VOL. XXIX.
PROFESSIONAL CARDS.
JOSEPH W. MILLER, M. D.
Physician and Surgeon,
office sad residence at 33ft It. Main St. Butler,
Is.
Dr. N. M. HOOVER,
117 K. Wajne office hours. 101 > I* M an"
I 10 3 I', 11
l. M. REINSfcX, M. U ,
IKTOCIA* AND Sl'HiiEOS.
Office And residence at 121 E. t'uunloxtiam B<.
U BLACK,
ramciAN AKD SUBGBOH.
Hew Tioutman Bnlldlng, Butler, Fa.
I X UU.KK. It. D. j- *. *AJW. M. D.
SpeelaMee: .Specialties:
Gynaecology aad Bar- Bye, aad
DRS. LEAKE & MANN,
Butler, Pa.
G. M. ZIMMERMAN,
ramciaa i» scsaao*.
Office ai No. 45. B.Maln Kxeet. over Prank A
Co'i Di uj? Store. BuUer. Fa.
SAMUEL M. BiPPUS.
Physician and Surgeon.
/fo. 22 Eait Jefferoon St., Btll*, Pa.
V. McALPINE,
Dentist,
la now permanently located at i*> South Main
Street Butler. Pa., In rooms formerly occupied
by Dr. Waldroo.
~~ I
J. J. DONALDSON, Dentist.
Butler, Penn'a.
Wet BcSnrs Clothing Store.
DR. S. A. JOHNSTON.
DENTIST, - - BUTLER, PA.
All woffc pertaining to the profession exacut
and
trAeUoifotTeetb. VltaliiedAlr
- J '''™uV™X"£Z n
P, jTb!—Se *aiy Dentist la Butler aslag the
best MkM ofteeU.
C. F. L. McQUISTION,
gjjUUiEER AND SURVEYOR,
Ornci **aa DIUOKB. Bcn-sa. P».' 1
A. B. C. McFARLAND.
>.mi tnw and Notary Public—Office on S.
Dialnond St.—ow**"* 2e court House-,,ec '
ood Hoot.
H. Q. WALKER,
Attomey-al-Law—Office in Diamond Block.
Butler. Pa.
J. M. PAINTER,
Attorney Law.
OBVce-Between Pwtofllce and Diamond. But
ler, Pa.
A- T. SCOTT,
ATTOBN - AT-LA W.
Office at t*o. S, South Diamond. Butler. Pa.
A. M. CHRISTLEY,
ATIOKKEK AT LAW.
Office second floor, Anderson B1 k, Malu St.,
sear Couit House, Butler, Pa.
•tan, « . "• ~ •"
J. W- HUTCHISON,
ATTORNEY AT LAW.
Office on scccud floor o( the Huaelton bipck.
piamopd, Butler, Pa.. Boom Mo. L
IRA MCJUNKIN.
LawJJfflce at No. IT, East leffer-
W. C. FINDLEY,
Attorney at Law snd Ileal Estate or
nr* rear of L. 7.. Mitchell's office on north side
of Diamond, Butler, P*.
H. H. GOUCHER.
atteraay-at-law. Office on second floor of
Aaderaon bnlldlng, near Court Houss. Batlsr.
Pa.
NEWTON BLACK.
Att'y at Law— South side of Diamond
Bailer. Pa.
LTST McJUNKINT"
Ihsuranee and Real Estate Ag't
17 EAST JEFFERSON,ST.
BUTTER, - PA
~ fiTi consT>
Mutual Fire Insurance Go.
Office Cor. Main & Cunningham fit*.
,3. 0. ROEBSING, PEIBIDIHT.
11. C lIEINKMAN, HBOKSTABT.
DIRECTORS:
G r. KAMMtng, Oliver,
J * L Purvfci .lames fttephennon,
A Triiatman, C. Helnomu,
Alfred WJCk. N. Wclt«sl.
Dr. W. IrvtD, C -
j. W. Burkhart, ID- T. Norris.
LOTAL 8. M'JUNKIN, Agent.
BXTTXj'B'R/. PA
A> £. GABLE,
Veterinary Surgeon.
Graduate of the Ontario Veterinary
College, Toronto, Canada.
Dr. Gable treats all dieeaeeg of tbe
domesticated animals, and MTKES
ridpling, castration and horse den
tistry a specialty. Castration per
formed without clams, and all other
snrgical operations performed in the
Hioat scientific manner.
Calls to any part of the country
promptly responded to.
Office and Infirmary in Crawford's
Liyery, 182 West Jefferßon Street,
Bqtler p*.
O. D. HARVEY,
Contractor and builder tn brick work, urate
aad maatat letting ami all klndnuf brtck-lsvlnif
a ipwiatty. Also dealer ID h*rr*l ltnui. Warn
pun loor* limn, cement*. NMlonnl, Portland
aud all bast grades In the market. (Calcined
platter, piaster hair. King's cement, Ore brick,
tlla, arhlte sand and river sand. Main office 3IA
H, Mam street, and all orders led at ware bouse
will receive prompt dellrerj. Turms reasonable,
Good Farm for Sale.
Containing MM acres and *7 percben. To acres
•tewed and under fence. Balance (tandlng in
good white oak limber. < oinfortable dwelitnu
BOOM, good bam, wagon shed, RprUiKhouae of
beat kind, bog pen and *heep house. Never
talliag springs over whole place; a good or
Cbartf Poaaemlon given April 1 l»9f. 11t|e
good Situate in I'ean twp.. Hutler eonntv,
Pa., about tlx miles nooth o( Kutler
' Cntaatt ufllue. Batter, fa., or tbe
t«M>. DAVIU DIXON.
Browns oatv. Ballet Oe.,Pa
THE BUTLER CITIZEN.
IF ANY SHOE WAS EVFR
wortbv of a bigh piece in history, it i?
1 our School Shoe There is DO necersuv
■ft*'' 1 for P nttin P tbeir history into book
1 form Yon ' soon know enoucb about
I them if you »f-ar a jiuir of tbeoi. It
& I vrout teke you lonjr to find oat that
, wl en y< u lfiu«ht tlem you v.ero bnv
itL ' frP "' Udid tervk '*' f<r VefV
r A uf *
ii« c lio cheaper shoes on earth tban our Ladies lint* Sh .»'
SI.OO, $1.25, $1.50 and $2.00 Then eee the Ladies Hesvy Shoes in A
Calf, Glove Grain, Oil Grain, Kip and Calf at 75cts, SI.OO, $1 25 and $1 oO
Our Mens and Boys Kip Boots and Shoes froui tbe cheap Brogau to the
finest hand sewed shoes. Our Old Ladies \\ arm Shoes ere splendid— None
better.
-HOLIDAY SLIPPERS-
Of the choicest patterns now ready. In buying Christmas prese&ts why
not buy something in tbe way of Boots and Shoes or Slippers. 1 tiey are
useful and arc always appreciated.
At 50 eta Gent* Fine Embr >id<»reJ Slipp9 r - 1 .
At 75 cts Gents Fine Eihbroiderd Velvet Slippers
At SI.OO Gents Plush slippers in beautiful shades
At $1 25 and $1.50, the patterns are beatiful. in different colors— lD
Blue, Old Gold, Seal Brown and Tobacco Brown Then the Maroon Go»t
at SIOO, $1 25 and Tan Calf at $1.50 are beauties Then tbe Russia
Leather in tbe dark wine color and tbe Alligators are tbe fioest Slippers iu
the market. Our Ladies Slippers are tine—large selection- -uo bou.-e can
show so large a selection or as fiDe styles and at as low prices as thetu- goods
are. Don't fail to cotne in aud buy a pair or two before stock is broken
B C HUSELTON, - 102 X. MAIN ST , BUTLER PA
Closing out Sale
OF WINTER
BOOTS. SHOES &
RUBBERS.
Regardless of Cost.
If you are looking for bargains go to
JOHN BICKEL'S.
A lively sale is now goinp on iu all of footwear. Price no ohj.-c
the prmcipal thing is to reduce stock. I find myself with a very lartje ntori.
of winter goods which I will not carrv over it low figures on them will bav
any effect.
All Kinds of Btoga 'Boots go.
Isold Boots low at «he of th'; t-eason Now I am almot-t
giving them away. Menß Boots, $1 50; Boys Boots, $1.25; Youths Boot*,
$1 00; Childfi Boots, 75 cts.
Ladies, Misses and Childrens Shoes Go
Shoddy shoes are dear at auy pries. These goods are nil fn*s>h, des'r
able goods and are iroing to b< svld very cheap My otock of children's
echool shoes are very dcairable and selling lower tban ever before
Felt Boots are in the Push with Rubber
(roods.
These goods are ju«t in season arid now in '.be time to pee them, now is
wheu yon want tbnm and you can buy tbem cheap
Boots and Shoes Made to Order
Holiday Slippers in Great
V arietv.
Repairing neatly aud promptly done.
Ask for 1892 Calander.
JOHN BICKEL.
BUTLER, - -- -- -- -- PENN'A
WOOL BOOTS
AND
Perfection Heel & Tup ()vers
$2.00 $2.00
FOR THE COMBINATION.
We offer tbe Farmers of Butler 00., this season the greatest valu<* for
tbe money they bave ever bad.
The Boots tire the heaviest and best made and are fitted with joint and
back stay of leather. They are all wool aud seaman*, made mimmoth nize
and then fulled down to the proper dimensions Th«y combine Softness.
Pliability and Durability and will ke«p your feet warm the c >ldest day.
CANDEE BUCKLE OVERS.
This wall known brand of overc., which forms over one half of the
great combination needs no comment as to their (juality. Every one knows
that they are one of the best maki-s of rubber goods on the market to day
Their Btyle is that, of a bnck'e ankle boot. The buckle is a puU nt clasp.
They have solid Heels aud Taps. The taps over extra thick at the ba l
where the most wear conies.
We will se'l either imrt of the combination separately f.>r SI.OO p> r pair.
This will give those who haye boots hut no shoes a chance to liuy the best
shoes at lepij thau wholesale prices and vice versu
4 last word. Don't delay in buving We have lots of these goods
now but no telling how long they will last at these prices.
A-L. R-U-F-F.
114 Houtli Main Street. Kutler, I'a
MUTE! IN CITIZEN.
TIIE UNEXPECTED GUEST.'
An Odd Christmas Story of Twin
Houses.
I RUDOLPH BOU
\ I LONGER v.-as
\A f very eccentric,
W v e ry peculiar.
yjgisr - He was learned
Wr and rich but
\ con spicnottsly
* **MM * ' a< -" common
?, ' Hk sense. Never-
L' thcless he was
lucky to an ex
/ tent passing
' J' • belief. Other
' v men toiled
faithfully for years and used the best
judgment, but their ventures failed.
Fate was their relentless enemy. Bou
longer would do something which in
the eyes of the wise stamped him as a
fool, and yet his seemingly brainless
act would bring him a small fortune.
His boyhood was one of ease, his
father being ia good circumstances and
requiring nothing more of his son than
that he should go to school and college
and leam from books all that lie could.
Bndolph had a splendid memory, and
absorbed printed knowledge as readily
as a sponge sucks up water. Re gave
no attention to anything except books
until the death of his father compelled
him to think how he should live and
pay his bills. The fortune left him was
modest, and his friends, knowing what
a lamentably impractical person he
was, advised him to put his money in a
savings bank, not to marry, and to live
economically. He rejected their ad
vice with scorn. He wished to travel
Abroad and enjoy luxuries. He in
vested nearly all of his fortune in a gold
mine. His friends were horror-strick
en. They said his money would surely
be lost in the wildcat scheme, and that,
as he was utterly incapable of making
a living, he would be obliged to go to
the poorhouse, and eventually, perhaps,
to the retreat for imbeciles. But to the
surprise of the forcboders the mine
soon proved to be one of the richest on
this continent and in a few years Ru
dolph possessed a half million dollars.
Henceforth his career was marked by a
succession of lucky blunders. He would
buy real estate In a wilderness where
only the remains of Indian tribes could
be persuaded to dwell, and in a year's
time a railroad would be run through
his land and he would sell building lots
at a handsome profit for the establish
ment of a village. He did other things
equally absurd, but made money every
time.
In spite of his many eccentricities he
secured for a wife a beautiful and ac
complished girl. How she ever allowed
herself to marry him was a marvel to
those who knew them But they ap
peared to live happily together Their
children, twins named James and Edith,
were sensible like their mother.
The family resided in a fine country
mansion about a mile from the out
skirts of Boston. Their nearest neigh
bor was a well-to-do farmer whose son,
John Hendrickson, a sturdy and prac
tical young man, fell in love with
Edith Boulonger when she was eighteen
years old. But Mr. Boulonger wished
his daughter to marry a college-bred
man who was the descendant of an old
and cultured family. Another require
-1
"VOU CAN NEVER MAURY MT DAUGHTER." I
I
ment was that the suitor should either
be rich enough to lead a life of elegant j
leisure or else should be a professional
man; doctor or lawyer admissible, but
minister preferred. That Edith should
marry a mere farmer was preposterous. ;
Moreover, Mr. Boulonger did not like '
Hendrickson for a reason that will late ;
appear.
"It will be useless to speak to
father," said Edith to John one Christ
mas eve. "He will never give his con
sent to my marrying you."
"Nevertheless 1 will speak to him,"
replied the bold lover. "He shall know
that I dare to face him."
Mr. Boulonger sat in his library ;
when the young man was ushered j
into hi' presence. The eccentric gentle- ;
man assumed an air of dignity and
clothed hi. countenance with an i
ominous frown. lie believed that his |
demeanor aloiiu would dishearten his j
Intended victim. But Hendrickson was ;
not awed at, aIL Aristocratic preten- I
hion.s had no effect upon the independent I
American except to make liiin despise I
them. j
"You can never marry my daughter," i
said Mr. Boulonger, in weighty tones.
"Why?" I
"For variouu reasons. The most im
portant one is that 3 -«ti do not belong to
a cultured family and are not college
bred You are neither an Arlyut. /),»<■<<».
[auriM nor an Artium M'tycter. More- '
Over, you deceived me when I bought
that Jersey cow of yoil. As soon as slits
was in my stabje I ordered my hired
man to milk her. He reported that he
could not obtain any milk Thinking
the pail might le-ik, 1 ordered him to
go to a tin shop and buy a new, tight
pall. He at once obeyed, lie placed
the new pail under the cow and again j
manipulated the udders. There was no
How whatever The cow's bag was
small and shrunken. It was a clear
case of desiccation. For lacteal pur- !
poses the animal was useless. 1 sold
her that very day."
Hendrickson could scarcely restrain a
fchout of laughter.
"There was nothing the matter with
the cow," he exclaimed. "I had milked
her just before sending her to your place
and of course her bag was empty."
Rudolph was not astonished. Evi
dences of his stupidity were too fre- |
quently brought to his attention to
cause him any uneasiness. Moreover
he was too pigheaded to acknowledge
an unwelcome truth while he could
think of any pretext with which tocom
bat it.
"An ingenious excuse on your part,"
he rcuiicd. btUllv, "but it will not uu- j
PA., FRIDAY, DECEMBER -25, 1891.
If
TX' ; Vv
21! •
"OH. FATHER! SPARE HIM!"
swer. You must recollect that I have
studied the genus bovine scientifically.
I have one hundred books relating to
the breeding and nurture of cattle and
to the diseases to which they are liable.
I have read every one of these books
through and can speak with an authori
ty unknown to the empirical farmers
in this neighborhood. I know when a
cow is in a normal condition; and I say
that the Jersey that you sold me was a
farrow cow that had long ceased to yield
any lacteal fluid."
Hendrickson soon left in disgust.
Had he not loved the daughter deeply,
he would have objected to marrying
into a family the head of which was so
great a fool.
It was a sad Christmas eve for the
lovers. John bade Edith farewell with
the knowledge that a long time would
probably elapse before they could meet
again.
As for Mr. Iloulonger, he made up his
mind tliat his children were being- vul
garized by too much contact with rural
influences, and the family moved into
the city, where they boarded at a hotel
during the greater part of the next
year. In conformity with his eccentric
tendencies Mr. Boulonger, when spring
arrived, set about carrying into effect n
long cherished plan. He purchased
two adjoining building lots iu the sub
urbs of Boston and erected upon them
two large square houses that were
built and painted just alike. He also
furnished the houses so carefully and ar
ranged their contents so systematically
that the interiors of the structures were
exactly similar. His son and daughter
were twins, he said, and ought to live
in twin houses, his design being to have
Jaiues live in one house and Edith in
the other after each had succeeded in
getting married. He selected a minis
ter for Edith; but t*e young lady did
not favor her father's plan, and tlio
dominie made as poor progress in his
courtship as he did in writing sermons
that contained original and interesting
ideas.
Finding that his children would not
marry immediately, Mr. lioulonger
moved with his family into one of the
furnished houses and rented the other
house to a Mr lie In up, a friend who
also knew John Hendrickson and liked
him well.
Meanwhile James Boulonger had act
ed as a confidential messenger between
his sister and her lover; and the three,
with Mr. Belnap and Mrs. IJoulonger
as confederates, devised an artful plan
by which it was hoped the elder IJou
longer might bo persuaded to accept
Hendrickson as a son-in-law.
At the approach of the holiday sea
son the young farmer came to Boston
and became the guest of Mr. Belnap,
much to the annoyance of Rudolph
Boulonger.
Nothing of interest occurred until
Christmas eve. Then in the midst of
a blinding snowstorm James Boulonger
returned home at midnight. '1 he rest of
the family were abed and asleep and
James retired to his couch without
delay.
An hour later the household were
startled from their slumbers by the cry:
"Bobbers, robbers!"
Jnmcs Boulonger dashed out of hi
bedroom anil fired his pistol. Old
Rudolph was aroused, and with u rifle
in his hand ran out of his sleeping
apartment on the first floor. Father
and son met in the dining-room where
much expensive silverware, which it
had been hoped would grace the Christ
mas dinner the next day, had been
stored in a sideboard. The silver had
not been disturbed.
"We are just in time," cried Rudolph.
"The rascals would soon have secured
all of our silver had they not been
frightened. I do not hear them, but
they have probably not gone from the
house. They arc undoubtedly armed
and may light desperately."
His ardor was not so great as it was
at first. But James was full of prowess
and his father reluctantly followed him
to the kitchen. •
"There he is!" eried Rudolph,as he saw
a man dart into an entry that led W> the
cellar. With hands that trembled vio
lently the old man raised his rifle anil
fired at random. The room was filled
with smoke, and Rudolph was at the
same moment tilled with confidence.
He was not afraid of a robber who re
treated as if he were unarmed. Ru
dulpli put another cartridge in his gun
and quite boldly opened the door con
necting the entry with the cellar.
"For God's sake!" cried a voice in the
darkness, "do not shoot again. I am
John Hendrickson."
"Ha! it is you, you rascal. Just
what I've expected; you've become a
robber. I'll dispose of you so that
you'll never sell another dried up
cow," shouted Rudolph; and again he
blazed uivay, although lie could not seo
Hendrickson.
' "Father, oh, father, spare him! It is
all a dreadfid mistake!" cried Edith, as
she pinioned her infuriated parent's
arms with her own.
"Listen to mo just a moment," said
Hendrickson in excited tones as he ap
peared from behind a barrel when ho
saw that there was to be a cessation in
the hostilities. "You know that I have
been vi iting Mr Belnap, and that this
house and the one in which he lives are
just alike outside and in. I approached
this house in the midst of blinding
snow, thinking it was the right one. I
found the door unlocked, but supposed
Mr. Belnap hail forgotten to secure it
after him. I entered and locked the
door. Every object about me was fa
miliar. I descended to the kitchen anil
left my coat and rubbers there. 1 then
returned to the parlor and lighted a
lamp. Not feeling sleepy I read for
about an hour, having found a copy of
the same Imok which I had been read
ing at Mr. Belnap'*. About one o'clock
I went to the bedroom which I sup
posed was mine, and t.<> my intense sur
prise found your ben in it. He was
awake and VMIH after me with n pistol
in sin Instant You know the rest."
' Hid you leave the door unlocked?"
asUcd Mr. Boulonger, turning toward
but hon.
"l declare, l Detieve 1 diet,' said
James.
lie did not add, however, that he had
left the door unlocked purposely and
was not surprised by what had subse
quently occurred.
Rudolph Boulonger shuddered, not
knowing' that he had been tiring blank
cartridges that had thoughtfully been
provided for his use, and was glad that
he had not killed an innocent man. He
felt that he had greatly wronged John
Hendrickson; he observed with alarm
the highly-wrought feelings of his
daughter; his nerves were too much
shaken for him to deny that the twin
houses which his eccentricity had
caused him to erect and furnish alike
were responsible for the unwelcome oc
currence, and he was glad to make
peace by giving tho intruder permission
to marry Edith.
The next day the family sat down to
a splendid Christmas dinner in their
home, and John Hendrickson, the un
expected guest, was entertained by
them in a very pleasaut manner.
"It is a fitting occasion for a reconcil
iation," said Rudolph Boulonger, whose
recent experience had made him un
usually regardful of religion. "I for
one am glad to feel the influences of a
v."*
"PEACE OS EARTH."
day that has brought 'peace on earth
and good-will to men.'"
The others acquiesced in the worthy
sentiment.
Mr. and Mrs. John Hendrickson and
Mrs. and Mrs. James Boulonger now re
side in the twin houses, and every
Christmas the two families and Mr. and
Mrs. Iludolph Boulonger dine together
in one of the peculiar dwellings.
It is said that on t>ne of the happy oc
casions Rudolph Boulonger was gently
told of the ruse by which he had been
deceived, Edith and her husband ex
cusing themselves by saying that there
had been love and war and that all
tactics were fair in l>otli. It is further
reported that the old gentleman for
gave the couple, having in the mean
time learned from the owner of the
Jersew cow that that animal had given
a good moss of milk eight hours after
she had left the Boulonger farm.
J. A. Bot-LES.
SIor« K tvag.ns Than Time.
Mrs. Cobwigger—Now, my dear, if
you will eook the plum pudding just as
I tell you, it will keep a year
Mrs. Brown—Ahl You don't know
Johnnie. Life
GOVERNOR HOVEY.
Kventrtil Career of Indiana'* I.ate Chief
■executive.
Alvin I'. Hovcy was born on a farm
near Mount Vernon, l'«wy county, I rid.,
September 0, 1821,
and was educated
\ in the country
c schools ami by pri
\ vate teachers. In
/Tg 1840 he was a school-
V j teacher, and while
yso engaged pursued
\ b tndy of law
\ \ 'fv • ~ evenings, being ad
\ initted to tho bar
oov. iiovKY. in 1842. He enlist
ed as a private in the Mexican war and
was commissioned a first lieutenant for
conspicuous service in June, 1810. lie
turning to Indiana at tie- close of tho
war with Mexico he b pin the practice
of the law, and as a democrat waseleet
ed a delegate to the constitutional con
vention of the htnte in |s:,o. In 1851 lie
was elected jud'T- of the circuit court of
the third judicial circuit, and at the ex
piration of his term in 1?54 was ap
pointed one of the judges of the state
supreme court to iill a vacancy. '1 he
same year his party nominated him for
the regular term, but ho was defeated
by llou. Samuel Gookins, republican
and know-uothiug candidate. The year
following, 1855, ho served as president
of the democratic state convention,
and in 1850 President Franklin
Pierce appointed liiin United States
district attorney for the state of
Indiana, from which office ho was re
moved in 1858 by President James Bu
chanan beeause of his active support
of Stephen A. Douglas for the presiden
tial nomination. Daniel W. Voorhees,
now United States senator, was ap
pointed his successor. Gov. Hovey was
defeated for congress In 1858 by Hon.
W. E. Niblack. Ho was among the
first to tender his services to the cause
of the union at the opening of hostil
ities between tho north and the south
in I SOI In August, 1801, he was com
missioned colonel of tin- Twenty-fourth
regiment, Indiana volunteers, and In
April, l«0U, was promoted to the rank
of brigadier general of volunteers. He
served under (Jens. Fremont and Hun
ter in Missouri during 1801 and was
with Gen. Grant at Slilloh and Vicks
burg, and with Gen. Sherman in his
famous march to the sea. As a brigade
and division commander ho participated
in the battles of Corinth, Shiloh, I'ort
Gibson, Reseca, Dalton, Champion's
Hill, and the siege of Vicksburg and
Jackson. In July, 1804, he was com
missioned brevet major general of vol
unteers, "for meritorious and distin
guished services during the war." He
was appointed United States minister
to the republic of Peru in 1805, which
office lie filled with conspicuous merit
until 1870, when ho resigned and re
turned to Indiana. In 1887 he was
elected as a republican to the Fiftieth
congress from tho First congressional
district, defeating James E. McCul
lough, democrat. While serving his
term as congressman he was nominated
for governor by tho republicans In 1888
and was elected, defeating Matson,
democrat, by 3,200 plurality.
Ity the ('nrit.
Chollie—Er—aw Miss I'igg, may I
dare to offeh my heart and hand to tho
fairest of her sex, the wose without a
thorn?
Miss Laura —Mr. Sophleigh, you are
the fourth to propose to me in those
very same words.
Chollie Ya-as All of otiah fellahs use
that fawm of pwoposal, dont'eherknow.
lndianapolis Journal.
liiiiiilillng Item.
First Police Captain I am going to
put a stop to this gambling business in
my precinct.
Second Police Captain—A good idea
It is a disgrace to the city, but 1 don't
think you can stop it.
"I'll bet a hundred, I can."
"I'll go you, old man." —Texas Sift-
Ings.
I'awrr of Will.
Expectant Nephew How is my rich
uncle to day'
Family Doctor Much better 111*
will keeps linn alive
Nephew ■ sadly) I'm afraid that's so
He mail' ■i- .- ill m m.v favor twenty
years ago and I don't believe he'll die
wliiiu tiiul will la lu existence. Good
SOME CHRISTMAS THOUGHTS.
How a Humorist Secured a I'teful l're«ert
far Hi* Wife.
' ias ' Joen sa 'd* '
' PW think by some
come? bat once
pi^?' It is a mighty
JScL; r - fortunate thing
V for some of us
that it doesn't
come twice.
Perhaps it
Y/'', doesn't crowd
yy 1 /' every one to the
verge of penary
as it does me,
4 then every
■' one hasn't such
a penchant for
keeping always in the neighborhood of
penury as I have.
Awhile ago my father took it into his
head that there was money in rais
ing hogs, so he paid S4O for some squeal
ers, fed them §OO worth of corn and
sold STB.CO worth of pork. A drift
ing toward a sort of pig penury, he
says.
One Christmas followeth so closely
upon tho heels of another that the space
of time, after it is past, is but as a tale
that is told or a Waterburv watch in
the A Christmas patt delighteth
us not, but a Christmas present is a joy
to our soul. And it is the Christmas
present. Heaven strengthen us, that we
all have to deal with.
For my part I never know what to
buy. Only once have I had things all
cut and dried for me. A little while be
fore last Christmas I gave my celebrated
funny lecture in a New England village,
doing a one night stand for the lier.efit
of the L. S R. G. S. S. H. society of
the brick church with shingle roof sit
uate on the west side of the street as
you leave the town. The name of the
r- nip y
"OOIXG AT FrVE!"
organization I found was the Ladies
Sewing, Reaping, Gossiping and Send
ing Socks to tho Heathen society.
Which Heathen society they sent them
to I never learned.
Quite a good many people listened to |
my remarks, without more sigifsof pain ■
than I have noticed every where. As one |
of the committecwomen remarked. I
facetiously, afterward, "there was j
more in the audience than there was in
the lecture."
I noticed that no one seemed to be
putting on overshoes, while I was slow
ly running down, or letting the cat die,
as you might say, and after I had got
off my final bon mot and didn't have a
single bong mo' to get off, I sat down,
but everybody stayed. Then the presi
dent of the society came to me and
said: "Mr. Hood, our society has
been making a autograph quilt. Ten
cents to put your name on a block, you
know It's got over 400 blocks into it,
and we've raised pretty near SSO for
the heathen now We thought, while
everybody was here and it was so near
Christmas, we'd have you auction the
quilt off."
So I got up and held up the quilt and
stepped on the edge of it and fell down,
and everybody applauded and seemed
to think it was a real clever thing to
do. Mr. Hood then spoke in substance
as follows:
"How much am I offered for this
quilt? It is a well-made quilt and is
strictly non-partisan. The names, you
will notice, are in blocks of five; it is
designed for protection; it won't tariff
you're careful of it, will keep Silver
Bill or any other man warm, and how
much am I offered for it?"
Then everybody laughed quite a lot
and nobody bid. I thought that they
were afraid to speak up, so I said:
"Well, now, I'll just start it at five dol
lars. Who'll make it six? Going at
five —at five. Give me the half. Five I
have; six will you give me? Going at
five-flve-fl-fl-fl-fl-fl-fl-fi —do I hear the
six? Five I'm bid; aro you all done?
Going at five, H-fi-fi-fi-fi-fi-fl-fl-five. Give
me a quarter somebody. Five I have;
do I hear the quarter? Five I have—
going at five. Must I knock it down for
such a paltry sum? Five I have; make
it five dollars and ten cents. Five I
have. Are you all done? Going, once
—going, twice—going, twice —going,
three times. Won't some one please
bid?—and sold to u poor, misguided fool
of u funny-lecture man for five dollars."
And then the society all crowded
around me and thanked me, and said
that I was such a clever auctioneer,
nud if I hadn't been there to run the
auction they wouldn't have got half so
much. So they deducted a fiver from
my fee, said they didn't understand
aliout the "locals," so I'd have to pay j
my own hotel bill, and then they left ;
nje alone with my quilt.
I tried to give it to the landlord, but j
he said: "Oh, hades, I wouldn't have t
the dumb thing around the house!"
So a bright idea struck me, and I j
sent it home to my wife for a Christ- j
mas present. She keeps it up on tho |
spare bed, and I notico that folks that |
come to see us nowadays, expecting to ,
stay several months, always begin to
weaken along about the third night,
and we never had a guest yet who
could stand that quilt with four hun
dred names on it for more than a week
without going stark mad.
CUAKI.KS NKWTON HOOD.
Kuy to Find.
Mrs. Dimsite —Willy, have you seen
my sleeve buttons?
Little Willy Dimsite Yes'm. I'a
couldn't find his own this morning, so j
he took yours.
Mrs. Dimsite—All right. I'll wear
his. They must be in plain sight some- !
where. —I*uck.
A I.ate I.lterary Production.
"Have you anything new?" asked a j
customer of a recently engaged clerk in |
a Chicago book store.
"I'll see," replied tho young man as
he swept his eye over tho shelves.
"Yes, here's "The New Testament.'
Would you like to look at it?" —Life.
A Oiifitlitn of Knowledge.
Iler Adorer - May I inarry your
daughter, sir?
Her Father—What do you want to
marry for? You don't know when
you're well off.
Her Adorer—No, perhaps not; but I
know when you're well off. —Life.
Thn Man of the llogw.
"Now that you have consented," said
the happy young man, "I must seo
your papa."
"So," replied tho radiant girl. "You
mention it to mamma. What she says
goes."—Brooklyn Lifts.
No fc«ed of Tb«m.
First Little liirl (proudly! We use
brass bed.-teada in our house
Htcoud Little Girl- We dun t hav» to.
We urrvr had buu».—
The lUatlan •Cbriat-t hlld-"
(n France it is the Jr*u» bmir.-bim,
Christ-child, who oomes Among the
Alsutians u lieautiful > ountf girl person
ates this churae'er, anil, with a bell in
one hand and sweetmeats in the other,
she goes al>out the village distributing
the coveted gifts among- the children.
Wooden Shoe* for Kris Krlnglo.
All over Germany Christmas is cele
brated with much ceremony, and hun
dreds of little wooden shoes wait for
Kris Kringlc's coming There is noth
ing that clings so tenaciously to the
childish mind as the advent of Christ
mas.
IN THK TKAK OF (iRAC£, IS9I.
"How foolish It is. Aunt Sadie, for
mamma to try and make me believe
that 'Santa Claus' comes down the
chimney and Oils my stockings. I sup
pose it worked all right when you were
a little girl, but it is such a chestnut
now! However, it pleases mamma, so
1 don't let on that I know."—Life.
Sober Second Thought.
Head of Firm (to office boy)— Here,
take this box of cigars and distribute
them around the office for Christmas.
Office Hoy—Yes sir (Hurries off)
Head of Firm—Hold on. I guess you'd
better wait until after I go home. —Life.
yoite Knrprla nf.
Mr. Green—No, my dear, I will not
tell you what I'm going to give you for
Christmas. Why can't you women be
content to wait and be surprised?
Mrs. Green—Oh, tell me now. If you
keep your word, I'll be surprised
enough.—l*uck.
The Huston Girl's Christmas.
She tossed her Christmas toys sMde,
Her (nee with disappointment frowning.
"Oh, doar!" the litUe maiden sighed.
"I did so want another Browning!"
—Jury
Everything la. Lovely, and—
Mr. Knnoodle—And now wouldn't yos
like me for a Christmas present?
Miss Alert —Certainly, if you'll liung
yourself on the Christmas tree.—Puck.
ROIOH ON SANTA CLAUS.
Ivy—Say, Dolph, I hope Santa Clans Is
honest.
Dolph—Why?
Ivy—Cos them's my new stockings,
and I don't want them stole. —Once a
Week.
THE NIGHT HEFORE CHRISTMAS.
"I don't expect ter git nothin'. gents;
in it; but I jest hang it up bccauso I
think it's de proper thing ter encourage
and keep up dese old and time-honored
customs."—Puck.
ST. NICK SOLILOQUIZES.
St. Nick—Great reindeers) Have I
■truck th« week's washing? Texaa
Sittings.
stte minus Liespiy.
"If he loves mo he will never take
that girl out to ride.
"lie i.-i merely pretending that he Is
going to.
"Goodness he is actually helping her
Into the carriage.
"Hut he loves me, nevertheless.
•'He Is merely trying to make me
jealous.
"I will try t6 be jealous, to please
him." —Puck.
Why lie Wai There.
"This sealskin, in my opinion." Raid
the salesman, stroking the costly fttr
anil speaking in a confidential murmur
to the mild-looking man outside the
counter, "will suit the lady better than
anything we have In stock."
Mrs Ntrongmind overheard him.
"I will take this other on»\" she re
marked with emphasis. "I brought
my husband along, sir, to pay the bill."
—Chicago Tribune.
It* Mil IIU Thought®.
"My wife can tell my wishes by the
very expression of my eye. I never
need speak."
•Nonsense! That will do in novels,
but in real life—"
"Fact. I assure. I know she must
guess my wishes, because sho always
goes and docs just the contrary Phll
adelohia Timr^
"I wonder why the M<MitemufeSO ft
so blue?"
"You'd be blue if you had to wash
the Italian shcTa.* —Lift-
2*0.8
HURRAH FOR OHRI3TMA&
gL'RtAH for Ben*
Chriaiaaa with
Its mistletoe sad
And royal reaaia ef
whea every onk
dren'a atooklaga
With took or*.
__ _
ii a U
Of all the days wo love to praise la Christmas
beat sad brightest;
Then faces shine with joy divine sad thaaais
hearts the Ughteat;
Then gifts abound and pleasure uroesed are
those who are receiving—
But gladder, O. are those who know the swestss
bliss of giving.
The girls and boys hall Christmas Jfjr* with
eagerness excited.
The babe In arms at Christmas charms elope
little hands, delighted—
Bnt old folks all who then recall sweet child
hood's memories eltn?lng.
Havo thrice the fun of anyone when Christmas
bells sre ringing.
When cold triads blow and heap the snow aa4*
woods sre bleak and dreary.
Tho Christmas ire- aglow we see la homes all
*arm and chacry.
And faces bright reflect Its light and many
voices mingle.
While from above took down with lev* glad
angels and Krtsm Krlngle.
Hurrah for merry Christmas whsa we all art flk
ao Jolly,
And yule logs blaze with brightest ray* en -<*•
tletoe snd holly;
And pie and cake and puddings make the fiM^
ers rounder growing.
And good Bainl Nick Alls stockings Quick with
treasures overflowing.
H. A DODO a.
„AmBI pU» JHE pageantry of
Christmas h»l
<A\ • been formed by
' flljijJlf) Ijljp I proceiiloni
jl v" ' moving from
%i JV many countries
and from re
mote ages.
The old heathen druids were wont,
at this time of the year, to bear the
evergreen, the holly and the mistletoe
from the forests to decorate their tem
ples, long before the grasses and ths
corn leaves rustled about the head of
that marvelous child in Bethlehem's
stable.
Grave and dignified men, during ths
Saturn a Hun days of southern climes, at
our Christmas period indulged in tha
"fcr-t of fools" when they care way
to all of a boy s nbandon hilarity, ages
anterior tn i\..t era. "v.h-jn the wis*
men from the -ast" bent in wrapt con
templation » er the Baby Boy, who lay
in sweet utieonseiotisnt-ss in the manger
midst J '.idea's hills.
I Out of the twilight of heathen coun
j tries has come the children's custom of
hanging the stocking near the fireplace
for the good fairy to fill with knick
knacks so dear to the child's heart.
It is an evidence of the real character
of our Christmas spirit that it could se
cure to its service, for the illustration
of its own spirit. theße and other cus
toms, as it is also an evidence of the
generous breath of Christianity's spirit
to receive, employ and honor every good
custom of man.
Adapted to celebrate the truth of
Christmas, all these customs were re
lieved of manv evil features und exalted
in their whole tone
A light heart, n merry countenance,
an elated spirit only are in harmony
with the day.
It is a day of generosity, too. The
best gift of Heaven was bestowed upon
the eartlu
They tell us that the angels came
floating down fro:n the heights of
Heaven with rapturous songs of Joy,
congratulating humanity in Its great
good fortune. We know that the only
proper mood which a human being
should indulge upon the reception of
such news, and the commemoration
of such an occasion, is a joyous one—
BO great as to surpass his power to dis
play it. A tender, loving, vital alliance
his been formed by the Creator with
our natures. Finite are we' Rut Christ
mas tells us that we are in bonds with
the Inntiite. Poor are we, limited to a
little earth? But Christmas tells oa
that we are heirs of the unbounded
universe.
But the true spirit of Christmaa will
not be recognized If the favora be
stowed. at least some of them, are not
for some more unfortunate person.
Tho poor, the sick, the outcast, the de
graded, the weak anil defenseless are
the properones to excite our geoerotdty
It is a day also of good will. "Peace
on earth and good will to men," sang
the angels.
Old grudges are to be buried on this
day. Every human being is to be met
In a kindly spirit. A cessation of hos
tilities is to be announced, and a gener
al amnesty should be proclaimed The
pipe of peaco—if any pipe ia to be
smoked—should be smoked first, snd
reconciliations be effected.
It la a cosmopolitan day Incelebrst
ing Christmas we are not Americana,
or Englishmen, orfJerman*. but citizens
at the world, for this is tho only festi
val in which the civilized world Joins.
Peace on all the wide earth, good will
to every man in every land, lathe senti
ment of the day
Then it is the children's day. What
immense significance is contained In
that statement: Hut we pause, unable
for space, to utter the thoughts which
rise and the emotions which crowd
within our hearts at the mention of ths
ihildreu. May everyone of them hsve
I merry Chriatmos!
Fi.avtus J BROSST
A «>i>od Kraaoa.
At a social gathering a widow d(H not
engage in tripping the light fantastic
toe A gentleman approached her sod
asked:
"Are you going to danoe this even
ing?"
"Not until after midnight"
"Why not before?"
"Because to-day la the anniversary
of my second husband's death.*—Toxs#
Siftings.
Spurgm>fi'i LlUlt l'raoa.
Rev. C. 11. Spurgeon used to bs veiy
fond of puzzling his friends with words
which have a double meaning. Otts
Thursday evening, after the uansl wonk
uiglit service, he thus addressed his
deacons: "Brethren, 1 think it is much
too bad that not a single deacon followed
me on the platform in time for the service
this evening." Th~ deacons at once tar
ran to exonerate themselves. One said:
I beg your pardon, sir, but 1 uppnsd
the door for you to go down to the ros
trum and at once followed yon,* sod
•evcral others stated that ibmf wars'
sloae behind the first speaker. Here
was a dilemma, the beloved and highly
respected pubtor saying one thing and
the faithful and devoted deacons stat
ing just the co ntrary After a ftew
winutcs' silence the pastor with s smile
brlghteuiog hi* ho.aely j-r.intonsiMß!
-wplied "I nm right in ~/iag not a
nngfe deacon followed me, ssyOßWfls
fll married." _