Butler citizen. (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, October 17, 1883, Image 1

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    VOL. XX,
Carpets, Oil Cloths, Rugs, Mats, Druggets, Stair Rods, Etc,
New Black Silks.
New Colored Silk?.
New Colored Cashmeres.
New Black Cashmeres.
New Black Silk Velvets.
New Colored Silk Velvets.
New Colored Silk Plushes.
New Black Silk Plashes
New Shades Ladies' Cloth. 1 ,
New Dress Goods. i
Gloves, Handkerchiefs, Towels, Corsets, Velvet Ribbons, Knitting Silks,
Embroidery Silk on spools, all colors.
.New Fall Hosiery, j
Underwear for men, ladies and chil
dren. Largest assortment, lowest,
price. 3 .
Carpet Room Enlarged. Stock En
larged* Prices tlie Lowest.
NEW FALL STYLES.—We are now prepared acd showing our entire Fall
Stock oI Oil Cloths, in all the Newest Designs.
Please call and examine stock and prices.
Dealers in
Remington Clipper Plow.
The Celebrated American
Fruit Dryer, or
It in portable, dara';!o, alwolntely tiro-proof, economical and will care fruit and vfgi Üblett in
loss tinie and willi leem fuel linn n.y Diver in tbo market. It will pay for itcelf in lew than
tliirtj darn if prcpoiy Ul< tided. ItH product H are uiihu u.at-kcd an to quality ki.d color.'and are
in groat demand at high price*. Full instructions how to dry, bleach, pack and market the pro
duct)*, accompany each machine.
ROOFING* g .. , .ypjA DEALERS Iff
Butler, Penn'a.
At the Store of the undersigned, the acknowledged leader in
We wish to say to the trade thin fall that we have a larger and more varie.l stock of C«r|* to,
Clothing, *
and Gents' Furnishing Goods than ever before.
The LATEST STYLES, the LOWEST PRICES. We have all grades and nil prices, fron.
the Cheapest to the Best made.
D- A. II mC K,
The Leading One Price Clothier and Gents' Outfitter,
Union Woolen Mill,
11. FDIXERTO.\. Prop'r.
Manufacturer of HLAKKETC, FLANNELS, YAK N«,
&<■. Also custom work done to order, such u&
carding Rolls, mnkinv Blankets, Flannels, Knit
iusj and WeavluK Yarns, /fee., at very low
prices. Wool worked on the shares, it de
Bfl'.lilhu iUte ia America. AuwulutoOrtumty. Utlu r
&**.JivcAjittaLJt. Ywui>tf»l7JOrc«uwu:Uht.N.Yu«lL
j New Flannels, White Blankets, Red
Blankets, Blue Blankets, Bed Comforts,
i White (guilts.
Canton Flannels.
Yarns of all kinds. Germantown Yarns,
Midnight Yarns, German Worsted
j Yarns, Cashmere \ arns, Saxony \ arns,
I Couutry Factory \arns, Zephyrs.
The above Yarns in all colors.
Ladies' Sacquss
In new Fall Shades, Ladies' Jersey
Jackets, Lace Curtains, Lace Lambre
; quins. Large stock, prices low.
PUBEm? ja 0
From the Districts of AHSAM, CM IT IAOONG,
ING, DEHRA DOOM, au4 ethers. Absolutely
Pure. Superior in Flavor. The Most Kconoin
leti.l. Requires only half the u.iunl quantity.
Sold by all Grocers. JOHN C. PHILLIPS &
CO., A"cuts of the Calcutta Tea Syndicate,
130 Water St., N. Y. NovH-ly.
TF IP.HFRS w anted slo°,-™-
I LHullLlll) HHKIXi m 4 HtMMEK. Addm.
"*■ C. MCCCKUV * CO.. rMUdclplila.l'*.
rcp n «n. l «m.,.iiggjjiJME GREAT GERMAN
' Relieves and cure 9
Hi Sciatica, Lumbago,
jlji; iniUu,«„,r.uaijp|i QUINSY, SWELLINGS,
»;; iiiiiiiiiißi® || spbains,
j|jLj |j „„I mrrjf l! ?|' So r ß n e M ' Cut», Bruisss,
flraflL/'V™* ji BI'BSS, SCALDS,
,(j And all other bodily achsi
• imarn & f,fty cents * b ° ttle -
I M Sold by all Druggists and
( .jiaui uuiiiuu. wji j u p ?a j ers . Directions In 11
f Tse Charles A. Vogeler Cu.
i i|i|w lH to A- VuGILIP. * CO )
~- [J Baltimore, Mi., U.S. A.
/ h <S^ ER \
f ll@ f
per bottle at druggists."^®
Tie Dr. S. A. Richmond Med. Co., Proprietors
St. "csopli, 2&o. (1)
Correspondence freely answered by Physicians.
C. N. CRITTENTON, Agent, New York.
of the present generation. _lt_la for the
Core of this disease and its attendants,
fUTT'B PILLS have gained a world-wi3a
reputation. Ho Hems3y has ever been
discovered that acta bo gently on the
digOßtive organs, giving them vigor to aa
irimjiate food. AB a natural reaolt, the
Nervous Bygtem is Braced the Ifunclei
are Developed, and the Body Robust.
Ola ills and. Fovcr.
B. RIVAL, a Planter at Bayou Sara, La., says:
My plantation is in a malarial district. Fox
several years I could not make half a crop on
account of bilious diseases and chills. I wan
nearly discouraged when 1 began the use c,J
TUTT'B PILLS. The result was marvelouiff
my laborors soon bo cam o hearty and robust,
Cud I have had no further trouble.
They relieve the entorged IJver, eleanse
the Blood Irons poisonous humors, and
cause t lie bowels to scl naturally, with
out wlileti no one ran feel well.
Try this remedy fairly, and you will (rnin
• healthy IMgeatlon, Vicorouu Hod v. Pure
Blood, Strong .Nerves, and a Nouud Liver.
Price. BSCenta. Oiaee, 35.71 urruy Ml., N. Y.
•Okay Ha:h or WBTSKEBS changed to a Oi.ossv
Black bv a single application of this Dvk. It
Imparts u natural color, and arm Instantaneously.
Sold bv Druggists, or Hent by express on receipt
of One Dollar.
Office, 33 Murray Street, New York.
(Dr. TI'TT'H M-1.Vt.1/i of lninoH«\
Information and MSm*fit I Mlcn+lptm I
trill be mailed FKXE on apyltoation./
Diamond Clocks,
Jewelry, Silver and Table Ware,
One door below Market St,
In the I own of l'ropect, lin tier county, I'a., a
large lot on which in erected a
with < ut ! I'liccM Mho a i-plcndid well of water.
B'sing p eacanl ly located it must Improve iu
value rai i'llv, an new railro&ds are shortening
the diht; nceH to all largo bUHino«n centres. En
-11 are ol
112 Page St., Allegheny, Pa.
Washington, I'a. uresents to the public a (,'K,
MENT! More durable than IKON lor klovtst
lire places aud steam mills. Also, set
gratesfir workman-like manner. This Cemen
takes tie plate of stove bucks. All woik £uar
an teed. july2s-12t.
Ie x position
Visitors should not fail to call sift'l examine
the largest and linest stock of Imported and
Domestic l.ii|Uors in the fcUi-'te, at
Mux Klein, Sti Federal .SI reef,
Allegheny < 'ity, Pa. Opposite Fort Wayne
Passenger I >epot.
Winter term of sixteen WCCI.H open* Noven.-
ber 13th. JHI.J Uoorn rent and boarding ex
treinely low. All branches taught. A regular
Classical and H< i<ntitie courso in progress.
Prep&tMion fur colleges and teaching the
chief a 1.1 and purpose of tlio school. Many
student* will attend Ilie common schools during
tli<! winter hecauil3.it is cheaper than going to an
academy. This is a mistake. It is not cheaper
in the end. Von lose both time and money, you
do not 1 it*e lhe advantages of classification and
choice of i-titdy offered you in our primary
schools tl.at you have in an academy. Address,
N. M. CHOWK, Prospect.
Horse Poms' nnLPnenO CleverHnllert
(Hultr.lt., *ll iwctloiK., WriUtfo>«'»iiKlllu«. I'amnhM
I ydact Ui I'Ua AulUutett & lajrlvr Co.. lUutfold, Ohio.
Speech of the Hon. J. B. Niles in
the Legislature on the Ap
portionment Bills There
in Pending.
On Monday evening, Ist inst., in the
House of Repieseiitatives, Hon. Jerome
B. Niles, of Tioga county, Republican
candidate for Auditor General, ably de
fined the position of the two parties on
the question of apportionment. He
I propose to slow by an analysis of
the Senatorial and Congressional bills
pending that from the standpoint of the
Governor's message the bills advocated
by the Republicans should be adopted
by the Legislature aud the present
farcical session ended. The Senatorial
bills will first be discussed. They are
substantially the same as passed by the
House April 10 aud the Senate May
23, and which fell in Conference Com
mittee June 5, 1883. At the special
session the same bill in substance pass
ed the Democratic House aud was
again amended in the Republican Sen
ate, and some time in July last again
fell in Conference Committee. What
l is the difference between the bills ?
Let us see. There are forty Senatorial
districts substantially alike in both ;
the only difference that now occurs to
me is the arrangemeut of the four Dem
ocratic counties of Lycoming, Montour,
Columbia and Northumberland, which,
however, make no difference In the dis
tribution of political power, as they
constitute two Democratic Senatorial
districts in both the McNamara and
Longnecker bills.
In both bills forty-five counties are
put into forty districts, and are the
same and make twenty-four Republi
can and sixteen Democratic districts,
calling Lackawanna and Montgomery
As before stated, there are forty-five
counties arranged into forty Senatorial
districts, and being the same in both
Democratic and Republican Senatorial
bills, leaving £2 counties and 10 Sena
torial districts to be provided for. So
far as forty districts are concerned we
stand upon common ground. In rela
tion to them we are free from all diffi
culty; the differences exist only in
reference to the 22 undisposed of coun
ties ; four-fifths of the districts are ar
ranged the same by both parlies. The
difficulty is in the arrangement of 22
counties into the remaining ten Sena
torial districts, it is not in reference
to the Republican territorial arrange
ment of these 22 counties. An exami
nation of the map of the different bills
will show that the Longenecker bill has
the greatest respect for compactness
and contiguity of territory In that
respect it fully comes up to the Gov
ernor's notion of the constitutional re
If then our bill agrees with yours iu
45 counties and 40 districts and in the
undisposed balance conforms to the
language aud spirit of the Constitution,
why do you not accept it and make the
extra session a success so far as this
question is concerned ? Let us make
a careful analysis of the 22 remaining
counties and see which bill makes the
fairest disposition of them. They are
divided politically as follows: Demo
crats 10, Republicans 12. The popula
tion of the 22 counties is 624,372, and
divided as follows: In the 12 Repub
lican counties 393,250; in the 10 Dem
ocratic counties 332,132, making a
majority in the 12 Republican counties
01,118. The aggregate Republicans
majorities iu the 12 Republicans is
9,01)7 ; Democratic majorities iu the
10 Democratic counties 8,089, being an
excess of Republican majorities of 408
As a result, we find in these 22 coun
ties a Republican excess of population
of 02,118, and Republican majority of
votes of 408, showing the Democrats
iu the minority both in population and
political majorities. When we are
considering things in a spirit of fairness,
will any one say that in these 22 coun
ties coutainiog an excess of more than
00,000 population, that the Republicans
should only have three Senators and
the Democrats should have seven '! Is
that what should be called au honest,
just and- true apportionment? And
yet that is precisely what the Demo
ocrat bill does. On the subject of
Congressional apportionment he said :
Applying the principal of population
to the Republican aud Democratic
counties, then what is a fair distribu
tion ? There are in the Statu 07 coun
ties. In the 30 Republican counties
there is a population of 2,812.241. Iu
the 31 Democratic counties there is a
population of 1,470.445, making the
whole population of the State 4,282,-
780. The excess of population iu the
30 Republican counties over the 31
Democratic counties is 1,351,096. The
ratio for a member of Congress under
the present law is 152,956. If w«
divide the population of the >0 Repub
lican counties, 2,812,241 by 152,950,
the ratio of a member of Congress, we
find that the Republicans are entitled
to 18 members and surplus of 59,033.
If we divide the population of the 31
Democratic counties by the same ratio
wo find that the Democrats are entitled
to nine members of Congress with a
surplus of 93,949.
There are four bills which have been
seriously discussed during the regular
and special sessions. Let in apply to
them, the rtilo of equality of in
habitants demanded by the act of Con
gress and the equality of majorities as
enunciated by the Joint Congressional
Conference Committee, and see which
of the four best comes up to these re
quirements. The first is the Nicholson
bill of the regular session, which pro
fessed, as stated by his friends, to bo
15 Republican and 13 Democratic, but
which iu truth, as 1 then attempted to
stlow, was 14 Democrats aud 14 Re
publicans, with the chances all in favor
of our Democratic friends. Hut for the
sake of the argument let us call it 15
and 13. The population in the 15 so
called Republican districts is 2,227,080,
making the average population of each
Republican district 148,478. In each
of the 15 Republican districts the
average majority of 5,172. The popu
lation in the 13 Democratic districts is
1,990,661, with au average population
of 153,589 ; average Democratic major
ity in each district, 3,087. The excess
of Republican majorities over the
average Democratic majorities in each
district is 1,485, by which in thi3 bill
Republican majorities are buried up to
the extent of 22,'275. The several dis
tricts lack 5,111 of having an equal
number of inhabitants iu each district,
and 1,485 of l*-ing equal on their polit
ical majorities as required by the joint
! conference The bill advocated by the
i Republicans of the House at the regular
! session was nominally 10 to 18.
j Though if we accept the logic of history
I the Indiana and Lackawanna districts
are practically Democratic, and are now
' represented in Congress by Democrats.
The population of the 18 Republican
districts, 2,844,302; average popula
tion iu each Republican district, 158,-
108; majorities in 18 Republican dis
tricts, 77,565; average Republican ma
jorities, 4,309. Population in 10 Dem
ocratic districts, 1,437,752; average
population in Democratic districts,
143,775 ; majotities in 10 Democratic
districts, 41,14G ; average Democratic
majority, 4,144. Excess of the Repub
lican majorities in each district over
Democratic average only 285 for each
district, coming 1,200 votes nearer the
rule laid down by the Conference Com
mittee than did the Nicholson bill. I
will next consider the Democratic
House bill of the special session, which
professes to be 12 Democratic and 16
Republican, but which is hardly 15
Republican to 13 Democratic. In no
sense can the counties comprising the
Seventeenth district be called a lair or
safe Republican district. This district
is composed of the counties of Juniata,
Mifflin, Huntingdon and Franklin. In
1874, on the Congressional vote, they
gave 1,337 Democratic majority; in
1876, 553 Democratic majority; in 1878,
227 Democratic majority; in 1880 gave
only 70 Republican majority, and in
1882 gave 506 Democratic majority.
Now, 1 submit that it is not frank, fair
or honest to pretend to offer us a bill
which you say is 1G Republican to 12
Democrat, and yet one of the so-called
Republican districts has gone Demo
cratic four times out of five by good,
strong majorities. But again, for the
sake of the argument, let us call it 12
to 16 and see how it comes up to the
requirements of the act of Congress
and the resolution of the Conference
Committee. Population of the sc-call
ed Republican districts, 2,498,080.
Average population in Republican dis
tricts, 156,150. Excess over Congres
sional ratio, 3,284. Population in 12
Democratic districts, 1,781,845. Aver
age population iu Democratic districts,
148,847 Average deficiency in each
Democratic district, 4,459; excess of
population of the Republican over
Democratic districts, 7,643 ; Republi
can excess in sixteen districts, 122,288,
or nearly enough for a member of Con
This is the bill that since the month
of July has been hanging in Conference
Committee and which the Republican
Senators have antagonized with their
bill, to which I will now call the at
tention of the House. The Senate bill,
which the House declines to accept, is
supposed to be 18 Republican and 10
Democrat, yet, if we take things as
they are, it might more properly be
called 16 Republicanaud 12 Democratic.
The population of the eighteen Re
publican districts is 2,759,525; ratio for
member of Congress, 152,946; average
population in each Republican district,
Population in 10 Democratic districts 1,521,441
Average population iu each Democratic
district 152,141
Republican majorities in is districts Ni 157
Average Republican majorities per district 4,iit!i
Uemocrtitic majorities in lo districts 45 272
Average Democratic majorities 4,527
Republican excess of population over
Democratic in each Congressional dis
trict being only 27; Republican excess
of majorities in each district over Dem
ocrats being only 92.
Now, I venture the prediction that
no other bill can be framed dividing
the State into 28 districts which makes
the average of them all BO nearly alike.
The act of Congress says that the dis
tricts shall be as nearly equal in inhab
itants as practicable. No bill has been
suggested which can pretend to rival
this in the equality of the population of
the respective districts. The resolution
of the Joint Conference declares that
the majorities of the respective districts
of one political party shall be as nearly
equal as practicable. Can any other
bill offered at any time rival this in the
rare equality of majorities ? More than
all this, it comes up squarely to the
•loctrine of what an apportionment
should be as laid down by Governor
Pattison in his recent message.
The Army Idea of a Gentleman.
A case has just been published which
reveals the existence among army offi
cers of a peculiar standard of gentle
manly conduct. A Lieut. Simpson,
who had been living in illicit relations
for several years, married the person.
He was forthwith brought before a
court martial, found guilty of "conduct
unbecoming an officer and a gentle
man," and sentenced to dismissal from
the service. The Judge Advocate,
General Swaim, in reviewing the sen
tence recommended to the I'resideut to
set it aside, as the act for which the
lieutenant was condemned appeared to
be the only honorable one he had done
in the premises. It is likely the Presi
dent will take the same view.
—lt is somewhat singular that tiie
sausage season begins just as the dog
days end.
—Texans do not believe that the
longest way round a wire fence is the
nearest way home.
—The late Judge IMack owed much
jof his force of language to his famil
' iarity with the Old Testament.
—The completion of his 83d year
[by historian Jiaucroft suggests that
literary pursuits are exceedingly
We, the American people, less
cash on hand, owe ourselves and others
something more than $1,500,000,000.
The Butler County Philosopher
Who Demonstrates that this
Mundane Sphere is Like
the Hub of a Wagon
Special Correspondent of Pittsburgh Dispatch.]
BALD RIDGE, October 6.—Yesterday
I paid a long contemplated visit to
Wm. Krunitz. This gentleman is a
descendant of I'rince.Kruuitz, Chancel
lor of the Austrian Empire in the reign
of the Empress Maria Theresa. Emi
grating to this country in the year 1848,
he hus almost forgotten the royal sur
roundings of former years, in the pres
ence of a German-American wife, sons
and daughters and a happy home.
Here, among bis German neighbors,
Mr. Krunitz has quite a reputation for
vast knowledge, and for exploring
among scientific things which common
minds do not trouble themselves about.
Especially is he reputable for the
originality of bis ideas—standing as he
does squarely against all accepted
philosophy on many subjects, and for
his kuock-down arguments used in the
maintenance of his theories. When I
came to his house I found him with his
four strapping sons out in the field cut
ting corn. In few words I made known
the object of my visit, and I was warm
ly invited to the house, which was a
little distance away, and presented a
straggling appearance, surrounded as it
was, by trees, Bhrubberv and a massive
netting of vines. The whole made
rather a pleasant home, and it was just
the spot to philosophize iu without one
distuibing element to break the current
of a thought.
On the road to the house Mr-
Krunitz said. "I suppose, sir, you
have beard my neighbors speak of me
and my foolish ideas ? Well, my
opinions are of my own flesh and blood,
created by the pleasure I derive from a
study of those conditions in nature
which do not admit of mathematical
demonstration. My habit of thought
has led me to accept, everything I read
with a measure of distrust, and I take
nothing for granted because it has come
from the pen of one whose prominence
gives his opinions weight, whether
they are right or wrong. My neigh
bors are different. Their advancement
is slow and frequently wrong They
get hold of exploded ideas years after
the explosion, and because of the prob
abilities of a thing, it is accepted as a
fact. But neighbors are about alike in
every township in the land outside of
the very centres of civilization, where
the light of knowledge flashes from
mind to mind in the human conflict to
reach the highest round of the ladder.
It is astonishing men will live and die
in this age and not know the earth is
round. School houses on almost every
farm ; books of all kinds within reach,
and yet doubt that the earth has mo
tion. A day or two ago I talked to a
prominent attorney in Butler, and,
would you believe it, ho actually argued
that the farther you go south the hotter
it got, exactly as the further north you
went the colder it got. It is ridiculous!
During all of that man's busy life be
bad not paused to make one application
of his knowledge, so he could practical
ly understand the relationship existing
between the North and South poles,
the equator aud the suu."
We came to the house and I was con
ducted into a large room fitted up at
one end for a library and at the
other for a workshop, with a sliding
curtain as a dividing partition. The
room was filled with an array of cur
ious things. Maps, books every where,
globes, large and small. The earth
represented in dozeus of wonderful
shapes. Our solar system—Venus,
Mars, Jupiter, Neptune, Uranus, the
earth, moons, etc., attached to wire
arms and revolving around a large cen
tral globe, illuminated in thu interior
by a lamp, to represent the sun, piled
up and strewn around in endless con
fusion. Evejything here led one's
mind into strange channels of thought,
and nothing could keep him from think
ing of the eternal machinery of the uni
Mr. Krunitz walked at my elbow,
talking of things I had never heard of
before; describing conditions in matter,
iu his quick, earnest way, which I
could not comprehend, but which to
him were the familiar results of a life
of concentrated study.
Mr. Krunilz moved into the center
of the room a machine having five
double arms, which were connected to
a hub similar to the spokes of a wheel.
Each pair of arms were used as slides
for square tin vessels, which were at
tached to the hub with spiral springs,
and were designed to move on the
slides, from the center of the wheels
outward toward the extremities of the
arms, under the influence of the force
derived from the motion of the wheels.
These buckets be filled with saud,
stones aud water aud started the wheel.
Gradually, under the steadily increas
ing motion, the vessels moved away
from the centre, overcoming the ten
sion of the springs, until they reached
tho end of the slides, and now they
formed a dark, continuous belt in the
air with no visible support from the
center or hub.
"Now, sir," continued Mr. Kruuitz,
"you see my conception of the form
of the earth. It is a broad belt of mat
ter revolving around u centre of space
which extends to the earth from pole to
pole. The tendency of matter in mo
tion is to leave the center around which
it revolves, as you see demonstrated by
my machiue, and as long as the atoms
adhere together, under the laws of grav
ity, to form belts in the direction of the
greatest velocity. If I could move the
spokes and huh out of my machine, al
lowing the rim of earth and water to re
main revolving in the air, as it now
does, you would have the shape of our
earth and all the conditions which dis
prove a globe solid to the center."
"Ab, no sir," he replied in arswer to
questions ; "the center ofgravity lies in
a circle much nearer the interior surface
of the earth than the external. This
would be necessary to even check the ir
resistable force derived from the mo- j
mentnm of the body. Gravity or
weight is inherent quality, or the attrac
tive powers large masses of matter have '
over atoms of matter and is always rela- j
tive. All the material of the universe :
does not weigh an ounce.
"The earth is very flat on the sides.
The immense fields of ice found near the
poles may extend a very great distance
into the iuterior, forming insurmount
able barriers, even if the terrific cold of
that sunless region could be withstood
by the daring explorers who seek to
penetrate the Artie mystery of ice and
"The interior must present a rugged,
mountainous appearance, except where
ground to powder under the avalanches
of ice or planed to smoothness during
the centuries of storms which have
swept back and forth since the earth
was formed. Conditions similar to
those of our surface could not be in a
place of eternal cold. Yet the various
and sometimes startling conditions we
find on our surface, would warrant us in
the belief of there being no conditions in
the universe without these uses in the
economy of nature."
The Fat Woman Married.
NEW YORK, Sept. 27. —David Moses,
a slim, brown eyed, good looking strip
ling of twenty years, was married to
Blanche Gray, a professional fat wo
man (she is but sixteen, however), in
a city museum last night. The bride
groom weighed 120 pounds and the
bride 517. It was a love match.
A great crowd assembled in front of
1 the museum early in the evening. Fif
teen policemen were trying to keep the
multitude within from crushing each
other to death. The price of admission
wa9 ten cents, but at nine o'clock one
dollar would not have secured admis
sion, and the manager closed the ticket
office in despair. On the second floor
the bride sat on a raised platform with
a mass of people pressing around her.
Her boyish lover had to fight his way
to her side, and a cheer went up, fol
lowed by peals of laughter.
Suddenly a gray-bearded man, dress
ed in a clerical suit of black, appeared
at the door of the museum and clamor
ed for admission. He was shown into
the private office, and as he staggered
about he said :
"I'm the minister, by G—l Bring
down Moses, and I'll make short work
of it, by G—! You can deal with me
as you please afterward."
• It was the llev. Charles E. Berger,
of No. 312 Sixth street, an ex-chaplain
of the army, who was engaged to per
form the ceremony of marriage. He
urged several persons present to go out
and drink beer with him and then went
up stairs to the bride. Standing be
side her on the platform he took out a
book aud began to read a marriage
blank while the crowd cheered and hiss
ed. The ponderous bride put her fan
before her face to conceal a gigantic
blush and then she pushed the clergy
man away, saying that he was intoxi
cated. Mr. Berger then went out for
a beer.
Meanwhile the crowd in tbe theatre
below were yelling hoarsely in impa
tience. The little cupiil on the curtain
of the stage where the ceremony was
to take place wore a look of shame.
The place was jammed to suffocation.
Police Captain Kealy and Sergeant
Cahill occupied front seats. The air
was tilled with shrieks, whistles, curses
and groans, but above the din the live
ly strains of Mendelsohn's wedding
march could be heard. Policemen
swung their clubs around and pushed
back tho eager spectators and several
Gghts were started. It was pande
monium set loose.
A rumor reached the room that the
father of the bridegroom, who was op
posed to tbe wedding, had captured
the clergyman, but it proved to be un
true. The boyish lover flitted to and
fro in his wedding clothes. To a re
porter he said that he was marrying
Blanche for love and not for money.
His father was at the door, but could
not get in. He wont to the police sta
tion and asked the police to interfere,
but they refused to do anything. lie
said that the managers of the museum
had persuaded his boy into the mar
riage. Youug Moses' brother and two
sisters, however, were in the museum
and appeared to be satisfied with the
aflair. At a quarter past nine o'clock
tbu little theatre was so lull that an at
tempt was made to hoist the bride out
of a back wiudow and get her down a
ladder to the stage. The window was
too small. Then a squad of policemen
cleared the aisle and the 517 pound
maiden waddled down to the stage,
followed by her bridesmaid, a gorgeous
ly attired Circassian girl, named Zoe
Meleke. The fair Blanche wore a red
silk dress, a great gold chain, diamond
earrings, pink stockings and a profusion
of white flowers in her hair and upon
her breast. When she reached the
stage the question was how to get her
upon it, as she was too large lor the
door. A board was removed, however,
and the procession tiled behind the
scenes. A tinkle of the bell and tbe
curtain was raised. The crowd yelled
and hooted. The bride sat on the
stage near a table which was covered
with lloral gifts. Mr. Berger stagger
ed out to the footlights aud a cheer
Then he asked the loving pair if they
were of age aud bade them sign their
names. The women in the audience
hissed. When the names were signed
the pair stood up and the clergyman
To tho spectators:
"Be HO kind as to keep quiet. I
stand before you as a minister of tho
gospel and a chaplain of the army."
Then to the blushing boy bride
groom :
"Do you promise to acknowledge
this woman as yuur wife and to treat
her kindly and to bring up your chil-
dren as good Republicans and Den.o.
crats and citizens ?"
The "I do" of the strippling was fol
lowed by a chorus of laughter and cries
of disgust. The scene became sacrile
"And do you promise to never de
sert your husband, to love him and
stay by him in sickness or health ?"
The mass of flesh bowed.
"Then in the name of God, your
Maker, I pronounce you man and wife
There was a horrible burst of oaths,
hisses, groans and laughter. Then the
clergyman walked unsteadily forward
and.made a maudlin speech to the
crowd, telling them not to be Republi
cans or Democrats, but citizens. He
was jeered at.
The whole scene ended with the kiss
ing of the perspiring bride, who was
presented with a gold chain nearly
three feet long and with a two hun
dred dollar check. The inscription on
a basket of flowers was, "May your
shadow never grow less."
"Souse de Next Lady."
At a negro baptizing the other day,
a slim preacher took a fat sister down
into the murky waters of a bayou.
Just as be dipped her under the water
she slipped from his grasp and glided
under the roots of a large cypress tree,
from which sad entanglement it waa
impossible to extricate her until life
was extijet. The preacher, without
the slightest show of embarrassment,
raised his hands, and turning to the
crowd exclaimed:
"De Lawd gibbeth, an' de Lawd
taketh away, an' blessed be de name of
de Lawd."
"Dat's all right so fur as de Lawd's
consarned," replied the drowned wo
man's husband, "but what's I gwine
to do ? I ain't got no 'jectiou to de
Lawd takin' her away ef he 'vides me
wid anodder wife 'bout de same size."
"De Lawd knows his own business,"
said the preacher.
"But dat ain't de pint," persisted
the husband. ' I wants a wife, and
wants hy right heah. Yerse'f tuck
dat ; ooman inter de water, an' I'se
gwinc ter hole yerse'f 'sponsible. I'll
gin yer ten minnits ter git me a wile,
an' ef at the eend ob dat time you ain't
done made de 'rangcments I'll maul
yer till yer couldn't baptise a cat.
Does yer heah ?"
The preacher reflected a moment
and addressing a sister, said : "Sister
Kate, ter keep down a 'sturbance,
won't yerse'f marry de gen'lman ?"
The sister agreed that immediate
matrimony was somewhat in her line,
and then the grief stricken husband
turning to the preacher, exclaimed;
"De settlement am satisfactory, brud
der. Souse de next lady.''
In a Brown study—Poet Laureate
—This has not beon a good year for
the ice men.
—Strawberries will soon be ripe—in
—The penitential tear is a diamond
of the first water.
—You'll seldom find a pugilist who
can box the compass.
—Cash is the oil which lubricates
the political machine.
—Schoolmasters should be entitled
to rank among the ruling classes.
—"Cyclone the saloon," is the cry
of a stump orator for temperance in
—Sixty thousand commercial travel
crs make life a burden in the United
—A grass widow is uot one whose
husband left her on account of the hay
"--Have.You Seen My Dear Love ?"
sings a newspaper poetess. We have.
He was eating peanuts with another
—David Davis says a man will
never sit long on a barbed wire feuce
unless there are bad dogs on both
sides of it.
—One of the naturalists gives the
comforting assurance, as he calls it,
that a bee can sting only once. Once
ia enough.
—When IToward wrote: "I find a
pity hangs upon his breast." tho fellow
had evidently a cold and bad not yet
been informed that Dr. Bull's Cougb
Syrup was the only safe remedy.
You may be wise enough to be
able to say your prayers backward, but
it your life is not correct you know
what you are, and so do other people.
—Mr. Daniel Cosgrove, James'
Creek, Pa., says: "I had dyspepsia
so bad it nearly killed me. Brown's
Iron Bitters made me a well man."
Spurgoon says a man who is in
the habit of practicing every day on a
cornet may boa Christian, but that it
is out of the question for his neighbors
to be.
—Cleanliness and purity make Par
ker's Hair Balsam tho favorite for re
storing the youthful color to gray hair.
—A popular religion is simply a re
ligion which allows a mau to do just
as ho pleases in this world and then,
gives him "a second probation after
death," to fix things all right and get
him ready for heaven.
—Dr. Benson's Skin Cure is without
a peer. It consists of both external
and internal treatment aud costs only
sl. per package.
" —I)o you ever gamble ?" she ask
ed, as they sat together, her baud
held in his. He replied, '"No; but
if I wanted to now would be my
time." "How so?" "Because I hold
a beautiful hand." The engagement
is announced.
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