VOL. XXL A. TROUTMAN & SON, BUTLER, PA_. DEALER IN DRY GOODS, NOTIONS, TRIMMINGS, CARPETS, OIL CLOTHS, RUGS, ETC. We have just received and placed on sale our Spring Stock of Carpets in all grades and descriptions, from tie Lowest Prices to the Best Quality We Especially Invite you to call and ExaiuineMock and Prices. EMBROIDERIES Just opened, a Splendid Stock of all kinds and styles of Embroideries in Swiss, Nainsook and Hamburg and Insertiog to match, and we are offering the whole lot at astonishing LOW PRICES. New White Goods of all Descriptions. UCE CUMINS, UCE HUM SHIMS, Lace Bed Spreads, Muslin Underwear, Skirts, Night Dresses, Chemises, Drawers, Infants' Robes. o- Oar inducements—We offer vou the Largest Stock and guarantee you the LOWEST PRICES. TROUTMAN & SON, JIAIHr STREET, BUTLEB, PA. FARMERS READ THIS. The Bissell Chilled Plow Is made of the best material, by skilled mechanics, under the supervision of Mr. T. M Biesell, a veteran plow manufacturer and inventor, skilled in his art, and after 38 years' experience he feels justified in claiming for these plows that they are more near y perfect and have more points of improvement than any of their predecessors, Mr. Bissell is the patentee of the Oliver Chilled Plow, the South Bend Chilled Plow, and the Bissell Chilled Plow, which is his last and best. We also sell the Diamond Iron, North Bend and Hillside Plows. HE OIHPIOH MS, MS tHD BINDERS, The Iloosier Grain and Com Drills, the best Fertilizer Drills in the market, Victor Horse Dump Wheel Rake, Starr Hand Dump Ilake, the Western Washer—the best in the world—the Champion Separator and Clover Huller, the Harrisburg Traction & Portable Engines. Buffalo Phosphate, Acknowledged by farmers to be the best. Also, a line of Build ers' Supplies, Blacksmiths' Supplies, and House Furnishing (ioods JACKSON & MITCHELL, BUTLER. PENN'A. 13TJY THE EIGHMIE PATENT SHIRT, Invented and Manufactured by G. D. Eighmio. THE FINEST and CHEAPEST MADE IN ill 'lll TITHE WORLD. This wonderful invention | w Mgives a Bosom handsome shape iluK, spoutlnjr and repair ing done on short notice. Store 011 Main St., corner ol North. of Codec Pot. uov 28-Kl-ly. - r* , =r— BUY YOUR CLOTHING, Hats, Caps, Gents' Furnishing Goods, BOOTS AM) SHOES, At the New Store ol JOHN T. KELLY, Jeflerptoii HI., Kust ol V.owry House, Itiiller, I*a. samar^l, fc ^ Opium T'ntlnsr, Rheumatism, Spcrmtttnr rlue, < r .Seminal U'cakm-wt, and fifty other complaints'" We claim it a specific, sim ply, because the Tims of all diseases arises from theblood. Its Nervine, Resolvent, Alterative and Lnrntivc properties meet all the conditions herein referred to. It's known icorl'i uide as • o®gQ It quiets and compopes the patient—not by tho introduction of opiate sand drastic cathartics, but by the restoration of activity to the btomachand nervous cyotem, whereby the brain is relieved of morbid fancies, which are created by the causes above referred to. To Clergymen, Lawyers, Literary men. Mer chants, Bankers, Ladies and all those whose sed ( ntarv employment causes nervous prostration, irregularities of the blood, stomach, bowels or kidneys or who require a nerve tonic, appetizer or Ftimulant, SAMAIUTAN NERVINE is invaluable. Thousands proclaim it the most wonderful invig orant that ever sustained the sinking system. £1.50. Sold by all Druggists. The DR. 8. A. RICH MOND MED. CO., Proprietors. St.Joseph,Mo. Chas. IT. Crittsstos, Agoat, ITs* lori City. (4) Put a Brand on Him. "Woman are a necessary |ev il," he saiil, bring ing down his list hard on the hard counter to em phasize tlie heartless remark, It was in the vil lage store at West Milton. Saratoga county, and the speaker was the central figure of the group of bucliolic philosophers, he was homely, slovenly and sixty" "There's where :I differ .from you altogether," said Mr. George T, Graham, of this place. "Wom en are mostly what men jnake 'eru. When hus bands are brutes wives will fall into submission er make!honie hot for the men ; and they're un natural In either character, Love them, land especially be good to them when they're sick, and you'll have no trouble. There's my own wife, now She's suffered a good (leal with dyspepsia, nervous prostration and other ailments that took the bloom off her cheek and the spring out of her step. Well, who saw an advertisement of I'AIIKKK S TONIC, and thought it would be just the thing for her ease. Gentlemen. I sent five miles after a bot tle. She took it. I sent again after inore. So sev eral times. Trouble? Why, if you could see how much good it has .done her you would say that women are the greatest of God's blessings, and I'arker's Tonic Is the next," This preparation, which has been known as PAIIKERSGINOKK TONIC, will hereafter be called simply PABKKM'H TONIC. This charge has been rendered necessary by substitutes imposed upon their customers by unprincipled dealer, under the name of ginger; and as ginger Is an unimportant flavoring ingredient, we drop the misleading word. There is no change, however, in the preparation itsseif, and all bottles remaining In the hands of dealers, wrapped under the name of "Parkers Ginger Tonic'' contain the genuine medicine if the facsimile signature of Hisoox & Co. is at the bottom of the outside wrapper. CAIN Health and Happiness. O DO AS OTHERS O&crur HAVE DOME. Are your Kidneys disordered? '•Kidney Wort brought mo from my Kiavr, a* it wore, after 1 hail tfiven ui» lijr 13 Lest d't.»rlm?. IU worth floabos." Sam 1 Hodden, Wiliiam*town, Went Va. Are you Constipated? "Kidney-Wore can net evacuation* and cured me after 10 y« ar* uwi of other iwdirtne*." Jt'clMon Falrchild, bl. Albaiin, \ t. Have you Malaria? "Kldnev-V/ort ho* done better than any other rvmedy I have ever uned in mv practice." 1 Jr. It. K. Chirk, South Hero, \ t. Are you Bilious? ; "Kidney-Wort has done me more K«*od than any other remedy 1 hav« ever taki n." _ Mra. J. T. (iallowuy, Elk Flat, C)reK«"»- Are you tormented with Piles? "Kidney Wort jtrnnanmtl\/ cured me of Mocdiuif I'Llen. lir. W. r. Kline recommend* «l it to me." Geo. H. Herat, Cafchicr AL UanU, Myeratown, I'a. Are you Rheumatism racked? "Kldm-y Wort cun-u me. aft« r i wan clvcu up to die by physician*! and I hud nuflVrcd thirty yoar*.' Klbrldtfc Malcolm, West liatn, Maine. Ladies, are you suffering? "Kidney Wort cured m • of peculiar lr«.ublen or several years utandlmf. Many ft iemSs nne nnd praiw it." Mr:;. 11. Lamoreaux, l»le La Motto, Vt. If you would Banish Disease i and gain Health, Take TH« BLOOD CHAWIB. When cvory other remedy han (ailed there Is hope la Perms. Thousand* are now In tho enjoyment of perfect health from Its use who had been given up hopeluKhly to dlo by phyHlciftna and friends. In consequence of its nice adaptation to tho support of weakened organs It is tho only inodlcino needed In all tho common Ills of life. -PBRUXA— Inrrh, Weoralgla, HFITDSFHP. W»RTOFI«NW,V«RTLTOI llonsßwu. For Pl— of the Kidney »nd nil dine—— wawd bjMhmajUkp -PBRPNA- Perm Is producing a revolution In the hlttory of mralclne which will only end whrn IU una will be exclusive and universal, for "Tlie Ills of Life." address B. ii. ilartman * Co., Columbtu, Ohio. Price 91. 6bottle*9S. Direction* In both English aa4 German. So. 8. SALESMEN WANTED J To canvamt for the sale of GrapeH, lUmos and other Niirnoiv Hlock. Htoady employ ment guaranteed. KAI.AHY AND KM KNHKM PAID. Apply at once. (IIIAMK BUOTHKUH, RocheHlor, N. Y. [liefer to thin paper.| Hunted. l.ocal agents to sell Winter's Standard Fertili zers, for terms address, W.M. DAVIDSON, 17.'t Juniata street, Allegheny City, I'a., A({eiit for Western Pennsylvania. BUTLER, PA., WEDNESDAY. MAY 14. 1884 The Inspiration of Ibe Bible. A lecture bv 11. L. Hastings, before the Massa chusetts Annual Convention ol the Y. M. C. Asso ciations. at Spencer. October 13, ISM. [CONTINUED FROM LAST WEEK ] I said to this gentleman, "The Bible does not ssy any such thing!" He re plied that it certainly did; but I an swered that it did not say any such thing. He insisted that it did. "Well," said I, "find it!" And when you ask an infidel to find anything in the Bjble, you generally have him. He could not find the place; so I turned over to the eleventh chapter of Numbers, and there read that instead of the birds being packed like cord-wood on the ground, three feet deep, the account says that the Lord brought the quails from the Bea, and let them fall by the camp, as it were "two cubits high ," or about three feet high upon, or above the lace of the earth. That is, instead of Hying overhead and out of reach, they were brought to about three feet high, where any one could take as many of them as he chose. And this skeptical friend had got the birds packed solid, three feet deep, over a territory forty miles across. As if I should say that a flock of wild geese flew as high as a church spire, and some one should insist that they were pack ed solid from the ground up a hundred feet high ! This is a sample of the kind of arguments infi dels bring to prove that the Bible is not true! The book, to my mind, bears the marks of inspiration in the foresight which it exhibits. This book foretells things. You cannot do that. You cannot tell what will be next year, or next week. "The spirits" cannot tell who will be the next president, or gov ernor, or emperor. They may tell a great many things which are past. They may tell you who your grand mother was, and may copy the inscrip tion on your grandfather's grave-stone, and may tell things which are written iu the family record. They may re veal many things in the past—for the devil knows about the past—but they cannot fortell the future. 1 did hear of one spiritual medium who foretold her own death, and she died within a few hours; but when they got the stomach pump, they pumped out of her stomach poison enough to kill two or three. That kind of prophecy requires no omniscient foresight. Years ago I talked with an infidel in Plymouth, Massachusetts, and he wanted me to give him some evidence that the Bible was true. After some conversation, I loaned him a little vol ume, an abridgement of "Keith on Prophecy." Some ten years after, as I took my seat in a railway train, he came and sat down beside me and be gan to talk, and he said: "If you want that book you can have it; but no one else can have it at any price." It had knocked his infidelity into atoms, and he was a believer in Christ, and a mem ber of the church. The revelations of prophecy are facts which exhibit the divine omniscience. So long as Babylon is in heaps; so long as Nineveh lies empty, void, and waste; so long as Egypt is the basest of king doms; so long as Tyre is a place for the spreading of nets in the midst of the sea; so long as Israel is scattered among all uations; so long as .Jerusa lem is trodden under foot of the Gen tiles; so long as the great empires of the woild march on in their predicted course,—so long we have proof that one Omniscient Mind dictated the pre dictions of that book, and "prophecy came not in old time by the will man." We call this Bible a book; but here are sixty-six different books, written by thirty or forty different men. A man may say, "I do not believe iu the book of Esther." Well, what of that ? We have sixty-live others left. What will you do with them? A man says, "I liud fault with this chapter, or with that." Suppose you do '( If you were on trial for murder, aud had sixty six witnesses against you, suppose you im peach one of them, there are sixty-live left; impeach another, and you still have sixty-four; impeach another, aud you have sixty-three—surely enough to hang you if you are guilty. Do you not see that you cannot impeach this book unless you do it in detail '( Each book bears its own witness, and stands by itself on its own merits; and yet each book is linked with all the rest. Blot out one, if you can. lam inclin ed to think it would be dillicult to do this. This book seems built to stay to gether; it is inspired by 0110 Spirit. Tho authorship of this book is won derful. Here are words written by by kings, by emperors, by princes, by poets, by sages, by philosophers, by fishermen, by statesmen, by men learned in the wisdom of Egypt, edu cated in the schools of Babylon, trained up at the feet of rabbis in Jerusalem. It was written by men in exile, in the desert, in shepherds' tents, in "green pastures" and besides "still waters." Among its authors we find the tax gatherer, the herdsman, the gatherer of sycamore fruit; we find poor men, rich men, statesmen, preachers, exilss, captains, legislators, judges; men of every grade and class are represented in this wonderful volume, which is in reality a library, filled with history, genealogy, ethnology, law, ethics, pro phecy, poetry, eloquence, medicine, sanitary science, political economy, aud perfect rules for the conduct of personal arid social life. It contains all kinds of writing; but what a jum ble it would be if sixty-six books were written in this way by ordinary men. Suppose, for instance, that we get sixty-six medical books written by thirty or forty different doctors of various schools, believers in allopathy, homeopathy, hydropathy, aud all the other "pathies," bind them all togeth er, and then undertake to doctor a man according to that book! [Laughter.] What man would be fool enough to risk the result of practicing such a system of medicine? Or sup pose you get thirty-live editors at work writing treatises on politics, or thirty five ministers writing books on theolo gy, aud then Bee if you can get any leather strong enough to hold the books together when they are done. But again, it required fifteen hun dred years to write this book, and the man who wrote the closing pages of it hau no communication with the man who commenced it. How did these men, writing independently, produce such a book? Other books get out of date when they are ten or twenty years old; but this book lives on through the ages, and keeps abreast of the mightiest thought and intellect of every age. Suppose that thirty or forty men should walk in through that door One man comes from Elaine, another from New Hampshire, another from Massachusetts, and so on from each State, each bearing a block of marine of peculiar shape. Suppose I pile up these blocks in order, until 1 have the figure of a man, perfectly symmetrical and beautifully chiseled, and I say, "How do these men, who have never seen each other, chisel out that beau tiful statue?" You say, "That is easily explained. One man planned that whole statue, made the patterns, gave the directions and distributed them around; and so, each man work ing by the pattern, the work fits accur ately when completed." Very well. Here is a book coming from all quar ters, written by men of all classes, scattered through a period of fifteen hundred years; aud yet this book is fitted together as a wondrous aud har monious whole. How was it done? "Holy men of God spake as they were moved by the Holy Ghost." One mind inspires the whole book, one voice speaks in it all, and it is the voice of God speaking with resurrec tion power. Again, I conclude that this book has in it the very breath of God, from the effect that it produces upon men. There are men who study philosophy, astronomy, geology, geography, and mathematics; but did you ever hear a man say, "I was an outcast, a wretch ed inebriate, a disgrace to my race, and a nuisance in the world, until I began to study mathematics, and learned the multiplication table, and then turned my attention to geology, got me a little hammer, and knocked off the corners of the rocks and studied the formation of the earth, and since that time I have been as happy as the day is long; I feel like singing all the time; my soul is full of triumph and peace; and health and blessing have come to my desolate home once more?" Did you ever hear a man ascribe his redemption and salvation from intem perance and sin and vice to the multi plication table, or the science of mathe matics or geology ? But I can bring you, not one man, or two, or ten, but men by the thousand who will tell you, "I was wretched; I was lost; I broke my poor old mother's heart; I beggar ed my family; my wife was heart stricken and dejected; my children fled from the sound of their father's foot steps; I was ruined, reckless, helpless, homeless, hopeless, until I heard the words of that Book !" And he will tell you very word whicb fastened on his soul. It may be it was, "Come unto Me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, aud I will give you rest:" per haps it was, "Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin oi the world;" it may have been, "God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever belioveth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life." He can tell yon the very word that saved his soul. And since that word entered his heart, be will tell you that hope has dawned upon his visioD; that joy has inspired his heart; and that his mouth is fiMed with grateful song. He will tell you that the blush of health has come back to his poor wife's faded cheek; that tho old hats have vanished from the win dows of his desolate home; that his rags have been exchanged for good clothes; that his children run to meet him when becomes; that there is bread on his table, fire on his hearth, and comfort in his dwelling. lie will tell you all that, and he will tell you that this Hook has wrought the change. Now this book is working just such miracles, and is doing it every day. If you have any other book that will do such work as this, bring it along. Tho work needs to be done; if you havo any other book that will do it. for Heaven's sake bring it out. But for the present, while we are waiting for you, as we know this book will do the work, we mean to use it until we can get something better. What we most ueed is the book it self. It is its own best witness and de fender. Christians sometimes try to defend the word of God. It seems like half a dozen poodlo dogs trying to de fend a lion iu his cage. The best thing for us to do is to slip the bars and let the lion out, and he will defend himself. And the best thing for us to do is to bring out the word of God, aud let "tho sword of the Spirit" proye its power, as it pierces ' even to the dividing asunder of soul aud spirit." (Concluded Next Week.) —The men who write circus bills will he glad to learu that the new English dictionary will be thirty-seven volumes long. —When a Dakota woman marries she retains her presence of mind as well as her real and personal estate. —lf you would be rich and happy, my son, be a broker. He makes money whether he sells or buys. —lt is no compliment to speak of an individual as a square man. If he's square he must l>e flat on all sides. —lt makes a red-nosed man very angry to have a little girl ask hiiri in the presence of othors if it hurts him any. —Why were the brokers ia the panic of 1 like I'liaraoh's daughter '{ He cause they .saved a little prophet from the rushes on the banks. —An article containing a dozen hints on how to take caro of a horse is going the rounds of the press, but there is not one hint as how to got the horse. COMMUNICATED. Portersville School. EDS ClTlZEN: —Portersville school closed a session of seven months, on Thursday, April 10, 1884. The report of said school is as follows: No. of scholars enrolled, 82. No. that missed no days during term, 7. Average attendance during term, 50. Percent of attendance during term, 94. Progress and conduct, middling good. Genaral condition of the school, good And in closing this session, I return thanks to the Directors, patrons and friends of Portersville School, for their help, sympathy and interest manifested towards me as a teacher during the past term, and 1 hope that the patrons of Portersville school will take a deeper interest iu the future of their school, and help to build it up, and making it strong and sure in the right and proper view of education. The success of the common schools of Butler county de pends in a great measure on the interest taken, and support given by the parents of the pupils, and friends of education in general The directors may secure the services of a good teacher, one I capable to teach the school well, and do much good, but if that teacher does not have the help and sympathy of all, he will fail just as far as be fails to have yonr help. On the other hand if the directors get a school maßter—a person who does not like to teach, a person who has no love for the calling, and merely teachers to make a few dollars easy, too lazy to fill up the report to the secretary, almost too lazy for any thing, if parents visit the school taught by the above described individ ual, they will cause him some uneasi ness, and may be an apprehension that they will report him to the directors and cause him trouble if not at present it may be in the future, for the school master only intends to teach one term in the same school, and then move on, and parents should be the cause of the removal of the school master out and beyond the limit of teaching, that he may engage in something suitable to his taste and verify his words to-wit: "I* do not love teaching, I do not like long terms, I do not like the wages paid, I do not like to make out the monthly report, but I like like to have the Secretary give me my monthy order without prying into the report so made". Give the taxpayers teachers that will work in the school room, parents that will visit the school room, directors that will pay good wa ges for long terms, and the common schools of Butler county will be successful, so say all. J. G, MCCULLOUOU, Teacher. Mourning Households. GLADE MILLS, May 3, 1884 EDS. CITIZEN: —The home of Mr. Jacob Reiber, Glado Mills, Pa., and the homes of Michael Knauf and of Mrs. Mary S. Osborn, of this vicinity have recently been visited by the mes senger of death. Those families are intimately con nected through intermarriage. The first visitation was at the house of Mr. Reiber on the 14th day of March, last, by which Charles W. Reiber, son ot Jacob and Elizabeth Reiber, was taken to bis eternal home. He died at the age of 24, and leaves a wife, (a grand-daughter of the venerable Ed ward W. Hays of Penu township) and one child to mourn his loss. Charles had been living for some time past in Allegheny City, but being iu ill health, he came with his wife and child some time in February last to his old home hoping his health might be improved by a short sojourn at his father's house, But in this, he and his friends were disappointed. He bad come back to his former home to die. A short time after reaching his parental home, he was prostrated with typhoid fever, un der which he gradually declined until his mortal powers failed, and he peacefully closed his eyes in death, on the day above mentioned. Charles was a young man highly respected by bis neighbors and acquaintances. He possessed largely those amiable quali ties that win the esteem and friendship of others. Nor was this all, though he died in early manhood, the Master did not call him from earth until he bad called him to make preparation for his departure. This call be obeyed, and when sixteen years of age, be publicly consecrated himself to the Lord, and united with the Presbyterian church of Middlesex. During bis entire illness, and in prospect of death he was peace ful and resigned, abiding in a blissful Immortality. A large concourse of people followed hiß remains to their resting place in the grave. Next, death visited the home of Mr. Knauf. His little grandson, Russell, and son of Michael Knauf, Jr., grand son also of Jacob and Elizabeth Reiber, died, April Bth, aged 13 months. Then on the '2Bth of the same month, the tho house of Mrs Osborn, widow of the late Harvey Osborn, of Penn township, was entered by the remorseless messen ger, and the cold band of death was laid upon her little grandson, the son of William Osborn, and grandson also, of Michael Knauf. Little Elgie died at the age of eight months. "Fare ye well, sweet buds of beauty, Little angels, fare ye well. For you were too pure and holy, iu a world like this to dwell. O. —Pork packing—Fattening hogs. —A column article—A monumnet. —A man who is locked up for drunkenness ia certainly in a tight place. —A pretty pass—An annual on the railroad. —Stablemen have a reputation of being unstable men. —A frizzed top on the head of a fair maiden is never spun with a string. it Yourself. With the Diamond Dyes any lady can get as good results as the best practical dyer. Every dye waranted true to name and sample. 10c. at druggists. Wells, Richardson Jc Co., Burlington, Vt. Bogus Butter. A rare example of legislative clap trap is witnessed in the passage bj the New York Senate of a law to pro hibit, under heavy penalties, the man ufacture and sale of substitutes for butter. This, of course, would be very pleasing to the New York Orangers if it could only be carried into effect. There is already a law in New York, as well as in many other States, which if vigorously enforced, would protect consumers and producers alike from the extensive sales of the fraudulent substitutes for butter. This law re quires that every package containing oleomargarine or other similar prepar tions shall be plainly marked, and pro vides for the punishment of persons making fraudulent sales of the same for butter. As this law has been per mitted to fall into contempt, the New York Senate proposes one still more impracticable, and which could be en forced only by a gross violation of per sonal rights. The power of the Stale to prohibit the sale of these preparations, if neces sary for the protection of the public health, may not be questioned. But it has been proved that oleomargarine, batterine and the rest of these substi tutes for butter are not more harmful to the consumers than the lard and tallow of which they are made. These chemical compounds may be of great commercial value tor other uses be sides their substitution for butter. What right, then, has the State to prevent their their manufacture and sale? The wrong to the consumer is done only when they are passed on him for what they ure not. But it is very easy to prevent this species of fraud without ao violent a measure as the prohibition and .sale of commodi ties that are not hurtful to the public health. There is no doobt that the farmers in New York, as well as in Pennsylva nia, have suffered mnch by the com petition of this substitute for dairy butter, but it is no business of the State to protect its citizens from com petition as long as it is not associated with fraud. It appears from the testi mony of a good many witnesses that this artificial butter is often found to be better and more palatable than the the dairy butter with which it com petes. The State has just as much right to prohibit the making of dairy butter as to prohibit the manufacture and sale of oleomargarine. The ab surdity would be no greater or less in the one case than in the other. The New York bill only shows to what ridiculous lengths lawmaking can be carried in this land of the free and home of the brave. As has been repeatedly shown, there is ia most of the States, New York and Pennsylvania among the rest, enough law to punish the sale of fraudulent adulterations of food. But the machinery for the enforcement of the law is what the State Legislatures take especial pains not to provide. The reason is that the adulterators of food and drink are too powerful an element in the State for the law-makers to offend. In order, then, to cover up the cowardice of the Legislature, or perdaps to pinch manufacturers of oleomargarine, parade is made of such bills as this of the New York Senate. There can hardly be a Granger in New York so stupid as not to be aware of the utter futility of a measure like this. But let it be proposed to establish, in connection with the police system, chemical laboratories in New York city and in several other cities of the State for the detection of frauds in food and there will be none of the eagerness for its passage that is wit nessed in regard to this oleomargarine bill in the New York Senate. It is as much the duty of the State to establish these chemical laboratories for the de tection of fraud in food as to maintain police for protecting the property of citizens from pickpockets and burglars. Yet as this is the only method for put ting an end to food adulterations it is carefully evaded. Some of the Grang ers who are now urging the New York Legislature to prohibit the man ufacture of oleomargarine would be loud in their protests against such an invasion of the rights of the citizens as the establishment of laboratories for the detection of fraud in butter, cheese and other commodities. But these laboratories, thoroughly manned by competent and conscientious chemists, are the only police force that can bunt down the fraudulent adulterations of the food of the public. Why He Was Promoted. It is related of an ex-member of Congress from tbe West, who died last month, that iu 1863 be received a call in Washington from a captain in a volunteer regiment who wanted to expose some crooked things about a certain pork contract. The member received him very coldly, and made light of his grave charges, bat hardly had the Captain returned to his regi ment when he was promoted to Col onel and assigned to another. At tbe close of the war be happened to meet the Congressman, and in hi* gratitude be called ont: "That promotion came from you, and I thank you with all my heart" "Oh, you don't owe me'anything." "Hot didn't you secure my promo tion?" "Certainly." "And shouldn't I be grateful?" "Not by a jugful! As Captain de tailed in the Quartermaster's depart ment, you were threatening to expose a shortage in my pork contract, by which I made s<>o,ooo. I had you Sromoted to get you out of the way. fo thanks, no thanks; good day." —A rich man is generally spoken of as being "well heeled.But the youth who first ventures forth to see the rich man's charming daughter will also find the old gentleman is occa sionally also well toed. —A safety match—Marrying an heiress. How to Make Postmasters. It is said that the civil service re formers at Washinton are racking their wits as to how to remove the fitty thousand post offices of the land from the debasing influence of party politics. Why would not the original custom re garding these offices answer the pur pose ? Whenever there was a change of administration in old times the per sons who most used a post office unit ed, without rogard to party distinctions, in recommending the appointment of some person—generally the incumbent for the time being—whom they could trust to handle their letters. In some localities this custom has been follow ed, and has been respected at Wash ington so thoroughly that there are postmasters who have been continuous ly in service for forty years. There is no other office under the power of the national administration that offers so little excuse for change as that of postmaster. All that is expect ed of the incumbent is that be shall re ceive, distribute and forward mail mat ter promptly and honestly. The office does not require a learned man. It merely needs some one in whom the people who send or receive letters have confidence. To-put a professional poli tician in charge of a post office is to weaken public confidence in the depart ment, for rightly or wrongly, the peo ple believe that any man who makes a business of politics is mean enough to steal a letter or anything else which he believes will further the purposes of bis party. There is no possible reason for making a postmaster anything but what the founders of our government intended he should be—the servant of the community in which he lives. Hence the fewer the changes, except for cause, in the post offices the better the government, no matter which party it represents, will appear to the eyes of the public at large. Didn't Want to Live For Her Alone. The other night, when one of our prominent society young men called to see his girl be found her mother sitting quietly before the fire. After bidding him "good evening" she looked him full in the face and said: "Do you really love my daughter Emma?" "Well—ah—my dear madam," stam mered the youth, turning red in the face, "I have only been coming to see your daughter two months, and I really think you are a little premature in propounding such a question." "That's where we differ, young man. If the seed of your sowing now will bring forth a matrimonial harvest I'm willing to put up with you a while longer, but if you are coming here three nifrbts out of the week just to pass away the time you bad better cease coming at once." "Yes. Well, really, madam," put in the youth, bis voice al lin a quiver, "since you press me so closely for an answer I must admit that I am yerv fond of Emma, and that I live for her alone " "Yes," broke in the anxious mamma; "that's the trouble with you young men; you waste too much time living for a girl alone, when you ought to be living with her. I'm a plain old-fash ioned woman and always say what I think. Now I'm willing to give you a month longer as a trial, but if at the end of that time I don't Jsee a spankin' fine new ring on Emma's finger your visits to this house will be cut off." And 10 the great relief of the young man she left the room and sent in her daagbter, who, of course, was utterly unconscious of the "good licks" her mother had been putting in for her. A Boy's Ideas of Heads. Heads are of different shapes and six*. They are full of notions. Large beads do not always hold the most. Some persons can tell just what a man is by the shape of his head. High heads are the best kind. Very know ing people are called long-beaded. A fellow that won't stop for anything or anybody is called hot-headed. If be isn't quite so bright, they call him soft headed; if be won't be coaxed nor turn ed they call him pig-headed. Animals have very small heads. The beads of fools slant back. Our heads are all covered with hair, except bald heads. There are other kinds of beads t esides our heads. There are barrel beads, heads of sermons —and some ministers used to have fifteen heads to one ser mon; pin-heads, heads of cattle, as the farmer calls his cows and oxen; head winds, drum-heads, cabbage heads, logger-heads; come to a bead, like a boil; heads of chapters, head him off, head of the family, and go ahead—but first be sure you are right."— Young American. —The old saying that honesty is the best policy doesn't apply * hen a man becomes a lawyer. "Jumbo eats a bushel of oniona daily. His appetite is similar to that of a Philadelphia girl. —A young man calls bis sweeet beart "rare opportunity," because she is worthy of being embraced. A Maine woman married a dead man. This is the most ghastly leap year incident 1884 has yet produced. —Do not let adversity discourage you, my son. Were it not for the kicks it receives' the football would never get up in the world. —Even small children have an eye for the eternal fitness of things. Qive a three-year-old boy a hammer and be will immediately cry for a looking glass. —Alcohol is a good cleanser of glass, and this may be why a Chicago editor gives the following household re cipe : "To polish windows simply breath on them and then rub briskly." —A Pennsylvania girl stepped into a newspaper office to propose to the editor and found him dexterously sew ing up a hole in his coat. Under the circumstance* she conciuded that b# was eligible. NO. 26