VOL. XXIX. PROFESSIONAL CARDS. JOSEPH W. MILLEK, M. D. Physician and Surgeon, Office and residence at 33* i. Main St Butler, 1 a. Dr. N. M. HOOVER, 137 E. Wayne.»t., office hours. 10 to 12 M. and I to 3 P. M. L. M. REINSEL, M. D, fUVSICIi* AMD SCBGICOJf. office and residence at 12T K. Cunningham St. L. BLACK, PHYSICIAN AXN BUBOEOW, New Troutmaa Building. Butler. Pa. K. N. I.KAKK. M. D. J. K. MANN. M. D. S|>«e!Hltlea: Specialties: Gynaecology aad Sur- Eye, Ear. Nose aad gery. Throat. DR3. LEAKE & MANN, Butler, Pa. C. Y ZIMMERMAN. rUYSICIAH AND BCmOBOH. Office Hi No. 48. S. Main street, over Frank 4 Co's Di us; store. Butler. Fa, SAMUEL M. BIPPUS. Physician and Surgeon. Ao. 22 Eaat Jefferaou St., Butler, Pa. W. R. TITZEL. PHYSICIAN AKD SURGEON. w.corner Main ai.d North Sta.. Bntler, Pa. V. MCALPINE, Dentist, hi no« fCimatently located at l» South Main Street Butler. Pa, In rooms formwly occupied by Dr. Waldrou. J. J. DONALDSON, Dentist. Butler, Penn'a. , ssr* .5 ovt i Hcnaul s Clotlilnu Store. dr. s. A. JOHNSTON. DENTIST, - - BUTLER, PA. All work pertaining to the profession; execute ed r.i THS neatest manner. rainless Ex- Cl^VT«thVltllliX^l?»dmmlst e red. onioeea TnSSr »—• * bcit makes of teetk. ________ C. K. L. McQUISTION, ENGINEER AND SURVEYOR, Orrici N*A« DIAHOHP. BCTLM. P*- ' {3. c. McFARLAND. out! floor. _ H. Q- WALKER, Attorney aM.a W -om<* la UUmond Block. Butler. PH. . J. M. PAINTER, Attorney-at-Law. Office—Between Pootoffice and Diamond. But ler. Pa. A. T. SCOTT, VITURNBV-AT-LAW. Office at No. 8, South Diamond. Bntler, Pa. A- M. CHRISTLEY, ATIOHNEY AT I.AW. office ,econd floor, Anderson B1 k. Main St., near Couit House, Butler, Pa. J. W- HUTCHISON, ATTOKNEY AT LAW. Cfl'ce 011 second floor of the Huaelton block, pidinoiid, Butler, Pa.. Koom No. L JAMES N. MOORE, ATTORN IT- AT-LA* AND NOTABT PUBLIC. Office in Room No. 1. second floor ot Huaelton Block, entrance on Diamond. IRA McJUNKIN. Attorney at Law, Office at No. 11, Kast Jeffer sou St., Butler. Ps* W. C. FINDLEY, Attorney at Law and Real Estate Agent. Of nee rear of L. Z. Mitchell's office on north aide ol Diamond, Butler, Pa. H. H. GOUCHER. Attorney-at-law. Office on second floor of Anderaon building, near Court House, Bntler, Pa. NEWTON BLACK. Att'y at Law—Offlce.on South slde of Diamond Butler. Pa. "inricjUNKlN7~ Insurance and Real Estate Ag't 17 EAST JEFFEEBON.BT. BUTLER, - PA. HI !T] IP COUNTY Mutual Fire Insurance Co. Office Cor. Main & Cunningham fits. .3 c. ROESBINQ, PR*BIDINT. 11 C IIEINKMAN, SWJBBTABT. DIRECTORS: a C, Roesslne. Henderson Ollrer, J' L Purvts •'»me« Stephenson,. 1 A. Tm'rtmiln, H. C. Helnemau. Alfred Wick. h Dr. W. Irvln. Dr Rtckonbach. J. W Burkhart, D. T. Norrts. LOYAL S. M'JUNKIN, Agent. PA - A. E> GABLE, Veterinary Surgeon. Graduate of the Ontario Veterinary College, Toronto, Canada. Dr. Gable treats all diseases of tbt domesticated animals, and ridgling, castration and horse den tistry a specialty. Castration per formed without clams, and all otber surgical operations performed in the most scientific manner. Calls to any part of the conntry promptly responded to. Office and Infirmary in Crawford's Lirery, 132 West Jefferson Btreet, Bqtler ft " == ~ G. D. HARVEY, Contractor and builder Inhrlck work, grate and mantel setting and all kinds of brtck-laving a specialty. Also dealer in barrel Ume. Wam num loo** lime, cements. National, Portland and all liest grades m the market. Calcined plaster, plaster hair. King's cement, Ore brick, tile, wblte saud and river sand. Main office 315 v Mam street, and all orders left at ware houae vrn recw?« prompt doUrery. lam rwonftWe, THE BUTLER CITIZEN. CAPTURED. \ Once upoD a time a young roaD named . n K ) Cobb met a beautiful young lady named ( Webb, and it ie telated that he fell in love ft L * / r* f * > cs scon at? be f»pied ber. Our tale it; told. iv(k ) V'M J We ve caught voor eje Do >Oll eatch r3 on? Well; just follow along a little • /yVv ■! further. That ' birds of a feather floek <€? together" in little droree by themselves is no more truly verified than at our store. *- T j- Those who are good Judges of good? in .Tj our line, and who wish to get tLe be.^t goods in the market for the money, eon jfc gregate at our store daily. There is al .*, '* wavs room for one more; so don t be back- J iT ward, but call in and gee us. I did not think of advertising this fall, but I met a man who asked me who I was. I told him Heck, The Champion Clothier & Furnisher. And btrange to i=ay, be informed me that he had never heard of me. \N ell ! it is just 6uch people we are after, and if this should catch their eye, we hope human curiosity will lead tbero to read it for it is one of the commonest trait Bof the race. It was curiosity that led Eve to taste the forbidden fruit: and her offspring have their curiosity excited every day as a beredittr* temptation, from the small boy everlastingly peeping into boxes to the hired-girl with her eye to the key bole. Eveybody wonders what is in if. Properly directed, this curiosity o'-.en leads to satisfactory resnlts, and I>. A. Heck invites all curious people to make a voyage of discovery to his fetore and see the largest store, the largest stock of clotoicc—in Overcoats, and Suits for men, boys and children, Hats, Caps, Oloves, Mitts, Shirts, L uder wear, Cordigan-Jackets, Leather Coats and Pants, Overall-Jackets. Trunks, Valises, Umbrellas, Rubber Coats, Collars, CulTi, Ties, Jldkfs, Mufflers. Brushes, Purses, Bill and Pocket Books, Ladiea and Gents' Wutehes, Chain Charms, Rings, Pins, Sleeve and Collar Buttons, Silver C ard-Cases, and a full line of Notions—at remarkably low prices; no matter how low von have been offered goods \ye have them still lower and for quality we never tuke a backseat. It will be to your personal advantage to give us an early call and get our prices, and you are sure to give us a large share ot Your pat ronage hereafter. Thanking our many friends for their vey liberal patronage. We remain, yours to please. IJ. A. H EC K, Champion Clothier, Furnisher and 1 latter. 121 UNT. Main St. Butler, l J a. HENRY BIEHL ! 122 NORTH MAIN STHKET, BUrLER - F-EJNN-'A DEALER IN Hardware and House Furnishing* Goods. o reaper and steel frunu; binder. Warren ready mixed paint 1 warrented; screen doors and windows, refrigerators and lawn j mowers. No belter pltce in the city to tr-ide. Come and see mv larere store room I'ull of -roods, l-'JOi feet long. WHERE A CHILD CAN BUY AS CHEAP AS A MAN | FURNITURE! FU RNITU RE: FURNITURE! New styles arriving daily. It will be but a short time until you will be looking: * c. around for your holiday presents, we want to call your attention to our beau tiful line of fancy ROCKERS, MIRRORS—ManteI and Cabinets, PARLOR CABINET, etc. We will also have tor the holiday trade a full line of Dinner and Tea Set at any price from $4.50 to #75, all new styles and new shapes, goods guaran teed not to craze. A beautiful line of Vase and Bouquet Lamps, from # 1.50 to #lO. Anything you want in the above goods call and see us. Truly Yours Campbell & Templeton, 136 N. Main St., - - Butler, Pa. AFTER HARVEST you want NEW FURNITURE to re place some of the old We are headquarters for first-class goods. Remember we have no mark down sales; our prices are alwiu s as low as is consistent with good goods. A full line of QUILTS in addition to other bedding. E. S t PREW, - 128 E. Jefferson, St. ; THE MAJOR'S SPKEAD. How tho Good Old Soul Euter tained Enemies Unawares. &6mt. OST! Lost:" / Wi "Teddy!" M*. "If you'd only • Wsfs&S have helped me /fc \ cSH "Did you ap 5.- LfC \ proachhim as I \ 'B, advise d you? ® - V, H Did-" - j ' -' 4 "Approach / ' him? How can * a w a p _ \ proach a man ,V 1! I, YfC 1 that meets him ' at the first sally ' with the sword of ridicule, and then follows his thrust with a cannonading' of vituperative epi thets —" "If you hadn't allowed those fellows to run poor old Sultan—" "Oh, Sultan be handed! They didn't hurt him any—" "He might have overlooked past of fenses, and mightn't —" "Look here,lvittie McCalligan, what's the use of your 'mights' and your 'mightn'ts'—Uncle Mac detests, abhors, abominates, despises, hates and loathes the college boys—" "For which I am painfully aware he has, too often, just cause. Who ties cats to his window shutters? Who put 6 turtle eggs under the hen? Who smugi gles howling dogs into the cellar at dead of night, fills Sultan's rHane with burs, and paints the front fence red, white and blue? You may use all the telling synonyms you care to—" "If he didn't hate 'em thej r wouldn't do it—" " 'They' with Teddy McCalligan, ring-leader, left out?" "Oh, I say, Kit—" "You fellows don't do much to make him love you that I have ever seen. Great, grown boys like you, at that, not a soul among you under seven teen —" "Nor one of us over twenty. Twen ty's awful young for a boy. Kit, and all the fellows so far from hiunc, and that, an>l half-way homesick, the most of 'em, and not one allowed to go home at Thanksgiving, with the Don kicking up euch a dust about it all—" "You can go home, at any rate, and as for being homesick, I'll wager that Jim—" "Oh! Jim Junior—'beautiful Jim'— he's the rummicst cove of the lot, if you like—and you needn't roll your eyes around in Such an indignant manner, cither—you'cc not the only girl living." "Teddy!" "Well, you fire, then; but I happened to sec a photograph in Jim's chest pocket—" "Teddy!" "Stunning picture—eyes like stars, mouth like—well, what you crying about?" "Did you—did—did—did you ever hear Jim say lie wa—was homesick?" "Think the fellow's a blubbering idiot? S'pose you imagine lie's going around dampening handkerchiefs with the brine! Oil, I say. Kit, that was your photograph 1 caught on to —help a fel low out, wont 30U?" When a man in impecunious circum stances acts in a manner somewhat unusual, he is straightway dubbed a crank; if, on the other hand, a man of means is guilty of the selfsame actions, lie is termed mere ly eccentric. Maj MeCalliffan's bank account was large enough to allow him to be called by the longer and more euphonious appellation, and persistent enough in his oddity to keep the sib ilant word continual l.v upon the tongues of the people unluckily obliged, by stress of circumstances, to dwell inside the corporation of the populous college town. The major had settled there long before any great barracks of a school building bad been erected, be fore the noise and confusion consequent upon the arrival of hundreds of manner less youths within the town—youths who laughed law ami order to scorn, and had since filled the major's nights with a hideous unrest. That he, the hero of a hundred battles, should be routed by such an enemy to his peace, that lie should pull up stakes and fly be fore so puling, so inane a foe was as far from his thoughts as that the major's ire was that adversary's chief joy. In every way possible, innocently or maliciously, these tormentors sought to arouse the major's wrath, delisting only when they had won for themselves the dear delight of seeing his quick Irish blood fly to his scowling brow, and hearing his quick Irish tongue berating them with the choice invective he had, with seeming forethought, gath ered for such occasions as these in his native land. In the college town, therefore, the major had remained, pestered and en joyed by youths who grew to manhood, graduated, and, as the years flew by, began sending on second editions of themselves to their beloved Alma Mater. During this passage of time tho major's sister—the sole idol of his heart —had married and, after several years of married bliss, had found herself a widow, with two little children to earo for. Although she realized their great need of her, and fought bravely to live for their sakes, her efforts were of no avail, and each day saw her more and more the shadow of her former self. In vain her brother tried to comfort her— the fond heart was broken, and before the winter frost had melted above tho grave wherein lay all her hopes, there was another mound to be covered by the soft white m.intlc of the snow, and the major, filled with that mournful tenderness felt only by lamenting Irish hearts, led the two little ones back to his own fireside, accepting them as a sacred legacy. He gave them his name and his undivided care and attcntieg gars, say you —oh, no. ye'll not! I be lave I'll reserve the right to do what invitation's done in me own house, or know the raison why! And I'd rather have the company of tramps—d'ye mind that —the poor, meeserable, abused, misundherstood tramps, that nivcr lift a finger to do anyone a mean turn, thorough, honest, daycint niin, that lave a citizen in pace, lave the gates on their hinges, the shingles on the roof"—hero the, major's anger roars amain—"and the roof on the house! No, sir! To perdition wid your college monsthcrs —but ye may ask ivery tramp ye mate in the stlireet to come and dine, wid Maj. McCalligan— say that he is their friend, and that turkeys shall be roasted in honor of them—that the deserving hungry shall be fid at the i.xpinso of Maj. Mc- Calligan, and that bread and wather's too good for the likes of"—here fol lowed untranslatable, but unquestion ably vigorous, Celtic epithets—"college companions!" Toor children! Teddy's notion of doing the hospitable was nipped in tho bud, so green that there was no means of determining just how rich in hue or how beautiful a flower it might have become; and Kittie's little dream of a period of bliss wherein a most enchant ing gown of peach blossom tinting shared equal honors with the figure of a tall and rather awkward youth known to the college world as "Jim Junior" —this delightful dream vanished in tho miserable dawn of her uncle's tempestuous mood, and the wretched sun of a day of disappointment shone through mists of big unshed tears. "Uncle, you haven't forgotten your proposition concerning Thanksgiving —in other words—to-morrow?" "Eh, Teddy? Bless me soul, me boy, what?" "To fetch a pack o' tramps on Thanks giving daj T to dine with you. I've met thirteen in the interim— sorry it's Hiir teen—such an unlucky number; but since I told each one to fetch all the scarecrows he could scare up along with him, I wouldn't wonder—hello, uncle, what's the matter?" "Noth—nothing, Teddy—nothing, mo boy!" The laugh shouldn't be on him, he'd be bound. What an ass—what a long-eared, deep-mouthed, braying asa he had been to give that boy Teddy (and, if Teddy! others, of course, others who were his arch-enemies and es pecial abominations) such a grotesque, such an absurdly ridiculous hold upon him! "Had you forgotten about it, uncle?" "Forgotten? D'ye think me mim'ry'a failin' me? We'll have a regular faist —turkey enough for twinty, and oyster dhrissing to confound the natives! It's Maj. McCalligan that can taich the be nighted world the rale maning of hos pitality. Faith, it shall be a beautiful shprid!" And it was. The great oaken table, pulled cut to its last joint, with tho company napery covering its polished surface, groaned with the burden it lmre. There was no half-licartedness about Maj. McCalligan; the glitter of his l»est silver, the sparkle of his finest crystal, the glowing hues of the bright est flowers from his hot house, tho aroma arising from well-cooked viands —all these awaited in due time tho coming of the guests. By ones and twos and threes they came—a motley crew —an unkempt, un washed lot of hungry men, knocking at the side door, knocking at the back door, ringing at the front door—each and all cordially welcomed by Maj. Mc- Calligan, who stood bowing (foreswear ing, however, the shaking of dirty paws held out to him now and again), and seeming really to enjoy the revenge ho felt confident Teddy, the rascal, had thought to take upon him. It actually warmed the gootl old Irish heart within him to see the hungry, gaunt-eyed men put away the delectable provender with which he liad-uaturiully encourapins' and voluble chatter, made a cheerful hour of it all. At times the host cast furtive glances toward. Teddy, to mark his chagrin the turn affairs had taken, but Teddy, too wily for his uncle, caught each glance upon a coun tenance so expressionless that it bound ed back and was lost somewhere be tween the chicken salad and the cheese. At last the hungriest man among them desisted with a sigh—even he cou Id eat no more. Silently the guests -, fj "THAT'S DESSERT, PAULINO I" arose, and, with an attempt at a l>ow, and a giitteral something meant for thanks, filed slowly and slouchily to ward the kitchen door. The major, after calling Kittie from the parlor to witness the triumphal exit, passed into the library to enjoy a quiet smoke and a retrospection of the heart-warming scene. A tall, awkward man brought up tho rear; a lean, lank, cadaverous fe'low, with black ej'e-sockets, and beara of a weeks' growth covering his unprepos sessing lineaments. As the major dis appeared, and Kittie, beaming with a smiling curiosity, brought all the bright beauty of her girlish years into the now deserted room, this hulk of a rag-tag, the most repellant, most uncleanly and alto gether obnoxious tramp of them all, turned, and, as if overcome by her dainty charms, clasped Kittie in his long, lank arms, and left a very dirty kiss upon the pretty bloom of her rounded cheek. "That's dessert, darling," whispered the man. "Ted's a brick—brick? he's a whole pavement! We boys are posi tively stuffed —kiss me good-night, love —'sh—there!" "O Jim!" EVA BEST. TOUGHENING FOR THANKSGIVING. Turkey—Hit harder, boys; remember I'm going to n boarding-house. —Life Iliilroatl Humbling:. "Can you tell me," he asked, as he entered ail ofiice on liroad street the other day, "why the railroad should discriminate so heavily against dressed meat over live stock?" "Certainly, sir. Dressed meat is dead, isn't it?" "Of course." "Well, anything that can't kick is always bulldozed by a railroad com pany. '—Texas Siftings. Anxiety Cause-l It. Philanthropist —What's the matter? Tramp—Nervous prostration. Philanthropist—lmpossible! That dis ease is caused by overwork or mental anxiety. Tramp-That's just it. I've had nothing 1 but work offered me since I struck the town, and I'm anxious foi fear I'll have to take it or leave.— Judge. A Sensible Pater Famlllas* He —Have you heard the news? Yes terday morning, Mary Dawson jumped into her father's carriage and eloped with the coachman. She- What's her father done about it? He —He has advertised: "Send back the horses, and all will be forgiven."— Life. A Hoy** Chances Spoiled. Farmer's Boy—Father, why cannot 1 rise in the world the same as other men? For instance, why cannot I some day become secretary of agricul ture? Old Farmer—Too late, too late, my son, you know too much about farmin'. —Good News. A Slight Oversight. Young Myzer Is quite liberal with his newlj wedded wife, He supplies her with the loveliest steam printed cheques In blank. Tho only little drawback their happy mar ried life Is his failure to deposit any money In the bank. Puck. , I'reroeious. "They say Mozart played on the piano at the age of six." "That's nothing I've got a little girl only two years old who plays on the piano every day." "What docs she play?" "Dolls."—Harper's Ilazar. I'roscres-i In H«nd— It seems to me that 1 Rmell burning hair every time tlic tire i.' stirred Little Johnnie—l guess you do. Sii I crimps her bangs with t!:c poker everj I morning.—Truth. A isi>Hton CompttrUun. "Ain't they like each cither?" said tin ! fond mother as she admiringly contctn | plated her twins. "Yes," saiil the Boston lady; "tliej i are r« lik • each other as two ln-ans."— \ Cape Cod Item. (fathering lafor- atioii* Lord Noodleby—And wheah do yaw j best people live in New York? Maude - Our untitled nobs live alonf ■ Fifth avenue. We keep our piers or the river front.—Jury. ! Inside I liilo*ophy. There t-> no misfortune without iti comp'-.is.it ion Thus m :i is like u 1".:; of jrreen wooc on the lire weeping on one side Bnc j singing on the other. —Judge. RARA AVIS. A SHEX tho voice of ' \| R- »P- -■■ a* '?*• cochu^ A .i tfc* No- VAyy'vombcr tide ' V Mr'S V ? J murky '1 fc?aur _iV A- water leaps .11 of a JUK— j \r, N'o wonder with . droop.-«l.aba.-ih -"V s ed pinions, c . 1 Columbia's ea- MSR* Rle gives way Irate, and throws up hU dominions To the popular fowl for a day. What glory to reign on the platter, Proud creature, while greatest and least j Of tongues of all peoples bespatter Thy form with their praise; what a feast I To feel you're the real iuspiratloa Of every .-harr. sc'.ntlilant thing j That falls from the mouth of a cation— Kise, bird sacrificial, and sing! | For think, you're the actual power That pushes thebsocial car ; Up heights where our sou'.s for an hour Their promised lands view from afar; Where, ringed In a holy day <-p:cndor. On top of the mountain of S"lf. O'.ir hearts can tlnd time to grow tender, Away from the lowlands of pelf. The whole of our future you're storing With food of gay laughter aud song. O'er moments unseasoned are pouring The gravy of mirth, rich an ! strong. At memory's hearth we will t is:e you. We vow. as we taste you to-day. While blest recollections will baste you And turn you forever and aye. Jrt.iA 11. THAYER ipHMW PjlXNOformofre -i * J y ligious senti ~ ajS inent do so many f r |jH minds meet as VS gifi ? re "; ~nt to j 0 ! 0 / I ■ B t n the simple r *" I prayer or wor ship of Thanks giving. The average condition of man is one of happiness. Wherever the mind reaches intelligence enough to make a fairly xxl use of life.and there fore to appreciate its wonderful powers and mysteries, then the heart reaches a happiness which can at times cry out; "I bless. Thee, oh God!" Many times in each season, or year, the mind not dull or wicked says to itself: "Thank God." It need not define its God. It need not be a Christian or a pagan. Out of the two simple facts—an intelligent mind and the world of a Creator, comes the religion of thanksgiving. It is the simplest form of piety, and is therefore the most universal. It sweeps over the whole arena of intel ligent manhood and womanhood—the atheist alone being silent. Many religious minds have doubted whether they should ask the Maker of the universe to grant them some bless ing. It has seemed to them only an outburst of egotism to ask the Deity to confer upon their mind or body or busi ness some special favor, but no religious nature has ever hesitated to breathe forth the audible or silent prayer of gratitude. To ask for favors might bo a form of egotism, but not to thank tho God of life would seem to be inhuman. It has been the reasonableness of this day of piety that has made it outlive the years which saw the early fathers of our country assemble in the name of gratitude. It was soon seen that the Heavenly Father was not a special friend of those who landed upon Plymouth Rock. His love aud care touched alike all years, all places and all men. The fall of the first genera tion into its grave did not terminate the history of the Thanksgiving day, because the Divine goodness never ends at a human tomb. It passes over graves like a morning sunbeam aud follows the living race. The day once seen and once established could not but travel on, because the kind Providence which created the day traveled onward and was as active and beautiful in the eighteenth century as it had been in the seventeenth. The Thanksgiving day stands forth in our time in the same light as that in which it stood in the days when Miles Stan dish walked upon the Atlantic shore. There is not a patriot in our nation who is not as dear to Heaven as was each soul in the Mayflower. Once started upon its career Thanksgiving day can end only by command of a na tional atheism. The mind may be slow in discovering a truth or a duty, but when it has reached such a sentiment as that which comes out in bloom each November it can never recall the noble sentiment and close up its account. As the seasons come and go the na tion grows greater in all the dimensions of merit. Behold the growth of our country! The days of Plymouth Rock are left far behind. The people movo in more millions, and in more of educa tion, wealth, art, science and goodness. The scene has become so vast that tho hearts in this land to-day should bo bowing before God's altar in a love and joy greater far than the sentiments which expressed themselves so solemnly when our state was young. Our prayer of thankfulness should expand in fervor and gladness to meet the new greatness of the republic which once \vas carried on the sea in a little ship. A great na tion should whisper a great prayer. DAVID SWING. Premature IteJolelnij. "Horray!" screamed the young turkey; "Thanksgiving day is gone and I'm still here." "Shut up!" said the old gobbler; "you evidently have never heard of Christ mas."—Puck. .MaHnmon's Temple. Harty—Can it be that old Scadds was at his office all day Thanksgiving? Kirk—Why, yes; he followed out the recommendation to "repair to his place of worship."—Puck. A Whimsical Woman. Housekeeper—How long did you re main in your last place? Applicant—Sure 1 left in wan day There was no plaziu' tha leddy at all at all. "Whimsical, was she?" "Indade she was that The first night she complained because I boiled the tay, an' th' very next morning she com plained because I did not boil the coffee Thin I left."—N. Y Weekly. Progre** «»f Modern Kefinemeot* "And now, children," remarked the Sunday-school superintendent, as he brought his review of the lesson to a close, "if the Iwiy who honors his father I and mother is to dwell long in the laud : tvliat may we conclude as to the boy ; who docs not?" "He isn't in it," responded the chil dren, with one voice.—Chicago Tribune. Must Ho Compiled With. Robber (to bank teller) l'm Bloody Jim, th' Rip Roaring Snorter of the Rockies; hand over that there cash. Bank Teller (mechanically) —1 have no doulit, personally, sir, that you are Bloody Jim, the Rip Roaring Snorter of the Rockies, but, sir, you will have to (ret somebody to identify you.—N. \ Herald. "Doctor," bald Mrs. Worrit, "is il really true that many people are buried alive?*' "None of m.v patients ever arc," r» , plied 1/r. Gravtffc. —Puck. TRULY THANKFUL. Ju»l Ir> to »el Llkr Hrother UooS and You'll IV Happy, I always liked Thanksgiving day. Coining, as it does, at such an appro priate season just before the long hard winter, 1 am in bettor shape, so to spoak. to have a soul filled with gratitude, than I would be along about, say, February, when the buckwheat flour is running low and tho grocer doesn't wait upon me with the ! "DON'T YOC GIVE ME * CREDIT F0.% HONESTY?" same alacrity that he did when I firet opened the account with him early in the season. I once intended giving my patronage to a certain grocer. *1 went to him. in perfectly good faith, and, as is usual with me. asked for a little time. He coughed about thrice in a peculiar way, to sort of prepare me for the worst, and said: "Eh—well, you see, Mr. Hood, we couldn't do it. Have to draw a line somewhere, you know." I was mad in a minute. You know how the Hoods are, fly off the handle in a jiffy and say things they're likely to ho sorry for afterwards. I blurted out indignantly: "Don't you give me credit for honesty?" "Why certainly, Hood," he said, "but —eh—couldn't for anything else, you know." Still that is alien to my subject. Thanksgivings in general, and Thanks giving dinners in particular, will al ways touch a responsive chord when the button is pressed in my vicinity. We are such pood eaters, we Hoods. There are so few things that we don't like. Light meat or dark mcaL it's all the same to us. A little of the breast, the neck, a drum stick or the wishbone will do us nicely, thank you, and if they are all gone we can get along beautifully with the gizzard and plenty of gravy and stuffing. It is very seldom that you hear a Hood say: "I never eat that, thank you," or "None of the so-and-so for me, please." We are not gormandizers, but what other people eat and like, yea, verily, can we also. And that's one of the things that Charles Newton Hood, familiarly, "Newt" Hood, has to ba thankful for to-day—h>s appetite. Rising at a mo ment's notice to Pats dt foi gran, quail on toast and blue points, or happy with stewed grocery-store codfish and boiled potatoes. If I don't particularly like u viand, I just eat a little more to make up. Whv, if I should happen along in an African forest upon a pleasant party of cannibals enjoying a Thanksgiving dinner of stalled missionary and con tent ment therewith, and I was hungry, and they should ask me to sit by and take pot luck with it would l>e just like me to squat right down on the log nearest the barbecue, and send my order up for more spareribs as often as did the big chief with the ring in his nose. Why should we blame the poor, hungry cannibal for loving his fellow "WHY SHOULD WK BLAMK THE CAN NIBALS ?" man, even if he prefers him "well done?" It is right that we should be thankful and eat much turkey on Thanksgiving day, for yea, that which we do not eat will be warmed over for us the rest of the week. We have much to be thankful for. The world's fair is bound to be held sometime, new states have been added to us. and baby's teeth have coine through well. Next year we will have politics. Let us be thankful that it is not this year. I f we are sons or daughters who have fled or been kicked from our father's home in days gone by, let us remember that Thanksgiving day is the dandy time to waltz home and have all for given, unless the standard Thanksgiv ing day story is wrong. If we are rich, let us be thankful that we know not the pangs of poverty, and if we are poor, let us be thankful that wc do not have the care and responsibil ity of great wealth. Let us be thankful anyway. CHARLES NEWTON HOOD. Gobbler* E»»rjwhere. The turkey is not the only gobbler at 1 the thanksgiving board, particularly in | families where there are boys. An Unfortunate llreik "l declare, 1 never thought'." criei' | Mrs. Lincolnpark. after her dinner waa ; over. . , . "Never thought of what. askeo Mr. L. . „ "Why, 1 placed Col. Jones and Mrs. Parkcrton next each other at dinner, mid, now I think of it, he was her firsl husband!"— Harper's Bazar. _ One or the Other. Seaside Visitor—What a maguificenl villa! It must have cost a fortune. Driver—That's Smith's cottage. Visitor—Ah, indeed! Smith, the soup man, or Smith, the pill man?—N. Y Weekly. Nothing to Ke*r. Lady— Little boy. isn't that youi mother calling you? Little Boy— Yes'm. h "Why don't you answer her, then?' "Pop's away."—Good News. I.iplalned. "I wonder why that widow, Mrs. Hit terby, paints the edges of Irer eyelids black." "In memory of Hitterby. It s u mourning liori'.et just like that on her stationery."—Judge. (•ri'MKc and Ucssuiau -t'oufojind it! I've mau a red to get several s;*jt!> of grtai*) tju uiv overcoat. Seedeigh I was fortunate enough to get several itollar#on irfiifl*. —' NO. 4 THANKSGIVING DAY. When We should fat Out of llfkl thins Disagreeable. Three thousand years ago Moses la st rue ted the Israelites to keep a feast after they got established in the Holy Land They called it the feast of tha tabernacles, and for eight days follow ing the eletse of the harvest they dwelt in tKxiths made chiefly of green boughs, and feasted on corn, wine, oil and fruits. The Greeks had a nine days' feast of similar character, and the Romans also had one in honor of Ceres, goddess of grain. The Saxons had a harvest home, and after them the Knglish. Our Thanks giving comes from the Puritans, and It will be noted that, like all Its predeces sors, the observance bore special refer ence to the harvest, and, if the harvest failed, there was no Thanksgiving. We have outgrown that narrow view of the day, and it is safe to say that Thanks giving day will never be omitted again, no matter what calamity falls on the country. We have discovered that there is al ways something to be thankful for. Sorrow and disappointment coma to all, but there is no life so dark that it is without one ray of sunshine. If you have nothing else, you are to be thank ful for life itself. Did you ever think what it is not to have a single friend in the world? There may be such persons somewhere, and can you not be thankful that yon hare friends and relatives? Life is mostly struggle and strife, and that is why we should look on the bright side as often as possible. Thanksgiving day is the period when we should put out of sight everything that is not bright and joyfuL It is the day when, if any of your friends or re lations are estranged from yon, it is your duty to hunt them up and effect a reconciliation. Bid them to your Thanksgiving feast and forgive and bs ; forgiven. True philosophy means to make the best of everything. Give thanks for \that you have and forget what you have not. For one day only look on the bright side of life and give thanks with all your heart and soul, and you will have yonr reward in a feeling of happiness that will remain with you for many a day.—Golden Days. AN UNEVEN THANKSGIVING. ' -Life The I'rire Site Pai«l for Supremacy. City Lady —Mr. Barnyard, we found a gold ring in the crop of the turkey you sold to us. Mr. Barnyard—Just my durn luck! Mariar wanted that one for our dinner, but I was hard headed an' sold It. After this she kin hev her own way. Maria (aside)—l fed that 'ar ring to the bird with my own han's, an' naow I reckon tlicr ain't no doubt who's goin' ter do the bossin'. —Jewelers' Weekly. Coutempt for Human Ignonoce. Mrs. Turkey—Gobbler, what do you think? I saw a lady to-day with a small gold wishbone at her throat) Gobbler— Ahem! Ought to be ashamed of herself! Even our fledglings know that's not the right place for a wish bone. —Jewelers' Weekly. A THANKSGIVING DINNEB. { The reason Willie Winks did not en joy his turkey.—Golden Days. The Foolish Little Turkey. Little Turkey—Oh, mamma, mammal I saw some gold and silver wishbones in the jeweler's window. Please get mc one. Mother Turkey—My child, our lives are in constant peril as it is. With gold and silver wishbones none of us wouid escape. Jewelers' Weekly Important t-> Smokers. "You ain't a-gwine to give ten ccnU for that cigar, are you?" "I believe I will, Sally," said he. "Jest to burn up?" said she. "That's what it is make far, Sally, said he. "Well," said she, "I'd look at a dim* a long time before I'd give it for that thing and then burn it right straight up. If 1 was gwine to be a fool I'd be a fool some other way."— TWfcs bift ings. On the Stnbble field. Chappie—l can't get the uajwession out of my mind that I've fdPgWteu something. Dumlcy—Not your flawsk? Chappie— No, nor me loading tools, nor me compass. Here are me cleaning implements, shell extwactoj and art cartwidge bag. Aw, I havfl 1 have left me gun at hatnfci DeuOtaly awkward, isn't it? Jury. Dreadful PaMlbtUtteS. Fair Visitor—Dearest friend, what to the matter? Mrs. Kncwliwed (sobbing)— This mum —mum—morning I made some 10l —lovely cake. "Weil?" "And dear John ate a great lot, and gave a little piece to the kitten befo>% he went to his train.* "Well?" "And the kick— kick-kitten has just vJicd. and the telephone has been ring ing like mad!"—Piimrrrrgh