Juniata sentinel and Republican. (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, June 17, 1896, Image 4

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    SINCE BABY WOTT TO SLEEP.
t cannot more my Hps to pray,
Bince baby went to sleep to-day.
Not in ber downy cradle neat
With rosy cheek to pillow pressed,
IvVuile soft ber teDder breathings lift
The coverlet of piuken drift.
But to a couch of chilling gloom.
The aunlight banished from tbo room.
Saviour: I cannot, cannot pray.
Bince baby wont to sleep to-day,'
fhe will not waken, though we weep;
Her slumber la too still and deep.
Nor tears nor kisses cannot warm
Our precious baby'a sleeping form.
Christ: help me thongh I cannot pray
Since baby went to sleep to-day.
Those hand's that would not let me wtu
'A blossom at my throat or hair.
Hut pulled ha petals off to see
.Why sweetness In a flower should be.
Warm, restless hands; now waxen cold
Clasped 'round the lily buds they hold,
IKhe will not stir them In this sleep
To disarrange the trust they keep.
Ifhrisf : help my breaking heart to pray
Though baby went to Bleep to-day.
flrawn on her white feet, aide by aide.
The yellow shoes with ribbons tied;
She never will untie again
To find their hidden treasures ten.
Dear Christ: my heart can only pray
(Let her awake with the to-day.
Good Housekeeping.
A TASTE OF THE SEA.
"That reminds me," said Alkali Ik's,
the Oklahoma citizen, "of the case of
Hop Along, who wonted to go East."
"Hop Along," repented the tourist
"A lamo man, I presume?"
"Noper replied the Alkaline citizen.
"His maiden name, so to speak, was
Hopkins A. Long, but In the couree of
human events part of It was rubbed off,
an' the rest of It sorter got together
'again like a J'lnt snake does after beln
broken in pieces an' he became Hop
Along. Wal, this yere Hop Along con
tended with the West for years an'
THE EFFECT Or TUB I.OB.ITKB.
wnsn't rnttlin' his horns agin the sides
cf the corral none. He has been here
In Hawvillo so long that ho regard
himself as shook down an' settled for
good, when, without warnlu', he tin's
a yoarnln' sproutln' in his bnzzotn, as
It wore, that whisky won't satisfy.
Yon see, lu-'s been born back thar in
little old two-by-four, hide-loiind New
I'nlan.l, whur It is nil rocks nn' hills
an' seashore an' stinginess. Wal, ho
left Couueetlcut when ho was a cub
of 1-1 or such a matter an' hadn't never
even thought of goln' back till this yere
homesickness comes upon him. Heligli's
It, but It keeps on growin' like bollin'
rice. He thinks of It by lny an' dreams
of It by night, an' at last his bandkcrln'
to go East grows so strong he con taste
It. He loses his appreciation for his
dally grab on' hungers for the bur
dock greens an' clam chowder an' sim
ilar heathenish fodder of the East. The
prnlrlo grass wavln' In the breeze re
minds him a grent plenty of the occnu,
an' a little- raid that the white caps
makes on a superfluous citizen recalls
to him ft gnle at sen.
"Directly he begins to spend most o:
the daytime humped up in a chair In
tho shurte of his wigwam, gazin' wist
fully off across the prairie like l-e was
tryin' to view the other shore. I'lmj
bye, he gives out an' tnkes 10 his bed.
He gits sorter wrong In the head.' too.
He hain't what you'd call crazy; part
of the time he Is stmlght enough, an'
agin he kinder wanders. Of course,
bis friends do the square thing by him
Wo do our best to cheer him up aa
make him forglt it. We gits up a
lynchln' beo for his special entertain
ment, an' makes poor Hop tho high
duke of the occasion, transportln' hlm
to the scene of tho festivities in a
buggy full of pillows. It was as pretty
a lynchln' ns I ever witnessed, but the
"poor cuss didn't 'pear to take no Inter
est In It, but Jest looked sad an' sighed.
" 'It hain't no use, gentlemen,' says
lie, after we'd got him bneV to his
lonely bachelor home. 'It hain't no use.
I appreciate your thoughtfu!ness, but
It dou't touch the spot. This yere
ycnrnln' coutinners to rise up In my
Ltizzoin In spite of all I can do. Seems
like I can't think of nothln else. I
want to see the hills an' rocks an' the
sand an' the sea agin. I want to smell
the salt an' taste the brine. Oh, I
W ish I Iiml a lobster!'
"We wnjrgod our heiuls plenty sad in"
sympathetic as we trudged away.
"No two ways fiNmt It,' says I to
the rest of the prominent citizens.
That tlmrpoor dub is gittiu' worse an'
worse, an' the first tiling we know he'll
elf Iter go gibbcrln' crazy or break away
from his gooti resolutions an' stamped."
isr the KastT
"'Ills malady Is slinbly plumb fool
ishness,' says drizzly Johnson, vrho Is
n sage. -Hut that don't make no dif
ference, lie wauls (he East nn' the
ocean like the Texas man wanted his
revolver. I oifcr the suggestion that we
raid the stores nn" see If wo can't un
earth .Muno of them thar lobsters he's
li-pliiiu' for.'
"Aecoi din', no makes search. None
of the storekeepers 'pear to know n lial
lobster Is, much less possess any, an'
w are pl:im rilscoiiiagcd till the genial
proprietor of the TTncgTi TToitse restau
rant makes 9 discovery In his memory.
" I.obstei V Kays he. 'I reckon I'm
tursetl with a can cf that thar animal
1 gits it a couple of years ago packed
by mistake in a case of r.thor canned
goods an' hain't been able to get shot of
It since. .My patrons hain't proud, but
when they seen the picture on the can
tiiey nil said they wasn't drunk enough
to Indulge In no such lookin' varmint,
nu the last I kuowed it was kickin'
around soinewhiir unopened
"He digs it out, nn" we examines it.
"'I don't know so much about tilts'"
snys I. 'This yere varmint Is mighty
weird an' unholy lookin' pears to bo
I rfglit red an" some l." or "M feet long,
rcconlin' to the Kiirroundiu' landscape
In tlie picture. What part of the bur
ussed monster Is In the can, anyhow.'"
" 'I hain't admlrln' Its appearance
none, myself, says Hon. riunk Skee.
I don't object to soakln' poor old Kop
with whisky till he gits nil kind of
snakes, but It shore looks like plnyln'
It mighty low down on him to feed him
tech a diaboll ycnl lookin' reptile aa this.
He calls for lobster, all right enough,
but mebby he's wandertn' hi his mlud
aa' don't kBov jffat fa U talk la' about
uurn think looks like It was plxon-
OUflf
"Huh! says Grizzly Johnson, who,
as I'm savin' before. Is plenty old an
wlso. This yere portrait Is aa exag
gyratlon got up to deceive the Innyceut
purchaser; a lobster Is about a foot
long an' Is simply a big saM water
crawfish, nuthln' more.'
"Upon that we tramps off to Hop's
shanty, cuts the can of reptile open an'
hands It to the sick man.
"Yere Is your lobster, old feller,
says I'lunk. 'lint I'm afraid the cussed
thing Is spoilt.'
" "Oh, no, It batn'tr says -poor nop,
snlffln' It similar to a bridal wreath.
Ah-b-h-h! That smells like the ocean I
Ah-h-b-h-h! That tastes like the sear
says the sufferer, when somebody
gives blm a spoonful of the Juice.
"Wal, to make a short story long, as
the feller says, poor Hop ceases to re
gard us any more after that, an we
leaves him alone, gnzln lovin'ly at his
lobster an' takin' a sip now an' then.
"Nuthln of Importance happened
after that till along toward 8 o'clock
next mornln', when some stranger that
Is rldln' through the settlements hauls
up in front of the Buzzard Roost, whur
me an' Plunk aa' others of Hop's com
forters Is lodged, an' sets up a yelk
Has the gent that resides In the
ghebangoutat the west end of the street
got any friends In this yere wlgworar
says he, when tho heads an' guns be
gin to poke out of the windows.
" 'A heap more than you have, when
yon come howlln as oat of bed at this
untimely hour!" says I, plenty sources
tic. 'What do you think you want T
" 'Nuthln',' says ho, calmly. I'm rich
on' contented. Bnt mebbe It will In
terest that genf s friends to know that
the nt of Tawment 'pears to bava
broke loose In his house. From what t
could gather from the standpoint of a
mere pnsser-by, I Jedge that several
wildcats Is engaged in sklnnin' your
friend alive, or else his wife Is sort of
nrgyln" matters with him I reckon It's
the latter.' ,
"It hain't long till wo have piled Into
our trappln's an' rushed off to Investi
gate. " 'Sounds like about seven of 'cm
was nil Jumpln' onto the poor sick
man at once' says riunk, when we gits
within a block of the house.
"When we broke tho door down an'
cliarged in with our guns In our hands
we could see by the moonlight that
streamed In through the place whur
the door had been that the room looked
as If Hop bad been entertaining a cy-
"WHO'S TIT A K ?' DIMAMD8 OltlZZI.T.
clone. The furniture was knocked tills
way nu' everything turned wrong side
up but the bed. NoNsly was to !x
seen, but thar wns a ecrabblln' an'
groan In' under tho bed.
" 'Who's thar?' demands Grizzly.
" The late Hopkins A. Long,' says a
pain-racked an' twisted voloe. "Will
you please git a club nn pound mo
across the stummlck about forty
times?
"With that, poor nop slowly an sad
ly emerges from under the couch, walk
In on his bunds an' feet with his back
down an' his abdoughincn bowed like
a druiQmydary's lnm.p.
" 'I am ghtd to see that you are well
enough to play Jokes on your friends,'
says Grizzly, plenty grim, as he lit a
match nn' gazed at Hop. T reckon this
yere Is what you'd call a pun, but
cussed If I see the point.'
" This hain't uo Joke,' says Hop.
I'm dyin'. t'r-r-r-r-r!'
"Some kind soul tears out an' directly-
brings Ir. Shide on tho dead run,
nn' after a spell poor Hop Is eased an'
quieted, nn' then he explains:
" That thr.v lobster tastes so good an,'
I am so weak an' homesick,' sayj ho,
feebly, that I surrounds It all at one
session an' soon drops off to slexp.
Later I'm dre&mlu' that I swallowed a
whole torchlight procession, which
winds up lu a fight nn' riot. Talk about
nightmares! I had night elephant
an' night crockydllcs an' night devils
all at the same time. I don't know
what all happened, but I found myself
tearla' an' thrnshln' around the room
Hkc a fitly cat In a strange bag. The
furniture was upset, the lamp brokv
on' th? matches lost, an' I forgot whui
I wns at, which one of the boys I wn
an what year It happened to ber
'Cut thar Is one thing I'm certain of.
gentlemen; I'm cured! I don't want to
go East no more! I have had a tasta
of the sea, an' one taste Is plenty for
me I don't want to go East.'
"An that Is how Hop Along's Uome-
slcknoss was cured upon the bomypath
lc principle."
Then and Now.
The word "Xomboy," now applied to
a rude young woman, formerly meant
a rude young man or boy. Furlong
wns at first a furrow long, or the dis
tance that a pair of oxen would plow
Jn half an hour. Shrewd onae el gul
lied evil or wicked. Thomas Fuller
used the expression "a shrewd fellow,"
meaning a wicked man. The word
"hoyden," now applied exclusively to
a noisy young woman, formerly denot
ed a person of like character, but of
cither sex. Etu I vocation, a word now
applied to any evasion, was once un
derstood to uiean the calling of diverse
tilings by the same uauue. Peek orig
inally meant a basket or receptacle for
grain or other substances. The expres
sion nt first had no reference to size.
To starve was once to die any manner
of death. WyclIITe's sermons tell how
"Christ starved on the cross for the
redemption of men." Bombast once
signified the cotton thjt was employed
to stuff garments, particularly the
enormous trunk hose worn In tho four
teenth and fifteenth centuries. Acre
bnee meant any field. It la still used
with this signiticance in allusion to a
burial ground.
To Itemove Ilugn from Rooms.
Take a long-necked oil can and fill It
with benzine. Apply the-fluid tlior
oughly Into ail cracks and crevleos
where the bugs or their eggs may be.
The lienzine at once destroys all Insect
life. Directly after use with a powder
gun a good supply of Persian Insect
powder, and be sure to have the powder
fresh and strong. TJse the benzine only
by daylight, as It Is very Inflammable
when near a lighted lamp. .
Ton hear a great many remedies sug
gested for the bust head, but the only
way to cure the bust head Is to lei
whisky alone.
Laugh and Grow Wefl.
In a singular treatise on laughter, thf
writer gives an instance that is of ItseV
laughable enough.
A patient being very low wttb fevei
and the physician In attendance belnj
at a loss as to how he should product
,a reaction, had ordered a dose of rhu
barb; but after the medicine had beei
prepared, fearing its debilitating ef
fects, the order was countermanded.
Not long thereafter, a pet monkey be
longing to the patient that had been U
the room all the while, seeing the gob
let In which the nurse had prepared tin
rejected medicine still standing on tin
table, slipped slyly up, took It In lib
hands, and put It to his lips.
The first taste was probably novel,
and he made comical grimace, but hi
disliked to give It up. Another Sip ami
he got the sweet of the syrup. Ulf
grotesque visage brightened.
He cast a furtive glance around, and
then sat quietly down, with the goblej
grasped firmly; and pretty soon he hjl
placed It to his lips, and drank to tin
dregs.
Perhaps there had been half a wine
glassful of syrup of manna not more,
while the rhubarb bad all settled, ltiri
he bad found It, and before be had fully
realized the change of taste be had
swallowed nearly the whole of titt
nauseous dose.
The patient was spellbound. Nercf
in his life had he seen anything so gro
tesquely and ridiculously human! Th4
visage of the disgusted, monkey was a
study.
It was a whole volume of utter a bom
Inntlon and chagrin. He ground hid
teeth, and actually stamped his foot, at
be had seen his master do when IU
wrath.
Anon the climax came. He stood nn,
his eyes flashed, he grasped the goblel
by Its slender stock with all his might)
shut his teeth, and then, with a spite
ful vemreful snart. he hurled It wltll
mad fury upon the floor, end seemcnj i
entirely satisfied as be saw the thou
sand glittering pieces flying about.
Never before had the patient sect,
anything to equal It. The whole sccnei
and all the circumstances everything
about It appeared to him so supreme
ly and comically ridiculous, that he
burst Into a fit of laughter that lasted
until his nurse came In to see what was
tho matter. And when ho tried to tell
her he laughed again, more heartily,
If possible, than before laughed until
he sank hack exhausted, and In a pro-
use perspiration.
The nurse anxiously spougea ena
wiped his skin; ho perspired and laugh
ed again until he slept. When he awoke
the reaction hod come, the fever hud
been broken, and he was on the sure
;roud to convalescence.
SAILORS' SUPERSTITIONS.
they Have Lucky and Unlucky Bhtpn,
Pays and Points.
The old superstition ns to luck and
unlucky days has largely passed away.
Foreign malls start and arrive on Fri
day without any regard for the beliefs
which were accepted ot one time le
yond argument by moet sailors. Porno
thought otherwise, as will appear later.
Generally t-ptaklng, all saints' days am!
church holidays were regarded as un
lucky and certain days In each month
wus regarded distrustfully. In an old
almanac ef 1015 we find that July 10.
20, 24, and 31 were noted as "no good
anchorage." Sunday was always look
ed upon as lucky, presumably In rcil
a Dec on the maxim, "The better the day
tho better the deed," and the fact of
our Lord's resurrection having taket
place on that day.
Monday had no particular reputatlou
for good or evil; Tuesday was the samo
except among Spaniards, wlio said
"I ion' t marry or go to sea or leave yom
wife" on that day. Wednesday waj th
day of Odin, the Norse god, and lucky)
Thursday was named after TUor, tlx
Norse god of war, and was auspicious
Friday was the day dedicated to Freyu
Norse goddess of love, aud having rcf
ereuce to women was not liked on thli
ground. Tbo true reason for avoiding
Friday was, of course, the fact of tin
crucifixion having taken place on thai
day, and sentiments of special venerni
tion for the day converted Info a feel
ing of fear for the results which wouM
follow Its violation. The Spaniards, on
the other liand, had a considerably
veneration for Friday, and belleve.l
that some occult influence enabled Co
lumbus to successfully clear out of port
and discover new land on that day.
Saturday was generally considered ana
plctoua.
The origin of the phrase 'to capful ol
wind." can be traced to a Nopeo king;
Eric VL. who died In 670 A. D. H(
was credited with the useful power ol
directing the wind to blow him wheW
be wished by the simple method ol
turning his cap to that point of tin
compass. His powers were much Ap
preciated and trusted, and resulted In
bis being known as "windy cap." There
la no Mvldence as to whether bo ooulil
regulate the force of the wind as Well
as the direction; presumably he could,
or bis faithful believers would not hav
been so many. "A bagful of wind" li
another common expression and Indi
cates something like a gale. This oai
been traced down to the classics)
legend of Eolus and his ajtUre wind
confined In bags.
The Performing Dos.
Ad amusing story is told by a Frencb
contemporary of an Incident which re
cently occurred at a town In the aoutt
of France during the Christmas vish
of a circus. One of the chief attrac
tions of the show was a troupe of per
forming dogs, and, after they bad gom
through various feats, their trainer ob
served that Axor, the most accomplish
ed of them all, would favor the audi
ence with a pianoforte tola According
ly Azor mounted a chair and struck irf
the "Marseillaise." At his moment
however, some one lo the audienci
shouted out "Rats!" Azor made oni
bound In the direction of the cry; bul
the pianoforte went on playing!
Stoles.
A mole's eyes are believed to give tin
animal nothing more than an lmpres
elan of light, which is probably pain
ful, or. at least, annoying, the sensatloi
prompting the creature at once to bur
row into the earth and escape the an
noyance.
To Clean Brass Tray.
Brass trays are kept in order by sim
ply washing them In boiling hot soda
soapsuds and lathering them well, a
little sapobo being used if tbey are very
flirty. One way of cleaning them Is to
sift brick dust till it is a very fine
powder; take up a good portion of this
on half a lemon (previously used In
lemonade or sherbet making) and rub
the tray well over with this, carefully
going over any p tains till removed,
and then rinsing and letting It dry.
Treated In this way trays keep clean
and an admirable color for a long time.
Metal polish nnd such things spoil the
color, giving it a yellow tinge quite dif
ferent from the golden brass' it looks
when cleaned with lemon Juice and Aim
brick dust Detroit Tribune.
CHILDEEWtJOLUHN.
A DEPARTMENT FOR LITTLE
BOYS AND GIRLS.
Something tout Will Interest the Ju
venile Members ef Every Household
Qswlut Actions and Bright Sayings
mt Masef Cnte and Canning Children,
What the Flowers Pay.
. The red rose says, "Be sweet,"
And the lily bids "Be pare;'
The hardy, brave chrysanthemum,
"lie patient and endure.
The violet whispers, "Give.
Nor grudge nor count the cost."
The woodbine, "Keep on blossoming,
In spite of chill and frost,"
Pnnan Coolldge.
Water Asleep.
Once there was a little girl who said
that Ice was- water gone to sleep.
Did He Know Itt
A llltle boy was practicing a piece for
Jhlldreu's Day. Hta teacher told him to
Speak louder. He said, "I don't know it
loud."
And the Greatest Was the Last,
MMo Willie 8. was asked by his Sun
Any school teacher to mime the "three
I rent festivals of the church." He
thought ft moment, and then, memories
f the glad and Joyous past doubtless
crowding upon him. replied: "Christ
taua, Easter and the strawberry."
"Conr" or "Caught."
A little loy, according to Harper's
Round Table, has tnken a hand In
intending English spelling:
".Mamma, bow do you spell court
house' snld Little Willie.
"C-j-u-r-t-h-o-u-s-e, dear," answered
his mother.
"Hut I should think you ought to spell
It c-n-u-g-h-t bouse, because all the peo
ple who arc caught are taken there,"
responded little. Willie.
Little Lceaons In the Kitchen.
Ther-J, dou't burn yourself. Better
(ct cook fix the fire. But I know you
'.Ike orange crtain. Here Is a very
reliable recipe for It. Try It. It's easily
made and delicious: Into a half pint
Jt cold milk put half an ounce of gela
tin. When this has quite dissolved,
which it will do best If placed near but
not on the fire, add four tablespooafuls
of thick cream and one of sugar. Stir
this up wcli, and when almost cold add
gradually tbo Juice of four good or
ange). When perfectly cold this cream
will bo aolli enough to turn nicely out
of a small mold, although It remains
still soft. TETITE COOKIE.
Ten Little Tnca.
Baby clnd In his nightgown white.
Pussy cat purrs a soft good-night.
And sonielody tells, for somebody knows.
The terrible tnle of ten little toes.
Itlght foot
This big toe took a small boy, Sam,
Into the cupboard after the jam;
This little toe said, "Oh, nol no!".
This little toe was anxious to go;
This little toe said "Tlsn't quite right";
This little tiny toe curled out of sight.
I-ft foot
This Mg toe got suddenly stubbed;
This little toe got ruefully rubbed;
This little frightened toe cried out
"Benrr
This little timid toe, "Run npstnlrst"
lovu cauie a Jar with a loud slaml alani!
This little teeny toe got all the Jaml
fVnrprlacd Pig.
Llttlx Pete never Intends to misstate
things, but his very figurative imagina
tion uonietluiea gets the better of his
facts. He starts out to tell something
wbU'h Is perfectly true, but before he
Is done lie has generally drifted off Into
some picturesque exaggeration. Tho
other day he exclaimed to a compan
ion: "Jurt think, Blllyl Out In Chicago
they aren't going to be cruel to the jilgs
any more when they kill them. They're
going to chloroform them."
"How do they do it?" asked Billy.
"Wliy, tlicy Just put a sponge in front
of tho pig's nose, and he goes right to
sleep, aim when bo comes to himself he
ai.rt, 'Why, my ham's goner And by
a uA by ho says, 'Goodness ! Somebody's
nn wed my lee; oAT and then be finds out
thnt he's all cut up!"
IXrnmmer Hoy and Hero.
A hundred years ago tOct 1.1, 1705
the French nmlertook to relievo the
town of JLanl-ej'ge, on tbo SauiLre, then
lKwlcgcd by tlie Austrians, and the
Royal Swedish Regiment was sent for
ward to occupy the village of Dourlers.
Tho drummer boy, a lad of fourteen,
named Strauh, dodging the Austrian
skirmishers, reached the village first,
and at once beat a rousing call to arms
ou his drum. Thinking the foe had
gained possession of the village, the
Austrians retired In great disorder,
thereby enabling the French actually
to get to the outskirts of Dourlers.
Tho Austrians, having discovered
their blunder, returned, and Strauh bad
to run for his life. lie could not es-
cP, however, and fell in front of
Dourlers Church, after having himself,
shot several of the Hungarian grena
diers that pursued him,
The scene bad been witnessed by a
peasant bidden in a loft. Who several,
years kiter told It to 8traub's brother,
who knew of bis death, but not of the
heroic circumstances attending It. In
181)7, during alterations at the church,
the ground In front of the building was
opened, and there were found the
skeletons of the brave drummer-boy
lud seven men, thus confirming tho ac
ffuracy of the peasant's story,
A Surprlan,
Tessic aud Bessie were getting ready
for a garden party. It was to be a
very small party, for they had only In
rltcd Bertha and Harold May, tfho
Wed next door.
Tessle spread a tablecloth on the big,
lat stopo under the great oak, and Ucs
ile set on the sandwiches and ehleUe'i
and gfandnia's pretty cakes." Bessie
put a saucerful of big red raspberries
by Bertha's plate, and Tessto set an
other beside Harold's. Then they ran
to the raspberry patch again to fill tw
saucers for themselves.
"Why, seo here!" said Tessle when
they came buck to the table. "S-nw-Uidy
has been stealing Harold's ber
ries r
"Who can It ber said Bessie. "Well.
ihere are plenty more raspberries In the
patch, that Is one good thing! Aud we
have only to run and pick thm.
They hurried away to 111! 'he saucer
nce more, at the same time keeping
watch on the table, Nohody seeiu-sd
to go near it, yet when they came back
ugaln they found Bertha's plate was
I most empty.
"Now, that's mean!" cried Bessie.
Say, Tessle, let's hide and watch, and
when we catch the thief we'll offer Mm
pome raspberries and cako very polite
ly. Then won't he be 'shamed'!"
go they crouched down behind the)
urrant bushes, whispering and peep
ng. They had not waited long before
hey saw the thief running softly tsr
jvurd the table. -
A boy? No. A gtrilJKa, i( watk
ays
Ot test and trial prove Hood's Sanaparllta to be
unequalled for purifying the blood because
Hood's
Sarsaparilla
Is the One True Blood Purifier. All druggists. SL
Hood's Pills cure all Liver Ills. 25 eenta
prettiest and cutest little sxjnlrrel thai
you ever saw.
How Tessle and Bessie did laugbt
SUPPOSE WE SMILE.
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
THE COMIO PAPERS.
Pleasant Incidents Occnrrinaj the!
World Over-Sayings that Are Chsavl
fnl So Old or Tonnar Fiaai Be lac"
Ions that Everybody Will Eaojn.
Her Soanlelon.
"Circe, said tho lecturer, "as you no
doubt remember, turned men Into
hogs."
"1 wonder If she did It by starting a
street car line?" mused the woman
who had hung to a strap all the way
to the hall. Cincinnati Enquirer. '
At First Sho Was) A nary.
"ITM!" said Mr. Wlckwlre. "That
dress reminds me of the half-witted
girl that watts on me at the rostau
rantr "Indeed"!"
"Yep; It Is simple, but fetching."-'
Indianapolis News.
Measurements.
"He Is very gifted," said Mrs. Gush
Ington. "Why, be can sit down and
write poetry by the yard."
"Yes," replied the envious rival, "the
only difficulty Is that the public reads if
by tho inch." Washington Star.
Hla Superstition,
"Are you superstitious, major?"
"Well, I think It unlucky to be run
over by an omnibus." Plck-Me-lip.
Where Bailey Prefer Thorn.
Congressman Bailey, ao the dls
patches say, had a flush on hla face
when Mr. Barrett was In the chair
the other day. But Mr. Bailey will
doubtless admit a flush In the hand la
worth a dozen on tho face. Galres toqf
Kowa. -
Dow It Happened.
Visitor How do yon oome to have sd
many Chinese figures?
Hostess Oh, at the time of my wed
ding there was a sale on them and
these aro all wedding presents. BosJ
ton Transcript.
Adaptability.
Inspector of Prisons fn pro vt dins'
you with work your former occupatioi
eliali be taken Into account Wha
were yon?
Convict An anarchist.
Inspector Um, um. We can put hlnf
to road blasting. Fllegende Blaetter.
A SHY DANCER.
.Stories Told by Westerners of tho
Antics of the Band Hill Crane.
The sand hill craae Is a very bright
bird. A Recreation writer says that its
very name Is synonymous of vigilance
and alertness. It feeds on the treeless
plains or In the barren wheat stubble.
Where it can see a long way beyond
gunshot Or one ot tbe flock la posted
as sentinel, and this bird stands with
bill half open, ready to give an alarm.
It can be killed by decoying It with
pasteboard figures cut to proper Blze and
!shape and painted, but mounted birds
'are better, A pit la dug deep enough
ito conceal a man, tbe decoys are put
out, and the cranes are shot as they
come over. The best region tt shoot
them b in the Columbia BJver water
shed end south at U In tbe Pacific
coast States.
When one shoots a bird at the size
and build of a crane In midair U col
lapses, like a card house or a tent But
such apparent collapses a to sometimes
.deceptive, as, for instance:
"Before I could reach blm he soared
off Into the air with wheeling flight
Again be hit the ground with fearful
violence, but again he got on nU feet.
Running up. thinking to get blm alive
for a decoy, I tried to tap him on the
head and stun him. He stowed fight
and t used my gun as I backed off, and
,ho took to his wings."
T'ho sand bill crone la something of
a .fighter of men If wounded, and tho;
only safe crane Is a dead one. Their
bills are long and sharp, and aro capa
ble of putting out a man's eye.
Tbe sand hlU crane has some enrtoue '
Dibits that make blm of more than
passing Interest to tbo student of birds.
Out on the prairies parties of them bevo
balls In the spring, to which the select i
birds seem to be invited. These balls
are picturesque affairs from the human 4
standpoint There are curious dances,'
which aro sort of solitary waltaes or
pretty slow Jigs. Sometimes the birds 1
leap over one another's backs and flop,
their wings, giving their peculiar cry.
Sometimes rival birds have fierce duels,'
using their keen bills like lances, battle:
axes and swords.
riig Bastneao In Sqmtrret Talis.
Twenty farmers brought tbe tails oft
9,171 ground squirrels to the commis
sioners of Spokane County, Washing
ton, on one day last week to collect tbev
bounty of 1 cent per tall. One man
brought in 1,834 squirrel tails and an
other 1.0DO. All tne squirrels were.
killed In one not large district, where
they are so thick as to almost make the
farmers despair of making any profit
by their crops. - ..'
The mills of tbe gods, which grind)
I se alow, would grind fast enough If
A Brlsand Vno tie vies Taxes.
"Brigandage Is still rampant In many
rural districts In Italy." says Dr. Rav
ogli, the resident Italian consul.
"From advices 1 receive occasion
ally I keep In touch with home affairs,
and a letter from a friend tn Trieste
contains a reference to TTburel. one of
the most picturesque of these freeboot
ers. Tibursl Is about 4& At the begin
ning of his career he was as bad ar
others la tbe same vocation of life.
"In 1872 be was caught convicted of
highway robbery and murder, and sen
tenced to imprisonment for life. He
escaped in 1874 and took refuge In a
wood near Tlterbo, where be lived In
security In spite of seventeen warrants
and a large reward for his arrest Tbe
reason of this security Is simple
enough. He was good to the poor
any peasant in need of help could al
ways get a gold coin from Tlburzl
and he punished traitors. Consequent
ly the peasants were ready to assist
him against the police or government
emissaries, and those who would will
ingly have given Information were
afraid to do so.
"After his escape Tlburzl altered his
method of gaining a living. He caused
It to be made known to all the well-to-do
people tn the district that If they
paid ' blm an annnal contribution he
would not Interfere with them and
would protect them from molestation
by others. It was considered advis
able to agree and Tlburzl has been for
years tn receipt of a large Income, one
man alone paying him 100 a year.
Crime has considerably diminished in
the district; tho smaller fry dare not
molest Tlburzl'. protegee, for he Is
still a good shot With his English re
peating rifle. Tlburzl does What the
government cannot do: he collects
taxes without trouble and he keeps
down crime.
"It must not be supposed that he
hides in the woods all day. He can
walk about the whole district without
fear of capture and he lives In good
style. He goes to Rome sometimes,
presumably In disguise, snd has even
been abroad. Will he ever be arrested?
Time alone can tell." Cincinnati En
quirer. , j
RAM'S HORN BLASTS.
aarnlna Motes Calling the Wicked ta
Bepentaace.
-- t irivn n-m.
XJUfJ l W Uoa begins in
9i far V V short steps.
I T jtfftiS Chrtot 18 ver
tent sinner.
The blackest
devil outside of
the pit Is batei.
Nothing a bad
man owns can be
his long.
The right to do
right is a God-
given right
No man can walk straght who fol
lows a doubt
Have more religion than you csd
carry In your head.
No one can know Christ without
wanting to be like blm.
No man treats Christ well who treats
his brother wrong.
Dartmees cannot be made black
enough Co destroy light
Faith used la as sure to grow as good
seed tn good eolL
God knows how we love, while meo
only know how we live.
Tho man who cenqnera himself has
had God for his helper.
No man can fall until he tries to get
along without Cod's help.
Hire people to be good, and they will
quit when tbe pay stops.
It Is bard to believe in the religion ol
some very religious people.
The man who never, praises his wife.
would have a better one If he did.
Keeping too much In your pocket
may drive the Lord out of your heart
Philosophizing about bow a man got
Into the ditch will never get him out
Pray much before you talk much
about how big a sinner you used to be.
If we are doing less for the Lord than
.we can do, we are not doing enough.
Whenever the Lord finds a man who
can be trusted with money, he makes
him rich.
MELANCHOLY WOMEN.
AFRAID SOMETHING DREADFUL 18
GOING TO HAPPEN.
How nXJttle Baby Ctrl Boiled the Clouds
Away.
Of course a woman will naturally
see the dark side of everything when
tortured by some form of female dis
ease, which her
doctor can
not or does
not relieve.
No wonder
she Is melan
choly whan
head and
back ache,
pains run
through
tbe whole 1
body and
loins, nerves
are weak,
stomach out
ol order, di-
gentian
poor,
eense of
fullness and bearing-down,
poor
sleep and appetite.
always weak and tired, Irregu
lar menstruation, whites, etc.
She probably is not so fortunate as
to know that all female ailments aro
indicated by these never failing symp
toms, and are controlled by Lydia &
Pinkbam's Vegetable Compound; all
female weaknesses quickly disappear
by its use. It has been the thinking;
woman's safeguard for twenty years,
and all druggists sell large quantities
of it because it can be relied upon.
Still another woman speaks :
"I wish you would publish my name
with your testimonials. I want every
one to know that your Vegetable Com
pcund has made me well and strong.
I sing its praises all the time. When I
was first married I was very weak and
had female troubles badly; Oh, I was
so weary, sick and melancholy, but the
Vegetable Compound built me up, and
now I have a dear baby girl, and I am
ao happy. No home is complete with
out a dear little baby and Lydia K.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound to roll
the clouds away." Mas. Gbo. Ctava,
85 Danfortn St. Buffalo, N. T.
- If you accept a substitute,'
you must not fuss because
its not as good as genuine
HIRES Rootbeer.
VJ t. AJBi -
W TKsW- aj
YOUNG AT FIFTY.
BOW METHODIST MIVISTEB CAR
RIES HI YBAKS.
H0W. William Toaar, of Ossrsso. Tells a
Heposter His Secret of Ooo.! Heattn
Win Basely Heneflt Kvery
sm Who Follows Bis
Advice.
from (he Time, Oswego, X. T.
Probably no man is better known or more
stsrhly respected In Oswo, N. Y..thanBev.
William Younjt, ot the M.rtho.list Cbureb.
Tr. Tones; has not a Confer.'noe appoint
ment, bat holds a responsible poetttoa with
tbe Oswego City Savings Bank, wh.-re he has
who a trusty employe for the past twenty
rears.
In the spring of 18M Mr. Toong looked as
If his time on earth was limited and that he
would be laid at rest with the great ma-
orlty before snow covered the ground. Bat,
Instead of faillns as was predicted, ha soon
slnea a more healthy look and appeared
aronger. As the months went by this Im
provement continued, until now he Is as
rugged tnd apparently as healthy as a young
man of thirty, although his gray looks de
note a more advanoed aim. A Timet re
porter, determined to And oat what had
mails this great, and It might be said pbe
aoiaen al ehange, called upon Mr. Young it
the bank and put ths qnestkm direct and re
solved the following reply:
"In truth I am a changed man, and I owe
my present good health to - Dr. Williams'
Pink Pills. In th spring ot 1AM I wmB all
run down and had commenced to think that
my time had come. I had to be prescribed
for by phyatnlana. and although 1 reoeiv.-d
temporary relief, the same old trouble cu.-ne
buek again and I was worse than before. I
ba.1 ao strength or appetite, and physically
I wns in S misarabln condition. Alter my
work I wonld go home, bat the aeneral lawi
tude whieli hnng over me left me without
any ambitioa, and when I would go to the
table to eat, my apiietite failed me and I
would have to leave without taking hardly
any nourishment. My kidneys were a:so
tMtdly affected, and I was tn utter donpnlr.
One fay, here at tbe bank, I happened to
pick np one of the local pnpnrs, and my eye
(ell on an advertisement of Dr. Williams'
Pink Pills. The advertisement gave a de
wrlption of a man who, afflicted a I then
wns, had been cured by using Dr. Williams'
Pink 1111s. I was not a bulievor la that kind
of doctoring, bat oonelude I that as a last re
sort to try a box of tbe pills, mnklng up my
mind that if they did not help me I cer
tainly would not be tnjared any. Ooinu to
a drag store. 1 purchnsed a bex of Dr. Will
lams' Pink Pills and commenced taking them
aouordtng to directions. Very soon after I
began to feel better snd I saw I had made
no mjstake In trying the pills, and before the
Orst bos was emptied I felt so much im
proved that I Immediately pnrch.tsed an
other. I had taken seven boxes of tbe pills,
and at the end of lost summer I lt I Was
entirely cured and discontinued their use,
but always keep a box handy If occasion re
quires. I am now entirely oured. The Ihs
situde has left me, my kidneys are all rlttlit
and my appetite well, you should see me
at the table. I am a new man agitln, and
Instead of foeling like a man of fifty, which
is mv I feel like a youngster of t wenty,
and I give Dr. Williams' Pink Pills the full
credit for thts great change. I have recom
mended these pills to. several of my neigh
bor and acquuiutnneee, who have seen re
lieved of their complaints."
William Younu, bctm duly sworn, deposes
and says he is the gentleman referred to la
the above Interview, and It is trne In every
rw-noct. Wm.iM Yocsi.
Huhecrlhod no I sworn to before mo this
5th dag of May, 10.
Bkbnaud Uuuohri, Notary Public
Dr. Williams' Pink Pills contain all tbe
elements necosary to give new life and rich
ness to the blood and reotoro shattered
nerves. Thny are for sale by nil druggists,
or may be had by mal from Dr. William?
Medicine Company, Schenectady, N. Y., for
60 cents per box, or six boxes for 62.50.
As fcxtenCatlng Circumstance.
Judge Noonan, of tho Ban Antonio
District Court, Is also the proprietor of
a stock ranch In Medina County. lie
was recently called on In his official ca
pacity to pronounce sentence on a horse
thief. Said tho Judgo blandly:
"Are you aware of any clrcnmetnnces
that entitles yon to consideration at my
bands?"
"Yea, your honor, I am."
"What la ltf
"The horse I stole didn't be!ug to
you. I think yon ought to take that
into consideration and let me down
easy. Texas Sittings.
gome peon)" kt la the mirror to tie
pennnoa. .
Catarrh and Colds Relieved la lO to 00
MtllUL-A.
One short puff at the breiUh through tne
Blower, supp.tvd with cncli bottle Dr.
Atinewi Catarrhal I'ow.lur. diffuses tliU Pow
der over the surtuce uf the domJ muiwh.
Painless ana duligbitul to u. It relieve In-
Stuntljr-- ' prriiutp.Hllj cures Cnti.rrb.Iiay
ever. Colds, Hssdaohv, Sore Throat. Tun
silitis and Denfnsss. If your draiotist ban't
U lit Mock, ask ana to procure U (or roa.
Denver is tbe only city with natural
streams of water flowing through the
gutters in the streets.
tfny WlnaxOWs Snowing Byrop for chlldrsa
ireUiing, tonens ids ui
reduces Inftamin-
lion, sllars palo, cures
colio. &ia a iut
The Bay of Fondy has the highest
tide in the world. It rises a foot every
live minutes, and sometimes attains a
height of seventy feet
BUY (LOO wot lb Dobbins Heatta- Borax Snap
of year grocer, fend wisppere to liohblu.
Snap Mf g Co., Philadelphia, 1 a Thoy will send
fou free of charse, i outage paid, a Worcester
ocket iMottonsrv, 146 races, hound la cloth,
profuwly Illustrated, ofler Rood until August
1st only.
Mrs. General Sheridan will pass the
slimmer at her Cottaire at Nnnnnit nn
thA shores of Fcxzard's Rflv not far
from the home of President Cleve
land.
FITS itATiMA frM bV Ift TTt T-. fin v . -r
Nervs Ubi-tobs- Ko flts alter first day's me
Marvelouscures. Treatise anii W.00 trial bottlo
Irca bt. Kline. MR Aich St.. 1'hlla.. i .
The Czarina unites in ber own per.
son tbe names of every one of Queen
V ictoria's daughters, as she was chris
tened Alix Victoria Helena Louiso Bea
trice. Ost ef Wcshnrss comes strength when the
blood bos been parlfled, enriched snd vitalized,
the appetite restored and tbe system built up by
Hood's Sanaparllla.
Heed's PUte case nansea, sick headache. In
digestion, biliousness. All druggists. Z'c
Only seventy yean have elapsed
since tbe first railway in the worl I was
finished. During that period 400,000
miles have been constructed.
Cnrn Guaranteed by 1R. J. H. MATER, lolfl
Arab St., l'IllLA.,rA. Kase at once: no opera
tion or delay from business. Consultation free.
Endorsements ol physU-lans, ladles and promi
nent clilseus. Mud lor circular. Omoa boars 9
A M. vate. M.
50,000 Italian women recently peti
tioned the Chamber of Deputies to end
the Abvssiman war.
J!fTiiii-'G0
JWW I rniUkV concern that ever voluntarily
'Zjy ym v
a ftOlka Of
a tiia WOrill
n AVW -4 If ,7 fjT
a- m ar m y - - " av
Cl:3r.!!ns$$l$ Hae Pride Dirt's Hae Hsncsty." Cea
c$a Sence Dictates ths Use off
.SAPOLIO
ar.rv..,asSS
klased HsarU One dose ponvlncas. M
Th fint lemon orch di in
world lire those in Sicily, wheraan tort
of lemons it worth $1500.
ahs.Thrw'illa
as ue
tasllBOnU
sell It, I
Bees were recently hived from, an
Edinburgh street lamp. In the globe Of
which they had taken refuge.
"Plso's Cnre tor Consumption relieves the
most o: stinstas Coughs."
. "In God We Trust" was first pat on
oar coins in 18G1.
Gladness Comes
With a better understanding of the
transient nature of the many phys
ical Ills which vanish before proper ef
fortsgentle efforts pleasant efforts
rightly directed. There Is comfort in
the knowledge that so many forms of
slukness are not doe to any actual dis- ;
ease, but simply to a constipated condi
tion of tho system, which the pleasant
family laxative. Syrup of Fiffs, prompt
ly removes. That is why it Is the only
remedy with millions of families, and Is
everywhere esteemed so highly by all
who value good health. Its beneficial
effects are due to tho fact, that It is the
one remedy which promotes Internal
cleanliness, without debilitating the
organs on which it acta. Itis therefore
oil important, in order to get its bene
ficial effects, to note when you pur
chase, that yon have tho genuine article,
which is manufactured by tho California
Fig Syrup Co. only, and sold by all rep
utable druggists.
tit in tho enjoyment of good health,
and tho system is regular, then laxar
tlvcs or other remedies ere not needed.
If afflicted with any actual disease, one
may be commended to the moat skillful
physicians, but if In need of a laxative,
then one should have the best, and with
tho well-informed everywhere. Syrup of
Figs stands highest and is most largely
usedand (rives most fwnornl satisfaction.
Mr. Ji. VL Cross, a special Associated
1'ress reporter, who Hves at 1916
Maple Avenne, Huntington, W. Vs.
has knowledge ot the remarkable
cure of Mrs. Martha Oilktson, the
wife of a carpenter of the east fnl
of the city, who, on the 22J of Sep
tember, 1805, related her experience
as follows: "For a pood ma ay years I
have been bothered an awful sight
with my stomach. I got so I
couldn't eat anything at all without
souring on my stomaoh. Lots ot
times while working I would spit op
great mouthfuls of stuff bitter as
gait I kept getting worse all the
time and took plies of doctor med
icine, but I might as woll took that
moon starch for all the good It dona
mo. It ran Into neunugia of the
stomach and worked Itselt all over
me. Dr. QoMeaar. the new doctor
up on Twentieth Street, told me
when I saw him It was my stom- .
ach that caused all the trouble
and give me aa order to the drag
store. I took U there, and the boy
give me a boa of Bipans Tabules. 1
began getting better, and have usml
a llltle over two boxes, and am now
sound and well. (Signed), Mabtha
Giijiisos, No. 1830 Fourth Avenue,
Hunlinglon, W. Va."
lUrans Tabulss ore sold by
sold by draaalsts, or by stofl
a box) Is sent ts The lunane
lie, 10 Sprues at. Mew VurK.
ise pries cu cents a I
Chaikal Cnmimny, Now
sample rial, ivoeauj.
?Q A DAYSMf-t-g
ij UrtlMt t will fhttw yem bow
nu-kc d a dur, aUsAorutrty torrt we iny
nUli tttu work and (oarh you frr jtm
work In tha IochIUj whetv j.m hrrn
eniu.v-.mr mldmhi nrvt we wtll rxptaln
the buiIm-B fully, arrvrntw-r w iruai
tuitote a cltar t-ront or (J for fwrrr . vy'a
WiTiTf stn.lnt-r imp-; writ ml smsm.
a ! Hwnr. aiiiiHsAm.
FOR PIPTY YEARS 1
MRS. WIMSLOWS
SOOTHING SYRUP
b bren wed by Ml! Irms of Mathers
fortbylr chll lrvn wblle Icetblns tot on
Fifty Yean. It aootbes the cbllil, noftens the
gums, allays all pain, earrs wind eoUa and
Is the boat reouttfy Cor aiamxsa.
231
SMksf
Tweatr-u-se Vests a BetssnV
rTfrrsinasfsjuaaas.
5o57?5?pSlstKslsV
WO ILL'O.bymaiL StowetlAOSs
BxssjssaasasviHwwswwa, s
At n.l'fN VANTKI to handle blah-crads t
rlw. Big .lta.-oui.Lj eirlnUve twAlo?Twh2l
FEN8IONW.gg
Lael'rtnrixaJuierPs'.
3sila laat war, ISaajiMhrallnaclauna, attj attMP.
DUPTIIRP AllwhowlsbtesTtriaof Bnntnrs
H w l V n a. and tonuentlne trnsw sbonld
S 1 .nd to S. t. SU KBM A Ji. Hernia SpscialWt, Jins,
1 ami S Ann Ht New York, fir his most interoatlna
book of 1 ull lufermatleii. rrlce by mall. 16 rut.
OPIUM
and WHISKY hahus cored. Hook sunt
- a uromti aVLssTA, Sa,
S3
095
ARM BBS Morpblate Habit CsrH 1st lO
BV SJ T BW BJ SB BJ sVFsTs Bl
. ntvphona.UlMaea, O.
test Gautth Uyrup. Tsxuis Uood. Use I I
In time. Sold dt nrusBMitn. Wr
st-ailVl-a. JS-S ss 1 le
iMrilT--"- - J
fcsi
w, m recent limes, originated a nw
IIS sVOfwU 1.. kaaa . I V. -
fJ Vrtnrimill huilnaaa I. V ? . J
a . V " a. hibusti irClfiDI
in All r-.f a St Ml. hn.aaa . . f Va
y --J. visj bjs. jo:r auaM.m
i.nusiui BIJ not skat. qI
tic.1 casar lataval s.Is.m 1
a v ti nraoinrstt
"cUrr w& lake.
a t. onux. i