di iA frru
The whole art op Government consists in the art of being honest. Jefferson.
1 '""M'z: .
1ft
10.
Published by Theodore Scuoch.
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Jef fersoniau Republican.
The Inquiry.
Tell me, ye winged winds,
"A That round my pathway soar,
Do ve not know some spot
Where mortals weep no more ;
. 9 Some lone and pleasant dell,
Some valley in the west,
Where free from toil and pain,
The weary soul may rest ?
The loud wind dwindled to a whisper low,
'A'nd 'sighed for pity as it answered, " No."
ffcll me, thou mighty deep,
, Whose billows round me play,
Jvnow'sl thou some favored spot, ?
Some island far away;
Where weary man may find u i
f i . .qho bliss for which he sighs, ' . j
WHere sorrow never lives, ' !
And friendship never dies 1 ' ;?
The loud waves, roaring in perpetual flow,
Stopped for awhile, and sighed to answer, " No'1
And thou, serenest moon,
4 That, with such holy face,
X ' : Dost look upon the world
Asleep in night's embrace;
Tell me, in all thy round,
Hasi thou not seen some spot,
Where miserable roan
.Might find a happier lot I - .
Behind a cloud the moon withdrew in wo,
,And a voice, sweet but sad, responded " No."
Tell me, my sacred soul,
0, tell me hope and faith,
Is there no resting place
From sorrow, sin and death I
Is there no happy spot
Where mortals may be blessed,
Where grief may find a balm,
And weariness a rest !
Jaith, Hope, and Love, best boon to mortals giv'n
Waved their bright wings, and whispered, "Yes in
Ileav'n!".
ILive Rightly Now
' Let us lire so in youth
That we'll blush hot in age."
Here is one thing of importance that the youth
'should always keep in view, viz : that they will
oneway be old, and that in youth all our actions
against or that combat with the laws of nature
and of God are so many drafts upon that old age.
We Way, not feel the immediate effects of dissipa
tion or the cultivation of false appetites in our boy
hood on account of the buoyancy, elasticity and
-constitution of youth; but as continued dropping
"wears a stone, so does the continued violation of
the laws of nature in any form whatever, wear the
constitution, be it ever so good, by the forming
of morbid appetites, or devoting those Tiours which
God has ordained for rest and sleep, to revelry and
.dissipation. But anon old age comes creeping on,
or rather seeming old age, furrows on our cheek
and wrinkles on our brow, while yet manhood is
, in its prime, and, the sufferings of old age, its
. weakness, its trembling and bent fjrm, have ar
vrivedUong before three score and ten, the time al-
- lotted to man, has come round, all of which suf-
- fenngs can be traced to some irregularity of youth.
3 tThe Parson and tlie Butcher.
T"5 There is an anecdote, which we do not remem
ber'to have seen in print, related about a country
'clergyman who flourished in some part of New
'ngiand a good many years ago. One Sunday
"mornlngfinding' his larder too lean to furnish him
s a, satisfactory .breakfast, he sent his servant, a dull,
clumsy boy of sixteen, to the stall of a neighbor-
ing butcher; of; the name ol raui, to procure a
beefsteak for the minister's morning meal. But
'ithe.bulcherwho was already too largely the cred
itor of ihe-clergyman to feel like trusting him any
"further without payment of the old debt, refused
to let the boy have any meat. The servant, think-
ing it was useless to hasten home with the ill news,
'loitered along the road ; and "on his return, find
ing his master had gone" to church, followed him
thither, and .had just entered the dooi, when the
minister, by way pf enforcing some doctrine-of bis
BerrriOrclaimed'Well, what says Paul P
" VVl?yf he say;" 'exclaimed the boy, ivho sup
posed thquestiorTwas addressed to himself'he
-'says he'd W cussed if ho let you have any morel
meat-till you have paid off the old score !
Smokv -Chimneys. The Scientfic American
states,on reliable authority, that, if at two feet
'above the throat of the chimney the opening be
enlarged to ,double the size of the throat for the
further space of Jwo feet, and then carry up the
rest as" at the ,fir?t, the chimney wjII never smoke,
VOL.
STRO UDSBURG, MONROE COUNTY, PA., THURSDAY, JANUARY 31, L850.
Parody.
Am. The Old Oaken Bucket.
How dear to my heart is Mehitable Junkins,
When chance or good fortune presents her to view,
She's sweeter than sap, or e'en pies made of pump
kins, And the loveliest doughnut the world ever knew.
Her large massy head and the curls which hung
by it, h
The profusion of which no poet can tell,
He'r graceful swan neck and her bosom so nigh it,
And e'en her great bustle which made such a
swell.
That well quilted bustle,
That monstrous great bustle,
Mehitable's bustle that made such a swell.
Mehitable Junkins T hail as a treasure,
For often at noon when returned from the field,
I found her the source of an exquisite pleasure,
The brightest and purest that Nature could yield.
How often I've seized her with hands that were
glowing,
When quick to my lap she so reluctantly fell,
And finding mo often with words overflowing,
In whispers angelic she answered "du tell."
That well quilted bustle,
That moustrous great bustle,
Mehitable's bustle which made such swell.
How rich, how romantic it was to receive it,
A kiss from the curb of Mehitable's lips
Not a full blushing goblet could tempt me to
leave it,
Though filled with the nectar that Jupiter sips.
A sigh will now often escape from my bosom,
The tear of regret will intrusively swell,
As fancv reverts to my former old blossom,
And sighs for the bustle which made such a swell.
That well quilted bustle,
That monstrous great bustle,
Mehitable's bustle which made such a swell.
Teaching a Deacon.
A gentleman of this State, who resides in the
town of Ellmore, Mequango county, is, as he de
scribes himself, very onsartin in politics, and be
sides that, is the most onsartin practical joker we
have heard of, of late. Here is one of his jokes,
highly amusing, though but for his fearlessness of
church, &c, it might have proved serious and un
profitable to the joker.
The gentleman was in his storo one Sunday
morning, preparing for the duties of the day, when
the deacon entered. An unfortunate pack of cards
was lying on the counter, and the deacon, as in
duty bound, remonstrated with our joker on this
villanous practice. The latter admitted that it was
at least an idle waste of time, and taking the cards
in his hand, moralized on the subject quite as well
and warmly as the deacon did. At the same time,
he allowed a few of the cards to fall here and there
on the counter, they lying very much in the shape
of tricks, and looking as if the two had really been
"taking a hand."
At this juncture, another of the church came in,
(the post-office was in the store,) and all at once
the joker placing his finger on a couple of cards on
the counter, exclaimed :
" Now. deacon. I tell vou this won't do. The
Queen always takes the Jack, and the ten the nine,
and so down, and if you don't attend, you will ne
ver learn the game. That Jack is a good card,
but my Queen takes it, and it counts me one point,
besid;s one in the counl for game.
" Why, neighbor," exclaimed the horrified dea
con, "what do you mean by that ?"
" Exactly what I say ;" was the reply, "the
Queen takes the Jack, and now it's mine you
might have trumped with it and saved it long ago;
now this Jack, with low and game puts me out."
At this moment the gentleman of Mequango
county turned round, pretended for the first mo
ment to notice the brother deacon who had en
tered, looking confused, dropped the cards, and
vanished .
Of course the deacon was caught- The horri
ble tale was told of his having been caught playing
cards on Sunday. He was cited to appear before
the church for his backsliding, and, as the evidence
was deemed complete, would have been convicted
and severely punished, in spite of all his protesta
tions of ingnorance, had not our acquaintance of
the town of Ellmore made his appearance in the
nick of time, as a witness in favor of the deacon,
told a round unvarnished tale, and procurod for
him an acquittal.
It is said to this day, the deacon has an increas
ing horror of cards, and though he feels a convic
lion that the " Queen will take the Jack," and that
the Jack can take the deacon, yet he has an utter
aversion to giving his "high, low, Jack." Ra
cine Adn.
ID"' You say," said the judge to a German upon
his trial for bigamy, "that the, squire who mar
ried you to the first wife, authorized you to take
IG. What do you mean by that V " Well," said
Hans, "he told me that I should have four petter,
four Morser,four richer, four poorer and in my
country 4 times 4 makes 16.
XcarriiMff by machinery.
M.r. Edwin, Allen of Windham, in this state, has
invented and procured a patent for a little spelling
machine, which is designed to instruct little gen
tlemen and Jadies in the knowledge of the alphabet,
'a:nd the art of spelling, while they are sliding the
wopden letters about in the grooves of the srnall
Mahogany board to which they are attached. The
board is about twelve inches long and five wide.
In the centre are four horizontal grooves, in which
the words are to be arrangedabove them is the
alphabet of capital letters, and below is the alpha-
bet of sm
all letters. New Haven Palladium.
Ponteuclle on the Signs of Death.
To be shot dead, is one of the easiest modes
of terminating life ; yet rapid as it is, the body
has first leisure to feel and the mind to reflect.
On the first attempt by one of the fanatic ad
herents of Spain to assassinate William Prince
of Orange, who took the lead in the revolt of
the Netherlands, the ball passed through the
bones of his face, and brought him to the
ground. In the instant of timo preceding stu
pefaction, he was able to frame the notion that
the ceiling of the room had fallen and crushed
him. The cannon shot which plunged into
the brain of Charles XII. did not prevent him
from seizing his sword by the hilt. The idea
of an attack, and the necessity for defence,
were impressed upon him by a blow which we
should have supposed too tremendous to leave
an interval for thought. But it by no means
follows that the infliction of fatal violence is
accompanied by a pang. From what is known
of the first effects of gunshot wounds, it i
probable that the impression is rather stunning
than acute. Unless death be immediate, the
pain is as varied as the nature of the injuries,
and these are past counting up. But there is
nothing singular in the dying sensations, though
Lord Byron remarked the physiological pecu
liarity, that the expression is invariably that of
languor ; while in death from a stab, the coun
tenance reflects the traits of natural character
of gentleness or ferocity to the latest breath.
Some of the cases are of interest to show with
what slight disturbance life may go on under
mortal wounds till it suddenly comes to a final
stop. A foot soldier at Waterloo, pierced by a
musket ball in the hip, begged water from a
trooper, who chanced to bo possessed of a can
teen of beer. The wounded man drank, re
turned his heartiest thanks, mentioned that his
regiment was nearly exterminated, and having
proceeded a dozen yards in his way to the
rear, fell to the earth, and with one convulsive
movement of his limbs, concluded his career.
j " Yet his voice," says the trooper, who him
self tells the story, " gave scarcely the smallest
signs of weakness." Captain Basil Hall, who
in his early youth was present at the battle o
Corunna, has singled out from the confusion
which consigns to oblivion the woes and gal
lantryof war, another instance extremely simi
lar, which occurred on that occasion. An old
officer, who was shot in the head, arrived, pale
and faint, at the temporary hospital, and begged
the surgeon to look at his wound, which was
pronounced to be mortal. " Indeed I fear so,"
he responded with impeded utterance "and
yet I. should like very much to live a little Ion
ner it it were possible. tie laid nts sworu
a
upon a stone by his side, " as gently," says
Hall, " as if its steel had been turned into glass
and almost immediately sunk dead upon the
turf."
Drowning was held in horror by some of the
ancients, who conceived the soul to be a fire
and that the water would put it out. But
Sybarite could hardly have quarrelled with
death. The struggles at the onset are prompt
ed by terror, not by pain, which commences
later, and is soon succeeded by pleasing lan
guor; nay, somo, if not a majority, escape al
together the interval of suffering. A gentle
man, for whose accuracy we can vouch, told
us he had not experienced the slightest feeling
of suffocation. The stream was transparent
the day brilliant, and as he stood upright, he
could see the sun shining through the water
with a dreamy consciousness that his eyes
were about to close upon it forever. Yet be
neither feared his fate, nor wished to avert it
A sleepy sensation, which soothed and grati
fied him, made a luxurious bed of a watery
grave. A friend informed Mothele Vayer, that
such was his delight in groping at the bottom
that a feeling of anger passed through his mind
against the persons who Dulled him out. It
is probable that some of our readers may have
seen a singularly striking account of recovery
from drowning by a highly distinguished om
cer, still living, who also speaks of the tola
absence of pain while under the waves; but
adds a circumstance of startling interest name
ly, that during the few moments of conscious
ness, the whole events of his previous life,
from childhood, seemed to repass with light
ning-iike rapidity and brightness before his
eyes ; a narration which shows on what accu
rate knowledge the Oriental framed his atory
of the Sultan, who dipped his head into a ba
sin of water, and had, as it were, gone through
all the adventures of a drowned life bofore he
lifted it out again. No one can have the slight
est disposition to question the evidence in the
recent English case, bu we do not presume
io attempt the physiological explanation.
That to be frozen to death must bo a fright
ful torture, many would consider certain from
their own experience of the effects of cold.
But here we fall into the usual error of sup
posing that the suffering will increase with the
energy of the agent, which could only bo the
case if sensibility remained the same. Intense
cold brings on speedy sleep, which fascinates
the senses and fairly beguiles men out of their
lives. A friend of Robert Royle, who was
once overtaken by drowsiness while comforta
bly sealed on the side of a sledge, assured him
that he had neither power nor inclination toask
for help, and unless his companions had ob
served his condition he would have welcomed
he snow for his winding-sheet. But the most
curious example ol'jhe Aeductive power of cold
Is to be found in the adventures of the botanical
party who, in Cook's first voyage, were caught
in a snow storm on Terra del Fuego. Dr.
Solarider, by birth a Swede, and well acquaint
fid with the destructive deceits of a rigorous
climate, admonished the company, in defiance
of lassitudn to keep moving on. " Whoever,"
said he, "sits down will sleep and urjoever
sleeps will perish." ' The Doctor spoke as a
saeebutlie .'feiVt: a manV In spue of the
remonstrances-of those wnom no nau manur
ed and alarmed, he was the first to lie down.
A black servant who followed the example,
was told he would die, and he replied, to die
was all he desired. But the Doctor despised
his own philosophy ; he said he would sleep
first and go on afterwards. Sleep he did for
two or three minutes, and would have slept
forever unless his companions had happily
succeeded in kindling a fire. The scene was
repeated thousands of limes in the retreat from
Moscow. "The danger of stopping," says Beau
pre, who was the medical staff, " was univer
sally observed, and disregarded." Expostula
tion was answered by stupid gaze, or by re
quest to be allowed to sleep unmolested ; for
sleep was delicious, and the only suffering
was in resisting its call. Mr. Allison the his
torian, to try the experiment, sal down in his
garden at night when the thermometer was at
four degrees below zero, and so quickly did
the drowsiness come stealing on, that he won
dered how a soul of Napoleon's unhappy band
had been able to resist the treacherous influ
ence. And doubtless they would have all per
ished if the fear of doath had not sometimes
contended with the luxury of dying. Limbs
are sacrificed where life escapes, and such is
the obtuseness of feeling that passengers in
the streets of St. Petersburg rely on one an
other for the friendly warning that their noses
are about to precede them to ihe tomb. An ap
pearance of intoxicafibn is another common re
sult, and half frozen people in New England
have been punished for drunkards an injustice
the more galling, that in their own opinion the
state was produced by the very waut of their
sovereign specific, " a glass of something to
keep out the cold." The whole of the effects
are readily explained. The contracting force
of the cold compresses the vessels, drives the
blood into the interior of the body, and the sur
face deprived of the life sustaining fluid, is left
torpid or dead. A part of the exteinal circula
tion takes refuge in the brain, and the conges
tion of the brain is the cause of the stupor.
The celerity of the operation, when not resist
ed by exercise, may be judged from the cir
cumstance that in the few instant3 Dr. Solan
der slept, his shoes dropped off through the
shrinking of his feet. There is the less to
wonder at the contradiction between his pre
cepts and his practice. In proportion to the
danger which his mind foretold, was the ease
with which his vigilance was overpowered
and disarmed. Lon. Quart. Review.
Don't Print your Name in your Hat.
BY DEM JOHN.
There lived, not long since, in a neighboring
ciiy, a gentleman, who in the service of his
country and otherwise, had made his name a
household fixture. He had, on several occa
sions, when before the enemy, signally distin
guished himself, and at the time referred to,
held high rank. He bad many striking pecu
liarities ; was quick tempered, impulsive, brave
as Julius Caesar, and as ready as Hotspur to
avenge personal injuries. Our hero, among
other peculiarlies, always insisted upon having
the lining of his hat of a light color, and on
the white morocco always printed his name
in largo plain letters, with a pen. This habit
he acquired after having been at several din
ner parties and balls. Beau Hickmanized by
the possessors of shocking bad tiles.
It happened that our subject, on a certain
occasion, was spending a few days at the cap
itol, and having his hat rather used up by a
shower, dropped into a shop, in the neighbor
hood of the White House, to exchange it. A
beaver was found that fitted him to a hair, and
a 1 swap' was made, to the satisfaction of all
parlies. The purchaser, as usual, printed his
name upon the lining of the new hat, and left
ihe damaged one with the owner of the shop,
without as much as noticing the number or po
sition of the store.
A few nights after this occurrence, our friend
who had been out until the short hours at a
wine party, was suddenly aroused, about three
o'clock, A. M., by a violent tumult at the door.
Who's there V shouted the old veteran, still
half asleep.
1 Officers,' was the reply
1 Officers ! what officers V
1 The police.'
The police ! what do they want here V
We want the owner of this hat.'
What hat?'
With 4 J. D. Hams' in ii.'
You don't mean to say you have got my
hat ?' shouted the old gentleman, wondering
more and more what could be the real cause
of this disturbance.
'Yes we do. 'J D. Hains' is in the hat,
and 4 J. D. Hains' occupies this room.'
' Thai's my name but how come you by
my hat V
1 Open the door and you hall know, replied
the officer, at the same time giving it a whack
with his mace.
' Oh, it's of no use,' groaned ihe sleepy oc
cupant of 49; these infernal dogs have just got
up from the lable, and I must lose my Tener
jffe and sleep into the bargain' and so saying
le got up and opened the door.
'Wo want you 10 go with us,' said a man in
a huge drab coat, that supported three several
capes of large dimensions.
' Wuh you! for what V gasped the old gen
leman, unable to collect his muddled thoughts
at this strange apparition.
1 o the police station,' repondeu tne watcn-
man, with imperturable gravity.
4 Police ! am I awake V screamed tne vic
tim. . . ...
4 Don't know sir,' said the watchman . with
out changing a museje.Vbut lf. you. ainyon
soon will be.' . ,
The'pld gentleman expostulated, threatened;
old them' who he really was but all would not
What ii the charge V demanded he.
No. 24.
Theft.'
Theft of what V
A gold watch, pair of ear rings, breast pin
and seven silver spoons, replied ihe police
man. This was a little too much. The old gen
tleman rayed and swore, and called upon the
porter to say that he was incapable of such an
act; but the porter was a raw hand and knew
nothing about them.
4 Call Mr C. , the landlord,' demand
ed Haines.
4 Can't wait for any such foolishness,' said
the officer. 4 Your name is hero in this hat,
and here, too, (looking into the new beaver,)
is one exactly like it.'
4 1 tell you there is some mistake!' groaned
the old gentleman. 4 1 have only one hat in
Washington.'
Still the officer was inexorable, and the
victim was obliged to go down to the station
house, where a large party including several
females were assembled. The committing
magistrate took the chair, and the evidence was
heard. The prosecutrix testified that about
one o'clock that night the owner of the hat in
question had called at her house, and while
she was entertaining others, made off with the
valuables above named. He was seen depart
ing from the back door, and or being closely
pursued dropped the hat.
4 What do you say to that V asked the mag
istrate. 4 I say that I never saw that female before,
and was never in her house. I can prove that
I was at supper with the ministers till after
two o'clock.
A loud ha! ha! followed, and failing to ac
count fur the hat, the old gentleman was locked
up for the night. Before the key was turned
upon him his pocket was searched, and it is un
necessary to say that none of the missing arti
cles were found upon him.
I need not say how the victim roared, railed
and threatened. He paced the floor the entire
night, and when brought out for a further hear
ing next morning, was sufficiently sober to ac
count for the old hat. Some friends were seni
for, and the magistrate, on learning the charac
ter of his prisoner, immediately released him
on his own recognizance.
It was with no little difficulty that the shop
of the halter was found. Hfs name was not
on the tip, and therefore every other storo was
of course, visited first. Ai length it was found,
however, and the latter deaposed ihat a few
days after Mr. Haines purchased the new hat he
had sold the old one to a stranger, for the sum
of one dollar.
This cleared up the mystery of the hat, and
also the prisoner, who immediately tore the
linin from his new tilefand left the station house
swearing that he would never mark his name
upon another article of personal property in his
life.
To keep Silk.
Silk articles should not be kept folded in
white paper, as the chloride of lime used in
bleaching this paper, will probably impair the
color of the silk. Brown or blue paper is bet
ter; the yellowish smooth Indian paper is best
of all. Silk intented for a dress should not ba
kept long in the house before it is made up, as
lying in the folds will have a tendency to im
pair its durability by causing it to cut or split,
particularly if ihe silk has been thickened by
gum. We knew an instance of a very elegant
and costly thread lace veil being found on its
arrival from France cut into squares, (and there
fore destroyed, by being folded over a pasts
board card.
A white sattin dress should be pinned up in
a blue paper, with course brown paper outside
sewed together at ihe edges.
The best way of keeping ribbons is to roll
them round the blocks made for the purpose ;
and then wrap them in soft paper. You can
easily obtain a few blocks from the stores where
ribbons are sold. The block should be a little
wider than the ribbon, that the edges may not
be injured. When you have wound it smooth
ly round the block, secure the end of the rib
bon with a little minikin pin. A large pin will
leave holes, and perhaps green ones.
In rolling two pieces of ribbon round the
same block, place the first end of the second
piece under the last end of the first piece, oth
erwise there will be a ridge where the two
came together. Take rare in rolling not to
make the slightest crease.
Never wrap silk or ribbon, or indeed any
thing that is to be worn without washing, in
printed paper, as the printing ink will rub off
and soil it. Miss Leslie's House Book.
A Good Toast.
At the late autumnal anniversary celebration
of the University of Pennsylvania, in Pbiladel.
phia, numerous sentiments were drank, among
which was the following :
Woman. A mistress of Arts, who robs the
Batchelor of his degree, and forces him to
study Philosophy by means of 44 curtain lec
tures." A Stumper. The editor of the Georgia
Journal has discovered a beautiful and illustra
tive metaphor : he asks an editorial opponent'
whether he can bite the bottom of a frying pan
without smutting hts nnse. ' ' -,;
A village Schoolmastor was lately found in
a brook, and would have been drowned hatl-' he
riot been so full of rum that the water could not
get at him .
1 1
44 How does the thefrrinmeier stand ?" aked
a father of his son. "It don't stand at all sir,
11 fiangs:" was the reply. 44 Well But how hisjh
tVit." rc" Jiisi about 5 "feet from iheflodr."
" Pooh ! you fodlhow does the mercury
range!
1111 ji 1111 Mil 1 11 iiiii iir.ii 1 1 it 11 r ff e 1 v
.A