"11,'
ft
B. F. SOHWEIER,
TEB OOISTITUTIOI-THE UH0I-11B TEE EHOXOEMEHT QP THE Li8.
Editor and Proprietor.
VOL. XU.
MIFFLINTOWN, JUNIATA COUNTY. PENNA.. WEDNESDAY. MARCH 16. 18S7.
NO. 12
' c ' ?
vt loiUfyw "lit MirSffflf
NX III .III III 111 III
V
jeannue"9 Hair.
ohi loowi the curls that you wear, Jeaa-
P iLWlria ro me bad uo daintier slfiht
fn your brown hair veilin? your should-
It w.is brow a, witli a golden filow Jean-
It
T aTunfi to be braidedTnd jeweled
ar!;-"vJ::; h..:r in the world, my
jlv r:u as the arm of a clown, Jesn-
,. "''.P-v,l rUti.-daii.I brown, my pet,
R..t"aVr..I-":.. .ftiytt iov-ul to car
v T r,,u:.d bi neck and your wea.th of
Your l"ld fiaiaiiua tiui.,
ruv.a tl' o:U. J story, my pet;
III, cray, witu tbe chastened Unfie
Iittl.o?ky .... .,
fffct-n i!ie trout lear quickest to snap the
Xaiih-r mutcbed your 2olden hair.
Y ,r ,j, ,::t I have uo words, Ji'.-mnette,
11,,-y wVrr Irli as the twitter of birds, my
Vula'tLf .-;riui younj and the roses
-vli':bl'-'lr''l'S i" ca0'1 r,?J bosom set,
AeJ tii.y mu:I your g-S.A brown hair my
Ob, you :at ..V ray lit; in your hair, Jean
ne::.', , .
Ta- a ' a and fiolden snare, my pet.
But s. bouda-c, luy soul did 1111-
p'.oro
TLe r i t ' c :.Mr.ue year slave evermore,
'::h'n"v c v inaiosUeU is your hair,
n;y ff,
Tuu t.t 1 .'.fj:u what you were, Jean-
TViiu'roar lips and your eye and your
fcair, u:j
Iu tLe ilarkLei . f desolate year I moan,
Ami mv tears fail bitterly over the stone
Iu: overs jvnr iuiden hair, my pet.
. THE AlUH'TEI) CHILD.
K.e was very fair to Ixk upon. tliU
ct St. Avon. witU deep, wine-dark
tvU. lli nutate bloom cu her dimpled
cLei-i, and wilowy grace of Jut
Jll. well developed figure. She would
ajt ill li.ive graced the purple and
ermine of a princess of tbe blood yet
jiewas r.i''.i;'.n? mow than a Kovern
ess,s::ti: ? thfipin the gray twilight,
:tti CU:'r'.ey Worden's we;try little
bead resjr.i ru Ler lap.
"IIuj'.i!" sa.d the child, suddenly,
witli unified Ciucr. "hear tliem laugh
!tg Cown sti:r. Oil, M:aa St. Avou,
how tariJ" l,;p.T must, hel''
"Why io tou not 0 down stairs,
CLailey, and ei:jiy yourself with the
other cliiUren?"'
"I did, JLss St. Avon, and Aunt
Lais fxowLed at me, and told me to go
out a;a:n with my old faded clothes.
I wish 1 had nice clothes, Misa St.
Avon."
"Have joa ;isied your uncle to buy
Ibem for you?-'
"Uncle says I am a nuisance, and he
shall have me bound out to soma
trfcleistaD."
"Chariey, I thought you had some
money of your own."
"I "thought so, too," said the little
fe'Jow, wuli a puzzled look. Wlieu
ist pi; a brought me here uncle and
sunt were so glad, and kissed me, and
B&lu wist a beautiful child I was. and
that they should love me like their
own. Oh, Miss St. Avon, do you sup
pose papa will never come home ajaia?"
She smoothed his flaxen-gold Jiair
tenderly.
'I do nit know, Charley."
"Bat, Miss St Avon, what do you
think?'1
"I do not like to think about it at
all, Charley."
If sl.e had told him what were lier
real thoughts, his little heart would
have been heavier t'.ian ever. For
Alice knew, from what she had lieard
from time to tune, that Mr. Woiden
was supposed to have teeu lost, with
all the otLer passengers, when the good
Slip went down, off the coast of France.
""o need to iell the child," Mrs.
Parker Worden had s ud; and they had
calmly gone on drawlnz the dividends
that should have been little Charley's.
Alice did not know how cruelly the
lonely orphan was wrcrged and slighted,
but she felt all her tender womanly
sympathies aroused iu hb behalf, nev
ertheless. "Does your heal ache much, Char
ley?" "It aches most all the time. Miss St.
Avon. Xurse says it's because I keep
taking cold, sleeping iu the garret."
"But why don't you sleep with Ru
pert and Alfred?"
"Iney won't let me. They say I
jnoanand cry, and disturb them, in my
sleep."
'My poor little man!'' murmured
Ahce, drawing him closer to her,
'Hush! there is the dinner-bell; run
down now."
"I ion't take my dinner with my
oucle and aunt and my cousins. I eat
with the servants."
"With the servant How is that,
Charley?"
Alice St. Avon had been away for a
month attending the dying -bed of her
aunt, the only surviving relative that
'-ie had, and these later regulations
were quite new to her.
Aunt Lois savs there are children
enough at the table, and that I must
iiotcome there any more. It seems,"
ne added, wiln a iiule j,Iteous 8ign
that I am la the way everywhere."
Toor little Charley! he was not far
wrong ;a ti Su;tKM.itiou that had
wrced lLstir upon his childish con
sciousness. Alice went with him to the lonely
Earret, which was his sleeping place
now lor the child seemed feverish and
iar from well that night. It was dark,
oismal, and bitterly cold; a hard straw
ma-tress, with no pillow and an insuffi
cient supply of blankets, lay in one
corner.
''ilOTC!ful Heaven!" ejaculated the
young governess, involuntarily, "what
piacel"
Charley crept closer to her.
l wouldn't mind it so much, Miss
,7.?'" ,ie whispered, "but I am
w arraid. of the big black rata that
come out at night and look at me with
their bright eyes."
1 ou ought not to sleep here, Char-'ej-you
a sick child!"
afrar saya I must, and I am
atraid f Aur.t Lois."
t Afraid? Why?"
hanffWbeialS,me:" wbtfpered thed.ild,
fei "she strikes me on
1 nhen 1 dare 10 complain."
CharW Brea,k u her mj self. Come,
S3' , ana. AUce resolutely de
bTththe6a boiding her uuie
rcWQr1P'"ker,Worden was ter bed
room dre-lng for a ball, her long black
hair hanging loosely above her shoul
ders. She looked up in surprise when Miss
St. Avon entered, but a frown deep
ened upon her bold black brows as she
saw her companion.
"May I ask why you have thus in
truded upon me, Miss St. Avon!"
"To plead the case of this poor child,
madam."
"And who constituted you his inter
cessor?" "My own sense of right and justice.
He is weak and ill; the cold garret is
no place for him to sleep In. I come to
ask you, as a favor, that be may share
my room with me."
Mrs. Worden's eyes flashed.
"I will have no such interferences
with the domestic regulations of my
household. You are dismissed from
mr employment. Miss St. Avon; con
sider the consequences of your officious
interference at your leisure."
Alice colored deeply, but still she
stood firm.
"I will not leave this helpless, ailing
child to your persecution and neglect,
madam."
"Take him with you then, and wel
come," sneered Mrs, AVorden. 4,and a
pretty pair of beggars yoa will be."
"Will you treat him as his relation
ship and helplessness require?"
"Xo, I will not."
"Then," said Miss SL Avon, com
pressing her lips resolutely, "I will take
vou at your word, and adopt the poor
little fellow. I am not rich, like you.
but a crust a day, given by the hand of
love, would bs preferable to the miser
able bondage of life lie now leads."
Mrs. Wordeu on! v laughed contempt
uously, and Alice St. Avon went back
to her own room, still holding Char
ley's hand.
"Charley," she 6aid at last, will you
go home with me aud be my boy?"
L barley clung sobbing round her
neck.
"Oh, Miss St. Avon, I love you so
much! 1 would go with you to the
world's end!"
"Then it is all settled. Charley. 1
dare say." she added, speaking more to
herself than to him, "I can get needle
work to do, or a lew pupils in music."
"Or," chimed in Charley, wistfully.
' I coula sell matches. Mike Mulroo
ney, the cook's brother, makes ten
cents a day selling matchei"
Alice smiled at the sugzesfion.
"Well, we will see, Charley. We
won't try the match business, at least,
for the present. But henceforward
leuiember that you are my dear little
brother, and I am your sister Alice."
And so the brave young girl went
out into the world, the felf-constituted
protectress of Charley Worden. who39
forlorn loneliness and piteous isolation
had appe led to her heart so irresisti
bly. Mademoiselle Fe'.elopiue, the new
French governess, with Farisian accent
and b?ard like a man's had not reigned
in the Worden household, as successor
to Miss St. Avon, more than a mouth
or two, when one day a tall, dark
stranger called, daring the temporary
absence of the heads of tbe family, and
inquired for little Chat ley Wordan.
IIe has run away from his kind
fi lends," replied the Fansienne, glibly
repeating the falsehood with which she
had been prompted.
"It's no suoii thing!" roared Master
liupert, who wis In high feud with
MadoToiselle Felelopine, in consj
quence of various neglected Freuch
exercises. "Miss St. Avon's adopted
him and taken him away from us,
'cause papa and mamma were so ugly
to him."
"And who is Miss St. Avon, and
where does she live?" eagerly ques
tioned the rtranger.
"She's our old governess," and she's
a deal nicer than the old Frenchy," de
fiantly bawled the youug; scapegrace,
"and she lives down in ltussell street,
next door but one to the roast-chestnut
man's ccrner.
"Will you bold your wicked tongue,
you bal boy?" ejaculated mademoiselle
shrilly; but the visitor bad already
learned enough from Master Rupert's
unbridled tongue, and turned away
with a stern, set look on bis handsome
features.
'And this is the way," he mur
mured, "that they have fulfilled the
sacred trust committed to their care."
Little Charley Worden was sitting
on the rug in front of the fire, spelling
over bis reading lesson; Alice Si. Avon
was bu-ded on a piece of delicately fine
embroidery, ostensibly listening to the
child's hesitating accents, but in reality
racking her brain as to how she was to
mtet the quarterly demand for rent on
the morrow. Had she undertaken too
much? Surely no. He who careth for
the young ravens would help her to
maintain the forlorn orphan.
Yet Alice's face was unwontedly
grave, when a low knock sounded on
tbe panels of the door.
"Sister," cried the child, jumping
up, "may I go to the door?"
"Yes, Charley."
"Charley opened it eagerly. The
next moment he was caught up in the
arms of a tall man, bronzed and
bearded, and as handsome as Apollo.
"Fapa. My own papa!"
And Alice St Avoa started up, as
rale as if she had seen a ghost rise from
the sheeted dead.
"Fapa, It's my sister Alice, Kiss
her too, papa."
Uut Mr. Worden only bowed with
courteous greeting.
"1 have startled you, I fear. Miss St.
Avon, nor do I wonder much. For
when I think of the narrow escape I
have had with the ether passengers of
the ill-fated Marie Antoinette, I am
startled myself. You have been kind
to my poor boy, bow shall I ever thank
you sufliciently?"
Alice St. Avon felt the rosy blood
mantling her cheek as she stood, con
fused, beneath the earnest gaze of the
stranger, she scarcely knew in what
words to answer, all unaware that in
her case silence was far more eloquent
than the readiest words,
"And now, if you will retain the
charge of this bov or mine a brief while
longer," added Mr. Worden, "I will go
to tee about taking legal measures to re
gain the wealth left in trust to my
brother Farker, for the benefit of Ohar
lveaith that has apparently been
directly to other purposes."
"You will come back, pupal" pleaded
Charley, half fearful that he was to be
orphaned a second time.
"I will very soan, my child."
Th dismay of Mr, and Mrs. Farker
Worden, when their brother, supposed
to be sleeping beneath the briny waves
of the ocean, appeared before them like
s jme righteously avenging spirit, can
Le more easily imagined than described.
"He shan't have the money back?'
screamed Mrs. Worden. "It's an im
position to come back here when every
body supposed him dead and burled."
"But, my dear," interposed the sonw
what henpecked husband, "we can't
help ourselves; he has the law on hi
side. I wish we had retained Charley:
i m airaui me world will judge us very
harshly."
"Only think, sister Alicel" cried
Charley, a lew weeks sub38Quently
"papa is going to take ma out to livt
always at that beautiful house iu th
country where the fountains, and thi
swans, and the marble statues are.
am so glad I"
"Glad to leave me, Charley?"
"Oh, but you are going, tool Fap
says so."
"Xot so fast, Charlev. not so fast
interrupted bis father, coloring in hi:
turn. "I did not say exactly that. 1
said I should ask tier to co as mv wife.'
"As your wife, Mr. Worden r'-
"Alice, my boy:s guardian angel.
my own precious treasure, the brightest
palace the world ever saw would b
dreary and lonely to me now wi'.hou'
you. w ill you become my dear auc
cherished wife?"
And Alice St, Avon answered:
"Yes!"
They are very happy together now
Mr. AVotden, his lovely younz wife
and the little fair haired boy; and Alio
sees in all the gloomy past God's ham
leading her onward to that haven o
serenity,
0:-in or Tavern Sijjns.
What is the origin of signs? Tin
earliest signs are certainly heraldic.
We have still in many villages the S
and So Arms, with the thield of th
lord of the manor emblazoned upon ii
with all the quartering!. Or we havt
the Itid Lion, or the White Hart, oi
the Switn; all either crests or cogni
zauces of a family, or of a sovereign oi
queen. The Swan sign U sa'd to ilatt
Irom Anne of C'leves; the While Hart
wm the badge of Richard II., and inn
with this sign probably were erected In
that region aud have retained the sigL
unchanged since. We know of inns
under the name of the Rose, which
there ran be little question came into
life as hostelrie3 iu the time cf the
Yorkists and Iancastrians. Toe
Wheatsheaf was the Burleigh budge,
the Elephant that of Beaumont, the
Bull's Head was a Uoleyn cognizance,
the Blue Boar tbe badge of the IM
Veres, Earls of Oxford; the Gret-n
Dragon of the E iris of Pembroke, the
Falcon of the Marquis of Winchester.
It does not however, follow that the
inns that have these signs date from
the periods when, let us say, Anne
Boleyn was Queen, because they beat
the token of the Bull's Head, or from
the reign of Queen Elizabeth, when
Burleigh was in power, because of the
Wheatsheaf, for it will take their titles
aud sign from a much more local
origin, the cost or cognizance of the
squire who holds tbe manor. There
was a reason for this; the luu was
originally the place where the true
landlord, i. e., the lord of the manor,
received bis guests and every traveler
was bis guest. In Iceland, at the pre -eat
day, there Is but one inn at Reyk
javik, the capital, and that is kept by a
Dane. The traveler in his island goes
to any farm house or parsonage and is
taken in. Indeed, by law a traveler
cannot be refused hospitality. When
be leaves he either makes a present in
monf y or something else that will be
valued, but this is a present and not a
payment. In many parts of Tyrol i.
is much the same.
Japanese Hotel Peculiarities.
In a Japanese hotel the kitchen is al
ways the principal room in the bouse
and near tbe entrance. The first thing
that strikes us is tbe row of large blue
platters arranged around the wall in a
shelf rack near the ceiling. I have
come to regard these platters as a tes.
of the prosperity of the bouse. If they
are many and large three feet across '
the hotel is flourishing; if few and
small, the reverse. So the first thought
Is. "How are the platters?" e are
shown our rooms up-stairs always, if
possible and leaving our shoes behind
walk upon the soft mats In our stocking
feet. Immediately a servant brings
tea and a tray of tiny cups without
saucers; then tobacco and a small fire
box for smoking purposes, -xow an
the visitors In the bouse and all the
neighbors who can crowd in have ar
rived and are in rooms and are examin
ing us. We think we would like to
wash our hands and faces and then
have something to eat, so we clap our
hands three times and a servant
screams "h-," and soon appears, bow
ing, and asks what we want. We call
for water, which is brought in a large
bucket with a wooden handle, and a
flat conner basin, which are from our
ablutions m full view of the crowd in
tbe street below us. Little tables,
about as large as a small napkin, are
placed before each on the floor. We
order rice, which is brought in a small
tub with bright brass hoops. We ask
for eggs, and they bring thirty for four
persons. WTe use our kuives and forks,
and the visitors look at us and then at
each other, and smile admiringly.
Prominent Figures in the Saddle.
Senator Cameron Is one of the many
Washingtonians who enjoy long horse
back excursions. He always has a
fine mount. His daily companion on
these rides during the session of Con
gress is his handsome friend. Senator
Butler, of South Carolina. Tbe two
tall, striking-looking Senators on their
big bang-tailed chargers always make a
sensation when they ride along the
avenues.
Another famous horseman is Secre
tary Bayard, who sits most gracefully
in the saddle, and puts his handsome
and spirited iron-gray horse on his
mettle when he strikes the country
roads.
Secretary William C. Whitney is an
other horseman you want to look out
for. ne Is a dashing cavalier, and
puts his long-tailed sorrel over the road
at a tearing gallop.
Secretary Lamar rides an old brown
nag that stands without hitching, and
considerately turns out for people
whom Mr. Lamar doesn't see when
he's in a brown study.
The most interesting horseman in
Washington, however, is George Ban
croft, the veteran historian. He is
eighty-seven years old, but he never
misses an outing in the open air, no
matter what tbe weather may be. On
rainy days he usually takes
walk on Pennsylvania avenue, but in
good weather his favorite outing is on
horseback, He rides steady, easy can
tering cob. and an attendant rides at
his side. With bis long silvery nalr
floating from under bis silken cap, and
his semi-military cloak wrapped about
his slender form, the old historian Is a
striking figure.
MONEY 3IAKIXG WOMES.
Efficiency of the Fair Sex in Tb
Government Employ.
Washington Is noted for Its brainy
men. It ought to bo more noted for
its brainy women. Our National
capital has more sharp, business,
money-making females in proportion to
its size than perhaps any city in the
world. Its women get better salaries,
do higher classes of work, and are
further advanced yi all the attributes
or civilization than those of any other
city. In the government departments
alone between 4,000 and 5,000 women
are employed, and these do the work
which two decades ago was considered
only possible for men. Some of these
women are translators in the state de
partments. Some are examiners in the
patent office, and a large number hold
other positions where the work requires
a good education, a bright intellect,
and a careful judgment. Many of them
have to answer letters, in which they
must judge as to the legality of pension
cases brought before them, and others
have-responsible positions In the treas
ury and post-office departments.
Women make the best clerks in many
departments of the government service.
They are more prompt in their attend
ance than men, and are as a rule, more
conscientious in doing their work. As
copyists and amanuenses they are us
ually neat aud exact and as type
writers they surpass the other sex. As
counters of money and counterfeit de
tectors they are far superior to men.
They can count faster than men, and
the most expert among them can tell
a bad bill by feeling It with her eyes
shut. Quite a number of women in the
treasury and there are about 1,400
employed here have very responsible
positions. One is a law clerk in the
internal revenue department, and she
can prepare a brief equal to that of
any lawyer of the capital. In the navy
department there are women who do
drafting in the drawing of the plants
of ships, and the major part of the
dead letter office business is done by
women's fingers.
SALARIES OF WOMEN CLEItKS.
The highest salary received by a
woman clerk In Washington Is $1,8.0 a
year, and one of these is the law
clerk of whom I have just spoken.
Less than a score receive 1 1,0 JO per
annum, but a larger number get 31,-
iM, and hundreds aie paid tl.UUO a
year. Mere copyists receive otten as
low as f720, and there is a large class
of womtm who work by piece work,
and who do the class of labor that
would be required in a factory. The
salaried clerk3 work from 'J o'clock
until 4, with a short recess at noon for
lunch. They have all of their evtn
Ings to themselves, and never take
any work home with t iem. They get
their pay regularly at the 15th and
30th of every mouth, and each c" them
have a month's vacation every year
with full pay during tbe time. They
are treated politely, are free from
worry, aud the positions may b3 con
sidered very desirable ones.
Ths women of tbe government pr.ut-
mg office are piid as a rule by tbe piece
or by the day. Those on piece work
make Sl.od a day, aud there are over
1,000 women so employed. They stitch
pamphlets, run numbering machines,
fold and paste for the bindery, and they
do in fact nearly every class of work
done in the government printing office.
Some of them set type, and tuese re
ceive 35 cents an hour, and their aver
age salaries are 70 a mouth. A large
number or guide) are employed at the
bureau of engraving and printing, and
these are nearly all women. An army
of sweepers and scrubbers is employe!
to clean out the treasury department
every day, and the woman who presides
over them gets about 1800 a year.
These sweepers and scrubbers oi tne
various departments form another class
of the working women of Washington,
and connected with them is a class
who sew carpets in the treasury for the
government buildings all over the coun
try. Then there is the colony of wash
erwomen, who wash the thousands of
towels used in each department, ana
the numerous women who supply tbe
clerks with food in tbe restaurants of
these great buildings.
TUOUSASDS OF BRIGHT WOMEN.
Outside of the government employ
there are thousands of bright women
who make good livings at tiie national
capital. The pension and patent law
yers employ hundreds as type-writers,
stenographers and clerks, and going
Into the bureaus or. some or these
offices is like going into o..e of the
largest rooms of a great government
department. The majority of the
clerks of the dry goods and notion
stores of Washington are women and
the cashiers in many cases are of the
same sex. A number oi wemen own
stores in Washington, and the finest ice
creams and confection for the White
House dinners for years past have been
supplied by a little old French woman,
who, 1 am told, has made a fortune at
the business.
You can count the women lawyers
and physicians of Washington upon
your fingers, but there is a number of
noted persons among the few. Belva
Lockwood, tne wen-Known presiden
tial candidate, is the most noted of the
lawyers, and Mrs. Dr. Winslow, who
attended Chief Justice White during
bis late sickness, and who was called
in now and then to see President Ar
thur, is tbe most noted of the doctors.
Washington is a great educational
centre, and it abounds in private
teachers, female semlnanes, and little
schools. These are manipulated al
most wholly by women and the teachers
of tbe charitable and public schools of
the city, are made ud of some colored
girls as well as some white ones.
There is a class oi women here en
gaged in literary work, and this em
braces book writers, magazine writers.
The women correspondents of W ash-
ington are as bright, brainy, aud busy
a set of money-makinj ladies, as you
will find on this side of the Atlantic.
The yearly profits of some of them run
into the thousands of dollars.
The Bridal VciL
It i3 supposed that the veil was taken
from aucieut religious ceremonies. It
Js also supposed to represent the hair
when left uncooGned. The orange
flower is riDlironriate to brides, from its
ielicate. cream v blossoms nnd Ip.iypjl I
The custom of wearing orange blossoms
originated in the east, wucire it is the
harbinger of a prosperous married life. 1
The only way to prepare for the next
world is to do the thing God gave us to
do la this world.
WOES OP A PAT MAX.
Life Slado Wretched by Too Stuck
Avoirdupois.
I am a fat man abnormally fat. My
weight 13 nearly 300 pounds avoirdu
pois. Anyone who has ever been In
the fat man business can appreciate my
woes and troubles, for they are as many
as the hairs on a cow's tail. Trouble
seems to have been born the day I was,
and to have selected uie for Its one vic
tim. All through my life I have been
beset with care aud worry, from the
time I was a small boy until now.
Thank God, I am getting old, and,
though I grow fatter each year that I
advance to the jumping-off place, I am
slowly and surely coming to the time
when people will ask: "What has be
come of old lard pall?"
As early as I can remember I was
fat. When I was a schoolboy my com
panions used to call me "fatty," aud
wonder that my flesh did not burst my
clothes. Now that I am older it Is just
the same. People wonder what I eat
The fact is my appetite is very poor;
but the less 1 eat the more I grow. I
am a livmg paradox. Once I tiled
"anti-fat," but it only m ide me sweat
harder, and my ribs grew more aud
more indistinct. My trouble commences
the moment I awake in the morning
I usually find myself on my back, so
all I do is to just start myself rolling
aud roll out of bed. I bad an inclined
plane set up iu f rout of the bed, so that
I do not land on the floor abruptly, but
roll down Rlowly and easily. But the
greatest difficulty is iu getting to my
feet Sometimes this little feat occupies
several minutes. Now my trouble
commences ia earnest. I have to dress
mself, aud any one who could stand
by and see the operation would bs im
mensely amused. 1 don't muse much,
though; it's ill labor for me. I get my
clothes on with fair success and a great
consumption of time, up to the point
of putting on my shoes. Then the fun
commences. I haven't seen my feet
face to face, iu twenty years; I don't
have any idea how they look. But
putting on those shoes is the curse of
my existence. Sometimes I wear but
ton shoes, and the expedients 1 adopt
to get those iuTernal buttons into their
boles are wonderful. I fasten a button
hook to the eud of a cane sometimes
but that don't result well as a work of
art I tumble and flounce about the
fljor and beJ, getting the upper hand
of my shoes in a manner that resem
bles the struggles of a pollywoz out of
wxter. At last I get lnm on and the
prayer of thanksgiving that goes up to
Heaven is recorded among the sacred
documents. When I go down stairs
jmy wife usually asks me if I have been
haying another wrestle with a ghost
.Shs says I have jarred the plaster
'down, have frightened the neighbors,
'made the milk man inquire if her bus
Jband had started a carpet beating es
tablishment ca the second floor and
rscd Cia ;nnexai!y. ....
i "Well, my dear, how Is yourappe
tite this morning?" asks the wife of
liny bosom as I sit down to the table.
This is exasperating wheu she knows
that ail I will eat is a small piece of
codfish with an air accompaniment, a
small cup of weak coffee with oat
meal and wind sauce. "My dear, my
ippetite is good," I reply, "so good
that I think I can eat a whole bean."
"Bean drinking before breakfast ajain,
I see." says she. Then I collapse. 1
can't stand pun; pun my word I can't.
' I start down town to my business.
Hailing a car, I notice it doesn't stop,
Tbe next one I catch, and am informed,
when I attempt to gothrough the door,
aud get stuck, that that is not the fat
man's line. This makes me mad, and
with a rush and a push from the con
ductor, I am crowded through, but
usually the door posts give about six
inches in the operation. Fulling and
pulling my torn clothes together I sit
down. "Say can't yon be satisfied
with four whole seats?" some one
growled. I look around, and sure
enough I am crowding the only four
passengers In tbe car.
I hear a young lady giggle to her
companion: "Guess Barnum's circus ia
coming. Tbe side show has got here."
.The sailor sitting next her mumbles to
his neighbor: "What fine ballast such
bags of fat would make for a sailing
vessel." By this time the car has
reached my corner, and I yell to the
conductor. He sees me, but only
gnus. Again I yell that I want to
get off, and he sticks in bis bead and
says: "We're going right around to the
shops, and then I'll have one side of
the car taken oil so you can get out."
I looked at myself, aud, sure enough, I
had begun to swell.
"Stag the swell," jells the newsboy,
and my anger is so great that I take
after him. Through the car door I
rush, taking every button off my
clothes, and nearly klllinz the conduc
tor; who attempted to stop my progress.
Then when 1 start to walk over to
my office my friends accost me with the
salutation, ''Well, how are you to-day?
Seems to me you are looking thluuer
than usual." If I ever waat to com
mit murder it is then. Why will men
tell me such an infernal lie as that?
How can I be growing thinner when
my weight is fast increasing? Pretty
soon a man comes around and Inquires
for me and after talking over the
weather and feeling around and find ms
out what humor I am in, broaches his
errand. He is a dealer in cigars and
wants me to pose before a wood carver
while an image of me is made for bis
sign. He Is very much in want of that
kind of sign and I am just the man to
be tbe model. In less time than I take
to tell it, that man's family is father
less. By and by another man calls and
be is in the toy trade. He thinks a toy
made in representation of me would
take well. 1 toy a few minutes with
him and be never calls again. So they
continue to come. Some are advance
agenta of circuses and wa it to hire me
to stand at the tent door and take
tickets. They thlak I will draw so
well. They get drasvn direutly. My
pity for such men Is sinail.
When I step into the "sample room"
and call for beer, tbe bartender In
forms me that beer is liable to increase
one's flesh. That bartender is only a
sample of all the sample-rooa dons in
the city. Th?y all tell me that beer
makes me fat.
One day, not long ago, I was walk
ing along the street iu front of an eat
ing hoqse, the cook room of which v?a
under the pavement. Just at that point
I a.epped oq a banana skin and came
down. Tho concussion was great The
cook and the assistants and all the cus
tomers in the place at the time rushed
out to the street Said they thought
the building was going to fall. I
soothed the gang by remarking that it
was the greatest man-fall I bad ever
beard of. A policeman wanted to ar-1
rest ma for sayin? that,, but I only
asked for a rest Tbe crowd saw some
thing funny about this and hissed him
off. Two or three then helped to my
feet and I went my way sorrowing.
At all the hotels I ever stopped at
they charge me double rate. Thsy say
that it is necessary on account of the
room and tbe board I take. It is a
base slander, but I have to stand it
When the day draws to a close I
gracefully start home. Remembering
my difficulty with tbe horse car in tbe
morning. I concluded to walk home.
Greetings of all kinds centre upon the
fat man as I go along; I won't try to
name them. When I reach home
panting from my work walking up the
hill, my wife smiles upon me and sings
out, "Ah, here is my little boy I" That
makes me tremble with rage. Sarcasm
is not my hold, so I hold my tongue.
The time to entertain her company has
now come, and that Is misery of tbe
deepest kiud. They want me to join
in games and to make a fool of me
generally, by trying to flop and tumble
around. I have tumbled to their game
though and I hie me away to my bed.
Soon I fail asleep and dream of heaven,
where all the angels are men thin as
lightning rods and there is no such
misery as fat to mar the joy of the
place.
HOME AMUSEMENTS.
iloW to Entertain the Youn Folks
Inexpensive Dinners.
There is considerable dlscusdon at
present over the question, "Why do
boys leave the farm?" One reason
may be found in the old adage "Alt
work and no play makes Jack a dull
boy." They have none of the amuse
ments of a city boy (let us hope few of
his temptatians), and none of his possi
bilities for intellectual . recreation.
Fathers who may never have cared nor
have had time to think whether or not
they could care for books do not con
sider that in this their children may
be a step ahead of them, and that tbe
starvation of mind which they have
hardly felt is a hardship to their child
ren too great to be borne willingly. 1
am a farmer's daughter, and know
whereof I speak, when I write of the
barrenness and monotony of a life on
the farm, especially for the young peo
ple. We had access to no library;
novels were looked upon as an lnstitu
ti in of the arch-fiend himself; the books
of lh a family were solely religious oue3
of the driest description. 1 had one
resource, as did my brothers, that made
my life not only endurable but enjoya
ble. We bad saddles and rode horse
back, and, as our father was fond of
horses, we always bad enough of them
In the stables to gratify our fondness
for a gallop when work would permit.
Besides there were many errands to be
done that could be accomplished quite
as well on horseback, and thus save the
time necessary for "hitching up."
Out here in eaiifurntik; farmers seem
to be somewhat in advance of those
In the East when I was young. (It
is many years since I left the farm
and I cannot speak for the present
day.) It was my good fortune to
spend a few weeks recently on a fruit
ranch near San Jose. Tbe family
comprised several young people of both
sexes, and I was surprised at the cul
ture and refinement I found among
them. There was a nice library, a
piano and a guitar, and, although none
of them were accomplished musicians,
there . were some good voices not
wholly untrained, and I spent many
enjoyable evenings while with them.
One evening, the "student" of the
family announced that be would per
form some feats of majic, and was
kind enough to initiate me into tbe
secret of tbe tricks, which some cf
your young readers may like to try.
A coin was placed in a basin of watsr
and the company invited to take It out
without wetting the hand. Of course
we all failed, except tbe student, who
performed this apparently incredible
feat. This was done by previously rub
bing the hand over with lycopodlum
I owder. A shake of the hand after
ward will dislodge the powder, or the
1 liter may be sprinkled over tbe sur
face of the water.
His fire-eating performance was
looked upon with undisguised horror
and admiration by the little ones. It
Is explained as follows: Procure a piece
of thick string, soaked in a solution of
nitre. An luch is sufficient for a single
time, but it is better to prepare several
inches at once. It must be allowed to
dry after having been dipped in the
solution of nitre. Cut off about an
inch of tbe prepared string, wrap it in
a piece of tow, and held it In the left
hand. With the right band put some
more tow to the mouth, chew it and
ap;tarently swallow it Now, put into
your mouth that which you hold In
yonr left band, and at the same time
take out that which you have already
chewed, but this you must do unob
served by the company. Draw in a
deep breath through tbe nostrils, aud
breathe it through the mouth. Repeat
this iuhaling aud exhaling of the breath
a few times and smoke will issue forth,
and tho mouth, If opened wide, will be
lighted with a glow. When the mouth
is shut and the tow pressed together,
the fire will go out. The cost of these
materials will be the merest trifle
nothing If you have a friend who Is a
chemist as It is too small to be com
puted. The production of a liquid from two
solids Is something calculated to make
uninitiated stare. Get an uunoe of
powdered carbonate of ammonia, an
equal auantity of powdered blue vit
riol, rub equal parts of these together
for a few minutes in a mortar or bowl
aud a blue liquid will be formed. Sul
phate of soda, powdered, and acetate
of lead will a so produce a liquid.
The transformation liquid ia very
pretty and interesting.
Gat a solution of caustio potash, one
ounce, and powdered nitrate of cobalt
with the caustic potash, when the de
composition of the salt and precipita
tion of blue oxide of cobalt will take
place. Cork the bottle and the liquid
will first assume a blue color, will pass
to a lilc, afUrward to a peach tint
and finally turn light red.
The United States Senate ia thor
oughly Iq earnest in its purpose to put
the country in a position to defend
itself against its enemies.
If swine are to be kept on the farm
the best profits will be found in tbe
finest breeds that run into matured
meat tbe first year.
tor a ctieap preparation to dip
wrought iron articles in to prevent
rusting (after being milled, use hot
soda water to clean from oil. then hot
lime water and dry.
TIIE SAXDWICH-MAN.
Perambulating Advertisement Now
to be Met on the Boulevards of
Paris.
The "sandwich-man" is fast becom
ing a a Institution in modern republican
Paris. A large number of men got up
as perambulating advertisements may
now be met on the boulevards; some
grave as mustard-pots, walk along with
huge iron frames fixed on heads and
shoulders; others appear, or rather dis
appear, inside gigantic bottles or simi
lar vessels, whereon the tradesman's
wares are conspicuously labeled. The
least objectionable form of tbe eye-soro
is the poor devil between two boards,
upon which Inviting-looking broadsides
have been pasted. In farmer times,
London used to teem wrlh regiments
of such unfortunates, who for a shilling
a day consented to parade from St.
Paul's to Charing Cross and back again
from Charing Cross to St Paul's, prin-
cipuily for the display of announce-
ments in favor of nval newspapers.
ine sandwich-man made bis appear
ance two or three years ago in Paris,
where bis placards attracted an atten
tion that must have proved gratifying
to his employes-
The present is not, however, the first
occasion on which this peculiar illus
tration of peripatetic advertising has
been seen in the French capital, but in
all former instances the reign of the
sandwich-man was of brief duration.
What bis present term of office may be,
now that a new stale of tLings has set
in, is a question yet to be solved. It
used to be alleged that be exercised a
strange influence on horses, and when
ever an animal took fright, the coach
man declared that it had caught sight
of an ambulating poster. This may In
a measure account for the transforma
tion the sandwich-man has undergone
in bis passage across tbe channel, for
in Paris be is to be seen occasionally
girt round with an elegant glass case
like a crinoline. The Innovation is
altogether a disfiguremeut of the hand
some boulevards. And so are those
other walking advertisements, who, in
the place of boards, wear on their back
coat announcements embroidered in
yellow letters on broad backs especially
selected for this humiliating purpose.
The French are daily becoming more
enterprising in their methods of adver
vising, but persons who remember
whit a disagreeable sight such exhibi
tions used to be in the London thor
oughfares would certainly be sorry to
find the number of these poor fellows
Increase in the streets of Paris. It
shocks what every true-born Parisian
poetically calls "tha barm ray of the
public way."
There are five or six offices open in
Paris where sandwich-men are re
cruited. They receive three or four
francs a day, an 1 walk up and down a
given beat for eleven consecutive hours,
"grooms" beinz posted aloug the way
Keep a suarp iooKout-out over tueui.
I The more iu0'enioua amougr them con-
TfrTTeT new modes of aJvertispfhpnt.
ffive cew mores 6T adverttsefben,
which the managers of these offices
adopt We may instance the sandwich-man,
who, being inside a box
painted outside to simulats a house,
would now and then open a small win
dow and look out, exhibiting a nose as
red a that ot Gecrge Augustus S'ala;
while the advertisement above was for
a water recommended by all the Paris
doctors to keep up the freshness of the
skin. Another oue went about with a
board ou which was inscribed the
words: "Don't read what is behind,"
and of course everybody did turn to
read, the ladie3 among the rest. Still.
however farcical as this may seem; the I
f .. 1- ., 1 .. . . 1 . . 1 !
cicuuu uo ucepijf uiueu at me aiiii.
of the poor wight who takes so much
trouble to Dud a reade1.
She AVas a Daisy.
He had been telling me in confidence
bow badly he was smitten. She was a
pretty little blonde spinster, and she
had caught him. -
"She's a beauty, isn't she?" he said
as he pointed her out to me one day.
"les. She's rather good looking."
"Rather good lookinn! She's the
prettiest woman in San Fr.inclsco. and
she's all ntl ie."
"Have you asked her?"
"Oli, no. I've never spoken to her."
"How do you know?"
"Oh, by looks and glances and lots
Oi taings. She Is so demure to every
body else, and so quiet; never looks at
anypody but me."
"Oh."
"No. I've watched her closely, aud
I feel she loves me."
This w;i3 some weeks ago. The other
day we were walking up Kearney street
together and the pretty blonde spinster
came along.
'There she 13. Isn't she a beauty?
Watch her bow to me."
As she neared us a kind of confu3ed
look passed across her face. The strett
was crowded, and we naturally imputed
it to the self-consciousness of unex
pected and secret adoration. She
raised her eyes, swept them gently
around the crowd, and as they met bis
she bowed. Instantly three men in
front, four meu behind, and probably
two or three more farther up, raised
their hats. The eight men glared at
one another, and it was evidently be
lieved be wa3 the sole object or her
affections.
"Yes," I said." she's a daisy."
But ha did not answer me.
DoiiVg Av7L with
Names.
Abbreviated
The propriety and good taste of doing
away with abbreviated names amou
women is fast growing iu favor, and
the good, old fashion of glvmz the full
name is regarded as the correct and
diznifiod thing.
Mollie and MatUe and Tillie and
Maggie are again Mary, Martha, Ma
til l i and Marzaret stately names, ail
of them, and full of signiticauce.whereas
their diminutives are silly and meaning
less, and women are gradually awaken
ing to the fact that it is far more ele
gant to reserva thee pet naaie3, if they
be us) at all, for the household and to
sitjn thenitelves always in addressing
those outside this little circle with the
full name they received at the baptis
mal font. In tins respect our ances
tors showed a proper amount of dignity
and it would be well now if the old
foirn of addressing; women as Mistress
Ann ra:?e, Mistress Catharine Smith,
etc., were revived. The present cus
tom of retaining the raatdm name as a oeater ni2h enough t0 nberate the solu
midd.e name artw manage and the ole matter before the water gets into the
widows are both sensible, as they iden
tify the individual with a certain
family.
Oats are the best grains for calves in
their first winter, and they have bet
effect when well moistened Ufure
feeding.
NEWS IX BRIEF.
Olivet, D, T., has a woman barber.
Serpent skin Is coming into fashion
as a covering for books.
Paris recently reached 8 record of
3C0 divorces in one day.
An unsteady man, like an unsteady
light, is apt to go out nights.
The colleges of this country con
tain 13,000 female students.
A Spaniard has turned the whole
Bible into poetry JC'J.OOO stanzas.
Newspapeis published in Dakota
average one for every 1200 population.
California reports a production of
nearly $25,000,000 worth of candy last
year.
--The president of the Fat Men's
association, of Jersey City, weighs 416
pcundst
A Green wood, S. C, farmer claims
J to have struck a gold mine on his plan-
tation.
Tea cents is the price set on the
head of the crow found in the State of
Maine.
It was in the ninth century that a
navy was organized br Alfred the
Great.
The three most brilliant centuries
of Egyptian history were from 1500 to
lti'W a. c.
Prof. Hughe; says a silk ribbon Is
a better lightning conductor than a
metallic rod.
The heart of a citizen of Concordia,
Kan., i3 reported to bo clear over on
the left side.
England derives its name from the
Angles, a Teutonic people who won a
home in Britain.
La Porte. Ind., has a toboggan
si de 1.0J0 reet long, said to be the long
est one iu the west.
Twenty-seven hundred Japanese
ar stated to have emigrated to the
Hawaiian Islands.
- -Montezuma, Kan., offers to deed a
town lot to the first couple fl at will
ra.ury in their town.
Cougars have made their appear
ance m large numbers lately in tha
Blue mountains or Oregon.
A farmer in Delaware county, X.
Y., bus a pork barrel that ha3 been in
constant use ft r 1G0 years.
Farmer Bates of Hand county, D.
T., has started an order to be known
as the Kuihts of Agriculture.
Freemasons throughout the United
States rejoice to know that the great
Liszt was a member of the craft
A Newark, N. J., woman has been
pesteiir g the police authorities for an
appointment on the detective force.
The water works company of Santa
Rasa, Cal., has set out 250 olive trees
on the laud surrounding the reservoir.
.Denver, toi., stated to be the
: hinliest State canita in tho 7Tni it.
elevation ia 0175 feet above the sea
'Ibw(.
'level.
It is claimed that San Diegocounty,
Cal., is raising raisins that can compete
successfully with thos3 produced in
Spain.
The citizens of Oswege. Kan.,
raised S7000 in hair a day for the pur
pose of sinking a shart in search of gas
and coal.
Steam pities, by a local ordinance,
must be kept at a d:stance of threw
inches from any woodwork In San
Francisco.
Xo rains have fallen in Crawford
county, Kansas, for sixteen months, it
is stated, and water sells there for 40
cents a barrel.
, The beggars of Rome, it is estl
j mated, receive 52,000,000 a year, and
oeu are sai l to be worth from I15.C00
to 825,000 each. .
France boasts of the oldest old
maid in the world. She Is 109 years
old and lives at Aueh. Her name Is
Mile. Benolte
Artesian wells are being bored Ly
the cty of Savannah, Ga., for the pur
pose of obtaining the water supply for
the entire city.
Intellectual Boston chews more
spruce gum than any other city in the
country, but intellectual Chicazo comes
next on the list
Xew York boys have the Buffalo
Bill craze, and are practicing lasso
throwing with disastrous effects in
seme iustances. -
There are 300 people In the neigh
borhood ot Bennington, Vt, engaged
iu gathering spmce gum for three deal
ers in that place.
A merchant at San Diego, Cal.,
recently received an order from an in
terior village for a Bible, bowle knife
and pack of cards. -
Among the dishes at a royal ban
quet in Englaud was "wild duck with
orange sauce," which is something new
iu the gustatory line. -
There is said to be a tree ia New
Guinea which, when touched, knocks a
man down, and Tid bits thinks it must
ba a species of boxwood.
The Prefect of the Seine allows 800
excursionists a day to visit the sewers
and cataiombs in aid of th9 sufferers
f-om th U.v.nJ iu Ui south rtf Franca
It is believed that the discovery
that larze steamers can go up the Bay
of Funday will produce a revolution in
tho shipment of apples from Nova
Scotia.
A Japanese has invented a method
or weaving carpets with feathers. The
feathers are reduced to a silky state by
tbe use or chemicals and then woven
like ordinary cotton.
An irascible man in Tallapoosa, or
who Uoed to be that way, says that he
regularly "swore off" getting mad fif
teen years ago, and has not been angry
or vexed since. He declares it is simply
a matter of habit and wild.
Coal In New York, "can be Dur-
chased for fatiily use at S 5.50, JG and
5 a ion, nut noteis and factories, that
are compelled to get coal or close their
doors, pay a3 high as J10 a ton."
The slaughter of lobsters at Trince
Edward Island is something astound
ing. There were exported the past
season 01,000 cases, mostly to Europe,
which involved the killing of 35,000,
0C0 lobsters.
The very best way to prevent scale
iu a steam boiler is to use a feed-water
beater that will deposit scale by raising
the temperature of the water in the
boiler. Nobody ever heard of "bazeed
sheets" on a beater. We see one every
lay on boilers. Don't let the scale in
and it won't trouble you.
Beets have been raised for $3.50 a
ton. Mechanical methods In the culti
vation shouid reduce the cost still
lower.