PUMOVcUL''' . : : ;:'
~3PANK, SPANK , SPANK .
Spank; spank, spank, .
From morning till night, from early daylight,
With tears in-her eyes,
And with numerous sighs,
A:milth6r Was,wieldinta weapon of might-
A shPper. all woven with cardinal red,
Which she . flourished ' triumphantly over her
head, . .
Then brougkt it with vengeance down -on the
flank
Of the child on ber knee,
!vank, - spank, spank
"It hurts P' belloired he,
”Glat on kV 4:inoth. she,
Spank, spank, spank
!papk,.!pank;spEqik,
There's a apsidin . who is prcliaring to wed, , •
But' do *you suppose
That the fair creature knows—
That the thought had . ever once entered her
'head-= -
That ere ; long she'd be playing a mother's sad
part, • •
And a-elipper careering above his bare flank-;- ,
• That soon she will learn
To spank, spank, spank ;
And though bellow do he, .
She will right merrilee .
Opank, epank, spank ?
PRESIDENT GRANT'S MESS/kGE.
BY MICKEY - M MIRE.
lb' th. people of Amerav givin' ye
(thank God)
, me eighth and last message, it is
right in explanation to myself that I should
ravitiw some of . the events and ofishul ax con
nected with my career since I have bin yer hon
ored President. 1 ,
In ackordance with:what I have.stated to ye
before', I will begin by sayin, that itvras me
good, (or bad luck I - dunno which, be gOrrM
that ye made -me •yer presidint. Viritout any
political trainin, I tuk hold of the raves of guy
ernment feelin sumwhat like a. passenger on. a
Hoboken ferry boat on a foggy day, with divil
a hand cud ye see before. ye, and troth it was
with ixtrame difficulty 'to say where ye wud
land, and inciade a l mon wud be lucky if he
landed at all. Bein educated intirely in military
Mather& I was obliged to fall back on bayonets
whiniver I found myself and 'the, partby in a
tight place. Since I was a htd "et sivinteen
years os f age, I - mvii tended but, two elecshuns
previous to the time I . was made Oictator, and
then begorra I was not allowed to vote but
once.
ILE ADIELNIBTRABRUN.
Mistakes hey been made as all can see, but
ye will notis that I am not to blame altogether
for that. It was mainly the of the dis
honest . spalpeend such as itolibenton, Belknap
. and the like of 'em, that I appointed to do my
business in a proper manner. It is impossible,
fellow citizens of , the United States, when there
are so minny dom scoundrels in our party to
appoint responsible and upright mill for high
positions of trust.' , ,
me arm sAßvis CAREER.`
Me civil same operashuns began, at a time
me friends. When I was myself intirely unable
to understand what the divil I should do-in tke
matter to further me own interist. The twe
houses of congress, it games, were unable to
agree wid wan another, and bejabers I was
puzzled out of me wits as to what coorse I shud
pursue in the matter. But in order to pre
vent the conquered Sutbners to again becoine
citizens of the United States; I concluded the'
Best Syay to get rid of !em was to give them
eternal punishment, anal consequently, wid the
assistance of General Sheridan and bayonets, I
placed as rulers in a number of the rebel states;
wandering pilgrims from the aist, vul-ga-ri-lee
called by the rebel Democracy "tramps." I act
ing as a union president. did iverything in me
. power to prevent the dirty rebel black-guards
nein Navin a say in the state guvernment, at
all.
In regard to the injoyment of yer presi
dent, I selected Long Branch as . a place of re
crmshun.\ Mc object in doin' this fres that a
man whose name I will not mintion at the pris
int time, made mos gift of a nate little cottage,
near by , the bache. I hey 110 grate dale of fault
to find wid this peculiar spot fer a summer va
cation. indade, me wife sid to me a few days
previous , to me lavin' that it would be a long
time DI be stoppin' in Thinise before I wud be
iurntshed_wid such fine accommodashuns.
TEE TATS ELECICSIITTREI.
In spakin of the eleckshnns held a few days .
ago, 'I hey only to say , that it wnd be entirely
against the interests
. of thelrip-up-lican party to
allow Misther Tilden to take his sate. His rip-
utashaa as guYemur of York state is enuff to
condim him on that pint, , among party luvin
Drip-up-licans. His reforthin principles are in
tirely against the advancement of out parthy.
His ruin of Misther TWeed whin in thoinjoy
mint of a prosperus bizness, is only a taste of
what the divil, had in store for our loyal and
'Christian parthy: . Begorra, if he got hold of
our books in Washington he„ wud be afther gitin
u in a divii'of a scrape.. •
RETURNIRG BOARDS.
Shore it was a . doutilucky thing that I intro= .
dared : the new patent called "returnm' boards."
Shure the`experiment wurks like a char rum.—
Divil the matter how menny votes the dimmy
mitts git in the billot-box,bejitbers we can over
ballins thim in the md.
In regard to' this man, although he resaved a
arge mainri-tiof the votes in South Cazolm' a,it
was contrary to thewishes ot Lis friend•Cham
berlane that he shud bate him. out of his sate.
4, therefore, sent Gen. auger to the assistance
of me old friend and tramp, who with the ade
otbayonets and_ nainr . constables carried 11' .
pint
I:InEAVIEW.
,
at fit! a, 04:joke bad pn Tilderei backer
Abe float Liazaattio bay a bit ottalic wid
LONG BRANCH..
WADE amprosr:
ree,anci lift with an idea that .I wud give Tilden
a show in the matter.' But hevin made contra
ry with Zach Chandler, I was
obliged to stand by me first cOntract,l however,
did not tail to pull the wool , over Abe's eyes
somewhat,and he lift me Win relayed to a grate
extint.
THE OREGON ELFTOR.
In regard to Oregon, begorra, I must admit
that :I was a leetle too careless. Shure I thot
Whin I captured the three doubtful states and
had one king left on the checker-boatcl, that the
game' was finished altogether. But Whin I
found' that the &ell Grover, hid a man, lea and
jumped me king, wati completelisurprised.--
his another job I hey on me hands now to git
rid of that troublesum raseal—CrOnin.
TEM 'BI}TTENNIAL.
It is me duty to spalie of• thehundredth year
of our nashnul ihdepindence. The glorious
counthryjn which, we live, and enjoy the butt
ful privileges of .a free government. Shure it
was - a splendid show we bad at Philadelphia.—
The people from all over the world who-hey
spint the summer wid us, hey returned to the,
old world thurolee convinced that.a guvernmint
ruled by the paple is just the fansy. Shure there
is nothing , like it. lam pleased to notis at this
stage of me missage that most of the furriners
lift before the returning" boards got their wurk
in, (Thank God.) '
MY SIDEWALK AT GALENA.
It will not be furgotten, by my numerous ad
mirers, that me only ambition after I retire to
private life, (if I ever do) is to pave that side
walk 'from the depot to me risidince that I bay
stated a number of years ago must be done. A
very nate idea has struck me since the eleashun.
I hey been bothered to know What the divil ti)
do with those confounded dimmyerat majorities
in Louisiana, Florida, and South Carolina. and
now I hey me mind fixed on that score.. I will
be atter paving me sidewalk wid them and then'
begorra, 1 will be able to kape them under foot
intirely. • *.
In biddin ye farewell, gintl'emen, I hope ye
will not be lid astray by a rebel congress, but
submit quietly to the _will of the officeholders
even if ye think ye are wronged out of t!ze elex
shun. • It.will be better to submit than to raise
a row,as ye well know that in four years ye can
hey another crack at it, find ir ye are not satis
fied thin, it will be bekase there is a returning
board in ivery Southern state.
Very respecttully yerinaster,
A COOL CONDUCTOR.
1 doet knoiv whether yeu would call it cool
ness, or brazen impudence, and perhaps it-don't
matter; but for what your Frenchman under
stands by nonchalance, in its most perfect form
of developrnent, - commend us to Pete Frost;
aforehme connected with the Portland and
Buckfield railroad, in Maine, but now serving
the B. and P. road running out from Boston.--
It was years ago,.when Frank,o. - J. Smith had
put the Buckfi i eld branCh into running order,
and had buijt a steamer to connect with Mexico
and Rumford on the Andixiscoggin. Frost was
one of the first conductqrs on the road. •'He
seemed to think he could: drive an engine as Le
had been in the habit of driving the North
Waterford state coach. His first grand opera
tion was to collide with an engine and tender
between n
were
and Hebron, by which•both e
gines were essentially smashed. His next bril- .
liant exploit was close to Buckfield, when he
ran plump into a freight train. - • ,
Mr. Smith thought that would answer, and
he dropped a polite not to Frest, informing
him that his servicesuld be no longer re
quired on that road, away posted Pete to Port
land; finding Frank 0. J. at the old Elm house.
"Mr. Smith," said he, plumply
. and unblush
ingly, "1. wish to hezeinstated on your road."
"What!" exclaimed the governor. "Put you
baek On that road v". .
"Yes, sir." :,
"Trust you again as conductor ?" ,
"Exactly, sir."
"Bless me I and you have already smashed up
(.6 '
three engines tor us, esides endangering many
lives 1" '
i 'Yes,sir—and for that very reason you ought
to put hie back there. I have now learned the
trade. You can trust me. If anybody his any
question about the propriety of trying to put
two engines ,ahead, on the same track, and in
opposite directions ; it is not me, sir. I have
tried it twice, and I know—it--can't--be—
done!"
It was too gook, The twain took something
together in Charley's little back parlor, and
Pete Frost was reinstated. That was more
than a score of years ago. Pete has been rail
roading ever since, and has never met with an
othei accident. In foot, he is accounted one.of
the best conductors running out from Boston-,
A new phase of woman's rights in Sixth afe
nue: "She entered a car the other morthig,
and made this little' speech, 'No, sir! Dol!i't
rise. Mort up on that side ! Move up theie !
There'S plenty of room if you'll only move
Move up! It won't hurt you a bit !' There
were eleven ladies on "that side," but they
moved-up and she sat down. •
A doting:young father boasts that the little
stranger is so affectionate that he sits up with
the parents, nearly all night, and , so tough that
he seems to bave no conception or fatigue or of
the time of day. , •
"What time Is it?" inquired one policeman
of anether last flight. "Don't know; ain't got
a watch." "You've been on the force three
months, hain't you : ?' "Yes:' `Then yer a
disgrace to the business."
"If there is anybody under the canister of
•
heaven that I have in utter excressence," says
Mrs.Partington, "it is the slanderer going about
like 'a boy constructor, circulating his calomel
bn bobcat folks."
gentleman.was accosted by a bootblack in
this manner "Shine surf" "No l" "Shine
'm quick,sur. Do't in three different languages
—'publican, demmycratic and greenback.'
got the job. •
GINERAL GRANT.
'I 3 IIR - ER POINTS FOR CONSIDER
-
& ATION,
During, the pat five ye'ars•Vegetine has been stead
ily working Rob] f into pnlilic 'favor, and those who
were at first most • incredulous in regard to its merits
are now its , most ardent friends and supporters. •
There are three ease causes for those havingsuch'
a horror of patent medicines:changing 'their opinion
and lending their influence toward the advancement of
Vegetite.= lst—lt is •an honestly prepared medicine
from barks. roots and herbs. 2d—it honestly accom
plishes al; that is claimed for, it, without leaving any
bad iffees in the system. ad—lt presents honest
vouchers in testimonials from honest. well-known-cit
izens, whose signatures area sufficient guarantee of
their earnestness in the matter. Taking into consid
eration the vast - quantity of medicine brought con
spicuously before the public through the' flaming ad.
vertisements in the newspaper columns. with no proof
of mentor genuine vouchers of what it has done, we
should be pardoned for , manifesting a small degree of
pride in presenting the following testimonial from Rev
J. IL -Dickerson, D. D.; the- popular and ever genial
pastor of the South Baptist Church, Boston.
:THE TIRED BODY SUES TOE SLEEP.'
Boston, March 16,1874.
H: R. Stevens, esq. :
Dear Sir—lt is as much from a Huse of duty as of -,
gratitude that I write to say that your Vegetine—even
if it s a patent medicine—has been of great help to
me when nothing else seemed to avail which I
. could
safely use. Sithet excessive mental work or unusual
care brings upon me a nervous exhaustion that deeper
ately needs sleep, but as desperately defies it. Night
after night the poor, tired body sues for sleep until the
day dawn is welcomed back, and we begin our work
tired out with an almost fruitless chase after rest. Now
I have found that a little Vegetine taken just beforc I
retire gives me Sweet and immediate sleep, and with
out any of the evil effects of the usual narcotics. I
think two things. would tend to make brain-workers
sleep: Ist—A little less work: 2d A -little more Veg
etine: This prescription has helped me.
Nowt have a particular horror of Patent Medicine,
but I have a, greater horror of Writ afratd to tell the
straight out truth. The Vegetine has helpedme and I
own it uR. ` Yours. &c;.
r
!J. S. DICKERSON
•
- VALUABLE EVIDENCE.
The following, unsolicited testimoinal from Rev. O.T.
Walker 41. D. formerly pastor of Bowdoin Square
Church. Boston, and at present settled In Providence,
R.I • must be deemed as reliable evidence. No one
should fall to observe that this testimonial is the result
of two years' experience In the use of Vegetine in the
Rev. Mr. Walker's faintly, who now pronounce it•inval
uable :
Providence, It. 1.,164 Transit Street.
H. R.Atevene, esq.:
1 feel bound to express with my signature the high
value I 'place upon your Vegetine. My faintly have
used it. for the last two years. In nervous debility it
is invaluable, and I recommend it to all who may need
an invigorating,-renovating tonic.
O. T. WALKER,
Formerly Pastor of Bowdoin Square Church; Boston.
THE BEST EVIDENCE.
The following letter from E. S. Best, Pastor of the
M. E.church. Natick ,Mass.,will be.read with interest
by many physicians ;.also those-suffering from the
same disease as a ffl icted the sou of the Re v. - E.S.Best.
No person can - doubt this testimony.
_as there is no
doubt about the curative power of Vegetine.
Rea* Mass., Jan. 1, 1874.
ldr. H. R. Stevens :
Dear Sir—We have a good reason for regarding your
Vegetine a medicine of the greatest Nellie. We feel
assured that it has been the means of saving our son's
life. 'He is now seventeen years of age; for the last
two years he has suffered from necrosis of his leg,catis
ed by scrofulous affection, and was so far reduced that
nearly all who saw him thought his recovery iMPOBBI'
bla.. A council of able physicians could give us but the
faintest hope of his ever rallying ; two of the number
declaring that he was beyond the reach of human rem
edicts, that even amputation could not save him, as he
bad not vigor enouab to endure the operation. Just
then we commenced giving him Vegetine and from that
,time to the present he has been continuously improv
ing. Ile has lately resumes studies, thrown away his
crutches and cane, and walks about cheerfully and
strong.
Though there is still some discharge from the open
ing where his limb was lanced. we have the fullest con
fidence that in a little time he will bo pellectly cared.
He has taken about three dozen bottles. of Vegetine.
but lately uses but little, as he declares he is too welt
to be taking medicine.
Respectfully yours.
- • E. S. BEST.
RELIABLE •EVIDENCE:
178 Baltic St., Brooklyn, N. Y., Nov. 14, 1874.
H. R. Stevens, esq. : . •
Dear Sir—Prom, personal benefit received by its use,
as well as from personal knowledge of those w hose
cures thereby have seemed almost mikacu loos ; I can
most heartily and sincerely recommend the Vegetine
for the complaints for which it is claimed to cure. •
JAMBS P.BUDLOW.
Late Pastor Calvary Bar. Church, Sacramento, CaL.
VEGETINE is sold by all Druggists
pER'Ss3NAL PROPERTY
PUBLIC SALE.
Parmers.and others who are about to have a.rublic
Sale of their Farms, Stock, Farm Implements; House
hold Goods, acc., should not. forget that a large number
of bidders always make a successfill sale. THE DEM
OCRAT is a desirable advertising medium, and one
good bidder at a sale more than pays the cost of an ad
vertisement in this paper,
HAND BILLS,
Large or small, printed on short 'notice, and at VERY
..,OW PRICES. Parties calling at this °Mee when they
come into town, and leaving their order, can usually
have their bills printed by the time they are ready to
go home. Bills put up in the hotels • of our Borough.
Fir'All orders by mail addressed
HAWLEY & CRIISER,
Montrose, Pa..
Will receive •prompt attention. . Handbills can be
sent•to any Post Office In the country.:
VALUABLE . •
REAL ESTATE FOR SALE.
The undersigned offers, upon. reasonable terms, a
fine farm in
AUBURN TOWNSHIP, •
•
about miles from the 4 Corners. containing MO
acres, with good buildings and orchard upon it and all
improved. For particulart s evri t ol AKE
SLEB,
• Poster. Susquehanna County, Pa.
WM. B. LINABERRY,
5 . Auburn 4 Corners. Susquehanna County, Pa.
Assignees of Jas.. D. Lineberry.
jan.lo, 18rtf.
ADMINISTRATOR'S NOTICE.. In
the eat of Martha M. Vance. late of Liberty tWp•
deed. Letters of Administration in the said estate
having been granted to the undersigned all persona ow
ing said estate, are requested to make immediate pay
ment. and all persons having'claims againsb said estate
are requested to present them without delay.
D. A. WORDEN, Administrator.
4w6.
Jan. 24,1877.
ADMINISTRATOWS NOTICE. In
the estate of 0. P. Washburn, late of Liberty,
Letters of Administration in the said estate ,
having been granted to the undersigned.all persons ow
ing said estate are requested to make immediate pay
ment, and all persons having claims against said estate
ere r,iquested to present themvithoutdelay.
D. A. WORDBN . Administrator. De Bonis Non.
Jan, 94,1677. 4w6
EXECUTOR'S NOTlCE.Whereati,
--
Letters testamentary to the estate of Rufus Smith
late of Franklin, twp.. dec'd, having been granted to
the undersigned, all persons indebted to said estate
are requested, to make immediate payment, and all .per
sou having claims against the same, are requesteu to
present them without delay.
W. C. SMITE, Executor.
Jan:24, IST?.
PIMPLES - . -
will mail (Free) the recipe for= preparing a simple
Vegetable Balm that will remove Tan, VitECKLES,
FIMPLEEI ana • firbarcuss, leaving the skirt soh. clear
and beautiful; and also instructions for producing a
luxuriant growth of hair on a bald bead or smooth face.
Address Ben. Vandelt & Co„ Box:5121, No. El Wooster
St„ IL Y. , 2w211-
•
-AT
4 AIWERTISE FACTS- TO - SIJOCEED:!* s.
DRY GOODS, CLOTHING-, BOOTS AND SHOES,I'HATS. 'AND CAPEN,Ncitioxs:ake
Owa: 4.: .14Fi,Nggp..4. , si : qs4t.:-:::lso4.id;.::::_ptit4:
We -buy for :CASH Only-and , take.' advantage of the market whenever' it
can be done..ieither in large or enialt lota.
Our whole, store is . filled with - BARGAlNS:: because :wei.alWays want them, and
have . first opportunity to Secure such. NEW -GOODS EVERY DAY.
WPriees Lower thin at anp'Binghamton_tore. PUndetetaud we do,not say se
LOW but LESS." ."WE MEAN WHAT WE SAY."
[ln' Brick Block.]
Great Bend, Pa., Nov. 29, 1876.
CLOSING OUT SALE
ill - _..&_.:' . .W - ,. : '-- T ii DICKERMAX
,
Will• offer for, sale on SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 25tb, their entire
We will offer OVER. 14 . 1F'rEEN THOUSAND . DOLLARS' WORTH
Prices regardless of Profit or Cost. We intend to 'close out
the entire - Stock in .SIXTY- DAYS. We mean
, - what we say, and say just what we mean.
Our Stock is large and attractive, consisting of all the modern styles
• of DRESS GOODS AND TRIMMING, DOMESTICS, etc.
Our Stock of,Over Coats unusually large,
- 1 and we do; not intend to keep
Nov. -422k,1876.—1i0.-
W E SELLING
OVERCOATS, IN ALL STYLES, BUSINESS . SUITS; FINE DIAGONAL,
(Drees Suits,) DRESS. GOODS, LADIES' CLOAKS, MEN'S
AND BOYS' BOOTS AND SHOES, of all kinds
LADIES, MISSES AND CHILDREN'S.
'FINE
FINE and COARSE SHOES, •IM .
' • RUBBER BOOTS , •
AND .
SHOES of all kinds •
• -
MEN'S and BOYS' HATS and CAPS,
BUFFALO ROBES, LAP ROBES, HORSE BLANKETS,
At bottom prices, "Bingbaniton not epepted."
Nov. 8,1876.
WHOLESALE DEALER IN
BRONZE LAMPS; OPAL,LAMPS, ALL • GLASS 'LAMPS, HAND LAMPS,
BURNERS, WICKS, SIOADES, SHADE_ HOLDERS, 4f4c..„ 4isc.
Rar,.BIIILOP:::FUNT 1.ANICOMMON:011110.
Prices Guaranteed as Low at any House in Southern Now York.
Address by Mall Promptly Attended TO.
BEST JOB PRINTING
We are continually - adding new: material to our office, and with Our
Large 0 / Locket JOB TYPE, and FOUR Printing Presses we Defy Competition
Both. in Price and Quality, either rain Bhick or Colored Work.
CH:IOI! T FRUITSi - AND VE6ETA-
THE MAD OF NAVIGATION,
PEACHES, ORANGES, LEMONS,
PEARS, PINE 'APPLES, PLUMS, -
QUINCES, ONIONS, TOM * A.
TOES, APPLES, CAB
' BA GES, ' BANANA% -
• °ANTELOPES,
GRAPE%
SWEET POTATOES, WHORTLE
,
BERRIES, &c &o.
all at bottom prices, = by. -
- - x Immumk,
MOlltMes Age 10, him
THE. LARGEST STOCK IN THE COUNTY
IS .NEW: MILFORD, PA:
DRESS GOODS AND CLOTHING.
MINER, BI,NGHAMTON,
SPECIAL' INDUCEIIEETS IN
ALSO, MANUFACTURER OF.
Stich**
'-AT-
them over,
H. & W. T. DICKERMAN.
W=M, MMMSIE & CO.
March 81.1875.
AT TUE LOWEST RATES
COMMOTION I
• •
Rumor has it thatifaving been elected County Treas•
nrer for the ensti t ing three years, am to dtscontinue Int
Insurance basin e. Said RUMOR is UNTRUE. and
without founda on, and while thanking you for kind
ness, and appreciation of good Insurance lathe past, I
ask a continuance of your patronage, promising that all
business entrusted to me shrill be promptly attended to.
My Companies are all sound and reliable. as all can tes
tify who have met with losses, during the past tea years
at my Agency. Read the List !
North British and Mercantile, Capital, $10,000,00 0
Queens of L0nd0n,2 . 000 , 000
Old Franklin. Philadelphia, duets, 8,1500,000
Old Contind2tal,_ N.Y.. nearly _'. B,ooo,ooo
Old Pbcenix ~of Hartford, 44 6 6 $,OOO
Old Hanover, N. Y., •• 411 1, 000 600, , 000
Old Farmers, York, 64 •{ 1 . 000 , 000
I also 'represent tae :new !cork Mutual Lite Insurance
of over 80 years standing, and assets over $80,000,000.
Also,the Masonic Mutual Benefit Association of Palm
sylvan's.
pra et an Accidental Policy severing all accidents,
in the 'Hartford Accident Ina. Co. Policies vrritten
from one day to one year. Only *5 cents for a $B,OOO
Policy. New call or send word, when Ton take* trip
Very respectiblly.
'RUM C. TYLIL
matrose,l l 6. o 7o a 9 IeTL-+St •
GEO. L. LENHELIE
A. 84 *IN
HAWLEY CROSIER.
stook of
at Panic