VOL. XX. Biskel & Gallagher, (Successors to a A Flick ) Livery, Feed and Sale Stable. FIRST-CXASN RIGS, FIRST-CLASS RAR*. JEFFEBSOS ST.. BUTLER, PA apr 4, 3m Union Woolen Mills. * Iwonld desire to call the attention of the pnblic to the Union Woolen Mill, Cutler, Pa., where I have new and unproved machinery for the manufacture of Barred and Gray Flannels, Knitting and Weaving Yarns, Mid I can recommend them as being very dura ble, aa they are manufactured of pure Butler county wooL They are beautiful in color, su perior 111 texture, arid will be sold at very low prices. For samples and prices, address, H. FULLERTON, JolW.'7B-ly Butler. Pa Farmers and Gardeners! Look to yonr own interests and improve your crojw. from 75 to 100 per cent, by u«ing the Peruvian Sea Fowl Guano, or Bradley's Desolved Bone. On hand at Wise's in Butler, or Wm. Crook shank's at Harversville Station, Butler Co ; Pa. *p!Btf DENTISTS X. 01# WALDRON, Graduate ol the Phil. K adcl pbia Dental College, is prepared • Is ■to do anything in the line of hl» profession In a satisfactory manner. Office on Main street, Butler, Union Block, ■p stairs, apll J. H. GROHMANN. CARRIA(iK __ A*D NBMV waoonsmith«s& Work mode to order, and repairing ot kinda done at reasonable rate* and satiafaction guaranteed. Particular attention given to re pairing of farming implement*. Buck-boards for sale cheaper than they can be purchased elsewhere, and always on hand*. aprll,3m |D. L. cleelandJ" WATCHMAKER & JEWELER, South Main St., Butler, Pa, Keeps Constantly on Hand a Fall Stock of Watches, Clocks, Jewelry, -BPECTACLEH AND SILVERWARE, At the Lowest Cash Prices. Fine Wateli Repairing a Spec ially. W^OfALGLUE BhIM nafl wSIEi net Makera,*r., mpriUnd bydallon ItamL tOe. Battle r Bnvdi and Tin Covert; by nail poatiiaid. It eta fion i Mtu. extra. MaUedonl/by nianuf srturera trueim, UUUuiico. Hardware andOouor»lßturt» Fob BAI.K at Rkdick'h Dttuo Stobe. BUTLER COUNTY Mutual Fire Insurance Co. Office Cor. Main and Cunningham Sts. G. 0. ROESSING, PBISIDINT. WM. CAMPBELL, TaEAßUitK.it. H. C. IIEINEMAN, Skcbbtakt. DIRECTORS: J. L. PorvU, E. A. Helmboldt, WUllam Campbell, J. W. Barkhart, A. Trout man, Jacob Schocne, 0.0. Roeaalng, John Oaldwell, Dr. W. lrrln, J. J. Croll. A. B. Kbodea, H. C. Helnetnan. JAS. T. M'JUNKIN, Gen. Ac't -BTJTLIEIR, PA. ITOdftE AMD LOT FOR HALE. A VCKT oozr Two-Storied Frame House ol six rooms, cellar, out bouses and two lots ol ground in Butler will b sold on reason able terms. Call at office of F. M. EASTMAN Mar-14 if. Butler Pa. EjVASTOPPED FREF ■ ■ A/arvcUut gMtrtu. ■ ■ Insane Person* Restored ■ | UDr.KLIMEBOKEAT ■ ■ Nerve Restorer " mU iBAm 4t Naava DiasAsaa. Ou/r turt /" Ntrw At/nfn. I ttt, IHltfiy, tic, tl.Mai.a it Utr.n a, Mivilmlt. S> l ilt a/nr Jay! utt. TrckllM tit I %i trUI liMlle (ret to *1 fenta. Ilwy ftymK cij/revi. hlrtf •> >m l"r> wlm-i, *"l. «»'l f. 0. »nd titm-i» nl lotto Arch tUWAHIi Oh' IMI TA llN's VRAUU&. I WANTED,IBALEBMEN. Toeanvaaafortbaaaleof Noraerr Stork. Iru-quslc'l facilities. Sn tiprrtence muDlreri. Salary airl ax i» n«ee paid. 7U> aero of Kraft arid Ornamental Trnea, alimlia, Boaaa. etc. W. fc T. ■MITBCTTi-mti. M, 7. M~ EN AND WOMEN tVCIood Halary and Expense* Paid. OUTFIT FREE. Nouxierlence needed mmkh K. WIIII .MC%, Kuratrjinca, Koch aalcr, M. Y mayo-3m. NEW DRUG STORE. J. B. Kohlmeyer & Co. Main Htreet, (Opposito Vogeley Houso; BUTLER, PENN'A. PURE DRUGS, CHEMICALS, PATENT MEDICINES, LAMPS, TOILET ARTICLES, Ac Turn Liquor* for luodicln*! purpcm«H, OUm Atul I'Aintx. hn. (UTDr. H M. Zimtuermati linn his office on the Moood fl'xir of Mamo l>uil Tiwf.<*ui»Kl. g LEGAL ADVERTISEMENTS Estate ol George S. Jamison. Letters testamentary on the estate of George S. Jamison, dee'd , late cl Venango twp., But ler couDty, Pa , having been granted to the un dersigned, all persons knowing themselves in debted to said estate will please make immedi ate payment and any having claims against said estate will present them duly authenticated for settlement. W.C.JAMISON, Executor. June ltf, 'B3. Eau Claire P. 0,, Butler, Co., Pa. F-Htutefof William Ramsey. Letters testamentary on the estate ol William Ramsey, dee'd, late of Butler township, Butler county, Pa., having been granted to the under signed, all persons knowing themselves in debted to s., Fa. W. H. LUSK, Attorney. Estate of Edward Campbell. Letters testamentary on the estate of Ed ward Campbell, dee'd, late of Worth twp., But ler countv, Pa., having been granted to the un dersigned, all persons knowing themselves in debted to said estate will please make immedi ate payment and any having claims against said estate will present them duly authenticated for settlement. SAMUEL H. MOORE, Executor Grant City, Lawrence Co., Pa. Administrator's Notice. Whereas letters of administration on the es tate ot Andrew J. Moore, late of Centre twp., Bntlcr county, Pa., dee'd, have been duly is sued by the Register of wills in and for the county oi Butler, Pa., to me Nancy J. Moo.e, widow of said decedeut. Notice is hereby given to all persons knowing themselves indebted to t?:e said estate to call and tetlle the same, and nil persons having claims against the said estate will please present the same duly orotiated lor payment. NANCY J. MOORE, Administratrix Of A. J. Moore, dee'd, Butler, Pa, Estate or Jacob llnnnel. Letters of administration on the estate of Jacob Iluunel, dee'd, late of Bultilo township, butler Co., Pa., having been granted to the un dersigned, all persons knowii.g themselves in debted to said estate will please make imme diate payment and any having claims agdlnst said estate will present theui duly authenticated for settlement. G. C. ROENIGK, Administrator. Carvers Station, Butler Co., Pa. Estate of John WalterM, Letter* of administration on the eitatc of John Walters, dee'd, late of Jackson township, Butler Co., Pa., having been granted to the un dertigned, all persons knowing themselves in debted to said estate will please make imme diate payment and any having claims against said estate will present them duly authenticated for settlement. JOHN A WALTERS, Administrator. Evans C'iiy, Butler County, Pa. Loolt ! To your and dont buy a grain drill till you see the FARMER'S FAVORITE. Double distribution and grain seed or. force feed grass seeder, and double east-steel reversible points. Steel axletroe*. Grass seeder either behind or before. For sil« by Win. Crookehank, Sarversville, Butler Co. I'a. aplStf ICE FOR SALE. The undersigned has abont 25 tons of good clear ice on hands, which he will sell in large or sirall quantities on reasonable terms, and de liver at the houses of his customers during the cummer Orders can be left at Wick's meat •bop. D..HOWE LION. Estate ol James Sterling. Letters of (vliuinistration on the estate of James Sterling, dee'd., late of Cranberry town ship, Butler county, Pa,, having been granted to the administrator, and all persons knowing themselves indebted to the said estate to call and settle the same, and all persons having claims against the said estate will please pre sent the same duly pr< bated for payment. NEWTON GARVIN, Administrator, Ogle P. 0., Butler Co., Pa. Notice. The Butler Camp Meeting Association will hold their annual encampment on the grounds of the association, three miles west of liutler. on Thursday, August Kith and continuing until Monday evening. August 27th. Opening service at 2 o'clock p. M. on Thursday, August 10th. Hingle and family season tickets can be had from the secretary or treasurer. Ample arrangements are made for boarding on the ground. Tent sites can l>e had ujkxi applica tion to any member of the Board of Trustees. P.Y O III) Kit OK ISOAICII. JEFF BURTNER, Secretary, JOSEPH CRISWELL, Treasurer. BRICKS! BKICKSI The subscriber continues ill'! malting of bricks com moil, pavement, bay window andotheripiul- Ht lil.h kllii on tin- Kair I;round road, half a uille west of Butler He will ki«p on ham) a lot of bricks at all tlmeii. II'! will also make ami hum brick m the «• oostrjr (or ujtom desiring to luvt them made oil their own farm or praml-x'S. An he luti-nds carrying on the brick making business, lie Invites the custom of all, promWlng to give entire satlkluctlon to all who may patron ize him. All orders promptly tilled at reasonable rates. Call on or address, J. OKOIUIE HTAMM, uiaKH-liino Butler I'a. PINN'A. CONSTRUCTION CO, 132 First Ave.,PITTSBURGH,PA. IRON IlulldliiKN. Bridget* and Koofw, Jul IN mid I.ocliiipM. Fro II IN, C'OIUIIIIIN A UirdorN, NtalrwayM and VlcuniM, I'VIK CN UIML OIMTLLLGM, Fir«-KM*upvN. mar2H,6m A All# A|| filial will send us the l| M V II|M is names and :#Mn i of hi HI! I Ul« I'lelr friends, and en close '/D cents (In stamps) to cover expense of packing and ismtage. we will send them fur their trouble any of the following wumhTful hunks : "Heady-made Autograph Album verses," "Hall Itoom liandng Without a master." "F'uluue Telling made easy, "The mystery of love uniklng solved," or' The American Business man." We make (his liberal offer to k« t names to send our n<-w maumoth, lllustrati-ilci page Catalogue HV Hon t fall to tend for our catalogue, Addn it all outers to lliatlsoti >1 an ii fit <1 r I iik Co. Astor I'lace & Broadway, New York, SALESMEN WANTED T PERMANENT EMI'LOYM KNT for Honest En ergetic Men. Hilary and Expenses paid. Tbo Business easily learned. tiie ('iiami; .M itsi;icn:s Kioffcr J'ear. Champion Quince, Mansell Itas l>erry, and all the moHt desirable fruits and orna mentals. Only those need apply who can devote their entire tioio and attention to the work. Address, It. U. CIIAHE 4 CO., I'hUadelphia, I'a. GERMMIMDt FOR FAT3V CURES Rheumatism, Neuralgia, Sciatica, Lumbago, Backache, Headache. Toothache. Sore Throat, ttwellliifs, Nprmlnt, BrulMi, Harm. Sr»l4s. Fro«C Bite*. 15D ALL OTHER BODILY PAINS AND AIIIE3. Sold b7 Drufftst* ku4 Dealers ererrvherc. Kiflj C*nu ft bottle. Directions in 11 Lenguafee. THE CHARLES A. TOUELEB CO. ;r»niMir- u A. VOQCLBft A CO.) BaltUaera, M , l'hyaician-iu-('hief of the lie (juiney Home. I'riee of the OAPOINE 25 rents. Heabury A Johnson, Chemists, New York. FHKMAWKNT NTAMl'IAfti FOB KENSINGTON, ARRABENE AND OUTLINE WOBK DONE, Also lcrsoiift In tame given hy ANNIKM. LOW MAN, North itrcet, Butler, i'a. JncliOly low 111 |»flir, <*vcf ywlfir, l.lbiml ''-nut Mr Ml */, OirriU«a A 4 ».,<*> N. l-ouctl* b'., l»u, l'l> BLTLER, PA., WEDNESDAY, JULY 13. 1883 CROOK'S INDIAN STORIES Some Incidents of the Late Cam paign Related by the Great Fighter. From New York Herald.] There is a great difference between fighting Indians and fighting white men. The savages always get in a position where they will be shielded and only fight when they want to, and our soldiers are forced to fight whether they want to or not, and these scouts know better how to surprise them than our soldiers, for they are intelligent warriors and take advantage of every little circumstance. Every Indian is a general and knows exactly what to do under any circumstances. He knows which is the best position for him and how to take the enemy at o disadvant age. He is always under all conditions perfectly self-possessed, and there is an individuality about him at all times. The soldier "is mechanical and part of a great machine and thereby loses his in dividuality. If there is a weak spot in our line and a lot of Indian boys in front of us they will drop on that point and make as much out of it as a Ca>3ar, .Napoleon or Hannibal could do, for they will do exactly right, and that is all the best generals in the world could do. The Apaches are the shrewest and best fighters in the world. They will strip themselves and ascend a precipice like a cat, and they will do all this af ter making a day's march. During this expedition they danced through oDe night—to the discomfort of the sol diers who were trying to sleep—march ed all next day and climbed places where a coyote would have trouble in getting. I Lave known them to run suddenly on a quail and kill it with a stone, and run down a wouuded ante lope. They are just as much smarter than other Indian as anybody could be. They have wonderfully good eyesight, being able to follow a trail on a star light night as well as I could in day light. Evidences of their prowess are visible all through that country and they and the Mexicans have been fight ing for hundreds of years, and upon every hand are to be seen the remains of Pueblo settlements which have evi dently been wiped out by these In dians, and it is a tradition among the people of that section that the Apache is unconquerable. Yet they have wip ed out every band of Pueblo Indians, except the Moquis and Zunis, whom, I am satisfied, ure the same class of peo ple. I have seen these fellows ambus cade in a place as level as a floor. There was a wagon tain in 1871 go ing out of Arizona into California, with an escort in advance. The Indians saw them coming and ambuscaded in the road, which was perfectly level, with here and there a clump of grass. The Apaches lay upon their stomachs, threw dust over themselves and tied grass in their hair and were passed by the escort unnoticed. After the escort was some distance off the Indians jump ed up and captured the wagons in the rear and killed the teamsters. These fellows take all the chances, whereas other Indians seek a place where they will be safe and shoot the enemy. Peaches, our principal Apache guide, knows that whole country and we left everything to hiin. I was not afraid to trust him and I believe I am the on ly man who has used these Indians against each other. I do not know how to describe the way it is done, but I have never met a case o# treachery. I have these same Indians in a battle who were in open arms against me and have had them to turn arourwl immed iately against their own people. I never disarm Indians under the present circumstances, because it has been my experience that, in order to govern the Indians, you must not al low them to think you arc afraid of them. To take their guns from them while the whites about them are allow ed to carry arms would have the effect to impress tho Indian at once that you were afraid of him. Another thing is that when these Indians surrendered they only brought in lances or indiffer ent arms, expecting to give them up. Where the Indians contemplate sur render they always take the precaution to hide their good weapons. Now, it I had demanded these arms that they brought with them they would have credited me with fear, while would get only those weapons which they did not attach any value to. This is always the case where the attempt is made to disarm them. Since the Introduction ol tho breech-loading gun tho Indian problem has undergone a change. A breech-loader in the hands of an Indian makes him a very formidable enemy, for every rock affords a fortification for him, and he can keep us at bay while he deals death and destruction to tho pursuing party, without the latter gain ing anything in return. They handle the breech-loader with remarkable quickness and are good marksmen. Ari Invention for Hotel Clerks. Edison, the Inventor, haw invented an electric apparatuH for Btured electric ity, which can bo carried in the pocket. Just at the waistband of tiie hotel clerk'H troiiHcrH will be a connection of the circuit between the spark and the battery. The clerk, when a guest en ters, has only to glance at him, when of course, the largo paste diamond will not be noticed. The guest leans over the counter to sign his name, and an he lookH up at the clerk, which 095) in 1,000 alwayn do, the clerk will lean against the counter, clone the cir cuit, the Hpark will illuminate the dia mond and the gucHt will lie paralyzed with the importance of said clerk, who cau add any amount per week to his bill in advance. The lines will bo on the underground principle, that in, under the clerks shirt front, with the wires emanating from a button-hole. —A Sabbath-day's Journey: "What i« meant by a 'Sabbath-day 'H jour ney?' " John—"The distance between any place ami the nearest good fishing grouud." A BROKER IN BABIES. A New York Firm Whose Busi ness is to Supply Babies When they are Wanted. Of all the thousand and one profes sions on which the inhabitants of this | city aie dependent for support, it is probable that the pursuit of the baby i broker has as yet attracted the least i attention. Very few are aware of the ; extent and importance of the business. The recent researches of a Journal re porter revealed the fact that there are at present something like forty or fifty individuals and firms employed in this industry. It has been generally held that the "blessed baby" was not usually regarded as a thing to be desirable in American families, and that Matthusian ideas were exceedingly popular; but the volume of the transactions in infantile humanity furnish a striking refutation of this theory. "Of course I will tell you something about it," said a prom inent operator in infants to a Journal reporter yesterday. "Come around to the office with me, and I will give you a few points. At present the crop is coming forward but slowly, and as a natural consequence my stock is rather low; however, you shall see what I have. There is a desirable youngster about 10 days old, fair hair, blue eyes, and a boy. He has, you observe, a dimple on the left cheek, and that al ways enhances the value of a child. I am askiner SIOO for him. The girl next to him, of about the same age, will probable go for half that sum. She would fetch more, but her hair has every indication of developing into what is euphemistically termed an au burn shade—in other words, red. However, boys always briDg more than girls." "How do you account for that ?" "Well, I don't know; all I know is that girls, with the exception of par ticularly fine specimens, are at a dis count. I prefer not to deal in them." "What nationalities do you find most in demand ?" "It depends entirely on that of the customer, and I endeavor to satisfy them in that respect to the best of my ability. Of course, one* in awhile a mistake is made, and a child of Hiber nian extraction is disposed of to Teu tonic foster-parents, but as a general thing I manage to avoid such errors. No, we have no Chinese babies as yet." "Do you find it difficult to suit your customers ?" "Sometimes I do. Some women are very particular. They have in their mind's eye an ideal baby, and expect me to be able to produce it. As a gen eral thing I find that tho blond type is most in demand, although many of my clients ask for such a curious combina tion as blue eyes and dark hair, or dark eyes and fair hair. A lady who came here this morning produced a lock of hair of a rather unusual white, which she expected mo to match, for all the world as if she was buying a yard of ribbon." "Do you find tho business profit able?" "Well, generally the demand is rath er in excess of tho supply, and hence the chances of profit are fairly good, but my expenses are large. My rent is heavy, and doctors' fees make a large hole in my profits. My competitors are very numerous, and of course that cuts down prices. Things are not what they used to be. Now, if a customer is not satisfied with my rates she goes elsewhere, in fact, goes 'shopping.' Tho establishment opposite has been a great source of loss to me. Where I used to get s'2oo a year ago, 1 must now be satisfied with $75. "Do you ever have applications for colored ?" "No. The extreme brunette type in not popular anion# white people, and the Aflcan population do not Heem to Htand in need of my Hervice. A large part of my trade is in what we term futures. I have here," referring to a ledger, "contraelH for July and August delivery; BOIHC, indeed, as far ahead aH September, those being the montliH in which my rustic customers, among whom most of the business is done, visit the city."—iVcu> York Exchange. He Waived Mis Private Heasons. "I vould make me affirmations," smilingly remarked Mr. Waldinan, as he rained his right hand in the witness box, in front of Judge Peirco yesterday. "What for?" roared the lawyer for the defense. "For I like mo to," replied the wit ness, somewhat embarrassed. "What for, 1 say?" shouted tho lawyer, rising to his feet. "Vat for I should tell you said the astonished witness. "Don't you know why you allirm ?" roared tho counselor. Mr. Waldman blushed until his moustache got rod and replied: "I hat got me some brivato beleafs pecause 1 should affirmation make." "What ari! your beliefs ?" asked the lawyer, iu caliope-like tones. "Viirft vat I blease, but I vill swear me some yunt to blease you," and he kissed the book with such a clamorous smack that the doz.cn criers awoke and chorused "silence." Farming a Safe Business. It has been shown by statistics that out of one thousand trades and men in commercial pursuits only raven acquire wealth. There were 1,112 persons went into bankruptcy in Massachusetts, and but fifteen of them were farmers. Of the 2,fi00 bankrupts in New York, but .forty-six were farmers. The per cent, of bankrupt farmers in tho West ern .States from 187'.) to IBHU, was Htill less than in the Fast. These facts show how safe a business is farming. mitted to HOC his wile'H face before marriage. In this country thlngH are somewhat changed, a wile often hem# unable to nee her husband'a face after marriage. A Suit over a Piece of Human Skin. BOSTON, July 6.—What may well take rank as the most unique of law suits has grown out of Governor But ler's investigation of the Tewksbury abuses. A reporter met a member of the boot and shoe firm from whom the Governor obtained the largest specimen of tanned humau hide and this conversation took place : "Mr. Donalson, did you ever recover the skin you loaned Governor But ler ?" "No, I have not; but I am going to." "Was it of any value to you ?" "I should say it was. I was mak ing a pair of shoes from it for the mus eum in Rome. I valued that skin at about $1,500." "How do you propose to get it back again ? You have received word from the Governor that he does not ac knowledge ahy property in human skins, and that he intends to bury it when it has served his purpose as evi dence in the investigation." "I understand that, and have com menced legal proceedings to secure it again." "Do you anticipate success in your suit ?" "I certainly do, and because of the publicity given the article in the re cent affair I would not take less than three thousand dollars for that skin." Something for Boys to Read. Here is a good story, and all the bet ter because it is a true one. Two men stood at the same table in a large factory in Philadelphia, working at the same trade. Having an hour for their nooning every day, each undertook to use it in accomplishing a definite pur pose ; each persevered for about the same number of mouths, and each won success at last. One of these two me chanics used his dailv leisure hour in working out the invention of a machine for sawiog a block of wood into almost any desired shape. When his inven tion was complete, he sold the patent for a fortune, changed his workman's apron for a broadcloth suit, and moved out of a tenement-house into a brown stone mansion. The other man—what did he do ? Well, he spent an hour each day during most of a year in the very difficult undertaking of teaching a little dog to stand on his hind feet and dance a jig, while he played the tune ! At last accounts he was working ten hours a day at the same trade and at his old wages, and finding fault with the fate that made his fellow workman rich while leaving him poor. Leisure minutes may bring golden grain to mind as well as purse, if one harvests wheat instead of chaff.— Wide Awake. Lincoln and His Coon. ''Just after Jeff. Davis had been cap tured," says a'gentlemau in the Huston Traveller, "I called over to the white house to see President Lincoln I was ushered in, and asked him: 'Well, Mr. President, what are you going to do with Jeff. Davis?" Lincoln looked at me a moment and then said in his peculiarly humorous way: 'That re minds mo of a story. A boy 'way out west caught a coon and tamed it to a considerable extent, but the animal created such mischief about the house that his mother ordered hitn to take it away and not to come homo until he could return without his pet. The boy went down town with tho coon, secur ed with a strong piece of twine, and in about an hour ho was found sitting on tho edge of the curbstone, holding tho coon in one hand, and crying as though his heart would break. A big-hearted gcntlcmuu who was passing stopped and kindly inquired: 'Say, little bov, what is tho matter V Tho boy wiped a tear from his eye with his sleeve, and, in an injured tone, howled : 'Matter ? Ask me what's tho matter ? You see that coon there ? Well, I don't know what to do with tho darn thing. I can't sell it, I can't kill it, and ma won't let me take it home."' Fence Advertising. The fences along the line of tho streets and public roads are generally garnished with advertisements. Tho people who do this are probably not aware that there is a law against it. Tho act of 1881 says: "He it enacted, etc. That if any persou or persons shall, without the consent of tho owner or owners thereof, willfully daub, paint advertisements, or post placards upon or deface walls of any building or buildings, bouse or houses, or tho fences around tho yard connected there with, or any fences surrounding or en closing any vacant lot or lots, or farm, or shall, without tho consent of the owner or owners thereof, daub, paint advertisements or placards upon or otherwise deface any tree or trees, or uhall cause the same to be done by others, such offender or offenders shall be guiltv of a misdemeanor, and upon conviction be sentenced to pay a fine not exceeding $2. r >, and undergo an im prisonment not exceeding thirty days, or both or either, at tho discretion of tho Court. Tho Dude. Miss Kate Field draws this picture of a dude: "Take a strip of Momothing that for convenience we will call a man —which, by the way, is a gross libel on man. Arounil his neck place a tight collar, enshrouded with a hideous scarf and breast pin. I'ut upon it a silk hat and a cutaway coat. C'lotho its lower extremities with pants wherein calves were never meant to grow. In it« hand a cane, and on its feet boots that croak at every step in limping measure. I'lace a cigarette in it H mouth; teach it a brief vocabulary of adverbs and ad jectives commencing with 'immensely clever,' ami finishing with 'see you later you know,' and in my humble opinion you obtain a fair conception of the brains and capacity of an American dude. Kut let IIH change the mihject, it 1H not enlightening." Clippings. —"What you don't want other little girls to do to you, don't you do to them," was the way in which a fright ened little girl at a Sunday school con cert repeated the Golden Rule. —Clarion county two cen tenarians, John Magee, of Reedsburg, who celebrated his 100 th birthday last week, and Mr. Longwell, of Perry township, whose age is given at 105 years. —The bane of our life is discontent ment. We say we will work no long er, and then we will enjoy ourselves. But we find just as Thackery has ex pressed it:—"When I was a boy," he said, "I wanted some taffy. It was a shilling. I hadn't one. When I was a man I had a shilling, but I didn't want any taffy." —"Well, Tom," said a blacksmith to his apprentice, "you have been with me now three months and have seen all the different points in our trade ; I wish to give you your choice of work for a while." "Thank'ee, sir." "Well, uow, what part of the business do you like best ?" "Shuttin' up shop and goin' to dinner." —A young merchant wants to know how long a surety is good on a note. Well, generally as long as the note or the surety lasts. We don't kuow much about the length, but we can teil you about how often a surety is good on a note. Once. Just once. Only w-a-n-s-t You can't catch him the second time, young man. —The office safe in Waddington's machine shop at New Castle was blown open lately, but the burglars only obtained a very small sum for their trouble. They, however, went to Greaser's brewery, near by, and drilling open the safe there got over $7,000 in cash. There is no doubt that it was the work of professionals. —"Charley," remarked Jones, "you were born to be a writer." "Ah !" re plied Charley, blushing slightly at the compliment; "you have seen some of the things I have turned off?" "No," said Jones; "I wasn't referring to what you had written. I was simply thinking what a splendid ear you had for carrying a pen. Immense, Charley, simply immense !" —There is no authentic record of the number of pieces of clothing that a strong and skilled laundress, armed with a flat-iron, can iron in an hour. She may do wonderful work, but it would be insignificant when compared with the work of the ironiug machines into which the flat-iron has evoluted. Five thousand pieces an hour is the speed claimed for one of the latest in ventions. A steel cylinder, six feet loug and two feet in diameter, is heat ed by steam introduced inside. It is revolved between two endless aprons held firmly by two sets of rollers. The clothes are fed to it as they come dump from the wringing machine and are dried, ironed and polished in less than a minute. These machines are used in hotels and largo institutions In some the cylinder is heated by gas instead of steam. What He Meant. In a suit before a Detroit justice, tho other day, tho defendant desired to prove that his financial standing was solid, and when his witness had taken the htand and testified that the defend ant enjoyed the reputation of promptly paying his debts, the opposing counsel asked: "Mr. Blank, you say you consider Mr. White perfectly good ?" •'Yes, sir." "If he owed you SSO you'd expect to receive it when duo?" "Yes, sir." "If ho should ask you for tho loan of $25 dou'd hand it right out ?" "Y-yes, sir." "Very well—very well. Mr. White, ask the witness for a loan of $25." "Mr. Blank, lend rno the sum nam ed," said the defendant as ho reached out his hand. Mr. Blank grow red aud pale by turns, hitched around liko a boy on a carpet tack, and finally replied : "What I meant to say was that I'd lend you $25 on a first mortgage on about $2,000 worth of real estate I Make out your papers!"— Detroit Frr.e I'TCHH. A Remarkable Sand Dune. The Reno, Nev., Gazelle describes a remarkable hill of moving sand in the eastern part of Churchill county, Nev., about sixty miles from Land Springs Station. It is about four miles long and about a mile wide. In tho whole dune, which is from 100 to 100 feet in height, and contains mil lions of tons of saud, it is impossible to find a particle larger than a pin head It is so fine that if an ordinary barley sack be filled and placed in a moving wagon, the jolting of the vehicle would empty the sack, and yet it has no form of dust in it, and is as clean as any sea beach sand. The mountain is so solid as to give it a musical sound when trod upon, and oftentimes a bird light ing on it, or a large lizard running across tho bottom, will start a large quantity of the sand to sliding, which makes a noise resembling the vibration of telegraph wires with a hard wind blowing, but so much louder that it is often heard at a distance of six or seven miles, and it is deafening to a person standing within a short distance of the sliding sand. A peculiar feature of the dune is that it is not stationnry, but rolls slowly eustwurd, tfie wind gathering it up on the west end and carrying it along the ridge until it is agnin deposited at the eastern end. Mr. Monroe, the well known surveyor, haviug heard of the rambling habits of this mummoth sand heup, quite u number of years ugo took u careful bearing of it while sectioning Government lands in that vicinity. Several years luter he visited the place, und found thut the dune hud moved something over u mile. ALL SORTS. —Never clean your teeth with saud piper, as the sand is apt to make the gums sore. —To keep flies off a bald head dur ing a sermon the head should be well saturated with kerosene before going to church. —lf you don't want evil things said of you, don't do evil things. It ia poor policy to grow feathers for your enemy's arrows. Reports come from Berks county, that a green worm, which has not ap peared before for twenty-five years, is at work among the wheat fields, eat ing off the heads. —ln Graves county, Kentucky, Thursday, a man and his son named Tucker, (juarreled as to who should ride the reaper. The father broke the skull of his son with a club, and the boy will die. —We would like to see a greater disposition displayed on the part of our citizens to engage in manufactur ing—for it is manufactories that causes a town to grow and gives, it increased commercial importance. —A family of five, consisting of father, mother and three children, were drowned in the Ohio river, twenty miles below Marion, Ind., on Thursday evening. The waves of a passing steamer upset their skiff. —Reports from different parts of Lancaster county show that the army worm is busily at work in the wheat. Leading farmers say that already ten per cent of the crop has been destroy ed in the lower end of the county, where the worm made its appearance a week ago. —"I put a secret kiss under the postage stamp for my darling," wrote a certain young fellow to his girl. She deftly removed the stamp by steam, but found no kiss, only some remnants of plug tobacco and a strong odor of beer. They are not married yet and not likely to be! —An interesting feature of agricul ture in California is olive growing. It is thought that the State can easily raise a crop as large as that of Italy, which, it is said, sells yearly for $50,- 000,000. A rancho owner at Santa Barbara has made $22,000 an acre from the cultivation of this delectable fruit. —While many people are injured every Fourth of July through the care lessness of others, some bavo only their own stupidity to blame. Among the striking instances of Bevere injuries thus self-inflicted on Wednesday is that of a young man who explodod a big firecracker while holding one end of it in bis mouth. —Asiatic cholera is scourging tfco region south of the Suez Canal in NgyP l - At Damietta 113 deaths are reported within twenty-four hours, and the epidemic is spreading. Vessels passing through the canal have been prohibited from communication with the stations through fear of spreading the contagion. —We are pained to learn from one of our exchanges that during a game of buso-ball one of the players "made a terrible error." The young man bus heretofore borne a good character, but now, it is presumed, ho will be shuned by all respectable persons and become a social pariah, IJut he should be giv eu opportunity to reform. The "terri ble error,'' wo suspect, was in not killiDg the umpire. —The year 1883 seems destined by its disasters from cyclones, floods, fires and panics to pass into history as the most calamitous ever recorded. There seems to be some unseen fatality in the universe, and destruction and death from somo quarter comes as reg ular as the day. The last on the list of destructive forces is the appearance of the dreaded scourge cbolora, dircct in its old line of travel. --For a home-inado disinfectant dis solve a bushel of salt in a barrel of water, and with the salt water slack a bar rel oflime, which should be wet enough to form a kind of pasto. For the pur pone of a disinfectant this home-made clorido of lime is nearly as good as that purchased at the shops. Use it freely about sinks, cellars, gutters and out houses, and in this way save sickness, suffering and expenses. —A boy in Taterson, N. J., put a lighted firecracker in the bung hold of an empty whisky barrel that lay in front of a saloon. Tho barrel had been in tho sun all day and was full of gas. The explosion of tho firecracker set lire to the gas, and tho barrel ex ploded with the noise of a cannon, pieces of It were thrown 500 feet. A piece of the head struck the boy in tho face, injuring him so that there ia lit tle hope of his recovory. Twenty Years a Great SulTbrer. from constipation. Had swallowed a half-bushel of pills, und drank over a lmrrcd of cathartic und laxative slops. Hud tried every patent medicine re commended in such cases, und had been treated by ull the very best physi cians in Philadelphia, and was finally told by her consulting physicians that she was now too weak for cathartic medicine, or injections, und that sha must die. She then took Mannlin und was cured. See 31st pago of the "Ills of Life." (let the book from your druggist, or address I>r. Ilurtmau, Os born, 0 , for one. A Politician who can't name a tick et that would "sweep tho country like wild-lire" has no business to bo a poli tician these days. —Mr. Jos Krolder, 977 N. GtbSt, Philadelphia, Pa., say?: "1 used Itrown's Iron Hitters for indigestion with gratifying results." ISO. 34