>0 xxv Wfi / b i i Tiie . " l.rr.nd of Lai'ndry Sor.p jvvvp.rJ. .. first cl.'Vi modal at the iicv: < ..is Exposition. Gurjan tt'cdu!: • .ti iy pure, and for general kou : . r lrposes is tbe v,ry be -t THE AM EICAN MAGAZINE Beaiilifilly Illustrated. . 25 Lents, $3 a Vear. ITS MOP! THE AMERICAN MAGAZINE elves preie- - 'oTi.'tlonal topics an.l --f.es. and lis lire ,re »r.d art are cl the highest .1 ons writers Jill its with ■- ev r.«-tv of interesting sketches of Travel •.enn.re.Vr! il ar.d short stories. i!i •; rip:: iiilsof our fanioie* count. ;. meu and wi in-. "ss:i.vs 011 the foremost prob lf ins of the :v-J. at.d. In short, this Magazine ' is Il'vllnetlvi I ' prfNf-nlntlie ot Aninlran Tbuaitht aud PrnirrMa. ft If nil ' r > t y D'e piets and pui llc to ii. i- ;;i: r i iul eiitertaliilng ot the fclgh-tlaeS i: "tl.lies. "">T A Specimen Number with (fr.l un I S? I . lilii-trated Premium list, and Special lucen. u'aln'"ash or VaPtable Pretaiumf 1 t :i- raisers, will be sent on re ceipt ot 15 c. - itut paper is mentioned. ItMipoasll)'■ utid »hfr»flir p«r«on* ntnleH to nollrlt nubs. .ioim. Write at once forexela tlv* territor Aa '\ T L VWEBICAX M*«IZISE CO., :»9 Broadway, New York. THE FITT;.3URa TIMES. A Low i'ticed Home Newspa per ior Busy People. All tbe r.:wß of the day for I c. TI'F PITT's f.CBO TIMES is the leader of one cent dailv IK ■ ;ia|>ers ,11 the Cnlted State*, and should !«■ in e- erv home. It presents all the news of the in* bright concise form; pais special atteu .• to the events in all the towns of We-dirn i'eiinsylvanla. Eastern Ohio and West Vligln • • gives the most reliable and complete n. et xepoits, deais editorially Willi nil livr« • e- honestly and fearlessly, and fvi liidi sp\ i : htn« offensive to the most ielin ed from lLsc iaus, Tlie iitst Important year With Cougi iu session arul a Presidential Caiiipalgn i ; retrri ss. tlie year issn will be an.onv; ibe 1. i.utalile in the history of the c. untry. 'I i 'U.\iiS will be a faithful eliron trier of'all e -. Ill" creat political eon veil tlons v. ill IJ- -uded by ttsow n correspondents and during t ; ear rmny new features of in terest will be Ir.>duccd. ALL FOB $3.00 THE 11MI >'.i!l be sent to any address, post age i iejmid s;.(iO per v-ar Mail subscrip tions foroiie onth will be received for2s cents. Address a; oiuiuunicatlons to THE p: fTSBURG TIMES, *•FIFTH AVKNUE, PITTSBUKG, I'A. ir ™ OB i 8 Conn y Gentleman t J 1 .i: BEST OK Til E AGRICU -URAL WEEKLIES. DEVOTED TO FAIIJI t'KOPS AXR PItOCEKSKS. HOB I'll I .Tt'RE I FBI'ITUBOWIXfi. LIVE STOt'K end OAIUVIXU. While It al-o ! ides all mluor departments of 3;ural li. I ere • jrh as the Poultry Yard, l.r.to rnology, ling Greenhouse ana Graper>', Vet/ rnary I s, l'arm and ,vn f.«'ers, Kir- ■ Heading, Domestic Ecoiiomv, snd a ' uiiirn.. oi the News of the Week, lis Market nr- are unusnaliy complete, and much attentP . i paid to the ITosoects of the Cropti, as tin -ii" i!-.;lit upon one of the most Important of question ,—When to IHiy and When ro Seli 'r. is IP eriilly Illustrated, and by lIECENT I-. '.'HGEMENT. contains more reading inatt iin ever before. The Subs. i Ip tl.iii iTlee is p per year, but wo now oiler a SPECIAL J. iUCTION la our NEW CL UTATES FOR 1888! Two srm n ■ > loss. In one remittance 9 4 SIX 81'IISCR.. JOS*, do. do 10 TWELVE Ul'l' iHPTIOSS, do is W*To all N . S'lbscribers for iakH. pavltig !t> advance now will sr>» tiik pa tick WEKK LV, from on. irrrr of ihe reinlttauce, to Jan uary Ist, i :iotrr miahck. W SrECixr < 'oitls Fr»e. Address, LUTHER TL :.ER & SON, Publishers. ALBANY. S. I. •irgpy ,L M , | FC« STAMP M 'mmW ON EVERY CASE.^*** Yourattfii' ils called to the store of W. E. Rabton. the : r No, #<;. South Main street, where you v , tlnd a choice selection of W itehes <'li« ;.nd Jewelry of every descrip tion. Watch : 1 Clock repairing a specialty, V . E. RALSTON, - No. DC. South Main street, iiutler, Pa; Hot A Brady T. W'. TAIT, Prop'r. New Hotel ;■ Kesiaurant on the Dluinoml duller. Pa. Mr. T. W. T has refitted and furnished the Brady House i is now prepared to accomino date the pub! His Restaur .t. In connect lop v.lth the hotel •will oe oneu (' i i.dnicht The tables will b furnished wit.i wvcrytlnug the market affords, FRESH (.ME AND OYSTERS REG 'IVED DAILY. Your patron i respectfully solicited. P\FT A'*" 11 ""lers exist la thousauda of II L L Uforu, it are mrj -isseil by the inar -11 f] | vels aventl -n. Those who sir- lu Sf L«.l »i«M3ii pi iltabio woi k that en a be dono vrhile 1 g at lame should at uee send their ad. ato Haliett st 0.. Portland. .M '.liic, uad Tf fn;e, f .11 ti)forin:tfti>u ii iw elt her sex, of ,;es cm earn tr :ni 15 to i per day and i id f ; wherev r they Uve. Vou are started fr . Capital not required. Home nave made ov- o 1,1 a i-.lxiglo d ay ut Uils work. AU nuvcewi. ■■■ THE BUTLER CITIZEN. The Jfeonle's Grreat EXPOSITION! [ 4, GREAT SHOWS 111 OSE, 4, We announce to the people far and wide that we will exhibit our collossal aggregation of startllugr wonders, to secure which all s of the earth—Europe. A«la. and portions of the t" s. have beea searched, and such an aggregation as has never been sieu since the day Noah enter ed the Ark*. The mighty Elephant,the great Khl noc -ros, the Illppopottoma-s.tlie Chimpanzie.tbe Ou-rang-outang or run-out-anl-stlct-out your tongue-out. the greatest living wonders of the ajje will excite no wonder woen compared with . the multitude of monster attractions on exhibi tion at our great moral Circus and Menagerie. The roars and howls of the would-be competi tor who Apes th" methods, but crk-s down the attractions of our own and ouly Greatest Show on earth will be drowmnl In the Joyful acclam ations of a delighted populace. Kemember this great shuXv possesses no objectionable features tnd is the delight of the cultured and refined. We show under one canopy four great shows, the Largest Stock—Greatest variety—Best Goods and styles—Lowest Prices. We have se cured a magnificent Brass Band which will be a prominent reuture of our great show. 3 rings with a seperare and coutlnuous performance being enacted in each ring. NEW AND NOVEL attractions. 3 Jolly Clowns. The greatest liv ing. walking, breathing, talking curiosities ot the Pliunny Plieilows—sure to sell you ami all the |K*upit-'laUKli when they see the bar- Kalni 1 hey oiler, uiher .u.d greater attruction.-, greet the delighted eye on every .siue—the Pro prietor ar.d Managers swinging 111 the living trap /- attached t > the highest pinacle of sue eess, give such exhibitions ol ner»e and ilarm*: in sleeping reductions, gor/eno* displays auu VYondtrlul baigains as to call lorth tti« piaudiU 01 tue piuiieut alio eeoiioiiiic.il. Tlie man aiieiiiHni beg leave to annouiit'e tliat in their un tinag 7.< ..I IJ. HiC i«-.:rch lot the :are and curii -us a-itoniiiitiig resnlti have alvvfiys ioilowe. A. HiiCK. Song 3"ller bright smile haunts me still." The smile of satisfaction that beamed from the face of the ladv who dresseu her little boy lu one ol Heck's irreslstable suits. If you want to save money and increase your pile droppin and C HECK, and he'll make you all smile. He possesses the power to spread happiness around. And his store Is the place where bargains are found. Doors open at 7 A.M. Close at sr. M. Ad luittance, (Jents Free, l.adii s nnd Children hall price. Kemember the place. D. A.. HECK'S, Xo. 11, Xorth Main St.. Itnfly* lilork, BUTLER, - PA. Organs! Organs! Organs! The Dyer & Hugh's leads, them all, 35,000 in actual use. The following are a few of the many using thi* organ in liutler county: Win. Sarver, Sarversvillc; Jas. Dougherty, Donegal; D. Lardin, Bald ridge; I. Thorn. Thorn Creek; Jacob Shoup, Thorn Creek; Bnptiat Church, Butler; Presbyterian Church, Muddycreek; St. John Church, Ilallston Station. J These all recommend the ' Dyer & Hugh's <'rgan highly. I have contracted to sell A hundred ol these organs during! ISSB, and will oflei them at greatly reduced prices, organs lroin $47 to S3OO. Come to Butler and take one of them home on trial. A full line of violins, guitars, banjoes, horns and all musical j instruments. Don't forget the name and place ALLX WILLIAMS. Next to Berg & Cypher's hard ware store, Butler, Fa. A nappy New Yew To - All. * I take thiis means of show ing my appreciation of the liberal support given me dur ing tlie past year, and extend to all heartfelt w ishes for their happiness the corning year. Having gained the confi dence of my customers by hon est dealing and fair prices, I shall endeavor to continue to deserve it in the future. Hoping fur a continuance of your patronage, I am Very respectfully jours J. 11. DOUGLASS, No. 03 S. MAIN ST. BUTLER, - - L?A F 2-4-R7-ly SURVE Y I NG LAND, COAL BANKS, AND LEVELING. Particular attention given to the KetracluK oi old lineo. Addresa, H.F. IIILLIARD. Co, Surveyor NortU Hope P. 0., butler Co., I'a. 8,ft,54.1y tlj l&r iUDICIOU3 AND PERSISTENT jggj-fe Advertising bae always proven Bftjg successful. JVjf' ro i lacing any fjfTO* Newspaper Advnrtlbiinr consul; JFJ LORD ST THOMAS, STjjjfa/ iDVErristni IOEXTH, WOP il to U CHICAGO. A GOOD " COMBINE." I * two, with a voice like j * cracked fog-horn, ' • t o°d the corner. ' Hi® wagon was very /i . ,'J!. small, about three a y/ -r~* times the size of a | boy's "Express," and held a half dozen melons. The donkey was tall, lean, lank, and seemed afraid of the little k'yart to which he waa harnessed. The huckster singly was not a novelty, nor the donkey, nor the wagon, but the combine,'' the trinity, from which all sorts of comparisons could be drawn, wa.° a sensation which drew a crowd of little folks and servants. The little folks talked about it at home, and so he was advertised, and his example points a moral. It is this: to say a remedy will relieve, for instance, is not saying much. The heat from the friction of the hand will some times do that. Nor is it all to say it will cure; for the cure may be temporary and the pain may return; nor will it do to boast of a permanent cure, unless there is no relapse, no return of pain for a good length of time against changes of weather. But a remedy which relieves all pains promptly and surely, which relief is a cure beyond all question, which cure is proved in a thousnud cases permanent beyond any fear of relapse, is a "combine" of virtues beyond all" competition, upon which the public eye is fixed. And this is the supe rior merits of St. Jacobs OiL As a proof, Mr. R. G. Troll, Western Union Telegraph Co., St. Lottis, Mo., states: "In March, 1881, I suffered terribly with neuralgia. I applied St. Jacobs Oil at 8.40; at 9 A. M. went to work. In five minutes after the pain was gone. I have never hnd it since; that one application cured me." Ttiese points repeated in so many instances are given to clinch its superiority. As in the case of the huckster, it is not a single thing that tests. It is not one but many virtues that are required to subdue pain, and this combination, by long years of experiment, has proved itself unfailing in efficacy and unsurpassed in merit. It requires no loud voice to proclaim it; it ■peaks and acts for itself, Always true and sure. a ■ gk | L'r-vk.SpmM.Wrc.-icl-es. Khca dnAKr SeiAtioa, _ _ __ __ ! Ilcurisy Palm, Stitch la th» I lU Si le, Backache, Swollen Joints. H ■ la W* | Heart biocase, Sore Kuacle*. Pain In the Chert, and all paiiu and a< h.-s either local or deep-seaici arc last antly r lieved and spwxjily cored by t'.e well-'xjiown Hup natter. Compounded, a* It I*. of the cirdKAco. rlrtuui cf fresh Hope, Ouma, RaJkams and Extracts, it la indeed the brrt paln-killinc. ft,muUU!iifr, •Oothins aid »tr«B«rtUeninc I*ormw Plaster trer ma le. Hap [last, rt are told L-y ail country Korea. K rente or Sve for 31 00. I ■■ M ■ailed on receipt of M M price. Hvp natUrCo.,\__ __ |• PLASTER "^s^soSSSdtonJoe|T«!dTrriuhr^wTst"!ra»ch"and7rrer dljwiw^uredlgJjUwiyTjLjttoT^^ PROFESSIONAL CARDS. G. M. ZIMMKKMAX, PHYSICIAN AND SOU*EON, Office at No. 4;>, S. Mali, street, over Frank & Co s Diuk Store. Butler, I'a. J F. BKITTAIN, Att'y at, Law—Office at S. E. Cor. Main St, and Diamond, Butler. Pa. NEWTON BLACK Att'y at Law—Office od South side of Diamond, Butler, Pa. IKA McJDNKIN, Attorney at Law. Office at No. IT, Kast Jeffer son St., Butler, Pa. MR R J. LAMB. Organist and Choir Master, St. Peter's German Cli'irch, Butler. OUOAN. PIANOFORTE, VIOI.IN. SINI'IN'Q AND HAR MON V. Pianofortes and Organs Tuned and Regulat ed. Tirmson application. 50 West Jefferson street. Insurance and Real Estate Ag't. 17 EAST JEFFERSON ST. BUTLER, - PA. Dr. S. A. JOHNSTON, DENTIST, - - BUTLER, PA. AH work pertaining to the profession execut ed in th»" neatest manner. Si»ecialtles : —Gold Fillings, and Painless Ex traction of Teeth. Vitalized Air administered. (Mice on JeflTerkon Street, one itonr Kail of l.owrj Hume, Lp Malm. oniefi open dally, except Wednesdays and Thii»sdays. Communications by mail receive prompt attention. N. 8.-Thc only DentLst In Bntler using the bel t oiakcK of teeth. JOHN E. BYERS, PHYSICIAN AX,) SURGEON Office No. CT> Smith Main Street, BUTLER, - PA. SAMUEL M. BIPPUS, Physician and Surgeon. No. 10 West Cunningham St., BUTLER. ■CZEISRI-TSTIR, *. o|/ WALTiBON, Graduate of the Pliila • l\. del pli I a Dental College, Is prepared to do anything ):■ the line of his profession In a satisfactory iiiannef? office on Main street, Butler, Ctilon Block up stairs. J. S. LUSK, M.O Has removed rrorn Harmony to But.ler and lia,-. Ills ofllce at. No. 9, Main St., three doors below liOwry House. apr-80-tf. EITERSDLiER HOTEL No. 88 and 90, S. Main St., BUTLKR, - - Near New Court House—formerly Donaldson House —good accommodations for travelers. Good stabling connected. [l-O-Wr-tyl 11 EITKNMIJI.LEK. Prop'r A J FRANK k CO. DEALERS IN DRUGS, MEDICINES, AXD CHEMICALS, FANCY AND TOILET ARTICEB, SPONGES, BRUHHES, PERFUMERY. Ac. Physicians' Prescriptions carefully com pounded. 45 S Main Street, Butler, Pa. BUY YOUR HOIVIES United Security Llfr* Insurance and Trust Co., of Pa, JVJoney to Buy Homes. Mor. thlj dues not more than a fair rent. Pay ments decrease yearly. In event of death prior to (ompletlon of payments, baluuec of < n cuiubrance canceled. Money to Loan. K«'&1 estate bonjjlit and Bold on CODQUIIHSIOD. Wanted bouses to rent and rents collected. L. G. LINN, No. 38 South Mnin St., Butler, Pa. Over Linn's Drug Store. QA L E 8 M EAT M .WANTED \ Jto canvas* for rhe sale of Nur~A_ 1 sery Stock: steady employment truaranteod. RAI.AKV ASU EXPKSHKM PAID. Apply at onEtuttillage. (KeXer to tUlsjtaiier > Chase Brothers Cc., "JT" I AJYTRTIEE io tbo Citizen. ;Sister Wiggins Ear-Trumpet. Sister Wiggins had made herself mildly conspicuous in the village of Kecewaw by procuring a shining t-ar-trumpet which she made use of every Sundsy when she went to "meeting" in the little bare church on the bill. If there was anything which Sis ter Wiggios had all her life contend ed against it was the sinfulness of vanity; and now that her hearing had become sufficiently impaired to sanc tion the u.-e of artificial aid the devil promptly stepped in and with plausi ble arguments added another article to the long a:ray in arms agaiaet j Sister VV iggin's soul. lu the first j place, she had possessed more than the usual amount ot comeliness as a lass, and when Absalom Wiggins ' won tbe promise of her hand the jealousy of her female friends was carried to such »n extent that it was ; only after a great deal ol coaxing and iof condescension oa her pirt thil ' two of them were persuaded to act as i bridesmaids. A moderate amount of 1 envy on the part of her friends might have been a pleasant spice to her good fortune; but she oftea sign ;d when talking it ever af;erward, and lamented that she had beea the in nocent cause of such unholy pas sions. •'But it wasn't my fault if I was a little better lookiug than tbe rest, of Vm,"she would say deprecotingly; "and I couldn't help Absalom's fall ' ing in love with m". Sometimes I I wish I had red bair and freckles like j Sallv Jones if 'twould make people • any kinder and keep me away from i the pitfails of vanity." Then Sister Wiggins WA* noted tweuty miles around for ber cooking, for her housekeeping and for tbe ex cellence of her weaving. Xo otto could make such bronze-like rusks and such sponge-like cakas H;r house was as free from dust from at tic to cellar as if she had mads ready for a troop of Orientals who were ex pected to eat off the floors As for her carpets, who in New England surprised ber neighbors with such original and striking desigus as Sis ter Wiggins' fine woven webs? The state of things was becoming critical, and the chances for Sister Wiggins' ooul were steadily growing leas, when HEP eighteen-year-old girl, Alamanda, became enjaged to her French music-master. If anything had been needed to give a touch of exclusivenees to Sister Wiggins' popularity, it was just this; and who c«n wonder that she became a little more absolute, a little more arbitrary and a little less movable in her stands and opiuions from that time forib? It did not signify to her that the Frenchman was only a handsome bourgeois and without a sou to bis n me. Blinded by tbe glamour which is apt to fall upon things across the sea, she deferred to him as if he bad been a peer of the realm; and when he and bis wife departed this life, a few years later, she cared for their child as if he had been the only scion of a kingly bouse. Matters were in this condition— the international unfortunate being in bis tenth year — when Sister Wig ging broached tbe subject of the ear trumpet to Absalom, her son, his father having died some years be fore. "It ain't," she said, "as if I didn't need it. It's dreadful to sit there wondering what hymn the parson's giving out, and sometimes never kuowin' till they've riz to sing. If 'twasn't for that I should feel as though we ought to save the money for Louee." "Seems to me you hear pretty tol erable well, mother, "Absalom replied: "as well as Deacon Botsford and two or three of the others." "Oh ! but the Deacon's old I shouldn't wonder if he was most a year older'n mo If I was as old as he I should expect to B; mortified iu the flesh " So the infirmity became a vanity, and what would have been intoler able as a common misfortune was thus converted into a mark of distinc tion hardly less dear to her soul than the foreigu alliance. But I think the dr-vil hiuir-elf must have been baffled arid uncertain whether to howK or re joice wheu it was quite determined in Sister Wiggiu'a mind that the trum pet should be used only on the Sab bath-day, or for state occasions, so to speak. When she laid it away be tween fold, B of cotton in the chest of drawers did she do so with a sense of putting temptation from her during the coming weak and humbly step ping down to the place of common mortals ? or was the thought upper most in her mind to the effect that frtiniliHrity might breed contempt, and that by this stratagem her own dig nlty and importance might retained ? 1 shall not attempt to enter into the details of this complicated ques tion, but will only stale as a fact worth recording that never once did she swerve from ber resolution, and that at neither Dorcas Society nor to Missionary Meeting was Sister Wig gin's ear-trumpet ever known. Deacon Botsford was a modest but dipuified little man with gray hair and (i forward stoop which gave him something of an iuquiriog look. Now. the Deacon had known Sister Wig gins all bis life, and watched with sorrow a career so fraught witn van ities as ber's had been. Was it any wonder that, his sorrow and anxiety culminated in dismay when be saw that the very infirmity which in him self ho accepted as a proper chastise ment for sins in the way of commis sion aud omission should in her case be a stepping stone by which the devil was likely to grain an ascend ancy over her soul '/Were all his pray ers in her behalf to go for naught ? Could nothing avail to make her see the evil of her ways ? The Deacon was the soul of sim plicity and single-miudedness. and for him to see a way which seemed right unto him was to tako it in spite of all opposition, though the end thereof might bo death. And when he once felt it to be his duty to pray with deeds as well as with words, a loaded cttunou could not have driven him from Sister Wiggin's d jor. Louis was fond of the Deacon with that fondness which has back of it the remembrance of ciunamou drops and candied orange-peel lie was a queer combination; more Freucb than American in appearauce in spite of bis homespun clothes, and be spoke a strange jumble of English and French which was a little bewilder iog to the Ivouewaw folk. I Lin nat ural vivacity was toned down to ab- Rclute gravity by the atmosphere of ; Yew Krryltind cribo'dvsy, wbfcb bad BUTLKR PA.. FRIDAY, JANUARY 20,1888. | surrounded bim from birth, and all j his force and spirit were given to be- ' | ing entirely and inteusely religious, j OA this* particular, Sunday, which ■ the Deacon had set apart as the day for expostulating with the erring sis ter, L iuis walked home from moruing preaching with a graver air than usual, una as soon as he entered the house called for his implements of deliver- J anee. "Gran' mere, give me my stool, bring me my desk, hand down the Bible, and — merci Let us pra\!" j "Hut we havn't had dinner yet. I and K bsalom, 'el be expecting a pot- ' pie si D a couple o' chickens " timidly ! remonstrated the stiff-necked sister. He transfixed GX>d he with a glance, "Vanity OF vanities, saith the preacher. Woman, let ua piay!" The woman prayed; st least she bowed her bead with loosened bonnet strings and a troubled countenance, and he prayed Then he sang a hymn. Then he gave out his text; "Vanity of vanities, saith the preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity;" and in her J inmost soul sister Wiggins knew that all was over for the chickens and pot- j pie that day. It was toward the close of this j lengthy and somewhat complicated ! versioa of tbe morning's sermon that Deacon Botsford knocked and was ad mitted. Perhaps the sister's patience had been tried a little harder than usual, or perhaps she felt it due to her self- RESPSCT to MAKE up to the Deacon for what T-be had yielded to "Lou ee." However that was. the worthy brother inwardly quaked before her countenance arid majestic mien. Louis had come out of his religious fervor a little bealid and somewhat weary, aad never once spoke while the Deacon remained, appearing to be I quite content in satisfyiug those long iugs of the FLRTSH with the usual pieces of orange peel and cinnamon drops, I which the Deacon supplied with freer hand than was his wont. ! Indeed, his supply was quite ex hausted, and he was beginning to de spair of ever being able to ease his conscience of the load it had accumu lated when Sister Wiggins paused in her deliberate sweep to and fro across the sanded floor, saying, "I S'pose you'll have some dinner with us. Deacon, such as 'tis. Absalom's out 'tending to the sick heifer, but I ex pect he'll be in afore long " Then the anxious Deacon rose to his feet, fairly quivering with the in tense excitement of that critical mo ment. "No, Sister Wiggins," he said, "I'll not deceive you; I did not come here to break bread with yon today. The object ot this visit is something that has laid heavy on my conscience this many a day. That is, your ear trumpet." He paused. "MY — ear — trumpet!" slowly re peated the sister, half believing that she must be dreaming. "MY — ear — trumpet!" What is that to you?" ' Why, you see," replied the Dea con, finding it a little difficulty to ex plain, but determined to go through with it at any cost, "why. you see, the fact is, some of the brethren and m<3 have been talking this matter over, and not wishing to be in no ways barsh, we calculated that the matter might be compromised b/ making it a little less —A little less exclusive, we might say. Now' there's one or two of tbe other sisters in the Church that can hardly hear what the parson says. Sister Price is too poor to buy a trumpet, and Sis ter Stebbius is saying money to buy a monument, aud we calculated that it would ouly be showing a proper spirit if you was to let one or the other of them take tbe trumpet whaa you wasn't usiug it." Sister Wiggins stood aghast. They hid struck at the root of ber vanity, luid the shock seut the coLr from her fair round face and rendered her speechless. Sne would have given up the ear trumpet entirely, she would have sacrificed it on a Pyra mid of Vanities with unction if re quired to do so; but make it a com mon thing, a thing to be passed from hand to hand and from ear to ear, a thing without individuality, a mere article of convenience for the multi tude—never! And the Deacon, watch ing her returning color and her tigbt enipg lips, knew that the devil was not vanquished, but aroused. "Have you got through, Deacon Botsford?" at last spoke Sister Wig srins in an ominously low voice; "be cause if you haven't I wouldn't wish to interrupt you; but if you have, per haps you'll just allow me to say that the ear trumpet's mine, bought with the money from my own fleece, and that I don't intend to give it up to PLEASE the envy of anybody " "Sister Wiggins, Sister Wiggins," expostulated the Deacon, making a movement with bis bands us if he would save not only ber soul but bis own from being trampled under foot; •'Sister Wiggins, Sister Wiggins, let me entreat you to consider what you say; let me admonish you to remem ber that the Book says pride must have a fall; let me implore you turn from this highway of destruction and seek the narrow way." But the sister remained obd irately silent, and the Deacon weut on again with scarcely a pau?e: "I speak not for myself, not for my own benefit. You who kuow me must allow that I never giye my mite iu the hope of returns. lam here pleading for the salvation of one that is dearer to me than life; aud may the Lord forgive me for saying it, but I'd give my own soul to the devil to make sure that yours was saved!" The Deacon fled with a groan, and tbe widow sank into a chair, quite helpless from the shock of his last words, On Saturday afternoon, between the hours of three and five, the zeal ous sisters of the Church of Kene waw might havo beeu seen congregat ed in the "parlors" of tbo church edi fice, each giving her modicum of time toward the making of socks and necties in behalf of the heathen. Sister Wiggins was there, and her face looked more blooming than usual as she bent over her work. Her manner had acquired a certain mel lowness which was bard to account for in face of the fact that Sister Steb bins had u new fall bonnet, while Sister Price had been showing tho ladies a piece of "homespun" equal to anything that had ever come from Sister Wiggins' loom. Was a gentler (lower to do for Sis ter Wiggins' soul what all the august official power nf the Church had failed to accomplish? Sbe herself could not have told what spirit moved her to this unwonted miJduetfs, or what, all j through tbe weik, she had expected ' to coine of that outburst on Sunday |on the Deacon's part. But, somehow, the ear-trnmpet seemed of little im portance to ber as she walked home today musing whether it would not be best to put it quite out of reach, and so have done with tbe vexatious thing J "Yes," she eaid emphatically and | in conclusion as she reached the door and stooped to take the key from un der tbe mat. Every one in Kene j waw knew where she kept that key. j "Yes, I'll give the ear-trumpet to Sister Price, and she can do as she ' likes about lending it to Sister Steb j bins There's other things in the world besides ear-trumpets, and per haps I shall be better off without it, after all." So she went straight to the chest of drawers, without taking off her things, aud drew forth the cotton that had preserved the metal in all its pristine brightness. But, lo 1 no trumpet met her baud, aud the more she turned things about in her frantic search tbe mo e bewildered SHA grew. She gave it up at length, and with uncertain air sat down to think. "It'U Deacon Botsford!" she gasp ed. "I never should a-beleived it —! and after all he said about my soul !" * * * ("By hook or by crook," laughed the devil as he saw ber rage. ) Tbe next day was Sunday, and Absalom, though slow to take im pressions, felt, as they start-id for church, that Something uuusal must have happened to exclude the impor tant item from ber outfit. "You've forgot your ear-trumpet, mother," he said as he helped her in to the wagon. "Shan't I go back and fetch it?" Sister Wiggins closed her lipa. "I ain' got any ear-trumpet," she replied. "Just drive along, for I want to get there before the preaching's commen ced." The parson was giving out tbe hymn when they entered. Absalom dropped into his accustomed seat near the stove, but Sister Wiggins never paused until she stood before the lit tle white box that served for a pulpit. "Parson." she said iu a distinct voice, fixing her eyes upon tbe little man, who could only gaze down up on her in astonishment; "Paraon, a good deal has been said about pride and stiff neckeduess, and tbe sinful ness of the desire to be exclusive; but I want you and the peopie here assembled to know that you've got something worse than that among you here today, aud that is a thief; aud that thief is a deacon ot the Church." Here she fixi-d her eyes upon Pea con Botford'S li vid face lie raised his hands with a gesture which might have silenced her had she understood, but blinded by her passion she went on to t he bitter end ; "He took my ear trumpet yester day without my knowledge or con sent, and I demand to have it restor ed before the members of this Church." I will not attempt to describe THE consternation that fell upon the con gregation at her words Louis had followed the irate sister down the aisle, but at so slow a pace that he barely reached her as she fin ished speakiDg. "Taise toi. grac'mere," he drawled in his outlandish French Then in an English which was sufficiently un derstood,"! gave your trumpet to the Lord I" Sister Wiggins almost sank to the floor, but Louis went on with graud indifference : "I found "un pauvre homme" (a poor man) in the loft. He wasn't exactly blind, but he said be was half blind in one eye, so Igave him that and my tin bank. Now let us pray." And the parson, being young and inexperieuced, aud not knowing what else to do, began to pray; but the overwhelming mortification of that hour was too much for Sister Wig gins, and she fainted there and there When SH® opened her eyes she found herself reposing on a settee in the entry, with her head on Deacon Botsford'S breast. "I hain't no kind o' doubt, Sister Wiggius," he aaid anxiously, " but we can overtake that man aud get your trumpet back." But Sister Wiggins answered with a shudder," "Deacon Botsford. ne-ver let me hear tbe words ear-trumpet again. It's all a judgemeut on me for my foolish stuck up ways How can you hold me so? Let me lay in tbe dust at your feet." But the Deacon helder her closer, saying, "Xo, Ftay here, stay hero." A Most Remarkable Story. A farmer named Steiumetj;, living in North Sewiekley township Beaver Co, near tlw Liwrence cou'ity line, tells a most remarkable story. He says that about three years ago a far mer. whose name ho would not give, with his family moved into that vi cinity from New York State. The house into which they moved was horribly infested with roaches and bedbegs. Not long after their arrival io the vicinity tbe wife of the former betran to get queer attacks of head ache, which seemed ouly to increase as time wor« on, until finally the pains became so violent at times that the poor woman grew delirious Med ical skill was powerless to cure her or to give ber much relief. She com plained of a fearful pressing pain up ou her head,-, nd often begged to those about her to cut open her head and relieve her of the pressure. Last week she died. The doctor who had last attended her obtained permission to hold a post mortem examination. Ou lifting the top of the skull off he found, as thouqh wedged uetween the brain and the inuer skull, a mass of dead bud bugs The only solution which he could ofTer for the strange case was that the bugs had found their way in to the lady's head through ber ear at night while sbo was asleep. The i physician has tbe mass of bugs now iu bis possession, and has sent a re port of the case to the Surgeons' In stitute in New York Citv. —Mrs. Gaineß Carpenter, of Fox boro, Mass , spent the most of her life iu poverty and in the poor house last summer. Now it transpires that her husband, *hu died in Texas be fore tho war, owued laud there which is now worth SOO,OOO Adaru Kerpen, now living iu Chicago, once bad a beard 13 feet and 2inches in length. It was 31 years in growing. Iu 1883 he had it cut off. and it is now anions a saloon keep er's collection of curiosities. At pres ent his beard is 2 feet and S inches kfp;f i Modern Love Songs. I As inspired by the evidence in the Arbnekle Caaii-bell breach of promUe cue: Bunuie had a dear pet limb, She called hiui Baby Buuting, j And everywhere that B. B. went, Bunny for him went banting. She led liiua into court o e dly And told a story fancy, Of "h's," "k's" and "K. M. QY' The guileless, tjirly Bunnie. AS hat makes her pet shun Bunnie so; And otfer her the shake ? j His golden fleece, with legal shears, Would prudent Bunnie take. Hearken, ye lovers Whatever ye do, l>on'c write to your srirls With a '"K. M.Q;" And uikiess you are auxious A husband to be. Don't call her —iu writing Your little "B. B / When lovely woman stoops to bleaching, And finds tw late it does not pay, How oan she mrtke a just atouement, What art can wash the trick away. Th? only art the trick can cover, And briug her lover to her side, Is juat to have him nuke confession That his old mustache, too, ii dyed. O! shining sun! Oday begun! Hear me my vows renew, 1 love my love all loves above! Come, darliug, K. M. Q.! Let poets sing in words that rin^ Of Cupid's tickle crazj, But poet's speeca ciuuoi impeaca My darling's H's aal K's. I pine ! I pine! Oh, love of miue, 1 pause but to pursue ! Turn not aside, my joy, my pride. But, K. l^. The flowers fair are blank despair, Lite's spark goes with the days, But beyond all d-iatn endure) tlia breath Aud the balm of thy H. aud !v. Oh, K. M. Q ! Oh, K M. y ! OU, K. M. y. always ! Siuue I must die, thea die will t In the s*wn of thy H's and K's. EM l| and go my iiou^y, K M Q and go, K M Q and give me money— A quarter century or su With loving and and never a doubt, Uis letters at first begun. And this is the way they flattened out: 'Dear Bunnie'—then 'Bunuie'—then 'Bun.' There was a young woman named "Bunnie" Who captured a big pot of uiouey ; Her affections were hurt By it weak-liverud flirt Who'll never again be §o fuuny. The squirrel wears a bushy tail, And when the days arc sunny, She frisks along the topmost rail, And is a charming Buunie; But when the cruel sporting man Comes with his charms a gunniug. Theu to his arm*— delightful plan— This charming Buna comes running And then with hugs and k;:ss he toys, In love's delightful amours; Just like all other spooney boys, He heeds no warning clamors. "I cannot stay, I am t-)o sick, Just now to sue your dear P ipi; So dearest Bunnie kiss ra i quick, For I must see my dear Mamma." So off he went, —and she to court, A hundred thousand limiting, To cure this heartless hum in sp >rt, Of his dt-sire, to be her Hunting; His Lawyer's plea would not avail, T'.e Jury said he must knuckle, And end this everlasting wail, 'Bout Kiss Me Quick Arbuc'- le. —B. B. Hro KM. Q DANGEROUS CRANKS. Notes from the Experience of a White House Deiective. Detective Henry Kolb, who has constant nupervision of the White Housft at Washington, ia one of the beat posted men on cranks and their peculiarities iu this country, writes a correspondent to the St Louis Globe- Democrat. He can tell a great many new and interesting stories of his ex periences at Washington, but as he ia a quiet, modest man, it is rarely thai he can be induced to talk on tbe subject. It was Kulb wbo first point ed uut Guiteaa to Secretary-of State BUiue and warned hiui that the fu ture assassin of President Garfield was a dangorous crank. Tbe detect ive allowed himself to be interviewed by a Jersey friend tbe other day, however, and what be said is worth making public. Referring to tbe subject of cranks, be said most people snppose they are dressed creatures with long, unkempt bair and bristling beard. This belief be characterized as being far from the truth o'ie class of cranks answers the above description, but there are numerous classes. Tbe poorly dress ed, unkempt cranks are usually from country places. They are poor and come to Washington to collect a niouuts of money they imagine tbe Government owes them. As a rule this class is not dangerous. Tlie fallows most to b« feared are the well dressed, oily-tongued, who draw enough income from somewhere to support themselves, aud who im agine that they own the earth and have a first mortgage on the sun, moon and stars Guiteau belonged to this latter class, lie wanted a high position under the State Depart ment, aud used good and apparently sensible language to convince Mr. Hlaiue that he was entitled to the place. Failing in this, God ordered him, so he said, to remove President Garfield, which he did. While at the White House Detect ive Kolb was compelled to use great vigilance to keep tlio well dressed, smooth talking cranks from entering. Their stories were plausible aud their appearance respectable. The fellows with u week's growth of napoy hair and beard, and wearing clothing fad ed by the storms of many seasons, could be driven away like an old wo man "shooing" chickens in many in stances. The former, however, stood ou their dignity, and it was frequent ly necessary to use force to get them off the executive premises. "One afternoon duriog General Grant's first term," said Mr. Kolb, '*a tall stylishly dressed man, about forty-live years of age, came to the main floor and in a very dignified maunor demanded to Bee tho Presi dent. Wo informed him that the Presi dent was not receiving that day. 'Ab,' be rejoiued with tho utmost sang froid, "General Grant is ulways at home to Uepablicaa members of Congress.' It was during the sess ion of Congress; and believing that the caller was what he represented biivself to bo, I pointed the velvety j stairway, and we resumed uur con versation. Pretty soon there was a commotion at tb-) beii of tin svtirs, and t;a u.- l, er up there sang out;" Come up bere, Kolb. quick!' I bounded up stairs and into G'lTeral G.aat's offi ■«, and there was tte Congressman g. a ! ticu'atinif wildlv, ta-kiug loudly, aad following the President about the ! apartment in a very excited manner. "The President was as oil as a norther, bu' tb- re was an angry gleam out of bis eyes, 'Put this fid | low out!' lie commanded, imperative ly, and as I seiz'd Mr. CoLgressmaa he quietly resumed his seat and con tiuu-d his work a? tb >Uirh nothing had happened. After a brief strug gle 1 (jo' ibe fellow to tbe bead of the | stairs aud told Liui I would throw ; dowa if he did u>t go peacefully lie i went It was several days before I | learned the true cause uf the disturb ' ance. la the meautlme the President ! rebuked me for uot being more care ful who admitted into the building, j 'i am not afraid of such fellows,' he ■ said, 'but tbey annoy me aad occupy valuable time, all of which you cvjld avoid by not admitting them.' Had I known at the time what the fellow did 1 would have banded him over to the police. I learned the particulars from one of the children. He ciraa ia and claimed that be bad been elect ed to Congress lr ;rn the Baltimore district by 1,000,000 Republican maj ority, aud notwithstanding that, fact hid seat i:i the House was occupied by a Democrat. lie wanted the President to go to the capitol with him at once aud demand that the Demj crat be ousted forthwith. The Gen eral uot ouly refused to do this, but he touched the button and summoned the door-keeper. Ia the meantime, before my arrival on the scene, the crank followed the President about threatening tbe most dire vengeance unless bo went to tbe capitol with him at once. I have al ways believed that General Grant narrowly missed being assaulted or perhaps assassina ted on that day, as tbe crank was ia a white heat rage when I fired him out of the White House." The detective also described how the late Secretary of State Freling buysen was grappled by a cranky German, who wanted to be made a j special envoy to England and Canada, for tbo purpose ot worktng a secret scheme to overthrow the English Government, raise tbo stars and stripes over St. James' Castle, and declare England, Ireland, Scotland, Canada and other provinces to be ad ditions to the Republic of the Uni ted States. When Mr. Freli'jghuy- ordered this fiery and extremely crt>tiky riiplomate from his office the latter seized him by tbe lappel of the coat, and would haye assaulted him but for tbe presence of a door-keeper and messenger, who bustled the fel low out. Kolb said s crank called on Secre tary Lamar and wanted 1,000,000 acres of 1 nd in the West to establish a new "Land of Canaan," where the followers of the "unborn lamb" could worship in peace, away from the vice of civilization. He termed himself the High Priest of tbe new order. Secretary Lamar jokingly informed him that the festive red man was still a predominating feature in tbe wild w est, and that the followers of the unborn lamb might find tbe scalping knife slightly more unpleasant than the vices of civilization. Room At The Top. "Ttll vcu how I commenced in life? Certainly. Sit down and make yourself comfortable You look thor oughly disheartened lor a young man." "I am discouraged, Mr. Myers. I have tried every day for six weeks to get a position, and there is none to be had. This is tbe sum and sub stance of the whole matter." As he spoke Dxvid E lwards drop ped into the proffered chair. The bright carpet, glowing grate and com fortable atmosphere of Lawyer Myers cozy library were very home-like and attractive, especially to tbe young man who had spent the whole day out in the rain trying to secure a hoped for position. "There is no use," he said, with a long-drawn sigh ' I've tried for the last time. Prosperity is not for every body." Lawyer Myers laid down his even iug paper. "You have asked me to tell you how I got started, and I will. And I want you to profit by the rehearsal "After I bad taken my course of law, had graduated with honors and obtained my diploma, I supposed my self qualified to enter uoon the duties of a professional man. So I packed my satchel, uud came to the city to look for an opening. "The first man 1 applied to was Col. Hawkins, the uow famous crimi nal lawyer. He w£s a particular friend of one of the professors, and I supposed that my diploma would be all the introduction I should need— tbat he would actually take me into his confidence at once," "You discovered your mistake, I presume ?" interrupted the youug man in a dejected tone. "Yes, I discovered it. I went to the Colonel and told him my plans I shall never forget tbe look be gave me. A look over a pair of steel rim med spectacles that made me feel as though I wa3 about the siza of a spiudle. " 'Young man,' he said, in a sonor ous tone that made me shiver, 'take my advice aud uever enter law ! The profession is crowded to death ! Men are actually starving, sitting in their office chairs, waiting for clients ! There is no money in it, sir. Law yers have had their day, and the ris ing generation must look up a new business.' "With that, he bowed and dismiss ed me. "Of course, I did what any otbor young man would have done under similar circumstances—went back to the cheerless room on the third floor of my boarding bouse, with the blues. 1 considered Col Hawkins aa auto crat. If bo said there was no chance in the profession, I accepted it as a foregone conclusion." "What did you do then, sir?" asked David, his interest already becomiug aroused. "I was going to tell you what I did. While I sat there feeling so bomfc eiek, and wishlug tbat I had never been horn, Mrs. Green, my landlady, came in. She wanted to know what tbe trouble was, and I told her. Sho ! said Col. Hawkins ought to know, and advised rue to abandon the idea ot tryinir law. I was to a J vice, ay'd counsel." 'But,' she said, 'cheer up, I can 1 get you a position ia a bank. lam j sure of that, if yon want it-' . "Of course I wanted it. 8 > she wrote a note to one of the bankers of i the city, inclosed a letter of introduc tion, and sent me out agaia, not for getting to add the usual best wishes for success.' "I have often thought of it! How I put my hand on the railing end stepped into that bank that after noon! Confidence lifting my feet as on a carpet of dewn! Imagination measuring tbe siz* of tbe baak I would be proprietor of in a few ears! "1 banded my letter to a clerk, and he delivered it to some one behind a desk. Then be took bis hat aad went out, and I stood there and Raited an hour at least. "Finally a gray-haired old gentle man came out and said: i ' You are the young nun who brought this letter in, I balieve?' j "Yes. *ir." "Ahem! Yes; well, please say to Mrs. Green tbat I am sorry not to ba able to do her the favor, but we haye no vacancies at present.' ! "I made no reply. Only stood and looked at him. " 'Young man,' he said at last, 'take my advice and never attempt to ■ learn banking. You could hope for | nothing better than the position of . bookkeeper for years, if ever; and it 'is nothing but a dog's life! Besides i tbe business is crowded, sir. There are more banks than there people to i support them. Every paper yon pick np is full of bank failures.' "And be bowed me out, "I went back to Mrs Green and told her the result. 'Well,' she said. 'Mr. Switzer ought to know. He has been in the business thirty years. How would ycu like to be a drug gist?' "I told her I would like anything that was a paying business. She had a friend who was a druggist, aud she was positive he wanted a clerk. "So she wrote another note and let ter of introduction and sent ma off to her druggißt friend " "I walked slower this time and it wasjast as well this time. The po sition had been Clied before I got there. . "But just as I turned to leave the store, the proprietor, who was quite an old man, stopped me and said: " 'Young man, don't spend an hour in trying to be a druggist. I have been in the business forty years and I know what I am talking about. You've got to work like a slave,night and Sundays not excepted, and proba bly in the end get sued for damages on account of some careless prescrip tion clerk. Besides the busineas is overdone already. You will find a drug store springing up on every other corner. Take my word for it, there is no money in droge.' "That night 1 sat in my room try ing to decide which way to turn next, when Charlie Griffin, the felon who roomed next to me, dropped in. "Got the blues?" he asked. "Yes, I have,' I answered with a great, deep sigh. 'I am perfectly sick of the whole of it.' "O. pshaw, he said, in a cheerful tone that brightened me a little, ' there are plenty of chances. Y'ou will get in somewhere. I believo the book business would just suit you. Why don't you try that?" "lhadn't thought of it,' I replied. "Well, that will be just the thing for you', he said with great confidence. 'I cau help you on that too !. I am acquainted with a man in the book business and he wants a partner. There is your chance. I will go down with you in tbe morning and give you an introduction ' "Then be rattled on for half an hour about subscription books aud all other kinds of books. The fortunes that bad been made out of them and the chances there were for young men in the business, aad I went to bed with renewed hopes. "The next m>rniag we went down to the office. Charlie introduced ma and told tbe proprietor I wanted to learn tbe business "Want to learn the book business!' he exclaimed as though there was something terrible in the very thought. 'lf yon bad the experience I have you would never try handling books! It is the mpst tantalizing busiuess on earth. Take a new sub scription book, for instance. It treats of a popular topic and you know there is money in it. The books take, the agent secures large order and every thing looks prosperous: But wait till tbe delivery comes. Some of the subscribers have changed their minds, some of them moved away, and pro bably those whom the agent felt sur est of will have diptheria or scarlet fever so that be can't see them at all! The result is, two-thirds of the books come back on yonr hands. It is the most discouraging business in exist ence. I don't want any partner. I want to sell out.' "Do you know of any opening in my kind of business?' "No, sir, I don't,' he replied, with a wild shr.ke of the head. 'Every profession and every branch of busi ness under the sun is over-crowded! There is not even a possibility of suc cess in anything.' "Charlie went back to his work I and went back to my boarding bouse. "Mrs Green,' I said, in a defiant tone, 'will you trust me for my board for two months?' "Why, yes, Mr. Myers, I will trust you,' she replied. 'What are you go ing to do?' "I am going to open a law office. * I save spent ray time and money in fitting mysalf for a profession, aad I propose to follow it and make a liv ing out of it.' "That afternoon I rented a small office and commenced busioess for myself. I have followed the prac tice of law ever since aud have pros pered. Any young man can do the * same. Ask neither sympathy, assist ance nor advice, but qualify yourse! f for the vocation you wish to folbw, and then go to work in earnest. "Daniel Webster only voiced tbe experience of a life-time when be re plied to a young man who usked him if there was a chance in bis profession "Yes, sir, there Is room at the top'.' —Save time and money by having Laxador always on hand, for tbe nu merous diseases which more or less trouble families at times. Price 25 c. If tbo baby is to have health, it must have sound and refreshing sleep. Dr. Ball's Baby Syrup insures this. Price 25 cents a bottle. —Canada takes nearly 2,003 tons of anthracite atfi btaimiaous coal each ytfar. NO. !1