Married Ute. There are eoiue mean men in this world men who will, as Mrt. Raddle 6aid, "tamper with a woman' feelings every hour of the Jay . Occasionally it U the lot of a woman of gentle an J con tiding nature to marry one of these creatures, and such was the fate of .Mrs. Undershirt. The other evening her husband came home with a most tuvsterlous and solemn look upon his countenance. So marked was this that his wile asked : ".My love, are you not feeling well?' "Perfectly well, my dear," he replied. Then he closed his inouth and looked more mysterious than ever. Women are not, as is well known, naturally of a curious disposi tion, but 6uch couduct was enough to arouse anybody's interest. Mrs. Un dershirt tried in every way she could think of to draw her husband out, but her efforts ouly resulted lugettin j her acll into a high state of nervous anxiety. Finally he yielded a little and said: 'My dear, if I were to tell you some thing, could you keep it to yourself?" Her cheeks glowed with excitement as she cried : "Oh yes, Harry." He continued very solemnly: "If I told you about a scandal in this town could you refrain from mentioning it !" Her eyts shone like stars, and she fairly danced up and down with excitement as she replied : "Oh, indeed 1 could !" "Even If it were a church scandal?" "Yes, yes !" she exclaimed, breathing short and eagerly. "How has the baby been to-dav r" lie mildly asked. "Love ly. Well?" "Did the man come with the coal r" "Yes ! Xow, Harry t" and she was as fidgetty as a monkey with suppressed curiousity. "I supper most read; r" he went on. "Yes. Oh, for mercy's sake, tell me about the scandal !" she cried. "Why, I don't know of any." he replied. "Don't know of any?" "No." An awful look oi disappointment came over her face. She at Led : "Then why did yon ask me if 1 could keep a seciet?" "To find out if you could," he answered. The look of anxletv turned to hate. "You are the meanest, horridest, most con temptible, mean, ugly awful brute in this world !" she cried, and then she burst into tears. And Mr. Undershirt got the worst of the joke, for the next day Mrs. U. invited her mother to cc me and stay with them lor six weeks. Joe JarTentM'a Home. "Mr. Jeflersou's home at Hobokus Is a fine, old. partly modernized farm house, surrounded by hundreds of acres, in a rolling country, where are trout streams, forests, hills and level fields. The rooms in the building are large, many with low ceilings. Some of the furniture and tapestries are from Holland. A quaint old clock, with chimes, stands in the wide hall wid enough to make a room by Itself. On the parlor walls are some netable oil paintings. One of them, the Corot, I have already mentioned. Inman's por trait of Macready as "William Tell" is another one of the best things that Inman ever did. Two chaiuiing por traits, by Xagle, of Mr. Jefferson's mo ther and his grandfather stand in a recess in the room; while near a front .-window is a large GustaveDore, repre senting a scene in 'Don Qjixote.' A luminous picture of Corot's lovely face, fcy Le Fasieur, is one of Mr. Jefferson's most valued works of art. In from of and behind the house are evergreens planted by the owner's hands ; eff to the right stretches an undulating plain end ing in a forest; on the left is a quiet, shaded. English lane, by the side of which or rather, a score of feet below it flows a stream dammed so as to lake a fish-pond, and draining a meadow where cows are pasturing. Not far off are Mr. Jefferson's trout preserves, where there can be had ex cellent sport in fly-fUhing. The barn is a farmer's barn, well stocked with hay and sulks and farm implements. A Scotch shepherll's dog, or playful, affectionate disposition, and bright, handsome face, is a chief pet of the proprietor, who brought him from over the seas. Rip loves Schneider. When we took a drive through the neighbor ing region, the coil, gray November day wrapping the fields the trees and the bill-tops in neutral tints, sugges ted several scenes that Corst would have liked to paint, and it was of Corot, again, tbat the genial artist-host often spoke. There,' he would exclaim, pointing to one of the more character istic natural effects, to which tue red abawl and dull gown of a distant country woman leut the quietly deco rative charm that the French landscape-painter so loved, there is a Corot, isn't it? it was jut that." Americas heat In KaMa. Russian journalists appear to be just now painfully exercised by the announcement that two American steamers, laden with gram, have enter ed the port of Revel lor the purpose of discharging their cargoes, a circum stance hitherto without precedent in the annals of Russian commerce. That Russia would never need to import cereals from foreign countries has heretofore been a firmly established article of popular faith throughout the Cear's dominions. So rapid, however, has of late years been the falling off in productiveness exhibited in the agri cultural districts of theempire that the seemingly impossible has at leng.h come to pass, and Northern Russia is importing wheat from the United States. It Is but justice to the Russian press to acknowledge that it is has been profuse of warnings with respect to the I r jbable consequences of slovenly unin telligent farming, peisUtecce in and o.d-fatliior.eJ and exploded systems of cultivation, reluctance to Invest capital in modem agricultural improvement absenteeism, aud other laches wLKh have practically disqualified Russian grain growers from competing for foreign custom with their transatlantic rivals. But Russian buyers and peasant farmers alike were so immutably pos sessed by the conviction that Russia was the pedestined granary of Europe tbat they calmly ignored these salutary monitions. They are now stricken with amazement and consternation by proof positive, such as is afforded by the im portation of American grain Into Revel, that the cereal yields of Xothern and Central Russia no longer suffice to meet the consumptive requirements cf the native population. Germany, too is . giving to America the preference over Russia for what grain she finds it necessary to import from abroad, on the reasonable grounds that the. Ameri can wheat Is at once cheaper and of better quality than the Russian. On the whole, Russian agriculture is just now at aa extremely low ebb, and its future promises to prove even gloomier than its present. At the root of Shoahoae Fall. So sound is audible above the thun der and roar aud din of the waterfall, and the doctor, realizing from bis pro fessional experience that it is uo place for rneumatic person's to linger, gently pulls my arm, and we move off in silence further down the stream, and out of reach of the flying spray. Soon the major follows, and here, on a flat, shelving rock, which revives the warm rays of the sun through a rift in the high wall above, we And a comfortable resting place, from which a fine oppor tunity is a (forced to study tho physical details of the falls and their surround ings. The break In the bed of the river over which the water falls, is a com plete semi-circle In form, with the arc curving up the stream, omd foil wing the curve of the circle, is at least half a mile wide. From side to side the flow of water is of uniform depth and force, and as it pours in wavy, shimmering fleeces down the smooth, hard rock, it presents the appearance of great folds of snow-while, gauzy lace, gently swinging and vibrating in the soft au tumnal breeze. From all alon? the base rise Immense clouds of trembling, glittering spray, which gleam and flash through the rays of the sun, forming bright rainbow colors that constantly shift and change. The bisla at the foot of the falls stretches out in Irregu lar shape, much wider than the bed of the stream above or below, and upon its surface great foaming waves roll and chase each other, and dash agalust the shore. So rough are the waters of this basin, which is a mile wide and two miles in length, that the major, whe has had some nautlc.il as well as military experience, gave us his opin ion tbat no open boat could successfully ride its waves. The south wall of the canon, under which we stood, is cut and grooved with deep Indentations, at almost qual distances apart. These Indentations commence at the apex of the wall with light shallow furrows, that are hardly perceptible, and gradu ally deepen and widen, until near the base they become deep, broad gorges. Into these porges the sand and debris have drifted from above, foming a good, strong soil, which, baing protect ed from the hot, scorching sun, and moistened by the flying spray pro duces a thrifty growth of cedars, around which twine, in graceful forai, great, lusty vines of the wild grape, now hanging full of long slender bunches of unripe fiuit. Interwoven wi th these cedars and vines is a dense growth of the hazel, alder, and maple, whose variegated . loliage, with the Gothic spires of rock towering high above for a Dackgrouna, iorois a pi- urc of exquisite beauty, In pleasing con- last with the awful grandeur of the river scene. The north wall, on the Kt-ir forbid, lrl...uC,. diag no groove or indentation there. Its dark columnar structure rises up tho usands of feet, and agninst Its bass the waves of the basin lash with fury, and neither man nor beast dare at tempt to approach the river from that side. Robert Briggs iu California for October. Victoria' Good Heart. There Is an advantage, after all, in being a Qaeeu as well as a women, when a heroic act is to be recognized in an effective as well as teuder way. And it must be acknowledged that Q jeen Victoria never fails to use this ber prerogative with admirable and fine discretion. Two English soldiers, it will be remembered, Melville and Coghill, were killed at the battle of Isandula, Zululand, while bravely at tempting to rescue the color of tneir regiment. Their widows were pen sioned, or course, but the Queen's own womanly heart suggested a further and more gracious recompense. She sent out by the Empress, Eugenie two wreaths, and the Empress, after she had made her pilgrimage to the spot where her son was killed, continued her journey to find the graves of these ob scure Erglish soldiers and to lay the wreaths upon them with her own hands. She wrote afterward a letter to the Queen describing the wild. grand spot where they are burled, the heroic circumstances of their death, as she iiad been able to learn them, adding a few words of earnest sympathy for ; them and congratulation for the sover- j are the direst source of a large propor eign who had men so brave to lose; all j tion of the ills that fowl flesh is Heir of which the Queen copies in her own w r? 8ure t',J't,rme,,,hinS 0.U,.d . . . 7 ... then be taken to rid them of these pests, hand and sends with a letter of earnest A( lhf the llce rjQUtjpiyVUn sympathy to the widows or the dead WOnderrul rapidity taking advantage heroes. Certainly there Is something of the setting kens and tender chicks, in being a woman as well as a Queen. When hens are set be sure to sprinkle Even to a practical American mourn- X"" ing for hfr dead, the knowledge that roaa dust, well mixed with sulphur, these two women, who had been seated i jn wnicn the- rotj an(i wallow. upon thrones, had suffered precisely like herseir, and held out their hands to her in sympathy, would bring a cer tain consolation. To loyal English women the few scribled words would outvalue all pensions or rewards. Kailroad Bale. Tlie uniform of the conductor shall herealter consist of a seamless sack, the mouth to be strapped around the neck like a nail bag. The conductor shall have his hands tied behind him, and wear a gag In his mouth. He shall carry an iron safe on his back, the key of which will be kept at Altoona. When ten cent fares are paid on the train the passenger shall be charged one dollar extra. The ten cents may be recovered but the dollar goes to the conductor or the company, whichever is the smartest. The passenger must punch his own ticket and put it in the safe. lie shall then tell the conductor where he was born and where he expects to die when he goes to. If the conductor . saucy he must also be punched. Trains must run on time except when an excursion or the President's special car is on the road. On such occasions all regular lines will be delayed one hour. The punch must be carried over the left hip and the punch on the third finger of the right band, with the han dle at an angle of forty-five degrees. Any deviation will be cause for sum mary dismissal. At the end of every trip the conduc tor must make a written report of the number of cars, number, color and age of passenger -, together with any ac cidents, deaths or births which may have occurred. On arriving at the end of his route the conductor shall be stripped and scrached with a tooth-pick, nail-brush and fine-comb to see that he has no tickets concealed about him. Xo smoking cars, water tanks or closets will be allowed on trains which have a parlor car attached. For any of these luxuries the passenger mast pay fifty cents. A0RICULTUB1. A Wit Cellar for Keeping Apples. In iw of the constantly increasing production of apples and the seemingly almost universal crop the present sea son, and as the late-keepers usually bring the most remunerative prices, it is ot vast importance that we practice the best methods or picking, packing and storing. In this mailer many have pet theories that are directly opposite to those of others. For instance, a re cent correspondent states that among essentials lor keeping apples is a dry cellar with cement bottom. Tula is di rectly opposite to the experience of all the Iruit dealers who visited ray cellar for the purpose of inspecting stock dur ing the past winter aud Hnring, among them two from West Virginia who handled thousands of barrels in this county alone the past season, and ex tensive fruit growers. One of them re marked that whenever he entered a cellar and was compelled to walk on boards to keep out ol the water, lie was sure to find ttie fruit in good condition, allow ing.of course,ihatthe temperature had been kept as near the freezing point as possible as is nevessary in either case. Xow both of these advocates are enthusiastic In their theories; is it true that both are correct? As an experi ment, during appleplcking last tall selections were made of the Xoi thern Spy aud Yellow Bellflower, carefully handled ; each specimeu of the latter was wrapped separately in paper and placed iu ventilated packages, and stored immediately In my cellar, where, owing to the springy nature of the lo cation, notwithstanding the thorough drainage, during the spring months water will be found on portions of the earth bottom. Toe result has been that we are now (July 2) supplied with samples of the Spy iu a gjod state of preservation ; the Iielillewer held out well till Juue 1. Taking into consid eration that neither variety is classed among the long-keepers, the latter be ing what dealers term "holi Jay fruit," I am fully convinced tbat by careful aud Judicious han Jliug, and practising all the other best known conditions fa vorable lor keeping fruit, dampness, or in other worus a wet cellar bottom, is not detrimental to the long-keepiug of our winter fruit. Sowing Fall Gbaixs. The leading farm work lor this month in many lo calities is the sowing ot the fall crops. One cannot expect that the best har vest will foll jw a careless preparation of the soil, aud the imperfect sowing of the seed. The young plants should get rooted before winter sets in, and in orrier to insure this, the soil should be deepand mellow. Wheat requires a soil pulverized, but compact, with fine tilth of the surlace, for a seed bed. There may be lumps on the surfaeeof the soil, but the seed should not b surrounded by them, otherwise the plants will be very uneven, and many gr las will not start at all, if the sod is lumpy, as it is in many cases. Use a roller imme diately after the plow, or alter the har row has been used once. This is the only I proper use of the roller on fall sown , jje, -Jg To foU lhe grouhll after lbe jKraijgaownisaniistake;itgivestotbe j surface a smooth pleating appearance, , tut it is much more inclined to crust over; besides this, the protecting coat . , would be if the surface was left rough, Keeping Cikbr Sweet. As apples are likely to be plentiful this tall a con siderable quantity will be made into cider, and the inquiry will frequently I be made : How can I preserve my ci- der sweet?" If the following direc j lions are followed, cider may be pre served sweet for an indefinite period: ' 1-Vt take nnlr well-riuened. sound ao- j piefi aaj crush and extract the juice, i Let the pomace lit. a lew hours before pressing. Have i everything with which ... .,., tU !.,iv through a filter as follows? On the too rut a laver of clean straw, below fine gravel, or coarse sand washed clean of dirt, and beneath flannel cloth. j Such a filter will take out all particles of pomace, etc., which cause decay. Haviug the apple Juice pure, put in a kettle and bring it to a Doll, skimming off all scum which rises during the pro cess. While the cider Is still hot or warm can or bottle it as you would fruit to preserve it. Bottles may be made tiht by corking and sealing the same by dipping the cork in a composition of resin and tallow melted. The main thing in the preservation is to keep it from the air perfectly v The juice of grapes and other fruits 'may be preserved in the same way. It is essential In all these that the product be kept in a cool place, of neareveu temperature. Uofermen ted wine, or juice of the grape, is made and preserved in this way, aud is better and more healthful than wine made in ai.y other way. Vermin is Chiceeb Houses. We wish we could make every farmer ap- rtn.n:tA tbat the vrmiii which thev IH.rmit to Infest their chicken bouses This, with coal oil poured ou the roost ing poles every weok or ten days will keep the lice in check. Lime slacked with a solution of salt in water, and then properly thinned with skiin-niilk, from which all the cream has been taken, makes a per manent whitewash for out-door work, and It is said, renders the wood incom bustible, it is an excellent wash for preserving shingles and for all farm buildings. The Cci Worm. Two parts of quick lime, three parts soot, and one part coarse refuse sails, used as a top dress ing is said to be destruction to the cut worm. Refuse salt alone, at the rate of 500 pound to the acre, In the fall will destroy tbe worm. Rye is a hardier grain than wheat, an J where the soil is not good or well enough prepared lor wheat, It will be safer to sow dry. Anecdote of tho Grand Duke Nicholas. While the Grand Duke Nicholas was reviewing the prisoners after the taking of Flevna his eye caught tbe magnifi cent Arab horse of al'urkisb officer. He afterward sent one of his adjfftanistothe latter to ask if he would sell it, orders having been given that the captured officers should retain their horses. The Turk replied that it was no longer in his possession, for immediately after the animal had been remarket by tbe Grand Duke a Roumanian officer bad come to him and ordered him to give it up. He had refused and demanded the written com mand of the Priuee. The officer then drew his revolver, and, threatening to shoot him, forced him to comply with hlsflemand. Fortunately for tbe Turk ish officer the Roumanian had a squint, and by means of this physical peculiari ty was soon discovered, and found to be none other than a staff officer at tached to General Skobeleff. H" bad forthwith to surrender bis ill-gotten spoil, was severely reproved and bas been obliged to leave headquarters owing to the odium Into which ha has fallen. DOMESTIC. Ice isd the Stomach. The use of ice as a luxury, In tdu form of icecream or of iced water. Is becoming more and more prevalent in this country. Used in these ways they are geuerallf taken especially by the young, reckless! j-, without a thought of any serious, pos aiblv fatal, results that may follow. An aver ige stomach bas a great deal to do to digest ;hree full meals a day; es pecially when.as is frequently the case it Is disturbed and irritated by food tbat is indigestible because of its quality or quantity. Let it be remembered that there is nothing in the body- blood, muscle, membrane, bone, ten don, nerve, briin or secretions which has not come of the contents of the stomach. Xeither, Is there a thought a feeling, an emotion, a volition or an act which has not derived the material force b.ick of it from the stomach. Such ku organ must, therefore, be highly organized. It bas countless arteries, veins, nerves and glands. It la lined with a delicate mucous membrane, as much so as the air tubes. It Is studded all over with glands which elaborate and pour into it that wonderful fluid, the gastric juice. Its coats consist of different thin layers of muscles ar ranged crosswise, and these are con stantly at work, giving it that peculiar rolling motion by which tbe food is thoroughly mixed with tbe saliva. Everv orean and muscle when In ac tion must have a special supply of blood. This Is especially true ot the stomach. Food, therefore, fails to di gest if the blood is withdrawn from the stomach, as, for instance, to the b:aiu by study or close thought, or by anxiety immediately after eating. Xow.it is tbe nature of cold to contract all blood vessels and drive dace tne blood, and to paralyze, more or less, all nerves. Oi course the flow of gas tric Juice is cheeked and digestion Is arrested, and the proper motion of the stomach interfered with, by an ice-cold fluid introduced into it. Further.when the reaction sets in, the blood vessels become over distended, producing often a dangerous congestion,and aa increas ed thirst, with a longiug for more ice water, thus inducing a 'vicious circle.' From what we have said any readet can see that iced water, or ice cream should not be taken into the stomach at tb same time with fcod. Serious consequences willofteu follow a disre gard oi this physical law. D. R. V. Piekce, Consulting Physi cian to the World's Dispensary and In valid's Hole), of Buffalo, X. Y., has resigned his seat in Congress, that he mav hereafter devote hi whole time and attention to those applying to the World's Dispensary Medical Associa tion for the treatment of Chronic Dis eases. Each plant to be brought into the house for winter blooming and those that have not bloomed much during the summer are best should be cut around with a narrow, sharp spade, or so lie other sharp, thin tool, so as to leave a ball ot e irt'a that cau be remov ed with the plant and pla-.-ed in tbe pot. It will be seen that it is r.easary to determine the size of the tall pretty accura.ely, since it is uot to be reduced afier removal. If there is reason to suppose that a plaut bas long roots ru li ning directly downwards, it will oe necessary to run the spade under it and cut them off, so that there s tail be no roots too long for potting. As a result of cutting about the plauis.all the roots that are shortened by the operation will make numerous young rootlets, and in a fortnight these will have fully formed, and the plants lll t-ien be ready to be placed in their pots. A plaut in the condition now described, if properly pot ed mil trea el, nill commence au active g:owtli, 8a-cely showing a sign of tbe change it bas been subjected to. The plants may be lifted any tune before Irost.and two or three weeks alter the operation of cut ting around them has been performed. The pots should be an Inch or two larger in diameter than tbe balls of earth, so that from a halt-inch to an inch of the prepared soil can be placed between the ball and tne pot. Growing Mignonette as a Tree. Choose a straight young plant; tie it to a slender suck ; keep the side shoots uipped from the lower part of the plant, but let all the single leaves re main, also the side shoots on the upper portion. When tbe flower buds form n:p them off; a multitude of oung shoots will put out after this; wl en they have grown to be three or four Inches long a few of them must te se lected, and the balance cut away. The number wiil depend on the size and strength of the plant; certainly not more than eight should be left, six would better. They must be equal distances apart, aud should be trained to a small hoop supported at the pro per Le'gl t 1 he sejoud flower buds may oe left on, but before they open a sec ond hoop must be added to the treliis, and the branches secured symmetrical ly to It. Be careful to remove every flower belore any seed pods have time to form. This system of pruning and training is to be carried on and lu the course of time tbe stems and branches will become woody and tbe 'tree" will blooai almost constantly. It takes but one inai to snow the puiity and merit of Dobbins', Electric Soap, (made by Cragln A Co., Phila delphia.' For your own interest give it tbat one trial. All grocers keep it. Chicee.v Matonxaise. Cut up toxe chickens and try them nicely in butter. Let them get cold, then tfim into good shape and put them In a covered dish with salt, pepper, oil and vinegar as for salad ; add a few pieces of onion and a little parsley. Let them stand thus two or three hours. Then drain the pieces of chicken, place them on the lettuce in your salad dish and spread a nice msyonnaise dreesingover all. Son e of the chicken when fried can be saved for tomato stuffing. A good brine to preserve any green material is made in this way : Eight pounds of salt, one galloi: of vinegar, one gallon of water, a l .mpof alum, as big as n hen's egg; use cold. Things dropped into tins brine, such as green tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers, string beans, cauliflower, etc., wiil keep till wanted to use, or for a year, taking care tr hare the brine cover the ma terial it contains. STUFrrxo for Veal. Chop half a pound ol suet, pui it in a ba in with three-quarters of a pound of bread crumbs, a teaspsonful of salt, a quar ter of pepper, a little thyme, three whole eggs, mix well. A pound of bread crumbs aud one more egg may be used ; it will make it cut firmer. If a tin teapot has become bro rn ln side.and the tea made In it tastes brick lsh, put In a little washing soda, sott soap and water, pour the water out in a pan. put In your dish-cloth an-.l wipe quickly Vour the water back and boil again ; repeat several times and it will all wipe off almost as bright as new. Snaps. Take one cup ot molasses, three-quarters of a cup of sugar, one tablespoon each of powdered cloves, cinnamon, and alspice. Add these to one-half cup of melted butter and beat in two teaspoons sod.i,and flour enough to roll. Roll very thin, cut out with a tin cutter and bake in pins in a hot oven. Cbab apple and quince jellies are really improved by adding one-third of apple to them. "Ah, how well do I remember It was in the bleak Xovember." when I caught the Cold that was wearing me surely and swiftly away; but I heard of Dr. Bull's Cough Syrup; took It, and am as well as ever. WIT AND HUMOR. He d!d not bave the right kind of face to Inspire confluence, and hi clothes looked as if they had served a third term at lea-t. "Are you the fel low who makes fun of people in the Aetc" The ne-vspaper man owned up he was "thar or tharabouts." " Well. I come to wart you. They are layin for you with clubs. They are bad." "Xot to hurt, I reckon." "Yes they are; but don't be afeared; I'm your friend. I can stave my fist through a man and walk off with him on myarm, just like he was an empty market basket." "Oh, get out." "I'm not joking. I'm your friend, and I am down on your enemies. Look here. C:m' you lend a feller a qnarter? temporarily, only, of course." "Xow, you look here. Didn't you just now sav you were my friend?" "oo I am." "You don't talk like it,but I'll take you at your word." "Jest count on me." "You say you want to help me, anJ you want to hurt mv enemies?" "That's about the size of it." "Then you go and borrow a quarter from them aud loan it to me." Adjourned. A voi'NO lady named Collins, of Quarry vllle, Lancaster county, while iu the act or getting into a hammock which was suspended about four feet from the ground, fell, striking upon her bead aud shoulders, and was ren dered unconscious. Before under taking to mount a fiery, untamed ham mock, a young lady should learn the art or swiugingon the flying trapeze, hanging by her toes from a horizontal bar, and riding a bareback horse and jumping through flour-barrel hoops. She should first try something a little more simple than getting into a ham mock. It Is just lovely to sleep In the coun try these flue mornings, with a gobbler gobbling under your window and a calf bellowing like a concert saloon baritone on tbe side of the house, while a eow, his mother, is hallooing mezzo soprano on the other, and roosters are crowing and the milkmaid is playing tambourine with the bottom ot the milk pail and drivers are going by whistling and the parrot Is yelling at tbe goat that talks back and a half dozen boys are throwing green apples on the roof to see them roll down and the landlord is swearing at his wife at the back kitchen because she has put too many mackerel to soak for "them city hogs." Tbe country is a real quiet place for cemeteries. A Scotchman has invented a new musical instrument, which combines the strains of the bag pipes, a file, ac cordion, a hand-organ, aud the tri angle. As tbe man who was daring enough to play the first one In this country was torn to pieces by an out raged public, it is not likely the instru ment will become popular outside of Scotland. Our poople prefer the music made by filing a saw or riveting a boiler. rrofllablo i'atieuta. The most wonderful and marvelous success in cases where persons are sick or wasting away from a condition of iniserableness. that no one knows what ails them, (profitable patients for doc tors, is obtained by the use or li"p Bitters. They begin to cure from the first dose and keep it up until perfect i health and strength is restored. Who ever is afflicted in this way need not suffer, when they can get Hop Hitters. Cincinnati lr. . A wealthy unstart goes to a sa'es S'abie to buy a pa r o carriage horse.-; '-Here are a sample oi fine Englh bred mares," says the proprietor. "Eng lish bred I 1 hey will not do." "Why?" "My coachman is a Frenchman." "Well." "if they were raised in Eng land they could not understand a word he said." "See here, Georgie," said a fowl ( mamma to her little son as th"y walked on tbe beach, "what a lot of nice little j round stones." "les," grumbled Georgie, as he cast a searching glauce around, "and not a- blessed thing to throw 'era at!" "1'Lt teach you to He, and s eal, and smoke, and use profane language, "said an irate Galveston parent to his eldest offspring, at tbe same time swinging a good sized sapling. "I'll teach you, you young s.-amp." "Xever mind, father, I know all them branches al ready." Vassar girls sin? : "Here's to Vas sar College, drink it down." But it can't be done. We bave heard of men drinking "old stone fence," and drink ing up a $ 10.000 property, but a man could never swallow Vassar College. The water-spout would stick in his throat, and the beauty the institution contains would intoxicate him before he had "bolted" a door. Tue last rose of summer and the first oyster ot autumn are in such close con junction that it is difficult to tell where tbe perfume of one ceases and the -ticking good flavor of the other begins. The girls have now got the business card fever and merchants are vying with each o. her in getting out attrac tive cards. We suspect collusion with the job printers on the part of the girls. And now a poet starts off with : "I love to see my darling's happy smile." Then we ask, why In the name of com mon sense he turns the light down so low ? Perhaps now he had rather feel the smile than see it. At a restaurant : "Take away the sauerkraut, there's a ha rinlt." "Mon sieur, you astonish me, I thought I had picked them all out." 'Thf.ee is one ih ngtbls rej lp, sail an old faru.er, ".has youT. always find true to the core, and that's the apple worm." A Yorxo physician asking permission or a lass to kiss ber, she replied : "No, sir; I never like a doctor's bill stuck in my face." Cuicauo girls toe la. Tbat gives more room on the sidewalk. Boston girls toe out, so as to be ready to turn a crook in the street at a second's warn ing. . Another poet comes forward and says "And i hear the hiss of a scorch ing kiss." Beats all what a man can bear if he is only meat enough to listen. There Is a good deal sa:d about the "cotton belt," but it probably refers to the velvet belt. We notice these are orn a good deal by the girls. How high Is the cat's waul ? The cat has no wall. A fence or the ridge pole of tbe woodshed answers every purpose. "Made New a rain." St. Catharines, Out. R. V. Pierce, M. D. : 1 have used your Favorite Prescrip tion, Golden Medical Discovery and Pleasant Purgative Pellets, for the last three months and find myself (what shall I say) "made n:u again." are the only words that express it. I was re duced to a skeleton, could not walk across the floor without fainting, could keep nothing In the shape of food on my stomach. Myself and friends had given up all hope, my immediate death seemed certain. 1 can uever be too thankful to those who recommended your medicine, for I now live (to the surprls of every body) and am able to do my own work. I desire to make this statement in order that those suff ering may not despair until they have given your remedies a trial, yours resp'y Mrs. Wm. D. Rtcemax. A Curious Phykat J'Amtenon.A curious nbvsical phenomenon bas been lately described br Dr. Grass! In tbe Proceedings of the Royal Institute ot L-nubardy. An apparatus is for med ol three coneeutric vessels witn au annular space about twoceutimeters betweea the first and the second, and tbe second and the third. Tbe quter space is tilled with oil, and the next with water. The oil is heated by a gas furnace to a little over 100 deg., and the water boils. Then hot oil at, for example, lo'J deg., is poured into the cenual space. This quickly cools to a temperature close to 100 deg. ur. Grissl found that tbe central oil cooled inore'rapi lly the higher the tempera ture of the outer oil; and with more delicate apparatus (la which the vapo rized water was conducted and retur ued, aud the outer oil kept at any re quired constant temperature) he arri ved at definite numerical results, which he tabulates. With the outer oil at a meat; temperature ot 129 V deg, for instance, the time of cooling of the Inner oil from 11J deg. to 110 deg. was -iv seconas; wnen tne lormer was iw i deg. the latter was 87 seconds. Alco hol aud ether gave more decided re sults. The maximum difference was obtained with ether; the outer oil be ing at 57 deg., the Inner took 35 se conds to cool from 57 deg. to 50 deg. (7 ); whereas the former being 3a 3 deg. , the latter became 33 a seconds, in all the experiments the cooling ot the inner oil commenced at a tempera ture little above the maximum or the external oil. When tbe outer oil is at a hixher temperature, at a certain point the heat begins to prevail, which is transmitted directly from the outer to the inner oil. An analogous pheno menon (to which Dr. Grassi refers) was that of some members of the Aeca- demia del Cimento, who round that tbe water in a vessel surrounded ty Ice cools more rapidly if the ice be heated to accelerate lusion. Vegktine. The great success of th Vegetine as a cleanser and purifier ol tbe blood is shown beyond a aouDt v the srreat numbers who bave taken I and received Immediate relief, wits such remarkable cures. 1'h ot graphing under teeter. The recen t ray bridge disaster naturally turned the attention of photographers to ways and means of taking photographs of the submerged carriages and girders. If the water Is clear enough ror tbe eye of tbe diver to discern the wreckage lying at the bottom, it Is also clear enough to allow of pictures forming within the camera. The Idea of pho tographing under water is not a new one, and has been frequently discussed ; but difficulties have arisen from tbe f act that photographers being unaccus tomed to divine, cannot accompany their instrument, and that the slightest sgitation ot tbe apparatus will blur aud spoil the protrait. it is therefore necessary to construct a steady apara tus, which a skillful diver may be able to manipulate. Two Scotch photo graphers have devised apparatus ans wering tbe purpose, and one ot them has taken several photographs in the i'rita ol Clyde, near Gourock. One view represents a sandy bottom, with a number ot liugli boulders shaggy with sea-weed strewed around, to gether with an old anchor. The camera is ineloted in an water-tight case, and fixed to a loaded tripo I, which is low ered into th i water. Wheu the latter has reached its position on the bottom the camera cover is withdrawn by means of a pull-cord ; but electricity cuuid be utilized for the maneuver. Apart from its value in accurately por traying submerged structures, the uew nppliauce would Le very uselul ou deep-sea exploring expeditious, for taking pictures of coral reels and other wouders of the deep. Yjt tulle Wax. In the Island of Ja va a speeles ot wax Is obtained from Ficus jHtnmiJtua, probably by drying tbe pith. '1 nia wax Is used for lights, and is manufactured In hard lumps ol a chocolate color ; it becomes sott in heat, melts at 60 deg.-70 deg. C; loses in boiling water its brown coloring matter, and becomes nearly white, it is partially dissolved in boiling alco hol, about one-third of It en'ering into solution and being deposited on cooling lu a tnatnuiillated form. Wueu trea ted with cold ether It separates in'o two parts, which are untqually solu ble. These can be isojaied by meai.s of solutions in ether and by fractional precipitations after rejeatcdand nu merous additions of alcohol. The least soluble part melts at 62 deg,, and, by analysis, it is found to have a com position which is expressed by the for mula C 11 O. With perchlorlde of phos phorus it gives a chl -ride which is in- j soluble in water. The most soluble part crystallizes in a mixture of ether and alcohol, melts at 73 d g. Its com position seems to be C U O . The de colorated wax, if submitted to a dry dis tillation, yields, among other products, a crystalline substance and an oil. The first one if crystallised in petrole um ether, forms beautiful clusters of crystals, w hlch melt at 67 deg., and form a liquid, the bollieg point ol which is 250 deg. nitricaeid irant forins It into a crystaillzable nitrate. retroUum to preserve wood. The prl mary cause of decay in wood Is the fer mentation and decomposition of the sap that is within the pores. Wood, pure and by itself, is not easily destroy ed by the ordinary agencies of nature, namely : wet and dry weather, heat aud cold, etc. If the sap within the pores can be either removed or render ed inactive, the wood may be preserved. There are several methods of doing this, such as saturating the wood with mineral salts, creosote, etc. The cheap est, easiest, and therefore the best method, seems to be to charge the wood with crude petroleum. Pine, for ex ample, is made almost water proof by saturating it with this material, and therefore made much more lasting. Crude petroleum is very cheap, and msy be applied with brush until the wo xl will take no more. In tbe appli cation, care should be tskeu to avoid accidents from fire, and not approach the work with a flame until it is dry. A u application of petroleum is especi ally valuable to much exposed wood woi k, as, for example, the shingles on buildings, which bj actual experience are fouud to be rendered much more durable. Hot a HoTerago. "They are not a beverage, but a medicine, with curative properties of the highest degree, containing no poor whiskey or poisonous drugs. They do dot tear down an already debilitated system, but build it up. Oae bottle contains more hops, tbat is, more real strength, than a barrel of ordinary beer. Every druggist in Rochester sells them, and the physicans prescribe them. Jitening Express on Hop Bitters. One drawback to the recently disco vered audiphone has been Its large cost, but M. Coiladon, of Geneva, has, after cons.derable exjerim ntinz, so simpli fied and cheapened the instrument, that a serviceable audiphoue can now be purchased for fifty centimes, instead of titty francs, the former priee. He substitues a variety of tbln pasteboard for lhe hardened rubber heretofore used. "It's growing m right rapidly. My head can now be seen l,lke other heads, in silken locks. Thanks to my Carbounk." "My umbrella Is' getting decidedly shabby," said a young man about town one evening last wet k. - "I believe I will bave to s:nke another prayer meet ing the fiist rainy night." Jh,e teredo R ival.i Vu s timber for food, aud not to form aburrow. It eats the small chips which It rsmoyea. g.t- - - i . iiuklr.lrAnerS. tendered from want of exercise, by fakmg Simmon,' Liver Regulator It U a harmless vegetable fon numbers who have tried it will conn denUv aUrt that it is the best remedy humors of the blood. 'S,' restores the kidneys to healthy 'action and drives out the despondency and Zo. or ill health. The pa"7'nf feels a. If he had taken a ne w lease oT lite, and Is overjoyed ressed feeling dissipated, the costive habits corrected and new streams of health coursing through bis veins. "Simmons' Liver Regulator is a very valuable remedy for Dyspepsia, Sick Headache, Torpid Liver, Constipa tion, Piles and such like diseases. "W. S. Holt, President of S. . R. Co., of Georgia. " Tho IMcw Told Mo to take a blue pill, bat I didn't, for I had al ready been ptiaoued twice by mercury, lhe drn.uist toid me to try Kidney-Wort, and I did. it wu just too thing for my biUonaueao tnd eoneipton, and I uo am an well a ..ao A ifniiivlfs Yegetine. Bore to He tHan Gold. iLTOLa, Masa , March T..1590. 1 wmo"S, you what ;'?,T.S forme. 1 have been troubled wlin ETyiMpenw Sainor (or more than W year, la myUrnnd other parts oi my body. a.Kl hae boej Pat wn.rir. I nmencd UKlnif Valine one rear airo la Angus, and can truly a T it Je JonelSrVtorme .han .r JSi seem to 0 perfidy free Irom this h and can recommend It to every uie. ould loot b without ihm meUlclne 'Us more to me than goli-ind I teei it U prove a blessing toothers as 11 has to me. . Yours, most respefall J. BENTLEY. H-ID., says z t kae doae naoro cood tbaa saetfl eal SroAtaoeaS. kkwmabkkt, ouu. Fsb. t, use. Mr. H. R. frrsTEMK, bwton, Masa.- Sir I have sold 00x117 the pstyrs con (lderable quantity ol your Vtgetlne. and I be ueve. In all oases it tas frtvea a lUJaoilon. la one e iiw, a delicate young tody of about It T-ars wo much b-neOted by Its use. Her pa rem infotiued mo that It had done bar mors cood thaa all the muval treatment 10 vhlfifc aha had previously been subjected. yours. P'.,..1SXLKTM.D, Loudlj in its Praise. Toronto, Ont., March s, isss. H. R. PrrrsKa. Buxton: Dear sir lUnaldermir the short time that VegeUne has been before tbe l abile here. It Belt wen as a blond eurtder. and lor irouM-s arhtlng from a slucglsh or torpid liver It is a nrst-ciass medicine. Our customers speak loudly la Its piuBo. J. WBIGHT S CO., Cor. Queen and Elizabeth Streets. Vesetine. rurABBD ST H. SI- STEVES , Bwtn, Ma Vegetine is Soil bv all Druggists. 0 0 KUBMra The accumulated evi.it 11. e of nearly thlrtv years show thit th" Bitters U a certain remedy for m:lar!al dloea.se. aa well as Its surest pre ventive ; that It eradicate- dynpepsla, c ntl ratioo, liver complaint and nervoiianess. count eracts a tendency to gout, rheumatism, orlnary and niertne dl-orders, mat H tor ana vigor 10 the teeble, and cheers the mind v hilo it lnvigo ra" tue body. ror sale by all Prasrirlsta and Dealers veneraliy. P HOP BITTERS (A Hediclae, aoS a, Drink.) C03TAT5S nors, Brnir, mandrake, DANDEIJOM, A-fl m TrT aaro Bwr MrT.TrLQr ATI tiks ur au. oraas BiTraaa. TIIKY CUliK AH Tl!Wmr of th"Wofrmrh. Bowrln. Plnod. J,iTcr. kidney. and rnnury-onrann. Nt Tuumwis. Slrf pieiwtanl eptiall; Fetikalt CasmrtLaJnu- 8IOOO IN COLD. - wm be pid for m rw they win not rare ocJ BCip.or sot wuiiK impure writtjuritta. found la Lb em. Atkyrmr drapiMftt for B"! Bitter aM try Lbem before joa alctrp. Take ttier. D I.C. lwanaWliirendlTTeMwrltrrTTrvfor DroakeuucM. use of plum, ubavcaal narcotics. Skxd fob Ciectlab. 1 GEORGE ACHELIS WoaS kMrr. CkimSrr S'MMy , )ak. Ffaa ! a fnll liar rf M'K-KKY sTlit-k.to kana. tptialtiea fr til. fmii rtallnklpi C-. AppI. Pmh Ld Sltrrrj' Irm. mtBO.I'loato in ir ana will uuai.titM, OffTtpfltHtn. m t if .1 M 1 I 1 0 f S I P.O MCKI A HAS and nMaiati rrte. Addraoa CSI. Anciuta. Ma. mm IB b- a All t4w sold tw JiwtoK He Vkptw Mir. C.. R vSmW, N. T.. A 1 CssBwawjaflaaaavj or wM few JnnWK I . B vSW, y. t.. A Trm to. Awt. I KHJHEY DISEASES. -c .BSJffi?!!?5 I Vy OMvaeef mmwr.mnm-r aawtaa aaak aa kwjawan Smmt.mtvtS,wtMZlJfa-"'"" in 90mm yakMfrvaAleaolla bum, whtTw TH-S! -"" vdwa.- m m, snnrrr-woBT. tni katti awiLiTMMaTi t? VT T TS M nmw iWAoiyatyAWT- TH. iMtiltal auinanl flw WerWa IMdmit aad lavalitto' aava aanaany Dea treated. jwuy WEAKNESSES PECVUAR TO FE3XALES. 1 rTeacrrDUaa la a afVBMkBsrWI SArivm rsM mm - - - - m . . " : .aVTi wh,Tu'SrL'Si 21522L "a "J; P r-cHpti. h wort 7u. T hr iZi.VV"' .,hV- wM BIIBOT IBMiinilB H IB riMlthBd ! al i waa adnadrm uutnt trota alwriaewoaNra, liii!T?X52z2,,$z',W?mmr "Prve jwars ara I iinr- in irwnir i wiiiiBtau The Only Remedy that Acta at the aaa Ttaw la Lhrer. Tts Bawtls and Th j ridssnu Ja4s 60OVVM9 ocvion owi h woadtfrrat tmrr to CUTKUt diuvn. - . . . 1 . -11 Why Ae We Sick? . Ia m miiam tktm ortai Oram to U-l Itxn m UitftftTS farctd into tks iLadJ . . . . . - 1 n s, PUea. Camtiaatio. IuJ .lata aa DlaeaM. Haas- bt cami1 jr actum V''"??' WkTkanVrllilloaapalaaaa aratal I " .1 t-J -Ilk Pilaa. raaatimtltml Vhreadara hitwi orairk aradachatl Way have aleealeiai alcatal VtS wuk r ana rr mi litaWL II is a dry, wtalU compound nui s-i nitir" -" 1 I ' u - Dptwrufi Aa aiil anLi it b v Wnryem. Pries, W I WTUt r Barltaot . Vl 3 WELCOyaECHOStl'M. (Jl.r Bv W. . TlL'en lor IHKQ Schools. Just our. bo4i BE1X8) pocia.) By L. U. Kmt-nmn. j t out; orOommoo scliO'le. Vt kite Kofcea. (SO cm.) lor ouuaav bcuxoih. PARLOR 0BGA2T ISSTRUOTION BOOK (fl.MI). By A. X. Johnson. Is ont of S'nt ahead of any others In teaching- betfnnerH on heed organ, bo h secular and sacred music. Suuctar School. Temperance. Gospel aal 11 ma music. All teachers lake to It at unce. CHOIRS AST) SIUGISQ CLASSES 3 will not fnnret onr three superior bonks : VslesafWartkla.l l.b; LO. Emerson: ToaBflot'.,by w u. rvrkm.-,and He hots tor tlBlB Clae. v cents;, by A. N. jobn-on. CHOIRS will ter ABthean Beka thuM ur 3 AMERICAS ASTHK.M BOOK (l.Strt, bv John son, Terinev and Abbey, or .MKK.ov9 AN THEM BOOK (S1). by t. O. Emerson, or . AN I BEX HARP (St ). oy W. O. Perkins. TEXrEBAXlE PEOPLE will k anr tm 3TKMPEBAXCK JEWBI-S (S3 etsA hy Tenner A Hoffman: orTKMi-fc.KA.NrK LIi.iiT t c. by llusit A Servos ; or Ht'LLS TEMfE - HANt fc. tLEK BOOK, (40cfa). Specimen copies ot any book mailed for above prices. Oliver Ditson & Co., Boston, j. E. Brnox. ro, IM Wtre. tfilualril- ENCYCLOPEDIA TIOUETTEIBUSINESS Tlva tbo tit apt acj only roBisUte ar.d rtia tl work cut C-MinU mini Jlui a- mjmt S;mM finna. It t11 if-w to frforu all the arinadtf !. life, ami bow to appottr to lbs baa airatag ao atl orcarna. AsEN Si W AXTKD.Send for circnUra eon tain fauia fall da-enatlon - t th work itti extra torn u Ag-au. Addre SATIoNAl. r I IiL.lsUi.Si CO., in.Uulb a. Pa. SAPONIFIER telkaOM Bailable CoaaaetrataS Lfe for WkM FLY SOAP MAKING. Pirectioa arajmpMy ak ea for maklax Hard. Sttft mod Tlle vSis. It la tali vraigal mad Mr-airUk. JBJSK FOR HAPONiriEIW AND TAKE NO OTBIB. nsuB'A BAIT MAxvrm c pbhab a MAKE HENS LAY. Aa Btnllla ataraaiT Barfaoa aa4 C beta HI, ae am valine a tbiacoantr7atbBU aaoatof me Hare aad Oattla Pewdare bare are worrbteaa Craaa. Ha aavetxat fbertdaa Cand tMo FowOera ara aaea loialj aera aai tmmeaaely Tavluai t. Saib'ag aa earth iU sake baua la 7 like Vberrdaaa ivaditioa Peadera. aa f-haota W an- pi at af feed, bald every v bare- or eenr b rr all for wight lecea Aaaae. L ft. JO it A SOU A CO., Iuin, He. CAS BAKE S3 PER deAT Belelua; oar caw Platform Family Sct!s Wrif be er-raHT to 35 Ba Ita h tDdaume eper.nce er-ti it at pifht ru b a--Ke-er Retail ncr $a Oih r taiTy Kaj-a weibai.tf 2 lbe. can uot b bo ebt f"T Vfm tl.a-i Ai. A rair Baiaa far Affefta. k.ie afie terrfu ry Term ana r- a a eJ. rjr r nl . acent . end for aaritcaUra. fn.it KSTiC bCALK CO., 17 W aa fera-t. Ciaclnaeii. Ottio. EM Apis! Mail at a P:ett ; eoar aior.e I- will .u. A. jt'RTOM A TO., 5 CwDo.erca St.. Pbtia-, Pa. A LLEI) Brala Faaal rarea 9-rraaa lbi'Jt J aaJ Wvafcitve- if 4ftrative Organ. Si ll dria-vtaie. Sand for C Ire alar to Aliea a Pbaritiacf A1A f iret Aaaa.T. RUPTURE Relier.4 and cartfl wlthAt the tnjary trnwa-etti Let, kr Pr J. A. SIIEKM AS S inlfiu US ttil B txd.sr. New Turk. UiKk""k,witktHl. r.p. I -" keacaMkalun and allrr ca.,aia.lL for cai.ta. 1881. FREE. 1881. The ILLUSTRATED GOLDKM PRIZE"" fr.r 1I is now ready. Tbseh ic int book contains about fine engravlncw. A specimen copy will he sent free lo any one In the I'nl'ed St iiei on receipt if a thrve-ct- nt atamn to prepay post age on uie b:ok. Agenta wanted. AaJresa F. GLEASON A CO. 4 Cummer street. Boston. 1 MOCTHSONTRIALIorSthree-crnt stamp. ' Tna Pkorts' Jocknal. Hag rstovrn. Md. LL PKKSOMS W Mr- t i. i-ntt'i, atort. o 1 1 Tath.r -inil !-.oul r,ann.ri "Ima hi, MASHA1TAM AUKNCi Broadw.r. ,tw York City. call' 1S1 TUB RSSASIA FOB BOOH AVFSTW. IS erlllt. w two !pl!aiftly UlnMranw Booka. Lit-, of GEN. HANCOCK. r"rHr-.'"H,,r JOB W. FORNEY "f -LT.i l?t k.My erv4..n4 by Smral lumk, tba 5"vjy Sewr r.l t . ittw. .!. Lit. ot . ... . mum atwja.l fn-tid,a. J. a. B B I.-HI S i .o ...h r f .J leerity , aUn trBgly nHtorvod. Bald alSrlalL miDH-itlr popular, -elhnff nttr IU-14JW .k rwr oat b-.k. m.i it-rniw. n.Mre. airk. i. uanr i r. l.u. -- -- HlSBAKb BKO3, JJ3 i'li-.raul Si . ehiua.,'.ia. pm. C BT RICH Mlia ir knlwrManrtud I Samrm fiw. t o. A Bit II. l -tlu. .ad Mas la. $100 iSrP"" FDR 50a flPERA CLASSES, w M kroeceaea. Tbermometer!i, Xf OKaaaa. Baactaclea, Bairmetera a Greo.e Rtdmmd IVaeaa. R. & J. BECK. . Baonfaernrine Oatieiana, Philadelphia. . Man.ja f..r illa-trat Catalocua af Ui aaaiTv J ELGIN WATCHES I 11 A'' I4, Sil V. !. Ch.lB.. . aaaa.mliicl. Wrii silver aad Kickrl. te. . wit c. n. . a. . . . . .V.-- " "w? inr aralo.fiA tn WATCH Thowa M.nc aa ortiaemeB wit . . -t. m woverUMr ad the i ratr. -"1 lTii Tt-Mf? ady wiw a v a- AJ w mrcrusn 11' sTi L,"r" .v". v.Tarioj Bllloaaao TUB Best Music Mi omt tiww wisssssa a.H.. BaBW--al-awaTawl eaienraM Aw lu auay and remaiaauiai LT?;?"1?" aiiki aaauri W aaa the laluir