Bradford Republican. (Towanda, Pa.) 1875-1892, October 20, 1881, Image 1

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    ROL COMB & TRACY, , Maim.
- •
• •
Bradford Republican,
e'rablisbea every Tbursda7 St UMW% pi n
by'LIOLCOUR & MCY, Prpristors.
Terns: - II paid in advance. $l.OO per annum ;
not paid In advance $1.25. To subscribere - out
of the county, $1,23. invariabl7 in advance, the
addition being made to cover prepayment of
.01 - attain t Hates:-811 oents a line for first
Insertion, an titre cents per line for all subs:...
quent insertions. Beading notice
ten cents pot line. Eight lines constitute
square, and twelve lines an inch. Abattoir's
notices $2.50. Administrator's and Rsecntor's
notices ;$2.00. TeartY advertising $160.00 per
Tun lizponmcss Is published In the Tsui,
Moore and Nobles Block, st the corner of Main
and Pine streets, over J. F. Corsees -Boot and
Shoe store. Its cirtulstion is over 2000. As in
advertising medium it is vosexcelled in its I*.
mediate; fled.
Our ()tubbing Terms.
We will tarnish all paying 'subscribers tor
be RENIBLICAN within the county with any
of the billowing publications, until further
notice' at the rates given below.
The Rcrusuc.szt 21.00 in addition.
Subscribers residing out of the county will
be charged 25 cents additional.
New York. Weekly Times, $ 95
Semi-Weekly Times, `•• 2 SO
New York Daily Tribune, i 9 25
Weekly Ili r ' t 00
Semi -Weekly 41 9 60
New York Daily Evening Post, 8 00
~ " Weekly :' " ...... 1 .15
Semi-Weekly • 1 it 9 25
New York Weekly World, 1 00
Semi -Weekly " 1 90
Philadelphia Daily Times, 5'65 :
Philadelphia Weekly Times, 1 30
Philadelphia Daily Press, 8 00 4
Philadelphia Weekly Press,... .. :.. 1 10.'
flarpet's Magazine, 3 10
}lamer's Weekly, 3 25
Ilarper's Bazar, 3 25'
Scribner 's Monthly,.... 3 25
St. Nicholas, -- - • , 2.50
Appletpn's Jonrnal,....- 2 35
withtoel engraving of Dickens.. 8 10
Popular Science Monthly 4 00
Su oak:— 2 50
Magazine of American History..... '4 '9O
North American Review. • 4'oo
New Yor4 Medical Jonrnsl, .. : ... ... 3 25
American Agriculturist, , - 1 10
Country Gentlemen, .... 2 10
Rural New Yorker,.... 1 85 .
Toledo Blade, 1 60
Littell's Living Age, 7 00
Atlantic Monthly, ' 3.2 5.
Wide Awake, . • 165
Babyland, • , 60
Lippincott, 3- . i 25
Demorest, . 250
Scientific American,.
Peterson's Magazine,
The Nursery,
Farmer's Review
Burlington Hawkey°,
New England Journal of Education;
genders `Treatise on the Horse....
rrival and Departure of Mails.
Mails arrive and depart at the Towanda Poet
office as fellows:
Phil., N. Y., and Eaatern States
Duahore, Laporte, &c
L. V. way mail from the North
Shoshognin 11:00
New Era. &c.. Tuesday, Thursday and
Asylum, &c.. Monday. Wednesday Auld L
Troy. Burlington. tcc 1:o0 P. NI
Legayeville, Rome, he 1:00 .
Closed pouch from Erie and NOR Re 2:30
L. - V. way mall from the Sonth.,.., . 4:35
Canton, .t e -- ' ', 5:00
Bercloy 6;30
Closed pouch from Elmira and E 13 B 10:40
Canton, Monroeton, fito 9:00 A. 14
Lehigh Valley way mail South 9:16
Closed pouch Elmira,Erie and North
ern Central Railroads - 10:00
Troy, Burlington, .tc 10:00
Sheshequln. 12:00 u:
Barclay 1:00 P. X,
Nett Era, Tuesdky Thursday and Sat•
Asylum, Monday, Wednesday ;Arid
Friday .1:00
Lertaysville, Rome, fr.c < 1:00
Dushore, Ac --., • . 2:15
high Valley way mail North 3:45
SeW York Phila. and Eastern States. 7:45
(-Ace open irom 7:00 A. x. to 7:45 P. M. Money
Order office open from 8:00 A. x. to 7:00 P. M.
05:0 open on Sunday from 9:00 to 10:00 A. K.
P. Powmu., P. M.
•TO TAKE EFFECT MAY - 15, 1880.
141 9 7 ,
P.M. A.M.:A.M. P.M.
Niagara Fans ,• 2.05 7.20 7.15
Buffalo • 2.50 8.25..... 9.20
Rochester 5.15 10.30 - ,„„,
Lyons 6.50 1 11.301
Geneva . 6.54 11.55 ..
Ithaca' 8.35 1381 8.30...
Auburn 5.10 8.05' ...,
Owego... .... 9.0010.501 '
Elmira 9.10 1.45 1 9.00 X
Waverly 9.45 2.10 9.40 4.11
Sayre 10.10 2.30 10.00 ; 4.'"
Athens - 10.15 2.34110.05 4.
Milan - 110.15....
Mater 1 10.25 ... .
Towanda 1046' 3.001043 50:
- •
Wyssuking . 10.54 5.'
Standing Stone 11.03
Rummerfleld . I
11 11 1 9 3 , "5. '
Wyalnaing 3.36 11.30 5.
Lsceyville 11.44 3.54 11.49 6.
Skinner's Eddy ' ' 11.53 G.
Meshoppen 4.10 12.10 6.
Mehoopsny :,. - 12.16 6.
Tunktumnock 12.25 4.35 1.00 7.
LaGrange 1.10 7.
Fa 1151.23 7.
L& 4 Junction ....... ..... 1.05 "5.10 1.45 8.
Wilk ys•Barre • 1.25 6.25 2.20 8.
Manch Chunk 3.45 7.30 4.50 11.
Allentown , 4.44 8.241 5.33 12.
Bethlehem 5.00 1 8.351 6.05 12.
Easton 5.30 9.00' 6:40 12.
Fhilsdelphis 6.55 10.35 8.25 2.
New York . 8.05 i
A.M. P.M. P.M . P
New. York - •
Philadelphia •
Allentown -
Mauch Chunk...... . .....
L k B Junction
Fa 115..... ..
Tunklumnock •
Skinner's Eddy
Dwelt - Me .
litauSing Stone
(later. .....
- Athena
• '
Geneva .
Buffalo —.
No. 32 leiVei WPM:sing ai
'Owl' n. 14. Rummerlield 6.23,
Wrimuliing 6.40. Towanda
Milan 7:16 Athens 7:25,
ly 7:55; arriving at Elmira 8:50.
No. 31 leaves Elmira 6:43 P.. M. Waverly 6:33,
Sayre -45. Athens 6:50, MS= 619. Ulster 7:06,
Towanda 7:23, Wysauking 7:35. Standing Stone
.44, liummertield 7:62, PronclitOwn 8:02, arriv
ing at Wyalnaing at 13:15._
Trains 8 and 15 run dilly. Sleeping cars on
trains is and 15 between Niagara Falls add MS
delphia and between Lyons and New York with
out changes. Parlor ears on Trains 2 and 9
between Niagara Palls and Philadelphia with
out change, and through coach to and , from
&cheater via Lyons. WM. STEVENSON, Supt.
i kThlro Ps., May 15, 1881. Pa. &N.Y.B. B.
vi e GEORGE OTT, .
1 1 4$ d Inuatial Guile W.rk
mak: Prices cheaper than the elm
mso.-tf. MOE. PA
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i. Vi .--- 1 '
~ -.,..,:..".". - : ;,,,....]":"".1", - . - -4. "".:"Att.. -I '. - •';. - i,r , "".'':
- -470 amt -
. ...
liic,".•aiddbrair . - • • .1y:
•Bat:-.1- , thovibt -
cried K: liiiiiiiit. 3
• filber doesn't Mar. ' • Wag,.
Hoes;: 'W..' tatll*- -; -. ,
. :.. ~.,
par, Abe .11flobiri"&' • • -
"• ,
Janet eery.: yottetil••.. • ',Am
, movie oddacerail ' i , '.r• -
onwelei:ead4 l o,
hier,Acididok : : , - -say
- disoitr. , , '...'.: - •-••-'::: - •:.;••,':-::.'-;:r.
- 1 . ---- ..: r - ~..t • ~
.. :: -.Tarr.. • • • - • . . -.:
. ( 1 40 ,..;•befoflist i - ,' - - , :: -•-•• -
haek.acdtcalk . .l - . • • ~.iii ante
tereiroliraiddr , -• • • )
Towanda Badman; Ditactay.
Qum' a Naza r Attcassys:st.tini;
f ow" , Powollt so. , 4- •
..: . sou
PirstNationalllank.trpiitar.4 2.14 -
Wark SOW air 0 Mara sad L littarris.)
n Menu Block. Pask,St. , in y34.78 '
POOH k OVERTON (Bad Al Peek eed D Orr-
Ofßoe over =re Kuket 49-19
nroaroN a BANDEESON Owe n§ iind Jul*
PBanderson.) 01111celn —Agsmßlocir4o,lllll
MAXWELL,,WY.Roe ovili-D44tWali Mik iterte
viriLT, 7. AINDRZW.: aka 111- *An* 'Moak;
. , .
. .
W Varaftiora. anal ,th
9s Ware Home. lintesso• os Palau at , 0.12.71
WOMB; BODNILT: A. Ileittelteir of Patents.
Palls**, attention, paid, ;to bl ess In
001111111 Ad thssettlasit4it Aotmattes.
tnaa to Montsayers Block.
IUiroPHIMIKYS k YOUNG, a. Ma lkaiois cot
jalM. Nr.4 ried4), 00lootousko34sollimmro
Block. - fie 1:78 .
mr&Driz & zninny. Orgoo owner Nun and
X& Pine et. Nobles btoeir. mond Soot , front.
Collections prtomptly attended to. fetil 78
B J Angle and Z Buitsgros).
Odice west aide of Main street. two doors north
of Argus office. AB business entrusted to their
oars will receive priunptattention. oct 28.71
ItSAWN & TIIOMPHON. (G. F. Mom S. 4.
Ws& •Thempsom) •atelow. red* at.
twat= to oolivoTonotAttor neyat lit. ezataleation ß of titla
sad all metier veiating to Teel estate. • Code°.
tioas.promptly remitted. Mee over Patch &
Traers store.. - marlo.Bl.
s and Law. Oboe to the
Block, over C. T. Eitbre Drug Store.
• Julys, tr.
g/LENEY, I. P. Attorney-at-Inw. MO in
Montanye's Blot*, Main Street:
Sept. /5, 'Bl-tf.
.ITMOMPSON, W. H. and Z. A.. Attorneywat
+IMF, Towanda. Pa. Office in. Mercer Bloch.
over 0. T. Kirby' a Drag Store. entrance on Main
street. AM stairway north or Poe Wince. All
hominess promptly attended! to. Special atten
*Miro to dams against She United States
for undone. Bounties,- Patents. etc.. and to
collections and seStlemenS of decedent', es %tea.
April 21. ly
JOHNSON. T. 8., M.D. Office mg Dr. H. C
Porters's Drug Store: riatra,TB
ENTON. Dr*. D. N. &F. G. Office at Dwelling
-on lliver Street, corner Weston St. feb 12,77
LDD. O. M.D. Office lit door above old
. bank building, on Main Itreet. Special at
tention given to diatoms of the throat and
lungs. julylo,7B
WOODBUEN, 8. M., M.D. Office and rea
'donee. Plain street, north of M.E.Ohnrch.
. 1 65
. 2 75
. 160
Medical Examiner for Pension Dcmirtment.
feb 22,78
PYNE, E. D.. M.D.. Office over Montanye's
• Store. Office hours from 10 to 12 4. ac: and
from 2 to 4 p. at. Special attention given to
Diseases of the Eye. and Diseases of the Ear.
oct 20.77
1 50
9 00
VIV&NBT HCIIIBE./ Main at., next corner south
. 1 7 4 . •of Bridge Street. Oiew - house and new
furniture throuoout., The proprietor has
spared neither WUB or expense • in making his
hotel nrst-class respectfully solicits a share
of public patro et. Meals *kali hours. Terms
reasonable. Large Stable attached. •
mar 8 77 ±• WM. HERBY.
.. COO A. g
WATKINS POST; I , N). 68, 0. A. H. Meets
every Saturday evening. at Military Hall.
: • GEO. V. KEEL Vstamander•
J. R. Ere/tunas. Actjutant. feb 7, 79
GIIYEEI`AL LODGE, NO. - 57. Meets at K. of P
Ball every Monday evening' at 7:30.. In
'nuance $2,000. Benefits s3.oo,per week. Aver
age annual cost, 5 years experience. $ll.
J. B. RITTBIDGE, Reporter.
JEsszWannsaa,, Js.. Dictator_ . lob sto_an
BBADFORDIADGE., N 0.107, I. 0. 0. F. Meet
in Odd Fellow's Hall, every Monday evening
at 7 o'clock. Want= Mom, Noble Grand.
June 12,75 -
PF. E. No. 32 Second street. , All orders
a• will receive prompt attention. June 12,75
RAN, County Superintendent. Office
days bud Saturday of each month. over
Turner ft Gordon's Drug Store. Towanda Pa.
July 19.18
Da The Fall Term of twenty-eight year com
mences on Monday Augustl2nd, 188 L For cata
logue or other information, address or call on
the Principal;
Towanda, Ps.
my 19,78
wiy.tvgxts, -EDWARD... Practical Plumber
and Gas Fitter. Place of business In Mor
als Block next door to Journal office oppogite
Public Square. Plumbing, Gas Fitting, Repair
ng Pumps of all kinds, and all kinds of Gearing
promptly attended to. All wanting work in his
ne should give him a call. . July 27,77
•f R USSELL. 0. S. General Insurance Agency.
,IS au Towanda, Pa. Office in Whitcomb's Book
Store. 3 July 12,76
formerl i j O ortt Ward Ho t nie . . l l : o o. T. d i a j , 14 1 ):
prietor. This Hotel is located immodistly
opposite the railroad depot, Every pains taken
for the comfort of guests, July 5,77
xi TOWNER, H. L.. M.D.. .
' Residence and office just north of Dr. Corbon's
Main street, Athena. Pa.
10 •
.36 •
II _
Jewelry Store
A.M. P.
..40 3.
9.00 4.
10.15 5.
10.45 6
10.54 6
111.55 7
2.03 9
0 1
.13 Main Street, Towanda, Pa.,
S 6
Where he keepu a FULL AI3BOIIE-,MENT or
. 1 4,- Gold scSilver Wtches
3.03 1
4 43;12
4.65 12
6.16 N
12.05 8. I'
1.05 2.41
A.H. L.lf
A. X., French
ding Stone 6.31
Miter 7.06,
7:40, Waver-
(Formerly with Hendelmanj
With Swarts & GOen's Store,
ea- ni. Stock in aU NEW and of the FINEST
QUALITY, pal sad see for yonrselL
dad& •
174 - 'l7l IFIITM'-mm
I. sure In its effects, mild in its action as it does
not blister. yet is pcnetisting and powerful to
reach every deep seated pain or to remove any
bony growth" or other enlargements, such as
spaying, splints curb", callous,
sprains, swell
ings and any lameness and all enlargements of
the joints or limbs, or for , rheumatism in man
and for any purpose for which a liniment is used
for man or beast. It is now known to be the
best liniment forrnan ever used, acting mild and
yet certain in its effects. •
Send address for Illustrated Circular which
we think gives positive proof of its virtues. No
remedy has ever met with such unqualified vic
cats to our knowledge. for beast as well lb man.
Price $1 per bottle. or sir blor $5. 111
Druggists have it or can get it for;n, or it Will
be sent to any address on receipt of price by the
proprietors, Dn. B. J. Szezaii. k Co., Enos
burgh Palls. Vt.
Sold by all Druggists.
nun pe . 2.44liipepti& Vino
:= 6" = 4 l. e .
atom* earl ditiease, Bii.
kninieu t lfervous debigty, de.
rile Eint Sillait =DIM to Ifoo!
4,000,000 Bottles
...,,, ki i bi gna smog 1570. • - 2
Th 4 possums Valid Averties.
re s tea tie Ptyalin° In the
Saliva, Which convests Gus Stare& alai
Sugar of the shod tato glucose. A de&
cleat" In Ptyalin° causes Wind and
Ilmerissg of tbe ti
end La i , u lui . It
thews icineistaken . aft**
ttu fie assassas et MI pie=
II deli won On Ztest% '•.
' /I acts sons On lthlnegs. I - ,--,
II aseortnis
41 Mao Noe& • - ,
It the
jo gsrosiss ligtenee 1
zr awilintionnoi
it rffoiN• s"li atherl mi llusitessii meats snit
:Arse= the skin andnduces
V -"(
It neutralizes thelusreditszy taint, or piste
In the blood, villa 'generates. Smola/a, /try
elyelashand all maw of shin diSeases Sad
internal hoineas.
There Mimi Willa ereldOyed In its mann
bate, or b
Wen*. and It can be y
the ag taken
andteeble by the most
eersoidg deli,
este ed,
belay mistreats attessaess to dirsetknsts
Laboratory, 77 Weft ad Btu
Never fidli to Cure.
• Ashland, &MIAS! co., Ps.
Dear Sir:—This is to certify that your INDIAN
BLOOD Blattilr 105 bounnima me ammo. attar •
`short trial. than .6U the niedleizie I have used
Air 16 years.
• . Disease of the Stomach.
Ashland. Schnyhtil co . . pi.
Dear Sir I have used your excellent INDIAN
BLOOD SYRUP for Disease of the Stomach, and
t bas proved, to be a valuable medicine.
Nervous Debility
Turtle Point, Mckean co., Es.
Dear was troubled with -Nervous De
bility and partial Paralysis, for a number of
years, and obtained no relief until I used your
INDIAN BLOOD SYRUP, a shore trial of which
restored me to health.
r For Scrofula.
Turtle Point, McKean co.. Pa.
Dear Sii:—My little girl was cured of - Indent
nation of the Face and Eyes, by the use of your
reliable INDIAN' BLOOD SYRUP.- A physician
had previously failed to afford relief and it was
thought that the child could not live. Its neck
and breast was entirely covered with Scrofulous
Sores, whichAvfnow entirely gone.
We Emus.
Sure Care for Liver Complaint. •
Turtle Point, McKean co.. F's.
Dear Sir:—This is to certify that your INDIAN
BLOOD SYRIIt ham effectually relieved • me of
Liver Complaint and Dyspepsia. a ft er the doe.
tom failed.
Remedy for the Rheumatism.
Turtle Point. McKean to., Pa.
Dear Sir:—l hive used your excellent INDIAN
BLOOD SYRUP for Rheumatism and Liver Com.
plaint, and have
.derived great relief therefrom.
Daum autesos.
• An Agent's Testimony. - •
Turtle Point. McKean co.; Pa.
Dear Ble:—lwras a life-long sufferer from Liver.
Complaint until I used your great INDIAN
BLOOD SYRUP, from which . I soon obtained
permanent relief. I also And the Syrup to be a
valuable Bowel Regulator.-
A Valuable Medicine.
Berlin. Somerset Co.. Pi.
Dear Sir:—This is to certify that your reliable
INDIAN BLOOD SYRUP is the best medicine
ever used in my ismily. Hoping the public will
be benefited' by this great• remedy, I take great
pleasure in giving my testimony of its value.
..iosapa P . BaniuMga.
Dyspepsia and Indigestion.
Berlin, Somerset Co.. Pa.
Dear Sir:—l take pleasure in recommending
your INDIAN BLOOD SYRUP as the beat medf.
clue made. People who are Dyspeptic should
not fail to givelt a trial. For tne Stoma - eh it
has no equal. rhyme used it and know it to be
a valuable medicine.
Liver Complaint.
Berlin; Somerset Co., Pa.
Dear Sir:—l • Was troubled with Liver Com
plaint for a long:time.and by the persuasion of
;your Agent, I commenced taking your excellent
MDIAN SLOODIMII7P,which has greatly bane
tied me. '1 have, never found any medicine to
equal it, and can confidently say it is a safe and
highly valuable remedy.
Elm= Zeus..
Pain in the Breast.
, Berlin, Somerset:CO., Pa.
• Dear Sir:—l was aided with a Pain in my
Breast and Side. and when I would lie down, I
could scarcely breathe for Pain, I was also very
weak in myDrekst and Lungs. I used some of
your INDIAN BLOOD SYRUP and am now near.
ly well. My Lungs are strong once more and I
am very grateful to you for. such a valuable
DlsPePsia and Indigestion.
Phikdelptila. Pa.
Dear filr:;--Thho is to certify that your inns•
ble INDIAN BLOOD SYRUP has cured me of
Dyspepsia and Indigestion. which I had been
afflicted with for years.
Grows M. Elinor.
For Kidney Diseases.
Philadelphia, Pa.
Dear Sir:—l Wu subject to severe Pains in my
Kidneys, Weakness and Painful Sick Headache,
for years, and failed to obtain relief, until I war
induced to try your reliable INDIAN BLOOD
SYRUP. a short trial of which restored me to
perfect health.
N0• . 1.525 Barb= St.
For Costiveness.
Philadelphia. Ps.
Dear Sir:—l was troubled with Coetivenes and
neadache. and the use of your INDIAN BLOOD
SYRUP proved most benelicfsl to me. It le the
best medicine I ever used.
No .817 Federal St.
For 111 Muslims.
Philadelphia. Ps.
Dear Sir: —I was &filleted with Dyspepsia and
Billiousness 102 yam,
.ina fined to procure
lief wain began using your INDLiN BLOOD
SYRUP, which soon effectually relieved me. I
take great spleasure in recommending its use to
the afflicted. ,
No. 103 e Locust St,
Disease of the Stomach and: Liver.
Bushkin, Pike Co., .Pa.
Mar Sir:—This is to certify that I have ,used
your INDIAN BLOOD SYRUP for Disease of the
Stomach and Liver, and have been much bene
fited thereby. I •
Pumas Vananiums.
Best Family Medicine.
Bushkin, Pike Co:, Pa.
Dear Sir ;—I consider your reliable INDIAN
BLOOD SYRUP the best medicine I ever need in
my family. It is lust iirecommended.
• liLmazt. annum
Remedy for Worms.
Dear sir:-4 have used your great INDIAN
BLOOD SYRUP . In .my dually for Worm and
summer Complaint. and it has proved effectual
in all eases:-
Never Falls to Cure.
Bustafit, Pike Co.. Ps. •
Dear 131r:—Ity daughter was in Poor Bad*
ends short trial of your INDIAN BLOOD BYBDP
entirely cured her.
oi the INDIA
SYRUP In every town orti in which I hare
no agent. Particuluil Siren on application.
11 001171Unlirth A**
, :1" NIGHT. ,t '
The night is dark around me,
The Winders roar above;
- AM ever and anon -
The vivid lighttdwilash.
The bill 111 steep lakwe ate i .
And I make eau *IV
But. onward stiLonward I press
Not heeding the atones rase;
The trearboine imam and *MOO. -
Stay not aiy eager feet,
. And of her whom I then sludl met.
Anti think of that "Twilight Berry"
BO ma sad Yet so sweet;
Andaier me flows Iliad, of emotion
So strong I can heartny hurt beat: •-•
I think of her walk of welcome
I think of her glad mails%
For she knows sot of my condos -
-Ace .FM IIIII i b". 111111120 t•
Asa aina as toll dala• per -
Belem more afar to bear,
Whoa I Iblakof her wholi
. waiting .
kly lot ht lib tit shirt.
Pas salt SOMILMMI:
Dees, desiold Harp thon In threat Nide,
,In as *trot bitterest OW and pain,. -
Bemetssln vain tiro' inisattewe tried, -
To - waken even one perfect -
I said cotty heari sto will henceforth sit,
Where Om* fount of Wag lottotb every
'Twere better thus than this vain regret,
This striving that bringeth no recompense.
Now with folded bands and' enchanted eari_
In soft idlesse while a lover's hand,
Sweeps o'er his lute tender; sweet end clear.
His brow enwreathed by a grateful bud.
And now we're tenting anew the brink;
Of the "Living Waters" while on my ear,
Rings the angel choral "arise anddriidt"
Ain and alas we but bid "anear."
Now the world unites in one graf.4
A Master willeth the melody,
In my !see 0 heart do nolpour thy shame„
Not many know that teedared to /try.
B. B. 'humAlt
In orueilision s hearrodeep throes
Move sobs from even the organ's keys,-
A Nation's anguished head o'erflows,
Thro' blinded eyes np from bonded !mks.
3iss. J. Au
O poor old Harp thou wed' thrust away
In OS hour of bitterest Pride and pain.
But I cannot weep and I cannot pray.
Come try for me just one grieving strain.
Dear, dear Old Harp nevermore we part
Tho' no one notice our broken Jay,
Thy stringi are fibres of mind heart,
Together we weep and together pray.
D. C. Wnrenv
. ,
'lt's a yelp , • pretty perish," said the
Rev. Mr. Racquet, 'and a very pleasant
pecple. 1 1 The elderly ladies ere steady,
Consistent workers, Abe younger, active
and enthusiastic, I don't think, it I
had possessed the privilege of selecting
for myself, I could he t i% found a more
delightfil positionY
B ! ,?. BISHOP.
......M.,.._,Bewbasio-Rdwilsoft wear
twenty, with with a straight nose, pleasadt
blue eyes, and a general talent _ for be
ing satisfied with evisrything and every
bady. He was located in his first
parish, a picturesque little knot of
houses, overhanging a brisk cataract
which made work for mills and. factor
ies, and so far he was one of those ex
otptions in life, a perfectly satisfied
'Ah,' said his 'friend Mr. Alton, who
we r e a misanthrope. 'The ladies; eh II"
'Yes,' said Mr. Racquet, quietly; 'fin
a country parish depends upon_its fe
male members.'
'Yes,' observed Mr: Alton, ',dry]
'You are an unmarried - -man, Ibelievii."-
'I am an unmarried man—ies cer
'And this is—Leap Year.'
'Nonsense 1' cried the Parson, briskly.
'I hope you may
_find it nonsense,"
said Mr. Alton, pursing up his lips;
'but lam told that there are a good
many single ladies this year 'who are
driven desperate by the prospect of
spinsterhood —'
Sulu Kaigaxicurik
'NonsenseX again exclaimed, Mr.
Racquet. 'My dear Alton, thin is alit-
tie too much of a burlesque. You don't
seriously believe in this=this absurd
Mr. Alton only shook his head. as he
rose and reached' for his'hat.
get my book, Racquet, said he as
he looked lugubriously around dui
room, 'and go out fora stroll in these
pine-scented woods. My doctor says
that pine sap is very healthy for lungs
that are consumptively inclined.'
I 'Very well,' said the Rev. Mr.. Rac
quet, with a glance at the scattering
sheets of the half composed sermon that
lay on his desk 'and I will join you after
a '
He took up his pen, dipped it deter
minedly in the inkstand, and went
resolutely to writing; but, the word of
his iconoclastic friend rang persistently
in his ears.
'lf there should be any foundatfon
Alton's absurd idea l' he ponder,3l,
with his pen suspended above the par
tially sheet. 'But of course
there cant't be; bit if such a pussibility
did exist—a married man is really a bet
ter member of society than a single one.
I never did adhere to the doctrine that
olergymen should be celibates l'
And all the while Rosa Appleton's
cherry chalks and yellow hair were
dancing a human 1-o'-wisp before the
horizon of his mind's eye.
“She's Young,' he said to himself,
'and perhaps a trifle inclined to be
giddy, but she's certainly very charni
ing. And, since the Appletons ha l e
failed, and the mother has opened 'a
boarding house, and Udall has.gone
to teaching, Ido not think I could de
better than marry--'
'Bose Appleton, air, if you please.'
It was a final little voioe that broke
in, up his reflection, and Boss herself
stood before him, coloring like a pink
carnation, with a basket°, bite peaches
in her hand.
I've called on business, sir,' said
The &v. Boderlo moved forward a
chair. '
M. A. -Bsoirs
Psalm T. Gowns;
Tsoxis Coirnitner
. 1 00170VINZIff OP TM
111LYâZLOOL rAi‘
'Pray be - seated, Miss Appletou.'
he not without some mission on -
own part. -
Miss Appleton sat down pulling ,
vously at the Angers of her thread
gloves. 'Ns about our Lucille,' said
she. ,
CNN viiesar.
'Oh, With
ink ?Adam
• 'War,
'Thai adatii*inle here.' said
sok witlifsixtiViiiitioes fixed on the
7onwg.+ i I )
_.,Clbsit tank fihiidOle two pieces of
themes entterflisslisto opposite oor;
nets of the
SW) iea't pr
but as ton
dress to the
bewails a .
iindjber Tay
'lndeed. 1'
She has
on Rosa.
the same
of one shi
m she does
she (wants
A odd
the Esiere,
drew back
ire 1110•8014
year was ni
Wt. Alma
be coerced
knew it.
'l—Pd rather net Medd Mr. Racquet,
Rosa looked -at fim, half amaz
ed, half. offended. •• s
'Battier ; -not?' s* repeated.
don't think Lucius abetted that decis
ion. Perliaps she'd Totter come and see
you herself.
'No,-no iaShe need't: do that: gasp
ed Mr. Racquet. decision is irre
And hurriedly gathering his paper,
he caught his pen 'nod feigned great
'I see you are bukr p 'saill Rog*, softly,
after an instant of bssitatiOn.
'Yes,' said Mr.Paequet, I am rather
'Their peihlsps I had better bid you
good-morning,' said Rosa.
'Good-morning Miss Appleton.' said
the clergyman, with his eyes glued to
the paper.
'What r he cried, after the fashion
of the soliloquizing heroes of the stage;
'Marry that wrinkled, one eyed hag,
just because she wants-some one to pro.
vide for her, and it is leap yeae 1 And,
worst and cruelest of all to think that
Rosa herself should come tq propose itr
Just then Rose's voice, soft and
plaintive,.. talking to the old book
keeper in the kitchen; chimed upon his
ear. Involuntarily he listened.
'IL know it is very foolish in me to cry,
Mrs. Megson,'. faltered Rosa, 'but in
deed, I can't 'help it. Yon see, we
heard you wereping away, and Lucille
was so anzimutto,, obtain the situation
of housekeeper. so middle-aged
and steady-going. you know, that it
would be the beat , place for her.'
- 'Certainly, certainly, Miss Rosa I'
said good natured Mrs. Megson. 'And
what objection did the master possibly
haie to it r
'I don't know,' said Rosa, 'but he
was In stern and short with me. Be
didn't seem a bit like himself. And ohl
Mrs. Megsoni, please to give me a
glass of water, for I feel all in a flutter.
I didn't even have a chance to tell him
that Lucille was willing to come with
out wages for the first month, for the
sake of learning the ways, and—'
But Boderiek ligunnet• heard no
more. Scattering the sermon ;heas
right and left he seized his hat and rush
ed down the back garden to a certain
walk, by which Rosa Appleton must re-.
turn to her own home; and when the light ,
gore eame, - moving softly along like a
shadow, he dapped out and stood di.
reedy in front of her. She started like
a frightened fawn. -
'Rosa,' he said, 'do not be afraid.
I--do not think 1 we -quite understood
one: another. Your sister waled _to
take the position which old Megson is
about to vacate of housekeeper.'
'Yes, sir,' said Boas, with downcast
eyes. •
'But I should prefer= another'. house
keeper, Rosa," boldly spoke out the
parson.. 'I should prefer you 'as my
wife, darling—my own life freakier
"I never thought of such a thing;'
said Rosa, beginningi to color and
'Think of it now,' went on on Mr.
Racquet. 'Lucille and and '- your
mother can live with us, if you like, but
you must be the' little honsekeepor,
my Rosa.' -
And after a singularly-short period a
deliberation, Rosa Appleton decided to
accept the 'Ablation. ••
When Mr. Alton came in from his
meditations among the pine groves,
Roderic met him with a , radistitp`oonn
-'Old fellow,' said he, "I'm saf I No
more of your leap year intimations for
me 'l'm engaged 1'
'She has asked you, eh to gemmed
Mr. Alton. k.
•No,' said the pawn. 'I asked herr
It is bettee to start life off, a baked
- and Sah-balls diet. and autuktnany
get up to turkey. than to dart on tur
key and ultimately get down to baked
beano and &h-balls.-15 Jour
ad. We beg to differ. We iiefer to
adhw the turkey we have • Ay to
baked %mum and ilaipballathat e . know
not of. •
...1-1t... - i
r *ldle waiting for,Wee7iat?the tail Ulm tree,
The sioug.of a Ul came floating 'to' me;
pagotured I sa t sad I listetted long,
As she poured forth:bar soul tn i troudeoui
T— mg, _
,And then; like a dash, from .the throat of• tlie
- film
aly. sort,
, she repeated iron
"sweek sweet,-
Come tome, sweet."
ell 'settled-in
be mall with
like hes: ' EMS
low sad 'has
rris 'arid Only
lists bin of
A moment she listened; then Called again; -
Than she sang se before-4k 103 **Uniuli
'With never a doubt; and never a kart
There was faith
, in her voice. - so 'brining and
Not long does she 4 vait. for to I while she
said Mr. - Bao
.per inttAer
"Aims indi't
apt to display:
of others. 'lf
Coma' ea auswerlng note and a. ALM of
'Sweet,. sweet, -
• I'm Doming, eweet.*
When be flew to the tree and found'' her
• there,
Such a burst of melody iWed the air;
Such happiness gushed from their tuneful
Stich ripples of laughtellimoh gay,. meiry
t—'to the
. htotes I • ? •
In their sweet bird language I heard them
vah - 4
"We're the happiest blids in the world to
' •
- day." •
Again and againl.
(lame'the ,tendOetrain—
"Sweet, sweet, . -
To love isliweet." .
ted noes.
to be bate, •
your sid
hug 'week,
td you will
t, frigidly.
ted,' went
.; 'but at
I un g with the bifds 14 the morning clear,
The song that mr:,darling toyed best to hear,
With never a doubt and never a care.
My heart was as light as the. fresh . morning
I called like the bird in the tall elm tree.
"I am itaiting,smy dearest, waiting for thee:
- Careless/y soft.
/ repeated it oft— •
•Wweet; sweet. .
Come to me. sweet."
it despise
/or the sake
we her.'
ant around
'nth. Ite .
an instinct
ee. Leap
Bat my heart grows faint as the ,day wears
on ,
The gladsome light of the morning is gone,
And a • mist creeps up from the cold gray
Arab and
he Ahould
In its chilling embracelt is folding me;
I call, and I bitten and wait in rain,
With a burning thirst and a him gry pain.
And my eaget_tcne
His changed to a moan—
" Sleet, sweet,
. Where art thou, sweet?" , •
• --Helen Mar; in Boston Transcript. ,
'Bat I tell yon, Lou, I can't afford
'Oh, you stingy thing! You are will
ing to have your, wife go like a dowd,
just for the sake of a few paltry, dollars?'
And pretty Lou, Falconer pouted her
rosy lip, and turned pettishly away
'We are a yoring : Arm, you know,
Lou, and—'
'Ob. say nothing more about it, if yon
please. I shall never ask you for tiny
thing again.' An 4 with a little toes of
her head she left the room.
. w41721g.
TWILIGHT nzrzny.
/Win the twilight and dream
Of my lover so far away.
And once more by hie side I seem
As I stood on our parting day. '
Those eyes—his eyes of tender blue
Are fondly gazing on me,
And the love of his heart all true
In their depths I clearly see.
He gently draws me to him •
Audi:messes his lipa`to my brow;
Should I live till my eyes grow dim
WiS his.kiss thrill me. !hen an amity
My head on his shoulder I lay •
My hands are both trusted in his,
My Darling, thus near .all life's day
Would I deem such exquisite bliss.
• . . . .
The beautiful vision bears Bowers,
Around me Is only the night.
I alt here so sadly atone -
Longing for 7012. Love. and light.
rom her husband.
Falconer sighed, and his brow con
tracted with pain, as he looked alter
her. •
'Poor cluldl It is so hard to refuse
her anything.'
He was a pale young man, with a
thoughtful cast of countenance and
earnest gray eyes, habitually reserved
and prudent, he was accounted a
sharp boldness man, and at the time of
his marriage, two years previous; the
old men predicted that he would event
tudly beoome one of the largest capital-
fats in B. His wife, _a wilful, pretty
creature+, seemed to be his one weak
point. 'Nor was the slow to avail her
self of the advantage; her influence
over him was unbounded, and even in
cases where it was against his" better
judgment be invariably yielded to her
wishes. The present object of these
last named was a garnet silk dress pat
tern, which she had that morning , seen
at o—'a fashionable store; and poor
Falconer's ears were still ringing with
the minute description of its incompar
able loveliness.. -
'lt seems so cruel to deny her what
she has set her heart on,' he add, laying
down his pen, and rising, he took one
or two turns across the room. The re
sult of his reflection was, that he put
on his hat; went straight to Vs, order
ed the silk, and had it charged to his
Who would hesitate to credit Palm
er & Frost? There was not a safer co
partnership anywherS. The sideman
blandly inquired. situythiug else, sir?'
wrote the address, ;Itemised that - the
parcel should be sent hold° 'in an
holm* time.' Then the purchaser walk
ed slowly down to his Maims. not
altogether satisfied with what he had
'Oh, Edward, you darling!' were the
words that greeted him when he went
hothe that evening, and throwing her
arms around his neck, his wife literally
overwhelmed him with liana !Oh,
you dear love! how elevei it was of you
to feign old Shylook, and then give me
such a delightful surprise!'
'lt was really a delightful surprise,
Mignon?' putting both hands upon her
shoulders, and gazing , fondly into the
fair, joyous fa& 'I am amply reward.
ed for my trouble.' I {'
'wait unt il you see me in my new
dress and then - you'll
,be rewarded in
earned.' .
( Well, suppose you let me have some
tea now.'
Attain Wan much sayou want.'
'if; - Sod fao
rong ont the m ti was gay .
and ' .
gartutOns,- and afterwards went to
the Piano and sung to;her husband till
, can't yule up this handsome drem
myself,' sOlioguixed INdconer, as
she examined 'ber tremors. next. day;
'l'm sure that Edward would -rather pay
the dressmakerli _ bill than - have no
spoil it.' So she forthwith took it to a
faihionahlei modiste and was fitted.
When she reached home found a
letter from her mother in , -
New York,
saying that she would be with them by
the following titesday, and immediately
set about preparing a room for her re
'Dear me,' she most have
some new muslin curtains; I ahOild be
ashamed for mamma to see these, all
is tingel me some:'` . "
'Sweetest, dearest, and beat of men!'
she said to hint at dinner. 'I am in a
worse fix than was the Princess (tracints3;
won't you be rercient, aad come toniy ,
'What is it you w4ut now?' asked
Falconer, beginning)ciget nervous.
'Oh; love, my muslin curtains , are so
ragged as to disgarce the 'house, and .
mamma is coming to visit me next week;
she is always so . particular obont ap
pearaices, and I want to get some fresh
ones to put up in her room.'
'ls it abiolutely :necessary to hive
muslin curtains, Lon? Wouldn't dim
ity do just as well? I'm sure you rind
haven spare set.' .
- -~+- :,~
'Oh, but :mamma is accustomed to
muslin ; curtains, and I know she won't
feel at hon2e with any other kind. There
now: bvi goodlarling, and let me get
them.' . -
tisk* to refuse yon,Lou, but—'
'Oh, you've turned into a monster.
again, you Oharodi I mayn't even wet-
Come my own mother, and make her
comfortable in our home.'
' 'You den welcome your _mother and
make her very comfortable without the
aid of muslin curtains,' said Falconer,
decidedly. if •
•Savager cried Lon, beginning to
pout. " •
'This is unreasonable and childish!'
exclaimed her• husband impatiently
pushing back his chair. He! lied some
perplexing - busienas on his - mind and
was in no mood for trifling. But Lou
burstinto tears.
'Hang it all!' cried Edward, and tak
ing his bat he left the house. He had
not gone two squares, however, before
'his resolution tailed him,' and hurrying
to, the nearest bank; he hastily. drew a
check iind returned home with - the mon
ey. lie found his wife in her own
'room, with their littleEddia on ber
She trains of tears mere fresh on -her
faeeisnd she was singing to the baby
in a low voice.
'Forgive me, my pracions, for having
been so crabbid just now, , pleaded Fal
coner in a penitent tone, as he bent over
and kissed her, at the sane time plac
ing the money in her hand. 'Will this
be sufficient for what you want?'
'More than sufficient!' 'she exclaimed
delightedly, separating the roll of bank
notes. take what is left over, and
get you a perfect duck of a _dressing
gOwn and materials to work the loveliest
pair of slippers you ever saw.' •
Falconer began to protest that he
stood in need of neither dressing
gown nor slippers, but - a reproachful
glance ifrom Lon's eyes arrested his
words, 'Not when lam going to make
them With my own little fingers?' she
• said, and Edward was subdued instant
The following week' Lon's mother,
Mrs. Toirnsend, arrived, and was affect
inately welcomed by her daughter and
eon-in-law. She was a thoroughly sen
sible woman, with a' deal of penetra
tion, that seemed to divine things at a
glance, and was an acquisition to any
'Don't you think, Lon,' she said to
her daughter one day, when the latter
bad, in her usual coaxing, half-pouting
style, been' urging Edward to some
fresh . eitravagencei 'that you may push
your importunities just too far? Mr.
Falconer looks very much perplexed
and worried to -day, I think.'
'Oh, Edward is the dearest, most
amiable of men.''
'Yes, Lou, but for the very reason
that your husband is amiable and in
dulgent to a fault,"youshould be merci
ful and not press him too
.far. Now . I
consider that baby's cloak which you
coaxed him into getting for Eddie quite
an unnecessary, piece of extravagance.
Now take my advice, and be a little
more reasonable in your deniands.'
Mrs. Falconer knew better than to
pont at her mOther, and resolved not to
ask her husband for anything in her
presenoe again; but no sooner was Mrs.
Townsend gone than the old practice
was renewed. Too much occupied wtih
her own selfish little aims, she did not
notice that her husband's manner , was
often strangely flurried; there was a
recklessness in his very tenderness; he
refused her nothing that she asked for,
and the little lady-availed herseit to the
very utmost' of his propitious disposi
,Oh. Edward,' she' aid to him one
day, acrthey sat tohether over their des
sert, 'the chanty La comes off nest
Wednesday, and I have t been made one
of the lady patronesses. I must have
a pretty dress for the occasion.'
'Order what you will,' he said, lacon
ically, as he rose and left the table.
The evening , of the ball Lou was dis
appointed that her husband did not
come home in time to see her dressed,
but she Could not keep her :party wait
ing, and was obliged to go ,off without
'Peeing him.
Half si hour later Falconer came
- home. He inquired of the housemaid,
who had been roused from - a nap by the
violent jerking l of the parlor bell, if her
mistress had gone out; and sleepy as
the girl was, she was starteled (as she
afterwards averred( at the look of his
face' as he dismissed her.
He went to his own room where little
Eddie liy asleep, but turned abruptly
from the peaceful picture. The heavy
ice of despair lay on his heart. Falcon-
Prosituul failed, and he was
.a de
faulter td the amount of more thous
ands-than he could ever hem to repay;
his good fortune was gone; nothing bet
beggary and ruin lay before him, and
tne disgrace would be reflected on [tie
Rife and child.: Re passed to his dress
ing room, turned the key on the inside,
and ten minutes later the neighbors
were startled by the report of a pistol.
They forced the door,- and. found that to
the name r of bankrupt' and 'swindisr,'
which had been applied - to him as soon
as the failure was made public, he, bad
added that of suicide.
. They were fearful tidings that reached
his Wife's ear in the midst Of the festivi
ties, and harried her home; and vainly
might she, in frantic ascents call on
that lifeless form 'only tb apea% to her
• • • l'uninimmerinnarwuumlquvw
Uve on dam" mists. in a hoist! for the
rest of her days.' •
Then. she called herself •hia murder
ess,' and wringing her.hands incessant
ly, cried: "Just too far, too far"
Vain, vain, lament!
AltomeNCE.—Fiveyears ago a mai
. ,
den' fair,, whose home - was at a little
town near Macon, Cleorght, anxiously
awaited an important 'letter froM her
'absent lover. Days passed wearily.
The sighing lam haunted-the postoffee;
but the postmaiter's face always wore
that look of exasperating quietude
common to those from whom expected
things never come. ' The maiden
thought that 'her heatt would' break,
for sjie realized at lasti that her lover
waeaithless. The scene shifts. If is
September, 1881.. In
the same lady, but she ismnow a happy
wife - ivith two children. She has 'for
gotten the faithless one of her days of
woe. She therefore is surprised when
from the town of her youth. comes a
letter bearing as a superscription to her
Maiden name that derived from :her
husband, An accompanying note
from the 'postmaster explains that in
tearing away tome of the boards from
the letter-case the missive was found.
The envelope is postmarked P 1876."
The lady spanks 'the baby to keep' it
quiet while -, she eagerly devours the
contents. Heavens! It is - from. John,
who„propeses,in .glowing words - and
begs for a kind reply. The- lady's
husband alio enjoys the letter, and out
of curiosity communicates with rela
tives of the former loier. It is learned
that he is a happy Chicago pork•packer
with a wife and three sops,
An interesting incident of the Revo ln
tionary war not recorded in the books '
r-aenedibt Arnold ' s narrow escape
frnm loath at a warnan'a ban/lA—La rp
'Called by the recent death of Mrs. Ann
Hinman Kellog, of Fairfield, aged
ninety-two years. She was the daugh
ter of. Captain Elisha Hinman, of the
United States navy. and her mother
was the only American who remained
in New London when the town was
burned y Benedict Arnold, in 1781.
The latter knew Mrs. Hinman, and
when he saw her on her doorstep as he
entered the town, he sainted her and
offered to save her property, if she
would' point it out. She indicated
several neighbor's houses as well as her
own, and they were not burned. The
sacking of the town, the capture of
Fort Griswold and the massacre° , of
Colonel Ledyard and his soldiers fold
lowed, incensing Mrs. Hinmanso great
ly that she decended from her house
top, from which she had withessed these
outrages, and taking a musket from a a
closet she leveled it at Arnold, as he sat
on his horse in front Of the house.
With a long and deliberate gni . , she
pulled the trigger, but the piece missed
fire. Hearing the snap of the lock,
Arnold turned and asked what the noise
( was, but with great presence of mind,
ishe dropped the gun out of sight,. and
Said it was the breaking of a chair.
Miss Juliet Carson prepared a fish
dinner for some New Yorkers the other
day, but her art did - not soothe the
savage breast enough to prevent the
diners from telling stories after their ,
meal. One gentleman said he caught
in six hours eight hundred trout; another
said that last summer; off Fire Island,
he took in a bluefish that weighed 150
pounds; and a third, who didn't look
like a confirmed liar, remarked that
while ,fishing for bass , near Nantucket
some time ago, eight bass got on his
line at one time, and pulled so bard that
that he had to get a horse to help him
haul in. These three fishermen turned
to a fourth, who had sat quietly during
the story telling, and one said: 'Per
haps you, don't believe us—perhaps
these stories don't interest you?' , . 'Oh,
yes they do,'said the quiet little man,
for I'm something of a liar myself.'"—
Brooklyn Eagle.
maker of many years experience offers
the following suggestions as to the use
and treatment of watches: First, only
open the watch when necessary; 2d, de
out let it stop, better keep it running
right along; Bd, if you carry it in the
pocket, let the pendant ring be upright,
4th; when you hang it up - on the wall,
let it rest upon some soft surface; sth,
never allow it to, lie on bare marble
or any hard surface; 6th, when lying
down always have the lace up, and the
pennant ring turned " under so as to
keep the upper part more elevSed; 7tb,
let your key be a perfect" fit and free
from dust; Btb, have regular hours for
winding, when winding hold your
watch steady in Yotii left band, and
turn the key firmly 'and evenly with
your right; 9tb, avoid all jerks in wind
ing; 10th, set the bands of your watch
With a key and not any other way; you
can turn the hands backward or for
ward without injury it yon do not turn
too hard; and 11th, if your, watch goes
too fast move the regulator a little
towards'the "slow," etc. .
•, The one redeeming feature' of Mor
monism, seems to be that it does not
throw the burden of the support of a
husband on one woman.
sl4oo ' a Year,
A tuner hail novels dangbfeis,
And bat little eke he had;
The girls all had good aPPelifffp
And times were veryba.l. I
He bribed the country paper
To say in his cellar's mould
He bad hidden, being a miser, .
Seven kegs of pare, bright gold.
Ho thought he knew human nature,
That fanner, and be smiled
When down the seventh rope-ladder he
.Bsw dope Ws seventh child.
Bat it's extremely doubtfal
If at the time ho foresaw •
Their return with his fourteen grandchildren
And seven aona-in-law.
—Cmcinnali runes-Star.
Some niggers' honesty is reggeslated
mosly by de spunk of de yard dorg.-
are seams, and we - suppose mime ad&
are dear. - _ .
You can -always judge a tailor by the
make ho wears, - and a potter by the
wear he makes. •
We are going to Arkansas and start
a pap e r, callingit 'Quinine and Whis
key.' Everybodiwitl take it.
Sam Johnson says that the worst
kind of a 'Cadet' to be struck wid is to
be struck wid a brick.
The'reason railroads are multiplying
so in this country is because the cars
are being coupled so constantly.
" Eve was takeii to a nice summer gar
den;"bat with 'nothing to wear,' it was
not to be expected she ~could be hip
We would reslieetfully suggest the
following title for a parody on a popu
lar song: Empty is the baby, the milk
nun is gone.
Evident eigna of an electric, current
running through the body of tho zuule.,
Every time the ears go ,down, the heebs\.
go np.
'An odious comparison: One of the
mgst disagreeable things in the world
hi the comparison of the 'I will' at the
Marriage ceremony with the won't'
after that event.
'How delightfully absdrd of yon
Cicely, dear, to be sure,' said her friend
last evening. 'Absurd, my dear.
What is absurd ?"To think that yon
should be engaged to Eugefie. Why,
I've been engaged to him myself three
times.' She ought to have had better
taste than to destroy a week'S happiness
by the revelation.
A young Frenchman, Who had sown
a heavy crop of wild oats, determined'
to get married -and settle ,down; On
the wedding day. his inother-in-law said
to him: 'I hope, my dear son-in-law,
that yon will be guilty of no more fol
lies in future.' My dear mim,' he re=
mow,' pluutim you sinukszus
the last
Newspaper men don't go basinese
places and say: 'See here, I don't like
the way yoii arrange your show win•
down and I'm-going to have it fixed.'
Not at all. But other men are con
tinually coming into newspaper offices
with very similar complaints. Isn't it
about time. that people looked upon , a
newspaper as a business operation ?
'Would you like to see the paper ?'
asked a lymphatic-looking ogentleman
at the hotel, atter lie had kept the sheet
for nearly an hour. 'Would
_you like
to see the Paper ? There's notking in
it.' Beems to me,' replied Fogg, some
what ill-humoredly, perhaps, 'you
waste a good deal , of time ,over noth.
- 'Food by the keg: 'l'm a very sick
man.' observed the, tramp langadily, as
he anchored hiraislf at a ristanrant
table, 'the doctor — saysol .t have.
Strengthening food. Giv some
thing with plenty of iron in it.' The.
waiter shaded the corners of - lhifimontb
with his hands and:, then bellowed in
stentorian tones: 'One keg citnaibi 1'
It was a breach of promise case.
Said the defendant: 'I mere) uked
her if she "would marry me and she
said yes, but I didn't make any, promise -
to her.' You.don't seem to be : a Teri
promising young man, that's .a fact,
said his honor,' but as you raised this
yoUng woman's expectations we shall
expect you to raise $lO,OOO also. Call
the next case.'
A lady of the "mthetio
school went up to a gentleman at a
swell party and asked, 'What is part
ing ?' And it bappened that just at that
moment he had come to realize that
his suspenders were breaking and he •
thought it awful queer that she should •
know there was anything parting. But
he bluntly answered, 'My suspenders,.
ma'am,' and then she isareamed an&
there was his Satanic Majesty to pay.
It was the merry,_ merry house-clean
ing time, . and when he stepped airily
out of bed in the morning, he tried to
hold both feet tip in the air at the same.
and while he leaped from place to place,
made remarks that were entirely insp.
proPriate to any
_occasion. , Practising
for the circus ?' asked his wife, from
her place among the downy pillows,
with ill-concealed sarcasm. 'Oh, yes,'
he replied, 'l'm just rehearsing- my fa
mous carpet tacked.' And then his low,
convulsive sobbing died away in muffled
strainske the last sad throbs of a
heart—breaking under the bedclothes.
When. Artemis Ward (Charles
Browne) first lectured in LondOn his
jokes fell fist and, seeing how it was, he
concluded hid discourse to the effect
that, the andienoe on going out would
bebaxtded tickets to Constantinople and
rebirs; 'ln that city,' went on Arte
mus, 'I propose to repeat - my lecture
this day two weeks. To each ticket is
attached a coupon, that will admit the
bearer to the hall., I desire your at
tendance that I may shed, light upon
each of my remarks as have evidently
given you pain, which I thank you for
having borne in silence.' 'What does,
the man Wiean ?' asked John Bull; 'go
to Constantinople to hear him drawl
through this mass of stuff again ! We
don't dolt.' .When they reached the
door and no one was there with the
tickets it slowly dawned upon them that
Ward was laughing at them.