VOL. XXI. A. TROUTMAN & SON, BUTLER, PA. DEALER IN DRY GOODS, NOTIONS, TRIMMINGS. CARPETS, OIL CLOTHS, RUGS, ETC. We have just received and placed on sale our Spring Stock of Carpets in all grades and descriptions, from the Lowest Prices to the Best Quality We Especially Invite you to call and Examine Stock and Prices. S IP- S.— I Clothing Made to Order- H. SCHNEIDEMAN, National Bank Building, Butler, Pa. JAMBS J. RHSINLANEER, Machinist. { haye secured CyTIIBERT'S MACHINE SHOP and Firs t-Class Machinery I am now prpae d to do all repairing in the Machinery line. ENGINES, THRESHERS, SAWMILLS, MOWERS, HORSE POWERS, and all Agricul tural Maohinery repaired. O Note to Farmers: —l bare Patterns of all kinds of Thresers and Horse Powers. Casing and/all sizes of pipes cut to order. Steam connections and fittings made. CAR WHEELS, AXLES, AND COAL DRILLS for Mining purposes made to order. Special attention given to repairing OIL ENGINES. BLACKSMITHING AND FORGING promptly attended to Cash paid for WRAUGHT BRASS and CUPPER SCRAPS. All work gatisfaotorily guaranteed. Works on South side of P. &W. R. R., near Camp bell's Foundry, Butler, Penn'a. JAS. J. RHEINLANDER. "BUY YOUR CLOTHING, Hats, Caps, Gents' Furnishing Goods, BOOT® AND SHOES, At tilts New Store of JOHN T. KELLY, Jefteraon St., East« f Lowry House, Butler, Pa. CHRIS- STOCK, Dealer in STOVES, TiH-WARE AND GENERAL HOUSEKEEPING GOODS, , f° r Bradley's well-known Stoves, Ranges and Heaters. Rontiug, spouting and repair log done on short notice. Store on Main St., corner of NortU. Sign of Large C'olTee Pot. noy.2s:BS-ly. TUTT'S PILLS A DISORDERED LIVER IS THE BANE of the present generation. It is for the Cure of this disease and its attendants, BILIOUSNESS, DYS- that TTTTT'S PTT.LS have gained a world-wido reputation. Mo Remedy has ever been discovered that acts so gentiy on the digestive organs, giving them vigor to A=- simjiate food. As a natural result, tho NervoutTßystem is Braced, the Muscles are Developedrand the Body Hobu3t. Chills and I'ovor™ E. RIVAL, n Planter at Bayou Sara, La.. says : My plantation la In a malurlal district. For several years I could not make half a crop on account of bilious diseases and chills. I was nearly dlscouragod when I began the use of TDTT'S PILLS. Tho result was marvelous" my laborers soon became hearty and robust, and I have had no further trouble. They relievo the engorged I.lver, eloanae tbc Blood from pulmiaoin humorn, »nd rnuir the bowel* to set naturally, with out which no one run feel well. Try thU remedy fairly, anil you will gain a healthy Digestion, Vigorous llnd.v. Pure Blood, Strong Nerve*, and a Mound Liver. Price, 25t ent*, ttflice, 35 Murray Stt., 3i. Y. TUTT'S HAIR DYE. OKAY HAIR or WirrsnF.ns changed to a GLOSSY BLACK by a sincle application of this DYE. It Imparts a natural color, arid acts Instantaneously. Sold bv Druggists, or sent by express ou receipt of One Dollar. Office, 33 Murray Street, New York. (Dr. Tt rrs M.I.VTJ/, of I'aluatilCv Information ami Useful Heeeipta 1 trill he mailed r ME on up]ilica((«H,/ Is nature's greatest remedy, the otilyH one that harmonizes with tho advancedM teachings of our modern Physiologists, ■ who claim that no medicine can haveanyM ceal beneficial effect on disease It clearly coincides with the vis medica-U trix nat::ra ami aids it in curiug the dis-H ease. It is conceded that so far PERUNA® is the only remedy that fills this exact■ wan t. ■ Cnres > Chronlc_CtttariJi, 3B JJJ gg JJrerjJtidiifrj^Jleart and Lungs. These organs are the birth-places of all H diseases, hence, by putting these in aB healthy condition ana keeping them so, M all diseases must pass away. For "Theß Ills of 1.if0," a book every man, woman ■ and child should read, ask your druggist® or address B. B. Hartmau & Co., Colum- ■ bus, Ohio, and get one gratis. Ho. 3. rH MANALIN —i Cures Constipation and Piles. t Price $1 per Bottle. Six Bottle 3 $5. CREAM BALM Causes no Pain. ■ * I Gives Relief at tADionce. Thorough f Treatment will Not a Liq / or Snuff. Ap- WkMk \ -J-, ALL I iMwiS&BH BOILS, LH.I.!;»*P ]i Loss nR Appetite RESELLERS & CO. I PROPRIETORS. PITTSBURGH. PA. B. & 8. DAILY ARRIVALS OF Spring and Summer Dry Goods, We have just opened a now store room joining our present stores. This is, we olaim, one of the finest and best lighted and appointed salesrooms in this patt of the country. This new room, which is 36 x 140 feet, will give us addi tional and increased facilities to handle our large and constantly increasing business, and will prove very beneficial to our patrons and the public. We shall put in additional large lines of FINE GOODS And will alt-o carry very hill stocks of every thing, and thereby v. ill be able to please all tastes. BLACK SILKS, Summer Silks AND FANCY SILKS Wo are now showing, are commanding atten tion from buyers- New and elegant SPRING & SUMMER DRESS GOODS. NEW HOSIERY & GLOVES. Bargains in Housekeeping Goods & Domestics, Suits Wraps .Largest and most complete stock of I'atis and Berlin Suits and Wraps for Ladies and Children, GO dozen Ladies' ail-wool BLACK JERSEYS AT SI Also a better quality at X.25. These are Leaders, Write for samples if yon aro not coming to Pittsburgh, and you will be safe in buying by mail. BOGGS & BUHL, 115 ami 117 Federal SS„ Allegheny City. G. D. HARVEY, Bricklayer and Contractor. Estimates given on contract work, llesi dence, Washington street, north end, Butler fa. jan2.ly. BUTLER, PA., WEDNESDAY, JUNE IS. 1881 SUPER I NTI N DENT'S REPORT Of Schools of Butler County. To HON. E. E. HIUBEE, STATE SUPT: I have the honor to submit the fol lowing annual report of the public schools of Butter county for the school year ending June Ist, 1884. It affords me pleasure in presenting this report to be able to say that the past year has been one of substantial progress in most particulars. More interest was manifested by the patrons of the schools than formerly; directors were general ly more careful in the selection of teachers and the attendance of pupils was better than any previous term. Notwithstanding these evidences of progress too little interest is felt and manifested by patrons in some of the districts, and some boards allow per sonal motives to influence them in the selection of teachers. EXAMINATIONS. Twenty regular and six special ex aminations were held during the year. Four hundred teachers were examined. Eighty failed to pass and were not li censed. Most of those failed in arith metic and grammar. Many of those who passed had been attending school and took a higher grade of certificate than formerly. There are still a lew teachers who are satisfied with present attainments and who make no effort to improve. Fortunately for some of them, but not so for the school, they hold per manent certificates. HOUSES. Seven new houses were built during the year and many more are needed. Many of the old ones arw unfit for use. The "houses are too small, the ceilings too low and blackboard surface so limit ed in extent as to be of little use. In others it is so poor in quality as to be practically useless. Plenty of black board surface is indispensible to suc cess in teaching. Cranberry district had its old boards covered with manilla and heavily slated. They are now the best in the county. APPARATUS. A number of schools has been sup plied during the year with apparatus, but fiew sufficiently. Much of what has been supplied is in bad conditio , and I am sorry to say through the care lessness ot the teacher, in some instan ces. Many teachers do not make the use they should of the apparatus, nor do they sufficiently encourage the pupils in the use of it. Webster's Unabridged Dictionary and a good Encyclopedia should be found in every school room. Globes, maps and charts also, but par ticularly the former. Pupils be should required to make use of them daily. FURNITURE. Good furniture is indispensable in the school room. All the new houses and a few old ones were seated with improved patented furniture. There are still several districts that have not an improved desk in one of their schools. Strange to say some of these districts are among the most wealthy in the county. Care should be exercis ed in the seating of school rooms as well as iu the selection of furniture. In some of those seated with patent furniture the desks and seats are too high aud the desk too far from the seat, rendering them inconvenient for writ ing and injurious to the health of the pupils. VISITATIONS were commenced October Ist, aud con tinued to the close of the schools. All the schools but eight were visited once and a number of them twice. There are now two hundred and sixty-two schools in the county. The condition of the roads for a part of the season retarded visiting somewhat. Yisits averaged fully ouc hour and a half. The classification, the course of study, the grading and the character of the work were carefully inspected aud such suggestions made as deemed best calculated to correct existing errors. The "course of study" prepared for the ungraded schools was taken up by many of the teachers and successfully carried out. The design of the "course" is to induce pupils to take up and pur sue all the studies of the school and thus systematize school work, by keep ing all profitably employed. Idleness is the bane ot school. Of the two hun dred and ninety-four directors in the county, two hundred aud fifty-six ac companied me iu my visitations. In many instances these were the only visits made bv directors to the schools. Much of the fear and trepidation prev iously manifested by teachers and pu pils, at the approach of the Superin tendent, has given way and his visits are no longer dreaded INSTITUTES. The annual session of the County Institute convened at Butler, Novem ber 12th, and continued in session five days. The attendance of teachers was not as large as that of last year. This is doubtless due to the fact that some boards of directors would not allow the teachers their time whilst attend ing the institute. Directors should al low the time, but teachers sLould not exact the holidays wheu this is done. The earnest, enthusiastic teacher will attend the institute whether time is allowed or not. Prof. John Ogden, of Fayette, Ohio; Prof. George Little, of Washington, D. C., and Deputy State Superintend ent Houck, were the instructors. The instruction given by each was good and highly appreciated. The good work done by Prof. Little can be seen in the school. Deputy Houck was the favorite. The work done by our teachers was highly commended by the instructors aud others as well. The institute was pronounced the best ever held in the county, aud a degree of popular interest awakened that was heretofore unkown, and that has made itself felt for good in our schools al ready. A part of one day was set apart for a meeting of the school direc , tors, but few felt interested enough to attend. Those who did eflected a per-i manent organization and concluded to meet semi-annually. The second meet i ing was held at Butler, May fith. Adams district keeps up local 1 monthly institutes. These are well at tended by the patrons and much inter ! est is manifested. Interesting local institutes were held at Evans City, Harmony, l'ros , pect and Sunbury. These were well j attended and an unusual degree of j popular interest awakened in school work. TEACHERS. The teachers who had charge of the schools during the past year, with very few exceptions, did good work. My observations have led me to the con clusion that our teachers need more enthusiasm, more skill in the manage ' ment of their schools and in the con ducting of recitations, better discipline and more general information. Dur ing my Superintendency the teachers who have been under my supervision have been largely in full accord with me in my desire to improve the schools and have treated me with respect. The bane of the profession is change. But few of the teachers who were teaching three years ago are teaching now; they have left the profession for more lucrative employment. Some ot the young and inexperienced teachers did not give satisfaction and some of them did better work and gave better satisfaction than older and more ex perienced teachers. Feeling was envinced by a few re jected applicants, and by some of those whose certificates were not as good as anticipated, as the result of their ex amination. These were confined to a clsss of self assured persons whose knowledge of the elementary branches is quite imperfect sand who possesses but little general information. How ever as a class our teachers are im proving each year and although we have yet a few "drones" in the pro fession, I feel confident that the teach ers of the county compare favorably with those of any county of Western Pennsylvania. TEXT-BOOKS. In some of the schools the teacher is still required to write copies for the children. This is a mistake. Teach ers should insist upon a series of writ ing books being adopted, and boards of directors should not hesitate to adopt a uniform series. A series of language lessons is need ad in many districts. During my visits I spoke of the necessity for these, and confidently hope that ac tion will be taken by the proper au thorities ere the opening of another school term. Want of uniformity in text-books is a serious hindrance to progress in some schools. OUT-BUILDINGS It is a fact that many of our school houses, even in public places, are with out the necessary out-buifflings. It is the duty-of the boards to provide these and the duty of the teacher to see that they are properly cared for. TEACHERS' WAGES There ought to be tliscriiuination in teachers' wages. It is probable that some teachers are paid too much, but it is evident that others are not paid enough. As it is the "tyro" is paid as much as the "veteran," the "rut driver" as much as the "live" teacher. In conclusion allow me to return my thanks to the teachdrs, directors and citizens for their hospitalities while in the discharge of my duties, to the edi itors of our local papers for their gen erosity and to the Department of Pub lic Instruction for advice and informa tion. JAS. 11. MURTLAND, County Supt. The Twin Hone of Ihe House. Representative Horr's twin brother strolled iuto the House the other day and took the chair of the member from the Eighth Michigan district. Reed, one of the few persons who can tell the brothers apart, whispered to the door keeper and that officer requested young Ilorr to retire. "But," said the occu pant of the chair, "my name is Ilorr; I'm from Michigan." The door-slam mer looked hard at the intruder and would have weakened had not Mr. Reed made signs for him to go ahead, that it was all right. "But you're not Representative Ilorr, said the guardian of the House, "and you must come out side." Just then the real Representa tive of the Eighth Michigan district came in and the doorkeeper glared at the two in evident dismay. "All right," said Representative Ilorr to his brother; "you go outside aud I'll come out and talk to you." As the twin passed out the Doorkeeper took a sort of mental photograph of him with his eyes and said to his chum. "I'll be blowed if he comes that game on me again." In a moment or two Mr. Ilorr left the floor and joined his brother iu the corridor. After they had finished their chat the Representative said to his brother: "You go in now and take my seat again." As he passed the portal the doorkeeper smiled confidently and said: "All right, sir. 1 know which is which now." When Citizen Ilorr was again in his brother's seat, Mr. Reed again beckoned to the doorkeeper and said: "Great heavens! you've let the wrong man in again,"and then pointed to Representative Horr, who was coming in from another door. The be wildered doorkeeper looked at the two Horrs, and then, as the cold sweat gathered on his brow, he stammered out: "For God's sake, mark 'em some way, or I'm likely to turn the other fellow in a caucus any night. It is instructive to read that in St. Louis there used to be a metaphysical club, "at whose meetings the keen lightning of American thought cut the blue air of German mysticism." Miss Rachel Ewing, the oldest teacher in the Pittsburgh schools, has resigned at the age of seventy-six. She has not by her lifework made as much money as some bank presidents, but she has probably rendered quite as much service to the woild. Annandale Station. June 9, 1884. MESSRS Ens:—lf you will allow us the space in your valuable paper we will give you a small history of the beautiful little towu called Annandale Station: On last Wednesday morning about two o'clock A. M. the alarm of lire was heard, the fire department responded promptly but the Haines had gained such headway that they could not be extinguished until the entire building of Geo. P. Christie's coal house had been destroyed. George, in the future be sure your ashes are cold before bar reling them. The Sproull Bros, are doing and ex tensive business in the flouring mill at this place. Their flours are giving un bounded satisfaction everywhere, which fact is plainly apparent from the number of teams we see going to and coming from the mill daily. They say they cannot be beaten in Butler coun ty on a straight grade of flou. and that is what the farmers want. Annandale Station is one of the greatest tie and stave shipping stations on the S. & A. railroad. There are about 20 teams hauling tics and staves daily. Mr. Small is our station agent and you will find him the right man in the right place. The young people still carry on the singing at the M. E. Church at Annan dale. They are so far advanced they can carry on the singing themselves with the assistance of Mr. E. G. Sproull. They expect to have a grand concert about September next. Mr. S. S. Crawford still works on the railroad. Sam is a good section hand, especially at pumping the hand car home in the evening. Our genial friend Mr. Lisnev looks quite sad for a few days past, his wife has gone away on a visit to her mother's at Pulaski, Lawrence Co., Pa. But cheer up Levi she will be glad to come back ere long. Our hotel keeper Mr. J. 11. Kelly has removed from midst. lie has gone to Altoona, Pa. We were sorry to lose John but as fast as one leaves another steps in to take his place. James A. Sproull has moved into the Central Hotel buildiug. formerly occu pied by Mr. Kelly, you will find Jim an obliging laud lord, him a call. H. Baldwin, our village blacksmith, has just completed a new veranda and picket fence in front of his dwelling and intends putting down a new side walk which will add greatly to the beauty of his dwelling. —Our obliging store keeper, Mr. Mabold is getting very industrious this summer. He is clearing a piece of laud and leaves his store in charge of his lady clerk through the day. Our wagon maker, Mr. Borkbart, has been wearing a very pleasant smile for sometime past. It is a bouncing baby boy. THE JOLLY Two. He Took the Cash BUTTE, MON , June I—A gentle man who has just arrived from Spo kane Falls says that a man named Kin ney, who kept a boarding-house there, suspected that his wife was improperly intimate with their French cook named Gireaux. He left home ostensibly to take a load of goods to the mines, but he returned at night and found Gireaux aud Mrs. Kinney together. Without a moment's hesitation he pulled out a large knife and was in the act of spring ing upon the guilty couple when Gireaux waved him baik and made this proposition : "Kinney," said he, "I have done you a great wrong. Your wife no longer has any claim upon you. You will not wish to live here any longer. What will you take for your house, your business, and your wife ? I'll give you $1,200." Kinney reflected on this novel prop osition for some time aud finally agreed to accept it. "Give me the money," he said, and take everything I have got." The money was counted out and j Kinney departed. —Every great passion is but a pro longed hope, Hope lives by what it desires and and dies bj r what it obtains. —Hope consoles for eyery loss; noth ing consoles us for loss of hope. —lt is said they have female foot pads in Chicago, The Chicago girls can now run up and down stairs with out disturbing their neighbors —lt doesn't cost anything to remem ber the poor, but if you want the poor to remember you it will cost you some thing. —This year young men who don't want to get married will wear large placards on their breasts, reading, "1 never had any experience nursing ba bies, and don't want any." —"Dear Mr Jones," said a learned woman, "you remind me of a barome ter that is filled with nothing in the upper story," "Divine Amelia Brown" retorted Jones, "you occupy my upper story." It is claimed that from the verandas of the summer residences of the eastern slope of the Orange Mountains "the most-inhabited landscape in America" can be seen. Within the limit that can be easily swept by the naked eye the population is probably more than two millions. —Now-a-days parents entertain a silly notion that their children must be instructed in a genteel profession; they repudiate the "vulgar" notion of bring ing a boy up as a carpenter, cabinet maker, shipwright, or in fact auy oc cupation that involves labor. He must be educated for the church, the bar, the law, or for the post of civil engineer. Hence these professions are over-run, and hundreds, nay thousands, of young men are a burden upon their families, being unable to find anything to do. Proceedings of P. H. P. Conven tion. BUTLER, June 3. ISB4. Pursuant to call, the delegates from ; tbe different townships of the county i to the P. H. P. Convention met in the parlors of the Wick House at 1 o'c'ock. Called to order by the Chairman, J. W. 1 Brandon. Cpened with prayer by Rev W P Shaw Moved and carried that tbe present County Committemen jbe continued for the next year in their ; respective townships and such addi ; tions made to it as the Chairman of Ex ecutive Committee may deem best The.selection of officers resulted in the election of Levi Porter, Marion town ship, Chairman; J M Rose, Forward township, Sec etary, and S. Harper, Washington township, Treasurer for the 1 coming year. Moved and carried that | the Chaiaman appoint a committee of ; five to present to the convention names of persons as candidates for county offices. Chair appointed David Patton I) P Kelly,James Stevenson, Matthew Sloan and George Rosebaugh. Moved and carried that a committee be ap pointed on resolutions. Rev. W. P. Shaw, I, X. Meals and J. 11. Moore were selected. While the committees were out short speech making and talk on greatly improved prospects of the party were indulged in. Commit tee on nominations reports the follow ing ticket, which was unanimously endorsed, item by item, after a great deal of protestation by candidates, who prefer others to themselves ? For Congress —Rev E. Ogden, of Middlesex township. For Senate —J. W. Brandon, of Cou noquenessing township. For Assembly —J C Moore of Centre township and J W Orr of Parker tp For Sheriff —J. P. Robinson, of Parker township. For Prothonotary —Jas R .Moore of Washington township. For Register and Recorder—l. X. Meals of Washington township. For Treasurer —Washington Bo vard, ofCherrv township For Clerk of Courts—l. M. Rose, of township. For County Commissioners— Archey Stewart of Connoquenessiug township and Harvey Campbell of Concord township. For County Auditors —ll. S. Pau benspeck of Parker township and Christie Robb, of Oakland twp. For Coro.ier —P. W. Conway, of Sunbury borough. No nomination for Judge was made, it being the prevailing opinion that the oath required the executing of the law granting licence to sell liquor, and therefore inconsistent with the true Prohibitionists. Moved and carried that the candi dates for Congress and Senate be em powered to appoint their own confer ees. Committee on resolutions re ports. Report Received, considered Seriatim aud adopted U9 follows: WHEREAS, our'S is a Christian gov ernment and our laws, in spirit and purport, should be in conformity with the will of Him who is the author of all law, therefore be it resolved, Ist. That we regard drunkenness as a vice, condemed by the law of God and the dictates of reason; that we consider It an enemy to religion, a foe to humanity, and we are convinc ed that it tends to the subversion of every principle of good government. 2d, That the license system antag onizes the moral law, private welfare aud public security, and that true po litical economy demands its repeal. 3d. That an evil sanctioned by cus tom, nurtured by avarice, justified by statute and protected by political party organization demands a political or ganization for its suppression and ex termination. 4t,h. That voting for temperance men within parties organized on other issues is insufficient, as loyalty to their party, which upholds and . sanctions the traffic, would compel them to ignore or subordinate this vital question to party interests and policy. sth. That we will not sanction by our vote or influence the fostering of vice for the profit of the few and the ruining of the weak and inoffensive. Gth. That we reaffirm the declara tion of principles adopted by the late State and National P. 11. P. party con ventions. 7th. That we recognize aud com mend tbe W. C. T. Union as an able co-laborer and an educational influence in tbe work of securing constitutional prohibition. Bth That as one party has held its convention, made its nominations and was afraid to speak out on this great question, and as there is no better bope of the other party, we cordially invite all temperance voters to unite with us in electing our county, State and Na tional officers. Moved and carried that the |Secre tary be required to furnish full reports of the proceed ings to all the papers in the county and to tbe Prohibition Jianner, of Pitts burgh. Moved and carried that we empower our Chairman to employ Josiah Coop er, of Washington county, Pa., or some other, to more thoroughly organize the county. Resolved that each township is earnestly requested to send at least two dollars and as much more as they please to our treasurer, S. Harper, North Hope, for the purpose of organization, printing, bills, tickets, &c. Treasurer reports all bills paid aud a small balance on hand. Adjourned to meet at call of Chairman. J. W. OUR, Secretary pro tern. —"Subdued snuff'' is a handsome new color not to be sneezed at. —The linen duster ripens slowly, but will soon be ready for picking. —A Pittsburgh paper summarizes the Penn Bank failure in this fash ion : —"Whatthe reporter asked, ' —? —?—?—?' What the bank director answered'—!—!—!—!—' What tbe public learned,' —0—0—0—0—.' " Temperance Convention at Mar ti nsburg. In connection with the meeting of the Butler Presbytery there will be held a Temperance Convention or pop ular temperance meeting at Martins burg, Tuesday, June 24th. A cordial invitation is extended to all to attend and hear a discussion. In the after noon the Evils will be discussed under the following division. Ist. Intemperance, the great moral and material blight, or curse of this age, its effects on the individual and the family. To be opened by G. W. Bean. 2d. The evil which intemperance inflicts on society aud the Datiou at large. The enormous burdens it im poses upou the sober and industrious citizens and taxpayers for the pecuni ary benefit of the liquor seller. To be opened by Rev. S. M. Glenn. In the evening the remedy. Ist. Constitutional prohibition as an aid to the pulpit in the great work of temperance reformation. To be opened by Rev. I']. Ogden. 2d. Female influence, including the work of the W. C. T. U., and how to make it effectual against intemperance. To be opened by Rev. A. M. Reed. After the opening addresses a general discussion will be invited on these sev eral topics. REV S. WILLIAMS, J. 11. MCJUNKIN, W. D. BRANDON, Presbyterial Committee. Investigating a Railroad. Two or three years ago, while the Wisconsin Legislature was in session, a member gave notice that he would introduce a bill to investigate the af fairs of a certain railroad corporation, Two or three days after be was bunted up by an officer of the road, who said. "I see that you intend to investigate our road?" "Fes, sir." "Ah, yes; in which direction, may I ask, will your investigation lead?" "Why, I want to see if there is any way I can get the road to pass my old woman down and back from Osh kosh?" There probably was, at least the bill was never heard from further. She Knew Her Business. "Oh, some one is coming up the steps, ma," exclaimed Miss Pyrkinsto her mother, who kept a boarding house. "Shall Igo to the door?" "No, indeed," answered Mrs. Pry kins, bustling around. "It is a young man who is probably looking for board. Go down into the parlor and be play ing a dreamy air on the piano when he comes in." "Yes, I know; but some one must attend to the door. There goes the bell now." "Well, I will run to the kitchen and send Jane to open the door, while you are playing and Jane in showing him in, I will be pounding on the table ! with a rolling-pin." "But what for, ma?" "It will sound as if we had two ser : vants and were going to have beef steak for lunch. Something to Talk Of. One day last fall a farmer entered the office of a Chicago capitalist and asked for an interview, and when this had been granted he spread out a country map on the table, and said: 'l've got an enterprise here to roll millions of wealth into your pockets." "Well?" "See hero. Here, at this point, Coou Creek and 'Possum River are only five miles apart." "I sec." "A canal cut across this neck con nects the two. I've been over the ground, and a canal ten feet deep and fifty feet wide can be dug for $250,000; and we can charge such toll as we see fit." "On what?" "On vessels passing through." "Just so. My friend, Coon Creok has an average depth of two feet and 'Possum Creek about fifteen inches. Just think of some plan to get your ships up to the canal." The farmer slowly rolled up his map, "Durn my buttons," he muttered: "but I hadn't thought of the ships. I guess I'll give up the canal and go to boring for salt." —A man too busy to taka care of his health is like a mechanic too busy to take care of his tools. —Matrimonial arithmetic—Twice two are one. —St. Louis intends to make the newsboys pay a license. When a young woman brushes a stray speck off a young man's coat col lar the heart of the baby carriage man ufacturer is filled with a great gladness. —Mrs Mary Lang, a wealthy widow of Carrolton, Ga., gathered her worldly possessions, divided them among three giaudcbildren, and poisoned hersel with laudauum. There must have been a lawyer somewhere in that fam ily. —The following polite inscription may be found on a tombstone iu New port, R. I. : "The human form respect ed for honesty and known 50 years by the appellation Christopher Eller began to dissolve in the month of February, 1789." —A California editor recently re ceived a cord of wood in payment for a subscription, which was piled in front of the office at a late hour. The next morning he found six sticks left. This fact led the editor to believe that the morals of the town were improving. A year ago there wouldn't have been a stick left. N 0. 81-