VOL. XXIX.
PROFESSIONAL CARDS.
JOSEPH W. MILLEK, M. D.
Physician and Surgeon,
Office and residence at 33* i. Main St Butler,
1 a.
Dr. N. M. HOOVER,
137 E. Wayne.»t., office hours. 10 to 12 M. and
I to 3 P. M.
L. M. REINSEL, M. D,
fUVSICIi* AMD SCBGICOJf.
office and residence at 12T K. Cunningham St.
L. BLACK,
PHYSICIAN AXN BUBOEOW,
New Troutmaa Building. Butler. Pa.
K. N. I.KAKK. M. D. J. K. MANN. M. D.
S|>«e!Hltlea: Specialties:
Gynaecology aad Sur- Eye, Ear. Nose aad
gery. Throat.
DR3. LEAKE & MANN,
Butler, Pa.
C. Y ZIMMERMAN.
rUYSICIAH AND BCmOBOH.
Office Hi No. 48. S. Main street, over Frank 4
Co's Di us; store. Butler. Fa,
SAMUEL M. BIPPUS.
Physician and Surgeon.
Ao. 22 Eaat Jefferaou St., Butler, Pa.
W. R. TITZEL.
PHYSICIAN AKD SURGEON.
w.corner Main ai.d North Sta.. Bntler, Pa.
V. MCALPINE,
Dentist,
hi no« fCimatently located at l» South Main
Street Butler. Pa, In rooms formwly occupied
by Dr. Waldrou.
J. J. DONALDSON, Dentist.
Butler, Penn'a.
, ssr* .5
ovt i Hcnaul s Clotlilnu Store.
dr. s. A. JOHNSTON.
DENTIST, - - BUTLER, PA.
All work pertaining to the profession; execute
ed r.i THS neatest manner. rainless Ex-
Cl^VT«thVltllliX^l?»dmmlst e red.
onioeea
TnSSr »—• *
bcit makes of teetk. ________
C. K. L. McQUISTION,
ENGINEER AND SURVEYOR,
Orrici N*A« DIAHOHP. BCTLM. P*- '
{3. c. McFARLAND.
out! floor. _
H. Q- WALKER,
Attorney aM.a W -om<* la UUmond Block.
Butler. PH. .
J. M. PAINTER,
Attorney-at-Law.
Office—Between Pootoffice and Diamond. But
ler. Pa.
A. T. SCOTT,
VITURNBV-AT-LAW.
Office at No. 8, South Diamond. Bntler, Pa.
A- M. CHRISTLEY,
ATIOHNEY AT I.AW.
office ,econd floor, Anderson B1 k. Main St.,
near Couit House, Butler, Pa.
J. W- HUTCHISON,
ATTOKNEY AT LAW.
Cfl'ce 011 second floor of the Huaelton block,
pidinoiid, Butler, Pa.. Koom No. L
JAMES N. MOORE,
ATTORN IT- AT-LA* AND NOTABT PUBLIC.
Office in Room No. 1. second floor ot Huaelton
Block, entrance on Diamond.
IRA McJUNKIN.
Attorney at Law, Office at No. 11, Kast Jeffer
sou St., Butler. Ps*
W. C. FINDLEY,
Attorney at Law and Real Estate Agent. Of
nee rear of L. Z. Mitchell's office on north aide
ol Diamond, Butler, Pa.
H. H. GOUCHER.
Attorney-at-law. Office on second floor of
Anderaon building, near Court House, Bntler,
Pa.
NEWTON BLACK.
Att'y at Law—Offlce.on South slde of Diamond
Butler. Pa.
"inricjUNKlN7~
Insurance and Real Estate Ag't
17 EAST JEFFEEBON.BT.
BUTLER, - PA.
HI !T] IP COUNTY
Mutual Fire Insurance Co.
Office Cor. Main & Cunningham fits.
.3 c. ROESBINQ, PR*BIDINT.
11 C IIEINKMAN, SWJBBTABT.
DIRECTORS:
a C, Roesslne. Henderson Ollrer,
J' L Purvts •'»me« Stephenson,. 1
A. Tm'rtmiln, H. C. Helnemau.
Alfred Wick. h
Dr. W. Irvln. Dr Rtckonbach.
J. W Burkhart, D. T. Norrts.
LOYAL S. M'JUNKIN, Agent.
PA -
A. E> GABLE,
Veterinary Surgeon.
Graduate of the Ontario Veterinary
College, Toronto, Canada.
Dr. Gable treats all diseases of tbt
domesticated animals, and
ridgling, castration and horse den
tistry a specialty. Castration per
formed without clams, and all otber
surgical operations performed in the
most scientific manner.
Calls to any part of the conntry
promptly responded to.
Office and Infirmary in Crawford's
Lirery, 132 West Jefferson Btreet,
Bqtler ft
" == ~ G. D. HARVEY,
Contractor and builder Inhrlck work, grate
and mantel setting and all kinds of brtck-laving
a specialty. Also dealer in barrel Ume. Wam
num loo** lime, cements. National, Portland
and all liest grades m the market. Calcined
plaster, plaster hair. King's cement, Ore brick,
tile, wblte saud and river sand. Main office 315
v Mam street, and all orders left at ware houae
vrn recw?« prompt doUrery. lam rwonftWe,
THE BUTLER CITIZEN.
CAPTURED.
\ Once upoD a time a young roaD named
. n K ) Cobb met a beautiful young lady named
( Webb, and it ie telated that he fell in love
ft L * / r* f * > cs scon at? be f»pied ber. Our tale it; told.
iv(k ) V'M J We ve caught voor eje Do >Oll eatch
r3 on? Well; just follow along a little
• /yVv ■! further. That ' birds of a feather floek
<€? together" in little droree by themselves is
no more truly verified than at our store.
*- T j- Those who are good Judges of good? in
.Tj our line, and who wish to get tLe be.^t
goods in the market for the money, eon
jfc gregate at our store daily. There is al
.*, '* wavs room for one more; so don t be back-
J iT ward, but call in and gee us.
I did not think of advertising this fall, but I met a man who asked me
who I was. I told him
Heck, The Champion Clothier & Furnisher.
And btrange to i=ay, be informed me that he had never heard of me. \N ell !
it is just 6uch people we are after, and if this should catch their eye, we
hope human curiosity will lead tbero to read it for it is one of the commonest
trait Bof the race. It was curiosity that led Eve to taste the forbidden fruit:
and her offspring have their curiosity excited every day as a beredittr*
temptation, from the small boy everlastingly peeping into boxes to the
hired-girl with her eye to the key bole. Eveybody wonders what is in if.
Properly directed, this curiosity o'-.en leads to satisfactory resnlts, and I>.
A. Heck invites all curious people to make a voyage of discovery to his fetore
and see the largest store, the largest stock of clotoicc—in Overcoats, and
Suits for men, boys and children, Hats, Caps, Oloves, Mitts, Shirts, L uder
wear, Cordigan-Jackets, Leather Coats and Pants, Overall-Jackets. Trunks,
Valises, Umbrellas, Rubber Coats, Collars, CulTi, Ties, Jldkfs, Mufflers.
Brushes, Purses, Bill and Pocket Books, Ladiea and Gents' Wutehes, Chain
Charms, Rings, Pins, Sleeve and Collar Buttons, Silver C ard-Cases, and a
full line of Notions—at remarkably low prices; no matter how low von have
been offered goods \ye have them still lower and for quality we never tuke a
backseat. It will be to your personal advantage to give us an early call
and get our prices, and you are sure to give us a large share ot Your pat
ronage hereafter.
Thanking our many friends for their vey liberal patronage.
We remain, yours to please.
IJ. A. H EC K,
Champion Clothier, Furnisher and 1 latter.
121 UNT. Main St. Butler, l J a.
HENRY BIEHL !
122 NORTH MAIN STHKET,
BUrLER - F-EJNN-'A
DEALER IN
Hardware and House Furnishing* Goods.
o
reaper and steel frunu; binder. Warren ready mixed paint 1
warrented; screen doors and windows, refrigerators and lawn j
mowers.
No belter pltce in the city to tr-ide.
Come and see mv larere store room I'ull of -roods, l-'JOi feet
long.
WHERE A CHILD CAN BUY AS CHEAP AS A MAN |
FURNITURE! FU RNITU RE:
FURNITURE!
New styles arriving daily. It will be
but a short time until you will be looking:
* c.
around for your holiday presents, we
want to call your attention to our beau
tiful line of fancy
ROCKERS,
MIRRORS—ManteI and Cabinets,
PARLOR CABINET, etc.
We will also have tor the holiday
trade a full line of Dinner and Tea Set
at any price from $4.50 to #75, all new
styles and new shapes, goods guaran
teed not to craze. A beautiful line of
Vase and Bouquet Lamps, from # 1.50
to #lO. Anything you want in the
above goods call and see us.
Truly Yours
Campbell & Templeton,
136 N. Main St., - - Butler, Pa.
AFTER HARVEST
you want NEW FURNITURE to re
place some of the old
We are headquarters for first-class
goods. Remember we have no mark
down sales; our prices are alwiu s as low
as is consistent with good goods.
A full line of QUILTS in addition to
other bedding.
E. S t PREW, - 128 E. Jefferson, St. ;
THE MAJOR'S SPKEAD.
How tho Good Old Soul Euter
tained Enemies Unawares.
&6mt. OST! Lost:"
/ Wi "Teddy!"
M*. "If you'd only
• Wsfs&S have helped me
/fc \ cSH "Did you ap
5.- LfC \ proachhim as I
\ 'B, advise d you?
® - V, H Did-"
- j ' -' 4 "Approach
/ ' him? How can
* a w a p _
\ proach a man
,V 1! I, YfC 1 that meets him
' at the first sally
' with the sword
of ridicule, and then follows his thrust
with a cannonading' of vituperative epi
thets —"
"If you hadn't allowed those fellows
to run poor old Sultan—"
"Oh, Sultan be handed! They didn't
hurt him any—"
"He might have overlooked past of
fenses, and mightn't —"
"Look here,lvittie McCalligan, what's
the use of your 'mights' and your
'mightn'ts'—Uncle Mac detests, abhors,
abominates, despises, hates and loathes
the college boys—"
"For which I am painfully aware he
has, too often, just cause. Who ties
cats to his window shutters? Who put 6
turtle eggs under the hen? Who smugi
gles howling dogs into the cellar at
dead of night, fills Sultan's rHane with
burs, and paints the front fence red,
white and blue? You may use all the
telling synonyms you care to—"
"If he didn't hate 'em thej r wouldn't
do it—"
" 'They' with Teddy McCalligan,
ring-leader, left out?"
"Oh, I say, Kit—"
"You fellows don't do much to make
him love you that I have ever seen.
Great, grown boys like you, at that,
not a soul among you under seven
teen —"
"Nor one of us over twenty. Twen
ty's awful young for a boy. Kit, and all
the fellows so far from hiunc, and that,
an>l half-way homesick, the most of
'em, and not one allowed to go home at
Thanksgiving, with the Don kicking up
euch a dust about it all—"
"You can go home, at any rate, and
as for being homesick, I'll wager that
Jim—"
"Oh! Jim Junior—'beautiful Jim'—
he's the rummicst cove of the lot, if you
like—and you needn't roll your eyes
around in Such an indignant manner,
cither—you'cc not the only girl living."
"Teddy!"
"Well, you fire, then; but I happened
to sec a photograph in Jim's chest
pocket—"
"Teddy!"
"Stunning picture—eyes like stars,
mouth like—well, what you crying
about?"
"Did you—did—did—did you ever hear
Jim say lie wa—was homesick?"
"Think the fellow's a blubbering
idiot? S'pose you imagine lie's going
around dampening handkerchiefs with
the brine! Oil, I say. Kit, that was your
photograph 1 caught on to —help a fel
low out, wont 30U?"
When a man in impecunious circum
stances acts in a manner somewhat
unusual, he is straightway dubbed
a crank; if, on the other hand,
a man of means is guilty of the
selfsame actions, lie is termed mere
ly eccentric. Maj MeCalliffan's bank
account was large enough to allow him
to be called by the longer and more
euphonious appellation, and persistent
enough in his oddity to keep the sib
ilant word continual l.v upon the tongues
of the people unluckily obliged, by
stress of circumstances, to dwell inside
the corporation of the populous college
town. The major had settled there
long before any great barracks of a
school building bad been erected, be
fore the noise and confusion consequent
upon the arrival of hundreds of manner
less youths within the town—youths
who laughed law ami order to scorn,
and had since filled the major's nights
with a hideous unrest. That he, the
hero of a hundred battles, should be
routed by such an enemy to his peace,
that lie should pull up stakes and fly be
fore so puling, so inane a foe was as far
from his thoughts as that the major's
ire was that adversary's chief joy. In
every way possible, innocently or
maliciously, these tormentors sought to
arouse the major's wrath, delisting
only when they had won for themselves
the dear delight of seeing his quick
Irish blood fly to his scowling brow,
and hearing his quick Irish tongue
berating them with the choice invective
he had, with seeming forethought, gath
ered for such occasions as these in his
native land.
In the college town, therefore, the
major had remained, pestered and en
joyed by youths who grew to manhood,
graduated, and, as the years flew by,
began sending on second editions of
themselves to their beloved Alma Mater.
During this passage of time tho
major's sister—the sole idol of his heart
—had married and, after several years of
married bliss, had found herself a
widow, with two little children to earo
for. Although she realized their great
need of her, and fought bravely to live
for their sakes, her efforts were of no
avail, and each day saw her more and
more the shadow of her former self. In
vain her brother tried to comfort her—
the fond heart was broken, and before
the winter frost had melted above tho
grave wherein lay all her hopes, there
was another mound to be covered by
the soft white m.intlc of the snow, and
the major, filled with that mournful
tenderness felt only by lamenting Irish
hearts, led the two little ones back to
his own fireside, accepting them as a
sacred legacy. He gave them his name
and his undivided care and attcnti<w,
and joyed in the sense of his ownership
of two charming children, who were
now as much his own as though fc" had
suffered sleepless nights during their
in fancy, and Iteen fretted by .1 wife of
his choice—for the major was not a
marrying man, and the thought of an
outsider —a woman at that—coming into
his irresponsible bachelor existence,
and laying down any sort of law, or
chalking any sort of mark for him to
toe, was a maddening one.
lint even sacred legacies can be, at
times, trying. Not that the major had
had the fact borne in upon him, as it
were, until the children were well
grown, Teddy had started to college
and joined the rabble, and Kittie had
shown a decided and unblushing pref
erence for a certain sophomore whom
he bad caught 011 bis way back from a
stolen visit to Teddy's room sliding down
one of the pillars that supported his (the
major's) porch, and whom he had there
after tho premises.- \
BUTLER, PA.,FIiIDAY, NOVEMBI iR '2l.
A !
sy | k "
<4 Vis.
; l*' fj / U\U/(\
IVi f, .:h
jU U
-
TifE MAJOR WELCOMING HIS GUESTS.
urantea tnese children tried him, ana
that 1:2 made them aware of the fact
by the use of language peculiar to the
major; for all that they felt that their
uncle loved them as dearly as they
loved him, and when Teddy preferred
his request, rash though it had been
considered at the first blush, they were
quite confident that he would not re
fuse them so innosent and eminently
praiseworthy a desire. They had talked
it over together so often, this sister and
this brother, that it had, by degrees,
because of the increasing familiarity of
the idea, lost its first impossible aspect.
It did not oc«ur to them that what they
had talked and deeamed over until it
had grown to seem almost a thing ac
complished might burst upon their
fond uncle with all the unexpectedness
of a thunder clap out of a clear sky.
The very moment poor Teddy had
chosen was unpropitious; the major had
but just discovered fresh traces of
collegiate usurpation upon the person
of his beloved war horse, Sultan, and
his rage, in consequence, was at a pro
nounced pitch.
"Invite j'our college friends to eat a
Thanksgiving turkey, is it?—a Thanks
giving divil! I'll tachc them to give
thanks in my house! Would ye pour
wine for the murdhcrers of your uncle,
and shtir sugar in it to their liking?
Tare an' ours, but you're a cool-faced
lot, wid the chake of a grinning
chimpanzee! Invite the bloody l>eg
gars, say you —oh, no. ye'll not! I be
lave I'll reserve the right to do what
invitation's done in me own house, or
know the raison why! And I'd rather
have the company of tramps—d'ye
mind that —the poor, meeserable,
abused, misundherstood tramps, that
nivcr lift a finger to do anyone a mean
turn, thorough, honest, daycint niin,
that lave a citizen in pace, lave the
gates on their hinges, the shingles on
the roof"—hero the, major's anger
roars amain—"and the roof on the
house! No, sir! To perdition wid your
college monsthcrs —but ye may ask
ivery tramp ye mate in the stlireet to
come and dine, wid Maj. McCalligan—
say that he is their friend, and that
turkeys shall be roasted in honor of
them—that the deserving hungry shall
be fid at the i.xpinso of Maj. Mc-
Calligan, and that bread and wather's
too good for the likes of"—here fol
lowed untranslatable, but unquestion
ably vigorous, Celtic epithets—"college
companions!"
Toor children! Teddy's notion of
doing the hospitable was nipped in tho
bud, so green that there was no means
of determining just how rich in hue or
how beautiful a flower it might have
become; and Kittie's little dream of a
period of bliss wherein a most enchant
ing gown of peach blossom tinting
shared equal honors with the figure
of a tall and rather awkward youth
known to the college world as "Jim
Junior" —this delightful dream vanished
in tho miserable dawn of her uncle's
tempestuous mood, and the wretched
sun of a day of disappointment shone
through mists of big unshed tears.
"Uncle, you haven't forgotten your
proposition concerning Thanksgiving
—in other words—to-morrow?"
"Eh, Teddy? Bless me soul, me boy,
what?"
"To fetch a pack o' tramps on Thanks
giving daj T to dine with you. I've met
thirteen in the interim— sorry it's Hiir
teen—such an unlucky number; but
since I told each one to fetch all the
scarecrows he could scare up along
with him, I wouldn't wonder—hello,
uncle, what's the matter?"
"Noth—nothing, Teddy—nothing, mo
boy!" The laugh shouldn't be on him,
he'd be bound. What an ass—what a
long-eared, deep-mouthed, braying asa
he had been to give that boy Teddy
(and, if Teddy! others, of course, others
who were his arch-enemies and es
pecial abominations) such a grotesque,
such an absurdly ridiculous hold upon
him!
"Had you forgotten about it, uncle?"
"Forgotten? D'ye think me mim'ry'a
failin' me? We'll have a regular faist
—turkey enough for twinty, and oyster
dhrissing to confound the natives! It's
Maj. McCalligan that can taich the be
nighted world the rale maning of hos
pitality. Faith, it shall be a beautiful
shprid!"
And it was. The great oaken table,
pulled cut to its last joint, with tho
company napery covering its polished
surface, groaned with the burden it
lmre. There was no half-licartedness
about Maj. McCalligan; the glitter of
his l»est silver, the sparkle of his finest
crystal, the glowing hues of the bright
est flowers from his hot house, tho
aroma arising from well-cooked viands
—all these awaited in due time tho
coming of the guests.
By ones and twos and threes they
came—a motley crew —an unkempt, un
washed lot of hungry men, knocking
at the side door, knocking at the back
door, ringing at the front door—each
and all cordially welcomed by Maj. Mc-
Calligan, who stood bowing (foreswear
ing, however, the shaking of dirty paws
held out to him now and again), and
seeming really to enjoy the revenge ho
felt confident Teddy, the rascal, had
thought to take upon him. It actually
warmed the gootl old Irish heart within
him to see the hungry, gaunt-eyed men
put away the delectable provender
with which he lia<l. provided them, and
the thought that for one hour at least
these outcasts were appeasing their
seldom-satisfied appetites and were
drinking in, together with their fra
grant Mocha, a glimpse of life among
the lofty and refined, touched his heart
with the warm linger of self-satisfac
tion, and he beamed benignantly upon
his indigent guests.
The clatter of dcxtrously-handlcd
knives (which weapons were favorite
conveyors of food from plate to mouth)
and forks, the loud swoop and gurgle
caused bv the swallowing of coffee
cooled in saucers, the noisy crunch of
teeth upon rapidly-disappearing edi
bles, the half inaudible grunts accom
panying the pointing of an unwashed
elicit toward boiae desired viirtftl. to-
getber with the major's g<«>d-uaturiully
encourapins' and voluble chatter, made
a cheerful hour of it all. At times the
host cast furtive glances toward. Teddy,
to mark his chagrin the turn affairs
had taken, but Teddy, too wily for his
uncle, caught each glance upon a coun
tenance so expressionless that it bound
ed back and was lost somewhere be
tween the chicken salad and the cheese.
At last the hungriest man among
them desisted with a sigh—even he
cou Id eat no more. Silently the guests
-, fj
"THAT'S DESSERT, PAULINO I"
arose, and, with an attempt at a l>ow,
and a giitteral something meant for
thanks, filed slowly and slouchily to
ward the kitchen door.
The major, after calling Kittie from
the parlor to witness the triumphal
exit, passed into the library to enjoy a
quiet smoke and a retrospection of the
heart-warming scene.
A tall, awkward man brought up tho
rear; a lean, lank, cadaverous fe'low,
with black ej'e-sockets, and beara of a
weeks' growth covering his unprepos
sessing lineaments. As the major dis
appeared, and Kittie, beaming with a
smiling curiosity, brought all the bright
beauty of her girlish years into the now
deserted room, this hulk of a rag-tag, the
most repellant, most uncleanly and alto
gether obnoxious tramp of them all,
turned, and, as if overcome by her dainty
charms, clasped Kittie in his long, lank
arms, and left a very dirty kiss upon
the pretty bloom of her rounded cheek.
"That's dessert, darling," whispered
the man. "Ted's a brick—brick? he's
a whole pavement! We boys are posi
tively stuffed —kiss me good-night, love
—'sh—there!"
"O Jim!" EVA BEST.
TOUGHENING FOR THANKSGIVING.
Turkey—Hit harder, boys; remember
I'm going to n boarding-house. —Life
Iliilroatl Humbling:.
"Can you tell me," he asked, as he
entered ail ofiice on liroad street the
other day, "why the railroad should
discriminate so heavily against dressed
meat over live stock?"
"Certainly, sir. Dressed meat is dead,
isn't it?"
"Of course."
"Well, anything that can't kick is
always bulldozed by a railroad com
pany. '—Texas Siftings.
Anxiety Cause-l It.
Philanthropist —What's the matter?
Tramp—Nervous prostration.
Philanthropist—lmpossible! That dis
ease is caused by overwork or mental
anxiety.
Tramp-That's just it. I've had
nothing 1 but work offered me since I
struck the town, and I'm anxious foi
fear I'll have to take it or leave.—
Judge.
A Sensible Pater Famlllas*
He —Have you heard the news? Yes
terday morning, Mary Dawson jumped
into her father's carriage and eloped
with the coachman.
She- What's her father done about
it?
He —He has advertised: "Send back
the horses, and all will be forgiven."—
Life.
A Hoy** Chances Spoiled.
Farmer's Boy—Father, why cannot 1
rise in the world the same as other
men? For instance, why cannot I
some day become secretary of agricul
ture?
Old Farmer—Too late, too late, my
son, you know too much about farmin'.
—Good News.
A Slight Oversight.
Young Myzer Is quite liberal with his newlj
wedded wife,
He supplies her with the loveliest steam
printed cheques In blank.
Tho only little drawback their happy mar
ried life
Is his failure to deposit any money In the
bank.
Puck.
, I'reroeious.
"They say Mozart played on the
piano at the age of six."
"That's nothing I've got a little
girl only two years old who plays on
the piano every day."
"What docs she play?"
"Dolls."—Harper's Ilazar.
I'roscres-i In H«<licine.
Gargoyle—There's been u great im
provement in medicine lately. For in
stance, doctors don't bleed patients as
they used to.
Bloobumper—Don't they! Well, 1
paid a doctor's bWI of S-100 only lasl
week. —Detroit Free Press.
A New Standard.
"To think that Blodgett, of all men,
should have married a plain girl!"
"They say the new Mrs. 15. has at
amiable disposition."
"Evidently he selected his wife as hf
would a razor—for temper, not foi
looks." —Life.
Ills l.tixurlon* llulilU.
"Dinguss is a man of expensive liab
its, is he not, Shadbolt?"
"Yes. Dinguss' habits since I have
been accquainted with him have cos'
me SISS, without counting a cent for in
tcrest." —Chicago Tribune.
Cause anil ElTcet.
George P. >nd— It seems to me that 1
Rmell burning hair every time tlic tire i.'
stirred
Little Johnnie—l guess you do. Sii I
crimps her bangs with t!:c poker everj I
morning.—Truth.
A isi>Hton CompttrUun.
"Ain't they like each cither?" said tin !
fond mother as she admiringly contctn |
plated her twins.
"Yes," saiil the Boston lady; "tliej i
are r« lik • each other as two ln-ans."— \
Cape Cod Item.
(fathering lafor- atioii*
Lord Noodleby—And wheah do yaw j
best people live in New York?
Maude - Our untitled nobs live alonf ■
Fifth avenue. We keep our piers or
the river front.—Jury.
! Inside I liilo*ophy.
There t-> no misfortune without iti
comp'-.is.it ion
Thus m :i is like u 1".:; of jrreen wooc
on the lire weeping on one side Bnc j
singing on the other. —Judge.
RARA AVIS.
A SHEX tho voice of
' \| R- »P- -■■ a*
'?*• cochu^
A .i tfc* No-
VAyy'vombcr tide
' V Mr'S V ? J murky
'1 fc?aur _iV A- water leaps
.11 of a JUK—
j \r, N'o wonder with
. droop.-«l.aba.-ih
-"V s ed pinions,
c . 1 Columbia's ea-
MSR* Rle gives way
Irate, and throws up hU dominions
To the popular fowl for a day.
What glory to reign on the platter,
Proud creature, while greatest and least
j Of tongues of all peoples bespatter
Thy form with their praise; what a feast
I To feel you're the real iuspiratloa
Of every .-harr. sc'.ntlilant thing
j That falls from the mouth of a cation—
Kise, bird sacrificial, and sing!
| For think, you're the actual power
That pushes thebsocial car
; Up heights where our sou'.s for an hour
Their promised lands view from afar;
Where, ringed In a holy day <-p:cndor.
On top of the mountain of S"lf.
O'.ir hearts can tlnd time to grow tender,
Away from the lowlands of pelf.
The whole of our future you're storing
With food of gay laughter aud song.
O'er moments unseasoned are pouring
The gravy of mirth, rich an ! strong.
At memory's hearth we will t is:e you.
We vow. as we taste you to-day.
While blest recollections will baste you
And turn you forever and aye.
Jrt.iA 11. THAYER
ipHMW
PjlXNOformofre
-i * J y ligious senti
~ ajS inent do so many
f r |jH minds meet as
VS gifi ? re "; ~nt to j 0 ! 0
/ I ■ B t n the simple
r *" I prayer or wor
ship of Thanks
giving. The average condition of man
is one of happiness. Wherever the
mind reaches intelligence enough to
make a fairly xxl use of life.and there
fore to appreciate its wonderful powers
and mysteries, then the heart reaches
a happiness which can at times cry out;
"I bless. Thee, oh God!" Many times
in each season, or year, the mind not
dull or wicked says to itself: "Thank
God." It need not define its God. It need
not be a Christian or a pagan. Out of
the two simple facts—an intelligent
mind and the world of a Creator,
comes the religion of thanksgiving. It
is the simplest form of piety, and is
therefore the most universal. It
sweeps over the whole arena of intel
ligent manhood and womanhood—the
atheist alone being silent.
Many religious minds have doubted
whether they should ask the Maker of
the universe to grant them some bless
ing. It has seemed to them only an
outburst of egotism to ask the Deity to
confer upon their mind or body or busi
ness some special favor, but no religious
nature has ever hesitated to breathe
forth the audible or silent prayer of
gratitude. To ask for favors might bo
a form of egotism, but not to thank tho
God of life would seem to be inhuman.
It has been the reasonableness of this
day of piety that has made it outlive
the years which saw the early fathers
of our country assemble in the name of
gratitude. It was soon seen that the
Heavenly Father was not a special
friend of those who landed upon
Plymouth Rock. His love aud care
touched alike all years, all places and
all men. The fall of the first genera
tion into its grave did not terminate
the history of the Thanksgiving day,
because the Divine goodness never ends
at a human tomb. It passes over
graves like a morning sunbeam aud
follows the living race. The day once
seen and once established could not but
travel on, because the kind Providence
which created the day traveled onward
and was as active and beautiful in the
eighteenth century as it had been in the
seventeenth.
The Thanksgiving day stands forth
in our time in the same light as that in
which it stood in the days when Miles
Stan dish walked upon the Atlantic
shore. There is not a patriot in our
nation who is not as dear to Heaven as
was each soul in the Mayflower. Once
started upon its career Thanksgiving
day can end only by command of a na
tional atheism. The mind may be slow
in discovering a truth or a duty, but
when it has reached such a sentiment
as that which comes out in bloom each
November it can never recall the noble
sentiment and close up its account.
As the seasons come and go the na
tion grows greater in all the dimensions
of merit. Behold the growth of our
country! The days of Plymouth Rock
are left far behind. The people movo
in more millions, and in more of educa
tion, wealth, art, science and goodness.
The scene has become so vast that tho
hearts in this land to-day should bo
bowing before God's altar in a love and
joy greater far than the sentiments
which expressed themselves so solemnly
when our state was young. Our prayer
of thankfulness should expand in fervor
and gladness to meet the new greatness
of the republic which once \vas carried
on the sea in a little ship. A great na
tion should whisper a great prayer.
DAVID SWING.
Premature IteJolelnij.
"Horray!" screamed the young
turkey; "Thanksgiving day is gone and
I'm still here."
"Shut up!" said the old gobbler; "you
evidently have never heard of Christ
mas."—Puck.
.MaHnmon's Temple.
Harty—Can it be that old Scadds was
at his office all day Thanksgiving?
Kirk—Why, yes; he followed out the
recommendation to "repair to his place
of worship."—Puck.
A Whimsical Woman.
Housekeeper—How long did you re
main in your last place?
Applicant—Sure 1 left in wan day
There was no plaziu' tha leddy at all at
all.
"Whimsical, was she?"
"Indade she was that The first night
she complained because I boiled the
tay, an' th' very next morning she com
plained because I did not boil the coffee
Thin I left."—N. Y Weekly.
Progre** «»f Modern Kefinemeot*
"And now, children," remarked the
Sunday-school superintendent, as he
brought his review of the lesson to a
close, "if the Iwiy who honors his father
I and mother is to dwell long in the laud
: tvliat may we conclude as to the boy
; who docs not?"
"He isn't in it," responded the chil
dren, with one voice.—Chicago Tribune.
Must Ho Compiled With.
Robber (to bank teller) l'm Bloody
Jim, th' Rip Roaring Snorter of the
Rockies; hand over that there cash.
Bank Teller (mechanically) —1 have
no doulit, personally, sir, that you are
Bloody Jim, the Rip Roaring Snorter of
the Rockies, but, sir, you will have to
(ret somebody to identify you.—N. \
Herald.
"Doctor," bald Mrs. Worrit, "is il
really true that many people are buried
alive?*'
"None of m.v patients ever arc," r» ,
plied 1/r. Gravtffc. —Puck.
TRULY THANKFUL.
Ju»l Ir> to »el Llkr Hrother UooS and
You'll IV Happy,
I always liked Thanksgiving day.
Coining, as it does, at such an appro
priate season just before the long hard
winter, 1 am in bettor shape, so to
spoak. to have a soul filled with
gratitude, than I would be along
about, say, February, when the
buckwheat flour is running low and tho
grocer doesn't wait upon me with the
! "DON'T YOC GIVE ME * CREDIT F0.%
HONESTY?"
same alacrity that he did when I firet
opened the account with him early in
the season.
I once intended giving my patronage
to a certain grocer. *1 went to him. in
perfectly good faith, and, as is usual
with me. asked for a little time.
He coughed about thrice in a peculiar
way, to sort of prepare me for the
worst, and said:
"Eh—well, you see, Mr. Hood, we
couldn't do it. Have to draw a line
somewhere, you know."
I was mad in a minute. You know
how the Hoods are, fly off the handle in
a jiffy and say things they're likely to
ho sorry for afterwards. I blurted out
indignantly:
"Don't you give me credit for
honesty?"
"Why certainly, Hood," he said, "but
—eh—couldn't for anything else, you
know."
Still that is alien to my subject.
Thanksgivings in general, and Thanks
giving dinners in particular, will al
ways touch a responsive chord when
the button is pressed in my vicinity.
We are such pood eaters, we Hoods.
There are so few things that we don't
like. Light meat or dark mcaL it's all
the same to us. A little of the breast,
the neck, a drum stick or the wishbone
will do us nicely, thank you, and if
they are all gone we can get along
beautifully with the gizzard and plenty
of gravy and stuffing.
It is very seldom that you hear a
Hood say: "I never eat that, thank
you," or "None of the so-and-so for me,
please."
We are not gormandizers, but what
other people eat and like, yea, verily,
can we also.
And that's one of the things that
Charles Newton Hood, familiarly,
"Newt" Hood, has to ba thankful for
to-day—h>s appetite. Rising at a mo
ment's notice to Pats dt foi gran, quail
on toast and blue points, or happy with
stewed grocery-store codfish and boiled
potatoes.
If I don't particularly like u viand, I
just eat a little more to make up.
Whv, if I should happen along in an
African forest upon a pleasant party of
cannibals enjoying a Thanksgiving
dinner of stalled missionary and con
tent ment therewith, and I was hungry,
and they should ask me to sit by and take
pot luck with it would l>e just
like me to squat right down on the log
nearest the barbecue, and send my
order up for more spareribs as often as
did the big chief with the ring in his
nose.
Why should we blame the poor,
hungry cannibal for loving his fellow
"WHY SHOULD WK BLAMK THE CAN
NIBALS ?"
man, even if he prefers him "well
done?"
It is right that we should be thankful
and eat much turkey on Thanksgiving
day, for yea, that which we do not eat
will be warmed over for us the rest of
the week.
We have much to be thankful for.
The world's fair is bound to be held
sometime, new states have been added
to us. and baby's teeth have coine
through well. Next year we will have
politics. Let us be thankful that it is
not this year.
I f we are sons or daughters who have
fled or been kicked from our father's
home in days gone by, let us remember
that Thanksgiving day is the dandy
time to waltz home and have all for
given, unless the standard Thanksgiv
ing day story is wrong.
If we are rich, let us be thankful that
we know not the pangs of poverty, and
if we are poor, let us be thankful that
wc do not have the care and responsibil
ity of great wealth.
Let us be thankful anyway.
CHARLES NEWTON HOOD.
Gobbler* E»»rjwhere.
The turkey is not the only gobbler at 1
the thanksgiving board, particularly in |
families where there are boys.
An Unfortunate llreik
"l declare, 1 never thought'." criei' |
Mrs. Lincolnpark. after her dinner waa ;
over. . , .
"Never thought of what. askeo
Mr. L. . „
"Why, 1 placed Col. Jones and Mrs.
Parkcrton next each other at dinner,
mid, now I think of it, he was her firsl
husband!"— Harper's Bazar.
_
One or the Other.
Seaside Visitor—What a maguificenl
villa! It must have cost a fortune.
Driver—That's Smith's cottage.
Visitor—Ah, indeed! Smith, the soup
man, or Smith, the pill man?—N. Y
Weekly.
Nothing to Ke*r.
Lady— Little boy. isn't that youi
mother calling you?
Little Boy— Yes'm. h
"Why don't you answer her, then?'
"Pop's away."—Good News.
I.iplalned.
"I wonder why that widow, Mrs. Hit
terby, paints the edges of Irer eyelids
black."
"In memory of Hitterby. It s u
mourning liori'.et just like that on her
stationery."—Judge.
(•ri'MKc and
Ucssuiau -t'oufojind it! I've mau
a red to get several s;*jt!> of grtai*) tju
uiv overcoat.
Seedeigh I was fortunate enough to
get several itollar#on irfiifl*. —'
NO. 4
THANKSGIVING DAY.
When We should fat Out of llfkl
thins Disagreeable.
Three thousand years ago Moses la
st rue ted the Israelites to keep a feast
after they got established in the Holy
Land They called it the feast of tha
tabernacles, and for eight days follow
ing the eletse of the harvest they dwelt
in tKxiths made chiefly of green boughs,
and feasted on corn, wine, oil and
fruits.
The Greeks had a nine days' feast of
similar character, and the Romans also
had one in honor of Ceres, goddess of
grain.
The Saxons had a harvest home, and
after them the Knglish. Our Thanks
giving comes from the Puritans, and It
will be noted that, like all Its predeces
sors, the observance bore special refer
ence to the harvest, and, if the harvest
failed, there was no Thanksgiving. We
have outgrown that narrow view of the
day, and it is safe to say that Thanks
giving day will never be omitted again,
no matter what calamity falls on the
country.
We have discovered that there is al
ways something to be thankful for.
Sorrow and disappointment coma to all,
but there is no life so dark that it is
without one ray of sunshine. If you
have nothing else, you are to be thank
ful for life itself.
Did you ever think what it is not to
have a single friend in the world? There
may be such persons somewhere, and
can you not be thankful that yon hare
friends and relatives?
Life is mostly struggle and strife, and
that is why we should look on the bright
side as often as possible.
Thanksgiving day is the period when
we should put out of sight everything
that is not bright and joyfuL It is the
day when, if any of your friends or re
lations are estranged from yon, it is
your duty to hunt them up and effect a
reconciliation. Bid them to your
Thanksgiving feast and forgive and bs
; forgiven.
True philosophy means to make the
best of everything. Give thanks for
\that you have and forget what you
have not. For one day only look on the
bright side of life and give thanks
with all your heart and soul, and you
will have yonr reward in a feeling of
happiness that will remain with you for
many a day.—Golden Days.
AN UNEVEN THANKSGIVING.
' -Life
The I'rire Site Pai«l for Supremacy.
City Lady —Mr. Barnyard, we found
a gold ring in the crop of the turkey
you sold to us.
Mr. Barnyard—Just my durn luck!
Mariar wanted that one for our dinner,
but I was hard headed an' sold It.
After this she kin hev her own way.
Maria (aside)—l fed that 'ar ring to
the bird with my own han's, an' naow I
reckon tlicr ain't no doubt who's goin'
ter do the bossin'. —Jewelers' Weekly.
Coutempt for Human Ignonoce.
Mrs. Turkey—Gobbler, what do you
think? I saw a lady to-day with a
small gold wishbone at her throat)
Gobbler— Ahem! Ought to be ashamed
of herself! Even our fledglings know
that's not the right place for a wish
bone. —Jewelers' Weekly.
A THANKSGIVING DINNEB. {
The reason Willie Winks did not en
joy his turkey.—Golden Days.
The Foolish Little Turkey.
Little Turkey—Oh, mamma, mammal
I saw some gold and silver wishbones
in the jeweler's window. Please get
mc one.
Mother Turkey—My child, our lives
are in constant peril as it is. With gold
and silver wishbones none of us wouid
escape. Jewelers' Weekly
Important t-> Smokers.
"You ain't a-gwine to give ten ccnU
for that cigar, are you?"
"I believe I will, Sally," said he.
"Jest to burn up?" said she.
"That's what it is make far, Sally,
said he.
"Well," said she, "I'd look at a dim*
a long time before I'd give it for that
thing and then burn it right straight
up. If 1 was gwine to be a fool I'd be
a fool some other way."— TWfcs bift
ings.
On the Stnbble field.
Chappie—l can't get the uajwession
out of my mind that I've fdPgWteu
something.
Dumlcy—Not your flawsk?
Chappie— No, nor me loading tools,
nor me compass. Here are me cleaning
implements, shell extwactoj and art
cartwidge bag. Aw, I havfl 1
have left me gun at hatnfci DeuOtaly
awkward, isn't it? Jury.
Dreadful PaMlbtUtteS.
Fair Visitor—Dearest friend, what to
the matter?
Mrs. Kncwliwed (sobbing)— This
mum —mum—morning I made some 10l
—lovely cake.
"Weil?"
"And dear John ate a great lot, and
gave a little piece to the kitten befo>%
he went to his train.*
"Well?"
"And the kick— kick-kitten has just
vJicd. and the telephone has been ring
ing like mad!"—Piimrrrrgh