ICV
WW MM
1
B.F.
SCHWEIER,
THE COSSTmmOI THE U5IOH AID THE EHOiOEMZST OF THE LAVS.
Editor and Proprietor.
VOL. XXXIV.
MIFFLINTOWN, JUNIATA COUNTY, PENNA., WEDNESDAY, JUNE 23, 18S0.
NO. 2(3.
kv
BREAD UPON THE WATER.
Mid tbe loeaes and the gains ;
Mid tae pleasures and the paina.
And the hop Dps and the fears.
And the rsetleeeucas of years,
We repeat tbia promise oVr
We believe it more and more
Bread upon ttir vattra cast
?ui.'Z It gathered at tJte laL
Go'd and silver, like the sands.
Will keep slipping through our hands ;
Jewel, gieamins like a epark.
Will be hidden in the dark ,
fun and moon and stars will pale.
Dot these words will never fail :
Hrmd upon the water cant
tfiall be gaherrd at the ia..
Son, l.ke dus, to von and me.
Will our earthly treasures be;
liut the loving word and deed
To another in hi need,
Tbey wiil nuforgotten be!
They will live eterna'ly
Bread upon the waters cant
Stutll be gatfurtd at (V IaxL
l'Jt tbe momcr.ta alsp away,
Soon oar mortal powers decay.
Low aud lower sink the sun.
What we do must acoa be doue ;
Tbeu what rapture, if we bear
Thooftand voices ringing clear
Bread upon the waUr cart
7aZi V gatltered at die last.
Why I Didn't Marry.
You see I was nineteen years old before
I thought of such a thing as marrying. I
was too bashful by half. I never used to
kiss a girl at huskings or quilting frolics
without feeling as if some one was pouring
hot water down my back ; aud once, when
a neighbor's daughter stayed at our bouse
till nine in the evening (I believe she did it
on purpose, too,) and my father insisted
that I should go home with her, I went out
into the barn and cried an hour before I
couM make up my mind to go in aud ask
her the awful question.
The girls used to laugh at me some ; but
after all they seemed very willing to help
lue along; and so, when my nineteenth
birthday came, I looked at myself in the
glass and says I :
"Josiah, it's no use ; 3-ou're darned good
li iking, and you might have any girl you
wanted. You ought to go a-courting.
Suppose you begin to-night ?"
From that moment the idea got iuto my
head and there it stayed.
I dressed up and went to church, just as
I always did, but I couldn't attend to the
InmistiT, nor the sermon. 1 sat mighty
uneasy, and father watched me out of the
corner of his eye, though he never said a
word. lie knew plaguy well what I was
thinking of, for he'd been there himself !
Deacon Billings' pew was rig'at in front
of ours, and be had just the prettiest girl
for a daughter that ever wore a bonnet. I
watched her awhile that day, and con
cluded I liked the way she managed things
pretty welL So, after supper, thinks I :
"I'll go over to the old deacon's and see
how they're getting along."
Father saw me sprucing up, but he
didn't say anything, only gave me & won
derful cunning look.
When 1 got to the deacon's, they were
all out in the kitchen but Rachel, and she
was in the square room ; and so after I had
talked a spell with the old lady, she asked
me in there and kit us all alone. Ma'am
Bilhngs knew what was what, I can tell
you.
Rachel she was sitting up by the window,
singing "Old Hundred." She did't look
very good-natuted ; but when I came in
she brightened up wonderfully, and began
to talk about the sermon, and the minister,
and even-thing else that you cm thiuk of.
My gracious ! How a woman's tongue
can go when it gets started ! If Rachel's
didn't ache that night I shall lose my guess.
The old deacon brought us in some ap
ples and butternuts, and a pitcher of cider,
and then told Rachel to cover up the fire
w hen she went to bed.
The old man always was a sleepy headed
kind of a thing, and jn about ten minntes
afterwards I beard him snoring away as if
he was on a wager.
Rachel's two little brothers went up-stairs
to bed, and one of them yelled out, right
by the square loom door :
"Josh Jenkins is a-courting our Rache !
Josh Jenkins is a-courting our Rache !"
His mother came along and boxed his
ears, and he changed his tune pretty quick.
1 looked at Rachel. Her face was as
red as a mahogany table, and her mouth
kept a quirking, as if she wanted to laugh
and daren't. I swow ! she looked pretty
enough to eat !
We'd got pretty sociable by this time,
and so I hitched my chair up alongside f
hers. She didn't say anything, bnt looked
down on the floor and began to play with
a string of gold beads she wore on her
neck.
"Let me tie them," saya L slipping my
arm over her shoulder.
"They ain't untied, and you musn't hug
ine,'' says she.
"Oh, pshaw!" says L getting a llttl?
nearer; "that isn't anything. You see I
can't talk to you without I rest my arm on
something."
She laughed as if she would die.
"You're a queer fellow," says she ; "but
if you will put your arm there, I can't help
it ; only you musn't hug mc, nor kiss me."
I hadn't been loeking ahead quite so far
as that ; but seeing she spoke about it, I
thought I might as well try it So 1 got
up a little closer stilL and just as she looked
up to speak I kissed her.
She dodged away after it was all over,
and boxed my ears; but she didn't strike
very hard, and after a little wnue i tneu
ttfrnifi
That time she took it pretty quietly, and
ftr that T didn't ston to count the kisses.
1 was making up for lost time, and worked
pretty steady, I can tell you. I've had
some pretty good times since then, but
none of them ever came up to that evening
with Rachel Billings. It makes my heart
beat to think of it even now.
Rachel got up at last and leaned over
my chair to get an apple. Somehow or
other her foot slipped and she came very
pear falling over. I caught her in my
anus; ami after I once had her there I
aiun t care about letting her go.
Creation ! what a feeline that was ! I felt
just as I did the day when I took hold of
an eel t?am Jor.es had in a tub an electric
eei i believe he called it. They keep it so
w nave me lun ot seeing it give people
shocks.
tteu, as I was saying, Rachel was in
my arms, and I fancied I was pretty near
i unwise, i thought what a nice thins it
would be if I could have the right to have
ner there always.
There was a chap that was almost ai
ways Hanging around Rachel. His name
was Thomas Wilder. He and I never had
an tmne to say to each other : but I hated
hira now, just because he had been with
her so much. So I thought how nice it
would be to cut him out. I was nineteen
and my father had nobody but me to leave
his property to; and Rachel was a first-rate
housekeeper, and would most likely be
willins to wait a year or two for me.
tven if I hadn t a red rent, and no way to
cet one, I should have done the same thing
she was so confounded pretty.
"iiachel,' says I, "I've been hunting
after a wife for six months, and I haven't
seen any one 1 liked half so well as you.
I came to see you to-night on purpose to
ask you if you would marry me."
That was a tremendous story, for I'd
never thought of such a thing till she fell
into my arms ; but 1 had read somewhere
that "All is fair in love aad war," and so
I thought it wouldn't do any harm to coax
her up a little.
My gracious! how she colored up the
minute I spoke ! She got up and looked
straight at me for a spell and then said :
"Bless me, Mr. Jenkins ! I thought you
knew all the time that I was engaged to
Tom Wilder. WLere have you been all
your life ? Why, I'm going to be married
next Sunday aud should have been this,
only Tom has cut his foot with an axe and
can't walk 1"
"I hope to gracious be'il be a cripple all
his life!" said L
The next thing I knew, I was coming
through our garden gate.
"Father hadn't gone to bed ; I believe
he knew I should come home with a flea
in my ear. When I came in, he observed :
"Josiah, when you want to visit old folks
another Sunday night, just come to me,
and I'll tell you a better place than "Deacon
Billings'."
I turned right around, just as mad as
fire.
"Gaul darn it, father, I won't be laughed
a by anybody 1 I've made a tarnal iool of
myplf ; but if ever I get caught in such a
scrape again you may take my bead for a
foot-ball ! I'll keep away from women af
ter this see if I don't !"
I kept my word. I board where there
are as many as t went y women ; but always.
when I pass their bonnets and shawls in
tiie entry, I turn my bead right the oth;:r
way, and keep it there !
Rachel Billings cured me!
Suae ft Corners.
The officials of a Michigan railroad now
being extended were waited upon the other
day by a person from the pine woods and
sand hills who announced himself as Mr.
Snags, and who wanted to know if it could
be possible that the proposed line was not
to come any nearer than three miles to the
hamlet named in his honor.
"Is Snags' Corners a place of much im
portance f" asked the president.
Is it 7 ell, l should say n was: n e
made over a toa of maple sugar there last
spring!"
"I Hjes business nourish there t
"Flourish! Why, busiuess is on the
gallop there every minute in the whole
twenty-four hours. We had three false
alarms of fire there in one week. How's
that for a town which is to be left three
miles off your railroad?
Beimr asked to cive the names of the
business houses he scratched his head for
awhile and then replied:
" ell. there s me, to start on. 1 run a
big store, own eight yoke of oxen, and shall
soon have a dam and a saw-niilL Then
there's a blacksmith shop, a postoffice, a
doctor, and last week over a half a dozen
patent-right men passed through there. In
one brief year we've increased from a
squatter and two dogs to our present stand
ing, and we'll have a lawyer there before
long."
"1 m afraid we won be able to come
any nearer the Owners than the present sur
vey, finally reuiarued we rresiaenu
"You won't! It can't be possible that
you mean to skip a growing place like
nags Corners I
1 think we II have to."
"Wouldn't come if I'd clear you out a
place in the store for a ticket office?"
'1 don t see now we coiuo.
"May be I'd subscribe $25," continued
the delegate.
".No, we cannot change.'
"Can't doit nohow ?"
"No."
'Very well," said Mr. Snags as be put
on his hat. "If this 'ere railroad thinks it
can stunt or cripple Snags' Corners Dy leav
ing it out in tbe cold it has made a big mis
take. Before I leave town to-day I'm going
to buy a windmill and a melodeon, and
your old locomotives may toot and be
hanged sir toot and be hanged 1"
An t'neapocted lillL
a well-dressed couple.
nf life, stormed at a hotel in a
neighboring town, and sending for a Justice
of the i cace, lnjormeu ui&i iuuuuuu
ihat Uiev wished to be married. The J us-
tice said, "All right," and inquired their
........ Afljir tn'IMCr 1L SITUCS. I11U1
that he had performed the same service for
iK- artme vmn before. Uton inquir
ing if such was not the case, the lady said
that she had neen mameu prcwiuuaij.
Ham. vou a bill from your former hus
band!" asked Mr. Justice.
uv siio rwniiMi. "i have a dul
ti.;. kiitut autisfai-torv. the ceremony
was performed, and the couple were de-
clareu Tiian auu w u v j
-iw.t .Wartine. the Justice, who had
never seen a "bill of divorce, and having
- Hcw to benoia ine document
. HI WUg " .
thought this an excellent opportunity to
Kitisfv his curiosity, tie uierciorc uu w
the lady,
"Have you the bill with you?"
ih r'ps " uhp renlied.
"Have you any objections to allowing
me too see the bill r saia our inena.
""one whatever, she replied; step-
- il.o H.r and callin? to a little boy
some three or four years of age, she said.
"Here, BilL come here quick, here is a
ntlomnn that wishes to she you." The
J gentleman wilted.
A Monkey, Fear of Sarpcnte.
In the monkey house at the Philadelphia
Zoological Garden a dead snake was coiled
up in a newspaper, the corners of which
were twisted together in such a manner
that they would readily come undone, and
tbe package was then set on the floor of a
cage containing forty or fifty monkey of a
great variety of species. It was instantly
spied by a female Cynocephalu, who was
the principal leader in all the pranks with
which the monkeys constantly amused
themselves; she seized the paper by one
corner and set off across the cage, dragging
it behind her, evidently intending to have a
good time with it Before she had gone
more than a few feet, the paper became un
folded and the snaka slipped partly out. She
instantly dropped the paper and sidled off
in a very comical manner with her head
over her shoulder, keeping an eye behind
her, much as Lot's wife must have looked
back on tbe fascinating terrors of the cities
of the plain. No sooner did the rest of
the monkeys perceive the dreadful object
in their midst than they approached step
by step, and formed in a circle of six or
eight feet diameter, having for its centre
the snake' quietly coiled up on the floor.
JNone dared, however, to touch it or go
beyond the established line of safety, with
the exception of one lurge Macaque, the
acknowledged leader of the cage, who cau
tiously approached and made an occasional
snatch at the paper, apparently to see if
the enemy was really as devoid of life as it
appeared to be ; all the others meanwhile
looking on in breathless attention. At this
point,a string which had previously been at
tached to the tail of the snake was gently
pulled. The serpent lengthened slightly,
and the monkeys fled up the sides of the
cage, chattering like magpies ; when they
got to a safe distance they halted for ya
servation, and after some moments, seeing
no further sign of danger, they gradually
returned, one by one, to their former posi
tion the large ones in the front rank, and
the smaller ones, crowded out by superior
strength, forming behind and looking over
their shoulders. This was continued for
some hours without the slightest change :n
the disposition of the monkeys, all of their
actions showing a most intolerable fear of
the snake, mingled with an attraction or
curiosity which would not allow them to
remain away from lL This was so uni
versal that not one of the monkevs in the
cage was entirely free from it. The snake
was finally taken out and several other
animals belonging to the same class were
put in its place, but with very different re
sults. Of a tortoise, for instance, and a
small dead alligator, they were at first
rather shy, but they at length Uoran to
loach them and in ten minutes they were
playing with them and passing them from
one to another with the greatest curiosity.
The same snake was then shown, in turn.
to animals belonging to a number of other
orders: Carnivore, Rodents, Ungulates,
Edentates, and Marsupials, but none of
them paid it any special attention, with
the exception of a peccary, which finding
it to be dead, seemed disposed to make a
meal of it,
Crave, of tbe Presidents.
Every American, of course, is familiar
with Mount Vernon, Va., either by actual
sight or description. The torn!) is a roomy
brick vault, with an arched roof, and very
substantial. Through ad iron gate two
sarcophagi are seen. On a marble tablet in
its arch is the inscription: "Within this
enclosure rests the remains of General
George Washington. The coffins, which
lie in the open vestibule of the vault proper,
are of Pennsylvania marble; that of Wash
ington bears an Amencan shield, the other
but two words, "Martha Washington.
John Adams and John (juincy Adams sleep
side by side beneath the Unitarian church
at Quincy, Mass. The tomb is in an apart
ment in tbe front part the cellar under the
church, walled in with large blocks of
roughly-faced granite. A granite slab,
seven feet by three, with a huge clasp and
padlock, and massive hinges of wrought
iron, all red with rust, forms the door.
ithin the bodies lie in leaden caskets,
placed within cases each hewn lrom a sin
gle block of stone. Tuc grave of Thomas
Jefferson is in a thick growth of woods, a
few hundred yards to the right of the em
bowered road leading to Charlotte ville, Va.,
up to Jlonticella The spot is as lonesome
as lovers of solitude could desire. Its thirty
graves are partly enclosed by a brick wall
about 100 feet square and ten feet high,
which on the south side has been toppled
over bodily, and now.lies in level courses of
brick and crumbling mortar level with the
ground. James Madison lies buried on the
place which be owned at tbe time of his
death, at Montpelier, Va. The graceful
shaft over bis grave is in the centre of a
large field, in a lot about 100 ftct square,
surrounded by a substantial brick wall five
feet high. The remains of James Monroe
sleep in Hollywood cemetery at Richmond,
irginia, at a point from which the eye
can take in a great part of the city. The
plot is S04 feet in area, and was bought by
Gov. Wise for the State. Monroe died in
New York in 1831, and it was not until
twenty-seven years had elapsed that his
body was removed to Richmond. The
grave of Martin Van Buren is in the north
eastern corner of the cemetery at Kinder
hook, Columbia county, New lork. Ihe
ashes of William Henry Harrison, the oc
cupant for ouly one month of the Presi
dent's chair, repose, with those of his wife
and children, in a plain brick vault on the
summit of a hillock at North Bend, Ohio,
fifteen miles west ot Cincinnati. Just ten
yards east of Monroe's grave at Richmond
is a turfed mound beneath which lies buried
tbe body of John Tyler. At its head is a
small magnolia tree, beneath winch are a
tea-rose and a blooming green rose. The
James K. Polk mansion is at the corner of
Vine and Union streets, Nashville, Tenn.,
A few feet from the gate a w hite-ehell path
conducts to the tomb of the cx-President,
which stands in the centre of a smooth
grass-plot, encircled by another path of
dazzling white shells, by which a clump of
white lilies are growing. achary lay-
lor's body now occupies its third grave and
soon will find a final resting place in a
fourth. It was first placed in tbe cemetery
at Washington, and thence removed to the
Taylor homestead, five miles back of Louis
ville. Ky.. whence a few months ago it was
taken to Cave 11 ill cemetery, at Jjouisvuie.
In the course of the summer it will be taken
to Frankfort, where over it the State will
erect an appropriate monument. Ihe
legislature at its last session appropriated
$4,000 for this purpose, and Senator Beck
has a bill before Congress lor extend-
ine further aid to the project from tbe Na
tional Treasury. . Three miles north of
Buffalo is Forest Lawn cemetery. Almost
upon the crest of the hill and near the cen
tre of the cemetery rises the obelisk of
Scotch granite that marks tbe resting place
of Millard Fillmore. The remains of
Franklin Pierce were laid in the Minot
cemetery, on 31am street, in Concord, N
1L The Pierce lot is surrounded by a neat
iron fence six feet high, traversed by con
Crete paths and neatly sodded, though
there are neither inclosures nor curbs. The
crave of James Buchanan is in Woodward
Hill cemetery, Wheatland, Penn., on a
bluff in the southeastern part of the city.
The lot is thirty by twelve feet, enclosed
by a neat fence of black iron, with posts
of mottled white and black granite at tbe
corners. All round the fence is a hedge of
blooming roses that interlace closely the
iron bars. Abraham Lincoln, born in a log
hut, is buried under a towering pile of
marble, granite and bronze, in Oak Ridge
cemetery, a mile and a half north of Spring
field, IlL The structure, llx72 feet, is
of New Haven granite on a concrete foun
dation. The monument over Andrew
Johnson s grave was unveilwd recently. It
stands on the summit of a lofty cone-shaped
eminence half a mile southwest of the town
of Greenville, Tenn.
AU Right.
In Little Kock, Arkansas, recntly, a
young man, whom it would no doubt be
well to call James, fell in love, or thought
he did, with a young lady whom it would
be well to call Su-ao. I radical naxt s.
both of them. The fondness of James was
returned. James told Susan that he loved
her, and Susan told James that she loved
him. James asked Susan to marry him,
and Susan said that she would. The young
man bad spent sleepless nights in contem
plating the prize he was attempt img to win,
but when be found that the pjle of attract
ions had knocked the "persimmon" of
Susan s affections he ceased tossing the
cover at night and slept soundly. Finally
he mused: "I don't love the girl. I wish
that I had not acted so rashly in engaging
myself to her. It would almost break her
heart if I were to tell her of my mistake.
She is so affectionate. What a fool a man
is:" Susan did not pass all this time
without musing : "Women are so impul
sive," she thought. ' I am engaged to
that man, and I declare that I do not love
him. I would break the engagement, but
he might kill himself. I don't know whit
to do." The parties continued to be affec
tionate towards each other, and the same
grave troubles affected alike the mind of
each. Several niajhts ago the affectionate
parties sat beside each other.
"Susan," remarked James, "do you think
that a man should marry a woman when
he dosn't love her, merely to preserve his
honor!"
"No; do you?"
"I don think that he should. By the
way. Sue, I .bink that it would be better
for us not to get married. 1 have been
mistaken ; I don't love you. I hope you
will forgive me. Havel wronged you?"
"Glorious man," said the girl. "You
have lifted a heavy weight from my heart.
I do not love you, and the fear of fatal
results has ever kepi me from breaking my
engagement."
"Is that so?" asked James, astonished.
"I 8eik truthfully."
"WelL I will be dog-goned. I thought
that yu cared for me."
"And I thought yau cared for me."
'Til be blistered if this affair hasn't got
away with me. Say, Sue."
"Yes."
'Now let's look at this affair a little
closer. We are both very frank. I think
that frank peop'e make the best husbands
and wives. We understand each other
first-rate. Tell me don't you that is,
don't you entertain something of an affec
tion for met
"Y yes. Don't you for me ?"
"Yes. Suppose, as we understand one
another so well, that we get married?"
"All right," and the ceremony was per
formed in a country church. No cards.
Cats and Dried Peaeiies.
Down at Howell the other day an old
woman about seventy years old boarded a
Detroit, Lansing and Northern train to
come to Detroit, Her baggace consisted
of a large covered basket, and she wouldn't
allow any hand to take it from her. She
had scarcely got seated when the passengers
were startled by a loud "Me-ow !" in the
car, quickly followed by a "per-wow" and
other "wows" too numerous to mention.
While all were searc'iing to discover Ihe cat
the old ladv sat as stiff us a noker and look
ed straight ahead at the stovepipe. The
sounds continued, and a passenger finally
peered around until he located the cat in
her basket.
"Madam, are you taking that cat from
one county to another?" he asked.
" hat cat ? she snapped.
"Don't you know that under the laws of
tliis State," be went on, "a person who re
moves a full-grown cat from one county to
another without tbe written permission of
the Swamp Land Commissioners U liable to
a fine of 100?"
Good lands 1 but I didn't know that ?"
she exclaimed, as she faced around.
"Women don t keep track of the laws as
men do," he said. 'Personally, I'd like to
see you take that cat through to IVtroit,
but there may be some one on this train
just mean enough to inform against you
and have you arrested. I d let her out if I
were you."
"i es, I wiIL for I don t want to break
any laws at my age.
Mic fumbled around the basket for a
minute, and all of a sudden the cat jumped
out. She alighted on the bead of the man
who put up the job, gave him several sharp
digs, and then leaped from one to another
like a squirrel, biting, spitting and clawing
as she went. Everybody rose up and yelled
everybody but the old woman. She sat
like a statue, afraid of being suspected.
When the feline had gone the length of the
car she turned to an open window and shot
out like a bullet, landing right-side up and
making tracks for a barn in a field.
"Who brought that cat aboard? I de
mand the name of the person who owned
that cat ! shouted a man whose head had
tclt her claws until the blood run.
No one answered. Several passengers
looked straight at the old woman, who
stood it for a minute and then lifted up her
basket aud called:
"If anybody wants to look among tbe
dried peaches in this basket for cats he can
do so ; you needn't all look at me as if I
lived in the woods and didn't keep pasted
on law!"
Superstition South ol the Equator.
There are three great division of the In
dian family residing in the parts of South
Ami.rica which lie south of the equator ;
but though differing in language customs.
and manners, tbey all belong to the Aryan
branch, and most probably came across
in numerous migration from Central Asia
by the Straits of Bearing. With regard to
religion, they believe in two gods. The
first is called by some Pillau; by others.
Cuchauciatru, or "the great god." He is
supposed to bear the human form, but can
make himself invisible. He is the creator
of the world and author of all that is good.
The Indians never assemble to worship
him ; he is supposed to be content with the
respect given to him in tbe heart of every
individual. The other god is "the spirit
of evil," known as Gualichu; to him every
sacrifice and offering is made to propitiate
his wicked designs. Not only do the
P&mpa Indians believe in the immortality
of the soul, but also in the doctrine of me
tempsychosis; hence when burying their
dcad, they always sacrifice over the grave
the favorite horse of the dead man, and
place beneath, the tumulus the warrior's
Must Uk. a Woman."
It is now over one hundred years since an
American philosopher pro ponded the
query : "Why is a woman afraid of a
cow?" and yet no one has ever succeeded
in giving a satisfactory answer. There is
ooce in a while a woman who doesn't seem
to have the slightest fear, even when pass
ing a cow with one born all twisted out of
shape; but follow that woman home and
you will find that she kicks the dog, cuffs
the children, jaws her husband and knows
how to sharpen a butcher-knife and use an
ax. The real woman has a mertal terror
of cows, and the real cow seems to have an
antipathy for her.
Recently a lady was walking down Cass
avenue, Detroit, when she suddenly came
upon a cow. The animal was feeding on
the other side of the street and tbe boy
sent out to watch her sat under a shade tree
and played on a mouth-organ.
The lady halted.
The cow looked up.
"Lost anything, ma'am?" asked the boy
as he removed the music from his mouth.
"I I'm afraid of that cow!" she re
plied. 'What fur ? Cows don't bite or kick,
same as a horse All they kin do is to run
their horns through you and pin you to the
ground."
"Ohl my sbe's coming!"
"No, she hain't. She's just making be
lieve that ;iie wants to git at ye aud hook
ye over the fence."
"Oh! but 1 dare not pass!"
"Yes, you dare. Cows know when a
woman is afraid just as quick as anybody.
The minit you give cows to understand that
you are able to catch 'em by the heels and
mop the ground with 'em they go to hunt
ing fur a-lover."
"Dear me, but I guess 111 go back."
"1 wouldn't if you only spit on yer
hands and shake yer fist at her she'll wilt
right down. Cows knows who's bosa just
as well as men do. Now, then, I'll hold
yer parasol while you spit on yer hands."
"Oh! leant I in going right home !
"Well, my little brother he swears at 'em
instead of spitting on his hands. See if
you can do that."
"No no no! I'm going now !"
"If I was a woman and I couldn't swear
or spit on my hands, I should carry a
sword-cane to stab cows with," observed
the boy as he looked across the way.
'.My soul : but there s another cow up
there !" exclaimed the lady as she looked
up the street.
" l es, lots of cows around these days.
but I never heard of two cows attacking a
woman at once, I guess one generally hooks
'em all to pieces first, and then the other
comes up and paws at the mangled remains.
If you "
1 he lady uttered a first class scream aud
made a jump for the nearest gate. It open
ed bard, and after one pull she weut over
the fence and up the front steps of a strange
bouse, there to remain until her busbaud
could be summoned by telephone to come
ami act as a body-guard.
"1 d just like to be a woman, mused
the boy as be sat down to punish his mouth-
organ some more. 1 d carry a bow te -knife
down the back of my neck, and the first
cow that tried to hook me would feel that
ere knife playing uiumblety peg around her
vicious heart-strings."
A Shiauy Match.
One of the episodes of the long feud be
tween the Clan Gregor and the Cklquhouns
of Luss a quarrel that ended in the pros
cription of the MacGregors in lt0:j is
connected with a match at shinty. Two
sub-sections of the Clan Alpine, who had
some cause of disagreement, had settled
the vexed question, and, to celebrate the
renewal of perfect friendliness, the clans
men of both families agreed to meet and
spend some time in merrymaking. One of
the chief events was to be a shinty match
between the men of each family. That
their visitors aud kinsmen might be royally
entertained, the hosts organized a foray
into the Colquhouns' country by Loch Lo
mond side, and carried off many head of
fat cattle. Next day, in a level glen among
the hills, the MacGregirs, men, women
and children, were assembled, the men
armed for the time ouly with the sturdy
clulis to be used in their game. The ball
was thrown up.sticks rattleiLall the shouts
and cheers of the game were beard, when
suddenly, high above the noise of the
players, rose a shriek of the women, as
from all sides of the glen advanced the
hated Colquhouns. Tbe clansmen, though
surprised and unarmed, at once formed up,
back to back, and with their clubs pre
pared to meet the swords of the foe ; but
tough ash and cold steel had hardly met
when, with screams of fury, a naked dirk
in each hand and a bundle of claymores
under each left arm, tbe women of the
clan cut through the Colquhouns, and
brought to their husbands the broadswords
that soon swept the men of Luss back
again to Lch Lomond side.
Oufl" Keeps the Calf.
Recently two of Mr. Duffy's neighbors
determined to abduct a pet calf belonging
to that gentleman, and Mr. Duffy became
aware of their scheme. Therefore he quiet
ly removed the calf from the box-stall in
which it was confined, and in the place Of
introduced a goat of tbe W m. gender.
and of a very vicious disposition, lie also
fixed a spring on tbe door of the stall, that
would cause it to close unless held open,
and he also attached to the door a spring
lock that would fasten, and could only be
unfastened from the outside. Then he
went to bed, but not to sleep. It was af
the witching hour of midnight that the two
marauders entered Mr. Duffy's barn. Tbey
bad examined the premises the day before,
and knew exactly where to go. Each of
them carried a dark lantern. They entered
the stall and the door closed behind them.
Everything was stil'
One of them opened i
the slide to his lantern. 1 hen there was a
clatter of hoofs, and the man with the lan
tern found himself piled up m a corner,
very much surprised. He thought it was
the queerest call he ever bad met. Then
the other man opened the slide to bis lan
tern t ) see what the matter was, and the
next instant the breath went out ot him
with a "yah" that made the listening Duf
fy laugh all over. Then all was still again
except tfc-3 faint profanity of the men, and
finally the man who was hit first recovered
ec Jgh to paw around and find his lantern.
It was extinguished, but he got out a
match and lighted it again. Then he turn
ed tin bull's-eye toward the goat, and then
he wcit into the corner again. 'Ihe goat s
blood then being aroused, he didn't wait
for f urth!r lights, but began to butt around
promiscuously, and the robbers concluded
it was time to get out. But that didn't
prove so easily done. Then tbey began to
yell for help, and Mr. Duffy could tell
when tbe igoat rut them, because in
stead of yelling "Help ! " they cried "Oh !"
aqd after he had laughed till his sides ached
he went and let them out on condition that
they wouldn't try to carry off the goat, and
when they stepped out of the barn he
jumped and stamped and yelled that the
goat was af(er them, and they screamed
"Murderl" and ran three miles down the
road before they stopped far breath. Puffy
still keeps the call,
Trw Little Boot-Black.
There was once a small boot -black in one
of the large cities of '.he state of Ohio. We
shall call him Joe. Joe was a very honest
boy, although very poor and was only a
boot-black.
As I have described the boy I shall go
on with my story.
There was once a very nicely-dressed
gentleman walking along the streets; some
thing dropped out of his pocket, what
could it bef
By chance little Joe saw it and ran and
picked it up. What was it? It was a
pocketbook with five hundred dollars and
some valuable papers in it. Now, thought
little Joe, what sliall I do, give it back to
him, o- keep it, and be a rich man ?
1 his was the discussion that arose in lit-
tl; Joe's mind; but the wrong was over
thrown, and little Joe was seen running
after the gentleman. He stepped up to
him and said, "Sir, you dropped your
pocket-book, 1 have brought it to you.
"i nank you, sir, you seem to be a very
honest little boy, have you any parents ? '
"2o sir, 1 have not"
"Well, if you will, you may come and
live with me, I have no children, and I live
in the country. Do you want to go;"
"les sir, I will go."
The man, whom I shall call Mr. Smith,
took little Joe to a clothing store, and gave
him a full suit of clothes, and in a short
time they jrcre rattling along over the
country. Little Joe enjoyed himself ever
so much, when all at once a thuiiuenng
crash was heard, and the car which little
Joe was in broke loose and weut tumbling
down an embankment.
It was thought that every person in the
car was killed, hilt not so, for who should
they see but lit' le Joe, crawling from under
the ruined car with a few bruises.
Among the woimded was Mr. Smith,
with a broken leg. He was carried to the
car that was still on the track, awl tbey
were soon on the way again; soon they
came lo a small station called Greenville,
where they slopped. But how should they
get home? .Mr. Smith could not walk, sc
little Joe was directed to Mr. Smith's house.
When he reached it, he introduced himself,
and told the sul news; as soon as possible,
there was a conveyance taken to the depot
for Mr. Smiih.
Little Joe was kindly received when he
told all about it, and was soon made at
home.
The carriage came lwek with Mr. Smith
and there was a great ded of excitement;
the doctor was sent for-and Mr. Smith was
soon made comfortable.
Joe was soon told what there was for him
to do ; he learned to ride on horseback, and
could milk the cows. One day, after his
benefactor bad recovered end they were
going out riding, li! tie Joe was left at home.
He eniertaii.eJ himself by making ships and
and takirg them to the pond to sail ; this
was very evertaiuing, and begot another
little boy td come and play with him. The
pond was quite large, and it was muddy
and slippery. The little boy that came
over fell in t lie pond; little Joe did not
know what to do; he screamed with all his
might, but all of no avail; he happened to
think that there was a boat tied a little
farther up the pond. He jumped in the
boat and took up the oars and seemed to be
rjossessed with superhuman power. The
skiff seemed to fly over the water ; he
reached him just in time, for the boy was
sinking the last time; he took him in the
boat and was soon on the shore. Little Joe
euried him home and told him how he
came to fall in.
One morning, when Joe was about twelve
years old, when the ground was covered
with snow, he was ou the hill coasting;
this was a hill for all the boys in the neigh
borhood.
Little Joe did not have quite so nice a sled
as the rest of them, but he could beat any
of theth in a race; some of the bad boys,
one day, thought they would fix Joe's sied
so he could not go so fast, and so they did,
when Joe was not looking, they cut notches
in the runners of his sled. This did not
please little Joe at all, aud he determined
to be even with them.
The next day being warm the snow
melted off, so there was no more sliding
down bill.
There is one more instance in little Joe's
life I shall relate before my story comes to
a close.
Little Joe came home from school ore
day with the headache, and pains in his
dies', and the next morning be was so
weak that he could not get up. The doc
tor had to be sent for, and he was pro
nounced to lie in a very dangerous condi
tion; he had the lung fever, but he began
to get better so that he could sit up, and
had an enormous appetite. The doctor would
not let him eat anything but plain food ; he
began to get tired of this, and thought he
would get up in the night and get some
thing to eat.
And he did, he went to the cupboard
and ate pie and cake aud other rich foixl
that was there. He went to bed but could
not sleep, he had overloaded his stomach.
The next morning he was so much worse,
that the doctor had to be sent for. Little
Jm; did not disobey his parents that is,
his adopted parents again. Little Joe
grew up to be a great man, but he never
forgot the lesson he learned that night.
Ilanclng for Aniusemeat.
Two remarkable examples are on record
of persons who allowed themselves to be
hung for the entertainment of an audience.
An account of one of them is given in the
Lanvet of April 17, 1847. The man's real
name was John Harnshaw, but he perform
ed throughout England under the high
sounding professional title of Monsieur
Gouffe. He was an athlete, and among
other feats it was customiuy with htm to
exhibit tbe process of hanging. In this per
formance lie relied for security on the
strength of the muscles of the neck and
throat. He had a rope with a fixed knot
which could not slip, and passed both ends
of the lot p up behind one ear. . 1 he whole
act was so adroitly managed that he pre
vented any pressure of tbe rope on the
windpipe or the jugular veins; and could
even sustain a weight of 150 pounds in ad
dition to that of his own body. On three
separate occasions Harnshaw mismanaged
tbe rope, and became unconscious, being
luckily 'escued each time. Dr. Chowne
who writes the account says very truly : It
cannot be doubted that as far as sensation
and consciousness are concerned, Harnshaw
passed through the whole ordeal of dying;
and, had he been permitted to remain Hang
ing until actually .dead, be would have
passed out of existence without further con
sciousness. Notp this man stated, not
with particular reference to either accident.
but as common to all, that "be could hard
ly recollect anything that happened to him
in the rope," that "he lost bis senses all at
once; the instant the rope got in the wrong
place he felt as if he could not get his
breath as if some great weight were at his
feet ; could not move only to draw himself
up ; felt as if he wanted to loosen him.
self, but never thought of his hands." And
he added ; "You cannot move your arms
or legs to save yourself; you cannot raise
your arms ; you cannot think." He did
sot see sparks or light, but -had in his ears
a rattling sound.
Sunken Gold.
During the war of lSTtl, the British
Frigate Hussar, with $1,000,000 in coin in
ber cabin, intended to be used in paying
the English Army in New York, struck on
a reef in the Sound and sank, the officers
and crew having barely time to make their
escape. Twelve American prisoners, who
were on the hold of the vessel were drowned.
Efforts are now being made to recover the
money, and a wrecking schooner is held in
her place over the wreck of the Hussar by
means of cables which are street hed from
the schooner to the shore. It is necessary
to use shore cables, because the water is so
deep that regular anchors cannot be used.
The schooner is of 1 65 tons burden, and she
is supplied with new and improved ma
chinery for submarine work. The machin
ery is said to have cost upward of 50,000.
Two thirty-five-liorse power steam engines
furnish the power. Instead of a diving-
bell there is a great improvement in the
shape of a dinng-car. The car is large
enough for two workmen, and is provided
with g!as windows in the sides to that tbe
men inside can look out. On the exterior
of the car are arranged a number of levera.
grippcrs and pullies, that can be worked by
the men inside, and with which all the
movements of the human arm and hand
can be mutated. Ihe apparatus is suf
ficiently strong to move bowlders three or
four tons in weight. A tube, extending
from the box to the surface of the water.
furnishes fresh air for the operators. The
box arrangement enables the men to breathe
air at regular atmospheric pressure, which
cannot be done when diving-bells or armor
are used. There is also less liability to ac
cident than when the old methods are
adopted. A diver named Ramsay of "Port
Morris nearly lost bis eve-sight bv a sadden
rush of air into his diving-bell a few years
ago. The box with the glass windows is
furnished with an electric light, so that the
surrounding water can be illuminated, and
by this means objects seventy or eighty
feet beneath the surface of the water can
be easily examined. A telephone is used
to enable the men in the box to communi
cate with the workmen in the schooner on
the surface of the water. The old method
was to raise the mud and debris fiom the
bottom of the sea to the surface by means
of pumps and dippers and then have it car-
tied awav bv a lighter. By the new method
a powerful s-tream is sent down against the
debris and it is swept away. So powerful
is the jet thrown that an operator said that
he could go into a ten-foot ordinary earth
bank in a minute. It is another case of
placer' mining. The gentlemanly captain
who hat charge of the work stated that the
treasure was there, and if any one could
get it, they would. The 'original' party
might search the bow, but he thought he
would confine himself to the stern. Thev
had already male two dtscensions. He
stated that it would have been much better
if tbe previous explorers had confined them
relves to searching, and not to removing.
By their blasting they had scattered every
thing belter skelter and made a litter of it.
They did not have the removing machinery
then that they do now. When asked about
the summary manner in which he had
taken his position, the Captain said that be
had as good a right as his riva', or any one
else, to .search for the treasure. The trea
sure was abandoned property open to all
finders. He bad possession aud knew ot
no legal method by which he could be
ousted. The original couipanv, under
Capt. Thomas it is said, has sent its anta
gonist a note ordering him off. So what
ma.y after all, b a wild goose chase, bids
fair to enter the courts of law, and there
have money sunk in another way. The
Hussar is a wrecker, truly."
One of the residents of Port Morris said
that he was confident thrl a large amount
of treasure was hidden under the water be
cause ghosts had been seen on tbe shore
and in phantom boats guarding the goliL
When asked if ne could vouch for the truth
of the assertion that ghosts had appeared,
he replied : "Well, a neighbor of mine
who was never known to teli a lie told me
that he was sitting up with a sick child one
night and about 1 1 o'clock he heard a noise
out tf doors that sounded something like
the Jp'aih of oirs and the peculiar "chuck
ing" of the row-locks. He looked out of
the window and saw a "shadowy" bout
with still more shadowy men in it near the
spot where the wreck of tl'e Hussar was
sunk. One of the phantom men bad a lan
tern that gave forth a peculiar bluish light.
Suddonly the boat, men and light vanished
into thin air.
Wonder of the- a merfcan Continent,
The greatest cataract in the world is tbe
Falls of Niagara, where the water from the
great upper lakes forms a river of three-
fourths of a mile in width, and then being
suddenly contracted, plunges over the
ricks in two Columns to the depth of 175
feet. The greatest cave in the world is the
Mammoth cave, of Kentucky, where any
one can make a voyage on the waters of a
subterranean river, and catch fish without
eyes. The greatest river in the world is
the Mississippi, 4000 miles loag. The
lirgcst valley in the world is tb valley of
the Mississippi. It contains 5,00VJO0
square miles, and is one of the most fertile
regions of the globe. The greatest city
park in the world is in Philadelphia. It
contains over 2,7"0 acres. The greatest
grain port in the world U Chicag . Thelargei t
lake in the world is Lake Superior, which
is truly an inland sea, being 4 )0 miles long
and 1,000 feet deep. The longest railroad.
at present is the Pacific railroad, over 3,"J0
miles in length. Tbe greatest mass of solid
iron in world is the Pilot Knob of Missou
ri. It is 350 teet high and two miles in
circu-t. The best specimen of Grecian
architecture iu the world is the Girard
college for orphans, in Philadelphia. The
largest aqueduct in the world is the Croton
suueduct. New York. Its length is 40!
miles and it cost $12,500,000. The largest
deposits of anthracite coal in the world are
in Pennsylvania, the mines of which sup
ply tbe market with millions of tons annu
ally, and appear to be inexhaustible.
There Might Hint Been.
A man in want of a load of wood visited
one of the markets to make a choice. Find
ing a load that suited, he asked the owner
if there was a cord on the wagon.
"1 think there is, was the reply.
"Do you know that there is!"
"My son William loaded it up, and he
said there was a cord."
"Well, what do you say!" asked the
citizen.
"And my other son, John, helped Will
iam load it up, and he said there was a
cord."
"Do you say so?"
"And my neighbor came along, and he
said there was a cord."
"I don't believe there is."
' And my wife stood at the gate as I
came away, and sLa said there was a cord,"
continued the farmer.
"There may be three-quarters," said the
citizen.
"And as I came through the toll-gate the
keeper said he'd eat it if there wasn't a
cord and a half.
"He did!"
"And the police nan stopped me, and
wanted to know bow much I asked for that
cord and three-quarters of beautiful wood."
The citizen took it before the load eou.d
swell any more.
How Abe Found Out.
It was one of the most provoking and
unaccountable tilings ever heard of. I.ina
Rivers had two lovers; and, for the life of
her, she couldn't tell which of them she
loved best, or if she loved either. But if
it were perplexing to Lina, it was doubly
so to the two candidates for ber favor,
Harry Byrne and William Goodwin, who,
however willing to give each other fair
play, were as much in earnest as men are
apt to be in such mutter.
To do Lina justice, she distributed her
smiles very equady between them: she was
always wilting to talk to both, and appar
ently as happy with one as the other. But
when either urged her to give him a de
cided answer !o his suit, "She didn't know.
She would think it over, and give him an
answer next week." But when next week
came, she was as undecided as ever.
Thus matters went on- for some time;
but it couldn't last for ever.
"My dear Lina, you promised that you
would tell me to-day." urged Harry, whose
stock of patience was well nigh ex
hausted. Una's sunny face became instantly
over-shadowed at those grave, earnest
words.
"How can I tell you, Harry, whenldoa't
know myself ?"
"iou would know if vou loved me.
Lina. And so, bitter as the knowledge is,
I am compelled to believe that you do not.
and never can. "
But I do love you Harry!" retorted
Lina, almost ready to cry at the tender re
proach conveyed by these words. 'That
is to say, I like you very much indeed."
But do you like me the best : that u
what 1 want to know.
"Ycj; I like you best, now."
"Then whv not promise to become my
wife?"
"Bit-aiise, when I am with William, and
he talks to me in the same way, I 1 thiuk '
I like him the best.
In spite of his pain and perplexity, Harry
could not help smiling at this naive, con
fession.
"But you cannot marry us both, dear
child."
Of course not," said Una, blushing
rosily at this practical application of her
words; "but why can t things go on just
as they have been ? That is what I should
like."
For a moment Harrv stood in silent per
plexity. At last, quite despairing of m:ik
ing her comprehend him, he said: "lam
convinced that you will never entertain a
warmer feeling for me thau friendship; and
that the wisest thing for me to do is to seek
in absence the peace that forgetfulness can
alone give me. God bless you, dear Lina,
and make you very happy with the man
who is so fortunate as to win you!'
"He won't go; he loves me loo fondly,"
thought Lina. Anil yet the sound of the
closing door fell heavily on her heart.
"So Mr. Byrne is fairly off at last," said
a lady acquaintance to Lina, the next day.
"I just met him on his way to the station
to catch the two o'clock train for ClitMale.
Goodwin is-going to be the happy man, I
see. Now 1 always thought your choice
would fall on Harry."
"I don't know that I'm obliged to have
either," said Lina, laughing, but with au
indescribable sinking at the heart.
How little do women show of their real
thoughts and feeling! Never did Lina
rattle away more carelessly and gaily than
after receiving this unexpected news.
Just before dinner, as Lina was sitting
almie with her mother, in burst her brother
James.
"There has been a terrible accident,
mother! The twoo'clock train to Clilldale
ran into a luggage train,. md killed I don't
know how many ! There's an extra train
going to their relief; and they want all the
linen bandages and cordials that can be
had."
Away bustled kind-hearted Mrs. Rivers
to get whatever the house alforde.l, leaving
poor Lina with a dumb horror in her set
eyes am pallid face that no language could
express. Going to her room, shehurriediy
put on her things, but bow she hardly
knew.
"Killed!" she moaned, as she hurried
towards the station; and it is 1 who-sent
him to his death! Oil, Harry! Harry! now
indeed I know; but all, too late!"
As Lina turned the corner of the station,
in her blind haste, she ran directly into the
arms oi a gentleman who was coming from
an oppffciite direction.
"Lina!"
Lina give a wild cry of joy, as she
looked into the face of the speaker.
"Oil, Harry! can it be you?" shegasied.
"I tin Might you were in the train, and
killed!""
"I was just five minutes too late for the
train, Lina."
As a matter of course. Harry went home
with Lina: and curiously enough, he chose
the longest and loneliest route he could
have taken.
"So you really do care for me a little,
Lina ?" lie said, looking down into her
flushed, tear-wet face.
'l like you a great deal, Harry," wa
the low and tremulous repiy. "Please bend
your head, so that I can whisper in vour
ear."
"Well, darling?"
"I think yes, I am sure that I have
found out. "
Found out what '"exclaimed the young
man.
"Found out who it is that is dearer to
me than all the world besides."
"Tell mc his name?"
Lina hid her flushed checks upon her
lover's shoulder.
'Oh, Harry! can't you guess ?" she said,
in a low, earnest tone. "It is you you!
And to think that I never knew it until I
thought 1 had lost you for ever!"
That Cave.
Joseph Ehrmann, of Nevada, thus des
cribes a cave which he lately entered:
"Suddenly, " h j said, "my pick, which I
was carrying over my shoulder, gave a sud
den cint around, as if somebody had either
pushed or pulled it. In tbe excitement 'o
the moment I let go 'o the shovel, an' I
could hear it goin' whiz through the air an'
about five seconds after I heered sometmn
strikin' bang agin a rock. .VII this time the
pick was draggin' me on. I reaches round
for my pistol, and the derned pistol, sir,
was a stickin' out straight from my side,
an' jest kep' in the saeaih by the waist
strap, an' it was apullin'me on too." With
great particularity and frequent pauses for
expressions of dislelief, if anybodycared to
risk any, the miner described his investiga
tion, to which he gave the following cli
max : "I comes to the edge of a deep
ditch, an' straimn' my eyes down inter it, I
sees five skeletons a lyin' at the bottom, an'
five picks along side of them. An' then I
looks across the ditch or chasm, an' sees a
wall of rock of dull gray color bnt sparklin
all over with bits 'o shinin' things lookin'
like iron or steel. An' stickin' dead to this
wall I sees my pick an' my shovel an' then
I sees through the hull biziness. Them
skeletons at the bottom of ti e chasm were
men as held on to their picks an' till they
were dragged right over ihe edge of this
chasm, an either was killed outright by the
I fall or was starved to (
i for there wa
) no way 'o gettin' out ot iw