'Totmorauo. • _ "DOLCE - PSR, NIENT." OHABIAS 421. 11A14)tlig. My fziend, my .chum; . my trusty. crony - - We . Iyere designed, it seems to me, , , To be . twohalipptizzaroni, Qn sunshine ttikand, macdponi, Faras on'sOnie La sea. • From down to .ove in the .happy ..land, No duty on us but to lie f. Straw-batted on the siiinit* sand,' With bronzing chest arm , and and--.- Beneath the blue Italian sky. There with the mountains idly glassing, . Their purple splendors; in the - sea— To wateh the white winged vessels pissing, - -{Fortunes for buOtr fools' aniassing,) ' : II This were ake liven to 'you and tne I Our meershaums coloring cioudy brown, Two young girls coloring with a \ blush, :The blue waves with a sliver crown, The mountain-shadows dropping down, Aed all the air in perfect hush. Thus should we lie in the happy land, -Nor fame, nor power, nor fortune miss ; straw -hatted on tbd shining sand, With bronzing chest, and arm, and hand— Two loafers couched' in perfect-bliss 1" A CLOTHES LINE, SELLER. "How triapy. tickets: Will itNreqhir, •to take e this outfit to agoted circus ?'.' asked timan.with a Grecian hose, long likvir,: l difty fingers,•'and diamond Oin, -thn'oth er -dy,''hefore•te 'had : the:, coniplhhots of tlie day oft his smiling reeepia . ele for fried ekka.and baked p4atOes."' The devil very civilly handed, him a 4itir, , a printer . brought. him the Otekter orlemohade, 'the foreman gave liitiva Cigar, and we proeed- . ed te, enumerate our force. "Two printers—two . tiekets apiece-are four, the dvil is five,. and ourself and wife are seven ---seven tickets; :We said' Very respeetihrly, for he ; was the first" manwe ever t heard says any= . think about bringing' a circus to °anyon:City. "Yes, sir. • Speaking of your, wife reiiiindSs me that I have: something liere7that is needed in'everY-tanlil.i-," he said,opening a mall. hand trunk, "sonietiog that saveslits ecis every Year. that it is ased,. , anilit . will,histalitkiine.". • . -' "Don't bother.yourselt.; .we,litVti 'one and it works like a charin." - -.- '• • "But my dedr sir,,you .don't knot{" Nehat it is," said the agent. . • "No difference—We don't want one—We don't need any—we haven't room for sail the pat(lnt dorunnies we get on advertisine; now," presisted. The agent had his machine , on the table and was Waiting flr, an opportunity to explain. "This, you ..see, is a clothes line fastener.— Everybody has trouble fixing olotliPstlines, and this suppliesa w i antlo.igi felt. iisnally it rc-, quires twelve minutes to put a clothes liiQsin Shape, but with this contrivance you have.only to slide the line , through this hose. press upon that latch while the rope Is stretched, let go the latch, then the rope, and the 'task is corn= pleted in a little lesi than two-nainutes: The loss of—" "We've no , doubt' you have a thing," we explained, "but.you see we don'theep a clothes line—we bang our clothes . on the 'fence and gooseberry .bushes. We can't afford any of( this high toned 'nonsense V' "Thbik of the loss in lorn clothes, ; send the saving in time.i This saves you ten, minutes every week ; five Inflicted and twenty, ,minutes every, year, and in fifty years it will save 'you just- eighteen days—think of that. At $3 a day, you bave $54 that this fastener is actually worth to , any man who expects to rive his time out, and I only charge you $4, leaving you $5O clear gain—just like making foW'a present of $50," he said frankly, did you see ; anything fairer than that?" ," We certainly never so we made him a proposition. "Coats $4 ?" "Yes, sir." "Actually wortb.;ss4 "Every cent of it, sir ; it's \worth $54 to any body, and it I had the exclusive right I Would, not take a cent less." "Well just: eonsider - that our- fastener," 'we remarked turning' to the , agent "It's worth 454, but,, seeing- its you; take it, along„ tor $4O. owe you $4 , and 'that leaves. 01 coming to us,- ; if you. : havon't- the money with you, 'yOu saieendit post oflice Order, or. pay , itin-c4retta tickets—we] are not going to be_hard on you." • Ths agent, after spending a• mom e nt in pia • ..bund , niftditation, bor4 his machinei: and said: "How his a town is gouts 7" . attbatitzia . we he told, 'himhe was half way , dacstiunl i Inft he sent back Ms thanks; and told a man as tinp 4 sidewalk that he be liamallthat editor ; up, stairs was bont toiatapd tlititeid of the lath - 0163315ta oithis 'Connt6. A' SUGGESTION, well-to-do'citiz!n of\ Detroit, aye the Fred itthilOft, had the '.brcath Asioeked out oi . 114s4hy, : the request of a ragged :sidewalk: tramp who stopped him and sked you lend,tne],io,ooo - !What Who are yOu, sir Y !To. can* sir r exclainied , the citizen. ‘‘Couldn't poaaibly do ?" "Tell you what yon 'might 'dorsuggested the Stamp : ",:yoktnight i liaad, me fifteen center not *id lend me tie bal nee when times get a little titer." nom% lend ou a shilling, Sir, or a cent; sir. and I won f t i giveit a penny, sir.", \ "Boni both of us happen to beiso hard up at once," skrAted Ahe.:o4 l llhfall4'..4 .eOzithtued hiS Thite ` _ ♦ TA M ^es of---U*,selion—C•lidep,dtts ar,lutopeti horil aitd,a Ain. BEE= ===MMl =2=E:l HMO =ME =l= THE RAILROAD GUIDE. Yuiterday forenoon a young man, whose buil= mess it was to sell,rallroad guides to any one who Would buys found it. Jefferson aveone clothing diajer 'sitting in an arra , Aalr:in - freint of his door, and, after a kindly salute,the agent handed i pt one of his guides and said "Tbere Is the handiest book In' the VOrld.z--- It consists - of names, time table, and . route of every railroad in this country." "1 never pugs such' kind of peas," replied the dealer as he glanbed through it. "But Jou want, that pamphlet, my dear sir. -YO - _like a men who travels around !con siderable, and no traveler can getalong - ,vith out one of these guides." don't care to guide no railroad," said the !dealer, shaking his head and turning away. '.-"Hold on; now.—just lOolt tbrough StippOSe, for iustance, 43. t, you want to go to' N . ew Orleans, _ nefter go there so:long as I am pOrn." "IVell,,upPose you should want . to go to Omiiha ?"• -• • : • . - - - • "Den I don't_ go," °\ "NSlhat.do you do- when-. you want.to - go to . Chicago ?"aeked the presistent agent. • ."I 'sthays at home." "Well, l. suppose 'yOu--liad to go ; wouldn'•:you have to look at a. railmad tithe table then r. ,Ishould go down by der depot, get onter.train, ply some: apples of der poy and L should step * - off, in Chieligo like some Tease !" ;. • • , The agent had no further arguments to fid- Nance. A_ I 'itA.OTION.L JOKE ON lIIM.SELF. A Chartemont marketman, when - delVering goods ,one morning, disc6Vered on leaving the ,lniuse of a custnnter, a mustard pie sitting In a window, - Where the lady - of the honse had placedit to cool for dinner. He at once ap-• propriated it and driving directly, to the store of thelady's husband,- called him, out, and told . him he had "hooked" a nice custard pie,. ,and if, he ! would get some cheese they Wouldhave a nice • time ,eating it. ' Of .course the cheese was forthcOrning, and .after sMisfacterily disr • • • . p ie, the posing Of the pie, the question" Arose: what to do .with . the . plate. The 'merchant said he . would take, case of theplate, and, - suiting lie lions:to leis ivprdS,- dashed it. against the wall. WSen: the merchant 'went Mime fo.diriner that days; his wife apologized fur .tuit having any dinner,'Saying she' mule it , cust 'pie - for din ner, end set-it in .the, Window ,to and-she supoOied.soine boys must have stolen It.: Her husband wasn't pie hungry, and seemed quite pleased abOut something, but kept "Murn," 1 Next Morning the merchant, meeting "the mar kettnan, sang ont ."pie I" In reply the other `c.heese ! and whose 'plate was , . . : =•==ll ,Why is the fire a . dissipati:d character ? •Be cause it goes out every ntglit. • • A prescription is wanted. which will prolong the existance of a dying echo. . , In,diSpensingi benefactions, one should give alms,to the arnalesS, and leave - legacies.to the . -. • . fool Snot always ashamed of his own oft spring, although he invariably laughs . at. his own - jokes. - • . . Why are pianoes the `noblest :of 'manufac tured articles Because . they aro' grSnd, up-.. right,' and . square. • • "What kind of a waist has the ocean ?" ask ed a . fashionable ydurg lacy of her lover., "A watery waste, my 'dear." The three armies which war leaves a multi try with—an army. , of 'eritples, an army .of mourners, and an army of thievei. - • . The - coolest thine of tlie hot - season . Was the habit which landlords of hotelu bad of charg ing guests for what they never had, • • "Don't be in such a hurry," said ,a reckless Calitornian murderer, ou his way to the gal lows, to the hastening crowd ;' "take the thing :easy,, as I do, if you ,want - to enjoy it." A cOnyict, who was about to bc sent to , the House of correction, was told th6y wonld set Min to pich.tng oakum. "1".4 try,it, said he, 'pit tear the thing to pieces." "I iii7ays think "' said a ,reverened guest, "that a certain quantity of wine does man no harm after a tood dinner." "Oh, no. sir, it is the uncertain quantity that does the mischief," replied the host. " • - The ,following advertisement. appears in Canadian paper : "Will the gentleman who; stole py melons laist,' Saturday night be gener: ons enough to return me a few lot , the seeds, as theY are n choice variety." "I \ say t boy; is that the - fire 2". asked a gentle man of, ragged urchin, and pointing to a' dense colunin of snioke that. Waif 'Aging from the windows of a,:warehouse. "No sir, that is only the 'smoke," replied •the boy. French woman once said that she never loved anything., "You loved . .Your , children," suggested a friend. "When they: twere little," she , rePlied. And you love diamonds," ',!'when they are large," she replied. A:Crusty old gentlmean, not liking the,way .his . landlady's daughter had of making: free with his hair oil, filled the bottle with liquid : glue, the day before a ball to which ; the girt had been invited, and she stayed at home. { „ .--"•"You would be very pretty indeed," = said a ftis,,ittlernan patronizingly to a young .lady, - "if your eves were only . a little larger.", "My eyes Maybe very small, sir, but: such` people as you . don't fill them." • undertaimr , who: - was briskly furnishing up a toffin, being asked whdm it was for,,re plied, "I can't, tell Which, but two women have starter out on 4 1 ,talkiug match - next door, and ien be sure to end In the death of one of 'em." _ A foclisk - old bacbdig 0 8 41 1 .:';PYOung.Pon; keep clear ot rmwant to do anything of. Calico is a baneful Institution. A. pant of sweet lips, a pinkwaist,' , and the pressure of a deli". lanfi et i do as much to onhinie rr).tu rii eriiikaVud li thig4iigto'"ANn to NW' :f: „ , ,72; ALL SORTS Mistellanioui3.- . 1 -, ,'-,-\ • - Me 36 2 1:13ELT:P " Vs • . - Manufacturer of . - - - . WAGlii‘tS, dAItRILIGES, .„01e143:1155.. BUGGY, CO ''CORD, PH2ETON, SSE-BAR GEARS. EVBNERS, SINGLE AND, DOUBLE WIIIFFLETREES. BODIES OF TUE LATEST STYLES JOBBING, . itc., DONE PROMPTLY E. T. PtiRDY. Montrose. June 7. 1876. • • 114 ANHOOD I.IOW -LOST, HOW RESTORED - 1 :..• • . Just published, a new edition of Dr. CulVer:. *x'r well's Celebrated.t ssay oa the. radicalcure (without mrtiicine) of - -Spermatorrhcei or Seminal Weakness, Involuntary_ Seminal Losses, Impoten cy; Mental and Physical \ incapacity, Impecnment4 to Marriage, etc%'; also, Vonsumption, Epilepsy and Fits, induced by selr-indnlgence or se`xuarestravagance, &c. '"Price. in a sealed envelqpe, anly'six centi. I:he celebrated anchor, in this adinitable essay clear-, ly dtmonArates:, horn a thirty years' Euccessitil prat. tice, that the alarming eousequenees of self-abuse may he - radically. cured without the dangerous thli of intern al medicine or the application of the knife; pointing out a mode of care at wee simple, certain, and ectn al, by or w'hich' every eufferen; no matter what his condition may be, may cure himself cheaply, pri-: vatelV.. and radically. '"This Lecture should be in the 'hands of every : youth and every tuna in the land. • Sent under sea). twit - plain envelope, to anyathlrces, p0.4-paid, on receit of six cents or two post stamps: -Address the Publishers, Brugman & Son, 41 Ann St., New York ;. Post Oflice Box, 4586. July 12, With p J. DON LEY. s. • FURNiSIIING L ;. • L7.3' 1. lAAEII . • DINGII-01.1:0N, N. Y., • 7 The latcat improved Coffine 'and Gaskets on hand.— Hearse to order. Shronde, etc. April 19, 'M. A NEW ENTERPRISE. A practical workman, at ecIECC).IO.I%IC liC ;• - has opened a ahop under E. McKenzie's store. on Public Avenue. where he le ready' to do all kinds of work In his tine. Can er!el in new work, and repair with neatness and despatch. JAMES BIRNEV Montrose. Octoher 1ath.1875. • - Dauchy & Co. Fancy Cards 11 Ptyleo *with name lo eta 1,.# Agents wanted . J. B. Littsted,Nassan,N.Y.4l. AGNTS:If i:i wnttb e beat - ar , ofnt.esorld anda solid gold patent lever watch, free of cost, write at once to J. BRIDE & CO., 767 Broadway, N. 1 . 41 $6O AWA 'K 'Male or female. No capital. We AW ELK vtve Steady Work that will bring you j 241 a month at home day ot evening. Inventor's Union,ll3 Greenivich St., N. - AV York. . . FARMS with fruit, and itnpriivementa at your own fig- FARMS .urea. . Catalogue, with }nit and photograph. g FARMS is illuetrations, tellin all bout Miirylund and FARMS Delaware. aunt free. 4l - - FARMS . '' - ,J. F., MARCH i, Raeton, M. D. ; ViTANTEDIMMED ' ,ATELIV yy 77 Young Hen and Women to learn TELE:- JIL ORAPILY. Situations guaranteed. Salary while'prac• tiAng. .Address, with -stamp, SHER3IAN =LSI GRAPH. CO., Oberlin. O. 41 BANKRUPT SALE • OF MILTON GOLD JEWELRY. We will send you on receipt of Fifty Cents, one pair elegant engraved Sleeve Buttons, one set Spiral Studs, one Collar Button, one beautiful Coral Scarf PIA, one Gents' Watch chain. and one heavy Wedding Ring.— Above lot used to retail for $5 50. Four lots will be sent, post-paid, oa receipt of $l6O. Jewel circular free. Adoress B.ELL & Co.. Phila., a. .41 A FARM AND HOME - ‘ OF YOUR OWN. NOW Is THE TIME TO SECURE IT ! The best am, cheapest lands In'tnarket,are In EAST -ERN .NEBRASKA, on the line of - the.UNION ?ACM IO RAILROAD. The most favorable terms given, and very low rates of fare and freight to all settlers. ne best markets. FREE PASS TO'LAND 'BUYERS. Maps, deseriPtive pamphlets, new edition of "TES PIONEER," sent free everywhere. Address, O. Y. DAVIS, • '4i Land Comm'r., U. P. It. R. Omaha, Nob.. 'Correspondenceinvited. Roofs laid by contract. , Why not Make your Roofs last life time, and save the expense of a uettroof every IO or 15 year:. It can' be done : Ifyou use Slate Paint, it will not only resist the effects of water and wind bet shield you from Fire. OLD ROOF8:•', •- Protect your 'buildings by using Slate Paint, Which' neither , cracks Lie winter nor 'runs summer.. Old shingle•roofscan be painted looking much better, and lasting longer than new shingles without the paint; for. one.fourth the cost of re-sbingling. On decayed thing ie* it fills tip the holes and pores, and gives amew - sub Santini roof, that lasts tor years. Curled or warped shingles it brings to their places and keeps them there., This paint requires no beating, is applied with &brash and very ornamental. It irbhocolate ccior, Whenlirst, applied but changes to a uniform slate, color, and is to ail intents and purposes.slate. • - • ON. TIN OR IRON ROOFS, the red color is the beet paint in the world` for durabil ity. It hasp heavy body, is easily applied, expand by: hest, contacts by cold,drles slow and i tevercratks nor scales.' One cOst masts 4,:0f ally Other; NEW ROOFS. *ills, foundries, facterles, And 0401 1112 811 sPecialty. , Psrefialsti.gapiete for a new attcp..4l ilet.Roof of rub-, Der Itobfing,"coat half:the rice oureAttingling: For private`hoit4es, barins ar.d hatitaigt of all dis‘crip tiOaa it 48 igffitintriqr,39 satittittlyArift. for tlinVeuredettil taylng, ind t = es the ornament.- .f“iliPPeArrice, data bility And , l'eroProof !quatitiet of l i uLlit ono ; %bird interest. ,n 9 tar or grAIMI used., • 4 'unnt'iti:sailire-abingling—stop .'aks effectually and rodsfof all klude.s 100, ..jolge book free.--i Write today, and ask* it; ;,;$ low - Tork Mato Boast C 0 ,14144. ° 40ader Suss lgilw Tack. Agouti Vrigit - tgiV _ . j ---Q 6 , 10' _lHs'• LARGEST .AND UST ASSORTMENT IN 'DRY GOODS;,: CLOTHING, ,Hili':A-TCD. CAPE, BOOTS AND Iti - ,:tlis:§. .!.‘,T.; . E,N_.4 - Ei - T.g . ,:. 8 : 40, - cic,7:!: . - .:- - . 9....e6,,t.130n0.,,' TIA. WaAil . goods bought, with care and for ~c a sh orily.:,;' An immense line of Bar gains pit received. , - - Country' Produce of all kinds Marketed in Philadelphia and New. York. "Welcome" to botn'old and new -customers. GEO. L. LENHEI.M. ',Great Bend, tray (In Hie New Store.) A S. BINGHAMTON WHOLESAILE'DEArztt BRONZE IkisiPS, OPAL, LAMPS, ALL GLASS LAMPS, HAND LAMPS, BIihNERS, WICKS, SHADES, SHADE'. HOLDERS,' &c., &c. L.I. 'STYLE OF FLINT AND COMMON:CIIIMAER • • SPECIAL INDUCEMENTS IN • • • • 3ANZFACTURER OF . • • .42162C32/ - T.ENAPA.IVNMX:O. NATALI4.33. Prices Guaranteed as Low as any Haase in ;Southarn New .Yark. A ddresi by - man' vrompg.y• Attended To. Iliarch 81,1875. A. S. MINER. B EST JOB P8,17.4iT1N.6 AT THE LOWEST RATES We are continually .adding new, material to our, office, and, with our • • • Large Stock, of JOB TYPE and FOR,' PiAritiikg Piessek...we l Defy,Oomepetion - ;,' Both in; Price, and Quality, either in Plain Black 'cr Colored Work., HAWLEY & CBIIMIL • MAY THE BESP MAN, WIN, Oithe one who will these times, SELL THE MOST GOODS, for the LE,S.ST. money. Not being urged by any particular friends. yet of our own free will, we - offer. ourselves as independent candi dates to the trading public asking for your patronage during the fall Campaign, promising to give in return, the MOST GOOLS far the LEAST 240N1tY of any oth er party in this or adjoining counties. o the majority of the voters of the county we me no strangers, having served.you as deposer of the outward appearance for nearly a quarter of a century, but being strongly in fa vor of Woman Suffrage it is to you as well as to the young voters we direct our appeal, asking for your lib eral patronage, promising to serve you faithfully. Polls open from? a. sm. to 8 p.m. Vote early, Vote often, at the store of;' atITTENBIIRre ' g ROSEMILII7BI do co For Planels, Blankets and Robed go to QUTSENBERG, ROSENBAUM &CO: Table, LihenS, towels Natekin's,iingle • • double .width Pshooes, Gingbailisi 'Bee, a , • . \UITIENBERG ) ROI3kNipLUX & 06. Ladies Ties, Embroideries; Collars and Ouff.li dress triming4oorsets, Skirts•at - • &00. Gents', furpiahlng ,gooda, ilata,,,Capa, 'rratika, Satchela,Umf?rel4a;Shirt4Ties,, and Cuffs; in' great variety at G. R. & Overoos a, Overcoats, f Overeoata,:large atoek at ' ' ' • RacOo. Calpets, Oil Olothee, • Matte,;. Lace Curtains at ' tiVITENBERG ROSENBAUM & 00.-1 Merinci Wrappera and Drawers, Ladiei M'es'a and Boya-Bizes at • I G. R. & 00. Lerge : Variety of fine dresa- goods SbaWls, Cloaks latest, styles at Gurrartirxtio, ROSENBAUM & Co: Best assortment in town of Reppelents Cloths, Fevers; Sackings at , :& Co. uoatings, BEd tin ge,-; laeaVers t . ' Castcirs;, Chinchillas; Vestingsjor 'Castini 'work; large: eelection . "!- ItAzOo. .sealures 4kenlcr,Onstarii work rind fitting and work guai.anieed at . - . • • ff,t Co _ . .Wailt:iritidei . "-Clistiiiiiit.fo*.lll.ofif:Y..4tit,: ~ apd: - .1316yk ill gOit!:';' , Vortety::vhelipe:o 0:. ,Ot . ...!...1-' ;.1 ':'fltOpft.ittsititatOl*B**-ti:Oii', .: , 'i'iii.' 44 e re arIMW.IV-X.A,ZOY 'SHOES, NOTIONS; WAiI ! L. PAPER, STATIONERY, doC. ---AT-- . . ~ . . . , ,6 AA i . . . , . e , .f r ,p,,, 41 .. ,!A c, .....(1. :, -. N .,, • ' , , ;;..T.; *: , - ..r ,•—•.•' ~ . 1 ...,•:: :. - : . ") , • : - q . j'- . s . ..1. . . . . • - • - FIMNITITRE. At W. W. Sraith & Son's ExtensiverarnitureWiir on thelargeft Stockinet FIRST CLASS-AND COMMON 3D - MT3ELW . Z airtllEl.3l3 To be found in this section of the country v oi his ow) manufacture. and at prices that cannot fail to give lath faction. They make the very *best , EXTENSION TABES In the Country, and IFARRAI4Tthem4 V . i2L a 1 as t as' Of all lends done in the neatest intoner. 'II9I3E 2 IEL 1\1" 113- 3133337Z)13 OR VARIOVEMINDS. PURE' NO.I MATRASSES, .AND COMMON ,MATRASSES U E R TA K 1 NG . . The aubscriber.wut hereafter make tut. adertaling a a_plmilty It hie 'business. Having ust completed a and Om Mt st elegant in I.he !Rate,* needing hie services will be attended to promptiyantfa satisfactory cluirges: ' • • ' WI. W. SMITH tie SON. montriiii:Pik.. Jan. St 1R79.--noti—tt. AKPOUTA NT ONO UN CEMEn C.::.-& ,: ..-X;;OORTESY; . 1 13111.1 r 43frOCOIPM MERRIANT .<°i. ~ • We would respectfully announce to the public that we hive removed to our new and spacious store. M. 11 / colter of Court.ao.Witter streets. and are filling 14 with anew stool 'f goods that have just arrtred. uur 04 01 Dress Goode , Shewls, etc " ern of th e very lat. 'lt 1,3 p ng-patterus and styles and purchased for calk `iettentitte merket wasmost dePreesed. In the line of Fancy Goods Hosiery, Gloves,liair (/".dhigabeeet.etSs our stock is unimrptissed. We have also opened a Geparliv cut of Merchant Taint. al Meet Pet , purchased a large .: stock of the latest sty ea in tilt) lino of tlloths,Gassimeres, etc., and of the 'flirt TM . ItY• We - hays . employed to take e hags el Department, T.. D. Ta t imat, tong tn. lea ng milat sumuml'etitter in tuts city, and who tilwltia ;nem tees a,perfeci ft. Mr. Taylor did the se er =that cloths, tlitelmeree, tribtalpta, etc., fee this depuitment, which should satisfy all that we have the latest and most fasblonoble styles. We "ndlellirAleir*4l4 i-fbr vast favors, and molt and ilkopubl geserally thst we are bei" tito •o°lr'f a t. ; :tupplransthiag In our Wm. le 4 yoUrlMirOong% maemiliNVAprinkltfm: ',. y ±. ~. - 41, ., \ • ....;►ND•... TAILORING, em, OUR NEW BTO/114 No. 11. -. otnlrt Street. 11 - 46 A:vingrsifr,