t fit fiT illlOE tmm B, F. SOHWEIER, THE OONSTITDTION-THE UNION AND THE ENFORCEMENT OF THE LAWS. Editor and Proprietor. VOL. XLV. MIFFLINTOWIS, JUNIATA COUNTY. PENNA.. WEDNESDAY. JUNE 3. 1891. NO. 24. TALK OF THE DAY. A counter irritant" A eaocj tbop-ifirl- MiJ t0 measure The young -,.mnn at tne ribbon counter. Flat nonsense Expecting the com forts of a borne in an apartment house. Voice from the cage "The saloon,'1 he solemnly drawle. "m Aie bouse that Jaeg built." I do dislike people who say yes' with a rising inflection to everything tby near." "yes?" If I must die," pleaded the turkey, let me bs buried decently. 1'leaae don't eat with your knife!" Sot very busy. First orange Hello! What are you doing here?" Second orange "Nothing; just look la round." I think we ought to have the fuchsia for our national flower." Why so?" "We have a (Treat fuchsia before us." When a polltican romarksthat he is In the hands of friends it can generally be assumed that his friends' hands are in his pockets. The man who pays the biggest pew rent here on earth will not always find the best seat reserved for him in the heavenly congregation. When a young man begins to courl a girl with the purpose of reaching the goal of matrimony, he generally get tnere hy the "bell" line. Businesslike: Young Sprlgg "Mr. (liduuirk. I am worth .'o.uuu and I love your daughter." Mr. Bidquick retired auctioneer) "Sold." "What nre you pouting about, John ny?" "Billy's real mean." "What's the matter?" "I eat all my candy, and hilly won't give me any of his." Nothing half way about him. Hrowu "It's too bad about Jorgson drinking so. He's not half a bad fellow." Jones "No. He's a whole one." Kinks "What a pity that Smithers can't keep sober! I just saw him down the street." Jinks "Jxaded for b'ar. as usual? Biuks "Loaded from bar, I thought." A Michigan paper suggests that John 1.. Sullivan be turned into the ring with a 4-year-old bull. John has certain lv never hesitated to lace a couple of horns. Know When to Leave. "la your cat intelligent? "I should say so! She heard me tell the cook to have rtthbit stew for lunch, and she hasn't been Been since." Quite Natural Mrs. Gazzam 'Young Mr. Dolly dotes wildly on our Amy, Mr. dazzam "ies, my dear. He is just at the age when young men eow their wild dotes." A good example. Canvasser "Yea, it is early, but I'm a morniug glory open out early." Victim "I hope you'll emulate that flower, too, in shutting up before noon." Necessary Preparations. Visitor I suppose your daughter is busily pre paring for her wedding. Mother "Yes, she is up in her room now de stroying all her old letters." A Cordial Invitation. His Honor "What made you steal this gentle man's door-mat?" Prisoner "Sure, ye Honor, it is 'Welcome' on it, in leathers as long as your ar-r-rm." Stranger "Is the cashier in?" Janitor (emphatically) "Yes, sir!" Stranger "Can I see him?" Janitor "Y es, sir! Visiting? hours at the jail are from 2 to 4 every afternoon." Relatives of the Fifth avenue. New York, girl who rocently married a bar tender are making a great ado over it. And yet the girl might have married a bar "tough" instead of a bar tedter. The Horrid Thing. "I thiuk the gentlemen in New York are very polite. Three of them got up to give me a seat In the car to-dy." Alios coney "And you took all three, I presume?" At Niagara. Old Mi- Testy (return ing to his room after paying the hotel bill) --"Don't touch me! I'm not sure about my insulation, and I've just been so heavily charged that I m danger ous." One merit of Wagner. "How did you like the Wagner oper.rs. Clara?" "I enjoyed them immensely. The person back of you who always hums an opera gets left when it comes to Wagner." In the Black Maria: Tags "Wot makes you Ait up so kinder stiff an' unsociable?" Rags (loftily) "Why. I ain't no common bloke, I ain't Mr. Vangoulderbilt had me arrested for beggin'!" A broad hint: Landlord (to depart ing guest) "I trust I may rely upon your recommending my establish ment?'' Guest "I don't happen to have at this moment a mort.tl enemy in the world!" "Love is blind." Nonsense! Just pay a little attention to some other woman, and the woman who loves you will see it even if the transaction oc curs ten miles away, with half a hun dred brick walls intervening. She Could Not Accept Goslin "Miss Weehawken, will you honor me wilh vour company to the oitera on Thursday?" Miss Weehawken "I'm sorry, but a lot of my friends are to give me a surprise party that night and I'm expected to stay at home." "Thipketh no evil." A lady is be ing examined in a police court. Mag istrate "Well, madam, one thing at least seems to be certain; your hus band beat you." Witness (apologetic ally) "Yes. your honor; but then ho always was such an energetic man." Society: Little chick "What do you let that ugly little thing conio under your wing for?" Old hen (who has inadvertently hatched a duck's egg) "I can't help it, my dear. We've pot to put up with the creature be cuise she belongs to our set you know." No Mi.Ukc Fo.ill.lf. No matter what language a mau employs when ho wants liquor he generally makes himself understood. The Maysville Bulletin says: "One of Maysville's grocers received a jug Saturday from the country, with the following request written on a piece of pasteboard: " 'Plees seel this gug up.'" "Ylie 'guir' was sealed' up. and it wasn't empty when it was returned to lu owner." Courier-Journal. A REASONABLE RFOUFST lie '"Would vou mind making a little change in your oancingr He "fn what way?" She "You might tread on my left foot for a change. The right one has suffered enough." Not a connoiskcr. "Were yon at vne art auction yesterday?" "Yes." What was old?' I was." ANECDOTS OF CREAT MEN. Which May Possibly be Recoy nlzed by "Harper's Magazine." Shortly after the death of Cicsar'i daughter Julia, who had married Pom- I nan .V. 1 4 . i . . t'j , ukwr grew very uisiani to ward Caesar and before much time elapsed the two had become thorough ly estranged. Brutus having remark ed In Caesar's hearing that Pomnrv made a great mistake in treating him in the way he did, Cxsar observe !: "ies a very foolish mistake. lie treats me as though 1 were his motner- in-law instead of his father-in-law." It was that evenintr that Brutus iuined the opposition. Oliver Goldsmith's modesty has be. come proverbial, but he was bv no means the dullard in conversation that he is sometimes represented. David Garrick. who fond of his little joke, once asked Goldsmith before a larre party of gay Londoners: "Why does an ass bray when he can argue so e o quently with his hind hoofs?" "Why do you ask me?" asked Goldsmith. "Because you are an ass." replied Gar rick, wilh a smile. Quick as a wink came the reply; You're another." It is not likely that Garrick after tbia trifled much with dear old Noll. On another occasion. Bos worth hav ing said in Goldsmith's hearing that the "Vicar of Wakefield" should bavt been called the "Vicar of Sieepfield." modest Noll turned toward him and without a moment's hesitation cried: "Shut up your mouth!" Dr. Johns, nearly laughed himself into an apo plectic fit over this when fcrir Joshua Reynolds told hisa about it next day. "Will," said B.icon one day tc Shakespeare "they say I wrote youj plays." Shakespeare laughed. "Why do you laugh my William?" "Because my lord, thoy think you are the swan of Avon. You're a devil of t. swan, you are." Ben Johnson said it took one of Ba con's strongest essays to keep h im from striking the poet New York Sun. Tr.a Coartny. ' ' It is possible to learn salutary lessoni from all kind of people, in alt sorts ol places. Anna Dickinson was, yean ago, invited to a Chinese reception over the shop of Chi Lung, in Sao Francisco, and owned that as a school for good manners, she should not ob ject to such an experience oftener. The seat on the right hand side el the entrance farthest from the door is the post of henor. To this was I con ducted, mounted in state ou a high- backed chair and left to my own de vices, to behave as well as I knew how and so fell Into disgrace! There came to me a sedate-looking servant, carrying a huge box divided into com partments crowded with nuts and sweetmeats. What did I do? Looked at it nicked out a half dozen goodies from the half dozen sections, put them on the broad, flat arm of the chair that served as a table, and watched the progress of the man and his box to my next neighbor, who, to my amnzemeot took but one sugared drop. The box moved on to another and another, and each one helped himself to a solitary sweet while I gazed with horror at my own pile. I lost appetite, and watched the sedate servant cross to the left-hand side. Did the first of my celestial hosts take one sweet and then stop, I should be lost! But no, he gathered a handful to surpass my own, and heap ed it on the table beside him. I breathed again, the more freely as I saw one and all follow his example. Afterward I learned that had 1 en tertained these people at my table, and had one of them torn a chicken limb from limb with his fingers, he would nave done no greater violence to our code of good breeding than I had done to theirs. The question remains wheth er I should have had the courage tc fall foul of my dinner in the same vio lent manner for the sake of putting m guest at ease. Youth's Companion. A BoieM B.dVaTor. Related huabands hate to meet Their wives, and so in stocking feet They try to atealMpstairs to bed with cub. nina; truly clever. The average wi fe is not a room, She's on to every subtl. ruse. And so tbe husband finds the trick a boot leu vain endeavor. Optlailaa. "Into each life some rain mast f all," la written, and none may doubt it And better it is that rain "should fall. For life would be dry without ih Tk. Win Will Tar.. Has that yellow-haired dude been around here to-night?" "Not yet Why, papa, what is the matter? Did you miss your footing on the train? or" "No, I didn't miss my footing on tho train. I gently reminded that dude of yours that he was t wanted here and this is the result When h comes to night tell him he can have you, and he can't have vou any too quick to suit ma. A man who can use his hands like that fellow is protection enough for a dozen women. If he asks for me tell him I've gone to Africa or Camden inJ won t be back until the marriage baa blown over." Philadelphia In quirer. a Slrdld RMOmdatio. Mr. Hayseed (buying a cigar) 1 aope this ain't oneo' those weeds that ourn out in no time at alL l want rood lon!T smoke." Tobacconist (impressively 1 mint- ... . - . . . . c- friendt, dot cigar vill last you till fou ras sick of It A Kcw Lcaal.f IaTeatl... At a recent meeting of the Society nt Aerostation Jn Berlin x"ror. Onese nntcrLained the assembly with a de scriptioa of an invention of his, by means of which a man with his own muscular power may leap into tue air and fly for a short time. lhe maenine en. lad a BDruntrnug-ai. oeverm cicntiflc men have become convinced that Herr Grieso's invention is serious and that it will aid considerably in 801V' ing the problem of navigating the air. Tti. twlm ot Avarire. Mrs. Einstein "Vat vas de maddet mid mine lieber Chakey?" Kurfws "He just swallowed de penny vat his Ungle Isaac gif im. Mrs. Einstein "Dat's vot eomts Cl bein' so me..n. If he bad been gener ous und gif him a supleoded silfer dol i.p ilia awful accidents wouldn't ever bat happened." Society. The German Empi baa 43.0C0.fKQ people. Tbe cashmere ibawl indnstry is declin ing. r.-- : -e -T . -11 '"'Arxl IN THE NORDLAND. BY THOMAS B. WTLLSON, X.A. Many of our readers have lingered with pleasure over that charming little jtory now an old one by Harriett Martinean, called Feat on the Fjord, in which she tells of the beanties of the far-distant north, and the exciting adventures of Rolf and Oddo in tbe re cesses of the Salten Fjord. Now al though we are not to take too literally all that she tells us there for she had never, 1 believe, been in Norway her self yet there are few more pictnr sqne little tales of that northern land than the one I have mentioned, and if the reader does not know the story it will repay the reading. Let me then tell something about that region, and the equally or more inte resting Lofoten Islands, with their strange and fantas tic form?, which look so very weird when lit np by a midnight snn. We for there were fonrof ns made Bodo our headquarters for a while. We bad enjoyed our well nigh two avs' sail from Trondhjcm in tbe most perfect of weather, which showed all the wonders and the beauty of that strange coast to perfection. The great c m j , : Bn r - in cloml, nnveiled itself as we sailed along; the wild and lonely Trrcnen Is lands rose like pyramids far out to sen. We bad the excitement of witnessing the little town of I'.jorn on fire, and of going several mil ont of our conrse to offer shelter and conveyance to the homeless people which offer, how ever, was not accepted very largely, and at last we dropped anchor at Jiodo, having first bad a view a to-s the broad Vest Fjord, of the most southern of the Lofotens. Bodo itself is not a very interesting spot: one "long unlovely street, witn a few short ones at right angles, a new church, and some shops constitute the whole of it Bnt the views around are very fine. Seaward you have the Vest Fjord, with the large island ox lamiego nesr at hand, and tho Lofotens atou twenty miles distant Inland the town built on a peninsula yon have the fine mountain ranges of tbe interior covered w.th snow, the group of whi-h Snlitjelma is the highest point; and further south the magnificent range ol the Borsvatnstinder. Mnch of this re gion is quite nuexjlored at present; roads are few, and tourists still fewer. Occasionally some make their way to Bnlitjelma, to reach which a beautiful chain of lakes has to be traversed; bnt the interior all along this wondrous coast is still more or less an unknown land. The Ralten Fjord, which lies behind is remarkable lor tue iiimous nnii strommen, the most jxjwerful of all the Norwegian "stroma," or rapids, caused by the tide. This can be seen twice a day, when the waters or the title make their way back again from the Skjarstad Fjord, as the inner part of the Salten Fjord is called. Two small islands block np the entrance to this fjord, and in the narrow passages be tween these and the mainland, tho water rushes with terrific force, and presents a very striking scene. No steamer can pass at this time, so ttial li yon want o see it in its force, yon mnst tnke np a position on tbe laud close by. This place nas Deen visuea iy me rem?iiv Kino- of Norwav. Oscar II.. and an obelisk marks the spot from which tho best view en be obtained., the f.ni peror of Germany went to the same nlace a lew weens aiier we were luorc We i passed np through these narrows one of our visits to the Salten Fjord; on one bnt at that time of conrse the water was only running with the rapidity of a fairlv swift river, and the steamer quickly passed it and reached the open Skjxerstad Fjord. We had intended making the ascent oi muiijaima, imi a we had to leave one of onr party behind ns at Bodo, we were not able to go the whole way. We landed. However, ai a pi nee cmiou Fineid, and made our way for some distance along the lowest of the chain of lakes, over which yon have to jour ney to reach the bse of Sulitjelma. It was quite delightful and wonderful to see the richness of the vegetation in the far north. Tlie lakesido was all clothed with trees birch and alder, and the grass and wild flowers in abun dance made it more like the English lakes than a spot ia the same latitude as Greenland. A few days after this we madeanotner xenrsion to the Saltatrese by a route preferable to going all the way by steamer. First we bad a drive of about ten miles, passing the interesting old chnrch of liodo, with its great parson age, or "prspstegaard," where they once entertained Louis Philippe, and where the walls of the rooms are coverea wuu very strange and grotesque paintings: on to a pot called Kvalvaag, where after short time we succeeded in get- .ing a bott with a sail, and two -narny Norsemei ," to take ns acroas the wide stretch of fjord whicb separaiea ns from Strom. It was a most glorious day, and the snow clad pes us oi me Borsvafcistinder, with their several glaciers, glittered in the sun. Tnere vast ireen Dreeze monug "c , " started, and we made good way; bnt abont half-way across we found the wind and tide met, and the result was that we began to ship water at a very alarming rate, and had to bale it out with all speed, lest this should be the last of onr "Feats on the Fjord." How ever, we escaped with nothing more than a partial dncking, and were none the worse after we bad a good walk on the shore. Unfortnnately, however, the Saltstrom did not show itself to advan age on this occasion, as the tide was a very low one, and we had to content ourselves with imagining what it would be Uke. Going back to Kvalvaag we had another roneh crossing, but reached shore without mishap. Before we cros ed to the Lofotens we made one or two attempts to photo graph the miefn'ght snn. His solsr majesty, however was rather coy of showing bimseif at the right moment, and althongh be was not below the ho rizon all the time we ere in the Nord- . , rr-H" ... - ,nomju. land, it was bnt se'rlom that we hid an unclouded midnight Howaver, our photographer was not easily dannted. and one evening alout lip. if. be and I left Bodo and climbed np the bill, which lies to the north-west of the town, overlooking the Vest Fjord. When we gained the top we fonnd it blowing rather hard, bnt the sky was fairly free from cloud except just where the snn was partly behind the island of Landego. The camera was got ready and we waited anxiously for the'sun to emerge. We were much afraid that the island would obsenre onr view, as it rises abont 2,1)00 feet from tbe sea, bnt, to onr great delight, about five minutes before midnight the snn emerged from the bank of clond in its full and wondrons glory the glory of a summer sunset, which lit np tbe mountains and island with a golden light. It was blowing so hnrd that we had to hold on to the legs of the camera to keep it steady while the necessary exposure was given. Then we waited, watching the snn, and soon we could trace the upward movement, which told ns another day bad legun. It is some thing marvellous in what a short space (a few minutes) the change of light takes place, from sunset to sunrise, from the deep red of the setting snn, to the golden rays of the dawn. I have always thought this one of tho most beantiful effects produced by this phenomenon. In itself there is noth ing so very pecuhnr in the ajipearance of tbe snn at midnight, except for the quiet which reigns around. It is little more than an ordinary sunset effect, and these very highly-colored repre sentations of the scene which one often meets with, exist party in the im Agi nation, or under certain rare atmos pheric conditions not generally met with. We contrived, notwithstanding the difficulty of keeping the camera steady, to use three or four plates in onr at tempt to take this view of the midnight snn, but unfortunately as we found afterwards, the results obtained were not very satisfactory. F"rom Bodo we croased the wide Vest Fjord to Svoher, an important place in the Lofotens. The time we were there, however, was not the busy season. It is in the early month of the year that tho Lofotens are full of fishermen from all parts of Norway. Then it is that , the groat harvest of the sea is reaped, and millions upon millions of cod fish are caught and dried, for exportation to the Mediterranean. Svolva-rconsists of a number of wooden houses built on small islands, backed by procipitous mountains the S vol vhtsj tire almost overhanging a part of the little town. On this mountain is a very curious pin nnclo of rock resembling a gigantic stack of chimneys, quite nncliralmblo. All over the place are the wooden huts erected for the fishermen during the fishing season. They are littlo more than long sheds with berths along the sides, where tbe men sleep. These huts may be counted by the dozen in Svolva r and other important fishing stations, such as IlenningsvnT. With out them it would of conrse be impossi ble to accommodate half of those who come for the fishing. The entire pop ulation of the Lofoten gronp is only abont 'JO.OoO while there are usually about 2.",0(K) fishermen assembled in the springtime. enjoyed onr stay at Svolvnsr ex ceedingly, and our photographer was bnsy securing many beautiful pictures of the islands and their inhabitants. Not far from Svolvaris Kabelvaag. and it is connected with it by one of the few roads on Lofoten. We walked there oue dav, and a very interesting walk it is. Ihe road runs along the the sea amid huge boulders, which have fallen from the mountain sides, skirting some lovely bays, and then creeping between narrow walls of rock. On tho way we met with an interesting object Fastaned to a mighty louhlcr was a thick ir n box which hung from a staple. It was within easy reach of the passers-bv. In the lid of the box were two sli s iike those in a collecting-box, and under one the words, in Norwe gian, "Will yiu give an ore for mis sions to the heathen''" and under the other "Will yon give an ore for the poor .teamen's widows and their little ones?" What an excellent combina tion! The dangers of the winter fishery are many, und often there are poor willows and little ones to lament the loss of tho breadwinner; but tbe other npjienl was none the less appropriate, for we were in the parish whete that nobleheartsd missionary, Hans I'gede, was pastor for about eleven years from 1707 to 17IS before ho began the arduons work of tho evangelization of the Eskimo of Greenland. A short distance further on we came to the chnrch of Vaagen, a very plain wooden building, which replaces iin ancient church which stood on the same siti. Around the gnllery are pic tures of the various pastors who, in formdr days, bad charge of the parish. The oldest da'es from 15.MI a very curious i ne, painted on panel. Among the others we fonnd oneof Hans Egede. 5 - - .'A."" a - f-'yr ! Except .or thcio ii-turua, t-.- o not much interest in tbe church, an and as works of art they wore by n. means remarkable. During our stay at Svo'vjer we visite one of the industries for which tbi Ijofotf ns are noted- The Norwegian re a thrifty race, and do not allow an; art of the r harvest of the sea to go t Ts?e; and to, when cod are caught t le dried for the southern markets, thei ivers are dnly transformed into tha ust fnl bnt nnpleasant oil, so familiar 'l this country, and then it might b i h. night that the rod had done its fai. sli-ire in providing for the wants o man. Bnt it is not so. In preparing the dried tnkftk, or klipfik, for ex portation, the head is first cut oft Now the bead of a cod is no smal psrt of the tih: sn these bends are al collected and dried, and when driei are ground to a powdi-r, which is ex tensively me l asgnnno. The oh' est o the factories where the beads are s treated is at Svolvar, and we paid it i visit one morning. Ou reaching tbi Futirik we saw vast sheds with thei: l.enrs of these fiahy remains. Thi odor is cot at all as bad as might tx imagined, as of conrte the heads, be fort being brought there by tbe fishermen, are first dried in tho tun; still, there ii a very unmistakable smell about them, The manager of the factory was kind, aud showed nsall these treasures. He told us at that time (and the sbedf were not quite full) they calculate! they had ia stock about six and I quurter million of cods' heads waiting o be gronnd down. By his kindness we werti allowed to see the whole proc ess. The heads are first roughly gronnd, so as to bring them to a kind of powder; then this powder if thoroughly dried on hot plates of metal, and then ground down to a fine powder. I have said the smell was not at ali trying when passing the sheds where the bends are stored; but it is a very different thing in the house where they are dried after being crushed. There the smell is something to remember for a long time, and to this may be added the dus'. of dried cods' heads, which if flying nbout, and gets into tne nose and down the throat, so that for a day or so afterwards you cannot fall to be re minded of your visit to the factory. Still, notwithstanding this drawback, it is interesting to see the way in which all parts of this nsh are turned to ac count. In other places, I believe the heads are pounded np with a kind oi seaweed, and given to the cows during the winter. I am not over fastidious, but I think I should prefer not to drink the milk of cows accustomed to such diet One more excursion In the Lofotens I may mention here, because it is one of very singular beauty, even in thai wonderful land. It was to tho Trold Fjord. This fjord is a narrow inlet ol the llaftsund, which is so well known, and is visited now several times a week by the tourist steamers; bnt the Trold Fjord is so narrow that no large steamer can well turn in it. and so it has hither to cscapeil with loss notice than it do- serves. We were able to charter small steamer which lies at Svolvajr for this excursion, as in the summertime she has bnt little to do, though very busy during the fishing season. The The Trold Fjord is about two hours' sail from Svolvxr, through delightful scenery the whole way. The only im portant place passed is Brettesntos, picture of which can be seen in every railway-station in London indoed, we might say in England in a pictorial advertisement of what in Norway is called "Tran." The reader can easily guess what it is. Soon after leaving lirettesnws we came into the Raftsund, with its wonderful mountain-peaks and glaciers. A short way np this "snnd," tho cntrace partly hidden by a small island, is the Trold Fjord. This inlet is, I think, not more than a mile long, but it would be bard to find in Europe such a bit of water and mountain scenery as is to be seen there in such a small space. On the right hand is a terrific wall of rock (polished and made bare by frequent avalanches), which must rise some 2,000 feet right out ol the water. It is one of the most im posing of the many walls of bare rock 1 have seen in Norway, and which, even in Norlland, where rock scenery is unexampled, is almost unique. At tho head of the little fjord is a magnif icent group of jagged peaks, with five small glaciers among them, and the In variable glacier torrent rushing down to the culm waters of the little bay. Up to now the Trold Fjord has enjoved its splendonr almost unknown; bnt alas! like so ninny other places, this must not be expected to last; and some of the t'inrist steamers, later in tbe summer than we were there, made their way in for the first time; and now this qniet little spot where nature so grand and lovely showed herself to bnt a few, will become as well known as Torghatten or the North Cape. But I mnst say no more about this strange and wondorfnl Nordland. Time and space alike would fail to tell one Ii F.I f of its wonders. Mnch of it re mains to be explored, and it will lie long leforo it can be overran. Vast districts of unrivalled grandenr exist on all siclos. Magnihccnt mountain ranges, with glaciers of great extent nnd noautv, are yet wholly unknown like the Oxtindorne in Uelgeland, and man v ot her ranges and ice-fields further north. Jiut it is not unlikely that if tho marvellous development which is going on in the South-west of Norway spreads much further, then these names, like many others a lew years age ii I most unknown, may become to tourists household words, and the Nord land, in spite of its distance from Eng land, become tha playground of the north. Thor was a god of the chase and was repre ente-l as be'ng seated on a couch of skins with twelve stars over his head mid a sceptre iiliis hand. Thursday or "Thor 's day" was the day Thor was worshiped. i:"jj. Pi 0 MISTAKEN IDENTITY. Vicarious Punishment of a Sup posed Son-in-law. 'When I reached Philadelphia re- sently" said Mr. Mooney of ChilU tothe. Ma, "I had written several letters, and about 11 o'clock thought I would take a walk down Chestnut itreet and finish my cigar. I walked is far as Kiniu Btreet and then started sack for the hotel. When I reached rwelfth and Chestnut I thought I a-ould buy another cigar and went into a neighboring store. As I came out of the store a picture n the window attracted my attention ind I leaned over to examine it more losely. I bad hardly stopped when omeone hit me a terrible blow across .he shoulders with a heavy stick, at :he same time exolaiming: You miserable villain! You will lesert vonr wife and seven small chll- . Iran ud laava tham to suffer atarva- I ion, will you? Come home you icoundreU and take that and that!' at die same time bringing the club twice nore over my shoulders with terrible !orce The blows were so severe and the sain so intense that for a moment I was stunned. Before I had time to ealize what was next coming or put ip any defense the man grabbed me sy tbe coat collar and dragged me across the street to a lamp light said: 'Ain t you ashamed to leave your eifeP At the same time he looked up Into my face and then retreated as if terror itrickcn. O, I beg your pardon,' he exclaim d, 'I mistook you for a son-in-law of nine. I hope you are not hurt I did tot think I could be mistaken,' and at ;he same time he drew a handker ;hie( from his pocket and, placing it to lis eyes wept bitterly. I thought that mighty funny, but as I was 'green' in your eastern ways ind did not know what was coming next I thought it best to make tracks lor the hotel and I got there as soon as possible. "WEEDS OR GRASS." WHICH? K "Divorce Cap" to Distinguish Har Wldowshlp. A San Francisco lady writing to the Chronicle is anxious for some distin guishing mark to distinguish widows ind suggest for the one a Divorce Cap. It might be pertinent to remark that ;here might be two kinds one trimmed with weeds, the other with grass. This luly says: "I think there ought to be lorao kind of a divorce cap. A man ioes not need one. He always looks iinglo. But if some inventive milliner will think up a design for a hat that will permit you to understand whether a woman is a spinster, married or di vorced she will save men a great deal of trouble. The most trying thing for i man to find out about a woman he has fallen in love with is a husband, lie can stand almost anything else and still hope. But the pretty widow with tho child always dresses the child up in way to attract attention, mere s something about the contrast between the two and tho way she treats the hild that seems to say. "This poor hild has no father." And, man. poor sympathetic man, with his heart drawn o youthrul innocence, tninks be is -atching the mother by giving candy o the infant The mother, bless her .tear, unsuspecting, frank, ingenious heart, is catching him and saving the expense of tho family bonbons, Pity is akin to love. Is it? It seems to me that love is akin to pity. Anyway, uen don't pity women whoa they don t love thetn. but thoy love tuem very often when t y don t pity them. Uto- cr wci isa co me pitying. A titrtum f rtutnt m A stream near Benton, Tenn.. Is said to be full of phantom fish. Standing on tho rocks and looking down into the water the eyes can seo hundreds of trout some of them remarkably large, darting about the pool or res. ing with tue gentlo motion pocultar to their tribe. The angler casta his line in one of those pools literally swarm ng with fish, to all appearances, and no matter how attractive the fly or how skillful the fisherman, he never gets a bite. As plentiful as they seem to be no one has ew yet been able to catch a trout la that stream. The fish pay no attention to the book or line, and tbe bait is thrown at them. or an attempt is made to spear them. tbe instrument has tbe appearance of passing through tbe fish, but he is not caught; when the barb or spear is re moved he is still there. Wlrk PutlaM. A manufacturer of foot-balls wrote to the "secretary foot-ball club" of a town in Wales soliciting orders. Ha received from the parish clerk a reply which read : "We have no clubs of the kind here. We are better Christ ians than to allow our young men to indulge in such wicked pastimes. Let them read their bibles and common prayers and think of death." The admonition to the foot-ball player to "think of death is timely. I hey geuerally do before the game Is hal over. But the reply of the parish clerk shows that Wales is a decidedly poor place for a young man to obtain a thorough college education. Norris- town Herald. ImtH Tk Both It la a. Miss Gotham 1 don t like young Mr. Dolley. He fairly talked tUe arm off me last night Miss Boston Yes, he also performed verbal operation on me. IUaa For T.ar Scrap IwL A tcaspoonful of borax added to Mild starch will make clothes suffer nan anything else, though it adds no lolish. In using ammonia for domestic pur poses one taoiesponniui to aooui rjart of water is about the ordinary jro portion. If vou dip the wicks of lamps in trong hot vinegar and then dry them t will do away with much of the dia- igreeable smelL Before beginning to seed raisins over them wilh hot water and let hem stand 15 minutes. The seed .an then be removed easily without particle of waste- An old recommendation often given young housekeepers is to use tea leaves in sweeping carpets; but their use on lelicate colors should be avoided, as -bey will surely stain light carpets. A box of powdered borax should al w:ys Do kept on the sink shelf. A lit lie addnd to the water in which disa towels are washed will help much to keep them clean and at the same time keep one's bands soft and smooth. THEY'RE ALL HUMAN. And the Little Woman Knevk the Gateman's Weakness. Now and then one finds a person who understands rail toad human na ture, as exhibited by the gatemen in the depots. Their orders are to pasg no one in without a ticket and it is the easiest thing in the world for them to wave back old age, youth, beauty and anybody else who wants to pass in to meet a friend expected on that train. One of the surliest officials I ever saw, says the New York Sun, has a gate in the L. & N. depot in Cincinnati, and I have seen him turn stiOly away from desperate men. weeping women and howling children. To every protestation he bad but on answer: "Can't pass' thout a ticket" Tha other day. while 1 was watching. htm, a lit little, blue-eyed woman came gliding into the throng waiting at the gatoe. Of the two tenders she selected thb one to operate on. although any one could have seen that theotber had the biggest heart. After several peo ple bad been turned away she slid for ward in a graceful way and inquired: "Beg pardon, sir. but am I speaking to tbe president of the road?' "N o, ma'am T' he stammered, thrown on his beam ends by the query. "Ah! you look so much like him Are you the superintendent?" "No, ma am not exactly." "Then, you must be the manager?1' "Hardly, ma'am." "Dear met but how could the people be so mistaken?" she went on. "Half dozen of them said you were one of the high officials, and I am so dis- ppointod to find you are not Per haps, though, you have the general manager's powers when he is no here?" "What is iLjna'am?" "My sister will be in on the C.30. and I so want to go inside the gates nd help her with the children. As you must have the authority of tne manager in his absence, 1 make bold to " "Certainly, ma'am; walk right in," he interrupted. "ion are so kind. "Don't mention it" "But all leading railroad men nre ever courteous, she said as a parting bit of taffy, and then she made a bee- ne down the depot. W e turned to look at the gateman. and the change was surprising. He bad braced up until his height was in creased by four inches, his chest was thrown out and he was standing as tiff as a crowbar, while a man pound ed him on the back and offered to lick the stuffing out of him if he would come off the perch. The little woman of all bad found his weak spot Alter tk. Battl. An ex-confederate officer relates thai fter tbe buttle of Fort Donaldson, it was decided after a hot fight to with- raw from the fort Upon looking around for Caesar, his colored cook, he was nowhere to be seen. He shouted to him several times, and by and by was answered in such faint tones that be knew his servant was inside of the log on which he was standing. Come out ol there! commanded the officer. "Can't do it!" he shouted in reply. 'But you must Tbe fight is all over. But I cau't dar's fo' white men in dis log behind me." And when the officer investigated he found that such was the fact They crawfished out One aftor the other, each having an excuse to urge, and finally the darkey appeared. The of ficer was about to open on him, but Ca'sar protested: Doan say one word. Iis ar de fust time I ebbcr got ahead of a white man. an its gwin to be the werry last! De nex' fout we have Ize gwin to let do white man have de hull log to him self, an' I'll look fur a hole in d ground!" Tka Lot mf Fra Lanaw The truth is. to be spoken flatly and ith confidence that it is truth, that a man who does not love his first love all his life long makes a great mistake and does injustice to bis own past But, of course, ho is to love them as they were. The affection they In spired IB aim. when thoy did inspire it is a part of himself for all time, and they, as they then seemed, are a part of him too, aad it is as idle for him to try to eradicate them from his actual ity as for tbe leopard to attempt to change spots with the Ethiopian. That he should love what they may become with tbe lapse of years is man ifestly inexpedient and unreasonable, as well as usually improper, if for no other reason, because One must not love another's." iScribner's. Bar tfc.lra. Bald sweet Matilda Jinks, "I am willing to aver, Ufa widow were, I'd wed a widower. There is one opportunity of influenc ing voters under the Australian ballot law, which perhaps has not occurred to many of the public They may still bo hired to keep away from the polls. A candidate for aa Important office in Boston once stated that this was the method in which he proposed to carry an election. Tho coarse he Intended to pursue was to pay two or three thousand t ix bills, and then put the receipts in his own pocket thus bav in? a iruaranty that those to whom they were madn out would not regis ter. Boston Herald. Tfcajr Wan Kat M th. Market. A little boy of & went with hi: mother to make a calL Tbe lady of the house, who was very fond of chil dren, told him she was going to ask his mother to let her have him. "Don ! vou think that your mother would let me buy your sbe asked. "No," he said, "you haven t got money enough- "How much would it take?" she asked. "Three hundred dollars." he an swered. promptly: "and you haven' I cot that much." "1 think I could manage it" she said. "If 1 can, will you come to me?" "No," be said, with decision, "mams wouldn't sell me, anyhow. There are five of us and mama wouldn't like U break the set" War 8. Iut raaele Ami . Talln. Bayney "Why did you change your tailors? Couldn't Cuttem suit you? Inndette (sadly) "He could, but he wouldn't wait any longer." There axe fUll 114 log sch olhoueea ii IUinoia. . NEWSLS BBIEF. Bacon Is cured with hops. Silk is made from paper pais. Cleveland has a $10,000 street car. Heating by e'ectrlcity is promised. Compressed air signals sre success ful. London will h .ve new Thames tunnel. The anticipation of evil Is the death Of happiness. A sheet ot plate glass is 308 square feet, 128 inches. Dy speiisia is one of the most com moo causes ot baldness. A petroleum bicycle makes forty nine miles an hour. Wire wound guns are the latest ac quislt on of tbe United btatesNavy. An Ohio young man has turned green from the effects of cigarette smok ing. Gotobed Form is the name of a farm er living in Dickinson ffounty, Kan. t Her. R. L. Kidd, Canal lane van gelist, can recite tbe ent.re Bible from memory. The Duke of Wellington was born at Dungan Castle, County of Meath, Ire land, in 1700. A Spanish potato, raised at Clark vllle Ga., this season, was four feet aud eight inches in length. A man was in Athens, Ga., recently exhibiting a bulldog with oue foot ex actly the shape of a hoot. It Is said that at last a satisfactory arc lump for use on an tneamleseeut cir cuit has been designed. A postmaster la Texas committed suicide recently because he bad been In dicted for stealing forty cents. A West Philadelphia poet In bis latent effort attempts to make "tobog gan" rblme with "oh, come again!" The electrical underground railway In London has proved that a speed ot twenty-four miles an hour is practicable. rure gold shines but little. It Is only when it Is mixed with alloy that it takes on a glitter aud brightness. It is easiest to be all things to all men, but It is not honest. iNjir-respect must be eaciifleed every hour ot the day. An alderman in Janeville, Wis., has been fined $'25 for allowing a chick en fight In front of his place of busi ness. All the precepts of tbe divine law are linked together. Negligence In one single point may lead to the destruction or all. Inquisitive people are the funnels of conversation; they do not take In anything for their own use, hut merely to pass at to another. All virtues are sanctifies1 or unhal lowed, according to the principle which die ales them, and will be accepted oi rejected accordingly. A more glorious victory cannot be gained over another man than this, that when the injury began on his pait, tha kindness begun on ours. Turkish soldiers. In a recent tar get contest, proved that not one In twenty could hit a man at twenty paces. Mr. Tapling's famous collection of postage stamps, valued at f l)0,Uti, liai been bequeathed to the British Mus eum. Opportunity Is the flower of time; and as the stalk may remain when the flower is cut off, so time may remalu wilh us when opportunity is gone. Mental pleasures uever cloy. Un like tho-e of the body, they are inclos ed by reietition, approved of by reflec tion, and strengthened by enjoyment. Energy will doanything that can be done In this world; aud no talents, no circumstances, no opportunities will make a two-legged animal a man with out it. It is a good thing to laugh, at any rate; and if a straw can tickle a man it is an instrument ot happiness. Beasts can weep whan they suffer, but they can not laugh. The el clrlc arc is composed or a stream of vapor arising from the actual boiling or vaporization ot the solid ends of tbe separated conductors. To secure uniformity in tbe paint ing and varnishing of their passsenger and frieght cars some railroads employ expert chemists to analyze the paints and oils used. A double bulled ship has been de vised by Captain Meacon, of Chelsea, Mass., which Is said to be absolutely unsinkal le. His plan has received In dorsement in the highest quarters. There Is not a chapter In the history of human nature more Instructive, both to tbe heart and understanding, than that which records our errors. Studied conversat on is most ted ious and defeats its own ends. We want : in conversation that the heart should flow out We cannot every moment pron3unce an eplgrxm. Good manners are the blossom of good sense and good feeling. If the law of kindness be written in the heart, it will lead to that disinterestedness in both great and little things that de sire to oblige, and that attention to the gratification of others, which are the foundation of good manners. Sixteen millions of dollars were sent from the United States to pay for beet sugar bought in Germany during the year ending June 30, lH'JO. Justice is itself the great standing policy of civil society, and any eminent departure from it, nnder any circum stances, lies under the suspicion of be ing no jsjlicy at all. One must not only cultivate one's friends, but cultivate one's friendships, preserving them with care, looking after the n, so to speak, aud watering them from day to day. It Is said that durin? June and July the insect life in New Yoik ftate is much more numerous than in any tropical country. A volunteer vine at ITai;f')rd, Cal. yielded forty-two monstrous pumpkins and another vine thirty. The product of either vine would make a good wig on load. Theonly man tried, found guilty and execnted for treason luring t'm ex istence of the Unit- d States was Wil liam B. Mun f rd, lnlSG2. Tho execu tion took place in New Orleans, under an order of Major-General Benjamin F. Bntltr. To be courteous does not take much time, b it it lakes a little. He who w uld be courteous must not bs iu such baste that he canuot be ?ympa'hetic, nor so absor! ed that te cannot be cot iderate for vVbcrs, i i