B. F. SOHWEIEIl,
THE OON8TITUTION-THE UNION AND THE ENFORCEMENT OP THE LAWS.
VOL. XLVIII.
MIFFLINTOWN. JUNIATA COUNTY. PENNA.. WEDNESDAY. NOVEMBER 21. 1894.
NO. 49.
REV. DR. TALMAGE.
THE nnOOKI.YN DIVIXE'3 SUX
DAY SICU.MOX.
Si'iuect : "Victory Over Tain."
Tht "XMthr ''.sn tVre be anymore
i'D." Tt.-velstion 4.
Ti-e first qacMioa t'latyoi w'in n nnt
to 'hnnir your r.'sM- n?- to ssvrU
Vhat fc th health t'm r-'-;-? Is tt
f-biiken of terriblp Ji-nr Tr-? '.V -at rr- tl:
bill? of mortality? Vh-t is th- '',-' ii rti-;
How liiTh rises the t'mrrmomet-" ?" An nn
1 not r-nonabl in askiii, Va::t an t':i
sanitary conditions of the !n-av n!v e:tv in o
which we all hope to ttov? !v t-xt an
swers it by saying, 'Xeitln-r sh.iil thrrn bo
anv more pain."
Fiir, I ri-mnr!r, thorp will 1 e no p-.in o
disappointment in heaven. Iff evii-l fit
th jieture of what you aa;iripnl--! n' lie
when you bepan it besile tiic pi - a-" o'
what yon have realized, I would fin 1 a rr I
clifTerenee. Yon have sturnble.l upon irr -a-disappointments.
Perhaps yoa ex :". I
riches, and you Lave worked hur.l e-iou ;h
to (Jain them; you have p'nnteii and
worried and persiste 1 nntii your hnn Is wr-
worn, and your brain was r.ii-It-J. and ronr
heart fainted, and at the end of this lot.::
strife with mUfortnne yon fin J tlritifyo.i
have not been positively defpatel it hasl.een
a drawn battle. It is "still I a? and tu-sle,
this year Iosintr what yoa rainei las.
. financial uncertainties, pu liiij; down fa?tr
than yoa build. For perliap twenty or
thirty years you have ben running your
craft straight Into the teeth of the wind.
Perhaps you have had domestic disappoint
ment. Your children, upon whoseeduce
tion you lavished your har t enrned dollars,
have not turned out as expected. Xotwitb-rtnn-Jinirall
your counsels an 1 prayer and
painstakinif. they will not do rirrit. M my
a KOol fattier has had a bad boy. Abj!o-n
trod od David's heart. Xn.it mother uev.T
Imagined all this as twenty or tiiirly years
;ro she sat by that child's cradle.
Yonr life has been a chapt.ir of disip
f ointments. Hut conn witn m an 1 I wid
show you a ditrnreni s; n. Bv Go l's u-r.icn
entering the other ity. rou wid n rv -r ar.iin
have a blast! hop-. The mo-t ju llant of
expectations will not rea.-h tlier alV.alion.
Coming to the top of onr hill of joy, th re
will be other heights risin up in trie v.slou.
This soni of transport i I iut lift you to
higher anthems, the syeetest choml but a
prelude to more tre-uen lous hririaoav, all
things better than you bad antic. piteil tha
robe richer, the crowa bri -liter, tiio t mpid
grander, the t:iron.r mightier.
Further. I temnrlt, tb:Td will be no ptia
of wearim ss. It may he many hours sine
you quit wor!.tut many of you are unrested,
oma fro-n overwork, au l tone Iron dull
ness of trade, the l.iu-r more, exanistmg
than the tenner. Your anUie a-r'ie. yonr
spirits flair, you wint rt. Are th-rse. wheels
always to turn, these aim; ties to fly, thesa
axes to hew, the saov:1! to lielv, thi--?-
pens to fly, tin s- l.oois to be postcJ, tinae
j!Oo Is to be sold'
Ah. the preat ho'i.lay appro-ti'ie..
more curse oi takinakeM. No more p'm:
Inif until the b.tck a't:ie. Si iiur r ii .!! . -tion
until the brain is ttwil er i. X i mor.i
pain. Xo more carp n;ry, for taa uiau-iioni
are all Luiit. Xo nmr-) m-isonry, for the
walls are all r.-nr-'d. X more li-imoii 1 C
tinp. for the ?jn tire all s -t. Xo mure t-H
beatinir, for tna iro -vns are ail co :ote I,
y.o more agriculture, fur the harvests ox4
spontaneous.
Further, there will be no more pafn o!
poverty. It is a irtrltlin to be r.-a!!y
poor; tohav?yotr cott w : .r our an I no
money to ct another ; to li-u-i y tir d .'ir
barrel empty an ! notbin; t i.ur l-r i ! wti
for your chil Ir n"; to Iiv-in an u i!ie...t iy
pv vid no means to ci-ine your h imita
tion ; to have your cMM si.?:: wit'i so'iie
riysterious disease an i not be abi- to s.'curi
.min'-nt medicil a'-iiity; to have son or
t'auzhter beiu the world an I yoa not havx
anything to help triem In st:irtln , with a
mm I capiWe of research an i hiii eout-T"
plation to !e perpetually ix;J oa questions
f mere livelihood.
Poets try to throw a ro-mne a' out th-
poor man's cor. but ther! is do rom-in';
about it. Povi-rty is hru-', crue'. uurelen:
Insr. But Lazarus wa'if 1 n: w:t'io:it n's
ras and his itise.ips. aa 1 so all o C-:rit's
poor wake up at last wit l-oui any or their
disadvantages no a ms'io:isj, for they ur-i
all princes; no lems to pay, for the" resi
dence is crriluitous : m 'ar n-itts to l ay, :or
the robes are divinely i;:s:iir.-i!e.i ; no seat in
church lor poor fol., i--ui eiiity atnotr
temple worsh'ti-ir- ; no hovo.s. no h ir t
rui-at no insurdcieut apparel. "I'hey s ia'l
Lnn'-rno more, nit;ier n:ill t'i-9 sun ;t,'.it
en litem nor any h '.it.'' X n ore p i'l !
Further, therj will b' nopi .'i o. pr;inT.
All tliee aoeirit on' mti-ii s-j iti :im tr i
up. AVj clas-p ban is an I wi.k to.'-'t n-r,
and taik and lau :li an 1 w to-'.-t i.-r. but
we must alter awhile s p tr.t - Your itiv
will be in one place, ntin in mother. V;f
look each other lu l in t;'e fa for the last
litne. We w Ii besitllu-; ioet'i.-r o-ni even
intr, or walking to-retner trn i day, and
nothing will bo .unu-u tl in our app 'ar
anee. or otir COMV-Ts.ition, Iut Go I
knows tbat it is t le hist ti'i e, and
n essentrers frota eternity on tn-'r i-rrun I to
take nsaw.iy k:io.r it is t!ie la-t time, aa 1 in
heaven, where tcey make rea ly lor our !e
partinir spirits, they kuo.y it is- tlf last :i:ue.
Oh. the lonir airouy ot eart i.'y s p rat iou !
It is aw ul to stand in your tu.s ry llir it.n
death bai-ic from the couch of your chil I, and
try to ho'.i fast the liftleon and sto ali the
tune t ii (it he is g tta wer'k-r, nr. 1 tin:
Lrcath is s'lorter. a:"el make outcry to od
to help ns and to the.! dors to save him,
and S'e it is of do av.'ii1, and then to knosr
that Irs spirit is trope unl that you hrsvo
nothing le.'t but the casCt that nclJ the
j vi , nn 1 that in two or three iay3 you
P ust xtn rut that away an i walk around
a out the liom an I tind it desolate, soine
trn.s feeltnsr rejel ious, nu 1 tneu to
r solve to "reel ! Cf rentiy nn i to r -eoive
on se.f contro', and just a you
have come to what you tiilnlt is pjr.'ert s "lf
conrro! to !-n I ienlv coaie upon some little
o:ai or p cture rr s".o ) half worn oat an I
I ow all the floo s f tie "il bur.-t in oa i
w -i wail of a'ony ! Oi. my Col, how h ir I
i- is lo pt-.rt. to close fie eyes that u 'v r can
1- : merry at cur oomin-r. So kiss ttto hr.n i
t at will nev-T ag; in uo us a k:n in-s. I
kao'jr reli.-ion tiv. s prent runfo' it on In
men nn hour. :m ! wenu it to oe co:n orte I,
but anyhow and any t iy yoa maire it it is
I t u '.
On sleaml .at w'-.rtr: nn ! at nil cir win
flow w- n av smile wh-u we say farewell. i ut
tiieso coodi.ys at the d ut.ibe t thi y j-tst
t ike hol 1 of the het.r' win iron pinchers
nud tear it out by tile roots tint. I all tho
tihers quiver and curl in the lortur an I
drop tnieb Wool. fiiese sep nations are
win- presses, into wl ici our hearts, like red
e listers, are thrown, and then truu ds turns
t ie win lass round and mail until wj ar
ntlerlv crushed and havs E" more capacity
tosurl.r. an I wa slop cry.nj because wJ
hhve wi pt all our tents.
On ev ry st.est. on evry doorstep, by
every couch, there have been p irtin.-s, Hut
once past the he::venly porta s. and you are
tn rou --h with such seen-s forev.-r. In run
land there are many hand ciaspings and em
hracines, but only In reocrnitlon. That
preat home circle never brea ;s. Once tlnd
your comrades there, an 1 you hav.t fieti)
iorevi r. Xo crape floats from the dour of
that blissful residence. No cleft, hi.l.si :e
where the deal sleep. Ad awak-e, wile
awake, and forev.r. So puslnnir out o.
emigrant ship for foreign shore. No toll'n;
of bell as the funeral passes. Who.e g u ra
tions in Rlorr. Hand to hand, he rt to
heart, joy to joy. Xo creep ng up the ii.n s
of the death chill, the leet col I until hot
flannels cannot warm them. So rattle oi
Bepu;chral R iles. No parring, no p i n.
Further, the heavenly city Will havrni
pain of body. The ra is pierce I w in
hnrp distresses. The surgeon's knife must
cut. The dentist's pinchers must pull. Pain
ts fought with pain. The world ''"
I aai. S. oi. s ot dis-n-e', UK" 1'u,'nrfn2
! u,t n'inr for a enrc-.fs. s'rugglo as "
'ii-l:-uillb.-.veit. Our ni'ures bre int
p telv susceptible to suffsr r7. Tuo eyc.ir.B
loo'.'tht ban', with imrr.ei.S'3 capaoity OI
Tuh little e'lill m 3's tt thn miXrance or
1'V manifold d's--;s s. You h.-tr Oie hr.H
rrv of iu'ancv i; t I u "d srr'k.-s into the
vallengnn. Y-m s- itt leal in coosam
f g Icy rst'n' i k- mor- tt'nn tilfofthem
iu.o the ..ii ji. Oil age puifa, dlrzy and
w ak and s" ort br v.th-d an I dim slg''tet.
On evi-rv northeast w n 1 co ne .'own pleur-it-
and pn-u nonia. War lilts its sword
mi l ha -ks awav the lite of whole genera
t ons. The hnspltiis of the earth groin into
I ear oi iod tneir compiami.
cboleras ami shio fevers and typhoid and
Lonron plagues make the world's knees
T knock together.
Tain has gone throngh ev?ry street an 1 na
every ladder aud down evnry shaft. It is on
the wave, on the mast, on the beach.
Wounds front clip of elephant's tuslc an t
adder's sting and crocodile's tooth nnd
hors.'s hoof an t wheel's revolution. W
gather up the infirmities of our parents and
transmit to our children the inheritance
augmented by our own sicknesses, and they
a-M to them their own disorders, to ptsathe
Inheritanoe to other g nerations. In A. T).
S62 the plague in It a smote into the dun
5000 cltiz-ns daily. In 51, in Constanti
nople, 1000 grava digger worn not enough to
bury the dead. In 1813 ophthalmia g"ir.-!l
the whole Prussian ar.ny. At times the
rarth has sweltere I With su (Taring.
Conntnpthe pims of Austorlitz. wher
50.000 fell i of Foutenoy. wuora 100,03d fell j
ft Chalons, where 300.035 fell : of M ir'us'
Hght. In which 200,000 fell ; o. the tragedy
t Herat, w icra Genghis K aaa m.is5a.:re I
l.nno.O'JO m; a, an 1 of Nishar. wnere he si":?
1.747,'JOO people ;of the 18,00).009 thi3 mon
er sacrifloei in fourteen ys.trs as lie wnt
forth to do as h ileclarad. to extsr n:nat
the entire Chines nation au I m iiii tlia em
pire a pastura for tittle.
Think of the death throws of the 5.009.000
men sacrificed in one campaign of X'rx-s.
r.tin'; of tho liO.OtO th-tt perished in tho
i rre of Otcn 1. o' 310.0:0 dea 1 nt Acre, oT
I.TOi.Onf) dead in th siege of Jerusalem, of
l.S'.tj.OOO of the dead at Troy, an 1 t ien co-n-plcle
the rev.e'.r bv considering the stup 'n
dous esrimv.e of E Imund E ir'ie, fi it t 10
loss by war had been thirty-Uvs times tie
entire then pr sr-nt poon'atiou of the glob".
't tliroilL'll mill rar ! lacArl ions.
...e gunsnof traetur, fie siVr wiun Is,
the cashes o' th battle ir, theslain of bom'
shell an I explo le I mine nn 1 falling wall
and those destroy. d under the gun car
riage, and thi hoof of the cavalry hors",
the burning thlrs's. 'n cimp fev.'rs. the
frosts that shiv tropical suns that
jnote. Aid It u i -r it into ons line.
?ornpress it into ; .vor l, spell it in one
iyilabl". c! in't it :n one chain, pour tt
3Ut in one rotn. distill It into one tear.
Ay, the word has wrlthe.1 in 6900 yeirs
of suffering. YV.ty dotf t the possibility of a
luture worl. I of suffering when, wa sen tli
:ortiirs tnat havij been inflicte 1 in this? A
desertT irora Sevastopol, couln; over to
army of the al'jes, pointe.l bck to the fort
ress and said, X:iut place Is a perfect hell.
Our lexicographers, aware of the Immense
ne cessity of having plenty of words to ex
press the d'ff.-rent sha les of trouble, have
strewn over their pages such worJs as 'an
novance." "distress," "grief." "bitterness."
"lieartaohe." "miser i.winirav" "nanir.'
"lortnre," 'afllicf ton," "angu!s,'. "tribu
lation," "wretchedness." "woe." But I have
irlad soun t for ev.-ry hospital, for every
I ckroom. for ev.'ry iife'oag ii.vi!i l. for
every broVen heart. 'Then shill be no
morepvn." ThinkOod! Thank Go 1!
Xo malarias float in the air. No bruise!
fno: tr-ads that street. Xo W'ary arm. Xo
painful r- spir.ition.. Xo-hectio flush. Xo
aaecan drink of that healthy fountain and
k-'ip fa nt heartol or faint hea led. II
whose foot toii'-hs that pavement becomes
n athlete. The firs? kiss of that su nmer
it will take the wrinkles from the old man's
?heek. Amid the mu'tital of songsr-rs
t ot one diseased throat. The first flasi
Df the throne wiil scatter the dirkni'ss
of those who were torn blind. See, the
lame man leaps as a hart ant the ilutnh
? ng. From that bath of infinite delight wa
shall step forth, our weariness forrotten.
Who are those ra liant ones? Why, that ona
had his jaw shot off at Fre lerieksburg ; tnat
one lost his eyes in a powder blast ; that one
had his ha rk brok-n y a fall from the ship's
halyards ; that one died of gangrene in the
hospital. No more pam. Kure enough,
here is Itobrrt Hall, who never before
s aw a w rit dav, an I Edward Puy
pon. whose tody was ever torn of
distress, an I liieh.irl Jtixter, who passed
throri'ji nntold p nsical torture. AU well.
Xo more pain. . Here, too, are the Tiieban
legion, a great host o' 6666 put to the sword
for Cnrist's sake. Xo distortion on their
countenance. Xo ilrs to hurt them, or
floods to drown them, or r.ieki to tear them.
All well. H re are the Siorch Covenanters,"
none to hunt them now. The dark cave and
imprecations of Lord Claverhouse ex
changed for temple s-rvice, aud the pres
ence of Him who nelped Hugh Latimer out
Oi the fire. All weil. No more pain.
I set opn . the door of heaven until there
Mows on you this reir -sblng bre-z". Tlie
fountains of God have ma le it cool, and the
gardens hav ma le it sweet. I do not
kno v ti nt Solomon ever heard on a hot day,
th? ice ci'-k in an ice pitcher, but he wrote
as if be ill I wiren he said, "As cold Wiiters
to a thir-ty sjal, so is too 1 news irom a far
con nl ry."
Ciamiering among the flre-n Mountains I
was tired an 1 hot and thiis'y, and I shall
not lorget how re'r-shing it w.is when, after
awhile. I he.ird the mountain brook tumb
ling over the rocks. I had no cup.no chalice,
so I got down on my kne-'s and face to
driuk. Oh. ye clim'iers on the journey.wlth
tut feet and pare 'ed tougu rs an 1 fevered
temples, listen to the rumbling ot sapphire
brooks, ami I flowered b::n!;s, over go'den
shiviig. Listen! "The Lamb which is in
t'.e niti -i of the ih'one shall le-rd tilem unto
iiv eg fountains o. wiser." 1 do not oiler it
to you n a chalice. T take this you ninst
lieu I. G d iloin oa your kn rts and on your
fee?, and liriuk out or" tnis great fountain of
Gi l's couso atloa. "And, lo, I heard a
voice froaj heave j, t s tue voice of ninny
Wateis."
-
News in Brief.
Cloves grow wild in the .Molucca.
DuncR the lust 2,000 years Jiritnin
bus i fia invaded by fan s from over
I he eon uo less than 48 Union.
"ihe most . rnpully moving star
known in s ui'o d'u-s not move along
with one thousandth part of the speed
imparted t the liut which it radiiites,
and by wLi rh uloue we become aware
of its existence.
A house well built of Crst-cluss
brick wiil onllast one cocstrncted of
KriiniU'. t
As'ronoiH rs claim that ti:cre are
ver 17,5 iil.OOD comets iu the su?ur
system uionir.
Sis years ago tho pried for a
complete equipment f a trolley car
was SI M0; now it is betweou. 100 J and
jl-JOU " ' . .
A grafted tree at jUonticelln, Flu.,
annuiilly btnrs a mixed crop ot
peaclns, apples, inriirs, quinces and
crabs.
A Hos'on naturalist, with a tuning
folk, has discovered that crickets
ebirp iu uDitoii, and that their note is
Euuturul.
Hubert Jsrowain;? wrote "lhe
Kit),' ami thu Book' at fifty seven.
Professor Hall says the actual mo
mentum of some of the tiniest mete
ors is equivalent to that of a cannon
ball.
IVatiutoil is a vid uWe ingredient o
oa p.
The Nulionul Toothpick Association
cleinnau output.of iifiy-two carloads
of t roth p.trks annually.
. Fruit wrapped in heavy brown
paper i.l stand liftsea degrees more
c..lJ than if not wrapp ii.
Many Chinese books are made of
w. oi1, each r2e biinrcut from a
block ufUr the manner of an engrav-
E(La g-owing pumpUin or melon vine
i.l reach pail of wuter lelt'ueir it
in a few dnja.
v "deer was shot throngh the heart
lia the voods of northern Maine
. rtcen ly and traveled for threeqnaWerj
I of a mile after the shot was Artd
' before Le fell dead
. A pcientilic Frenohmin has dts
cov. red that potatoes planted near an
electric wire grow to be TeiT Targe,
and tomatoes in contact with the strne
object ripen eight days earlier than
usual.
SHE AND 1.
W.t fi..t I love my love so we'.'.?
Vhy is she all in all to me?
I try to tell, I cannot tell,
It still remains a mystery ;
ind why to her I am so dear
I cannot tell, although I try.
7alss I And both answers here ;
She is herself, and I am L
Her face Is very dear to me,
Her eyes beam tenderly on mine,
But can I say I never see
Face fairer, eyes that brighter shins?
This thing I cannot surely siy,
IX I speak truth and do not Uo ;
- Yet here I am in lovo to-day,
Tor she's herself, and I am L
Zt cannot be that I fulfill
Completely all her girlish dreams,
For far beyond me still
Her eld Ideal surely gleams'
BJid ye I know her lovo is mint?,
A flowin.-r spring that cannot dry.
Vhat explanation? This, in One,
Ehe is herself, nnd I am T.
jlid all t':e cords by which fond hc:.r.j
Are drawn together into one.
This is a cord which never purts,
But strengthens as the years roll on
.nd though, as s 'asons hurry past,
G r a re, beauty, wit aud genius dlo,
Tiii ti r isti hour tills charm will Ir.-,
hi 3 U i-rs-.df, aal I a.n L
Eh? is hers -If, an 1 1 a:n I.
Now, hm "forth, evermore tie s:ii?,
Tiil tie f.ar'.: rng"l drweth nigh
Aa I caileti !i r aa 1 mi by nim?.
ret, r.rt-r di'alii h::s doa3 its worsj.
X'tii rls'n soul will straightway
Xo m-ct th r oifi" r. As at f.rst,
"pisi! "t; itrsrir. I s'sail be I.
. ' I'.eiolrOtii Sunday Hc-rnl J.
A AVOMAN'S T1UAL
rr T.VFV3 iiiT-r.
APTAIN r.EKT
r-m's wife, Lily, was
delicate
yor.ug woman, with
rrluo eyes, brown
htrir and a Eoft, low
voie?.
' "In fact, she loois
r.s if a breath ot wind
...-1.11.1.. i
:"P board," . 2id the
-'iij.'.; . y raptiiin, cue morn-
' ' ing to his mat?, as
tlicy ttiiol on t!i3 iiurtir-deek of his
ship, the Flying rrow, which was
Rtiimliug r.loTig pitst tha coast of lower
Cuinen, frien, cn htr way to the Cape
of Good Hope.
"Aye," tsiJiji r.-.r.tc, gluneing to
irprd the frctty v.-i.V, who st:t not fr.r
cjF, talking to jior nr.:, a T; tile boy ol
six years. "But in suite of what von
-.. .. . ... v iiui'i.i iJiu.. i: a. j i i -
say, I have no ilciiot she has courage. !
xler aceoini-isnying you on a sea voyagi
Xroves th::t. "
"Courage ! She Ins none at alL 1
have known her to be frightened by a
mouse ! you yourself w itnessed her
terror in tho etorm wa had a few davs
ago."
"I think I have heard you say bho is
a good bhet with the rifle."
"Yes ; ell habit. Her father was s
great sportsman, and he taught her cot
to bo afraid of a gnn. But she would
tremblo at the thought of shooting a
bird that I know, She could never
be persun.le.t to fire at anything but a
woo-.it-n t..rgot. "
"iueasc or'au erh'rgf ncy, however "
"-"'ciiKviise, mnu !" laughed the cap
iari. "She would be as wonieu always
f.ro in tiu'.e of peril too flurried too
txeited to do anything, how much so
ever she might have the wish to be
otherwine. IJut I like her none the
less for this feminine failing," added (
.Bertram, who, being a strong, power
ful, decided man, seemed an excellent
match for his frail looking, gentle part
ner. "But persons like her sometimes
fhow more real courage than larger
uu 1 more masculine women."
"All bosh I People say that, but they
seldom really think so."
On the day after this conversation, a
gale from tho west drove the ship to
ward the coast, compelling the captain
to anchor within a hundred yards of
the land, in a small sheltered bay, to
save his craft from going ashore.
By the next morning the gale had
subsided, but the breeze soon fell away
to a dead calm, preventing the skipper
from sailing.
He had lowered his gig to enable
some of his men to repair certain dam
age w hich the cabin window had sus
tained during the tempest.
At night, the men not having yet
finished their work, the boat -was left
astern, with the warp attached to a pin
aboard. Little Thomas, .the captain's
six-year-old son, was in the eabm just
after the men left the boat. -
The night was very dark, and none
of tha ocoupants of the eraft observed
the movements of the youngster, who,
when the cabin was deserted. ' opened'
the window, seized the warp" of the.!
boat, and, drawing the latter close to
the vessel, got into it
An hour later, Mrs. Bertram, missing
her little boy, went on deck to look
for him.'
But she could not find him.
The captain and his men joined in
the search, but.it was Boon evident j
that he was not aboard.
At lengin it was discovered mat tne
boat which had been, left astern was
gone. The pin to which the warp had
been fastened was found broken, show
ing that the boat had got adrift.
"I see," said the captain. . ."Thomas
.must have got into the boat, and be
gan pulling on the rope, in this way
parting the pin. "
' j.y boy ! My boy I" cried 'Mrs.
Bertram,' in anguish. "Where is he?
Where can he be?"
The captain tried to laugh away Jier
fears. ;
"The boat has drifted ashore," said
lie. "The current .sets that way.
Oon't worry, Lily ; we will soon havs
him back." .... .
He lowered a boat, and was soon
&King lor tne enorb, wiin a twa
rew, one of the men standing in the
low, holding tip a large lantern, which
hrew a broad gleam across the water.
The sailors were soon ashore, but
vw nothing of the boat.
' I'hey 6houted tho little boy's namei
srain and again, but there came no re
ionse. ' ' . .
Far along the shorethey polled, but
iey discovered no sign either of the
oy or the gig. ' -
For hours they vainly continued the)
'arch.-' . .i .
"What surprises me," said an' old j
aflor. J.'im that we" did not h.er tha Kin 1
tie fellow sing out when he found him
self going adrift. Can it be, air, he
fell over and was drowned right under
the ship's stern?"
Bertram 1 bowed his head on Ihis
hands and groaned.
"I have had that same thought," ha
said.
Tt was . past midnight when the
searchers returned aboard. The poor
mother, as pale as death, seeded al
most ready to swoon, when she learned
that no trace of the little one had been
found.
"We will look again in the morn
ing," said the captain. "Don't
despond, Lily."
All that night he endeavored to
soothe his wife ; but her anguish was
almost beyond endurance, such as no
pen could describe.
At daybreak the captain had his boat
down again.
Besides the crew, it now contained
Mrs. Bertram, who had insisted in ac
companying the party.
After a long search, the boat was
discovered among some rocks, where
the breakers had almost dashed it to
pieces.
Had little Thomas been drowned, or
had he contrived to get out of the boat
and reach the sandy beach a few feet
distant?
A cry of joy escaped the vigilant
mother.
She pointed to tho sand, where the
impressions of little shoes, not yet
washed away, were visible.
I Leaving two men in charge of the
boat, the captain, followed by his wife,
and the rest of the crew, and armed
with a loaded rirle which he had
brought with him from the ship, made
his way inland. There was a thicket a
short distance beyond the beach, and
this the party entered.
The ground was marshy in some.
places, and the tracks of tho lost boy
were occasionally seen.
Following these traces carefully, tha
party at length beheld, ahead of them,
a small opening, and there, not a nun'
dred vards off, apparently asleep, on
the bank of a shallow fctreuni, they bo-
held frttlo I homas !
He lay upon his side, his cheek rest
ing upon one . arm, his long curh
streaming on the ground.
The rosy, healthy color upon his
face at once convinced his mother that
he was unharmed as well.
At first tlfi happy woman could nol
utter a word for joy.
Then, with a cry of gladness, with
outstretched arms, she run toward the
Bluniberer.
But she had not taken ten steps w hen
her chewks blanched, and an exclama
tion of dismay escaped the whole partv.
An enormous crocodile had slowly
lifted its hideous proportion from
amongst the long reeds fringing the
lower pnrt of the bank, and was now
crawling toward the sleeper.
The animal, half covered with mud
and green slime, presented an appear
ancc at once uncouth and horrible.
It was full twenty feet in length, its
body covered with rongh, irregular
scales, its legs spotted, its claws sharp
and crooked.
The jaw wide open, revealed rows of
sharp teeth which were not close
together, but a little apart. Each of
its eyes, of an oval shane, and of a fierr;
blood red hue, looked as if separated
by a dark line, which gr.ve to it an
aspect of indescriblc ferocity and vora
ciousness. The terrible jaw was already within
a lew feet of tne cbuil s head.
Before the most active of the sailors
could reach it, the' teeth would close
over that bright face ; those golden
curls would disappear in that ugly
mouth forever.
The captain stopped and quickly
raised his rifle.
"Fire, fire, for God's sake !" screamed
his wife.
But Bertram's hand shook. Even
had it been steady, he would not have
dared to tire, lest his bullet should
strike his boy instead of the croco
dile. He was a good shot, but so near was
the fierce animal to the sleeper that
the chances were ten to one that he
would hit the child.
Lily understood the cause of her
husband's hesitation.
Meanwhile the frightful teeth of the
crocodile were now within a few feet
of the boy ; the bloodshot eyes snapped
wrtn greed and lerocity. '
In a few seconds more the little ona
must become the monster's victim.
And now over the mother's face
there came an expression of iron firm
ness. '
From the quaking hands of her ex
cited ; husband,- who. still fearful oi
hitting the child, could not bring him
self to fire, she snatched the rifle.
raised it and took aim at the crocodile's
eye. ' ' ...
Like a statue she stood for an in
stant ; then the sharp report of the rifle
smote upon the air,, the teeth of the
crocodile closed with a click, its head
dropped - to the . earth, it emote the
bank a few moments with its hard tail
and then fell on its side dead I
The mother's aim had been true; the
bullet had struck the target, had pene
trated the monster's eye and lodged in
Its brain.
Such a, cheer as then went up to tha
tky was never heard before.
But Mrs. Bertram thought of acth-'
ing just then but her child.
The report of the ride bad waked
dim, and. he was soon in his mother's
irms. .
His story was. to this effects After
ke got into the boat, he had commenced
m pull on the warp-rope, which, and
lenly parting, he fell backward, strik
ing his head against a thwart.
He was BtunneH, and for some time
ifter he was so confused that he hardly
realized what had taken place, but lay
rith dizzy brain, perfectly stilL
When at last he . realized his situa
tion, he was tod far off to make' bis
feeble voice heard. When the boat
itruck the rocks, ' he got out on the
land.
After vainly shouting, he thought he
would try to get nearer the ship. He
left tho beach, wandered about for
iwhile ; then he became very drowsy
near the close, marshy thicket, and so
lay down and fell asleep.
"Aye, aye, my boy," said the cap
tain, and you may thank your mother
For saving your life. Lily," he con
tinued, turning to her, after they ar
rived aboard ship. "God bless you!
Jlou have proved yourself a noble
creature. The other Jay I thought and
espreesd the thought, that one.so frail
and usually so timid as you co'iia naves
Km limn n-bf fr chow cnnriura Now 1
perceive and acknowledge my mistake,
or you have shown me tnat tne soiesi
and most gentle woman may, in certain
situations, exhibit more firmness and
resolution than a strong man." Xe
York Ledger. -
Light and Darkness.
' A New York electrical journal som
time ago told of an incident that oc
curred in the fitting up of a new ofScc
building near the Xew York end of tht
Brooklyn Bridge. Tho engineer ol
tho building wished to wire tho ofticei
throughout for the electric light in
addition to the gas pipes on which th
conservative proprietor insisted. Bui
all his artniments were in vain, nrt-l tht
j apparently useless extravacaacu ol
' electric wiring was obstinately vetoed.
Suddenly, however, a happy thought
struck the venerable owner. "Why,
he said, "if the wiros cr.rry electricity,
can't you make then curry gf s, too?'
A counterpart of this st-jvy ii now tolc
of a shipyard carpenter, a native o:
Troon, on the coast of Ayrshire, Scot
land. When tho contract for lighlin;
the first -three steamers fitted with
electric light at tho Troon shipyard
was completed this man formed one ol
a social party gathered to treat th
electricians who had made the installa
tion and otherwise celebrate the event.
Iti a burst of candor and coriva lo
Bhip, he was overhear J saving to om
of the wiremen: "Man, l'ct?r, ertd
workin' wi yon on they bostj I be
lieve I could .put in the electric lielit
luysel', but there's only ae thing thai
bates me." "Ay, what is that?" eaic
his interested companion, willing tc
hrlp him if it lay in his power. "It'i
this, man ; I dinna ken hoo yon get
tho ile alang the wires!" St. Lonii
Globe-Democrat.
Why Lost People Walk In Circle!.
It is a matter of commonnowledg
that when a man is walking blindfold
or is lost in a fog or in some unknown
forest or desert instead of walking
straight ho has always a tendency tc
work round in a circle. The most
commonly accepted explanation of this
curious fact is the slight inequality in
the length of a man's legs. The result
of one limb being longer than the
other will naturally be that a person
will unconsciously take a longer stef
with the longest limb, and . conse
quently will trend to the right or tc
the left, according as the left or right
is the longer, unless the tendency tc
deviation is corrected by the eye. The
explanation is supported by tho facl
that in the enormous majority of casei
tho human legs are proved to be ol
unequal length. The careful measure
ments of a series of skeletons showed
that no less than ninety per cent, had
the lower limbs unequal in length;
thirty-five per cent, had the right Limb
lunger than the left, while in fifty-five
per cent, tho left leg was tho longer.
The left, leg being, therefore, more
often the longest, it is t "be expected
that tho inclination should take place
more freqtvntly to the right than to
the left, and this conclusion is quite
borne out by observations made on
number of persons when walking
blindloldeu. science oil tings.
Three Tall Brothers.
"The life of a Maine woodsman and
hunter is very healthy," said Char lea
E. Hay den of Auburn, "and it is not
an unusual thing that men who follow
the life from boyhood develop into the
veritable giant of old. While I was at
Castle Hill, Aroostook, I made the ac
quaintance of three brothers, who were
said to be the tallest men in the county.
Their names were Allie, Elihu and Eli
dad Frank. These three brothers, laid
along in a line on the floor, would
measure twenty -one feet to an inch in
their stocking feet, and without their
caps on. Two of them were more than
seven feet tall, and the other one was a
little less. Old Mr. Frank, their father,
was taller than any of them. Their
occupation is that of woodsmen, far
mers, hunters and horse swappers."
Lewuton (Me. 1 Journal.
Boijr Cheeks and Bald Hnart.
It was a noticeable fact that
large percentage of the Union Leagu:
members who waited ' In the club
asseiubly-room for 'election returns
on Tuesday night were rosy-chceked
and bald-headed, says the Philadel
phia Press. A well-known doctor,'
who was in the room and who is :is
bald as a billiard ball himself, took
occasion to explain the singular
matter by remarking:
"The scalp and the stomach are st,
closely connected that the condition
of one easily exerts a strong influence
on the other. Jlalr falls out because
the scalp is feverish. A man who
loves to eat and drink the best he
can get is very apt to have a feverish
stomach.. If ho keeps this un the
fever is permanently lmnartedto the
scalp and the hair . falls out, JShow
nie a rosy-cheoked man with a bald
head, and I'll show you a-person who
loves to live well, and who has an
inexhaustible! fund of good nature.
They like fun and excitement, and
for that reason can often be fount!
in the front rows of our theaters."
apiipniaii. -,.
The reason why so few marriages
ire happy is because -young ladies
spend their time in making nets, not
in making cages. Swift.
A man's real possession is his mem
ory. In nothing else Is he rich, in
nothing else Is he poor. Alexander
Smith. ......
Employment and hardships prevent
melancholy. Johnson. '. :
The manly part is to do with might
ind main what you can do. EmersoiK
herever luxury ceases to be inno
cent, it also ceases, to be beneficial.
Hume. - -."
Nature has given to men one tongue.
but- two ears, that we may hear .from
others twice as much as we speak
Eptctetus. ', . . .
God asks no man whether he will
iccept life. That is not. the choice.
You must take it. The only choice
Is how. Henry Ward Beecher.-
Laziness travels so slowly that
poverty soon overtakes him. Benja
min Franklin. :-"v . .. . . ."
The laughter of man: is the
tentment of God. Johe Weiss.
con.
It has been computed that the death
rata of, th". "globe is . sixty-eight per
mlnut. ' - -
CHINESE LEGEND ABOUT MUSIC.
Bow tha
Divine Art Was lieduced to a
System.
"The legend tells us that Lyng
Lun wandeied, deep in thought, to
the land of Lljoimlg, where the bam
boos grow. He took one, cut a piece
of it between two of the knots, and
having pushed out the pith, blew
into the hollow, whereby he produ ed
a beautiful tone, like the sound of
-bis own voice. At this moment, the
river Hoangho, which ran boiling
'along a few paces off, roared with its
jwaves, and the noise it made was
'also Id unison with the sound of
iLyng-Lun's beautiful voice, and the
sound of the bamboo.
'Behold them,' cried Lyng-Lun,
'the fundamental sound of nature:
And as he was musing on this won
derful coincidence, the magic bird
Foung-hoang and bis mate came fly
ing along. They perched tn a trte,
and began to slug. Imagine the de
light of our musician when he found
that their song was also in unison
with the sounds of the river, the
bamboo, aud his own voice. Then all
the winds were hushed, and all the
(birds of the air were silent, as they
listened to the song of the magic bird
and bis mate.
"As they sang, Lyng-Lun, who had
found bis opportunity and like a wise
man meant to use it, keyt cutting
bamboos, and tuning them to the
n-ites of the birds, six to the notes of
.the male and six tt the notes of the
'female. When they bad finished
s;ngitg, Lyng-Lun had twelve bam
boos cut and tunei', which be bound
together End took to the King, and
thev gave forth the twelve notes of
our modern chromatic scale.
"Theodd notes F, .(J, A, B, C,
sharp, D sharp were the male notes,
and the even notes F sharp. G sharp,
A sharp, c, 1 E, were the female,
and with that partiality for the mas
culine sex which Is not peculiar to
the Chinese, they pronounced the six
odd oi male toucs perfect, and called
them 'Yang,' and the six even or fe
male notes they pronounced imper
fect, and called them 'Yu"
The writer thinks that, with an
origin so poetic, we niiun; certainly
have expected music to develop into
something which would Justify its
being called in China, as with us,
"the JJivine Art," but, accord, ng to
her'account, a Chinese orchestra is
the uiost atrocious, ear splitting per
lormatice one could possibly listen
la Still, a she remarks, there are
two sides to every ouest'on, and the
Chinese and Japanese trained mu
sioiaus list n to the efforts of west
ern aitisls with a toleraDce born of a
sense of lol'tyuperiorlty. Thegourd,
ir chmg, is said by the writer to be
the must pleasing of Chinese instru
ments, and she tells us, apparently
without the slightest attempt at
humor, that ' it seems to be some
thing akin to the . Scotch taup pei"
Another instrument, the ou. is a very
poetic con ei-tion. It is descnUed as
in the form of a crouching tiger,
with twenty-seven teeth on its back,
lika the teeth of a saw, and is scrap
ing these with stick. Music.
I.iTe of a Trained' Nurse.
The number of books, with their
civr. unpronounceable names . which
nurses is training hare to study
Iriw'hten away all rattle-brame 1 ap
plicants, leaving only the studious,
determined, a d reliable, says Dona
hoe's Magazine. Heroines they are,
every one of ttieiu who finishes the
bourse, as anyone must see who has
lived among them and watched them
through each - busy day, dressing
wounds, bandaging and making
bandages and rollers and linings ot
splints, cooking and serving delicacies
dressing ihi newly born and prepar
ing the dead for burial, anl making
:he rounds with physicians and pur
ee ns, from whom they receive their
practical train ng. In addition to
tht se few duties mentioned oat of
the thousand and one that will sug
gest themselves they roust attend lec
tuies, - recitations, and demonslra
tions.and prepare for their own exam- to whom tbey have not been intro
inations, which in some schools ot cur j duced usually heads such a list, say3
each mouths. Even from this brief i the Philadelphia Press.
showinz it will be seen the life oi a
trained nurse is a ceaselessly busy one,
jielpful and truly, noble, but in no
way & sinecure. iSo one but the fairly
educated and cultivated -t-lioiiid enter
the profession, since nur.-es should
have these qualifications quite ' Us
fjuch as the me. hanlcal sk 11 in order
o render them agraeable to the class
bf people who commonly employ
nurses. And none - but the patient
ind self-sacrificing ncedenterthe pro-,
fession expecting to rise to the rank:
of a Kloren, e 'Nightingale; at least,
that is the conclusion of one who has
lived with them, studied their life,
una profited by their training.
. "At Home."
A story used by the current among
the , students in Aberdeen 'which
ihowcd that, tip to a comparativejy
recent date, ancient- prejudice-. were f
retained by the old-fa-hiohed Scotch
profesjT. It related to the late
1 rincipal FiHe, who had a weakness
tor the refinements Qf life; " '. '"' '
. Just after, ,:at home" cards became
fashionable, one of the direst specl-
jiens of the old ' profess onal rigime
was surprised to 'receive a missive
which read as follows: '
"Principal and Mrs,' Plrie present
their compliments to : Professor T. ,"
and-hope he is -well.- Principal and
Mrs. Pirie will be 'at home' on Thurs
day evening at 8 o'clock." -.
This was something which evi
dently-required an answer,' but the:
recipient of it was quite equal to the
occasion. He wrote:
"Professor T. returns the compli
ments of Principal and Mrs. Pirie,
and informs - them that he is .very.
well IiTofessor T. is glad to hear
tbftt Principal and Mrs. Pirie will Le
at home uo Thursday evening at 8
o'clock; Professor T. will also be at
home."
Many men . are like a bird on a
branch always wavering.
Cincinnati was originally . called
Losantiville..
The total hog slaughter last year
was 18,990,530.
Russia produces 111,649 barrels of
petroleum daily. -
Colorado has 3,000,000 acres under
artificial irrigation.
Admiral Newport gave & name to
th: Rhode Island city.
An autograph of Napoleon sold- ia
London recently.! or $G0.
LAND OK DROUTHIE CRONIES.
Convlval Caledonia's Curious Inn, and
Hotels and Some Farts About Them.
Bohert Kempt has gathered To
gether many interesting historical
items and quaint anecdotes about the
inns and hotels of Scotland, says the
Caterer. It must be confessed tha
historical side begins very late, for in
olden days inns were practically un
known over the border, travelers be
ing received in private houses as
guests. .Consequently there is no
record of such ancient London hos
telries as th? Tabard, in South wark;
the Mermaid, in Bread Street, or the
Llue Boar, in rastcheap. When De
foe went to Scotland he had di.ricully
In finding an inn at Aberdeen, and
thus in spite or a royal edict issued
by James I. in 1424, to the e "eot
that in all borough towns where
there was considerable trailic, hostel
rics should be established, but these
institutions did not flourish till very
mu h later. Mr. Kempt gives some
amusing information as to the pains
and penaltiesenactcd in the fifteenth
and seventeenth centuries regarding
the hours of closing, drunkenness,
etc. The inns of Aberdeen are ac
corded a whole chapter, for there U
much 'o say about those of the last
century. Thi?y practically formed
open clubs for the wits and learned
men or the hospitable city. over
very modest repasts and potations,
grand symposia were held; the Phil
osophers lived low, but thought and
spoke high.
. Dr. Johnson seems to have appre
ciated the Aberdeen inns; he lound
them almost as congenial as his
haunts in Fleet Street, and certainly
far better than the Scottish houses
of entertainment. Among other in
teresting items of information Mr.
Kempt joints out that whisky is a
comparatively modern beverage, and
that in olden days claret was almost
as much drank as ale. The He'ent
Albany is supposed to have ru.,da
ciaret pipuiar. in lso red Uasj! ny
wine sold in Aberdeen at sixpence a
pint, and later, on claret and .o t
wine could be had at eighteenpence
a bottle. Indeed, claret and port in
those early days could be procured
cheaper in Scotland than in most
parts of England. In the cities and
country side are many inns with his
torical interests attached to them.
Ir. the lever, auld Arms Hotel, Brae
mar, is the stone on which the
standard of Mar was raised in 1745,
the beginning of l'rince Charle's
wild escape. Other inns are associa
ted with names venerated in S ot
tisb history and literature. There
are many inns in the Highlands
closely connected with Burns, the Et.
trick Shepherd, Mr Walter Scott, and
other' kindred giants of oid. Scott
mentions that it used to be the
lishion to eat oysters in the Covenant
Close, Fdingburgh, and Mr. Kempt
lias gatnerea together many .details
as to this once lasbionable form of
indulgence. . I uring the eighteenth
centuty it seems that the test soci
ety jn the Scottish capital, ladies
and gentlemen, used to make parties
at one of the taverns in '-Atild
lteckie," there to partake of oysters
and porter, ending up with brandy
and rum punch, with songs and danc
ing. Some of these old Aberdcniun
and Edinburgh inns were theaucicnt
houses of noble families great ramb
ling buildings, with many rooms,
some of remarkably fine proportions.
Even a few of the country inns were
former mansions of the lairds of the
soil. - ' ' '
Baby Liked It.
it Is not to be expected that eery
niotner who sings her baby to sleep is
the ow ncr or a voice lull of melodv
and harmony. If good singers were
common they wou d not be appre
ciated. . .
Of course, it is hard on the babies,
but then there are so many th ngs
that they have to endure without
murmur, that this a l iction is only
one or few. Heine klseri bv tannin
But a mother's voice always sounds
sweet to the baby, and has the de
sired effect of throwing him Into a
trance.. (Jther reonln In tho hnn jo
J may not be entertained to the same
..degree. Some of them have been
'.known to say so.
- young mother who has an inter
esting intant hadsui h an experience.
Her voi;'e, sne knew, was not in Pat-
ti's class but it answered the pu--rose
nicely. The tther e.ening,
without informing the maid of the
kitchen that she would be sway from
home for an hour, she left the baby
in care -of her sister, who has-a
Ch rniiug voice. On her xetum.she
mentioned the aotof. her ah,pnw in
the maid and was surprised at the ro
piy:
'x'ea, ma'am, I knew it. ' I could
tell the difference in the singing to
the baby. You must excuse me, but
I can't help saying, Mrs. .!-
that
you have-no voice for. singing."
No Objections Offereil.
A young man of Petroit, who
writes poetry now and ' thee, srent
several weeks of the past summer in
one of the Interior towns, where ho
loafed around a newspajer office. au-J
did up a number ot local events in
poetic measure. ( ne day a promfhent
citizen died and a friend of his, who
knew the young man and h's poetry,
called on the ed.tor to see aliout a
.funeral notice.
"We have it In. good shape," said
the editor.
"All the facts?" inquired the
friend.
'Yes, aud a poem by our visiting
poet from Iietroit."
The friend began rubbing his chin
in grave doubt
"All right, all riht,'rheex:biiincd;
brightening; "I suppose it will . be
safe enough for the young, fellow, the
man will be buried before the poem
appears."
tiaaoumraij umet
Conductor (to passenger) Do you
iee that young man In tire' forward
snd of the ear who is occupying four
leats? ... ... ...;.
Passenger Tea.
Conductor I think he is crazy
something wrong with him. He is a
Chicago drummer and .when I asked
aim how trade was, he said dull
rexas Sifting.
BUDGET OF FUK
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES. .
riie Way of the World Proven
Definite Information A No
madic Race Last Chance
- Prudential, Etc., Etc.
The whole world loves the modest man,
Whether he be great or small,
But yields up its plunks iu great big chunk
To the man with a surplus of gall.
The wbo'.e world loves the quiet man,
Who's as silent all day as the owls,
Cut it's neeHess to mention that it givts ttJ
attention
To the fellow who gets up and howls.
The whole world loves the psi-Wiil man,
"Who see no osnasion to bic'i"r ;
Pat the fall right of w-iy, you'll parmit mc
to say,
It gives to the strenuous kieker.
. Indianapolis Journal
PROVE.
Hardhead "Theorists are fools."
Thinkhard "Indeed! That's youi
thaory, eh?" Puck.
DEFINITE INFORMATION.
Miss Giddy "I was born in sixty
nine." Jones "This century?'' Judge.
A NOMADIC RACE.
First Floor "How many servant.!
do yon keep?"
lii.ijh Flat "None ; but we have no
enl of 'em as casual visitors." Puek.
T.AST CHAVCP.
Mother "I think your husband i
a poor excuse."
Daughter "Well, a poor eseusa i
better than none, isn't it?" Detroit
Free Press.
CONSTTTCTIOXAIi.
"I took a long walk yesterday,'
said Boreman, as he took a scat by
ltusrman's desk.
"Take another, old man," suggested
Bnsvman; "it '11 do us both good."
Puck
ax Effective fire escape.
"What are you so busy about?"' said
one employe to another.
"I'm at work on a fire escape."
"Going to patent it?"
"So. It's my resignation." Wash
ington Star.
OOOD REASON.
"But, Emma, how can you prefei
the plain and shabbily-dressed Juliu;
to my elegant and handsome brother ?"
; "That is quite simple ; your brothei
is in love with himself and Julius witb
me." Tit-Bits.
SUSPICIOUS.
Mr. Suddenly Good "I dropped a
ten-dollar bill in the contribution boi
in church last Sunday. " r
His Friend Cynic "Did yon, in
deed? What was the matter with it?"
New York Times.
THE ATTRACTION.
Annie "Do you know, Mabel, 1
had two offers of marriage last week."
Mabel "My darling Annie I I am
so delighted ? Then it is really tru
that your uncle left you all his money?"
Bu3alo Express.
pncMamAL.
Miggs "Why does that boy alwayi
ride his bicycle in front of the doc
tor's office?"
Biggs "He's a beginner, and wanti
medical attendance handy in case ol
an accident." Kate Field's Washing
ton. FISITSD FOB A COMPLIMENT AU COT TT.
Alice (looking at her portrait
"Don't you think that Van Brush hat
managed to make rather a pretty
pictnre of me ?"
Edith "Yes, he really has what I
remarkably clever artist he is I"
Judge.
A DVUt BIBS UXXXXO.
David Slowpay "I shall bring yon
back those dark trousers to be re
seated, Mr. Snip."
Mr. Snip (tailor) "All right, anJ it
you'll bring the bill I sent you sii
months ago I shall be pleased to re
ceipt that also. " Wonder.
ENTERPRISE.
Wool "After starving for twenty
'years, old Potts conceived an idea
which tesulted ia making his for
tune." Van Pelt "What was it ?" ' :,
Wool "Changed the sign over hi
shop from 'Junk'.. to 'Antiqiui.' ' ,
Truth. .
A TERRIBLE THREAT.
Hired Girl "Now, you go
right this minute."
Tramp "Please, mum "
away
Hired Girl "Go away, I tell you.
Clear out, now, or I'll I'll give you a
piece of mince pio that the youn
missus made herself." New York
Weekly.
TIME WORKS WONDERS.
Dickey (aged eighteen) "Wiil you
marry me, Pen?"
Penelope (aged twenty) "Marry a
man who is younger than I am? Dear
me, no 1 Wait until you are twenty
five.'Dickey. . Then you'll be two years
older than I am, and it will be per
fectly proper." Puck.
A QUEER CUSTOM
Little Boy "I gueBs
thought I was always goin'
baby."- '
everyn.i.iy
to bliiy a
Little Oirl" Why?" '
Little Boy " 'Cause every time any
visitors come, they . always holds up
their hands and says, 'why, hoT he's
giow-n,' " Good News.
Slang From an EioeUent Source.
An English paper recently alluded
to the expression "dark horse" as a
piece of American slang. It woula
probably surprise the editor to know
that Thackeray in "The Adventures
of Phillip," and Beaconsfleld in "Tha
oung Duke" both used the expres
sion, and : in each case in precisely
the sense in which It is now employed
to denote a candidate who early in
the race does not appear at aJL Phil
adelphia Call, . , .. :
IT?
Va. i. 1".,'