Vt>L XXVII
"Williaml&M. * *
• > P VvT ■ LStIMAIN ST.. •jfc
j ; ftaE
- _ -
THE VERY PEOPLE WHO]
HAVE THE LEAST MONEY j Are your wages small.
TO SPEND ARE THE ONES Aro >' ou the head ol ft
! family?
OUR RELIABLE CLOTHING Wi(| , innrketi S g bills
MEANS HOST TO j large?
Willi liou.<o i- 111 a drug on you?
Low piif-es 11-r honest, long-wearing Clothing will be a
boon to ytur [»oeket-book and your hack.
Get an Iron-clad Cloth Suit at sl2. Strongest All-Wo
Suit wo know of. Nobody else sells it.
«;< tN. I' \TTERSON ? S Cloth Suit at Bl<>. For dross
And vveiydav \tf:ir combined it's wonderful value.
>■<• in utter how fine :t suit 3011 .vant lor dress or business
we have that at a low price.
'1 hero is 110 o| en question about Boys' Clothing. We are
not onlv pioireers, hut to-day's leaders in styles and qualities
highe.-t exfelleiice and lowest prices.
Leineiuber the place.
J. X. PATTERSON'S.
One I'ricc ('lotliino; House,
29 8. MAIN ST., BIJTLER, PA.
HENKY BIEHL
I I NORTH MAIN STREET,
BTJTJL JSR - F."EJnJ 2<J"'A
DEALER IN
Hardware and House Furnishing Goods.
T,IK STANDARD y
Per Minute.)
Agrici llt lira 1 1111 ] >leni ents,
Kramer Wagons,
Bngjiies Carts, Wheel Harrows, Brammer Washing Machines,
New Sunshine and Howard Ranges, Stoves, Table
and pocket Cutlery, Hanging Lamps. Man
ufacturer ol Tinware, Tin
Roofing and Spouting A Specialty.
WHERE A CHILD CAN BUY AS CHEAP AS A MAN.
There is no Doubt
As to where you should buy your new dress, if economy is the
object you have in view, and you will agree with us, after you
have ex.ii.iiiKtl our line and prices in Silks, Satins, Cashmeres,
Series, Hem <-tta<, Broadcloths, Flannels, English Suitings in
plain and novelty plaids.
U N 1) K li W K A. R
For Lad i< s. Cents. Mioses and Children which we know
can not l»e equ.i'etl anywhere for value and price.
Blankets. Flannels, Yarns, Plushes, Velvets, Ribbon, Hos
iery and Notions of all.kinds.
CARPETS,
OIL CLOTHS,
AND LACS CURTAINS
In all tho new fall patterns and designs.
We are showing the grandest Hue of Ladies, Misses and
Child rens
C I. o —A™Kr«
Ever iiiouuht to l»utler, to convince you that the place to do
your trading is witli iiß.all we ask is that you call and examine
price* and l»e convinced.
TlM> UTMAN'S.
-3 —I.e.i<]iii;! Dry Goods and Carpet House, Butler, Pa*
BARGANS in WATCHES,
Clocks,
Jewelry
And silverware.
J ii.i t sioek of Sterling Silverware in the county
on! at priecsnot to be equalled for cash.
\» itehej. iiini Clocks repaiied and£warrauted, at
J. Li. ORIICH'B
N yj. I(> Ma ill St., (Sign of Elxctbic Hfll),
BIJTIiEB, PA.
A. J. FRANK fc CO, iflllTtn Si-iS
VI Nil I ■>l# plenbaut, pmlltabli' iitnllloiiN
iiut'..s lor Hie rtulH m«n. tioo<l sularlrs lUiiU-xpfiisfH
■ , , . - Mtvklv |.ib< rul mduonncntM to in' Ki
n■" " , »i*e Nu tirfvlous exptrrlcnct 1 ni:c«M«rj - . Out
».. 1 lif.il It Al .» hi ip. Writ* I>r tcrnis. fc'lvlnK a(f«.
„ / VV( - " . . <ll \ni.is li < IIASK, NurwTjnian. Hoclictur,
Sit I.V'ii.-. Kl.l J»|11..-, I I". 1.1" i MKI.N, A<- N.\. Mi lit lon t litn paper.
Wyiti; !■» 11. upih.i.s < *rt fully • ' _.
5 S». Mai:: street, Butler.. Pa.
THE BUTLER CITIZEN.
WIDE AWAKE Vgg»
" Tki tnfkfit »/ Ut I OwU
frrrf TT'-" '' KrpuliiKJn A Mtrrj Irt'
//<'£ GKf.At SEiiIAL.%
THAT BOY GID W.ll.am O Stud,
TLARD. VOUIIJJ and olu mi i loiluw ' . idcon'l
adventures and hi-, M UI'T N !ir H rather'*
acres with laughter a <. ■>.. .I. ■ .uttreil
THE NEW SENIOR AT AN DOVER.
I Uv Herbert D. Ward. A sc-i lal <4 >chool
life in famous Aiul-ivei —uui Kuijby. The
boys, the | rofcs-..iii, the 1.3 . 'he fui
"THE SONS Ol 11.E VIKINGS."
By Hjalmar lijorth Boyesen A right
down jolly story of modem NUIM boys.
BONY AND BAN, one ut the best of th«
Mary Hartwell Catherwood serial*.
SEALED ORDERS. By Charlea Rem
ington Talbot. Au amusing adventure
story of " wet sheets and a flowing sea."
CONFESSIONS OF AN AMATEUR
PHOTOGRAPHER By Alexander
Black. Six practical and amusing articles.
LUCY PERVEAR First of series of
graphic North Carolina character sketches
by Margaret Sidney.
TALES OF OLD ACADIE. Twelve
powerful true stories by Grace Dean
McLeod, a Canadian author.
THE WILL AND THE WAY STO
RIES. By Jessie Benton Fremont.
About men ana women w ho did great things
in the face of seeming impossibilities.
THE PUK-WUDJIES By L J Bridg
man The funny Indian Fairy Folk.
BUSINESS OPENINGS FOR GIRLS
AND YOUNG WOMEN. A dozen
really helpful papers by Sallie Joy White.
Twelve tnoie DAISY-PATTY LET
TERS. By Mrs. Ex-Governor Claflin.
TWELVE SCHOOL AND PLAY
GROUND TALES The first will be
" LAMBKIN ; Was He a Hero or a
Prig?" by Howard Pyle, the aitist.
[Jf Postal-card Votes and Cish Priics -
SHORT STORIES lifted fioin thousands:
Santa Claua on u V ogetatlo Cart.
Clurlolte M Vail Rijano. Will.am Pre»tou Olu.
How Tom Jumped a Mino. Mr* li. K
Stickncv Tho Run of Snow-shoe Thcmp-
Bon. Lieut. I P. Polly ut tho Hook
kitchen. Md.aW. Lyman. 1 lulling ArUutua.
Hezekiah Buttei woith. Golden Margaret. J.imo
C. Purdv Peggy s Bullet. kale Upson Clark.
How Simoon and Sancho Panza Helped
the Revolution. Miss KiJcy Seward. The
Difficulties of a Darling. L Walford.
"One Good Turn." Hjrrnt Prcw.ott Spoffoid.
ILLUSTRATED ARTICLES, (.ovell it* I
Dolls of Noted Women. Mis« Kisley Seward.
How to 13uUd p. Military Snow-Fort. An
old West Pointer. How the Cossacks Play
Polo. Madame de Meu*sner. All Around a ,
Frontier Fort. Lieut. F. P. {"rrmcnt. Home
Of Ramona. Charlc? K. l.uminn A Rabbit
Round-Up. Joaquin Miller. Jtipaneso Fight
ing Kites, j 13 Bemadon, U. S. N Indian
Base-Ball Players. K 1.. Muane of" The Hamp
ton iudun Nine." A Party in a Chinese Pal
ace. E. R. Scidinore.
Lite Poems, Pirtares and Departrocits will t*
more interesting than ever.
The Christmas Sumter enforced 16 fasts X
admit a great serial of adventure, by Or&Xlfc AllOtl.
entitled; WEDNESDAY THE TENTH A
Tale of tho South Pacific.
\¥ITL AIM IT is $2.40 a y**r. Srw Vol. begins Dec,
D. LOTiiKOP COMPANY. BOSTON.
BUY YOUR HOMES
Lulled Security Lite;insurance and Truat oo.|
or Pa,
Money to Buy Homes.
Monthly dues not more than a fair rent. Pay
ments decrease yearly. In event of death
prior to completion of payments, balance of en
cumbrance canceled.
Money to Loan.
Ileal estule bought and sold on commission.
Wanted bouses to rent and rent* collected.
L. G. LINN,
No 38 South Main St.,
Butler, l'a.
Over Linn's Drug.Bio re.
Something to Say.
To everyone this week, and it
will be to your interest to read
and think of it.
We have the most complete
line of childrens' hats, from the
solid all round school caps at
25c, to the finest and nobbiest
hats made.
We have the largest stock
of reliable underwear iu the
county, and are at our popular
low prices.
We have everything in the
Furnishing line.
We have one price and that
the lowest.
We like to have people look
at our goods and get the prices.
COLBERT & DALE,
70 S. Main street,
Butler, Pa.
New York Bazaar.
Our Grand Cloak Opening was
indeed a phenomenal suc
cess.
Hundreds of ladies were
delighted with our immense
stocK of Cloaks, and at such
wonderful low prices.
Our sale of Cloaks will be
continued —and the public will
do well to inspect belore buying
elsewhere.
The New York Bazaab
leads in Dress Goods, Flannels,
Blankets, Hosiery, Underwear,
Ribbons and
MILLINERY GOODS.
Our stock is brand new.
You will find no last season's
goods in this store. Come and
be convinced that this is the
right place to deal.
THE NEW YORK BAZAAR,
Leading Dry Goods House,
BUTLER, - PA.
FOR SALE,
REGISTERED BERKSHIRES.
The prize winning Berkshire
Boar, TOM DODDS, 18,403.
Benson for selling, cannot use
longer in herd. Also, extra
good fall pigs, either sex, sired
by Tom Dodds. Pedigrees
given with every sale and guar
anteed us represented or money
refunded. Address,
J. Park Hayb,
Prospect, Pa.
this Mwuikpvsaatfte?
N. I- fcVEIt * ION, uux rlxci
I'ROFKSSIONAI. CARDS.
P. W. LOWRY,
AITOUNICV AT i.A\V.
Ituoiu N'u. 3. AUilllMU Ijull liii.', UulliT, I'a.
A. E. RUSSELL,
A'l'loßN tV AT I.AW.
Ofller nu aeunul Uiaor ut New A 1..1111* >ll Block
M»ln Mt ,—lit ur Dlitiiinnil.
IK A McJUNKIN.
Atturnry ut Law, (tftliv at No. IT, Kast Jeffer
son St., Huilrr. Pa.
W. C. FINDLEY,
Attorne) at Law and Real Estate Agent. Of
flee rear of 1.. /.. Mltchell a oftve on north aid*
oi UlMinoiitl, Rutlur, IV
H. H. GOUCHER.
Attorney-at-law. 081. e on second Boor ol
Andi'non butldlntr, near Court lluune, Kutler.
Pa.
J. t-. BRITTAIN.
Att'y at Law—Office at S. K. <'or. Main St, and
Oianiond, Kutler, Pa.
NEWTON BLACK.
Alt'y at IJIW- Olllce on South aide of Dlnnmud
itutier. Pa.
JOHN M. RUSSELL,
Attomey-at-1 .aw. Ottlcu on South aide of Ola
inond. Sutler. Pa.
C. F. L. McQUISTION,
ENGI.VKKR AND SURVEYOR,
OFFICE ON DIIMOND. BCTLKR. Ph.
G. M. ZIMMERMAN.
rUVHIL'IAN AND HI'KUKON,
| Office at No. 46. S. Main street, over Prank &
Co'B Di UK Store. Ilutler, l'a,
SAMUEL M. BIPPUS.
Physician and Surgeon.
Wo. 10 Went Cunningham St.,
BUTLER. PEN"N'A
I
1 W. R. TITZEL.
PHYSICIAN ANU SURGEON.
S. W. Corner Main and North Sts.
BUTLER RIEJN 3ST' A.
DR. S. A. JOHNSTON.
DENTIST, - - BUTLER, PA.
AU Work pertaining to the profession execut
ed 111 the neatest manner.
Specialties Gold Killings, and Painless Kx
tractlon of Teeth. Vitalized Air administered.
OHtc Jcffsnoa Street, oae door Kast of Lowrf
Uoaso, Kloirs.
Office open dally, exceut Wednesdays and
Thursdays Communications by mall receive
prompt attention.
N. B.—The only Deitbt lo Butler luiif the
best make** of teeth.
L. 8. McJUNKIN,
Insurance and Heal Estate Ag't
17 EAST JEFFERSON ST.
BUTLER, - PA.
£. E. ABRAMS& CO
Fire and Life
IN SURANCE
Insurance Co. of North America, incor
porated capital $3,000,000 and other
strong companies represented. New York
Life Insurance Co.. assets $90,000,000. Office
New lluaelton building near Court House.
BUTLER COUNTY
Mutual Fire Insurance Co.
Office Cor. Main & Cunningham Sts.
a. C. ROESBINQ, PREHIDIMT.
WM. CAMPBELL TRKASUKKK
11. C. IIKINEMAN, SKOKKTAII*
DIRECTORS:
J. I. Purvis, Samuel Anderson,
William Campbell J. W. Burkhart.
A. Troutman, Henderson Oliver,
G. C. Koesstng, .1 sines Ktephensou,
I)r. W. Irvln. Henry Whltmlre.
J. K. Taylor. : H. C. Helnemiuj,
LOYAL M'JUNKIN. Gen. As't
airrtJ"E"R I pa.
Planing Mill
-A.ND-
Lumber Yard
J. L. FUKVIf. 1.. O. FUKVIB
S.G.Purvis&Co.
MA.NI KACTI l'.KttS AND OKALBKH IN
Rough and Planed Lumber
OF KVVKY OKHCrtirriON,
SHINGLES & LATH
I'LANIN« MILL AND VAHD
Ne)*rUeriiiau Oalbollc Dbnrcb
Hi. C- WICK,
DKALER IN
Rou|h and Worked Lumber
OF ALL KINDS
Doors, Sash, Blinds, Mouldings,
Shingles and Lath
Always In Stock.
LIME, HAIR AND PLASTER.
Olllce opposite P. it W. I»epot,
BT'TIjER, - PA.
Jordan's Restaurant
All our renders viaiiing Uutler
| will (lo well to go to Haiti .Jordan's
roßtanrant (or tbeir meal». We serve
lunchea, noft drinkß, tobacco and
cigars. No. 4, S. Main St., under
Schneideman'd clothing store
BUTLER, PA.. FRIDAY. NOVEMBER IHs'.i-
A MARTYR TO HONESTY.
Mr. John TJptuiiiownJohn had the uiU
fortune to lie a strictly honaat man, in
which particular he ntooU lamentably
all in e 11c wan couatructcd pm-idiarly—lie
h'w l«iru into an atmosphere of integrity,
and his training had added to liii* natural
bent to a d. greo that made him as in
capable of an untruth, or thit ~emldanee
thereof, M (leorgo Washington himself.
Having uo tendency, it wai wuli for him
self that he wa» horn with a fortune, for
bis rigid adherence to his principles unfit
ted liiin for almost every occupation. He
did try journalism but was dismissed
ignominioualy for saying of a candidate of
the party with which the paper actud that
he was a thief and trickster. Then lie
e*sayed the law, but he saw enough of law
before he hadbeen in an office two weeks,
while medicine lasted him scarcely a
week. So he decided to do nothing but
live on his income and lie an honest man.
He adopted certain rules by which he
lived, aud he could no more depart from
them than he could lise from the earth and
take a place among the stars, lie ate ex
actly so much, at certain fixed hours, and
of certain kinds of food. He drank so
many times a day, of certain liquors he
fancied were good lor him, measuring the
quantity with the accuracy aud precision
of an apothecary, aud so far did he carry
role into life, that lie put ou and off his
clothing on certain dayi! iu ceTtain mouths,
without reference to weather. I saw him
shivering in Juue, aud demanded the
reason.
"I laid off my woolens this morning,"
said he.
'•Why lay off your woolens iu winter
weatherf" I asked.
•'The Ist of June my day therefor, 1 '
said he. "The weather ought to be warm
to-day. I cannot break my rule."
He never neglected to pay a debt, aud
never told a lie, not eveu a white one. He
was cut out of an aunt's will by respoud
ing to her anxious iuquiry as to how sbo
looked in a certain dress which she had set
her heart on by the simple word "hideous."
Aud the same devotion to truth barred him,
no matter what path be took.
He was frightfully unpopnlar, though
notwithstanding he held a high position
among his fellows. Ilis child like sim
plicity aud sterling integrity made him
valuable, and besides every one knew that
his devotion to truth was honest, and hsd
nothing of bumptiousness or malice in it.
Mr. T'paudownjohn was a member of the
Leviathan Club. I write the word was,
sadly, for lie is a Leviathan no more. The
cause and manner of his leaving that de
lightful association of good men is the
animus of this'paper.
The members of the Leviathau were
pleased with the appenrauce of Mr. T7p
audownjohn, and made much of him. Had
they known him better they would have
loved him less, for his peculiar virtue was
never popular in that club.
He exeited attention, first, by his habit
of correcting loose-tulking member* when
their statements were highly flavored with
romances, as, for instance, when one gen
tloman asserted that his father owned
Flora Temple when she was a colt, using
her as a common hack, aud selling her
finally for fifty dollars. Mr. Upuudown-
John quietly put him down.
"I knew your father," lm said, "and u
worthy, truthful man he was. Ho died
just three years before Flora Temple was
was fouled. The mare he used for u hack
and sold fur fifty dollars must have been
some other fumous animal. Flora Temple
will some day be tho death of uie. Every
racing season some ouo narrated the cir
cumstance of his fother having owued
Flora Temple aud worked her as a hack,
and what is more exasperating, he always
sold her for fifty dollars. Would that I
could fiud oue inau whose father had sold
her sixty dollars or sixty two dollars uud
fifty cents. You, my dear sir, are the
sixty-eighth man this season whose father
once owned Flora Temple. She was the
most extensively owned mare I ever knew
any thing about."
On another occosiou a geutleuian detail
ed with great minuteness how, iu doing the
regular thing at Niagara by going under
the sheet, the wiud parted the torrent and
he stepped out upon the shelf outside,
when, to his horror, the opening closed,
leaving liiui outside the, lulling sheet on a
narrow ledge of rock. With great pres
ence of mind he darted through the faltiug
sheet and rejoined tho frightened party,
who supposed him lost forevor.
Mr. L'pandowtijohu took pencil aud pa
per,and worked all night and tho next day,
without sleeping or eating. The next eve
uiug he exhibited to the hero of this mar
velous adventure the weight of the water
in that sheet, and demonstrated to hiui the
fact that had he got under it, he would
have been mashed, though he had been
constructed of steel.
"Are you sure it was Niagaruf" he uoked,
anxiously. "Wasn't it aume other full?"
One day u member died, and tho club
did the usual thing by him. A committee
was appointed to draft resolutions express
ing the bereavement of the membors, and,
as ill-luck would have it, Hpaudownjohn
was put upon the committee.
They met, and, as is usually the case,
two of the members really had uo time to
attend to it. One had an engagement at the
theatre, the other wus to take his sister—or
some oue else's to the opera.
"Upundowujohu," said the firt>t, "you
have nothing to do, aud are handy with
the pen. There is no earthly necessity for
keeping us here. You just write out the
usual resolutions, aud send them down to
the Screamer, the Sourer, and tho Stouter
in time for to-morrow morning."
"How shall I treat the deceased?" asked
Upaudowujohu.
"Oh, in tho usual way. Speak of his
qualities, the (cclings of the club ut his un
timely takiug-off, the sources of consola
tion we liuve, his quulitiosus an actor; hurl
iu Bomethiug to alleviate the pangs of bis
family; speak of his generul standing, uud
put iu a stroug dose of general comfort and
so on. It'll be all right. You'll attend to
it now, won't youf"
"It is a disagreeable duty," replied Fy
uudownjobu, "but I'll do it."
Aud they left bim to bis work.
Now, Mr. Upuudowujobn hud bad uo ex
perience iu work of this kiud, and con
sequently, he wasu't clear as to its form.
So he sent for the scrap-book, iu which
such utterances of the club had been past
ed from the beginning He was shocked.
There were a great mauy sets of resolutions
on deceased members (the liquors were
bad ut the Leviathan) and they were pre
cisely alike, They ran as follows:
WIIF.HEAH, It has pleased Almighty God,
the ruler of tho universe, to remove from
our midst our esteemed brother, Johu
James So-and-So; and,
WnßEEan, It is fit that wo, his atflicted
survivors of the Leviathan club, should
publicly express onr «ore grief ut I his great
bereuvemeut, therefore, be it
hKsoLVKD, Thut In the death of John
Junius So-and So, the club ha* lost a
worthy member, society an ornament, hi*
family un affectionate father and husband,
the Stale a pillar and defender and the
world at lurge one it could illy spare.
RESOLVED, Thut while we mourn with
sorrow that seems to have no alleviation
under the great affliction that has fallen
upon us, we can not but bow in humility
to thiit inscrutable decree
Resold kh, That we tender our heartfi It
sympathy to tho family and relatives of the
deceased.
Kksoln Eh, That the club house he draped
iu mourning for thirty days in memory of
of the deceased
AM he finished, Mr I'patidownjohu
brought his fist down upon the table till
the glasses jingled
"What stuff thai i»!'' he snnl indignantly
"1 knew So and So. He was a dishonest
and antnitbful man—a tyrant in his family,
a trader in politics, a di *agri fable man in
society, aud a curse to humanity general
ly. And they nionrn him. do they f
Aud I suppose they want iuo to
mourn Ranter, who is to be em
balmed to-night, lia 1 11a! 1 will astonish
these people I will write oue set of hon
est resolutions. I knew Ranter, who has
just gone hence, aud justice shall be done
him, sure. 1 will be as mild as I can be,
aud do him jurtice.btit I will be honest with
hix memory."
So Mr. Upandownjohn called for fresh
pens aud ink and paper, and wrote; uud
having made fair copies of what he wrote,
took thorn himself to the office of Ihe
Screamer, the Sjjoutcr and the Soarrr, and
went home aud slept as only he call . leep
who rejoices over a duty done aud well
done.
The next morning the members ol the
Leviathan were astonished at reading in
the journals the following
WUK.KKAS, Ity a long course of most out
lageous dissipation, of late nights, of lalc
suppers of tho grossest food, of perpetual
beverages of the most villainous kind—
those that give the stomach no show what
ever—by unchecked and unregulated iu
dnlgeuce in the worst possible sensuality,
in brief, by a loug continued series ol the
vilest outrages upon the physical, mental
aud moral m*u, our late member, Arthur
Simpson Ranter, has been takuu to that
bourne from which we hope he may never
return, uud
WIIHKKAO. When a member of the Levi
athau Club expires, it is customary to coin
inemorate him. to give him a good send
off, as it were; therefore lie it
RESOLVED, That when we remember the
villainous habit he had of revoking ut
whist, and also his adroit way of sliding
out of paying the score whenever he lost
the rubber, our grief ut his departure is sc
verely mitigated, if not entirely subdued.
RKKOLVRII, That the promptness of our
late associate in accepting invitations to
slake his thirst, and his intolerable tardi
ness in reciprocating, did more honor to
his head than his heart.
RESOLVED, That his habitual untruthful
ness, his utter disregard for his word, and
his blustering and overbearing manner,
were the best points in him, as they served
as u warning to the younger members of
the club. For this his demise is to be la
mented.
RESOLVED, That his habit of gi ttiug
i boozy before eleven A.M., and staying iu
condition us long as there was a good
natured man in the club, gives us,
I his survivors, good reason to pause aud a j k
no more that conundrum ''Why was death
introduced into the worldf"
RESOLVED, That when we remember the
success with which our late brother bor
rowed mouev, and his utter forgetfulness
of such transactions, our hearts ore soften
ed toward Adam and Eva (through whose
sin death was made a part of the economy
of nature), aud wo publicly thank that lady
and gentleman for their investigating turn
of miiid, aud hurl back indignantly the
charge that they did not do the best thing
possible for posterity.
RESOLVED, That in the death of our Inte
brother, who was as vile au actor as he
was bad as a uiau, the loug suffering, the
ater-going public have a boon, the sweet
ness of which cannot be over-stated, aud
upon which we extend them hearty eon
gratulations.
RESOLVED, That we congratulate Mrs.
Hauter, upon ttiu fact that her private fin
tuue was settled upon herself, and so skill
fully tied un thut tier late husband, our de
ceased, could not get u cent of it. And
we do this remembering how often we
have mourned it was so, for the reason
that, could he have touched it, he would
have drunk himself into a tomb several
vears soouer than he did. Death, with us,
buries all auiuiosity and does away with
aH acrimony.
RESOLVED, That the club house be il
lutninated tho night of the funeral, and be
draped in white for thirty days in honor of
this happy event.
'RESOLVED, That this truthful tribute to j
the memory of our deceased brother lie
published in the Screamer, tho Spouler and
the Sourer.
To say there was an uproar iu the club
the next morning, as these resolutions
were read, would be to convey a very faint
idea of the case. I u the midst of it, when
when it was at its height, entered I'pan
downjohu, cleauly shaved, and as serene
as a J uuo morning
"Did you write anil publish this miser
able mess—this ghastly concoction of in
fernalismt" demanded a score of indignant
men.
"l>i<l I write those resolutions, you
mcunf I did. I was appointed a commit
tee to embalm the memory of the late Ran
ter iu the daily papers. 1 did it. Do you
find anything objectionable in thenif"
"Why, you assert that he was a sponge!"
exclaimed one.
"Unhappily it is the truth. I have my
self paid for gallons of liquor for bim."
"You said he was a bad actor."
"The worst I ever suffered under."
"What will his wife think of what you
said of liiuit"
"She will recognize the portrait, and
With us thank Heaven for her release."
"You gave it as the sense of the club
that he was—"
"Everything that was bad, mean aud
disreputable. Very good. It is true, ev
ery word of it. lie owes me thirty-seven
dollars, sixty-three cents aud a third, which
ho has owed (it was borrowed) since July
9, 1871, at twenty-seven minutes past ten
o'clock iu the eveuing. Aud every one of
you is also his creditor. If there is a mean
thing that he has not done it has escaped
my notice."
By this time Mr. rpandownjohu saw
that his fellow-members were angry, and
he at once lost his balance aud became an
gry, too.
llraudishing his umbrella (it was uot
raiuiug, but as it was the time of the
mouth when it should have rained, he car
ried it) he exclaimed:
"Oeutlemeu, you have hud one set of
resolutions written which contained uotb
iug but the truth, not the whole truth, for
my time was limited aud it was impossible
to get in all that I could have said, and
besides I desired to be as lenient as nosai
ble. Having written nothing but the
truth you are offended. It is well. I
will have nothing whatever to do
with a club where the truth cannot be
told. Truth, if uot the immediate jewel of
my soul, is very close to it. Oeutlemeu,
adieu. You have seen the last of John
Upamlowii. Should 1 rtay, I might be
called upon to resolve over some of your
remains, aud us 1 can not tell a lie, it
would be unpleasant."
Aud that afternoon the directory receiv
ed his resignation, and he was seen there
no more.
There is no moral to this. There in
very few men in the world of whom it
would be pleasant, as the world now goes,
to tell tho truth. Therefore, all who read
these lines live, as does he who writes
them, so that when Azrael waves his dark
pinions over them, they may lie down to
die, feeling certain that the committee on
resolutions, though they may be as truth
ful as I'pandownjohn, will ray nothing
that will call a spirit blush to their chetks
iu the hereafter.
—Don't tempt pickpockets by flashing
up your roll every time you buy a two-l'or
a-nickle cigar or a 3-cent beer.
The Arizona Kick or.
We ritrm t ihe following item from 'I
laM i<«n« of th* \riynnn ki' lu-r
' Hit WasC..rr. . t Thrt- ««• . ..n
i Idf it •luiti -huiriit rihlliil>4 tiv loir |.i--• (.I•
1 the othi-r day w lieu the liiiiffimr i»l .%ri*«»
ua shook hand • with lis iu lr->ut ut lhe|hi.|
litliee, and We have Untiled a eon-iiler.lMe
I i baiige m the dflicinnr of eertaili p—iple
' toward" us ever r-mee. The tliiTiTiHir " i*
, eorreel. We an- no elam shell hidden in
the drift', and he appreei »tes (he In I lie
knows that a pri nt paper like the Kuker,
having behlliil it but tlllib r one mid the
rame r<Nif, u grocery, feed store, buti her
shop, crockery -tore and gctit.V
lnust wield a mifility influence for good
The people in thf burgh who have be. n
looking upon lis a-< a one uiub- power had
better get their open
C.OK TO CiRIEK The suit of the Widow
(iihhii agaiii't u.s for breach of promi -i.
Friday Thii (nit was in titnted «ix months
ago by the court house ring, which lui
sought our downfall ever the fir«t
issue of this paper That is. they put the
widow up to sue tit,and have advanced the
money a- it waa needed
When the widow wai put on the stand
she testified that on the night of February
21, 1887. we asked her to marry u- She
insisted thai the date wa-i correct, and
that nothing could change her mind about
,it We then exhibited the lecoid- of the
| juil to prove that on that day and
| night, and on all the ne\t day aud next
night, we Were a prisoner, having, as some
of our readers may remember, departed
from the line of virtue and gone on a
! bender. This exhibit knocked the widow
j out iu the lir-t round, and confounded her
supporters, and we don't belive they will
tuckle us again after that fashion.
As for Ihe widow, die was only a eal~
paw, and we have sent to her hou <e a bas
ket of groceries, it clothes line, a set of
cups ami saucers ainl a sack of flour to
prove that we have no malice.
IT WILL BE VERT yriKT.— Our city elec
tion. which takes place next Tuesday, will
be a very quiet one, and the singular spec
tacles of two ticket ! almost without caudi
dates will he presented. As both tickets
were made up of ring candidates we felt it
our duty, to publish, a-< far a> we could »<■
cure iv. a history of each Our biographies
included thirteen out of the sixteen candi
dates, aud the publication was only three
days old when most of them were hunting
other localities. They averaged all the
way from murderers down to barn burners,
and we ure not likely to be troubled with
them again.
What is left of the two tickets is (airly
clean aud houest. We are sorrv we had to
interfere, and :hns place the parties in
such a queer fix, but we felt it a duty we
owed to the public.
A WASTE OF MONET. —Some person
who has a grievance against Tin Kirkrr
left an infernal machine on our door step
one night last week. It was a starch hot
filled with giant powder uml two pounds ol
bullets, and was so arranged as to explode
when the cover was lifted. We look it iu
and started to open it, supposing some
modest admirer had left, us a box of fruit or
confectionery, hut on second thought con
cluded to soak it for a while. This action
saved our life. N'of only thai, but it pre
vented the destruction of our institution
aud probably of much surrounding proper
ty
We have made every effort to tr u e the
fiend who put tip this job,but so far without
success. We realize that there arc many
men in this community who banker for our
life, but we hope to disappoint them. If
they feel that they must have it, why not
fire buckshot into our bedroom window,
ambush us at night or pick a quarrel on the
street? This plotting to scatter our bloody
fragments over our large and excellent
stock of groceries is both unkind and un
reasonable.
DIED. —ln this city, October i!N, 188SJ,
Pete Shnmaker, uged 54 years, N months
aud 14 days. Fete was the individual who
attacked us nu the -Ist iu front of the post
office with a cavalry saber, being ofl'euded
at au editorial criticising the policy of the
C/ur of Russia towards Turkey. We let
daylight into him in lour places, and we
paid his doctor bill and funeral expenses.
He sleeps well. He is better off. Death
loves a shining mark. Eastern paper
please copy.—Detroit Free I'rrsn.
The Nicaragua Canal.
The Nicaragua Cauul Compauy, after ex
haustive preliminary surveys, borings, etc.,
and the preparation of complete maps and
ami profiles, has now started iu on actual
work. Improvements are now being lumb
al the harbor of (ireytown, on the Atlantic
side, and rails and cars for construction
lines, telegraph wire to complete the ex
tension of the government wire across the
Isthmus, and au 8 inch spiral riveted steel
pipe to convey a water supply from the
Deshado basin to Greytown, liuve been
shipped from New York. The total length
of the route, as fiuully located,is 170 miles;
of this length, 121 miles is free navigation
of Lake Nicaragua aud the San Juan River,
requiring only a little dredging and iui
provemeut; i!l miles is free navigation of
basius formed by the flooding of two val
leys, leaving only 28 miles only of canal
excavation. There will be five locks, two
on the eastern, three on the western
division. The curves average about 5,000
feet radius, wi'h maximum curves of 2,528
feet, one ol these being in the divide cut,
aud the other in the river; about two thirds
of the route is on tangent. To bring the
water iu the basins up to the required
level, souie rock-walled dams or embank
ments will be built at low points of the
sides. Tho climate is healthy, with a
steady trade wind across the isthmus.
There will be 2:1,4811,478 cubic yards of
earth dredging, 10,140,308 cubic yurds of
earth excavation, 15,008,:}-17 cubic yards of
rock above water, aud also 14,714 cubic
yards of excavation for harbor works. Tin
locks will lie of concrete, with stone fac
ings. The total cost for construction, ex
elusive of hospitals, shops, etc., is es
tiuiateil approximately at ♦55,000,000.
—Creditors, like conscience, make cow
ards of us all
—Pianos will hnppen in the best regit
lafed fumilie
—Angels are plenty, bul they are all uu
married ones.
Economy becomes hateful v. hen it In
comes compulsory.
—Age tones do» u coar. eness, but w ilh
ers delicate features.
—ln small towns no Hcn->ations are too
small to he appreciated
for they are very rare
The Louisiana lottery has million< iu
j if, but tluy are like Michigan' life con
j viel i iu to day
I —Some people seein to take plea me iu
I having sorrow.-, which they can whine over
I to r egulc others
A Mathematical Bride* it*n.
Tin > hoMfliml Km- train at «I. •» ■. *»<)
'Dfufnl a Wafer *ll Ihe W«t l»
' Iff York II- nngbl hare been «# age.
1 Iml lif didn't look it, *a- petbap- a
JfKf JT»M)|»r> Tll'f failed to i >xit im r
•nj Itody thai they l> fl been iu*fr,«l »•«'
than twenty U >ir hour* .*>he didn t In" l"
lint of i iwff he did .tl mlfft*!- f I*"
or Ihtee honr be would leave Ms fat ami
•aunter rwnfc 1 If IhHi In IH*- in-* mr
compartment, wilh • fall grow n itrif be
tween hi l-.i,.lt|ij. irr...i,t.|..| 1., i!
fames i.l lulaMrii hi w.tuld «lt ■>■ • the
questions of the day with ;t red wh' here.l
j man. who went on lu< wedding tr;(t daring
j the WW Hi - cigar hui died. lli- |MIIMIII
I hMediet Would return !•» 1., tdu-bn i
bride 111 ni'ili'tiilfnif MM"<I '! hr
with il all lir «« • annually gave • vi-t>■ ••• e
; nfWiag hamuli In the eitciit »4 p. . hitle
j Ills funif Wife t cheek. Ilinotblic* b.->
t»r»-tt_v hind tir wliiip-rinf nnnvii* info
ilit- pink lobe lit the ear n. ct Ui liint
lint tin' young man pit mi lli» lim Inn/
• tMrhr- at \lhiuy. vkm lb.- I rain stnp
|nil for dinner Tilt" voting cmiple wer.-
I the last In return In the rar As they
* alki'il ilowa the ai le |ti their •• il the ral
lant ifriMim m i.le the fnlliitrmf . .•).! t.b»»l
f.l announcement:
"Well, there ■ another dollar aiel a hilt
gnne."
He faltowed ii |i tbi praclit il idccrvatmß
hr whistling "Johnny get ynur run." jut
ii' fast a* he could. The young a ite tnru
eil all Nirti of rotors, hut made replt
Kvrrythinir in the car wan mi a krmul
griu. Meanwhile the arithmetical hu
haml «ui making a Itee line l.ir the rear ■>!
the ear. whin she called htm back ami
asked him where he was going
"Goin' tti take a smoke." was the i rnel
answer.
"Don't git Bow. licorge. Stay here w. itli
me tnr a little while" coaxiugly ).
All eyes were riveted upon the couple
by thin time. We were wondering if lie
wnuld rednw himself fur that "■ml tin
kindest eut of all," relative to the price nf
dinner fur two at Albany, lie did. "Ilow
did he manage to square himself?" yon will
ask.
Twenty nnnnte. later he was fa t asleep,
with hia legs curled up mi the eat ami
his head pillowed in her lap.
Exercises for Articulation.
At the elo.se of a sesi.m a' a normal
school, the principal calletl for *mh el
amples in difficult articulation to lie hand
ed in as the pupils roaU Hml or rtieiber
Of conr-e the result embodied all the old
familiar verbal tangle*, but Mime were
brought out which were not *» fauiiliar.and
the collection make< a rather comical bud
pet of phrases:
"Amidst the mista and coldest frosts.
With barest wrist*and stoutest boasts.
He thrusts his lists against Ihe posts.
And still insists he sees the ghosts. '
"Of all the .sws I ever aw saw, I never
saw a saw saw a> tbi- saw saws."
"Tlion wreath'd'st and munl'd -I the far
fetched us, and imprison'd'.tt hint ill the
Volcanic Mexican mountain i>f I'opocata
petl in I'litopaxi."
"When a twister. a iwi ting. would t«i l
him a twist.
For twisting a twist, three twists uill he
twist;
Hut if nue of the twists untwists frmu the
twist.
The twist thus uutwistin? uutwitcth the
"Robert Rowley rolled a round roll
mund; a round roll Hubert Knwley rolled
rnund. Where rolleil the r<inn.l roll KolH-rt
Rowley rolled round
"Theophilus Tlliitle, the .niece • fill
thi tie sifter, in it'tiiiir n -ievi fill of tin ift
ed thistles, thrust three thnnsaiid thistles
through the thick of hi.i thumb. If. then.
Theophiloa Thistle, the sncrtf t'ul thistle
sitter, in siftiiif a oievcful of ntalUsd
thistles, thrust three thou and thistles
thrniiL'h the Ihiek nf bis thumb. • that
thon, in sifting a iHcvel'ttl of unsifted
thistles, thrust not three thousand thistle
throngh the thick of thy thumb."
"Villy Vile and vife vent on a vojage to
Vest Viudsor and Vest Vindbam von Vit
jiiu Veililesday."
"Handy legged Itorachio Mn tachio
Whiskerifuscius. the bald hut lirave Itom
bardino of Hagd.ul, helped AlMirmilii|Ue
Itlnebeard. ISashaw of Hahelmamleli. t,
beat dowu an almuiiuahle Immhle of
Bashaw."
"I saw Esau kissing Kate;
The fact is, we all three aw;
For I saw Ksau, he saw me,
And she saw I saw K.sau. '
TheCireat Cairo lii'idge Oi>ene«J.
The Illinois Central opened its "sw
tHNI bridge across the Ohio river at Cairo
on the 20th. ult. President Fish. Vice
President Harrison, and other otfiiciala of
the Illinois Central were present at the
opening. The bridge proper is two miles
long, and the apprnachcs four miles long.
The bridge is ."W feet above high water, and
110 above low water. The piers are in
pneumatic caisson*, and are sunk !iO feet
below the bed of the river, All engineer
ing feat was here successfully attempted
which reads like a tairy tale At this
depth below the river bed no foundation
was reached, and it was impossible to siuk
the pitr.s further. They were consequent
ly packed with sand, and the immense
bridge i.s really sustained by the friction of
the sand on the sides of the piers. The
bridge was tested with nine Mogul engines
and was pronounced perfectly satisfactory.
It was built by the I'niou Bridge Cotnpa
ny. of Buffalo. The engineers for the
Illinois Central are George S Morison and
E L Cortheli.
Have Something?
A reporter, who has recently had his at
tentiou called to the character of whiskey
sold was startled the other night by the
statement made to him by a gentleman
who spoke as an expert that !*> per cent
of the whiskey drunk was not what it was
represented to be. He went on to say
that it was "doctored" with aniline dyes,
prune juice, tobacco juice and pure fusel
oil, until much of it was calculated to
make u man crazy as well as drunk.
"1 know what I am talking about" -aid
be. "and if yon can get at- the bottom of
whiskey compounding you will create a
sensation. Everybody who drinks will he
interested in hearing the truth about what
he is drinking. Why, I tell you that high
wine distillers buy arsenic, not by the
ounce, pound or barrel, but by < .trload
lots, to increa c fermentation, and yet
men wonder why liquor effect* them o
quickly and deleteriously. and why they
have big beads in Ihe morning alter a
drink or two lit night
Despite the be I attention be towed Up
on the baby, it will grow ick and trouble
some by reason ol colic, ilianlio n, teeth
ing etc. lin not fail, then. In u-e Hr.
Bull's Baby Syrup I'm •••_•.. cent
—lt is within the n i, h of .ill for ;"."i 11
* e mean Laxador. the golden specific for
ily pep-ia, indigestion and jaundice At
nil druggi. I
—True love fear; no father*- rawHde
Itoot.
—1 xits of good actions are done «ith
b id motives.
At.KU.ULTUN Al„
' ' M.% - f, «r>nlMT
rhe h»«<l ■f i». t .| h» 4wr> tW
t-tow ilMrv* |H- I mm d, mA 4»
ii ■' itl tH ■ll ■"' a#** r»»«l»>i|
mmt* hili* t «»«h «nrh
m, U k F,,' I tM |
IVt will he re»l. fc.r «rn m IW
•ttrmg aliwoit »s enrlr *- Hinm. >1 mum mm
1 Kev.
U; kmil af • (Mini Urm Ml
i** M belief tk«a mn- a %'mr -ml *4l »-
40 in pr- • rvitt » the w.~l mt4 pn
* *i>«ag
•Nk- **( thf f m *•* ttr*n# «*ff i in
| w.ntri m . if • .m » l : •
*M»- U «%n *| *rt* t
!«#«| Uy
T»» prvfrfet tr»g i«n» *• tHr m
tbv [»rm / h tK« m 4nrttif tl# fr
trhwh i llw irtm
t «*w*n in th* iff»
I'ovt-r Clm* fktWl* * lib u* i&tsiv,
a I ittlrf r«T#n»f KUt h WUMP
< **»»•! Im* fifft. lb*> pLwl I* * ttrmm
' -41 m rirb
It reqiiiie 4M to vililff Ifr
They -h* „thl be krut « r || Imm
•eve re . .dd Hut if A in a k*tb»ii Ibwl ai
b>WS them In Im'nar t,a> W iret ih Ito hie*
hmibl a eh-tnee of * eVhrr arrv
Il iti.-r, i t iaII »f», afe f. ft hie a
large tie hi lor ? drain lib will carry >4
the urplos water, but ii t better t» umb-r
Lay the entire tieM with lib-, a a pimw mt
ael lr»nd Kill nei er prow t- liable
in i »n l.e rotten into c««i.l 'i.-a C~f
ing the ktirs-t to ph>« mi it
There i« n-'iallr a dirVreac * M -■ rrilt
i'er pnuitd Itel ween lire and «lry pw heal
poultry .-r aided poultry 'ells far tlmmt I
cent- per p-mnd le>s tban the dry ptrhed
Vonnr <|mlm at thi .or a l.M.v
uid young diw-ks kring 7 rents per pnwMl
I noire than Ihe adult«. After
i price - u-nally tie 'in l > ri-e
Yminr traas U naitinr well n»w. and
should grow out early in the spring, hnt a
covering of well rotte,! uiannre will i;iake
I Wonderful improvement >« the tr&•
; next e>mn if the mallllre b applied
< -imn a- the groniol berin- to freeze art
it not only nerves as mnh h but applies
plant (nod early in the sprmr
I'ule-s the bor* that are bein* !e»l , n
corn are kept warm a pmtimi nf the mn
' w ill be wa-ted in supplying heat U>T the
protection of the Immli . The more enm
fortable the bog the faster will it fatten.
W hen the cold season i»pea« the -lop will
! lie more lienehcial if given warm Half
friucn "lop chills the b"f« and csu*e. .1 tI,,S
• if the fond from other <nttrte<.
There is no ne. e ity |«« debiaruinr a
i'"T It .lie ii (uhsk it i- >afer and bet
• ter to get rid •( her rather than l» attempt
to le- -en her t>pp«.rtiitiiti> • nf ilniDC iiynrj
• inly the i till - i»f gi utle *h*wili
| In- used in the dairy business. The bora
I less cattle are capable nf ibaing dannre
| when they are so inclined, ami removing
the horn- from a Tit-inn i animal i' u.i -eenr
[ ity against injury
As sawn as the cuiipliu* -on ia over
the breetlini; ewes fiteibl t>e separaletl
, liotn the ll>H k and fed ou ut.'iti- hmg UL
They hoiibl uttl Ite ni vie In fat fur fear nf
milk fe\i-ral I in.hue tune, but they re
quire good feeding if they are to pr.tditce
strou/ lamb I'lenty of hay with ame «
nf ground oat - on, , a tlay bonbl keep
them in g'-»l condition without Ii ilnlity t»f
the ewt s becoming too fat
l*n Int make the earth ill the hill and
ffnWer pot j too ri. It All plant protected
, during the Winter by si lting them on a
a stand iu a warm room -u« h as geranium ■
should not make heavy gmwlh. hot Ite
kept ill giMtd condition for -llppilu'. as the
spring and -uiiimer is the proper <eawn
for having them tn perlectimi The uiealy
bug must lie guarded again 4 when Ihe
platits are kept in a w arm atinoiphcrr
4'arlMtuaeeou . fond - should lie ted when
, they are required, ia preference to Ihe
ilond« that are nitrogenous. Bran, which
i.< a food ri< b iu pho phate .. is one nf the
i best funds tn accompany all others, but
. the amount of carbon* ettn ■ f.»»l -hoold be
regnlatetl by the prod in t. A y»ung am
mal dm-1 not retjuire as much beat prndnc
ing fntid a- one thai is bein ' fatteil. V
cow that gi\e. rich milk unit hate fund
that abounds in the carlntiia. enu element -
such n cnruiiical. etc., a- the cream ispm
din ed mostly frmu such fond. Many nf the
nitrngMMNis finals, however, contain a large
projtortion of heat prntliii-ing elements and
a variety will usually satisfy all demands.
After Ax tell, far wh-mi fltt't.aw were
paid, the highest priced hnrse ever «4d
was Dnncastcr for f7o.i*»i Blair At hoi
sold for #iji» l*»i. Bell liny far 461.009-.
Stambonl for f.'si issi Smuggler. Maud S.
and King Thomas earh |nr f-lfl.lMi; ICarn
fnr *36.«5»; I'oeobt .lita> for <»»»: I letter
for Jay Oould. 1-atly Tlmru, Blat k
Wihml, I'rinee Wilke-, and Anteeo each fnr
(30,(W»; Hewdmp for fJil.lssi, and Can
cna I fnr f.N.ISSI
A pamphlet ha< recently lieen extensive
ly circulated thrniigh the State calling at
tcntion to the necessity fnr gtntd mail - and
pleading with those whose duty il is In
construct the roads make them that
they will la-l not only for a ingle year.hut
for a generation to coma. Many will read
this extraordinary bit nf literature and
throw it down without making an applb a
tion of its propositions. It propones t,
give to Pennsylvania, through the uiedi
iiiii of district supervisor*, a most cnmplete
system of roads, something -a Ily lacking
in this State A prominent statesman
once remarked that he i mild tell what
kind of people lived in a township froui
the character of the township roads The
eastern part of the Stale ha- tUr best mad ■
Chester, Montgomery. I'.urks, Delaware
and Itoncnsier countie-all have excellent
roads, mid. » hat is noire, they ore kept in
good condition They were built on the
right plan at the dart, and they have been
carefully watched and repaired w hen nee
c-sary. liauphiti county's roails. wilb few
exceptions, are uunl betl. in wet Weather
and du-<t heaps in dry -i-asons. A little
lietter knnw lege of road building would en
able road supervisors to luiibl an article
that would gain them commendation froni
every traveler by vehVie.
Whcu waiting the p«mr do &nt over
riielm theui with a • n of yonrown pi.i
erty.
l'n te diamond- 1 are a good a • gennine
till found mil. Pa te diamond are like
rogues. •
Hear the lakir mi the tree!
Silver tongues!—
What a norld of funniuont. their
Mebslv deeped lunged.
Ilo.v ihey . halter, chatter, chatter
I rom earlv morn till night*
U bile the ■ hofcd that «>Ver ptlllkle
i'.iu •• their uierry eye to twiukte
H it h a hard metalln light
Keening lino , time, time.
To the niclrel and the dime
\\ it It u kiiilinnabulatiou that n musi
cally wells,
From'the. ell ...ell . ill ell e|l i,
Sells, ells, ell
I roni the - inkling and the jiitki.i.- of th. 4
| sells!"
NO