ri igiii getrtiiel atari gegitlm B, P. BOHWEIER, THE CONSTITUTION THE UNION AND THE ENFORCEMENT OF THE LAWS. Editor ud Proprtttor. VOL. XLVII. MIFFLINTOWN. JUNIATA COUNTY. PENNA.. WEDNESDAY. MARCH 22. 1893. NO. 14 hid wrci LH K, C, writer reft 1 11 ic ! Uvnt too. j;st to please a friend, B not to 6AfuiUt lo lu tho ny your stori nd? icilciiu't vou now and ifcen coatriv lo let th lovfrs wed, hor have ttie h r.inf arrive To rlud the bwru deadY 1L fair aprnnrfi thing! of liim r not ! -revet jbA ; Aud Ten in ih vaiecf atrife At moments that art elad. O cd t yd to or ord of doubt Admit h little n.mb Of aun-hii,e now and then, irttbout Iti suing txli to auia.su ? uit L'iasunc ever happy bud; yt.it cloi.J.na every iiour. Q lit tuenriiiji ail our god tth. mad, Quit uihMu,; eeet thing tourl Vi j rt ilied tf reptuera who t-'mbitter every cup it.M J ! ve blltu'id whlner, do K r pU a Make let upl -live treat. 0UT 0F 1Q11EMIA- Lisa came in with flushed cheek aud br lliant eyes Laura, bending over a spirit lamp on the littered table, glanced up Irotu her brewing. 'I waited awhile for vou, bat as you did cot come " she observed. lifting the small copper kettle from the slender blue Bame. "Why did you wait one moment?" cried Lisa. She lingered somewhat over the simple operations of removing her gloves and putting up the books she Drought in. bhe presently feathered herself together with an effort. Did vou get any lunch for your elf?" Laura was calmly sipping her tea. -No." I "No? Laura, how could you? To w.rk all day at those Illustrations without eating! Do you mean to say you have had nettling at all since breakfast?" Laura, instead of replying, cast a circular glance about the room. 'What became of the buns? We bad some buns left, had we not?" Lisa went to an ancient and some bow picturesque chest of drawers, and from under an iniDrovised drapery of half a yard of old brocade brought out a paper bag. Their eyes met, and in a moment both girls had broken into Ion;; shrieks of lauuhter, ending on Elsa's part Id half-strangled sob. 'Oh, Laura, I am afraid I can't stand it much longer! It Is so so degrading." Degrading?" Laura had onsuaied her bun was now gathering up the two anese cups and saucers. and Jay- Did you lunch to-day?" "Yes." L.iura nodded. With Mr. V'arian. I suppose?" Elsa only made a little additional motion with her pretty head. Then: 'Oh, Lauia, you don't think there's ny harm in It do you?" she pleaded. Harm?" "That I should have happened to meet Mr. Varian oncj or twice and that he has asked me to take lunch with him? You see, It Is not as though he were a complete stranger. As long as he knew grandfather a little and knows who I am, too, why it's different somehow. Dou't you think so?" "In your case no, I don't think there is any harm exactly." "Laura! You say that so curiously! Don't you think Mr. Varian is is a an " "An honorable man? I hope so," rejoined Laura, color. ng in her turn rapidly under her rich dark skin. '-In any other case I should advise you to be more care fuL" "You're alwavs advising me to be more careful. But I don't know any one moi3 independent or more care less as to what other people may think than yourself," then remarked the younger girl in a tone a trifle ag grieved. In my case it Is very different,' was the short reply. "I am not pretty. You are." "There are times when you are very, very handsome, Laura," said Elsa's soft voice with earnest convic tion. .But it was not quite half an hour before even up there, where the last rays of the summer twillnt lingered longest, Laura was obliged to push the work from her. As she did so, waking from the creative absorption jn which she had been lost, a singular sound attracted her, coming from the other side of the room. Getting to her feet she saw that Elsa was sob bing, with her face buried In the de moralized upholstery of the sofa ted. "What is It?" said Laura very gently and firmly. But already Elsa's lace was buried once more, and this time upon the shoulders of Laura' Stray stuff dress. Nothing, nothing, Laura! But, oh, I feel so so unhappy and wretched: I know I'm very, very weak. But It's so dreadful being so poor and living so so " "I warned you, you know, dear," came Laura's quiet voice. "Oh, I know, I know! You are 30 brave aryl strong and talented! But I don't believe I ever shall succeed. aud and " Tbeie was a little pause, during which Elsa's sobs grew full of dreary lespalr. "You must go home, Elsa." There was a .-ote-ting movement of her palpitating little Csrure. "Yes. You must go back to youi people. You are too tender, too deli cate too sensitive for this sort of life. You know I told you," the girl weut on a little wearily, "that making one's own living and striking out in dependently for one': self wai not so easy as it might sec x. If a girl have a good home, even though it we:e so simple a one, she is, perhaps, afet and happiest in its shelter." "You mean a girl like me," said Elsa, sitting up and ling her head with dreary sagacity. "You know that nothing would induce you to go back to the sort of life which I should lead on the farm with grandfather and Aunt Polly. But you are differ nt so different Some day you will surely succeed, whereas I " Laura was silent a moment. "And Mr. Varian?" she finally said. She felt the presence of the blush an the other's cheek which she could cot see. "Don't don't! Don't speak ot bits in In that way!" breathed Elsa. - "Coma in," called Laura a wee titer. The summary invitation bad pyl Jentlv not been heard, for the knftCK was repeated after a discreet Inter val. This time Laura rose, and, pencil in hand, opened the door herseif. "I am very glad to see you, Mr varian." she said gravely. "Come la" - Oi the two It was not she who was embarrassed. Laying down her pen cils she pushed a chairs'lghtly towan him with the gesture of a queen. "Mr. Varian," she said, "I have inown you but a short time. Prac tically we are strangers. Y'et I thiuk we shall understand each other. do you the credit of believing that 1 can speak frankly to you. I asked vou to come here to see me for a special reason, which I shall broach at once. You are aware," she con eluded, -that Elsa Miss Hart ha returned to her home and friends?" "Indeed? 1 had no idea of It No." Laura dropped her eyes for a mo ment "You make It more difficult for m n say what I wished," she observed lu a momeut. "She has gone back to her fr.ends because she was far toe sensitive and delicate a l.ttle creature to face the hand-to-mouth, struggling existence of a female art student suc cessfully. She should never have at tempted It I blame myself now, foi 1 love the child dearly. Still, hei year of such exper.ence as she has known here would do her no harm, rather good, perhaps, were It not foi one thing." aid here those gray eyes resteJ full upon the young man again, "aud with that you, Mr. Varian, ar' connected." i. jvtt The gray eye flashed scornfully. "It Is unworthy to dissemble:'' cried Laurx -If you have given that poor child cause to think thai you love her, and have taught her tc love vou in veturn, there is no reason why you should attempt so to coucea' the fact. "Pardon me. I have been urmeces larlly rude and hasty. But I am Elsa's best friend, I think. I know her very thoroughly. Her happ ness seems to have become, in some sense, my responsibility since she left the safe shelter of her home to be with me to try the sam life that I have tried. Mr. Variac I believe Elsa is very unhappy now. And "And you think she is unhappy be cause I have trifl d with ner affec tions? Led her to fix them upon n' w hen " "Of course, you are a mau of ttu world, Mr. Varian, and Elsa is a tn.-re little country girl," interrupted Laura, with rapid utterance. Her case somehow, did not seem so very clear after all. And strong and col lected as she always was she wa Growing strangely nervous now. "But Elsa is a good, pure girl, worthy to be the wife of any man,' she hurried on "And " She paused abruptly. "I honor you more than I can say .'or what I have seen of you within the last ten minutes," said Varlan's voice at this juncture. "l ew women would have had such directness, such loyalty to a friend, such courage. But there is a mistake here. 1 I cannot marry Miss Hart." Laura raised her head. For a mo ment they measured each other. "You cannot marry " "No Because I do not love hei. I have looked upon her as a pretty child nothing more: and mindful of her grandfather's kindness to me the summer that I was thrown from my horse when riding near his place and laid up under his roof for weeks, I have tried to do what little I could for her. That is all. I sought her out, not for herself, but because she was your friend because she war lear you." She had turned ashy pale. Thb pallor of her cheek was rejected on Verian's. He bad not thought to speak so soon. Their eyes held each other for a long, breathless pause. In an instant the young man was on his knees it lur side. "Laura: Laura!" "No, no, no!" She shrank away from bis touch: but he bad seen the expression of her eyes, and all bis pulse beat in the intoxication of a new hope. "You must go away; you must never come back," she said, hoarsely. "Laura' You can't mean that?" the poor fellow gasped. She had risen to her feet "Why? Why?" he stammered, following ber as she retreated from him. A light burst upon htm, In duced by something In her lace. 'It cannot be that You are not thinking of Elsa, of Miss Hart? But this is folly, madness! For a girl like you head and shoulders above other women such a stand Is Incomprehensible." "She loved you; 6he trusted me,' sa d Laura, rigid and white In ber stfort at selfcontrol. "Good heaven:" the man exclaimed, driven to bay. -you would not have mc marry a girl I do not love simply because she happened lo fancy other wise? I deplore the delusion, but what more cau I do? Laura," he pleaded. . "you will not send me iway'" "Yes." She still stood rigid, with, downcast eyes. "At least," lie pleaded again, after a moment of silence, "will you not tell mo that you care for me a little?" Not even then would she rals"? hei eyes. g"Vcry welt 1 shall go now, but 1 shall come back. Do you hear me? Time works many changes and I shall return." And, so spying, he left her. But she nver hoped for his return She never expected it The last of the warm days haa flown, the autumn afternoons were growing short, Laura worked on, leading her own solitary life. She had jresigned herself to thi lolitude in which she seemed to have been abandoned. Her pencil - never faltered in these days. . But the hand that wielded it had grown thin and white, and the blue veins showed llko delicate tracery under the transpar- ent skio. ''' She was coming home late one dart Afternoon, wben, la the gloom-flllcd landing before her door, she made out an indistinct form. It did not more at ber accroach, and onlx wUoa he had thrown open the door uid she reco-rnize who it was. Then she staggered back a little "You see, L have come back as 1 told you I wouid," said Varian. In the stronger light of the roort ae saw how changed she was and bow she trembled. "Laura my poor girl!" Even then she strove to push him from her. "Good heaven, Laura," he cried, itepping back; '"do you not know that Elsa Hart is married?" "Married:" He drew a folded paper from his pocKet "You see, she was married twe ! reeks ago, and to a fellow I happen i to know, a clever young artist rising In his profession, who spent bis sum mer sketching on her grandfather's farm. Now, Laura, will you come to me?" Oh, how could she, how could ihc " "Forget me eo soon?" lacghed Varian. "Pardon me, dearest b:t I think you rather overrated the depth of her feelings. She liked me no bet ter than sbe would have liked many i other men who happened to be a lit tie '. kind or attentive to her. She isaj dear, sweet little woman, but" he broke off impatiently "why should we talk of 'her? You have not yet' answered a question I once put to you. " "What question?" The girl's eye would not meet his. "I asked you once If you cared foi me a little." xnen, inaeea, ner gray eyes mcij n s with the full glance of the Laura' of old. I 'I think 1 have always cared- .rom the flr-t more than a little she said. Washington Tost They Jutt Cut til. f'.nule In Twu. How many collectors of coins know anything aliout the curious half-pence issued centuries ago by English au thorities, half-pence in the truest en e of the words, since they were nothing more than minted pennies ;ut directly in half? Specimens of these coins have been discovered fre iuent:y among the bured treasures which from time to time have b;en 'inearthed in Great Britain. In Lao ashire in 1S40 were found a rare int of coins, among which were sev 2ral pennies of the time of Alfred uid Edward divided in this way. Similarly divided pence of the time of Edward the Confessor have been found, and in speaking, of the dis covery, In of a number of these curious bair-p'-nce of the time of William the Con lueror, and unques tioned authority states tlrat they vvero probably issued from the mints in that form, since the whole coi'ec tion had evidently been in circula tion. In the British Mu eum n Lou don are specimens of these divided coins issued under varr.us monarch; from Allred to Henry III., with the latter of whom the custo'ii ceased An eminent a hxolo'ist accounts for the divided c :ns by saying that thi doubtlesss arose from the scarcity of small cham.", which w.:s in pirt reraedn d und'T the rei-n of Edani L by the co.aage of half-pence ami farthings. Mails Thro ih Fueiunst'u Tubi. The tubes are laid under ground between the branch oto l'ces and the main orlice; tin y are of bra-s, covered with various materials t) protect them in the ground, and in laying them care is taken to avoid sharp corners and curves. At the starting point machinery is placed, by which air is compressed and kept stored under a number of pounds pressure. The mail matter is put into leather boxes, which lit the in terior of the tuties; these are placed in the receiving tu'es. which are closed with heavy floors. The com pressed air is then turned into the re ceiving tube. It can expand in only one direction, that is, in the direc tion of the tube, and in expanding it drives the leather box with Its ccu tents before it until at the main otlice the box is discharged into the receiv ing tube, and the liberated air fol lows it with a slight explosion. The system Is in use in many newspaper offices and between telegraph oillces The shorter the d stance to lie traversed the less pressure need be ap plied to the air. Brass is ued as the material of the tubes because it is self-luoricatlng and becomes aud re mains smooth easily, and therefore offers the least resistance to the pas sage of the boxes. Tl Anatomj or th. Oyat.r. A dam is considered as an emblem ot stupidity and callousness. But you will make a great mistake if you put the oyster in the same category as when you c'jiss a Chinaman and a Japanese together. The oyster Is so strong that no human Angers can open the doors of his house if he wishes to keep them shut. Liver and digestive organs he has, as sensitive as ours; respiratory organs as com plicated as the human lungs; ma chinery for getting a water supply and for preventing anoverbow, and a wonderful mechanism for trapping his food. And he has a heart w hose pulsations may be seen after bis house bas been torn from him. Knowing this, it is easy to com prehend how cultivation and care may net only improve it in looks, but also cause the quality of its meat to surpass that of the unci.tivated oys ter, as much as grain-fc! poultry sur passes the product of the barnyard. When your host offers you oysters that are plump, round, thick, deep, liffht-colored. and frincrpd niilfj. thlV to the very edge, then you may be I jure that they have not only lived with few disturbances, but under high state of cultivation. A Bad T.levrmm. A young wife whs lost her husband by death telegraphed the sad tidings to ber father in these succlnt words: "Dear John died this morarng at 10. Ltiss fully covered by Insurance." South ro iv. Una Way of Doing It He That friend of yours is rery familiar. He slapped ma on the back and called ma "oldniaa." Sbe So Be told me. He said be bad for rotten your nams. Life. LITTLE BUT USEFUL. Th Htr.ui Bingham, Made for Mln.loaatx Work Amonc the GUbert Island. The smallest missionary vessel e float recently left San Francisco for the Gilbert Islands. She is 50 feet long, J4 feet wide, and 6 feet deep, is a two-masted schooner, was buut THE BIKAX BIXOBAM at San Frajicisco, and her name 1j the Hiram Bingham. She was paid for, however, by the American Board of Foreign Missions, of Boston, and ts registered in that city. Rev. J. Walkup, who commands her, Is a cap tain as well as a missionary, who has passed twelve years of his lifeamoog the Gi.bcrt Islands. Internally the vessel Is all cabin, as the crew Is composed entirely of the missionaries w o Intend to work among the Isl ands, and the vessel is designed for a sort of tender to the big m ssionary br g Morning Star. It is built, tuere fore, to run in and out among all the channels and harbors where the large vessels cannot go, and an odd feature about it Is a 10-horse-power gasoline engine aud attached screw, so the vessel can navigate the narrow chan nels by steam In a calm. OLDEST HOUSE IN AMERICA. It I. Built or Adolw and Standi In Santa Fr. New Mexico. Down In old 'Santa Fe, the capital of New Mexico, the oldest seat of civil and religious government on American soil, there exist many re- toe oldest noL iir AsiLniCA. mains of buildings erected by the old Spanish conquero s of the country. One of lhee, the Adobe Palace, has been used as the "executive" man sion since the first Governor and Cap tain General, Juan de Otermin, oc cupied it in lG'iO; while the cathe dial, built in 1701, is now rapidly cmmbllng away, and will soobe re p a".ed by a m nlern stone budding. Ar other interesting eccb lastl -al edillc-; is the Church of tan Miguel, erected in the sixteenth century, but destroyed during the Pueblo revolu tion of 1580, and rebuilt in 1710. Close to this structure stands a houe generally recognized as the "oldest in the United States." It was built be fore the Spanish conquest, and It Is traditionilly reported that Corouado lodged in it in 1540. CAPTURED A CATARACT. Capitalist. Will Soon Bun Fat Niagara to Hard Work. For more than flftyyears the dream of engineers has been to "harness Niagara." Well, the dream has come true. Niagara is in harness. To be sure, the trace-chains havt trot yet be n hooked to the whlflCe trces of industry, but the collar and harness, the bridle and bit, are in poa.tion and ready for the strain Mien it shall come. The greatest cataract of the world has been subdued, says a Buffalo cor respondent of the New Y'ork Press, and If, in knowledge of its captivity, its roar is more sullen than of yore when It existed only as an insur mountable obstacle to navigation and a wonder for slghtseeis to grow solemn over, the smiles on the faces of capitalists, the new jingle In the pockets of residents of the village of Niagara Falls, and the complacent prophecies of the Buffalonian that ten years hence "Chicago will not be lu it, sir; no, sir, not on your life," are atonements. It is estimated that the total power of the great waterfall is equal to that of 15,000,000 horses. The present scheme will only utilize less than 1-3 00th of that vast wasting force, but it may be stretched in the future to as great a length as may be made usefuL The effect of this great enterprise may not be as great as the sanguine remark of the Buffalo man who has been quoted would imply, but it will be very great Bat a plan has been devised where by the power will be electrically transmitted to Buffalo with compara tively small loss, so that the city will undoubtedly come in for many of tbe pudding's plums. Tbe first attempt to utilize tbt water power of Niagara Falls was made by Horace A. Dey, who in 1S50 built the old hydraulic caual ruunlng from above tbe rapids to what are now known us Shoelkopfs mills, on the brink of the cataract This canal llseharges its water into wheeipits only sixty feet deep, which In turn riis.'harge at a point mors than 100 feet above the level of the river be low tbe falls, so that more than three-quarters of the possible force is wasted. The old hydraulic canal gives in all only about 8,000 available horse powder. Unintentionally Yomny. The making of Jokes bas come to be a recognized trade, but it is still true that the funniest things are those that are said unintentionally, especially; 8aea. -rhj Xeel H W s4 fhr? my - ' i ai ml slon to be eloquent. The Tvr Y'ork Tribune brings together a few specimens of that peculiar form of ridiculous speech knows as anti-climax. It prevails in India -imonf all classes, but is especially resortd to by natives who have occasion to petition Europeans for favors. Thus such a nan will say: "Will the Presence, whoe reputa tion for justice Is known from the East to the West and whose counte nance spreads joy among His inferi ors, who are as the sands ot the sea shore, in number, graciously deign to take but an instant's notice ot him who bas the delicious honor to naui himself one of the most unworthy among the servants of the Protector of the Poor; and will the favorite Son of the Lord of the Universe mag nanimously overlook my amazing pre sumption in asking him for the pay ment of a bill ot two annas for hen eed?" The same thing is not unknown in the United Mates. A Florida police justice was trying to Impress upon a prisoner who was to testify in his own behalf the solemn nature of an ! oath. Assuming the most pompous Kuie he thus addresed him: "Prisoner at the bar! In taking this s-o!euiu oath to tell the truth and nothing but the truth, take care . that you do not allow yourself to ba tempted to commit a willful perjury. ' Kemember that the eye of an all-seeing Providence and the village coo- ! vtable are upon you." i Another judge, in a rough and ready but ambitious frontier town, bad occasion, or thought he had, to comment severely upon the heinous crime of horse-stealing, aud thua- . dered forth: I "For century after century tha ' dread command, 'Thou shalt not steal,' bas rolied along the ages. It Is, moreover, a standing rule of this ' court, if not yet a by-law of our pro ' gressive and soon-to-bo-incorporated 1 city!" I Ludicrous deliverances of a similar . sort are common ia advertisements, ' especially in those of a personal nat ure. Here is one that appeared not 'on? ago in a 2ew Y'ork paper; ; "Willie, return to your detracted wife and frantic children! L'o you want to hear of your old mother's sul c.deV Yu will if you do not let us know where you are. Anyway, send back your lather's colored meer schaum." Motto on a Clock. The following account of the ori gin of a well-known motto for a time piece, whether true or faL--e, Is worth recording. Some years ago a new clock was made to be placed In the Temple Hall. When tlnlsbed, the clokmakcr was dtsi ed to wait on t';e Benchers of the Temple, who would think of a suitable motto to be r ut under the clock. He applied several times, but without getting the desired Information, as they had Dot determine! on the Inscription Continuing to importune them, he at last came when the old Benchers were met in the Temp.e Hall, and had just sat cown to dinner. The workman again requested to be informed of the motto; one of the Benchers, who thought the applica tion ill-timed, and who was fonder of eatitiR and drinking than inventing original mottoes, testily replied: "Go about your business." The mechanic, taking this for an answer to his ques tion, went home and inserted at the bottom of the clock, "Go about your business, and plaoed it on the Temple Hall, to the g-eat surprise of the Benchers, who, uioa considering the circumstance, agreed that accident had produced a better motto than they could think of, and ever siuco the Temple clock has continued to remind the lawyers and the public to go about their business. -The Million. lSetray.J by an tcho. Ferhaps the most interesting echo, partly because of Its history, is that of the Cathedra! of Girgentl, in Sicily, where the slightest whispor Is borne with perfect distinctness from the great western door to the cornice be hind the high altar. The fact that a faint whisper could be thus carried 250 feet was discovered aucideutally by a man who overheard tbe confes sion of a fair sinner, tbe confessional being just at tbe most unfortunate place. The secret was kept jealously guarded by the dis overer and a few t intimate friends to whom hecon3ded . it, while escapades of the most pri j vate nature became public property , in the most mysterious way. Finally one listener had his curiosity more ; than satiated b heaiing bis wife's confession to the priest, and raised . such a row that the secret became : known, and the locution of the con I fesstonal was changed to a more se ! care part of the edifice. IA HUtorlau'. H.ipmato. Mrs. J. Iw Green, the wife of the English historian, aided him in his researches and wrote at his dictation sometimes as mauy as eleven hours a day. This brought on writer's cramp, but instead of laying down ber pen Mrs. Green taught herself to writo with ber left hand. Besides assist ing in the production or the "Short i History," she has written some on nor ' own account the "Life of Henry IL," "English Town Life in the Mid dle Ages," and "Iowa Life In the Fifteenth CenCury," all tennea with tbe lefi band. Of course this was before the days of tbe typewriter. Mutlcal Therapeutic.. A guild bas been formed In London for tbe purnose of propagating and j putting into practice its idea that ' music, has a greac mission before it in ' the curing of certain diseases. The system Is being Introduced into French hospitals, under the name of "Musico Therapeutios." According to a Dr. Bla kmann, who is the lead ing spirit in the new departure, violins have the highest therapeutic 'value, the ha j, coming next while tenors should sing to female patients, and sopranos to males. It is sug gested that Dr. Blackmann should pursue tbe natural development of this new school of tbe healing art and classify the composers, as a natient i needing the "exhibition" ot Haydn might be seriously affected by a course of Wagner. A Fctcish woman in Minnesota oas given b rtb to six children at one time. Tbe father hopes tbat this will jrinnjeb sbe family. LAUGH AND GROW FAT. A HEALTH V TONIC FOR VALIDS OT ALL KINDS. IN- Hnmoron. Anecdote. Cleaned from Ten on. Sonreee Something to Read Which tl 111 Make A body Sleep Well Better Than Medlelae Wben Taken Beiore Ke-SUins- An Old Sorap-Book. "What was that book you were reading just now, Johnny? It was Jareled the Marou s of Queensbcrry's Rules." "Oh er that?" Johnny replied. '-That was nothln but an old scrap-book." Wa-hington Star The March or Intellect. Father (rebutlngly) When I was a little boy 1 never thought of ask.ng such Questions. Tommy (the young est) Ah, but papa, when you was a little boy I wasn't born! Funny Folks. Twinkle rt. Trine- It is confidently asserted tbat, as far as patrician instrumentalists are concerned, the banjo Is well-nigh "played out" while the mandolin is "coming on with a rush." f ashion decree tbat we mutt glee op handiia' (Excu. i tbe rhrme) tbe ban'o for fL. mandolin ' Fililir' a. tr.Lilrnt ass flaming candle Ivan,1 Bemerk the played-out banjo to tbe mando'lne. London Judy. Too Expensive. Pabton (calling on his cousin from the country) Why don't you go out and see the town? Cousin Go oai! Do you knonr I am paying $2 a dy for this room, aud you bet I want to get my money's worth. Once a Week. A Settler. Mr. Slowpay Mrs. Hash, will you let me have a strainer? The coffee grains don't seem to settle. Mrs. Ha h With pleasure. And I ho e It will not only cau e tho coffee to settle but you, too. Cloak Journal Beginning Toung. Resident Think of opening an office in this neighborhood, eh? Seems to me you are rather young foi a family physician. Young Doctor Y-e-s, but er 1 shall only doctor children at first New Y'ork Weekly. The Minister". Club. Small Son Mamma, there's a boy's club being formed; can I Join? Mamma (horrified) Indeed you shan't. Small Son I'm glad of that the minister is gettin' it up. Good News. A Dooble-nistllled Fake. Colonel Taylor (to Nonscruple) Wnat Is all Mils talk about a whisky trust? Nonscruple Not a word of truth In it I've tried a dozen places. Jud;e. A Blranta Token. Clara Why, what a large pillow! New. isn't it? Maud Yes. You know Charlie Gouger, Harvard's half back? Well, be bad bis hair cut - off. stuffed that pillow with it ana gave it to me. Puck. 111. Part Waa. "Don't you think you are overdoing this matter of delay?" said the cred itor. "Not at all," leclied the debtor, "but 1 am satisfied that your part of the transaction is decidedly over duu." Washington Star. Mweeta to the Sweet. Mother (to her child, who bas just bad so.xe sweets eivea ber by a fellow-passenger) What do you say to the gentleman, Mabel! Mabel Have you got any more, please? Punch. A Pnule. - Little Dick There was a panic in the theater I went to las' n gbt Lit tle Johnny AVofs aranic? Lttle Dick W'y, everyboly gets scarce 'cept you. Good News. At Slmmoneoa'a. First Clerk There's a new baby at Simmonson's. ie.ood Cleric So? Type-writer or book-keeper? In dlauapolls Journal. Bl. Quotation. "ThaUs an other story," ns the builder said when ordered to run the walls up higher. Troy Press. ! The sbacjw of a misfortune elll generally frighten us more tban tbe disaster itself. Undertake tc prove tbat there is no bell and every mean man will throw up bis bat I They know in Heaven bow much religion the ricn have by tbe way they treat tbe poor folks. Tbe first cast-frcn plow waa made, br Newbold in iW. - 1 I tty proxy. . Morrison E-sex I'm going to les I sis wife know of his actions with the ; jiris. Franklin Fumiss Are you j ro n to tell her? Morrison Essex No; I'm going to tell my wife. Puck, i I tame Length of Time. Harry Now, Jack, stand up and tell our guests what you know it won't take vou very long. Jack I I'll tflll them wht we both know- it won't take me any longer. Ex. Interfering with Bnalneu. Tenderfoot Don't y. u see that man killing all thoso people? Why don t you stoa him? ; Alkali Jim Stop him! Me! Well, I guess not, pare! ner. Why, d n , It, man, I'm the coroner! Llfo. Don't Agree. The wolf and the lamb lie down to gether; but it is a ways the wolf that makes tbe proposit'on. and he is lia ble to get hungry the moment he feels wicked. New Orleans Iicayune. Ht-r Kxcute. He So vou have been dnncin; w:th tbat c:!d Fla hpot while I've been to zet your ice? She Well, dear, I thought I would net wara.ed up 60 to enoy the ice Judy. Had Seen That. "I suppose you are too young to have ever seen a slave auctioned from the block?" "Yep. I once 6aw a man knocked down for a song, though." Indianapolis Journal. Like Woman. Work. "Tostcr (:n cheap restaurant) The steak they have here rem nds me of a woman's work. Wlllare Why so? Uu.'t.r It is never dona Truth. Personal Experience Kecesnary. "Naw,"said Patrolman McAnarest "a mon kin niver tell what he'll do in a pinch until he gets pinched him wit." Puck. - Overwork. Rooney Say, Pat, ye're a bit of a i irhotard; kin ye tell me who it was ordered the sun to sbtand stili? Noonan I dunno. Some son of a i:n of a contractor who wanted to git a big day's work out of the labor- in' man, ye kin bet. Puck. A Queer r el ow. "Old man Suburb Is a queer" fel low. "Indeed be is; he was a su pervisor from a country town once and voted against saddling all the taxes on tiie city." Buffalo Express. A Browning Primer. There is a Browning primer now. It is safe to say that tbe primer Is as far as some Browning devotees w.ll ever get with profit or undei standing. Rochester Cbronlcle. Sorry for Him. "They say Miss Richly is 28 and h s had twenty-eight proposals. " "Yes I told Brother John that and he replied: 'Heaven b lp the twenty ilnth man:'" Once Week- Brand or Clgaro. Figgs Take a cgar old man; this brand is reserved for mv friends. Diggs after inspecting the wee li I bore your enemies died prepared! Once a Weik A Little Peal. The coal man drew a band that spoiled the iceman's little game; the modest plum ersiwthem both and got tbore just the same. Buffalo Exprees. Alannlne. if True. Justice How do you explain you oe ng found inside Colonel Ginger's thicken coop last night? Leftover Jackson De . truft Is, edge. I made all ma 'rangements ter git up 'arly in the mohnn', and I waated ter sleep whab I cud beab ie roosters crow. Pu -k. Be Might Be. "It's a good thing we can't sen our selves as others see us" saldMawson. That's sV said Withcrup, com pa. centiy. "How con eited I'd be it we could: Harper's Ba ar. In section. "Ninety-Five Say, Blanks, bav you read 'Romeo and Juliet?' Ninety Six Iv'e read i.oxeo and I Intend taking up Juliet boon. Princeton Tiger. We do not have to travel far to find jut that all hogs do not wear brist.es. Thkbe are too many people who aJ ire only pious when things go right I Gjd can say things to the poor ' ihat be cannot even hint at to the ricb. I A DeroTr of petrified lobsters, slams and turtles has b en discoveitd In Ar.iona. Now, if the collection Included petrified sandwiches, Arizona i might be depended upon to fit out a i railroad restaurant with everything . needed- NEWS IX B2IEF. There are 235 varieties of dyna mos. There are only two lawyers in Ice land. An invalid's chair Is electr'cally propeded Wnaleback boats are electricity. lighted by Asphalt nawments were first laid in Paris lu 1354. Tbe best Insect destroyer is bot alum water. ne-flfth of the coal mined is lost la cuiin and refuse. Tbe longevity of trees is much in fluenced by climate. T. e notation system ot writing music was invested In 1070. The flesh of the oyster contalas abjut nine: per ceat of water. During tbe years taat Hmry VHI. reigned 72.000 tolevej were canged. A Sedalia (Mo.) p.eacher adver tises "good music and thort nermous.'' There are ruiiy 100,000 species of insects known to the entomologists. Astronomers clalnn that tbeie are 17,600,000 coutets in the solar system. A body weighing 10.0CO pounds at tbe q-:ator would weigh 10,031 pennds lu Loudon. Tbe swards or Paxascas were wo:ld-lam' us Dvo hundred years before the Cbnsiiau Era. Aluminum pencils are being man ufactur, a n German fjr use as substi tutes for .Ute prne is. To make ice by artificial means re quires one ton if cod to produce from live to ten tons of ice. A Coz"B bee trees in New Madrid, Mo, were iate'y tapiwd, and yielded 600 pounds of wild honey. For the destruction or microbes cinuam.iD Is sail to cm as effective, it not bS quIck, us corrosive sublimate. A large sw;ng mach'ne, weighing tbree an i one-fourth iods. Is in nse lu Leeds, England. It sews cotton belt ing. Th avarae weight of the Chinese b-aliissti. to be beivier than tbe avengn weight o the brain in any oti er race. Hrd coal loses eight per cent in bulk per a"nim when exposed 13 the weather. S.ft, coal loses twelve per ctnt Considerable attention is now be lug paid to the chemisiry of the pig ments of infects, especially of butter flie. Sixty miles an bour Is a common speed, an 1 a rte of forty or fifty unles Is attained d uly oa almost every rail way in the country. Tue newly di-cuvered frm of car bon a ff era in several . f ltd protertits frou. graphic, and bas been called iro vUlonallv itn itite. Tbe el'Cnc capstan is now larzely n?e1 on docks and in railway and other yards where ready power is required lo move carj, in place ot switcuing en gines. Over twenty years ago Meldola ob seived tnat tbe y-ll.iw p gawnt of tbe sulphur yellow butterfly was soluble in water, and showed tbat its aqueous solution had au acid reaction. Experiments lave shown tbat a pumpsln will lirt, to and one-half tons, provnii-d t'.e wi:ht t placed so as to interfere with tbe growth aud develop ment of the vege a' Id. The teroporature of the Mel'terra iiean at 2u0 fathoms is a o ;t fifty-six degrees, aud uo change is found In golrg to the bottom which in places reaches a depth of 1500 f .tboms. M Cbappuis's proposed electric railway through th Simploa Pa-a Is estimited to cot 3,O00,OUO, and It wou d ereatly rot'ice tbo n:stance be tween Italy and N rthern Europe. - Tbe cost of the observatory which is now being built on tbe toj of Mont Blanc, Switzerland, Is .SM railed at SoO, 000. Part of the buiidiog Is to be made available for guides and touritti It is claimed th.t over $d0,0OO,0J0 bas been luvrsted In the phosphate Las iness if the South, and thtt Ih-) busi ness has been overdon?, at least tempo rarily. There are now 670 Osages and tliev i ave to their creii' in th- United States Treasury about $10,000.0' 0, own 1,500.100 acre - ot ex eueot liu.i aud do not. owe a cent. Their Ilo me per Capita is Qfiy-five dollars j.er qu rter. At Cherbourg France, an electric al came is ;n successful operation. It will run for twelve hours at the rate ot nearly eight snots an hjur. Genuine volcanic dust has been found in Kansas and tbe Indian Terri tory, i" I 'ere is a dei osit near Galena, in the T nltery, which la taid to be tuciLy feet ii) thickness. A fosIl elephant bas been found ten kilometres from tirloude, In Fiance, on tl.e slop of an old volcano, tne fen eze. It is tbe .keleton of an elephus meridional)", and :s nearly entire. Tbe 1 dest mettied of decorating metals nihkes tbe working out of most beiutiful and ar'.ist C designs possiMe. The means oy which this ia affected are ti e etching a-d oxidation of tbe metal. A level bead Is i-ossessed by a cer tain young man id Wlnun a.', Ind. He lovtd two xirls equally well, and both of them rd d l.iai. He set them to cooki ft a dinner, each In torn, in bis presence, r.e married the one who.e dinner be preferred. There bas beii plowed np In An drew C-unty, Mls-ourl, an ancient Roman swor.1. It in reported, which is be.ieved to b ve belonged 10 some men lr of De Soto's exied ton, whn were ext lo""r in that pirt ot tbe country lu the middle of the Sixteenth Ce .tu.y. I'erfoi mances at theatre of aaciect Greece sometimes lifted twrlve hours. S-von o'clock in tbe rr.ori.ing was the t me for tue raising ot the curtain, so to speak. A pistol ball was recently re moved from the right thigh ot a rr an wtiici bat been there since 1S6.. The hi.ll, It Is said, had sravl ated about a foot und a half thn.upb the flash in tne last tweutv-nine years. A C"uple of pheasants j lined after tbe manner ot the Siamese twins, were snot by a hunter in BeUefi-nie, Orego . The connecting ligament was r-alf ad inob thick, end united them just In rnt ot the wings.