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THE BUTMCH. CITIZEN,
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VOL. XVIII.
A VERY NARROW ESCAPE.
'1 never would convict a man on cir
cumstantial evidence if I was a juror—
never, never !'
The speaker was a distinguished
criminal lawyer of nearly foity years'
active practice, and whose fame extend
ed far beyond the limits of his own
State.
We had been discussing a recent
cause celebre in which, upon purely
circumstantial evidence, a man had
been convicted of an atrocious murder
—although many of those most famil
iar with the circumstances of the case
entertained the gravest doubts about
the justice of his conviction—and had
been swung off into eternity protesting
his absolute innocence with his latest
breath and calling upon God to send
his soul straight-way to hell if he was
not telling the truth.
As most of our party were lawyers,
the conversation, naturally enough,
drifted into a discussion of the dangers
arising from convicting accused persons
whose own mouths were closed, upon
purely circumstantial evidence in the
absence of any direct and positive proof
of guilt, and case after case was cited
in which, after conviction and execu
tion, the entire innocence ot the sup
posed culprits had been clearly demon
strated. Most of the laymen present
agreed with the distinguished lawyer
whoso veiy positive expression of opin
ion has been quoted, while a majority
of the lawyers contended, with that
earnestness for which lawyers are no
ted when advocating their own side of
any question, that justice could never
miscarry when careful judges guard
against the possibility of unsafe ver
dicts by refusing to permit aconviction
except when every link in the chain of
circumstantial evidence has been estab
lished beyond doubt and the whole
chain made so perfect and complete as
to leave no room for any consistent hy
pothesis of innocence.
'The first murder case I ever tried,'
said one of them, 'was stranger than
fiction, as you will admit, and is quite
as remarkable as any of the cases you
have referred to where innocent men
hare been wrongfully convicted upon
circumstantial evidence. It ought to
have been reported as an example of
the unreliability of the direct and posi
tive testimony of eye-witnesses who
tell what they believe to be the truth.'
lie then related the main points of
what was certainly a most remarkable
and dramatic trial, and which consti
tutes a fair off-set to some of the mem
orable cases to be found in every work
on circumstantial evidence. Tte nar
rative produced so strong an impres
sion upon my own mind that subse
quently, with his consent, I put it into
the following shape, having first care
fully compared it with bis notes uf tes
timony taken upon the trial of the case.
It can be relied upon as absolutely cor
rect, with the exception that I have
used fictitious names, for reasons which
will readily be appreciated when it is
known that most of the actors in the
drama are still living.
One winter evening about eight o'-
clock, in the early days of the war, in
the quiet little town of , while pa
troling the streets to pick up stragglers
from the camp on the outskirts of the
town, Corporal Julius Fry was shot
and killed by one of three men of bad
character who were in company and
upon terms of open enmity with the
soldiers. The men were arrested, com
mitted to prison and brought to trial at
the next term of the court. Two of
them were gamblers and desperadoes
and supposed to have more than once
had their hands stained with human
blood. The third, whom I shall call
Short, though bearing an unenviable
reputation, was regarded as one unlike
ly to slay a fellow man except under
compulsion of circumstances. On ac
count of the character of the men and
the trouble they had already brought
upon quiet, law-abiding citizens, the
sentiment of the whole community was
strongly against them.
In order to clearly understand the
force of the testimony given upon the
trial and the subsequent result it is im
portant to bear in mind the physical
peculiarities, dress and general appear
ance of each of the three prisoners.
Short was a small man of not more
than five feet six inches in height, slen
der, weighing scarcely 130 pounds,
with bright, fiery-red hair and side
whiskers, and at the time of the mur
der wore a white felt hat and an old
light-blue army overcoat.
Ryan was fully six feet in height, of
robust frame, with black hair and mus
tache, dressed in dark clothes, and
wore a black Derby hat.
Grey was a heavy, broad-shouldered
man of medium height, weighing fully
200 pounds, with a full, black beard
reaching nearly to his waist. But as
the evidence subsequently showed that
he had not fired the shot, it is unneces
sary to describe his appearance more
minutely.
Certainly it is difficult to imagine
two men more unlike than Short and
Ryan or less likely to be mistaken for
each other even by strangers, much
less by their acquaintances. There was
no possibility here for a case of mista
ken identity.
Short and Ryan were tried together
with their consent—Grey having asked
for and obtained a separate trial—and
each was defended by separate counsel.
After the preliminary proof relating
to the post-mortem examination, the
cause of death and the identification of
the body of the deceased as the person
named in the inpictment, the Common
wealth called as its first witness a wo
man, Mary Bowen. She bore a bad
reputation for chastity, but nobody
questioned her integrity or her purpose
to tell—reluctantly, it is true—the
whole truth. The prisoners were all
her friends and were constant visitors
to the drinking saloon of which she
was the proprietress. She was a wo
man of powerful physique, almost mas
culine frame, great force of character
and more than ordinary intelligence
From her testimony it appeared that
a colored woman with whom she had
had some dispute had hit her on the
head with a stone and ran, and the
three prisoners, coming up at the mo
mhnt, started with her up the street in
pursuit of the fugitive. Although the
| night was dark there was snow on the
i ground, and a gas lamp near by gave
sufficient light to enable one to recog
nize a person with ease some feet away,
i After running about one hundred yards
the pursuers came to the corner of aD
, alley and stopped under the gas lamp,
' being challenged by the deceased, who
was in uniform and in company with
I one of his squad. She swore that when
the Corporal called 'halt,' Short, whom
; she had known intimately for years, re
plied, 'Go to h—l,' and—while stand
ing at her side, so that their elbows
were touching, both being immediately
under the gas-iight—he pulled out a
pistol, pointed it at the deceased, who
was four or five feet from him, and fi"-
ed and then ran down the alley, the
deceased pursuing him. She heard
four or five more shots fired, and imme
diately the deceased returned, wound
ed, and Short had disappeared. While
t'le shots were being fired she saw both
Rvaa and Grey standing at the corner
some feel away from he. 1 , add after
that they separated and she went
alley was bounded on either side by
high fences difficult to climb, and led
down to a stream of water about fifty
feet wide and three or four feet deep.
No traces of footsteps were found in
the snow except those of one man lead
ing down into this stream, and it was
evident that the person who had fired
bad not climbed either fence, but had
waded through the stream and disap
peared on the other side
The next witness was the soldier
who stood close by the deceased when
the first shot was fired, and who, not
knowing either of the prisoners, de
scribed the person who had fired and
ran down the alley as the man with
red hair and side-whiskers, dressed in
a light-blue army overcoat and white
soft hat, and upon being directed to
look at the three prisoners immediately
identified Short as the man whom be
had seen do the shooting.
The testimony of these witnesses
was in no wise shaken upon cross-ex
amination.
Then the sworn ante-mortem state
ment of the deceased, taken by a mag
istrate, was read to the jury. He said
that he had known Short personally
for some lime, but had never had any
difficulty with him. He fully identified
him as the man who had fired the first
shot and then ran down the alley, fir
ing one shot after another until he fired
the last and fatal shot almost in the
face of the deceased. He also fully de
scribed the clothing worn by Short as
it had been described by the other wit
nesses.
These were all the witnesses to the
occurrence except the prisoners them
selves, and of course they could not be
heard. The case against Short seemed
to be as conclusively made out as
though a score of witnesses had sworn
that they had seen him do the shoot
ing. Neither the Judge, the jury nor
the spectators entertained the slightest
doubt of his guilt, and when the Com
monwealth, at this point, closed its
case it seemed as though the fatal rope
was already around his neck and his
escape was impossible.
Ryan heaved a sigh of relief which
was audible tnroughout the whole
court room, for he was safe; there was
not one word of testimony against him
or any circumstance tending to show
any previous arrangement or concert of
action between him and Short.
After a whispered consultation be
tween the counsel for the defense, one
ot them arose and moved the Court to
direct the jury to forthwith return a
verdict of "not guilty" as to Ryan, in
order that he might be called as a wit
ness for the other prisoner. This was
resisted by the District Attorney ; and
after lengthy and elaborate arguments
the Court decided that it was bound to
grant the motion, and accordingly Ry
an was declared "not guilty," and the
verdict was recorded
Then came a sceDe as dramatic to
those present as anything ever wit
nessed on the stage. Without any
opening speech by Short's counsel Ry
an, in obedience to a nod from his at
torney, stepped out of the prisoners'
dock and into the witness box, looked
around the court room, took up the Bi
ble and was sworn to tell 'the truth,
the whole truth, and nothing but the
truth ' Every head was bent forward,
every ear was on the alert, every eye
fixed on the winess—something start
ling was expected. Would he attempt
to show that Short had done the shoot
ing in self-defense ? That seemed the
only thing possible. But how could
he be believed in the face of the posi
tive testimony of three witnesses, two
of them living and in the court room,
one of them dead ?—murdered !
Ryan stood for a moment looking
down, and then slowly lifting his eyes
to the bench in a silence in which the
falling of a feather might have been
heard, he said:
'May I ask the Court a question ?'
The venerable Judge, evidently sur
prised at being interrogated, looked at
him and said :
'Certainly, sir.'
'I understand that I am acquitted,'
said Ryan, pausing for a moment and
then continuing, 'I want to know from
the Court whether anything I may say
I now can ever be used against me in
any way.'
What did he mean ? What need for
that question? Everyone looked at
his neighbor inquiringlv.
The flushed face of the Judge show
ed that he, at least, understood what
it meant—an attempt to swear his
i guilty companion out of the hangman's
I grasp Then, in a tone of unmistaka
| ble indignation, came the answer:
'I am sorry to say, sir, that nothing
| you may say now can be used against
j you; that is, on a trial for murder.
| You have been acquitted.'
Ryan's face grew pale and then red,
and he said, slowly and distinctly:
'lt was I who fired all the shots—
I not Short.'
M<ist of the faces in the court room
wore looks of incredulity, some of in
dignation at the hardened wickedness
i of the man who had just been declared
innocent, and who, by his own state
ment, was guilty of murder if he was
| not guilty ot perjury.
But, quietly and calmly, without a
I tremor, as coolly as though he was de-
BUTLER, PA., WEDNESDAY. AUGUST 24,1881
i scribing some trivial occurrence which
he had casually witnessed, Ryan went
on, step by step, detailing all that had
occurred; and when he had finished
his story there was probably not a per
son present who was not fully con
vinced not only that Ryan had told the
simple truth but also that he bad him
self fired the fatal shot in self-defense,
or at least under such circumstances of
danger as would have led any jury to
acquit him.
lie detailed how he had fired the
first shot from a small single-barreled
pistol in the air without any purpose
except to give his challenger a scare,
and then ran down the alley, and upon
being closely pursued by the deceased
with saber drawn and raised to strike,
he wa3 compelled to pull out a revolver
and fire several shots toward his pur
suer, who was rapidly gaining on him,
to keep him back ; and that when he
had but one shot left he stumbled over
a large stone and fell on his knees, and
at this moment the deceased struck at
him with the saber, cutting him slight
ly in the cheek ; and being thus press
ed, be aimed and fired the las't shot,
which subsequently proved tatal.
He farther told how, upon recovering
his feet, he ran, waded through the
stream, and finding that he had lost
his hat when he fell, retraced his steps,
recrossed the stream, found the hat,
and then went to a hotel, where he
was seen by several witnesses to dry
his wet clothing. His manner, his
bearing and his story itself convinced
his hearers that he was telling the
truth.
But—so that nothing might be want
ing if anv doubt remained in the minds
of the Judge and jury—witnesses uf
undoubted veracity were called who
corroborated him as to the condition of
his clothing and the cut on his cheek
within fifteen minutes after the occur
rence. Besides, it was shown that al
though the man who had fired had
waded through the stream, Short's
clothiGg was perfectly dry.
It is unnecessary to say that Short
was promptly acquitted and warmly
congratulated on one of the narrowest
escapes ever made by any man in a
court room. Nothing could have saved
him had the Court refused to direct
tne acquittal of Ryan and allow him
to testify.
The deceased Corporal, the soldier
and Mary were— mistaken.
That was all there was about it.
So much for the occasional unrelia
bility of the direct testimony of honest
eye-witnesses.
And so .much, also, for giving the
accused an opportunity to be heard on
the witeess-stand, the denial of which
by the law is one of the relics of bar
barism which still disgrace its admin
istration in some States at this late
day.
THEY KNEW HIS WORTH.
A clergyman relates the experience
of a faithful clerk who was tempted,
but followed his better promptings. It
shows that dishonest men and value
honesty—in every one else but them
selves. A young man came to a gen
tleman one day with a case of consci
ence. He was corresponding clerk in
flourishing house of business. His em
ployers had begun to direct him to
write letters to customers containing
statements which he knew to be false.
He had objected and they said :
'We are responsible for these state
ments; it is nothing to you whether
they are true or false.'
'I said to him, 'did they sign the let
ters, or ask you to write them in your
own name V
As soon as the question left my lips
I saw that there were a difference, both
would be wrong, and I hastened to tell
him so.
He said, 'I have to sign them with
my name, pro Messrs. Blank.'
I said, 'Your case is clear; you must
decline to do it'
He said, 'Then I shall be dismissed;'
and after a pause, 'I have a wife and
family.'
I replied, 'My dear friend, this is a
trial of faith and principle; you must
do right, and trust to God to take care
of you aad your family.'
1 met him some days after. 'Well,
Mr. ,' I said, 'how are you get
ting on ?'
He replied, 'I am still in my situa
tion ; I had an interview with the part
ners and told them I eould not write
letters I knew to be untrue. They
were very angrv, and I expected to re
ceive notice of dismissal, but I have
not received it yet.'
Months passed and he remained in
his position. After a while he called
upon me, and I saw by his face that
something had happened.
'Well, Mr. ,' I said, 'have you
had your dismissal ?'
•No,' he said, 'I have not,' and smil
ed.
'What then ?'
'A very confidential post in their ser
vice with a higher salary, has fallen va
cant, and they have put me into it!'
On second thought these unprinci
pled men had come to the conclusion
that a clerk who would not deceive a
customer would not deceive them, and
was too valuable to be lost.
[Pittsburgh Commercial Gazette.]
The Rt. Rev. Bishop Gilmour,
Cleveland, Ohio ; —Chas. S. Strickland,
Esq., 9 Boyton, the world Renowned
Swimmer; — Prof. C. O. Duplessis,
Manager Chicago Gymnasium, Chi
cago, 111.; —Wm. H. Wareing, Esq.,
Asst, General superintendent, New
York Post office—Hon Thoraa3 L.
James, Postmaste, New York; —
Stacey Hill, Esq., Mt. Aubern Inclin
ed Plane Rrailrod, Cincinati Ohio, are
among the myriads who have experi
enced the beneficial effects of the mo3t
remarable remedy, St. Jacobs Oil, and
who has testified to its efficacy in un
qualified terms.
The nearest infallible remedy is Pe
runa.
Ohio has a stringent law for the pre
vention of fraud in the manufacture
and sale of commercial fertilizers.
The penalties for violation of the act
are not less than S2OO for the first
i offence, and not less than SSOO for
! every snbsequent offience.
j For nervous debility take Peruna.
DANGERS OF THE REPUBLIC
[From Ex Chief Justice Agnew's address be
j fore the Literary Societies of Roanoke (Va.)
College.]
"The combinations to accomplish
selfish purposes are not always under
stood by the bi dy of the people, and
hence their freaueot success. They
aexuire by use, skill, and system, the
force of complete organization. No
military system is more effective from
the Generalissimo to the Corporal.
Each grade performs its office in the
plan, running down from the State
through the counties, cities, townships
and boroughs. The smallest has its
file leader to keep it in line, and face,
or about, at the word ot command.
Feudual in its character, fealty is the
great bond; and rewards are parceled
out by the superior lord, to suit the ex
igency of his own needs.
"Perhaps the combination may be
likened to an oligarchy of the fewest
number—chief leaders securing to
themselves the highest offices, and dis
tributing the lower to their retainers.
The organization consists of State and
County committees, or executive
juntos, city and borough leaders, and
expectants. These operate through
State aud county conventions, and
town meetings—which are supposed
to express the voice of the people—but
in reality are moulded by the oligarchs
to record their own will. Their suc
cess depends much on the ability of
the ligarchs to plan and lead, and the
money thev can control. Alone they
could not always command success, for
this depends on hoodwinking the peo
ple. But unfortunately they too often
find their ablest organs in the press.
It is the great lever that moves the
world, and the oligarchy, Archimedes
like, contrives to make itself the ful
crum on which the lever rests. I
mean no disrespect to the press when
I say it is used. Some are misled by
professions of principles and policy,
which they maintain, and honestly up
hold—others are not corrupt, but are
governed by a desire to extend their
influence and circulation—some are set
up and controlled by the oligarchs, and
a few act from mercenary motives. Be
the cause and mode what they may,
the oligarchy succeeds chiefly through
the partisan press, which it uses by
professions of patriotic purposes, in the
line of party.
"The oligarchy is shrewd, and rarely
proposes in the line of its operations
as coming direcely from itself, but in
geniously initiates its movements by
unseen ,r unconnected means. For.
example, it selects a newspaper, or a
correspondent least likely to be sus
pected of entertaining the biddea pur
pose. Thus, if a tool is desired to fill
a certain place, a correspondent or a
newspaper at a distance suggests his
name and popularity, and how useful
to his party or his country he might
be, if he would only consent to be a
candidate The local paper then copies
and dilates on the compliment. Just
so a western newspaper made a Con
gressman in the middle of the State at
the last election. So if a weak man is
to be bolstered up, a convenient cor
respondent at a distance, or newspaper
apparently disinterested, writesa grand
iloquent description of his character,
powers, and influence. The thunder
echoes throughout all the minor organs,
and ends in a grand burst of harmony ;
which is to make him a Senator, Gov
ernor, or something else. Thus the
oligarchs would, for the sake of patron
age and power, to be distributed as re
wards, elect a man without education
beyond the most ordinary standard, to
the grandest boy on the globe, in
character, functions, and influence;
where questions of the highest import
are to be discussed and decided, con
cerning National and Constitutional
law, foreign and inter-state relations,
external and internal commerce, trea
ties, codes of polity, conflicts of laws,
institutions and rights. Poor fellow 1
his fate is often that of the frog who
swelled beside the ox. But what care
the oligarchs if patronage and power
be secured. Herein lies a danger.
"Take another illustration—the dele
gates of a county or city are to be
captured for the benefit of the oligarchs.
The convenient newspaper of the place
suggests how the people may compli
ment a favorite citizen, by permitting
him to nominate his own delegates.
The bait is swallowed, leviathan is
hooked, and the convenient friends of
the oligarchs are named and execute
their decrees. The oligarchy is not
confined to a few modes It under
stands how to play off candidates, aud
local interests or prejudices against
each other.
"Sometimes the oligarchs choose a
chief, whose weaUh or oLher attributes
may be used for the benefit of the sys
tem. And when the Pibroch sounds—
'lnstaut through copse and heath arose,
Bonnets aud spears and bended bows,
And every tuft of broom gives life,
To plaided warrior, amea for strife.'
"The power and mode of action of
this organization is often seen in its
control of National affairs. Through
the oligarchy a State Convention is
called in hot haste before the p3ople
can act in a primary capacity. This
thing is often prepared a year before
hand, and delegates not chosen by
a sub-organization, are sent, wearing
the bonnet and kilt of the chieftain,
whose whistle heard
'The signal garrisons the glen,
At oace with full five hundred men,'
"Perhaps, to stifle local or indepen
dent opinion, they resolved that the
delegates shall vote as a unit, and the
chieftain casts it—'solid for Mulbooly.'
"Thus, too, ardent unionists and de
fenders of nationality, they suddenly
are transformed into loud defenders of
State rights, and sing peans to the
power and dignity of a solid State—
that is, solid for the oligarchy. These
modes are sometimes carried into the
affairs of the nation itself. It is not
enough to control factions ; such leaders
must control the Government. This
they effect not only by caucus, but by
engrossing the powers of the President.
To do this a new reading is given to
the Constitution. The Constitution
gives to the President the sole Dower
of nomination ; but the chieftain, car
ried into the Senate by feudal power,
turns upon the Executive with inimita
ble assurance and demands that he be
consulted before a nomination shall be
made. Not content with his own pow
er to confirm or reject, he must be the
channel of nomination also. And if,
perchance, a nomination be made with
out permission, the President must
withdraw it or be held guilty of tran
gressing the privilege of tie Senate. A
common understanding would consider
tb's an invasion of the power of nomi
nation. No so with the chieftain ; his
swollen importance sees no change of
the Constitution in his demand; be
would rather resign and destroy the
power of his party than lose his own.
'And what is the purpose of all these
shifts Y It is to force the will of the
oligarchy upon the nation. This is the
danger—how is it to be avoided ? The
people must think and act for them
selves. They must not suffer their
affairs to be handled by the tools of the
organism. Refuse to elect them as
delegates ; refuse to permit county
committees to supercede affairs which
demand their own attention. Prevent
the forestalling ot appointments and the
making of factitious opinion.
"Of all the sources of vicious influ
ence probably the free pass system is
the greatest. A single individual will
command them in scores. Some carry
blanks needing only their countersign
to give them effect. It is needless to
say that the influence is incalculable.
The members of the legislature and
judiciary are not overlooked. True it
is only complimentary, and often so
reads. Call it that, yet the philosophy
of compliment is not unknown, and its
delicacy is a skillful art. Ido not ob
ject to State officials riding free. It is
a proper return for the great privileges
granted by the State, but then it
should be demandable as a right. Let
the law require and direct the issue,
and then the free rider recognizes no
compliment, and feels no obligations,
wh'le for an abuse, the constituency
can hold the representative responsible
for the legislation. To the free ticket
system must be added the compliment
of special cars tendered to officials, in
deed sometimes sought after.
"The free ticket system has a special
and unfavorable influence on legislation.
Such is the ramification of the railroad
syetem in Pennsylvania, it reaches the
home of nearly every member of the
Assembly. Hence no business of any
magnitude is done on Friday, Satur
day, and Monday ; a morning adjourn
ment on Friday, and an evening meet
ing on Monday sufficing to keep the
record straight. The effect is a loss of
probably one-third of the time which
should be devoted to legislation, and of
thousands of dollars, drawn from the
taxes of the people.'
DR. D. HA YES AO NEW ON THE
WOUND.
A Reply to Certain Recent Perversions
of Facts and Misstatements.
From Dr. Agnew's Letter in the Times.
It is very easy, even for a medical
man, in reporting an informal conver
sation on a professional subject to omit
technical exactitudes, especially where
anatomical questions are concerned,
and thus materially change the true
thought of the informant. That such
has been the case in the article which
called forth my card will appear from
the following statements, which shall
be made as brief as possible :
First. It is stated that the wound
had been explored to the depth of about
seven inches. This statement would
lead the reader to infer that the explo
ration had been made from the point
of entrance of the ball and that the
track of the missile had been traced
seven inches, whereas, as was stated,
the exploration was made through the
counter-opening, or abscess, the depth
of which, to the point where the ball
passed the rib, was two inches and a
half, which would leave for the track
of the ball a distance of only four and
a half inches.
Second. I am made to say that the
precise location of the ball is either in
the quadratus lumborum or the psoas
magnus muscle. The precise location
of the ball I have never professed to
know. I did say that in my judgment
the missile passed along the an tenor
face of the quadratus muscle, behind
the kidney, and probably was lodged
in the anterior part of the iliac fossa.
The two statements of an exploration
extending seven inches and of a ball
lodged in the quadratus lumborum
muscle are wholly irreconcilable on an
atomical grounds, as the entire length
of the muscle named does not exceed
three and & half or four inches, and it
is not probable that, having spent the
most of my life in the human body, I
should make a mistake on this point.
* Third. A cut is introduced showing
the point where the ball entered the
body, and another point at the crest of
the ilium 'precisely' indicating its loca
tion and which will be seen to be con
siderably posterior to a perpeudicular
dropped from the wound of entrance.
This diagram, as I understand it, was
introduced to explain the location of
the ball, as implied by my statements.
Now, in no sense can it be made to in
terpret or explain any statement ever
made bv me in reference to this sub
ject. The text of the article distinctly
locates the ball at the crest of the ilium
and at its posterior part, whereas I
have always suspected and many times
have said to members of my profession,
that there were strong reasons for be
lieving that the missile was in the iliac
fossa and anteriorly. If, moreover, the
ball occupies the place indicated on the
diagram it could readily be felt by the
finger.
Fourth. I am represented as saying
that the liver may have been bruised,
but not lacerated, whereas, I have in
variably stated that after studying the
case I was disposed to believe that the
liver had been lacerated, and not per
forated ; the laceration being produced
by the rib at the time the latter was
struck by the ball—a supposition
which, if trne, would account for a lim
ited hemorrhage, answering to an area
of percussion dullness present after the
injury, and which has been slowly
clearing up since. I therefore reaffirm
that in no particular of several details
mentioned in regard to the President's
wouud have I been correctly reported,
at the same time again disclaiming any
intention of charging either a profes
sional brother or the Times of inten
tionally misrepresenting my views.
I may say further that the criticism
to which the President's medical aud
surgical attendants bare been subjected
does not disturb their equanimity in
the least. They have a responsible
duty to perform Nothing will be
omitted, nothing knowingly committed
which in their judgment will endanger
this valuable life, and when the proper
time arrives they will submit the med
ical and surgical history of this remark
able injury to the profession, the only
tribunal competent to pass on the con
duct of the case.
EPHEMERA.
I met him on the cars. He was as
cordial &s a beech-and maple fire in a
winter's night. He grasped me with
both hands, as if I were the staff of
an American flag in a windy day. He
asked after my health, my friends and
my friends' friends. It was somebody
I ought to know, but to indentify the
somebody was a puzzle. Now, noth
ing takes the conceit out of a man
sooner, plays the douche —pronounced
doosh—with bis egotism more drench
ingly than, having rushed up to anoth
er with extended hand and open coun
tenance, to be eyed by him in a specu
lative, lack-lustreless way, and be told,
'You have the advantage of me?' I
knew it, and like a merciful creature
set out to pick up a clew without
awakeniug his suspicion and wounding
his vanity, which is as tender to the
touch as a Dahomey shin. And so I
said, 'Where did we meet last?' and he
replied. 'Chicago.' That city is a
poor place for clew-bunting. Dead
failure. Then I said, 'Let me see;
how do you write your full name ?'
and he answered, 'why, J— John, of
course.' I had counted on the habit a
man has of givin/ bis whole name in
voluntarily when he gets started oa it,
but I was foiled. He stopped abruptly
enough to have thrown a rider over his
head had be been a saddle-horse. At
last, after a few copper coins of com
mon talk had been exchanged, I said,
'How do you spell your family name ?'
'Why,' said be, with a jerk, 'S-m-i-t-h
John Smith. You didn't know me,'
and the secret was out, and the owner
of the illustrious patronymic, which is
not a name, but a word of one syllable,
went into the smoking-car, and I saw
him no more.
MANNE&S.
There is a region in the State of
New York where a person introducing
a stranger to you says, 'Shake hands
with Mr. Brown.' At first, you fancy
it an individual off-hand -peculiarity,
but when everybody bids every other
body 'shake hands with Mr. Brown,'
and they all obey, then you discover it
is the manner of the community. Not
an hundred miles from the shaking
territory, the formula is, 'Know Mr.
Brown,' and you know him. Of all
forms of introduction, the sputtering is
the most flippant: 'Mr. Brown Mr.
Robinson, Mr. Robinson Mr. Brown,
Brown Robinson, Robinson Brown,
B. R., R. B.' That illustrates about
the way of it.
Very few people know how to intro
duce you to an audience neatly and
properly, not a word too much. When
you are favored with an introduction it
helps you wonderfully to be somebody,
while an awkward, limping, verbose
presentation takes the frill out of you,
and makes you feel like a withered let
tuce leaf. Whatever man is left to be
a lecturer, undergoes some rare intro
ductions, and encounters some formida
ble committees. As a rule, the smal
ler the town, the bigger the committee.
Last winter, in a certain thriving
town, I was raided by a delegation of
ten men. My room at the hotel had
four chairs, a wood-box, a bed and a
trunk. The landlord flung wide the
door with a flourish, and the ten men,
all in black, like a flock of crows, filed
in, and were introduced by the foreman
of the coroner's jury as 'Mr. A., a
merchant of our town, Mr. 8., one of
our lawyers, Mr. C., a manufacturer,'
and so on to the tenth. Then they all
'lighted ;' four chairs, four, bed, three,
woodbox, one, trunk, one, window-sill,
one. Then they got the poor lecturer
in the focus of twenty eyes, and bored
him through and through, and talked
at him. He was a perforated hub with
ten spokes, for they all spoke at once.
He could not, for his life, remember
the name of one of thetn, that he might
say, 'Polyphemus Polloi, stand up and
be sentenced to death or a deaf-mute
asylum.' Then, the flock arose and
filed out, and the inquest was over.
How much better, had the foreman
said, 'Lecturer, these are the gentlemen
of the committee.' How much best,
had he come alone, and left the nine—
just as many as the Muses!—to main
tain the law, commerce, health and
morals 'of our town.' How ridiculous
it all was! A sort of seance without a
ghost.
AN INTRODUCTION BY PRAYER.
I may be wrong, but to tell the
Lord who the speaker is, his qualities,
mental and moral, for the purpose of
introducing him to the congregation,
seems to me a clear case of indirection.
It is not parliamentary. To petition
the Lord to help the speaker, and bless
the audience with great power ot en
durance, if it is likely to need them, is
eminently proper, but keep the intro
duction out of the petition. Don't
jumble.
But about the meanest thing a man
can do, is to find out what a fellow is
going to speak about—perhsps hear it
read sentence by sentence, beforehand,
and then marshal what he knows and
what he don't know on that identical
subject, pack his preliminary prayer
with it, and leave his victim to follow
on with the bones. It is petit larceny,
to make the least of it. The writer,
on a certain occasion, was to give a
lecture upon an astronomical subject,
and the clergyman in whose church it
was to be given wanted to hear it, that
he might make an appropriate prayer ;
that is, be wanted to make a prayer to
fit, and he did, for he gave the poor
lecture Jits. Dr. Dick, about as good
authority where accuracy is essential
as a camel would be on a question of
swimming, was consulted, an encyclo
paedia was drawn upon, and the lecture
ADVERTISING RATES,
One square, on* insertion, #1; each mbM
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exceeding one-fourth of a column, *6 per inch
Figure work doable theee rate*; addition*
charges where weekly or monthly change* are
made. Local advertisement* 10 cents per line
for Jitt insertion, and 6 cents per line for each
additional insertion. Marriages and deaths pub
lished free of charge. Obituary notices charged
as advertisements, and payable when handed in
Auditors' Notices. M; Executors' and Adminia
trators' Notices. >9 each; Est ray, Caution an 4
Dissolution Notices, not exceeding ten lines,
each.
From the fact that the Cmzxs is the oldest
established and most extensively circulated Be
publican newspaper in Butler county, (a Repub
lican county) it most be apparent to business
men that It is the medium they should use in
advertising their business.
NOJS
was told bodily to the Lord in the
presence of the congregation ! The
lecturer would have cared nothing
about it if the audience had not been
preseut, for as the author has found
out, there were many things io that
lecture that nobody knew, not even the
Lord, because they were not true.
Then came the lecture, a sort of earthly
echo of the heavenly dissertation. It
was a state of melancholy collapse.
Years have gone, and in the ashes of
the writer's extinguished indignation
there now blossom grotesque pansy
faces laughing in a quaint way over
the predicament be was in, his guns
all discharged in prayer-time, and not
another shot in the locker! There are
things as sadly misplaced in men's
petitions as an astronomical lecture,
but wasn't it absurd to a degree ? 'Let
us unite in prayer,' said the preacher
and away he went, measuring heights
and distances like a Government
Surveyor, whisking the congregation
—and some of them were seventy
years old if they were a minute—
around the rings of Saturn as if they
were circus-riders, darting in and out
among the constellations, stirring up
the bears, Major and Minor, and caper
ing around the zodiac like Capricornus,
when 'the star of Bethlehem' was
about all the astronomy he had any
business with in his petition. 'And
all the people said'—not 'Amen,' but
•why need we pay a man from foreign
parts to preach science to us, when the
Elder here at home can pray it all io
twenty minutes, and no extra charge?'
TIPPING THE HAT.
We bad a call the other day from a
—monkey. His face was smutty and
bis coat was red. He came at one end
of a long string, and stood upon the
d >or-stone. Tbe other end of the
string was in tbe hand of a miller-who
was grinding out 'Bonaparte Crossing
tbe Rhine' from a very wheezy organ.
People are generally ashamed of them
selves when they see these jokes on the
human race, that make such a man as
Darwin possible. WelL the monkey
got the dime he came for, and then
tipped his little bat forward with a
quick monkey motion, and went his
way. Tbe lifting of that bat startled
me, it was so like the salutation of a
certain strain of high-toned young men
about town. Did the men get the
fashion from the monkeys, or the
monkeys from the men ? However
this may be, it is but a pert and
monkey-like mimicry of courtesy.
There is no more politeness in it than
there is in the snapping of a snuff-box
lid. The hat is lifted up with a tilt to
tbe front, and then shut quickly down
again, as if tbe castor worked on a
binge at the forehead, and there were
something effervescent to escape, says
ideas, but there never is anything ex
cept a faint suspicion of bay-rum or
pomatum. Watch the gun lock pro
cess tbe next time y u have a chance,
as if when they tip it up something
bit, and when tbev lot it down some
thing was getting away.
State Fair an<l Exposition at
Pittsburgh.
On Monday, September sth, the
Pennsylvania State Agricultural socie
ty will hold its 28th Annual Fair, in
connection with the Exposition Socie
ty's Fifth Annual Exhibition, on the
grounds and in the buildings of the lat
ter Society. There have been erected
additions to Machinery Hall, and a
large number of stalls for live stock of
all kinds, filling not only all of the
available space outside of the race track,
but necessitating tbe erection of over
400 stalls inside of the course.
Tbe State Fair and Live Stock Exhi
bition will close September 17. The
Mechanical and Industrial Exhibition,
together with Trials of Speed will con
tinue until October Bth.
From present indications this exhi
bition will be tbe largest, grandest and
most varied that has ever been held
by any society.
Tbe Premium List amounts to the
large sum of $41,500* It is the most
complete and thorough that has ever
been presented by any similar organi
zation, and offers for competition, in
ihe live stock class alone, the hand
some sum of $21,500.
For dairy, Fruits, Vegetables, Seeds
and Floral Departments, a further snm
of about $6,000 is added.
Tbe display will include s large
number of Imported Thoroughbred,
Fine-bred and Draught Horses; herds
of Short-horned, Devon, Holstein,
Jersey and Guernsey Cattle; tbe
choicest breeds of Sheep, Swine, Poul
try, etc., together with a Mechanical,
Vegetable and Manufacturing collection
seldom, if ever, brought together in
any commucity. The Machinery,
Dairy, Fruit, Floral and Domestic
departments are all provided unde
cover, and undoubtedly prove attract
ive and instructive features of the Fair.
A space has also been assigned for the
exercise and displayed of all entries in
the live stock class. Green food will
be supplied all milch cows on exhibi
tion, and hay and straw furnished all
entries gratis.
Excursion tickets will be furnished
by all the railroads centering at Pitts
burgh, and all articles entered for exhi
bition carried on liberal terms. Entry
books n6w open will close August
30th-
The vines of the sweet-potato should
not be cut suo/t, as this will check the
growth of the tuber; but they should
not be allowed to root outside the hill
—This is known as the "silly sea
son" in journalism, and one ought not
to be surprised at any nonsense one
reads in the daily papers. Yet how
can one help surprise at seeing in the
editorial columns of so many newspa
pers that strikingly fresh and original
remark that "The devil never takes •
vacation"—the implication being that
Christian people in general, and Chris
tian ministers ought never to take one.
We do not profess to have that intimate
personal knowledge of the devil and
his ways which the confident language
of our friends of the daily press implies,
and cannot therefore positively affirm
either that he does or that he does not
ever take a vacation. But since whea
have the devil's acts become a prece
dent that Christian people ought to
IOIIOW ?