11l
11 - OLCON O & iELe
OL. VII.
)(Mord • Republkan,
,hghe every Thursday •at Tow suds. Pa.,
fit, ,)\ifl .t.TIRCY, Proprietors.
! paid in adtance. $l.OO per annum ;
pail dvsnce $1.25. To aubacrlbera out
county, $1,2% invarlably 1n advance, the
jou tu.ihg made to cover prepayment of
ierusin 1 Rater—elx cents a line for (teat
:tom: mt 1 Ave cents per line for all subs...
It insertions. , - . Reading notice advertising
cads per line.? Flight lines constitute a
:e, ant ireelve lines an inch, Auditor's
ees i. 2.50. Administrator's and Executor's
:Emily advertising $160,00 , per
r. slicks is 'published in the Tracy,
re and Nobles Block, at the corner Of Alain
Vole streets, over 7..1". Corner's Boot and
store.` Its circulation is over 2000. AB an
tieing medium it . is unexcelled in lie ball•
Itt! fie 11.
OUT i tubbing Terms. ,
will furnish all paying subscribers for
IiEVI:BLIC AN Within the county with any
'at: following publications, until further
at the rates given below.
v REPUBLICLN $l.OO in addition.
,scribers residing out of the county will
iarged 25 cents additional.
w York Weekly Times, E 95
:in-Weekly Times,
.4v York Daily Tribune
• '
4 kly
4,
ti•iVeekly It
Rill:: Evening Post,
" Weekly " it
mi-Weekly "
It
w York Weekly World,
en-Weals tt
.ilatlelphia Daily Times,....
iiladclphia Wtekly
liladelphil Daily Press, ...-.
:11;alt-Ipliii Weekly Press,...
'arper's Magazine,.
pt Cti Weekly,
irper's Bazar, •
•ributr's
icholaa,
4:le:on's Journal,
u:Li,t[clengraving of Dickens.. 3 10
,nnlar Science Monthly, - 4 00
Supplement,.... 2 50
,417.1qc of American History : 4 00
,rtli American Review, - 4 00
sr 'York Medical Journal, 3 '2 5
lerican Agriculturist, 1 10
untry Gentlemen", 2 10
Iral Sew Yorker,..:. ......... 1 85
kdo Blade, ' 160
lull's Living Age, - T 700
'lintie• Monthly,
tdo Awake,
s)yl.and,
lincott,
.--"
ircat. -
itific American,.
eron`a Magazine,
Ncratry,.
nh es Review
arlingtda Hawkeye,
-
EnglEtud JoqrnAl of Ednoation.. 2 00
Treatise* tbe, 25
Asa - iise of Mails.
• •
(a:l4 attl.o4.Tawslada Post
;.t. as 1,1Iows: -
1_ N.Y.. and Easiern States ... 4:00 a. at.
re Laporte, he. ...... .‘2. 9 :3u
may mail from the North . 10.00
.1. 11:00
w Era, hr.. Tuesday, Thurtiday , attid
raturday..„ • 4.0- - 11 :ljt'd
Monday, Wednesday rd )
Burlington. he 1:00 r.
f:aysyjiln: Rome, &c , 1:00
11,..)::‘ , 1t from Erie and 1 , 1 ag.lta 2:39
V: way mail from the 4:35
5:00
relay : .. - G;3O
pouch from Elmira and- E 11 R 10:40
I=
.n, ,!onroeton, Ice
,zh Valley way mail South
beuri,ouch Elmira, Erie and North
,:n C mtral Ratlroalle.:....
, Burlington, Ac
.......
tars, Tuesila.y Thursday and Sat.
:;rday
Iwal. Monday, Wednesday and
.
Rome, A:t
.1... r..,
Valley way mail North
, y rL Phila. and Eastern States.
_ . .
from 7:00 A.ll. to 7:45 P. M. Money
•r ~ 11203 epon from 0:00 •. M. to 7:00 P, M.
is open bunchy from 9:00 to 10:00 A. X.
P. POWELL . , P. M.
•
_VALLEY & PENNA. AND
NEW YORK RAILROADS.
:.!;\N EUENT OF PASSENGER TRAINS
I') -JAKE EFFECT MAY 1.5, IsBO. •
EASTWARD.
:T.c-r• k oNs -
• ta,l 97 E
mars Falls 2.05{
' • • 2.50' 8.25
itor • 1 5.15110.301
6.3011.30
6.541
1 11..5W
8.35 .181 8.30
6.10, 8.05;
9.00'10.501
9.10 1.45 i 9.00
.. .. 9.45 2.10' r 9.40
......110.10 i 2.30;10.00
..... 2.34:10.05
110.15
10.25
.. ,
, 10 46 3.001043
••••••S 110.54.
1 n. 031
!.• -111.1 o!
...:11Lis'...
3.36 11.301 5.45
11.44 3.54 11.40 6.03
.
.. .... :11.63 1 6A7
I . 4.10 12.501 6.23
'I .. .. . , 12.16 6.28
.
4.35' 1.00 7.10
1.10 7.20
..... 1:25 7.35
1.05 5.10 i 1.45 - 8.05
1.351 5.251 2.20 8.35
...I 3.45 , 7.306, 4.50 11.00
4.44r8.24; 5.33 12.00
j 5.00 1 01.33,A1.05 12.15
'-5.30 9.00, 6.40 12.55
'.. - -6.-5510.351 8.251 2.20
...1 9.15 j 3.35
A.M.P.11.P.111. P.M.
Ls
ca.
Lca..
Lam
1
Aehe
Jan
!Ftvr
tv_ll:n:.; Stone
71 ..
I 2 ,
/20.
•r•tt
t Pvti
MIS
MEM
MIN
J unction
aucn ,'hunk
lentown
ta
...11. II
•u
WESTWARD.
sTATIONS
( rt...
MI
OE
EEO
!, 1;1 Ida.,
MEE
1.
.
!ttl.e e 1
ts . t-46:e:,:::_t Stone
MEM
.
At.. Ly
r .
riairs
o • ,
A•: i•a r .
It LI a
R. lci
~~~,_ara Folle
N. , 42 haves Wyalusing at& :00, A. M.,French
-5 It, Ileminerileld 6.23. Stead tone 6.31
Wvi,a,iking Towanda 6.63, Ulster 7.06,
Athens 7:25. Parr. 7:40. Waver.
4 7 . 7 , arriving at Elmira 8:60.- -—• ' •
.. 31 leaves Elmira 5:45 P. At., WaverlY 6: 35 ,
s.. q , " r , . Athens 6:50, Milan 6:59, Ulster 7:08,
TWA kr,da wysanking 7:35. Standing Stone
liumnitirtield 7:52, Prenchtown 8:02, arriv -
Itg at Wyainsing at 8:15,
_ Land 15 run May.- Sleeping ease en
trains 8 and 15 between Niagara Falls and Phila. ,
daa hta and between Lyons and lieliToik *Ilk;
6. " lll, ttes. Parlor cars onraine 2 and 9
between Niagara Palls and Philadelphia ititit-
Lzt chaage, and tlivanglitoadh'to land from
• lic.cicstcr via Lyons.
, . STEVE:I3ONi Supt.
811 rat. Ps.. May 15, 1881. Pa. & 14.1. IL B.
EORGE OTT,
el%
lonesenW bible Waite WA
0 4
"e l Prices cheaper than the chea
m3o—tf.. WY3O3. PA
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Towitida Butifiei; Dlieo.6rk
SMITH & MUM,- . .ektioineys-stl, • Saw• oo
-
"' •
over Powell -4k Co.
OMNI in Wiod's Dlo4, south'
Firtt National Bulk,
,up static 'jute 19;78
ELSBUEE & SON (N C Mares ands L Mt/re/ )
Office in Marcar Sleek. Park St. may 14.78
DZOK t OVERTON (Lienj Jl 'Peek and 11 A - Over
+. ton). Mika over HlM'a Market 49-!:19
("WESTON k SANDERSON (Z Overton and Ji
FRanderson.) Mee In Ads= 131°411.11451S
MAXWELL, WM, WU. over Dayton's Store
*y1111456
.•
WELT. J. ANDBZW: Moe in Main's Mock.
5pr14,78
AVIES, CABNOCHAN & HALL. (W TDakes.
D
W H Canso: Am". LA( Hall.) Mee In *rear
of Ward Sanaa. Entrance on Poplar SL 0012.75
MFArtilt, RODNEY A. Solicitor ot Patents.
articular attention paid to business in
Orphans' Court and to the settlement of estates.
Office in Montanye's Bloch. - 49.19
'RN a PHEBBON k YOUNG, IL idlers% and
AA& W.I. .1 . 70Fne.) c4kce eon( •
lUrdittLL . k KINNEY. once corner Manizand
AIM Pine st. Noble's Mock. second door front.
Collections promptipsttended to; - feb 118 -
TXTILLUMS, ANGLE & BUFFINGTON. (11 Ifl
V V Waliasu, 8 J Angle sud Z H Bufkago*,
Office west side of Main street, two doors uorth
of Argus office. All business entrusted to their
care will receive prompt attention. -oct 26,77
ivrasoN It T11011P8OX: - it G. P. Mann. N.A.
P.m+ Thompson.) Attorneys-at-Law. Special at
tention to conveyancing, examination of title
and all matter relating tO real estate. Collec
tions promptly remitted.. Office over Patch 8;
Tracy's store. niarlo-81,,
60
00
15
25
00
90
65
30
8 00
1 10
3 10
3 25
~. 3 25
3 25
..,.... 1
I
5
1
JAMES 11. AND Jolts W. CODDING, A or
neys and Conneellore4t-Law. Office to the
Blercur Block, over C.T. girbri Drug Store. -
- 'BO tf.
'VERNEY. J. P. Attorcke)-at-Law. Office :Ai
dwitauyo's Block, Man Sire et. • -
Sept. 15, 'Bl-kf.: • ,
ITMOMPSON, W, H. and E. .A., Attorneys-at
4,*, Towanda. t'a. Office in . 3folvoc -Block,
over C. T. Kirby 's Drug Store, entrance . on Main
street. first stairway north of Post-office. All
business promptly.attended to.. Special atten
tion given to claims against the United States
for pensions. Bounties, Patents, etc., and to
collections and settlement of decedent's es Wes.
April,2l. ly -
2 50
2 85
JOHNSON, T. 8., M.D. 014ce ',over Mr. H. 0
Porters's Drug Store. '; *lob 12,78
•KTLIVTON,Drs . D.,s. & F.G. tau:eat Dialling
on Myer Street, corner Wes torißt. feb 12,77
. 3 25
. 1 65
. • 60
. 325
LADD. 0. K.. M.D. Ofhoe let door above 'old
bank building, on Main street. Special at•
tendon given to Wiese* of the throat and
lungs. • ju1y19,78.
. 250
. 1 65
. 2 75
. 160
. 1 20
WOODBURN. 8. M., M.D.' Moe and raid
deuce. ,Main. traet, norther 11.E.Ohnrob
Medical Examiner for ,Penslon Devartm t.
- -
tab 22 78
D AYNE , E. Office over liton • • ye's
Store. Office hours trona 10 to 124. x. and
from 2 to 4 .. al. Special attention given to
Diseases of the Eye, and Diseases , of the Ear.
oct 20.77
1 50
HEltltlf HOUSE. Mattl . st., next corner south
•of Bridge Street. New htnise and new,
furniture throughout. The proprietor has
spared neither pains or expense in making hls
hotel first-class and , respectfully aolicits a share
of public patronage. Meals at all hours. Terms
reasonable. Large Stable attached. -
mar 8 77 WM. HENRY.
VirATEINS POST, ;NO. 68, G, A. B. Meets
every Saturday evening. at Military Hall.
V. MYER, Cominander.
J. B, Farriumr, Adjtitantr; fob 7, 79
CRYSTAL LODGE, NO. 57.---Meets at-S. of P
Ball-every Monday evening at' 7:30. In
surance $2,000. 'Benefits $4.00, per week. Aver
age annual cost, 5 years etperienoe. in. •
• • • 'J. 11. KITTBWrB. Reporter.
Justin Wasiorix.. Ju., Dictator. • te10_22.70'
BADFORD DODGE. N 0.167,1. 0.0. F. " :Meet
In Odd Fellow's Hall. every Monday evening
at 7 o'clock: WAIIIMS iIILL. Noble grand.
- -June 12,15 - - 1
9:00 A. II
9:15
... 10:00
... 10:00
... 12:00 M.
... 1:00 P. 11:
POST, P. E. No. 3 2 Second street. All orders
will receive prompt attention. pm° 12,75
1:00
• 1:00
`1:00
2:45
3:45
7:45
RYAN, G. NV., : Vounty Superintendent. Office
daYa /eat Satnrday of each montb,! over
Turner , . t Gordon'a
_Drug Store,"rovanda
„ „
}tai 19.78
QUISQIIEHANNA '7OOLLEGIATE
8-1 . The Fall Term of, twenty.eight year com
mences on Monday Anknat 22nd. 1881: For cata-'
Logue or other information, addreia or call on
the Principal. :
-.EDWIN E. QIIINtAN, A. 11.
nly 19,78 Towanda. Pa.
WILLIAMS, EDWARD. Practical Plumber
and Goa Fitter. Place of -business inlder
cur Block next_ door to Journal attics' opposite
Public Square. Plumbing, Gas Fitting, kßepair
ng Pump' of all kinds, and all kinds of Gearing
promptly attended to. All wanting work in his
ne should give him a call. • July 27,71.
7.15
9.20
lISSELL. 0. 8, General Insurance Agency,
Towanda, Ps. Mee in Wllitcomb's 800%
Store. / July 12,74
ELEVAN ROUSE. ELXERk. N. Y. C. T. Smith.
D
formerly of the Ward House. Towanda, Pro
prietor. This Hotel is located immedistly
opposite the railroad depot, Every pains taken.
for the comfort of guests, July 5.77
3.45
4.15
4.30
4.34
TOWNER; H. L. ,
Monalorararc PUTaICU3 & Evanson.
Itosidence aod *Moe just north of Dr. Corbon's
Main street, Mame. Pa..
5 05
5.13
NEW FIRM I NEW STORE !
NEW ROODS 1
EPEI
s 501.2,1
• )
P.M. A.M.A.3L I y.
.. 6.30 ....1 7.40 i 3.
.1 8.00 .-,..' 9.00, 4:
• 9.20 ....:10.15i 5.
~ 9.50 ~..'10.451 6.
. 10.65, .... 10.54; 6.
. 15.05 .. . 11.551 7.
.; 1.08 6.( • )0 2.031 9.
• 1,35 6.35 2.25 10.
.1 ....1 7.02' ....110,
• ~...1 7.20 t.•..
.119,
1 • 2.18 7.33 3.03 10,
7.57. ....'11.13
:' :::: 1 8.04 3.28.11.19
.., .... 8.19 ....111.33
. 1 3.03 1 8.23 3:4011.36
• .... 1 9.43 4.0:111.55
. ....!- 8.55' .... 1 12.1
. .... 9.0 I- ....i12.1
! 9.10..... 1 .12:!
.•
:,..!
0.19 . .....'12.:
.• 4 00. 9.30 443'12.45
. ....' 9.43 4.5512. --
.1'...., 9.52 1.
. 4.30 10.00 5.19 1
... 4.40 1 10.101 5.20 1 ,
4.46 10.20, 15.30 5 i 1,
6.25
1 111.10. 6.1 A 2.
.. i
.. 5.39 ,
....I 6.2 , .
.., 8.30 ....1 9.351 ..
..! 6.101 . 2.10 L 6.401 ..
:.1 7.41: 15.00 '8.14 ..
.. 1 8.101 ....1 8.50 ..
.. 1 9.50! 7.401 9.40 ..
..i/1.401 12.05 8.
• 11.03 1 ; 1.081 9.
P.M. P.M. A.M . A.M.
MIN PATTON'S BLOCK,
I Gold & Silver Watches
: 1 4 CLOCKS; JEWELRY,
T TOO w.
PHYSICANS AND SURGEONS.
"HOTELS
SECRET SOCIETIES
mom ANp SIGN PAINTING.
EDUCATIONAL.
PLUMBER AND GAS FITTER
INSURANCE
MI3CELLANZOIIB.
Ed. Mouillesseau
(formerly with Hendelmana
HAS OPENED A
Jewelry Store
- OF NIS OWN - _
With - Swartz & Gorden's Store;
Mairi Street,' Towanda, Past
Where ho keeper' FITLL ASSOIIS.3I:ENT or
SWISS _AND AMERICAN;
SPECTACLES, ETC.
, NI" His Stock isall NEW and of the 'FINEST
QUALITY. Call and see for yourself.
REPAIRING DONE PROMPTLY
ENGBAVING A SPECIALTY.
deel6-
XEM}i= SPAVIN, CURE
. _ •
Is sure in - its effect* t mild in its action is it does
not blister, yet is 'penetrating and powerful to
reach every deep masted pain or to remove-any
bony growth or otherements, sack - as
,patine,
Inge and any lameness' and all enlargements of
the joints or limbs. or for. rherunatisra in man
and for siyinarpess for which s Unlnututreused
for man or beast. It is now known to be the
nest liniment for man ever tiled, acting mild sat
yet - certain iriltk effects. - • - - -
Send address for: Illustrated Circular which .
we think gives positive proof of its virtues. No
i remedy Las ever met with inch unqualified tie
.cess topur.knowledge. for beast as wells man.
ref* sl'peir bOttle. or Sit bottles for $5. All
'Druggist* bare it et can get It for you, or it win
'beneattosny , natieboo on luseipt of. price by tho
proprietore,ton. B. r. liszinatz k Co.. F..nos
burgh Falls. Vt.
Sold by all Druggists:
CURES
OT'PSI
LIB
COM!
1111 T 11
Eft
ropey/11g, Liver
les Fever
_ Mar
041IffiTIrropfy, edit Disease, BU.
hmenessi Nervous debilit
kthellost ECM= et~-
-UO Moil
ILL X),000 Botear
SOLD swim
This Syrup possesses Varied Pioperties.
It, Stimulates the Ptyeliao la the
Saliva, which coarvarts.the Starch and .
Stager of the ibod lainiglamase. A delld
elela • 'Ptrallise s.callite • Wind and
So of the feed In the stomach: 11
the medicine Matteis Immediately alter
eating the fermentation of Mod Is pre.
venue.
It acts upon , the Liter:
it acts u the Sidney& .
It the Boasele .
.It Pwst the Blood.
It the Nervous Speen:
it Nourishe/ %gums and 2r=thi
It parries oft he /flood and need '
Seamyt o the pewee of therektn and iismihfoe v I '
Peropitiation.' -
It neutralizes the hereditary taint, or poison
in the blood, which generates Scrofula, Err
sitrelakand all manner of skin diseases and
internal humors. _ _
'Zhere are no spirits employed in its mann ,
facture, and it can be taken by the most deli.
sate babe, or by the aged and feeble, scree/WS
being e2eir ea attention to directions.
DRUGGISTS SELL IT.
XailltoGrator7. 77 Weeit 8d St.
NEW YORE CITY.
'Never fats to Cure.
' Ashland, Schnykill co.,,Pa.
....
Dear Sir:)—This is to certify that your 113 DIAN
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Disease of the Stomach.
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Nervous Debility.
' Turtle Point, Sickean co., Pa.
Dear Sir:—l was troubled with Nervous
De
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rNDIAN BLOOD SYRUP, a short trial of Whit%
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Dear little girl was cured of Intbun
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Turtle Point, McKean co., ps
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Remedy for the Rheumatism
f• Turtle Point, McKean co., Ps.
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DAnrcra SIXPBON.
An Agent's Testimony.
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Dear was a life-long sufferer from Liver
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A Valuable Medichie.
Berlin, Somerset Co., Pa
Dear Sir: —This is to certify that your - reliable
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• JOSEPII P. BIRIBAICEII.
Dyspepsia and Indigestion.
Berlin, Somerset Co., Pa.
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Dear Bir:—l was troubled with Liver Com
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_
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Pain in the Breast.
Berlin; Somerset Co., a.
Dear Sir:—l was afficted with a Pain in my
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am very grateful to yon for such a valuable
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*yepepta audlndigestfnn. ~ '= '
_
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GE4141111. ELmor.
- For Kidney Diseases.
Philadelphia, Pa.
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No 1525 Butnm Bt. ' - -
For Costiveness.
- Philadelphia. Ps.
Date Sit :—.l.was. troubled lath ()Naiveties and
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N 0.817 F'oderol tit,
.
. , For -Billloniness. •
• - - -
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Fussik T. GOILILLLT,
No. 1035 Locust St.
Disease of the Stomach and, Liver.
litushkill, Pike CO., Va.
Dear Sir :—Thia to to certify that I have used
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Best Family Medicine.
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" Del: Bir ;-I • consider your rellsble INDIAN
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my
_Molly.: IS Is Just ss re:o=ol4oh , •
ILmesx. Co m=
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Dear Bir•—l have need your great INDIAN
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• _ Tuoitis Corm:car
Never Falls te Cure.
Dear Su:—Xy daughter mai' in PRor•Rellattl
sad &labor* , trill of youIIINDLUI *AMU 8Y1111:M.
Antircity cured her. _
144(4744"/12E"',
ActEsrMia. vim= for tne isle
of the INDIAN BLOOD
SYRUP in !Miry town oratitiga, twachion I We
no wont. Particulars given on application.
te Alma from Out the'dazzling light
• •We left *he rustling thrinig of dancers,
Miss Smith had said lo'mo.."We might.`
I almost think, sit out the Lancers:"
And, wandering on, we lost our
A country hones is most imindesing—
illastlimith was filled with.sweet•dlamay,
Apd eloser olung--Vwas very. vexing.. .
. . .
We'rested at, s window seat, -
My band detained a hand half willing; '
We Murmured of the floor, the hest, ,
other things u wildly thrilling,
,Goine mistletoe, o'er head entwined, -
(late riso to arch but tempting banter, -
I Moped her—lost my peace of mind-- 1,
Mid got a piece of here instanter,
8114 stamped her foot, her .oM toile
fell with maidenly veOtion;
Atid said—but wh4 she salitUrd knows I'
'for I Was lost inadmiration.
Xi - there she, ;stud a4leer
'A-,APio ttire*li,s-maiste . es aketching;
Lioothedbe4,aii,.Mortaimay;: -
14 11 0100.itifiq*Siing*Sitildat?'
,Iktleods were pub, mrwordt, insane, ,
;Akt;llength .
-Mittivhen we joined the - dance a •
I • Miss Smith was Hate and I w
Teityears' possession has not tire
. :my. love, but- I'm in thief position:
Tie tp,ntrunis which I once admired '
lila • e palled from frequent repetition. '
CURES ,
ILL DISUSES 01
THE STOIUCH,
CMOS, Sal,
BLOOD;
111
• Thy latticed window open wide
Lets in the summer breeze— •
The sweets of• jasminfeitd, of, pso— -
The sigh oi l iest:crowned tfreeii
Ail suminq sounds—all wants of Jona, •
Are welcome,' all day long—.
of these May. entrance find, . .
Dear love, why not my, song?
They hand is eyer. open,
To succor others' woe-.;,
What gifts thou givesi . to their need,
But God and thou may know. •
And suppliantifor thy elairity _ •
Unanswerati never stand—
Thou givest thwi all that handfean give—
Why not give me the hand? r-
In thy pure , heart the pOor find. room,
And all who auffereirawnet;
Whatever cause tiaiimlttenthenh
fi Ah, then, bar inch meraineet
To auceor.me. Whom thou gut hurt.
Thy heart to these is true,
I And to that heart they find a way—
, Atk ! let mefilnrone, too.-
B. B. Buzaws
Was. J. Atraux
••• l ifmnd the - warm air like a spirit divine
Woos the umbrageOussilence
Freighted with scents of oak and mouldering
pine
Oh! happy rest, 'mid ivy trailers, fanned
Wiih odors, while o'er head the autumn beam
Trickles from leaf Oleic Sad all the land
Seems moving through the, 1414Mae_ .in a
dream
Unbroken, save by rustic voices sweet
And sultry whispers of the dipeared wheat.
- •
—Thomas C. Irwin.
D. C. WINSIIIP,
WANIUM SMrru
BE NOT AFRAID TO PRAT,
I JI
Be not afraid to.pray—to pity is right.
Prairif thou. envoi with-h Ope- but over pray„ ,
Though hope.bii week or tack with long delay;
tiny in the darkness if theTolie
Far is tho time, remote t'oin human sight,
When war and—discord L ion. tbe.ch,rth shall
• , cease,
• f. I.'
Yet every prayer foi i nniiersai peace':-.;
Awaits the blessed time to expedite. -
Whatever is good to 'wish ; ask that of heiven,
Though it be what thed canet not hope to
F: F. BISHOP.
sew r`
) -
Pray to be perfect, though , material leaven
Forbid the spirit:so on earth-to bo;.
But if - for any:Wieh thou dared not pray,
Then pray to God to cast that wish away.
—Martley thieridge.
limy C. Eimpsok.
Sitting upon the edge of his bed, one
cold, frosty morning. Linn Thompson
absently surveyed the prospect as fur
nished by hia ten by twelve room, and .
the.more he surveyed the more per
plexed did ho become. •
Linn could scarcely rival Apollo, in
manly beauty. What of that? Pew
of ns do. In fact, this morning Linn's
claims in that direction were more fee
ble than ever; and, to make it worse for
this poor - olebachelor, his small mirror,
which unhapily faced, . showed him
to be decidedly aging.
Bad was it for him to believe it. He
had not believed —it heiore. He was
enraged at the evidence before him , .
'Gad! Last night that saucy . 'Lora
*Mill her most innocent ~ °Wadi
manner, with thibare suspioion_ of a
teatin her lovely blue eye, said she
was sorry tonotice that I was getting
hard of hearing.r The impudence of
tikese youthful belles is surprising. Ono
consolation, her mother never insulted
mein,the years of her youth.' and
Linn laughed sardonically. •
Herne Hanateroza
EDWARD EOIR
D. M. BALL
, Linn Thompson had been a fearful
lady-killer, `' He bad only to look t o
conquer in I his early manhood. Lora
Mane's mother had been one hf his vic
tims. He had always .managed to l lreep
jest , outside of ' committing hinplelf.
:
Every yonng beauty whom he : dei'ned
to nOtb3e yas morally sure-she was the
especial of othis regard, and ove
rose fancies 'bent the' flirty fellow,
which he ifilito sense wan worthy of.
'Girls. let's alike all the sport of ;that
man that we eau: Onr mothers and our
aunts bay . ° shed many a bitter tear Over
the didos he cut up when he and they
were young. Now be is old, poor;
homely sea nobody, cares. anything
-about hint Yet his vanity remains.. I
ivally imagine he could Win 'his way to
the affe ctions of the fairest of the fair.
iWby, le may even think he could lead
l eithekof tut to the altar!' . ".
'The conceited old'gooser cried Lily
Green, whose mother bad-also thought
Of him with tears. . ..
•June Bum'
JAI. A. Buovnt.
, Faancism iVAri3zsaa
SWIM.% Miro.. Pa.
24LWArir,Tirlf '11431.7L
PRIXTION.
--(rood Words.
arirumar.
kind. She, instead, so` mmersed
,her
self in the cares ma. interests of her
parents; married brothers and sisters,
that she had not sufficient time or
thought for a proper 'setting down' for
herself.'
'And nobody thanking her • half
enough for her self-immolation,' put in
Mrs. Bangs, who bad listened amused•
TEASING A BACHELOR: I
. 'Such a homely ,creature!' said an
c4hei, surveying her youthful Charms
in• the mirror. 'I caul beat to have
him approach Heil too 6100
Why don't he die?' -
This cimyqsatien topic plaq) • in the
dressing viiiini.of Bangs' tasteful
I residence on' the - evening preceding
your intrOduction to our - hero, dear
reader.' 'Descending, LentMuni had
floated gracefully from objeotio object,
until . she found herself close to him.
Ptittingher.rosy lig( to - his ear, she
shouted inguirin' gly after - his rheuma
, :aiely_intapretlng his.- look .
I.o649l44unentak indicutife:74
.4e",-ahli nerved hirp;in lone9 -led as
week other - siiipithy . for his failing
lease of leariot. ited . added that, . her
grund;ather - enuld hear quite es well -;ai l
herself, 'and you and he are about the
Ishe had a l so: sasam e age,judge,' in
nocently added.
Giggles near and far (hewss:Cdo dad,
you linoW) served'' to embarrion Linn
more and more. Mrs. Bangs relieved
him by lizidingehild4lie Tura' to the
'You did that lovely,"`whisperadLily,
a little later.
_Then .1.4 sauntered
near him just se the iiindoians -bellan a
lively waltz. . • • •
'NM you take "a
feW' twins with mor .
said Linn,--who had a great capitation
as a partner in a theme,
don't like to appear on the •-..fFoOr
with so old a partner: Irby, int papa
would not be caught dancing. Astilliss
Seethen to waltz with you. She is sit
ting sad and lonely , and would be de
lighted to, ,perhaps; though sir e n she,
poor old lady, may have her leferen
!mos' answered
Lilysl4wldrlad
ilraeridrfer_ele
face; ,
by a youth-1w handsome al *CS& • -
Poor Linnt What did Ibis , . sort of
treatment mean? He rubbed, hs head
in perplexity. He at last madp a bred
ness of- finding . out. Although the
other ladies—young , when be was—
were politely willing - t4i7reeeive slight
attentions from films and:exchange. the
usual amount of small talk, not one of
the young ones would trouble her 'gid
dy head about him, They him se
verely alone; nor playnny of his Select
ions. Even Miss kinethen rifiduzsl to
accept - lam as a - partner; 'with MIS ex,;
cuse, holeVer: .
think we are too old to.make such
an exhibition of ourselves. Atoning
belongs only to youth and beautY, in
my, ePinien. ' Mrs. Hangs insisted up
on my presence. I'd rather be sitting
in my cosy little parlor, with - my dooks,
and knitting work.' ' • .
'Faith! I bhlieve x had—l mean the
book Part' of it, of tioursa, ) he impulsive.'
ly added, impressed by the, siolid good'
sense as. shown in her remark, and
which also beamed from her honest, re
liable countenance.
'Bias Snethan, you are, the best look
ing woman here: he added, wondering
why ho had never, thought of her as an
attractive:woman before: . '
- She laughed IoW and. sweetly; Mid as
if his compliment were-comical indeed.
1 know just how much I deserve
that. Don't think I care because .none
of these young beaux think of inviting
me to dance. They ought
,to prefer
these lovely: girls.'
Linn seated himpelf beside her, and
soon was embarked on a most agreeable
conversation. '
'Lily, did you essay to make a match
when you resigned our ancient- Slit ;to
the tender mercies.ot Miss Snethen?'
Mies Snethen isn't ao foolish, Lora.
We would accept him matrimonially
quite as, readilt se she. She is . one a
those rare„stiod...woutim
single from choice, I spiiieliaieV
'Yon . needn't do_ anything of the
* * *
But we have left Linn quite too - long
sitting on the side of his bed the-mor
ning succeeding Mrs. Bangs' musicale.
He had not . slept a moment aim his
reinrn.
- A am growing old fast,' he solilegniz
ed, giving another look at "his - reflec
tion in the glow,. An, old bachelor,
baldheaded and long-necked, is not ii i
very attractive object to gaze at. 80-,
ing,, with a sigh, he finished • dressing,
and then ~harried below, where imps.
lientlg awaited him his randhuly, who
because of her dependent family,
boarded him cheap. She liked him,
passing well; poor wontsui. She would
have liked any other man quite as well
who seemed to present a chance for re
lief, so heavily did her burden of care
and labor press upon her.
'Did you enjoy the party?' she asked
passing a cup of coffee, anxiety depicted
in her thin, care=worn face.
'Bo, so,' he rather condescendingly
answs red. He was rather inclined to
repel • her conversational advances,
deeming her his inferior, socially, and
quite realizing her interest in_ him.
'Once I used to enjoy parties,' she
said with a sigh. 'Then I was you
and hippy.' -
.. -
'I want to ask youn question,' put in
Bobby Wright, the widows oldest hope,
and the youth placed ga inquiring and,
much be-treaoled face within range of
the boarder's eyes. •
'Ask away, Bobby,' indulgently,
said Bobby, honestly and
squarely, is became an embryo voter,
on,y want ter ask yer if yer . Went
inter the ark with Noah au' all his
ani
miles?'. -
'Mrs. Wright, what does this mean?'
angrily demanded-Linn; rising, recall
ing painfully the similir treatment of
the previous evening.' 1•
'Oh, Bobby, what have you done,
you bad, bad, boy? Excuse him, Mr.
Thompson, he didn't mean anything
by his ridiculous question, • did you,
Bobby?' "
'Yes, I did. I want ter know,' dog
gedly replied_Bohhy. _life looks like
one of Noah's sons. Mabbe he was one
of 'em. Tell me,' and Bobby looked
ready to dig his • small fists into hie
eyes. 'Tell me, quick.'
cowhide Jon first,' you impn
dent boy,' = •
/tastily enough Linn departed for
the office, where :he was bookkeeper
upon s ; not generous salary. anger 'and
surm i se struggling for supremloy_in
his breast,
Bobby was long in Anderstanding
why he was summarily _ 'seized, laid
across his inother's - knees and treated
toil corrective dose of her slipper. .
.'ThonisOne.: What ails ' you? alum
'Omsk pre000444 . euQUgh - are yoti
this morning?' observed sfellOW clerk.
'What do you shiskof doraestiolifer
wastinn's astonis' king reinkider.
'The happiest kind is the lsearest
type of beaVen. 'wo can 'have on this
injumbuiesplifire. Ab, I. thought you'd
'Como to it someday. WhOso's the la
dy of your' choice?' ,
.' 4 01 i, bother! Ihavn't got so far as
that.: ;Tbe ffict sick of second
late : actickamplitions' an - fare and
landladiei rha. make love to me.'
statement, that hall'
' 'Why so? Iflatteizny-' '
I'dare say, and - it's the crying
sin of ypur life - . Put it away, trample
it under- foot. A vain. cid man is a
pitudili'enongh
haughtily, doubting;
• 'Why, yes, old. Why, Linn, when
I reach my fifties•l shall think I have
'fairly won that dissagreeable, descrip
live word. But, I suppose, bachelors
never dream they grow old, at, least, I
never met one who did; although they.
are"quite apt*, no blew it -the mini mantained a most repeilling
lance. That evening he' concocted an
advertieement for a wife, which •he
caused to be inserted in the columns of
a leading daily the • next noon.• - Not ,
that le expected or desired 'any result
matrimonial from the , eccentric and
hiaardowi venture. He did it to kill
time, in truth. He bad grown' timid
about appearing in public since Mrs.
Bang's musicale. He shuddered to
think 41 what lie might - have to undergo
if he 3lrerl3 to. Itepliei same in prompt
lrand numerously, and in eveiy - con
ceivable style of penmanship.: tiptoe
were in rhyme, some in foreigultongues;
all' however, proving conclusively that
plenty of idle, advent Fons Pepple were
above as well , as belo* the daisies.
'Here's's letter yo ii dropped
up stairs I - soed it anti bring it up,' said
Bobby Wright:_.
,Thanks,' , 'and Li t nn flashed as
,he
thought how purity . ' this bittiw might
have exposed him to the ridicule of his
landlady. How 'he blessed Bobby.
'No*, ain't I a good boy?' propound
ed Bobby.
'You are, that's a tact," and Linn
passed the urchin a nickle.
'An' - now won't you tell me if you
lent into the ark with NOahr
'Bobby, I've a great mind to throw
yon out of that window!' angrily.
*l'd dnither go down the stairs,'
impertubably answered Bobby, suiting
action to word, departing with a - fist
in his eye.
'Did yon give it to him?' asked Mrs.
Wright.
'Give him what?' blankly asked Bob-
'The letter I saw you pick up.'
'Course I did.'
'How dhlyon khow it was for him?'
'Coo nobody else goes up our: stairs.'
Airs. Wright was certain . her Bobby
&sewed certain alsracteridics which a
Ottlig.)d. ' PP,14 1 .. Cal life 4nP?rithiVolY
minde • • -- • -
'My soul, what lengthy and trashy
letters women write,' said Linn,(„con
signing a fresh batch to the are. ;<; Not
one of these writers that I can trust.
I guess call on Miss Snethen.'
He coifed. More, - he did what he
had not intended to do when he left
home. He made her an offer of his
heart, hand and fortune. She declined,
-for didn't Admiram'a wife -need her to
help toward Womanhood and manhood
a most *truly Set of children? 'And
did not her sister Amanda and, Celia
need'er services in a'similar direction?
'I believe you are too good for this
worldi' said Linn, looking• regretfully
into the honest face of one 'who could
not be his,beftuse'she hid to be every
body else's. He immagined that was
the only' reason.
'Poor man he meat well enough.
Little can he dream bow far from my
ideal he is,' thought Miss Snethen,
she sat *tiling to ;his departing foot
steps. I
His landlady had busied herself in
his absence in writing a letter. This
reached - him io due season. It invited
KendalF-Ltsioubriquet—to meet her
that evening at 8 outside the village
green under a certain big elm.. He
would know her by a *bite • bow she
would wear on her left shoulder. And
would he speak her name when they
met?
* * *
'Romantic, by George! • Yes,
meet you, Kate Carron,• and speak
your name, too; that assurance may
bo doubly sure,' soliloquized Linn,
quite excited over the event,
The pair met sad held a' short quite
ble chat, although the lady
would not lift her'veil and was quite
"non-committal. They met &number of
times, Linn growing more and more
interested. Here was a woman who
loied him for Iflinself alone; who did
not twit him of his yeaxs mid- faded
charms; who owned to the beauty of
his conversation powers, and delicately
hinted that with outs!" a figure and so
much grace he must be a lovely dancer.
Meanwhile his Premises improve&
A new, carpet and curtains, together
with new paper and paint,nd a lavish
use of k varnish Upon t4q fainiture,
'made a very pleasing den AThe cui
sine also improved, and ihit dreadful
boy, Bobby, was not permitted to come
to the table. The little parlor had also
been improved, and into it _the widow
had beipuled him to talk . about an in-
Vestment in stocks a drtilimer
hadlatdy urged upon her consider*
tion. -
At last Carl Belidall i grew impatient
and declared he must!cee this_charming
and most prudent .I!Unnita unveiled.
She was sure of hie tidying regards, so
why was she still act/ mysterious? _ She
agreed to inform b* within a day or so
where she woidd diop the luyatery for.
ever and former. / '
'And name the wedding day,' he ar
dantly demanded. -
'And name the wedding day,' she re
peated. -
Tne following evening, whil.e at tea,
Mrs. Wright laid: 'I would like to sec
you on a matter of businiwa in my par- .
will . be there,' Ouldi'absently, said
Linn, thinking of KitelCairolL '
At the hour named he e4tered the pleas
ant little parlor, and there, veiled, with
drooping head eat Kate Carroll.
sisa
'Why! What?' ho esiainienqed, going
eagerly toward be:
'Do you really love meiVilib asked:
!Better than my life,' was nig ardent
reply, taking her gloved Land. _
,'And nothing can make :you change?'
'Nothing! ,Stay—wbat does all- this
mean,' he demanded,' suddenly remem•
bering thut he bad not expected to see
her in that room, where he "had agreed
to;meet Lis landlady on business—her
business; another investment very like•
'Only that if you go back on Hate
Carroll the epitaph on your tombstone
will bo 'He died because of having ad
vertised for a wife.' Ridicule will be
sure tolollow you to the end of yoUr
days,' said Mrs. Wright lifting her veil,
and so , ending her masquerading after
a husband.. -
Limn mused. She bad told the truth,
gole WoUM follow bim to the end, of
Sir 4,431L'
•
. if I must, I must, he at length
answered._
'Did yon go into the ark?' propound
ed Bobby, on the wedding night.
..!Why in-the duce . couldn't I have
done that and angrily commenced
Linn., .
'And so have escaped the faithitd,
loving career a wife wholly devoted to
you intermpted the bride. Sobpy,
dear kin your new papal' ,
Traveling Brides and Grooms.
'To watch the newly married couples
who bale) is ono of the compensations
of our ardnotuf life. said an old hotel
clerk the other day.
'How can you tell whether tliey `are
newly , married or not ?' inquired the
Sun reporter to whom this remark was
addressed.
I'4ol
_them ?, ejainlated the , clerk;
can pick them Yliit!easily as if they
=did signs, 'We ara i lliat married."
'Yes; but how.?"
,
,'Well, in the fi rst place, they area
ways most
_abundant in the, fall and
winter. I don't know, whir' it is,
but . such is the fact. One of
the signs of a . newly married
couple is their spit* span new
clothes. Somehow, when people get
married they generally get as many new
clothes as possible. The bride and
groom have new - hats and • new tru.uks
and new dusters, Then, again,, they
spend : money more freely. When
man is in his honeymoon he generally
feels as if ho ought to be generous He
has a grateful sort of spirit, and thiowe
his money around as if hg wanted to
show thal the world has need him well.
He has pot to his , money - for the occa
sion, and is not afraid to spend it. He ,
iespecially anions the f t, bride shall
eat and drink of the tint. i He must
have a room with a:Private Parlor, and
not up stairs verranri-aod witli-o good
Sonibtfkiiiiiiitalmirgigum u i r i 4 f
asking for these thing* lint„When we
suggest them he always-says 'Yes.' Of
course it is part of our business to sug
gest them. We consider that we have
the same right to pack a newly married
couple as an undertaker has to pluck
bereaved relatives.” •
*Do they behave differently from
other people r
should—well, yes, The husband
doei not run off to the barroom or the
billiard room, as the old married men
do. 1 When the old • married couple ar
rive; you may be certain that the first
thing the husband does is to - take a
drink or lounge • about the billiard
tables, telling his wife that he has some
business to attend to.'
.Ate newly married people bashful ?'
'That depends. The widowers and
widows don't mind it, but the young.
people are' a little coy. At Niagara
Falls we we had most of the new coup
les late in the season, when the regular
boarders had left. I have•seeniut many
a dozen at a time file into the dining
room, trying to look as if they had no
been married-yesterday, but casting
furtive glances about to see if they were
suspected. The men Were specially
watchful lest somebody should be ogling
the brides. One day I 'thought we
shopld have a fight in the dining room.
A 'strapping big ',fellow from the West
n a new suit of store clothes sat down
to the table with his bride, a' buxom
briiimeyed beauty. '_ . She looked so
fresh and rosy that she could not bat at
tract attention, and she. got it. Every
gentleman in the room took more than
one look at her, and she knew it. Of
course she did not_ object. Bat the
man began to get angry. He did not
like to streak to the bride about it, be
cause she was evidently not displeased.
Finally he got up and walked to the
nearest gentleman whom he had ob
served and said: .
' Look here, stranger, I' like to know
what you are staring at my wife for?'
'-"Your wife I _Allow me to con
gratulate you my dear follow. - Yon
have got the wife in the city' said
.
the gentlenkanwed. 'The fact it,
I thought she .'. our sister.' Ezense
me if I was red ; butyon don't want
•
people to look at your wife, you really
must never !,take her out in public. No
offence meant, sir.' -
'The bridegrooni went back to his
place, but he took good care at the next
meal to put his wife with her face to the
wall.'
'Which do you think take to the new
conditions most gracefully 2' -
'Women by all odds. The men are
always betraying themselves. ;They
want to talk about it; they are full of
the subject. Women are more artful
'kidney° more adaptability -to now
tiyametanoes. But, with all their arts,
they can't deceive the old hotel Clerk,
and it is very seldom that we don't turn
in a feir &Mari extra' to the house on
account of our knowledge."
'Another peculiarity of .the newly
married couples who go to hotels,' con
tinned .the Clerk, 'is that many of them
live in the city.- They always come
equipped for a long joarney. They
have left the wedding guests - with the
almofinoed intention of taking .. a . long
jotirney, conspienonely displaying, per
haPs,*their railroad tickets, 'and have
been driven- by way of the depot-to a
bat:clam hotel previously . seleekdi. I
11
knew one case wluiro a bridal con*, to
avoid detection, aebially• boarded a train
add darted apparently on a journey;
but took at the next station a train back
to the city, and stopped at a hotel a few
blocks from home. Then the wedding
guests were permitted to stay at the
feast as long as they pleased, without
disturbing anybOdy.'--New York Sun.
A. TOUCHING. STMT.—One rarely
molts a bit- of more teaching romance
than s found -in the - following stori,
that - comes from Wales: Years ago
some Welsh miners in exploring an old
pit that had long been closed, found
the body of a yoting man dressed in a
fashion long out of -date. The peculiar
action of the air of the mine had been
such as to preserve the body so perfect-
Irthat it appeared asleep rather than
dead:.. The miners were purshal at the
ainumstance;_ncr one in the Allattiot,
had been missed,within Their remember
ance, and at last it was resolved to
bring_ the oldest inhabitant, an old lady
long-past. her eightieth year, who
had lived single in the villiage
the whole of her life. On being brought
into the presence of the body a strange
scene (weaned; the old lady fell on the
corpse, kissed and addressed it by
,every term of loving endearment,
couched in the language of a bygone
generation.- He was her only love; she
knew that he hid not forsaken. her,
The old woman and the young Man had
been betrothed sixty years before.
The lover had disappeared mysterious
ly, and she had kept faithful during
that long 'interval. Time had stood
still with the dead man but had left
its-mark with the living woman. The
miners who were present were a rough
set, but very gently and with tearful •
eyes they removed the old lady to her
house, and the same night her faithful
spirit rejoined that of her- long-lost
lover." .Church union,
SETELLYO van Was.—ln the Winter
of 1864, Ponx Mouritain, in the Shenan
doah Valley, was full of game, and
Pederals arid Confederates used to shoot
squirrels and trap rabbits when off
picket duty..-. Care was taken to avoid
each other, but many collisions occur
red, and more than one poor fellow's
bones are' bleaching under.' the dark
pines to-day. One l day a member of
the Sixth Michigan Cavalry encountered
a 'Johnny' face to face, as they both
turned a thicket. Both had guns on
their shoulders, and both were , too sur
prised to speak for some time. Then
the Confederite yelled out:
'Say, you Yank, what are you down'
here for ?'
'To put down the itebelliOn.'.
'Yon can't do it. nwhow.'.
Iket. you $lO we
UWE;
➢here,' said the %eh,' as he
indulge In gestures; Tapley ye a game
of euchre to•eee which aide is going to,
whip.'
This was agreed to, and a pack of cards
was prqduced. The 'Yank' got the first ,
deal and made a point. _The %eh'
took the second kind made a march. At
the next deal the score was even, and
pretty soon they stood four to four.
The play weal careful, but the Con
federacy had the winning cards, and as
the qohnny':toorthe last trick with an
ace, he jumped tip and yelled:
'I knew it-1 knew it I Now, Yank,
are ye squar '?'
am.'
'Then go back and stop this 'ere war'
cording to agreement, 'and mannt yer
critter and go , home. • Whoop ! 'Bah
fur me ! I knew there must - be some
way. to settle this dog-gone war. it I
could only ifit beyond the pickets
Detroit Free Press.
Hn WOMBS) TEI No= Pour. rs
Eirs.—A 'dilapidated - looking tramp,
with sixteen distinct patches on his
clothes, and a Wader over his eye, went
into a Penn street saloon,'Blappeadown
a worn ont dime, and bailed mkt:
!'Give me a soda-water cocktail with
the North Pole in it.'
A crowd outside, thinking free drinks
were to be set up, crowded into the sa
loon and watched and waited. The man
of rags, who had ordered the North Pole'
in his drink, - ate up all the lunch he
could find, chewed up the coffee and
cloves, and was tackling, , the mint;
when the bartender quietly asked: -
'What did you say you wanted in
your drink, Mr. Gould ?'
Mr. Gould steadied himaelf a moment,
grinned on the crowd and at himself in
the looking-glass, and replied: •
'lf you please, sir, - I'll have the North
Pole in it.'
The bartender - remembered an old
piece of gas-tubing, about three feet in
length, which had been left aroundi he
got it and blew some cayenne pepper
down the inside, put one end of it in
the cock-tail, and smilingly : banded it
to Mr. Gotdd. Mr. Gould took it, gave&
preliminary pull, and then a hurricane
arose. It seemed as if the combineit
tornadoes of eight States had broken
loose. An immerge oonglomeMtion of
legs, arms, hats, canes, and bodies wag
observed piling out of the saloon a. few
momenta after and to day, when
the saloon} t keeper reckons up , the
losset of a broken liead, cracked mirror,
scratched and stained counter, and liar.
bility of 'being sued, he will a
s adly re
member the last words of tha tramp as
he closed the door an'd shot up the
street.
One often reads in thC newsmen
ind elsewhere of the discovery of live
toads in the Centre of trees or inside of
apparently solid sbine. " A French
natundiat has published the result of in
experiment of that nature. InJanuary,
in the year 1875, he caused a cavity to
be hollowed in a large stone, put a toad
into the cavity and then sealed - up the
month of the Cavity with impemeahlo
cement. in Januaty, 1880, five yake
to day, since be had petithe pbor cies
tiro into durance vile, he broke - open
the cavity, and found thntoid
alive and well, though in a itorpid con
dition. Nor has it since its release
taken any nourishment wha7ver.
i
EOM
":)7.1- - i.t. -- , - , ,- ,
Year, la Advammy.
MI=E
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FACTS AND
A,:steXte ppm&
"Pees the pork and bearis,,dear mtligrr
For I'm hungry as a hoe -
True, I had a pienle dinner,
Bitting on an aholeut kw.. • • • ; -=,
But Adolph was thers, dear mother,
And I fain would have him think
I am of etherial malt-tip;
For, mamma, -he's got du chink; -
Bo' anlY ate a morsel ' '
• Of a dainty frosted Saks,:
And a peanut sad a raisin—
Gave all solid grab the shake ,
Pile tho provender around nUr -
For I'm: famishing, by gumi -
Mut Mb ham and beans delicious.
Ohl yam ! yam I yam ! yam t pun I ,
Jamfull is the name of a Colorado
town which has a population of only .
twenty-eight.
The stomach pump is mightier than
the landanum coktail, but you've got to
be quick about it.
A heer saloon -keeper in Baton has
the very appropriate name of Thlilfp A.
Oahu. "They all do it. -
In New York seats at the theatres, it
is said, are reserved for the pet dogs of
fashionable women. The idea Who
ever saw a puppy at the theatre
Two children aie, prattling. 'Your
father's house is very nice.' 'lei. :It
is all covered with slate.' 'With elate t
father'sionse is 'muck lticor. He
says it is all covered with mortgages.t
'Chinese ' -barbers _without
lather.' - This reminds us that our old
schoolmtutter need to lather without
shaving. One is said to be a painful
in operation as the-other.,
Idaho doesn't attract immigration
much. Trees are so scarce, there that
it ie sometimes necessary to go forty
Miles" to find a phee - to lynch a man.
It's excrutiatingly inconvenient.' -
A. badlempered man: He had lost
his knife and -they inked him the usual
question: 'Do yen,lisow where /ow
lost= it I"Yes, yer4' he replied, 'of
course I do. I'm merely baiting in
these other places for to kill time.'
Brakeman—‘The train is now about
to enter the State of Miisouri. Gen
tlemen who „have not provided them
selves with carbines will puss forward
to the loconiotive and crawl into the
tender.
_-
A horse-car ticket costa only Sire • _
cents, but a woman thinks so much of
it that she puts- it in the inside lining
of her wallet and then- Locke her wallet
into her traveling-bag, - and when the
coductor comes around it takes her
ten minutes to find it.
The Rev. Mr. Piper.was once called
upon to many a man to his fouith wife.
As he approached the couple IA said:
'Please to rise.' The man wriggled
about in his chair a moment, and finally
spoke: 'We've usually sot . -
The 'report ..fronV Europe that Dr.
Aba fintarq had. dotw a
Ids neck is contradicted. It apps is -
that all the beet news that wane aver
that cable lacks the important element
of truth.—Norristown Herald.
A writer on a metropolitan newspaper
says 'men who are !mar hungry know
nothing of the worst" temptations of
life. More people &al saved from crime
by potatoes than by principles. - The
Cause of virtue in a multitude of in
stances is aplenty of pork and beans.'
A baggage agent was killed at Fish
kill station. New York, the other day
by .a heavy trunk falling upon him. It
*as very sad; but, at the same time.
'turn about is fair play.' -The ; baggage
man has smashed more than one trunk,
and at last the trunk mashed• the bag- -
gage Man% •
One advantage to a city man of going
out for a Saturday afternoon's - trip to
& suburban town is that the inhabitants
generally take him either for a capital
ist &bonito erect a series of villas or a
detective on the lookout for a runaway
- villain _ln any case they stare him out
of countenance.
A Boston paper, announces the re
turn of -tic, olszei in the following
military style: 'Prepare to be pious.'
The order might conclude, 'Take
prayer-books; carry prayez‘books; for
ward guide right, march.' This may
not be Balutiou Army taction, but it is
good enough for us.
Customer: don't know how it is,
but my clothes -never fit me nicely.
Now, you always make my friend, Cap- -
fain Stollert's, coats to sit - beautifully, 1'
'relic!: "Yes, sir, but he's got shoul
ders to hang 'em on 1 It a gentleman's`
made like a champagne bottle no tailor
can fit him P customer in dun
geon:l .
think,' i said an old toper, who was
- consulting hie physician about his fail
ing eyesight, AI think that if I ahoold
wear a pair of giggles they would beze
-1 fit my eyes, eh ?"Just think,' replied
the physician; 'Clet!! pair by all means,
and fasten them tightly over your
mouth. , That'll- fix your eyesight all.
right.'
'My son,' mid a, fond New Haven
mother to her oldest-son, who had just .
attained .to cigarette-smoking size, 1:
fear yon are not making the most of
your manhood, of your self hood, my
dear. Ido solvent 7 - ett "to become a
man of great hearthood. Oh, Jamas,
for my sake, dip exercise a littie eon
soiencelkood.' 'Just aco, mother. You're
quite right. How long before supper
is ready ?" My stomachhood ngeda a
brace," and the dastard smiled: because
his mother was shocked at sisch
Sip
%panoy ,
A Charleston (Vs.) paper tells this
story: nA bass weighing one pound in
1880, wad returned to . the Potomac with
a small sleigh-bell attaolted to its tail
with a wire. A few days ago it was
caught with the bell still attached, the
Ash weighing six pounds." This may
soma - like a fish story, -bet some of our
..readens - Will remember that a one pound
basa caught in the Susquehanna river,
five years ago, was returned to the
water with a penny tin whistle attacked
to its tail. Three yearn later the bass
wan caught near the same spot. It still
weighed a pound, but the whistle ~had
grown into a foghorn,
EMI
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