HOLCOMB & TRACY, Paklisheis. V 0 • • Bradford Republican, pub! talied every Thursday at To.wrudo. by !IOW:JIM k TRACY. Proprietors. Terruq:=lf paid in advance, $1..00 ptir /111.111W11 ; u.t paid in .advance $1.25. To subscribers out tbo county, $1,25, invariably in advance, ilia addition being made to cover prepaymer.t of postage. Advertising Rates:—Six cents • line for first insertion, and five cents per line for all sub,'. Tient insertions. Reading notice adverti, lug ten cents per line. Etbt lines constitute a square. and twelve lints an inch, Audit - Wit notices $2.50. Administrator's and Execulipr's notices $2.00. Yearly advertising 515A.00 fpor column. Tu Itrruntacsn is published in the Tact', Moore and Nobles Block, at the corner of' Main and Pine streets, over J. F. Corner's Bocit and Shoe store. Its circulation is over Duo, ~its an advertising medium It is unexcelled hi i 4 hn• mediate geld • Our Clubbing Termt4. We will furnish all paying subscribers fur he ItErularcaN within the comity with any of the rtllowitt.. publications, until furth“r notice at the rates given below. r/kC ' REPUBLICAN $./.00 in addivein Su•Jscribers residing out of the ,tt `-rf: charged 25 cents additional. York Weekly Times, .... Semi-Weekly Times. • '•New York Daily Tribune, .... Weekly semi-Weekly New York Daily Evening Post, " " Weekly " . . New York R eekly World, Philadelphia Daily Times, :5 'Philadelphia Weekly Times, 1 Philadelphia Daily Press, 8 Philadelphia Weekly Press,... .... 1 Harper's Magazine,„ ..... 3 ' per's Weekly, - • 3 Harper's Bazar, 3 'Scribner's Monthly,.... 3 St. Nichelas, 2 Appleton's Journal,.... . 2 with steel engraving of Dickens.. 3 Popular Science Monthly, 4 41{ Supplement,...: 2 Magazine of American History...... 4 -North American Review,.. New York Medical Journal, American Agriculturist,... Country Gentlemen, Rural tiew Tidedo Blade • Littell's Living Age,.. . .. Atlantic Monthly, Wide Awake, • ' liabyland, i Lippincott, • D. morest, • .Gedey, Scientific Americau,.... Peterson's Magazine,.... nap Nursery, I , :4rnler's Review - Darlington Hawkeyc, New England Journal of Education:. 2 Kendall's Treatise on the Horse Arrival and Departnre of Mails-. Mailq arrive and depart at the Towanda Post— otllee as follows: I , Phil., N. V.. and Eastern States Duallore, Laporte, Sc... L. V. way mail from the North sheahoquin New Era, &e.. Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday... ..... ...... Asylum, &c., Monday, Wednesday sod Friday Troy, Burlington. Sc 1:00 P. M Loßaysrille, Rome, Sic 1:00 Clod pouch from Erie and NC R Its 2:30 L. V. way mail from the 50uth....... 4:35 Canton, A.:c 5:00 Berclay 6:30 t.'nna Elmira and E It B. 10:411 DEPART. Canton, alonroeton, tc Lehigh Valley cray.mail South Closed pouch Elmira, Erie and North .ern Central Railroads 10:00 Troy, Burlington, .t.c 10:00 Sheshequin, itc - 12:00 at. Barclay 100 P. at New, Era, Tuesday Thursday and Sat. urilay Asyluni„ Monday, Wednesday and Friday 1:00 Lettayaville, Rome, Sc 1:00 Dueliore, Ain —.... 2:45 Lehigh Valley'way mail North • 3:45: New 'lark Phila. and Eastern States. 7:45' ..ulico open from 7:00 A. X. to 7:45 F. Y. Money onttr office Open from 8:00 A. X. to 7:00 P. Y. 0:Ike open on Sunday from 9:00 to 10:00 A. X. • P. PowELL, P. M. EHIGH VALLEY &PENNA. AND NEW YORK RAILROADS. ; AI:ILINGESIENT OF PASSENGER TBALN=I:' TO TAKE EFFECT MAY 15, EASTWARD. •itATIONB 'agar's Falle - tie rah) Rochester... Lyon* iieneva 1thaca:....... Auburn. . Owego.. ..... Waverly • Sayre • Athens ..... Milan Mater • Wysauking'... Standing Stone Runnuerrielil Frenehtown R • yalusing • Laceyville skinner's Eddy Meshoppen Alehoopany Tunklisuaget La!irauge kilis • Juniikton Kalien Chunk• ... Allentown - • li•r;iilehent • 1:44 ton ;1. , V York ... MEI WESTWARD. ST.tTioNs ,P.M..k.M. 5.11. P.M. 0.30 .... 7.40 3.40 8.00 .... 9.410' 4.13 10.15• 5.50 ... 14.50 .....10A5' 6.15 6.21 • • 11. 01 71.55, 7.25 1.08: 6.00, 2.0; 0.45 • • .' 4 35 6.35! 2.25 10.10 7.02; .... 10.30 .... 2.18' 7.33' 3.0310.52 . • • 7.57, 11.13 8.04, 3.28 11.19 B.lll' 3.03 8.2:3„'3.4611.36 8.43 4.03 11.55 9.0 • ..., 12.17 . • . ••• • • 9.10 ....:12.24 9.19 ..... 12.34 ... 4 00, 9.30 443 12.45 9.44 4,55,12.57 1.05 4.34) 10.00 5.101 1.15 i.. 4.40 10.10 5.20 1.23 4.1510.20 5.30; 1.30 5.2511.10 6.1.5 i 2.15 5.30 ....' 0.25 i .... ...t 14.30' : 9.35:.... 6.10 2.10 6.40 ...t 7.41' 5.00 8.14, .... 9.50 7.40 0.40 .... 11.40 ..... ,12.05; 8.00 1.03 I.on . 9.40 P.Y. P.M. A..M. I . lliladelphta •thirhera All , ntown Nixtl , •ll.Chunk.. L.;LS Juu,tion r.iuktannock .ii.nner's Eddy . , `..,n.11L.4 Stone Wy,vltmg.—. 11(.4. la i'l„t.•r.. Athens ,u;.rt ‘ l, . 1 % •r1) - } I . Atibtzra. 'a. I: .11 "ter . . cwzara Falls No .32, irAves Wyalusing at 6:00, A. 11.1 French. wn 14, Unmmerfield 6.23, Standing Stone 6.31 wA nuking 6.40. Towanda 6.63, Ulster 7.06, Milan 7:16. Athens 7:25, Sayre 7:40,i Waver 1Y 7' s,, arriving at Elinira 8:50. IN.. 31 leaves Elmira 5:45 P. M., Waverly 6:35, Kayre 6:15. Athens 6:50. Milan 6:59. Ulster 7 :oe, T.W3:1411 7 Wysanking 7:35. - Standing Stone 7.14. Runinaerfield 7:52, Frenchtown 8:02, arriv iLg at Wyajneing at 8:15. Trains grand 15 run daily. Sleeping cars on trains y sod 15 between Niagara Falls and Phila delphia and between Lyonir and New York with out changes. Parlor cars on Trains 2 and 9 between Niagara Falls - ind Philadelphia 'th eta change. and . thronglf - coach to and from Rochester via Lyons. • •-• • ' WM. STEVENSON; Sept., SATRF. PA, M17:15. & N. Y. R. N. AVIERICANL, CYCLOPEDIA. TowAND, AGENCY.; representing the countless Tiogs. Bradford, nunting,' Sullivan. nsquo. and Nrayl4o, corr...pundeuce pilinuptly attendod to. J. ELLIS, Manager for D. Appelton A Co,. TowANDA way C-tf • . • - I .' • • .• • • '••• r • 7' . • • - - -• 2• • k: • " • „ " 1 • - • • • • • • L , . • • v., 0 ; 1.• • • • •, • • •••• . , •-•-• , •• - • • A S ' •6" -- lbt _.• . • • _ • . • 7 ,, -T i C4* ) _ .ry1,1:" • . - . •• , . • - Irl C - , , ,„ - - , . . . „ '7 p ;I:1 - 6440 2 :40r)4 4 *.' D 9 IPA:, THURSDAY, AUGUST trL.l 4 88 . _• - . =ME 17IMBERLEY, Geo. W. °Bice 2nd doOr smith -LA. First National Bank, up stairs. GatigBo HILLIS, E. L. Office over Kirby's Ureic Store klercur Block. ' . • nov 13,7 d SMITH, ELHANAN. 01Dce over lilrbre Drug Store, Mere or Block. reay26lB. CLIFF, J. N.. Office in Wood's Block, south First National Bank, np stairs.' June 12.78 S•. (N C L'lstiree and L Maim) J!:- , Office in Mercur Block. Park St. mayld.7B DECK A: OVERTON (Benj Peek and D A Otier ton). Office over Hill's 'Market 49=70 OVEBTON A SANDEBSOIi (/C Overton and John •PSandcraon.) Mice in Adams Block, jnlys'7B 11.11, AXWELL. Wll. OfficeAamer DaytoWe Store sprtlll.76 'WILT, J. ANDREW. Ofßep in Mean's Bloc/. apr 14,76 DAVIES,CABNOCHAN & HALL , ( W T Davie:. IP H Carnochan, L M !IOU.) Office in rear or Ward liaise. Entrance on Poplar St. ae12,75 WrERQUR, RONEY A. Solicitor of Patents. ANJ• Particular D attention paid to business in Orphans' Court and to the settlement of estates. Office in ldontanye's Block 4949 cPRERSON & (I. Menlerion and "J.«'.l. Young.) Office south side ofltlercur's fob 1,78 • KINNEY. Office' corner Main and 4 /. l * Pine at. Noble's block. second floor front, Collections promptly attended to. febl 78 2130 WILLIAMS, ANGLE , & BUFFINGTON. (II N Williams, E J Angle and E E Buffington). Office West side of Main street, two doors north of A.rgus\ office. All business entrusteTto their care will receive prompt attention. oct 26,77 MASON & T11031P80.N.1 G. F..Maspn, E. Thompson,) Attorneys•at•Law. Especial at tention to conveyancing, examination of - title and all matter relating to real estate. Colleo. lions promptly remitted. Office over Patch & Tracy's store. ' - marlo-81. JAMES 11. AND JOAN CODDING, Attor neys and Counsellors-at-Law. (Vice -in the Mercur Block. over C. T. Klrby's Drug Store. July 3. 'BO tf. 1711.1031P50N, W. H. and E. A., Attorneyi-at Law, Towanda, Pa. Office in Meecur Block, over C. T. Kirby's Drug Store, entrance on Main street, first stairway north of Post-office. All business promptly attended to. Special atten tion given to claims, against the United States for Pensior.a, Bounties, Patents, etc.,. and to collections and settlement of decedent's es Mtes. April 21. ly emu OHNSON. T. 8., M.D.Mice over Dr. H. C J ' Porters's Drug Store. • feb 12,78 MERTON, Drs. D. N. &F. G. Office at Dwelling on River Street, corner Weston St. feb 12.77 LAUD, O. K ., M.D. Otlice Ist door above old bank building, on Main street. Special at tention • given to diseaies .of the' throat and . ju1y19,78 WOODBURN, S. M., 11. D. Office and resi dence, Main street, north of M.E.Chnrch. 'Medical Examiner tor Pension Dtrsrtment. rab 22,78 PATE, E. D.. M.D. Office over 3Vintanye's Store.. Office hours from 10 to. 12 A. M. and from 2 to 4 P. M. Special attention given to Diseases of the Eye, and Diseases of the Esr. oct 20.77 HENRY HOUSE. • Main et., neit corner south of Bridge street. New house and new furniture throughout. The proprietor has spared neither',-pains or expense in making his hotel flrst.class and respectfully solicits.. Bare Of public patronage. Meals at all hours. Terms reasonable. large Stable attached. mar S 77 WM. HENRY. 4.01.1 A, .31.1 IOU) 11:0N 11.00 tTTATEINS POST, NO. 68, G. A.' it. Meats vv . every Saturday evening. at Military Hall. GEO. V. MYER,' Commander. J. H. KtrrninoE. Adjutant. tab 7. 79 CRYSTAL LODGE, NO. 57. Meets at K: of P. _emery ..lionda&v.orropaß age annual cost, 5 'sears experience, $ll. 1. R. KITTRIDGE, Reporter. Jramx WAILDELL, JX., Dictator. feb 22.78 9:00 A. lit 9:15 BRADFORD LODGE. N 0.167, I." 0. O. F. Meet in OdIA-Fellow's Hall, every Monday evening it o'clock. Wain= Hui., Noble Grand. Sane 12,75 1:00 P OST. F. E. NO. 32 Second street. All orders will receive prompt attention. June 12,75 rnHE LITTLE STORE ROUND THE CORNER 1 W. R. Smalley, .Dealer . in Tobacco, Cigars Pipes, and Smoking 'Goods; Choice Confection ary always on hand, No. 2, Park It. may 17.78 R YAN, G. W., County Superintendent. Office days last Saturday of each month, over Turndr k Gordon's Drug Store, Towanda Pa. • July 19,78 SUSQUEHANNA COLLEGIATE INSTITUTE. Tho Fall Term of twenty-eight year coin . - mences on Monday August 22nd, Vial. For cata logue or other information, address or call on the Principal. uly 19,78 =Ea '2,05 7.20 745 2.50 -23.25 I 9.20 5.15 10.30 6.30 11.30 ..... WILLIA.II.9, EDWARB. Practical Pluniber, and Gas Fitter. Place of _business in lifer-, cur Block next door to Journal office opposite; Public, Square. Plu.mbing, Pas Fitting, Repair ng Pumps of all kinds, and all kinds of Gearing promptly attended to. All wanting work In his ne should give him a call, • • July 27.17 • 6.5411.55 ' • 8.35, 1.18 8.30 • 5.10' 8,05 • ).00 10.50 ,,,,, .: 9.10 1.45 9.00 , 3:45 . 9.45 i 2.10 9.40; 4 15 . 2.30 10.00 1 4:30 ;10.13' 2.3410.051 4:34 •' I PPI.7BBELL, 0. 8, Genetal` Inkrance Agency, L Towanda, Ps. oMciii In Whitcomb's Book - Store. July 12,71 10.251 10 46 3.001043! 5,05 !10.54, 5..13 .. .. :11.03' 11.10 5'.26 ..... TNELEVAN HOUSE. ELMIRA. N. Y. C. T. Smith. . 1 -, 0 formerly of the Ward-House, Towanda, Pro. prietor. Thil Hotel is located immediatly opposite the railroad depot Every.pains taken for the comfort of guests, • - jn1y6,77 1 . 34 1.1'.30 11.44 3.5411.4: '11.53' 5,.45 6.03 6;.07 TOWNER, H.;11.., 11.:D.. Ilonceoparntc Puralcun & 813201.0*. Residence and office. just north of Dr. Corbon's %fain street. Athens. Pa. - - 4.10,12.10', 1 2 .16; 12.25; 4.35 1.00 1.10 6.2.4 10 T. 20 • KENDALL'S SPAVIN CURE Is pure in its .effects, mild in its action is it does not blister, yet is penetrating and powerful to reach every deep seated pain or to remove any bfiny growth or,other enlargiffnents, such as spacing, splints 'hurbs, callous, sprains, swell ings and any lameictess ,and all enlargements of the: Joints or lims, or for rheumatism in =n and for any purpoie for which a liniment is used for man or beapt„ It is now known to bo the hest liniment for man ever used,icting mild and yet certain in its effects. 1.23, 1.051 5.10! 1.45 1.35; 5.25! 2.201 8.35 3.45 7.30' 4.5041.00 4.44: 6.2 5.412.00 5.00 8.35 6.05:12.15 5.30 9.00 6.40!12,55 ! 6.55 : 10.35 8.251:2.20 ' '605 9.15! 3.35 A.M. P.M. P.M. P.M. 7.35 8.05 'Send address for Illustrated Circular which we think gives positive proof of its virtues. No remedy has ever met with such m101'1111(41 nc cess to our knowledge, for beast as well a man. Price $1 per bottle. or siz bottlea‘tor $5. All Druggists have it or can got it for you, or it will be lent to any addwis on reoeipt of price by the proprietors, Dn. Rl' J. Egtinet.t. S CQ., Enollt bur.gh Falls, Vt. SOW by ail Druggists. S 12 CARRIAGE FACTORY FINE STREET, lietiveen Main and 8(;?ond, Opposite • the Jail. • Mclntyre & Spencer, itespecthilly announce to the public that tbey are prepared to build all kinds of . Top & =Open Buggies, ; - ritsrtia Aso inami - inoomr. • -Trotting Sulkies and Skeleton:, 0 THEY ALSO KEEP ON HAND FOR SALE READY FINISHED WAGONS OF ALL j THE ABOVE CLASSES. htsde of the best material and in the best style All work warranted to give perfect satishictiou. MIMIC I SPECIALTY I We have one of the beat Carriage Paibiers in the Country, and do all work in this line at the lowest - rates. Ali kinds of Repairing neatly.and promptly done at reduced prices. Making new springs and repairing old slues a speciality. All work guaranteed. Please give ni a'call. MeINTTRE d BPI:NCNB. Towanda. Jan 4.1880-1, VAN DYKE'S SULPHUR SOAP , Is without a rival In the cute of skin diieases of all descriptions. It has been thorotuthly tested by the medical faculty and .the public. and is re• commended and extensively used by physicians. This soap is combined with pure sulphur, which enters the pores of the skin, and being absorbed Into the blood removes therefrom all impuri ties by exciting the skin to healthy action. B. sure to ask for VAN DYILF.'I3 SULPIIUIt 80AI%, insist upon it, and take no imitation. Sold by' druggists. 'Jan. 13-Cm. Tcwanda Business Direciory. A rrozet SYS LA IV IWYSNANS AND SURGEONS 110 TELS SECRET SOCIEtIES DOUSE AND SIGN PA,INiING TOBACCO ANp CIGARS EDUOATIO.NAL. I EDWIN E.I4PINLAN, A. M. Towanda. Pa. PLUMBER AND GAS FITTER INSURANCE. MISCELLANEOUS. N NV FAMILY CARRIACES E CURES DYSPEPSIA, LITER COMPUDITS, L EAST DISEL CURE tinPirs 2e ,F 1 iam,Drew., cart D ' isease, fousness - Nervous debility, ete. rho Best REMEDY ENOWN to Mae 11,000,000 Bottles This Syrup possesses Vitried Pm:writes. It Stimulates the Ptyalin° iii the Saliva, which converts the- Starch and Sugar of the food Into glucose. AAleg. clency In Ptyalin cause, Wind and Souring of the food in the stomach. 11 the medicine is taken Immediately sifter eating the fermentation of food Is prep vented. It nets upon the Liver. It acts upon the Kidneys. It Regulates the Dowels. It Purifies the Blood. • Quiets the Nervous System. It Promotes Digestion. It Nourishes, Steen_ ena and Emelgoentea It carries of the QM Dlod makes nest It °paw the pores of th e-and indssea Healthy Perspiration. It neutralizes the hereditary tinint t orpolsoa in the blood, which generates Scrofula. Ery sipelas. and all manner of skin diseases and internal humors. There are no spirits employed in its mann. facture. and it can be taken by the most deli. sate babe, or by the aged and feeble, careen'', being requiriss attention to directions. * • DRUGGISTS SELL IT. XaszboratcirY, 77 West 3d St... NEW YORK CITY. • • • Never falls to Care... , Ashland, schnykUl co., Ps; Dear Sirf—Thia is to certify that your INDIAN BLOOD SYRUP has benefited me more, after a short trial, than aU the medicine I have used for 15 years. Disease of the Stomach. Ashland, Schupkill co., Pa. Bair have used pour excellent INDIAN BLOOD SYRUP for Disease of the Stomach, and it haii proved to be a valuable medicine. NerTous Turtle Point, Mckean co.; Pa. Dear Bir:-4 was troubled with Nervous De billiy and partial Paralysis, for a number,of years, and obtained no relief until I used your INDIAN BLOOD SYRUP. a short trial of- which restored me to health. _ ' Tur.tie.Poini. 31cKean co., Pa. Dear Sir:-31y little girl was cured of Inflam mation of the Face and• Eyes, by the use of your reliable. INDIAN BLOOD SYRUP. A' physician had previously failed 'to afford relief&lid it was thought that the child' could not live .1 Its neck 1 snit breast was entirely covered with "proltdous Sores, which are now entirely gone. Wsna • 1 SMITH. I Sure Cure for Liver Complaint . • i Turtle Point, llcKea . co., Pi. Dear Sir:—Thin Ia to certify that yo r INDIA N BLOOD SYRUP has e ff ectually retie ed me of Liyetemzugaint and Dvaneuils. afte the doe. P. F. 'SHOP. Remedy for the Rheumatism. Turn&Point, McKean co., Pa. • Dear Sin—l have need your excellent INDIAN BLOOD SYRUP for Rheumatism and Liver Com plaint, and have derived great relief therefrom. Mums llnasoir. Turtle Point, McKean co., Pa. Dear was a life-long sufferer from Liver Complaint until I used your great INDIAN BLOOD SYRUP, from which I soon obtained permanent relief. I also find the Syrup to be a valuable Bowel Regulator. -Berlin, Somerset Co., Pa. Dear Slr:—This is to certify that your reliable INDIAN BLOOD SYRUP is the best medicine ever used in my family. Hoping the public will be benefited by this great remedy, I take great pleasure in giving my testimony of its value. Jelin% P. ERVILIZT.II. Dys .ps.la and Indigestion. Berlin, Somerset Co.;Pa. Dear Sir:—llake pleasure in recommending your INDIAN BLOOD SYRUP as the best medi-, eine made. People Who. are Dyspeptic should not fail to give it tne Stomach it has no equal. I have] used it and know it to be a valuable medicine. Harris Hammon. Liver Complaint. Berlin, Somerset Co.; P. Dear Sir:—ll weir troubled with. Liver Com plaint for a icing time, and by the porsusaion of your Agent, I commenced taking your excellent INDIAN BLOOD BYRUP,which has greatly bene fited me. 1 have never found any medicine to eaual it, and can confidently say it is a safe and highly valuable remedy. Pahl , ln the Breast. . - Berlin; Somerset Co., Pa.- - Dear Sir:—l was &Muted with a Pain in my Bresst'and Side. and when I would lie down, I could scarcely breathe for .Pain; I was also very weak in my Breast and Lungs. I used some of your INDIAN BLOOD SYRUP and am now near• lywell. Aly Lunge are .strong once more and I am very grateful to you for such s valuable remedy. Dyspepsia and Indigeiition. Philadelphia: Pa. Dear flirt—This Is to certify that pour vaina , ble INDIAN BLOOD SYRUP his . cured me of Dyspepsia and Indigestion, which I had been afflicted with for years: - . Philadelphia, Pa. aus subject to severe Pains in my Ridrifls, Weakness and . Painful Sick Headache, for years, and failed to 'obtain relief, until I was induced to try your - reliable INDIAN BLOOD SYRUP. a short trial of 'which restored me to perfect health. No• 1525 Barb= St For Costiveness. _ Philadelphia, Ps. Dear Sir:—l war troubled with Coativenes and Headache, and the use of your INDIAN BLOOD SYRUP proved most beneficial to me. It is the best medicine I ever used. No 817 Fedora( St Philadelphia, Pa. . • Deny Sir: —I was afflicted with Dyspepsia and Bil Dourness for years, and failed to procure re lief until I began using your INDIAN BLOOD SYRUP, which soon effectually relieved me. -I take great pleasure in recommending its use to. the afflicted. Passe. T t Gossais, No. 1035 Locust St. Disease of the Stomach and. Liver. Bust's:ill...Pike Co., Ps. - Dear Sir:—This is to certify that I have used your INDIAN BLOOD SYRUP for Disease of the Stomach and Liver. and have beeh much bane. Med thereby. • Bushkin, Pike Co., Pa. . Dear Sir ;—I consider your reliable INDIAN BLOOD SYRUP the beat medicine I ever used in. my family. It is just as recommended.' lial,asz. Cumin). • Bushkin, Pike Co.. Pa. ' Dear have need your great INDIAN BLOOD SYNIIP in my family for Worm and Summer Complaint, and tt baa proved - effectual In all cakes. - •BoshklU. Pike Co.. Pa. Dear Sir:—My daughter waa in Poor Health and a, abort trial of your INDIAIII3LOOD SYRUP entirely cured tier. - 7 Hnay VANANIXIII. AGENTS OTtri l e r rit for. AN the BL mile of in every town or village, in which I have no agentlipartieulara given on application. CURES 111.0ISUSES 0 . 1 THE STOMACH, BOUTS, SMII, BLOOD. SOLD aurct U. B. Busacam Mn.o J. AIIItAII D. C. Wissuip For Setofitla. An Agent's Testimony. litany C. Snipsort A Valuable Medicine. EDWAUD Zolui D. 31. BALL, GEOROL U. ELLIOT For Kidney Diseaßes. JAMES RILEY Jes. A. Bwirzir For Billlonsness. nAmmir ymusum Best Family Medicine. Remedy for Worms.. THOWLS COUTDIGII2 Never Fills to Cure. ..111111•110•111•MON ; . , - • . ' "OONTIMIdENT - OF THE PEOPLMIIiT i r gifi.PEOPLE , '‘AND FOE THE PEOPLE." I , - awar SHOULD 21114 Y KILL arr BABY." DT WILL C.ABLETQN, [The aged mot4r of tho President is re ported to WINO exelanied as above, upon hear ing the news of his atfimpted assassination.] 1 Why should they kill my baby?—for he'seems the same to me As when in the morning twilight, I tossed him on my knee. And sowed for him hopes to blossom when he should become Amu. • And dreamed for him such a t ftitere as only a mother can. • I looked ahead to the noon-time with prou l d but trenibling joy; . I had a ,vision of lipltindor for my . sweet, bright-eyed boy; But Hale enough I fancied that when be had. ' gained renown, Base Envy's poisohed bullet would suddenly strike him down— Why should they want to kill him ? Because • ho hai.cut his way . Through Poverty's gloomy wood and out into tho open day, And sent a shoat Of good cheer to those who were yet within, : - That Honor is barn through itriving,, and liunerty yet can win? Or teas it because from boyhood he manfully . • bared his breast To fight for . % _the poor and and aid the 1 sore pressed? Ali! me the world is working upon a treacher , one plan, : When be who baa struck for mankind is stricken down by man! "Or did they begrudge his mother thehand he . reached ter still, No odds how he clamored by Foetuses glit tering bill? • For in hit proudest life-day he turned from the honors of earth, - II An came and tenderly. kissed • J me,— the , mother who gave him birth. • Shame to the wretch that struck him, and griev% it did not kill l . Anil pity for, his poor mother, if she be living . still. May God in Iliasnerey aid Lim Lis black crime to atone, And help me to forgive him-1 can not do it • alone. Foil THE ThrstraucAs. • "THE INQUIRY."" - . -1 C. K. BUIL'iSIDE. Tell mu ye aultry'winds, that round my path ' , way blow,, Do Ye not know somo spot, cooled by eternal mow? Borne pleasant, shady, glen,: or lofty moun ts* crest, Where free from heat and dtist we, may at - ---1 last - find-rest ? The lazy wind. moved yet more slow, A sighed ai it sadly answered—" No." L I d Tell mo thou - mighty deep, whose waves , - around mo roli, Kno 'st thou some wintry shore, some -tel -1 and near the polo, Where weary man may AO, the comfcrt ht re unfelt, Te Where snow remains forever, and ice-bergs .. never melt? And from its depths came back the answer "No:" .And thou reflecting moon that Jost the night-watch keep, Above this heated plannet wherS mortals try to sleep, Tell me in all thy course o'er continents and Pert'' Mast thou not seen some place where blows a • constant breeze? The woos bad set and all was (lark beloci But tbronglr the darkness 'came the au ewer—"No." • Tell me ye happy birds;—oh t tell me from the skies, t. • Is there no place of refuge, from heat, and dna% and flies ? Is there no spot on earth, where ye have chanced to roam, .; :Wherein perspiring man, 3 may find. is 2. cooler home? ' I The birdi looked sad and said they won dered whether Mankind were ever suited with the weather. HINTS FOR GLNANLINENS AND HEAIiTH. —People who hays no opportunity to enjoy sea bathing will be glad to know that a substitute nearly, if not quite, as strengthening is . found in an am monia bath. A gill of liquid ammonia in a pail of water makes an invigora ting solution whose strengthening ef fects can only be compared to a plunge in the surf. To weak persons -this is recommended as an incomparable lux ury and tonic. It cleanses the skin and stimulates it wonderfully, and leaves the flesh as firm and cooL as marble. 'gore than this, the ammonia , purifies the body from all odor of perspiration. Those in whom the secretion is un pleasant will find relief by using a spoonful of the tincture in 'a bash) of watA4land washing such •parts of the body, as maybe necessary. persdns find great comfort and benefit from salt water baths, arranged in this way: A coffee cup,of fiine dis tilled salt mixed with a gallon of water, and with a hair gleve or coarse towel, the body thoroughly bathed with the mixture, rubbing until the body is aglow. Then follows' an ,exhilaration akin to surf bathing.. Ftir a delicate child such a bath is - rroommen tea as speedily beneficial. An decagonal bran bath greatly im • proves the condition of the skin. The French women find it leaies their dark, clear flesh as soft us a baby's. A peck of common bran, to be had at any of the feed stcii es, ha stirred into a tub of warm water. The rubbing of the scaly particles of the bran cleanse the skin, white the. , ' gluten. in it softens and strengthens the tissues. The friction of the loose bran culls the blood to the surface, nervous and irritable people find special benefit from it for their minds as well as their bodies.—Pli3r, sicians say the habitual use of soap up on the face leaves the skin - brown, and recommend a little oat meal is the ter, or the ammonia suggeste4 above. Ladies who have moist or oily skins should use quite hot water for their baths, and ,a little hay ruth rubbed over the fade. . A tablespoonful in the washbowl of water prevents that shiny app -sirance of the skin which is so an noying to many ladies; . 'Sony to tr-that yeur wife is threat. ened with deafness,' said an Albanian to hislriend, oue morning recently. 'Ye4t,' explained the husband, sa month ago she could catch a whisper up four flights of stairs, but she liar: been attending the sessions of the Legiela tuie for several weeks, and her ;hear ing is almost gone, poor thing.' MRS: HIGGINS'S MAN. For thirty - years 11141 s Higgius bad looked under the bed every night and had-never fouud a man there, yet still vhe looked, Whether it was fear that impelled that death-like research, or a fatality that' was beckoning her to her fate, I.know not. It would seemihow ever to . be the' former e for she had Often been heard to ohserr : "That of all the abominations on: earth, a Man was the most abominable." - - Indeed, at the informal tea-drinking of the allied forces of 'l3heaterville, the three Misses Wheeler and the two Miss es Jones, she bad often' excelled them all in the withering tone with which she would. 'repeat : 'Man man !' No one could breathe greater defiance at this foemuu than she. It was atone of these ten parties that they had , entered into a solemn compact that, in the event of Woman's Rights giving either of these allies sovereign power over the nation, - an Eastern law was to be by them imported end Improved, and huff! bands burnell with the dead bodies of their wives. As Eunice Higgins well temaiked "That would put an end to win dowers pretty lively.' And with this remark the Hyson flowed, and the was sail went on—with such a spirit that, Aurelia Wilde, the most radical, added another clause : 'That the children, of widowers thould be' thrown in too and not be bothering other women.' This was also well received. Now if any one thfnks that Miss Eu nice Higgins was a wear devoid of virtues and womanly graqes, I pity them —they are so utterly:mistaken. She had assisted a drunken father through the world, till he made his exit-laus tabled and supported by. a feeble moth er—oad• three or four childrvi older but more helpless than l obe, (ill the mother went home .to her reward, and, the children had found flourishing homes for themselves, 'with the excep tion of the oldest souho bad followed his father footsteps lit rally. Indeed, when one contemplate the specimens Of manhood she has be n familiar with, her aversion to the sex oes not seem Lo wonderful. She was of shrew-eyed, but good and kindly louking. No home was brighter than 'hem . No farm bet ter managed. - ' The night uu witic!t cominezees nay humble histoty, Miss - Higgins - went to her roi.tu in unusual good humor. She had had a tea party. The allies had all been pre seat, and admitted unanimous ly that such fragrant tea, such knowy biscuits and honey, such golden but ter, such cakes avid sweetmeats had not 'been rartaken 'ef: -that season. Th scene of her benign victory rose before ha r at die look off the 1 :" . " 44447,11 of hair at cue latex or per 'head, anti pen _lively rolled it up ere she pnt it in the top bureau drawer. She saw again the sinking sun shining -in, through her house plants in the win dow, upon the drugget of the dining room ; the snowy tea, table with its sil ver and pink sprigged china ; the ad; miring faces of her friends as the par-- took of her delicious food. Btit one memory disquieted .her. "She dltnost mistrusted her leuion extract was losing its strength—the frosting.on the , fruit cake didn't seem to be flavored quite enough." But this haunting inantier was softened by - the thought that "she could get a new bottle to-mor row. By this time she was arrayed in her long white night dross and night cap. She folded up every article of clothing. and laid it down at right angles, she looked up ,it her breastpin, and then impelled by fate-she calmly advanced to the side of the bed mad raised- the snowy valences—gave one shriek, and fell back on the carpet, hitting.her head as she did so on chair rocker. There Was her man under her bed. Miss Higgins hid often fancied how she would awe such a robber, such a burglar with fier fearleis and searching glances ;, how she would defend her property with her life. Let us not be too bard with her—she is not the only one of us who has found that it is more easy to dream of great achievements than to accomplish them. She is not the only ode who, af the first shock, has tumbled down before adverse fate. fiat Eunice Higgins _ wee not tte one _ to wither away before a can:laity. Not long did she lie there ; but as .short a time as it was; When she lifted her head her man confronted her. He was a ve ry Innen man, indeed, not more than seven years old, and small at that, very good looking and well clothed, although exceediugiy disbelved and• uncomfoi ta ble in appearance. 'How came you here, under my bed Tbis was the Bret (leaden, but it !rite repeated before he answered, with drooping head and glauee3 r • 'l've runn'd aw s ay.' • 'Run away from where ?' 'From our (onto.' 'Who is your folks ?' • . • 'Father.' a • Here the dialogue terminated sudden ly, Eunice Higgins becoming suddenly conscious that a night gown and night cap wan not the proper raiment in which to,eutertain even so small a man. Out in the sitting room,, beneath the warm light of tercrmene gleaming throngh rose geraniums, and the keen er light of Eunice Ifiggius's,cyes, the inquisition was ientinued. From which these facts were gleaned: 1. That the boy. Johnny D@le,.hail been so tried with his father. , beit4use he wouldn't let him go to a .circui, that he bad run away. • It was tarly i in the morning ; he said, and Aid got a ride with a teamster, and rode, with him till 'afternoon, so he'must have some some instance. After tie teamster .had stopped, ho walked on, and coming to see _h er door the twilight, he thought he would ask her , for supper, but there was no one in; Mimi Higgins had gone piece' with her visitors But the tea table stood there, laden with good things.; he had helped him eelf generously. and then as he' heard her step suddenly outside, guilt, which makes cowards of us all, drove him into the bedroom, and, as the step -panics nearer and nearer, under the bed. His unusual fatigue bad overpowered him, and he had fallen asleep, and was awa lienedOnly hy,, her scream. as she dis. covered him. I - Miss Higgins bad found the man she had been looking for for. tbirty years, but now the question , arose, what was she to do with him? As ho hattno de signs upon her property or her life, she could not lecture him therefore. And as his courage arose, he displayed a pretty—a very pretty—face, sur mounted by a mass of white curls, in which shone two hen's feathers. Miss Higgins was very neat, but where is the feathered.bed tbat will not occasion ally shed a few taps, dry tears happily falling over . the giemory of former nights? - 'Miss Higgins's good sense, backed by her good - heart taught her - that what her man needed now . was a good sup per and a bed. But in the merniug the question again vexed her. ' What was she to. do with her man—shouhl she advertise him? Again: She ques tioned him ie t::e anti-lighted ; - ;ooLiat his eicelleut breakfast. -'Wherebou6 do your fufki • live—in what place?' He looked np mildly at ,her,. with a large piece of peach . pie, Midway be tween his plate and his mouth, and swered obediently: • 'Oar folks' house.' 'Who is your folks?' 'Fatbei.' • The allies were called in; the stiffly starched inquest Baton Miss Higgins's man. The additional ' result of their over-questioning being that the father of Miss Higgins's man belonged to that corrupt and shameless sect--widowers. Mies Higgins trembled: 'Had she not bitter diepciso of her man at once? Was it not partly en couraging widowers in their nefarious doings, to harbor these small men?' She asked these questions with Some relenting of hear, for already bad the childish Lime Si her man been •upon her, and it was with great relief that she heard`the decision of AnreliA, the most radical of the allies. 'No! keep him here.' Such a chance was.seldom vouchsafed to the allies to teach one - of these men—widowers—a lesson they would not EOOll forget. 'Punish that wretch, that unnatural widower, by saying 'nothing about -the child. IA him think he was lost; let Lim hunt him up the best way he can.' The yonnger Miss Jones—she was only forty and naturally timid and ap preheusiie—suggeited 'that 'it would he just like one of these men to come _right here to Miss Higgins's after him. 'There wasn't anything they hadn't the lace to do. It would be just - like ono of 'em to walk Into her sitting-room.' Hero Miss Higgins remarked with spirit: 'She would like to . see him walk into her house. He 47ouldn!t stir a step beyond the hall, and as for that stair carpet she was going to take it up and cleanse it any This remark, which was warmly tip plauded, terminated the conference. • Johnny did not seem averse' to the arrangment. He WC3 at the ago 'when bodily cc:futon overshadows the mental. He appeared to have a great deal of affection for his father, but there was a Sarah Ann at the Very mention Of whose name he almost gorghed his teeth. `She was awful. she had shaken 11 4, 32, pinched him and pilled his hair,' Eunice Higgins's' warm heart almost melted within her at the recital of. his sufferings. A week passeA away, .and daily had Miss Higgins's man gained upon her affections. She was . ' the youngest child of her parents, ; and had never known the delights of childish society. She had dwelt so long alone, that 'to have that bright, manly little face oppisite hers at the drelkfast table, looking out of the window,lisiling her return from her 'abort absence, his merry, innocent prattle and rin&ng laugh, were all more aggreeable to her than she would_ be willing to aCknowl edge. - She grew lenient to the boyish nerve other man, for the best of boys have unregulated moments;! looked benig nantly at bun as ,be capered , into the garden paths in startling proiimity to her marrowfats and .cluSter cucumbers. She raveled out a long stocking, and out of one of her second best, MoroceO shoes made a ball for jiim; and when he lost it in her beat meadow. she her self boldly breasted tile clover waves. side by side with him in pursuit of it. So that beautiful week passed away. and one morning Bulk:e t Higgins was called from her snowy dairy nom by a ring at the front door. Opening it, she confronted a pleas ant looking man of - about her own age. Woman's nnering intuition slid to her, 'That is be.' Here . was the onortunity to wither him with her glances. But how could she when he looked so much like. Johnny, just such a pleasant man ly look to hie face. • Hunice did not wither him. 'lhave been informed, Stadam, that there has been a boy, a- -runaway boy, here—is it so ?' • Insteadof the prussic - acid and vine gar that she had decigned to have in her tone, the likeness to her man so softened her voice, that it was only pleasantly acidulous, like a ripe lemon, as she replied, 'Yes, sir, it is.' he here now?' • 'Yes, sir, he is.' • ',His anxious eye so brightened at this that ehe entirely forgot her carpets and her enmity, and actually invited him No sooner was he seated than Johnny ran - in with eager , eyes. 'Father ! Father !' He threw his arms around his father's neck and kissed hie= bearded lips and then, to his delight, .-he turned and threw his arms around - Eunice Higgins's neck, and kissed her !itb the same pair of lips, and still Miry Higgins could in the dying_ :Ivor& of the great statesman : 'I still live I' Mr. Dale wee a man of means and leieuFe, He thought- the air of town IMII exceedingly goad. He obtained board for the summer, for himself and son; at the little hotel. Bat in all Cheatervilie no sir was so salubrious, he thought,as the air of Milis Eunice Higgins's parlor, conse i quently he sought that heathfnl retreat often, Johnny going before like an o_ive branch. Day after day did Mr. Dale tread over the immaculate purity of her carpets, and tliey were not taken up and cleansed. Hour after hour did .he sit upon' her parlor sofa, and it was not purified with soapsuds or benzine., And at last, one, peaceful twilight, it was on the I4th of September,. at the close of a long conversation—tooth of the parties being at the time, of sound mind—Johnny's father kissed Miss niugille upon her cheek. • When I say that she - did not immedi ately burn it out on the spot with honer caustic, yeti, may be prepared . for the result which followed.; ` The next week, Eunice Dale, lute Higgins, was ignominiously expelled Iron. the allied forces of Chesterfield. ; her name_ washed out in" hot streams of Hyson, and still more burning indigna tion: But Eunice made a happy home for her'man and his father, and rejoic ing in their content and her own, she wished not of the 'allied' proceedings. And thus endeth the story of Miss Hig gins's Man. Who Are iiisitne? "What I war' going to , remark," be : gau Brother Gardner as the hour ar 'rived and the triangle sounded,, "am to oak who among you am insane? I should like to make out a list as soon as possible, an' I hope , dat no lunatic will feel backward about handin' in his name. You look surprised," con tinued the old man, as he walked up and down in front of his desk, "but I am quite satisfied fiat . we have at least a doZerilunatics among ,ps. De man who siiot de President : could read laa , an' plead it; he could cheat: lie, swindle, bilk hotels, buy an' sell, come . an' go, push his claims fur office an' go on long journeys, an' yet he am declased to be crazy. No one eber knowed it' till he became an assassin. If he . haden't tried to committ murder he would still be looked upon as a dead beat instead of a fanatic. Now. I propose to take time by de 4loek-and make a list of de lunatics in our club fur de benefit of .de purleece. Leti each assassin shin' up as his name is called by de seckre tary." The secretary , went through the roll in his aerial sing -song way, and not a member stood up. "Worry well," said the president; "let de secretary make a note of din. Yon have all plead guilty to bein' perfectly sane, an' you Must; take - de consequences. If ary 4.416 srs4.• /of g•annaaj Vir 81 codesh under your coat, or am ober hauled by de purleece iii . a bag .of chickens on your back, Joan' try -to shirk de consequences by pleadin' insanity." How They' Partxd. A year ago this sprpg,, a Detroitei and a Missourian beeadf aequainted with each other in Leadvilfe. Having decided that they could better .them selves ontside . of the city they journeyed away over the hills and founded; the town of twin Lakes. They built a Shanty stored their things is it, and Sunday came around.. Before the:Mis sourian was awake the Detroiter had shaved, washed, end put on a clean shirt: Indeed, he also changed his socks and greased his boots, when the other awoke he looked at the. Detroiter a long time without speaking. Then he got up and walked around him and finally tadroad 'Going to church anywhere today ?' .No.' •Any funeral around here anywhere ?' 'No.' 'Expect Queen - Victoria to vibit you to-day ?' 'No.' The Pike county man turned away and prepared his breakfast without another word. - When be' had finished it he went And sat down on a rock and looked straight at the hills for an hour, then be went back -to the shanty and said : are you . ..going to do this regular ly every Sunday ?', 'Why I like to clean up a little at the end of every week.! 'I 'epose yoti wouldn't help get up a mule oil Sunday ?' 'Well, hardly.' - • 'Nor a dog fight ?' think not. . - 'And you wouldn't make it a day for old midge and poker ?' 'Not if I could do letter.'• 'Jim, you and rem ;mist Part;' quietly began the Missourian, as ho began picking up his things. 'No ! What's the matte; ?' _ ain't . no such man as I can tie up to. We'd quarrel in no time.' 'About what ?' •- . About toiled shirts and clean clothes and chtirches, and iota of other things Jim.' 'Yes.' 'Gimme $25 for my share of Twin Lakes, and I'll walk.' 'Bat I must. I wasn't. brung up in your way, and I can't tumble to it. We can part frieuda now, but if I was here neat Sunday, and you refused to play a game of seven-up with - me We should part enemies.' He gotihis things ready and the two walked nio the Leadville• trail together for a mile. Then they halted and the Detroiter said 'Old pard, ,=it makes me lonesome.' 'And her©; too.' 'And you wont' go back ?" 'I can't. I can tie up to most any- thing but a man who puts on Sunday clothes. Goodbye pard. 'Good bye old man and may luck go with you.' And tber turned their backs - on each other and walked' await' without another word, one to build up his lonetoivn and the other , to find exemption from white shirts and clean shaves.' Sitting _down on a hornets nest is stimulating but not nourishing. 411 r. _Reecho! on Monopolies. "There were two dangerous tenden cies developing in our time. Mi. Beech er continued. There was a great peril and danger from' the combinatiOns of capital. Money 'was power. We had found that no man could be trusted enough to be given too much power. Another element was now coming up— the power of property. The develop-, merit of wealth was now greater in amount, :greater in scope, and greater in extent than ever before, and now came the combination of wealth. : That which was dangerous in individual hands became doubly so in combination.— gigantic monopolies were created by the force of accumulated wealth. Sup pose a man wanted to go into the oil business, and put $lOO,OOO into the ven ture. The Standard , Oil Company .would say to , that man, "You !must sell out to Its; you must - give us a percentage of all your profits. If you, don't we, will crush you." If the man should say that this was a f ree country, they would re ply, "Yes, and it is as free for combined wealth as for a single individual." The Standard Oil Company, said Mr. Beech er, is like twenty Egyptian pyramids in a -bunch, with taharaoh on top of each. It is one of the greateat, combi nations.on the face of the earth, and it is not one whit better, because one of the test men in it is a member of a leading Bapt'st church in. Brooklyn. Then there were the railroad combi rations, with five or ten men controlling 10;000 miles of railroads, and billions on billions of prciperty. They had their hands on the very throat of commerce. If th 4 should need to have , a man in sympathy with them in the Executive chair, it would require only five pockets to put him there. There were going out of New York City at least three or four roads that were as yet 'undeveloped dangers to the very existence of incor rapt central government. Concerning labor troubles.. When capital organized, labor must also' or ganize for self-defense. 'The question of wages that used to be dis cussed at one end of society, was now discussed at both ends. Organized labor was the broadest kind of an academy, in which men elr d' educate themselves. _ Atr. Beecher concluded his sermon with a few words on Communism; - which, he held, bllonged to the Etiropean mind, not the American. Commtinism BB a European attempt to contravene Eu ropean despotism. It could 1 . ..1 set down in this country as without any danger to America Bid Communism, too, was a school,. It was leading. Menlo study social laws,• and the benefits to -be re ceived from the knowledge thus gained, were ten times greater than any dan e„,,, 1881. TUE GIRARD HONE. —Mimi Stephen Girard, died -fifty years ago, he little . thc aght of the magnitude to which•his beilimit for , the fourdation for an Or ; phans' college- world grow. The col lege commenced with three hundred orphan pupils. It now contains one nonsand,,aild. accommodations for still more is in, coarse of construction. Its finances have been managed with the greatest- fidelity and judgment,and its gross revenue for 1880 was $986,753. ' e real estate he left for the college,. especially the coal miner, haaincressed in value beyond all expecteon. His tory furnishes no enample of a college, whose. &access has been so great. It was oraned for the reception of pupils in 1848. The buildings thus far have cost about $2,000,000, the main one, in the form of a . Corinthian temple, being 169 feet long, 111 feet wide 4 97 - feet high, and is said to be the lino*, specimen of Greek architecture of mode •n times. Too-Too.—Au aged gentleman from the country, whose on ialk is as hon est and sturdy as his conversation, was much, amazed . yesterday at beholding the aPpearancd.of a Boston young lady. The fair creature descended from a horse car almost at his feet, teetered lightly' on her toes thrice, adjusted her arms: like the plumed extremities of a trussed fowl, permitted her hands to dangle as do the fore paws of a kangoroo, and sailed down the street with a sort of a willowy wabble which set her head to bobbing _after the fashion of a Chinese drill, her eyes the while being set • and anxious, and her whole appearance sug gestive of dislocation and distress. And when one of our gilded youth, in a coat with no tails to speak of, and a batlike a soup plate cocked over his left eye, darted after with arms and legs tor Ming segments of circles after the approved traditions of the "chicken walk," he remarkei that he'd be revised if he could understand - what. had got into these city folks. . • FORSAKING THE LANDMARKS.—It is i i our opinion th ,t in' the church, as in politics, there as been a. gradual giv ing way from he old-time inchorings ; that in consequence there is lee& of gen uine piety in the church and less of pa triotism in the 'hearts Of the people. , In the mad chase-for what is called "pop ular religion"—something to tickle the !alloy and catch the almighty dollar, the church, irrespective of denominational lines, has, 'gone over 'to the enemy. So many evidences appear that wearer sometimes led to believe that the devil's propotition to the &vimr on the Mount has since been accepted by a large number of His professed followera, in order to better suppeit thepomp and splendor demanded by those who are attracted to the 'house of worship' by the highest .salarie4 preacher, the cest liest - church edifice, and the gayest dressed,attendants. As in politica, 'so ' it is in , religion. There is a constant and growing tendency to.foraske our land-marks ; both Church and State are more or less inclined to join in the but terfly chase. for spoils ; and in our yield ing, tolanit the new order of ihingi, we as a nation and people are growing un democratic—tbcre is less and leas of Christian simplicity, leas charity, and more style than a Paris Expetition.— Tioga County Leader. i lie a . doctor,' said old Chriwbacon, speaking of a young practitioner; 'why, ho,couldn't cure a ham. F FACTS AND FAXCIES. I'm called anesthetic young man, • And wade people say J am slily; I carway a wore and a fin, And dine on the scent of a lily; ltm touched with the bwict-a-Liwac, cwazw. - A plaque sets my heart in &Sults, I'm sweet and weaned in my waysz "ln fact I'm decidedly utta, . • Yes. ntta. In fact. I'm decidedly data. Somerville Glass.) Jaunted. A belle of NarraganiAtt - ra Writing a novel in which the hero laieruid in the desert chained to the - bare back of a bicycle. _ 'Statesman yelled a newsboy. thrusting.his head in at thei door of an avenue saloon.: - Four of- the six thirsty loungers arose. promptly and answered: 'Here.' 'Now do teirme, 'Charley,' - add Miss Gigglegush. who is spending- the rum mer _in the country, 'which cow is it that gives the - ice cream ? just dying to see her.' An old man-of-war, sailor, who had hist a leg in the service of his country, became a retailer of peanuts. He said he was obliged to be a retailer because, having lost a leg, he _could not be a whole sailor. 'I say, Paddy, that is the worst look ing horse I ever see in harness:—Why don't you fatten him np ?'- 'Fat him up, is it ? Fax the poor baste can scarcely carry"the little mate that's on him now I' replied Pfd Iy. 'Your meal is ready, sir,' . said the waiter to Hayseed, just from the rural districts. 'Meal exclaimed Hayseed, contemptuously; yer think I'm a how ? Get me some corned beef and cabbage, young man.' • . 4 -A Brooklyn man suffering from thou• ' matism Was advised bin plivrician try, the, waters of. Some hot spring. "What's. the use ?'• he returned; have been in hot water ever since I was married.'—rßrooktyn .Eagle. • 'Ah, my love, What a love - of a lovely new costume you have on•?' !Do you think so, lovey ?' "Yes, my- love, and I'm Teal glad.' 'Are you really ? Yon are so. kind r 'Yes, dearest, I was be- ginning to feel sorry foryou, after you'd worn that old black silk three years and turned it twice.' ' • j 'Forward !' criel the captain. 'For ward there, Dennis McCarthy.' - 'Be airy, • Captain Soolivan,', said Dennis: 'Oi olwiz was bashful from me youth, arid shure, though Oi 'm jug shpoiling to ge into this foight, IS wud not be thought forward, don't ye 'see. Oi 'd be guarreding while yez go an,' A countryfgentleman, who is better acquainted with Bible. lore than heral T dry, was inspecting the Centennial Opera• House at • Yorktown • the other day and was very much taken by 'that pictute of the slaying of Goliath by David." It was the the Virginia boat of-arms. • They were talking of , the horrors A:lf shipwreck, when one of the gentlelnen mentioned the long banishment of Alex ander Selkirk 'on the 'lsland of Jinni- Fernandez. At this juncture an elderly gentleman, whose ruddy complexion and, traveling-bag strapped to his ghoul deriPproclaimed him . a native of the fast-anchored idle, asked in undisguised astonishment: " 'Hand didn't they 'ave any 'otels there, jer know 2' Wife (who has been 'sitting up') 'Well, this is a pretty time, to Come home ! Four o'clock Husband (Who has taken nothing but one glass of a curious compound spoken of, by him self, as 'Whitikanwarra l ) 'Wha' - You mean, madam, lky •Forklock ?' Unto!. t'zily for you, madam, it oho - Sippens, turiotuilenull, I parsh'd , Tiinity , =dim, and heard it strike one - thin) sheveral times, ' madam Retires to bed in triumph and—his'bootii." Charley Smallface it*, a - nice little boy and his mother just bought him a note book that he may jot .down little mat ters that may be useful to him. He fooled around all day : yesterday trying to think of something original and 'good enough to write,' 'and just before he Went to bed he scribbled on the,first page: 'l've always noticed that •hand.- organ man who carries a monkey never makes as good music as one who don't. Moral: One attraction at' a time is'as good as a whole show.' Dr. Louis, of New Orleans, who •is something of a wag, called on a colored minister and , propounded a few puzzling queitions. 'Why is it, "that you are not able to do the miracles that the apostles did ? They were protected against all poisons and all. kinds of perils; how is that you are not protect ed in the same way ?' The colored brother responded promptly: `Don't know about that. doctor; I s'pect is. I've taken: a mighty. sight of strong medicinelrom you and I is alive yet,' A colored man who had contracted a dept tome years ago with one of our merchants came to town lately and called on his old creditor. 'Didn't you 'aplain to me dat if Isettled up dat ac count you would give me a ' lowanoe ?' said the darkey to the merchant. !Yee, I did say so, Sam,' said the merchant. If you are ready to settl e l your bill now I will make a good allowance,' and the merchant waited for the colored in dividual to pull oat his pocked-book. 'Well, sir, I hasn't got de money kw' now, but I thought I'd comp is an' get do 'lowance.' Jenkins was traveling in Missouri last year just before the Presidential elec tion, and in the car right across from him two men were arguing as to the probable - result of the . election. Says one: 'Hancock's the-.man.' ,'Noi air; Gartield'll get it,' was theleply. Bud denly an AdVentist, sitting behind them, spoke up and said: 'My friends, 'do you know who is to' be out next President ? It is the Lord, who is coming at once, with his angels,_ to reign.' Quick' as thought , Jenkins, who imagine,' that some third party candi date had been mentioned, sprang up, slapped the Millerite on .the shoulder and cried out: 'Bet you twenty-five dollars be don't carry Missouri.,' A dog frequently worries a eat,:but 123711 J, who is nolielr - than the dog, wor ries himself. _ ' $l.OO a Yeiu; 11Adtwe. E=M!E NO. 11.