Butler citizen. (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, April 06, 1888, Image 1

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    vol, \XV
Patsea Fair cF Bradley's Eiar.kets, at $-5-.
Five Fine Plush Dolmen®, at $15.00, were *3O 00
Tnree P:u- t» Co*U, at s.'o 00, former prices, -J4.000
Two Plush Coats, at sl7 50, former prices. si>s.oo
20 Good Newmarkets, at $5,
16 Chiidrsfis' Wraps fiam One Dollar to Four Dollars, j
A Full T.ina of Spring Buttons and Trimmings
New Spring Goods Aiming.
a large line of
Spring and Summer Goods,
consisting of Fine Woolens and Suitings which I am ready to make up it
Garments al as reasonable prices as TOO will find anywhere ADD
Also a foil lioe of MENS', BOYS' and CHILDREN'S' ready made
Clothing at
All the latest novelties for Spring and Summer in
Gents' Furnishings, Goods,
Hats. Caps, Trunks, Valises; latest patterns in
Shirts and Neckwear.
Department is Booming Call and make yoor selection for your Spring j
Suit frcm those handsome patterns I have just got in. I'riceß
reasooable aijd fit guaranteed
Thanking my patrone for past favors. I solicit a continuance
of the same.
04 Sooth Main street, opposite the Postoffice, Butler, Pa.
A. Troutman & Son.
Leading Drj Goods House.
1111111111 <->llllllllll
A Troutman & Son.
The 1.-adiifr Dry Goods and Car- ;
pet Houee, Boiler, Pa.
Sew F'»1l Drww Goodf? at prices
which will make tbem move very
We hare the largest stock ever
abo?*n io Holier couoty, comprising
all the new poods io Checks, Stripes
aod Plain Veaves in Foreign and
Black and Colored Silks,
Special Values
we have t»ever had sorb a nice as- :
•ortraeot and so many of them.
In Flsnoels, Bl%nV»t», Tickings, \
Ginghams, Whit* (guilts. Shawls
Table Linen*. Lace Cart*iDß,
in feet everything which can be
fuDtid in a
Fid-Class Dry Hoods Store.
Balisr, -Pa
Paul Cronenwett & Co,.
I an) rv->. era in Hlgh-ela* PouPrv: ;
luik-MW.- Ho IJght IlraJiiua-. s. ,
l-'ci*a |. rns. Jt. * >• (I. White L<tr horns I
H.mdouu. •» k- Tontooae Geene, I'elfiri ajirt !
MuMCVjr JPi- «J!
Crashed o»-.ier ibclhi for i<uuitry tor imle at
all tjinw.
W. H. k F. HOBBIS,
T.gga 92 per 13; $3 for 20.
For Sale.
Tl>» or,<Vn-l£T><-<i a dn. In I-Orator •it FV-nffr
D'- 71 U«»- of Parlc«-r twp.. offer* at
private sale a farm of 117 acres. «Itu:ite Ui Wash
lurtoo twp, mir illllißrda Htatlou It la all
••P-axad aii<; In good -tat* of cultivation. well
water**!. tr.d ha* a lw-atory frame bona*. and
V* Iwirn L*rv«> orchard anil pond out IwillUnija
A I.SO a RS hvf piece in WaHhlnglon twp.,
»"ar the A ;krhenv ajofx- ooal mine. with i atl-
RMA nar rur through It. rwo-atcrv ir; ME bonne .
PARTIR J and BALANCE good rim her.
MAO a f*rn> ot «o * r<-s In Paricer rwp . be
tween inniirute and Kidorado, one-half cleared
and o*l»r well iinih-rod with Cbmout
timber. go nd i»nd twt no buildings
\n tjw- aty.T* are :irid«rlai i with oftal
and wpj «<• HOW rtthe. for rash or on time,
for lurlber particular* enquire of
12-IBJ North Hope P. 0.. Botlir Co., Pa
ea t> It Pi T.jn.** -h ■< lh«- 4i«fn»UsXri*.! «
»* will cvßirat; for •drertlau.g at loirnit rale*.
Cloaks and WraPs.
for Children and Ladies.
We carry the greatest variety of
etyleß, our stock never was as large,
price# never so low, goods never so
If you want to see the nice goods,
please call and examine our stock.
Ladies', Gents', and Children's
Underwear, every grade, all sizes,
beet goode.
Gloves, Corsetß, Hosiery, Velvets,
Plushes, Yarns, etc.
Carpets and Oil Cloths,
never bad so oaanv—uever were car
pets so cheap.
Our stock is complete Don't buy
a C*ri>et until you have seen our
stock. Body Brussels, Velvets, Tap
ehtry, 3-Ply F'xira Super, Hemp, Cot
ton and Rag Ruirs
Window Shades, largest assort
ment, lowest prices.
You will fiod on examination our
stock of goods to be the Lowest
Priced in Butler county.
Fittsburgh Nu-series.
; We again eITT everything choice in reliable
I Kruu. T ieer., Small I roll*, (trap- Vines, Be A
V' k*-'- J W" -icl Klowor S. i <li„llardy K'>.e»,
Clmuatls. Klowc.iDK Plant", New t her
jl' H. Nc-.v Apple; New :*<-ar». Sew or
namentals. New (!. alnntH. New
(inliio h. Murdoch it superior
l.uwn Crusa, &c.
Send three Ce/.ts pofiijce tor our New Illustrate"
wl catalogue for lWi
I Out ol town orders for llower. and floral em
blemu proiaptiy executed.
i 508 Sniilhlield St, Pittsburg, Pa
Uavliiß taken 'the agency for the Choice I 'rult
Beautiful Shrubbery,
Ornamental Tre«-s,
> Ano eveiythlnij else tn the Nurtery line, or the
J New Kngland N®/Nerie«. Chane t'.rot. & <X>., N.
V.. 1 will cail u|*iii you Itt the m-ar future and
| solicit your orders lor Hprinn delivery.
A. H, FALLER, Agent,
i I '
1 Tlutler* - I'll.
Organist and Choir Master,
1 St. i'eter'n uernjan Church. Butler, and coaduo
tor of Butler Choral T3nlon
OaOAM, PiA*oro»TE, vioum. Hmoiyo A*t> Hah
Pianofortes aud Organa Tuned and Filiat
ed. T.tuuod application, 50 West Jerforson
i street.
WCW 1 thii obtain •»*imat it
or. tipUJL in Chicago, will find it on filoi*
;U;:C. d C r. LOKD a THOMAS.
| I hare t nlarged my store-room. In fart, made
I It almost iwi '. iVt,-" as i! was ' ' Core. aud
'ill • . 'ii-crtiist-it m •• I have, by tar,
. t!,. : n:i'l !>■ - selected stock of
Fia< Drugs and Chemicals
in xy. ' r v, .■ ;•] •• r« *" 1:: ] sition to
i.\~ < ihte c< mty—
\ n-. ... i . vlwa in the
ITi <■ I ■'; i: • tbin *ni i 1.. •ul
• Fine 0 y fc s as,J ivieciicjnss.
V 7 ;•!>' 'r-
U. :. j i. :.lilug
I oar Ui . toff !>• • ai... -n' >• conv,;lete. Wc
I disp-;. ;e .. .. ;• r i »t the
* l.ivwW 4,
j and oar r t:oi way !•» 1 - us their pre-' lp
i tlons, fei.li'ii: crt in that they will carefully
I and aecu a< •!> 11': i.
i Thanking the for tho v.-ry generous
i patronag ' •• !»;••• • ••r-i.-d me In th- j> it. I
hope to I.- a!.;- '<> sei ve i.-ni more accept-ably
! in the future, at the old stand.
No. 5. North Main St,
J. wii,
Wm. f7 Miller.
Manufacturer of
Stair Hails,
and Newel-posts.
All kinds of wood-turning done to order, also
Decorate<i aixl Carved wood-woik, such as
Casing. Calrner blocks, Pan'-Is and all kinds of
fancy wood-work for inside decoration of
Something new and attractive. Also
at lowest cash prices.
Store at No. 40, X. Main street.
Factory at No. 6ft, N, Washington street,
Solid Traffil
i TW I 3
D^S ch i dcK \' s
For Sal« by alt Drnfrjri***. Price 25 et*. par to*;
. 3 I-.XHI for 65 eta ;or •••lit l.y mkil, pwiiiK* fre*, on
| receipt of price. Dr. J. 11. Schenck 4 Son, Phllad'a.
I - ______
1 f' t/rtll Suffer a
li_ Wlj 3 5 Have fin* Soreness,
I f I 1111 Feci Any Weakness,
II I V w Have a Lame Back,
i Go or wr-rid atralßht an you can to the drug
j atom una lnaiat on htvylug ilie I uuiuuo
- KopPlaster -
I# will Cure; novor falls to fifivo Jnntant.
relief. VlrtueM of frenh hope, be rn lock and
pirns ba)".nun united. Th« perfection of plan
tern, oi'jan and aweet. 26c., five for $ 1 00,
Office at No. 4», 8. Main street, over Frank Ac
Go's In IIK Store. Butler, Pa.
Att'y at Law—Office at S. E. (,'or. Main St, and
iJlamond, Bntler, Pa.
Att'y at Law—Office on South side of Diamond,
Butler. Pa.
Attorney at Law. OBlee at No. 17, East Jeffer
son bt.. Butler, Pa.
N. ffi.('orn«t Main and Wayne 8t«.
All work pertaining to the profession ex«cut
ed in tin- neatest matiwr.
Special! I'-s : -liold Filllnirs. and Painless Ex
traction of I' cth, ViL;tli/.i-<l Al»- iuimlnlstered.
OlH.'c on .Mfcrsni Htrn l, our door tnnt ofl.onr;
Hoime, t|> Stairs,
orwii dally, except Wednesdays and
Thurs-la;.s. CoiiiniiinlcaUons by mail receive
prompt attention.
It.—The only Ik'iitist In Butler iislng the
[ best makes of teeth.
Office No, cr» South Main Street,
Physician and Burgeon,
No. 10 We t Cunuingbam St.,
0 1/ WALDKON, ira Inate of the Phi I a
• •». drlphh' Dental < "liege, is preparwl
! Unto auyttniiK ;:i tlie line of his i tofesblon In a
satisf; ctory ir: ner.
Ofli'-i nil M.tin rc.t, Butler, Union Block
up stairs.
J, S.JbUBK, M.D.j
linn removed irorn Harmony to Butler and has
hIH Office al No. 9, Main H1.., three door* ly-low
tMII llollrti;. apr-80-tt.
Insurance and Real Estate A^'l.
45 S Main Street, Butler, Pa.
[ The following sweet poem is from the pen
of Shilluber—"Mrs. Partin »U»u"—and is a
j>erfect picture of his childhood home.
There's a little low hut by the river's side,
Within thescuudof its rippling tide;
■ Its walls are gray with the mosses of years,
And its roof all crumbled and oM appears;
' But fairer to me than castle's pride
Is the little low hut by the river's .side.
1 he little lotf" hui wus my natal nest,
Where :uy child hood passed—Life's spring
time blest,
Where the hopes of ardent youth ware form
And lue ; up. of promise my young heart
!r>e I threw u:y&elf on life's swift tide,
And 1 left the dear hut hy the river's side,
' That little low hut, in lowly guise,
j Was soil and grind to i::y youthful eyes,
| And fairer trees were ufc'er mia.va li-jlbre
I Tuan the apple tree', by tlie huia&e door,
j Tijat lify father loved fjr tui-ir tnr;;iy pride,
Whfe'a bhadowei tha but by the river's side.
Tiiat littie lor hut had a ;;la 1 heartint ' i-;,
That echoed of old with a pleasant R>.:e,
And an 1 sister> a merry cre.r.
Filled the hours with pleasure a_; oa tuey
Hut one by one the loved ones died,
That dwelt ia the hut by the river's side.
The father revered and tiie children gay
The graves of the world have called away;
But quietly all alone there sits
By the pleasant window iu summer and
An old woman, long yean allied
With the little low hut by tha river's side.
That little low hut to the lonely wife
Is the cherished st iga of her ao:ive life;
Kach scene is realize 1 in mi'U iff's bia-n
As she sits by the window iu pensive dream;
And joys and woes roll back like a tide
In that little low hut by the river'-. ie.
My mother—alone by th* river's si le
She waits for t'le fl->od of the heavenly tida.
And the voice that thrills her heart by its
To meet once more the dear ones all,
And form in a region beautilie I,
That band tha; once met by the river's side.
That dear old hut by the river'j ci le.
Wish the warmest pulse of heart allied,
And a glory is over the dar'i wall thrown,
That statelier fairies have uefer known,
And I shall love with a fonder pride
The little low hut by the river's side.
The Startling Experiences of
Hiram Porker, C. H. K.
Hiratn Porker was an American.
He was also a inoaomoniac, a
drel, and a crank. He was a mono
maniac because bis narrow, contract
ed mind, and all the shallow ideas
that emanated from bis dried up
btain, were wholly jfiven over to the
wonderful pork packing manufactory
that bore bis name and covered a
goodly number of acres in that seun
cultured capital of the West, Chicago.
From sumine to sunset he thought
of nothing but pigs. It was bis
greatest delight to watch all day long
the movement of the clever machines
that so neatly and quickly dissected
the live, squealing bogs and convert
ed them into marketable produce
At night he dreamed of them, and as
with the passing years his bank ac
count swelled larger and larger, his
passion lor blood and slaughter, fos
tered by the every day sights at his
establishment, waxed stroug and
fierce, until, like one of the characters
in Eugene Sue's great romance, he
fairly eaw red. •
For many and divers reasons he
was a scoundrel. A very few words
will suffice to give tha reader an in
sight into bis character. His clerks
»nd assistants were oppressed, despis
ed, ill paid, and treated like brutes.
As mere machines they were regard
ed, to be moved and controlled at the
owner's will. Will of their own they
bad none. They were bought and
owned like so many goods and chat
In ways that are dark Hiram Por
ker was no novice. A pig was a pig
to him, aud if a pig was afliicted with
all the porcine ailments in the calen
dar, he went uuder the knife just the
same. Nevertheless, Mr. Porker
never partook of bis own meat.
Again, honesty was not one of his
cardinal virtues, and to all the prin
ciples of upright,, legitimate business
he was a stranger
In his impersonation of a crank Mr
Porker is invested with much that is
interesting and worthy of close obser
vation. The very incarnation of com
bined ignorance and egotism, he po
ses as a fitting representative of that
class class of "Americans" who, by
their absurdities, have throughout
the civilized world invoked odium
and ridicule upon the country that
unfortunately acknowledge their pa
ternity. Mr. Porker's mental status
is ou a level with that of the man, a
native of Chicago, or Kansas City, I
believe, who, when he received from
New York a statute of "Venus of Mi
lo" with the arms off, straigthway
went and sued the express company
for damages inflicted while enroute.
Doubtless he is near relative of the
"Billionare" American mentioned in
William Black's last novel, who, on
being taken into Westmin-ter Abbey,
threw a careless glance around the
place and then unwittingly displayed
his brutish ignorance by remarking
with cool sarcasm to his guide, "that
Sqatterville, Nebraska, was a darned
sight better place than this, because
it «vas full of live men, and Westmin
ster Abbey was only full of dead
To Hiram Porker Chicago was the
world. The column of the daily pa
per that contained the rise and fall of
live stock and beef was his Bible, his
sole and only guide to life. Beyond
this be knew nothing, desired noth
ing. He never knew there was a
Germau empire until Bismarck aired
his views ou American pork, and
then he was filled with wrath aud
indignation at this hardy Teuton,
who dared to entertain views hostile
to the welfare of him, Hiram Porker.
For aught he knew, Victoria Kegina
was the queen of the Cunnibal Is
lands, and the Czar of the Russias
held high revelry with his court at
North Pole. One brief sentence will
concisely sum up the character of my
"hero," and just as correctly as pages
of biographical data. He was hog
by name and hog by nature.
At this stage when he appears to
the reader, we find him a successful
man, a moneyed man tberfore a fit
ting claimaut to the shrine that re
ceives the homage and devotion of
tho lucre-loving West The hours
of daylight still found him at bis post
of duty counting the hogs as they
' rolled in their life blood down the
1 greasy inclined planes, and shouting
[ hoarbcly to bis men in pbrafwu of
Western slang that would have turu - i
ed an Eat«t London dialect green '
wirh envv But at night the silkeri (
chains of society laid hold on him, ,
and decked him out iu all their "para- 1
pherualia of form and custom, a swal
low-tail coat, low vest, diamond and
white tie. patent leather shoes, and
then led him away captive to the gay,
aliurifig haunts of fashion, where be
was fondled openly for bis riches, and
! secretly despited ami mocked for
I his mental failings. His supreme ar
rogance, of course, buoyed him up
and closed his eyes tightly to all de
"Mr Porker,,' said a fair hostess
one night, as she pointed to a paint- ,
ing that represented a bit of smiling
meadow laud and forest, "is not that
a charming water-coloi?"
"Madam," said Mr. Porker, with
aa r.ir of well-assumed criticism, as
he tugged nervously at his terracotta
colored beard, aud glared at the
painting through a pair of gold eyes !
glasses; "Madam, it's a pretty neat j
picture, but I really fail to see whar
the water comes in."
But of a sudden a new idea, J
strange to say, forced itself with i
some difficulty into the brain of Hi- j
ram Porker. O'er the spirit of his ;
dreams there came a change, and he j
straightway announced to bis friends j
that in the early spriug he would
takrf a jauut over the European Conti
nent and leave his hogs to be guillo
tined by strange hs.nds. The fact
was that, having now become a fuil
flegded society man, he felt it incum
bent upon him to go in search of that
added luster aud polish that a conti
nental sojourn aloue cau impart. He
was beginning to wake up and to see
that other men who made money had :
delightful ways of spending it, too.
Life was not intended to be passed i
ia the company of pigs. So, filled !
with all the ardor of this new-born i
resolution, Hiram Porker prepared |
prepared for his trip.
Spring was approaching, or rather
summer, for it was near the end of
April, and in May Mr, Porker was to
sail. IL> had found a suitable man,
from his standpoint, to conduct the
busiuess, and this important affair
settled, his mind was somewhat at
ease In the meantime some of Mr.
Porker's numerous friends, who I am
inclined to imagine cherished deep
down in their hearts a hidden ani
mosity against the rich pork packer,
were preparing a pleasant little sur
prise for him in the way of a practi
cal joke, and from the long hours
spent at the club in concocting their
scheme, it was evidently uausually
The first of May was close at h«nd,
and on the evening prior to his de
parture for New York. Hiram Parker
was sitting in bis library puffing at
a five-cent cigar, and trying to ascer
tain froru a map spread out before
him whether th.;re were any pork
packing establishments is the city of
London. He was deeply engrossed
in this important problem when
three visitors were ushered into the
"Ah, gentlemen," said Hiram,
rising briskly, "good evening. Take
a seat. Come to say good bye, did
you? Waal, you are just in time. 1
pull out early tomorrow, and I hope to
be on the briny in three days."
"Yes," responded Jack Martin,'we
knew you sailed tomorrow. Mr. Por
ker, and came to wish you 'bon voy
ags' in behalf of your numerous ,
friends. Aud knowing your kindness
of heart and genial good nature, I
have also made up my minil to ask a ,
favor of you. You are, perhaps, not
aware that my family are English,
and in fact, to be brief with you, I
am related to Lord Casperdown, of
Eaton Square, London. I have sev
eral packages containing presents to ,
my relatives, and also a bundle of
letters of much importance that I
should dislike to trust to the mails.
It is presumption to ask it, Mr. Por
ker, hut you would be conferring a (
priceless favor upon me if you would
deliver these in person at Eaton
Square. And any small returns
that Lord Casperdown can make for
your kindness i kuow he will do
gladly. As a friend of mine you
will be thrice welcome, and as Lord
Casper down's guest the portals of
the London upper teu thousand will
lie thrown open to you. Here are
the packages," and, stepping to the
table, be laid down a small packet of
letters and two square, flat bandies of
considerable weight, and probably
six by eight inches in size.
"Certainly, certainly," said Hiram;
"of course I'll deliver that fur you
It won't be no trouble at all. Just
as eoou as I get to London I'll ruu
up and see Lord Gasserdown. and
tell him how you are and give him
your presents Wouldn't be a bad
idea now, would it, to take him along
a little box of my specially prepared
slices of bacon, them in greased pa
pers, aud tin boxes, you know, just
to let him see what kind of stuff we
put up here in Chicago?"
"That's a splendid idea," said Jack
Martin; "but I'll tell you one thing,
Mr Porker, you ought to have a ti
tie of nome kind. Every one across
the ocean of tiny account has a lot of
letters tacked on the end of his name.'
"Yes; I've been thinking about
that," said Hiram, "and I've picked
out a title for myself already. 'Mr.
Hiram Porker, C. II K ' how does
that sound, anyhow? Purty fine,
ain't it? It's a good one too, Cham
pion flog Killer. I reckon J won't
find any one over thar to dispute
that, title with me. Think so?"
"Drop the last word ami you'll be
safe on that score," murmured Jack
Martin under his breath
"And as for these bundles," con
tinued Hiram, as he pulled a grip
sack from under the table, "I'll just
stow them away in this, and then I'll
have them safe with me all the time.
And now, gentlemen, have a cigar
and glass of cham , I mean sher
ry with me before yoa go.
Two days later Mr Hiram Porker
Bailed from New York to Liverpool,
and about the time that steamer was
ploughing her first ocean waves be
yond Handy Hook, the following ca
, blegram was flushed over the wires:
"Police lli-Ril'iuartcrH at H<v>tland Yard,
London, —A nailed on the Aurauia
today. Ki-dditt) heard, Holt light hat, and a
bin all black valiwi. Noeda watching,
When the Aurania steamed into
the dork at Liverpool, Hiram Porker
j was among the first to step on terra
firma, and an exceedingly satisfacto
ry step it was to him But the ocean
journey, in spite of his soa sickness,
had not been unproductive of good.
He had made the acquaintance of a
captain in the army, a retired barris
ter, aud a swell young lord who wore
i Scotcli twewda aud displayed with
| great hauteur a single glass in the
corner of his eye, Such was the ac
j counts they modestly gave of them
, selves, ar all events, and Hiram im
-1 piicitly believed them, though the cap
tain's bearing was anything but milita
ry, the barrister wore a ho.se shoe pin
aud a crimson striped shirt, and his
lordship h;>d a habu of continually
dropping his h's As iiiustrious
quartette walked up the pier aud bail
ed a cab. none of them noticed the
quiet, geateel little man ia dark
brown suit and slouch hat who
scrutinized them closely as they pass
ed, and got into a cab at the same
| they did. Nor did they tee him at
. the Lime street station that evening,
though he was there all the saute,
and occupied a seat ia the same car
| riage and busied himself by making
jottings in a little memorandum book.
Hiram Porker's first view of Loa
j don was at night, aud to his unsoph
isticated eyes it was a second edition
jof New York or Chicago, only the
i buildings were more subdued and
less fanciful, aud the streets were not
j lit up so brightly. But the familiar
; roar and bustle aud turmoil was
I there; crowds surged restlessly up
and down; the streets were jammed
I with vehicles and line£ of tram cars,
! and Hiram begin to realize that Lon
j don was a bigger place than either
New York or Chicago, and as for the
English people, he began to regard
them as superior to Americans al
ready, for the captain, the barrister
and the lord had decided out of pure
disiuterested friendship to absent
themselves from their respective
posts of duty long enough to iuitiate
Hiram into the sights aud mysteries
of London.
At the suggestion of Lord Valeu
j tine, as he styled himself, they weat
[to the Hotel Berlolini, in Leicester
Square, which h.9 assured Hiram was
| much frequented by the nobility,
i Shortly after they had registered and
had been assigned to appartments, a
little man iu a browu suit stepped up
to the desk, ran his eye quickly over
the frcshly-iuscribed signatures, and
then turned away and walked out of
the door.
"Ah!" he softly remarked to him
self, as he lit a cigar, aud strolled to
ward the blazing Alhambra, "he's
game for sharpers touight; tomorrow
he'll be game for the police."
That was a memorable night to
Hiram Porker. The innermost se
crets of the fast side of Loudon life
were laid open before him with un
blushing candor. He was introduced
freely to English ales, English cham
pagne, and Engish gin, aud uuder the
undue exhilaration produced by this
unfraterual mixture he so far forgot
himself as to loan a hundred pounds
apiece to his three new friends and
finally sat down, or rather laid down,
to a game of American poker with
them at 3 o'clock in the morning.
The inevitable awakening came at
noon the next day, when he came to
his senses, and, having made a hasty
inventory, found himself short just
nine hundred pounds,while his friends
had been called away on sudden bus
iness. and in their haste accidentally
omitted to pay their board bill, which
sundry quarts of champagne had
swelled to quite a figure.
Stupid and dull-headed as he was
Hiram began to see that be had fallen
into a trap, aud in the first attacks of
rage and auger that came over him he
stamped savagely around the hotel,
chewing one cigar after another to
fragments between his teeth,and mut
tering audible remarks that wore
anything but flattering to the Eng
lish people. Fortunately the per
sons who were near him were mostly
French, and would not haye resented
it if they had understood him. In
fact Bertolini's is frequented almost
entirely by Frenchmen, aud it was
no doubt in full yiew of this fact that
Hiram's friends had brought birn
The next morning Hiram had cool
ed off, and stepped into the breakfast
room with his usual swaggering air
of self importance. In regard to his
loss, he bad determined to keep si
lence, not wishing his
friends to kuow how easily he had
lalieu a victim. After smoking a
good cigar, aud strolling once around
tLe square, he concluded that he had
better deliver the packages entrusted
to his care. He reflected with a
serene satisfaction that no doubt this
lord would insist ou his stopping
with him while in Loudon, and thus
he would be brought among people
who would appreciate his worth. He
went back to the hotel, and after
brushing off his clothes carefully, and
parting his red beard in the middle,
with the air of mustach wax, as he
had seen the "Barrister" wear his, he
grasped the valise and hurried out
iuto the street. With a vague in
stinct he turned dowu Coventry
steet, aud hurried along through the
crowd until he reached Piccadilly
Circus, aud became hopelessly en
tangled in the seething mass of peo
ple and vehicles tnat came together
here at right angles from Regent
street and Piccadilly. He floundered
along for a few yards aud then made
a desperate dash for a cab that was
standiug near tho curb a little in front
of him. He shoved people to right
and left in his reckless haste, and
only stopped when he rau into a blue
coated, helmeted policeman He
made a breathless explanation, and
then reached the sidewalk and hailed
the cab. The driver had the door
open, and he was just stepping in
when a little man in a brown suit
touched him ou the shoulder.
"Mr. Porker, I believe." be said
"Yes, that's my name," said
Hiram, "but I don't—"
"It's all right." interrupted the
man; "1 havo a little business with
you " He gently pushed Hiram
into the cab. A man in a light over
coat and high bat followed him, and
the door was slimmed shut. The
little man called out some indistinct,
order to the driver and oil they went,
rattling and bumping over the
Hiram was too startled at first to
utter a word. How did that man
kuow bis name, he wendered and
why had they gotten into tho cab
with him? Perhaps ho was beiug
abducted, and would be held for a
ransom. He had heart! of such
things somewhere, he vaguely re
membered. Suddenly he turned
around fiercely and demanded to
know what this meant The man in
the light coat only shook bifl bead,
and the other man was too much oc
cupied with Hiram's valise, which he
was holding in a very gingerly man
ner aud contemplating with a look of
' intense curiosity. Hiram was just
about collecting all the energy and
' language at his command to atwure
his captors that u was lue great Air.
Porker, of Ch:eago, whom they were
subjecting these indignities, when the
cab suddenly stapped, the door was
dashed open, and Hiram was quickly
led across the payement and into a
dark, gloomy building with huge
windows and a massive door way.
-Men iu dark uniforms were staudmg
around, and stared at him curiously
as he passed along He was quickly
icd into a small enclosure and the
door closed on him. Near him men
were writiug busily at a desk, and
the little man in brown was whisper
ing to them quietly, while the valise
was laid carelully on a small table.
While Hiram was puzzling his brain
to know what all this meant, he
heard his name called and and was
toid to stand up in front of the rail
"Your name, sir," said a man with
a heavy gray beard.
' 'Hiram Porker."
"From where?"
'•From Chicago, United States."
"What business have you in Lon
"What business! And what devil
does that matter to you," shouted
Hiram angrily, "haveu't I a right to
come oyer to this blarsted country if
I like. I demand to know what all
this meaus. anyhow?"
The official gazed at him sternly,
"You will learu all that iu good time.
Sit down."
Hiram sank back on the benches
and looked on with a great deal of
interest as his valise was brought for
ward aud opened carefully in the
presence of half a dozea men. The
packet of letters was lifted out and
the wrapping torn off. The lirst let
ter was opened and read 'mid b.-eath
iers aud oppressive silence. "It is
marked Michael Sullivan," said the
official, and then he read on in a
low voice:
Nl:w YORK, April 20,1887.
The bearer of this will give you minute in
structions, and will hand over to you the
c.tsli that has just been collected for the
cause. The tune for further action has ar
rived, aud we shall anxiou'-ly await develop
ments. The bearer will give you the plan of
the cellars under the Houses of Parliaments.
As he finished a low murmur of
surprise and auger ran through the
assemblage, while many threatening
glances were directed to Hiram who
was too paralyzed with astonishment
to utter a word.
"What have we here," said an offi
cer, lifting one of the packages.
"Lord Casperdown, Eaton Square,
I don't believe there is any such
name in the Peerage,"
He removed the wrapper and out
fell a small revolver and a wicked
looking dirk knife in a case. This
discovery was received in silence,Jand
the other package was at once taken
up. Every eye was directed to it as
the yellow wrapper was carefully re
aioyed, and disclosed to view a small
wooden box on the top of which was
marked in black letters,"Handle with
Care." Softly the lid was lifted and the
contents were seen. It was full to the
brim with what looked like yellow
sand or dirt. The officer turned
ghastly pale and fell back in the
chair, while every one stepped quick
ly away, and one ex'ited individual
shouted loudly, "Dynamite!" Dyna
Dull-witted as he was, Hiram had
suddenly understood the whole mat
ter. It was all a practical joke, of
course, perpetrated by his friends in
Chicago, but nevertheless he was far
from appreciating the gravity of the
He rose up to explain, but had
hardly opened his mouth when a pair
of hand-cuffs were clapped on his
wrists, two sturdy officers seized him
and he was speedily led out of the
room and thrust into a close cab. He
raved and stormed and battered the
sides of the cab with his feet, but bis
captors paid no attention to him, and
in a very short time he, the Hiram
Porker, the millionare of Chicago,
was occupying a solitary cell in New
gate Prison.
We will touch lightly on the sub
sequent events. Hiram procured
couusel, who went diligently to work,
aud many cablegrams and letters
erossed the world between Chicago
and London, for not a man could be
found iu England or on the Contin
ent who knew Hiram. Six long
weeks be languished in Newgate
while all the great world of London
surged around him, and at. last one
lovely summer morning he was
brought to court in a close van ac
companied by mounted guards. Let
ters and affidavits were produced from
many people in Chicago, including a
signed coufession from .lack Martin.
The supposed dyuaniite was shown
to have been only common yellow
sand, and finally Hiram Porker was
a free man again.
"Mr, Porker,"said the Justice.as he
discharged him, "what does C. IL K.
stand for, which you placed behind
your name ou the register of the Ho
tel Bertolini?" A burst of laughter
arose as Hiram sullenly replied, and
the justice remarked with a semblance
of a smile, "Mr. Porker, you had bet
ter stay at home here after and attend
to your hogs. You are discharged "
Hirm's face was purple with rage
as he hnrried away and drove off in a
cab. Two days later he sailed for
home. When he arrived at Chicago,
thirsty for revenue, it was only to
find that Jack Martin had left for
parts unknown. Some day perhaps
be will come back, hoping that time
will have woru off the passion of Mr.
Porker. In that ho errs. Mr. Pork
er the dynamiter, as ho ia known
among his friends, still cherishes the
memory of that sojourn in a London
prison, and the desire of his life is to
come face to face with Jack Martin.
—Senator lugalls, in answer to a
letter complimenting him on his
speech in favor of the pension bill, in
which the administration of Mr. Cleve
land was severely handled says:
"When I recall the course of the
Democratic party towards Mr. Lin
coln, whom they habitually charac
terized as a baboon aud a clown; tow
ard Grant, whom thoy Btyled a butch
er and druukard; II ayes, whom
they described as a fraud and thiof,
and thief, and Garfield r.B a public
plunderer, and Arthur as a wine-bib
ber and glutton, it is interesting to
inquire upon what theory Mr. Cleve
land is entitled to absolute immunity
from anything but praise and enlogy
I adhere to my definition of Mr.
Cleveland and shall never beßitate to
say that, when he was elected to the
presidency the public seryico rer.ched
low-water mark, both morally and in
—South Australia's wheat crop
will be aforut 20,W0,000 buufcla,
Tariir Universal.
The ngeut for a large paper manu
facturing compauy, \v ho ua-. just made
|uu exhaustive investigation of the
j subject, says in his report.
"i find England to be the only
i 'free trade' conutry iu i' c world, ami
even there thi-i is a*>t strictly observ
ed, as custom duties arc collected uu
various eli<?m:e.iis. gold, » 1 vor, fruit.*,
jewelry, malt, liquors, spiers, tobacco
playing cards, chicory, coilV, tea aad
wine. The duties on Atm-ricm pa
per and kindred go Is iau> E-iropean
countries are an interesting s'.udy, as,
for instance, Portugal, 175 per 100
kilos on paper, but $lO 75 on same
weight in books printed in Portu
guese. Italy. Russia Sp-.ij and Tur
key also show this peculiarity in a
marked degree and iu strong contrast
with Germany, France and Austria,
where books are entered free, thus,
countries having the lowest educa
tional status impose the strongest re
strictions on the means of improving
the condition of their people. Another
curious feature is the duty on printing
paper exacted by three countries
which touch each other, viz: Switzer
land, .58; Germany, $2 3S; Ita'ty, sll.-
"Before I began looking into these
matters, I had the the impression, in
common, I guess, with many others,
that the United States was the only
country where a tariff was strictly
imposed; but such is not the case, as
besides .the European countries nam
ed above, all the South and Central
American countries have their cus
tom duties. The basis for collecting
duties in these various countries ia
quite different. Our near neighbor,
Canada, collects custom duties as fol
lows. Printed books seven years old,
also books for use in schools for deaf
dumb, free; other printed books, 15
per cent.: religious books, 5 per cent.
We hear a great deal about the trade
awaiting the United States in foreign
countries, but, as stated recently in a
leading 'tree trade' paper,'the railroad
or the steamship line must always be
the pioneer in building up trade and
commerge.' In my opinion this
j country is making many lines of
goods cheaper than any country in
the world, but when the government
refuses to assist shipping, and our
carrying must be done iu Eugiish
ships, subsidized and protected by
the home government to compete for
foreign trade, we shouid adopt the
plau set forth iu the following able
words, written by one of my custo
mers in reply to a February letter.
" 'lf the United States at this day,
and with her capacity, is not able to
assert, maintain and hold her proper
position and importance in the world's
family, there is something wrong, and
that wrong shouid be corrected. If I
were the autocrat of the United
States, I should continue tho tariff on
its basis for Ave years, and have it
distinctly understood that such was
the case I should then take one-half
the amount or surplus, (at least, if not
more) subsidize steamship liues con
necting with all parts of tho world;
would encourage, aid and assist the
citizens of the United States in mak
ing market abroad, and in other
words do for the United States and
its manufacturers just what a busi
ness man with a broad business hori
zon would do in his own particular
line of trade. That is to say, first,
seo how well I could make goods,
how cheap I could make them, and
then give my undivided attention to
making a market for the same.'
" 'There is to my mind no greater
probability and possibility of success,
development and great commercial
gain for the United States than the
carrying out of this idea, that is to
say, the trading with the whole world
as a market, the United States as a
producer, and what raw materials are
not found in the United States could
be brought back in on our own steam
ships, after delivering our own manu
factures, and this way mako profit
able on both trips aud make money
on both deals.'"
Getting Things Mixed.
From the Omaha Boe. J
A newly elected Justice of the
Peace, who had been used to draw
ing up deeds aud wills and little else,
was called up to marry a couple in
haste. Removiug bis hat he remark
ed: "Hats off in the presence of the
Court!" All being uncovered he pro
ceeded: "Hold up yer right hand.
You, John Mankin, do yer solemuly
swear, to the best of yer knowledge
an' belief, that yer take this woman
to have an' to hold for yerself, yer,
heirs, execyrters. administrates and
assigns, for yer an' ihir use an' be
hoof forever?"
"1 do," answered the groom,
"You, Alice Evans, take this yer
mau for yer husband, ter have an' ter
hold foreyer; an' you do solemnly
swear that yer lawfully seized iu fee
simple and an' free from all encum
brance, an' have good right to sell,
bargain and convey to said grantee,
yerself, yer heirs, administrators aud
"I—l do," said the bride, doubtful
--"Well, that er's wuth a dollar 'u
fifty cents."
"Are wo married?" asked the
"Yes. Know all men by these
presents that I, being in i/ood health
and of sound mind and disposition, iu
consideration of a dollar 'n fifty cents,
to me in hand well an' truly paid, tho
receipt whereof is hereby acknowl
edged, do an' by the presents have
declared you man an' wife duriu'
good behavior an' until otherwise or
dered by tho Court."
A Novel Postage Stamp.
The very latest thing out iu the
way of stationery is an envelope of
leather, which can bo locked and sent
through the mails without being tam
pered with. Upon the back of the
envelope is a tiny staple of gold or
silver, over which fits snugly a link
of similar material attached to the
flap, and this is secured by a dainty
little padlock with a Yale lock Up
on the face is an open pocket for the
insertion of a card bearing the address
and the necessary postage stamp.
—The shortest complete poem in
the Eugiish language was published
last week:
" This bliz
Knock* biz."
This maMterpiee© is both concise and
wondarfally true.
—C. G Harris, of Nilos, <>., has
invented an automatic feeder that will
cut UOO nails a minute.
Site Wanted Cold Facts.
"Yes," said the young man, as he
threw himself at the feet of the pretty
school teacher, "I love you and
uould go to the world's end for you."
"You could uot go to the end of
tbo world for me, James. The world,
as it is called, is round like a ball,
slightly tlatteued at tbe poles Oue
oi the first lessons in the elementary
geography is devoted to the shape of
the globe. You must have studied it
when you were a boy "
"Of course I did, but—"
"Aud it is no longer theory. Cir
cumnavigators hare established the
i fact "
"I know, but what I meant was
that I would do anything to please
you. Ah ! Minerya, if you knew the
aching void—"
"There is no such thing as a void,
James. Nature abhors a vacuum;
| but admitting there conld be such
a thiug, how could the void yoa
■ speak of be a void if there was an
ache in it ?"
"I meant to Bay that my life would
be lonely without you; that you are
my daily thought and my" nightly
dream. I would go anywhere to be
with you. If you were in Australia
or at tbe north pole I would fly to
you. I—"
" Fly ! It will be another century
before men can fly. Even when tho
laws of gravitation are successfully
overcome there will still remain, says
a late scientific authority, the difficul
ty of maintaining a balance—"
Well, at all events," exclaimed the
youth, "I've got a pretty fair balance
in the savings bank and I want you
to be my wife. There 1"
"Well, James, since yoa put it in
that light, I—"
Let the curtain f|^,
Wonderful Faith Cure.
Conneautville is not a little excited
over a home faith cure, About fivo
years ago, Chauncey, a son of Mr. G.
F. Hague, who resides near Conne
autville, injured tbe socket joint of
one of his hips while jumping on the
hay mow in his father's barn. The
little fellow was about six years old
at this time. His parents did not
realize that his injury was a serious
one until it was too late to remedy it
by surgical treatment. For six months
the boy was confined to a bed. 3
years after the accident he managed
to walk soma but was still badly
crippled. A fall compelled him to
return to crutches and he has been
using them ever since. The injured
leg was withered and quite a bit
shorter than the other. Abont four
weeks ago the lad went to Plerpont
to visit his grandparents. Mrs. Ral
yea, of Jamestown, was holding faith
cure meetings in tbe .place at the
time aud the boy's case was made the
subjects of prayers. Tbe little fellow
says that all of a sudden he felt that
the prayers were answored and that
he would have no use for his crutches
in the future—nor has he. Last week
hr. was walking about and handling his
injured limb quite readily. He suffers •
no pains and is gaining in flesh. The
Courier in bringing this case to pub
lic notice, says: No attempt is made
to enlarge upon any of the state
ments, and we give them to our -ead
ers as strictly reliable, tbe standing of
Mr. Hague in this community being
such as to make them beyond ques
Medicinal Qualities of Onions.
The free use of onions for the table
has always been considered by most
people a healthy and desirable veget
able, and but for their odor, which is
objectionable to many, they would be
found more generally on our dining
For a cold on the chest there is no
better specific, for most persons, than
well boiled or roasted onions. They
may not agree with every one, but to
persons with good digestion they will
not only be found to bo a most excel
lent remedy for a cough, and the clog
ging of tbo bronchial tubes which is
usually the cause of the cough, but if
eaten freely at the outset of a cold,
they will usually break up what
promised, from the severity of the at
tack, to have been a serious one,
A writer in one of our medical
journals recommended the giving of
youug raw onions to tbe children
three or four times a week, arjd when
they got too large and strong to be
eaten raw, then boil and roast them,
but not abandon their free use.
Another writer, advocating their
use, says: During nnhealthy sea
sons, when diphtheria and like con
tagious diseases prevail, onions ought
to be eaton in the spring of the year
at least once a week. Onion 3 are in
vigorating and prophylactic beyond
description. Further, I challenge
the medical fraternity or any mother
to point out a place where children
have died from diphtheria or scarla
tina anginosa, etc,, where onions were
freely used.
A Millionaires Tribulations.
Jay Gould, who with Russel Sage
Is charged with grand larceny in con
nection with the Kansas Pacific con
solidation, says the motive of the in
dictment is revenge, and that a
woman is at the bottom of it. The
womaa in the case sought separation
from her husband, a railroad friend of
Gould, on the ground of infidelity.
To prevent the scandal from getting
into court the husband threatened to
produce counter affidavits, signed by
members of the Gould family who
lived next door. This induced her
to make her to appeal on the ground
of simple desertion, to which the hus
band did not object, and the divorce
was obtained. But she determined
to get even with tbe Goulds and in
duced a leading Now York newspaper
and a cable company to pußh the in
This is tbe railroad magnate's
etory. May be it is correct. But it
is not to his credit if he played detec
tive on his friend's wife even to save
that friend from threatened disgrace,
and he deserves to be punished. Ho
ought to have remembered that hell
has "no fury like a woman soorned."
member that it ia not what we earn
but what we Dave, that makes us
rich; Dot what we eat, bat what wo
digest that makes UB fat, and not
what we read, bat what we remem
ber that makes as learned.
0 H. Jackson, ajred 58, and G.
A. Jackson, aged 22, the former being
the father of the latter, are both ia
the present senior class ia Hillsdale
College, Mich., and *rill take their
diplomas tfcffertwr next Jan*.