P'.
4i,rs i 1 I r:iia exhauMtco
the nt-t Jay's demands.
1 that it is unable to control
work arc as present as dur-
rcvu;erate its energies-
-re tonics, laxatives, and
dory are the isodutives and
wmml their full 1-cnriw.ial
rtmns, the lvst remedies of
liver dLstTders. This is a
cl t rct to thousanils who
um nuTlnd dreams cause!
i-i-j'lcvi, ilel'ilitated or aged
rve tonic, I 'A IN I.' (. ELI1V
ul.int ft re.
Proprietors,
V.y it-ain I'alm
IS SURE TO CURE
tOI.Is in m: vi.
tjl II KI.V.
1 v IIi.!n' Into ,-a.h nosTl.
1 : IM - -v u.-rt-Ti .. N. T.
VELOUS
in
OVERY1
til ! u.
l its rrsillMff,
lil t iu;,mL liltt
J. B. HOBEMCK.
NTED:
CO
of iTiuiary ra
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-t.H .-in. V. w. Atroa.
- i ; .v ' n . lr. 1h ut m, E,
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I I . .', , f:ltU A. N. K.
r.Mz Mtnliral Office,
. i ut. M.ili'npec!iC
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, . , . of viifor,
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l ) ; v mil. i4tnci;j pri-
MM KOK I'.OOIv.
m : i'. M., an, I Imu lot
i oi; i msrorxTY,
RAYON PICTURES.
i n. tn'if'i;. Likeness
- . i . ip-t orient ur
. I V . In-,,,
uImi-!iiii- l'r lullng Co,
. - . .. i 11. MlKI.l'UIA.
UNFORTUNATE
r i . frtl eoniull
: lav (V.lowhlll, Fhlhk,ra.
0 . pr 1 4tu4i . 1W
1,.. A.lvlC llllMll
1 a a. t..l J. mud 4 M iw evssUaSB,
f. STOPPED FREE
a F-rS'-ns R"itor!irffc.
NK'it: RESTORER
. 1 k S. Sj I I. . "
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I .i -an till rM IJf $
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FLY KILLER
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, tM fl:.IjB't ! Ua
C j t..u- of rfc-n ud
11 II r It. w ' -.
MONTH M
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AZER
GREASE.
J ON, E S
re1 t?Ti nij u v
. - ...- ":
. i Great Enqll! But
us. Hheumatio B"alV
The New York
. . t..Al1 111-
;..m t-.r t!i slowness wii."
i .j tint Milt?. A
i-:u;iiifiit'iiTUiii2 citizen.
L v.ry irn;.utaut twoUoura
iv-t'!.' . ...
ei;ou;'i fvr one ilaj.'
vr iy w.uf a remarkably
womta
I .tr-.i . mim--"es
i, a: 1 .e never told ny
M realty, -,ci,
;i.!niuinKty,!one day,
a kn p your a:e!"
. . m..i ,. iih n uruue.
".. :.r.Ti: it?-
y ,::.. !h; I nevr git 15
w.is wikoil wuatslie thousht
a.I the making or
tuaubor ot Iodise meeUnsa
m.imiii t roTes to h con-
s-iMiuauilfra, It le
reaiui at utRUl nu "
enaaiou after
toth lungs n'L',,'-1J
loutllue It FeMaP'ni,
H. F. SCHWEIER,
BTM nJ tliir mother lalUby;
ChtWren t their lily ply:
11. Mens b"tS thtr loT.r. .igh;
Wonim brT. In the world's wT
Ara or what we we anil baar, oaar.
As the J cars go by;
Ilear ar,
Ai the jeart go by.
How tender 1. time, withal,
Uow kind ia the good aud true;
So Rentle to me, withal,
6u pracloua and aoet to yoo.
luis 1. what we e and bear, dear,
A. the jean go by;
Hear, dear,
A. the year, go by.
Time's (loaer mark, wrinkle are,
(,r,j huirs ll frost and decay,
A young heart ba kept you far
i'rom mpe marka and frost away,
jt is what we see and bear, dear.
As the yean go by;
Hear, .lear,
A. the year, go by.
Time from Toar face stay, aadnesa,
J.eaviurf the bright sunshine in;
Kises your eye. in gladness,
Li-at-ini tlje sweet loTellght In.
Oh, this do we see and hear, dear,
As the years go by;
Hear, tlear.
As the years go by.
pweet, let your birthdays come and go;
1'ut your baud and Iotb in mine,
You am young for loving so;
I lie because I am thine.
All thu do we see and know, dear.
As the years go by;
Know, dear,
A. the years go by.
QUI EXPECTATIONS.
"How very unfortunate!"
"Ilow confoundeJly annoylnf!'
The above remarks were made by
my wife and myself reaoectlTely one
bright Sentenilier morning as we sat at
breakfa-tt In the dining room of our
tiuy. oid-fashioued cottage at IiOW
tliorle. IWfore us each lay an open
letter, and it was the contents of these
letters individually and collectively
which had called forth the remarks set
down above.
To te more explicit, Ella's letter was
from her uncle. Gregory Carper, signi
fying hu intention of paying us a visit
on tart following Tuesday. My letter
was from my uncle, Simon Finlcker,
say in he Intended paying us a vlalt on
the following Tuesday.
'oth;n particularly alarming In
tiat, you think?
Walt a little. Old Gregory Carper
was a most eccentric and irascible Indi
vidual of reputed fabulous wealth, who
had more than once distinctly stated
that it was his intention to make his
only niece- (my wife) his heiress. Old
Fiuickt-r, my mother's brother, was
also rich in this world's goods, and It
was generally understood that I, Chas.
Punvers. was to be bis heir. And
between these two old men there was
a deadly feud. The quarrel had taken
place six months ago; and each uncle
(after giving us an exhaustive cata
logue of the enemies enormities) had
sworn in tnrn that if we, Ella and
Charles Danvers. exchanged words,
letters or visits with the said enemy In
future, we should be ostracized by the
remaining uncle.
Xow, for more reasons than one,
Ella and I looked upon this as a serious
contingency; and 1 regret to say that
we had recourse to duplicity. We gave
C sal, La fsl Sj tf rj uciu
the other as the scrtfa-fct-U,, earth (if
.ri an1aa Tit n 11 s ' saflfl irsriCJ-Iralt I
SV-l4dTre"aTrry say so, we Implied
It): and. so far. we had kept on toler
ably friendly terms with both. We
called our baby we had a baby Gre
gory and Simon by turns, lie had
been christened Simon Gregory in the
presence of both uncles Just a week
before the fatal quarrel took place.
(Poor little Boull I used to shudder
when I thought of bis debut with such
a name at the public school where bis
mother talked already of sending him.)
I offer no excuse for our unpardon
able conduct. I acknowledge that
played the part of a mean, abject
sneak. But I trust the reader will see
that, under existing clrcumstantea, the
projected simultaneous visits oi these
two uncles was, to say the least ef It,
awkward.
However, there was no help for It.
To write and put either off would of
fend the put off one almost as mortally
as to allow the dreaded meeting to take
dace.
"There will be a fine scene." I ob
served grimly, after a short pause.
"By iovel there will!"
Ella stirred her coffee abstractedly;
and 1 struck my eggspeon vindictively
through the shell of my third egg, with
a vague wish that I were inflicting
corporeal Injury on either objectionable
relative.
"Charleyl" said my wife. In piteous
tones, when some few minutes bad
elapsed, "what shall we do?"
"Ask me something easier, my dear,1
I replied gloomily.
"It is so awkward in every way,1
she went on. "Jane does not return
from her holiday until Wednesday.
(Jane was our housemaid.) "And
cook's being so deaf makes her so stu
pid. And your uncle is so Jfldgety and
iiartleular she added.
I did not reply but reread both let
ters silently. 2fo, there was no mis
take, both uncles were coming on Tues
day. Air. Carper proposes a uiree
days' visit; Mr. Finicker Intended
starting early on Wednesday morning
to attend a cattle sbv some twenty
miles from Lowthorpe. lie would
come down, he (my uncle) said, by the
5.15 from Waterloo.
"As usual. Mr. Carper does not
mention the train he intends coming
down bv ." I observed dryly. "There
onlv remains, as a climax, that tbey
should both elect to come by the 5.13."
'O, Charleyl Surely notl"
"I think it la more than likely," I
returned with the calmless of despair,
as I proceeded to unfold the newspaper.
I had just ten minutes to read and
digest it before catching my train up
to town.
"Charley. Low can you sit there
coolly reading the paper?" exclaimed
my wire, almost in tears.
"My dear." I remonstrated, "there
are Eve days to come before Tuesday.
We don't know what may happen in
that time. One of the old fools may
er ahem! , We can talk it over when
I come hiuue to night," I concluded
hastily. Then, with what I have been
told is the Innate selfishness of the
masculine mind, I plunged into the
news of the day.
When I came home at night Ella
last me with a beaming smile.
."Charley " she be ran cleefully. as I
oivested myself of mv hat and over-
oivested myself of my hat and
eoM, "I have thought of a plan.'
r-iaur i ecnoeu vaguely.
Header I give yoo my word I had
jurgottea all about those two fiendish
old men.
"Oo, the uncles!" I groaned, after a
ttonwars reflection. "Let as have
amner nrst. Ella, and iniiiM.
relatives afterward.'
" all well drilled little wives
should do, obeyed her lord and master
and dinner proceeded as usual. "
When I had lighted my post-prandial
pipe I stretched myself out upon the
sofa, folded my arms behind my head,
and intimated that I was ready to heir
the "plan.
My wife came and seated herself on
a low stool beside me.
"l ou see, Charley, she began, with
round, solemn eyes fixed upon mine.
I have thought and thought all day,
nd this seems the only thing to be
done."
"Well?" I said
paused.
expectantly, as she
"Well," she went on, "I am confi
dent that Uncle Simon wMl arrive first
on Tuesday, and he shall have the
pink room."
"I have no objection,' I observed,
as she paused again, "but I fail to see
how that can help us."
"Charley, you are so stupid, dear,
x on know there Is something the mat
ter with the lock of the pink room
door."
1 looked as I felt bewildered.
"Yes," I assented, helplessly.
"Well, Charley." in impatient tones,
"don't you understand?"
"I confess to being still at sea, my
dear." I said, with abject humility.
"But go on. Unfold your plan, and
my feebler Intellect will xy to follow.
The uncle who appears first upon the
scene. Uncle Simon, I think you said,
is to have the pink room, and there is
something the matter with the lock of
the pink room door. I think I have
mastered these two important points.
And apres."
Dont yon see?" my wife went on
with growing excitement. "The lock
has often stuck fast before. It did the
last time Uncle Mmon was here. We
could not get It open for ever so long.
Dont you remember1 So what more
natural than that it should go wrong
on Tuesday?" And she looked at me
triumphantly.
"But, my child," I murmured, "it
wont go wrong, as you call it, on
Tuesday. Things never do go wrong
when tbey ought to. It's ouly wheu
they didn't ought to," I concluded vul
garly. "Or course, you silly boy, I know
that. But then, yeu see, I'll make It
go wrong."
"Make It go wrong!" I repeated.
"What do you mean?"
Ella regarded me witherlngly, then
said:
"Really. Charley, yon seem as If
you were being stupid on purpose. Why
of course, when Uncle Simon goes up
to get ready for dinner I shall simply
lock the door. Then we can pretend
that the lock has stuck fast again and
that we can't get the door open. When
Uncle Gregory has gone to bed you
know be always goes quite early we
can let poor old Uncle Simon out, and
give him a splendid supper to make up
for the loss of his dinner. lie is very
good natnred, you know. -And then."
she concluded, "he will le away In the
morning before Uncle Gregory la up.
so uiere you arei"
I gave vent to. alow, prolonged
whistle.
x ou are a most Machlavelian
L?fluTli woman. Ella." I said travel v.
MlV t
'What a diplomatist you would have
madel"
MYes," modestly; "I think It rather
a nice little plan. It came to my head
this afternoon while I was putting baby
to sleep."
There are two rather serious objec
tions, however," I observed, after
puffing at my pipa for some seconds in
silence.
"Well?" rather sharply.
"Well it seems an uncommonly
sneaky kind of thing, doesn't It? Even
for usl" with a grim smile.
"Oh. no." promptly. "Xot when
yoa get used to the idea. I thought so
myself at first, but it soon wore off."
"Ah I" I murine red. lost in admira
tion of this remarkable and easy code
of morals.
"You said two objections. Charley."
resumed my wife. What was the
other?"
"Ilow are you so sure that my nncle
will arrive first?" I inquired. "If It
should chance to be yours I wouldn't
rive much for the success of your plan.
Mr. Carper Is a very respectable old
gentleman but I think you could
hardly call him sweet tempered! lie "
"Now, dont make objections, aear,"
Interrupted Ella, doclslvely. "I know
your nncle will come first, because he
always comes early In the afternoon,
and Uncle Gregory never comes until
the last train he can possibly get be
fore dinner time."
"Besides," I said weakly, "there
will be no opportunity for the lock to
stick fast. I lmaslne. I don't think
my uncle locks his bedroom door. Men
dont cenerallv. I never do."
-Oil, it doesn't want to be locked,
you silly boy. If I left the key inside.
how eould I fasten it outside? ltsally,
Charley, you are much less Intelligent
than I thought you were."
I bore this accusation meekly aud In
silence. 1 was thinking what a fearful
row there would be If the Imprisoned
nncle cot out before the appointed
tima and found us entertaining the
iumi at dinner. Then a sudden feel
ing of Compunction took possession of
me.
"So. by Jove." I exslaimed. rising
from the sofa and taking up a position
on the hearthrug. "I woat consent to
any such plan. It's certain to miss
fire somehow; and then we'll bs in a
nice scrape. Let the two old fellows
come, and have done with it- n mey
disinherit us both, and Ignore our son s
future, it ean't be helped. I'm heartily
sick of all this pretense, and underhand
nonsense, and I wont have any more
of It." .. ,
But Ella, arter a aismayeu v
onrrMtsMl so. and. in short.
cajoled me In the way women do cajole
us when they like, to such purpose that
r - to. n in and consented, where
upon hyperbolical letters were written
to both uncles expressive of our pleas
ure at their projected visit, etc.. and I
permitted myself the luxury of being
la an exceedingly bad temper for the
next few days.
The fateful Tuesday arrived In due
course, and by Ella's i1"
came home by a much earlier train
than usual. The afternoon bad passed
,TT . KeiTunno- Uncle Simon. Our
evil star was evidently in the ascend
ent, for at half-past 6 a fly from tb.
station drove up to the door, and from
It stepped -Uncle Gregory.
I looked at r.ua wiuiwm.'i.
"Xever mind. dear "she said n hur
ried tones. "It can r. do u.i
manage.
Jus leavo ,iwj .
me.'
I muttered a few maieaiciory re
marks under mj breath, and went to
THE CONSTITUTION-THE UNION-AND THE ENFORCEMEKT OF THE LAWS.
MIFFLINTOWN.
the door with wreathed smiles to meet
our relative. I saw at once, by certain
infallible signs, that he was in one of
his most aggressive moods. lie swore
at the flyman; contradicted me flatly
and rudely when I mentioned the usual
fare, and snubbed poor Ella so viciously
on the subject of a new velvet dress
she wore that I saw the tears spring to
ner eyes witn mortiflcatlon, and I
myself crimsoned with rage. However,
we pressed him to take some refresh
ment sherry. I think it was. and after
two large glasses of the same he be
came somewhat mollified.
At this point a teleirram was banded
Id. It was from my uncle, saying we
mignt expect mm ry the 5.&0. .
"Wouldn't you like to get ready for
dinner now, uncle?" Ella said after
some time, with a nervous glance at
the timepiece. (I had shown her the
telegram.) It was a quarter to 6, and
Uncle Simon's train was due in five
minutes.
'Plenty of time, plenty of time!"
said the old gentleman, helping him
self to another glass of sherry. "You
dont dine till 6. do you?"
I saw that Ella was quite pale.
'Pray, don't hurry." I observed
calmly. As I spoke, the whistle of
L nele Simon's train was heard In the
distance. Ella disappeared from the
room, and in another moment the din
ner bell sounded vigorously.
isiu carper rose alter imbibing a
final glass of sherry.
'I hope you have something decent
ior ainner," he growled. "I'm as
hungry as a hunter. Hadn't time for
m9re than a bite at lunch."
I smiled a painful smile and mur
mured something to the effect that 1
hoped he would have something he
could enjoy.
The old fellow plodded heavily up
stairs, where Ella was waiting to usher
him into the fateful pink room, in
another moment my wife, flushed and
breathless, joined me at the foot of the
stairs.
"Have you fdon it?" I asked
gloomily, feeling as I imagine Macbeth
must have done.
"Yes," she answered, showing me
the key. preparatory to slipping it Into
her pocket. "And, Charley, I took
down the bellrope to-day, so all is
safe. But. oh dear! how very unfortu
nate that Uncle Simon didn't come
first. I suppose he will be here di
rectly."
Just then the doorbell rang loudly.
it was v nele Simon.
it chanced that Mr. 1- inlcker was
not In the most amicable frame of
mind, either. He had lost his um
brella. It appeared, and was even more
aggravatmgly nervous and fidgety than
usual.
Just as dinner was served, a loud
banting was beard from the room
above. (I dont think I have mentioned
that the pink room was situated j ast
above the dining room.) I hastened
upstairs, and hypocritically turned the
handle of the pink room door, having
previously knocked.
"Are you not coming down to din
ner, Mr. Carper?" 1 inquired, feeling,
I confess, rather ashamed of myself.
"Coming down!" thundered my
wife's uncle idnlcnantly from within.
"Of course I'm coming down; but 1
can't get the door openl
'2o?" I returned, with a careful
accent of surprise. "I trust this con
founded lock has not caught again.
We Intended having it repaired, but
the locksmith has unfortunately not
arrived." (Which, as he bad not been
sent for, was not to be wondered at.)
"Shake the handle from the insida,"
I continued.
He shook the handle, but I need
hardly say without effect. 1 shook It
also.
'Perhaps you have locked it?
suggested, allowing a faint amount of
anxiety to appear in my tone.
Locked H? Rubbish!" was the
Irate reply. "What should 1 look It
for? I'm not a woman. Besides,
there's no key."
"I am exceedingly annoyed," I went
on, in a voice full of vexed solicitude;
"but 1 fear we can ao notuing untu
the locksmith comes..' It is most un
fortunate! He shall be sent for again
at once; but of con'se it will take some
little time, as we are so iar irom tue
village."
Whereupon followed fearful and
ungovernable language from Mr. Car
eer. He shook the door violently.
stamped about the room, and "went
on" generally in a most alarming way,
I pacified him as well as I could, or.
rather, I tried to pacify him, but he
contibued to storm and swear without
apparently listening to my lies they
were nothing less and at last I went
down stairs again, and took my place
at the head of the table in a furious
passion. Our previous deceptions had
never gone so far as this, and I felt
myself a sneak from the tips of my
fln?ers to the toes of my boots. This
was a most preposterous and outrage
ous plan of Ella's. 1 reflected savagely.
We could never carry it out. Why
bad, 1 listened to her?
As we devoured our soup we could
hear footsteps tramping about excitedly
and Irregularly overhead. Then there
was a sudden silence. It was the lull
before the storm.
Scarcely had the fish been removed
than a series of loud bangs resounded
on the panels up stairs. Uncle Simon
started nervously. Ella became crim
son and muttered something about
"rousing baby." I took no notice, but
went on grimly carving the fowl be
fore me.
"Will you take a leg, or a wing,
nncle?" I said shortly.
"A leg, boy." indignantly. "What
are you thinking of? I'll take a wing
the liver wing of course."
I hastily apologized and said I was
thinking of something else. (So I was
I was thirfking of Uncle Gregory.)
Ring! bang! bang! from above
"Good gracious! What is that?"
exclaimed Uncle Simon, in a tone ex
pressive of alarm and amazement.
What Is what?" I asked coldly,
without raising my eyes from the plate.
"That most extraordinary noise.
Charles!" went on my uncle, in much
agitation, "is it possible you oo noi
hear it?"
I hear the wind rising," x repiiea
calmly. "I fear we snau nave a
storm. (Happily, the wind was blowing
by this time, and was blowing pretty
stiffly.) "Pray, help yourself to claret,"
I continuea; i una j" wm uuu .
There was a short silence after this,
broken by the walls of the baby, who
h,l rrtnsed ud at last. Ella fled up
stairs, and I engaged my nncle In easy
conversation.
Suddenly, just as Mr. Finlcker was
launched on a lengthy tirade upon the
agrarian outrages in Ireland, the bang
bag began again with renewed fury.
JUNIATA COUNTY,
What on earth could the old fellow
be doing I wondered wretchedly, as
the unmistakable crash of broken glass
or crockery (or both) sounded over
bead. There was no saying what be
might do, for Mr. Carper, when
aroused, was nothing less than a mad
man, and he was evidently roused now.
"Good heavn's, boy, what Is that
noise?" exclaimed my uncle, starting
irom ins cnair.
-What noise, uncle?" I said, wjfcji I
trliajQt.lv amllo Vr.ii art narvnua frv
night, I fear."
"Xervous! Listen to that, and that,
and that!" he continued fiercely.
"Have you a lunatic or a wild beast
conceal e4 in your house, sir?"
I listened hypocritically for a few
momenta.
"I certainly do hear sounds," I said
then, in doubtful tones. (By this time
the noise was enough to waken the
dead.)
"Soundsl Why, you must be deaf
or an idiot, sir! It's pandemonium, I
tell you nothing less."
My dear uncle," I replied, gently.
"compose yourself. Those er sounds
are, I regret to say, of frequent occur
rence. V hen thi wind is high, as it is
to-night, the noise is positively deafen
ing." ( It certainly was. ) "I will g
up after dinner and fasten the skylights
In the attics. Ihey have been left
open, probably. The bouse is said to
be haunted, but that is all nonsetyse, or
course."
'Haunted!" repeated my uncle,
glancing over his shoulder nervously.
"Haunted! That is very unpleasant.
I I never knew that."
"Xo?" I returned in careless tones.
"We certainly hear some most unac
countable noises. But one gets accus
tomed to them In time. Do have some
more claret."
Though I spoke thus calmly, I was
inwardly consumed with rage aud mor
titlcatlon and shame. However, there
was no help for it. I must keep it up
now at all events; and by and by that
maniac upstairs, would surely in the
coursa) of nature tire himself out. I
simply could not go and tell him any
wore lies. Things must take their
eourse. Lresolved, desperately.
"You were speaking of the Irish
question," I observed, in courteous
tones (making myself heard as well as
I could amid the appaling row over
head.) "I quite agree with you that
something will have to be done. By
Jovel" I ejaculated mentally, "some
thing will have to be done, or my
wife's uncle will be through the celling
on to the dining table!"
Uncle Simon helped himself to claret
and glanced upward.
"It it seems to be in the room
above," be said, In a helpless, irritated
kind of way.
"Oh. It is sometimes In one part of
the bouse, sometimes in another," I
answered carelessly. "The curious
thing is that I have known weeks tj
pass without our hearing any peculiar
noises at all. You were not disturbed
during your last visit. It 1 remember
rightly. But, pardon me, yon were
speaking of ilr. Gladstone's pol'.fj ia
regard to Ireland, were you not?"
"AJl. yes, yesl It is atrocious! The
man is becoming unbearable!" resumed
my uncle testily (alluding, of course, to
Mr. Gladstone, and not to the concealed
enemy up stairs. ) "It Is but bless
my soul, bov, will that noise go on all
night?"
Here a terrific crash, followed by a
piercing yell, so startled poor Uncle
Simon that he sprang to his feet, over
turned his chair, and spilled his wine
all over the tablecloth."
"We will go Into the other room,"
I said, seeing that the poor old fellow
was as white as a sheet. "We shall
not be disturbed there."
We accordingly went Into the draw
ing room, where we found Ella playing
merry Jigs and reels upon the piano.
The noise upstairs bad abruptly ceased.
After a game or two of cribbage, lu
which I cut but a sorry figure, I sug
gested, backed up by Ella, that my
uacle looked very tired, and alluded
to his projected early start In the
morning. He agreed he was tired, and
after a couple glasses of brandy and
water be went to bed.
An ominous silence meanwhile pre
vailed in the pink room.
When we were alone I turned to
Ella and said in a voice of suppressed
fury;
"Well, madam, may I ask what you
propose doing now? I swear this Is the
last time I shall have anything to do
with sush confounded tomfoolery. I
never felt so contemptible in my life.
Your uncle and mine may leave their
money to the Irish Land League or to
the devil for all I care," I continued,
pacing up and down the room In a
towering passion. "I refuse to take
part any longer In your meau, deceitful
practices."
This was distinctly unjust, oi course.
as well as rade, and Ella fired up at
once, saying that it was as much my
fa ult as hers, etc
"Hold your tongue, madam," I
thundered, goaded past endurance.
Here there was an extraordinary.
inexplicable, muffled kind of noise from
the direction of the pink room. I
seized a candle and rushed up stairs.
"I hope and trust be may not have
had a fit of apoplexy," I muttered, be
tween my set teeth, as we reached the
door. All was silent.
Where is the key?" I said shortly.
Bnt Ella hesitated.
"Uncle." she said timidly through
the key-hole, "we have found an old
key that we think will open the door.
The locksmith did not come."
I listened, appaled, to this glib per
version of the truth, and wondered if
it had ever been practiced upon ine.
Still, all was silent.
"The room is quite dark. Charley."
said my wife nervously, as she pro
ceeded to fit the key Into the lock.
In another moment the door was
open, and a gust of wind almost extin
guished my candle. I held It aloft with
a whistle of dismay; for what a scene
met our eyes! The room was strewn
with maimed and disfignred furniture;
the mirror was cracked right across;
the crockery was smashed, and the
lower half of the window appeared to
have entirely vanished. And oh, hor
ror! the pale pink window curtains, the
bed curtains, the covers of the chairs
were stained here and there with deep
crimson. But where was Uncw Gre
gory?
He bad disappeared. The room was
empty 1
Ella, after a horrified glance around.
uttered a series of piercing screams.
"Hushl" I exclaimed, seizing her
arm viciously. "Have yon lost your
senses? You will wake Unci Simon. "
But she sobbed and cried, and de
clared hysterically that Uncle Gregory
was dead, ana that it was ail my fault.
indignantly pointed out the g latins:
injustice of this remark, and stated my ,
PENNA.. WEDNESDAY. JULY 25, 1SSS.
conviction that the old gentlemen, in
desperation, had probably taken a
"long drop" from the window. "I
hope you are pleased with the result
of your plan, Mrs. Danvers," I went
on with cutting sarcasm, "it has cer
tainly been a most brilliant success
so far. Of all the"
I was interrupted by the sound of a
door opening along the passage, and
the next moment. Uncle Simon, in an
exceedingly airy costume and carrying
a candle in an outrageously horizontal
position, appeared before our astonished
gazs. (I had always suspected that my
uncle wore a wig. Now I bad ocular
demonstration. II la head was as bare
as an egg.)
"Bless my soul!" he gasped, with
chattering teeth, letting the candle
run down on our new Kidderminster,
this is a most ghastly house! I refuse
t) goto bed again, Charles," be con
tinued, excitedly. "I shall sit up all
night. My nerves are quite unstrung."
Here there was a terrific and contin
uous peal at the front door bell. It
rang, and rang, and rang. I went
down to open it our domestio having
gone to bad and Ella followed.
Hardly had 1 drawn back the bolt than
Mr. Carper burst in, disheveled, pant
ing, purple with rage, his clothes
stained with earth, his bands cut and
bleeding. He tore past us upstairs
like a mad man, and on the landing be
carromed violently against Uncle
Simon, who was clinging to the stair
railings, shivering and shaking in his
very sketchy attire. To our utter
amazement the two old men grasped
bands warmly aud all but embraced
each other.
"Where on earth did you come from,
Carperj"' quavered my uncle, almost
in tears.
Finicker!" returned the other In a
choking voice. "I'm glad to see you
very glad to see you. Let us leave
this infernal place now at oncel"
Then turning to me: "I tell you, Chas.
Danvers, you will regret the despicable
part you have played to-day only once,
and that, sir. will be all your Uf agY ou
are a low, contemptible hound, sir.
But I see nowathrouglt your plot to
sfeure both my money and my friend
Mr. Einicker's. Yes, my frifind, I say.
You mighthave saved yourselves lies,
sir; aud youipo, madam," fiercely, to
the pale aud trembling Ella. "Mr.
Finicker and I were foolish enough to
quarrel, it is true, but I rejoice to say
that we were reconciled a week ago.
Ah, you may cry, madam, and you
may swear under your breath, sir, but
you are an infernal young liar, Charles
Danvers, and your wife is not a.hlt
better. I renounce you both forever."
"And so do I," exclaimed Uncle
Simon. " We leave this house to-night,
late as it is. We can get rooms, with
out doubt, at the Lowthorpe Inn."
So saylug he retired, with as much
dignity as his costume would permit
to uis room, accompanied by
dilapidate! looking Mr. Carper. Ella
went on crying. I simply swore, "not
loud, but deep."
Within ten minutes the two old gen
tlemen reappeared, equipped for depart
ure. Protestations, explanations, apolo
gies were all in vain. Our outraged
relatives lejt the house without deign
ing to take any further notice of either
Ella or myself, and as tbey disappeared
iu the darkness i f3 1 as If every atom
of my self resect went with ll.CZ!.
I draw a veil over the harrowing
scene which followed.
My wife and I did not speak to each
other for at least a week after this
deplorable evelhng but that is a mere
detail.
The failure of Ella's "plan," how
ever, marked an epoch in my life. It
was my last deception. Since then I
have been doggedly, uncompromisingly
truthful and straightforward in all my
words and actions; and I have observed
a similar metamorphosis In Ella. If
ever. In the future, 1 find out Gregory
Simon in a lie, I shall flog him most
unmercifully. We have neither seen
uor held any communication with
either uncle since that unlucky night.
I fear our chances of heirship are gone
forever.
Sic transit gloria mundi! Belgravia.
Tburman's Bandana.
From an Interview with Mr. Thur
man. " Judge, how did you get the title of
Old Roman?"
"I am sure I don't know."
"Uncle William Allen used to be
called the Old Roman," said Judge
Thurman's son, and 1 suppose some
how the title descended to my father."
"How did the red bandana become
associate! with your name?"
"That is another mystery," replied
(he judge, producing bis bandana and
blowing a vigorous blast, " When I
first went to congress, along in 1839-40,
the habit was general of taking snuff.
Two large boxes, each containing a
pound or more of snuff, were stationed
in the House of Representatives for
public use. I did not acquire the habit
for some time, but as one cannot get
a'ong very well without some evil
habit, I fell into It after a time. Of
course that necessitated the use of ban
danas. X early everyone carried them
then, but 1 suppose I was singled out
by some newspaper man, and that's
probably bow the thing started. You
see there is nothing romantic about
it."
Serfs and Sovereigns.
American Sovereign Talk as you
please about the power or the people
in a limited monarch like that of Great
Britain, and the utter dependence of
the royal family; I have no patience
with anyone who acknowledges himself
a subject of king or queen.
English Serf But, my dear sir, yeur
President has more power as a ruler
than our Queen.
"He wilds it with our consent."
"Same way with us. The Queen Is
a mere figurehead to our ship. The
people are in command."
"Xo matter; the thing has the ap
pearance of dictatorship, and that is
something no American can or will
stand. We are freemen, sir; free born
sovereigns in our own right, sir; princes
of liberty, sir, and the man does not
live to whom we would bow our
heads"
Political Boss Here. yo. blankety
blanked hound, what d'ye mean by
loafln' round when there's so much
work ter be done? Go over ter Bill
Bulldozer's saloon an' git y'r orders
for election day, an' be quick about it,
too, or I'll take y'r blankety blanked
head off."
T e s, sir.''
BLwfop William Taylor of the
Methodist church, has had $12,000
placed to bis account by Secretary
Hunt, the amount due for his salary
during the four years of his African
mission work.
HORSE FfcESH EATERS IN NEW
YORK.
-
A Batcher Whose Cast omera Are the
Park Birds and Beuts,
The man led the way through a pas
sage from the stable to the other side
of the building. The passage opened
Into a large square room lighted by
spacious open doors on both sides. The
wood floor was stained a dull red. This
is the slaughter room, where the horses
are killed and cut up for the animals at
th arsenal at Central Park. New York
Off a "couple of hooks on one side of the
room hung portions of a carcass like
the quarters of a beef. At a glance
one who was not an expert in raw meat
would have said this was beef, but the
horse butcher pointed out that the
meat was meat was of a deeper color
and a closer grain than beef. Horse
meat Is, he said, as be could state from
personal knowledge, equally as good as
peer wnen young and tender. There
was a peculiar flavor to horse aseat, he
added, that some people liked better
than beef, and the lions and tigers were
fond of It, but for himself he preferred
a good piece of porterhouse steak every
time.
In one corner of the room was a re'
frigerator, where the meat is kept until
it is required. The skin of the last
horse who had been killed a few days
before lay on the other side of the
room. He was a baker's horse, the
butcher explained, and bis hair had
been yellasv. Everything was as neat
and cleanly and free from taint as a
butcher's shop could be. The chopping
DiocK was washed ana as tidy as a
kitchen table. The cleaver, the sawl
and the small knives, shining bright
and sharp, hung In their places beside
the butcher's apron. About two years
ago the park authorities adopted the
plan of supplying the carnivorous anl
mals In the menagerie with horse meat
Instead of beef. The measure was
purely an economic one. Director
Conklin found difficulty at times in ob
taining good beef o mutton, and the
prices ranged from twelve to eighteen
cents.
In Europe the animals In the zoolog
ical collections are fed on horse's flesh.
and he advised the cofimissloners to
make tb trial here. PresldentaBorden
became TnterestedasV-the brick build
ing was fitted up as-a stable and butcher1
shop, with a result that has justified
the outlay. -From $10 to $15 are paid
ror horses, the butcher Is hired by the
Park Board and the actual cost or the
meat is now thrte or three and one-
half cents a pound.
About two horses on an average are
killed each week. Tbey are rarely old
horses, as might be supposed, but
usually those which have Riven out
from some cause. Before they are ac-
,,,5'TePted a veterinary surgeon makes
a
careful examination of the animal to
ascertain if it is free from disea?
There Is no difficulty In securing all
that are needed by the city, and
usually two or three are kept in the
stalls, some of them to be fattened be
fore tbey are killed. From the celling
near the centre of the room a roue bung
down from a heavy staple. The horses
are led through the passage from the
stable into the slaughter room wlien
they are to be killed.
-now to you Kin them?" was
asked.
The horse butcher picked up a short
handled, heavy hammer, and said:
"Horses (Jie easy. When I bring them
out here I ties a cloth round their
heads, so that it blinds them, and tbey
are so quiet you can do anything with
them. Then I fasten this rope from
the ceiling around the brute's neck, and
one heavy blow from the hammer is
gener'ly enough. If you would like to
come around to-morrow morning I'll
show you how I do it. It is bootcherin'
day to-morrow and old Dobbin will
have to go; that's the gray one you saw
in there."
The reporter declined the Invita
tion. "Makes you kinder sick, I guess,"
added the butcher.
"Well, I didn't like it myself when I
began, though I was used to butcherin'
cattle, but horses 'peared bo different.
You get used to it, though. The worst
is when some horse that's done good
service gives out, and the people who
bring him here feel so bad to give him
up. But tbey say they would rather
have the horse killed than to sell him,
where he may be starved or beaten.
Sometimes a woman comes up crying
and makes mrgive back the horse.
Once I had a little bay mare that the
surgeon operated on and she got well.
You never saw anybody so tickled In
your life as the lady aud the children
were when I toll them, and they took
her back again. Most of the animals
are pretty badly knocked out when
tbey come here. Them stone pave
ments is killin' on horses. It gives
them the 'quitters,' a swellin' around
the ankles, and they ain't good much
after that. Now, there's an animal In
that wagon out there, in which I'm
going to take the meat over for the
lions' dinner. You never saw such a
shaddar as that big horse was when he
was fetched in here last spring with a
bad hoof. He looked sick and I kept
him a month, 'cause I thought be
wouldn't be good to feed the animals,
though the doctor said he was sound.
Then his hoof began to beal and he
picked up. Xow you can jest see that
he limps a little; he's as strong as an
elephant and as healthy."
The horse meat was piled into the
wagon and the rescued horse proved
his good character by the gait which he
took in drawing the vehicle through
the Park to the arsenal. The keepers
divided up the Joints of the "baker's i
yellow horse ' among the hyenas, the
Hons and the tigers, who crushed the
bones and polished them with gusto.
To the eagles chunks of flesh weighing
a pound or more were thrown and were
quickly dragged away by them In their
talons.
"The bones," said the bone butchei
pointing to several barrels, "are saved
and go to the bone man. Tbey are
pretty well cleaned when be gets 'em.
Last month I had a horse that bad
been a trotter, but I couldn't git any
flesh on his bones. He was a tough
one and no discount, l auiiea my
knives cuttln' bim op. Them lions
chewed on him till their jaws was tired
and hung down. Mr. Conklin says to
me: 'What kind of meat are you givin'
the animalsr' I says: 'It's the trotter;'
then he didn't say no more."
77 importance of soft water far do-
-nestle purposes 1. Illustrated by the
experience of alargelndon asylum, la
which a change from hard to sort water
has resulted Jn an
estimated annus!
Bavins: in s ia.
soap, labor, eta, of
more than $4,000.
How Clothespins are Made.
Clothespins are made In the lumber
regions. Thejt are usually made of
white asb, sometimes of beach, black
and white birch and maple. The wood
is taken to the factory' ia logs and cut
into lengths of thirty-one Inches by
oircular saws. These lengths are then
cut into blocks and the blocks again
cut into sticks. The sticks are placed
under another saw, and cut into the
required lengths. . Xext the turner
takes a hand at them and from rbere
they go to the slotting machine. They
are raced in troughs by the operator,
the machine pickinglhem up and slot
ting them. They are then placed in a
revolving pipe drier going thence to the
polishing cylinder and then to the
packer.
Each pin passes through eight bands.
A slrrgle plant consist of board saw,
gang gpHlter, gina chunker. turning
lathe, Miying bouse aud pollulwr aud
costs from $7,000 to $12,000. The ma
chines working are very Interesting.
The little blocks of wood five and a
half Inches long are placed on an end
less belt, which feeds the blocks auto-
matirallv nfy tha Inrho A a TliA lattia
is turned the pin Is taken automatically
frnm tltA ninillu .nil nua1 .in t nrri
table 4ftud carried to a circular saw,
which whittles out the slot in the pin.
It la then finished and thrown out of
the turntable by the same appliance
that puts the pins on the table. Fall
ing, they are caught in a basket or
barrel and are then taken to the dry
ing house for ten to twenty-four hours
or until dry. The polishing cylinder
or rumbler holds twenty to" forty
bushels; this is run at a slow speed,
about thirty turns a minute, aud by
simple friction and contact they be
come polished,
A Wilful Frinccfes.
Queen Victoria, as Is well known,
is devoted to the training as well as the
education of her children a constancy
of oversight especially admirable in the
occupant of a position entailing bo
manv other imnorlant and Rhsnrhintr
Hwuties. Thus. Princess Victoria, hav
ing taken a whimsical dislike to one of
the masters (let us say Mr. Smith) who
gave lessons to the royal children, per
sisted in suppressing the "Mr." lu
addressing him on his arrival, saluting
Ahim with a "Good morninir. Smith."
Instead or "Good morning, Mr.
Smith," ordained by-the rules of the
schoolroom. The queen having remon
strated In vain with her daughter on
this impoliteness, she at length declared
that, if she related the rudeness, she
should be sent to bed for the remainder
of the day. So, at the master's next
entrance into the Bchoolrowm, the wil
ful young princess exclaimed, "Good
morning. Smith! and good night,
Smithl for I'm just going off to bed!"
and, sweeping out of the room, she
underwent the impending punishment,
the one which, of all that wers ever
inflicted upon them, the royal chi'iren,
full of spirit and activity, especially
disliked. Happily, the fat of childish
obstinacy passed od .under thejiiiiioy
ance of this infliction, and thenceforth
Mr. -So.ith met with no lack of polite
ness from his pupiL
Those Famous Kentucky Women.
"See those two girls coming down
the street talking together?" said my
cynical friend aswe were promenading
Fourth street. "Well, as we pass them
no doubt we can overbeilira scrap of
their conversation, and I'll bet you I
can tell what they will say. "
"What will they say?" I asked.
'You'll hear the words 'says be,'
'says 1, or 'says she,' he replied.
Sure enough, when they got near
enough to overhearthem one of the
girls was talking glibly, and the burden !
of her remarks was "says he" Uiis and I
"says 1" that.
"Xow, I have been a close observer 1
in this matter, and I have made this j
general formula in regard to conversa-!
tion," continued the cynic. "If you '
hear one hundred bits of conversation -between
two women, there are sixtv l
chances that tbey are talking about .
says he,' 'says I or 'says she, with '
the probabilities largely in favor of
says he.' Then there are thirty-nine
chances that tbey are talking about
matters of dress, and only one chance I
in the hundred that they are talking
about something else. "
"How about the men?".I Inquired. '
"Well, I haven't got the percentage
down so fine there, but It Is safe to say
that if you hear one hundred sentences
from one hundred different men, such
as you meet daily on the street, you
will hear at least seventy-five oaths.
Uf course, 1 mean if the men are talk
ing to men." I
Adopted by Rabbits.
There is an old man out In Mound
Valley who has been adopted by a lot
of Jack rabbits, writes a Xew York
Sun correspondent from Carson City,
Xev. Their friendliness and good
feeling have become so obtrusive that
the old fellow would be thankful if
something would happen to alienate
their affections. He is a sort of hermit,
living all alone on his ranch, where he
devotes all his time to cattle and horse
raising. As he doesn't try to raise
vegetables the rabbits could do him no
barm, and so he has never tried to
drive them away. They soon became
very tame, and, as the Jack rabbit la
rather an affectionate animal any way,
tbey kept making more advances and
! trials of friendship until they aud the
! old man have become quite sociable.
When he goes out after his cows two
or three dozen rabbits will come troop
ing along after him, leaping around
him, running between his legs and nib
bling his fingers.
Very often a drove of them will
gather around bis cabin and cut up ail
sort of pranks in front of his door,
leaping ou bis bed, jump into the chair
if be isn't occupying the only one
himself and nose around among his
kettles and dishes for something to eat.
Several of the most intelligent he has
singled out for special favors. He has
taught them a number of tricks, such
as jumping over a bar or through a
ring, walking on their hind legs and
jumping over one another like a leap
frog. Bnt the rabbits have developed
such a liking for civilization that they
are about to take possession of bis
house, and have even begun to rear
their broods in it, s that the old man
owns
hardly knows now whether he
"u"" " """ u, w'ta lM
rabbits.
Eighteen thousand Irish girls, who
have been assisted to emigrate, sent
bom) X'2o0.000 sterling In five years,
Editor antl X'roprietor-
NO. 31.
NEWS IX BRIEF.
- Henry George contemplates vlslt-
ing Australia.
Thf-re are alout 10.0CO".000 He
brews in the world.
China feels hurt because Australia
bars out Chinamen.
The solitaire diamond ring worn
by Mrs. W. K. Vanderbilt cost f 13,000.
Lady Monckton is the only Eng
lish lady of title on the English stage,
A professional rat catcher took
323 rodents out of Vanderbllt's new
house the other day.
The late Eugene Kimrael. the
London perfumer, left an estate valued
at $100,000,000. lie evidently knew
how to make scents turn iuto dollars.
The Anglican church of X'ew
South Wales is to raise 1,000,000 as a
centennial fund. Te Wesleyaus will
also raise $250,000. Both amounts will
be raised In Live years.
In Belgium drunkenness is pun
ished by coiuielllug the man or womau
caught iu this condition to sweep the
Streets for two hours after they get
solTer. It is better punishment than to
jr
ii0
iliut the drunkard un iu tha station
ouse.
The only accident on the ball
fields of the couutry lu 1SS7 which re
sulted In death occurred in a match
game at J'ooleville. X. Y., when Otto
Brouson was struck on the temple by
a laii and. iaUuitly killd.
Jonathan Bourne, Jr., of Bedford,
Mass., bought a gold in inn near Suuip
ter, Ore., for less than $25,000. After
declining various offers for It and
working it him-wlf, lie has now sold
the mine for $l,5o0,O00 In cash and
$4,000,000 iu stock.
A decree lias just been issued by
the Austrian toveruni"ntanisliiug
all grinders of organs from the streets
of the Kaiserstait. Jji luture the hale
and strong organ grinders will be
treated as.v.'igrants, while those who are
crippled or otherwise ailllcted will be
relegated to the almshouses.
Kojlro Matsaga, one of the gradu
ates of the Yale Law School this year.
Is a son of the Japanese Minister of
Finance, and is of royal blood. He has
been In America four years uid Pieakg
English, Latin and German. He will
return to Japan two years hence.
It is said thai .Fannie pern had
never written a woid for publication
until sba had passed her fortieth
birthday. She was unconscious of her
lateat powers until misfortune made
her exert tnera. Robert Bonner was
the first to recognize her genius iu the
way ofUU'ral remuneration.
Jay Tfcrnld has In his consprvatorr
at Irvingt u not fewer than 4(i0 varie
ties of palms and tree fvi us, lrsMes a
vast collection of smaller flai ls. Tim
rose-house, which is jei the most
delightful part of t'.-.e -on-rv.tory. Is
filled with the Guest summer und win
ter roses to be found m the United
Stiles.
The Astor IIouss plot In Xew
York city cost $100,1100. and it much
annoyed the builder that he had to pay
such an enormous price for about 200
feet. The Park Bank, however, since
then paid $:$"0,000 for a 31-foot front
almost oposite the Astor, ail real
est te experts value the latter $2,0o0,
000 alone.
Mrs. Harrison's father. Dr. John
W. Scott, is a remarkably well-preserved
and genial, handsome and cour
teous gentleman, 8S years of age, and
has for some years held a clerkship iu
the Pension tlllice. He is paid to
with a single exception, the eldest
man In the active service of the Gov
ernment. Mr. T. M. Wells has completed a
clay model or the bronze statue of
James W. Marshall, to be erected ou
the spot where gold was first discovered
in California. It Is of colossal size aud
represents Marshall clad iu a miner's
dress, holding a nugget in Ills rfght
band aud with his leit pointing to the
spot whence it was taken.
The largest wooden ships in the
world are the Komaudor Kvend I'oyne,
I lie latter oi "J,4j0 tons, bavin? beeu
I built at Maltland, X. S., in ls7l, and
called the Willi.im D. Laurence (ttie
i name of her builder), and the A. f.
i Koes, of 2.342 tons, which was built
' at Bath, Maine, in 1S4. There are
comparatively few other vessels of
j above 2.000 tons even.
In the British Museum in Ixiuiion.
carefully guarded in a glass rune, are
! some of the oldest shoes in the world.
They are sandals, taken from very an
cient Egyptian tombs. The soles are
made of palm leaves, and they are pro
vided with bands made of the sterns of
papyrm. The papyrus is a species of
a very tall reed which grows ou marshy
river banks in warm countries.
I It Is reported from Detroit t'.,ftt a
; lad named Prank Bailey, slxtee-j years
old, has such a mania for VI rustiu"
pins and needles into the right side ot
his face and neck that it has become
necessary to send him to a lunatic asy
lum. At the time of his departure ho
had from thirty to rorty pins burled to
the head in bis cheek, besides an un
known number of needled that were
out of sight.
A granddaughter of Charles
Dickens is now engaged ou a promising
enterprise. She has engaged a staff of
young ladies, who, with herself, devote
themselves to copying fc-ith the tyje
writer. They have attained great pro
ficiency in the art and work mjj neatly
than most amateur typewriters. They
are getajsgplenty of cuslom, and are
especially c.ever in correctly decipher
ing and rendering badly written man
uscripts. The Roman Catholic church does
not publish the numbers of its mem
bers, but as its adherents are princi
pally foreign born, or the children or
foreign born citizens and Inhabitants
and as the number or Immigrants has'
greatly Increased of recent years, it la
ouly fair to assume ttiat the Homau
Catholics have Increased also. There
are now supposed to be about 7.000 000
Roman Catholics to 12,0o0,00u I'rot
estants. In 18.'i.' there were about 1 -250,0'W
out of 17,000,000 Inhabitants
now there are 7,0u0.000 out or say CO -000.000.
Prince von Bismarck likes cards
and has left it ou record that he once
played with a political purpose in his
mind. He sat down at ecarte with the
Austrian plenipotentiary, who in a few
days would have to discuss with him
the Schleswig-Uolstein question. It
was n is cue to make his opponent be
he pVndlv and
lieve tost ne was
effect was that when they came to
Uk p, b8 foUB(1 h,J
deeply Impressed with the belief thi.
Austria must not provoke a feiate.
having in its councils aa rtv.. .
minister.
between . ArJ
hand1 .'"U, omlei14
on tf " r
.1 - '
7-