jglPlliSir' Ii ' 1
I' -j
F. SCHWEIER.
THE OONSTITUTION-THE OnION-AND THE ENFORCEMENT OP THE LAWS.
Editor and Proprietor.
VOL. XLV.
MIFFLINTOWN, JUNIATA COUNTY. PENNA.. WEDNESDAY. MAY 27. 1891.
NO. 23.
MY LADY SIXGS.
AH fSron!, tl.o .lay. O h vppy thru.M
I hr ib '''-'''' 'uri",,lt Ku"h!
Tbcam.'.- the I.Ja. Vl.ir.r mellower lata
And Bit rrily when l-oth are uiuU.
The Kobin slnga;
Put .hen tin- blue turn golden pale,
Ui.t! ilim-'i- a l range linpassloued Ule
TIJ b tl- Ia"li niplitiiiBale
With dusky wing
0 mio inn-lc l'".-' r '"'h
K.ho 'ira tl,e '"rt-,'li"1 ui"
r0(.fS l.j. k semblance tin
lurdrramy ec.-U-y 'hviiie.
And ether rings:
But !o. tliron-li window, open wide
TocBt.'li the l.rcaih t.f eventide.
-oiiii.l than augni uesuie-
My lady ling.
Fenjptiiig a IHife.
AVlicn T.ill Ilempsey married Tal
Harwell there was great surprise in the
Subbiii Kidjre neighborhood. Bill was
foriby of respect and was respected;
ic wss worthy of confidence and had
eea intrusted with a county office, yet
ifhen lie married Tal Harwell there
iras heard at every turn murmurs of
Uuilimetit. Tal was a beautiful
rlrl nJ was much younger than Bill ;
xt form, untrained by any art, but
titli a woods-like wihlness of develop
uent, n of exquisite grace, and her
Uiir ws of gentle waviness, like the
ripples of a sun-ray-catchlng rivulet.
Handsome voting fellows Ned Rovs-
j)u. whose hottom field of corn is this
ear the linest in the neighborhood,
uul Phil Hightower, who has just built
i new, double log house, chinked and
laubed paid devoted court to the
jeautv, but when old Bill came along
old bill with a sear over his eye
(There a steer kicked him years ago
ind asked her to marry him, she shook
jfl'tlie mischievous airs of the beauty,
look up the serious expression of a
ihoughtful woman and consented with
out a moment's hesitation.
Bill owned a little old log house
ifiick up on the side of a hill, and
jirmgh viewed from the country road
it might have seemed a dreary place,
ret standing in the back door Bill could
look down snd seo the wild plum bushes
bending over the crystal water of the
jreek could see a wild meadow far
lown the stream and could hear the
lung of the raiu-crow.
Several years passed. The gossips
tfluctantlv agreed that Bill and his
rife were happy, that is, reasonably i
btippy, for the gossips never submit
to h complete surrender. One. day
siiile Bill was away from borne Ned
Royston came to the house. Tal camo
m when she heard footsteps, and
ipon seeing the visitor stood wiping
icr hand on her apron. She had
been washing and a bubble of suds
n her hair, catching a ray of light,
dashed like a diamond.
"You've about forgot me, hain't
fou, Tal Miz Ilempsey?"
"No, how could I forget you
irhen I see yon at church nearly
jvery Sunday? Sit down."
"Yes, you see me," Ned replied,
leating himself, "but as you never
ipeak to me I 'lowed that you had
tone forgot me."
"I never forget a friend."
"Much obleeged. You look tired;
tit down yourself.
She sat down; Ned continued:
"Yon do a good deal of hard
(fork, don't you?"
"No more than any other weman,
I reckon."
"You do more than I'd let my wife
do."
"Yes, all men talk that way before
they are married."
"And some of them mean what they
lay, Tul or Miz Ilempsey."
"But the majority of them do
not."
"I know one that does. Tal if you
had married me you never would had
to work none."
"You let your mother work."
"Yes, but I wouldn't let you work.
I wish you had married me, Tal, for I
in't been happy a single hour sence
you told me that you wouldn't, not a
lingle one. I uster be fonder of per
simmon puddin than anybody, but I
ain't eat narry one sense you 'lowed
that you couldn't marry me. Tell me,
lal, air you happy ?"
"Happy as most women, I reckon."
"But most women ain't happy."
"Mebby not."
A short sileiiie followed; Ned twist
ed his hat round and round. Tal wiped
her hands on her apron.
"Tal you don't care if I call yon
Tal, do you?"
'iNo, I am not particular."
"But you wouldn't let everybody
call you by your first name, would
you?"
"No."
"Tal."
"Well."
"Do you know what I've been think
ing about ever since 1 saw you at meet
in' lust Sunday?"
"How am I to know what you've
been thinkin' hbout? Hardly know
myself sometimes what I'm thinkin'
about, mvself."
"Would you like to know what I've
been thinkin' about, Tal?"
cue sat twisting her apron; a cat
purred about the legs of her chair. A
chicken sinking the lazy song of "lay
ing time" hopped up into the doorway.
"Mioo!" she cried. "The chickens are
about to take the place."
' But that ain't got nothin' to do with
what I've been thinkin' nor about you
want in' to know. Do you wanter
know I"
"Y'ou mav tell mc if you want to."
"Sho' 'null?"
"Yes, if it ain't bad."
"Oh.it ain't bad." He untwisted
his hat, straightened it out by pulling
it down on his head, took it off and be
ginning to twist it again, said:
"I've been thinkin' that you wa'n't
happy livin' w ith a man that don't
'preciate yon hold on, now, let me
n- i iniouyn. mhj had moved impa-
ueiiuv. ".Man
you ; and I've been thinkin' that I would
come over here and and ask you to
run away w itli me. Wait, Tal, please
wait." ,c sprung to her feet.
"Just lisicn to me a mink. Folks
iiut. i.;.. i i -
. uu u;u naiipv, dui uiey
know you ain't now. Tal". please wait
a minit. Tul, for God's sake let
me explain myself. Sav, wait just a
minit. You won't tell Bill, will you?
Oh, you won't do that, I know. We
understand each other, Tal, don't wel
Y ou understand all my foolin' and skv- '
larkm', don't you? Tal, oh, Tal " Sh 1
was hastening down the (dope toward
the wild plum bushes. "Don't saj
anything," he shouted. "Don't for i:
you do there'll be trouble."
"What's the matter, little girl?" Bil
asked that evening, as he was eating
his supper.
"Nothin'."
"Y'ou don't pear to be as bright a
usual."
"I thought I was."
"But you ain't. Thar's some rev
calico in my saddle-bags that'll mak
you as putty a dress as you ever seed
Got red aud yuller spots on it tha
smites like a sunilower. Ixok nere,
little gal, thar's soinethin' the matter
with you, and you needn't say thar
ain't. Come here now." He shoved
his chair back from the table and took
her npon his lap. "You know thur's
somethin' wrong, now, and you air jest
tryin' to fool me. I haven't done
nothin' to hurt your feeliu's, have 1?"
"No."
"Then what is the matter? Oh, don't
cry that way." She sobbed ou his
shoulder. "Y'ou'll make me think that
I ain't the right sort of a husband, if
you keep on. Mebbe, I ain't too. I'm
gittin' old and grizzly, and I ain't
good lookin' nohow, while you 'pear
to git puttier and puttier every day."
"Bill," she said, putting her arms
around hi9 neck, "you mustn't talk
you mustn't think that way. You are
the best man that ever lived, and if
you'll promise not to got mad M tell
you what ails me."
"Why, law me, child, I couldn't get
mad if I wanted to."
She told him. He sat for a few
moments in a silence of deep medita
tion, and then, with a brightening
countenance, said:
"Whv that ain't nothin' to git mad
about child. It's all right; and let me
tell you that any man after seein' you
a few times is bound to love you aud
I reckon he would be willin' to run
away with you. "Why, bless my life,
I'd run away with you in a uiinit, er
haw, haw 1 No, indeed, honey, you
kain't blame the feller for that."
"And you won't say anything to hitn
about it?"
"Law me, child, I'll never mention
it to him; never in the world, so don't
give yourself no uneasiness about
that."
A chilling rain was falling. Sever
al men, including Ned Royston, were
sitting in Bob Talbot's store.
"Y'ander comes Bill Hempsey,1' said
Talbot, looking out. Ned Koyston
moved uneasily in his chair.
"Helloa, men I" Bill shouted, as he
stepped up into the door and began to
stamp the mud off his feet. "Sorter
saft outside. Hi, Bob, glad to see you
lookin' so well. Hi, Ned, aud hi, all
hands!"
We're always glad to see you, Bill,"
Ned spoke up, "fur we know that you
alius fetch good humor alongwith you.
Don't make no dinunce how rainy or
how dry no difluuee whuther the
corn's clean or in the grass you air
alius the same."
"G'.ad you think so, Ned."
"We all jiue him in thinkin' so," said
Talbot,
"Much obleeged." He stood leaning
sgalnst the counter and, moving his
hand carelessly, touched a rusty cheese
knife. "Bob, what do you keep such
a onery-looking knife as this for?"
"Sharp enough to cut cheese with, I
reckon," Bob answered.
"Yes, but that's about all. Hand me
that whetrock over thar and let me
whet the point. Blamed if I haven't
got to be doin' somethin' all time.
Wall, fellers, I seed suthm' 'tother
week while I was down in Knoxville
that laid over anything I ever did see
before. I went to the theatre, Lvcr
at one, Ned?"
"No, don'tb'lievel was."
"Wall, now, if you've ever been at,
one you'd know it," Bill replied, in
dustriously whetting the point or ttie
knife. "Why, it knocks a school ex
hibition sillier than a scorched pup. I
never did see sich a show."
"Any bosses in it?" Bob Talbot
asked.
"Oh, no, it all tuck place in a house
I'll tell you how it was (still whetting
the knife). It was playm', regular
pretendlike, but it looked mignty natr
ral. It pears that a ruther old feller
had married a ruther young (he put
the whetstone on the counter) ; a power
ful putty gal, too. Wall, one time
when the old feller wa'n't about the
house, a young chap that had wanted
to marry her a good while before, ho
same in and got to talkin' to her, and
the upshot was that he wanted her to
run away with him."
"No," said Bob Talbot.
"Yes, sir," continued old Bill,
"wanted her to run smack smooth
away with him. Wall, she told her
husband, but he sorter laughed, he did,
and Towed that ho didn't blame the
feller much. But the fun comes after
this. The old feller stand up here,
Ned, and let mc show you. Hang it,
stand up; don't pnll back like a shy-in
boss. The old feller got him a knife
'bout like this and he went into a room
whar the young feller was. Now you
stand right thar. He walks in this
way, and neither of them says a word,
but stood aud looked at each other,
'bout like we are doin', but all at once
the old feller lifts up the knife this way
aml thar, you damned scoundrel!"
He plunged the knife into Ned Roys
ton's breast buried the blade in the
fellow's bosom, and, as he pulled it
out, while Koyston lay on the floor
dead, he turned to his terror-stricken
friends and exclaimed:
"He wanted my wife to run away
with him, boysl If you wanter hang
me, I'll tie the rope. Y'ou don't? Then
good-by and God bless you." Arkan
saw Traveler.
Blacks Changing Color.
There are alleged to have been many
instances of colored persons turning
while, but the case of a Yamacraw
(Ga.) woman is most remarkable from
the fact that her niece a few years ago
also became a Caucassian to all appear
! f J'f
and that her skin drops oil in
big flakes. She is almost entirely
helpless, her limbs being paralyzed.
Her illness began with her change ol
color.
. . ,, v.. in
I e POT?bn of lVins f has in
. creased mi.uw since vuo Vw.
8U9 . , ".
There is some talk of laying a cdu
between England and Germany,
"C0XSTAXTI50PLE.
The small inlet that connects the
Black with the Aegean Sea and Med
iterranean, has been the Highway to
Commerce for centuries. When the
last fragment of the l'ersian Army fled
from Greece and Thrace to Asia, the
persecution of the Greeks were ended,
in 479. Their victory was eomplete
when Jiyzanz was captured which
city as a Grecian colony occupied but
a small portion of the ground upon
which Constantinople now stands. About
800 years after this (A. D. 330) the
Roman Emperor Constantino made
this ctty the Central point of the East
ern Empire, and save it his name and
administrative Importance. Since that
time Constantinople has remained the
chief city of the Empire, never having
again sunk to a mere city of traffic.
BUTLDIXQ OF THE
A great many Emperors followed
the Roman Emperor in the palace nt
Constantinople. They made this city
their residence. Many of the high
Officials also lived here. It was a city
of wealth and luxurious extravagance.
It contained many Churches. Cir
cuses, Libraries, Ba'h Houses, Parks
and a great Arsenal, which under the
different governments has been en
larged and beautified. This chief city
of the Byzautian Kingdom for several
centuries, was the only great city In
PALACE OF
the world. Constantinople is now In
sreaainc in population, but the Byzan
tian Kingdom decreased until it be
came miserably weak.
In the year 1204 the conqmer Enrico
Dandola captured the city for the
Venetians The Byzwtian Emperor,
with tha assistance of the Genoese
soon recartured it, and were In posses
sion of it until 1453 when the Turks
iisr j
ST. SOPHLi CHURCH NOW MOSQUE.
took It from ttem. The Turks estab
lished Constantinople which they called
Stambaul In the Turkish manner, after
a Roman Kingdom. It was not a land
of Industry and commerce. 1 he Turks
did not utilize the glorious climate and
feitile soil as they might have done.
They tried to fol'ow the teachings of
their Prophet Mahomet and to use the
Bwords of their brave warriors. They
ill mA-
THE ACHMED MOSQUE.
eere Influenced by the upright, but
jarrow minded Monks.
The gloriops, old Imperial splendor
was dimmed by storms of war for sev
eral centuries, and had fallen into de
cay. The Turks were obliged to re-
HOTEL OF THE
bnlld the city. The floods from the
Bay on which the city is built, washed
deeply Into the coast of "OU Byzanz"
making a point of land called the
"Golden Horn." Left of thl., to
wards thft Southwest, lies the city of
Constantinople filled with narrow,
dirty streets with wlndowless houses,
the tenants of which pass most or
the time In the streets; but in the shops
fit the dull and Idle shopkeepers.
To the right of the Golden Horn to
the northeast, is the venerable Tower
that the Genoese erected, in the suburb
of Galata adjoining the suburb of 1'era.
These suberbs are built In modern
style, and inhabited by Italians, Greeks,
Levantiaus and Jews. Here are broad,
straight streets.stores with polite clerks,
hotels, street railroads, coffee houses
and a theatre.
In the eastern part of the city,
the palace of the SulUn occupies a
WAR DEPARTMENT.
whole ward the charming suburb of
Bujuldere.
All parts of the city receive work,in
come and nourishment from the beau
tiful sex, wh'ch surrounds a half circle
of the city, with its deep, blue salty
waves. Constantinople is to-day, one
one of the largest ports in the world,
and It steadily Increases lu Importance,
as the Turkish nt of railroads is extend
ed. Much more progre-s has been made
in the European, than in the Aslastlc
provinces.
THE SULTAN.
The Turks do not build palaces or
circuses they erect Amiorieu and
mosques. The palace of the Sultan is
an exception and yet this palace, In
spite of its plendid situation, is not
at all imposing. It cost an Im
mense sum, but the dishonesty of the
contractor or officials probably increas
ed t';e expenditure.
The great Temple of the Turkish
- -i-1
Kingdom wa rebuilt from the old
Church St. Sophia, erected by the
Bi zantian Emperors. It Is enlarged and
very handsomely decorated. The Soil
man and Ach rued Mosques are especial
Turkish buildings. Achroed with its
slender minarets and beautiful dome,
present! an Oriental picture which Is
not without charm.
A peculiar building, or ra'.her a con-
glomeration of European and Asiatic
form, is the War-Minister's building.
A Triumphal Arch. In the form of a
horse-shoe, is placed on the upper part,
an l the absence of any crowned statue
be low, gives it an ugly appearance. Th
RUSSIAN EMBASSY
erection of a statue is forbidden by thi
luannmetau iteugion. xesiiie mil
building is a half round plllai
which bears the dreaded standard of the
Sultan.
The Armory is built in the simplest
style both inside and out, and would
not be considered fit for Barracks, in
Europe or America. A great many
beautiful Villas are kvii hnra and tli-re
in Constantinople, in which the High!
Ulflclala and rich Turkish land ownen
reside. The most beautiful of all is
occupied by the Russian Ambassador.
Turkey, as we have already said, it
not a progressive Empire, and few
schools are to he found, but the present
t-ultau Abdul Hamld, seems to have
more advanced ideas, and la erecting
several buildings for schools.
Constantinople Is not a place for art
and science. There Is no museum,
GENOESE TOWER IN GALATA.
library or art collection; consequently,
but few pr the visitors there m ie It a
permau'-r; residence. This lack ol
progress, may in a measure be attrib
uted to the danger that has threatened
the city for the last decide. T lere 1;
constant danger of an outbreak through
the faiiHticism of the Mahometans. This
danger has been increased recently by
the threatening attitudeof the Russians,
who do uot appear to be deterred by
the conslderatiou that Constantinople
is au excellent military place. The
Sultan's d minions would make a very
valuable acquisition to Russia, and the
Russians with a comparatively small
fleet would doubtless come off vic
torious; the connection of Constanti
nople with the island and coast of the
Mediterranean, woul I make it easy for
the contending armies to come to
gether Since S)me time, the English by their
admirable management of Egypt have
raised the self esteem of the Orientals,
Tdat t'ipy may Join the European pow
ers 13 A i impossible; judging from the
the wild fanaticism of the people this
connection would probably cause a
furious war.
khouga not a stationary residence
for strangers, still Constantinople la a
favorite stopping place for tourists.
One can travel quickly, comfortably
and cheaply from Iondon, Paris, Ber
lin aud Vienua to the Bosporus. There
a strange blending of half Grecian and
hair Asiatic life is seen. It has become
the fashion for the pleasure tourists
to visit Constantinople, aud every year
sees the number visiting this unique
city Increased.
THE SOLIMAN MOSQUE.
Qnite Credible, After All.
lie had asked the girl to see the lady
of the house, and when she appeared
he took off his hat and said:
"Madam, I am no tramp nor beggar.
Next week I begin work, and 1 want
few shillings to tide me over."
"What are you going to work at?"
ihe asked.
"Planting corn, madam. I have
akenajobof planting twenty acres,
nd that will give me a big start."
"Well, if that's the case I'll give you
n quarter. I am willing to help any
one who seeks to help himself."
"Manv thanks."
And he had been gone half an hour
when the woman suddenly ran down
stairs and queried of the cook :
"Sav, Jennie, you used to live in
the country. What time do they plaul
corn ?
"In May, hereabouts."
"But wliere do they plant in Sep
tember and October?"
"In South America, I gues."
"Ob, that makes it clear, lie was
probably going to South America to
do the work. The thought had sud
denly struck me that he was a de
ceiver."
Two Beads ' Better Than One.
A boy in Maryland found a small
snake having two perfectly developed
heads. When teased, it will strike
viciously, sometimes with both heads
and sometimes with one. Each is per
fectly independent of the other and is
attached to the body about three-quar
tcrs of an inch back on the neck
The Argentine currency Is to tx
placed on a silver basis.
North Dakota promises better crop
than for seven years past.
k t i
ftk PI II
FOR TWO AXES,
VOU CAJJ GET A W1FR 131 KEtt
U11NEA.
early in 1882 a young naturalise,
Sherman Denton, now of the United
States fish commission, went to New
Guinea to assist his father. The eldei
Denton suddenly died there, and the
son returned in "l8S3 to this country,
says a writer in the Boston Globe.
Mr. Denton travelled with his
father and younger brother. During
his stay w ith the Paupuans he was
most of the time alone with his
brother among them. He tells a most
interesting story of lus experiences in
the village of Narinuma, in the in
terior of New Guinea. There dwelt
the Coyara people, a tribe who had
never hefore seen white men.
Narinuma is a village of some six
teen houses besides five tree houses
some sixty feet from the ground. The
tree houses are well built, and rattau
and bamboo ladders extend from the
ground to just below the platform of
the house. Ihese houses are used by
the natives to defend themselves from
their enemies in case of attack. In the
houses are stored yams and faros,
wood and water, with a ton or two
of stones to throw down at their
enemies, with spears in bundles for
the same purpose. A platform of
sticks below the house is used to 6tand
upon while throwing stones and spears.
With the primitive methods of cutting
down trees prevailing anions the
natives, these houses are almost im
pregnable.
lame pigs, with snouts half as long
as their bodies, and covered with long
brown bristles, roamed at will about
the village.
Early in the morning the ground
about the houses would be swept by
the women, and was as hard and clean
as a table. The Paupuan women are
finely featured, and many of the chil
dren are truly handsome. Age, how
ever, is merciless to the women, and
when the old crones sit in the sun
kneading clay, or beating it into pots
or dishes, their beads shaven and every
bone of their emaciated bodies show
ing through their wrinkled skins, they
are venerable pictures of ugliness.
The old chief, Loheir, was the most
interesting man in the village. He was
fifty years old, stout and broad shoul
dered, and 60 well covered was his
body with scars from the many battles
in which he had fought that by placing
his hand upon him in the darkest night
Mr. Denton became sure of his iden
tity. Loheir's face was dark, but his
look was intelligent, his manner was
that of a born gentleman, modest and
unassuming.
One afternoon as the two white men
were preparing their dinner they
heard tittering aud giggling. Look
ing around they saw Loheir in the
midst of a group of girls, some
twenty in numlier. A broad smlie
lighted up the chief's dusky face, and
many of the girls, of great beauty,
were laughing and peering at the
white men over their shoulders.
They all wore flowers in their hair,
and bands of green leaves adorned
their arms aud ankles. Each maiden
had on her best striped petticoat, and
some wore necklaces of dog's teetr
and feather ribbons.
Tho chief came forward and ad
dressed the strangers; he had been a
long way, had visited the largest towns
in the country, and had brought back
with him the most beautiful Women
belonging to the tribe. He hoped each
of the brothers would select one that
pleased him, merry her, and settle
down among the Coyaras. The white
men were rich, they could easily buy
a nice garden all the men in Nari
ouma would help them build a bouse
where the white men and their children
eould live and be happy. The parents
of some of the girls had come, too, and
were in the background.
Loheir explained that prices were
high and these were the finest women
in the land.
He then arranged them all in a line,
a line of giggling girls, that they
might be seen to advantage. Begin
ning with the first, he told their
names and accomplishments.
'This one can sing, dance, work in
the garden, cook kangaroo, is good
tempered and tidy ; a very nice girl,
not so good looking as some, but will
make an excellent wife. The price
for her is a knife and a looking-glass.
"This one is handsome, her father is
rich and she has not had to work hard.
Is very shapely, has nice hair and eyes.
Has no mother, brother or sister to make
trouble between husband and wife.
Her father, that good-looking old gen
tleman yonder, is chief of this village
and has abundance of land. He asks
two axes for his daughter, but if tha
white man will live in his town, Rapi
tora, he will give his danghter free and
a part of his large house and a good
garden besides.
"Here is a fino young maiden, just
the wife for the younger of the white
men. She is very affectionate, kind to
her aged mother and keeps her home
very tidy. She can make brooms,
knows how to cook a pig without
burning it, and is economical. Her
garden has no weeds, and she raised
the best bananas in Sana Sanagi. She
wishes to be married and her mother
will let her go for a piece of calico
large enough to make a petticoat.
"Here is Lucena. Is she not lovely?
Arms as round as bamboo, form as
supple as the climbing vine's skin, as
smooth as a young banana leaf, hair
as soft as a spider's web and eyes as
bright as the morning's dew. She can
sing like a bird and run like a kanga
roo. She is a good housekeeper, an
affectionate daughter, and comes from
a good family. Her father was a
great warrior and died fighting his
enemies. She can be had for an .axe, a
knife, a piece of calico and a string of
beads."
There was, however, no match.
The white men had other plans. But
the matter ended merrily enough. The
brothers invited Loheir to dinner, and
while the three ate their dinner the
girls danced and sang a song, compos
ing it as they went along, describing
the wooing and complimenting the
strangers for their generosity in dis
tributing gifts among the disappointed
maidens. The village was the scene
of much merry-making and laughter
that afternoon, and toward evening
the maidens bade the strangers good
bye and went homeward,
Orandpop-'s Revenge.
"It is Wd to fix the exact date when
A man forgets tliut he ever was a I oy,
bnt it is usually about the timo h;e
oldest son's tiro boys get big enough
to cut up and be sassy to tneir orau'ther.
That was the time my grandfather for
got," said a man on the row the other
evening to a Washington Post re
porter. "My brother Lew and my
self used to go to an uncle up in Bucks
Countv where the old gentleman lived.
He was nearly S", weighed over two
hundred, walked heavily with a cane,
and was the crossest man I ever saw.
His particular delight was in whacking
us bovs with his
within reach, aud running us down to
.....
the neignt)ors.
" Thein boys o' Lewis's air a lectio
the wust, most wuthleas cubs I ever
seen.' he would say.
"We had a pet coon. It was fun
nier than a cageful of monkeys. One
day it got into the old gentleman's
early vegetable garden aud dug up
some cucumber vines. He caught it
by the chain and broke its back w ith
his cane. Wehadto havevengear.ee.
It was a plain case of murder. That
coon was in our eves more of a hcniari
being and a good deal more of a
Christian than he was. Gran'ther had
a habit of going down to the meadow
and sitting on the top rail of the fence
to watch the men make hay. We
sawed his pet rail half through and
ldoscned the rider stakes. When he
sat down the whole business gave away
aud lie went over into a big briar
patch. My aunt put in a half a day
picking splinters out of him. We
were hustled off out of sight for a
week while he spread over the town
his version of our attempt upon his
life.
'Every evening the old fellow
would sit in the chimney nook and sip
a pint of hot rum and water. At 9
o'clock my aunt and uncle would each
take a side and ship him off to bed.
He snored like distant thunder. If he
were touched he would stop Enoring
for a half hour. Our room was on the
same floor. One night I couldn't stand
his terrible roof-raising racket, so I
got up, found a ball of twine, unrolled
a hundred feet, made a slip-noose in
one end and fastened it to the old
gentleman's big toe, carrying the free
end to my own room. Then jumping
into bed, when gran'ther snored I gave
the string a tug and he would stop. It
was very funny.
"I felt quite pleased at my inven
tion. Gran'ther was an early riser.
He woke up next morning about 5
o'clock and found the string tied to
his toe. He got his cane and went on
the trail. It led to my room, and the
other end was knotted to my wrist.
" 'AYhack, whack, whack, whack!'
"I got at least a dozen good blows
all over my eyes and body before I
could wake and escape from the bed
ilothes and that hard-wood cane. I
jjoiues nuu uiub uuiu-nuuu cuue. x
was covered with black and blue welts
........
ror weeic. aiui tun oin trentieinan waa
bappy for at least three days."
Progressive Theology.
A certain evangelist in Western Vir.
rinia organized a Sunday-school, and
by dint of diplomacy obtained a goodly
following of voungsters into whose
uncombed heads and pliant hearts he
instilled the rudiments of religion.
Neither did he spare the corrective
rod in case his charges failed to come
to taw with the catechism.
One Sunday a new arrival was dis
covered over in the boys corner, lie
was called down before the teacher
sud cross-examined with a view to
learning his religious acquirements.
"How many gods are there?" asked
the teacher.
The boy thought a moment and ven
tured tho assertion that there wero
two.
"Wrong!" said the teacher.
"Three!"
"Oh! you must know better
that ! Try again. How many
than
gods
are there? '
"Four!" whimpered the boy.
"Wrong again 1" shouted the in
structor. "I will give you one more
;hanec. If you don't answer right this
time I'll tan you. Now, for the last
time, how many gods are there?"
"Five!" wailed the unhappy tow
head. Smack I The teacher gave him a
thorough dressing down and sent him
from the room in disgrace. A belated
scholar found him sitting by the roai
tide howling at the top of his voice.
"What's the matter, Jack?"
"Teacher licked me."
"What for?"
"'Cause I didn't know how
gods there were."
"Huh! that's easy enough."
"D' you know?"
"Course."
"How many are there?"
"One, you stupid."
"One, eh! Well, you Just
manv
go In
there with your little one god and
you'll catch it. I 'lowed there was
five, and he nigh killed me." Wash
ington Post.
A Novel Advertisement.
Here is an advertisement taken from
a Y'okohoma, Japan, newspaper, which
is printed in English:
For Sale,
Best Peppermint Oil,
Made From It's Really Leaf.
Cau be curable for the sickness of Male,
Female or Boy.
Dlzy. Use to put or wipe few drops on
the forehead, botliides under eyebrows,
noelioIes, and both sides back of ':rs.
Fever. Wipe on the forehead, and nose
holes. Fit. WIpr most to the noscuoles aud drink
few drops mixed with tea.
GUdv. Wipe bothsides of for. head, a:id
noseholes.
Gout or Goutswollcn. Wipe botbxldes of
forehead, noHe'nolcs and much to the breast.
Headache. Wipe ou the forehead, and
DOaehole.
Believe us,
uioy thooxg srxo.
Talpln Gate ou(l.Je lino-s fmilh Kond.
An Angry Elephant.
Several employes of a circus were
endeavoring to get an elephant ashore
from a steamer at Metropolis, III.
The animal was reluctant to land, and
they prodded him with poles. The le
viathan became exceedingly angry,
aud, seizing bis nearest tormentor
with his trunk, he lifted him high in
the air and threw him thirty feet into
Ilia river. The ti,nit vm a Kwtmriier
land escaped unhurt. The eiephaiu's
I keeper soon appemed on the wene,
! and he went ashore without further
' trouble.
I
rrEWd IN BRIEF.
Florida claims a meerahaum mine,
New York was incorporated a ettj
ia 1CC4.
An Indiana girl sneezed 20u0timet
lu four hours.
A Frenchman is go'ng to walk ou
stilts from Tails to Moscow.
The German cava'ry Is armed at
present with lance, s-aber and carbine.
The Chilian insurgents have a wai
ship bearing the name of "O'HIg-
'clns."
A ig a heer or dlle ln itl
secoi.u yeur. xne term is usea in -ug-
laud.
Jean Nicot, win introduced tobac
co into Fiance, is to have a monument
in that couutry.
Two deaf mutes were married at
Marion, lnd. A typewriter was used
in propounding the questions.
A green tree frog ln the London
Zoological Gardens perfers wasps to
. other food, despite occasional stings,
-Reputation Is the mean of life;
' miao uie!1 1:uve to ,,ve up w
to live It down.
To forgive when we have forgot
ten is easy; to forgive when we know
we can uever forget ia noble.
If some men had the nine lives ol
a cat they would waste them all in folly
and then have nine death bed repent
ances. Nearly every one rates himself at
1 not to take the world into his confi
dence.
A home for broken down baohelors
has been founded i.i St. Louis.
The discovery of nickel near the
village of Pieova. In Ontario, liar
created much excitement.
Foisoned grain has been scattered
in the courthouse yard at S ou City,
and it is exp. cted that the English
sparrows will eat it and die.
The city council of Santa Barbara,
Cal., luis ordered every eucalyptus tree
that stands within one hundred feet of
a water main to be cut down.
L. K. Tannock, of Pratt Mines,
Ala., jumped into a well sixty feet
deep. There was not enough water in
it to drown him, and he was taken out
alive but badly bruited. ;
A rchoolhouse in which Susan B.
Anthon;, taught for time years, up in
C.majoharie, in central New York, has
been advertised for sale at action. It
was built in 149.
Pr. nelen L. lletis was the first
woman physician a; pointed to visit Dr.
i KOvk's laboratory, an I enjoyed equal
advantages with the other doctors ln
investigating the case.
Recently the Princess of Wales ap
peared in a long white lace boa, em
broidered with real pearls, the cost ol
i 1 .
which L ondon society papers give ai
1 river S- .r( III
' "
When you construct or order your
next powp, - see to it that the sleeves
come quite down to your knuckela. If
not, your gowu will stand a chance of
looking old fashioned.
Kansas City's Chlf of Police is
looking for an embezzler who is only 13
i years old. six feet threa inches tall. and
weighs 103 pounds.
A crazy Epeclalor ln court at
Woonsocket, R I., recently seized
some copies of the general statutes and
smashed glass panels ln Judue Bollon'l
bookcase and window lights to the ex
tent of thirty-tlve dollars before ha
could be se zal and locked up.
Rhoda Broughton lives at Oxford,
England, where she took up her abods
just tan years agj. In all she has writ,
ten about thirty books, but she has al
lowed only half of them to be pub
lished. The i ractice of employing women
clerks lu the Government service orlgl
nated with ."-'ecretary Chase, who ap
Kiuted Hiss B. I. Wilson to a place In
the Treasury Department Septembet
lo, 1?0T.
Miss Els:e Stanley is an Australian
girl of fourteen who has great musical
talent, and bus just won a scholarship
at the London Royal C. liege of Music,
which entitles her to a fiee education
for three years.
Linen lawns promise to be much
worn. They are usually printed ln
black figures and flowers on a white
ground; and when laundry work is not
a matter of serious consideration, no
mater! il is neater or more durable.
Mrs. A. Claxton, an English wom
an, has Invented a patent ear cap, and
henceforth no one need be disfigured
by ears that Bland out too far. The
cap is like a skeletod of tapes, which
effectfully converge over the ears.
The cap Is intended to be worn at
night,
Crickets are an article of com
merce in some parts of Africa, and
people make a business of rearing
them, The natives are very fond
of their music, thinkin? that it induces
sleep.
While W. K. Vanderbllfs Alva
was steaming i'lrough a Mediterranean
storm on her way to Vlllerarnca, an
enormous wave deposited a seventy
five pouud turtle on the deck. It was
good to cat, and therefore was eaten.
The other day a W.ndsor(Vt.)farm
er on goljg out to Lis sheep pen noticed
abuueu on one of hn long wool sheep,
and upon examination found a
rat which had got its tail woveu
into the wool and was uuable to get
away.
Mount Filatus has heretofore been
saved from having a railway built up
its side by the perpetual cloud that
rests on its top. It has been discovered
that this cloud is never mere than nine
ty feet high, so now the company is
ready to build the railroad and raise an
Eiffel twer GOO feet lu diameter at its
base. 840 feet m I eight.wltb. a platform
at the t p 120 feet square. Krupp is to
supply the ste-l, aud the building Is
hoped fo- in 1695,
The trustees of Dartmouth coile;e
have made the biennial offer opeu to
all persons of the U'.chard Fletcher
prize of S500 for the best essay on a re
ligious sal ject, the theme in the pres
ent iust.iu.e Veing, "The Right Observ
ance of the Sabbath."
Columbia college has a Chinese
student who rejoices in the name of
Yen. He is smart, chipper and learned,
wo irs fine clothes, in which he looks
nrr. 1 1 anil havltuv Ttlantv Jtf .anh Mlar,
; en(1 g0 him. is a favorite with
the boys and a sort of pig-tailed Adonis
1 among the society swelia,
I
fit
f V
PI!