T Champion Gorger. John s Is the chief engineer of Ix-ox team that pi .as between Deniscn nd Bed Rlter country, nd by a lew is called a "bull-wacker." John was In Denison Christmas day, and after Im bibing freely at our most fashionable saloons, concluded that he would like to eat something, and stepped into one of our restaurants where an Inviting dinner was snicking on the table. John started in at the front door with such a speed as to make a halt rather difficult, and the consequence was, he took a seat at one of the tables ia the rear of the room, upon which was placed many delicacies that were ta be carried for ward to other tables as occasion might require. Among other things ta be found on this table was a large, nice baked turkey "done to a turn," as it were and John took a carving knife, and made a vigorous raid upon it. The waiter knew that John was inthe wrong pew, and that he was rapidly throw ing himself on the out side of a deli cious turkey that had been carefully prepired for ot'aer epicures, but what could the waiter do? John was a large, robust fellow, and was likely to strike out from the 6houlder with about the same result as a kick from a mule. The waiter interviewed the proprietor. The proprietor pulled aside a green curtain, stepped to the front, aud. after survey ing John's huge form for a few mo ments coucludeU that there was uo use in m:iking a fuss simply because a man had seated himself at the wrong table. He stood aside, however, and silently looked on as that tui key succumbed to the ravenous appetite of the gentleman from lied Kiver country. He saw loaves of nice white bread accompany ing that turkey, while pies, cakes aud Jelly disappeared with frightful rapid ity. As John gave the turkey a finish ing touch, having cleared the dish of the last vestige, the laudlord who had been won lering all this time where his profit would come in for his uiuner grew courageous as well as sarcastic, and sharply aeked : "Is there anythere else, sir, that I cau help you to?" John had not observed his presence until now, and was somewhat startled ; but his reply showed that he w as equal to the emergeucy. He raised his eyes j and voioe, and startled the proprietor by saying: i 'I don't care if you give me another one of them thar turkeys." The restaurant man congratulated himself that he got lid of his customer without further raid on his culinary department, ai.d without difficulty ; but be wauts it distinctly understood that be would sell out below cost rather thin take the gentleman from lied River as a regular boarder. Souie Sallitavtloa ia It. "Just give me a chance to pour my voice imo that machine, will you said a rednoed man. stepping to the front at a uhono'raph niatiuee the other dav. "Certainly," said Mr.Gilliland. "Put your mouth down close, without pret- sing, speak distinctly, aud the instru ment will reoeat every word just as vou say it." "Ain't vou joking, now? Will it really say tl-e same thing I say, with out any changing around or mixing up, to turn the joke ?" "You will get hack your own words nothing more or less," said the pro prietor. "Hold my hat, then, and pull open all the valves," said the man, as he nervously brought his mouth down to the proper position. "Steady, now, I'm about to warble." "Come up boys everybody and drink with the landlord!" was what the man said, with an emphasis on every word, and the same was what the maryelous little wonder shrieked bak. "That's the sweetest music I've heard for about ten years," said the man with a moist palate and glowing eye, 'and I reckon it's about that long since I've beard that good old tune grouui uU 1 don't suppose I'll ever get auother chance to hear it again, and so, if it aiu't too much trouble, please run her back and shoot it out once or twice more. It's good for the rheumatiz, that is. My! what a head that man has! If he could only get up a jug new that could not be empti el!" and the man walked out with a sad look and an unsteady step. Feats of Memory. Several protessers of the University ot Berlin were assembled in the coun Cil chamber, and were talking. One of them held the Voss Gazette in hi' hand. Turning to Prof. Boeckh (fa mous as a Greek scholar and as pos sessor of a w mderful memory) he asked: "Do you think you could in twenty-four hours get by heart the first page of that newspaper?" "I am sure 1 could." "Prof. Boeckh.I don't think you could. I am so sure you could not that I'll bet twenty bottles of wine that you could not." "Strike hands. 1 take your bet." 1'iot. Boeckh took the newspaper, and was a little shocked to see that the first page contained no thing but a list of persons who had, at the recent festival of the order of Prussia, received the ribbon. This in sipid litany was, of course, much more difficult to get by heart than editorials and intelligence; stilt Prof. Boeckh would not back out. At this moment Prof. Uaupt, who was likewise famous for his tenacious memory, entered the Council chamber, was told what hid occurred, and dared to take a similar bet. He smiled and struck hands. Thereupon Prof. Benary, one of the younger professors.declared that it the veterans of the faculty could do so much, the rawer recruits would not be behind them, and to sustain the honor of his youthful brethren he too would take the bet. The next day all these professors were assembled again In the Council chamber. Prof. Boeckh began and r.-cited . the whole page without j missing one name, or one Christian name, or one initial, or one grade of the long list of persons who had re ceived the ribbon, from the Ministers of State to the humblest clerk. He rattled it off as easily as if it had been the alphabet. Then Prof. Haupt came to taw and recited the long nomen clature, but he gave it slowly and cor rected himself often. 'Twas now Prof. Benary 's turn to prove himself the peer of these gray heads ; be exclaimed, "Brethren, do you really think me ca pable of fatiguing able men with so stupid a litany for a third time? Xo, colleague; I'd rather pay for twenty bottles of good claret." A peal of laughter shook the Council chamber. A Prlaoea of India. Among the passengers oa the last steamer arriving in San r'rancisco from Australia was Hnie. Alda Zuleika Wyse, a lady of romantic antecedents, and a history of w hose lineage might form a fruitful subject tor the novelist dhe is the granddaughter of a princess ot Inaia and the great-granddaughter of one of the most powerful Rajahs that the torrid country of exclusive castes and autocratic rulers has had in rnoaern tiaes. At the request of Mme. Wyse, the name of her great-grand father is withheld, as the family at pre sent hold a high position in England This Itaj&li is said to have been the pos sessor of one of those fortunes that to us seem fabulous, because so enormous. He numbered bis elephants by hun dreds, his palaces by the scores, and precious stones, with which the former rulers of India were so lavish, he bad in such quantities that even yet one of the histories treating of India in his time speaks of his jewel-embroidered robes. Withal, be Was the warm friend of Lord Clive, whose iron hand held his c juntry under the coutrol of Great Britain, and exacted allegia ice to the English King, and to his friead- ship be sacrificed his life. The Rjjah had a brother whose hostility to the British was bitter and unrelenting. For years he tried to persuade the Rajah to array his retainers against the invader, but in vain. At hut the brother, who was jxiwerless to carry out his schmesof vengeance against the hated friend, determined not only to reaiovs him from his path, but to ex terminate all his direct heirs, so that the rank and the power of a Rijah might be his. His murderous plot partly succeeded. The Rajah was as sassinated in a hunting-field, and his family attacked in their home. But one of the intended victims escaped. For tome time before the culmination of the conspiracy a British officer bad been enamored of the Princess Altr- ghenhaye, the young and lovely daugh ter of the Rija), but he had never de clared bis love. The Princess, it seems, was not with the rest of her fathers' family when they were niassacrvd by the merciless Thugs, whom religious fanaticism and pride of race had trans formed into demous, and before they could discover her hiding-place, her English lovet bad found it and hasten ed to her, broke the news of her father fate, declared his love and persuaded her to fly with him. Fleet Arab horses were procured and they rode to th nearest cantonment, a distance of 300 miles, in six days. Shortly after they arrived they were married by the regi mental chaplain. Five years later the Princess, whose husband bad been pro moted to a colonelcy, fell a victim to cholera at Seruuderabad. She was the last Princess of the Rijah's family She left two sons. One of them reach ed the rauk of a major in the Briti army and was killed in action at La bore while leading a "forlorn hope In the great Indian mutiny of 135S, The other son entered the East India Company's tavy, became a captain ol a ship, and was drowned in the Uoogl River while attempting to save the life of an officer ot the marines. Mme Aida Zuleika Wyse is the daughter oj the last mentioned officer and the last survivor ot the Rajah's. She isa petite deml-blonde, with grey eyes that have a far-away look. Las soft, light-brow hair aud a saa, sweet face. She was married in Calcutta, to an English officer, and has now, with her husband commenced a tour of the LTuited States, She intends to return to India within two years. Paris Cats. The ruins of the ancient prefecture of police on the Qaai des Orfevneries Paris haye become the haunt and abode ot innumerable stray cats, a feline army only surpassed in numbers by the cohorts that prowl around the environs of the grain market. But at that latter point pt:ssy has a mission, and the grain storehouses swarm with rats, and If Mistress Puss is obliged to hunt for a living, at least she finds plenty of game. Xor is she molested or ill-treat ed. The dogs of the neighborhood are forbidden to chase her, and naughty boys who attempt to hurt her or worry her are instantly punished. Puss has a recognized home, too, iu the dilapi dated, overcrowded post offioo (uow soon to be reconstructed), where, but for her presence, the rats and mice would hold high carnival over the mail bgs and the dead letters. But the uckless marauder of the Qaai de: Orfevneries has no social standing and anp no official supplies of game. The sparrows are shy and very hard to catch. The Dogs of the neighborhoob are decidedly fierce aud undisciplined But these poor cats have found a friend. Ouce a day there comes to the ruius an aged women, dressed all in black, and bearing a huge basket on her arm. A t her cry, "Puss! puss! puss!" from every nook and corner hastens a cat. They pop out of holes, they s warm over the walls, they creep from under piles of rubbish gray, white, black, tabby tawny, tortoise-shell all the varieties of the lelis domestics are revealed iu moment. The old lady sits do wn and opens her basket. It is full of scraps or raw meat ana liver, i-very cat re ceives his portion in due turn till all are fed and the supply Is exhausted. When first this benevolent creature began to feed these poor animals she had a hard time of it. The starving cats would leap into her basket, snatch the pieces from her hand, ami scratch her severely if she attempted to resist their depreda tion. But now they are peaceable and well trained as so many canary birds They rub against her skirts, climb into her lap, and rub their faces against her cheeks, purring loudly the while. Every cat waits his or her turn with patience, and eats his or ber dinner with a strict attention to good manners. There are about forty pensioners which thus subsist daily on the old lady's bounty. Etmtdf for Hydrophobia. M. Torres Coicedo, Minister from Salvador, has just made a gift to the Paris Zoologi cal uaruens, or two curious plants, the qnaoo and the etdron, which have so long been extolled as an antidote to snake-bites and hydrophobia. The discovery of the value of the plants was quite singular. Some Indians observed that some birds of prey, which cap ture and feed on snakes, sought out tie vine of tbeffvaeo, ate its leaves, and plas tered them oyer their plumage. This led to the discovery of the therapeutic vir tues of the plant.and by its use marvelous cures wrj effeo td iu cites of hydro phobia, snake bites aud marsh fevers. Dr. Taffrar also discovered the pro perties of these two plants darinir a voyage by him through New Grenada. in 1S09. AGRICULTURE. Tomatoes. The tomato a as greatly improved in sue, smootnnesa and anal ity within our recollection. It bas also changed from a mere ornament, like some other Solanums, to an article of necessity and general use in this country, while it is working its way steadily but surely to lavor all over the civilized world. In a cool moist cli mate, like England and Scotland, the tomato ripeus in the open ground only under the most f avorabU circumstances and seems ta require about such treat ment as the peach. Tomatoes are, therefore, grown in houses, like for eign grapes, trainer to the rafters. Those who have had no experience can scarcely realize how large a plant the tomato will make when a little pains is taken in giving it plenty of nutriment ind proper training. Uuce we trained one to the side ot the building, and it covered a space sixteen by twenty feet, and bad several handreds of ripe fruit on it at one time, it seemed a marvel to many, and we bad pleuty of appli cations lor seed, on the supposition that it was a new aud Improved variety. Some years since we sent the Hatha way Excelsior tomato to England, and it has proved for n.any years the most popular variety in thai country. From it, by some Ireak of .Nature, was pro duced a kind called Green Gage, yel low, obloue, small, but rich aud pro ductive too small for market purposes here. Later we sent a new variety, which we had not named, and which received a first-class certificate from the Royal Horticultural Society. Our friends in England named it Tick's Criterion. This, too, bas become a leading and popular sort aud, it is claimed, excels all others for forcing. From this "Richard Nisbet, a gardener at Aswarby Park, lias proJuced a va riety called Nisbil's Victojia, which is said to excel all others for frulll illness. The fruit Is oval, less than two inches by two and a lialfjn diameter, growing in bunches and each buuch containing from eight to twenty specimeus, of the size and color of a Victoria plum. It contains but few seeds and lor flavor is unsurpassed. The original plant cov ered a space fifteen feet by six, and had upon it atone time tKKJ bunches of Iruit; as many more have been gathered dur ing he summer." We shall give this a trial next summer; but think it may be too small lor general use in this conutry, where tomatoes glow so abundantly in the open ground, of great size aud wonder I ul beauty. Cloves on tui Fattu. One might suppose as long as clover has been rec- igmzed a-i "par excellence " tne best fertilizing plant in America, if sot in the world, that it would be a work of supererogation to say anything in its lavor. J his seems to be, however, one of the many points where theory aud practice are at variance, for there are thousands of farmers who acknowledge the value of clover and yet neglect to iow it on their wheat fields, if the price of clover happens to be a dollar or two bushel above the average. It seems to me that nothing could be mere ''penny wise and pound foolish." It is seldom that seed gets so high that it will tost one dollar an acre to seed a neld, and generally Irom fitty to seventy-five cents will cover the expense. Xow let a farmer undertake to lertillze an acre in any other way and see what it will cost him. Ten two-horse loads of stable manure is about as little an amount as I can dress an acre with, and I cannot buy and apply this amount to my laud for less than ten dollars, counting a haud and tea.ii at only two dollari a day. Or suprKwe 1 tave the manure on my own farm, made by my own stock; it will t a food day's work, worth at least two lollars, to draw to the field and spread manure enounu to diees an acre, and :his is from two to four times what it has cost to get a stand of clover. There can be no question as to its being; cheap fertilizer, but is it a good one? I presume that all farmers, under all circumstances, would answer yes; but undoubtedly its value is much greater on some sous than en others. 1 am fully convinced that on clay limestone uplands a crop ol clover is often worth more than a liberal coating of stable manure, and in this opinion I am sus tained by many of our best farmers in fact, iu a grain-growing region, clover is absolutely indispensable, and without it our svstem ot farming must change or our lands will become bar ren. How Maxt Egos per Assvx. now many eggs per annum will tne best uon-si'ting varieties ot hens lay ? We nave heard of single Hamburg and Leghorn hens producing 25i to 300 eggs ach per annum; but what we would like to kaow is. can a flock of ten up to fifty average this? lliere Is no doubt with proper care to telectiug to breed from, and in time, such a flock coulJ be brought up to this great average. The difficulty, however, in selecting breed ers from a flock, is to ascerttlu which hens out of it lay the most eggs ; for there are some, even among the non sitters, that lay few ; and if their eggs ire batched, the chickens, like their mothers, would probably grow up poor layers. In order to increase the aver age laying of a flock, eggs for hatching must be selected from those hensrhlcb lay the greatest number. .Not', who a ill go into this, and give us bens thai we can depend upon, every one, to lay an assured number of eggs per annum, as with cows wht. h will give a certain quantity of miik or butter per annum let to be certain of this, the farmer. like the latter, must be kept separate. Who will take the particular trouble to da this? It would be well worth one's while; for be could rapidly sell the chickens thus produced, at a large price, To destroy bugs on squashes and cu cumber vines dissolve a tablespoontul of saltpetre in a pailful of water, put a pint of this arouud each bill, shaping the earth so that It will not spread much, aud the thing is done. Then more saltpetre, it you can afford it it is good lor vegetable but death to am mal life. 1 he bugs burrow in the earth at night, and fail to rise in the morn ing. It is also good to Kill grubs In peach trees only u-e twice as much, say a quart to each tree, lliere was not a yellow or blistered leaf on twelve or fifteen trees to w hich it was applied last season. AO danger ot killing any vegetable with It a concentrated sola tion applied to beans makes tteui grow wondenuiiy. Plaxts must be allowed air; even those that will not bear the outer air must have the air of the room frequent- y ires iened by ventilation, to preserve neni in health, care should be taken not to let plants stand In a draught, for when so situated one strong gust of cold wind will often prove sufficient to destroy them. A FasKled Jostles. A man named John was brought be fore a country squire for stealing a hog and three witnesses being examined, swore they saw him steal it. A wag having volunteered his counsel for Josh, knowing the scope of the squire's brain, arose and addressed him as fol lows : May it please your honor, I can es tablish this man's honesty beyond a shadow of a doubt, for I have twelve witnesses who are ready to swear that they did not see him steal it," The squire rested his head for a few moments as if in deep thought, and with great dignity arose, and, brushing back his hair, said : If there are twelve who did not see him steal it, and only three who did, discharge the prisoner." DOMESTIC. A Xrw Sandwich. A novelty in the war of sandwiches can be made -with canned salmon, by using mayonnaise sauce instead cf butter. First make some good thick mayonnaise sauce by dropping oil. drop by drop, in the yolk of an egg, carefully separated from the white, and beatioe it with a fork. Do not use any vinegar or pepper and salt at starting, or failure may result. Keep adding on and beating till the mixture gets as thick as buttei. Xow add seme vineear. about a teasnoontul will suf fice, and a little white pepper and salt. Butter some thin slices of bread with this sauce and place a very thin layer of salmon between them, having first thoroughly pounded the salmon in a mortar or basin, and then, after gently pressing the slices ot bread together, cut the slice into triangular pieces aud pile them upon a plate, ornamenting the dish with nice bright parsley, and placing a few small crayfish, with out stretched claws, round the base, with one on top. It is a pretty, delicious and inexpensive dish. GooJ-sized prawns may be advantageously substi tuted for crayfish. Cbinesb Stakch Polish. Sper maceti four ounces; white wax, two ounces; stearine, or paratiiue, one-nan ounce; ultra marine blue, one-half grain. Melt together aud let cool ; use a piece the size of a hickory-nut, lor one-ball dozen shirts; put in the starch while cookiug, alo add one teaspoon- ful of kerosene. The clothing should be dried first, and then dip bosoms and wrist-bands, cufT-t, etc. in while it is as hot as you can bear your hands in it. and rub it thoroughly luto the cloth; dry the articles. Then make a thin. cold starch ; dip them in and toll theiu up about two hours before you wish to Iron them. To do it well, you should have a polishing iron, which costs 40 cents here. First iron the bosom the usual way ; then take a cleau cloth; dip It in warm water, and slightly moisten the bosom : take tlie not polish ing iron and rtib it quickly back and forth over the goods, not making long storkes. Avoid using those remedies contain ing Opium, Morphia, etc: but when the Baby is sick use Dr. Bull's Baby Syrup perfectly safe and always re liable. Price only 23 cents a bottle. Citrixq Bkef. To every one hun dred pounds ol beef, take eight pounds salt, (if for winter use, seven pounds,) two ounces saltpetre, two and one-hall pounds brown sugar, two ounces soda, ta'O ounces caveune pepper, six gal lons water. First dissolve the salt in part of the water, skimming it well: then add the other ingredients ti-ctpt the saltpetre, set it off to cool, then put the remainder of the water into a clean wash-boiler, and add the saltpetre. When It comes to a boil, immerse each piece of bee! in the boiling water, hold ing it with a carving fork; let it re main a few seconds until it looks a lit tle white; when finished add the wa ter containing the saltpetre to the other brine, let meat and brine cool, pick in a barrel, pour on the brine, lay the barrel-head on the meat, aud over it a large stone to hold it down. Molasses barrels are best. Beefsteak. If the steak Is tough, pouud it well aud press it together, When everything else Is ready lor the table, build a quick lire with kmdlintt- woou, have a thick, iron spide smok ing hot, grease it aud put in the steak ; just befoie the blood starts, sprinkle with salt and t'irn; let It cock only a minute or two; cut a small place In the centre and see if it is raw; if not (that Is if merely looks quite red or pink( take it up quickly, sprinkle the upper side with salt, spread with but-j ter, eat while red hot. Serve on hot platter and have plates hot. If you have coals and a broiler, use thoe In stead. Never cook beef over a slew fire aud let it "sizzle;" while all the juice runs out ; it makes It tough. Essen'cb or Be.f. On pound of gravy beef, tree from skin and fat, chop as fine as mince meat; pound In a aiortar, with three tablespoon fu I ol soda water and soak for two hours; lieu put iu a covered ear, lien jar, with a little salt, cement the edges of the cover with pudding paste, and tie a piece of cloth over the top; place the jir in a pot half lull of boiling water, and keep the the pot on the fire four or live hours, sl nmering; strain off the liquid essence through a coarse sieve; it will be about five or six ounces in quantity ; one teaspoonful of cream may occasional be added with advantage to four ounces of the essence, or it may be thickened with flour, arrowroot or sage. The ladies will find Dobbins' Elec tric Soap, (made my Cragln & Co , Philadelphia,) the best of all soaps for general washing, from blankets to laces. It is pure, uniform, saves time and clothes. Try IU Cobsixo Hams. For one hnndred pounds meat, take ten pounds salt, our pouuds sugar, four pints molasses, (our ounces saltpetre, four ounces pep per, twoouncessoda. Dissolve the salt in lour gallons water; boil and skim, : hen add the other ingredients; pour on while warm. In six weeks they will be ready for smoking; some pre fer to take them out in three or lour weeks. Smoke vith corn eobt or hickory chips. Whe.n making cake or omelette, take your discarded etrg-shells. crush them mto small bits, put them into your de canters three parts filled with cold water, and thoroughly shake them, flie glass will look like new, and all kinds of glass washed in the same wa ter will look equally well. Ykoetine is acknowledged bv all classes of people to he the best and most reliable blood purifier in the world. To Prevent Flus from Ikjcrino Pictcke Fkamks, Glasses, Etc. Boil ibrte or four onions in a pint ot water; then with a gliding brush go over your glasses and frames, and the flies will not alight on the article s washed This mav be used without apprelien sicn, as it will not do the least injury to tne frames. Stair carpets can be marie to lut long time by having a yard more than tlie length needed to cover the stairs for then you can change it so that the same place in the carpet will notconie upon tlio edge of the stairs every time 11 is put down. Trk Baby's cries are its only method of letting you know that it sutlers and needs ur. Bull's JJaby svruD. Price ii cents a bottle. To make baking powders: One pound of bi-carbonate of sods, twelve ounces 01 tartaric act J, two ounces ot cream ol tartar, and one pound of flour ; mix well through a sieve, in making oicuk use oue teaspoonful or the powder to one pint ol flour, TVbfjt you clean your lamp chim neys, bold them over the nose of the teakettle when it is boilinz furiously. One or two repetitions of this process win make inem Deautnuiiy clear. Potato water, in which notatoea have been scraped, the water being al lowed to settle, and afterwards strained. Is good for sponging dirt out of silk. Use white oil cloth, bound with re d for wall protectors back of the kitchen table, and under I lie hocks where Dans. eta., are bung. Too Mat Xscaps all Danokb from attacks Ot Dlarruosa. Liyeenteir, or Cholera Morbus, by a little forethought. In prondiog yourself with Dr. Jayne carminative Balaam-hii old remedy and entirely sale. , HUMOROUS. Car returning from the theatre the Thompsons find their housemaid in great distress with her arm bound up in her apron. Mrs. Thompson. "What Is the matter, Ann? Have you hurt your hand?" Ann: "W-w-w-worse than thar, ma'am !" Mrs. Thompson : "Good heavens ! ira(isit?" Cook: "The fact is, ma'am, the silly girl bas been tryln' on vour n.-w bracelet, and none ot us knows bow to get it off again. A gkstlemas once asked a little girl, an only child, how many sisters she bad, and was told "three or four." Her mother asked Mary, wben they were aloue, wbat induced her to tell such an untruth. "Why, mamma," cried Mary, "I didn't want h' to think you are so poor that you hadn't but one child. Wouldn't he thought we were drtfful poor?" adTertUIng Cheats. It has become so common to write the beginning of an elegant, interest ing article and then run It into some advertisement that we avoid all such cheats and simply call attention to the merits of Hop Bitters in a plain, honest terms as possible, to induce people to give them one trial, as no one who knows their vahie will ever use any thing else. ProrUlenct Adctrtiier. An old Scotch lady was told that her minister used notes, but would not be lieve It. bald one, "Gang into the gal lery and see." She did so, and saw the writteu sermon. After the luckless preacher bad concluded his reading ol the last page, he said "But I will not enlarge." The old woman called, out from her lofty position, "Ye canna, ve canna, for your paper's give out." Olr Club. Member (bursting into card room, 9 a. h.) "Oh, waiter, have you 1 fancy last night I must have dropped a nvs pound " Walter uere It is, sir; ding lar thing, sir ee It under the table direct! v I come into the room t Luckv I got here fuat be fore any o' the members, sir ! !" A Lawtkk was compelled to apolo gize tthe Court. Withftattlr dg aityherose iu his place and said: lour Honor is riicht, and I urn wroiiit as your Honor generally is." There was a dazed look in the Judge's eye, aud be hardly knew whether to feel happy or flue the lawyer lor contempt of court. That was a thoroughly charactersi tic and sincere reply which a surprised saloonkeeper is reported as making the other day to a religious worker who visite 1 him in his place of business and asked him whether he expected to go to Heaven. "To be sure," be replied ; 'zum time; blme-by. Vy vudn't It" "Mr friends," said the political speaker, with a burst of ingenuous elo quence, "1 w ill be honest" There were a large number of his neighbors present, and the territic out-burst ol applause which followed this remark entirely upset the point which the ora tor was about to introduce. "Xow," said the examining physi cian to the unhappy pilot, "you mast pick out all the rods you eee." The pilot commenced by grasping the learn ed Professor's nose, which was worst ed. "That will do," said the Profes sor ; "your certificate is ready." "Is this my train?" asked a traveler at the Kansas Pacific depot of a lounger. "I don't know, but I guess not," was the reply, "I see it's got the name of the railroad company ou the side, and I expect it belongs to them. Have you lost a train anvwheie?' When a man's wife comes in and sees him razor in band, and with his face all lother, a.id asks him, "Are you shaving?" it's a proqnking thing in biui to answer, "?to, I'm blacking the stove"; but It's human nature so to reply. A Regulab 1 caac. Tommv who bas just becu operated on) 1 nsa i to be a dentist when I grow uo." Aunt Annie "Why, dear?" Tommy "To have revenge." A SorTK End man attended a circus for the first lime ia thirty years aud burst into tears at the vivid recollec tions of his vanished youth, recalled by the remarks of the'clown. Grass r (from the country, at a city party): "But why do they all show the tops of their arms in that ridicu lous manner?" Facetious youth: "The fact is, grandma, they're all go ing to be vaccinated alter supper." Tutor "Come, now, Mr. B , give me a familiar example of Hogarth's line of grace. Can't you think of it? It's a curved article that you see every day," Mr. B -(desperately "A a pretzel." now are the mighty fallen! Michael Angclo arrested lor selling stale beer without a license! Ah, Mike! you should have put less spirit into your work. Carboli.ne, a deodorized extract of petroleum, cures baldness. This is a positive fact, attested by thousands. Xo other hair preparation in the world will really do this. Besides, as now 1 in proved it Is a delightful dressing. Two old friends at Mount Yernon, Illinois, would have bad a law suit it one had not shot the other one in open court. This is an easy way to prevent ing lawsuits. A Tbiladklpria man. arrested for clubbing his wile, tried to excuse hlm- seir on the plea that he was merely banging her hair. A dboiiio! What Is a drotnio A dromio Is a person wha looks like looioa and talks like Crane, or vice versa. A PBYsiriAX says chewing gum is made of tynKperinuin taluelernum. Ve su.-pected as much all along. That is what makes it so tough and elastic. It is said that the title of "Lord of the Aisleu" is about to be conlerred upon Mr. Brown, of Grace Church. "Mike, did you ever catch frogs?" "Yes. sorr." "What did you bait with t" "Bate 'em wld a stick, sorr." Ir we could see others as we see our selves, there would be more good-looking people in the world. The Chinese in California are per haps like clocks; when they are run down they don't g Top newr can persuade a man that a paper that has his name in it isn't worth rcadir.g. Wht is a dog's tall like the heart of a tree t Because it is farthest from the bark. Whin is a nose not a nnap Whn it is a little turn np, or a little reddish. ThitwUI lmmortalii Bennett in Erin now as the "Jim of tbe say." VaUfrb Huiuetlute commences with a cold, but its ours alwapi commences with the use of Sage's Catarrh Remedy. This old, reliable, and well-known remedy has stood the test of years, and was never mor popular thin now. Hobbi Notes. "For Colic and Grabs in my mules and horses I give them about half a bottle of the liquid Simmons Liver Regulator at a time, I have not lost one that I gave it to. You can recommend it to every one that has stock ai being the best medicine known for all complaints that horse flesh is heir to. fc. I . Iatlor. A zent for Grangers of Georgia.' "My mode ot using Simmons' Liver Regulator for horses is as follows : U teaspoonful of the powder, Simmons1 Liver Regulator, in a mash three times a week. For Couth. Hide Bound or Pneumonia it will be found Invaluable in such complaints as above named. In using it with my chickens for Cholera I take a package or the iteguiator, mix it ilh the douft-h and feed it to them once a dav. By this treatment I have never lost from Chicken Cholera or Gapes a single chicken in the last five years. X. G. Bacox, Edgefield, S. C.r Bow a Hoathera City Awakes. There are comparatively few resi dents of the town who know wbai takes place during the hours between the peep-o'-day and fullsunri.se. Tbost firs' to appear on the street, which is just about the time that the combat between day and night is equally bal anced, are nearly always half-way dis guised, and are anxious not to be reco gnized when met. It recognized and accisted, an excuse is always ready to account for their early appearance These people have sleepy eyes and languid looks, betokening that the drowsy god bad been neglected in their last night's offerings. With light and hurried step this class soon disappears, and t ill appear no mort until late iu the day or the next moilng. Xow the day is begiuning to gj the advantage of ibe night. The tir begin to sing and soon a full chorus 'rom the ceme tery surges toward an'" 41U the streets with the melody of tht'r songs. Sing ers perched in the trrws of the town lend their voices to swell the volume. The next people to appear are the old a -gro wonieu on their way to the places where they are employed. Before they have disappeared the older negro men, who wait upon the stores, come up tnd stand in groups, waiting the time to rouse the clerl-s, for they dare not do it so early. The butcher-shops sre the first to open. The sound of their saws i aud knives can be heard before thedls- guUed class hardly disappear. About the time the other negroes come, the customers of the butchers begin to drop n. These are old white gentlemen who believe that the early customers get the tender stake. Xow day has gained tbe victory, and night is fast retreating westward. A general rat tling of doors begins, the younger ne gro men and women fill the streets, going in various directions. Undress ed clerks appear aud with a lazy yawn exchange morning salutations with their neighbors. Some half-dressed proprietors with last night's films yet upon them, come. Shutters are open ed, blinds are raised, specimens of ware put upon the street ; the sun bas come in full splendor ; the stages are mak ing ready to leave ; travelers are taking their places; tome are going to, aud pome coming from breakfast; the later stores are open ; the streets are filled with vehicles and people, and .Rich mond is on the full tide of another day. A Xtie Measuring Impltmmt. A re markable instrument was lately de scribed before the " Soclere d'Eucour sgemeut pour l'lndustrie X'atlonale." It is called profllngraph, because when In use it mechanically traces on paper tbe outlines or the ground over which It travels. A foreign contemporary describes it as a small carriage mounted on two wheels, drawn by one man, and attended by auother who m irks the levels of the proper places, and underneath hangs an iron rod with a large ball at Its lower end serving as a pendulum. This pendulum maintains a constant vertical position, while the machine inclines in one direction or the other, according as it ascends or de scends a slope. To the upper end ot the rod is fitted a pencil, which narks. on a sheet of paper tbe upf and downs of the country traversed, whether on an ordinary road or across trackless fields. The exact profile is thus recor ded to a given scale. At the same time one of ti e wheels acting as a cbaiu- bearer measures and indicates the distances travelel throughout the sur rey. A Loslaa-Jake, A prominent physician of Pittsburgh said Jokingly to a lacy patient who was complaining or her continued 111 health, and of his inability to cure her, " try Hop Bitters !" The lady took it In earnest and used the Bitters, from which she obtained permanent health. She now laughs at the doctor for his joke, but be is not so well pleased with it, as it cost him a good patient. Uar rUburg Patriot. Som new alloys or composit'ons. In tended as Imitation of the precious met- aia, nave been brought to notice In France. One of these, desigued as a sub stitute for gold. Is produced as follow: ght hundred part of copper, twen ty-eight or platinum, and twenty ol U'ngbtic acid ar melted in a crucible unuer a flux, and the melted inas. poured out Into alkaline water, so as to granulate it; it Is then melted together wiui uu parts or gold, ror a silver alloy, Bixty.five parts ot Iron and four parts of tungsten are melted together ana granulated also, twenty-three-parts nickel, Ave of aluminum and five 01 copper, in a separate crucible, to which Is added a piece of sodium, In or der to prevent oxidation, aud the two granulated alloys are then mel ted togehter. Both alloys resist tbe action of sulphuretted hydrogen. The Municipal Council of Paris have made arrangements whereby the con ect time is indicated by electricity, day and night along the boulevards and frui principal streets, on a large number of dials, thus carrying out la a most lib eral manner the system of time distri bution begun by Leverrler. Coal is nothing else than ferns, mdja. sesand sea-weeds, petrified beneath the surface of water in tbe absence of air. There are no less than 850 different species of plants petrified into coal, of which 250 at least are gigantic ferns. . A rtracie. Anthony Atwond, a retired minister of the H. . Church. 809 North Seventeenth street, Philadelphia Fa , rare : -Hunt's Rsmedy has cored my wife of Dropsy ic ite worst form. All hope bad left na for months. All say that it a a mme a. Water bad dropped from ber rl: ht limb for months. Fortx-eL-ht hours bad taken all tbe extra water from her system. All other meane bad been tried. N'ooe waf eeeded bat Hunt's Remadr." Trial a a. 75 esuta. A o ci of prerentlon Is worth a pound of enre. Sixteen oouoes of prevent on In each bos of Kidney-Wtt t. Try Kid v-Wort la tbe enemy of Indigestion ao-1 bUiooaness. It b enre to eonqaer them. Wb not try it ? Oasrts. A Valuable ttut rree. A book on tbe Liver, tta diseases and tbsir treatment sent free. Including treatises npon Liver Complainta, Torpid Liver. Jaundice, Biliousness, H ad ache. Constipation. Dyspep sia. Malaria, eta, Addrae Dr. beafort, la Broadway, hew Xork eUf, N. X. A CR! TaslTwaosrs-rTncfr ttissm 'St a hdltcretico xrnih.a ro oeaaasai sarir 1 IU uud a RocjT-s ts-atirfil saw , t HZT. IT CI AS.'.E. Toto sro l r.l 1 jnl-J UIT In Sonlb JOvtkU I 1SJ1 . ' P.Kew forkOU. - The Toltale Belt Co Marshall. Mich. Will send their celebra ed Electro Voltale Belta to the siBiotM upon 30 dajs'a trial. Speedy cmva guarautetd. Toey aaaa whaS Utj say. Write to them without delay. VEGETINE Purifies the Blood, Renovate! and Invigorates the whole System. ITS MEDICINAL PROPERTIES Ul Alterative Tonic Solvent and Diuretic Turntlne ta muds rdtMtTel rrora tha Joteea etcarfruliy-ariecu-d baric, roots and b-rb. and so sirnBRly enoreoirated tnat It all! efTO-tos'ly en1lrve irom tlie v-frm everr t Int or Sfrs. fa la, Ktrslslas it a mw, Ta nsara. 1 aa eer laster as tlumar. Kryalfaelaa, klt Rhraat byptiilltle UltMma,Ua. her. I'alatarM ai the kltHaaca. aud all uiH-a-rs thai an- ir"U Imp ire lib ol. hei. ailea. laH.MUumtery a'id hrenie Bhea mullsm. eur..llis, .out sua It law I tvmplaiala, tau uiuy be edecuiaUy cured tuivugb tue bkioj. For llreraunn' Ernptlve Dlseaaea of tbe ftklu. fMalalea. rliaplrs. Blelrhra, Klla, Teller. ealin.-an aaj smf ra. Ytl.hllMi atter lalleil lo (Sect a ! uiaaeul cur,:. rnr Pslns In the Bv. Kid" Complaint. rtmpsT. IVnia.e amiDesa. Lett'Oirboea, Bruno r.m internal nlcer.it.iMi. aud a'rrtiie diwasee and Otneial IMjUw. VK'.KTINK acts direcUjr idob tue causi-n 01 ttx.-se cuoiplaloLS. It Islrs aud alrroxuien tlie wnoie system, . cut taijOB ib-s crtilve or -ana. Silo's luRauimaUoa tures ulceration abd rt-KU.au- toe bowels. Tne rararrb. Dvsnemla. It M tall CnUreseM. . alMtailon of t: e Heart. Hrauxrbe. Plk-e, er- arisiM!, aud General IT. n luu ot U.e Nt-rroos rslrin. no nietl clue ua ever piea sue-b pr lects.lisiactlon as ibe VHjaU.NK. U puilflcS the blood, cleau-a all Ol ti.e organs, aud poa. sesse a couuuUiag poaer otar Ike aarreaa System. The rpmarkaYtle cures eT!ted try Veeet'aa have In meed many pnyal larn and apotueca. rtes wnom we know, la prescribe and uaettla tbelr own 'amUes. In fact, Vttretlne 19 the bat remedy yet dts eoTitred fortti- abedl-ew. and Is tbe only reliable HLOOD rX'iiLPLttii jet placed beiure Jie pujuc Vcgctinc. PRtPAEED BY II. K. STEVE.TS. Boatoa. M Vegetine is Sold by all Drag-sis ts. f hat Arts at the Saa Tim a Tie L'Yur,l:s B:w:!s and lis Cidneri Tb- pirst oran re tbo etonU clran- m ol lLa vTt!u. If they well, health will ho fTicr' ; If they Nrmo clo-kjesl, drctdfulUWawe are tore to loUuvi 'llJft TERRIBLE SUFFERINC. Bllloonru, Hs!ace. Pnaessia, Jaaa dice, I'OBatipatloa sad Pile. erKid rj Complaint. Urarel, lltahMto, er Chesaiu! Pains sad Aches, are dcre!ori bceane tfc- b'od l polwwwd with I Ne humor tuat abwutd havs bees KIBSSY.WORT wt!lrrwnre thcbTTfcy action and all th- Je-tTwymar er.it will He btn!!-d ; aegitct Lb:, and roo ir :TI ilrt .?itT4un -r. l!!on?nUbvbfeic:irdL 1 ry it and yon wiH.Jd or.rr-ore tt tit nzmbcr. lkett and Leaita wiiloocc more ela 7v heart. OTiy fean-r I n Trm fcu Urm mt eTaa tHtfwtmal KmsntT-WoFTwni ear yaa. Try a pack ae at once and bcut.-r JtiMit dry xtgcuzbit cnrnpvmA and Oat PacSuBe makes i x q marts of Hedlrla. Tour Vr7jiH At U r rf ,7 9H U Jw fou. Jnt v -m? ha r i 1 1 L. Jru, UM rU EXIZTJ k CC Tnptesi Anttlte. rfTahinff pl-t. tha rtiQialtla ff Ink nd o-lr, a hl"l-r fti.dnt np tb rpnr ttvaar e- mm which thin pricr-i-aa iiitico wit arM- y iDitlatM aad cirrlrt t atccal tii O'tic IrMioa. Uir(lB t- rt'T-d and auatnanf atttri to 'h lif-ntainirT nrmn by b Bi t-r which m laoffma-T Tan t tbv fml' in ! ta, tsjffptabl in cmpo-ition ai d Trvrnhlf awfa. It VOU WOULD BEPKOfKKLT suited with spectacles, apply or enrrespond to DR. s. C. GRAT, Opriclan, SS S. X KLTTH Street, yhiiade4oda. Pa. $777 Cmifll rr. Aildrme T. O. TltKCKT, Angata, Mala. 0P1UKIS Habll VmrrM la Is till f 'airp a-a.-s I -tm duo. Uaio. w 1 1 -, -1 . j. 1 Brai H The Only Medicine U WW of bainBvsH,wa SZ'af ta I" a.1 M rtd by tn?t.-ait. f r& t-istoulnrwr ui- M 9 Tiar tint res avoni tF aneui work, to g mini! nrand u rf t.n tnonrTVAati M Hop Bitters. Lj Hop B. m it too n jnan- and B w,ftVrinff fro any m fl S d!:;tiin or kiiu U ion, ti iu -rv ur- U j ri'i or siD;w'. 1 41 -r p tKiar. ir--rmr from 2 bk, r 'i Ufa ho pa iittera. Q B IVIxyaf voflkvv, tV TLcUiand. lie Wa U wbvivrr you i awiy -us- p B 7nr - V.L .unw I aWlOKKJt tnt.XTirxAll. ' ,T DJ a user 1 j susa m take Hop TA Hop Bitters I m pw-s. faa-ii-s, D. L C Air 1 nil 1 1 nn cm. 1 .1 H Hop B.tterel "J H T I S KejaAE f , NEVER I SSJE-- I gin it may hT . ,, . Il.i' laateiourU Lfl II Ii Z. l lire. It hae 1 I J 1 1 I' ' " l"- M saved hun-L'f ! iMuhtt fcai i aajjgBsa V- - - j DISEASES, -c a" dtpiles?m si iiikh ly and saraiy smad bytbsaasaf DMiT-woit. 1 aew aad omtoerol r al-arto sarnie sachaaliaaaiiMaaatsaaUparw of taaaoaa t . woraaaa aararal ptbiaiplaa, It tattw r -J Badtoaaas the auaand o as, and ta k taaat tlainiai th ijiiibi f aooaamlmrt ad aoaaoaoiat fcasiara. "" TI -TT,Ti-ttt - .1 i- m Ae.whjehhaaedlwitaii.iItbaTtaM tat yai Waaa aolaaaiaaf amlm my of .at woa rralewaqa now T. TJokiB 'tta Alabolt But, whlatt da aa, aa a toed, m dra atila, bat s.nuaa l!aW-rga THE Welcome Chorus. A NEW SONS BOOK FOR HIGH SCHOOLS. ACADEMES & SEMlsiR; BT W. S. TILMN. Iree Si.ee, ar Se.ee per Desea. A rraod ood kx.lt, of JM . 9i . thaboat P.rt -M.n.. a Ur rullctlua f y,"" rim .1-.. t tu. ot. I. fin - n. w . ml-r ' 1U.S T with FOB to tha Sn.h-ir or th- ?f.nnt.i ! yt ltt.a a Co p.vo.lid t.i w (. '" Mimic. Sun) laaa thutj a. a.ii:ua.4 LUKUi mi I Arthar ajalllraaB Vara Slraasaf Eaallah hea. I A than. Oeaas aflln Kmc. Son hsMsahfcae sf m. dont.. ase rraaterareiesBa. 3 Piaci.... Haas Circle. VU U K fiac Also, taka for the Hamnrr Et UKD. whkh will bring u I Oliver Ditson & Co., Boston. J. S. D1TSOS CO. I2B rtuatau St.. Ph.la. m L-aj" RETAIN THE HEAT LONGER ?u3 400 NOT BURN THE HAN0 J tROM BOTH WAYSlft ( 4CHEAR IV SAPONIFIER Is Is OH Bollabl Coentmrd Lr fur PAMIIT SOAP XAalNli. llirecttoe vcimpi,, web cas I' ' aaklae BardU hrfl and Tadie ms noica.I. BIUI wUgtal aa-l aUKarfta- A8K I'OIt 8APOMFIEB, AND TAKE NO OTHkU. ! A SALT lA.ICrtl FBILAI t leVi anranac aa AaTertwement wii oonfer a nner apoa the Advertl and the raeuaaer OTstaaac tnat they aw the adter- THERMOMETERS, Miroaas, (pra Glaa-aa, trm Gium, SiactacWa, Barometers, a Ortal.j, Aaiacal fnat. R. & J. BECK. rvt umwsiwi vbUbHku m ! pKeta sVIM tWMUl tSMB eS S mdlft. B;r o l)iY an k.l?r.. (klr. Ur. !. Bx tu, U tu, M. COPY PAD tn na to thorn Suit, f.f diriv; tuun tit uiHst thorn aui.l f.r JS tit ."i. Inr nn .ll.ir.l insm..HT, ana aVclpi jut 9i kipU r iuk,oJ Wrs,. aientt. bv return mail. A-l.trews U. BLkD.SUk, I. M., Alvrao, Tew. StiirillTant'. Great Catarrtt BueiT T th flVtat. aPfXst aWTaaaahls arT. . .!.!. tb wt.rid for tb cur o" I'A TARKtt. v -u(fr trust vbatCAQM. mr bow Ioo uu.diac. by kltiiui STURLXVANT'S CATARRH REMEDY Ibir mA txnfMartiaJ trial, 70s will V "BTin-d ot tbifstM. Tbi luediciiM In Trv rlMkiit tui 1 ma b tak-by tb momt dflK-t t-n, h. I'or -ul hi ail Iriiwwta.aDtl by Uoi-LOU At CO., v ArvS titrvct. bi.a4eihiAV. ELGIN WATCHES! All -trUa Gold. Hi 1 ...i vul.i 'to 15. Chstxia. ate. .arf (';. O. 1 t b MtTTi ihist. Wrlr fnr . , Plttabargb, P. AICH - - B-atttol I -. Wd. t.bruiM. ftc. with nam. )uc . aatrMAi.i a I. it ...!., Pf Au CNK and I'MRKELL A mmMnnl, Paisyrt f r avlcbaap. Aodr aa B..e iw, K ciHtr. 3i . NCW IORK BANKING AND MCRCU N'DlSfC CO. (inaraD e to tn pr cjut. a awaia urn toma from Si. to 91 uoo. Addr 17 WAHt.NUToN Ptrtw, New Torh. UNITED STATES Patent Brokers' and Inventors' ASSOCIATION aa Areh htrees. ran t okli-mi 1. T AGENTS ' WANTED FOR THE' . o-iii HISTORYofteWORLC yaibraehvr full aa4 ant;- mrr-nr, of r r aallua ot arM-tit and n.m fa.-.. r,.l inclulii, a hlt..r, of ih- nr ml fall of th :-k k. m.n Alnplrea, tbai.lla, th rro-an II,. h-o.Ul leai, th. rfinnat:in, th discuvviraaa Mill svnt of K W .tkl. .tc.,tt- ll contain 8ti hlvt ricul .raHnrs. ar-d I teavvi e. nPw. History of th rk r Uahnl B-n.1 kr irxlati bim and una t nu to Asent. AddrnMi M ATIOHAL fU BL I8H I SO CO.. MltaferMa. Pa. MAKE HENS LAY Sb So III ytrarT "Brians Bad Chan In, sow .' n ia tklroaatr,.tfcM avmol thUor aadCattl Nairn bar ar erthlM Iraaa. H aTS tliat ra-rlli' tondiUOB roatiar ar- mtytm lutlr par aaa Imm-awlr aliiai la. Noik aa aa artbaiu aakeaotialar lik ebsndaa . l ..od iu,a rwr. Iia, u. tnua.ua lo on - aiat at fo-. om arrbr. or at bv . all tor .1.01 l.tta . A.S. JOUASUH A .W.. Baaaar. Ha. AT'or SO Cents, Aaaddrd nlr and a e-nt (tans I will laaaj r a Ateaaa. at. Lami. jsaw Oil Hfl-Bdid Cnrom Vl.lt... . ,. imt as Clk Hl.NKLkK Stv.. . I . .se TH Jim,,!. la.ic tr.i,,, IsaMaaV IF r. I - J- I Tbki , a aa a.- r T n aal tta Srttsu af (VaUn . . aklaa, Jar, Aasrt sad WUtar Battar sua is las tia. twm HeSaet, him 11 Breraet S sr wat. bast VT eaBHtrtltSSHrsaBt. b .taral,, ,, I aada, laada. Ia atarkat V- S ta S aaki seaaa. Caaraataad rra fraai an hvuV r-, ajrbv. l a Blc CaUaa Calr ta jar raaaa. SB I esatf awtk wfll msec SJW b aa ef asasart aad ' Cka Tea ake a esttsr la at1 B ar, - I af hatritiSBa. eeaalaa sold mtHj ta boxes with had. s7l a i uld, together wits, words "Gilt-Unas J 1 1 P . bU.h ... . , aa m aa pjur rw BnaSSHa sad 8aaml Star kanara, Aik yonr 4Jr Ise ia -bob a "iisi aikais,-er seat bbb a aa tarlt, aaaU sise, KBV.st a seats; Larse HuUla, tLOB. Srsat sayiac sy bnylns tta larcet atsa a RJTTtl WPIOVEIEIT CO.