T Champion Gorger.
John s Is the chief engineer of
Ix-ox team that pi .as between Deniscn
nd Bed Rlter country, nd by a lew
is called a "bull-wacker." John was In
Denison Christmas day, and after Im
bibing freely at our most fashionable
saloons, concluded that he would like
to eat something, and stepped into one
of our restaurants where an Inviting
dinner was snicking on the table. John
started in at the front door with such
a speed as to make a halt rather difficult,
and the consequence was, he took a
seat at one of the tables ia the rear of
the room, upon which was placed many
delicacies that were ta be carried for
ward to other tables as occasion might
require. Among other things ta be
found on this table was a large, nice
baked turkey "done to a turn," as it
were and John took a carving knife,
and made a vigorous raid upon it. The
waiter knew that John was inthe wrong
pew, and that he was rapidly throw
ing himself on the out side of a deli
cious turkey that had been carefully
prepired for ot'aer epicures, but what
could the waiter do? John was a large,
robust fellow, and was likely to strike
out from the 6houlder with about the
same result as a kick from a mule. The
waiter interviewed the proprietor. The
proprietor pulled aside a green curtain,
stepped to the front, aud. after survey
ing John's huge form for a few mo
ments coucludeU that there was uo use
in m:iking a fuss simply because a man
had seated himself at the wrong table.
He stood aside, however, and silently
looked on as that tui key succumbed to
the ravenous appetite of the gentleman
from lied Kiver country. He saw
loaves of nice white bread accompany
ing that turkey, while pies, cakes aud
Jelly disappeared with frightful rapid
ity. As John gave the turkey a finish
ing touch, having cleared the dish of
the last vestige, the laudlord who had
been won lering all this time where his
profit would come in for his uiuner
grew courageous as well as sarcastic,
and sharply aeked :
"Is there anythere else, sir, that I
cau help you to?"
John had not observed his presence
until now, and was somewhat startled ;
but his reply showed that he w as equal
to the emergeucy. He raised his eyes j
and voioe, and startled the proprietor
by saying: i
'I don't care if you give me another
one of them thar turkeys."
The restaurant man congratulated
himself that he got lid of his customer
without further raid on his culinary
department, ai.d without difficulty ; but
be wauts it distinctly understood that
be would sell out below cost rather
thin take the gentleman from lied
River as a regular boarder.
Souie Sallitavtloa ia It.
"Just give me a chance to pour my
voice imo that machine, will you
said a rednoed man. stepping to the
front at a uhono'raph niatiuee the
other dav.
"Certainly," said Mr.Gilliland. "Put
your mouth down close, without pret-
sing, speak distinctly, aud the instru
ment will reoeat every word just as
vou say it."
"Ain't vou joking, now? Will it
really say tl-e same thing I say, with
out any changing around or mixing
up, to turn the joke ?"
"You will get hack your own words
nothing more or less," said the pro
prietor.
"Hold my hat, then, and pull open
all the valves," said the man, as he
nervously brought his mouth down to
the proper position. "Steady, now,
I'm about to warble."
"Come up boys everybody and
drink with the landlord!" was
what the man said, with an emphasis
on every word, and the same was what
the maryelous little wonder shrieked
bak.
"That's the sweetest music I've heard
for about ten years," said the man
with a moist palate and glowing eye,
'and I reckon it's about that long
since I've beard that good old tune
grouui uU 1 don't suppose I'll ever
get auother chance to hear it again,
and so, if it aiu't too much trouble,
please run her back and shoot it out
once or twice more. It's good for the
rheumatiz, that is. My! what a head
that man has! If he could only get
up a jug new that could not be empti
el!" and the man walked out with a
sad look and an unsteady step.
Feats of Memory.
Several protessers of the University
ot Berlin were assembled in the coun
Cil chamber, and were talking. One
of them held the Voss Gazette in hi'
hand. Turning to Prof. Boeckh (fa
mous as a Greek scholar and as pos
sessor of a w mderful memory) he
asked: "Do you think you could in
twenty-four hours get by heart the first
page of that newspaper?" "I am sure
1 could." "Prof. Boeckh.I don't think
you could. I am so sure you could not
that I'll bet twenty bottles of wine that
you could not." "Strike hands. 1
take your bet." 1'iot. Boeckh took the
newspaper, and was a little shocked to
see that the first page contained no
thing but a list of persons who had, at
the recent festival of the order of
Prussia, received the ribbon. This in
sipid litany was, of course, much more
difficult to get by heart than editorials
and intelligence; stilt Prof. Boeckh
would not back out. At this moment
Prof. Uaupt, who was likewise famous
for his tenacious memory, entered the
Council chamber, was told what hid
occurred, and dared to take a similar
bet. He smiled and struck hands.
Thereupon Prof. Benary, one of the
younger professors.declared that it the
veterans of the faculty could do so
much, the rawer recruits would not be
behind them, and to sustain the honor
of his youthful brethren he too would
take the bet. The next day all these
professors were assembled again In the
Council chamber. Prof. Boeckh began
and r.-cited . the whole page without j
missing one name, or one Christian
name, or one initial, or one grade of
the long list of persons who had re
ceived the ribbon, from the Ministers
of State to the humblest clerk. He
rattled it off as easily as if it had been
the alphabet. Then Prof. Haupt came
to taw and recited the long nomen
clature, but he gave it slowly and cor
rected himself often. 'Twas now Prof.
Benary 's turn to prove himself the
peer of these gray heads ; be exclaimed,
"Brethren, do you really think me ca
pable of fatiguing able men with so
stupid a litany for a third time? Xo,
colleague; I'd rather pay for twenty
bottles of good claret." A peal of
laughter shook the Council chamber.
A Prlaoea of India.
Among the passengers oa the last
steamer arriving in San r'rancisco from
Australia was Hnie. Alda Zuleika
Wyse, a lady of romantic antecedents,
and a history of w hose lineage might
form a fruitful subject tor the novelist
dhe is the granddaughter of a princess
ot Inaia and the great-granddaughter
of one of the most powerful Rajahs
that the torrid country of exclusive
castes and autocratic rulers has had in
rnoaern tiaes. At the request of Mme.
Wyse, the name of her great-grand
father is withheld, as the family at pre
sent hold a high position in England
This Itaj&li is said to have been the pos
sessor of one of those fortunes that to
us seem fabulous, because so enormous.
He numbered bis elephants by hun
dreds, his palaces by the scores, and
precious stones, with which the former
rulers of India were so lavish, he bad
in such quantities that even yet one of
the histories treating of India in his
time speaks of his jewel-embroidered
robes. Withal, be Was the warm
friend of Lord Clive, whose iron hand
held his c juntry under the coutrol of
Great Britain, and exacted allegia ice
to the English King, and to his friead-
ship be sacrificed his life. The Rjjah
had a brother whose hostility to the
British was bitter and unrelenting.
For years he tried to persuade the
Rajah to array his retainers against
the invader, but in vain. At hut the
brother, who was jxiwerless to carry
out his schmesof vengeance against the
hated friend, determined not only to
reaiovs him from his path, but to ex
terminate all his direct heirs, so that
the rank and the power of a Rijah
might be his. His murderous plot
partly succeeded. The Rajah was as
sassinated in a hunting-field, and his
family attacked in their home. But
one of the intended victims escaped.
For tome time before the culmination
of the conspiracy a British officer bad
been enamored of the Princess Altr-
ghenhaye, the young and lovely daugh
ter of the Rija), but he had never de
clared bis love. The Princess, it seems,
was not with the rest of her fathers'
family when they were niassacrvd by
the merciless Thugs, whom religious
fanaticism and pride of race had trans
formed into demous, and before they
could discover her hiding-place, her
English lovet bad found it and hasten
ed to her, broke the news of her father
fate, declared his love and persuaded
her to fly with him. Fleet Arab horses
were procured and they rode to th
nearest cantonment, a distance of 300
miles, in six days. Shortly after they
arrived they were married by the regi
mental chaplain. Five years later the
Princess, whose husband bad been pro
moted to a colonelcy, fell a victim to
cholera at Seruuderabad. She was the
last Princess of the Rijah's family
She left two sons. One of them reach
ed the rauk of a major in the Briti
army and was killed in action at La
bore while leading a "forlorn hope
In the great Indian mutiny of 135S,
The other son entered the East India
Company's tavy, became a captain ol
a ship, and was drowned in the Uoogl
River while attempting to save the life
of an officer ot the marines. Mme
Aida Zuleika Wyse is the daughter oj
the last mentioned officer and the last
survivor ot the Rajah's. She isa petite
deml-blonde, with grey eyes that have
a far-away look. Las soft, light-brow
hair aud a saa, sweet face. She was
married in Calcutta, to an English
officer, and has now, with her husband
commenced a tour of the LTuited States,
She intends to return to India within
two years.
Paris Cats.
The ruins of the ancient prefecture
of police on the Qaai des Orfevneries
Paris haye become the haunt and abode
ot innumerable stray cats, a feline
army only surpassed in numbers by the
cohorts that prowl around the environs
of the grain market. But at that latter
point pt:ssy has a mission, and the
grain storehouses swarm with rats, and
If Mistress Puss is obliged to hunt for
a living, at least she finds plenty of
game. Xor is she molested or ill-treat
ed. The dogs of the neighborhood are
forbidden to chase her, and naughty
boys who attempt to hurt her or worry
her are instantly punished. Puss has
a recognized home, too, iu the dilapi
dated, overcrowded post offioo (uow
soon to be reconstructed), where, but
for her presence, the rats and mice
would hold high carnival over the mail
bgs and the dead letters. But the
uckless marauder of the Qaai de:
Orfevneries has no social standing and
anp no official supplies of game. The
sparrows are shy and very hard to
catch. The Dogs of the neighborhoob
are decidedly fierce aud undisciplined
But these poor cats have found a friend.
Ouce a day there comes to the ruius an
aged women, dressed all in black, and
bearing a huge basket on her arm. A t
her cry, "Puss! puss! puss!" from
every nook and corner hastens a cat.
They pop out of holes, they s warm over
the walls, they creep from under piles
of rubbish gray, white, black, tabby
tawny, tortoise-shell all the varieties
of the lelis domestics are revealed iu
moment. The old lady sits do wn and
opens her basket. It is full of scraps
or raw meat ana liver, i-very cat re
ceives his portion in due turn till all are
fed and the supply Is exhausted. When
first this benevolent creature began to
feed these poor animals she had a hard
time of it. The starving cats would
leap into her basket, snatch the pieces
from her hand, ami scratch her severely
if she attempted to resist their depreda
tion. But now they are peaceable and
well trained as so many canary birds
They rub against her skirts, climb into
her lap, and rub their faces against her
cheeks, purring loudly the while.
Every cat waits his or her turn with
patience, and eats his or ber dinner
with a strict attention to good manners.
There are about forty pensioners which
thus subsist daily on the old lady's
bounty.
Etmtdf for Hydrophobia. M. Torres
Coicedo, Minister from Salvador, has
just made a gift to the Paris Zoologi
cal uaruens, or two curious plants, the
qnaoo and the etdron, which have so
long been extolled as an antidote to
snake-bites and hydrophobia. The
discovery of the value of the plants was
quite singular. Some Indians observed
that some birds of prey, which cap
ture and feed on snakes, sought out tie
vine of tbeffvaeo, ate its leaves, and plas
tered them oyer their plumage. This led
to the discovery of the therapeutic vir
tues of the plant.and by its use marvelous
cures wrj effeo td iu cites of hydro
phobia, snake bites aud marsh fevers.
Dr. Taffrar also discovered the pro
perties of these two plants darinir a
voyage by him through New Grenada.
in 1S09.
AGRICULTURE.
Tomatoes. The tomato a as greatly
improved in sue, smootnnesa and anal
ity within our recollection. It bas
also changed from a mere ornament,
like some other Solanums, to an article
of necessity and general use in this
country, while it is working its way
steadily but surely to lavor all over the
civilized world. In a cool moist cli
mate, like England and Scotland, the
tomato ripeus in the open ground only
under the most f avorabU circumstances
and seems ta require about such treat
ment as the peach. Tomatoes are,
therefore, grown in houses, like for
eign grapes, trainer to the rafters.
Those who have had no experience can
scarcely realize how large a plant the
tomato will make when a little pains is
taken in giving it plenty of nutriment
ind proper training. Uuce we trained
one to the side ot the building, and it
covered a space sixteen by twenty feet,
and bad several handreds of ripe fruit
on it at one time, it seemed a marvel
to many, and we bad pleuty of appli
cations lor seed, on the supposition that
it was a new aud Improved variety.
Some years since we sent the Hatha
way Excelsior tomato to England, and
it has proved for n.any years the most
popular variety in thai country. From
it, by some Ireak of .Nature, was pro
duced a kind called Green Gage, yel
low, obloue, small, but rich aud pro
ductive too small for market purposes
here. Later we sent a new variety,
which we had not named, and which
received a first-class certificate from
the Royal Horticultural Society. Our
friends in England named it Tick's
Criterion. This, too, bas become a
leading and popular sort aud, it is
claimed, excels all others for forcing.
From this "Richard Nisbet, a gardener
at Aswarby Park, lias proJuced a va
riety called Nisbil's Victojia, which is
said to excel all others for frulll illness.
The fruit Is oval, less than two inches
by two and a lialfjn diameter, growing
in bunches and each buuch containing
from eight to twenty specimeus, of the
size and color of a Victoria plum. It
contains but few seeds and lor flavor is
unsurpassed. The original plant cov
ered a space fifteen feet by six, and had
upon it atone time tKKJ bunches of Iruit;
as many more have been gathered dur
ing he summer." We shall give this
a trial next summer; but think it may
be too small lor general use in this
conutry, where tomatoes glow so
abundantly in the open ground, of
great size aud wonder I ul beauty.
Cloves on tui Fattu. One might
suppose as long as clover has been rec-
igmzed a-i "par excellence " tne best
fertilizing plant in America, if sot in
the world, that it would be a work of
supererogation to say anything in its
lavor. J his seems to be, however, one
of the many points where theory aud
practice are at variance, for there are
thousands of farmers who acknowledge
the value of clover and yet neglect to
iow it on their wheat fields, if the price
of clover happens to be a dollar or two
bushel above the average. It seems
to me that nothing could be mere
''penny wise and pound foolish." It is
seldom that seed gets so high that it
will tost one dollar an acre to seed a
neld, and generally Irom fitty to seventy-five
cents will cover the expense.
Xow let a farmer undertake to lertillze
an acre in any other way and see what
it will cost him. Ten two-horse loads
of stable manure is about as little
an amount as I can dress an acre with,
and I cannot buy and apply this
amount to my laud for less than ten
dollars, counting a haud and tea.ii at
only two dollari a day. Or suprKwe 1
tave the manure on my own farm,
made by my own stock; it will t a
food day's work, worth at least two
lollars, to draw to the field and spread
manure enounu to diees an acre, and
:his is from two to four times what it
has cost to get a stand of clover.
There can be no question as to its being;
cheap fertilizer, but is it a good one?
I presume that all farmers, under all
circumstances, would answer yes; but
undoubtedly its value is much greater
on some sous than en others. 1 am
fully convinced that on clay limestone
uplands a crop ol clover is often worth
more than a liberal coating of stable
manure, and in this opinion I am sus
tained by many of our best farmers
in fact, iu a grain-growing region,
clover is absolutely indispensable, and
without it our svstem ot farming must
change or our lands will become bar
ren.
How Maxt Egos per Assvx. now
many eggs per annum will tne best
uon-si'ting varieties ot hens lay ? We
nave heard of single Hamburg and
Leghorn hens producing 25i to 300 eggs
ach per annum; but what we would
like to kaow is. can a flock of ten up to
fifty average this? lliere Is no doubt
with proper care to telectiug to breed
from, and in time, such a flock coulJ be
brought up to this great average. The
difficulty, however, in selecting breed
ers from a flock, is to ascerttlu which
hens out of it lay the most eggs ; for
there are some, even among the non
sitters, that lay few ; and if their eggs
ire batched, the chickens, like their
mothers, would probably grow up poor
layers. In order to increase the aver
age laying of a flock, eggs for hatching
must be selected from those hensrhlcb
lay the greatest number. .Not', who
a ill go into this, and give us bens thai
we can depend upon, every one, to lay
an assured number of eggs per annum,
as with cows wht. h will give a certain
quantity of miik or butter per annum
let to be certain of this, the farmer.
like the latter, must be kept separate.
Who will take the particular trouble to
da this? It would be well worth one's
while; for be could rapidly sell the
chickens thus produced, at a large price,
To destroy bugs on squashes and cu
cumber vines dissolve a tablespoontul
of saltpetre in a pailful of water, put a
pint of this arouud each bill, shaping
the earth so that It will not spread
much, aud the thing is done. Then
more saltpetre, it you can afford it it
is good lor vegetable but death to am
mal life. 1 he bugs burrow in the earth
at night, and fail to rise in the morn
ing. It is also good to Kill grubs In
peach trees only u-e twice as much,
say a quart to each tree, lliere was
not a yellow or blistered leaf on twelve
or fifteen trees to w hich it was applied
last season. AO danger ot killing any
vegetable with It a concentrated sola
tion applied to beans makes tteui grow
wondenuiiy.
Plaxts must be allowed air; even
those that will not bear the outer air
must have the air of the room frequent-
y ires iened by ventilation, to preserve
neni in health, care should be taken
not to let plants stand In a draught, for
when so situated one strong gust of
cold wind will often prove sufficient to
destroy them.
A FasKled Jostles.
A man named John was brought be
fore a country squire for stealing a hog
and three witnesses being examined,
swore they saw him steal it. A wag
having volunteered his counsel for
Josh, knowing the scope of the squire's
brain, arose and addressed him as fol
lows :
May it please your honor, I can es
tablish this man's honesty beyond a
shadow of a doubt, for I have twelve
witnesses who are ready to swear that
they did not see him steal it,"
The squire rested his head for a
few moments as if in deep thought,
and with great dignity arose, and,
brushing back his hair, said :
If there are twelve who did not see
him steal it, and only three who did,
discharge the prisoner."
DOMESTIC.
A Xrw Sandwich. A novelty in the
war of sandwiches can be made -with
canned salmon, by using mayonnaise
sauce instead cf butter. First make
some good thick mayonnaise sauce by
dropping oil. drop by drop, in the yolk
of an egg, carefully separated from the
white, and beatioe it with a fork. Do
not use any vinegar or pepper and salt
at starting, or failure may result. Keep
adding on and beating till the mixture
gets as thick as buttei. Xow add seme
vineear. about a teasnoontul will suf
fice, and a little white pepper and salt.
Butter some thin slices of bread with
this sauce and place a very thin layer
of salmon between them, having first
thoroughly pounded the salmon in a
mortar or basin, and then, after gently
pressing the slices ot bread together,
cut the slice into triangular pieces aud
pile them upon a plate, ornamenting
the dish with nice bright parsley, and
placing a few small crayfish, with out
stretched claws, round the base, with
one on top. It is a pretty, delicious
and inexpensive dish. GooJ-sized
prawns may be advantageously substi
tuted for crayfish.
Cbinesb Stakch Polish. Sper
maceti four ounces; white wax, two
ounces; stearine, or paratiiue, one-nan
ounce; ultra marine blue, one-half
grain. Melt together aud let cool ; use
a piece the size of a hickory-nut, lor
one-ball dozen shirts; put in the starch
while cookiug, alo add one teaspoon-
ful of kerosene. The clothing should
be dried first, and then dip bosoms and
wrist-bands, cufT-t, etc. in while it is as
hot as you can bear your hands in it.
and rub it thoroughly luto the cloth;
dry the articles. Then make a thin.
cold starch ; dip them in and toll theiu
up about two hours before you wish to
Iron them. To do it well, you should
have a polishing iron, which costs 40
cents here. First iron the bosom the
usual way ; then take a cleau cloth;
dip It in warm water, and slightly
moisten the bosom : take tlie not polish
ing iron and rtib it quickly back and
forth over the goods, not making long
storkes.
Avoid using those remedies contain
ing Opium, Morphia, etc: but when
the Baby is sick use Dr. Bull's Baby
Syrup perfectly safe and always re
liable. Price only 23 cents a bottle.
Citrixq Bkef. To every one hun
dred pounds ol beef, take eight pounds
salt, (if for winter use, seven pounds,)
two ounces saltpetre, two and one-hall
pounds brown sugar, two ounces soda,
ta'O ounces caveune pepper, six gal
lons water. First dissolve the salt in
part of the water, skimming it well:
then add the other ingredients ti-ctpt
the saltpetre, set it off to cool, then put
the remainder of the water into a clean
wash-boiler, and add the saltpetre.
When It comes to a boil, immerse each
piece of bee! in the boiling water, hold
ing it with a carving fork; let it re
main a few seconds until it looks a lit
tle white; when finished add the wa
ter containing the saltpetre to the other
brine, let meat and brine cool, pick in
a barrel, pour on the brine, lay the
barrel-head on the meat, aud over it a
large stone to hold it down. Molasses
barrels are best.
Beefsteak. If the steak Is tough,
pouud it well aud press it together,
When everything else Is ready lor the
table, build a quick lire with kmdlintt-
woou, have a thick, iron spide smok
ing hot, grease it aud put in the steak ;
just befoie the blood starts, sprinkle
with salt and t'irn; let It cock only a
minute or two; cut a small place In
the centre and see if it is raw; if not
(that Is if merely looks quite red or
pink( take it up quickly, sprinkle the
upper side with salt, spread with but-j
ter, eat while red hot. Serve on hot
platter and have plates hot. If you
have coals and a broiler, use thoe In
stead. Never cook beef over a slew fire
aud let it "sizzle;" while all the juice
runs out ; it makes It tough.
Essen'cb or Be.f. On pound of
gravy beef, tree from skin and fat,
chop as fine as mince meat; pound In a
aiortar, with three tablespoon fu I ol
soda water and soak for two hours;
lieu put iu a covered ear, lien jar, with
a little salt, cement the edges of the
cover with pudding paste, and tie a
piece of cloth over the top; place the
jir in a pot half lull of boiling water,
and keep the the pot on the fire four or
live hours, sl nmering; strain off the
liquid essence through a coarse sieve;
it will be about five or six ounces in
quantity ; one teaspoonful of cream may
occasional be added with advantage to
four ounces of the essence, or it may be
thickened with flour, arrowroot or
sage.
The ladies will find Dobbins' Elec
tric Soap, (made my Cragln & Co ,
Philadelphia,) the best of all soaps for
general washing, from blankets to
laces. It is pure, uniform, saves time
and clothes. Try IU
Cobsixo Hams. For one hnndred
pounds meat, take ten pounds salt,
our pouuds sugar, four pints molasses,
(our ounces saltpetre, four ounces pep
per, twoouncessoda. Dissolve the salt
in lour gallons water; boil and skim,
: hen add the other ingredients; pour
on while warm. In six weeks they
will be ready for smoking; some pre
fer to take them out in three or lour
weeks. Smoke vith corn eobt or hickory
chips.
Whe.n making cake or omelette, take
your discarded etrg-shells. crush them
mto small bits, put them into your de
canters three parts filled with cold
water, and thoroughly shake them,
flie glass will look like new, and all
kinds of glass washed in the same wa
ter will look equally well.
Ykoetine is acknowledged bv all
classes of people to he the best and most
reliable blood purifier in the world.
To Prevent Flus from Ikjcrino
Pictcke Fkamks, Glasses, Etc. Boil
ibrte or four onions in a pint ot water;
then with a gliding brush go over your
glasses and frames, and the flies will
not alight on the article s washed
This mav be used without apprelien
sicn, as it will not do the least injury
to tne frames.
Stair carpets can be marie to lut
long time by having a yard more than
tlie length needed to cover the stairs
for then you can change it so that the
same place in the carpet will notconie
upon tlio edge of the stairs every time
11 is put down.
Trk Baby's cries are its only method
of letting you know that it sutlers and
needs ur. Bull's JJaby svruD. Price
ii cents a bottle.
To make baking powders: One
pound of bi-carbonate of sods, twelve
ounces 01 tartaric act J, two ounces ot
cream ol tartar, and one pound of flour ;
mix well through a sieve, in making
oicuk use oue teaspoonful or the
powder to one pint ol flour,
TVbfjt you clean your lamp chim
neys, bold them over the nose of the
teakettle when it is boilinz furiously.
One or two repetitions of this process
win make inem Deautnuiiy clear.
Potato water, in which notatoea
have been scraped, the water being al
lowed to settle, and afterwards strained.
Is good for sponging dirt out of silk.
Use white oil cloth, bound with re d
for wall protectors back of the kitchen
table, and under I lie hocks where Dans.
eta., are bung.
Too Mat Xscaps all Danokb from attacks
Ot Dlarruosa. Liyeenteir, or Cholera Morbus, by
a little forethought. In prondiog yourself with
Dr. Jayne carminative Balaam-hii old remedy
and entirely sale. ,
HUMOROUS.
Car returning from the theatre the
Thompsons find their housemaid in
great distress with her arm bound up
in her apron. Mrs. Thompson. "What
Is the matter, Ann? Have you hurt
your hand?" Ann: "W-w-w-worse
than thar, ma'am !" Mrs. Thompson :
"Good heavens ! ira(isit?" Cook:
"The fact is, ma'am, the silly girl bas
been tryln' on vour n.-w bracelet, and
none ot us knows bow to get it off
again.
A gkstlemas once asked a little girl,
an only child, how many sisters she
bad, and was told "three or four." Her
mother asked Mary, wben they were
aloue, wbat induced her to tell such an
untruth. "Why, mamma," cried
Mary, "I didn't want h' to think
you are so poor that you hadn't but
one child. Wouldn't he thought we
were drtfful poor?"
adTertUIng Cheats.
It has become so common to write
the beginning of an elegant, interest
ing article and then run It into some
advertisement that we avoid all such
cheats and simply call attention to the
merits of Hop Bitters in a plain, honest
terms as possible, to induce people to
give them one trial, as no one who
knows their vahie will ever use any
thing else. ProrUlenct Adctrtiier.
An old Scotch lady was told that her
minister used notes, but would not be
lieve It. bald one, "Gang into the gal
lery and see." She did so, and saw
the writteu sermon. After the luckless
preacher bad concluded his reading ol
the last page, he said "But I will not
enlarge." The old woman called, out
from her lofty position, "Ye canna, ve
canna, for your paper's give out."
Olr Club. Member (bursting into
card room, 9 a. h.) "Oh, waiter, have
you 1 fancy last night I must have
dropped a nvs pound " Walter
uere It is, sir; ding lar thing, sir ee
It under the table direct! v I come into
the room t Luckv I got here fuat be
fore any o' the members, sir ! !"
A Lawtkk was compelled to apolo
gize tthe Court. Withftattlr dg
aityherose iu his place and said:
lour Honor is riicht, and I urn wroiiit
as your Honor generally is." There
was a dazed look in the Judge's eye,
aud be hardly knew whether to feel
happy or flue the lawyer lor contempt
of court.
That was a thoroughly charactersi
tic and sincere reply which a surprised
saloonkeeper is reported as making the
other day to a religious worker who
visite 1 him in his place of business and
asked him whether he expected to go
to Heaven. "To be sure," be replied ;
'zum time; blme-by. Vy vudn't It"
"Mr friends," said the political
speaker, with a burst of ingenuous elo
quence, "1 w ill be honest" There
were a large number of his neighbors
present, and the territic out-burst ol
applause which followed this remark
entirely upset the point which the ora
tor was about to introduce.
"Xow," said the examining physi
cian to the unhappy pilot, "you mast
pick out all the rods you eee." The
pilot commenced by grasping the learn
ed Professor's nose, which was worst
ed. "That will do," said the Profes
sor ; "your certificate is ready."
"Is this my train?" asked a traveler
at the Kansas Pacific depot of a lounger.
"I don't know, but I guess not," was
the reply, "I see it's got the name of
the railroad company ou the side, and
I expect it belongs to them. Have you
lost a train anvwheie?'
When a man's wife comes in and sees
him razor in band, and with his face
all lother, a.id asks him, "Are you
shaving?" it's a proqnking thing in
biui to answer, "?to, I'm blacking the
stove"; but It's human nature so to
reply.
A Regulab 1 caac. Tommv who bas
just becu operated on) 1 nsa i to be
a dentist when I grow uo." Aunt
Annie "Why, dear?" Tommy "To
have revenge."
A SorTK End man attended a circus
for the first lime ia thirty years aud
burst into tears at the vivid recollec
tions of his vanished youth, recalled
by the remarks of the'clown.
Grass r (from the country, at a city
party): "But why do they all show
the tops of their arms in that ridicu
lous manner?" Facetious youth:
"The fact is, grandma, they're all go
ing to be vaccinated alter supper."
Tutor "Come, now, Mr. B , give
me a familiar example of Hogarth's
line of grace. Can't you think of it?
It's a curved article that you see every
day," Mr. B -(desperately "A
a pretzel."
now are the mighty fallen! Michael
Angclo arrested lor selling stale beer
without a license! Ah, Mike! you
should have put less spirit into your
work.
Carboli.ne, a deodorized extract of
petroleum, cures baldness. This is a
positive fact, attested by thousands. Xo
other hair preparation in the world will
really do this. Besides, as now 1 in
proved it Is a delightful dressing.
Two old friends at Mount Yernon,
Illinois, would have bad a law suit it
one had not shot the other one in open
court. This is an easy way to prevent
ing lawsuits.
A Tbiladklpria man. arrested for
clubbing his wile, tried to excuse hlm-
seir on the plea that he was merely
banging her hair.
A dboiiio! What Is a drotnio A
dromio Is a person wha looks like
looioa and talks like Crane, or vice
versa.
A PBYsiriAX says chewing gum is
made of tynKperinuin taluelernum.
Ve su.-pected as much all along. That
is what makes it so tough and elastic.
It is said that the title of "Lord of
the Aisleu" is about to be conlerred
upon Mr. Brown, of Grace Church.
"Mike, did you ever catch frogs?"
"Yes. sorr." "What did you bait
with t" "Bate 'em wld a stick, sorr."
Ir we could see others as we see our
selves, there would be more good-looking
people in the world.
The Chinese in California are per
haps like clocks; when they are run
down they don't g
Top newr can persuade a man that
a paper that has his name in it isn't
worth rcadir.g.
Wht is a dog's tall like the heart of
a tree t Because it is farthest from the
bark.
Whin is a nose not a nnap Whn
it is a little turn np, or a little reddish.
ThitwUI lmmortalii Bennett
in
Erin now as the "Jim of tbe say."
VaUfrb Huiuetlute
commences with a cold, but its ours
alwapi commences with the use of Sage's
Catarrh Remedy. This old, reliable, and
well-known remedy has stood the test
of years, and was never mor popular
thin now.
Hobbi Notes. "For Colic and
Grabs in my mules and horses I give
them about half a bottle of the liquid
Simmons Liver Regulator at a time,
I have not lost one that I gave it to.
You can recommend it to every one that
has stock ai being the best medicine
known for all complaints that horse
flesh is heir to. fc. I . Iatlor.
A zent for Grangers of Georgia.'
"My mode ot using Simmons' Liver
Regulator for horses is as follows : U
teaspoonful of the powder, Simmons1
Liver Regulator, in a mash three times
a week. For Couth. Hide Bound or
Pneumonia it will be found Invaluable
in such complaints as above named. In
using it with my chickens for Cholera
I take a package or the iteguiator, mix
it ilh the douft-h and feed it to them
once a dav. By this treatment I have
never lost from Chicken Cholera or
Gapes a single chicken in the last five
years.
X. G.
Bacox, Edgefield, S. C.r
Bow a Hoathera City Awakes.
There are comparatively few resi
dents of the town who know wbai
takes place during the hours between
the peep-o'-day and fullsunri.se. Tbost
firs' to appear on the street, which is
just about the time that the combat
between day and night is equally bal
anced, are nearly always half-way dis
guised, and are anxious not to be reco
gnized when met. It recognized and
accisted, an excuse is always ready to
account for their early appearance
These people have sleepy eyes and
languid looks, betokening that the
drowsy god bad been neglected in their
last night's offerings. With light and
hurried step this class soon disappears,
and t ill appear no mort until late iu
the day or the next moilng. Xow the
day is begiuning to gj the advantage
of ibe night. The tir begin to sing
and soon a full chorus 'rom the ceme
tery surges toward an'" 41U the streets
with the melody of tht'r songs. Sing
ers perched in the trrws of the town
lend their voices to swell the volume.
The next people to appear are the old
a -gro wonieu on their way to the places
where they are employed. Before they
have disappeared the older negro men,
who wait upon the stores, come up tnd
stand in groups, waiting the time to
rouse the clerl-s, for they dare not do
it so early. The butcher-shops sre the
first to open. The sound of their saws
i aud knives can be heard before thedls-
guUed class hardly disappear. About
the time the other negroes come, the
customers of the butchers begin to drop
n. These are old white gentlemen
who believe that the early customers
get the tender stake. Xow day has
gained tbe victory, and night is fast
retreating westward. A general rat
tling of doors begins, the younger ne
gro men and women fill the streets,
going in various directions. Undress
ed clerks appear aud with a lazy yawn
exchange morning salutations with
their neighbors. Some half-dressed
proprietors with last night's films yet
upon them, come. Shutters are open
ed, blinds are raised, specimens of ware
put upon the street ; the sun bas come
in full splendor ; the stages are mak
ing ready to leave ; travelers are taking
their places; tome are going to, aud
pome coming from breakfast; the later
stores are open ; the streets are filled
with vehicles and people, and .Rich
mond is on the full tide of another
day.
A Xtie Measuring Impltmmt. A re
markable instrument was lately de
scribed before the " Soclere d'Eucour
sgemeut pour l'lndustrie X'atlonale."
It is called profllngraph, because when
In use it mechanically traces on paper
tbe outlines or the ground over which
It travels. A foreign contemporary
describes it as a small carriage mounted
on two wheels, drawn by one man,
and attended by auother who m irks
the levels of the proper places, and
underneath hangs an iron rod with a
large ball at Its lower end serving as a
pendulum. This pendulum maintains
a constant vertical position, while the
machine inclines in one direction or the
other, according as it ascends or de
scends a slope. To the upper end ot
the rod is fitted a pencil, which narks.
on a sheet of paper tbe upf and downs
of the country traversed, whether on
an ordinary road or across trackless
fields. The exact profile is thus recor
ded to a given scale. At the same time
one of ti e wheels acting as a cbaiu-
bearer measures and indicates the
distances travelel throughout the sur
rey.
A Loslaa-Jake,
A prominent physician of Pittsburgh
said Jokingly to a lacy patient who was
complaining or her continued 111
health, and of his inability to cure her,
" try Hop Bitters !" The lady took it
In earnest and used the Bitters, from
which she obtained permanent health.
She now laughs at the doctor for his
joke, but be is not so well pleased with
it, as it cost him a good patient. Uar
rUburg Patriot.
Som new alloys or composit'ons. In
tended as Imitation of the precious met-
aia, nave been brought to notice In
France. One of these, desigued as a sub
stitute for gold. Is produced as follow:
ght hundred part of copper, twen
ty-eight or platinum, and twenty ol
U'ngbtic acid ar melted in a crucible
unuer a flux, and the melted inas.
poured out Into alkaline water, so as to
granulate it; it Is then melted together
wiui uu parts or gold, ror a silver
alloy, Bixty.five parts ot Iron and four
parts of tungsten are melted together
ana granulated also, twenty-three-parts
nickel, Ave of aluminum and five
01 copper, in a separate crucible, to
which Is added a piece of sodium, In or
der to prevent oxidation, aud the
two granulated alloys are then mel
ted togehter. Both alloys resist tbe
action of sulphuretted hydrogen.
The Municipal Council of Paris have
made arrangements whereby the con ect
time is indicated by electricity, day and
night along the boulevards and frui
principal streets, on a large number of
dials, thus carrying out la a most lib
eral manner the system of time distri
bution begun by Leverrler.
Coal is nothing else than ferns, mdja.
sesand sea-weeds, petrified beneath
the surface of water in tbe absence of
air. There are no less than 850 different
species of plants petrified into coal,
of which 250 at least are gigantic
ferns. .
A rtracie.
Anthony Atwond, a retired minister of the
H. . Church. 809 North Seventeenth street,
Philadelphia Fa , rare : -Hunt's Rsmedy has
cored my wife of Dropsy ic ite worst form.
All hope bad left na for months. All say that
it a a mme a. Water bad dropped from ber
rl: ht limb for months. Fortx-eL-ht hours bad
taken all tbe extra water from her system.
All other meane bad been tried. N'ooe waf
eeeded bat Hunt's Remadr." Trial a a. 75
esuta.
A o ci of prerentlon Is worth a pound of
enre. Sixteen oouoes of prevent on In each
bos of Kidney-Wtt t. Try Kid v-Wort la
tbe enemy of Indigestion ao-1 bUiooaness. It
b enre to eonqaer them. Wb not try it ?
Oasrts.
A Valuable ttut rree.
A book on tbe Liver, tta diseases and tbsir
treatment sent free. Including treatises npon
Liver Complainta, Torpid Liver. Jaundice,
Biliousness, H ad ache. Constipation. Dyspep
sia. Malaria, eta, Addrae Dr. beafort, la
Broadway, hew Xork eUf, N. X.
A CR! TaslTwaosrs-rTncfr ttissm 'St
a hdltcretico xrnih.a ro oeaaasai sarir
1 IU uud a RocjT-s
ts-atirfil saw ,
t HZT. IT CI AS.'.E. Toto sro l
r.l 1 jnl-J UIT In Sonlb
JOvtkU I 1SJ1 . ' P.Kew forkOU.
- The Toltale Belt Co Marshall. Mich.
Will send their celebra ed Electro Voltale
Belta to the siBiotM upon 30 dajs'a trial.
Speedy cmva guarautetd. Toey aaaa whaS
Utj say. Write to them without delay.
VEGETINE
Purifies the Blood, Renovate! and
Invigorates the whole System.
ITS MEDICINAL PROPERTIES Ul
Alterative Tonic Solvent
and Diuretic
Turntlne ta muds rdtMtTel rrora tha Joteea
etcarfruliy-ariecu-d baric, roots and b-rb. and
so sirnBRly enoreoirated tnat It all! efTO-tos'ly
en1lrve irom tlie v-frm everr t Int or Sfrs.
fa la, Ktrslslas it a mw, Ta nsara. 1 aa
eer laster as tlumar. Kryalfaelaa,
klt Rhraat byptiilltle UltMma,Ua.
her. I'alatarM ai the kltHaaca. aud all
uiH-a-rs thai an- ir"U Imp ire lib ol. hei.
ailea. laH.MUumtery a'id hrenie Bhea
mullsm. eur..llis, .out sua It law I
tvmplaiala, tau uiuy be edecuiaUy cured
tuivugb tue bkioj.
For llreraunn' Ernptlve Dlseaaea of tbe
ftklu. fMalalea. rliaplrs. Blelrhra,
Klla, Teller. ealin.-an aaj smf
ra. Ytl.hllMi atter lalleil lo (Sect a
! uiaaeul cur,:.
rnr Pslns In the Bv. Kid" Complaint.
rtmpsT. IVnia.e amiDesa. Lett'Oirboea, Bruno
r.m internal nlcer.it.iMi. aud a'rrtiie diwasee
and Otneial IMjUw. VK'.KTINK acts direcUjr
idob tue causi-n 01 ttx.-se cuoiplaloLS. It
Islrs aud alrroxuien tlie wnoie system, . cut
taijOB ib-s crtilve or -ana. Silo's luRauimaUoa
tures ulceration abd rt-KU.au- toe bowels.
Tne rararrb. Dvsnemla. It M tall CnUreseM.
. alMtailon of t: e Heart. Hrauxrbe. Plk-e, er-
arisiM!, aud General IT. n luu ot U.e Nt-rroos
rslrin. no nietl clue ua ever piea sue-b pr
lects.lisiactlon as ibe VHjaU.NK. U puilflcS
the blood, cleau-a all Ol ti.e organs, aud poa.
sesse a couuuUiag poaer otar Ike aarreaa
System.
The rpmarkaYtle cures eT!ted try Veeet'aa
have In meed many pnyal larn and apotueca.
rtes wnom we know, la prescribe and uaettla
tbelr own 'amUes.
In fact, Vttretlne 19 the bat remedy yet dts
eoTitred fortti- abedl-ew. and Is tbe only
reliable HLOOD rX'iiLPLttii jet placed beiure
Jie pujuc
Vcgctinc.
PRtPAEED BY
II. K. STEVE.TS. Boatoa. M
Vegetine is Sold by all Drag-sis ts.
f hat Arts at the Saa Tim a
Tie L'Yur,l:s B:w:!s and lis Cidneri
Tb- pirst oran re tbo etonU clran-
m ol lLa vTt!u. If they well, health
will ho fTicr' ; If they Nrmo clo-kjesl,
drctdfulUWawe are tore to loUuvi 'llJft
TERRIBLE SUFFERINC.
Bllloonru, Hs!ace. Pnaessia, Jaaa
dice, I'OBatipatloa sad Pile. erKid
rj Complaint. Urarel, lltahMto,
er Chesaiu! Pains sad Aches,
are dcre!ori bceane tfc- b'od l polwwwd
with I Ne humor tuat abwutd havs bees
KIBSSY.WORT
wt!lrrwnre thcbTTfcy action and all th-
Je-tTwymar er.it will He btn!!-d ; aegitct
Lb:, and roo ir :TI ilrt .?itT4un -r.
l!!on?nUbvbfeic:irdL 1 ry it and yon
wiH.Jd or.rr-ore tt tit nzmbcr. lkett
and Leaita wiiloocc more ela 7v heart.
OTiy fean-r I n Trm fcu Urm mt eTaa tHtfwtmal
KmsntT-WoFTwni ear yaa. Try a pack
ae at once and bcut.-r
JtiMit dry xtgcuzbit cnrnpvmA and
Oat PacSuBe makes i x q marts of Hedlrla.
Tour Vr7jiH At U r rf ,7 9H U Jw
fou. Jnt v -m? ha r i 1 1 L. Jru, UM
rU EXIZTJ k CC Tnptesi
Anttlte. rfTahinff pl-t. tha rtiQialtla ff Ink
nd o-lr, a hl"l-r fti.dnt np tb rpnr
ttvaar e- mm which thin pricr-i-aa iiitico wit arM-
y iDitlatM aad cirrlrt t atccal tii O'tic IrMioa.
Uir(lB t- rt'T-d and auatnanf atttri to
'h lif-ntainirT nrmn by b Bi t-r which m
laoffma-T Tan t tbv fml' in ! ta, tsjffptabl in
cmpo-ition ai d Trvrnhlf awfa.
It VOU WOULD BEPKOfKKLT
suited with spectacles, apply or
enrrespond to
DR. s. C. GRAT, Opriclan,
SS S. X KLTTH Street,
yhiiade4oda. Pa.
$777
Cmifll rr. Aildrme T. O.
TltKCKT, Angata, Mala.
0P1UKIS
Habll VmrrM la Is
till f 'airp
a-a.-s I -tm duo. Uaio.
w 1
1 -, -1
. j. 1 Brai
H The Only Medicine U
WW of bainBvsH,wa SZ'af ta I" a.1
M rtd by tn?t.-ait. f r& t-istoulnrwr ui- M
9 Tiar tint res avoni tF aneui work, to
g mini! nrand u rf t.n tnonrTVAati
M Hop Bitters. Lj Hop B.
m it too n jnan- and B w,ftVrinff fro any m fl
S d!:;tiin or kiiu U ion, ti iu -rv ur- U
j ri'i or siD;w'. 1 41 -r p tKiar. ir--rmr from
2 bk, r 'i Ufa ho pa iittera. Q
B IVIxyaf voflkvv, tV TLcUiand. lie Wa
U wbvivrr you i awiy -us- p
B 7nr - V.L .unw I
aWlOKKJt tnt.XTirxAll. ' ,T DJ a user 1 j susa m
take Hop TA Hop Bitters I
m pw-s. faa-ii-s, D. L C
Air 1 nil 1 1 nn cm. 1 .1
H Hop B.tterel "J H T I
S KejaAE f , NEVER I SSJE-- I
gin it may hT . ,, . Il.i'
laateiourU Lfl II Ii Z.
l lire. It hae 1 I J 1 1 I' ' " l"-
M saved hun-L'f ! iMuhtt
fcai i aajjgBsa V- - - j
DISEASES, -c a" dtpiles?m
si iiikh ly and saraiy smad bytbsaasaf DMiT-woit. 1 aew aad omtoerol r al-arto
sarnie sachaaliaaaiiMaaatsaaUparw of taaaoaa t . woraaaa aararal ptbiaiplaa, It tattw r -J
Badtoaaas the auaand o as, and ta k taaat tlainiai th ijiiibi f aooaamlmrt ad aoaaoaoiat
fcasiara. "" TI -TT,Ti-ttt - .1 i- m
Ae.whjehhaaedlwitaii.iItbaTtaM tat yai Waaa aolaaaiaaf amlm my of .at woa rralewaqa
now T. TJokiB 'tta Alabolt But, whlatt da aa, aa a toed, m dra atila, bat s.nuaa
l!aW-rga
THE
Welcome Chorus.
A NEW SONS BOOK FOR
HIGH SCHOOLS. ACADEMES & SEMlsiR;
BT W. S. TILMN.
Iree Si.ee, ar Se.ee per Desea.
A rraod ood kx.lt, of JM . 9i .
thaboat P.rt -M.n.. a Ur rullctlua f y,""
rim .1-.. t tu. ot. I. fin - n. w . ml-r
' 1U.S
T with FOB to tha Sn.h-ir or th- ?f.nnt.i
! yt ltt.a a Co p.vo.lid t.i w (. '"
Mimic. Sun) laaa thutj a. a.ii:ua.4
LUKUi mi I
Arthar ajalllraaB Vara
Slraasaf Eaallah hea.
I A than.
Oeaas aflln Kmc. Son
hsMsahfcae sf m. dont..
ase
rraaterareiesBa. 3 Piaci....
Haas Circle. VU U K fiac
Also, taka for the Hamnrr
Et UKD. whkh will bring u I
Oliver Ditson & Co., Boston.
J. S. D1TSOS CO. I2B rtuatau St.. Ph.la.
m
L-aj" RETAIN THE HEAT LONGER
?u3
400 NOT BURN THE HAN0 J
tROM BOTH WAYSlft (
4CHEAR IV
SAPONIFIER
Is Is OH Bollabl Coentmrd Lr fur PAMIIT
SOAP XAalNli. llirecttoe vcimpi,, web cas
I' ' aaklae BardU hrfl and Tadie ms noica.I.
BIUI wUgtal aa-l aUKarfta-
A8K I'OIt 8APOMFIEB,
AND TAKE NO OTHkU.
! A SALT lA.ICrtl FBILAI t
leVi
anranac aa AaTertwement wii
oonfer a nner apoa the Advertl and the
raeuaaer OTstaaac tnat they aw the adter-
THERMOMETERS,
Miroaas, (pra Glaa-aa, trm Gium,
SiactacWa, Barometers, a Ortal.j, Aaiacal fnat.
R. & J. BECK.
rvt umwsiwi vbUbHku m ! pKeta sVIM
tWMUl tSMB eS S
mdlft. B;r o l)iY an k.l?r..
(klr. Ur. !. Bx tu, U tu, M.
COPY PAD
tn na to thorn Suit, f.f
diriv; tuun tit uiHst
thorn aui.l f.r JS tit ."i. Inr nn .ll.ir.l
insm..HT, ana aVclpi jut 9i kipU r iuk,oJ
Wrs,. aientt. bv return mail. A-l.trews
U. BLkD.SUk, I. M., Alvrao, Tew.
StiirillTant'. Great Catarrtt BueiT
T th flVtat. aPfXst aWTaaaahls arT. . .!.!.
tb wt.rid for tb cur o" I'A TARKtt. v -u(fr
trust vbatCAQM. mr bow Ioo uu.diac. by kltiiui
STURLXVANT'S CATARRH REMEDY
Ibir mA txnfMartiaJ trial, 70s will V "BTin-d ot
tbifstM. Tbi luediciiM In Trv rlMkiit tui 1 ma
b tak-by tb momt dflK-t t-n, h. I'or -ul hi
ail Iriiwwta.aDtl by Uoi-LOU At CO., v ArvS
titrvct. bi.a4eihiAV.
ELGIN WATCHES!
All -trUa Gold. Hi 1 ...i vul.i
'to 15. Chstxia. ate. .arf (';. O. 1 t
b MtTTi ihist. Wrlr fnr .
, Plttabargb, P. AICH
- -
B-atttol I -. Wd. t.bruiM. ftc. with
nam. )uc . aatrMAi.i a I. it ...!., Pf Au
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UNITED STATES
Patent Brokers' and Inventors'
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T AGENTS '
WANTED FOR THE' .
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