-euasassesa
9 si'tt !
Ml
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B. F. SCHWEIER,
THE OOSSTITTITIOI-THE UHOI-AID THE E1T0X0IKEIT 01 THE LAW8.
Editor and Proprietor.
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VOL. XXXVIII.
MIFFLINTOWN, JUNIATA COUNTY. PENNA.. "WEDNESDAY. APRIL 30, 1884.
NO. IS.
M.J
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Some find work wUi're some rial rest
Anil so tbe weary world goes on;
I sometimes wonder which is best.
The answer comes when life U gone.
Some eye sleep when some eyes wake,
And so tbe dreary ni:ht hours go.
Some hearf s beat w he re some hearts break;
1 often wonder why 'tis so.
Some hands fold, where other hands
Are lifted bravely m the strife;
And so thro' ages and thro' lands
Move on the two extremes of life.
Some feet halt while some feet tread.
In tireles march, a tharny way;
Sote sTupcle on where some have fled:
Some seek, when others shun the fray.
Some sleep on while others keep
The Tijii Is of the true and brave;
Ther wiil not ret till roses creep
Around their names, above a jrrave.
UOW BKCOIiSIKr-SIOTHIX
There were three of us, and terrible
"pickles"' v e were. Cooks and nurs
ery maids from time immemorial had
impressed the fact upon us. Our near
est ueiihbor. Miss Uachel Vincent, had
often told us s, in the softest of pur
ring voices but with a vixenish glance
of her cat-like eyes. Our dear father
himself had been lately bet rayed, by
some wild fun r other, into a similar
sentiment. Thereupon Miss Raspberry
Vinegar, as Sam always called her, had
laid a caressing paw upon his coat
sleeve, whispering
"IH-arest Mr." Venuey, the poor
children need a mother."
And our father had replied signifi
cantly 1 thought
"liearest Miss Vincent, we must
endeavor to provide thciu with one."
A personable man was our father at
this time, one who boie his five-and-torty
years well and youthfully a fas
cinating nun to women young and
old. by reason of his unvarying old
fashioiied deferential courtesy aud the
tender inflections that crept into his
deep voice; in addressing them, but a
man entirely unconscious of his own
fascination a profound scholar, whose
library was ever ten fold more attrac
tive than any drawing-room a kindly,
quiet, charitable, simple-minded gen
tleman. Many, I couM remember, were the
feminine jealousies and heart-burnings
on his aceouu, and various the re
tacts to which his constancy to our
dead mother's memory gave rise. Most
people had decided that it would last
toreter. 1 imagined it would soou
eLd, and so did Miss Vincent she be
cause the wish was father to the
thoulu and the thought had been so
co!it:uua'.!y and ingeniously piesented
to my fath.T that he might well have
atiop't-d it; I because only a week be
lt .re an escapade of mine had brought
the loving cciiuiL.ent
"Mad-ie, ii v d;irlirig, for fifteen
years 1 lave lived a lonely life fori
ycur mother s sake; but for yours and
Bertha's I must place a wiser mistress
than von, dear, at the head of niy
hni-enol 1."
had discussed this matter in
solemn conclave Bertha) Sam and L
"I'xUits" as we were, this sobered us;
and we debated gravely thereon. Not
that we were greatly dismayed at the
prospect of a step-inother there were
two sides to that question but that
tep-mother" and Miss ''Raspberry
Vinegar"' seemed to us synononious
terms.- We saw through her delicate
flattery of our father, her simulated
affection for us, her wily approach to
the covett d position, the head of his
table. Whether they were equally
transparent to him we could not telL
We feared the worst, for day by day
Miss Vincent's advances became more
marked and the silent courtesy with
which they were invariably received
evcktd tiiumphont flashes from her
feline optics. We were unanimous on
one point that something no matter
hew ue-perate mnst be done to defeat
her dts.gn, but no course of action had
kilheno suggested itself.
It was late autumn, or rather early
winter. Without the wind whistled
weudiy around the dear old bouse;
within a blazing wood-fire lighted
somewliat fittuily the large low room
in which we were assembled. We
had dined earlier than usual, and our
father had departed to deliver a lec
ture at the nearest town to the young
men of some Mutual Improvement
Association. I Lad not yet rung for
lights, lorme the gloaming is the pleas
ante.it part of the day, especially fitted
tor talk or meditation. Half buried
in a roomy easy-chair, gazing at tbe
crackling logs, my father's words
kept relating ttemselves
"I must pi ice a wiser mistress than
you, dear, at the head of my house
hold." At my feet, apparently dozing, lay
fcain, at full length upon the hearth
rugall legs and wings, as we girls were
wont to tell h.ia. Bertha sat on a low
s'ool at his head, playing alternately with
l is cj-Is and vi h a tiny Skye, a look of
intense ghe upon her mischief-loving
lace. A piece of tape was in her hand,
but what she wa doing with it I could
not see. Presently she rose and ran
l ghtiy across the room.
"Mop, Mop, Mop!" she cried; and the
ste ooumied toward her.
A horrible yell burst from Sam, and
a wnine irom me dog.
"Mop, Mop. Mop!"
Another bound from the dog, and, as
Sam sprang to his feet, muttering inco
herent but wrathful anathemas, I saw
that his curls were carefully attached to
Mop's leg by about four yards of white
tape, it was some seconds before his
cmoify lingers could find and open the
hianj-bladed pocket-knife with which,
1 imagine, every boy of sixteen is pro-
viueu. iiien ensued a chase, m which
the effect of two vards of tape stream
ing behind him, his excited face, and his
aiiwieldly efforts to slip as deftly as
Bertha round intervening chairs and
woies was irresistibly absurd. At lengtn
a spring forward was followed by a loud
crash; and he. a small writing-table,
pens, inkstand, paper-knife and blotting
paas came to the n jor together.
"Dearest Mr. Yenney," mimicked
Bertha, in exact imitation of Miss Vin
cent's dulcet -tones, "poor Sam is so
clumsy; be requires female influence to
veacu him the amenities of life."
iu be hanged!" was Sam's polite
rejoinder, '-.-see. to what yourleinale
Jiuueuce lias brought mel"
"Is the mk spilled?" asked I nervous
ly, alter satisfying myself that nothing
aa uroKen.
"No ink to spill" said Sam turning
tte bottle topsy-turvey. "Look here;
you moukeyl" clutching Bertha by the
ir. -Ask old Tom to fill it, and tell
ousan to bring in the lamp."
Older restored, and the lamp lighted,
a little silence fell upon us. Sam broke
it.
"I say, girls, I've been thinking "
"Nonsense I" interrupted Bertha,
"We cant believe that, you know."
"Of your nonsense," pursued Sam,
"It will bring us Miss Raspberry Vine
gar for a step-mother, if we are not
careful."
'And If we are careful, too, I fear,"
remarked L
"No," said Sam, decidedly. "There
is' another aspirant for that doubtful
honor."
44 W ho ?" asked Bertha, eagerly.
Sam assumed a look of preternatural
gravity, slowly closed his left eye and
as slowly opened it.
44I know but one person whom I
could bear to see mistress heie," said
I "dear Mrs. Wood, of Fosse Cot
tage," "Which she is the very identical I"
exclaimed Sam.
"What do you mean ?" was my re
joinder. "That this amiable widow, fair, fat,
and forty, blushes like a school-girl,
when one Martin Venney pjys her or
dinary attentions."
"Dear little lady," said Bertha, "I
could call her mother.'
"You shall have that pleasure," as
serted Sam, a wicked twinkle in his
eye. "I am about to make her an of
fer."
"You ?"
"By letter in the ixiier' name, of
course and she will not refuse it."
And the pater "
Must make the best of the situa
tion. If he declines to accept it, he is
too thorough a gentleman to marry an
other woman for many long montlis,
at least,"
1 listened wh.li mute amazement.
Madcap Sam was displaying method
in his madness. Here was a scheme,
wild enough, but feasible, and one that
promised to effect that great end, tbe
discomfiture of Miss Raspberry Vine
gar. "Draw up to the table girls," said
Sam, "and let us each write a draft of
the jtfifrr's love letter; but I depend on
yours, Madge."
For some minutes there was no sound
but the scratch, scratch of our three
pens ; but I soon became conscious that
two had ceased to fly over the paper.
Looking up, I saw Bertha nibbling her
quill in a perplexed and meditative
way, and Master Sam with one hand
pressed to his heart and the other out
stretched to her, his whole attitude ex
pressive of extreme devotion. Bertha
and I burst into a roar of laughter.
whereupon he gravely rebuked us for
unseemly levity and waste of precious
time," scolding us until we resumed
work. Five minutes later our compos
itions were finished, and Sam proceeded
to read his own.
"Pear Mrs. Wood, Why should you
and I be content with single wretched
ness, when wedded bliss can be so easi
ly assured ? I have a fair income, a
good position, a large house and a small
family. Y ith respect to the last, I
must own that Madge is of somewhat
uncertain temper" here I made a dash
at bis hair, and gave it a good tug
"and Bertha as harum-scarum a young
madcap as you might wish to see"
here Bertha jumped up and boxed his
ears pretty soundly "but my dear boy
Sam, the hope and joy of my heart, is
so staid, so studious, so sweet-tempered,
and so perfect in every way that he
more than atones for the shortcomings
of the others. Will you be a mother
to them, and the honored wife of your
devoted admirer.
Martin i exxet ?"
"Ridiculous!" said Bertha.
4 'Then we will hear yours," replied
Sam, snatching it irom ner nngers.
"Listen!" and with ludicous and
exaggerated emphasis, he read the fol
lowing
44 Adorable Cbarmer l our manifold
perfections have kindled so intense a
flame in a heart I had deemed almost
insensible to woman's wiles that tbe
great desire of my life is to call you
mine. To descnDe tne rapture or love
which fills this manly breast is indeed
impossible; to make you feel it in some
decree, if you will come to these dear
arms as my dear wife, is the hope of
my existence."
"Pretty strong," said oam, "ior
forty-five and forty. Read yours,
Madge."
"Mv dear Madam I have come to
believe, for the second time in my life.
that it is not good for man to be alone;
and it is your sweetness or disposition,
your goodness and amiability, and the
certainty that in yon my dear children
would indeed find a second motner
that have brought me to this convic
tion. I cannot offer you that passion
ate regard which is youth's preroga
tive, for my youth, dear Madam, is
over, and 1 am iony-nve years oi ago.
liut 1 can give you me aeepesi. uu
truest affection, and it shall be my
first aim, if you will confide your hap
piness to my keeping as your husband,
to prove worthy of the trust. What
ever may be your reply, believe me,
dear Madam, always faithfully and af
fectionately yours.
MARTIN V ESSEX.
Here goes mine," cried Bertha,
tearing her sheet in two.
44 And miner' inugnea oam, iouow
ing suit.
And mine." said L
"Not so fast, old lady," chuckled
Sam. snatchinz it from me. Why,
yours is the precise thing! I will copy
and post it in ton minutes; then you
mav have vour precious nanawora,
"We had one day's breathing time,
for, unless Mrs. Wood replied Dy spec
her letter would not ar
rive till the second morning. All three
of us were guilty quite; but our father
did not observe it. lie starved ua at
dinner by remarking
r railed on Mrs. Wood yesterday,
to ask if she would Join me in a s jup-
kitchen scheme." ... . .
"Did she consent?" I inquired.
"She asked a day or two for consider-
Th morninsr came. The letter-bag
l nnonened by my father's plate,
i,;l ho ,,nrvtnmedlV diSCUSSOd
hearty breatfast. Bertha and I played
with our knives and forks Sam ate
well nothing less man a oocuu wvu
m hv snoiled bis appetite.
The eventful moment arrived; the
bag was opened, two or three circulars
were disposed ot, and then came a
delicate little envelope somewhat tre
r.i,,i addressed. My heart seem
ed to stand still whilst our father pe
rused its contents.
"Girls," said our father, I shall ride
u-Trntf m this evening and dine
fh vfra Wood. She says she will
,
anvA mv nmnmL"
A sense ot relief came to me, in
his mind the "proposal' and the soup
kitchen were doubtless intimately con
nected. I glanced at Sam; he was
bursting with suppressen laughter.
"Very well, papa."
About ten that evening we heard the
ring of horse's hoofs on the way to the
stables. Bertha fled innocently, bam
had barely time to whisper, "All right,
Madge my doing altogether. I plan
ned and wrote It, you know," before
my father entered.
"Go to bed at once, both of you,"
he commanded, in the sternest tones I
had ever heard him use.
I stole one look at his countenance as
I crept away; it was more young and
merry-looking, I thought. lie saw the
pitiful expression on my face, and he
held out his arms. I sprang into them,
and nestled close.
"Forgive us, dear," said I; "we will
never do it again."
"I trust you may never have occa
sion:" he replied; and a glad light shone
in his eyes. "Meanwhile ge to bed;
and, on your lives, be silent and dis
creet, all of you."
At dessert-next evening Miss Vincent
was announced. We were near neigh
bors, and two or three times it was her
custom to run in and spend the evening
sans cermouie. My father rose, drew a
chair to the table, and filled her glass.
"Dear Miss Vincent," said he, "to
night I have a toast to give, which you
will drink, I trust, with all your heart.
Children fill your glasses. "My future
wife!"
We drank it with suppressed enthusi
asm. Miss Vincent somewhat hysteri
cally. "I hope," said my father and, as he
spoke, I noticed what I had never be
fore observed, how surprisingly like
Sam's his eyes eould be when they
twinkled in a certain way "I hope
soon to present my establishment a
lady more than worthy to be its mis
tress" here a deprecatory expression
hovered about Miss Vincent's face 4 to
my children a mother capable of recip
rocating their affections) with the utmost
tenderness" here she made a gesture
as though she would embrace the said
decidedly unappreciative children
and to gam foi myself a helpmate who
may share the joys and soothe the sor
rows," here Miss Vincent's handker
chief came into active requisition "of
the years I have yet to live. I have
long felt that there was one woman in
the world perhaps but one who could
do all this. Here in the bosom of my
family" Miss Vincent's unoccupied
hand groped blindly towards my lather.
and the twinkle in his eyes became more
marked "I may say that that lady's
name is Mrs. W ood, of i osse Cottage.'
"Who?" cried Miss. Vincent, in a
perfect transport of rage."
liut noDody remarked me ejacula
tion save Sam. and Bertha and I had
our arms round our father's neck, and
were smothering him with kisses. Sam
rose and with a profound bow opened
the door for Miss Vincent and in the
confusion she escaped unnoticed.
We religiously preserved the secret or
the proposal, and our dear step-mother
never suspected its authorship. She
has been dead some years; but my
father lives still, and only the other day
he told me what passed between them
at the snug little teto-a-tete dinner which
terminated so happily.
"She was charmingly dressed," he
said, "and a delicate little flush of em
barrassment made her look very young
and pretty."
The embarrassment wore on as tne
meal proceeded, and they talked civilly
enough upon the topics of the day, un
til the cloth was removed. Then said
my father
"My dear madam, wild, reierence to
my proposal?"
To his astonishment, a vivia uiusn
overspread her face.
"It was so unexpected," sne mur
mured.
"But not unwelcome, 1 trust?"
There was no replv: but the lady
looked down thoughtfully and played
with some filberts on her plate.
"Think " ureed mv father, rising in
his enthusiasm, "how excellent is the
Idea, and how much good may be done
by our union now my energy, wiseijr
directed by you, may call down bless-
intra uuon both our heads."
To his utter amazement, Mrs. n oou
burst into a flood of tears, rose, and
threw her arms about his neck, cry
inir
o . . ,
"My dear Martin, 1 always loveu you
always."
To soothe her agitation by caressing
the soft brown hair that rested against
his shoulder was his first thought, his
Acnnd. "What in the world does all
this mean?"
"I have read yonr dear letter a nun
dred tunes," she sobbed.
"What nextr" thougnt my iatner.
"Pnnr thinir she has cone mad!"
Meanwhile his arm stole round her
waist a verv slim one; the situation
hran to hAvrt its attraction.
"It is like yourself," she continued
"most kind and considerate, and most
delicately expressed."
-Let me see it strain." saia ue, catcu
ing sight of a iaptr half hidden in bet
hnsnm. and eentlv drawing it forth.
The ladv hid her face while he pe
rused it, and he pressed ner tne nearer
to him, perhaps that he might ponder
the revelation tor a minute. -men "
raised her head, kissed her lips tenderly,
ora IaH her to a chair.
sv vitnwiiha mvdearwuer" ne
liri Rnt this interview agnates you
too much; we must end it. Good-by
rill trt.mnrrnw " -
My father always declares that he had
rvr anmA time been attached to Mrs.
A'wl and that our premature proposal
only forestalled his own avowal. Bo
that as it may, it is certain he never
retrretted it. For two monuis tne nue
ir. Fosse Cottatre was a thing of daily
occurrence; after that tune.uie ooiwii
providing ourselves with a step-mother.
BCjrle.
&rl la an imnenous tvrant. It bai
subjects everywhere and they are gene
mands of the master, however extrava
ani hnv orrnat soever the sacrifice.
are complied with, it not with absolute
cheerfulness, at least without outward
murmuring, xne iaimij
..hi. tnr aiavmi months in the year, in
erder that tbe twelfth may be spent in
style at some ootea summer rejoin
. mniiim to others of the priva-
tion. IX the inner histories of many of
the devotees of style were launiuuy
written, what a curious volume they
a mav and how Dlain people would
stare and smile and wonder when they
read it. mt
Twelve million clocks ware manu-
fartni-H 1 year.
Ft nonl LuaUes.
Howard, the philanthropist, who
crossed seas and rrountains to relieve
the distressed, was a brute and a tyrant
in his own family. Dr. Winslow savs
of him: "His cruel treatment caug"d
the death of his wife. He was in the
habit for many years, of doing penance
before her picture.- He had an only
son, whom for the slightest offense, he
punished with terrible severity, making
him Btand for hours in a grotto in the
garden. The son became a lunatic as
the result of this brutal treatment." I
am strongly inclined to the opinion that
even the extraordinary benevolence of
Howard was one of the symptoms of
the disease in his brain for insanity
may have good as well as evil mani tes
tations, and such exceptional self-sacrifice
as his so blind, so irsistent, so
life-enduring is just as liable to pro
ceed from a morbid state as the directly
opposite qualities of ungovernable rage
intense hate or cruelty.
Alexander the Great behaved like a
lunatic in the latter days of his reign,
and the supposition is plausible that if
he had survived a few years longer he
might have become a most implacable
and capricious tyrant. From being
very abstemious he gave himself up to
dissipation. His lust for power became
a disease, and he strove for gigantic
impossibilities. Robespierre and sime
of the other leaders in the t rench Rev
olution, were probably made more or
less insane by the exciting events in
which they took part. It ts certain
that Robespierre was originally kind
hearted and considerate, for Le began
life by endeavoring to procure the
abolition of capital punishment.
Lojis XI of France was insane, both
in his despotic cruelty and his caprices.
He shut up his nobles in cages or hung
them on the trees of the forest. He
lived in the constant fear of death, kept
in seclusion in his castle, was ou inti
mate terms with his hangman, amused
himself by watching battles between
rats and cats, drank the blood of young
children, and tried various and abomi
nable compounds in order to lengthen
his life.
King Frederick of Frussia, without
any reason whatever, treated his son
and sister for a long time with the most
unnatural and brutal severity. He
kicked them about the room, pommeled
their heads with chairs, compelled them
to eat the most repulsive food, and in
every way made their lives wretched.
His insanity, lu this respect, was abso
lute, and should have sent him to the
mad-house. But his unnatural and
whimsical treatment of his family was
only one of the symptoms of his mad
ness. He was inconsistently avaricious,
scrutinizing every household expense
with absurd attention, and lavishing
fortunes on his army of giants. He
would run through the streets caning
the loungers and workmen who fell in
his way until they roared for mercy.
Dr. Johnson was hypochondriacal.
and in various ways gave evidence of a
morbid condition of the brain. At the
early age of twenty he became the vic
tim of melancholic delusions, and from
tliat time forward was never happy.
On one occasion he exclaimed, despair
ingly; "I would consent to have an
arm amputated to recover my spirits."
r etchedness like this, when it is tem
porary or spasmodic, may signify but
little; but when it is persistent and
life-long, it must be regarded as the
symptom of cerebral disease that may
aud often does advance to absolute
madness. The violent impetuosity of
Dr. Johnson, his unreasonable, almost
furious prejudices, may be accounted
for on the same theory.
Fascal was one of tbe most original
thinkers of France, but no inmate of
any asylum ever presented more indis
putable proofs of mental disease than
those which characterized his whole
career. All his life he walked in dark-
ness.knowing not at what he stumbled,
in constant fear both of the preseut and
the future. He was the victim of ab
surd delusions, was harrassed by exces
sive nervousness, and was tne slave oi
uncontrollable eccentricities. Un ex
amination after death his brain was
found to be seriously diseased.
Our American poet, James Gates
Percival. was troubled, I think, with a
slow and chronic tvpe of cerebral dis-
a t.l 1 .
easA- it would oe nam. luuecu, iu uuu
ony theory on which to account lor uie
thousand and one eccentricities and
inconsistencies of his enigmatical ca
reer. His absurd fear of women was
certainly full evidence of mouomanu,
hut when we taKe tnis iact in connec
tion with his life-lo:ig melancholy, his
parlv and reoeated attempts at sen-
destruction, his unnatural lugraiuuue
to those who befriended him in distress
aud his anomalous love oi soiituue, we
Hurl it imnossible to accept any other
intern re tat ion or nis uie man mat ue
was never an absolutely sane and re
sponsible being.
The eifted poet Collins was at times
a (uui ana moaninz iuiuilii;. uc ec
. I :, Tl,A n v
centricities and melancholy of Lord
Bvron were probably the imcontrouauie
manifestations of disease, and during
his short and brilliant career he gave
sufficient evidence ot insanity, nothing
seems clearer than that the lrriUDUity,
hvimMinndria and meanness or Aiexan
rtpr Pod were the results oi organic
u,wv
cerebral conditions wnicn ne couiu no
more control than he couiu rerueuy ms
physical deformity, "i snail o;e at tne
tnn first." ejaculated Dean Swift, as he
sadlv eazed on a tree whose branches
vprx iiecavintr. and he realized his ter
rible prediction, lie was more or ieaa
insane during all his active life.
Tasso was a positive maniac, and,
like many other unbalanced geniuses,
iwiipve! that he was attended by a
fmiiiar snirit. Madame de Stael had
a masculine and powerful intellect, but
she was a slave to idle fears and silly
eccentri cities that in ordinary persons
would certainly have been regarded as
Kvmntoms of disease of tne Drain, var-
Hinal Richelieu was subject to maniacal
attacks, during which he lost all his
self-control and behaved like a silly
child. When the attack was over, he
hail no recollection of what had
passed.
Alter of Boms.
To please the voluptuous Jehangir, it
is said, his ravorite suitana causeu. me
hath in the palace garden to be filled to
the brim with rose-water. The action
of the sun soon concentrated the oily
particles which were found floating on
its surface, and the attendant, suppos
ing the water to have rjecome corrupt,
be?an to skim it for the purpose of tak
ing off the oil. The globules burst
under the process, and emitted such a
delhzhtf ul odor tbat the idea ot prepar
ing this beautiful perfume was at once
suggested.
rio-so-Brsa.
An Irish emigration ship had been
fallen In with by one of our cruisers,
and the commander of His Majesty's
sloop, the Hummingbird, made a selec
tion of thirty or forty stout nibernians
to fill up his own complement, and hand
over the surplus to the admiral. Shnrt
f Ighted mortals we all are, and captains
ot men-of war are not exempted from
human imperfection. How much also
drops between the cup and th lip!
There chanced to be on board of the
same trader two very pretty Irish girls
of the better sort of bourgeolse, who
were going out to join their friends at
Fhiladelphia. The name of one was
Judy, and of the other Maria. No
sooner were the poor Irishmen informed
of their change of destination, than
they set up a howl loud enough to
make the scaly monsters of the deep
seek their dark caverns. They rent the
hearts of the tender-hearted girls, and
when the thorough bass of the males
was joined by the sopranos and trebles
of the women and children it would
have made Orpheus himself turn round
an gaze.
44OU. Miss Judyl oh. Miss Maria!
would you be so cruel as to see us poor
cratburs dragged away to a man-of-war,
and not fur to go and spake a word for
us? A word to the captain from your
own purty mouths, and no doubt he
would let us off." Thus spake two of
the emigrants who were regarded with
special favor by the two girls.
The young ladies, though doubting
the powers of their own fascinations,
tesolved to make the experiment Sj,
begging the lieutenant of tbe sloop to
give them a passage on board to sneak
with his captain, they added a small
matter if finery to their dress, and
skipped into the boat like a couple of
mountain kids, caring nothing for tne
spray of salt water, which, though it
took the curls out of their hair, added
a bloom to their cheeks which perhaps
contributed in no small degree to the
success of their project. There is some
thing in the sight of a petticoat at sea
that never f tils to put a man into good
humor, provided he be rightly con
structed. When they got on board the
man-of-war they were received by the
captain.
"And, pray, young ladies," said he,
what may have procured me tbe honor
of this visit?''
"It was to beg a favor of your honor,"
said Judy.
'And his honor will grant It too,"
said Maria, "for I like the look of
him."
Flattered by this shot of Maria's,
the captain said that nothing ever gave
him more pleasure than to oblige the
ladies, and if any favor they intended to
ask was not utterly incompatible with
his duty, he would grant if.
'Well, then," said Judy, "will your
honor give me back Fat Flannagan,
that you have pressed just now." The
captain shook his head.
'lie s no sailor, your nonor, but
poor bog-trotter; and he will never da
you any good." lhe captain again
shook his head.
"Ask me anything else," said he,
and I will give it to you."
44 Well, then," said Maria, "give us
Fhelim O'Shaughnessy." The captain
was equally indexible.
41Come, come, your honor," said
Judy, "we must not stand upon trifles
now-a-day. I'll give you a kiss if you
cive me back Fat Flannagan."
"And 1 another," said Aiaria, "lor
rhelim."
Tbe captain had one seated ou each
side of him; his head turned like a dog
vane in a gale of wind. He did not
know which to begin with; the most
ineffable good burner danced in his
eyes, and the ladies saw at once tne
day was their own. Such is the power
of beauty, that this lord of the ocean
was fain to strike to it. Judy laid a
kiss on his right cheek, Maria matched
it en his left.
"Well then," said he, "you have
your wish; take your two men, for I am
in a hurry to mane sau."
If such are captain's perquisites, who
would not be a captain? Lord Broug
ham used to say that he always laughed
at the settlement of pin-money, as lad
ies were generally either kicked out of
it or kissed out ot it; but his lordship,
in the whole course of his legal practice
never saw a captain of a man-of-war
kissed out of his men by two pretty
Irish girls. After this, who would cot
shout, "Erin-go-bragh."
Tbm Hiatoneal Game.
A very interesting and instructive
game is the historical game. All the
players the number ot players need
not be limited sit in a circle. One
from the number is chosen, and he or
she must leave tbe room. Tbe remain
ing players fix upon some historical
character, such as Gen. Jackson, Mary
Queen of scots, Hannibal or Bismarck.
After they have agreed the absent one
is told to return. He then proceeds to
ask a question from each of the players.
For instance, he would say to the nrst
player: "Is it a man or a woman?" The
pet son must answer the question under
tbe penalty of a forfeit, "What nation
does he belong to?" The next person
must answer, so questions are a&Ked
until the player can form bis conclusion
as to who the person is.
Hade Tracks.
In illustration of tbe quality with
which Gen. Gordon has to deal, it is re
lated that in 1S21 Ismail, son of Mehe-
met Alt. Uie conqueror of the soudan.
was ordered by his father to collect the
tribute due from the tribes of Bedouins
of Shendy on tbe Nile, half way be
tween Berber and Khartoum. Ismail
summoned a cheiftain known as the
Tiger, and told him to furnish a large
amount of forage and fodder in lieu of
a money payment. .N ex; morning Is
mail and his troops found with satis
faction piles ot the stuff demanded
around the camp, but their satis
faction was short-lived. The stuff was
soon set on fire, and those not burned
were picked off by men lying in wait
behind the burning piles. Mebemet to
avenge his roasted son, razed the town
of Shendy, but the Tiger made tracks
in good tune into the fastnesses of tn
interior.
New Orleans still extinguishes her .
street lamps when the moon uses.
King Humbert of Italy surfers
from dyspepsia,
Young Jim Nutt Is fanning near
Leavenworth Kans.
Montreal is putting all electric
wires underground.
Tbe Connecticut legislature pro
hibits the sale ot impure ice.
Wars ol Wooing-.
Sir Arthur Helps gave it as his belief
tbat since the world was created no
two couoles made love after the same
fashion. An4 since "it takes all sorts
of folks to make a world" they may be
fairly supposed to do their courting in
all sorts ot ways. For instance, the
courting of the aboriginals of Australia
consisted simply in knocking the wo
man of his preference down wttn a
club and carrying her off. This form
of wooing was as efficacious as brief,
and was certainly commendable on the
score of economy, since it subjected
neither party to the expense of lights.
fires, oyster suppers, ice cream, elabo
rate dresses, flowers, etc, which are the
usual concomitants of civilized love
making. But the method of the Aus
tralian has been tried by other than the
dusky savages.
Some curious courting customs pre
vail in Africa. In one tribe of Eastern
Africa it is regarded as ne plus ultra of
gallantry for the lover to parade before
tbe hut of his inamorata astride of a
huge boar. Mungo Park tells of a
tribe in the Ulterior, where custom
compels a woman to carry a calabash
of water to the man who has expressed
a preference for her. Seated on a mat
before his door he washes his hands in
tbe vessel, and then the woman drinks
the water as a token of her affection.
Less repulsive was the act ot the lover
among the ancient Persians who burned
his hand or cheek to prove bis devotion
and then showed it to bis lady love. If
she was " wiilin' " she bound the injured
part with a silken scarf: but it obdurate
she sent the man to the physician for
healing salve.
Among the Moravians it was the
custom for tbe minister to select wives
for the men of his congregation. If a
"sister" had any objection to the
"brother" selected for her life partner
she was permitted to state it, but it was
generally overruled by the priest's elo
quence. Strange to say, the historian
tells us that these marriages were gen
erally happy.
In Grsenland, the services of the
pastor of his flock are also callod ia. A
man who has made up his mind that
his worldly circumstances warrant him
in indulging In what has been called
"the abstract desire of every man
to furnish board and lodging to some
young lady, and has decided which
young lady" he wishes to be taxed for,
calls on the reverend father, and states
the case. Tbe inquiry Is made whether
the girl knows of the suit, to which tbe
man replies tbat he has made some pre
liminary love-making, which was not
very Kindly received, but adds: "Thou
knowest the ways of mankind." In
Greenland, be it remarked, it is an ac
cepted fact in social philosophy that a
woman's no means yes. The priest
calls upon the young woman and pleads
the case of her lover, assuring her that
he is a good man; that he catches many
seals, etc It is the custom for the
woman to reject all proposals at first,
but to yield at last an unwilling assent.
If the priest thinks she is too obstinate,
he generally remarks: 44 Ah. well, it is
no matter; I cau easily find another
woman who will have such a good pro
vinder," and turns to leave, which
action brings the stubborn maiden to
terms at once.
In St, Petersburg, Russia, a custom
prevailed many years though declined
greatly in importance, it has not gone
wholly out of use which was designed
to stimulate the laggards in courtship.
On Whit Sunday there was held in the
Summer Garden, one oi the city's
parks, a fair of all the damsels ot the
city who wanted husbands. Dressed in
their best, with all the ornaments at
command, and holding silver spoons or
other ware in their hands, to show that
they were not wholly portionless, they
stood in rows under the trees, attenued
by parents or guardians to insure pro
priety of behavior and to iacuitate
matrimonial bargains. The men in
Eearch of wives stroled about scrutiniz
ing all the candidates at leisure. When
a man saw one that pleased mm ne
usually introduced himself to ter cus
todians, and if his statement of family,
business and prospects were satisfac
tory, be was made acquainted with the
young woman and invi.ed to her resi
dence. After this, the nuptial eere
mony followed as speediiy as the would
be bride-groom desired.
We find a custom precisely like this
still in existence in a district in the
south of Ireland. There it is known
as "shrafting," the name being derived
from Shrove Tuesday, the day on which
it is held. On that day all the mar
riageable young people of both sexes
are marshaled on the 'village green by
the parents, the girls in all the glories
of Sunday gowns and gay ribbons, as
lovely as fresh-blown roses, evidently
enjoying their blushe?, and the young
men, also in their best attire, looking
as foolish as only the male human can
look on exhibition. The two sexes are
stationed in line apart from each other,
and the parents pass between to vouch
safe proposals or to receive them, and
to haggle over marriage portions. The
preferences of the young people are
folly understood by the elders, and
commendable effort is made to gratify
them, tbe main object of the parents
beintr to secure as good a set-out as
possible for the young couples.
A California miner, having amassed
quite a fortune, was returning by ship
to New York to revisit old trends and
to find him a wife. A young woman
on board the ship serving in the capacity
of nursery governess to the family of a
merchant ou board, pleased him much
by her neat and modest appearance.
He therefore introduced himself one
day, and broke the ice of his purpose
with one reckless plunge:
"Madam, my name is , my pa
rents and family reside in New Hamp
shire: 1 have property amounting to
S200.U00 and expect to engage in busi
ness in . I am a perfectly tem
perate man, and can give you good
reference to tepefy of my general up
right character. I am unmarried and
want a wile. Will you marry me?"
The lady took in the character of
her suitor at once.
"Thank you." said ehe, "I wilL
and on landing they were forthwith
married.
The Rev. Richard Hooker had no
time to devote to courtship, and, there
fore, deputed bis landlady. Mrs,
Churchman, to find him a wife. She
selected her daughter Joan, but the
unfortunate divine no doubt often
quoted in the recesses ot his soul in
after years tbe old saying: "3iarry m
haste to repent m leisure." For Joan
proved a terrible shrew, and led tbe
poor minister a wretched life of it.
Courting by proxy is a dangerous thing.
Thether a plausible old lady r tosom.
friend Is employed to do it. So the
Saxon King Edgar found it when he
sent bis frieud Atbelstane to report on
the charms ot a lady called the most
beautiful in the kingdom, and to offer
her the office of Queen should she prove
to be as lovel.ly as reported. But Atb
elstane tell in love with her himself,
and wooed and married her, and theu
told the King she was not beautiful at
all, only being rich. When the King
found out how he had been deceived,
Athelstaue had to lose not only his
beautiful wife and her wealth, but his
head into the bargain.
A writer, whose veracity, however,
we dare not vouch for, gives the fol
lowing as an actual statute recorded in
the old Saxon code, giving to the lady
the privilege that she has taken such
poor advantage of:
"Albeit, as of ten as leape yeare doth
occure, the womanne holdeth preroga
tive over the manne in matters of
courtship, love and matrimonie; so that
when the lady proposeth it shall not be
lawful for the manne to say her nae,
but he shall entertain her proposal in all
gude courtesie.t'
However, whether this law was ever
placed on record or not, the practice of
female proposals was never adopted,
and seems never to have been more
than a tradition. There have been in
stances, of a woman who dared, but
not many, for the rLk of a refusal was
too serious a one to run. now tne
Princess Louise of Savoy ever recovered !
from her humiliation after having
offered herself to Charles, Duke of
Bourbon, only to receive a grave but
positive refusal, few women can under-
stand. Ladies, however, are permitted ;
to assist a bashful wooer.
He Bobbed Stewart's Urare.
A correspondent had an interview j
with an unnamed detective, who savs
that in the summer and fall of 1SJ
Chief of Police McGariele. of Chicago,
and two or three detectives held neso-
tiations with Lewis C. Sweigels. then '
serving a term for robbery in the Clies-
ter, I1L. penitentiary under an assumed
name. Sweigels, who was known to be ;
a professional grave robber, and was i
concerned in the attempt to rob the
grave of President Lincoln, told a very
complete, circumstantial, ami niuin-
tent story of the robberv of A. T.
Stewart's grave by himself, Lrry Gavin,
and a keeper of a saloon in Fourteenth
street. New York. Saveigels promised
to restore the body only on condition
of his pardon from the penitentiary and
receiving a part of the reward
llis pardon was recured, and. accord- i
ing to the detective's story, a syndicate With great ceremocy-the last stone
with a capital of 110.000 was formed, ' as laid in the harbor of Trieste re
whlch included McGarigln, Detectives cently. The work has takt-n fifteen
Capin and Lansing, and E. J. Lehman, ' years and has cost over S7.0 J0,000.
all of Chicago, for the purpose of work-! English pennies, silver plated.
ing ud the case aud securing $100,001
from Judge Hilton for the return of Mr. '
fete wart's remains. Two or three vii:s
were made to New York, and: negitia-!
tions were conducted through Mrs.
Johnson, a female detective of New
York, and at one time connected with ;
the Chicago force. Inspector Bymes,
of New York, became offended because
he was not consulted after the first visit.
The remains were finally returned upon
tne payment oito.uuu uy juuge uiium,
as an evidence of which Seigels had
plenty of money about that time."
Interviews with Mcuangle and tne
detectives are also published. They
deny the formation of a syndicate to
work on the case. Mcuangle admits
the general detads of the story, includ
ing Sweigels' pardon and the subsequent
negotiations in New York, but says
that they finally oecatce disgusted with
Sweigels because he trifled with them,
claiming tbat the daughter of the ex
pressman who carried the remains to
the place where they were buried in-
creUy to anothor spot unknown to S wei- j
gels. The latter could obtain no infor
mation from the woman as to the where
abouts of the body.
McGarigle says he became convinced
that this was meiely a trick of Sweigels'
to secure a pardon, and that the nego
tiations were broken oft before the re
mains were returned and never resumed.
"A Kale Stoat Mas
"Yas. yas," smiled the old country
man, as he stood talking to a city chap,
who seemed to Know turn, tnar's a
heap o' tricks played on thekentrymen;
they gits sucked in lots o' times. But
I kinder rigger that the sharper what
tries to draw wool over my eyes '11 git
git lef purty bad. " 4 I'll bet you are a
good one," answered the stranger pat
ronizingly, "I can tell a man when he's
green." The rustic poked him in the
side, and pulling down his eye, laughed:
D'ye see any green tbeie." "ot a
bit of it," memly replied the other;
then in an advising tone he continued:
"I've seen more of the world than you
have, and would like to say that the
most important action is concealing the
money." "Oh, I've got thet down
fine," broke in the countryman, point
ing to his left sleeve, "d'ye see that 'ar
little bump? Wed, thar's the cash, in
side o' the llnin', and nobody can take
it out 'thought me knowm' it," A
few moments after they "parted, the
countryman going into a clothing store
to do some buying. He bad made his
purchase and was waiting for the bill,
when one of the salesmen approac lied him
and said: "Can't I sell you a nice coat?"
"Not me," answered the farmer; "I've
got a plenty o' them fixins." "But, I
see the sleeve of the one you have ou
has been torn or cut, and, if you wish,
one ot the ladies will mend it for you."
With a ghastly look the farmer jerked
off bis coat and viewed the wrecked
sleeve. Then, turning to the clerk, he
said sorrowfully: "Mister, kin ye tell
me whar I kin git a rale stout man to
kick a danged fool outin town."
Tne Vetennarlaa.
There is a pressing need of more
educated veterinary surgeons in this
country, in fact, such professional men
are scarcely to be found at all in some
sections, even where the most valuable
stock is raised. The numerous medical
colleges graduate thousands of doctors
annually, but the few veterinary sctools
are not overcrowded. t ben It is con
sidered that the live sto?k of the coun
try is worth $2,000,000,000, and that a
single animal is sometimes value I at
several thousand dollars, it is clear tliat
there is lucrative employment in caring
lor the health oC these animals and
preventing loss. Now, the "horse
doctors" are too often quacks, ignorant
alike of diseases and remedies. Young
men of education could hardly do better
than to sriecially fit themselves for tbe
veterinary calling, which is a pleasant
avocation, and In a financial point of
NEWS IN BRIEF.
The State tax of Florida this year
Is but 3 mills.
Ira S. Todd died in Tolland, Conn,
of glanders, caught from a hor-e.
Itha a, th largest village in the
world, has become a charteied city.
Chicago dai'ies are driving out St.
Louis papers In Southern Illinois.
- Kansas City packe 1 5.,WX) more
hogs than Cincinnati the past winter.
Greek Wines are now introduced
into France for admixture with the
native wines.
The Prince of Wales last year re
ceived from the Dchy of Cornwall the
net income of ioil.Uoa
London has "00,000 houses and
nearly 5.O00.UO0 inhabitants about
seven people to each bouse.
In France trardenirig is practically
taught, it is said, in more thaa tweaty
thousand primary schools.
Sam Ke, a Chinaman, declaies
that Mrs. Kee must go. He has fl'.ed
a bill in divorce in a Kentucky court.
Fruit, hop and other crop reports
from the Tactile coast section are very
encouraging.
There are twenty-four Portlands
In this country to bother the post
masters. Platinum wire has been drawn so
fine as to be absolutely invisible to the
naked eye.
7ne Pension Office expends more
than 500,000 a year investigating
alleged pension frauds,
The reviS!nl version of the Old
Testament will be issued complete, it
u in September.
The agricultural wealth of Illinois
for 183 was So7,4-4,C00 less than the
previous year.
Sergeant Mason h;is stopped exhib
iting himself, and is now living at his
j Virginia home.
The Universltv of Lewlsburg. Pa,
hVecei,?rJ,a S'ft. T1,0?0 froia
U'am BuckneiL. of Philadelphia,
A firm at Tullahoma, Tenn., is
said to ship 7000 doz?n of eggs per
week to the Northern markets.
Idaho man has Just been mar
Te& agala to lue woman Irom whom
be was divorced twenty years ago.
The Government has soli mors
tham two hundred million dollars
worth of public lauds in eight years.
Of the preseut Citv Government of
Belfast. Mf.. consisting of sixteen
members, only three are natives of that
have been made to answer for Amen
can half dollars am mg careless Bos-
Bos-
touiaus oa recent niglits.
It costs Turkey over fifteen mil
lion dollars a vear to BUX'poru the Sul
tan and his harem.
The Fpectacle of a large party of
school teachers out rowing, led acynical
chap on s'nra to observe that it was
"a whaling flt-et."
A newspaper at Cherokee, Iowa,
is o.vned, luantel and elated by a
man w o is totally blind, ila Is assis
ted by his wife.
Major Low has been remonstrating
with Brooklyn's street cleaning con
tractor about the dirty condition of
the highways of tsat city.
Artificial ice made from distilled
water is the final luxury for New York
cocktail drinkers. It U of course very
pur-, and as clear as crystal.
The German G-jvernmeut, for the
encouragement of electric lighting,
has ordered the admission of Edison
and Swan lamps ou pavment of nomi
nal duties.
Almond growin? In Northern
Calif ornia has been declared a failure
the fruit blossoming too early and not
bearing a fall crop.
A Montana ppsr relates that in
Butte the other day a man fell to the
bottom of a bhaft l- J feet deep without
rec'jiviug serious injuries.
Rhode Island savings banks have
$-j2.400,'A)o intrusted to their care by
120,52 depositors.
California is at present prod'icing
not far from JlS.lOl UOU of gold and
silver bullion annually.
Ohio has coal in thirty of thirty-
eight counties, and put out 6,220,229
tons in issj a gain ot i,ouu,uuu
tons.
Statistics show that there are at
preseut about 1,000.000 people in
Great Britain who receive charitable
relief.
When the territory of the United
States is as densely settled as that of
France there will be OSO.OuO.OOO people
here,
The .New York YouDg Men's
Christian Association has a member
ship of 3,330, of whom 1,569 were ad
ded last year.
The Niagara Suspension Bridge la
2,200 feet long, that of Kief. Russia,
is 2,552 feet, and that between New
York and Brooklyn 5,930 feet.
Already the new Iowa prohibitory
law is marked for the supreme court. '
It is claimed that two inembera who
voted for it were ineligible to their
stats, or something of the sort.
Canyon C.ty, Colo., has the largest
artesian well in the world. At the
dept.i of 1,220 feet a stream was tapped
which flows 400 gallons a minute.
A dramatic performance in which
all the actors were deaf and dumb was
recently given :n London, and is rep
resented to have been sustained with
"intelligence and spirit."
The value of thd telephone patent
Is enormous, and we veiy much doubt
if it could now be purchased for 523,
000,000. It is probably by Tar tne most
valuable single patent which has ever
been issued.
A town In Ohio has adopted the
plan of posting a list of habitual
drunkards' names in every saloon, so
as to give efficiency to the law prohibi
ting the sale of intoxicants to such
persons. It is said to work well.
Of his native country Ireland,
whence he has recently retained.
Senator Jones, of Florida, ays: "While
I enjoyed my Visit to the old country
I could not live there again. That
is the country of the past this Is the
country of the future."
The Nevada county of Clam has at
last built a gallows. They had got
along by borrowing from the neighbors
whenever a hanging came, but business
grew so lively tia; building seemed
cheaper, and a carpenter was em
ployed.
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