Jptrti id MSBk iii
B. P. BQHWEIER,
THE CONSTITUTION THE UNION AND THE ENFORCEMENT OF THE LAWS.
Editor
VOL. XL VII I
i
MIFFLINTOWJS, JUNIATA COUNTY. PENNA.. WEDNESDAY. JUNE (. 1S4.
NO. 25.
THE KISS OF CHILDREN
Ko thought or seme tf.tlfll
The kits of llitl children trtncs.
No a.ter-taste ol liitter things,
Ho tearful prayer lor )eace denied.
fco Rbfi'low of reDiome wings.
No wuse of fallt'D worth an4 prido,
S o fovorlhh searcb of Let In tide.
But from their Upa couieuimeut Bpnugs.
The kim of little rhildr-n wafes
The hoio of endless bettor tbrng.
It stirs our heart-, till niitiiKiry singt
Of our lost Innocence and t nkos
Va by the hand -that cLildiike clitics
'lo bors, along her path, AnUui&kes
Is nubler for the truth, that lT-ivk
Cue drertui the kl.a of cuilurun LtriuKS.
-Now tulcuij Mi.gazme.
'SUFFEKLV NATE."
Nato Treslo was, as he himself was
wont to declare, "th most patient
an' long-sutTerin' man on airth." It
was Nate's way to be patient and
Iong-suilerlng.Just as it is some men's
way to ",!y off the hooks' and lose
their tempers on the sllghest provo
cation, l'erhaps thj latter way U
more convenient, as saving one a vast
amount of lacerated feelings anil los
of pride, but Nate's way had the ad
vantage of costing its owner fewer
post-mortem regrets and fewer
lnends. True it is that Nate's friends
were wont to impose on him much as
other people aid, but he didn't mind
that at least they thought he
didn't. And it was this supposition
that led some of them into subse
quent difficulty.
Nato was one of the principal
characters and most important feat
ures of Manganese, where he lived.
To 1)0 a principal character necessi
tates the possession of much spare
time, and Nate had this essential
qualification nearly every day in tho
week. When he didn't have it, he
wus at work, but this did not happen
often. Nate was like Kip Van
Winkle always ready to take a drink,
or to lend a hand for the beneUt of
some one else, but prone to shirk la
dor which tniL'lit benefit himself and
liis family, r-'o Mr. l'reslo sewed
nrcsscs ami things which was quite
convenient for Nate, as it gave him
more time to iudulge his fancy for
loafing.
Nate's loatlng-places were the Ex
change and Hcd Front saloons. These
places were most convenient, being
provided with plenty of chairs, and
being the places most alTected by
citizens likely to set 'em up. Here
Nato did most of his suffering, of
whatever kind. It came mostly in
tho form of jokes practical and of
mouth, leveled at him by his fellow
citlzens, and in thnse he took a sort
of mournful pleasure, as being an in
dication of his popularity. It Is a
well-established fact that an unpopu
lar man is seldom troubled by jokers.
Like most of his kind, Nato had a
dog (not a yellow one, however, but a
tspaniel) to assist him in loafing, and
It was Curly whose misfortunes led to
Nate's final reformation.
One afternoon, as Nate was lazily
holding forth to some of his cronies
from his seat in the Exchange, thero
was a slight Cjnimotion on the street
outside, a.nd'they went to the door to
ascertain the cause. It was Curly,
lie had stopped in at the Ked Front
to look for Nate, and some of the
crowd down there had proceeded to
have fun with him by tying a tin-can
to his tail. He was now coming up
tho street somewhat more rapidly
than usual, and heading for the Ex
change, as a possible place of refuge.
Nate picked him up and carried him
Inside, where he removed the can.
Then he sat. quite still fr a few mo
ments, petti:. g Curly, and quite un
conscious of the laughing mob in the
saloon, cracking fool-jokes at nis and
Curlv's expense.
Suddenly ho arose, and, without a
glance at any one. strode out of the
door. Tlio crowd followed, wonder
ing what he intended doing. Nato
stopped a minute in front of the barber-shop
to speak to Jim Calkins.
"Got a gun, Jim?"
Yes."
"tiimnic it, f'r a few minutes."
"What ye goin' t' do, Nate'"
"Jim," answered Nate, slowly, but
working his nails in and out of his
palms very fast, "I'm goiu' down t'
lick th' brute th't rut that canon th'
pup an' I want t' be fixed t' shoot
lack cf he makes a gun-play."
Jim handed liiiu the desired sis
shooter, and he went on down tho
street tD the Ked Front.
The Jokers had gone inside, and
wcro laughing as they waited at the
bar for drinks.
"Hullo, Nate!" called Nosey Price,
who was "buying." "Bring th' dog,"
an' come an' have a drink. Iooz he
drink, too? I sec 'mi rushin' th' can
Jes now."
Of conr.io all the men laughed up
roariously, but they stopped short at
sluht of Nate's uplifted hand and
blazing eyes.
"IIol' on. Nosey," said Nate quietly;
"I wantt' know, first place, who tied
that there can on th' pup s tail?"
The knot of drinkers at tho bar
looked at each other half-amusedly
for a second or two, and then one
asked, laughingly:
"Why, Nate?"
"Because," answered Nate, "I Jes'
come down yerc t' I'mark th't I'm
patient an' loug-sulTcrin' myself,
l1(1t. "
Another laugh interrupted him,
and then he went on:
"liut I don't perpose no brute is
goin t' tease that dog o' mine, none
whatever. Th man th't done it is a
dirty, sneaking coward, an' I c'n lick
'iai!"
They saw he w?.5 in earnest, and
did not laugh. Kill Kiley, a big raw.
boned, ham-llsted "bad" man from
High rises, who stood at the further
end of the bar, stepped forward.
"Wh-what did jc say?" lie asked,
.jrprisedly. "W'y, you half-growctf
sniveler '
They were not quite sure how it
happened; none of theni had ever
sjcn Nate lift his hand against a fel
low man, and they were totally un
v.renarcd for what happcued. Id
?arco nrtcen seconds, aie, needing
ut triumphant, sat astride Lis an.
agonist, enthusiastically thumping
.ini oa the Lead with the butt of the
rost ate Kiicy'sr.wn revolver which
';o L.tter had dropped somehow cariy
a the argument w hen the crowd ia.
erffred and dragged them ap..rt
Afuer taking a couple of drinks and
v ashin? his face, Nate walked home,
preex".!?! by CurJy, who fcctr.cd lo
IwCl lia!i 1.3 b;:d ben thoroughly
iaccged, and acted like a callow pup
la lils satisciloa Nats did not so
down town again that day. He went
into the house and surprised his wife
by kissing her. after which he went
out and split a most amazing amount
of stove-wood, and In the evening he
played with the children and "tlnk-
erca 'round."
Mrs. Treslo could not understand
him. At first she feared he was go
ing to be 111; but he looked quite
healthy, barring a black eye and a
bruised check. Ilia wife inquired,
after the children had gone to bed,
if he had been hurt. Nate rose from
his seat by the table and came over
to where she sat.
"Lctty," he said, straightening
himsc.f up and looking straight at
her, "I'm th' most patient an' long
suffcrin' man on alrth, an you're th'
' most patient an' long-sufferin' woman
on airth but, see yere. Lctty Preslo,
we hain't, n'r our kids hain't, n'r
Curly hain't a-goin t' do any more o
this fool-sufTerin'. I've got sick an
tired of it, an 1 les' c'ncluded t' show
folks I hain't a-goln t stan' no more
of it" And he told her about the
trouble that afternoon, and how he
had made up his mind to stop suf-
ferin " and do something more profit
able and respectable.
I
I Next morning, Nate did not go
down town until 9 o'clock. Then ho
walked briskly down and called on
'Squire Field, who was a leading law
yer and politician. The 'Squire was
Just looking over his letters when
Nate came in, but something In the
latter's face arrested his attention,
and he stopped his work to learn what
Nate wanted.
' '"Squire," said Nate, earnestly,
"the city convention's two weeks I'm
t'-dav, hain't it?
"Mm, yes; so it is."
I "Wall, 'Squire, 1 want th' nomana
tion fr city marshal!."
' Tho 'Squire was amazed. "You.
' Nate? Why "
"Hoi on, 'Squire. I want t tell
ye, first off, th't I hain't SufTerin
Nate no mora That's all over. I'm
Nate l'reslo. an' don't perpose t' do
, no more sufferiu. 'Squire, hain't I
always been a good party man? an'
worked hard ev'ry election? an' never
asked fr nothin' more'n a seat in con
ventions?" ! "Yes, you have, Nate; but but
see here, you know that we've got to
have a strong candidate for marshal.
The other fellows have beaten our
nominee three times with Buckley
he's a strong candidate and a good
officer."
! "All right, 'Squire; but I reckon I
c'n make as strong a run as anybody
in our crowd. Who've ye got th't c'n
do better?"
I The 'Squire pondered. "Well, Ben
Conant wants it "
I "Ken Conant's got one good job.
'Squire. An has he got more frlen's
. 'n I have?"
! "Well, you see. Nate, to be frank,
there are a good many people who
Son't exactly approve of you. Now,
thore's something that the good folks
would look dubious about been fight
ing, Nate? I never knew you to."
I Nate grinned. "That's th' b'gin
nin' o' th' end o' my SufTerin','
'Squire." And he told him about it.
! The 'Squire tapped his teeth with
his pencil for a few moments. "Nate, "
he said, at last, "keep mum, and
come up this afternoon, about hve
o'clock."
: That afternoon, the four or five
gentlemen who guided tho destinies
of the party in Manganese held a
star-chamber session in 'Squire Field's
office. The 'Squire informed them of
Nate's morning visit and the conver
sation that had taken place; and, af
ter some deliberation, it was decided
that inasmuch as Nato had quit
, "sufTerin' " and had resolved to
"brace up," he should have the nomi
nation he desircJ. They did not be
tievelie could beat Charley liuckley,
but thev wanted to show their good
will by "slating" him, anyway.
To say that most people were sur
prised when Nate's nomination was
announced, would bo putting It mild
ly. Hut the astute politicians, who
had had a couple of weeks to consider
tho matter, nodded their heads
wisely, and were fully convinced that
a much worse selection might liavo
been made. Nate paid small atten
tion to what people thought or said.
He kept steadily at work at his tem
porary lob in the brick-yards, and
did his electioneering out of working
hours.
I Of course the "boys" had fun with
him, and he tooK it all in good part;
they did not go too far with him,
however.
If people were surprised at Natc'i
nomination, they were dazed at hi.i
election. He carried the city by a
majority of over a hundred votes,
' much to the con ternatlon of Mr.
Kueklcy and his party.
j J here was as is customary, an in
formal celebration at the Exchange
and other resorts that night Amid
the congratulations and How or spir
its (of various kinds). Nate found and
' availed himself of an opportunity to
outline his future policy,
i "Boys," he said, "I'm mighty
thankful an' glad ye've put me in; an'
now I want t' say, an' ye may'vescen,
th't it'll be a right pool scheme t
r'membcrth't I hain't 'SufTerin' Nate'
no more an' that'll save any an' all
misunderstandings. Hain't I right,
Charlie?"
"You just bctl" responded the de
feated Mr. Kucklev. fervently, and
i a la iuoUusc was approved oy ucany
ill present
But many people are forgetful, and
lo me are neglectful and skeptical,
ind no sooner had Nate been instilled
. in office and donned his star (tho
' Mayor preseutcd him with a new one
it the next council meeting, when
the officers-elect were sworn in) and
(trapped on his six-shooter, than
trouble began.
Buckley had celebrated bis retire
ment from office by getting too drunk
to kick the clothes off the bed in
which be was placed at an early hour,
ind Nate was called on to perform
duty at once. A gang of 6ix "bad"
' aien from Georgetown, hearing of
Nate's election and his induction into
Dffice, had come down to "do up" the
! town and make it uncomfortable for
the new marshal, to whom they sent
ivord that they would kill him if ho
, interfered. They had a wholesome
' Tear of Buckley, but "SufTerin'
Sate"
i Nate left the council-room and
walked over to. tbe Pouble Eagle
' Saloon, where Ihe six ,Tads, were.
They were leaning against the bar
ind talking of "eating" the new
' marshal. Nate stepped inside and
. up to the end of the bar, very pale.
oui nrm, ana "covering" tne whole
line with his revolver.
"Boys," he remarked, as (with
hands uplifted, of course) they stared
it him, hardly willing to believe their
eyes, "I heerd ye talkin' about eatln
a Chap named 'SufTerin' Nate.' They
hain't no seen person; but here's Nato
Preslo, City Marshal, an' he wants
yc It they's any klllin' coin' on, I
:'n git two 'r three t' your one; don't
rrgit that Wilt," he said to the
bartender, "take the'r guns."
The bartender obeyed, and Nate
marched his half-dozen "bad" men
! to the lock-up, whence they emerged
j Dext day to pay their line and shake
i bands cordially with Nate, who drank
with them lu a friendly way.
This was cot quite the end ot
Nate's "sufferiu's;" for not a few of
bis friends essayed to take advantage
3t him, now and then, and impose on
bis good nature; but it was not long
before they found out that Nate was
no respecter of persons when his duty
. was involved, and that he would not
"suffer" any more than the pride of
man would permit; so that when
the next city election came on, Nate
was re-elcted by a rousing majority.
Last summer I was talking with
tiim(he Is now serving his third term)
about the peculiar nomenclature ot
the West, and especially the singular
ippellations carried by some of its
:itlzens.
i His eyes twinkled as we talked.
"Yes" he says, "they use' t call me
Sufferln Nate,' but they don"t no
more. Ye see "
I l'.ut just then he was called away,
ind I might never b tve heard the
itory of how Nate's "sullerin's "
;nded if 'Squire Field had not dropped
n. in one of his reminiscent moods
isd related it to me. K.L. Ketchuni
in the San Francisco Argonaut.
i
Farming One lluntlroj Year Ago.
Should our population increase as
rapidly during the coming 100 years
is in tbe last fifty it will not be less
than 400,000,000. Iam, however, in-
' ;llncd to thluk it will not so in
:rease; for one tiling, we will not
save the same inducements to offer
to immigrants. When the price of
land goes up, as it is bound to do, and
Its acquisition requires more money;
when more capital Is required to un
lertake farming, except on the small-
st scale, and truck farms near cities
bring ( high rent and call for the
ireateso intelligence as well as in
iustry on tho part of the farmer
3ne of the chief inducements to for
eigners seeking our shores namely:
the acquisition of farms of their own
will disappear. At the same time
the liberal tendencies of all civilized
jountrie3, even under monarchical
jovemrucnts will lessen the number
sf those who leave the older countries
for the sake of greater political free
iom. Immigration to the United
states will consist more and more ol
1 few comparatively well-to-do per
sons seeking opportunities for the
profitable investment of a small capi
tal, and who, possessing some educa
tion and training in the art of self-
jrov. i niiient, will readily amalgamate
with our owu peop'.e, or of the poor
est classes well content to serve for a
time in the ranks of labor, provided
the rate of wages is high enough to
reward their frugality with moderate
iavings. Ex-Secretary Kusk in North
Imcrican Kevlew.
It Was Only a Stipper.
She is a roguish and Jolly girl, but
being an Episcopalian, 6he has been
making a great effort since Ash
Wednesday to affect a certain sub
dued and demure manner. The other
afternoon the sewing circle to which
she belongs met Her gown for the
occas'on was, according to the New
York World, simplicity itself or soft
irrav cashmere, with a plaited bodice
made Ouaker fashion. Her bonnet
was a quaint little gray chip poke,
trimmed with gray ribbon and one
large purple passion flower. The tie
strings were of broad gray satin rib
bon. She glided into the room very
quietly and became at once intent
upon her Lenten sewing. Suddenly
the sewing circle quiet was interrup
ted by wild shrieks of terror and the
members with one accord climbed
upon the tables and chair seats.
What was the trouble? Simply the
ilemuro little maiden's new house
slipper. It was of black suede. No
buckle ornamented the instep, but in
its place was a tiny mouse in high re
lief and made of gray suede, with
bright leads for eyes, and a long tail
with a regular mouse like curl to it
Now the fair practical Joker is tremb
ling lest her rector may hear of it
A BROTHER S WAT.
She "No, I cannot marry you."
He "But you have shown me so
much regard."
She "Yea, I respect you very much;
I will be a sister to you. Mire I cannot
be."
He "But you will bo a sister to
mei"
She "Yes, gladly."
He "Then jtiet bring me my stick
and hat, and hold my overcoat for rue
you might aUo brush it. Do not wear
tbat horrid little apron any more. Be a
very good girl, and I may take you to
tbe theatre some night next week. Here
is a kiss for you in tbe meantime."
She "What do you mean, sir!"
He "I am meiely taking up my part
of brother." Yankee Blade.
TOE ELOrEMEXT.
She (from tho window) "Is that you,
dear!"
He "Of course."
"Have you the tickets?"
"Yes."
'And the licen3el"
"Yes." I'
"Ob, I'm so scared! Are yon sure
thojo horses won't iun away? And and
we you always sure you'll love met'
"Why, darling, I"
"Oh,' of course, you think so no. Is
my hat oa straight?"
"Looks so from here."
"Have you sent our photos to the
newspaper office!"
"I have."
"Very well; I'll be out in minute,
love." Indianapolis Journal.
LET DS ALL LAUGH.
JOKES FROM THE PENS OP
" VARIOUS HUMORISTS.
riraxiint Incident Occurring: the World
Orer Saying that Are Cheerful to the
Old or Young Fanny fo-lections tUa
Everybody Will Enjoy Ileailing.
Too Much Noise.
Every effect has a cause if only we
have the wit to see it 1'atrick had
a fine chance at two partridges. l!o
fired and missed. "Now, now," said
James. "You've shot nayther of
thim." "Well, how could I." said
Patrick, "whin the report of the gun
fright -ned 'em both away?" Youth's
Companion.
Wll That It?
"What little boy will tell why Lot's
wife was turned into a pillar of salt?"
asked the Sunday-school teacher.
Freddy Fllklns' hand went up and
the good lady nodded to him to give
his answer. "Because she was too
fresh. Truth.
The Bight Kind or a GlrL
e-iw'
I.
Mr. Baugcr For mercy's sake,
Adelaide, what's that vase doing up
there? Adelaide Why, papa, it's
the only place to have ft put, if the
lloor is to bo swept the first thing in
thi' morning.
I dun't know how I ever did it,
Dharles, dear, but it's the only thin',
Miat saved your life. Truth.
Not So Loir.
In the fading twilight the widow
positively refused to wed the man
with a bald head for less than S20,
000 spot cash. "Matrimony," she
argued, not unkindly, "is Fkca game
ot cards." He shook his head.
"Second band, low," he murmured
regretfully. With a heavy heart
and dull, despairing ryes he went his
way. Truth.
An Aspirated f'uzzlo.
Traveler (relating adventure) And
che boat's screw being disabled we
were compelled to la to. Listener
l'ardon me, did 1 understand you to
6ay the bf at's screw or the boat's
crew? Traveler (indignantly; I sa d
the boatscrcw. Is that plain enough?
Listener Oh, yes; thanks. Judge
No Muilc There.
Stranger in Town (to hotel clerk)
Where can 1 go and hear sonic good
ruuslc? I haven't heard any in two
years. Hotel Clerk Great Scott:
Where have you been? in darkest
Africa? Stranger No; director of
a traveling comic oiera company.
Exchange.
Something to lie Jolly Over.
"You Fecm to be feeling jarticu
larly jolly this morning, old man."
"Bet you! My flat was burned out
last night Liidn't save a thing."
"Great Scott! You feel jolly over
that?" "Sure! Won't have to move
this spring." Exchange.
Hake Him Feel at Home.
Gambler I'm afraid I'd feel out
Of Jliie in tbe church. Tastor Oh,
ho; I'll 6ee that- they let you manage
the naxt church fair. Truth.
Her Klnrines,
Father Why da you let that young
may pay you such long calls? Daugh
ter Because, papa, everybody says
he can't pay anything else and I want
to encourage him. Detroit Free
Press,
Purely Ethereal.
Miss Gush Your life must be quite
elhcr.aL Mr. I'octas? Puctas
Largely these hard t.mes.-Truth.
' Disastrous.
"It never pays to bet with a wo
man," said tb. young man, with a
sad face. "Wny? Isn't she good
pay, as a rale?-' "Oo, yes. She al
ways insists on paying. And then
she goes away and hates you for life."
Washington Star
t all t'rnes an average of tl-ree per
cent of a city's population is one the
lick list
-"rii II I I .4
14?
A BLIP
It
lit
fRYING ON THE MALE CALLER.
Die Few Minutes' Wait Before the Ex
pected One Descends to Kecelre Him.
There are few moments so trying
ro the rersonal dignity of a man as
when sitting below awaiting the de
scent of the expected one. Such I
the proud spirit ot man that, al
though in the easiest chair in tho
most luxurious ro, m of the house,
be has still the uneasy sense of one
left by the footman to cool his head
in the halL These preliminary ten
minutes which a man assumes is the
usual length of time are sufl'c'ent,
says the San Francisco Argonaut, to
larow out ot gear the most com
posed nerves. I'or although a man
may not have any detlnito intent in
his mind in paying a visit the mere
let of waiting ana tbe sense of the
preparation going on upstairs seems
lo give a hitherto unsuspected im
portance to his presence in the house,
ind he feels himself getting fidgety
ind uncertain. A man who has un
dergone these experiences wants to
know why women do not have books
ind papers in their drawing-rooms to
engage their visitors in waiting. He
has so much suffered in being left to
prey upon himself at such times that
ue avers he never goes now to call on
i girl with ut a book in his pocket
Moreover, he feel that the girl her
self loses an opportunity in not hav
fng books favorites, or so assumed
lung a! out casually for her visitors
to see. In this manner she ui gbt
acquaint them with the tastes, tr
ideas that she may have, or ptcfers to
have thought that he has. A couple
if general ions ago no parlor would
he thought complete without a copy
of "Lalla Itookii," to be thumbed in
anxious moments by young men in
strapped trousers and low shoes. A
generation ago men in peg tops be
guiled themselves with blue and gold
editions of "Lucille." The young
man of to day. it appears, is left to
himself among cushions, faience
statuettes and contemporaneous little
tlgures in particolored French bronze,
until be fi els, indeed, like a bull in
china shop.
Ihe Judge's F.gg.
They tell a story over on the North
Side about an old lady who was re
cently presented with an owl. She
had no possible use for an owl, but
she felt In duty bound to keep and
care for this one, because it was given
to ter by a very dear "nut misguldeJ
friend. So she provided quarters for
the bird and looked at it curlouslj
each day. She was particularly struck
by its wise look, and, as she was ac
quainted w.th an eminent Judge on
the Cook County bench, who always
wears tbe same look of wisdom, she
turned the owl in his honor, calling
it, we!U calling it 'Judge So-and-So."
we will say.
The servant girl of Irish extraction
and pcrsua ion was told to take es
pecial cate of the Judge, and she did
her best in this direction. But one
evening this girl startled her m stress
as well as a roomful or company by
fmstl ng in at the door while a pleas
ant conversation was in progress and
pxclaiming:
'If vou pia.e, ma'am, Judge So-and-'o
has laid an egg."
Knowing the eminent jurist re
ferred to, the mombers of the com
pany were astonished to learn of this
unprecedented feat on his part while
the embarrassed old lady hastened to
explain everything, except the fact
that she should have been so deceived
in regard to the sex of the bird.
Ch'cago Times.
lie Wa9 Iis;riiste(l With Himself.
A goo 1 story is told of a famous
living 8urg?on. A street accident
had occuivd in which a man broke
bis leg l'assing by, the great sur
geon used his umbrella a9 a splint,
tound up the leg in approved ambu
lance fashion, and had tbe man
taken off to the nearest hospital,
l'assing the hospital next day, it oc
curred to the surgeon to call for the
purpo-e of recovering his umbrella,
and he interviewed the house stir
g ;i lo that end. The supercilious
young gentleman said:
" h, I suppose you're one of those
umoulancc fellows.-"
To this Impeachment the great
man pleaded gu.lty.
'Well, I don't know anything
about your umbrella, but you can gu
and ferrit out the porter and see if
be knows anything about it" added
the polite youtli.
"Very good," replied the surgeon;
"but I haven't time just at present
1 1 go in search of your porter. l'er
haps, if you hear anything of my
umbrella, vou will be good enough
to h.ivc it sent to me? Here is my
card."
The young man's Jaw dropped
when ho read the name of the fam
ous surgeon.
AT hat Was Troutilin? Him.
An old bed-ridden fshcrinan at a
fashionable watering-place was lre-
quaatly visited d. ring his last ill
ness by a kina-heaited clergyman,
who wore one of those close.lttlng
clerical csts which button behind.
The clergyman saw the near ap
proach of death one day in the old
man's face, and asked if his mind
was perfectly at ease.
"Oo ay, I'm a' richt," came the
feeble reply.
"i'ou arc sure there is nothing
troubling you? Do not be afraid to
tell me."
The old man Feemed to hesitate,
ind at length, with a faint return of
animation, said
"Well, there's just ae thing that
troubles me, but ldinualike to speak
't"
"Believe me, I am most anxious to
:omfort you," repl.ed the clergyman.
"Tell mo what it is that troubles
ind perplexes you."
"Well, sir, it's just this," said the
)!d man eagerly. "I canna for the
iife o' me mak' not hoc ye manage to
ret into that waistcoat"
On the Other toot.
A Man You seem tickled about
omething. 1 bet you've been visit
ng 6ome pretty woman. Ills Friend
-Correct A Man And got a k ss?
lis Friend Two of tbem. A Man
-WTho was she? Ills Friend Tour
fife. Hello.
Ins cheapest way to get all the
elicacics ot tbe season is to eat
ash.
A NARROW ESCAPE.
A Bby Saved from the Talons of an
Kagle.
A sto-y of thrilling interest comei i
from tho Indian Territory. On a 1
warm day an Indian woman In the
Choctaw Nation left her baby, only a
few weeks old, on a blanket on tho
sunny side of the cabin, and went
about her work. In a short time a
large eagle swooped down upon the
child, and, grasping it in his talons.
KI3Cr Or A CHILD FROM A!t eagle's claws
flew away, thubo Locke, who hap
pened to bo near, seeing the peril cf
the child, determined to rescue it i(
possible. Seizing his Winchester, ho
mounted his horse and started In pur
suit For miles across streams,
through woods, and over hills ho
went at reckhss speed, keeping his
eye on the eagle and trusting to his
sure-footed animal to carry him in
safety. Finally the bird alighted on
a limb about five feet from tho
ground, still holding to the chill.
Mr. Locke knew that delay niant
death, and, though fully S00 yards
away, ho took deliberate aim and
fired, the bull passing through 1 oth
wings. Tho great bird fluttered
slowly to the ground with the child
still Id Its grasp. A dog that had
followed charged on the eagle, but
one swipe 'of Its claws satisfied it,
and It slunk away. Mr. Locke came
up and finished his work. The child
was alive and, save a few scratches
nnhurt
SWIMMING DEVICE.
4n Apparatus Intended to Give Greatly
Increased Impetus.
The cut below shows several views
of a device recently patented to aid
mankind to push his way through
Tater rapld.y.
This apparatus seems to bo built
on the plan of tho web foot of the
goose and duck, and its workings can
be readily understood. Tho appara-
r ns roa the ervt.i bwimueb.
tus consists principally of a light
flexible rib work, covered with some
light material, which accommodate!
Itself to the swimmer's motions, clos
ing as he moves his limbs forward and
opening as they shoot back ward, thu?
giving greatly increased impctu'
through tho woter.
Chinese Fighting Powers.
The fighting power of Chinese m
litia, when armed with modern weap
ons, Is evidenced by tiio frequent re
pulses and defeats whi:h tho Ficnch
suffered during the campaign in Ton
quin, the last being that of Gen. Ne
grler, near Lang-Son, nine days be
fore the Franco-Chinese treaty ol
peace was signed, and when the
French army of occupation in Ton-
quin had been raised to 40,000 men.
These Chineso troops were merely
levies from Yunnan, Kuang-tung,
and Kuang-sl, and not part of the
150,000 who had been trained by
European officers in Northern China.
The total army of China at that
time, including 600,000 militia,
known as tho Green Flag Army, s ' Ut
tered through tho various provinces,
was said to bo about 1,000,000 men.
In time of necessity this force could
bo largely increased. The following
quotation from an author who had
experience with Gen. Gordon's "Ever
Victorious Army" shows Chinamen
are admirably suitable for soldiers:
"The old notion Is pretty well got
rid of that they are at all a cowardly
people, when properly paid and effi
ciently Vd; while the regularity and
cder ol their habits, which dispt.se
thorn topoace in ordinary times, give
place to a daring bordering upon
recklessness in time of war. TLeir
intelligence and capacity for remem
bering facts make them well fitted
for use in modern warfare, as does
also tho cco'ness and calmness of,
their disposition. I'hysically, they,
are, on tho average, not so strong as
Europeans, but considerably more so '
than most of the other races of the,
East, and on a cheap diet of rice,1
vegetables, salt fish, and pork, the;
can go through a vast amount of fa-,
tiguc, whether In a temperate cli
mate or a tropical ono, whero Euro-'
peansare ill fitted for exertion. Thelt,
wants are few; they havo no caste'
prejudices, and hardly any appetite!
for intoxicating liquors. The Nine
teenth Century.
An Eight-Year-Old Former.
Mr. Meckel, a stamp vender of St
Louis, has been worried jeeently by
receiving from Mlnneapo is, in pay
ment for stamp?, checks which were
returned to him as worthless. He
put the treasury detectives oft the
track ot tho forger, and they haie
hunted him down. "Walter Johnson
was the came signed to the checks,
and they were properly drawn, and
accompanied Utters, which wero very
business-like, nrrterl nr ,n
- - ciauiys.
The culprit was found to bo an eight
year-old bjy, by the name nf Av.-wt,
Johnson, who is an enthusiastic
stamp collector. It appears that ha
had often seen his father draw.- ,,..!. .
in payment of bills, and knowing
nothing of the little matter of mak
log deposits before the
drawn, he thought it an admirable
way to Purchase thl
hold cf hi9 father's check book, n-o-
u.-eueu ui uraw some on his own ac
count Unfbrt'jnatelv. he hnA
v: count
CNE WAY TO STOP CRIME.
I
in Original Methol Employed for Ftus
l-lilng an Kgg-Steullug Servant.
Among the passengers oc a tram
running into Buffalo tho other day
was a spruce looking young farmer
who occupied a seat alone and ap
peared to be reflecting on something
really amusing. Ho would now and
then chuckle to himself as though ho
bad got the better of some ono in a
way that tickled hlm. Finally an
Express reporter remarked to him
that he looked particularly happy.
"Yes," he said, -1 had a little fun
yesterday over a serious matter. We
have a girl working for us who is
chain lightning at housework but is
light-fingered." We had missed a good
many little things from the house,
but had no evidence that she had
taken them. I observed, however,
that for some reason every time she
went to the home of her parents she
carried a bundle of clothing and
brought it back again with precise
regularity. Among the things we
missed most conspicuously was almost
the entire production of eggs, but we
could not conceive of a way in which
she could carry them home without
boing detected in the act I was
determined to ascertain if she carried
them away in the bundle, and so when
she arranged to go home a few days
ago I insisted upon driving over that
way. I noticed at once that she was
not enthusiastic over the proposition,
but I was just the same. When all
was ready I caught up the regulation
bundle and at once could feel the
Eggs within. There must have been
two or three dozen in thero.
bandUd it as though it was damage
proof, and she grew correspondingly
nervous. 1 put the bundle where one
of my feet could easily reach it, and
an tiie way 1 would every few min
utes crack au egg and remark that
thought I heard peculiar noises now
and then and wondered what it could
be. It was a zero day, but when I
turned to see how the girl was en
Joying it the sweat was pouring down
her face and she looked tho very
picture of despair. I cracked a few
more eggs, and remarked about the
peculiar sound again. When we
reached her home I took good care
when I helped her out to hand hei
the precious bundle. It wasln aeon
ditition unlit for transportation, but
1 placed it in her hands with great
pleasure. I think she never will for
get just how she felt as she endeavored
to hang on to the bundle and kecf
tho eggs where she had placed them.
I shall not sooa forget bow she
looked. I need not describe how the
eggs scr.nicd to enjoy tho situation,
but let tho curtain drop in front ol
her dress and wraps."
The Women or Alaska.
There is' a" woman in Sitka, knowL
as Princess Tom, who is very rich.
She at one time had three husbands,'
but has become Christianized and has
discarded two. She is an extensive
trader, and has several large canoe
in which sho transports goods from
Sitka to tho interior and exchange!
them with the natives for furs. She
is known all over Alaska, and wears
upon her arms twenty or thirty gold
bracelets made out of $20 gold pieces.
The natives a'so trace their genealogy
through the female branch of thil
family, and tho Inheritance come!
through the mother's side. For in;
stance, if a chief should die, leaving
a son, his sister's son or nephew
would succeed in authority and nof
his own son. The women are not
slaves, as in the Indian tribes In this
country, but cxeicisc a great deal ol
authority. The women emulate theii
sex In c.vilized countries in their af
fectation of bright and gaudy colors,
and most of tho money that they re.
coive is invested in bright-colored
goods and shawls. Washington Star.
An O.lil Reinimter.
, A down town lawyer borrowed &
book from a fiiend in the same oMlce,
took it home, and forgot to return it
Several times he was reminded ol
this by the own r of tho book, and
as many times forgot to put it In hll
:Pockct when he left the houso. At
last, stung to desperation by hli
friend's gibes, lie sat down, and, ad
Srcsscd a postal card to himself &
is residence, and wrote on the ba.clj
bf it thus: "If you do not attontj
to that matter within twenty-foul
hours you may expect the worse."
Thc.-c." he said grimly, "if thai
doesn't fetch me nothing will."
It did fetch him. It fetched hin
inut of a late sleep the next mornlna
immediately after the postman's firsl
visit to explain to his white-facod,
terrified wife that 6hc was not llkclj
"to be made a widow. He offered ex
planations and took tho bonk back
but ho is not sure that his wife dot)
not believe that ho has committed
some crime or lq some way got intc
the clutches ot a blackmailer.
Wanted to Amuse the nova,
George Butler, Canon of Winchestei
Cathedral, was the son of Dr. Butler,
headmaster of Harrow. The boj
grew up to bo a dignified and scrlouj
man, a power in "philanthropy and
the church, but that be had a demurs
sense of humor Is shewn by one aneg
dot1) of his earliest 'years. DoctOi
Butler wore a tine suit of b,!ack, wIU:
knee-breeches and cloth gaiters, and
with his powdered hair Was a Cgim
to move any school-boy to admiration
and awe.
One morning little George watchee,
him, as he set out for school, and ob
served tbat his father wore one gai
ter. When Doctor Butler returned,
he said to the lad: -
"You were here, George, whn
went away this morning. Didn't
you see that I had only one gaiter?"
"Yes, papa."
"Then why didn't you toll me?"
"Because," answered George, inno
cently, "I thought it would amus
the boys I"
A Born XVsalmlst.
Bridges Livermore seems to be a
born pessimist Brooks Yea; ho
goes to Cuba in summer and Canada
in winter. The only time he seems
to en ioy staying at home is (luring a
l'residential campaign. Kate Field's
Washington.
In New Guinea the natives use a comb
lhat has but two prongs, and scrape
their wool with it only once a week.
Brief.
ws in
There is an electric doorstep.
raper belting l:as been invented.
Italy has 270, 0C0 inmates of the
Joorhouses.
The almshouses of Franco have 290,
)00 inmates.
Some Australian gold veins aro 130
eet wide.
Oaiy about CJ00 stars are visible to
tho inked eye.
Mountaineering on stilts is tho latest
ad in Switzerland.
There are 23,00il species of fishes,
ne tenth of which inhabit fresh water.
Scientists aro of tho opinion th it
ume icebergs lust for two hundred
,-oa:s.
The farmer in Japan who has ten
icres of land is looked upon as a mon
jpolist India has 12,000,000 who can read
ind writo oat of a population of 21(1,
X)0,000. It is pointed out that one-legged
nen usually grow fat possibly from lack "
f exercise.
Spoons of wood, horn, metal or stone
lave been made in every country from
prehistoric ages.
Thero are eight edible and twelvo
poisonous varieties of mushrooms in
tho United States.
Nine lambs on the farm of Ilowan
Dpnt, of Kaywick, Ky., are covered
ith natural red wool.
Tho annnal army expenditure of
Sreeco is 18,000,0(0 drachmi. A
Iraehrua is twenty centa.
In tho parrot's beak both mandibles
ire movable a peculiarity unknown
in other species of birds.
A section of a California tree Brit
o tho British Museum, Loudon, is 133J
rears old, according to its riogs.
L'ank clerks m Geriuamy recoiva
rom $141 to jStUOJ salary. For tho first
lirco or four years they serve without
?ay.
An eniincut anatomist says that
noro of the ill health of women is due to
heir habit of cramping their feet than
s rehzed.
James Sample Walker, one of the
nost noted scouts of the plains in tho
(ftrly daye, died at Stockton (Cal.) re
iently. rienty of water is reported to sup
ply a good level for tho proposed caual
between Lake Superior and tho
Mississsppi.
Thoro are 1S7 pound s of salt iu a
on of water from tho Dead Sea. Ia tfco
Atlantic the amount is eighty-ouo
pounds to every ton.
Tho oldest architectural ruius iu tho
uroild are believed to bo the rock cut
mpIeR at lpeambtil, on the left bimk
if tho Nile, in Nubi i.
Triere is a remarkable "burning
inrin'g'' in Lincoln County, Kentucky,
fthieh regularly overflows its banks
svery afternoon at 4.30 o'clock pro
'isely. Tho city of San Salvador, Capital
f the South American Republic of tho
lame name, is called the "Swinging
Mat," on account of ita numerous earth
nuaktB.
Greek and Roman doors always
ipened outward, and when a man wa
passing out of a bonne, he knocked on
ilie door, so as not to open it in the face
of a passer by.
There is a snake in India which is
laid to possess the peculiar power of
producing insanity in any person who
ooks into its glittering eyes f-r more
than ten minutes.
Waynesville.rnlaski County, Mo.,
ias only 150 peoph, but it is ono of
:ho most intcllegont and best rem
towns in America It takoi thirty nino
Jaily newspapers.
Tho oldest inhabi'ant of Berlin,
norruany, i? watchmaker named J.(r.
Hagemaun. Ho was 102 on March 2.",
itill goes about the house, and his op-t-etito
is excellent.
A l"i-pound trout, is said to hivo
joen the largest Dsh ever caught in tho
Truckee Kiver, was hauled out of that
itn-utri bv a luckv nncler noar Reno.
Vev., the other Jay.
Near Brouham, Texas, lives a man
ho has only ono eye; tho strauj-o
eature of his ca.so boing tho fact thut
he p'aee where the other eye should
bo is black, and has boon so from
lirth.
Luiirsr's famous old church p.t Wit
;nberg, Germany, which the Emperor
lad restored and reconsecrated in
lasbccn wrecked apraiti by the hurriea:;u
vhich swept over Europo a few d:tyn
ecently
Oao of Russia's marriago enntoms
s f r tho brido and 1 ridegrooru to
:aeo rapidly down tho aisle as soon tut
ho bridal procession enters iho chnroh,
sccanse of tho belief that whichever
places tho foot first on tho cloth in
front of the altar will be master in the
lousohold.
HAD A FAMOUS IRON Srr.tNO.
IIo was a weary, thin aa J sallow look
ing man, who had never been so far
West beforfi, and whoa he struck Carson
City ho hr.iled the first native he met.
"Can you tell me, sir, if thero arc any
mineral spriags about hefel''
"From the East i" asked tho Westerner.
"Yes."
"Come here for yer iieilthl''
"Yes."
"Trie i everything, I supposo'."
"Pretty near."
"Trie! Sulphur Springsl"
"Yes. Didn't help me a bit."
"Been to Arkansas?"
"Yes and everywhere e'so."."
'What kind of water are f u loiiii'
(or nowi'"
"Well, do kind ia particular. I was
told, though, that I'd Had & variety of
springs out here."
"Going to locate!"
'That depends."
"Woll, stranger, I have got just w'jat
yon wauc. A vacant lot ia the best pirs
ot tho city. Finest iron spring ia the
couatry. Go and see for yourself."
"But how do you know it's iroa?n
qucnei the Lastcruer. -
'Well, pordner, I drovo my horse
through it and he came out with irou
shoes oa his feet , And that ain't all. I
drovo same pigs down there to driak.
They turned ioto p'.giron, aiyl i told tbo:n
to tho iron fouadry. J&t what you
waut. For, sale cheap Why, hello I
What's the matter!"
The weary Easterner Lad turned a
ruptly and was walkio oil us the rocd.
New York Herald.
X':7i