r
B. F. SCHWEIER,
THE 005STITTJTI05 THE TJBTOJT ABD TEE E5T0E0EKEHT OP TEE LAWS.
Editor and Proprietor.
VOL. XXXIV.
MIFFLINTOWN, JUNIATA COUNTY, PENNA., WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 25, 1S80.
NO. 35.
BE OF GOOD CHEER.
Though tangled hard life's knot ma; be.
And wearily we me it.
The eileiit touch of Father Time
Some day will rare undo it
Then, darling, wait ;
Nothing is late
In the light that shines forever.
We faint at heart, a friend U gone ;
We cbafe at the world's harsh drilling ;
We tremble at Borrow on every aide.
At the myriad ways of killing,
Tet say we all.
If a sparrow fall.
The Lord keepeth coUDt forever.
He keepeth count We come, we go.
We speculate, toil and falter ;
Bat the measure to each of weal and woe
God only can give or alter.
He sendeth light.
He sendeth night
And change goes on forerer.
Whv net take life with cheerful trout
With faith in the strength of weakness t
The slenderest daisy reus its luai
With courage, vet with meekness.
A snnnr face
Hath holy grace.
To woo the sun forever.
Forever and ever, my darling, yes
Goodness and love are undying ;
Only the troubles aud cares of earth
Are winged from the first for flying.
Our way we plough
In the farrow "now !"
Bet after the tilling and growing the sheaf ;
Soil for the root, bat the son for the leaf
And God keepeth watch forever.
In A Mud Puddle.
"Uncle, may I ride Milo?" I said, one
bright June morning, as be sat at the breakfast-table.
"Ride Milo!" said he.
"es,"saidl. "It's such a fine day."
'But he'll thow you!" said my uncle.
"Throw me !" and v I laughed merrily
and incredulously. "Say yes, dear uncle,"
I continued, coaxingly ; "There's no fear,
and i am dying for a canter."
"You'll die on a canter, then," he re
torted, with his grim wit, "for hell break
your neck. The horse has only been rid
den three times twice by myself, aud
once by Joe."
"But you've often said I was a better
rider than Joe." Joe was the stable-boy.
"That's a good uncle, nov do." And I
threw my arms about his neck and kissed
hint
I knew by experience that when I did
this I general carried the day. My uncle
tried to look stern, bat I saw he was re
lenting. He made a last effort to deny
"Why not take Dobbin t" said he.
"Dobbin!" I cried; "old snail-paced
Dobbin, on such a morning as this f . One
might as well ride a rocking-horse at
once.' . .
"Well, well," said he, "if I must, I
must Youll tease the life out of me if
I don't let yoa have your own way. 1
wish vou'd cct a husband, you minx!
You're growing beyond my control."
"Humph! a husband! Weli, since you
say so, I'll begin to look out for one to
day." -He'll soon repent of his bargain," said
my ancle ; but his smile belied his words.
'You're as short as pie-crust if you cant
have your own way. There." seeing I was
alvuit tn snrak. "ifo and eet ready, while
I tell Joe to saddle Milo. You'll set the
house afire if I don't send you off."
MJj was soon at the door a gay met
tlesome colt, that laid his ears back as I
mounted, and gave me a vicious look that I
did not quite like.
"Take care," said my uncle. '"It's not
too late yet to give it up."
I was piqued.
"I never gave up anything," I 6aid.
' "Not even the finding of a husband,
eh!"
"No," said L "I'll ride down to the
poorhouse and ak old Tony, the octoge
narian pauper, to have me; and you'll be
forced to hire Polly Wilkes to cook your
dinners."
And as I said this my eyes twinkled
mischievously ; for uncle was an old bach
elor, who detested all strange women, and
had an especial aversion to Polly Wilkes, a
sour old maid of forty-seven, -tiecause years
ago she had plotted to entrap him into ma
trimony. .' Before he could reply I gave
lUlo his head.
John Gilpin, we are told, went fast, but
I went faster. It was not long before the
colt had it all his own way. At first 1
tried to check his speed, but he got the bit
in his mouth, and all I could do was to hold
on, and trust to tiring him ouU Trees,
fences and houses went by like wild pigeons
on the wing. As long as the road was
clea we did weU enough, but suddenly
coming to an old oak tree that started out
spectre-like from the edge of a wood. Milo
shied, twisted half round, and planted his
forefeet stubbornly in the ground, i uiu
not know I was falling till I felt myself in
a mud-hole, which lay at one side of the
road.
Here was a fine end to my boasted
horsemanship! But as the mud was soft
I was not hurt, and the ludicrous spectacle
I presented soon got the upper hand of my
vexation.
"A fine chance I have of finding a hus
band in this condition," I said to myself,
recalling my jest with my uncle. "If I
could find some mud dry now, and pass
myself off for a mud nymph, 1 might have
a chance," and I began to pick myself up. I
"Shall I help you, miss?" suddenly said (
a rich, manly voice.
1 looked up. and saw a young man, the
suppressed merriment of whose bright eyes
brought the blood to my cheeks and made
me Tor an instant ashamed and angry. Hot
cglandngagamatmydresslcould
help laughing in spite of myself. I stood
in the mud at leasts inches
. f m Mr riding skirt was
"J .. ..most
plastered all
over, so xna u
;,.w.:v.i tn toll nf what it
, was maac. ni-i
handsand arms were mud to the elbows,
for I had instinctively extended them as 1
n : tn hreak the falL
The young man a. he .poke, turned to I
the neighboring fence, and taking the top !
rail, he placed it across the puddle; then,
putting his arm around my waist, be lifted
me out, thought not without leaving my
shoes behind. While be was fishing these !
out, which he began immediately to do, I
stole behind the enormous oak to hide my
blusliing face and scrape the mud from my
riding skirt j
"Pray let me see you home," he said.
"If you wiU mount again I'll lead the colt,
and there will be no chance of his repeat
ing his trick."
I could not answer for shame, but when
in the saddle murmured something about
"not troublinz him.''
'It's no trouble not the least," he re
plied, standing hat in hand like a knight
cavalier, and still retaining his hold on the
bridle; "aud I can't really let you go
alone, for the colt is as vicious as he can
be to-day. Look at his ears, and his red
eyes! I saw you coruuig down the road,
and expected you to be thrown every min
ute till I saw how well you rode. "or
would it have happened if he had not
wheeled and stopped, like a trick horse in a
circus."
I cannot tell bow soothing was this grace
ful way of excosng my mishap. I stole a
glance under my eyelids at the speaker,
and saw that he was very handsome' and
gentlemanly, and apparently about aix-and-twenty,
or several years older than my
self. I had hoped that uncle would be out in
the fields overlooking the men ; but as we
entered the gate I saw him titling, prwok-
ingly, at the open window ; and by the
time I had sprung to the ground he came
out, his eyes brimful of mischief. I did
not dare to stop, but turning to my escort,
said, "My uncle, sir; won't you walk in?"
and then rushed up stair.
Ia about half an hour, just I had dressed,
there was a knock at my door my uncle's
knock; I could not but open. lie was
laughing a low, silent laugh, his portly
body shaking all over with suppressed men
ment "Ah ! ready at last," he said. "I began
to despair of you, you were so Ions, aud
c&meto h tsten you. He's waiting in the
parlor still," he said, in a malicious whis
per. "You have my consent, for I like
him very well ; ouly who'd have thought
of finding a husband in mud puddle
I slipped past my tormentor, preferring
to face even my escort than to run the
gauntlet of my uncle's wit and was soon
stammering my thanks to Mr. Templeton
for as such my uncle, who followed me
down, introduced him.
To make short of what else would be a
long story, what was said in jest turned
out to be in earnest for in less than six
months I became Mrs. Templeton. -How
it all came about I hardly know, but I cer
t&inly did find a husband ou that day.
Harry, for that is the name by which I
call Mr. Templeton, says that I entered the
the parlor so tranformed, by my light blue
muslin Coal in; about me so like a cloud-
wreath, my curls ' playing such hide-and-seek
about my face, that, not expecting
such an apparition, he lost his heart at
once.. He adds for he knows how to
compliment as well as ever that my gay,
intelligent talk, so different from the de
mnrre miss he bad expected, completed the
business. ' .
Harry was the son of an old neighbor,
j who hod been abroad for three years, and
before that had been at college, so that I
bad never seen him ; but uncle remembered
him "at once, and insisted ou his staying un
til I cme down, though Harry, from deli
cacy, would have left after be inquired
about my health. My uncle was one of
those who will not be put off, aud so Harry
remained 'Hhe luckiest thing," he says,
"he ever did."'
Milo is now my favorite steed, for Harry
broke him for me, and we are happy as the
day is long, uncle included ; for uncle in
sisted on our living with him, and I told
him at last I would consent "11 only to
keep Polly Wilkes from cooking bis din
ner." To which be answered, looking at
Harry, "You see what a spitfire it Is; and
you may bless your stars if you don't rue
the day she went out to find husljand.'
w Crop Keparta.
The truth crop is fair to average, but so
mixed with saccharine sentimentality as
to be next to worthless. - '
The yield of verbosity this year will be
surprisingly large, but that ofcreduality
shows a corrcf ponding falling off.
The hop and malt crops in liquid form,
are large, but fears are expressed that
there will be a famine before election is
over. Grain dealers however, still keep up
their spirits, and the fears may be useless.
The newspaper clip will be tremendous
between this and November, and there
will be more scissors than wheat ground,
the knowing ones say.
The lawyer harvest will be largely
swelled by graduates from the colleges,
mrt fullv un to the demand. Prime lots,
however, will continue to comumuu g
prices. Middling to poor will be neglected
more than ever.
The beat yield is fully up to the average.
This has long been looked on as a safe
Cabbage heads will command a good
price at election time. The yield is inex
haustible. The chicken crop is a full one. .
Indian corn(or corned whisky) promises
well.- Several loads of whisky have been
sent over the frontier.
Hair raising on the plains w.u siso "
quite lively.
The citv corn crop is the sole dependence
of theoehiropodist By Judicious pruning,
the eld stock is perennial,
i Tli barber's crops are
rather short,
owing to the extreme neat
ti. .tin nf the coin Qfuaser
Increases
with the dust, and . wet weather has no
dampeningeffect upon it
Iron is the ioreinw uiuf -i
Staples are generally made of it
The acrea-e of tears sown in small
boy's trousers has increased wonderfully
of vacation. -
ir.i j (ui, m inxn broadcast There 4
appears no falling off in this branch of
farming..: ;- ; ,
Rve is running down last
Clover is plentiful at the beaches, where
people are Uvin in it 'i."vj
The ycung ladies are Studying husband-
The crop of, grievance U - abundant
sever. . . .... .
Shaving Clients.
The other day a tall young man, dressed
in a tight fitting. long-tailed bioad-cloth
coat, with pants to match, stood up in
Judge Denison'i court, at St Louis, and
argued a case for client in a logical kind
of way. The lawyers who sat around were
inclined to smile at the efforts of the young
man to swing the jury, but he paid atten
tion to no one. His rather long legs and
arms he kept moving as be made a clear
analytical statement of the facts in the case,
while to give color and effect to his re
marks, be held the right finger of the right
band extended at times pointing it at bis
client and then at parlies on the other side.
There was something about the yoang man
that attracted the attention of an old court
attendant who ventured to ask who he
was.
A lawyer old in the business and, like
too many eager to run down the effort of a
new aspirant for legal honors, said: "That
fellow i Why he's barber. He works
in a shop down on the corner of Sixth and
Wath street"
A man who happened to hear this state
ment, upon the first opportunity asked the
young attorney described above if he really
was a barber. His answer was as direct as
his speech to the jury. It was in the
words of Bums, and was something about
a man for all that
"You're a barber and yet practicing law, i
how comes that?"
"I'll tell you," the young man said.
"1 have studied law for three years. But
when I began 1 was very poor and had a
young wife to care lor and had to work ,
and study too. I learned to shave people
when I was a boy, and the last three years
I have done work in a barber shop on Sat
urday nights and Sundays."
What did yon do during the week"
interrupted the man.
"I got a lot of bills to collect for several
parties, and 1 used what spare time I had
in trying to collect tbem. 1 made a little
money in that way, but it was hard work,
lull you."
"If you worked like this, what time did
you get to study I"
"1 studied at night, reading sometimes
until way in the morning."
'Is this your Brat case i "
"Oh, no. Sir.ce I have been reading
law 1 have appeared in thirty-five cases and
won all of theiu but one.' Of course, none
of them were important cases, and nearly
all of them were iu justice of the peace or
police courts."
"I suppose your brother lawyers often
laugh at you for practicing the law and the
lonsorial profession at the same time ?"
"They do. They klugh at me all the
time. Didn't you notice them laughing
this morning?" I did; I notice everything
that's going on. But their laughing doesn't
bother me in the least. I work at the
barber's trade still and its an honest calling
I am not ashamed to' acknowledge it.
Several young friends of mine have advised
me to give up the barber business but I
can't afford it j not yet I did quit collect
ing some time ago, and in a little while
I'll quit shaving people's faces and do noth
ing but shave clients.
The young man boils from San Antonio,
Texas.
Two Dying Holillerm.
The Reverend had been an army chap
lain during the war, and while we were
hunting for a road that would lead to
Hamilton he told a story about two dying
soldiers which interested me in spite of my
feet He said that in the Potomac hospi
tals rough pine coffins were furnished by
Government, but that it was not always
possible to keep up with the demand ; so,
when a man died, if there was no coffin at
band he was buned without one. One
night late, two soldiers lay dying in a
ward. A man came in with a coffin on
his shoulder, and stood trying to make up
bis mind which ot these two poor fellows
would be likely to need it first. Both of
these begged for it with their fading eyes
they were past talking. - Then one of
tbem protruded a wasted band from liis
blankets and made a feeble beckoning sign
with the fingers, to signify, "Be a good
fellow; put it under my bed please." The
lucky soldier painfully turned himself in
his bed until he faced the other warrior,
raised himself partly on his elbow, and be
gan to work up a mysterious expression of
some kind in his face. Gradually, irk
somely, but surely and steadily it develop, .-d,
and at last it took definite form as a pretty
successful wink. The sufferer fell back
exhausted with bis labor, but bathed in
glory. Now entered a personal friend of
No. 2, the despoiled soldier. .No. 2 pleaded
with him with eloquent eyes, till presently
he understood, and removed the coffin from
under 'u. 1" !.:! n 1 rif it under No.
2's. .No. 'i luuicaied liis joy, and made
some more signs; the friend understood
again, and put his arms under JKo. 2's
shoulders and luted him partly up. i hen
the dying hero turned the dim exultation
of his eye on o. 1, and began a slow and
labored work with his hands ; gradually he
lifted one hand up toward bis face ; it grew
weak and dropped back again ; once more
he made the effiit, but failed again. He
took a rest ; be gathered all the remnant of
his strength, aud this -time be slowly but
surely carried his thumb to the side of nis
nfise, spread the gaunt lingers wide in tri
umph, and dropped back dead. That pic-
ture sticks by me yet
The "situation" is
unique.
A Fashionable Woman Prayer.
Strengthen mv husband and may his
faith and his money hold ont to the last
Draw the lamb s wool of unsuspicious
twilit'ht over his eyes, that flirtation may
look to him like victories, ami that my bills
may strengthen his pride in me.
Bless, oiu f.-rtune, my crimps, rats ana
frizzles, and let thy glory sliine on my paint
and powder.
- Enable the poor to shift for themselves
and save me from all mi&ionary beggars.
Shed the light of thy countenance on my
camel's hair shaw l, my lavender silk, my
point lace and mv necklace of diamonds.
and keep the moth out of my sables, I be
seech thee, oh, fortune!
When I walk out before the gaze of vul
gar men, regulate my wriggle and add new
grace to trait
When 1 bow myself to worship, grant
that 1 may do it with ravishing elegance
and preserve unto the last the lily white of
mv flesh and the taper of my angers.
Destroy my enemies with the gall of
jealousy and eat up with the teeth of envy
all those who gaze at my style. '
Save me from wrinkles and foster my
plumpers.
Fill both my eyes, oh fortune ! with the
plaintive poison of infatuation, that 1 may
lav out mv victims the men as numb-
as images graven.
Let the hly and the rose strive together
on my cheek, and may my neck swim like
a goose on the bosom of crystal water.
Enable me, oh. fortune I to wear shoes
still a little smaller, and save me from
corns and bunions.
Bless Fanny, my lap-dog, and rain down
hailstones of destruction on those who shall
hurt a hair of Hector, my kitten.
Smile, oh, fortune! mnet sweetly upon
Dick, my canary, and watch with the fond
ness of spirit over my two lily white
mice with red ryes.
Saoeeee With Small fruits."
"1 just rolled out here from the grocery
store," said the little green apple as it
paused on the sidewalk for a moment's
chat with the banna peel ; "I am waiting
here for a boy. Not a small, weak deli
cate boy," added the, little green apple,
proudly, "but a great big ioy, a great
bulky, strong, leather-lunged, noisy fifteen
year older, and little as 1 am you will see
me double up that boy to night anil make
him wail and bowl and yell. Oh, I'm
small, but I'm good for a ten acre field of
boys and don't you forget it All the boys
in Burlington," the little green apple went
on with just a shade of pitying contempt
in its voice, "couldn't fool around me as
any one of tbem foo's around banana."
"Boys seem to be your game," drawled
the banana peel, lazily ; "well, I suppose
they are just about string enough to afford
you a little amusement For my own
part, I do like to take somebody of my
size. Now here comes the kind of a man
usually do business with. He is large
and strong, it is true, but "
And just then a south Hill merchant.
who weighs about 231 pounds when he
feels right good, came along, and the ba
nana peel just caught bim by the foot,
lifting him as high as the awning post,
turned him over, banged him down on a
potato basket, flattening it out until it
looked like a splint doormat, and the shock
jarred everything loose in the show-win
dow. And tnen while the fallen merchant
from various quarters of the globe, fished
bis silk bat from the gutter, bis spectacles
from the cellar, bis handkerchief from the
tree-box, bis cane from the show-window
and one of his shoes from the eaves trough,
and a Utile boy ran for the doctor, the Ut
ile green apple blushed red and shrank a
little back out of sight covered with awe
and mortification.
Ah," it thought, "I wonder if I can
ever do that f Alas, how vain I was, and
yet how poor and weak and useless I am
in this world."
But the banana peel comforted it and
bade it look up and take heart, and do well
what it had to do, and labor for the good
of the cause in its own useful sphere.
'True," said the banana peel, "you can
not lift up a 200 pound man and break a
cellar door with him, but you can give
him the cholera morbus, and if you do
your part the world will feel your power.
and the medical colleges will call you
blessed."
And then the little green apple smiled
and looked up with-graicful blushes on its
face and thanked the banana peel for iti
encouraging counsel. And that very night
an old lather, who writes thirteen hours a
day, and a patient mother who was almost
ready to sink from weariness, and a nurse
and a doctor sat up until nearly morning
with a thirteen vear old boy, who was all
twisted up into the shape of a figure three
while all the neighbors on that block sat
up and listened and pounded their pillows
and tried to sleep and wished that the boy
would cither die or get well.
And the bttle green apple -was pleased.
and its last words weie, "At least I have
been of some little use in this great, wide
world."
The Gunner's Daughter.
That the custom of flogging 'midship
men once prevailed in the British navy is
an indubitable fact The offending ''reefer"
was taken to the forward gun, tied over
the breech, spread eagle fashion, and the
flagellation administered. This . practice
never existed in the I ntted states navy,
although we copied, in its earlier day.
much that was objectionable from the
English service; such as rudeness to infer
iors mast-heading and even striking the
younger officers ; but, I am r lad to cay,
few instances of the latter outrage are on
record.
The "yarn" which I am about to spin is
of rather an amusing nature, and relates to
the personal experience of one of my old
fellow 'middies," which was not very dif
ferent from the pleasant practice alluded
to.' A number of years ago never mind
bow manv, as at least one of the parties is
still alive while several 'midshipmen were
enjoying themselves socially at a tavern at
Norfolk, Va., one of them, Pat M ,
took offense at some remark by a little
lame fellow who was captain's, or purser's
clerk, 1 forget which, and threatened to
throw him down stairs.
"O, no: you wont do that, Pat," said
Jack N .
'Yes I will, too," replied the irate reefer
making hostile demonstration.
"Stop, Fat," exclaimed Jack, who was
a noble creature, as brave as be was gener
ous, "let me talk to you ; the act would do
you no credit, he is small and lame. Let
us take a drink and pass it over.
'o, sir; 1 will not hat business ft
yours is it anyhow ? Perhaps you wish to
take his place?" vociferated Pat.
I only wish to prevent you from doing
a very foolish and ungentlemanly act wUcb
you would be sorry tor afterwards," said
Jack, calmly.
So, sir, exclaimed Pat, growing hot
ter every minute. "I will throw him
down stairs, unless you wish to take his
place."
There was a perceptible sneer in tbe
latter part of this remark whick aroused
the slumbering lion in Jack N .
Very well, sir," he said sternly, draw
ing himself np to his full height before the
other, ''let the lame boy alone and consider
me in his place; now, iieave ahead.
l'at was brave ; be proved it in the late
Confederate service during one of the
hardest fought battles of the war ; but the
s.tuiUion was changed ; there was a great
difference between Tommy J and Jack
N . Still he was defied and it behooved
bim to act promptly.
'So, sir, he replied; "I shall send you
a message.
"All right, old boy," was the cheerful
response.
Of course every one anew what this
meant Seconds were quietly chosen and.
not to mar the festivities, further arrange
ments were deferred until the next day.
Blakely C , one of the most gentlemanly
officers of his day, was Jack's second and
promptly at the hour next morning be was
with bis principal, m a private parlor of
the hotel to await Pat's representative.
After a considerable delay the latter ar
rived and sent up hid card. I have forgot
ten his name, but he was a man of good
sense and proper feeling. Blake received
bim courteously, and instead of delivering
a challenge, be commenced by expressing
his own regret that so foolish a quarrel
should have occurred. His overtures were
generously met half-way, and aa neither
for a moment doubted the other's courage.
the matter was amicably settled. Pat was
sent for, tbe boys shook hands and pledged
each other in trench a celebrated juleps.
Bat this is not the end of mv "yarn
If it was, it would scarcely have been
worth "reeling off." Pat's after expert
ence, not with the "gunners daughter '
but with tbe "captain s widow" was the
amusing sequeL There lived in Norfolk at
tbe time an old lady usually calldd "Aunt
Polly," whose husband had been a sea-cap
tain, and who kept a boarding-house for
midshipman. Officers of a higher grade
she never entertained, but tbe "middies"
were hex special pet ; the scolded and
indulged them to their heart's content
Sometimes she inflicted severer discipline,
it is said, by a sharp cut or two with her
"persuader when they tried her too far ;
at which the youngsters only laughed, of
course. This instrument was a red cow
hide, kept for the colored servants. Jack
N was a great favorite with the old
woman, wro somehow or other, bad got
wind of tbe proposed duel and was in an
unusual state of uneasiness about it Now
Jack and Blake, knowing "Aunt Polly's"
disposition, determined to have some fun
out of Pat; so, before going home, for
they all boarded with her, the former tied
his arm in a sling, as if he had been shot
He received the good dame s scolding and
sympathy very quietly, and then retired to
the up-stairs sitting-room. Tbe more
'Aunt Polly" thought of it tbe more she
pitied "her boy," as she was in the habit
of calling bun, and the more angry she
grew with bis supposed enemy, who did
not stand very high in her good grsces.
About half an hour after Jack's return.
Pat entered the front door and started up
stairs with a rollicking song on bis lips.
He was dressed in the usual short, blue
uniform jacket and a pair of tight-fitting
white trousers. He bad scarcely reached
ihe first step when a red stick whizzed
through the air, and be thought lightning
had struck him in the rear whack!
"I'll teach you to fight duels and shoot
my boy, you great blackguard."
"Stop that! will you?" shouted Pat,
-what the d 1 do you mean ?"
Whack! Whack 1
"I'll teach you "
But Pat did not stop to wait for the
argument; be darted up-sUirs like a flying-fish
with a whole school of dolphins
after him. As be burst into the sitting
room where the other two "middies" were,
quietly awaiting the denouement, rubbing
his seel of honor, bis face red as a boiled
lobster, and spluttering oaths, they both
asked him in a breath :
"Why, what on earth is the matter,
Pat?"
"Matter! That old catamaran down
stairs has been welting me with her 'per
suader ooh I bow it hurts I Curse her,
I'll have her arrested as sure as my name
is Pat M ."
"What in the world did she do it for!"
asked Blake. . '
"Why, she says," continued Pat, still
rubbing bis wounds and dancing around,
"that 1 fought a duel with you, Jack, and
shot vou."
"Well, didn't you ?" replied Jacc, with
a quizzical smile. "Don't you see my
arm Ln a siingi"
Pat's realization of the enormity of the
"sell" which had been perpetrated on him
was so sudden and stunning that bo was
not only speechless, but almost forgot his
pain, and when he found his voice, uproar
ious shouts of laughter fairly drowned his
angry remonstrances. He was good fel
low at heart, however, and tbe affair was
amicably settle! lifter an outward and in
ward application of "old rye" with promi
ses of secrecy.
As for "Aunt Polly," when the joke
was explained to her, being a little asham
ed of ber own violence, she only lifted her
eyes and hands with tbe ejaculation :
'0 1 these midshipmen " '
Further utterance failed her. '
A Child la a ttnaae's ColL
When Mr. Sarpain, of Yatesville, on the
eut&kirts of Pittston, Pa,, entered the
room in which his child, one year old, had
been left a few minutes previously one af
ternoon, he was bomfied to find a big
black snake coiled around the little one's
liody. The gUttcring eyes of the serpent
were glaring upon those of the child, who
appeared transfixed by the terrible glance,
and the head of the monster swayed to and
fro as if charming the little one, who ap
peared to he unable to move or' make an
outcry. Tbe terrified father, on beholding
this frightful spectacle, gave an involun
tary cry of pain, which brought the other
members of the family running to the room.
It bad also thej effect of frightening the
reptile, which speedily uncoiled itself.and,
in the confusion and fright of the moment,
succeeding in escaping. As soon as tbe
terror subsided to some extent the snake
was followed, but it bad secreted itself hi
the neighboring - shrubbery, making
discovery if impossible, although a diligent
search ensued. After its departure the
child cried pitcously for more than an hour
and appeared terribly distressed. ' Tne lit
tle one has been in great agony ever since,
but is expected to recover. Although un
der the influence of the reptile when the
father came, there is no evidence of its
having sustained any physical injury, but
tbe shock to the nervous system must have
been terrible.
-. "Goed-bye, Mr."
It is with deep regret we announce tbe
departure from our midst of good, hooest,
old-fashioned "Mr."
He's nearly all gone now. Once in a
a while you may see him; but very seldom.
lie doesn t amount to much any more.
He's got to be too common ; also too hon
est
As the old-fashioned and comparatively
honest rat was superseded by the bigh-
toaed and mischievous Norway, o is "Mr."
now superceded by "Col." , . ,
We meet "Mr. very seldom on the
streets now; and only in tolerable bicu
toned assemblages can see him at all. But
there you will find "Col ' all the time;
and he's prouder than a peacok that hasn't
seen his feet for five minutes, "CoL is.
fhe vain gentleman, haviug beaten out
old Mr. "Mr." is now eneaired in a conflict
of the bloodless savsge kind with "Hon.,"
who is a great society personage, also.
whether he's honorable or dishonorable.
But we thiuk in the later gentleman the
"Col." has his match; for he's up to ail the
tricks of the profession, and can probably
consume mote whisky and play a better
gime of poker than 4-CoL" ean.
Old Timber.
Probably the oldest timber in the world
which has been subjected to the use of
man is that found in the ancient temples
of Lgypt in connection with the stonework
which is known to be at least four thous
and years old. This, tbe only wood used
in tbe consu uction of the temple, is in the
form of lies, holding tbe end of one stone
to another at its proper surface. When
two blocks were laid in place, an excava
tion about an inch deep was made in cch
block into which a tie shaped like an hour,
glaae was driven. It is therefore very dif
ficult to force any stone from its position.
The ties appear to have been of tbe Ulnar
isk or shiltem wood, of which the ark was
constructed, a sacred tree in ancient Fgypt
and now very rarely found in the valley of
the Nile. Tbe cove-tailed ties are just as
sound now, as on tbe day of their insertion.
Although fuel is extremely scarce in the
country, these bits of wood are not laree
enough to make it an object with the
Arabs to heave off layer after layer to ob
tain them. Had they been of bronze, half
the old temples would have been destroyed
year ago, so precious would they have
Dew i or various purposes. .
What we Call "Tens Finns '
The riven by the sea, apart from the as
tonishment and wonder which their stu
pendous proportions must arouse in tbe
mind of tbe student of nature, present
themselves to us as a subject of paramount
interest, when we considfT tbe part which
they have played and are still playing in
tbe building up of tbe top-most layer of
the solid earth crust. In tbe perpetual
changes of climate conditions, in the dis
tribution of vegetable and animal life over
the surface of our planet, and last not
least, in tbe recent advance of ocean navi
gation, by which the inhabitants of the
most distant lands have been brought into
close intercourse with each other. The
erosive action of currents constantly tends
to alter tbe configuration of tbe coast lines,
by taking away land in one place and de
positing it elsewhere. Again, immense
quantities of sediment carried by all the
rivers of the world into the sea are taken
up by the currents and spread over the bed
of the ocean. Geologists teU us that nearly
all, if not all, the dry land at present ex
isting, has at one time been at the bottom
of the sea, an assertion confirmed by the
fact that the strata which compose some of
tbe loftiest mountain ranges, have evi
dently been deposited in ages long past
upon the floor of the ocean, and still re
tain the remains of animals which deported
themselves in the seas of farmer days.
What we are still In the habit of calling
"terra firms" ia proved by modern obser
vations to be in constant motion, rising and
falling like the heaving breast of some
mighty monster, whose arms stretch far
beneath tbe waves. By the action of the
subterraneous forces, as yet unexplained.
vast areas ol the earth-crust are depressed
below or lifted up above the level of the
sea, and we arc beginning at last to under
stand the truth of the maxim, that there is
nothing stable in the universe of created
things except the unstable.
The Leaves and tha Wind.
Once on a time little leaf was beard to
sigh and cry as leaves often do when a
gentle wind is about. And the twig said ;
"V hat s the matter little leaf ?"
"The wind," said tbe leaf, "just told me
that one day it would pull me off, and
throw me to the ground to die."
Tbe twit: told it to the branch, and the'
branch told it to the tree.
And when the tree heard it, it rustled all
over, and sent back word to the leaf.
. "Do not be afraid, hold on tightly, and
you shall not go off till you want to."
And so the leaf stopped sighing, and
went on singing and rustling. And so it
grew all summer long till October. And
when the bright days of autumn came, the
leaf saw aU the leaves around become very
beautiful. Some were yellow, and some
were scarlet, and some were striped with
colors. Then it asked the tree what it
meant And tbe tree said : -
"Ail these leaves are getting ready to
fly away, and they have put on these colors
because of their joy."
- Then the Utile leaf began to want to go,
and grew very beautiful in thinking of it
And when it was very gay in colors, it saw
that the branches of the tree bad no color
in them, and so the leaf said :
"O branch, why are you so lead colored,
and we golden?" '
"We must keep on our work clothes,"
said the tree, "for our work is not yet done,
but your clothes are for a boUday, because
your task is over."
Just then a little puff of wind came, and
the leaf let go without thinking of it, and
the wind took it up and turned it over, and
then let it fall gently down under the edge
of a fence among hundreds of leaves, and
it never waked up to tell what it dreamed
about
Proverbs, New and Old.
Never sacrifice safety to large expected
returns.
Never make a loan on importunity.
Never lend a borrowing friend more
than you are willing to lose if he can't pay.
Never speculate deeper than you are able
to lose, if you lose at alL
Never borrow money to speculate with.
Owe no man anything. .
Be satisfied with a moderate rent to a
good tenant '
Keep well insured, and watch your
policy.
Never consult a man on business who
does not manage well bis own.
Avoid a second mortgage for a fresh
loan.
He that maketh haste to be rich is not
wise.
Poverty is no bar to marriage if both par
ties will work and save.
Tbe gods help those who help themselves
men and women. "
God promises nothing to idleness,
A man must ak his wife if he may be
rich.
Little coins, like little drops of water,
will fin a bucket "
As we sow in temporal affairs we shall
reap. ...
burnt settlements make long friendships.
Fortunes are made by earnings and sav
ings.
Money easily gotten ss soon spent
Money earned is money valued.
It is eauer to loosen up good property
than to re-establish it.
In discussing business disagreements keep
cool. , -.
Less wisdom is required to make money
than to keep it securely when made.
The Kartli Pole.
An intelligent Infant under the joint
superintendence of a clairvoyant and tbe
Kpint of tbe late Indian Chief Warn pa, has
seen with the nuud s eye the JNnrth role.
and bas written out a description of the
landscape. The Pole is situated on an
i9land, having a gradual rise from the
water's edge to about the middle of it On
some parts- of it appear only bare rocks,
on other parts it has an abundant vegeta
tion. About half ot it, the east side, is
covered with fruit trees. In some parts they
grow into dense thickets; in some they
grow not so close together, and have grass
thickly interpersed among them. the
fruit consists of oranges, lemons, bana
nas, cocoanuts and other tropical fruits.
This part of the pole is inhabited by beetles,
white and black ants, grasshoppers, and
many other kinds of insects, all unusually
large; also by many different species of
the monkey tribe. On the west side of the
island the vegetation is not to dense. It
has many tropical fruits, but the trees are
small. Among the natural products are
tbe gooseberry, blackberry, grape, currant,
raspberry and mandrake. But - it differs
from the east side in having no monkeys,
and in having vast number of birds of
every size and plumage. Among them are
the ostrich, swan, goose, duck, quail, robin
and humming bird. On both sides are lumy
small streams. The wat er of these is pnre and
clear aa crystal. " Tbe temperature of both
sides if warm. It does not vary. Here tbe
crust of tne earth ia much thinner than at
tbe equator, and the temperature ia caused
not so much by the sou as by the beat
oatisg out of tbe earth.
Taking It Coaly.
How to take things coolly, is according
to Colonel R. P. Anderson, tbe special
virtue of the British man-of-war, who,
having the utmost reliance on himself and
big commanders, is neither easily overex
cited nor readily alarmed. In supp irt of
his assertion the Colonel relates how two
tars, strolling up from the Dil Kusha Park,
where Lord Clyde's army was stationed,
towards the Residency position at Lock
now, directed their steps by the pickets of
horse and foot Suddenly a twenty-four
pound shot struck the road just in front of
tbem. "I'm blessed, Bill,' said aae of
the tars, "if this here channel is properly
buoyed I" and on the happy-go-lucky pan
went towards the Residency, as calmly as
if they had been on Portsmouth Hard.
During the same siege a very young pri
vate of the 102d was on sentry, when an
eight-inch shell, fired from a gun 100 yards
off, burst close to him, making a deal of
noise, and throwing up an immense quan
tity of earth. Colonel Anderson rushed to
the spot The youth soldier was standing
quietly at bis post, close to where the shell
had just exploded. . Being asked what had
happened, he replied unconsciously: "I
think a shell has busted, sir.
Towards the close of the fight of Inker-
mann. Lord Kaglan, returning from taking
leave of General Strangways, met a Ser
geant carrying water for the wounded. The
Sergeant drew himself up to salute, when a
round shot came bounding over the hill,
and knocked his forage cap out of bis band.
The man picked it up, dusted it cn his
knee, placed it carefully on his head, and
made the salute, nt-t a muscle of his coun
tenance moving the while. "A neat thing
that my man . said Lord Itaglan. "Xes,
my lord," returned the Sergeant wilh an
other salute, "but a miss is as good as a
mile." The commander was probably not
surprised by such an exhibition of sang.
froid, being himself good that way. He
was badly hurt at Waterloo, and, says the
rnnce of Orange, who was in the hospital,
"I was not conscious of the presence of
Lord Fitzroy Somerset until I heard bim
call out in his ordinary tone, 'Hallo I Don't
carry that arm away till I have taken off
my nugr Neither wound nor operation
had extorted a groan from his lips."
. Tbe Indian prides himself upon taking
good or ill in tbe quietest of ways, and
trora a tale told in Mr. Marshall's Cana
dian LXnixiniuii, his civilized half-brother
would seem to be equally unemotional.
Thanks mainly to a certain Metis or half
breed in the service of the Hudson Bay
Company, a Sioux warrior was found
guilty of stealing a bor, and condemned
to pay the animai's vaiue by instalments at
one of the company's forts. On payin
the hut instalment be received his quit
tance from the man who had brought bim
to justice and left the office. A few mo
ments later the Sioux returned, advanced
on his noseless moccasins within a pace of
tbe writing table, and leveled his musket
full at the half-breed's head. Just as the
trigger was pulled tbe Metis raised the
baud with which be was writing and
touched lightly the muzzle of the gun ; the
shot passed over his head, but his hair
was singed off is a broad mass. The
smoke clearing away, tbe Indian was
amazed to see that his enemy still lived.
The other looked him full in the eyes for
an instant and quietly resumed his writing.
the Indian silently departed.
It is not given to every one to play the
philosopher, and accept fortune's buffets
and favors with equal placidity. Horatio
are scarce. But there are plentv of people
capable of behaving like Spartans where
tue trouble dees not touch their individual
ity. "How can I get out of this ?" asked
an Englishman up to his armpits in a
Scotch bog, of a passer-by. "I dinna think
ye can get cot of it" was the response of
the Highlander as he went on his way.
Mistress of herself was the spouse of the
old gentleman who contrived to tumble off
the ferryboat into tbe Mississippi, and was
encouraged to straggle for dear life by his
better-half shouting : "There, Samuel,
didn't 1 tell vou, soi Now then, werk
your legs flap your arms, hold your breath,
and repeat the Lord s i raver, lor it s
mighty onsartain, Samuel, whether you
land."
Our Literary Hen.
The most celebrated of our historians,
essayists, poets, have, as" a rule, been dis
tinguished in college for excellent scholar
ship George Bancroft was a high scholar
in Harvard s class of low, and was par
ticularly distinguished for his attainments
in philosophy. He was also honored with
the class-dav poetship of bis class, which
does not, however indicate in itself high
scholarship. Among the hi?h scholars of
the class of ) 81 i was William Uickling
Prescott who delivered, as his commence
ment part, a Latin poem, "Ad Spem:"
and of Uie next class of 1315, the historian
of New Lnrland. Doctor 1 alfrey, was a
distinguished member. Though John
Lot tin p Motley's college rank was not so
high as Doctor faifrev s yet its excellence
indicated, to certain degree, his future
eminence; and bis literary tastes are mani
fested in the subject of bis commencement
part, "The Influence of Multiplication of
Books upon Literature." Tbe cultured
scholarship of Edward Everett, excellent
in every department of college study gave
him the first place in the class of 1811;
and his commencement oration, "on Liter
ary Evils," and his oration for the second
degree, "On the Restoration of Greece,"
forecast the literary and classical character
of the work of his entire life. Though
Ralph Waldo Emerson was not among the
highelt scholars of his class, yet his rank
was most honorable. His coumenoement
part was "conference" with two cla
mates, "On the Character of John Knox,
WiU am Penn, and John Veslev." Mr.
Emerson was also the classday poet of bis
class of 1321. Our great novelist did not
succeed in obtainin first -clas rank at
Bowdom,as did hU class-male, Longfellow.
Hawthorn wrote, in his college days, as
Professor Packard, who was one of his in
structors, informs me, "fine Latin and
English," but no commencement part was
assigned him, "perhaps, because be re
quested not to have one," Mr. George Rip
ley was distinguished at Harvard for his
scholarship in the class of 1S23, and deliv
ered an oration for his second degree on
"The Claims of the Age on the Young
men of America" cliims which be bas fr
the hist fifty years done so much "to fu'.iil
Mr. Longfellow was a high scholar in Bow
doin's most celebrated class of 1825 the
class of John S. C Abbott and Geo. B.
Cheever, as well as of Hawthorne; and
some of the most graceful of his gradua
tion. That long list of poems, dedicated
to Harvard's class of 182tf, with which, at
their annual meetings, Oliver Wendell
Holjaes has deUghted his class-mates, be
gan on his class and commencement day.
Doctor Holmes served as a poet on both
these occasions, and was an excellent
scholar of tbe famous class. Though tbe
course of William Cullen Bryant at Wil
liam s College was limited to two years.
yet in them be gained distinction for his
attainments in the languages and in litera
ture.
J. B. Gough first lectured In
Boston, on temperance, at Faneull Hall
tn low. -
Th Saa-Sarpent.
In the rfOrth of Europe to this day the
inhabitants believe in all sorts of queer and
dangerous an-'mals living in the sea, and
are so afraid ot' them that as soon as a fish
ermen or sailor fancies he sees anything
strange-looking i n the water, he speeds
away from It and never thinks of stopping
to find ot what it is, 2fa wonder, then,
that their imaginatiilis creates animals. The
inhabitants of No.way say that tbe
fisherman when sailirrar far out at sea some
times find the water s oddenly getting shal
low under the boats, . sad then they it once
think they are passing over a sea-serpent
Immediately they stp their boats, and
throw their nets, as thi'y know they are
likely to catch plenty ot fish, especially
cod and ling. They make 47reat baste, be
cause they think that if the creature that
makes the water shallow besi'ns to move,
they will bare to set their aau's. ply their
oars, and get out of the way as soon- as
possible, else they would all be engulfed,
as the movement of the reptvle's body
makes such a wirlpool that no rx'&t could
Uveinit Such is the belief in this
fabulous sea-serpent in Norway. Some
very ancient writers, the Scandinavians, de
clare this creature to be six hundreo feet
long, with s bead like a horse, black eTt
and a kind of white main! They sav
is never met with anywhere but in the"
deep ocean, that it suddenly rears up its
head, and the fishermen on seeing it row
in the direction of the sun, as they say tbe
monster cannot see tbem then. All these
tales till very lately were believed to
be true. Now let us turn away from
these fables, and see what modern history
says of the sea-serpent Both in Eng
land and the United States a belief in this
reptile was quite popular. Some learned
people at Boston published some years ago
a statement to tbe effect that one was seen
in Boston Bay, that it had the shape of a
serpent, that it was very agile, and when
the sea was calm, and tbe weather hot, it
floated on the surface now and then plung
ing into the sea. and showing off its differ-
ent proportions.
Regularly every year some account of
this fabulous animal ned to be brought
home by ocean explorers. At last, in the
year 1S57, the question was forcibly
brought before the public by an English
seaman of noted ability. Then the scien
tific journals and societies took np the sub
ject, and fought with pen and ink about it,
some declaring there was no such creature,
others stoutly mantained its existence. A
noted seamen. Captain Harrington, pro
fessed to have saw it distinctly. At the
time be seen it the ship was sailing swiftly,
and he could not measure its dimensions;
but on rough calculation he deemed it to be
about two bundled feet in length. Its
color was sombre, covered with white
spots. This seemed an almost undeniable
statement, and the world hesitated doubt
ful whether to believe it true, or to dis
credit it altogether. While in this state of
uncertainty about the reality of this pecu
liar inhabitant of the sea, a Mr. Smith,
ho was on board a ship belonging to his
father, sailing to Moulmain, saw, in calm
weather, balancing itself on the waves.
what appeared to be an animal of immea
surable length. He says, -'With a telescope
I could perfectly discern an enormous head
and a neck of monstrous size, covered with
a mane alternately appearing and disap
pearing. It was seen by all the crew. I
was determined to make myself acquainted
with this sea-monster, which I believed
this to be. Ordering a boat to be lowered,
with an officer and four men, and some
arms, and a few fathoms of rope, I bade
them r jw towards the beast I watched
the boat closely as we neared the animal,
which did not seem to be disturbed by its
approach. At length it got quite close to
the creature's head, and then the men ap- -
peared to hesitate; at last 1 saw them un
roll the rope, while this frightful-looking
animal continued to rase its head, and
nnfold its enormous length. At last the
boat began ber return journey to the ship,
followed by this formidable appearance. In
less than half an hour the animal was
hauled on board. While suspended
or floating, the animal teamed quite
suppie, but it was so covered with marine
parasites of every species that a good while
elapsed before we discovered that this ter
rible creature was neither more nor less than
a monstrous algal sea weed matted together,
and covered with all kinds of sea refuse),
upwards of one hundred feet long, and four
feet in diameter. Its head, at a distance,
looked Uke the head of this long-believed
in sea-sorpent, while the motion given to it
by tbe waves gave it theapre-iranceof lie.
Ins few days this eurious alga began to get
dry and offensive, so it had to be thrown
overboard. Immediately after my arrival
in London I related my encounter wilh this
long-fame terror of the ocean; and, sim
ultaneously, XtLkrdalu reported its en
counter wilh the great serpent in nearty
the same parts, and I cannot doubt that it
was the floating wreck of the alga whose
history I have just related." Mr. Smith
said that to this day be would have remained
under the conviction that what he saw was
a sea-serpent, had he not had the enter
prise to send out the baat, and so discover
what it really was.
Chapter on fluid Hearts.
A bald-headed man is refined, and he al
ways shows his skull-sure.
It has never been decided what causes
bald heads, but most people think it is dan'd
rough.
A good novel for bald heads to read
The Lost Heir.
What does a bald-headed man say to his
combf We meet to part no more.
Motto for a bald head Bear and fur
bear. However high a position a bald-headed
man holds, he wiU never comb down in the
world.
The bald-beaded man never dyes.
Advice to bald-headers Join the In
dians, who are the only successful hair
raisers.
What does every bald-headed man put
on his head! His hat
You never saw a bald-headed man with
a low forehead.
Shakespeare says There is a divinity
that shapes our ends.
Bald men are the coolest-headed men in
the world.
California Vineyard.
The average of vines in California is of
ficially rated at about 60, 0W acrs, and it
is thought that from six to eight thousand
acres orjnore will be planted to vines this
year. If the entire grape crop were made
Into wine the yield injjdinary years would
exceed 2- 000,000 gallons. The actu&l
wine product during the past five years has
ranged between 4,000,000 and 6,000,0oi
gallons, the smallest yield failing in 1873.
Tbe possible yield in wine is lessened by
tbe large distillation into brandies (about
250,000 gallons a year) the production of
sweet wines, tbe consumption of grapes for
table use and export to the Eastern States,
and finally by the manufacture of raisins.
The wine yield this coming year is expect
ed to be very large, perhaps 10,000,000
gallons.
, P t ....