not send me back? you will not send
me back?"
"You know I will not; but what
shall I do, if anyone should see you
here? Don't cry like that; I can't think
what to do. Try to be brave."
She lifted her tear-wet face. "If
you knew my life for two years. Mr.
Oliver, you would think I had been
brave; It is not fear that makes me
cry now, only that you are Kind and
there is some one in the wide world
who will help me."
"Now sit down again," he said, draw
ing the chair up for her. "Let us plan
what to do. W here is your aunt now?"
"In Newcastle, Me., my dear old
home. She is my father's sister, and
lives there all alone. She was out to
visit me, but she and Henri quarreled;
she is a great biff woman and she
slapped him—oh, I was so glad!" vin
dictively—"and he just went into fits
about it, the insult to the family honor.
She thought, though, because I was
married I must make the best of thing's;
she's a member of the orthodox church
back there, and they are very particu
lar. I thought you could take me to
the railroad and lerd me the money to
pay my fare; he has all my money, you
know, and never gives me any—for
fear, I suppose, I would run away
But Aunt Hannah will pay you; she's
awfully honest, but she wants her due
to the last farthing; that's New Eng
land, you know."
She half smiled, and leaned back in
the chair comfortably. The ridiculous
dog was fast asleep after his trials.
Oliver thought it not unlikely Mrs. de
Restaud would take a nap too.
He went swiftly and woke up Mike
and sent him for his horses and the
buckboard. Mike looked out of the cor
ner of his eye at the young woman; he
knew who she was, for he was an observ
!ng youth, and he whistled softly to
ilmself while he harnessed the mettle
some horses. Oliver saw the look, and
felt the first cold water of the world's
criticism.
"Now, the money question need not
bother you at all," he said, coming
back to her side. "You see, I'm a
well-to-do old bachelor, with no de
mands upon me. When you get to
Maine you can send it back or not,
just as you please. I owe you some
thing for that supper, you know."
"That supper you had to gobble for
fear of Henri? Wasn't it funny?"
"A case of boy and frogs; what was
fun to you was death to me."
"You were not afraid a bit," she
said, looking up with admiring eyes
"I have thought of you so much since
that day, and I always pictured you
afraid of nothing and doing all sorts
of brave acts."
Oliver had a very uncomfortable
feeling that he was decidedly afraid
this moment of what the world would
say. He could even fancy Dr. John's
cool incredulous glance, and his
"Craig, haven'tyou had lessons enough
in the past?" and "it's a dangerous
path, old boy."
"You are very kind to think of me at
all," he said, distantly. "And, now,
haven't you a hat?"
"No, nor a shawl. I'll be a queer
looking traveler."
"That Turkish dressing-gown of the
doctor's—could that be used as an ul
ster?"
"It might, by a lunatic. Perhaps I
could play that," she said, hopefully.
"Leave that for me, Mrs. Minny,"
laughed Oliver; "Dr. John will think
after this, I need not play it. That
cap of his—he don't look human in it,
but you might try—"
"I have been looking at it. Does it
do?" putting it coquettishly over her
curls.
"Very becoming. You could be ec
centric, you know, and prefer to make
your own hats; for that has a home
made look. There, I believe he has a
shawl. Dr. John is a regular old maid,
luckily for us."
He brought her a thick gray shawl,
which he draped over her shoulders. It
quite covered her, and she looked
very small and odd.
"You look like a child in its big sis
ter's clothes," Oliver said, abruptly
leaving her. He was not made of iron,
and she kept looking at him with
happy, affectionate eyes. "Haven't
you a shawl-pin?"
"How could I, when I had no shawl?"
she laughed. "Do you think women
are pincushions?"
He departed and rummaged around
in his room; then he returned in tri
umph with a diamond scarf-pin.
"Some woman gave me that atrocity;
it will do well for the shawl."
"I am glad to take it away because a
woman gave it to you. I hate to think
of anybody else liking you. Is Dr.
John a young man?"
Oliver thought she was either an ex
perienced flirt or the most innocent of
young persons, but her liking was so
honest and apparent he <elt the better
for it.
"No, Mrs. Minny; he is an old chap,
like me."
"7 do not think you old," with a ten
der glance. "Besides, I'm twenty m3'-
self."
ne put on his overcoat in silence and
turned out the lamp. "Must the dog
go?" he asked, resignedly.
"Of course. I would die without
him."
Mike xvas waiting with the horses.
"Where will I be afther tellin' the'doc
tor ye've gone, sor?" he asked, calmly,
as if a midnight elopement was not un
usual.
"Tell him," said Oliver, thoughtful
ly, "that Mrs. de Restaud came to me
for assistance to get to the railroad,
and I took her there; there was noth
ing else to do. He must say nothing if
De Restaud comes, and keep him from
finding out, if possible, that I helped
his wife. I trust to your Irish wit.
Mike, to send him away from the cabin
in the dark. If I can make it I will be
back here by noon to-morrow."
"The greaser livin' foreninst the
wathir tank have a prood harse, sor,"
said Mike, as he cautiously released
the horses' heads and they started
down the road at a gallop.
The night was warm and pleasant;
the chinook blew from far sun-warmed
plains, and myriads of stars pierced
the darkness. The road was fairly
good j though seldom travel, aasl
mostly on an incline towards the
plains. It took all Oliver's strength to
hold the horses, shut in for a day or
two and headed for Denver, where
they keenly remembered the comforts
of oats and a city stable. Mrs. de Ues
taud, as the swung around
often touched him; she caught his arm
once with a little cry as they plunged
Into a hollow; but he talked distantly
of her journey, restraining any affec
tionate confidences on her part with
reference to the absent Aunt Hannah.
She would go to Colorado Springs;
the train passed through there; she
had a friend—a poor woman—well,
their washerwoman when she and
mamma lived there that winter; and
this washerwoman was really a nice
lfldy, who could buy her some proper
clothes.
"But tbe money!" she cried, in dis
may. "Have you got any with you?"
They were going up a hill, the horses
panting heavily. Oliver took a nil of
bills and put them in her hand. As hie
fingers met hers, every nerve ih his
frame thrilled.
"This seems a great deal," she said,
timidly. "Perhaps Aunt Hannah would
not like to pay so much."
"You need not spend it all, Mrs.
Minny, then; and, besides, the bills
are small; that's what makes them
seem so many. Now please put them
carefully in your pocket, and don't let
the dog chew them."
She laughed merrily. "Of course
not, you goose! Oh, this ride is lovely!
I never saw horses go so fast. Even if
he should follow us you would not let
him take me." She clung to his arm
but he freed himself, gantly.
"I have to drive, you know," he said,
coldly. He meant to do or say nothing
that the whole world should not know,
but it was very hard to be distant, she
seemed such a child. He felt she cow
ered away from him at his words, hurt
and frightened, but he forced himself
to be silent. At last she said, timidly:
"I know you hate me, and I seem to
realize all at once you are almost a
THEY WERE GOING UP HII.I.—THE HORSES
PANTING HEAVILY,
stranger; and I have asked of you more
than one should even require of an old,
old friend."
"Please, Mrs. Minny, don't. I am
silent because I'm thinking of your
journey, if we should miss the train, if
the washerwoman should be dead or
moved—for washerwomen are migra
tory—if even Aunt Hannah should fail
you."
"But the town will be there, and Mr.
Perkins, the depotmaster, is a neigh
bor—his wife takes care of Aunt Han
nah's cat and parrot when she goes
visiting."
"That, of course, alters things."
"The only thing I fear from Aunt
Hannah." she said, dubiously, "is a
long moral lecture about the duties of
married women and their having
chosen a path—she says parth; they do
down there—and ought to walk in it.
She wouldn't let me run away with
her."
"Show her your bruises," Oliver said,
hoarsely.
"I will; for she told me If he struck
me I could come to her; and some
times, honestly, Mr. Oliver, I used to
tease him so he would and I might
have my chance."
Oliver whistled softly under his
breath; he would not have liked Dr.
John to hear that last speech. "You
must not tell her," he said, quickly,
"about this ride and coming to my
house."
"Why not? I would like her to know
how good you were."
There was no need, but he slashed
his horses angrily; then he said, ourtlv:
''l am sorry you cannot understand.
Could you explain it satisfactorily to
Mr. de Restaud?"
"How cross you are! and I know you
look just as you did when t talked
mean abont him—a sort of disgusted
impatience. But he is not a reasona
ble being 1 . Other people may be."
"Would you have gone to those ami
able friends of his for assistance to get
to the railroad?"
"Of course not. You know that."
"Well, how is the world to know I
am any better?"
"I suppose being a lawyer makes you
so smart," she said, in a melancholy
tone; she assured her dog in a whisper
he was the only being who loved her,
her only friend; that she was silly and
frivolous, Aunt Hannah said, and
teemed to be a great trouble to mere
strangers of good dispositions. Oliver
said never a word; a little smile curved
his lips, but he did not turn his head.
Soon she grew quiet, and her head
dropped against his shoulder, the soft
wind lifting her curls to blow across
his cheek. The dog, ornamented with
the doctor's cap, slept in her lap.
Across the level land before them
crept the gray glimmer of the dawn.
Rose-colored light flamed in the far
east, reflecting on the new snow on
distnnt mountain-peaks. Prairie dogs
hopped out of their holes and sat on
their hind legs discussing local politics
and happenings, the bill to abolish
free rents for rattlesnakes, and the ex
tortions of horned owls. The Skye
terrier disgustedly flung off the doc
tor's cap and barked angrily at the
small dogs. Mrs. de Restaud lifted her
head with a little start, blushed and
slapped the Skye terrier.
"Do be quiet, Skye. I am afraid 1
tired you, Mr. Oliver."
He would have liked to say a sweet
thing to her—to most women he would
—but his role now was that of benev
olent friend; so he only answered
vaguely: "Not at all." as if he did not
know to what she referred. The horses
dragged themselves wearily forward;
it was six o'clock, and they had come
fifty miles over a difficult road in less
than seven hours. Two parallel lines
of iron stretched far in the distance;
the clumsy outline of a water-tank
loomed up just ahead. The goal was
reached, and away in the north a rib
bon of smoke outlined on the sky pro
claimed the coming train. Oliver lifted
Mrs. de Restaud down. Skye rushed
madly to the hole of a venturesome
prairie dog who had taken up a resi
dence near the tank and was out en
joying the morning air. The terrier
found only a vanishing, and vented his
annoyance at this and all the other
vagrant dogs in shrill barks. His mis
tress was vastly amused; the strange
ness of her undertaking had quite
gone out of her head.
Oliver, in some concern, gave ner ad
vice regarding her journey; he was un
certain of hia horses about the train,
and had to stand by their heads; so
Mrs. Minny frisked about with her
dog. entirely confident her difficulties
were over.
"You must send me word to Denver
when you get to Maine," he said, "and
he sure and make no acquaintances on
the cars."
"One would think I was just out of
boarding-school."
"The primary department," he said,
crossly. wish you would be reason
able and listen a moment. I shall
tell the conductor you are one of
a camping-party and your mother
is ill at Colorado Springs— that
you hail to leave in such a hurry to
catch the train you had no time to get
ready. If 1 must tell wrong stories for
you, Mrs. Minny, please don't make
me out in a lie the first thing."
"How ffood you are!" she said, softly.
"I shall never, never forget what you
have done for me. I shall say to my
self: 'Minny,' you may be frivolous—
Aunt Hannah says as unstable as water
—but one big, handsome man Is your
friend and always will be.' "
"Always, Mrs. Minny, to the end of
my life."
The rush of the near train terrified
his horses almost beyond control, and
he was obliged to send her for the con
ductor when the train stopped for
water. The obliging official showed
no surprise at Oliver's ingenious story;
he was used to camping parties. He
Imparted the welcome news that the
stateroom was vacant —she could have
that—and accepted two fine cigars.
"My daughter is unused to traveling
alone," Oliver said, gravely; "so will
you telegraph for a carriage to meet
her at the Springs, and see that she
gets out at the right place?"
The conductor would be very happy
to oblige. Then the young lady asked
meekly if a dog, a very little one,
might also ride in the stateroom.
"He might," said the official, "If
hidden under a shawl; for, if this pre
caution is not taken, on the next trip
all the women in the train will be
bringing along their dogs. And I guess
it's time to get aboard."
' Good-by, said Oliver, holding out
his hand.
Mrs. Minny picked up her dog: with
it under one arm, she took Oliver's
hand, reached up, and shamelessly
kissed him, a ghost of a kiss touching
his cheek.
"Good-by, papa," she called, running
to the car, and from the step waved
farewell until the train vanished in
the distance.
Oliver, as he drove along the road by
the track in search of the Mexican who
had the good horse, was almost daaed.
He could not forget that farewelL He
was haunted by the presence of the
little lady of the Troublesome. He had
not returned the kiss—well, thert was
no time —but how thoughtless, In front
of the train.' and was there ever an
other woman like her? He had never
seen one. Trying as she was all that
long way, could any man have played
the role of honest friend better? "Not
even Dr. John," said Oliver.
[TO B8 OOSTtyUED.)
It was Bobbie's mother's birthday—
her thirtieth, some said, though there
were others who were disposed to
credit her with three or four years
more. Bobbie, too, had his ideas on
the subjeot apparently, for at break
fast he said:
"How old are you, mamma?"
"Oh, nineteen or twenty," was the
answer.
"Humph!" said Bobbie. "Seems to
me you're grow in' backwards."—Har
per's Magazine.
A CONFESSION OF FAITH.
Miss Frank —I believe in woman's
rights.
Jack Cleverton—Then you think
every woman should have a vote?
Miss Frank—No; but I think every
woman should have a voter. —Scribner's
Magazine.
A Rapid Transit.
"How long did It take you to cross
the ocean?" asked Gus De Smith of a
very aristocratic young lady from Eu
rope.
"I was seven days on the water."
"Seven days? Why, when my brother
went across it took him eight days."
"Probably your brother went over in
the steerage. I was first cabin passen
ger," she replied, proudly.—Tammany
limes.
Th« Secret Safe.
41 And you ask me to marry you!" sx
olaimed the proud beauty, scornfully.
"You! Hiram Jinks, I would not for
the world have any of my friends know
you have subjected me to this humili
ation!" "Then we'll not say anything
about it, Miss Rocksey," said ILlram,
looking about for his hat. "Great
Soott! You can't feel any mor» sneak
in' over it than I do." —Chicago Trib
une.
Getting There by Degrees.
Little Boy—Papa, won't you get me a
nice round stlok to roll hoop with?
Papa—Of course.
"And won't you buy me a hoop to,
roll?"
"Y-e-s."
"That will be lovely- Then you will
have to buy me a bicycle so that I can
keep up with the hoop."—Good News.
He Shut Him Cp.
"Does this razor cause you any un
necessary pain?" asked the barber.
"No," replied the victim; "by hold-.
Ing my breath and clinching my teeth
I think I shall be able to endure it
without taking more gas."
Silence reigned thereafter.—N. Y.
Advertiser.
Matrimony'* Weak Point.
She —If every atom of the human
body Is renewed every seven years, I
cannot be tne same woman that yon
tnarried-
He—l havq suspecting that for
some time.—if. Y. Weekly.
It Was too Kind to Her.
She —"they say this photograph
doesn't do me justice.
Her \ ounger Brother Well, I
wouldn't feel hurt if they do 6ay so.
Justice should always be tempered
with mercy, anyway? —Chicago Record.
Plenty of Sleeve.
Husband—My dear, don't you think
that dress a—er —trifle immodest?
Wife—lmmodest! Goodness me! Just
look at the sleeves.—N. Y. Weekly.
Her Belief.
Miss Sears —I have come to believe
that marriage is a failure.
fcthel Knox—Aren't you thankful to
have escaped such a fate.—N. Y. World.
It All Depends.
Unmarried Lady—lt must be a great
thing when husband and wife are of
one mind.
Married Lady That depends on
whose mind it is.—Alex Sweet, in Texas
Siftings.
Blessing la Disguise.
Clara —Carrie is very short sighted,
poor girl.
May—Yes, but her ailment has com
pensations. She can't see herself in a
mirror.—Town Topics.
Not <Jult«* Ilftrhtrlani.
Boetwick —And is it true that you
Chicagoans cat with your knives?
Hogaboom Why of course we do!
D'ye think we eat with our fingers like 1
lavages?—Truth-
No. 34.
Warning to Rich Girl*.
Ilostetter McGinuis—lt does me good
every time I read of a rich man marry
ing a poor girl.
Gus IX* Smith—Why does It do you
good? £
nostetter McGinnis Because then
the rich girl he might have married
still remains in the market, and I am
looking out for a rich wife myßelf.
Alex Sweet, in Texas Sifting*.
Mother'* Darling.
Suburban Hoy—Mamma asked me
what was my favorite flower, an' w'en
I told her "golden rod" she klaaed mel
an' said I was poetic. Wot does thai
mean? „
Little Girl—l don't linllE. Why do
you like the golden rod?
Suburban Boy—'Cause it grow* with*
out any bother.—Good News.
BREAKING THE NEWS.
Brlggs—Cleverton says you borrowed
fire dollars from him yesterday.
Griggs—And that isn't the worst of
It.
Brlggs—What do you mean?
Griggs—That's only half o| what I
want, old man.—Detroit Free Press.
The Average.
All things an average must strike
And dow, through fashion's 190W,
ws wear our epst tails very long
And purses very short.
—Washington Star.
Intent Prodigy.
Witherby—My wife keeps a scrath
book now of all the bright things our
baby says.
Plan kin gt-on—Why, is the little fel«
low old enough for thai?
IWitherby—o, yes; it's quite wonder*
Jil. He repeats everything I say.—
nswers.
A Charm Inn Sight-
She —You have the most graceful way
of shaking hands of any man I qver saw,
lie (immensely pleased)—Do yotf
think so?
She—Yes, indeed. It's simply fa
lightful to watch you when you i&y
good night.—Brooklyn Life.
The New Cook.
Husband This coffee has a very
peculiar taste; it—
Wife—There, dear, I allowed tha new
cook to make It Instead of doing it my""
se!4- How does It taste?
Husband — Just like coffee.—Demo>
rest's Magazine.
A Favorite Variety.
The Young Housewife —Send me tip
J 1 potatoes for dinner,
e Grocer—Yessum.
e Young Housewife —And don't
anything but Lyonnaiae potatoes
r.—Chicago Record.
■K<| The Cause.
M Attend your ohurch." the rector orlea,
lv> oh&reh each fair one goes.
The old go there to close their eyea.
The young to eye their olothes.
—Truth.
The Scrapper's Method.
Muggins—Tell me, Puggina, how it If
ypu paanago to keep so well posted on
all the greatpugilistio events?
Pugglns—That's easy enoughi I keep
a scrap book.— Bostop Dally Traveller.
Taken at His Word.
Algy —It Is my highest wish to make
your life happy forever.
Genevieve—Well, then, for goodness
sake, let us be friends once more—and
never propose to me again.—Truth.
Valuable Information.
Dusty Rhodes—Walker owes his suo
oess to his knowledge of law and valua
tions.
Fltz William —How is that?
Dusty Rhodes —The minute he looks
at an article of virtu, he knows wheth
er it Is grand or petty larceny.—& Y.
World.
Had Been There Before.
Judge—Have you formed any opinion
on this case?
Mr. Wood B. Juror^—Yes, your honor.
I have; but that need not matter. 1
have served on juries before, and I
know that I shall have no opinions it
all when both sides get through.—i
Puck. __________
Spoiled the Parting.
Ferguson—You don't look like % man
who has Just said good night to xufl
adored. Perhaps the old msn oame la
the door in time to see yon off.
Hankinson —He came to the doorj
blame him, in time to saw me OxtM
Chicago Tribune.
Love of t>ow«i.
"What ever induoed Bingley to gQ
into business? His wife has eucygH
money to support the two of {hem."
"It wasn't money he was after. He
opened an office so that he could hayfl
some place on earth where he would bi
boss." —Indianapolis Journal.
The Income Tax.
Citizen One —What do you think <A
this income tax?
Citizen Two—l haven't made pp my
mind yet. I've got to wait till the enfl
of the fiscal year and see whether J'vo
got any inoome or not.—Detroit iSrei
Press.
WHEN LOVELY WOMAN VOTES.
Mls^Mawbanks—-Vote for that
rid man! Why, how can you, when n<>
has such a big, ugly red beard?— Judge.
Always.
Jaspar—l have noticed a peculiar
thing about men who claim to W*
liove in nothing.
Jumpuppe —What la it?
Jaspar—They always have an un
speakable belief in themselves. —Truth.
Met the Emergency.
Jiotel Clerk—The old gentleman in
No. 205 says that his room Is full 6f
steam from the laundry.
Proprietor—All right. Charge him
one dollar and fifty cents for a Turk
ish bath.—N. Y. World.
Home Dentistry.
Johnnie—l pulled that tooth, mam
ma. I knew I could.
Mamma —How did you do it, dear?
Johnnie—Oh. I just put on my big
Sunday straw hat and tied the string
to my loose tooth, and when the hat
blew off it pulled the tooth right outl